Emily Cave Boit (00:00:00):

Welcome back to You Are More with Emily Cave Boit. This is episode 17. I'm excited to have Kristina on for this episode. She's an amazing entrepreneur, owner of KB and Co for all the Edmonton, people following the podcast mom and just an incredible mental health advocate. Her journey is the definition of you are more in everything that she has overcome. So it's an honor to have her on the show today, and I hope you guys enjoy and just learn a lot from her journey. Thank you so much for coming on. I'm super excited to have you on. Honestly, I miss KB and Co quite a bit here in California. Chester does too.

Kristina Botelho (00:01:03):

Oh, I know. One day. One day. We'll get out there.

Emily Cave Boit (00:01:07):

I know, I know. But yeah, just knowing a little bit about your story, I felt like you had to share and we want do on the podcast. I feel like your journey is the definition of you are more from your childhood to KB and co being so successful to Shark Tank, to your journey with mental health and the loss of your sister, as well as now adopting your little daughter who's so precious and the journey that led you to that. So let's just start. Obviously your whole childhood is a big question to start with, but is there any key points in your childhood looking back at where you are in life now that you are just so proud of yourself that you got through or got to where you are?

Kristina Botelho (00:02:07):

Yeah.

Emily Cave Boit (00:02:07):

Wow.

Kristina Botelho (00:02:07):

Well, I think, yeah, definitely a lot of, I would say probably started my teenage years for context, I guess I was pregnant at 15 and had my first child, my oldest at 16. And I guess for context prior to that, had been living the previously five, six years, kind of in and out of foster care, couch surfing, being with friends, partying and partying in the way of back then you would smoke pot and get drunk. I've shared a few times in other podcasts, I did do LSD at 11 years old and a handful of times, absolutely awful experiences and far too young to be introduced to something like that. So getting pregnant at 15 felt like par for the course almost it felt like I had been living from 11, 12, 13, this life of a maybe 17, 18, 19-year-old going through this party phase. And so when I got pregnant, it just felt like I was now 15 going on 22 or 23. I remember thinking, oh wow, I, I've lived a life. I've had my party phase. I'm ready to settle down and have kids, but I'm 15 years old. So yeah, had my oldest when I was 16 and it was actually his father that ended up bringing me back to, or bringing me to Edmonton, which is how I ended up here from the Okanagan NBC. And I think in that moment, I just remember being terrified of being judged and being another statistic of what a pregnant teenager would likely turn out to be. And so

(00:04:23):

It really put me in this overdrive of how do I not be, how do I prove to everyone that I won't be a welfare case or amount to nothing? And so I ended up going back to school when I was 18. I had my son and then took a bit of time off, went back to school, and then ended up taking college courses through college in the Okanagan, but it eventually dropped out to buy a business, ended up buying a Quiznos franchise, which is hilarious considering what I own today. But yeah, I would say that that was a very pivotal moment for me and big shift for me in terms of how I was going to turn out and how I was going to raise my children child at the time.

Emily Cave Boit (00:05:26):

Yeah. Do you think, it's funny when you said how you moved from Edmonton, it's crazy how everything pans out right now. You live in Edmonton, and I'm sure when you first made that move you're like, this is horrible, as you're saying. And then I don't know, I'm like, I go back and forth on the fate. Ironic, everything kind of happened, but how everything you look back in your life and all the puzzle pieces, even the traumatic one's full of reefs somehow intertwine and come together.

Kristina Botelho (00:06:01):

Oh, a hundred percent. I think there is, I mean, you're right. Moving here from a place like the Okanagan where you're surrounded by lakes and mountains and growing up in that environment as a young kid, I don't think we appreciate that as much. And so I definitely remember being in Edmonton, thinking bigger city. This is definitely for me, but also where are the mountains and where are the lakes and where do we go and swim? And so that was a big, it's a little cold. Yeah, cold. And you're not going to swim in the river valley for sure.

Emily Cave Boit (00:06:41):

I did a float there once and it was a questionable

Kristina Botelho (00:06:45):

Experience

Emily Cave Boit (00:06:47):

Float. I had three showers after I got out.

Kristina Botelho (00:06:50):

Oh, no. Yeah. I don't think I've ever been in the river valley. Not even in the floating. I haven't even taken, they have a little ferry that runs through it, right?

Emily Cave Boit (00:07:02):

Yeah. I

Kristina Botelho (00:07:02):

Haven't been on that either. Some friends of mine took me out to Alberta Beach, and I just remember that this is your guys' beach, this is the lake. Where's the lake? Very different from the Okanagan for sure. True.

Emily Cave Boit (00:07:20):

But now you're a true.

Kristina Botelho (00:07:22):

Yeah, I can say that when people ask where I'm from, I do. I will still say born and raised Okanagan, but really Edmonton is home. And being in Edmonton was so purposeful coming here was so purposeful. What I've achieved here and what I've done and the community I've created was that hands down, this is where I was meant to be. So yeah, I do believe it's everything that we're going through is purposeful, good or

Emily Cave Boit (00:07:50):

Bad. Talking about what you've created in Edmonton, KB and CO was actually the first one of the first places, if not the first that I went to in Edmonton when we got sent to Edmonton. So tell us a little bit about KB and Co, how you kind of briefly started that, what led to that, and now just how incredible it is today.

Kristina Botelho (00:08:14):

Yeah, awesome. I'm glad it was one of your first experience.

Emily Cave Boit (00:08:18):

It was so good. The berry smoothie with avocado toast is my go-to.

