What's up at Sarah Andre and This is Bombing, the podcast where I talked to comedians, artists, and other interesting people about the worst bombs of their careers.

On today's episode, I talked to DJ and music producer Dylan Francis about his starting the music industry, blocking out while performing at Coachella, My Appoyment with a Sperm Doctor, and more.

Check out Dylan wherever you listen to music and enjoy the episode.

Bombing with Eric Andre.

He we're going to talk about bombing.

We're gonna talk about your worst show.

Oh yeah, time.

Where are you from?

Rusa La?

Really?

Yeah?

Well part so is he and you didn't ask him a single fucking thing.

I haven't even looked at.

What is he?

Fucking Chopped Liver?

This is Nick's world?

Man, We're living at it.

Yeah, thanks for coming to my show.

Chop Liver with Nick and by the end we're gonna be holding hands out what he did now?

Yeah, he's got two emmys, right one, He's got one Emmy.

Emmy go Rick and Morty Hero for SNL.

Hell yeah he.

Wrote for uh Eric Andre show, dream work.

Sometimes you just take yeah, yeah, sometimes you take it.

We're having a good report.

Okay, Okay, Now, yes, you're from l A l A born and raised Culver City area, Westwood in National.

Was like proper l hospital.

Were born in Cedar Sinai.

Okay, but in Miami, No Mount Sinai.

I'm sorry.

I feel like they might be connecting something from Yeah, the Sinai is a little cide.

It sounds like too much like side.

It sounds too similar to Mount.

That's a religious thing, right, I guess.

So doesn't mean it's a Jewish hospital.

My mom's Jewish religious.

It's a Jewish hospital.

Okay.

So where do you get your start?

They get my start?

Yeah, tell us a little bit.

Give us the bio, man.

The bio is, what were you doing in teenage years?

Doing backyard wrestling?

Teenage years?

Skating and smoking?

Smoking?

No, no, no, skateboarding didn't.

I don't know about that.

You don't know about skateboarding.

It said, So there's a board and then wheels are attached to it.

I'm bored.

Did you get did you get sunburn?

Yeah all the time.

Yeah, a good question.

That's a good question.

All the way guys did Yeah, but I don't now I don't have as much sun because I'm not just you know, skating all day?

Well, but you wear SPF right, not anymore?

You got to daily, got to do it daily.

I will behind the ears for you.

I will.

Okay, So you grew up skating is spoken, and then you got did you get into DJ and the music?

I went to art school and I was at Loxa.

Where's that Los Angeles count of high school for the arts?

On to a high school art school, high school on the arts, magnets.

A couple of artists right there.

I really wanted you to be on the show.

You didn't, No, dude, that's not true.

A music video or something.

Yes, what happened all that you didn't want to do it?

That's not true.

Bring up the would I would love for you to know what you know what?

He is right about that?

Okay, I'm the one that fucked that one up.

I thank you.

Lies with Eric.

Yeah but uh but yeah.

I went to LASA.

I was doing art.

I was in photography, and as I was, as I graduated, I went to SMC and I dropped out because I was Santa Monica Community College.

Oh it's like a legendary, it is, though it is.

I mean like like fucking Samuel Jackson went there and ship right, he's the dean.

You know, famous people went there.

Yeah, I think it's like also went there.

Somebody, somebody that big went there.

I'm not making a joke.

You're moved here in like like twenty five.

Yeah, you can just say names.

Somebody's got to stop it.

Jo whatever fucking celebrity.

Yeah.

If I have known that Arnold Schorsanger was at SMC, I probably would have stayed somebody like that is that when you're thinking, are all right?

You are right?

It has like a because Santa Monica back in the day was like a dreamy, sleepy little beach town.

It wasn't expensive.

Yeah, back in the day, Malibu.

That area that was like a damn tech companies with the microphones and no I even think before the tech companies started getting Richard famous, it used to be lobster, the lobsters, you know people.

You like, like lobsters for poor people.

Yeah, like it used to be for prison exactly, and then the.

Lobster used to be for prisoner.

Yeah, Santa Monica, go there if you can't afford real college head that before Yeah.

So yeah, so that was you.

That I was the prisoner that was eating lobster.

You go there?

Yeah, I go there, and then I dropped me Samuel Jackson.

I meet Samuel Jackson as the dean.

I'm like, this will sucks.

He's like you need to DJ.

Yeah, and he's like, we got to get these kids off of this plane or something.

But horrible, Joseph, I didn't even commit to it.

Did you dropped that?

You dropped that just like you dropped out of college.

Yeah.

I dropped out of it.

So I called my dad and I was like, hey, I I quit doing school.

I don't want to do anymore.

He's like, okay, cool, just figure how to make money.

So I did a bunch of foot but check out this, dad.

I mean, my parents definitely they supported me, but I definitely think that they were like, our kid is so dumb.

What does the DJ dude you press play and somebody else's music plays, or do you make the music?

Make the music and do that.

