I'm Anny, I'm Noah.

This is and this is no such thing.

The show where we settle our dumb arguments and yours by actually doing the research.

On today's episode, the number.

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Please leave your message after the beep.

It's the NST Hotline.

We'll be giving advice about B list wedding invites, whether you should side with your spouse or your mother, hat etiquette and Hallway etiquette, and then stick around for our.

Gift guide for this holiday season.

There's no no such thing, no such thing, no such thing, such thing, such a thing.

All right, I think let's start with this question about wedding b list invites.

Hey, Manny, Noah, and Devin.

I'm a longtime listener of the podcast.

I had kind of a weird question.

I'll just jump right into it.

I'm engaged and getting married next year, and we are currently in the phases of narrowing down our guest list.

We obviously have an a list people we need to be there, but we also have some people that we would like to be there if space opened up.

We were chatting it that was appropriate to have a B list wedding invite list of other friends that we would love to see again if the space opened up.

My friend under saying it would be no big deal to have a B list, Whereas I think if I found out I was on the B list and I got an invitation a two months before the wedding, I would feel like an afterthought.

So my question, in short, is is it appropriate to have a B list of wedding invites at your own wedding?

All right?

So despite the fact that I am married, I've not had to deal with this.

Only one of us have had to deal with wedding invites.

So Noah, first of all, I just want to get your take on this.

Did you have a B list?

No, because we really only did one round of invites, but there were certainly when we were making the initial list, of course, Like she says, it's like, all right, you have family, extended family, people who have to be there, people involved in the wedding, of course, and then you're like, okay, well who else, Like who are the friends we would invite?

Are there work people, whatever?

We didn't have a bee where we didn't do two rounds.

I think if we had gotten a lot of people who couldn't make it, whether you know, family or whoever that couldn't fly out or something like that.

We would have added more.

I mean with the vent, like our venue, we had a minimum amount of people that we were paying for no matter what, and then you pay per person on top of that.

My view is I think it's okay to do.

I think anyone who's going to be on the B list probably knows they're on the B list.

Like within your friend groups, there are people you talk to regularly, and then there's people I see every couple of months who wouldn't be surprised if they're not invited to my wedding.

That's limited, like if I was having a thousand person wedding.

Some people do have huge weddings and they invite everyone they've ever met, and I'm like, that's cool.

So similarly, if I received an invite that seemed suspiciously close to the date, yeah, I wouldn't be in sold because it's probably someone I barely talk to and I'm like, cool, it seems fun, like I always liked them, and I'll go if it's convenient.

Yeah.

I feel the same way.

If I got an invite that was like two months away from wedding, it would be number one very clear that like some room became available.

But I don't think i'd be offended.

There were a couple of weddings in my life that I was like, oh, I kind of thought i'd be invited to that, but it wasn't like it wasn't like fuck them.

It was like I was immediately like, all right.

They must have you know, very limited space, and I don't see them all the time, you know.

So I like the idea of b lists.

I mean, I think it's kind of it's still nice.

You're still getting invited to the most important day in someone's life, even if you know, even if you don't really care.

As I think, it's like they can maybe avoid this depending on when the wedding is.

If they send out the invites really early, then at least the second wave can come right and they you know, they say please actually if you by this, you can have it a little bit farther back.

So it's not like, Okay, we're trying like we need to fill these tables because otherwise I'm going to be out, you know, a couple of thousand, you know, so we need to be honest with each other about Yeah, yeah, it's the same with plus ones, where it's like we didn't give we didn't give like plus ones to everyone or really most people.

It was kind of like if you ask, then we could see what the numbers were shaking out based on other rs vps.

And then it's like and like, if I know you don't know anyone there, or like you're gonna be, you know, sitting there by yourself, that's one thing.

If you're coming by yourself and I know you know at least ten other people, I don't feel like I don't need you to bring some random person respectfully.

It's like it's not free.

It's like and now it's like, now, great, so this other person's here, this random person for no for really no reason other than like you wanted someone to drive up with, which is fair.

But it's like it's in those scenarios, it's kind of like, you know, respectfully again, if you can't make it because of that, yeah, i'll see it.

I'll see you next time.

No hard feelings.

You know.

What I thought when I first heard this is what if there was a way to like put people on a waiting list.

That's you know, that's especially what it is.

Talking a lot about.

But we're doing a lot of like okay, behind closed door stuff.

What if you were really upfront with people and you sent out to save the dates and you sent them a save the date that said, hey, would.

Love to have you there, save the date because limited we might need you.

We you know, if things open, if some family close family members can't.

Make it, that's more than that's more.

I'm on the way.

I'm supposed to save this day a year from now and you know, prime maybe prime travel time and be.

Like, oh well what if what if they can't make it?

Yeah, I would like to be surprised with an invite, And then it's like it's up to me if I wanted to, because it's.

You'd rather not know ahead of time and have a last one.

Because the B List one, it's like no pressure that you know, inviter can't get mad if I can't make it on shorter notice, it's like, well, no one, neither of us expected to be No.

No.

I think it's the same expectations, right, Like, if.

I'm sending you a B List invite, I don't really expect you to be there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I always have the same expectations, even if I were sending something ahead of time, is what I'm saying.

Even if you got the note earlier, I think you're going to insult that person more.

But I'm thinking the way better.

Is it?

Like you go on a website, it seems like a like dice FM that music tickets thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, I'll.

Take it, but we'll text you.

Yeah you get a couple of hours before.

Yeah, or like Rezie, I like your suggestion of doing the invites earlier so that you can do it.

Like it's not like I mean, that's just good advice no matter what.

Yeah, you get your number locked in.

Okay, say you're sending the B list, you even say anything in your scenario, do you say what you just said?

You just open up or do you just send it like it's normal.

I think I sent in.

