Cal Zone Media book Club book Club book Club, Hello and welcome nicols On Media.

Book Club, the only book club where you don't have to do the mutual aid organizing because I do it.

No, No, that's not our tack line.

If you want to do some mutual aid organizing, then the book we are reading this week and last week is a good place to start.

Dean spades book Mutual Aid.

This book that we're reading excerpts from last week and this week, but you should go out and read the whole book.

This book, Mutual Aid will teach you a lot of the most basic skills that you need for this work.

It tends to be more forward facing and easy to get involved with mutual aid, and it's a great way to get connected to other folks doing good work around the scene.

If you're shy or not a people person, that's fine, there's a role for you too.

Plus, socializing is a muscle and it is a thing that you can exercise and practice and get better at, and so mutual Aid is a really good way to do that.

Anyway, Welcome to book Club, the only book club where you don't have to read all of Dean Spade's amazing book about how to do mutual aid work because I'm going to read parts of it to you and says this is part two.

We're going to be covering the second half of the book today.

Last week, Dean Spade, the author of the book, has talked to us about some different definitions of mutual aid and established some important traits of mutual aid.

To recap that, one, mutual aid projects work to meet survival needs and build shared understanding about why people do not have what they need.

Two, mutual aid projects mobilize people, expand solidarity, and build movements.

And three mutual aid projects are participatory, solving problems through collective action rather than waiting for saviors.

Dean talks about the slogan solidarity not charity, and how mutual aid is different than philanthropy, going through some pitfalls of the charity model of aid.

Dean also writes about how the state won't save us and how we'll need to be brave enough to rely on each other if we want to make it through the many crises at hand.

But that was last week, and you can go back and listen to it all again if you want a more thorough recap, or you can go back if you never listened to it in the first place, although you should, but you know you do you.

These are excerpts from Part two of mutual Aid, Building Solidarity in This Crisis and the Next by Dean Spade, Chapter four, Some Dangers and Pitfalls of mutual aid.

Mutual aid groups face four dangerous tendencies, dividing people to those who are deserving and undeserving of help, practicing saviorism, being co opted, and collaborating with efforts to eliminate public infrastructure and replace it with private enterprise and volunteerism.

Deserving this hierarchies.

When mutual aid projects make more stigmatized people ineligible for what they are offering, they replicate the charity model.

The charity model often ties aid and criminalization together, determining who gets help and who gets put away saviorism and paternalism.

The idea that those giving aid need to fix people who are in need is based on the notion that people's poverty and marginalization is not a systemic problem, but is caused by their own personal shortcomings.

This also implies that those who provide aid are superior.

Most mutual aid projects benefit from an explicit, ongoing effort to build shared analysis among participants about the harms of saviorism and the necessity of self determination for people in crisis co optation.

Politicians and CEOs who fantasize about a world where nothing is guaranteed and most people are desperate and easily exploited love the idea of volunteerism replacing a social safety net.

If we don't design mutual aid projects with care, we can fit right into this conservative dream, becoming the people who can barely hold the threats of a survivable world together while the one percent extracts more and more while heroizing individual volunteers.

Wisdom from the feminist movement against domestic violence can guide us in building successful groups and movements and in resisting co optation.

Characteristics of mutual aid versus charity.

Most mutual aid projects are volunteer based and avoid the careerism, business approach and charity model of nonprofits.

Mutual aid projects strive to include lots of people rather than just a few people who have been declared experts or professionals.

If we want to provide survival support to as many people as possible and mobilize as many people as possible for root causes change, We need to let a lot of people do the work and make decisions about the work together, rather than bottlenecking the process with hierarchies that let only a few people lead.

Despite these important goals, avoiding the pitfalls of co optation, deserving as hierarchies, saviorism, and disconnect from root causes work requires constant vigilance.

Here are some guiding questions for mutual aid groups trying to avoid these dangers and pitfalls.

Who controls our project?

Who makes decisions about what we do?

Does any of the funding we receive come with strings attached that limit who we can help or how we help?

Do any of our guidelines about who can participate in our work cut out stigmatized and vulnerable people.

What is our relationship to law enforcement?

How do we introduce new people in our group?

To our approach to law enforcement?

Chapter five?

No masters, no flakes.

Groups are more effective and efficient when participants know how to raise concerns, how to propose ideas, and when a decision has been made and by whom, and how to put that decision into practice.

