Method and Madness is a true crime podcast and contains descriptions of violence.

This episode features themes of physical and emotional abuse.

Listener discretion is advised she wasn't quiet or submissive, so she had to go.

This is Method and Madness Episode forty eight discarded sergit Ethwall.

I'm your host, Don Gandhi.

It was December fourth, nineteen ninety eight in Hayes, West London.

The suitcases were lined up outside and ready to be loaded into the car.

First stop Heathrow Airport.

Final destined nation, Delhi, India.

Twenty six year old Sergeitte Ettoine was looking forward to the trip.

Naturally, she had no idea what was in store for her.

Her mother in law called to her to hurry up.

Her sister in law stood bye, powerless to stop her, too afraid she could be Next at the wheel was Sirjite's brother in law, his mother.

Sirjeite's mother in law was in the front passenger seat.

Sirjeite opened the car door, got into the backseat and turned to wave goodbye to her children.

It would be the last time they'd ever see their mother.

The following day, as planned, Sir Jeitte was in India, attending family weddings and enjoying her holiday.

After the celebrations were over, she was off to do some shopping before returning home to England.

The jeep pulled up and Sir Geite got in, thanking the men for the lift.

She watched the scenery go by, anticipating that at any moment they'd pull up to the shops and she could bring her family a few souvenirs.

But she didn't return from that shopping trip, and she never returned from India.

It would be years later that Indian authorities would look into her whereabouts, but before they could get very far, they received a letter from police in England which said, your way off base.

Sir Jeete has run off.

She's in hiding, and so that investigation went no further.

Let's dive in.

You may have listened to a previous episode released a few weeks ago on the murder of Shaphilia Ahmed.

She was a British Pakistani teenager when her parents brutally murdered her in their home while her helpless younger siblings watched on in horror.

It was one of the so called honor killings, a widely misunderstood crime a result of honor based abuse, which can also show itself in other forms such as genital mutilation, forced marriage, and more.

Its people seeking extreme punishment for any act they consider to be dishonorable, anything that may bring shame to their family and in turn make them look bad in the eyes of their community.

In Shaphilia's situation, her parents were so laser focused on the idea of honor and feared the shame that their rebellious daughter could bring them as she fought to live a westernized lifestyle in their home.

In England, there are many people who are unaware that's so called honor killings exist.

Of those that are aware, many believe it is widely accepted in the religious communities where they occur.

But that is not the case.

Evil is evil.

Today you'll hear about another story of a young woman who wanted to be her own person, one who was raised to believe that anything that needed to be sorted out could be done within the family.

And in certain areas of West London, there are religious communities that operate by one rule, never get anyone outside of the family involved.

Any issues are to be handled by the elders in that community.

No matter what.

Sergei Quar Dillon was born on July seventeenth, nineteen seventy one, in Coventry, England, to parents Mohinderpaul Singh Dylan and Surinder Kwar.

She was one of six children a family of Punjabi origin, and they lived in a suburb of Coventry called Folshil.

The family was practicing Sikhs, a religion founded in India and the fifth largest religion in the world.

Sikhs believe they are disciples of God and they follow the writings and teachings of the ten Sikh Gurus.

A Sikh is taught that all races, religions and sex are equal in the eyes of God.

When Serjit was just sixteen years old, her father told her they were going to meet a family in Hayes, a suburb of West London.

It was at that meeting that Serjit learned to her dismay, that she'd be marrying the oldest son of that family.

His name was Sukdave Artois and he was twenty six years old.

His family was well respected in England, India and in Singapore, where they had relatives living.

That's simply the way it worked in their community, Sir Jeitte was told the parents of a boy, or in this case, a man, would contact another family, one that they may know through acquaintances and a match would be arranged.

It happened for many families that way in India and in the UK, and now it was presented to Serjit.

But while an arranged marriage means that all parties have a choice in the matter, this was forced marriage.

She immediately protested, making her wishes very clear that she had no intention of marrying a man ten years her senior.

She was only a teenager.

Surely this couldn't actually be happening.

But at the end of the day, it was guilt that won, as Sir GeTe was told again and again that her grandmother was on death's door and her dying wish was to see Sirjeitte married off to a good family.

It would bring shame to the family if Sir GeTe didn't go through with it.

The wedding date was set and Sir Jeete had no say.

On June sixteenth, nineteen eighty eight, relatives on both sides of the family gathered to celebrate Sikhs.

Being very sociable people were all surrounded by bright colors, food, music, laughter, and huge smiles.

But Sir Jete had never felt more alone.

She was not the picture of a smiling, happy bride.

She didn't know most of the people attending the celebrations, let alone her own groom and her grandmother.

The one on her deathbed seemed perfectly healthy, as she was the first one out on the dance floor that morning before her nuptials.

Sir Jeitte's anxiety had overcome her and she cried, an uneasy feeling washing over her.

She hadn't even met her groom yet and she was being forced to spend the rest of her life with him.

But her tears were not persuasive, as the elder family members reassured her that this was the thing she was supposed to do.