Kristina Botelho (00:08:23):

Yes. It was your regular order. Yeah. Well, KB and CO is, as you know, is a plant-based cafe, and I started it in 2016 with this nudge and itch to get back into the restaurant business. I was out of the restaurant business for about five years prior to starting it, and I was kind of in the corporate real estate world, and I've just always had a passion for food. I'm a big foodie, I love food, but during my time in the corporate world, I was committed to working for someone. I had been in and out of entrepreneurship, so I was like, oh, to start something again, I was fine with entrepreneurship, you're in it and you just absolutely hate it. And then when you're not in it, you miss it. So I think it is in my cellular, it is in my DNA to do, but during my time working corporately, I was suffering from various gut issues and there didn't seem to be a lot of products or food out there that was a good alternative to meat or dairy at the time. We're looking at 12, 13 years ago. It was like soy was really your best option for alternatives and implementing a vegan, we'll say vegan, I'm not vegan, and I can get into that and why I feel like it's very different veganism versus plant-based. But

(00:09:56):

At the time, vegan offerings were very sparse that were actually going to taste good as well. So I was trying to eliminate dairy, but I also learned through this time that I was allergic to soy, so soy products weren't going to work for me. And it sort of sparked this. I was eliminating meat and I was limiting dairy and eggs sometimes mostly, but the odd time I would have it, or if somebody said there were eggs and I baked good, I wouldn't not eat it, not eat it.

(00:10:30):

So I just started playing around with various recipes while I was still working in the corporate industry and figuring out this new diet, if you will, or new eating plan that really just primarily consisted of mostly plants and whole non-processed foods, which by definition plant-based means whole non-processed foods. And so the things that I were making, I wasn't resorting to highly processed meals in the way of fake meats or non-dairy stuff. I was just creating things from scratch that just happened to be using mostly nuts in the way of creating desserts and dressings and power bites and stuff. And I will admit a lot of it tasted like shit at the beginning. A lot of it tasted awful.

Emily Cave Boit (00:11:29):

Who was your taste Testers?

Kristina Botelho (00:11:30):

Mostly my kids, mostly my kids. And they were in there, they were between nine and 16, so they were not having, they had no filter. They absolutely hated it. And I would make them meals still. I would make them these roast beef potato dinners. Then I would have a separate meal. And so I would have this really boring meal, but then I would kind of razz them about how they were eating too much meat as I put down the pot roast on the table, and I was like, you guys need to limit your meat. It's actually not good for you. Too much meat. The American Canadian Standard Diet has been raw. We need to incorporate more plants into our diet as I eat this really beautiful, vibrant salad.

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And then I kept emphasizing that the way they were eating to which I was preparing still was bad for them. And it was my oldest that was like, can I just say it was at the dinner table once? He's like, can I just say why are you feeding your kids meals that are allegedly so awful for you, but you're just sitting there eating this healthy meal? And I'm like, I literally had no answer. I actually felt super ashamed and I was like, big mum fail. And he said, if you actually created these meals that actually tasted good, I get that they're healthy. But if they were actually healthy and of good, that would entice our ability to be more open to trying this stuff. So it was sort of a light bulb moment, and I was like, oh, you know what? You're right. I need to make it taste incredible. Make it taste like it's actually not good for you.

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And so that was sort of that moment, piddle moment of like, okay. And at the time I wasn't sure if I was going to get back into business and create a concept like this. I actually went to the States. I went to California and I went to Arizona to try to find a concept like this that was offering really unique menu items that were mostly plant-based, that I was looking for a concept that I could buy into and bring back to Canada. And I couldn't find anything. There was nothing like this. There were a lot of juice bars and a lot of raw food that really seems to work well in those types of climates. But I'm like, oh, Edmonton mostly cold.

Emily Cave Boit (00:14:11):

Yeah, that may not work.

Kristina Botelho (00:14:14):

And not only were mostly raw food in the states, but at the time there was a lot of buzz around really unique menu items that I felt like I could really enjoy and get on board with. But bringing that to, again, Edmonton meat and potato oil country farmer, I'm like, I don't know if people are going to be down with

Emily Cave Boit (00:14:37):

The cattle. Farmers aren't going to be okay with that.

Kristina Botelho (00:14:39):

I don't think the kelp noodle infused with almond saute. I just am like, this is not going to fly. So I came home defeated and my husband at the time said to me, why don't you just create your own work with a marketing company to create the brand and just do your own? Which terrified me because I'd only ever boughten into franchises.

(00:15:05):

But I thought my experience prior to that in the franchise industry and now doing corporate real estate on the leasing side, I'm like, all of these things talk about things happening for a reason. All of these things that I was doing in and out of entrepreneurship and then working in the corporate world, all of these things were leading up to like, wow, I really do have the knowledge to pull this off on my own to create a franchise. So that was, I quit my job at a whim with no backup plan and just I was all in. I'm like, and it took me about a year and a half to try to get the recipes to taste really, really good, but also be obviously super healthy. And the kids' close friends were my Guinea pigs, and they would say like, oh, it's amazing. And when my kids started to it, I'm like, okay, this is when I could make a Caesar salad that tasted like a Caesar salad. I will say, we have really amazing waffles on the menu, and they're so good. And my kids are like, I don't think I've ever seen the meat a waffle since I opened, because they had to eat waffles every day for one year so I could perfect the recipe. I'm like, how about now? And they're like, oh, if I see another fricking waffle, I'm out. But yeah, I will say I opened KB and coem with, I wasn't a hundred percent sure

(00:16:39):

I wasn't. I've nailed the concept. It's perfect. I opened it with a lot of self-doubt still about whether or not it would work, whether or not the menu items, people would like it if they would think it was too weird. Avocado toasts were really kind of just coming out. People pay a little bit more for a piece of toast with avocado on it because there was a lot of, and mostly with whether or not it taste too good. I've been eating it for a year and I'm over it now. So when I opened, I'm like, are people actually going to go crazy about this stuff from there? I mean, it was a grueling first six months for sure. And I just white knuckled it right through the first six months. And then in the new year of 2017, it just really took off and blew up. I was very, very committed in the way of, I was there all the time. Anything with your own business, you put in all the effort. Yeah. So since 2016, I guess I grew to eight locations in total.

