[SPEAKER_02]: If you're listening to the intentional parents podcast, brought to you by Intentional.

[SPEAKER_02]: Intentional is all about spiritual formation in the family.

[SPEAKER_02]: We desire to bring biblical hope and practical hope.

[SPEAKER_02]: Enjoy this week's conversation.

[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome back to the intentional parents podcast today, a live recording from Mother Hood Retreat 2025.

[SPEAKER_02]: Elizabeth, we had a great time, didn't we?

[SPEAKER_00]: We had such a great time.

[SPEAKER_02]: It was amazing to meet so many of you three things that are super important that we want you to know today before you get into this episode, which is a really fun one.

[SPEAKER_02]: Lots of laughter, lots of tears actually wouldn't you agree?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: A lot of tears.

[SPEAKER_02]: And so three things.

[SPEAKER_02]: First, we announced at this event our next Mother Hood Retreat and guess what?

[SPEAKER_00]: for inkland Tennessee.

[SPEAKER_02]: and it is able 23rd through 25th in Franklin, Tennessee.

[SPEAKER_02]: Our East Coast sisters, we are coming out to you in the spring we cannot wait to be with you in Franklin.

[SPEAKER_02]: So tickets are live on sale right now.

[SPEAKER_02]: You can click the link in the show notes.

[SPEAKER_02]: You can check that out Instagram anywhere.

[SPEAKER_02]: Just check it out, you get tickets, they're live right now.

[SPEAKER_02]: And also early bird pricing before the end of the year.

[SPEAKER_02]: So you can check that out.

[SPEAKER_00]: And this time we've got a couple of guests coming.

[SPEAKER_00]: Megan Fate Marshman will be there.

[SPEAKER_00]: Our friend Greta Eskridge will be there.

[SPEAKER_00]: We haven't announced that anywhere.

[SPEAKER_02]: This is the first credit for the first year.

[SPEAKER_02]: I hope she comes because we just told everyone she's going.

[SPEAKER_00]: I know she's coming.

[SPEAKER_02]: So that's happening.

[SPEAKER_02]: So ladies, mark your calendar on that.

[SPEAKER_02]: Men, intentional fatherhood, Justin and I and a whole slew of dudes are going to be in Costa Mesa, California, Rock Harbor Church, February 19 through 21, getting together to do our own version of the motherhood retreat.

[SPEAKER_02]: The fatherhood retreat and guys, I cannot tell you how excited Justin and I are about this and there's such a crew coming.

[SPEAKER_02]: I can't even believe the caliber of men that have already signed up for this and can't wait to connect with you all there So please men sign up great Christmas gift as well like if you're thinking what would a dad love give him a trip a mom to by the way That's a here.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm giving you a trip for Christmas.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think you would love that if I did that for you [SPEAKER_02]: Lastly, sewing a hidden seed at devotional that I wrote we actually are now officially have released it for sale.

[SPEAKER_02]: So here's a cool detail is online right now.

[SPEAKER_02]: You can go purchase the book and as was mentioned earlier, great Christmas idea.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's the holidays, but that just released this week and we just want to say, please go grab that as a resource.

[SPEAKER_02]: The Mother Hibbertree, it was bonkers.

[SPEAKER_02]: I could not believe [SPEAKER_00]: There was lines.

[SPEAKER_02]: We ran out of books two different times.

[SPEAKER_02]: We ended up selling over 850 copies, which is just absolutely mind boggling overwhelming.

[SPEAKER_02]: And just to say that many ladies or families praying.

[SPEAKER_02]: What an incredible.

[SPEAKER_02]: What an incredible image, you know?

[SPEAKER_02]: And so, anyway, if this is helpful in your prayer journey, get it.

[SPEAKER_02]: If not, just start praying.

[SPEAKER_02]: That is the biggest encouragement.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like, it's not about having this resource.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's more about you just taking the time to really commit to pray.

[SPEAKER_02]: So those three things, motherhood in Franklin Tennessee, fatherhood in Costa Mesa, sewing a hidden seat out now and lastly.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to enjoy this conversation because it's one with myself, Phil, Diana, Elizabeth, and our wonderful, wonderful guest host, Joey Odom, from Reclaim Well, this guy is a legend.

[SPEAKER_02]: He is a legend and so gifted.

[SPEAKER_00]: Your brother, you didn't know you had.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's also completely the physical opposite of me in every way.

[SPEAKER_02]: But we had the best time there, so these are questions that were actually submitted at the event, but I have no doubt they will absolutely overlap with your life and where you're at specifically.

[SPEAKER_02]: And so please enjoy the conversation today at Live at Mother of a Treat 2025.

[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome back to the intentional parents podcast Live from the Mother of a Treat 2025 in Portland, Oregon.

[SPEAKER_02]: Can we please make some noise ladies in the room?

[SPEAKER_02]: Go.

[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, gave me goosebumps.

[SPEAKER_02]: That was like, it was insane.

[SPEAKER_02]: We're here at the mother of a retreat and could not be more excited.

[SPEAKER_02]: We've had a great time.

[SPEAKER_02]: So many sessions with Elizabeth, Phil, Diane, myself, we've had a great time.

[SPEAKER_02]: And last year, we invited Joey out to kind of co-host or rather host this moment.

[SPEAKER_02]: And it was so good.

[SPEAKER_02]: We just got to do this again and do more.

[SPEAKER_02]: And so Joey, Odom, of Reclame Welles here.

[SPEAKER_02]: And we're really thankful.

[SPEAKER_02]: Can we just welcome Joey as our host, stepping host?

[SPEAKER_01]: It's so good to be with these ladies.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is fantastic.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm really excited for this discussion.

[SPEAKER_01]: We have about an hour, and I want to get right into it, and I want to start on a little bit of a serious note.

[SPEAKER_01]: Again, everybody knows how I like to joke around.

[SPEAKER_01]: Let's start on a serious note.

[SPEAKER_01]: Probably the biggest question we had that came in is for Elizabeth and Diane, and it's where did you get those pantsuits?

[SPEAKER_01]: There's been a question.

[SPEAKER_01]: We hear a lot of pantsuit questions.

[SPEAKER_01]: Let's hear ladies.

[SPEAKER_01]: By the way, Brooke, you have kind of a cream number the other day that look nice.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I want to know where you got that one too, but ladies, I want to where do we get the pantsuits?

[SPEAKER_01]: Because there's a lot of drip on stage, you're like this.

[SPEAKER_04]: I got mine at Banana Republic.

[SPEAKER_02]: Look at that.

[SPEAKER_02]: Come on.

[SPEAKER_02]: John Mark would be able to.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is such a funny question because at my birthday with my family this past year, my little brother Matthew, we're doing like birthday, we do birthday affirmations to my family.

[SPEAKER_00]: And he was saying, I just like love how confident you are and like [SPEAKER_00]: One year at the motherhood retreat we were like wearing a power suit, and I just started laughing at him and looked at him and said, I wear the suit because I am so not confident in front of all of these women, so I did it again.

[SPEAKER_00]: I got another suit, mine was from Maurizia.

[SPEAKER_01]: By the way, of course, the Comer family does birthday affirmations.

[SPEAKER_01]: Am I right?

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it's just like the most obvious thing in the world.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yep, Comer is primarily just morning affirmations and night affirmations.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's really true.

[SPEAKER_02]: We have like scheduled meetings and afternoons, you're riding the affirmation for the Japanese.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I like that.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's very real.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, now by the way, just to die, I think the sneaky fashion used to hear, by the way, it's Phil.

[SPEAKER_01]: Phil, you got, I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, he's got to, brook as the leather jacket, but you are always in style, man.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like you're always looking good.

[SPEAKER_01]: You got denim on denim right now.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's standing on your own.

[SPEAKER_03]: You're in the middle of your time now.

[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that's good.

[SPEAKER_03]: It feels a love of my daughters out here.

[SPEAKER_03]: Look at that.

[SPEAKER_03]: You didn't know I want to see me in a pantsuit.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now that's all I want, I will say, for those of you listening home, if Phil gave a talk the other night on his love for his daughters and the father's love for us, and my biggest regret in life now is that I'm not one of Phil's daughters.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was just what a beautiful thing to be.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, fellas, now Brooke, I'm going to direct us one over to you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Another big question from the weekend is, where do you get those fire meat sticks?

[SPEAKER_01]: Like the meat sticks?

[SPEAKER_01]: Like that's a big question, like people love them.

[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't know there was like a group of people wondering the origin of the meat sticks that are at these events.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's only one kind and what's really funny is because they take them out of packaging because our team is great.

[SPEAKER_02]: Can we thank the intentional team for all the pages that we're going to ask?

[SPEAKER_02]: What a pretty, our whole team, Abby Christina, leading that up.

[SPEAKER_02]: I asked this because I got stopped in the lobby.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like, can you please tell us where the music sticks are from?

[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, you are, we got a talk, like, you can't talk to a random person you never met and ask this question.

[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know, any context of what you're talking about.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, oh, I'll text somebody.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I did, and they are from Costco.

[SPEAKER_02]: Are they, what are they called?

[SPEAKER_02]: Well, Varian?

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, those ones, they're blue and white packaging, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: You know, we'll hopefully get a photo and throw it up later.

[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, you can have a reference point, but you can know with Costco, you're gonna get a great deal.