It was a well to do family she was marrying into, and so the bride and groom were married at first sight, not in an arranged marriage, but in a forced one.

And immediately after, Sir Jete was driven to her new home.

Pulling up to the house a ninety willow tree lane in Hayze, one hundred miles from her family in Coventry, Sir Yete took in the house she would be sharing with at least four others.

It was nothing to write home about, surely not what was expected of a well to do family.

There, Sir Jeitte lived with her new husband, mother in law, father in law, and brother in law.

The family that was now considered Serjet's were also practicing Sikhs, but unlike her own family, this one was very strict.

Sergite and such Dave shared a bedroom upstairs.

They were expected to live together as man and wife, sharing a bed.

His parents shared another bedroom, and his younger brother Hardave had the third.

A German shepherd named Ricky rounded out the household.

Sergeite's introduction into the home wasn't greeted with warmth or make yourself comfortable reassurances by her in laws.

She was told that this was her home, now her real home, and at her mother in law insistence that she was to put on a happy face no matter what when she saw her parents or siblings, or especially when at temple praying with the rest of the community.

Any signs of unhappiness with her situation would only bring shame onto the family.

At sixteen, Sergeit wasn't even a woman yet and making her own decisions.

Wasn't something she'd had a chance at.

Now, in this small home with utter strangers, she was learning what her day to day was about to look like her mother in law, But chan quir Atoals wasted no time putting her daughter in law to work.

Sergee's role was to maintain all of the house cleaning and the cooking too, for the entire family and any visitors that may knock on the door.

This was no romantic whirlwind as she got to know and love her husband, no sweeping you off your feet kind of fairy tale.

Quite the contrary, as Sir Jeitte found herself on her feet in the kitchen for large parts of the day, chopping vegetables and preparing meals.

In this house, she was at the very bottom of the pecking order.

When the time would come to sit down to dinner, she was ignored while the elder family members and their sons chatted.

When dinner ended, it was Sir Jete alone in the kitchen cleaning up.

Prior to her forced marriage, Sir GeTe had enjoyed socializing with friends and having an actual childhood of sorts.

Now, in an instant she was an adult, a woman, but not one that was permitted to think for herself.

Once she was an atoll, Sir Jete was forbidden to socialize outside of the house.

Her mother in law, but Chun or Mum, as she insisted on being called, quickly revealed herself to be the one making all the decisions.

Batcheon controlled how Serjite acted, what not to say, what to wear, and even how to feel about her situation.

She should be happy and only show that for risk of bringing shame to the family.

If it wasn't Batchan pulling the strings, it was her orders to her oldest son that he needed to do it.

Serjite's cold feet on her wedding day morning had been a foreshadowing of things to come.

She didn't see any wedded bliss in her future.

This was her life, now, miles away from her loving family.

She was permitted to get a job.

Her salary was strongly desired by her husband and his mother.

It was at a tool selling firm called Buck and Hickman, But after a long day at work, she was still expected to prepare the home cooked meals for the family and guests.

When her husband's four sisters and their husbands came to visit.

Sergeite's discomfort started turning to anger and resentment, as even they expected her to wait on them hand and foot.

Nobody offered to help, nobody offered to clean up.

When the time came to sit down to tea, Sirjeitte would first have to wait on everyone else, And when guests were visiting and all the seats were taken, Sir Geitte would find herself sitting on the floor.

When the guests had left, it was Sir gee alone in the kitchen doing the cleanup.

That was for reality her day to day.

Two years into her marriage, Sir Geite's personality was coming out more and more.

It was not demure or submissive like her new family expected of a wife.

She had opinions on how things should work, how family members should treat one another, and she began showing her displeasure at being treated as a servant, one that was never helped or thanked.

At ninety Willow Tree Lane, she had no allies, no shoulder to cry on, not even her husband's.

His loyalty and devotion were to his family, his parents.

Respect for them was paramount, and complaining or resisting was seen as disrespect.

It was forbidden.

Serge was not the most important woman in Suk Dave's life.

No, that role was already taken.

She was expected to serve her family and put them first.

That is forbidden was one of Butchon's favorite things to say to her daughter in law.

Think of the shame it would bring on the family.

Think of the shame that it would bring on your husband.

Two years into her marriage, Sir Jeitte learned that it was her brother in law, Hardave's turn to find a wife.

She was from Hounslow, London and her name was Sarbajit.

She was just nineteen years old, and she and Hardave married in nineteen eighty nine without ever having a conversation with each other.

Many celebrations followed the nuptials, and then Sir Jeitte was no longer the only outsider in the home as her new sister in law moved into the house at ninety Willow Tree Lane, Sarbjitt.

Sarb had also been raised in a Sikh household, but regardless, she was hit with culture shock at the Atswalls household.

Sarb, at nineteen had already turned down two prospective suitors, strangers that her parents had tried to arrange for her to marry like Sir Gitte.

She hated the idea of marrying a man she didn't know, certainly not a man that she'd never even spoken to.