I think if it was someone like like someone in my head, like like yeah, we don't need to have his name in here, we're not that close, but like we text and like I like seeing him.

Yeah he's someone I could.

Have seen making it on that B list.

Yes, I think for him I would have texted because one he would also he's married, he would he would get it.

Yeah too, So him.

I would probably send the invite and then I like, hey, we're sending a thing like YadA YadA other people.

I'm trying to think what an example of that other person would that I that I'm close enough to want to invite.

Yeah, I wouldn't text, but I could see just sending it and be like hey, if they do it, then great.

Yeah.

I think i'd be like some perpheral family person or yeah.

I think the text would be just more so like giving context, so like wow, you're getting the things.

Also be on the lookout for it because it's like we kind of need an answer right now.

Yeah, that's true.

But to your point, the whole idea of a B list is like if they're not there, it's not going to ruin your day.

Yeah.

Yeah, so I don't think it really matters how you send it out.

Well, yeah, because if they don't show up, you don't really care.

Otherwise they would.

Be on the A list and hopefully that's mutual too.

Yeah.

Like just like so many other things that and like we've talked about.

I think maybe on one of our past advice ones where it's like woman was asking about how to make friends or something and it's like, yeah, like you just kind of you can't force some things, and not everyone's going to be your best or one of your twenty best friends or whatever.

You have to understand that.

I would say that the only way you I think it's justified to be insulted is if you feel like you're closer to the person and other people who are on the A list.

Like if you're if you're a definite A list for that person in whatever scenario they're getting married.

I mean it's tough because it's like, well, sometimes it happens.

Yeah, sometimes you're probably rare, but sometimes someone in your life you're better friends, at least in your mind you're better friends with them than they are to you.

Oh have I ever told this story?

This is the infamous I call it.

I think the firefly exchange firefly, that amazing fly.

I'll make it really quick.

And we were camping out and there was this campsite next to us, and this guy was introducing his friend to the group and he said, Hey, this is like one of my best friends, Manny.

That wasn't his name, but.

And the guy stopped him and he said, oh, we're not best friends, we're kind of.

Like, damn, maybe good acquaintances, but he it was it was not a joke.

He wasn't like trying to first guy said.

The first guy said, best friend, one of my best friends, one of my best friends.

Yea, the one of is doing heavy lifting.

At least, it's like invited, is correcting the main guy.

And it wasn't a joke.

It wasn't like yeah, because I could I could see that would be a funny joke.

But no, he was dead serious.

What was the reaction, It was like kind of silence.

Why would you do that?

I mean, but they're not gonna be good friends anymore.

Yeah, that's definitely a B listen.

But but ye exactly.

You know, so that one person, that guy maybe is his best man, and then the other guy like he's on the B list if invited at all.

So there are those situations where you're gonna have a different relationship with the person than they maybe have with you, or you rank them higher.

So much is based on the scale of the wedding.

Yeah too, because like it is also easy when it's like a smaller wedding to be like sorry, like there's no space, it's only gonna be forty people.

Whatever, Well, let's give an official piece of advice for this woman.

I think she should do a B list if it's gonna make her feel better.

I don't think that many people receiving the b Liss invite will be insulted.

If some of them are insulted.

If you think they're gonna be insulted, don't invite them.

I think.

Yeah.

I think you know, make your clear list of who you'd need, your need to have, and then after that have in your background.

All right, if people fall out, this is what I'm gonna do, and I think it's totally okay to do and try to do it.

You know, if you need to bump up the rs VP date a little, hopefully to make that smoother, then I think do so.

I think people give way too much time for r s VP.

Great, it's because then we were waiting for people to r VP that I knew were going to come.

It's like I'm texting people, you know, a couple of months.

It's like I know you're gonna like, please just tell me, or like if you're not tell me, because then I'd figure out something else.

All right, This one's like tangentially related.

Okay, Hey, guys, tough question for my favorite hot takers that I need your hot takes on.

Okay, this is a thought.

Once you get married, is your allegiance to your spouse or your family?

For example, if your mom and wife have issues, who's in the right?

How should you respond?

All my love to one of the best podcasts ever, Nicky, Nice and simple, very simple.

This one's This one's hilarious because it's like, obviously ideally you're in the middle, like like that you're going in with a default, right, Like I need to always agree with this one.

For the sake of the question.

If you had to choose one, what would you go with?

Well, first of all, my mom has only met one person I've been dating and they've never gotten in a fight.

But it's kind of a classic American Yeah.

People love to talk about it, but you know, and maybe it's just my personal experience, but I haven't had a ton of experience with like my mom's saying something in the person, my partner is saying something else, and like having the side between its you.

I think it's a lot more once people have kids and there's grandparents and they're fighting about there's more stuff to figure bigger sticks.

But yeah, I mean I think it's yeah to me just in the abstract.

I think it depends on what the specifics of the conversation.

I think this's weird, like you have the you know your mom is your mom.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't really have you all had experience with.

This, not really.

I mean I'm lucky that my family and me as family, that we're all beta's, Like we're all just like whatever's gonna make whatever's gonna make this work the best.

And I think if you're in a scenario.

Where there's like a real issue happening, I would say you should try your best to be like a mediator versus someone who's like, I gotta roll with my mom on this one, or I gotta roll with my wife because that's some allegiance that I have to have.

I will say, you've married someone, you've set off on a new life.

You live with that person, you live with that you want to make your family happy, of course, but you are with someone every day that's probably the person who you want to lean towards in the event there's like some kind of unsolvable issue.

So you're saying you lean towards your partner.

I think that is a general consensus, which is like, you know, you chose me or whatever.

It's like, yeah, what I hear people say that.

I think i'd lean that way too, as far as like in the immediate, like I've gotta lean towards this, but I'm gonna say, like, let's go easy on on mom exactly.

Yeah.

The thing is this builds.

