Matt I just want to start this episode with the small gripe I've got not with you great continue it's with all of the bathroom automations that are infuriating because they don't all work.

So s just got back from America the other week.

In the bathrooms, they've got the mirror that has the tap in it right, the soap and the dryer ye, all.

Under the one Yes, there's always one thing that doesn't work.

Bring back the old faucet.

You want to have them segregated, or you want to I want the fawcet back.

I literally went to three different ones to try and wash my hand.

I don't think anyone's asking for the censor the water sensor.

No, not one person I know has said I thank God for the water.

And if you're the person who's requesting it, then stop it.

You're the problem.

You are the problem.

Welcome back to two Doing Dads.

I am Mattie Jay and I'm as And this is a podcast all about parenting.

It is the good, it is the bad and related.

If you come for advice wrong podcast, turn around, stop the car, stop the car, indicate turn around you've made a big mistake.

I will turn this car around, Matthew.

Before we started this episode, I thought housekeeping was pretty light.

On and then it builds up quick, doesn't it Just it's a full time job.

It's a full time job.

Just think you're on It's like the laundry.

You think you're on top of it all and you're like, oh, they'll be easy, and then you turn around, come back, chuckle block.

You miss a day.

All of a sudden, you have ten loads to the next day.

Unbelievable for me.

Then okay, so just really quickly, I didn't really tell you this.

Because you keep a secrets from me.

Let's keep a secrets.

But Marley had an audition.

Now this is not she does do dance on a Thursday.

It's separate.

This is a dance that's in the school, like a morning you drop them off early.

They do it before school.

It's part of the school program.

Opposed to being an out of school activity.

It's an in school like, you get it.

We're on the same page.

And I think they've done this as a genius bit of marketing the school.

So they have done auditions.

Okay, so kids have to learn a dance routine.

They come to the school on audition morning.

They all then perform the dance they are auditioning for a role in the dance group for their grade.

Can I just say please?

They're very young.

Are they really going to turn around to a six year old and be like?

That's what a lot of the parents were saying.

They were like, you know, we're all kind of saying, how are you going with the because it was a hard dance to learn as well, and everyone was learning it and we were kind of like we drop the kids off and we're like, oh, you good luck.

Hopefully they get it.

And I was thinking to myself, are they really going to turn away?

Yeah, no, you can't do it?

And then I saw the fees.

Okay, it's very for a year.

We're talking like eight hundred bucks?

Are they going to dance for you?

But I think what they've done here is they've done the audition.

Like deter parents, No, I think they've done They've done the audition as they're like, the kids really want it, they really want it now because they might not get it.

So I'm yet to find a parent who hasn't received the congratulations your child has been selected email.

Everyone's got that email, and I think they just make it seem like there's pretty limited spots here.

So they try extra hard and do extra work and put more in, or you're not fucking picking up.

I'm not, and I don't appreciate the language.

I'm sorry.

I think.

Okay, it's a bit.

Break it down to me if if I was a six year old.

It's a bit like a rug company says, we're closing down.

Interesting choice, we're closing down.

There's a sale.

You create a sense of urgency.

Okay, there's only a couple of rugs left, they're all half priced, Come and get your rug.

Are they closing down?

No, they're not.

It's a mind game.

It's a mind game.

I think this is a mind game that they've done to make it seem like if you get a position in the dance group, you're very lucky.

So that makes people want to get in and then pay the eight hundred bucks, and that means that's going to get more people that if it wasn't that much of yeah, whatever.

But because all the kids and the parents also so proud the child has been selected from the audition process, they're like, how could I say no to the opportunity that she's been given?

Because she's been selected.

She's won it through the audition.

Okay, I'm with you.

Now, did they tell you how many spots there were?

What to start off with you jacking?

Gon?

I didn't.

I didn't ask.

I didn't ask well because but anyway I limited, Will I pay it?

Yes?

I will?

Well, of course you can't break poor Marley's heart so much efforty.

This is where they got you.

They got you again, they got you more than one.

Now we're on the same path they got you the first time with the rug sale.

And now you're in there and Marley really likes the rug.

You can't leave without said rug.

I have to get the rug.

The rug has to be I'm picking it up.

Sorry, not just to you, but to the listeners.

We're here.

We took scene it route to me.

But okay, so she made it in other words correct.

So if you didn't or if you didn't practice and you went and just be like I want to be in, were they going to be like, you're not going to come in?

Maybe?

I doubt it.

There's got to be some people that, Okay, out of all the people that audition, there's gonna be something that will crap.

I think we can move on for the Okay.

Actually a goot quick quick dance update for you, Macie.

So I'm drinking this colbrah.

That's like I'm drinking petrol.

Wow, you don't have ADHD because coffee works for you.

Seems to got something.

I find out what it is.

You need to get tested.

Macy has started ballet very late.

What took you so long?

Not me?

Honestly, I didn't know what's here.

It wasn't me.

I didn't know she was even doing it.

I only found out she was doing it two weeks in from who April?

What they've done it behind my back?

And my mom came down to look after the kids and she gifted Macy.