Emily Cave Boit (00:17:59):

Incredible. Yeah. Incredible. Yeah. And where are all your locations? I know there's Edmonton, Calgary, bc.

Kristina Botelho (00:18:07):

Yeah, so I grew to eight locations last year. March was, we had hit our eighth location, the newest one being on one 24th Street. And then in June, I actually closed down the Kelowna location, which was the only location in bc. And that was my own location that I had held onto for four and a half years. Just could not, it had opened one day before COVID. It just never, I fed it continuously. We were nearing the hundreds of thousands of dollars that I was putting into it over the years that it never really took off. And I think while I could say there was the pandemic, there were many challenges in the way of seasonal fires, seasonal traffic, I could blame a lot of external factors, but I also take responsibility in that I wasn't able to be there in the way that I was showing up for downtown, the original location. I wasn't there all the time. I wasn't there connecting with customers, building the rapport with customers. And so I think that it just was kind of the little engine that couldn't, I dunno, it just could never, wasn't going anywhere. So I closed that location last year and just shortly after the Calgary, the franchisees who had that location just walked away from their business, just locked the door and walked away, which was a whole experience and

(00:19:47):

Something that, so now by the end of June, I was down to two less, so six locations and six still remaining and in hopes of growth. But I also have a higher standard. I think I've always had a high standard, but now I am more particular in terms of who buys in and if they're the right fit. And a lot of people that approach me want to buy in thinking that it's just a business that's going to run itself. And any business don't, definitely

Emily Cave Boit (00:20:25):

Not.

Kristina Botelho (00:20:26):

And in this kind of industry, you have to be there and over, really. You get to work your way up to being able to pop in from 11 to three, which is sort of what I work now, have that flexibility, but that didn't come in the first year, two or three. You have to put in that time and build your business before you can step back a bit. So often Calgary franchisees, I think had a very different idea of what entrepreneurship looked like. You throw some staff in place and it runs itself, but we're still as, it's a unique concept and there's still some educating and still relationship building with community. And so you can't just walk away from it, but

Emily Cave Boit (00:21:17):

Think, what would you say now, having eight locations and six and going through all of this, what would you say to another entrepreneur, whether that's in the restaurant industry or anything else that you have learned, or even your experience on Shark Tank kind of, yeah, talking about that, and you kind of alluded to it a little bit there saying it's not a walk in a park and you got to be there hands on, but would there be a generic a little bit more then don't give up, if that makes sense.

Kristina Botelho (00:21:58):

Yeah, yeah. I think, oh my goodness. Well, for anybody that's starting or contemplating or wanting to, I just actually said this to somebody yesterday. We're talking about entrepreneurship, and when people say, how do I take that leap? I'm like, you'll take that leap when your desire, but just say desire your want for it becomes greater than your fear. And that's when you know you're ready to, that's really good. Fully jump in and balls to the wall. You're in it

(00:22:34):

When you're like, I don't even have, I have fear, but my desire is way, way past it for wanting it. And then when you're in it, I mean, it does take time. It does. And I think to always remember, I know for me, there were a lot of defeating days in the first six months in the first shit, first month, first six months, first year, second the days that bring you to your knees and you're like, I'm done. I cannot do this anymore. And then I would always remember my, why did I do this in the first place? Why? And I actually, interestingly enough, I knew that I had to do KB and CO to get me to where I'm going, and I'm unsure if the end result is KB and Co. And I knew this prior to doing it, but it all happened so organically.

(00:23:34):

And then there was this inkling of this is just another journey that's going to get me to where I need to go. And truthfully, I think, and maybe this is a segue into some deeper stuff, but I think that it was for many, many years, I've wanted to share my story. And because, sure, I'm an entrepreneur and what that looks like to a lot of people, given my background that looks like success. But I had also worked for numerous corporations making really good money in that professional industry, which also could look like success. And through those in and out of those moments or experiences, I just remember when people would look at me like, oh, you're the director of whatever. And I just, well, I'm so much more people have no idea where I came from, how much I've had to go through, what I still continue to go through. So I think that KB and CO was, it had to happen to, it gave me a voice,

Emily Cave Boit (00:24:47):

A plot, and I feel like a platform, like a voice It gave you, yeah, it gave me reach. Gave you a community and a reach for sure. Speaking of kind of segueing into some tougher stuff, let's talk about, well, two sisters, your two sisters, first, let's talk about the Instagram post that you made. And I remember reading it and I remember being like, wow, we got to help about how he kind of got a call one day and now it has led you to a beautiful new daughter.

Kristina Botelho (00:25:46):

Just when you think you're on top of the world, right? You're like, I always say I'm living my best life. I going out to my favorite cocktail bar two, three times a week going out with the girls. And my youngest at the time was 14. My oldest two are adults. They had actually moved out somewhat recent to this call. And I'm like, life is good. Your 14-year-old doesn't need you really as much.

(00:26:23):

They have definitely some independence there. And I was sharing him with my husband and ex-husband at the time, one week on, one week off. So yeah, I was the week that I didn't have him, I was, life was good. A lot of work, just extra work and enjoy myself. But yeah, I got a call from Children's Services just hours after. It was a morning call, but it was hours after I was telling a colleague of mine that if one more thing happens, I'm about ready to, I'm done. I'm walking out in the business side, I'm like, shit was hitting the fan. I'm like, I'm up Tom up to hear. Not one more thing can happen in my life. I'm done. Just kidding.

Emily Cave Boit (00:27:10):

Jokes on you.