People who have gotten to participate in decision making and feel co ownership of the project stick around and do the work.

People who feel unclear about whether their opinion matters or how to be part of making decisions tend to drift away.

Strong structures also help us plug in new people, orient them to the work, train them in skills they need to build, and give them roles they want.

And do you know what clear structure is our responsibility?

That's right, it's ads.

It's clearly our responsibility to show you ads.

You don't have to listen to them, and we're back.

This chapter will explore three organizational tendencies that often emerge in mutual aid groups that can cause problems and provide ideas for how to avoid them.

Secrecy, hierarchy, and lack of clarity.

Many groups that fail to create clear decision making methods and carrying emancipatory cultures end up with participants not knowing what is going on or who is making decisions, having all the decision making concentrate in one person or click, and risk the group being torn apart by conflict.

Because of these dynamics two, over promising and under delivering, non responsiveness and elitism, many groups bite off more than they can chew, promising to help more people than they can help, or making it seem like they have a community need covered when they don't actually have the capacity to address it.

This problem seems to be exacerbated when groups receive grants for specific projects so there is money at stake and falsely claiming to be able to accomplish more than they are able.

It also happens when people are not making decisions together and someone makes promises for the whole group without consulting everyone else about whether that work is a priority or a possibility.

This tendency can include being non responsive, especially to community members in need, and sometimes being over responsive to elites.

Many groups, especially when money or ego is involved, answer calls from media or elected officials, but not from the community members that they are supposed to serve.

Three Scarcity, urgency, and competition.

Some groups also develop a culture of scarcity of money, time, attention, and labor, which makes sense giving the real scarcity that exists in many of our lives under capitalism.

However, when we do our work from a feeling that there is not enough money, time, or attention to go around, we sometimes get competitive with other groups or with other people within our group, or we feel so much urgency about particular tasks that we don't take the necessary steps to do our task well, and we forget about being kind to each other in our rush to get something done.

This can lead to conflict or making mistakes that harm our communities.

This section will provide tools for addressing these tendencies in our groups and in ourselves, so that we can cultivate transparency, integrity, and generosity in our work and build our capacities to avoid the pitfalls discussed in chapter four.

We will look at what decision making in leadership look like when these tendencies prevail, what alternatives to these ways of working look like, and what personal qualities and behaviors we need to cultivate to address these tendencies.

Group culture groups have cultures.

Group culture is built from the signals we give people when they join or attend an event norms the group follows, how we celebrate together, how we engage in small talk, what our meetings feel like, how we give feedback to each other, and more.

There is no one correct or perfect group culture.

Groups should be different from each other because the people in them are different and we all bring different quality, skills and viewpoints.

Ideally, we want a group culture that supports participants in doing the work they came together to do, to be well and to build generative relationships.

We want to be flexible, and we also want to have a culture of responsiveness, reliability, and punctuality.

How do we work to cultivate both?

Most of us, having received our concept of responsibility from dominant culture, associate it with being forced, lured, or shamed into being good, ignoring our needs and fearing punishment if we do wrong.

How do we hold our values of flexibility, compassion and justice while building a culture where we show up and do what we said we would.

These tensions are real.

If we do not talk about them together, we run the risk of falling into automatic behaviors, driving out new people and falling apart.

Creating a group culture intentionally and having a shared vis about how we want it to be does not mean we all need to be just like each other.

We can acknowledge differences in our capacities, talents, desires, and difficulties and still aim to create a culture where we support each other in the work, learn new skills, and are connected and kind to each other.

The goal is not that everyone be similar, but that we all complement each other and build some shared practices based in shared values.

MADR Mutual Aid Disaster Relief.

Madr's slogan mutually a disaster relief slogan is no masters, no flakes, and it is a great summary of key principles for collective mutual aid work.

This dual focus on rejecting hierarchies inside the organization and committing to build accountability according to shared values asks participants to keep showing up and working together, not because a boss is making you, but because you want to making decisions together.

Perhaps the most central group activity that makes everything else possible is making decisions.

When we do it well, we make good decisions on the basis of the best information available, We feel heard by each other, and we are all motivated to implement what we decided.

When we do it poorly, our decisions are unwise.

Some people are left resentful or hurt or disconnected from the group, and there is less motivation to proceed together on purpose.