[SPEAKER_01]: So this was the sneakiest product placement.

[SPEAKER_01]: They just became a sponsorized.

[SPEAKER_02]: I can tell what happened.

[SPEAKER_02]: Especially because it's going to be on the podcast, please if you work for them.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that would be very helpful.

[SPEAKER_02]: The people my people are trying to answer are next event.

[SPEAKER_02]: That would be great.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that's a great idea.

[SPEAKER_01]: Anyway.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so I do want to go.

[SPEAKER_01]: I do want to start off this idea.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to start with the ladies.

[SPEAKER_01]: And there's this idea of self-care that a lot of people are talking about.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I want to I'm curious the generational differences on self-care.

[SPEAKER_01]: So there's a, I think this is a definitely a buzzword that we hear a lot and it's so important.

[SPEAKER_01]: But that word, I think probably has a certain meaning to a mom right now, maybe in our 30s and 40s, 20s, but it may have a little bit of a different meaning.

[SPEAKER_01]: Can you tell me, and just for ladies, we talk a little bit about self-care, and maybe what it means to you and how that made different generationally?

[SPEAKER_04]: I don't know what a list of it to go first.

[SPEAKER_04]: I hadn't even thought about it being a difference between them.

[SPEAKER_01]: But this gives us a big dumb guy asking questions.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, in my observation and mom, you can speak to this with more authority.

[SPEAKER_00]: It seems like in my mom's generation, self-care was really looked down on.

[SPEAKER_00]: And there was a lot of emphasis on women being servants, [SPEAKER_00]: previous retreats, and women were heavily praised for sacrificing every part of themselves for their families.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now, is that a bad thing for us to sacrifice and to serve and become a servant of our family?

[SPEAKER_00]: No, that's a beautiful thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: But just like we do so often, we tend to overdo certain things in one generation, and then we swing the pendulum all the way the other direction, and really we just overdo it in the other direction.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I think what we saw a lot of in my mom's generation was an overdoing of sacrificing yourself to the point that really became unhealthy.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think most of us in the room would say, it really didn't work.

[SPEAKER_00]: because it ended up leaving those moms when their kids all left the house.

[SPEAKER_00]: They were so depleted.

[SPEAKER_00]: They had no idea who they were.

[SPEAKER_00]: They had no idea what the next phase of life was supposed to look like.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so accidentally, a lot of them put a lot of pressure on their adult children to fulfill all of those things that they were kind of told were going to fulfill.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then you see now my generation, we've taken it to a whole other level where we've elevated self-care almost as a god in our life, of like, we make a lot of excuses, I'm just taking care of myself, which can lead to a lot of selfishness.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think a way to flip it that has been helpful to me is, I don't even know that we should use the word self-care because really I think we need to be focused on the sole care.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like if our souls are not okay, we are not going to be effectively loving our kids and loving our husband.

[SPEAKER_00]: So we need to rid them in our lives where we can kind of come up for air like what Joe Mark was talking about yesterday what was ended up kind of being a theme of the morning.

[SPEAKER_00]: of taking time to be able to notice and to understand what I'm feeling.

[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I just need a nap.

[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I just need to be by myself for a little bit.

[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I need to be with friends.

[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I need to have fun.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like all of that, yes, we could view as self-care, but really I think it's that sole care so that we can actually pour ourselves out completely, but we're not pouring ourselves out and burning ourselves out.

[SPEAKER_00]: If that makes sense.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think there was also a lot of times that it still used among moms like you can't pour from an empty cup.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I like that, that sounds really good, but it actually puts a little bit of pressure of like, oh, my cup has to be full all the time, because I can't put from an empty cup, and all of this has to be out of like the overflow that God's pouring into me all the time.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like that's beautiful, but we do have an empty cup a lot of the time.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's where we need to learn to really live so dependent on the spirit that he can invade, [SPEAKER_00]: that empty cup, all of our limitations, and he can be strong where we feel super weak and depleted.

[SPEAKER_00]: So, I think it's that balance of being okay with that feeling of depletion and weakness and relying on God's power, but also having rhythms in our lives that feel like it feels fills us back up and my tend to wrestle.

[SPEAKER_04]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_04]: That's it.

[SPEAKER_04]: That's it.

[SPEAKER_04]: That's good.

[SPEAKER_04]: Beautiful.

[SPEAKER_04]: End up, answer.

[SPEAKER_04]: The first thing that came to my mind is that my idea of self-care is to take a long, hot bubble bath.

[SPEAKER_04]: And your idea of self-care is to go take a cold plan.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_04]: Absolutely.

[SPEAKER_04]: Generally, you should know.

[SPEAKER_04]: Absolutely.

[SPEAKER_04]: I don't to never have a cold care.

[SPEAKER_02]: I really want her to go to the, so we have this spot in Ben where you saw an outside then you get into the river.

[SPEAKER_02]: I just bought 10 sessions of this.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm, I'm, demonic.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's really.

[SPEAKER_02]: My favorite thing was like last year at this time.

[SPEAKER_02]: They were like breaking the ice open So I could get in and I was like this is everything I'm sorry, you're like what's happening now?

[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, we're gonna share separate but we're gonna take separate beds at a hotel We can never go to signing to you.

[SPEAKER_02]: I just want to connect you anyway [SPEAKER_01]: I just would love to see Diane and that's the situation.

[SPEAKER_01]: Diane, I'm with you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I co-plunge, no thank you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I will ask, how do you, ladies, how can you bring your husbands along on them understanding that you need some soul care?

[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?

[SPEAKER_01]: I think maybe it's hard for the husbands to understand.

[SPEAKER_01]: So how can you maybe bring them along in the journey?

[SPEAKER_01]: Or how have you done that?

[SPEAKER_01]: Where they understand this is important to you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Again, back to the full cup and empty cup.

[SPEAKER_01]: So how can you bring your husbands along in the journey?

[SPEAKER_04]: Well, first of all, I think it took several years into our marriage from the discovery that felt cannot read my mind.

[SPEAKER_04]: And we have been raised, even my generation, but even more your generation, with the high value of being independent self-sufficient.

[SPEAKER_04]: go for it, you go girl, boss women.

[SPEAKER_04]: And our husbands are wired up so differently than us.

[SPEAKER_04]: They are instinctively how they got given desire to protect us and to take care of us.

[SPEAKER_04]: And if we don't ask them, then they think, we're just being the boss woman.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I don't know about you, but that's, I don't think that's really instinctively [SPEAKER_04]: We are warriors.

[SPEAKER_04]: a couple years ago, I spoke on the meaning of the word, easer, so important, so revolutionary in my life.

[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, not the little wifey.

[SPEAKER_04]: We are these incredible warrior kind of women who have our families back.

[SPEAKER_04]: But at the same time, we're also really vulnerable and sensitive and we carry a lot.

[SPEAKER_04]: If we don't tell our husbands, if we don't ask them, if we don't say these words that we've been that have been almost blanked [SPEAKER_04]: I need, I really need.

[SPEAKER_04]: And then most of us must need to hear it about it doesn't eyes before they hear it to us.

[SPEAKER_04]: Let's say I'm the fan.

[SPEAKER_04]: Speaking as a heart of hearing woman, I think every man is born, a heart of hearing.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so sorry.

[SPEAKER_01]: You mean you like the best hearing man in the world?

[SPEAKER_01]: Did you know that?

[SPEAKER_01]: Even though you say you're heart of hearing, you're like the best hearing man.

[SPEAKER_02]: Well, you know, it's something though that was really helpful, and honestly, this has been like pretty revolutionary for us as far as, like, how to get your heads been long.

[SPEAKER_02]: And this from a place of weakness, but just in early, who we do the fatherhood stuff way.

[SPEAKER_01]: Just in Whitmiller?

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, just in Whitmiller, please let's take him in this and make him feel uncomfortable and it's not here.

[SPEAKER_02]: Anyway, he had said something, well, we were at his house and his wife said something really funny.

[SPEAKER_02]: She said, I'm going to put it on the list because there's no way in the world that you'll remember if I tell this to you.

[SPEAKER_02]: And she has four boys, Justin and four boys, so five dudes in the house.

[SPEAKER_02]: And she said, as a mom with five males in my home, I do not say much.

[SPEAKER_02]: I put everything on a list that they can go check.

[SPEAKER_02]: That sounds really silly, but I am just going to tell you.

[SPEAKER_02]: If she wants stuff done, she sends me a shared note where I can just click the thing, like, yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: And if she tells me, like, this always happens.

[SPEAKER_02]: She's getting in the ready in the morning.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm getting ready to go out to it.

[SPEAKER_02]: She's like, can I just tell you a couple things that I need for the day and I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm not going to retain it in you this.

[SPEAKER_02]: And it's like a test that I didn't study for.

[SPEAKER_02]: And at the end of the day, I'm like, did you do the five things?

[SPEAKER_02]: I got to be honest.

[SPEAKER_02]: I forgot the moment you told me.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you guys.

[SPEAKER_02]: My head was not there, and then I'm like, can we try a different way?

[SPEAKER_02]: And she's just kind of like, no, we're going to do it this way for a bit.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, so anyway, we found the list is very helpful.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I'd say, also use that.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like I don't think it's always even about sometimes we hold the metric of our husbands, at least in that sense, right where I don't have a husband by the way.