Kristina Botelho (00:27:14):

Yeah. It was hours later, two hours, a couple hours later, I got this call. They called the store and the location downtown on one oh fourth Street I was working. And the employee hands me the phone and says, it's Children's services. And I just remember thinking, I have a lot of siblings. There were eight of us and six of the eight struggle with addiction and in out of criminal activity. And at the time there were six struggling. And I didn't talk to five of them because they just different lifestyles. And this was one of the sisters who for her whole life since she was 10, had struggled with addiction and criminal activity. So yeah, I took this call from Children's Services who was trying to track me down to let me know that she has this five week old baby girl, my niece, and that she was given my contact information from my sister, she's a half-sister, but that this was all what had happened taken place in Edmonton. So I was the only contact here for my sister to potentially take this child on. And they, children's services will always do their best to reach out to family before placing a child in foster

(00:28:40):

Care.

(00:28:41):

And so she had asked me if I wanted to take her, and I just remember talk about one more fucking thing happens, I'm done. I said, when? Sorry, when? And she said, tonight. And I was like, so my immediate was like, no, I don't know. I don't even have, where is this child going to sleep? I have crazy enough though. I have a spare bedroom with a rocking chair in there. That's all I had in this bedroom. Wild that I went and bought a rocking chair months before and put it in this room. But she said to me, I can send you a picture. And I'm like, picture literally isn't going to be my deciding factor. I'm sure she's cute, but I mean, I had two new stores opening in the new year. This was in October, and I had a couple more stores. I was gearing up. They were going to be open February, March. How was I? I was in construction phase. I am in no position to take on a newborn. So I told her I'd call her back and I paced in my store, what do I do? Having myself been in and out of foster care a few times.

Emily Cave Boit (00:29:53):

I was going to say that was probably triggering.

Kristina Botelho (00:29:54):

Yeah, very, very triggering and very, I had fairly decent experiences in foster care, but it's no place for anyone, for any child. But obviously the better alternative than being with bio parents if they're not well. So I called her back and I just said, yeah, okay, I sure I'll figure it out. And she said, okay, great. We'll bring her by around 6:00 PM and then I put out a call on my Instagram. So speaking at community in the city, being so incredible, it was also sort of my first experience, Emily, with sharing, really being vulnerable with,

(00:30:38):

Because

(00:30:39):

I would tell people if they're like, oh, you're from the Okanagan? And I'm like, yeah, born and raised. Haha. My parents live there. Well, no, my parents, my mother is living in Edmonton as a current meth addict and homeless, and my father lives there. But I mean, you wouldn't say that to somebody that's like you're from. So there was this image that we've all been, I think most of us, some of us have been there where we have to uphold. And so I felt like this was so awkward. Now I'm sharing that I have a sister who's struggling. Oh my gosh. But I need support. I have no baby stuff. And there's got to be people in Edmonton that want to let go of things like crit and playpens and stuff. So I put this call to action out there and I'm like, this is my address.

(00:31:29):

DM me, didn't quite give it away like that, but just a dm me, here's my address, and I would love for if you could drop stuff off and it'll take anything. An hour later, I had raised home to figure out how this was all going to work, and within an hour had my first, some guy dropped off a blanket and this brand new blanket and a bag of diapers. Half hour later, hour later, my doorbell just all night long. By the end of the night, I had a fully furnished room. I had two bassinets, I had a playpen, I had a swing, I had diapers until she was six months old. It was wild.

Emily Cave Boit (00:32:10):

Wow.

Kristina Botelho (00:32:11):

Yeah. So Edmonton, that's incredible. Just really came together and they

Emily Cave Boit (00:32:17):

Show up.

Kristina Botelho (00:32:20):

So yeah, took her on, and I will say the first six to eight months was really, really uncomfortable as you are trying to also, no daycare would take her. So I think people thought I was some, I crazed workaholic mother. I was calling around all these daycares asking if they would take my five week old. And they're like, no, we don't take newborns. I'm like, I can't carry this, please. I'm like, it's actually not my kid, but sort of my kid. I'm taking care of this kid. But trying to get people to take any daycare to take a newborn was not happening. So I knew I had to just bring her everywhere. I went and went to stores and strapped her to my back, strapped her to my chest. If I was having to work at that age, they just sleep the majority of the time.

(00:33:17):

So I just took her everywhere. I mean, I was building out stores close girlfriend of mine, Kaylin and I, we were building out her location in Sherwood Park, and we would just alternate. She would take her, I would take her, she'd put her in a playpen while it was under construction, have to tell the contractors not to be loud through this window sleeping. It was just wild taking her back and forth to Kelowna. Thank God they fly free for a dollar two, because that was, I went back and forth a lot and it was wild. And then also as I'm building this bond with her, I'm also now, so what's interesting, and I was in therapy at the time and my therapist said to me, taking this child on is going to open any wounds that you might have or unhealed trauma that you might have, because it's going to all of these family members, including your mother, whom we'll say written off, this is going to open that because

(00:34:30):

You are now dealing with family. And now I am through children's services. They still want to make sure that the bio mom has access to baby and that is visiting. And my sister for the first two, three months was not even, we didn't even know where she was. And then she would come around, but I knew she was still using, and as long as she, I guess wasn't harming the baby, she could still visit the baby. So then I had to go through that. And so there was a lot of really heavy emotions about I didn't want her near this child, but then I did, because it's important that the child still have that bond with mother. But then I'm like, you're an addict and you don't even call me to check on her, and do you even care? There were a lot of, oh, fuck, so many angry emotions towards her. All so valid, right? Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to be, I mean, I think really always just trying to take the high road and try to be as, I don't want to keep her this baby from her.

(00:35:46):

There was a moment where Aaliyah was about six, or no, about five months, and my sister had finally gotten into treatment and children's services now. They were pushing the agenda of baby will be returned to mom when she's six months old and living in the treatment center with mom. And I was like, not having any of that. I'm like, that makes no sense. The child should not be living in a treatment center. Not knowing enough about this treatment center that is in Edmonton actually is a really wonderful organization. But at the time, I mean, and just the sound of it, right? It's like, no, you don't want any child living in a fricking treatment center. So I then started to get protective, and then I realize I don't want to lose this child, and now I want to keep this child. I have this bond to this child, and what if this, and now I have these mom's going to take baby away from me and everything's changed for me. So my sister ended up, I think that was still the plan, and I had to really come to terms with, I hope that I can at least still maintain a relationship with this child if she has returned

(00:37:06):

And that I can build trust with my sister so that if she needs me for this child, then she can call upon me. And I had to just accept that and kind of control what you can and leave the rest to God, if you will.