It's important to remember that no decision making structure can prevent all conflict or power dynamics, or guarantee that we will never be frustrated or bored or decide to part ways.

But consensus decision making at least helps us avoid the worst costs of hierarchy as a majority rule, which can include abuse of power, demobilization of most people, and inefficiency.

Consensus decision making gives us the best chance to hear from everyone concerned, address power dynamics, and make decisions that represent the best wisdom of the group and that people in the group will want to implement.

What is consensus decision making.

Consensus decision making is based on the idea that everyone should have a say in decisions that affect them.

If we are working on a project together, and we should all get to decide how we are going to do the work rather than someone telling us how to do it.

We will honor people's different levels of experience and wisdom as we listen to each other's ideas, but we will not follow someone just because they act bossy, god here first, or have a higher social status in the dominant culture because they're a professional, white, older male, formally educated, etc.

Consensus decision making happens when everyone in the discussion hashes out possibilities and modifies a proposal until everyone can live with it.

Consensus cultivates interest in the whole group's purpose and wellness, rather than cultivating a desire to have things exactly my way.

In consensus, any participant can block a decision, so we take time to actually talk through each member's concerns because we cannot move forward without each other, because we are trying to build agreement by modifying the proposal until it comes as close as possible to meeting the full range of needs and concerns.

We also build the skill of making decisions with group members and community members in mind, not just ourselves and our clicks, and being okay with something that is not our most preferred version going forward.

That is, we learn to imagine how decisions affect us all differently and how to productively move forward taking other people's needs and desires into account.

People can stand aside in consensus processes, letting others know that while they are not totally behind this proposal, they agree it is best for the group to go forward with the decision given all the views that have been expressed in the efforts made to address concerns.

Here's an example of what consensus could ideally look like.

Over a period of time, a group has hashed out a proposal, heard concerns, and collective discussions and tweaked it until it seems like everyone may be ready to agree.

Someone calls for consensus and checks to see if there are any stand asides, those who want to signify disagreement but don't want to block the proposal for moving forward, or blocks, those with disagreements significant enough that they feel the proposal cannot be passed without modification.

If there are blocks, it means the proposal needs more work.

The person or people blocking can share their concerns, and the group can either work further on modifying the proposal then and there, or have some people work on it and come up with a way forward before the next meeting.

If no one blocks, but many people stand aside, the group may decide to discuss the reasons for the stand aside for a bit longer to see if they can be resolved by making the proposal better.

If someone finds themselves blocking a lot, it may be worth examining whether they are in the right group, Do they believe in the shared purpose, or whether they are withholding their views earlier in the process or feeling not life listen to in the group.

In general, blocking should be rare.

It is worth noting that this process often unfolds over multiple meetings, with step one happening at one meeting and a group of people agreeing to come to the next meeting with a developed proposal to be discussed.

Consensus decision making does not mean that every decision is made by the whole group.

Decisions can still be delegated to teams working on implementing part of the group's larger plan.

For example, if the group does grocery deliveries, a specific team can work on filling out the delivery schedule and assignments.

For consensus to work well, people need a common purpose, some degree of trust in each other, an understanding of the consensus process, a willingness to put the best interests of the group at the center, which does not mean people let themselves be harmed for the good of the group, but may mean being okay not always getting their way.

A willingness to spend time preparing and discussing proposals, and skillful facilitat and agenda preparation.

These skills and qualities can develop as any new group learns to work together.

It is okay that we don't have all these in place at the start.

The greatest area of strength for most mutual aid groups is a common purpose.

Advantages of consensus decision making One better decisions.

When more people get to talk through a decision, openly sharing their insight without fear of reprisal from a boss, parent, or teacher, more relevant information and wisdom about the topic is likely to surface.

Two.

Better implementation when we get to look at a proposal together and tell each other how it might be improved.

Hashing out our best ideas until we have something that we all like or at least can live with, We are more likely to vigorously do what we all decided, instead of drifting apart or failing to follow through.

Three.

Bringing more people into the working them involved.

People come to contribute, but they stay because they feel needed, included, and a part of something.

Four helping to prevent co optation.

When a small number of people have the power to shift the direction of a project, it can be hard to resist the incentives that come with co optation.

Five.

We learn to value and desire other people's participation.

If the goal of our movements is to mobilize hundreds of millions of people, we need to genuinely want each other's participation, even when others bring different ideas or disagree with how we think things should be done.