You're like a producer producer, so you produce the music and sometimes you press play on the thing and people and the wild wait, wait, can I show you their hoods?

They don't do that.

They do and the guys show you their gone yeah, I asked them in.

One of the shows if they everyone could of course.

Okay, so you go to SMC, you drop out, you tell you dad, I'm gonna I'm gonna do fuck this ship, and then what was your plan?

From there?

I just somehow started getting into DJing and I was like, you know what my plan is?

I want to play Centaspace, which Stevie Oki democ Tuesdays was there, and I at that point realized like, the only way I can play it is if I make my own music and then I'll get booked.

So hustling as hard as I could.

I met my friend Corey Nita, who was a music producer in Atlanta, and I was like, hey, I would Corea.

He went by Corey enemy, last name Nita, last name Nita, A little Corey, little Corey.

Oh.

I thought he's Japanese.

He is Japanese.

But Corey Nita.

No, I'm saying, let's get please figure.

In percentages, not on both sides, non Mexico Japanese.

We actually got Cornitas.

He's having bloody.

We got a drop of his blood.

We sent it in, put it on the screen.

Japanese thirties.

Here he comes out neck put the blood back inside.

I'll put it back in.

Okay, So tell me, tell me a little bit more.

You going to stop your story.

Little child?

What were you like a musical child?

Oh no, I dabbled in everything like a saxophone, guitar, bass that sounds like a musical Yeah.

No, no, but no, but I mean like I did two weeks and I was like, I'm out.

I don't want I don't want to do this anymore.

And then for some reason, a computer just made sense for playing exactly what else is it?

Do you count back?

Did you check out the count?

Penis two?

Penis is?

Okay?

So you're with.

Cordnita and I got you in backstage or something.

No, we're writing music.

So he was like, hey, if you if you fly yourself to Atlanta, you can sleep on my floor, be my assistant.

I'll teach you how to make music.

So for two months my floor.

What do you fucking his feudal surf?

We got a fucking statistic.

Ship that works in Atlanta.

That's how it works.

Yeah, but sleep on the couch.

There is no couch.

No, come on, we got to blow up mattress spider man.

Okay, that's good.

That's better.

Yeah, it was nice.

I was in the dining room, so he taught you that was like your kill Bill Montage exactly.

And then I went home after two months of working there, and I stayed in the back house of my parents' place for a year and I paid them five hundred bucks every now and then every.

Time, and your dad would come over with like a cup of coffee, like thinking about going back to school.

He did, so he made a big deal.

We made a deal.

Actually, we made a deal where he was like, look if if I was like, if this doesn't work, I will go back to SMC and I will do my ge stuff and I'll go to UCL like you want me to.

And it worked.

And hey dad, looking at that camera and say, fuck you dad, fuck you.

That's right you did.

I did it.

And his cell phone number.

But now are your parents very They're proud.

They gott to be proud and very proud, very proud.

You go to my house or are they still together?

I paid back for my DUI that I got when I was eighteen.

That was expensive.

It was very expensive.

Drink it was so worth it.

That's when you stopped drinking.

No, I didn't stop drinking kept going, and you were like boo, oopsie, hey stop exactly, this is a great this is exactly what I was doing.

Wait a minute, that's what got you to stop the duy to stop drinking.

Yeah, no, no, no, I mean I didn't stop drinking until three years ago.

Oh ship, sixteen duys later, sixteen dus later.

Yeah, I can't get a license.

What was the last drink?

The last drink was probably like a tequila shot or something.

Were you was.

It like, whoa, I'm going fucking hard or was it like you were kind of I was already on the down, petering out of it.

Yeah, you know, not everybody hard stops.

Some people just I petered off.

Get the hangovers too long?

Exactly, superainful.

He knows me.

This guy can't get a hangover.

You and Carl, you might be born with that gene that you don't get hungover.

I get a hangover occasionally, occasional.

Every time I drink, I get a hangover.

Yeah, and that's that's that's not I smell it and I get a hangover.

Yeah.

I want to.

I want to have nineteen DUI so I can quit drinking.

You can't.

It's actually really simple.

Yeah, well, I don't well driving.

Something on the way somewhere and on the way back.

Yeah, he drinks a road study like I don't do that.

I don't do that anymore.

That's like fucking decades you talking about it the other day.

Oh wait, what are you talking about?

Drink and tribe all the time?

Do you You've never been in my I've never been in your car in seven eight years.

You look like a guy that would have cherries and his cup holder that have Ever Clear.

You're just chopping.

Don't do this podcast anymore.

We're supposed to attack this guy.

What the hell is this?

Turn on?

Nick with aarondre I don't like this.

Wait, there's that you could put ever Clear and cherry?

Yeah you can.

Now we can talk about the premise of the show.

What is the worst show you've ever done?

What is the worst gig you ever had?

What is the worst day job, worst day?

And what's the most fucking wasted you've been on stage?

And how how is the the person you loved the most?