(00:37:22):

And she ended up leaving the treatment center within a month anyways, and that just threw the whole plan, obviously out the window, and then would express later in the months that she just wanted nothing to do with this child and that she could kind of care less whether or not she ever gets her back. So then my fight towards permanent guardianship, and just recently I filed for adoption, and that's still in the process, but I think we'll hear back any day as we filed back in. That's so February. Yeah, I mean, she will know who her bio parents are for sure. That's something I would never keep from her right time right now. She just needs and deserves any child stability and a loving home. So

Emily Cave Boit (00:38:18):

Yeah, it has been an incredible journey watching from the first Instagram post to now, she's a little cutie, and you've done an amazing job

Kristina Botelho (00:38:29):

Balancing

Emily Cave Boit (00:38:30):

It all. Seriously, you've done an incredible job. Thank you. Speaking of siblings, I know this is a tough one, but you lost one of your sisters, so kind of want to talk about that and sibling grief and navigating that a little bit.

Kristina Botelho (00:38:51):

Well, yeah. Nothing's off the net.

Emily Cave Boit (00:38:56):

Yeah,

Kristina Botelho (00:39:00):

Yeah. That was very, very hard for so many. Yeah, so I had Aaliyah in October and two months later in December, my dad had called me, and then, yeah, he called me. I was driving to the mall with Aaliyah, and he actually was texting. He had called me a few times and I was just like, eh, I'll talk to him later. And he texted me and said, I really need you to call me, which I then knew was serious. So

(00:39:39):

When we spoke, he shared that one of my younger sisters had different sister, another sister had, who had been struggling with addiction, had passed from a heroin, fentanyl overdose. And I pulled over and I screamed. I mean, baby was so young, sleeping, I might've woken her. I just screamed. And I just remember saying, no, no, no, no, because she had just talked. She would call me, I mean, often, and I would see her when I would go down to Clona, but when I got Aaliyah, she would usually call me around three, four in the morning and wake me up and usually be on something and crying about our family system and history and upbringing. And I spent the majority of my life just trying to not talk about that stuff. I don't want to talk about our childhood. Every sibling of mine who wants to keep talking about how shitty things were stays stuck and in fact becomes an addict.

(00:41:18):

So I think in my mind, not talking about it and being obviously away from my family by being here in Edmonton, creating this whole new life for myself and not dealing with anything. Not that I will say, I for many years, didn't feel like I needed to deal with anything. So I just had this completely different mindset on how I'm going to move forward. I used to just dismiss her. I, it's for sure one of my biggest regrets that I just would just tell her, yeah, call me later. It's four in the morning. I'm fucking sleeping. Call me when you're not high. And she would say, okay, okay. I love you. I love you. And then she would FaceTime me at 10:00 AM and she would be, it was so confusing. She was really big into health and wellness. And she'd FaceTime me from the bathroom and she's doing her hair, and she's like, yeah, I just had a little relapse, but I'm fine now. And she's doing her hair. And I'm like, what are you up to? And she's like, I'm going for a run and I'm going to go do some yoga and have some meditation and drugs in my family system is so normal. So I mean, it's crazy that a sibling can call you and be like, yeah, I just did a little heroin, whatever. And you're like, well, try not to do that next time. That's not normal.

(00:42:51):

But in my family system it is, and nobody knows this. I'm dealing with all my siblings who, not at the time, but all of them suffer from addiction. And so just, it's like, oh, it's just another day. And just weeks or days before she passed, she would call me and ask me if she could work for KB and Kelowna, and I just was like, no, I don't want, I just wanted to keep my siblings and her included. I like arm length. So I talked to her a lot, but was very,

(00:43:30):

She had a lot of pain depending on what mood she was on, if she was using. And it was like a lot of, oh, talking about other siblings or our mom. And so I didn't want to be closer. I didn't, I never tried to help because I just thought it was such a choice to me when it came to drugs, you just can choose not to do heroin or choose to. When she had passed, I was absolutely sick about it. My dad, he called and I knew that he needed help right away. He had to notify the landlord. We had to go in and clean her apartment, clean things out, and there really wasn't anybody else that was available to help. So I got in my car the next morning at 5:00 AM my girlfriend drove us down to Kelowna, and I went into this full on. I was in the survival mode of, I went into this, I knew that he needed my help. I went into this, have to because I'm the only responsible sibling child, and I have to go in and now help everyone and help the situation, help my dad clean up the place. And I don't think I had any time to grieve during that time because there was so much going on that I think when anyone passes, there's then now your adrenaline,

Emily Cave Boit (00:45:36):

Totally, your adrenaline kicks in. I feel like especially with sudden deaths like that, you kind of just go in this adrenaline moment. So I can only imagine for you and having to travel to get to Kelowna and also wanting to help your dad, like you said, you were the only one that really could step up out of the siblings.

Kristina Botelho (00:46:00):

Yeah. Yeah. It was a really wild time. I've shared this part of the story a few times, only literally maybe two times where I was carrying so much, obviously have this newborn that I've brought with me. That in itself is already a lot. And then I'm dealing with, I was at my sister's apartment two days later, and I am just so confused and shooken because the place does not look like an addict's home. It looks like there was some using going on, but then there's health and wellness stuff, and there's a yoga mat laid out and there's crystals, and then you're like, what? She was trying so hard to fight this, the mental health, and then health supplements, a lot of kb and co superfoods over in the corner. And it looked like she was trying to live this really try to embody this really healthy lifestyle, but then also secretly struggling with this addiction.