Making consensus decisions.

Practicing meeting facilitation.

Skillful facilitation helps us make decisions together, feel heard and included by each other, prevent and resolve conflict, celebrate our accomplishments and wins, grieve our losses, and become people who can be together in new, more liberating relationships.

Some very basic elements of good meeting facilitation worth considering are start and end on time.

Write out an agenda, a list of what the group will talk about at the meeting, a sign, a note taker who will take notes that the group can refer back to or share with people who couldn't be at the meeting.

Assign each agenda item a time amount, and have a timekeeper watch the time so the group doesn't end up running the meeting too long or not getting to important items.

Provide food, beverages, poetry, a game, or music.

Also consider opening with a go around check in question that is funny or invites people's personalities to shine a little to help the meeting be a participatory in supportive space.

Establish group agreements.

The group can agree, for example, that each person will wait for three other people to speak.

Before speaking again sometimes called three before me, or that they will respect people's pronouns, or whatever else the group decides will create a caring and respectful space.

Go over these agreements at the beginning of each meeting and make sure newcomers understand them and get to ask questions or suggest editions when talking about something important.

If time allows, consider a go around so that the group hears from everyone.

This is especially important if the same people are usually talking and others are usually quiet, And do you know what else is talking while we are quiet?

That's right, the advertisements for the products and services that support this show and keep the pods casts podding, and we're back leadership qualities that support mutuality and collaboration.

When we get a sense of ourself from fame, status, or approval from a bunch of strangers, we're in trouble.

It is hard to stick to our principles and treat others well when we are seeking praise and attention.

If we are to redefine leadership away from individualism, competition, and social climbing, we have to become people who care about ourselves as part of a greater whole.

It means moving from materialist self love, which is often very self critical.

I will be okay and deserve love when I look right, when others approve of me, when I am famous, and toward a deep belief that everyone, including ourselves, deserves dignity, belonging in safety just because we are alive.

It means cultivating a desire to be beautifully exquisitely ordinary, just like everyone else.

It means practicing to be nobody special.

Rather than a fantasy of being rich and famous, which capitalism tells us as the goal of our lives, we cultivate a fantasy of everyone having what they need and being able to creatively express the beauty of their lives.

This is a lifelong, unlearning practice because we have all been shaped by systems that make us insecure, approval seeking, individualist, and sometimes shallow.

Yet we also have all the deeply human desire to connect with others, to be of service in ways that reduce suffering, and to be seen and loved by those who truly know us.

So we can notice these learned instincts and drives in ourselves and unlearned them, that is, make choices to act out of mutuality and care on purpose.

Margaret, here, I'm going to interject with my own thoughts, which I like never do.

But this is a thing that I think about a lot because I actually come to a position where I'm, you know, an anarchist, socialist or whatever, like someone who's very pro community.

I come at it from a much more i would sayessentially individualist background, right, And I'm not ashamed of that.

And actually I think that this piece is really important to that this idea having a fantasy of trying to be rich and famous is bad for you as an individual, even if you're less concerned about the community, being more concerned about the community, like cultivating a fantasy where everyone has what they need to be able to creatively express the beauty of their lives.

That is a nicer and freer way to live.

Because if you're constantly seeking points in this point system that we've been sold, you're never going to be happy.

And I know that's like easy to say or whatever, but it's just true.

And so I think that even if you are coming from an individualist position, which I don't think is inherently bad, it's just a thing to be careful around.

I think that this sort of pro social way of organizing and imagining life to be better is frankly better for you as an individual anyway.

Again, I'm sorry to add commentary Dean.

I hope you forgive me for that.

Back to Dean's writing, burnout.

Burnout is a reason people often give for why they leave mutual aid groups.

Burnout is more than just exhaustion that comes from working too hard.

Most often, people I meet who describe themselves as burnt out have been through painful conflict in a group they were working with and quit because they were hurt and unsatisfied by how it turned out.

Burnout is the combination of resentment, exhaustion, shame, and frustration that makes us lose connection to pleasure and passion in the work and instead encounter difficult feelings like avoidance, compulsion, control, and anxiety.

If it were just exhaustion, we could take a break and rest and go back, But people who feel burnt out often feel they cannot return to the work or that the group or work they were part of is toxic.