And then it's like, all right now, thirty year whatever, the rest of my life, they're just gonna hate each other, yeah, or then the mom thinks, you know, here's this evil wife taking me away or changing me.

So I think in the day to day you should lean with your partner.

But I don't think it's like it's certainly not as simple as like, oh my wife's always right, Yeah, my mom's always wrong, because that's what I chose to do right now.

I wish we knew what Nicky's situation was.

Nicky seems like this might be happening in her life, and I think it's just a competitive situation as there's probably some natural like from your parents or family, there's probably some quite natural sentiments of we're seeing our son less often.

That's that probably hurts a little bit there, you might and then they might be like trying to find ways to hold on to what they do have left.

But I just think it's you know, that probably happened when they got married, Like this is kind of a natural cycle of life.

It sounds like, Manny, you're similar my family and you know my wife's family.

It seems like the parents were never I think, you know, at least, it's very much a trope.

It's like the very protective parents and to be who want to be hating, like want to find something wrong with the person, versus my family was the opposite where they definitely wanted to like anyone and then if there's flaws or something, that's the secondary issue, versus the inverse, which is like like.

What are you gonna do with my son?

I know?

And like your face gets this guy married, So I think I think that's the you know, a good thing, and then everyone wants to get along versus like, yeah, I never liked her.

There has to be good yeah, good intentions, right, so you don't want to be like it has to be exactly my way, yata YadA, find some compromise position.

I think that's kind of how I feel about all this stuff.

A lot of it feels like, you know, addressing what is the biggest fire.

So just to use a tired analogy, like you probably want to do the fire that's closest to you, like well.

Day to day.

Yeah, put on your own mask before my mask around you you're living with is your mask?

Yeah, I think, Yeah, I think that makes sense just for your own survival.

But everyone should try to get along walking each other's shoes exactly, use another one.

Honestly, I feel like that's the biggest deterrent to understanding, like solving some kind of problem is not being able to see that person's perspective.

Yeah, I feel like that would go a long way, Nikki if you consider.

This, but don't, Yeah, don't go crazy.

Be nice to your mom, all right.

The next question here is from Michael, who is wondering whether his friends are being a little rude to him when he asks them questions.

Hi, Manny, Noah, Devin.

My name is Michael.

I am fifty three years old.

The reason I mentioned my age is because I wanted to mention that I've been on the internet since about nineteen ninety two.

About fifteen years ago, we had a big joke running around which was when you say to someone, let me google that for you.

So, in other words, you tell someone I need to do X, Y or Z and they say I don't know.

What why is and you say, well, let me google that for you.

And I've kind of a put down out of style now.

But now I am encountering something new in this universe, and that is that I will ask a question to my social circles, and more often than not, what I'm getting now is someone giving me a link to an artificial intelligence LLM engine or something from kind of chat GBT or Google AI studio or some other various engine.

And I'm beginning to frankly feel insulted.

I wonder if I should check that as an insult, And so I wonder if you guys have any comments about that from your own human perspective.

Thank you very much.

This one's really funny.

I think that you're right to be insulted.

The main reason being that CHATGBT and lms get shit wrong all the time, so they're selling you that you should just go to this machine to ask this question, but the information is wrong.

So if you're wanting to figure something out and you're asking someone who might have some kind of knowledge about the issue, and then they send you that link.

I would be insulted.

Let me say this, I think we're maybe missing the larger thing at play here, And I will say I used to be this person.

I think we all to some degree and our younger selves, we used to be this person when we used to work together.

We love to say, like we would literally send each other let me google it for you.

I remember this, Yeah, links when people would ask the question.

Look, And I think there's degrees to this, right.

I think there's people who ask questions for stuff that's just like, my god, the amount of time that you spent asking me this question, you could have just gotten the answer.

But what I've learned, you know, as I've gotten older, is a lot of times it's not about the question itself, exactly right.

People are just trying.

You know, people ask questions all the time in conversation, and of course they could just google and look up.

But part of it is like the conversation that you're having building a bond with these people, So it's not about actually finding the answer.

It's like, Hey, I'm interested in this thing.

You guys want to talk about it.

About this This is my way into talking.

About it with you guys.

Total, that's what it sounds like where Michael's coming from exactly.

And I think I want to engage in a dialogue about this.

Yeah, here's my jumping off point.

So I don't you know, we talk a lot about AI in our day to day lives.

I think we blame a lot of stuff on AI.

But I think this is just like, like you said, this used to people used to do this with Google.

This is just like the latest iteration.

Of a good point.

Yeah, and I think he should Michael, right, that's his name.

Yeah, maybe you should just be upfront and be like, hey, actually, I just want to talk about this.

That would just be like what do you think?

Yeah, what do you think about this?

Obviously depends on what the question is, Like if it is a fact check thing, I do see why someone would be like like, I don't know what Scenarioo's talking about, but it's like, Okay, I saw this thing online, Like is that true?

That could be something where it is like okay, I need to just go on whether it's an AI thing or like Snopes or whatever and see like is this real?

But it still is like what do you think or like, what do you know about this?

Right, And that's the human element of it, whether or not you can verify this information already know the answer already, it's like, well, what do you know about this?

What can you bring to this discussion we're having or I'm trying to have?

Yeah, apparently nothing.

They just send them.

Yeah, yeah, so I could see why someone would try to just send the link, but yeah, I think ultimately, like Devins saying, most of the time, they're not going to you because you're expected to be a you know, encyclopedic.

Yeah, like you answer yeah, they want to know what you know and then see and then you know later on if you need to, then you can be like, all right, let's actually look into this somewhere.

Elseeah, go to a podcast.

Yeah, But there's also there is an added layer of dismissiveness, like what we used to do is let me google that.

It's like you could be like you should google that, or you say something along the lines, but sending the thing is supposed to be an insult, so like, yeah, you know, this guy is feeling insulted.