(00:47:20):

And I'm sitting in her bedroom where we were notified she had passed. And we're also trying to, we a few of my other siblings who have now surfaced because we need to let everybody know what's going on. And these siblings are closer to my mother who at that time was homeless and an addict in Edmonton, and they cannot reach her. My one brother who was struggling with addiction and was suicidal, called me. I was sitting in her room up against the wall, and he called and he said, I can't get ahold of mom. And he's crying and screaming. He is like, she needs to know about Melissa, and can you try calling this homeless shelter and that homeless shelter? And I'm like, I'm fucking tapped out. And he's like, I'm just going to kill myself. And I am like, okay, okay, bye. Talk about a journal. And I'm like, okay, that's another issue. And then a couple hours later, the children's services, the contact calls me and says, just want to let you know we've found Aaliyah's mom. We found her in the back alley or a parking lot in Edmonton, and this was winter December naked. And we've rushed her to, she's in emergency, and we're dealing with that for hypothermia. And I literally, I just remember thinking how much more,

(00:49:04):

I can't even, I knew I was breaking within five hours, this was all happening. And I just remember feeling like I really needed to break, but I couldn't because

(00:49:23):

If I did, everything would fall apart. And so I just needed to stay strong. Okay. Try to locate my mother. Okay, yeah. Thank you for, let me know how old is mom is doing. I just had to just keep going. But grief, as you know, you don't get a chance to decide necessarily when you do your best to park it. And when it needs to be heard and needs to be felt and seen it, it shows up. And I think it was, sadly, it wasn't until months later, maybe six, seven months, eight months later, that I started to feel like, holy fuck, I hadn't really breathed. I would just have these, is this actually for real? This actually happened. And when I would think about it, but even through those moments, I still had a newborn in the month stage where you still she'd smile at and I'd be in the verge of having a meltdown, but if I can't do that, I have to show up for her and be strong and give her a smile. And I remember feeling like it was so unfair. It's so hard for me to have to keep this facade and smile and everything's great. And then nevermind social media. I mean, I did share what was going on for me, but then I became a little more dormant. I didn't want to go on social media when I'm not, okay.

(00:50:56):

There was a lot of personal stuff with the KB and co Instagram where I would go on and do various things and show up almost daily. And as if I was going to go on there and be like, Hey guys, it's me, Katie here. We're going to make fucking cookies. And I'm on the verge of throw these cookies out the door, tears

Emily Cave Boit (00:51:14):

Coming in the cookie.

Kristina Botelho (00:51:16):

It just felt like it was so hard. I could feel myself breaking. And I've, since then, really, I've been doing a lot of deep diving into mostly self and experiencing grief, and I had a really hard time allowing myself to feel that pain. And what's crazy is I would learn that, and this, maybe you can resonate with this too, is that when you haven't really maybe fully grieved a loss, then anything in the future that you lose, it opens the original wound. Right? When I closed Kelowna, I was like, it's okay to grieve that you are closing a business. But I was like, this felt like death

(00:52:23):

And another loss, another loss. And recently my daughter has moved to Calgary and my youngest son has moved out. He turned 18. He was like, I'm out. I'm like, I'm actually okay with that. Go live your Eddie. He's a great kid. But that age, this age is super entitled. He thinks he can really do all the things. Okay, go enjoy. But him leaving and my daughter moving it then opened up. It just ripped off that bullshit bandaid I had over the loss of my sister and probably other losses that I experienced earlier in my childhood that I never took time to grieve. So it's crazy how that can really rip open.

Emily Cave Boit (00:53:19):

I think no one talks about the timeline of grief or loss. I feel like people think you go, you show up, you do the funeral and it's done. But I feel like there's so much delayed grief too that months later you experience things or it hits you where I feel like, yeah, social media and today's society, you think it's just the week of the death, and then it's like you're good where it's like this is a life long journey that comes up constantly. Those five stages of grief are ever coming up in your life. And I think I've really had to, and I'm sure for you too, for your sister, and even just losses of your childhood that weren't also death, but grieving that. And I think for me too, I am sure as with your sister, so I look at grief now as like, I'm so grateful for that because I got to love too, and I got to have them in my life.

(00:54:31):

But switching that positive mindset back and forth can be a roller coaster and changes daily, multiple times a day. Totally. But yeah, it's definitely been, and I know too now in your journey, you're doing a bunch of stuff with women's groups and women's nights at your house, which looks amazing. Even that alone, had you not started KB and and created the community in Edmonton and then was open on social media and everything, like you said in the beginning, that was your stepping stone to a bigger platform or a bigger community. And now look all at the amazing things you're doing in the community on top of KV and Co, which is just, it's incredible how it all plays out. But what is something in your journey now, I know there's a few other things too that really has helped you or that you love doing.

Kristina Botelho (00:55:41):

Maybe help me through the grief part. You

Emily Cave Boit (00:55:45):

Think? The grief? Yeah.

Kristina Botelho (00:55:46):

Yeah. Oh, well, I did, I will say mean therapy. Obviously having someone an outlet is really important was and is always very important. Someone outside of friends and family, I think

(00:56:07):

That you can share with. When my sister passed, that kind of felt like the nail in the coffin as far as I could feel myself breaking. I knew that I couldn't take much more. I started to then question. I had, I would say, pretty strong faith and belief in God, but I also, I was starting to feel resentful and starting to feel like victimized and why is this happening? And that, I hate to say it like this, but truthfully, I remember saying this at that time to very few people, but why didn't he take my mother? She's the fucking reason.

Emily Cave Boit (00:57:02):

Oh yeah. There's some things that you say and you're like, Ooh, looking back, you're like, Ooh, I probably should have, but it's valid to feel many emotions and angry, et cetera.