[SPEAKER_02]: But as a husband, what I'd like to highlight is that, you know, if we set it, that means it's concrete, that means you're going to remember it.

[SPEAKER_02]: That means you should be able to remember it and put it in a file.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that when we say things like a list, it's just like, how do we serve the other person in a way that's going to help them?

[SPEAKER_01]: So, that is just something that's really practical, but been super, super helpful for us.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's super practical, it's really important.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think that the a lot of times women, spouses, I'll say mine, maybe specifically is, it feels like almost she's, [SPEAKER_01]: she feels in a way like she's babying me and I know you don't want to do that but it really is that's just a great communication method very very practically.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'll say this also to the ladies from my perspective I fully believe with all my heart that your husband will grow into the man you say he is.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I believe it is really important.

[SPEAKER_01]: I will tell you, for me, I will, the affirmations are so important, the encouragement.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you're saying, when you, like you hear point Diane, when you're saying that, like, bring them along on what's important to you and saying, I felt so loved when you let me have that one and I learned myself.

[SPEAKER_01]: Gosh, I just felt like you were taking care of me.

[SPEAKER_01]: And a man wants to feel like he's taking care of you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he wants to feel like he's doing a very good job.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I will tell you, I'll just say it again.

[SPEAKER_01]: Your husband will grow into the man that you say he is.

[SPEAKER_01]: So you care of all those words.

[SPEAKER_01]: Good work.

[SPEAKER_01]: I feel you've said, and you've sent this room all weekend.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's been a really honestly, like, a very moving weekend.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we have all these wonderful women, 800 women here, and they have husbands at home who have not experienced this.

[SPEAKER_01]: What would you like their husbands to know as they go back home?

[SPEAKER_01]: If you were to communicate, if you were to be able to sit down with these husbands and say, hey, I want you to know something.

[SPEAKER_01]: What would you like for their husbands to know about what their wives experienced?

[SPEAKER_03]: I'd like to talk to them husbands.

[SPEAKER_03]: Say, if I answer this question, are you, they're going to go home and tell their husband.

[SPEAKER_02]: They're going to say, listen, or fill on this podcast.

[SPEAKER_02]: I would just respond to the, yeah, just respond.

[SPEAKER_03]: Give us the good.

[SPEAKER_03]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_03]: What I would want there has been to know is that their wife has been given to them as a gift from God.

[SPEAKER_03]: And after salvation, probably the most precious gift they've ever received.

[SPEAKER_03]: And if children come into the picture, those are also gifts.

[SPEAKER_03]: And what I would say to the husband is you're calling in life once you are married is not just to go conquer the world until your wife to come along with you, but you're actually called to a partner with her, just as Adam and Eve were to partner in the beginning.

[SPEAKER_03]: And you're called to lay down your life.

[SPEAKER_03]: for your wife and that when once you begin to understand that and live it out there's a great joy in the cups because we there you know you've heard it's better to give than to receive Jesus said that it's actually in the book of Acts so that's recorded even our Lord you guys I was looking for it in the gospel one day why he it's in the book of Acts [SPEAKER_03]: Our Lord Jesus said, it's more blessed to give them to receive.

[SPEAKER_03]: So when a husband learns to lay down his life for his wife, he's actually filled with joy.

[SPEAKER_03]: But in Ephesians 5, the husband is the head of the wife.

[SPEAKER_03]: And the husband is the Christ figure.

[SPEAKER_03]: and it has nothing to do with equality.

[SPEAKER_03]: God is not partial, men and women are equal, we're loved equally, but the man is to show the world what Christ, the bridegroom is like by laying down his life for his wife.

[SPEAKER_03]: Literally says that, as Christ gave himself for the church, so the husband is to lay down his life for his wife.

[SPEAKER_03]: And then the wife is the church figure as she honors her husband.

[SPEAKER_03]: And so I've always said it's a lot easier for a wife to give respect to her husband when he's laying down his life for her.

[SPEAKER_03]: So, that's, you know, I just pray that your husbands, it's going to take a long time for them to learn that and Honestly, I think I'm learning it in my 60s and 70s and I was not good at it And because also [SPEAKER_03]: husband wants his wife to be his best friend and that's actually in the scriptures also that older women and teach younger women to love their husbands and other children.

[SPEAKER_03]: The love there is not a gothic love.

[SPEAKER_03]: It's filial love to be friendly towards their husbands.

[SPEAKER_03]: So a husband like I'm there and we're just gonna hang out and so you so that's where when you say when you your husband will become you tell them when your wife is just like I like you.

[SPEAKER_03]: It really makes it easier for him to, oh, she liked me.

[SPEAKER_03]: I want to turn around and give my life for you, self-immigrant.

[SPEAKER_03]: I just think the picture is, it goes both ways.

[SPEAKER_00]: Transaction on that, I'm not sure.

[SPEAKER_03]: It goes both ways, but I'm just looking around here and I'm thinking a bunch of your pricing, my husband is not doing this, so I'm, when we leave here, I'm going to pray that you see some miracles happen.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that's good.

[SPEAKER_01]: By the way, we're very basic creatures.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like you said, we always are wives like us.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, we're just like, that's all we, you know, you like me?

[SPEAKER_01]: Do you like them, my wife?

[SPEAKER_02]: I do.

[SPEAKER_02]: I know, we, we have tension about this, but the point, I would say, yeah, I couldn't even agree more that when you, [SPEAKER_02]: the motivation that comes from a few spoken words in the direction because at the end of the day your husband like married you because he loves you and he actually wanted to connect with you now life is hard things start to happening distance can come all that but one of the most motivating things I know for me is when you just say I just like being around you I'm like oh my gosh so I need it and this is like there's two beds why do I say good what you say the other [SPEAKER_02]: time to rebuild, you know, so on the way home, we're going to be rebuilding stuff.

[SPEAKER_02]: You know, all right, so I would add that to that information on the way home.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.

[SPEAKER_02]: Stop, it's not that bad.

[SPEAKER_01]: I have a question about laying down your life.

[SPEAKER_01]: The fill I was going to ask this to you, but I actually think it's a more appropriate question for the ladies, is what does it, when to broke and fill?

[SPEAKER_01]: How do they lay down their lives practically in a way that's meaningful to you?

[SPEAKER_01]: Because I have some ideas on how I can do that for Kristen, for my wife, and it may not be meaningful to her.

[SPEAKER_01]: So what does it actually mean?

[SPEAKER_01]: We say we use this term laid down your life, make it really basic for us.

[SPEAKER_01]: What are some ways that your husband's do that in a way that's meaningful to you?

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, the first thing that comes to my mind is I don't know when you started doing this.

[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like it's been in the last year or two, maybe.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what you're doing, is that it's good, it's good.

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I'm fine, I'm just crazy myself.

[SPEAKER_00]: Is that you will often in the morning say, how can I help you today?

[SPEAKER_00]: Is there anything I can take off if you're plate today?

[SPEAKER_00]: And how can I, is there anything I can do to help our family?

[SPEAKER_00]: And when he says that...

And when he talks to me?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'll put it in the shared note.

[SPEAKER_00]: But when he says that, obviously, I feel loved.

[SPEAKER_00]: I feel supported.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I feel like, you know, so often, as moms and as women, [SPEAKER_00]: We all know we are carrying so much in our minds, in our bodies, like we are thinking of the whole family all the time.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that's true if you are a state-owned mom, if you work full-time outside of the home, if you work part-time, like even statistically, moms carry that load, no matter what their role is.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so when he says that, I feel like he is joining me on our family's mission.

[SPEAKER_00]: He's helping me practically, but I feel like he is joining me in that mindset, because I think women may be more naturally have that mindset of like, yeah, I'm going to lay down my life for my family, and we do that in so many different ways, and men absolutely have that, but they also have, [SPEAKER_00]: this drive to conquer and to conquer the world and to be really good at what they do.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now women have that as well, but I think men oftentimes, their mind is more quickly going to that.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so when he says things like that, I feel like, okay, we're on a shared mission for our family together.

[SPEAKER_00]: If that makes sense, so to me, it's little things like that that are laying down in your life.

[SPEAKER_00]: And back to us telling our husbands, that is such an easy, if it's said the right way, you can say often to your husband, like, hey, I want us to be a team in laying our life down for our family and serving our family.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's going to look different how he does it is going to look different than how you do it.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that's really important.

[SPEAKER_00]: Actually, the practicality of how that is lived out is not actually all that important.

[SPEAKER_00]: What's important is that you have the shared vision that that is important in your home.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that can be a conversation that I think is oftentimes led by the wife.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think often we're waiting for our husbands to have that conversation, but I think we as women can start the conversation and say, hey, like [SPEAKER_00]: We've got one shot at these kids who are living in our home right now.

[SPEAKER_00]: We've got a limited amount of time where they're all going to be here.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I want to go all in.

[SPEAKER_00]: Are you with me?

[SPEAKER_00]: And most husbands will say, yeah, but they're not necessarily thinking that way.

[SPEAKER_01]: One thing I love about this and Diana, I want your answer to this.

[SPEAKER_01]: One thing I loved about your answer was the question that he asks in the morning is pretty basic.

[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not [SPEAKER_01]: The key there is the fact that he's doing it consistently.