She had never even been to a classmate's house for a party, never socialized with the boy, never been on a date, but was now married to a man raised to believe that respect for elders was of the utmost importance, and seeing how adamant her parents were about her future, Sarb finally relented, not wanting to disrespect them, only thinking of their happiness and not her own, and so reluctantly she married Hardave at twelve.

Both Sergei and Sarb had been preparing their entire lives their short lives to be wives.

Unlike Sergei, Sarb had a different outlook on how a wife was to behave.

At around age eleven, Sarb had been sent away from her family in England, away from her younger siblings that she adored, and brought to a rural area in India in Patty on the Punjab border to live with relatives of her father.

There, formal education was spared in exchange for learning how to be a woman.

She was told taught to look after a family run a household, clean and cook the Indian way.

While there, she was terribly homesick as she was also taught how to harvest rice, strip sugar cane, take care of livestock, and pick cow dung for use as fuel and cement.

Rather than learning writing and arithmetic, Sarb was taught how to chop vegetables and prepare large meals.

She spent hours out on the farm.

After a couple of years, wondering when she'd be permitted to go back home, Sarba's father returned to retrieve his daughter from India.

Upon her return to England, Sarb discovered just how far behind she was in school and being forbidden to socialize with anyone outside of her religious community.

Being taught to be respectful and obedient, she grew timid, knowing that in the Sikh religion, a group's happiness was more important than individuals.

Now, at age twenty and eighteen, respectively, Sarb and Sir Jeitte were sharing a bond thrust into a life neither of them wanted.

The two young women spent most of their time together and it was comforting to have one another.

Careful not to be too loud for fear of repercussions.

They would whisper to each other while cooking in the Attois kitchen.

Sarb was dying to know what she'd gotten herself into, but was too shy to ask, and Sir Jete was more than happy to spill all the details.

Now there were two wives in the home to be treated like slaves, and like Sir Jeitte, Sarb was forbidden to talk about her new situation with her own parents.

She was sternly instructed by her mother in law that speaking ill of the Attoal family would bring them shame in the community.

Shortly after Hardave and Sarb got married, the Atoal patriarch Jian Singh passed away.

With the death of Sukh Dave's and Hardave's father, their mother Batchan appointed herself the head of the household.

Ordinarily, with the father and the household passing, this would mean the eldest son would step up as the head of the family, but in this case it was Batchan that made the declaration with a smile and comfortably took on that role.

While Jian Singh brought only warmth to the home, the only warmth things without him were about to get a lot worse.

In Sarb's book shamed the honor killing that shocked Britain.

She wrote how her mother in law law was always bossy and nosy, but with Jian Sing Goong, she now had more authority and those traits became worse.

Everything she said became law.

As everyone else walked on eggshells.

She was always listening, always quick to remind everyone of their place.

On Sarb's and Hardave's first wedding anniversary, they made a date to go out to dinner, and it was Bachan that accompanied them to the restaurant, telling the couple they couldn't celebrate without her.

As was normal in the atual home, Bachan's sons never protested.

If the wives asked for something, the husbands would respond, I'll need to ask Mum.

Anything Mum wanted was granted, and now the salaries that her daughters in law were earning from their respective jobs were going straight into Mum's acous count again no objections from the husband's Sarb, always optimistic and hopeful, realized she needed to make the best of her situation and grew to love her husband, hard Dave.

She had given it time, but Sir GeTe with her defiance her resistance.

Her insistence on independence became victim to a dangerous cycle of abuse by both her mother in law and her husband.

Sarb would listen, shocked and scared as her sister in law would endure beatings in the next room, and the following morning, Sirjeitte would be covered in bruises, all because she was speaking up and speaking out.

And Serjeite's family one hundred miles away were under the impression that everything was going fine, that Sir GeTe was happy.

Sure, they'd notice that, but Chon, while very respected in the Sikh community, was quite frankly controlling, but nobody dared intervene that would bring shame.

Both Serjit and Sarb had been coerced into marrying into the Attol family, and now both women were trapped domineered by a tyrant of a woman who had a hold over everyone, and that hold extended outside of the home too.

The natural question that followed after two young women had been married was when were the grandchildren coming.

Sarb was warned constantly by family members, and particularly by her mother in law, that she was not to get pregnant until Sergeit and sick Dave had had a baby.

Sir GeTe and suck Dave, who at that point weren't even sleeping in the same bed.

If Sarb were to have a baby first, that would bring shame to Suk Dave, as he was the oldest son and she was not to do that to him.

Regardless, both women got pregnant around the same time.

Now the pressure shifted to a different topic.

Botchan insisted that her oldest son was to have a boy, that it was the firstborn son who should have the first boy to carry on the Atswale name, as if anyone had control over that.

Sir Jeete's and Sarb's bond grew stronger as they went through pregnancy together, all while reporting to work daily and then returning home to do all of the housework at temple.

Their mother in law would parade them around to all of her friends, gushing about how excited she was for them and how supportive she was at home lies everything was for show.