How did you hurt them?

Yeah?

Okay?

And what's your favorite child trauma?

And one's the one you can't stop raving about?

Favorite childhood trauma.

Do you remember the movie Hook?

Remember the roodio?

Yeah, the blue box, I don't remember.

I got a the boo box.

It was the Scorpion.

So they put a guy in a box and there's the scorpion and they dropped the scorpion in.

So my brother and his friend Cash wanted to do the boo box, but we didn't have a scorpion, but we did have a.

Dog cage, so they put me in a dog cage.

Hog Tide put a sock in my mouth and scraped me with water.

Childhood, it was like Alabama fucking torture.

Also, to go from the boot box to like, it's just like.

That's bucks.

We're playing Steven Spielberg's Hook.

Mom and Dad, leave us alone.

Dude, Stephen super for real?

Yeah really, whoa, let's put yeah with Adre.

With This is the best bombing experience ever.

Save it for later in the show.

Tell us something else.

I like, you guys, you're cool.

Hey, go ahead, okay, okay, okay, well not say it yet, okay, And I'll say it now.

I was playing at this very crusty festival up in It's I think it's upstate New York called Camp Bisco and I was.

It was the first time I was headlining a stage.

So me and a friend whose name I won't say.

I was, well, put it up, We'll put it up on the screen.

Put up on the screen for me.

This number I was, I was drinking a lot and he was drinking Choice.

I was.

I was drinking Greg Goose at the time, and I think I drank a whole bottle to myself.

And then he was thirty.

Yeah, I was thirsty.

It's it's hot and uh.

And then my friend was just like basically fun dipping ecstasy into his mouth so or M D M A and he was emceeing for me.

I don't think there's any footage of this online, thank god, but he's m.

Seeing for me.

And I got so drunk.

I think halfway through the show I couldn't really see my computer screen as I was djaing off of it.

And I could not send emails or jack, Yeah, you're playing tickets all.

That stuff I can do, can't do any work.

I couldn't even see the song.

So I so you were faded.

I was faded.

I was like, your eyes are like and you're like like this yeah.

Yeah, and there's like a song ending over here.

There's a song ending, and I had no idea what to play next.

And the song ended, and I still couldn't see the computer.

So I look over at him and I'm like, talk on the mic, and he's like, I can't fuck up.

No, he doesn't get on the mic.

There is probably like thirty seconds of silence at a music festival.

JU say, so, We're just standing there and I try to pick up the mic and talk.

I don't even think I said anything.

I maybe even mumble the words lips.

Yeah.

And then I found a song and I just clicked it into the the turntable because en serato, basically you're it's like fake vinyl.

We know, okay?

Cool.

I wanted to let you demo, dude, demo.

Hell yeah, sign him right now, dude, if you have the bravery, you would sign her, just knowing that I have a USB driver.

Yes.

Does Hulu represent Yes, that's the name of that on DJ Hulu.

You don't even want that ship Holy, you want ship here?

Some ship?

Dude?

Did you go over the King speech?

That's the King speech man.

That's what I call all my music.

I wish I could have used this that night.

You needed that, Yeah, I could like fucking fun up.

Okay, sorry, So you know, thirty.

Thirty seconds of silence, and I just clicked a song in and during this time, songs are five minutes long for anything you're playing, so it's a drum intro that's usually a minute.

So we so I clicked a song and that was a minute long just boom boom like track.

Yeah, basically basically playing a TIC track goo exactly?

Is the stage manitor, Is anybody that like runs this concert?

Like, oh fuck no, I don't even think I had a tour manager at the time.

It was like a concert backwoods, Yes, halfway up the stack of speakers, like maybe.

Okay.

So the great thing is my old photographer, his girlfriend was actually at Camp Bisco when that happened, and he asked her about it and she said, oh yeah, when that happened, we all just thought he was fucking with us.

We thought he was just playing a huge joke on the crowd.

So I got away with it, Scott free because I was.

Just was so off yeah and then joke.

Yeah, man, man, he's changing the game.

Sometimes he doesn't even play music.

So that was my That was my worst bombing experience.

What do I do with me?

He listened to it.

To your label?

All right, I got this.

So you get off stage and that night you're puke and blood right, No, no, no, that that was it.

That was.

I was like, well, we got off and I was like, dude, why didn't you say anything?

And he's like I couldn't.

He's just and why don't you drink water at that point?

No?

We just kept drinking more.

Oh boy, So that is.

Kind of the activity that I feel like, You're like, well, well, might as well drink more.

Yeah, I failed up again.

I haven't.

I didn't throw up.

That's him when he drives.

Yeah, sorry, office here, I'm going to fail up again.

I don't like this being used to about it, telling him why this guy to do you lie?

Okay?

This guy talking to me?

Give me that.

Give me you're telling me.

I used to have a joke about you've never been a little tipsy like driving home now?

Okay, okay, okay, I mean yea, honestly.

Remember the stories about your drinking.