[SPEAKER_01]: So if I were to talk to the fellas, I would say guys, it doesn't matter how big it is.

[SPEAKER_01]: We like to do grandiose things, but instead of doing one big grandiose thing, why don't you do something small consistently?

[SPEAKER_01]: So if I were to talk to the guys, like guys, listen to this lady send this to your husbands, do the small things every single day.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's the thing that's made the impression is that he does it all the time, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: But I have to mean it and sometimes I don't.

[SPEAKER_02]: So that's an important deal.

[SPEAKER_02]: I follow through on it, yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, well, I mean, like, oh, yeah, you can do these things.

[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, I was not prepared for you to give me that much.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I want to help, but like, this is a little bit like the owner saying I have other things going on.

[SPEAKER_02]: So just FYI, if you jump into this space, just know what you're in for.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's all I'm saying.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I don't know about you.

[SPEAKER_01]: What are ways that Phil very many laying down your life?

[SPEAKER_01]: This whole concept.

[SPEAKER_01]: What are ways that he has done that well and a way that's been meaningful to you?

[SPEAKER_04]: OK, so to be honest, this isn't the message that was being taught in the church when we got there.

[SPEAKER_04]: By any means, it was husband's lead.

[SPEAKER_04]: Husbands provide.

[SPEAKER_04]: That was wonderful.

[SPEAKER_04]: Wives, submit, wives, respect.

[SPEAKER_04]: And in all honesty, it was an economy where we could be all in most of us didn't have to, you know, we lived on a tight budget.

[SPEAKER_04]: We were, you know, so she was a worship pastor for the first 20 years, I think, of our marriage.

[SPEAKER_04]: But it was pretty common for us to be able to on-home in California, the Bay Area in California to be able to focus totally on the home.

[SPEAKER_04]: So it was a completely different economic era that we're in now.

[SPEAKER_04]: So it was realistic for me to do everything at home.

[SPEAKER_04]: Well, Phil was out conquering the world, like you said, and that was normal, and that's all I knew to be honest, that's how I was raised, that's how my parents did it, and I don't think I had any idea how overwhelmed I was so often, and it wouldn't have entered my mind, sadly.

[SPEAKER_04]: to ask Phil to help me with anything.

[SPEAKER_04]: It was just what we were supposed to do.

[SPEAKER_04]: So there is that.

[SPEAKER_04]: This is a completely different era.

[SPEAKER_04]: And what has happened in our home is that Phil has risen to, before I did even, to the challenge of, [SPEAKER_04]: the here and the now, without me even having to ask him or suggest to him that I needed a little bit more help.

[SPEAKER_04]: He has just made that a part of his regular routine.

[SPEAKER_04]: One morning, you know, I didn't we'd done always done absolutely everything.

[SPEAKER_04]: So I've been in the resume, having my devotions and Phil got up and started emptying the dishwasher without me even.

[SPEAKER_04]: I don't know how this was on my mind ladies, so you don't filter this but I just kind of sat across through him Well, that is so sexy Let's give the good days [SPEAKER_02]: I feel I'd be motivated in the same direction.

[SPEAKER_02]: And if you ladies you knew the power that you had with that phrase, whatever is your biggest pain point, just wow.

[SPEAKER_03]: I don't feel you say one time, if you want to have beautiful anything with your wife take out the garbage.

[SPEAKER_03]: I think there's something there.

[SPEAKER_03]: Are you want to say more?

[SPEAKER_03]: No.

[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_03]: That's it.

[SPEAKER_03]: So I want to say one thing.

[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know if he's still over here because he had to leave, but there's one of my best friends here, Steve.

[SPEAKER_03]: Steve Marshman, who helped plant this church.

[SPEAKER_03]: And the amazing was F-16 pilot.

[SPEAKER_03]: It got an MBA and he and his wife taught here.

[SPEAKER_03]: And he's 10 years younger than me.

[SPEAKER_03]: But a year ago yesterday, he [SPEAKER_03]: His wife went to be with Jesus.

[SPEAKER_03]: So he's here.

[SPEAKER_03]: He's a widow or but for seven years He laid down his life.

[SPEAKER_03]: All he did was take her to cancer treatment after cancer treatment and He getting to getting emotional here.

[SPEAKER_03]: He actually without saying anything to me was modeling for me for These last seven years.

[SPEAKER_03]: Wow.

[SPEAKER_03]: What it looks like?

[SPEAKER_03]: So we're talking about the little things, you know, giving our life a break or giving our mom a big.

[SPEAKER_03]: That's great, but there could be something much more difficult to hit.

[SPEAKER_03]: And so to be able to understand this as early as possible as husbands, this is a blessing and a calling.

[SPEAKER_03]: And yesterday he went to the grave, you know, it was raining, you know, it was a bench out there, but, you know, he just realized, you know, she's not here, you know, she's with Jesus, but, but it's like he lost her yesterday.

[SPEAKER_03]: So anyway, I just, that's the beauty of marriage and laying down your life for someone.

[SPEAKER_03]: So he's an example for all of us.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's beautiful.

[SPEAKER_01]: Breckham and then the original question here that I asked Bill, I want to ask you the same one.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you were to have a talk, then again, this has been an emotionally charged weekend.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's been meaningful, got's been moving in all of our hearts.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we have a bunch of husbands who are at home who haven't experienced it.

[SPEAKER_01]: What do you want the husbands of the women here today?

[SPEAKER_01]: What would you want them to know about this weekend as they go back home?

[SPEAKER_02]: I think one of the things that comes to mind [SPEAKER_02]: being open to the fact that, especially if you had the kids, gentlemen, your wife had an experience, an encounter, met with the spirit, probably has a lot going on that you haven't even got to experience.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I say the first thing is take a moment of time and ladies, I would definitely encourage you to do this, take a moment of time to like debrief what happened here, debrief what the spirit spoke, [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, although it's hard like going a date or just make some space and even it doesn't have to be right when you get back, just say, hey, I want to share with you, you know, what's been happening.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I'd say the first thing is make space to listen to what actually happened, because I think there's a lot that God's doing in each of our lives individually and you don't want to let that go too far with like, where you know, you don't want that distance to, to grow too much.

[SPEAKER_02]: So it'll be the first thing and then I want them to know that [SPEAKER_02]: When your wife encourages you or gives you a nudge in the direction of Godliness, she's not doing that because she thinks you're doing something terrible.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's because she's trying to call you up and she doesn't always know how to do it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, that's for that one.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: She's trying to criticize you.

[SPEAKER_02]: She's trying to call you up, but she doesn't always know how to do it.

[SPEAKER_02]: And so, I think having since a television for the mess, Elizabeth calls me up, and sometimes it's not always the most motivating.

[SPEAKER_02]: And we chat about that, like, that's the most demotivating way to get me to see what you're trying to say.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think I know what you're saying, but how you're saying is a real barrier to me wanting to do.

[SPEAKER_02]: So, and then, and then she's often saying, this is how you say.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's not what you said.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, I just told you this, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: Anyway, so I think your wives really do gentlemen.

[SPEAKER_02]: They really do see what we can't see.

[SPEAKER_02]: And honestly, where the gifts of marriages that your wife can call you up to who you can't see yourself to be.

[SPEAKER_02]: And ladies, if I could just encourage you, the more gentle, the more honest, the more sincere, the more patient.

[SPEAKER_02]: The more kind and kind as a huge word, the more kind you can do that, the more you will respond.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I know, after you've said something 18 times to a toddler and do a husband and I don't mean to put them in the same camp.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's very irritating, you're like, you should know this.

[SPEAKER_02]: But honestly, he's just like, we've talked about, we are not wired the same.

[SPEAKER_02]: And oftentimes, we forget that and we go, you should know I would have known by now, of course you would.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's fine.

[SPEAKER_02]: But he's wired very differently.

[SPEAKER_02]: And so I'd say, be patient with the process and call him up in a way that is compelling and winsome.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's really good.

[SPEAKER_01]: Elizabeth, you're going to say someone that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, I think this is the calling up.

[SPEAKER_00]: I do probably too much.

[SPEAKER_00]: The words and the timing and the way I say it, it's not a strength for me of doing that with graciousness, with kindness.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I mean it from a place of love, but it very often does not feel like love to him.

[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes it's because I wait too long.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because when I'm having the conversation, and when I'm bringing something to him, I'm not just bringing him something I noticed, I'm bringing something I'm really frustrated about.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so, learn from my failure in that, that speak up sooner, and be really thoughtful with your timing, with your tone, and it goes so much better if I acknowledge his heart, and if I acknowledge all of the good things I'm saying first.

[SPEAKER_00]: It feels a lot less like, hey, I'm just going to give you a list of everything you're doing that you need to be improving, which is often my go-to, and I've hurt you deeply in that way, because I do it, I do that far too often, and I encourage not often enough, and so I think, especially if we want our husbands to be able to hear the things that we really, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is our, it is [SPEAKER_00]: I was the word I'm looking for here.

[SPEAKER_00]: In all of this stuff, the last couple years that mom unpacked of our being and the easer.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like it is our responsibility in a lot of ways to play that role in our husband's life.

[SPEAKER_00]: But if we want to effectively play that role, we need to learn really good communication strategies.

[SPEAKER_00]: And we need to make sure that we have a really good balance of encouraging them, of calling out who they already are and who we see them to be.