He's probably in the right.

Of course, there are degrees to this, like you were saying, like, sometimes people ask me like, you know, what time does this store open or whatever, like what when's the game tonight?

And then sometimes I'm like, okay, you could you could have just you know, check that yourself.

But yeah, I think it's it's easy to forget why someone would ask a simple question like that, which is that they're just engaging in human, regular human interaction.

And if someone's asking me what time is the New York Knicks game, maybe that that's that is just the beginning of the conversation that we.

Were and maybe they want to see if you're going to a bar and want to go with you.

Yeah, yeah, I would think, Okay, what why is this person?

If you're receiving this, This is what I've started to do, you know, over the last I feel like I've been much better about this, being like why is this person actually setting me this?

Okay, before I give this like dismissive response like you were saying earlier, many put myself in their shoes.

Yeah, and Okay, this person is asking me about the game.

Maybe they actually want to have a conversation about it, so I can respond and maybe add a little bit more detail about the game.

You know.

It's like, yeah, I mean I've I find myself doing this too sometimes, where like recently I asked my cousin when the college football playoffs are and then he sent me He didn't send me let me google that.

He sent me like the official collegeball playoffs page.

And then I realized, oh, I could have easily just done that, but subconsciously we were talking about football that I was like, yeah, when is that again?

Well, I think part of it is just like establishing or re establishing like points of connection with people, right, Like so much of our interactions nowadays are through stuff like that, right, sending people links and like asking simple questions.

Right, It's like you may not see these people day to day, but it's like just texting to ask a simple question or send the link is like, oh okay, I'm keeping in touch with this person in some way.

Why we talk about why, hey, the weather outside, it's like small talk.

Shit, it's the same thing.

I think.

It's like why it's sometimes nice to go to a store to get something that you could just as easily or yeah again the next day or.

That later that day.

Yeah, it's like sometimes it's nice to just do things.

See people I don't know, see the person of the story is going to not make eye contact, totally ignore me.

Now, the worst thing is when someone will ask a question that has been answered previously in the conversation.

Just scroll up and get like we've talked about you, like look two inches up.

Yeah, yeah, it happens.

That happens so often.

But you know what, Michael, I think you should feel insulted because I think there's a little bit of intentionally petty dismissive behavior when they're just sending you that link.

Now, if if on your end you do you're just wanting to start a conversation, I think you should tell them that.

Yeah, or just rephrase your question.

Yeah, just say like, what do you think about that?

Or whatever, like add whatever next step to it, if that's the response we're getting, or beforehand, even like in the initial question, yeah, or if you want to follow this and be like, hey, the information on these ll ms is really not accurate that so actually I'm asking.

You yeah, yeah, all right, after the break, we're going to be fielding a few more questions here from the ns TEA hotline about milk hats and apartment Hallway etiquette.

Hi, big fan of the show.

I'm calling to ask your take on hat etiquette because when I was a kid, my parents said it was rude to wear a hat inside anywhere, including our house.

Now, when I go out with my friends as an adult and I want to wear a hat, I ask them can I wear a hat there?

And they always make fun of me.

They say, you can wear a hat anywhere.

But I don't know about that.

What do you think is it rude to wear a hat to some places or is it universally okay to wear a hat out?

It's a good question.

That's incredible that you you're asking people if you should wear a hat somewhere.

I mean, I guess like the norms have changed since the nineteen fifties or whatever.

It hasn't been that.

I'll think about it.

In school, you could wear a hat, Yeah, it's true.

I think even in yeah, even in the last I think since we've been in high school, it has changed, because I do remember when we were in high school.

That was when things were starting to change, and it was a similar thing of parents would be like, why are you wearing your like place like Applebee's.

I definitely remember the restaurant.

Yeah, just like if you're in a restaurant, you can't wearing a hat.

Y.

Yeah, that's really funny.

I don't remember this as much.

I remember it as like an old timey like in TV shows or whatever.

What would always be it wouldn't be peer to peer, would be parents.

Yea, how I was encountered with parents being like, you shouldn't be wearing And also I think it's different like what I learned, who was different between men and women to wear hats and a lot more.

Yeah, that's I was.

I think I had only read this the voice text.

I assumed it was a man asking just because that's the context of what I heard.

That still where it's like a.

Guy in a baseball cap basically, yeah, not like a woman with a woman in a hat.

Yeah, when I think you usually get a little bit more leeway with this alshow like, you know, usually they're putting on a hat, they have some sort of hairstyle taking off the hat.

If it's a good beep, it's.

Much more part of their look than like I'm going out and throwing on my you know, yeah ace cap or whatever.

Right, Obviously, it is highly dependent on the exact scenario, but yeah, I do not.

I don't think it's rude to wear hats inside today.

I think in ninety nine for someone.

Who's wearing a hat car Yeah.

I think for especially for women, for ninety nine percent of the places that you're going to be, you can wear a hat if you're you know, if you work at Goldman Sachs, and I think maybe you can't wear a hat.

I think uniform more than rudeness.

Yeah, exactly.

I think like the places you can't wear a hat, it's pretty.

What are the places you can't wear a hat?

I mean I would like a really up restaurant maybe, like and even that, like women can wear hats a church if you're wearing a church hat.

I wouldn't show up in a baseball cap to church.

But if it's if it's appropriate to what you're wearing.

Yeah, even in funerals, like people wear those hats, you know.

Yeah, yeah, because that's what I'm kind of picturing.

But yeah, so I mean for restaurants, I feel like even I don't really wear caps that often now, I feel like I used to.

Actually I would take it off when I was sat down at a restaurant.

Yeah, not like I wasn't worried I was going to get reprimended, but it was just.

Like out of habit almost.

Yeah.

Now I think I'm I'm probably still going to take it off, just because I don't really like sitting around in a hat.