These feelings and behaviors are reasonable results of the conditions under which we do our work.

We are steeped in a capitalist, patriarchal, white supremacist culture that encourage us to compete, distrust, hoard, hide, disconnect, and confine our value to how others see us and what we produce.

Our work is under resourced in important ways.

Many of us come to the work because of our own experiences of poverty or violence, and doing this work can activate old wounds and survival responses.

We come to this work to heal ourselves in the world, but we often do the work in ways that further harm ourselves and impede our contribution to the resistance.

When our groups are focused on getting important things done out there, there is rarely room to process our strong feelings or admit that we do not know how to navigate our roles in here.

Burnout is created or worsened when we feel disconnected from others, mistreated, misunderstood, ashamed, overburdened with outcomes, perfectionist or controlling.

Burnout is prevented or lessened when we feel connected to others, when there is transparency in how we work together, when we can rest as needed, and when we feel appreciated by the group, and when we have skills for giving and receiving feedback.

There are several things that groups can do to cultivate conditions that prevent, reduce, or respond to burnout, and there are things that individuals experiencing burnout can do Before People who are burnt out leave groups, they often cause a lot of disruption at damage, so this section is also aimed at reducing the harm that burnt out or overworked people can cause.

Figuring out how to have a more balanced relationship to work and overwork is a matter of both individual healing and collective stewardship of the group.

Signs of overwork and burnout high stress when thinking about tasks being performed by someone else who might do it differently, or the group coming to it a different decision than we would make.

Feelings of resentment I've done the most for this group, or I work harder than anyone else.

This can include creating a damaging group culture of competition about who works the hardest, not respecting group agreements or group process because we feel above the process as the founder or the hardest worker.

Feelings of competition with other groups that are politically aligned or with other issues or activists that we perceive as receiving more support, Feelings of martyrdom, desire to endlessly be given credit for our work, a desire to take on tasks and responsibilities in order to be important to the group or control outcomes.

Feeling overwhelmed or experiencing depression and or anxiety, Feeling like we have to do all these things, cannot see any way to do less work or have less responsibility, inability to let others take on leadership roles, hoarding information or important contacts that others cannot rise to the same level of leadership.

This behavior is usually rationalized in some way, a life and death feeling that it must be done the way I do it.

An extreme version of this can result in leaders sabotaging the group or project rather than recognizing that it may be time to step back and take a break from leadership.

Paranoia and distrust about others in the group or other people working in this kind of work, Feelings of being alone, feelings of me against members of the group, other groups.

Everyone over promising and under delivering, which can lead to feeling fraudulent and afraid of being caught so far behind.

Having feelings of scarcity drive decision making, there's not enough money, time, attention, having no boundaries with work, working all the time during meals.

First thing upon waking the last before sleeping during time that was supposed to be for connecting with loved ones, not knowing how to do anything besides work, not having fun, and feeling relaxed on vacation or days off, dismissal of the significance of group process, and overvaluation of how the group is perceived by outsiders such as funders, elites, and others, being flaky or unreliable, being defensive about all of the above, and unwilling to hear critique.

I'm doing so much, I'm killing myself with work.

How can you critique me?

I can't possibly do any better?

Slash more shame about experiencing all of the above.

We also carry around fallback attitudes and behaviors that can undermine our principles, especially when we are stressed out in over capacity.

These can be behaviors we learn from dominant culture and also roles we learned in our families.

When we are stressed and overworked, these things can come out in damaging ways.

It can mean we misuse or obstruct group processes, disappear from the work, or act from a place of superiority or dominance on the basis of gender, race, ability, class, or educational attainment.

How mutual aid groups can prevent and address overwork and burnout.

Overwork is pervasive in mutual aid groups, and if we can move away from shaming and blaming ourselves and others and toward acknowledging it, we can support change.

It is hard to confront another person about behavior that is harmful, and it is hard to be confronted about harmful behavior and listen to what is being said.

The ideas below do not change that, but they may help individuals or groups create concrete steps to address the problems.

One make internal problems a top priority.

The group cannot do its important work if it is falling apart inside and cannot do its work well if it is promising to do work it does not have the capacity to do.

This does not mean the group's work needs to stop, but it may mean calling a moratorium on new projects and commitments so that the situation does not worsen, so that people can carve out time for working on internal problems.

Two.