[SPEAKER_00]: so that they can actually have ears to hear us.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's the same with our kids, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: If we are constantly telling our teenagers what they're doing wrong, they're really gonna tune us out.

[SPEAKER_00]: They might tune you out anyway, even if you're encouraging them, but especially if you're not encouraging them and telling them all the beautiful things that you do see in them, they're gonna hear you a lot better.

[SPEAKER_00]: when in a with a loving town with an encouraging tone you say hey there's also just one area that I've noticed that hey I think if you try it this way it might go a little bit better and I think especially if you're coaching your husband on parenting your kids which we do a lot as moms that tone very quickly use small amount of words they don't need us to go on and on and on and on and on you can say it really really briefly like hey you're doing a great job [SPEAKER_00]: with whatever kid you name the kid.

[SPEAKER_00]: Here's something I think might help.

[SPEAKER_00]: You just like get through a little better and then leave it at that.

[SPEAKER_02]: I often say to you, please, just less words.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, just less words.

[SPEAKER_02]: Just say, say, clear less words, you got it.

[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_04]: Don't need the backstory, just need the...

Could I just remind all of us women just really briefly that all of our husbands no matter how well they were brought up and how well they were bound because of our culture, [SPEAKER_04]: filtering our words through a narrative of shame.

[SPEAKER_04]: It's just pervasive.

[SPEAKER_04]: And if we look at our innocence, we know that the most oblivious husband it's there.

[SPEAKER_04]: And if we know that, we're just going to talk differently that they're already shaming themselves because they're being shamed constantly.

[SPEAKER_04]: Every advertisement is aimed at, or illustrate, these perfect men with sculpted bodies and they're just dark.

[SPEAKER_04]: Realistically, the things, the expectations for men, just like the expectations for women are impossible.

[SPEAKER_04]: And if we know that, I feel like that just softens our approach.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's so good.

[SPEAKER_01]: By the way, we've been talking in this one side.

[SPEAKER_01]: We get 800 women in the room, fellas listening, our wives love it when we say specific things about them that we live.

[SPEAKER_01]: Right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Is that right?

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not just men who have words of affirmation.

[SPEAKER_01]: So when you see something in your wife that you love, you meant, you say that to them just in Whitmell early.

[SPEAKER_01]: Talks about encouragement.

[SPEAKER_01]: Encouragement is seeing something good in someone else that they should keep doing.

[SPEAKER_01]: So we talked about this concept.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's beautiful.

[SPEAKER_01]: Rebuke encouragement.

[SPEAKER_01]: Rebuke is seeing a danger ahead for somebody else and pointing it out.

[SPEAKER_01]: A danger they might not be able to see.

[SPEAKER_01]: Encouragement is seeing something good that someone else is doing that they should keep doing.

[SPEAKER_01]: So guys, if you like, when your wife does something, say it to her.

[SPEAKER_01]: She loves that.

[SPEAKER_01]: She wants to hear that because they want so badly, both of us, that we want to love the other person well.

[SPEAKER_01]: We want to know and we're loving that other person well.

[SPEAKER_01]: A lot of love, my friend Chris Hart says this, he said, we were talking to Friday.

[SPEAKER_01]: He goes, hey, with Kristen, he goes, look for the best in Kristen this weekend.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because something happens when you look for the best in somebody is you only see good.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's impossible to see bad because you're only looking for the best.

[SPEAKER_01]: So again, we're talking about like coaching guys on how to be, you know, on women, how to love their husbands, a whole lot of guys.

[SPEAKER_01]: It goes the exact same way.

[SPEAKER_01]: Otherwise, one year at the same thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to say something.

[SPEAKER_02]: No, I just said yes, sir, I agree.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, thank you.

[SPEAKER_01]: See, that's about fitness encouragement.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I think I should keep doing that.

[SPEAKER_02]: I know your love language, I guess.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's right.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to go, this actually is a serious turn, but there we got questions from the audience on things for this weekend.

[SPEAKER_01]: One question that came in was, was a question about, are there any ladies here of a grandma's who have experienced the loss of a child?

[SPEAKER_01]: This one they asked, particularly about a child over two years old, they lost their, they lost their five year old, June 21st this year.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you'd harvest this brain, yeah, just even really can be really read it.

[SPEAKER_01]: So what about for the women or the grandmothers who have lost the child?

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I mean, that has not been our story, we're slow to speak to things that we haven't experienced personally, but we have a lot of people in our circle that have Abby wherever she's up.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to cry if I say it.

[SPEAKER_02]: She lost her little girl, eight.

[SPEAKER_02]: That was it.

[SPEAKER_02]: Anyway, she's on the podcast.

[SPEAKER_02]: You should listen to her episode very helpful.

[SPEAKER_02]: Abby and Tonne out in a very situation.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: But I would say of just what we'll do is we'll have a little moment.

[SPEAKER_02]: If that's your experience in the room, I think what would be really helpful is just to meet us over here, we'll introduce you to Abby, and have someone that can actually speak to that, because I think we could say a lot of things, and some may be helpful, but I don't want to waste words on that, because that's a real sensitive one, so yeah, connect with her.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, let's put the GF somebody out there, look like you did.

[SPEAKER_00]: No, I mean, I love that you mentioned Abby and Abby were putting you on the spot, but Abby is a wealth of not just wisdom, but a woman who is deeply suffered and still deeply loves Jesus.

[SPEAKER_00]: And we talked, John Mark touched on this a little bit yesterday, but [SPEAKER_00]: suffering like that specifically.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, a loss like that that will never make sense.

[SPEAKER_00]: It is so hard even hurtful at times when we hear in Christian language of like to look for the good and God can make that good.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing good about a loss like that.

[SPEAKER_00]: God does not think that there's anything good about a loss like that.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I love what John Mark touched on yesterday of suffering has this really unique opportunity that he is not promised.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think it starts with a heart posture of like, I want God to do some good with all this horrible stuff that is not good.

[SPEAKER_00]: But we can't access any of that, we can't access any of the really beautiful things that can do in our family and in our character until we have fully thrown ourselves completely into grief with God.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so, if whoever that is that asked that question had that loss, any of you in the room that have had any sort of loss, and you're sitting in this weekend, and there may be parts that you enjoy, but you also just feel so lonely, you feel so much grief, and like, do I even fit here and does anybody even know any semblance of my story and it's God good and.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's okay to have all of those swirling questions and feelings and love Jesus and want to worship at the same time.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's the mixture that all of us in the room, no matter what kind of loss we all face loss on a daily basis.

[SPEAKER_00]: No matter what type of pain or suffering, we need to get a lot more comfortable with that mixture.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because I think that's actually like right where the Spirit of God is.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's where he is.

[SPEAKER_00]: Actually in heaven, we will only get to experience the full freedom of it, the full joy, with none of the mixture.

[SPEAKER_00]: Um, but I think this side of heaven need to really learn to embrace that mixture.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Let me just say one last thing, um, cool detail about Abby is we have an amazing team that is not on the stage, but we would not be on the stage without our insane team.

[SPEAKER_02]: And Abby actually is our event, our events person.

[SPEAKER_02]: She's the reason all this is actually happening right now.

[SPEAKER_02]: And so it's a beautiful beautiful gift.

[SPEAKER_02]: And so Abby, team, thank you, Christina.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, the whole guy.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you very much.

[UNKNOWN]: So.

[SPEAKER_04]: Thank you so much.

[SPEAKER_04]: One quick, I don't know, encouragement, exhortation.

[SPEAKER_04]: Abby's loss.

[SPEAKER_04]: This woman's life is on all of us as community of women.

[SPEAKER_04]: We must step into their lives and their pain and their discomfort and carry it and shall never be over it.

[SPEAKER_04]: So, you know, I knew her little girl, remember Abby, when she came over, who thinks, giving [SPEAKER_04]: For me to just bring up stories about her and remembering her is on me, on the thread that I'm going to make her think negative thoughts or something she's thinking of every minute of every day.

[SPEAKER_04]: She has doesn't have four children.

[SPEAKER_04]: She has five children.

[SPEAKER_04]: And that is on us and we have become in America.

[SPEAKER_04]: We're so isolated from each other's pain.

[SPEAKER_04]: We want to share all the joys.

[SPEAKER_04]: Congratulations, cards are all over target.

[SPEAKER_04]: But we're afraid to share their sorrows.

[SPEAKER_04]: And they will carry that sorrow for the rest of our life.

[SPEAKER_04]: Grief will never end.

[SPEAKER_04]: Every event, when she would have gotten married, when she would have gone to college, when she would have had children, Abby has to lament and grieve every one of those moments.

[SPEAKER_04]: And we need to so be close enough to her to be able to do it with her.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's good.

[SPEAKER_01]: Phil, will you?

[SPEAKER_01]: You're so good on us.

[SPEAKER_01]: Do you have your Bible on your left?

[SPEAKER_01]: The David, I just think about David and how familiar he was with grief and his prayers in grief.

[SPEAKER_01]: Will you talk us through a little bit about what those prayers can look like in those moments of grief?

[SPEAKER_03]: Well, we've never experienced losing a child.

[SPEAKER_03]: I think that Diane said, well, that's the kind of thing that you will never get over.