Usually I think I think about it less because I'm like, oh, yeah, it's kind of normal to do.

Yeah.

I wonder where the caller is from, because I imagine this is more of a thing in the South.

There was a clip that went viral after a football game.

Bill Belichick just lost his like millionth game at North Carolina, and the coach, the coaches of the opposing teams always revere him so much that like they want to go meet him after the game even though they just destroyed him.

And this guy's running up to Bill Belichick and to greet him.

He takes his hat off to shake his hand because in the greeting it's kind of rude, I guess to wear your hat.

And I just wonder, maybe in the South, if it's a little bit she's.

Not from the South, not basically or really good.

Well, she doesn't live in the South.

Maybe she's from the South.

You're supposed to take off your hat during the anthem.

Yeah, and that's definitely gone away.

But yeah, for sure, whenever we go to nets games, I do see people taking their hats sometimes.

So yeah, I mean I think you know, unfortunately this is a gendered conversation.

I think women definitely keep.

The hat on wherever you want.

Now, now, your friends are making fun of you when you ask, I think that's fair, don't You don't need to ask that question if.

We're going out to a kind of normal restaurant, not like something, Yeah, if you were at my wedding wearing a baseball cap, I'd be like, what are you doing?

Yeah?

Yeah, But if we're just going out to dinner at like a non insanely fancy place where if it's a place where you don't need to have like a jacket on, yeah, I think you're pretty much good.

I would say a lot of fancy restaurants nowadays, like people will Yeah, I.

Went to me and Julia went to a like steakhouse, not like a super nice one, but like Gage and Torner kind of old school steakhouse.

And like we weren't like dressed up, but like people are there in shorts and a T shirts.

Yeah, and it's like I was like, okay, like you know, it's fun to or whatever.

But yeah, it's like you can really wear whatever, and no one's like batting an eye.

It's not like I wonder if by her question can I wear a hat?

There?

She's really asking like what is how nice?

Is it?

Like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, another way to ask.

Yeah, but yeah, not like I need to wear a hat.

But put the hat on.

Girl, you don't do it?

Yeah, yeah, just do what you want, do what makes you feel comfortable.

Your friends are clowning on you, but it's in good spirit.

I think you don't need to ask if you can wear a hat anywhere?

All right.

The next question on the NST Hotline is about milk.

Hey, guys love the podcast.

I'm an international listener here from London.

I wanted to ask is drinking milk, specifically cow's milk as an adult gross and why do people think it is?

This girl I'm dating finds it gross that I regularly drink milk, and even worse that I'm a fan of skimmed milk.

We call it red milk in the UK.

She's not lactose intolerant or vegan, which might be why some adults find it gross.

However, I feel like drinking milk is good for you, and ninety nine percent of people enjoyed it early on in life as a children.

The famous Yeah, so why the massive drop in popularity.

Most people still enjoy sweets.

I feel like there might not be an objective answer here, but it does spark strong feelings.

Whenever I say I drink milk, he's just going proclaiming that around I say I drink milk, even in non vegan or lack I drink milk intolerant circles.

Hopefully this is interesting.

It is the longest email I've ever written, wow about milk.

Sorry that from and this is from Tony.

All right, you're asking the right group of guys, because I am someone who also enjoys a nice cold glass of any milk.

Really, but whole milk is really?

What does it for me?

I will say there are you know, I don't drink it as much in my adult life, but when I go back home and I'm with my parents and stuff and they've got the milk in there, I'm definitely drinking.

So your parents keep it stocked, They keep it socks.

Yeah, they keep it socks but it's for like their coffee and like that.

But when I go in there, they always make fun because I'm wrecking their supply.

Do you two think that drinking milk is gross by itself?

I wouldn't do it, but I don't think it's gross.

I don't think you don't drink milk by itself.

No, I am actually lactose in topic.

Okay, that's a good reason.

But you don't think it's gross.

Like Tony's friends, it doesn't like gross me out.

It's just not for me.

I think it would be unusual if I went to like my friend's placed for dinner and they were pouring milk.

Yeah, what if I was what if you guys came over and I was like, would you guys like a glass of milk?

Yeah?

I find it strange.

I could see it though, if it is like in a kind of dessert, yeah, scenario and like instead of coffee or something.

I guess.

So wait to be clear, you don't think it's gross, but you do think it's strange.

It's unusual.

Yeah, at this point in our lives, it's true.

All right.

I have a weird thing with milk.

It's disgusting, like the fact that I was just talking about it and it's making me feel.

A little bit sick.

And have you always felt this one?

I used to drink chocolate milk when I was younger, like the where you pour the syrup in, yeah, which was the one where yeah, you get syrup in the fridge and you put it in.

There's that yeah, or there's a powder powder.

I like the syrup one.

I never used the powder.

The syrup is it is better or it's like chocolate, it's more chocolate, more chocolate.

So I would do that as a kid.

Yeah, I haven't had.

I think if we had a glass of milk right here and you said I have to drink it, I think I would actually throw up.

And it's not like a tolerance thing at all.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like milkshakes.

Oh yeah, wait, you're a milkshake head.

I love milkshakess are great.

Like I put fake milk in my smoothies like an almond or yeah, if I had regular, like I could put regular in it and I would be fine.

The idea.

I think the issue with me, if with milk, is the consistency of it, Like something doesn't like score up in my head of just like it's not quite liquidy enough.

It's not as liquid as like a water, but it's not milkshake consistency.

It's like somewhere in between.

I'm wondering if you would prefer skim or whole.

It's wick.

Skim milk is kind of like skim is straight up water.

I don't know.

I haven't.

That's like I said, I haven't had a full glass of milk.

Then you then you'll get back off the train.

So I would think that if if I was dating someone who was drinking full glasses of milk with dinner, I would it would make me a little bit sick.