I ll it's hard, and I was like, what's that for.

I was like, is this for swimming?

She was like, no, it's for ballet.

I'm like, who's doing ballet?

She's like your daughter.

I was like, Nah, wrong family, You're the wrong family.

And then I found out she's doing ballet.

But she fucking loves it.

She's very good at it, she's very passionate.

What is she learning?

Learn age?

But let's go back to the late in the year.

Two weeks she's a two two weeks.

She has a dance concert next week.

Holy Jesus, that's how advanced my children are, Matthew, you they only need two weeks.

No, when did the other kids start learning?

January?

Okay, all right, So she'll be at the back of the.

Chilly front and center d right now?

She is.

She is it's one lake.

She does this thing where she goes and for the listener.

It's called I don't know what you call it's like and she goes one way and then she extended.

Out of this very graceful.

I'll try and get it next time.

She is a full outfit.

Where is the dance?

No idea, no idea?

Two weeks in and she's good.

She's good to go.

She loves it.

I'm so proud of it.

I'm actually happy that she's she's doing it because she really really likes that.

Is that her one thing?

What does she do?

What else?

Is that she has a swim lessons that in ballet?

Is that it?

Yeah, you have no idea.

She'd be doing heaps and things.

I don't know.

She could be in Uni.

I have no idea, but I do take it to swimming on Thursdays and she's very good at that too though.

Yeah, but also yes, just do you know how I know that because last week, last week I took her and it was safety week.

Have you heard of safety week?

You've never heard of it?

Okay, So what they do is they in the pool, so you do the swimming lesson but without you know, they have to have a swim cap and goggles, no goggles, and you put one of their t shirts on.

So it's like replicating if they accidentally fall in fully.

Closed, they must be kids.

What the fuck is this about?

Now, she's just fifty meters sprint up the pool.

She was an animal?

What about head down shoes on?

No, maybe that's next class.

To make it fun, put them full tucks ash calendars.

We just want to say before we share this information, this is going to be emotional.

If you're standing, please take a seat.

It's going to be really upset.

If you're sitting, get ready, because unfortunately the call has been made and this is not like, this is not a marketing ploy.

We didn't take this decision.

But just I want to say, this is this is not We're not going to then really the calendar next week and be like oh quickly this is a term.

This is set in stone.

The calendar in the next year will be teash.

M i A.

They will not be we will not be doing a twenty twenty six calendar.

But just do you want to give the listeners a second to just like gather themselves.

That's enough.

But we could bring it back the following year.

Yeah, never know too much.

I blame Poppy for this.

I didn't want to say it, but this, this.

Is Poppies doing.

She came at a time when we would normally be in the thick of training for the calendar.

Preparation wise, you trained, I did train.

I trained Bintang Body by Bintang last year.

But if people do have a calendar, just enjoy that December.

Yeah, it's good.

It's a good photo ash to myself hosing ourselves down.

You could reuse that calendar if you're willing to mathematically jump a day forward for the following year.

Were people actually using the calendar, I.

Think they were using it for smart Yeah more more.

Yeah, NaN's going to be so upset.

It's not going to get to see a fresh set of Maddie j and I'll.

I'll keep her updated with photos and later in this ap.

I do have an update on Nan just so, Okay, something has stumbled across my desk, Matthew that I really think the listener and you need to know, especially there's always talk about summer bods, you know, coming to summer beach, bikini, bikini bod.

I've found some extensive research that's been done, and I'm gonna lay it on you right now.

Is this breaking news?

This is not we call it breaking news, but I'm going to call it.

It's breaking research that's really going to help the listener and yourself.

Maybe not you, because you're quite You're quite athletic.

Okay, that's a compliment, Thank you.

I want more than that.

I'm really sorry.

I was playing to cool.

Okay.

Research suggests that just thinking about the gym is just as effective as actually.

Going Who fuck has said that?

I don't know, but I believe it, because you know, I feel like I need anything at this point to get my summer body back.

And I don't want to say I don't believe you.

I don't want to call you out on your stats because I think the breaking news slash breaking research is a great segment that I want to continue for a long time.

But I just think of it about the credentials of the podcast.

I'm not worried about that whatsoever.

I'm worried about my body.

And honestly, I'm actually going to say that.

That research is flawed because I've been thinking about the gym all year and I still.

Look like this.

Have you though?

No?

But I just thought it was interesting and I think we've been lied to by the fitness industry and that we should just be thinking about it instead of going.

There'd be a lot less drama if you ask me.

There you have it?

Do you have it?

Guys, do you have it?

You're welcome.

You can always rely on me to bring the truth.

So bring the truth to this podcast.

Last little bit of housekeeping.

Yep, again, I told you it was Chocker's.

It is it.

We've come to the other housekeeping.

There is a parenting hack.

Ooh, we love that ash in the Facebook group.

This is from Hannah.

This new segment called hack from Hannah.

Hannah.

It says, this is a great parenting hack.

Listen in.

If you've got treats and you don't want the kids to find, stash them in a frozen veggie bag in the freezer, because kids never look there.