[SPEAKER_03]: You know, Jerry Sitcher's book of Grace to Sky's, who's a person who's been in a podcast.

[SPEAKER_03]: So, in a moment, he lost his wife, his mother, and one, and the baby.

[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_03]: And became a single father, and he wrote this book that is called a Grace to Sky's, and God used it in our lives.

[SPEAKER_03]: It's what God caused us to come over to Ben, but that's another story.

[SPEAKER_03]: But he said you'd never get over the mountain like I'm over it now.

[SPEAKER_03]: It's okay And so it hasn't been my lived experience, but I have experienced a deep grief when I lost my mom And a couple other times which I I won't talk about myself, but I had a pastor friend of mine Say to me, well, you were never supposed to lose your mom [SPEAKER_03]: And I said, well, and I thought, no, death was never supposed to be part of this world.

[SPEAKER_03]: And so you're grieving deeply because that was never supposed to happen.

[SPEAKER_03]: So, and the other two groups that I've had, also were things that were never supposed to happen.

[SPEAKER_03]: So I've learned through this that it is a real grief, but it's because of the fall of the world we live in.

[SPEAKER_03]: So we need to remember, you know, to the one who's asked this question, who's lost a child.

[SPEAKER_03]: I can't even imagine what that is like.

[SPEAKER_03]: But I know that the Lord grieves with you.

[SPEAKER_03]: I think I mentioned in my message Thursday night I say a 53 that Jesus is a man of sorrows appointed with grief.

[SPEAKER_03]: In other words, he grieves deeply and he understands grief and so when a child is lost, he's grieving.

[SPEAKER_03]: And that's what the verse in Psalms means, and then I'm going to quote one verse from Psalms.

[SPEAKER_03]: Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his godly ones.

[SPEAKER_03]: As a five-year-old is immediately with the Lord.

[SPEAKER_03]: And so that mom needs to remember it.

[SPEAKER_03]: It was never supposed to happen.

[SPEAKER_03]: It's a temporary separation.

[SPEAKER_03]: God is grieving with me and I can, what David did is he ran into the arms of God and you know, it's all over the Psalms, you know, and he brought his lament and his grief to God.

[SPEAKER_03]: And then if you read those Psalms, Elizabeth pointed this out and went and were teaching it all.

[SPEAKER_03]: He's grieving and lamenting and then always at the end, but praise me to God, you know, he always brought himself to the Lord.

[SPEAKER_03]: And so that's my only thought about this is that this mom will be, they'll be a great reunion with this child and that doesn't take away the grief right now, but it is a reality that needs to be remembered.

[SPEAKER_01]: Phil is such a father and here's this is here's something that's fun might might when I met you You remind of me of my dad whose name is also Phil and then You know that's right, and then we found something even more fun.

[SPEAKER_01]: What was your what was your mom's name?

[SPEAKER_01]: Roof.

[SPEAKER_01]: My dad filled his mom's name was Roof.

[SPEAKER_01]: What's your father's name?

[SPEAKER_01]: What's your father's name?

[SPEAKER_01]: Full well.

[SPEAKER_01]: We called him Bill, but it was Charles William.

[SPEAKER_01]: Charles.

[SPEAKER_01]: My dad's dad is named Charles.

[SPEAKER_01]: How about that?

[SPEAKER_03]: And that just means you're supposed to keep doing stuff with intention.

[SPEAKER_03]: That's exactly right.

[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe I am.

[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe I am.

[SPEAKER_02]: But that doesn't get into that totally, culturally, there's space for this, not good to be out.

[SPEAKER_01]: All right.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't support him to sit with the day.

[SPEAKER_01]: Today, I, I, I, I, I have to fight as Bill's daughter.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well [SPEAKER_01]: All right, let's talk over.

[SPEAKER_01]: We had a bunch of questions on social media.

[SPEAKER_01]: So you all are very active on social media, which you're holding a very, very good tension there.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'd like to hear about this.

[SPEAKER_01]: The question was, how do you have limits and boundaries around social media in a way that maintains your mental health?

[SPEAKER_01]: So this person said they either get sucked in altogether or they deleted all the health together.

[SPEAKER_01]: So this pencil swings back and forth.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I'd love to hear how do you all, how do you hold that tension when it comes to social media?

[SPEAKER_02]: Well, a first of all, who knows what he's talking about, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: Please be honest, but that room no one shows with this over on this side.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, right You're right if you're alive and you have a phone you've done this By the way, just to hold the testimony more closely I'm gonna video this and then post that on ourselves.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, please do so I actually well You're gonna love this then because my answer is actually this is what you do So I'm gonna throw back to you and say that's your job.

[SPEAKER_02]: So Joey I would ask you [SPEAKER_02]: As a person who leads in this area, what would you advise people to do?

[SPEAKER_02]: And I didn't know this guy was coming, so I'm actually really happy.

[SPEAKER_02]: But what would you advise people to do?

[SPEAKER_02]: This is your space, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: And that's what Reclaim Well is all about.

[SPEAKER_02]: So that you told us about it yesterday, but actually I'd love for you.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think you'll have the most wisdom on that.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I think that we want so much on this topic.

[SPEAKER_01]: We want so much to have such a clear answer.

[SPEAKER_01]: And the invitation I would give you is an invitation into the gray waters is to say that this is a complex topic.

[SPEAKER_01]: Our business, which helps people change their relationship with their devices, would be a lot easier if we were to just say phones are bad.

[SPEAKER_01]: social media is bad and it's a much more at least it's more clear.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's a very clear answer when you're saying that So I want to encourage you through this lens.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to encourage you to think through relationships and think through We talk a little bit about yesterday that we have a relationship with phones.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's weird We as adults don't have relationships with objects.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't have a relationship with my lawnmower.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't I don't sneak out for a quick mo when a conversation goes [SPEAKER_02]: So we could you imagine, right, you know, I just did tell her how Still dark.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's just when I started our husband's who would do that though.

[SPEAKER_01]: They just do the start of the engine She's like oh no, so so we don't let's say it's odd [SPEAKER_01]: we have a relationship with an object and if we can look through it through the lens of relationship, the reason why I believe this is important is when we start to see like this okay, this thing is starting to impede on relationships that are important to me.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that relationship could be, if you've noticed things like this, if you notice this impatience in yourself, [SPEAKER_01]: when your kids want your attention, but they distract you from your post.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's impeded in the way of that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Or for yourself and your quiet time, I'm working on a book right now called Digital Thorns, which is all about this idea that our phones represent the thorns that Jesus talks about in the parable of the soar.

[SPEAKER_01]: And one of those thorns says that Jesus says the thorns represent the worries of life, the pleasures of life, the deceitfulness of wealth.

[SPEAKER_01]: worries of life sounds a lot like Twitter feeds and news feeds, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Pleasures of life sounds a lot like Netflix gaming, gambling, even the various things like pornography or other translations say the desires for other things, so just everyday distractions.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's another one.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then the deceitfulness of wealth is where it's fascinating, fascinating, fascinating.

[SPEAKER_01]: The deceitfulness of wealth, Jesus didn't say wealth, He said the deceitfulness of wealth.

[SPEAKER_01]: So let's just imagine you're on a vacation in Tampa, and you have a great time with your family, and then you see somebody else on Instagram on a vacation in Tahiti.

[SPEAKER_01]: All of a sudden, Tampa is not so fun, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: The deceitfulness of wealth, wealth is told to you, if you had that to heady money, your life would be great.

[SPEAKER_01]: So it's starting to, and so what happens is it's starting these thorns threatened to choke out the seed in our lives and make it unfruitful.

[SPEAKER_01]: So as you start to detect that, this takes an immense amount of two things, pretty three things.

[SPEAKER_01]: One of them is self-awareness.

[SPEAKER_01]: One of them, the second one really, the main thing is kind of humility around this.

[SPEAKER_01]: hurt 80 Stanley said once he goes you know the the way that you know that you're drinking too much is if someone's ever said you're drinking too much.

[SPEAKER_01]: So you know you're on your phone too much when someone has said you're on your phone too much.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was talking some ways in the hall three year olds will say that to you guys everybody raise your hand and you felt that you're the mommy no phone right this is a thing that happens.

[SPEAKER_01]: So when you can begin to detect that I would encourage you to be so aware of that and see is this impeding there's a lot of stuff at our phones [SPEAKER_01]: The last thing I'd add onto this is the Gotman Institute talks about bids in a relationship, these bids, that people are putting out verbal nonverbal bids that ask you, hey, would you connect with me?

[SPEAKER_01]: So when you detect a bit in a relationship and you're on your phone, and I believe the six most powerful words in the English language are let me put down my phone.

[SPEAKER_01]: when you're when your child wants to talk to go, go honey, let me put them my phone.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because what you do, you bestow value on that person.

[SPEAKER_01]: When you put down your phone, you bestow value on them and you make eye contact with them.

[SPEAKER_01]: What you're saying to them is, honey, they're eight billion people on earth who can theoretically reach me on my phone.

[SPEAKER_01]: And right now you're the most important one of them all.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so think about it.

[UNKNOWN]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, where we are in an intimacy crisis, and I believe that's how you slowly rebuild intimacy, that's how you slowly build intimacy, being seen and voicing, fully known, fully loved.

[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, it's a complicated question around social media.