Kristina Botelho (00:57:16):

Yes. Well, she

Emily Cave Boit (00:57:18):

Thinks I

Kristina Botelho (00:57:19):

Be the reason in my mind, you are the reason I have this baby because, and you are the reason she passed and you are the reason. So the list went on. She was the reason why not take her. That would just have made all of this so much more easier. I say that, but I do know in my heart, I would grieve her passing as well, and it would be very hard on me and for me. But I had all these questions and I didn't understand the world in the way that I thought I did. And I had never felt, I had never lost anyone in my life, not even a grandmother. So I have friends who lose people. I'm like, that's got to be really tough. But I hadn't lost. I had never experienced that. And then when you do, then you understand why then you're so angry and you don't understand life. So I explored psychedelics in the way of trying to understand the other side. Honestly, I just wanted to know, I know God's real. I feel like the presence of creator, but why then take people? Why is all these awful things happening in the world? You start to go down this rabbit hole.

(00:58:47):

And I had met somebody who had said that psilocybin journeys had changed their life in the way of life, understanding it. And so I, of course at first, now I had done some crazy drugs earlier in my life, but I say crazy. I actually pod and then actually did acid at a very young age, but nothing like coke or harder, although acid, it's pretty hard. But I just remember and given my family system, there's no fucking way I will touch drugs. There's no way I'm going to do drugs that I'm just like the others. But I think the intention, and after meeting it was these shamans out of BC that were facilitating these five day, two journey workshops. As I learned more about psilocybin and its effects to, has been known to kind of clear, provide insight and clarity potentially. It also is known to bring up stuff in the way of what you need will come up, not what you want. I really wanted to go into my journey. I was very clear. I'd like to see my sister, I'd like to understand why she left. That's all I want to know. And

Emily Cave Boit (01:00:13):

This is my agenda. Nothing else.

Kristina Botelho (01:00:15):

Yeah, exactly.

Emily Cave Boit (01:00:17):

Can this please just go right for me? There's one thing

Kristina Botelho (01:00:20):

Exactly. That's all I asked. And that is in my first journey, that is not at all what happened. I was super pissed after I came out of it. I was like cried the entire time. They were like, you had a lot needed to come up. I'm like, I want to talk to my sister. I just want to talk to my sister. I wanted to understand too, I wanted confirmation that she passed of an accident that was weighing heavily on me, that it was an accident and that it wasn't intentional. I think that would've laid on the guilt way thicker. And so when I went into my second journey, which was two days later after some integration, actually in my experience, I felt like had a conversation, had felt her spirit had felt and understood. I sort of came out of it with this, okay, this is life. This is what life is. We asked for free will. Going back biblically. We asked for to do, for all the things to happen. And I do believe, I started to believe that this path is purposeful and that everything is purposeful. Everything happens for a reason. After my experience, I forgave my mother. I just, something that I had never, ever thought I'd do. I came back to Edmonton and met up with her and I just said, I forgive you. Oh my gosh, I forgive you for all of it and I love you and I just want to be here for you. And I told my dad, I remember my dad had picked me up from this sender and I said, dad, she didn't leave on purpose. It wasn't intentional. We

(01:02:23):

Would

(01:02:23):

Later find out through an autopsy that it looked like appeared to be accidental. So kind of confirm what I had experienced, but that was sort of my entry into this understanding life, the healing work that I needed to do. So now I continue to work on self because I do know that I was sharing with my recent daughter moving, just when you think you're fine, what's crazy too about Reve, you're like, wow, I'm doing actually really good.

Emily Cave Boit (01:03:03):

You're like, it's a good day.

Kristina Botelho (01:03:05):

Yeah, it's been just kidding. Exactly. I'm like, everything. Well, my daughter leaving really upset me more than it maybe should have. My son moving out was at the time, more upsetting than it should have been. And I think if I were to get real and start peeling back the layers, I'm like, oh, I see all this is doing is opening up that some unhealed grief experiences of loss, that feeling of loss. There's more loss. Okay, what loss haven't I fully embraced, hugged, and then going back itself. So I really mean do a number of, I guess meditation. Meditation has been huge for me, and my faith has skyrocketed big time. And I will say talking about, again, purposeful and everything happening for a reason. My sister's passing gave me the ability to forgive something and my compassion

(01:04:13):

And

(01:04:13):

Capacity to be more loving and more present, I almost want to say changed your life. It changed it immensely for the better. And I was working so fricking hard. Emily, I have my whole life since 15, 16, I've been in this overdrive, overachieving, do all the things. Family's great. Sure. But I never grew up believing or being taught that family was everything. I couldn't give two shits about my family at the time. I wanted nothing to do with them. So I didn't have that embedded in me. And so I would kind of raise my children, God bless, they've all turned out amazing. But I put my business before my children. I put my social life, my personal life before my children because while also still raising them to be good children, I was more of just like, I'm your mother. Do. As I say, I don't, didn't value the time that I had with him. If I'm being completely honest. I didn't understand how valuable that time was. And then when you lose someone, you're like, oh my gosh. Things I would've said,

Emily Cave Boit (01:05:36):

Time is everything.

Kristina Botelho (01:05:37):

It's all we have. And now I could really give two shits about what I do. And now I'm like, I just want to be there for Aaliyah. I want to show up for my children. I want to just spend all the time that I can with them and because that's what's most important. So it humbled me very quickly and gave me, I think this newfound new perspective.

Emily Cave Boit (01:06:07):

I couldn't agree more on everything you just said. Yeah, I think, yeah, time. Everyone always thinks, or even the cliche saying, Yolo, you only live once. It was kind of like a joke saying for so long. And now I'm like, no, it's actually so true. I'm like, there is so much truth behind this. It's so true. Take this seriously.

Kristina Botelho (01:06:31):

Yes.