Yeah.

Not you know, I'm not that guy usually, but that milk does it for me.

As far as the health impacts of milk, I feel like there was it was literally like the dairy hobbies.

Yeah, it was never as good for our bones as they made it sound.

Yeah, I don't think it's bad for you by anymore.

But I don't think it's like I'm sure this is this thing of like you need to drink milk or else.

You're not going to grow.

It's a great market.

Granted I'm short saying this, but yeah, it was like that's a lot.

You can get those nuns from all places.

Yeah, we can.

We'll put some links in the in the newsletter, of course.

About since we don't know this, you know what my advice would be, Yeah, don't put it in the glass.

You know, I don't want to see that you're drinking.

Oh.

I used to hide it.

Put it in put another container that I can tell, the mug or a thermos.

I literally used to do this so people wouldn't be like they would walk by, like, are you drinking milk?

Exactly?

Yeah, if you put it in something else, you know, none, don't ask, don't tell, don't ask, don't tell.

You don't need to be out here telling people you're drinking milk, all right, so let's keep that on the on the hush hush.

I remember my brother worked for President Chris Murphy years ago, and he would drink mountain dew every morning, but he'd put in a coffee mug.

Yeah, you the same reason.

Yeah, I would be like, I'm never going to support you in any election if I see it there a bottle of at eight a m Yeah.

Hell no.

I can confirm that the idea that milk drinking milk is weird is probably the consensus.

I did go viral for adults, Yeah, for sure.

I posted a photo of me putting my milk in a mug so that people at one couldn't see what it was, and then it kind of it went crazy online, people calling me, discussing people who I know and love.

Yeah, you put some people on the b list for the Way based on that interaction fifteen years ago.

So I'm certainly sympathetic to Tony's position.

I say, do do what you enjoy, maybe consider putting it in a mug sometimes if it's really a problem to your partner.

To me, you don't need to be telling other people you're doing this all right.

Your partner knows, but the fact that they're just going out in interacting with people.

Yeah, the consensus is not if you're trying to win people over, it's not the way to do it.

Have you ever ordered milk at a restaurant?

No, I don't think I would love to see that.

I've bet someplace.

I bet like a diner.

You could, Yeah, I doubt like most restaurants would be able to.

Now, sometimes I'll get coffee and you know they'll give you milk on the side.

You just you just drink it a couple on a couple of occasions, I'll pour it into my coffee.

There's not that much room there.

I don't know why they give you so much milk, and then there's a lot of excess milk.

So you'll drink the coffee and then put the rest of it in.

Sometimes I drink it wrong, oh man, straight from the straight from the teat?

Would you drink breast milk?

No?

Why not?

From who.

In a jar?

You're Are you saying that it's the same like the cow's milk.

If you know you're about to have a kid.

I don't know what MIA's plans are for.

Yeah, we're gonna breastfeed.

Okay, nice, I'll be there.

Yeah, hey, hold on out of the way.

Something for me.

You got enough six pounds?

Speaking of my wife.

We have one more question from the NST hotline, and it's from Mia.

Hey, NST, I have a question about hallway etiquette.

So I was in the Netherlands recently, staying in a four floor walk up, and every floor I walked past had just so many shoes outside, like an art installation of shoes, Like some of them were organized towers.

Some of them were just spelling out everywhere, and it reminded me of a conversation that Manny and I had about our hallway.

We do have a shoe dresser and a bench, but we keep it as neat as we can.

Anyway hallway etiquette, what's okay and what isn't.

As you know, in New York City, very limited apartment space, and so in our in the heart, yeah, say your piece in our hallway space, Uh, there's a little bit of space to use that would not block someone from going upstairs or to their apartment.

So we have a shoe shelf in there, and we have a bench so that you can like sit down and put the shoes on.

And so in this.

Scenario, I guess if a neighbor of mine had a complaint, I would feel a little bit like, Okay, well, this isn't blocking you from getting upstairs, and we keep ours very neat as much as we can.

I know a lot of people don't, and.

So I would think in that specific scenario, this guy's overreacting.

But how do you guys feel about this?

What are your experiences with people putting their shoes and stuff in the hallways of the apartment buildings?

I'm hardline.

The hall is for everyone.

There shouldn't be anything out there.

Mm at most leave a wet umbrella and like your dirty pair of boots while they're drying off.

Wow.

But I think once we start adding stuff, its what, Yeah, there's there's no there's no limit because it's like, Okay, you might say, well I just have one pair of shoes and my wife has one pair of shoes.

We're now what if someone with three kids comes and now I all have two pairs of shoes out there?

We're adding furniture and artwork.

It's like, even if I can walk by, it's a little bit like where does it end?

And it's it's kind of like you just got you have too many shoes.

If you can't keep the stuff in your apartment, I'm sorry you have too many We already we all know we have too many things, material objects in our lives, and so maybe think you know, I live in New York too, there's not a lot of space.

I understand my closets are jam packed, but it should instead of now putting your stuff outside, you should be thinking what can I do without?

How can I do without?

Wow?

So that's it.

I'm sorry.

But that's that's how I feel.

Now I've I've just been to apartments and I see, you know, you do keep it neat.

Your stuff's not in the way many and other people do.

But then it's like, okay, well now i'll put this box out here.

I'll put you know, my skis and my golf clubs.

Because no one's walking past here.

It's like, it's kind of not about that.

To me.

It's like, well, that's not your space.

Yeah, and it shouldn't just be overflown because it's the sort of thing where if everyone did.

That, yeah, it's chaos.

Ye, that's a completely understandable take.

I disagree with it, but I think it makes sense.

We try to do we try to make sure we're not using it as like extended storage.

It's more like what is the ship you need when you're on your way out of there?

But you are why definite because it's not your apartments, So it's extended storage.