Yeah, and I just remember him one of the greatest.

Yeah, and I just wish you would still do it.

Yeah, I just wish he would drive again.

This was your driver, drink again, both drinking.

He will do driving, he'll It was one of the most iconic things ever happened in like the Los Angeles history.

What him drinking and driving.

Would be standing in a line waiting for him to come down.

Just knock was flying, No, just to see him driving down and you know what car was he going to drive?

Who was he to do for?

He was at the top of the hill and people it was like the marathon.

They were trying to pass me shots of vodka passed.

Okay, so tell us some more bombing stories.

Okay, more bombing stories.

Relationship, relationship.

Did you have a bomb this week ago?

No?

Yeah, so, I mean there was one where I played like I played a like a.

Like a PTA mom.

Maybe you had a bomb.

I'm just trying to get the attention out of me.

There there was no bomb this week.

There was one show that I played that I went to Dallas, Texas and I was playing at the House of Blues.

I think it was a five hundred cap And you know, okay, nice.

They take I'm telling everybody else right right, I forgot about them.

It's not just us here, it's everyone else out there.

We're not rolling.

Cameras are made out of candy.

I'm gonna eat one later, that's for sure.

And all those pills back there was a real more candy.

Some are real you got it and you have to pick ten and take them all.

Some will make your heart pop like a balloon.

I'm in.

I'm in.

We can eat those later.

Hundred people, I under people A small show for you now.

Well this was at the beginning of my career, and the promoter was like, it's so good, It's gonna be great, what a what a fun night ahead.

He texted me, He's like, hey, man, can you like maybe show up a little bit later, Like it's a little light I'm a walk up right now.

I was like, yeah, cool, whatever, and he's like, Dallas, Yeah, this is Dallas, dude.

I walked in.

There were three people, yeah yeah, and the lights were on, so like lights like this on in in a five hundred cap venue just shows a lot of space.

Yeah yeah.

And so the guy's like, hey, man, like, like do you mind just like going on for fifteen minutes?

I was like yeah, of course, Like whatever played for that's sick.

I played for three people for I think maybe thirty and they were just.

Doing the Bernie the whole time.

Yeah, and then and I shook their hands from over the DJ booth and said, thanks for being here.

Fans for life, I hope.

So what if that turned if they're like coming like that guy sucked and he shook my hand and it was greasy.

Why did he touch us?

Yeah?

I came here to dance, not gonna assault.

What the fuck is wrong with that guy?

Dylan?

Guys problem?

And uh yeah, so why don't we do a music video together?

Dude, let's do it.

That's a bomb.

I would love to That's a bomb.

Please, I'm free.

I'm trying to think of more bombs that I've had.

I mean, I I blacked out during Coachella, mean two years ago.

No, I fully like twenty minutes into the set.

I don't remember any of the set.

You were drinking, though, I was drinking that weekend, so not drinking is pretty good.

Okay, sorry, So four years ago, Oh you blacked out drinking?

I blacked It wasn't that bad of a bombing that everyone was like, Oh, you were fine.

I did play the wrong song at the end, but you don't remember any of it.

That's kind of cool.

Yeah, and I said, please don't show me any footage.

That's my goal of each of these podcasts.

I i't so drunk.

You don't remember him?

I get it.

Yeah, it still did good.

That's back.

Do not even have any responsibility to real life severance?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, this is my There was a I haven't seen the show and I don't get the reference.

So I felt left.

Do you mind if we just talked?

Then?

Yeah?

You guys, what are you talking about Lost?

Or the first season?

I'm starting to watch.

I've never seen Lost.

I just started Lost.

I'm going to text you about it.

Okay, please do we can go back and forth.

You guys have your finger on the pulse.

I can't wait to tweet about it.

Have you guys seen this thing?

It's incredibly like a smoke monster?

What about There's one of the best pieces of TV in the world.

I keep there's a lot of holes and Lost.

It is like, it's kind of a mess.

You can't think about it though.

They captivated the nation.

Why it's fun?

You're enjoying it?

Yeah, but it's crazy.

It's crazy.

Yeah, and they're not going to answer any of those questions.

Man, there's no they can't.

If you you guys have talked about your worst bombs already, right, so I can't hear any of them.

We're not allowed to talk on the podcast.

They cut out that.

It's just me.

Yeah, they do the way they do it.

It works good.

Yeah, I can't wait to see this.

Now.

Are you California sober?

That means you smoke a little.

Of the green?

No, I can't.

I wish I could smoke weed.

I don't like.

Are you Nevadis sober?

Where you got to do a little bit of that?

What about New Mexico?

Okay sober?

Where you're like punch out of bakes wind?

Now I think I'm probably yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are we all a little angry?

Yeah?

Yeah, angry organs sober?

Now?

Did you meditate?

Do you meditate?

Do I meditate?

Do healthy stuff?

Now?

Yeah?

I try to.

Like Max de Margot was on the podcast.