One day, Sir Jeete confided in her sister in law that in nineteen eighty eight she'd gotten pregnant but had suffered a miscarriage.

It was devastating for her, and her mother in law had accused Sir Jeete of having an abortion.

Suk Dave, of course, had agreed with his mother's accusation.

Why would she say such a thing, Sarb asked, with Sir Jete responding because she's evil.

As fate would have it.

In the summer of nineteen ninety one, both women had healthy baby girls, and then it was back to their duties in the kitchen.

Sarb found some solace in visiting her parents, but didn't dare speak ill of her mother in law, who was adamant that the babies call her mum.

Complaints would reflect poorly on Sarb's parents for choosing the Atswall family, so she always put on a happy face.

While Sarb was of the mind that this is just the way things are and was doing everything in her power to obey and keep the family from shame, Sir Jete was rebelling.

Her paycheck wasn't her, her thoughts weren't hers, her time wasn't hers.

She wanted more a life away from her domineering mother in law and selfish husband.

She craved the freedom to be able to see friends without being followed or stalked by such Dave, but she was constantly reminded what would the community think if she were out and about without her husband, how would that look?

What would people at temple say?

How would Butcham feel if she had to answer to the community about why Sir Jete was off shopping or why she wasn't wearing traditional dress?

How dare she wear a skirt?

Sir Jeitte's desire for independence got stronger and stronger as she cut her hair, began wearing make up, and started dressing in more westernized clothing, and by nineteen ninety four, Sir Jeet moved out of the house at ninety Willow Tree Lane.

Serjeite had escaped her abusive home and secured a job as a customs agent at Heathrow Airport.

There she made new friends and began socializing with them outside of work.

Suk Dave tracked her down with Butchon's prodding, her obsessiveness in keeping tabs on her daughter in law and preventing her from bringing any more shame to the family.

A woman leaving her husband was the most dishonorable.

Suk Dave made several attempts to get Sir Gitte to come back, threats, stalking, screaming, but it was his softer attempt that finally persuaded Sir Geitte to return, and some time later they bought and moved into the home next door eighty eight Willow Tree Lane.

A new address wasn't going to keep Butchon away, as she declared she was moving in with Sirjite and Sukdave with keys to both homes.

Now she would freely move about the two.

Serge may have returned, but she wasn't pretending to be the agreeable wife.

The arguments between her and Soook Dave increased as he tried to get control of her, ordering her to stop wearing Western clothes outside of the house.

By spring and summer of nineteen ninety seven, Sirjit and Sarb were both pregnant again.

Sir Jede's pregnancy was a surprise, as it wasn't even certain that she and her husband had been sleeping in the same bed.

On some occasions, it didn't seem they were even sleeping in the same house.

Any questions about the father of Sergeite's baby ended when it was learned she was having a boy, but John's glee over her oldest son having a boy with the actual name overshadowed any logic that there was virtually no chance that the baby was took Dave's.

It was more than an affair.

Sir Geede had found love for the first time in her life with a colleague at work, and she was planning to leave her husband and take the children with her.

Over my dead body was Butchon's response, and she meant it.

Nineteen ninety eight was coming to a close and the holiday season was approaching, and while they didn't follow Christian traditions, Christmas was a fun time in the community and in the atual home.

But before any festivities could take place, Butchon called a meeting with her sons and her daughter in law.

Sir Jeete was away at work.

Sarb was preparing tea as usual until Bauchon called out to join her and her sons in the lounge.

There, sitting on the couch and with a smug look on her face, Bachon looked at her audience of Suk, Dave, Har Dave, and Sarb.

She proudly announced that the time head come that there was only one solution to dealing with Sergitt.

It's decided then we have to get rid of her.

This episode is sponsored by Betterhelp.

I don't know about you, but I'm really thankful that mental health and self care are taking more of a front seat these days.

Therapy has helped me when I've felt overwhelmed and needed to sort some things out.

Maybe you're feeling more stressed lately, or like you're struggling with work or personal relationships.

However you're feeling, you deserve to be happy and to know that there is no shame in therapy.

Better Help is customized online therapy.

In under forty eight hours, you could be communicating with a therapist by phone, live chat, or video if you're comfortable.

Now is a good time to invest in yourself and see what online therapy is all about.

And special offer to Method and Madness listeners, you can get ten percent off your first month of professional therapy at betterhelp dot com slash Method and Madness.

That's better h e LP dot com slash Method and Madness.

Thanks again to Better Help for sponsoring this episode.

Do you love listening to true crime podcasts but could do with hearing something a bit lighter as well?

I'm Tara Sarah Van, host of World's Dumbest Criminals podcast.

It's a show all about the most ridiculous and bizarre true crime stories from around the globe.

World's Dumbest Criminals is available on iTunes and anywhere else you listen to podcasts.

Make sure you subscribe.

If you do, I don't want to miss any criminally stupid shenanigans.

Bauchan had spoken to someone in India, a contact.