Making sure that new people are welcomed and trained to co lead.

This means new people are given a full background on the group's work, understand that they are being asked to fully participate in all decisions and have space to ask any questions they need to in order to participate.

Ensuring that everyone is getting access to what it takes to co lead is essential to building leadership among more people.

Group members and the group as a whole would be better off if many people are leading, not just one or two.

Three Establish mechanisms to assess the workload and scale back.

How many hours is each member working?

Is it beyond what they can do and maintain their own well being?

Did they actually track their hours for a week to make sure they are aware of how much they are working.

Assess the workload and scale back projects into the workload is under control.

Create a moratorium on new projects until capacity expands.

Enforce the moratorium.

No one can unilaterally take on new work for the group or for themselves as a member of the group.

Four Build a culture of connection.

How can the group's meeting culture foster well being?

Goodwill?

Connection between members, eating together, having check ins with interesting questions about people's favorite foods, plants, movies, or politicizing moments may feel silly at first, it makes a big difference.

Bringing attention to wellness into the group's culture means helping members be there as multi dimensional people rather than just as work or activist machines.

People need to build deep enough relationships to actually be able to talk about difficult dynamics that come up, or those dynamics will fester.

Make sure that the facilitation of meetings rotates, including agenda making and other key leadership tasks.

Rotating tasks can help us address on fair workloads and transparency concerns.

Making sure everyone is trained on how to facilitate meetings in ways that maximize the participation of all members of the group can help.

Whenever there is danger that just a few people will dominate an important conversation, use a go around rather than having people volunteer to speak Quieter members speaking up can really change the dynamic six as a group.

Recognize the conditions creating a culture of overwork.

It is not one person's fault and everyone may be feeling the different forms of pressure.

Have one or many facilitated discussions about the pressures and dynamics that lead to overwork or to an individual's dominating or disappearing behavior.

Create a shared language for the pressures that members may be under so that they are easier to identify and address Moving forward, what individuals experiencing overwork and burnout need.

In addition to creating group approaches to burnout, we can take action in our own lives when we recognize our own symptoms of overwork and burnout.

This requires us to work on changing our own behavior and that we be willing to examine the root causes of our impulses to over commit, to control, to overwork, or to disconnect.

This is healing work aimed at helping us be well enough to enjoy our work, make sustained, lifelong contributions to the movement we care about, and receive the love and transformation that is possible in communities of resistance.

Above all, we must take a gentle approach to ourselves, avoid judgment, recognize the role of social conditioning and producing these responses in us, and patiently and humbly experiment with new ways of being.

The compulsive worker, overworker, or control freak might come to understand their needs in the following ways.

I need trusted friends who I can talk to about what is going on, who I can ask for honest feedback about my behavihavior, and who can help support me and soothe me when I am afraid of doing something in a new way.

For example, these people might remind me that even though someone else in the project will do this task differently, it is better to let them do it so that they can build their own skills and I can use the time for something healing that might be missing from my life.

These people might help remind me that it'll be okay if I say no to a task or project.

These friends can help me give love to the wounds underneath my compulsive, competitive or controlling behavior, reminding me that I am worthwhile and my value does not hang on what the group does, how much work I do, or what other people think of me.

I need supportive people who can also point out compulsive, competitive, or controlling behavior or ideas when they hear them from me or see me engaging in them.

It can be difficult to receive such feedback, but it is truly a gift.

When I get feedback from friends or collaborators about concerns they have, I need to resist the impulse to defend my mine.

I solve a critique the way they delivered their message.

This feedback, including any anger they express while sharing it, is likely a sign that others think I am a leader and what I do matters.

They are doing the hard and uncomfortable task of raising a concern because they see me as a person with influence.

I can remember that no matter how it is delivered, this feedback is an investment in me and our work and an act of love.

I can seek out a friend separately to process the difficult feelings that receiving this feedback brings up.

The need to avoid acting out of my defensiveness or taking on a victim narrative is especially important when I'm in a position of privilege of any kind and or have more developed leadership in the group or project.

If I hate everyone I'm working with, or feel like I am going to die, or like I have to stay up all night working, this is probably about something older or deeper in my life, not about the current work, workplace, group, coworker.

If my heart is racing, if I feel threatened, if I feel fel like I can't get out of bed, if I feel like I can't speak to my coworker or I'll explode, I am probably experiencing pain deeply rooted in my life history.