Of course, it's not like boxes of stuff.

Sure, yes, that's what I meant.

We're not.

I'm not.

I wouldn't write about storage space for the items in my hallway.

So it feels like if it's like so right now, we have a problem with our coats.

There's nowhere to put our coats in our apartment, and sometimes New York City apartments of course they're all small, but sometimes there's actually not closets and.

So like, yeah, I literally don't have closses.

You have closets, So explain to me why you don't have space for your coats.

We have.

We have one closet that's in our kind of like office, so that's a lot of office stuff in there, so there's no room for the coats.

There is a closet upstairs where we have coats, but we're not to coat that many.

Now I'm thinking about getting a coat or a little thing on the you know you walk in on the wall.

We have one of those as well.

Yeah, but we just have place we need to put.

You need to choose your seasonal coach, and the rest need to be packed away.

Well, look, hold on a second.

The coats are not outside, relaxed, They're they're about to be coats outside.

Exactly what I'm talking about.

He's thinking about it.

Yeah, No, I was about to say, what Noah's making sense.

No, it makes sense in that we have too much ship.

Sometimes you got to get rid of some of the stuff, yes, before we attack you.

But yeah, I basically think like, so I've I've lived in places too where other people have their ship outside, and I'm always someone like, if it's not blocking me, I really don't give a ship.

Now, you guys, I've seen the examples in your apartment for example.

Oh yeah, I mean that's horror, horrifying.

So this is hate.

I hate to be I hate that this person is representing you, my very eyes, the hallway packery.

This is not all hallways.

This is how we had to evolve.

Because I was before.

I was a little bit lenient too, But over the last couple of weeks, my neighbors have gotten very bold.

So the apartment next to me, they've gone through a couple of iterations to this.

The first iteration was they just had the shoes all over the floor.

The first door to get into that little apartment is closer to their apartment, so you open the door and there's your shoes all over the place.

Okay, that was pretty terrible.

Then they get they got you know, they got their ship together a little bit.

They got a shoe rack.

Okay, so that was a little bit better.

Now there's so much shoes.

The shoes are on the shoe act and on the floor, spilling, spilling out onto the floor.

No one's wearing that many shoes that frequently.

Now, this is every shoe day, every is out there.

Then over the last week or two they put this giant, ugly piece of artwork, huge, huge, and the thing is too.

What really bothers me about it is that there's a small window in the door where you go, you know, to go into that little vegetable and you could see that all you see is the damn artwork in the window now and then okay, representing you now yeah, now now it looks like that's my ship.

Yeah, but even worse.

All right, So it's bad enough they got their shoes all over the place.

Once you get within that door, you know, it's blocking the floor.

They got the artwork.

You know, I'm trying to get my dog, you know, to wipe his feet, put his flee Shawn.

He's like stepping all over those shoes.

He's confused where you want.

Me to stand, to be clear, I find this offense that's crazy.

And then every other day they're adding something new out there, and I'm like, okay, there, so they're treating it like really, I know we're talking about man and his shoes, but they're truly treating this like storage.

This is where they're cleaning stuff.

This is like a closet now, and there's a closet and it just doesn't look good.

If the thing that I'm keeping out there wasn't there, would you be able to get to your apartment?

Would you?

Would you?

I hear you?

And that's where I originally landed.

But I'm just like, I also, yeah that mainly, And I also think it's like, you know what, I think it's kind of fair to not want to see random stuff in the hall.

I think, whether that's artwork or just other stuff.

Like the guy below me is a little eccentric for other reasons, but sometimes he'll just have like fishing poles out there for like days, and it's like, and is that like like hanging up a guitar like this is It's just like, I mean, they're both bad.

It's like a pail of fishing rods interesting because they're wet.

I don't get it.

I don't know why, but like I said, this guy's yeah, this guy's like, well, I don't know this guy's doing something, but it's like and I'm walking by it, I'm just like, I don't really.

It's like ugly.

Yeah, now that the building is so beautiful.

That is one.

That's the one part I do understand, where like this is a common it's your taste, you're what you like art, shoes and shit.

I don't mind.

It's like as long as I'm not touching it.

And then even with shoes, I'm kind of like I understand why some people would like not want to see it that I don't care nearly as much about if it's not in your way.

Yeah, Like if someone's going to be annoyed, I'm like, yeah.

That's how I feel.

I'm going they need to keep it restrained your shoes, and the shoes need to be in some sort of container or rap.

Yeah, at least one out of us.

I'm hardline in the support legislation that yeah banned.

I just think it's it's the best solution to me, and you know, think about what you actually need.

Yeah, I reiterate that's fair.

Well, I'm I'm gonna you know, I'm here, I hear you guys.

I'm gonna continue using my space the way I do.

If I get things are gonna change, I'm ready to the mayor.

Yeah, if we now, if the.

Landlord was like, get your shit inside, obviously I would listen.

Yeah.

And our uh, our neighbor doesn't seem to carry us and said anything, and he has some stuff.

I'll listen to your neighbors podcast.

Yeah, I know, maybe he's got maybe he's complaining.

He's strobably coming at two pm after this.

All right, that does it for the No Such Thing Hotline this time, But since it's holiday season, stick around after the break for the No Such Thing Gift Guide of twenty twenty five.

Welcome to the gift guide portion of today's episode.

Noah, I'm gonna start with you.

I'll start broadly and then I'll point you to one specific item.

Okay, it's that's helpful for all of our listeners.

I think a nice board game is a good gift because it's inoffensive and there's a wide range.

You can easily get one for less than fifteen dollars.

I'd say, even with the tariffs, you can go you know, kind of mid scale hit the nice you know, let's say twenty to sixty range, and if you're a real you know, real head, you can probably you know, get a nice chest set that's you know, in the hundreds thousands.

One in particular that I like, you can buy from the MoMA design store.

