Hi, Catherine, how's it going.

Hi Chelsea, It's going pretty good.

It's going pretty good.

I have a follow up, okay, and it is a wild one.

So this is Victoria who called in on our Caramo Brown episode.

She was in this situation where she like had a couple kids I think with her baby daddy and loved him in a platonic way, but wasn't in love with him anymore.

And she was like, I'm basically bisexual verging on lesbian and want to experiment over there and kind of.

Had started doing lesbian verging Alred, we all.

Verging on lesbian.

So yeah, she was sort of ready to blow up her life and leave.

And the advice was like, it's time, Like if you if you keep cheating with women, like it's time.

So I asked her what's been up?

She said, Oh my god, girl, it's been a rollercoaster.

It's a very long story, so good luck editing it.

Ha ha.

Did I take Chelsea and Cromo's advice?

Yes and no.

I've listened to every episode, and I'd say it was one of the more more harsh reactions to a listener's problem than most even my girlfriends that I shared the episode with were like, damn, they gave it to you.

I continued to try and date girls and even got a little serious with one.

We went on several dates, including going to her place where she cooked me pasta, and it ended in a lovely makeout session.

But even though my baby daddy was aware of the entire thing and knew I had a dating app specifically for hooking up with girls, he still made a huge fuss about it and was truly hurt by it.

Shit has now seriously hit the fan because I headed to beautiful northern California for my dear one hundred and three year old grandma's funeral a few months ago and ended up meeting a guy gasp while out there.

It was truly love it for a sight.

He wasn't looking for love, and I sure as hell wasn't looking for love with a man, but he fit my male physical type completely.

I take it as my sainted grandmother's party gift to me.

She lived in a teeny tiny town and never ever have I ever run into such a beautiful man in the many many times I have visited over the years.

Because I was with.

Family, we didn't really get to hang out while I was in town, but I got his number and literally the next day we made plans to meet up in La.

He would fly down from NorCal and I would fly from the East coast.

Fast forward a month, baby Daddy finds out about him and I had to cancel my trip.

This new guy is such a peach that he changed his fight and plans around and flew out to me instead.

We had the most amazing weekend together and officially started our relationship.

It gets crazier.

We decided he would come out to me again for my birthday, which would be a couple of months later, but in the meantime I decided that would be too long, so I planned a surprise trip out to see him, along with a surprise engagement.

We were at a restaurant and I hopped on the band's mic professed my love to him in front of the entire small town of seven thousand people.

Gave him a ring, and he eagerly said yes.

I hired a photographer and we took the most amazing pictures.

Unfortunately, I have two kids and he has two kids, so neither of us have the ability to move across the country for the other with our respective baby parents, but we're so in love and so committed.

He knows I'm by and although he's not enthusiastic about sharing me, he knows that possibly bringing a girl into the bed room would bring me joy, and he's okay with that.

His only boundary is me hooking up with other guys, which I have zero intention of doing.

So yes, I still want to explore things with girls, but now I've found true love, and if it happens with women, I know my partner will be okay with it.

I drunkenly made out with a female coworker recently, and he brushed it off as nothing, so I can confirm this is the case.

As far as baby Daddy goes.

We still live together because we own our house together and it needs work, so we can't just sell it tomorrow.

We live in a high cost area and neither of us could buy the other out or afford mortgage ann rents, so I'm stuck in this terrible living situation until we fix up the house and sell it, which I'm in the process of doing while also applying to school, working full time, maintaining some sort of social life, juggling a long distance fiance, and taking care of two kids.

Let me know if you have any follow up questions.

XO, Victoria.

And there's Jesus picture for it with the very hot guy.

It just turns out very hot into your boyfriend period.

Like I fucking told you, didn't I tell her that?

Yeah?

That was the thing.

Really, guys, Okay, so it takes another match for you to realize that you have to get out of your situation.

I guess so, I guess so.

I love how men are, Like it's okay if you hook up with women but not another man.

That's how little they think of women.

Yes, oh you can sat with a girl, but you can't cheat with a guy.

Why what's the fucking difference.

I know it's a little homophobic too, because it's like, well that's not real.

Yeah, yess that is.

It totally is.

It's all kinds of there's all sorts of wrong things with that.

Well, Victoria, I wish you the best.

I do too, Victoria.

And it sounds like you do need a harsh critic, So I'm here for you whenever you need one.

All right, follow up with us when when, if anything changes?

This is kind of an interesting one.

I'm interested in your perspective.

On this, Michelle says, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend and I have been together for about eight years and have lived together for the last two and a half.

Recently, issues with our blended family have come to a head, and We've decided to live separately.

Even though I'm the one that initiated this, I'm having a hard time with it.

It seems like a step back, not forward.

He has a twenty two year old son who lives with us and a twenty four year old daughter who doesn't, and I have a thirteen year old daughter.

I can't say one specific thing that has happened to come to this decision.

Is more like death by a thousand cuts.

I have come to terms with us living apart, and what I'm having a hard time with is how to move forward and make things work with me and my boyfriend.

He thinks my daughter is rude and has made it clear that he doesn't think he'll ever be able to have a relationship with her.

I'm not going to say that she's perfect and never talks back, but as far as thirteen year old girls go, I think she's better than most.