To get out of this reactive space, I need to devote resources to uncovering the roots of my painful reactions and building ways of being in those feelings that don't involve acting out of harm to myself for others, including the harm of overworking.

The first step is recognizing that my strongest reactions may not be entirely or primarily about the work related situation directly in front of me, and being willing to slow down or explore what is underneath.

I need a healing path for myself if I want to be part of healing the world.

What that looks like is different for everyone, and could include an individual, group or group therapy, twelve step programs, including workaholics, anonymous exercise, body work, spiritual exploration, art practice, gardening, and building meaningful relationships with family or friends.

Whatever it is, I have to engage in a gentle way and be careful that it does not become another thing to perfect or try to be the leader of.

Pursuing a healing path can be a way to practice doing things because they feel good, rather than because they accomplish something.

I need to stick around.

It may be tempting to disappear altogether from a group if relationships have gotten difficult and I am experiencing negative feelings, about myself and others.

If I want to move toward a more balanced role in the group, or even transition out altogether, I need to do so gradually and intentionally.

I need to transfer relationships and knowledge and skills that I hold, and make sure that my transition is done in a way that ensures support for the people continuing the work.

I'll end on this paragraph From Dean's conclusion, everything is at stake, and we are fighting for our lives.

Mutual aid work plays an immediate role in helping us get through crises, but it also has the potential to build the skills and capacities we need for an entirely new way of living at a moment when we must transform our societ or face intensive uneven suffering followed by species extinction.

As we deliver groceries, participate in meetings soew masks, write letters to prisoners, apply bandages, make medicines, facilitate relationship skills classes, hide our loved ones from the police, learn how to protect our work from surveillance, disable government vehicles, sabotage tech, plant gardens, and change diapers.

We are strengthening our ability to outnumber the police and military, protect our communities and build systems that make sure everyone can have food, housing, medicine, dignity, connection, belonging, and creativity in their lives from every cell block, meadow, housing project, forest, trailer park, wilderness, abandoned lot, urban garden, in every watershed, bioregion, grassland, floodplain, burnscar, migratory path, and crisis zone.

This is the work we must do, fighting back against the greed and violence that threatens all life, and building as many ways of surviving as we can.

The stakes could not be higher anyway.

That's all for this week.

Thank you for joining me uncle's own media book club and for a very very abridged version of Dean Spade's Mutual Aid.

You should check out the whole book if you have any interest in any of these excerpts.

There's so many more nuggets of wisdom from Dean's own organizing and his research work, including sections on handling money, working with joy, unlearning, perfectionism, a lot of useful charts, resources, activities.

If you're looking for a place to start or just need a place to recalibrate, mutual Aid, the book by Dean Spade is a good place to return to anyway.

Dean Spade's biome.

Dean Spade is an organizer, writer, and teacher.

He has been working to build queer and transliberation based in racial and economic justice for the past two decades.

He is a professor at the Seattle University School of Law.

He's the author of Love and a Fucked Up World, Normal Life, and This Book Aid, which is getting an updated reissue from Versa with new chapters, updated case studies, and retooled writing for a new political context.

Dean is also the host of the Love and a Fucked Up World podcast, Only it's not spelled fucked up.

It's spelled f apostrophe, not apostrophe asterisk cked.

You can keep up with this projects online at Deanspade dot net or by following him on Instagram at Spade dot Dean or Blue Sky at Dean Spade.

Anyway, if you like this reading, you should let me know that you want more of it.

You can find me Margaret on Blue Sky at Margaret because I got real lucky or I showed up early to Blue Sky whatever maybe that's embarrassing, and on Instagram at Margaret Kiljoy.

And you can find the book club itself on the feeds for it could Happen here and cool people did cool stuff as well as its own feed.

If you like Dean, I did an interview with him on mutual aid and disaster preparedness for my other podcast, Live Like the World Is Dying, which you should also listen to.

Hazel helps me with the scripts and research.

Eva does our audio editing.

And that's it from us tonight, Stay safe, Stay dangerous, Fuck Ice Bye.

It could Happen here as a production of cool Zone Media.

For more podcasts from cool Zone Media, visit our website coolzonemedia dot com or check us out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

You can find sources where it Could Happen Here, updated monthly at coolzonemedia dot com slash sources.

Thanks for listening.