It's a backgammon set.

It looks very sleek and modern, bright colors.

Don't ask me how much it costs.

I'm not sure anymore.

But do you own this?

I bought it for someone.

Oh okay, so it's a gift you've done before and you do it again, and I stand by.

I haven't gotten any negative feedback on the one person you bought it for.

Yeah, godden positive feedback at the time anyway.

Yeah, has it been touched?

Not my problem?

God, that's okay.

Yeah, I want to say it's probably in the forty to fifty dollars range.

Well, we'll link to it.

Yeah, we'll link to it obviously in the sub stack.

But yeah, I think it's nice because it's it's kind of you can have it as a decorative piece somewhere.

You don't really need to play it obviously holiday season.

It's nice.

Hopefully there's people around you can play a game with fun for the whole family, et cetera.

I haven't played backgammon.

I mean it's kind of checkers, like, Oh okay, I like checkers more than chess, though, yeah, it's like a little bit more complicated than checkers, less complicated than chess, right up my alley, Yeah exactly, all right, Well checkers easy, chess can't be bothered to learn.

Yeahaha, sounds like the right move less some strategic I think.

And you can probably just resell this easily if you don't like it, go to.

You, no harm, no foul.

Yeah, all right, Devin, I'm gonna cheat a little bit.

I've kind of took my like real real gift is I think you know, we don't have no such thing plus yet, but I think it would be great if you know someone likes a podcast, to buy them a subscription to it, right, because it's one of those things that like is kind of annoying to have to buy yourself.

But if your friend, say, is really in the search engine, you get them search Engine Plus I don't know what it's called incognito mode, and then they get to listen to the show with no ads for a year.

You're supporting, you know, independent people making art.

It's a good price for a gift too.

Exactly because it's not like crazy, No, it's also like the it's just the amount of money that you might not want to spend exactly for yourself, but someone gave it to you.

All right.

Now, are you talking a year subscription?

Yeah, year subscription, because it's going to be like fifty sixty.

Yeah yeah, I just got my hyper fixed whatever subscription renewed is forty dollars for the year.

Not bad.

Forty dollars for a gift, pretty good anything that someone would actually use dead day.

So remember that in a couple months when we start, no such thing.

Plus, so you can subscribe.

It's a really good gift.

I mean I might do this actually see really thoughtful.

Wow.

Yeah, but my actual gift is a little bit more heartfelt and it takes a lot more work, but it's a good gift.

I'm out listening.

We need to bring back the mixtape, but not in a Spotify playlist, but I'm talking about and I've done this, you know a couple of times.

Now.

You make a it's almost like a DJ set, right, It's one you do one track and you make it about I'll give you forty five minutes to an hour long of music.

You select what songs.

You don't have to play all the songs front the bat.

Sure, it's like you're curating a specific DJ set for one.

Person and you're doing this yourself.

I've done it, yeah many times.

Wow, I like to have fun with it.

I'll bring in like some YouTube clips.

Yeah, you know, it's always there's a great who's Kevin Gates has some incredible quotes.

He has just like quote about like licking his dog in the mouth, Like you put that over some music.

You know.

It's like you can really like curate it for a specific person.

Are you doing this on a particular program or yeah?

I usually do it in the way premiere.

Yeah, you could do it in Adobe edition.

If you don't know how to use audio editing programs, it's gonna be a little bit tougher for.

You, but you can do it.

I bet there's some apps to that can kind of do this.

Hates a good Devin props, but these are two bangor gifts.

Was my go to UH gift when I was in a relationship.

Great ideas.

Nice many All right, So there's this there's this stock in the stock market.

Game stop gmmy, I'm just kidding.

Sorry, So my my.

First gift, I was like, all right, it's not financial advice.

So my gift is earplugs.

And this is specific, specific brand that I've really come to love.

They're called Loops.

They're kind of like designer ear plugs, but don't be afraid of the word designer.

They're probably forty to fifty bucks.

And I have tonightis like I don't know if New York City made it worse or it just gets worse as I get older, but like my ears are ringing all the time, and I think actually most people don't realize how much their ears are getting attacked on a daily basis.

So what Loops has done is they've gotten Like there's different versions you can buy.

I bought the ones that are that are called switch loop switch, where you can filter how many decibels are being blocked.

Expensive, that one.

Is fifty bucks.

I think those are on the way right now to my.

Wife, Oh really, the lost yeah, that one problem is that they're so easy to lose.

So I am on my third pair.

But the switches, yeah, those are more expensive but just like super useful, like even when I'm at a cafe by myself, like I'll throw them in and you start to realize, like how much your ears are just getting violated all day?

Yeah, it's lated, it's a much.

It's a much more calming experience.

The cheaper ones, like if you really want to block everything out, they have like the versions that don't switch.

Those are like twenty bucks every movie.

I put them in.

I do it at concerts.

Now, Manny, you've got you converted me to be a loopshead, but I.

Wear them nearly every day.

So if you've got someone in your life you think is who might they also have?

Like sleeping versions.

I bought some recently.

I haven't tried them out yet, but anyway, they they are.

It's a quality of life upgrade for your.

Loved ones and Loops.

If you're listening to this, please sponsor meds.

Thing.

No such thing as a production of Kaleidoscope content.

Our executive producers are Kate Osborne and Mangesh hot To Cadur.

The show was created by Mandy Fidel No Freedoman and Devin Joseph.

The theme songs are by Me Manny, and mixing is done by Steve Bone.

Thank you to everyone who's sent us questions for this NST Hotline episode.

If you have something you'd like our advice on, definitely feel free to call the number in the show notes or send us an email.

Visit no Such Thing dot show to subscribe to our newsletter, and if you have feedback for us or a question for our regular episodes, our email is Manny Noah Devin at gmail dot com.

We'll be back next week with a new episode, Heals