That was all she said about who it was.

She's out of control, she said, speaking of Sir Jeitte.

She has brought shame on our family.

She has made us a laughing stock in the community.

The decision had been made, and so had the arrangements.

Tickets were purchased from Heathrow to Delhi, India.

The next step was getting Sir Jete on the plane.

In order to coax her into going to India.

Batchan told Sir Jeitte she would permit the divorce, but only on one condition.

She had to join Butchon on a trip to attend the weddings of two family members.

Presumably thrilled that she was finally getting some freedom, Sir Jeitte agreed there was nobody to stop her.

Sarba felt helpless, paralyzed with fear.

In her book, she talked about the constant tension in the home Bachan ruled the house.

She controlled everyone.

Sarb desperately wanted to warn her sister in law, wanted to tell her not to go to India, but someone was always watching.

Still, Sarb hoped she had it all wrong, get rid of her.

Did that mean what she thought it meant?

Surely not.

There was no one she could talk to, no way of warning Sir Jete and risk disrespecting Bachan or causing trouble, causing shame.

She watched helplessly as Serjite happily packed for her trip.

Also in her book, Sarb said she'd heard about a number that one could call anonymously to report a crime.

She racked her brain and finally remembered that it was called crime Starle, And one morning, after dropping her daughter off at school, she found a public payphone, and her hands trembling, made the call, telling the operator everything that had been said at that family meeting.

It had been a huge risk, but Sarb felt relief that Sir Geete was safe.

Now crime stoppers would intervene before anything could happen, and so December fourth, nineteen ninety eight came, the day of the trip.

Serge walked out the front door and waved goodbye to her kids as Sarb watched from the window.

She and Bauchon flew to Delhi, but only one of them returned.

On December fifth, they attended a wedding and the next day attended another.

Back in England, Sarb was a nervous wreck.

To ease her nerves, she would try to discuss the situation with her husband and seeking reassurance that Sir Jeete was okay.

Surely what Chan didn't mean anything serious about getting rid of her, and Sir Jeitte would return as scheduled on the eighteenth.

Har Dave was dismissive, warning his wife to be quiet.

Still, Sarb insisted that he check in with his mother and so he would call India to see how everything was going.

Finally, but Sean snapped back to stop pestering her.

Scared of being seen by a member of the community and scared that anything she did would be reported back to Bachong, Sarb didn't go to the police, but she did write to them a letter detailing what she was told would happen to her sister in law in India.

Video captured Sir Jeitte at the two weddings in India, showing that she was relaxed, smiling, and enjoy herself.

It seemed, by all accounts, she didn't know what was in store for her.

She was likely happy to be away from her prison of the atchual home, and Bachan had done a good job of convincing her that this trip would lead to her being permitted to divorce.

Still, sir Jeite went to a travel agency and attempted to get an earlier flight back to England, but she was unable.

On December eighteenth, Sarb waited impatiently for the car to pull up to ninety Willow Tree Lane, praying that she see her sister in law emerge, but only Butchon had returned.

When asked where is Serjititte?

Butchan quickly dismissed, Sarb told her to stop asking, that Serjeite would be returning soon.

Sarb was told, as were the children, that Serjite had decided to stay in India for a few weeks longer.

But as the weeks went by and Serjeitte didn't return, the story about her whereabouts kept changing.

Sarb was ordered to stop asking questions, and she didn't mention her concerns to her own parents for fear of bringing them shame by spreading rumors or alarming elders for no reason.

She was still hopeful in her naivety that the crime had been stopped due to her intervention.

Some relief came when Sukdev revealed to the family that he'd run into a friend of Sir Jeete's Kate, who said she had been in contact with Serjeite and that she was fine and happy in India.

She'd be back in two months.

Maybe this Kate person knew something, But Serjeitte's parents and siblings hadn't heard from her, and her employer at customs hadn't heard a peep, and Sir Jeete failed to show up to some social events in Hayes that she had RSVP for weeks earlier.

The only information regarding her whereabouts was coming directly from one person, her husband.

Christmas had come and gone, and the gift that Sir Jeede's oldest child wanted most from Santa was for her mother to return.

By the new year, she still hadn't returned, and Serjeite's parents were fed up with the lack of answers.

They hadn't heard from their daughter, and they were less and less convinced that she was okay.

Sir Jeite's brother Jagdish was more than a little suspicious.

After visits to the Astuhal home and hearing the tales of how his sister had run off, he and his father contacted the police to officially report her missing.

The police, in turn began questioning suk Dave.

He told the police that he had spoken to his wife, but it was through a mediator that woman Kate, that he'd run into in his presence.

She called Sergeite from her cell phone and let suk Dave talk.

He said he tried to see what the number was on the screen, but Kate had covered it up with black tape.

It was on that call that Sergeit told her husband she wouldn't be returning and that she was staying in India with her new boyfriend Raj.

She's not to be trusted, she's run off and wants nothing to do with her family, with her children.

Suck Dave told the police as well as anyone who would listen.