Emily Cave Boit (01:06:33):

But your journey has been absolutely incredible. And to watch and to get to know you in Edmonton, and I thank you so much for letting Chester come into KB and co with me after Colby died because I remember people are dogs allowed. And I was like, he has to come. Yes,

Kristina Botelho (01:06:59):

I remember they would ask me, I think I got a call once I wasn't there. And they're like, this girl keeps coming in with a dog. She comes in every day with the dog. I had no idea who you were at the time. And I was like, so let her come in with her dog. I don't know. Who cares? They're like, okay. Just wanted to make sure it wasn't, staff are just like, you train them to be very kind of robotic, right?

Emily Cave Boit (01:07:20):

Yeah, yeah. No, I kb and co helped me quite a bit after Colby passed away. So just even got me out of the apartment, the berry smoothie. Avocado toast.

Kristina Botelho (01:07:34):

Yeah, the strawberry you got.

Emily Cave Boit (01:07:35):

Even in those ways, you help so many people that you didn't even know when you're starting these recipes. So it shows you that imprint. You can leave on so many people. But

(01:07:46):

Thank

(01:07:46):

You so much for sharing your story. I'm sure your sister is so proud of you. I can only imagine. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for coming on.

Kristina Botelho (01:07:58):

Yeah, thanks for having me. It was great. No

Emily Cave Boit (01:08:00):

Problem.

Kristina Botelho (01:08:01):

To connect. And I'm over here just rooting for you. Always know that I see what's going on. And watch the battles that you've had to face. Not only just, I can't even imagine in your shoes to have gone through just wanting to just rightfully experience the grief

(01:08:23):

Through

(01:08:23):

Colby's passing and then all of a sudden now have to navigate through some of the negative experiences that are to follow. It's so awful. I think I was sharing with my sister who you were the other day, she was like, who? I'm like, I mentioned you before, but she forgotten. And I said, one thing I really find refreshing is when you've shared previously, you would share what people are saying. I'm calling them out. And my sister goes, F yeah, yeah. She should totally be doing that. I'm like, yeah, Sean. No. She would say, let me share what you're saying. And I love that. I love that. I think that's bold and that's brave. And I think that those people need to be called out. And I know this, that this is what comes your way in the way of these negative comments are it's such projection.

(01:09:28):

It's

(01:09:28):

Such, and I've been, I think tried. I was almost canceled through COVID, through all the hatred that was going on. And if I said something like, eat healthy, people were like, you don't believe in vs. I'm like, I just told people to eat healthy. It was so wild.

Emily Cave Boit (01:09:47):

I remember I posted one time, I'm sure you saw this, and it was like I was just telling people to follow the rules. Just just follow these rules. And I think too, because I knew it came down to what bothered me was if it came down to their running out of beds, Colby would've been pulled off life support for the ventilators and all that. So I was just saying there's other accidents that also happen, whether it's car accidents, whether it's all this. And I woke up the next day and it was on TMZ York Times and it's like Colby Cave's widow lashes out against COVID deniers. And I was like, I said nothing about this. Oh my gosh. Literally this was a few weeks after he passed away and I was like, well, shit.

Kristina Botelho (01:10:35):

Yeah. Oh, I can't even imagine. It

Emily Cave Boit (01:10:37):

Was so fast. So yeah, I get the COVID people coming for you about that.

Kristina Botelho (01:10:43):

Yeah. Oh, and being in the healthy, I didn't participate in the Show me your QR before I let you in because in my mind at the time, I was like, I am depriving food to various people that probably if they're not getting vaccinated, maybe need more health food, then the rest of them, and I'm going to say, no, that is not even in my brain. That's not a thing. I'm not doing that. And so by deciding not to do it, that definitely opened the gates to your effect. It was just like, I'm just trying to provide food and I'll bring it out to the car, drop it off five feet away and walk away. I'm just trying to provide healthy whole food for everyone. But that I've definitely, since then, and I'm sure for sure you experienced this now where your skin is a lot thicker than it was, and you,

Emily Cave Boit (01:11:36):

But softer at the same time. I feel like I was talking to my parents about this. I feel like I'm definitely more tougher, but then at the same time, I definitely, like you said, have the more compassion and more understanding of things. So it's like a 50 50,

Kristina Botelho (01:11:53):

If

Emily Cave Boit (01:11:53):

That makes sense. And it changes on the situation. Yeah,

Kristina Botelho (01:11:57):

There's expansion there, it sounds like.

(01:12:00):

Yeah, totally. Which is good. But yeah, I think when people are coming at you, it's just projection. And I remember hearing or reading who said this once, maybe Brene Brown, where if you are not, no one will ever criticize you who's doing more than you. And I often think about that when I face criticism or when I see people lash out. I honestly just want to say, you are loved, love yourself, and go home, run a bath because it really is about them. And so just, I admire your strength. Well, thank you. And how much you've had to go through and navigate and how much you share and put out that could open it up for that. And you just tread through it so beautifully.

Emily Cave Boit (01:12:54):

Well, thank you.

Kristina Botelho (01:12:55):

Yeah,

Emily Cave Boit (01:12:56):

Thank you.

Kristina Botelho (01:12:57):

You're amazing.

Emily Cave Boit (01:12:57):

Thank you. Thank you. As soon as I get back to Edmonton, I'll be at KB and Co.

Kristina Botelho (01:13:01):

Amazing. Are your parents still here?

Emily Cave Boit (01:13:03):

Yeah.

Kristina Botelho (01:13:04):

Are they

Emily Cave Boit (01:13:05):

Love it. They love Edmonton. Well, thank you so much again.

Kristina Botelho (01:13:09):

You're very welcome. It's nice to connect with you.

Emily Page (01:13:27):

Thanks for listening to you or more, Emily. Would love to hear from you. Reach out via the text link in the show notes and let her know what resonated. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend. Don't forget to follow the podcast and leave a rating to help others find the show. Thanks for listening.