I'm a I'm going to keep this between us.

No, no, we're not.

And it's a bonus episode.

What is the definition of a bonus episode?

It means an extra episode.

It's a bonus.

Does that mean it's of a particular theme and it's shorter, or it means it's an extra episode sexier?

It's just extra.

It's a bonus.

It's an extra like extra points.

Like I want to talk about fears.

I saw this thing and I think you know, I think you know this is one of my biggest fears.

The headline of this article was woman found alive and knocking from inside her coffin after being brought for cremation.

Oh that is such a lot.

That's AI.

It's not like content AI.

No complete bs, Nope, nope, Oh no, I've seen.

So where's the lawsuit she filed?

Oh, I'm sure it's around.

And how does she survive being in a coffin with no air?

Have you ever?

You know, there's so many problems with that.

You have to be declared dead to go for a cremation, right, Probably the time in which you're declared dead in the time your cremate is probably twenty four to forty eight hours, right, don't you get the process going?

So you're telling me you're not eating, you're not drinking, you're not breathed, and and.

You're waking up from that.

Yeah, there's been many just so you know, there have been many stories like this.

And in the old days, if you know, if you've ever seen like an old old cemetery, they have these bells next to the coffin and there's like a string that went down and if you were buried alive, you could ring the bell so they could dig you up.

That is so ridiculously stupidness.

That must have happened.

Ever happened?

Not real?

Then?

Why then?

Why do you think all the bells are there?

Okay, so you're telling me they were that bad.

It's determined someone was dead apparently.

Okay, what are your anyway?

Those are my fears, if there's been My fear is being like buried alive.

That's why, you know, you know those shows that people go in like special force ops and all that.

No, thank you.

I don't want to be naked and afraid.

I don't want to be on an island.

I don't be buried alive.

I don't want to eat anything disgusting.

I want no part of any Do not invite me on those shows.

I don't want to go.

What are your fears?

Blind, Coach?

And I met you?

You flew Coach going to my favorite restaurant.

And they're out of something and not being able to be seated.

Okay, my fears, Well, I did have one the other night.

I never fear of dying ever.

Okay, but no, because I'm a Buddhist and I'm a Stoic.

You know, I'm a Stoic, and I believe in Stoicism, and you know, the Marcus are really his whole spirituality.

So but I had this weird.

Sort of you state while I was sort of not sleeping because you know, and I'm sleep very well and I'm always sort of awake anyway, and I woke up and I realized, Wow, I am dead in the next thirty years.

I'm dead, and most people I know are dead the next thirty years except for my kids.

And I thought, that is so little time.

Thirty years is so little time.

There's so little time left, and one could argue in my age, I might be dead next five, ten, fifteen, twenty years.

They are so little time.

So the question I then I.

Went, oh my god, it's it's like it's it's almost over, you know.

And I'm normally a Buddhist and I don't have those thoughts ever.

And then I thought to myself, so do I then have the fear of regret, regretting that I didn't do something in this life?

And so that's your fear of regret regret?

Because then I.

Thought, okay, because you know, I would see things on the Internet and they always say, what I ask people in their eighties.

And nineties, what's the one thing where they regret?

I have zero regrets in my life.

That's so good, except for.

I think I would say the same thing that most overly people people said there they their.

One regret is that they were so anxious that they worried so much.

Stuff never happened.

I know.

But I think part of what drives you sometimes, you and me in particular, is sort of that anxiety is.

What you know, Yeah, it can be a motivator.

It's it's a motivator, which like big fear, besides being very alive, well, the uried.

A live thing's a big thing for me because I just want someone to stand vigil and make sure I'm like dead dead.

You're not scared of anything, aliens, spiders, super afraid of flying.

Oh my god, you were the worst fun So this is what's so funny.

The coach thing was very funny.

But truthfully, when we met, you had never flown business or first.

Class and so, which is crazy because here I was a well off plastic surgeon.

You just didn't know.

It wasn't in your world.

And so.