He brings a lot of value to my life, and we have a lot of fun together.

I'm feeling a bit stuck.

Do I just see how things go.

Maybe when she's out of the teen years, it will get better.

I appreciate any help.

Michelle Hi, Michelle Hi, how's it going good?

How you doing good?

I have a friend who just went through this exact same situation.

They had a blended family.

She has a son, and her partner had a daughter, and a son has a daughter and a son.

They were trying to move in together.

They tried to blend their families together, and it was a no go.

There was no gelling happening between the kids.

So they ended up buying a house, like a house for them to be in in the middle and like to share, and then they each and then they had another house and basically it just all kind of fell apart.

They didn't break up.

They stayed together and just let it go.

They're like, it's not going to work.

We're not going to live together, we're not blending our families.

It's just not working.

Now they're engaged to get married, so they just gave it a year or two.

Everything calmed down, the kids got a little bit older, everything started to gel and by being a part it actually magnified the reason that they were together in.

The first place.

They didn't break up, they stayed together, just like you and your boyfriend are going to stay together.

So what I would say to you is, don't be attached to the idea of the fact that you're like separating and living in different houses, that that's going to have that you're breaking up.

You're not.

You're doing what's right for your families and for your kids, and you can still have in some senses an even stronger romantic relationship because you don't live together.

Yeah, I mean, that's what I'm hoping for.

I you know, I feel like what we're doing now just doesn't work right.

So it's either gonna you know, make it or break it.

Right.

Maybe it's just time will tell.

But you know, we have been together for eight years, and if he hasn't been able to form a relationship with my daughter yet, like I'm just if it's been eight years, then he hasn't formed a relationship with her, like it is he going to be able to?

And then my friend had the same problem with it.

This is the same exact thing.

She wanted this man to be the father that her son never had and it's just not going to be what she had imagined.

There is a relationship there, But I understand what you're saying, but I think you have to not put so much pressure on their relationship, especially if you guys aren't living together, Like, you can't force a relationship like that, And yeah, while it's not your ideal, is it worth breaking up over it?

Like, does she dislike him your daughter?

No, I don't think it's that she dislikes him.

I think it's almost like she's just kind of indifferent.

I guess, uh huh.

Well, maybe if the pressure is taken off of the situation, that allows them to have a much more natural organic She's only getting older and more mature, so the chances of them connecting and having a more calm, respectful relationship are bound to increase with age and her maturity, Right, and with the pressure taken off of the situation, I really believe that will yield better results.

Yeah, grown men like don't know what to do with a thirteen Like they don't know what to do.

What to do with many things, So I wouldn't worry about that, and don't put so much pressure on their relationship, Like, take a step back from that and focus on your relationship with your daughter.

Yeah, and I think you know, when we do move out, you know, looking forward to it just being us and all the things that come along with that.

Yeah, she's at the age where she like shares my clothes and like, can you know she'll be able to just kind of come and go out of my room, Like it'll just be a little different.

Yeah, and you're and you're never gonna get that time back with your daughter, So enjoy that.

This guy's going to be around.

He's been around for eight years.

You can have you know what I mean.

Focus on your time with your daughter and make sure that she knows you're there for her.

That's even more important overall is that you're leaving, you know, moving out for the benefit you know, of.

Her really so that you can be with her, like their.

Relationship isn't Is that how it's being presented to her?

Like, how is it being presented to your daughter?

I presented it to her like it's just not working for anybody, which is great truth.

It's not working for you know, him, his son, me, my day.

It's not working for anybody.

So that's kind of how I presented it.

And that's a great, that's great parenting.

Yeah, you're putting aside your needs and wants for what's best for you and your child.

And that's what you should be doing.

Yeah, so great, that's good.

This is a good thing.

This isn't a negative thing.

You're not breaking up.

It's all positive.

It's all in a sign of maturity, Like, don't hold on to the idea that they have to have this relationship that you envision.

That is not what's going to happen.

They're going to have a relationship.

I mean it will most likely improve over time.

I know it's already been eight years, but she's.

How old is she now?

Thirteen?

Okay, so there you go.

So that's perfect.

So take this time with her, treasure it.

Enjoy yourself, Enjoy the distance of not having to sleep in the same bed with your fucking boyfriend every night.

Also, right, Yeah, and your daughter is going to be stoked to have you all to herself all the while.

This is all I think.

It is all good things.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, I feel good about the decision.

I was, you know, leading up to I was like going back and forth, but then when I finally made the decision, like you know, I like, I like.

This is one.

I don't have any doubts that I don't want to move out.

This is definitely what I want to do.

Good.

Yeah, all right, Michelle, thank you for calling in.

All right, Thanks guys, bye bye, take care.

Well that was an interesting one.

Yeah.

I like a modern family.

Yeah, I do too.

Okay, and we're wrapped on another episode of Dear Chelsea.

Thanks guys for listening.

Come see me, Come see me live.

It's going to be a good time.

Guys.

Bye.

I just announced all my tour dates.

They just went on sale.

It's called the High and Mighty Tour.

I will be starting in February of next year, so I will be touring from February through June.

So go get your tickets now.

If you want to come see me perform, I will be on the High and Mighty Tour.

Do you want advice from Chelsea?

Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.

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Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com