[SPEAKER_01]: What I would encourage people is to go in your home very practically, establish sacred times and sacred places that are absolutely phone-free.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's a game Carlos Whitaker who's prolific on Instagram Carlos told me that he just he's just blocked out his social media time.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is the only time I do that.

[SPEAKER_01]: So it's attention you can hold, think through the lens of relationship, how's it getting in front of other relationships and be humble to listen to the people around you who will tell you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, you're on your phone right now.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, one real practical last thing Yeah, date night phone swap the most practical thing you can do when you go on a date night the babysitter needs to reach you Just swap phones with your spouse sitting across in the table.

[SPEAKER_01]: You won't do them scroll their phone They won't do them scroll your phone, but you still are available to others So begin to think these little practical ways that's a contextual thing you can do that show it.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's good.

[SPEAKER_01]: Can I use to that?

[SPEAKER_01]: That's good.

[SPEAKER_01]: I like that.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's super helpful.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's really I mean [SPEAKER_01]: You should write a book.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is my item.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm thinking about you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Just imagine.

[SPEAKER_01]: Just imagine real quick.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you were to, if you were to hand your phone over to your spouse and unload the dishwasher at the same time.

[SPEAKER_01]: How sexy.

[SPEAKER_01]: What's the time?

[SPEAKER_01]: This is the next year's thing of the album that I'm going to do.

[SPEAKER_02]: Whoa.

[SPEAKER_02]: Good.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's crazy.

[SPEAKER_02]: I don't even want to talk about what's happening.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: She's that table in wealth.

[SPEAKER_02]: I am rubbing off on you and I am so grateful.

[SPEAKER_02]: It is taking 20 plus years for you to joke about this.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm so thankful.

[SPEAKER_02]: Anyway, I was just going to highlight, I know you're not asking this, but again, during the break, we'll have the, this is what you guys do, which I'm so excited about, and the resources you're creating at Reclaim Well.

[SPEAKER_02]: So they'll be a QR code, it's like 70's free.

[SPEAKER_02]: Let's put them in the show notes too.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm, I'm handing that out over the internet.

[UNKNOWN]: Thank you.

[UNKNOWN]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe not, maybe we won't do that.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'll wait for later so you can do that.

[SPEAKER_02]: But anyway, this part out, but for everyone in the room, we'll make sure that's up.

[SPEAKER_02]: But that's just one resource of a handful that can help.

[SPEAKER_02]: That was so helpful.

[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm really glad you answered.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, thank you.

[SPEAKER_01]: We've got about, we have it seven minutes left.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I want to talk Elizabeth, you gave a beautiful talk on this idea of limitations.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to push this because I'm not reading it.

[SPEAKER_01]: You say the limitations can be irritations that are invitations that lead to transformation.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm proud of myself for doing this.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's impressive.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't even remember exactly what I said.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, bitch, listen.

[SPEAKER_01]: I wanted for the group this one thing that I was wondering myself yesterday as I heard that and someone asked about is that how do you know when it's a limitation that you need to submit to entirely?

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'd love everybody's opinion on this and the list but they want you to start.

[SPEAKER_01]: How do you submit the limitation you submit to entirely?

[SPEAKER_01]: And then the other ones you kind of push against.

[SPEAKER_01]: The one that it's easy to just throw up your hands and say, wow, I'm so limitation I can't do anything.

[SPEAKER_01]: Versus I need to press into this.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think, you know, summer obvious, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like if the limitations are coming from one of you kids, like this is not really optional, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember I used to get really fresh transit, kind of at the beginning of our journey with birdie and then having a fourth after her.

[SPEAKER_00]: And just feeling like I was my life was far beyond my current capacity.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I would often have people tell me, you just need to take stuff off your plate.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it would frustrate me because, and there are times when they were right, when I did need to do like a life audit.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what I'm going to lead into because I think that's really important.

[SPEAKER_00]: But there are times when the things on your plate are not actually things you can take off.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think we're not really helping each other when we say, well you just need to do us.

[SPEAKER_00]: We need to ask more questions in that.

[SPEAKER_00]: We need to ask really thoughtful questions.

[SPEAKER_00]: Is there anything that can be taken off your plate?

[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's really important.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I want to kind of answer those two ways.

[SPEAKER_00]: There are seasons where you feel like I want these limits to be optional.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm ready to scratch any of them, but you just can't.

[SPEAKER_00]: And can I just say that in those seasons, we know this, but we need to hear this often.

[SPEAKER_00]: you don't have the capacity to do all of those things.

[SPEAKER_00]: But God is helping build the capacity for you to be able to shoulder those things.

[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, that's good.

[SPEAKER_00]: Just a few months ago, you're sitting in an urgent care waiting for a chest x-ray for a daughter's Sloan who got influenced to be at the end of July.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it turned into pneumonia.

[SPEAKER_00]: We were about ready to go on vacation with my family in Tahoe the next morning.

[SPEAKER_00]: I had way too much to do that day.

[SPEAKER_00]: I had not planned on having to go to a second doctor to get a chest x-ray for my daughter.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have birdie there with me.

[SPEAKER_00]: She hates being in doctor's offices.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's super triggered by him.

[SPEAKER_00]: She's kind of losing her mind.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm waiting in this urgent care, which takes forever.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I just had this moment of self-reflection.

[SPEAKER_00]: And just this minute of, I just kind of started like chuckling at myself realizing, I am entirely unflustered right now.

[SPEAKER_00]: nine years ago I would have been a stressed out mess like having to add that to getting a family of six on a vacation and all of that and it was this moment of being able to look back and actually be able to tangibly see the capacity that has grown in me from all the seasons of feeling like I was drowning.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I think we need to hold on to that hope, but there have also been so many times in my life when those people who said you just need to take something off your plate and I was mad at them.

[SPEAKER_00]: Actually, we're right because there were things that I was continuing to press into because they weren't important to me.

[SPEAKER_00]: that really I needed to let go.

[SPEAKER_00]: And those feel like small deaths sometimes big death.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's grief attached to that.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so I think we need to be really self-aware of doing regular self-audits, life audits, of is there anything that I'm doing that used to fit that I used to have capacity for.

[SPEAKER_00]: I used to be a great cook.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm a terrible cook now.

[SPEAKER_02]: No, you're actually a great cook, if you just don't have time to make it, that's different.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's different.

[SPEAKER_00]: That used to be of like high, high, high value to me.

[SPEAKER_00]: that I fed my family a certain way that I made, that I cooked all the time.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's not that that's not still about you.

[SPEAKER_00]: I wish that I had time to still do all of that.

[SPEAKER_00]: But there are new things in my life that are also of high value.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so certain things have had to just change their priority.

[SPEAKER_00]: And we need to be willing to listen to the people around us.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is huge.

[SPEAKER_00]: when there are things that we are continuing to put at an up here level value that need to now be down here because there's other things that are more important.

[SPEAKER_00]: But we have just were a little behind in making that switch.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so when it comes to the limitations that maybe we do need to make a change, and it might be a drastic change, might be something really little, it might be something really big.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's when we really, really need community.

[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're unsure, if it is a limitation that you are supposed [SPEAKER_00]: you need community all around you and you need to be willing to listen even if it's something you're like I just really want to hold on because maybe it's the one thing you enjoy and it's frustrating because all of the other limits that are not movable are the thing that's making doing the thing you enjoy really hard you know I think we really need to listen to the people around us and then the ones that you know what limitations are not movable [SPEAKER_00]: And those are the things you really need to go through the process of, like, noticing, really asking yourself, like, what is my heart towards these?

[SPEAKER_00]: And God, would you just help me?

[SPEAKER_00]: Would you help me accept what this limitation is?

[SPEAKER_00]: And you give me wisdom to know which ones are moving.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'll make my own really fast, but I just want to say that, you know, Chick-fil-A for dinner is not a sin.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm really grateful that you can't always cook because, if not, we would never have some of these other gifts.

[SPEAKER_02]: So her limitations, blessing and disguised for me.

[SPEAKER_01]: I know you're kind of kidding about that, but they're actually interested.

[SPEAKER_01]: No, I actually, there's some real truth in that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's self-imposed pressure.

[SPEAKER_02]: She's way more chill when she's like, I'm not doing it anymore.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, oh, praise God.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, what a good.

[SPEAKER_00]: What do you mean when I say that?

[SPEAKER_00]: Everybody in the family is like, yes.

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, dishes.

[SPEAKER_02]: We're not doing salmon, screw some oil.

[SPEAKER_03]: When Slurred found out that she was doing salmon balls, she asked, because she'd come to our house for dinner.

[SPEAKER_03]: I don't.

[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, no.

[SPEAKER_00]: She's like, I see like 20 times.

[SPEAKER_00]: Can I just have chicken nuggets with pops?

[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, yeah, you can drop me off and I'm in pops.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm having dinner there.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: She said, um, [SPEAKER_02]: But let me just know something really fast is the question that was kind of presented is what do you do?

[SPEAKER_02]: Could you just say it one more time?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, how do you know how do you know which limits to accept and which ones things to pray and put back on?

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, just really, really briefly.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's just to be really practical with that response.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think that there are some things that are pretty obvious.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like Elizabeth's health salimitation.

[SPEAKER_02]: Bertie's health is a limitation.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I say no to those.