We started going on trips together, yes and whatnot.

And he was such a scary pants flyer.

You're reminded me of the first time I flew on a plane with Lea Remedy, who was so terrified of flying she literally almost broke my hand squeezing it sitting next to me.

Anyway, So you were so scared, Like anytime the plane would do anything, you were like, like.

I thought this thing, you shouldn't be up in the air anyway.

Nice.

Oh he was so heared.

Oh my god, he was like a little child scaredy cat.

I think as a mother, like you're always scared of things happening to your children.

I think that's just a normal fear.

But I don't live in that fear.

And when sometimes if my brain goes there.

I also will say to myself, there's plenty of people that live full lives and terrible things don't happen, and you know what I mean, Like I have to, I will talk myself out, but I'm not a I don't think I'm a fearful person except for the whole death being buried alive.

And I'm also scared of choking, but not if I'm with you, because you could HEINMLI like me.

I think you have a certain baseline anxiety.

Anxiety and fear are different, okay for me, anxiety for sure, I listen, you know, I've had an anxiety thing my entire life, but definitely so much better than I was when I was younger.

Yeah, and in my twenties and thirties.

For sure.

I think the fear that I carry with me because this is the way I.

Grew up, sort of being poor and there was no money around, even though I wasn't that aware of it, really could you know?

When you're poor, You don't really know you're poor, just as long as everybody around you is the same level.

Right.

But I think once I became aware that we were poor and my stepfather is out of work, and on unemployment and on strike and all that thing.

And once I became my biggest fear is that I will disappoint those who depend on me financially.

Yeah, I get that.

You know I have fear.

I know you do.

Even though it's ridiculous because we're fine, I still have that fear.

Listen.

We had a conversation like a week ago, and I got I was telling you I was nervous about something, and you were, Yeah, I get that.

I think one of my biggest fears that I don't have anymore.

Look, I don't want to, like, you know, die prematurely by any stretch of the imagination.

But when our kids were younger, I was very worried about something happening to the two of us because I was very worried about who would raise them right.

And I hope none of my family is listening to this, because no one will be very happy.

But I I just had a very difficult time with who we were leaving our kids with right, and what that would look like and how that parenting would look compared to who we would raise right.

And I feel like now that the twins are can you believe they're twenty two?

I know they're adults.

The kids twins are twenty two, Katina's nineteen aces fourteenth, and I know that God forbid had something happened to us yesterday, they will be okay.

Yeah, and Nikki will handle everything.

Yeah, I'm not.

Worried a lot of my fears have faded, thankfully over the years.

You know.

I think.

The fear of baldness faded once propecia.

The fear of fatness faded.

Fear of fatness I'm jung Yes, yeah, fear we're good there.

Yeah, baldish and fatness fear is gone.

Yeah, I've had I've had MRIs so I feel like my heart and everything and my brain looked pretty good.

Fear of unknown cancers I think has helped me minimize with preney of us skins.

Yeah, with preemptive you wake up and suddenly you have this terrible disae.

Pretty good about that.

Yeah, So that's that's it.

Those are those are my fears.

I guess if there was one fear, they would be of being without you.

Oh, I wouldn't fear that, honey, because you will be without me unless we do a Romeo and Juliet thing.

Is that Romeo and Juliet.

They killed each other.

Yeah, they killed John.

Did they murder?

That's romantic stupid, but I don't know that.

Did they have a bell and Julia die together?

They said let's go out here.

I think they just called it.

We're not doing that.

No, but you know what's sweet, Well, we cant end on this.

But you know what I think is sweet is when and this was in the movie The Notebook.

But also you hear about these couples that get like super old together, right, and they end up like dying together in bed.

But the problem is, I'm so much younger than you.

I don't because you be dying too early.

Yeah yeah, so semember, I told you, once I go, it's up to you to agree for two.

Weeks and move on and have a good time.

Okay, got it.

I'm gonna be unbridy true time.

I love you.

Thank you guys for being your first bonus episode.