She's a troublemaker, she's promiscuous, she's on drugs.

He was telling his daughter the same that mom had run off with another man and she didn't love her family anymore.

If the children got upset and missed her, their father would tell them to stop their moaning.

And as time went on, the stories kept changing.

Queen Batchan and suk Dave Serjeitt was returning eventually or she wasn't returning at all.

In January nineteen ninety nine, but Chon, crying uncontrollably, told Sarb to sit down with her there in the same lounge where her mother in law had held that fateful meeting weeks earlier.

Sarb realized that but Chon wanted to come clean.

She needed to tell someone something.

With Suk Dave off at work, Sarb was all ears.

But Chon talked of the shame that Sir GeTe had brought to the family with her rebellion, her western clothes and the social events she was out attending, and god knows what else, how people in the community were talking, and how she feared that Sukh Dave would be homeless if Sir ge got her way and took the house in the divorce, and what about the children.

Taking away his kids her grandchildren would be the ultimate betrayal, the ultimate act of shame.

Butchan continued and confirmed Sarb's worst fears.

Upon their arrival in India, they were met by but Chan's brother, and while visiting, Butchan and Sir Jete had attended the two weddings of family members.

Afterward, but Chan gave her daughter in law money to go do some shopping and she was picked up in a jeep by two men who drove off.

One of the men was said to be but Chan's brother.

It had all been arranged ahead of time.

The two men gave Serjite some water to drink once she was in the jeep.

She took a few SIPs and, according to Butchan, immediately realized she'd been drugged.

Once she was unconscious, the two men strangled Sir Jete, robbed her of the jewelry she was wearing, and tasked her body into the Ravi, a river in the Punjab region of India that flows into eastern Pakistan.

According to Sarb, the tears and the emotions that Batchan had been showing through most of her confession were now gone.

As she said, Serjeite won't be able to bring shame on us anymore.

We can start living like a proper family now.

Once Sukhdev was aware that Sarb was in the know, He told her, you know, the same things will happen to you if you dare breathe a word of this to anyone.

Sarb carried that threat with her.

Only God would hear what was in her heart.

When Sarb would leave the house on those rare occasions, Botchan would warn her to watch her tongue.

It was bottled up and bubbling over though, And one afternoon, while out shopping with her sister, Sarb revealed everything that was weighing heavily on her mind.

Her sister urged her to go to the police, but Sarb had been threatened so many times, she had witnessed exactly what happens to women who go against that family, and so she was steadfast and remaining quiet.

It wasn't until years later that Sarb would learn that her sister had gone to the police.

You may be wondering, how was it that years passed before Sarb found this out.

If someone had gone to the police, how was it that an arrest wasn't made immediately, or at the very least a serious investigation.

Well between that earlier call to crime stoppers, a letter to the police, several visits to the police by Sarba's sister and by Sergeit's family.

Simply nothing happened, no follow up, no sense of urgency.

It was as if serjeit didn't matter.

I'll let you use your imagination on why the police outside of London weren't motivated to investigate the disappearance of an Indian woman.

Sarb continued distracting herself by cooking, cleaning, or taking care of the children.

She hid in her bedroom.

If Batchan came over from next door, and if she ended up in the same space, the anxiety would surge and she'd feel her heart palpitating.

If the house had been uncomfortable for the past ten years, now it was a complete nightmare as there was a constant fear looming over.

But Sean and Suk Dave were working overtime to make Serjit the bad guy, but they didn't count on her immediate family.

With Sergit's brother Jagdish and father Mohinder Paul urging, police officers finally began showing up at eighty eight Willow Tree Elan asking questions.

They gathered information, got a sample of Serge's hair from one of her hair brushes, and were given a photo to use to circulate on missing person notices.

According to Sarb, Sukdave only had one request that the police used the name et Wall when running the missing person's alert on the radio, for using her maiden name would only bring shame to the family.

Serjeitte had been missing for a little over a month and now her mother, father, and brother believed she'd been murdered.

Suk Dave went into a tailspin now that they were getting close to the truth.

But if his wife was dead, then he could cash in on the life insurance policy he'd taken out the day before Serjeitte took that trip to India.

He, however, was denied the insurance money Sergeite's family.

He was now putting the pressure on police in India, who in turn approached the last known person to have been seen with her, but Schn's brother.

He was told he was a suspect, and thousands of miles away, suk Dave did all he could to undermine the investigation.

With a murder investigation now in India, suk Dave was two steps ahead.

He had written to those same authorities that were launching an investigation and in a forged letter, made it look like it was coming from the British police.

It was a simple cut and paced job, the type of work you'd do with a xerox machine and some tape.

In that correspondence, he made it look like Sir Jete's family was way off base.

He even went so far as to claim that Serjeite had returned to England as well as other lies, like she was hiding from her violent fefe father and they shouldn't believe anything he or Sergeite's brother said.

At the time, nobody was aware that he was derailing the investigation in India, but it would come out later in the year two thousand.