He says he doesn't drink anymore, but he does like acupuncture and all these crazy like.

I don't like tea and ship I did.

I've done acupuncture twice.

I don't like.

I have a really irrational fear of getting acupuncture.

And then an earthquake happening and having to.

The room that's naked gun.

Yeah, that's like final destination ship, right.

Yeah, yeah, I have a crazy fear.

So I've only done it twice, but it's great in a specific drama.

I wonder if it's tied to you being hog tied in a fucking dog cage.

I have two dogs.

We don't have a dog cage for that reason.

You're married now, I'm not married.

But you think I can't marry a dog and you're certain we can't marry too.

Well, I don't know if that's true.

I don't know that's true.

Country last time about you?

All right, that's true.

But yeah, I mean that's that's Colorado sobers what you're talking about.

Okay, now, let me ask you.

You're not married.

I'm not married.

It says in my notes you're married.

It does it says you're recently married?

No, you see that?

Well?

Are you kids?

Show him ring her out?

Okay, fine, come on out, Nicole.

Have you ever had a relationship, a long term relationship?

Yeah?

Are you one now?

Yeah?

I'm in one now?

But you feel trapped?

No?

No, Yeah, it's okay to say it.

I love her.

It maybe that's what it is.

Fine, Dylan would marry nice just say you feel trapped.

And oftentimes marriage won't solve the problems.

That you have.

Thanks guys, Yeah, I'm glad I came on here to talk about this.

Yeah yeah, yeah, I have been feeling like you.

Were Latin Grammy nominee for sex.

So did you have sex with the girl you're trapped?

Yes?

I did.

I'm trapped with her.

We've had we have sex.

So all the time, are you looking for an own X tone?

No?

No, I'd like about this podcast solely to look for way out.

Don't they have to cut out?

As Manolis Nick says, Carol.

Uh me?

Musica when it can on?

Oh my god, another one?

Don't when album?

I can do this?

Can you put that one?

And you gotta watch the movie Bridesmaids?

Please you have to, would you please?

I think you can make some moves for it, like you could really change our life.

I can't wait.

I hope you have a Blu ray player.

I got all of this, it's all going in the pocket.

I got two c ds.

My your dad's an alternative medicine stuck.

Yeah, so he's the one that gave me is that witchcraft.

That's where the trauma from where the trauma is from.

No, I don't have trauma from that.

Your dad hurt you with those never hurt me.

That's what acupuncture.

That's how the acupuncturist torture their kids.

No looks, yes, No, you torture dad.

So that's why you have that that recurring n I have that fear.

Really, Yeah, you don't feel like, what's that?

I think he has tortured you with needles?

Your brother put you hog tide, you in an Alabama heroin and you married two ducks.

What's what?

What's the what's addicted?

Something you enjoy and it helps you out every day?

Yeah, okay, then I'm a I thought it was the amount of times you're doing it, But you did a a lot of heroin.

You helped popularize moombton musically mom Button.

For the rest of the and then going back to your dad hurt you.

Brother is a piece of you got it.

Don't pull the current back too far.

The podcast starts strong and then it just starts.

Random.

Like media forms, Button mixes the rhythmic origins of Dutch house or house music, the slow tempo to promote you.

Check I can't wait.

Check that out for me.

Just give that.

Play it at your next show in contemporary concerto.

I recorded over it.

Oh my god, this is just a piece of cardboard.

He's a cardboard.

I'm promoting this.

He's of cardboard coming out.

Anybody can buy that at anyone anyone playing at your nick.

I'll make a one hundred of them.

This is mine.

No, we need that.

It's part of the Why did you give it to me?

Because I was doing a bit come having yeah.

Mixes reggaetne Dutch house and it's usually between one hundred and one hundred and ten bpm.

Would you say, yeah, if that record gets scratched, that record, I'm lost.

Get sibylists.

We're good.

I got it.

You kind of can remind me of the guy from Smash Bath a little bit.

Do you get that a lot?

No, the guy that just died.

No, you remind me of that guy.

Maybe I'm a I like that guy incarnation of him?

Maybe?

Yeah?

Just were you born in the same year he died?

Do you feel like last night I got reborn after sex so and your dad became an alternative medicine doctor.

Yeah, right, he's by the way was was an alternate medicine doctor before I was Wait, what else did you do besides really function?

Yeah?

Is that what got him into giving herbal medicine?

Is that what got him into having you?

Having you having kids?

No?

No, no, I was.

I was.

I was a hot tub baby, were you?

Yeah?

It was a water bird.

It was a water bird?

No no, no, I mean like they were having sex in a hot and I survived.

So your parents are freaking.

Yeah, they're freaks.

Do they still have sex?

Probably they've been for like thirty nine years to really Yeah, did they ever open up their relationship like a polycule kind?

I don't know.

They might have sounded like they did that one night in the hot tub they.

Ds.

You never get that, no, cause you remind me of Yeah, I gotta see Okay, I can see that we may be related.

Guy and I.