[SPEAKER_02]: No, I don't mean I say no to her or Bertie.

[SPEAKER_02]: I say I believe there's a better future and I am praying for healing.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm praying for birdie.

[SPEAKER_02]: And so, is it a limitation that I have to hold yes?

[SPEAKER_02]: And is it like a painful prophetic vision of the future of what could be yes?

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think the point is to both pray for healing and to ask and believe that God, what if you did do this?

[SPEAKER_02]: We've seen this in health things in our family already.

[SPEAKER_02]: Certain things he has healed and it's been incredible and then certain things he hasn't.

[SPEAKER_02]: And it's a real limitation on us personally as a family.

[SPEAKER_02]: But I think with each limitation, there is an invitation like was said, [SPEAKER_02]: to actually begin to pray and join God of like what if you did, like what if you did.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I think every limitation is an open door.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's an invitation to actually begin to be curious with God.

[SPEAKER_02]: And the cool part is he'll do it or he won't do it.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's not gonna be, it will be very clear.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think with this particular thing with your health and with birdie, like it's been very clear, not yet.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I don't know if that's like till heaven, but I'm gonna still keep every day just in my favorite Frank law box, [SPEAKER_02]: And every time we pray, it's like throwing a pebble into a pond.

[SPEAKER_02]: Each day, each prayer is a pebble and he said, one day, what's cool about when you keep throwing those pebbles?

[SPEAKER_02]: One day, you might just even be able to, after throwing so many pebbles in the pond, walk across on drag ground.

[SPEAKER_02]: Mmm, it's good.

[SPEAKER_02]: And so each day, if I could just give you the visual, it's just throwing a pebble into a very deep pond and it's just gonna take time to build that prayer's build.

[SPEAKER_02]: And each prayer that you pray is a moment where God might continue to break through that limitation or he may have something different or better, but that still means we should press in in a deep way.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's good.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: Do I have anything to add to that in the limitations?

[SPEAKER_04]: I'm just thinking when Elizabeth is speaking, [SPEAKER_04]: and I had already read her limitations.

[SPEAKER_04]: Every version of her limitations, it was a lot of work, but she put in as you can tell to that message.

[SPEAKER_04]: And in so many ways, we're alike that I thought, when she was growing up, she was like, at least call her my shadow, because she always wanted to be close.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I thought we were wired the same, but we really as adults have discovered [SPEAKER_04]: The visit is always capably pushing past her limitations.

[SPEAKER_04]: I am the opposite end of it needing to be nudged forward to pushing to discomfort at time.

[SPEAKER_04]: You're the one who used that word with me, it's okay to be uncomfortable.

[SPEAKER_02]: It was in a fun conversation.

[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.

[SPEAKER_04]: It was a nice way of saying, come on now.

[SPEAKER_04]: So my limitations are more inward.

[SPEAKER_04]: The way I'm wired is not necessarily well-suited.

[SPEAKER_04]: for this world culture right now that is just getting it done.

[SPEAKER_04]: There's a whole book on management time management column getting it done or get it done or something.

[SPEAKER_04]: I read it and I was just lost.

[SPEAKER_04]: And I've read every time management book ever out there and done all the things I say, I'm no better at managing my time than I was, but my limitations are more in myself and accepting this is the way essentially God wired me.

[SPEAKER_04]: He is not waiting around for me to get more things done to write faster, to study faster, to do my stuff faster, to organize, I mean Abbey what she has created for us here.

[SPEAKER_04]: She's like a mastermind of...

[SPEAKER_04]: tasks and what order they need to be in, I was zeroed, and learning to come to and fills me with my greatest help in this.

[SPEAKER_04]: He loves this about me.

[SPEAKER_04]: He's the one conquering the world getting it done with his long list that always he accomplishes and he loves that I'm not like that and yet all my life I've lambasted myself because I'm not like that So for me it has been more embracing there is a beauty in the way that I am and and not comparing myself to these high achievers [SPEAKER_04]: amazing.

[SPEAKER_04]: I do not like the label amazing.

[SPEAKER_04]: Please never call me amazing.

[SPEAKER_04]: But we feel like we have to be amazing, but maybe we don't.

[SPEAKER_04]: Some of us are just not wired for amazingness.

[SPEAKER_04]: And some of us have to just say, [SPEAKER_02]: You know it's funny because I think we're in a cultural moment where everyone actually was like, no, I'm pretty amazing I am so best and I think what you're saying is truth like it's okay to not always feel like you have to be the best Yeah, let's just be my dispersion of ourselves that we can be [SPEAKER_01]: Phil, I want to seal all of this and you're so good with it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to seal all of this with the word.

[SPEAKER_01]: I definitely feel that when you give us 60 seconds, I'm just going to get a bottle in front of you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Will you just seal all this discussion and take us back?

[SPEAKER_01]: Take us back to the rock here.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if I can do it 60 seconds, but I'll try it.

[SPEAKER_03]: I'm 45.

[SPEAKER_03]: I'm thinking about those from a whole kind of different lens, so Elizabeth quoted Romans 828, all things work together for good to those who love God and who are called according to his purpose.

[SPEAKER_03]: The very next verse says on those whom he predestined, he also called to become conform to the image of his son.

[SPEAKER_03]: your circumstances, your limitations are part of what God is using to make you more like Jesus.

[SPEAKER_03]: And that is an inner work and that's what he's preparing you, preparing you to be with him forever.

[SPEAKER_03]: And we lose sight of that, that this life is just preparation for eternity.

[SPEAKER_03]: as your faithful here, Jesus said, who's faithful over little?

[SPEAKER_03]: I will make faithful over much.

[SPEAKER_03]: You're going to not just hang around on a cloud for eternity, you're going to have responsibilities, and he's using the irritations, what's your quote, irritations become?

[SPEAKER_01]: It was really good.

[SPEAKER_01]: What can you say?

[SPEAKER_01]: It was limitations or irritations that are imitations to transplants.

[SPEAKER_03]: Invitations to become more like Jesus.

[SPEAKER_03]: Philippians, he who began a good work in you, that's an inner work, will complete it until the day of Christ.

[SPEAKER_03]: And so, embrace your limitations.

[SPEAKER_03]: Now, when parenting in our film service, we say, one of the things you do when your kids are middle school, especially in even earlier, you help them discover what they're good at.

[SPEAKER_03]: And you need to know what you're good at, but by the time you're 30 something, you're figuring out what you're not good at.

[SPEAKER_03]: And that's just as important to know what you're not good at because if you keep trying to do what you're not good at, you're going to overextend yourself and you're going to be frustrated.

[SPEAKER_03]: So the scriptures that I wanted to share was just, we've shared this, I think, in other podcasts, in a second, it's not going to be 60 seconds, but I'm almost done.

[SPEAKER_03]: 2 Corinthians 10, Paul says, we will not boast beyond our measure, but within the measure of the sphere, which God is apportion to us, we are not overextending ourselves.

[SPEAKER_03]: So Paul's saying, I have limits, and you know what hit me reasonably flippin' chapter 1, I love flippins, I memorize chapter one on time ago, but he says, Paul's in prison, and he says, my circumstances have turned out for the greater progress of the gospel.

[SPEAKER_03]: And so I think that your limitations right now, God's actually doing something internal with them is something even better.

[SPEAKER_03]: He had an apractical way in these later years of my life.

[SPEAKER_03]: I've been through some real disappointments and hurt some things, and my circumstances changed.

[SPEAKER_03]: I didn't see some things coming, including intentional.

[SPEAKER_03]: I was charred at Diana and I were asked to start this and she was all over it.

[SPEAKER_03]: I kind of drugged my feet.

[SPEAKER_03]: It's a long story and so as a pastor we started intentional but I let it as a pastor to them a pastor and I was actually not that good at leading an on-profit and now I gave it a brook.

[SPEAKER_03]: He's way better at it.

[SPEAKER_03]: And I have limitations when it comes to that.

[SPEAKER_03]: And the last scripture I want to say, if that's Philippians one, remember, your circumstance turning out for the greater progress of the gospel, God's conformity and image of his son.

[SPEAKER_03]: And then I love what David said in Psalm 31, my heart is not proud, or my eyes hotty, nor do I involve myself in great matters or in things too difficult for me.

[SPEAKER_03]: They might not be difficult for somebody else, not difficult for him, believe it or not, [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, you are giving people an opportunity to give.

[SPEAKER_03]: I just, I can't do that.

[SPEAKER_03]: But I had a guy who I work with when I served with an evangelist, he said, are you kidding?

[SPEAKER_03]: I'm just helping them lay up treasured heaven.

[SPEAKER_03]: I'm giving them the greatest gifts.

[SPEAKER_03]: I can never do that anyway.

[SPEAKER_03]: So, but he can.

[SPEAKER_03]: So, but for me, it's too difficult.

[SPEAKER_03]: And David says, I've composed and quieted my soul like a wean child rest against his mother.

[SPEAKER_03]: And you women know what a wean child, like I don't.

[SPEAKER_03]: And then he says he has real hope in the Lord.

[SPEAKER_03]: So I just welcome your circumstances.

[SPEAKER_03]: Welcome to the limitations and step in to help us make you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: We talked last night about confession and I got a confess.

[SPEAKER_01]: I love the four of you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Not sure.

[SPEAKER_01]: We love the four of them.