There was enough evidence for an arrest, and the police showed up at ninety Willow Tree Lane and led away bought Cheong Suok, Dave, Hardave and Sarb in handcuffs, all arrested for conspiracy to commit murder.

Now being interrogated at the station, Sarb denied knowing anything about where Serjeite was.

In her book, she details the hold that her in laws had on her, even when separated and in the presence of police, she feared them enough to stay silent.

Anything she said could somehow make its way back to them.

You could be next running over and over again.

In her mind, there wasn't enough evidence to prove that Sarrjeet was dead and no charges were pressed at the time.

Now back at home, Sarb was repeatedly threatened for years to keep her mouth shut, reminded that she was just as guilty as everyone else.

The entire process was flawed.

Foreign offices in India and offices in England were not on the same page, and so Sarb's life continued to be a living hell, from the manipulation to her own husband never coming to her defense or supporting her.

Like Sir GeTe, if she talked to anyone outside of the house, even casually, one of her in laws would be watching.

After twelve years of living as a prisoner in her own home, Sarb was starting to find her voice and she was losing that timid, submissive personality.

It wasn't until she lost six pints of blood from an erupted stomach ulcer at home that she was temporarily freed, hospitalized, and then back at her parents' home to recuperate.

Her own father had fought it again, bringing up the shame it would bring the Auttwals if she abandoned them, What would the community think he gave in, though, and Sarb spent several months at home with her parents and beloved siblings.

Even though it meant being without her children for the time being, Sarb felt safe for the first time since she had entered the Attwall home, and then there in her childhood home, she finally told her parents everything.

In turn, they went to the police.

As a result of Sarb's family's intervention, the hero that Sergey needed emerged.

Clive Driscoll, a Metropolitan detective, was assigned to the case, the first member of law enforcement to take Sergi's disappearance seriously, the first also to step up and help Sarb, giving her the assurance that he was there to help her, but she had to help him.

She was reluctant, she didn't know who to trust and didn't want anything getting back to her husband, brother in law, and mother in law, but she ended up cooperating.

Anne was an integral part in getting justice for Serjeit in November two thousand and five, Butchan Sukdave and Hardeve Attoal were arrested in their home just days earlier.

Batchan had told Sarb, it's time for you to come and meet the family in India.

To protect Sarb, the police also did a fake arrest of her.

She had already provided them with a witness statement.

Hardave was released a short time later, and Bachan and Sukhdave were formally charged with murder and denied by Upon members of the community learning of this, Sarb felt the wrath as she was scowled at admonished for having her family arrested and bringing them shame.

Lots of information came out during the investigation and while preparing for trial.

Kate, the friend of Serjete's who had assured sook Dave that his wife was fine in India, she was, of course a figment of his imagination.

Sir Jeede's diaries were discovered and read in court.

Her husband had put them in a box and stored them at a relative's house.

It was a treasure trove of evidence, with her writings depicting how unhappy she was in that house, being sook Dave's wife, being but Schon's daughter in law, how she had only stuck it out because she was worried about her parents reputation in the community.

She wrote about how but Sean took her first baby away from her right after birth and made her call her mummy.

She wrote of being threatened by Suk Dave, threatened to be killed, and how she was physically abused and stalked over and over again.

She wrote about how Butchong would take money from her and how her husband would steal and then sell her jewelry.

Other evidence to be presented at trial was the forged letter that Sukdev had written and sent authorities in India to get them to abandon their investigation.

There was also a lack of contact from Sir Jitte, no activity on her credit cards.

One thing was missing, however, Serjeite's body, but perhaps the ultimate undoing.

Once Sir Jeitte was out of the picture, her signature was forged on paperwork that transferred her ownership of the home at eighty eight Willow Tree Lane over to Bachong.

This signing this transfer happened five years after Serjeite went missing.

But Chan and Sukdev had tried to explain it away that Serjeitte had returned from India for ten minutes, signed the paperwork, and then disappeared again.

Their agreed was causing the facade to crumble.

Let's pause and break that all down for a moment.

But Chong and Sukhdeve abused serge to control her and get her to conform to their warped perception of how a Sikh woman should behave.

Despite her terrifying situation, Serjeite was still determined to gain her independence and ventured out, getting a new job, making friends with westernized people, and even finding romance.

Ultimately, she sought a divorce.

Now, according to Butchong, this would only happen over her dead body.

She talked of shame and dishonoring the family and how it would tarnish the family within the Sikh community.

Another motive that was mentioned in Sarb's book was the possibility of Bauchong losing her only grandson, Sir Jeite's youngest child.

But the hypocrisy here is the very thing they claimed to be afraid of, the very thing that they wanted to dispose of Sirjitte for was the very thing they told people she did when she was missing.

If they were so driven to avoid that shame, to avoid the stigma of having Sergeite run off and have affairs, then why did they go around telling everyone that would listen that that is what happened to her?

Sergeite ran away with another man.

Sergeitte doesn't love her family, an odd lie to come up with if you're obsessed with perception, So why choose that?