He's a cool dude.

Guy and guy and let me see the smash mouth dude a point phone.

You get your Hey, we were in trolls.

We were.

I didn't even tell me that.

Yeah, you didn't tell me that either.

Hey, this info would have been great to have.

Uh, we were in trolls together.

Ago, I saw it.

I saw it nine times in the theater.

I didn't.

I wasn't in it.

You weren't in it.

No, I just sit over here.

There was a typo on your platinum record for get Low.

Yeah, what's up with that?

That's the question for the r i A.

They sent it over and it said certificate.

It said certificate showing certificate chowing.

First plaque I ever got, Oh congress, hey, so like it was the actual plaque was like, you had a platinum record.

Yeah, that's big.

It said certificate chowing instead of certification.

What is platinum five hundred K?

I don't know now, I don't know.

He also remind me of Violent J from Insane Clown BOSSI.

You're kind of like the three of those guys mixed together.

What the fuck is that?

How I sound's horrible mixed with Violent Jay and mixed thing?

What's what's his what's his name?

Johnny?

He doesn't like you.

I don't need to tell.

I don't think you wanted to text him about absolutely, but you never got any of those guys.

Come on, no, I got really the Benny Hannah guy's son.

I really heard that.

Yes, and his sister is in Fast than Furious yes, power family.

That's a power family.

That's Jackson.

I was like and even watching.

Okay, well that's that's again.

That's the question he asked everybody at the end.

That's amazing.

That nor to confirm it.

Yeah, he doesn't believe it every time they're lying.

Now, well he needs to hear it constantly weekly.

You kind of look like Vin Diesel.

I get Vin Diesel and who else?

Sandra Bernhardt?

Sandra Bernhardt?

You know what that is?

That the Vendra Banhart no.

Wife Friendandre Burnhardt and who else?

And like a little bit I mean a little bit of Jeff Ross.

Yeah, I can see Jeff Ross.

You know when I shaved my head, I look like Jeff.

Yeah, I can see that.

It looked like Jeff.

But I just lost twenty five pounds, so I don't know.

You look good, Tommy looks good.

You do not look good?

You kind of look yeah a little nick?

Are you not jumping?

Well, I'm doing everything.

I'm like a pin cushion.

At the end of you will go v o zepic and.

One way Yeah, yeah, John, Yeah, Sam Yeah, Goop goop dot com, goop dot net.

He's eating the Vagina Channels TV.

With Aericdrey with Aericdrey.

One time in New Orleans, I put uh in opiate up my butt and I saw New Orleans yeah yeah and someone.

They were all were like, you're not gonna do it.

I was like, okay, I will.

I'm a DJ goddamn it.

Yeah, and then I did yea, and we saw I think I saw Quentin Tarantino.

Happened, but the story is gonna be like that's over happened.

I think I saw Quentin Tarantino.

And then I didn't like that much.

I didn't like it that much.

No, me neither.

I was super stony, blooney, not social and just like there and me and Carl watched niggad Gun one two and.

I think like nine hours uh man, thinking.

I get it, that's what they wanted to do, but they didn't even have the technology yet.

The cushion that reminds me of when I did acid.

One time, I put on it's the movie like something Cleopatra foxing Cleata.

Movie.

No, oh my god, I forgot there is a movie called Cleopatra.

It might be Cleopatra Elizabeth Taylor, No, no, no, who's the girl from Spider Man?

Oh?

Devin Yoki.

No, she's from past and furious Emma Stone.

No, I quit take that out out?

Does anyone know who who was in?

It?

Was like the first Spider Man.

Every podcast, here's some dunce she and that's called Cleopatra.

Is it called just Cleopatra, called Cleopatra's cat, it's called part No.

I don't know.

That's where the moon's coming in that.

I don't know what.

Maybe I dreamed it to the producers because.

He's been lying the whole time.

Dad's name is I.

Don't even have parents.

J Did your dad go to med school?

Dude, I don't have a dad.

He just went to He just went to g n C and he goes.

I'll figure it out.

Give me the ging go below bo pack of needles.

Please exactly, give me a pack of needles and your best gingk go below bot.

Start experiment on my kids.

They're hog tied at the dog Gate and an earthquake to come and I get feel it in my bones.

Yeah, oh man, So that's how the Benny did you ever get?

Did you ever go to Benny?

Honest?

I've been to Benny.

I love Benny, honest.

I would go there every year for my never in the bad mood of Benny honest.

No, I met Jennifer love hewittt there, get the fuck out of it.

I was like seven, and I gave her my number and no for me, way dream.

I think it's illegal as well.

You're allowed to wait.

She just turned sixty.

She did it?

Yeah, No, I don't know.

No, she didn't.

You want you want to feel me?

Confirmed an, I want to feel really old, ristome eighty.

I don't believe anything that's coming out of your mouth anymore.

Jennifer love hew at his nine.

Honey booboo child grew up and got smoking.

She's gorgeous and smartest.