Why was that their excuse?

The police aidgreed was part of the motive, but it seems likely that it was the primary motive.

But Chang and Sukdave panicked when divorce was on the table.

Suddenly they wouldn't have access to Serji's finances or be able to steal her paycheck from her and deposit it into their accounts, and since they already viewed her as less than human, killing her was a natural solution.

In two thousand and five, they were officially charged and there was a thirteen week trial in two thousand and seven.

Even while in their jail cells awaiting their trial, but Chan and Suk Dave were able to control their family forbidding Serjit's oldest child from going to the courtroom.

On July twenty sixth, two thousand and seven, Bachan quar Atoal and Sukdave singh Etoit were both convicted of murder, but Chang was sentenced to a minimum of twenty years and Suk Dave was sentenced to a minimum of twenty seven.

It was the first time in UK legal history that someone was convicted of an outsourced honor killing carried out abroad.

Serjite's children were only then allowed to spend time with their mother's family.

They were also awarded their mother's money, which the police were able to get back despite sook Day's attempt at hiding it.

Sarb has not forgiven her mother in law, but has realized that it wasn't religion that caused her to murder Sirjete.

It was Bauchamp acting in the name of selfishness, evil and greed.

Sarb to this day avoids going near the temple that she used to pray at, but when she does run into someone from that community, she is still scolded for bringing shame by having her mother in law and brother in law arrested.

Sarb was awarded a divorce from Hardav and raised their four children in a home in Surrey.

Religion remained in her home, but allowing her kids to be children was very important as well.

Sarbajit was a key witness for the prosecution in the trial of her husband's brother and mother.

She went on to set up the charity True Honor, which helps women speak out about honor based abuse.

The charity also trains organizations on how to handle cases of honor based violence, forced marriage and female genital mutilation.

Serjite's brother Jagdeesh fought for years for the authorities in Punjab to do an investigation into the men who murdered his sister in the year two thousand.

An investigation was conducted, but it led to no convictions.

Jagdeese spent decades doing interviews, advocating for his sister and trying to get her murderers behind bars.

He said of India's Central Bureau of Investigation, quote, they have the capacity, the expertise, the personnel to act independently and equally to lia is with the British police directly and invite the input of officers who invested the case in the UK.

Here he is doing an interview.

When Surgi disappeared, we were frank tin worry.

I remember vividly.

I went to a police station in Hayes.

They turned us away.

We don't deal with disappeared women overseas.

I went to a police station in my hometown of Coventry.

We don't deal with such cases.

Even when you told them you thought she might look this was the situation in her marriage.

I'm strongly concerned she may have been murdered.

She is a UK citizen.

What did the Foreign Office do?

Tragically?

In Surgei's case, we had zero support full of Foreign Office.

And yet when we compare it to cases like Lucy Blackman in Japan, Kirsty Jones in Thailand, Ian Stillman in India, and Peter Bleach in India, and indeed now with Madeline McCann in portug we see this volume of support and at a very senior prime ministerial level we see the British government making representations to overseas governments.

When we requested that kind of support, we were fudged, We received provarications, we received no responses, and we were left on our own to persist with our own inquiries and push and prod the police in India, push and prod the police in London, the Metropolitan Police.

It's only thanks to God and thanks to good minds within the Metropolitan Police that the case has reached this far.

But the case was left to die its own death for many, many years along the way, and we were fighting against a wall of obstruction, disinterest, don't care, don't want to know, double standards, and plaining discrimination.

The British detective that led the investigation, Clive Driscoll, has said quote, I have absolutely no doubt that I have evidence and information contained within mindstigation which would be of assistance to the Indian authorities.

Despite the legal system in the UK finding two people guilty of orchestrating the murder, the police in Punjab have to this day refused to start a new investigation.

Batschan, who is eighty five years old as of this recording, is said to be in poor health in prison and was recently granted freedom by the Parole Board in the summer of twenty twenty two.

Justice Secretary Dominic rob challenged that decision, stating that Butchon still poses a risk to society and that she had recently slapped her daughter during visitation and assaulted a member of the prison staff and other inmates.

No date has been set yet for her release.

Cherry Tree was planted in Sergei's memory in twenty twenty one.

Her brother and strongest advocate, Jagdish, died in twenty twenty two.

The men that murdered Sir GeTe have never been charged, her body has never been found.

If you are someone you know is a victim of honor based abuse, you are not alone.

Check the show notes for resources.

Thank you for listening to Method and Madness.

This is an independent podcast.

If you'd like to show your support, please leave a five star rating on Spotify or a five star review on Apple podcast.

It makes the show more visible for new listeners.

I'm on Twitter at method Pod and on Instagram at Method and Madness Pod.

There's a Method of Madness page on Facebook as well.

To chat or discuss the episode.

Reach out to me at Method a Madness Pod at gmail dot com.

I'd love to hear from you.

Method and Madness is research, written and hosted by me.

It is edited by Mowenspo.

For crisis support, text hello to seven four to one seven four one bao