F Jennifer love He is forty six years old.

What now, that's a different one.

That's just forty six.

That's a different one.

Sixty choking asshole told me when she's sixty nine.

You know what I mean?

Honey booboo Child's she's a genius.

Now that makes sense.

You play this at your next concert?

Yes?

Please?

Will you play that?

You show the camera this is how high to the moon?

By more?

Play you just put it in the computer at your next concert.

Yeah, I gotta love it.

Morgan Lewis and Nancy Hamilton.

Yeah, it's an f mind.

You know how to seeing it now?

But where do you live now?

You're still in l A, Yeah, well part of town.

I'm over in West Hollywood specific address.

Uh.

You know.

You're gonna buy a house.

What are you gonna settle down?

Marry this girl?

She's nice, You get a house.

But next thing I know, you're in upstate New York.

You're putt an opium over your button being a fucking cuckaa manga.

Yeah, I don't know yea.

Is she cool with all that?

No?

I don't want to push.

I don't want to push.

She's cool with all that.

You're going with the flow.

You been with her, I'm getting with her for three years.

I'll get one with you.

I'm get snipped.

Let's do it.

I'm done, all right.

Our friends are all getting them.

We're snipping.

It's like a fucking hour, like throwing ropes.

Actually, get a lot of research into it, and you can.

Yeah, you can get But there also is the version where you don't then nothing comes out.

There's another version.

Yeah, there's another version where it's just that's like tantric is about what I got going on?

Now that did you go and then your month's all offt.

Is that?

Is that a side?

Effe?

You just can't throw a rope any more.

I'm trippy, dude, are you Are you actually gonna go and get a sectomy?

Yes?

All right?

Cool.

I consulted with a doctor in Pasadena and I'm and.

My prime candidate prime and you start some sperm?

Did you not?

I did?

And I didn't just so I went to the sperm bank shave those Yeah you did?

I How was I gonna praise by sperm?

It's so badly awkward.

I bet I get there and I'm like, I'm gonna have to fucking jerk off at the doctor's office.

And I was like, but whatever, they're used to it.

It's it's fine.

So they they're like, sir, wait for for me to be out of the room.

There not in the lobby, sir, please sign.

I thought this was a space, So we went to I go into this little room and they have a little TV and a USB thumb drive in it, and like instruction.

The guy didn't really tell me anything.

He just gave me a little cup.

He's like, isn't this I'm like, okay, no, he told me about sperm, but he didn't tell me about the little room.

So you go in the little room.

Here's a cup.

What did you tell you about sperm?

He told me about like everything when you freeze and unfreeze them?

How much?

Like there's thirty nine million sperm cells and one load typically, and like all you need is one one functional sperm cell, one guy.

How much is like a big load?

How much is a small load?

How much sperm per load?

He told me, Like all these stats, what goes into freezing them unfreezing them?

If I wanted to donate, I was like, I don't want to donate.

Well, if you love your job, you never work a day in your life.

Yeah, that's true.

You only hate mondays if you hate your job.

Brother, Hey, well I got you.

Can I tell you a little bit about sperm?

Wait?

So how was it?

So I go in this little room and there's a flat screen TV, like a little flat screen and instructions and I'm like, oh, there is like porn here.

There's like you didn't mention that in the fucking sperm ted talk, but there is porn.

And so I'm like, look at it.

It's like presitive.

And right before you leave, I go these remotes are clean right, like they've been cleaned.

He goes, we clean them every ever.

They're clean every every month, every year we clean.

Every year, we clean them.

Clease on Christmas Day, that's when we do.

So.

So okay, okay, this is I go.

I turned on.

You know.

At first, I'm like, I'm like, oh no, HD M I A V one.

I've been like technical problems.

Then I get it going and I can't.

I don't.

I'm not gonna I can't.

Say this that word, but I'll show you the pictures of It's like the nineties, like nies and early two thousands like video vixen, maximum highlight porn.

And I'm like just sending pictures to my bro.

I'm not even drinking off you.

I was like, I'm like ten years old.

And then I jizzed in a little cup.

But then he came out.

Held me and he goes, you just too little.

I think you knew it because I think you jerked off to too little.

He goes to, but he goes, I think you're jerked off too recently.

He goes, you ejaculated to recently and your and he goes, when did you ejaculate before you came here.

And I went I jerked off that morning.

I forgot.

I forgot, forgot.

I was doing the part of my routine.

He's like, oh, no, you gotta save up, man, And I was like, I know, I know, you gotta save up.

But in the shower, you just come over in the morning with the little cup you gotta catch.

I won't even think about and that will happen again.

You won't even be there.

I'll pretend you're not there.

A pretty keep s.

Can I take this out of my pants?

Yeah, you don't have to do that.

Thanks, Yeah, you don't have to commit to sit.

We can't even see it back.

Then you're going to go back and get Yeah, I.

Gotta go back freeze my sperm.

Then once he re checks my sperm, make sure I have viable donors if I ever wanted kids, then I'm gonna get And it's all right.

I'm fucking opening my.

Life to you.

I ruined his mixtapet that prop Yeah, this is prop comedy.

I didn't realize this was a carrot top show.

Yeah, prim birthday and he was fucking hilarious, and he writes it.

He makes sure he writes one new joke every day, So it's like the set constantly changes, and he performs every night, damn constantly.

It's like a night It's it's on a new hour every day.

That'd be impossible, but it's like just at least a few new minutes, constantly shifting.

So it's just like he never figured it out where he never gets sick of yeah, not getting sick, and he can still innovate.

And he was really he was a super nice back.

I love care a carrot top apologist.

Okay, you're Karen Maxing guy Fear.

That was the peak, that was the podcast.

Yeah, that's when we peaked.

And then when I started talking about Benny Huns that's when it dipped.

He got a little there.

Yeah, but then you brought it back up with Devendra Banhart's wife.

Oh, Sandra Banhard end there we get it yet?

Yeah Banhart plug something.

Yeah, you're coming up.

I got this new project that I'm doing called Sorry My Love, which is like a pop punk project.

You can't talk about it related.

It's really good.

We can't do at him featuring I'm still plugging right now.

It's featuring water Parks.

You love it, you like this is my fitbit check out the stepside.

Got dude, this is a real fitbit.

Yeah yeah, it has been charging years.

Holy ship.

It doesn't work.

Instead, so you go back to your high school reunion and you're like the king of the town.

Actually, our high school reunion didn't happen because many people didn't want to go.

There was a facebook.

Man, I'm having a rough kind of wishing for it.

I don't know, it'd be nice to just talk to the old gang.

I felt really bad.

They had one group and then they were like, hey, since not enough people are talking in this, we're gonna make a smaller group.

They made the smaller group and then said they were like, hey, sadly, not enough people want to go to this, so we can't do it.

Did you go to your high school?

I went to it.

Yeah, I went to my this is your bombing story?

No, well I found out that like a lot of my Oh that's me, I got fuck I can see it.

Oh that's not me.

I thought it was.

I get it.

You know what.

I don't like the the smash mouthed guy.

Oh that is no.

Just so when his hair is okay, now it feels meaner.

Yeah, no, now it feels mean it's like you'd say it.

I like that.

No no, no, no, that's too mean.

That's too mean.

Put up Guy Fury.

This guy is a mess.

Guy Fiery and him kind of look similar.

So now I get it.

I think they're all one in the same.

I met Guy Fieri at the at the All Star Game, the NBA also game the fucking Best, the Best, the Best.

Yea love.

Yeah, we're gonna watch me at the sperm Bank.

Oh sick.

So you you got a pop punk thing going?

I got a pop punk project coming out.

It's called Sorry My Love with my friend Albert Hype, and the first single just came out.

It's doing amazing.

So yeah, it's been really fun.

Anything else you want to talk about before we leave?

Did you say all your bomb show?

Yeah?

I did.

I mean I probably have more.

Where we're gonna start watching this Disney show.

We have to sign up.

Hey, what's your password?

That's his lines.

I got a couple of scenes like that's Eric Guilty.

We're getting you in a music video.

I would love to you said that before.

I'm not gonna get my hopes up.

I'm trying to think of it.

If there's any other bombing stories, that I've that I had.

I thought I was only supposed to think of one.

Yeah, one thing to talk about crazy.

This podcast is five hours.

This is the first act I got.

Okay, Yeah, what's the second act?

What do we talk about next?

We're talking about Nicole and how you really feel about it?

God, Nicole, I love you.

Don't listen to these people.

Dude, don't funk that up.

I'm not don't funk that up.

I won't.

I probably you don't tell how you really feel right now.

You're You're lucky, Nicole.

You're the best thing that's ever happened to man.

I love you.

Good.

Let's see, we'll put it this out next Valentin's day.

That's where it's actually her birthday is February thirteenth to oh, Friday the thirteenth.

Yeah, she's ud.

You gotta.

Go to cut your peep out in your sleep.

That's fine.

I'm ready to just end it.

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense if that's my phasectomy.

Yeah, that is the whole thing just coming off.

You know, in China and they would the eunuchs testicles and penis.

Yeah, yeah, they turned into the angels from Dogma.

Wow, that's bombing with air everybody let him hear.

I'll with a recondred.

All right, listen up, we got something special for you.

Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about when you bombed or absolutely failed in life.

Now's your chance to tell me all about it.

Wabo.

I want to hear your worst, most cringe worthy what the fuck was I thinking?

What just happened?

Moment?

So pick up your phone and dial seven one six bombing.

That's seven one six two six six twenty four sixty four and leave me a voicemail.

And we might just play it on a future episode.

Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.

Our producer is Bei Wang, our.

Research assistant is David Carliner, Our editor and sound designers Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderbergh.

Go rate us five stars and drop a review on your podcast app a choice