Yes, so dos they see a veggie on something and that the thing is with that genius?

First of all, Hannah, absolute genius.

Here's a little look that's great.

I love that is a box of favorites in a corn kernel frozen thing.

And honestly, if I'm Cabri right now, I'm rethinking my whole marketing around the box of favorites because there's no kids, because I have money, So don't put it in the box, put it in just pre do it for us.

I have another parenting hack that I can just quickly drop in here made someone said the best place to hide Christmas presents is in a suitcase that they have in the living room because they said it never goes away off the back of a trip they took six months ago.

I don't know if you saw when you came in today there was a big suitcase, two of them.

Yeah, that's been there for bloody ages.

Oh yeah.

And I was like, that is such a great place to hide the Christmas presents.

In plain sight.

Do you know what I did?

And this is not parenting hack, this is pre engaged hack, yep, because we know how hard it is to hide a big purchase from your partner at the time in terms of buying a ring for engagement.

Yep.

So there's that.

But then once you have it, and that's nervous and nerve wracking enough.

You've got something that's quite substantially expensive in and around.

Where do I hide it?

You freak out?

You think I gotta find I hid aprils on our dresser in our bedroom for three months, literally in plain sight.

And she didn't see it at all.

Like in a box.

It was in a box in like a knickknack box that she would rummage through.

Didn't even see it.

That is bold.

I was like, you know what, if she finds it, it's a funny story.

The arrogance of the man.

I just thought, stuff it.

She found it, and then when you proposly, she was like, oh, what a surprise.

I thought about that.

Ouch ouch ouch out.

But two very good hacks in plain sight.

Veggie is a good one because it's usually the first thing they learn about when they go to school because of the alphabet and the corresponding veggie.

So if carrot frozen carrot.

Like, yeah, oh, she had no interest whatsoever.

Whack there's chocolate in there, you sucker.

Ash, I'm dying to hear about your nan.

That's funny you mentioned dying because this story is about that.

She's not dead, thank god.

I want to add chuck that in there real quick.

But my nan, who is a very big fan of the calendar.

She doesn't know what a podcast is.

She collects spoons, if I'm not mistaken.

She collects spoons, Elvis memorabilia, and two doting dad calendars.

She's got a garage for Is this your mom's my dad's mom, your dad's mom.

Yeah, if you spent any time with her, you would know.

She's definitely from the outside of the face.

She's in the in a west, in a west, No, out of west, Yeah, she's way out there.

No, it's Maryland's She called herself the Queen of Marylands, which she kind of is, and this kind of would maybe help that case.

She is quite she's getting quite old, but she's really really with it.

She is quick as a whip and I love that eighty eight Wow.

Yeah good.

She lives on her own and quite often I go over to see her.

Will she make one hundred?

Do you think?

Yeah?

Easy?

Love that Jesus touched all the wood in this house.

Oh God, hang in there, I think so yeah.

But she anyway, I do go out and visit her quite a bit.

Very good, Thank you, very good.

I thank you.

The traffic's terrible.

I call you and you're like driving back from n oh Man.

It takes me forever.

I stay out there a lot too, because it's like she's on her own also getting away from the kids.

But she can talk the leg off a chair, that's for sure.

I wonder where I get it from.

Anyway, every time I go out there, she saw something obscure, like she's on the roof or some ship fixed a tile.

She just one of those people that has to do everything herself.

Blah blah blah.

And I'll be honest, there's a during COVID.

Can I just say as she's not lying.

I think it was four weeks ago.

You came over and she was like, oh, yeah, she was on she was like, noil gun in hand, fixing the room.

Yeah, she was fixing one of the tiles on the roof.

I was like, how did you get up there?

She was like, I climbed up.

I'm like, okay, how did you get a roof tile up there?

She's like, I climbed up with the rooftile like I'm the idiot anyway, I was like, can you get down?

But during COVID I used to you know how strict it was, We can't leave your suburb.

I changed my address of my license to her house so that I could come and go as I please, and I would stay there quite often, and I would get out there it's a day, and she's not opposed to a midday nap.

I used to have to check her pulse.

Yes, walk in, go to the couch, check a pulse and she go ooh, wake up.

But she recently took a trip.

To Tasmania with my sister to see her brother, and she had come back.

And then I went out to see her a couple of days after that, and the first thing she said to me, she just launched into this story, and she said, my.

Neighbors thought I was dead.

Did you know that?

I was like, how am I supposed to know that?

You didn't tell me that?

So what's happened is she has come home from this trip, exhausted, fallen asleep in the bed which is at the front front of the house.

Windows, oh, everything open, like you'd think she was dead.

The neighbor was trying to wake her up because I hadn't heard from her.

They knew she was going to be back.

They always check on it, which is lovely, and shout out to them and nothing, no movement.

The cat was in there.

The cat was asleep.

Next to her, because they do say the cat's cat.

Cats will eat you.

Anyway, I'll get there, and the cat was like, sorry, shut up anyway, so knocking.

Then they go get some more neighbors try and find a way into the house.

Because she's so exhausted.

They're like, she's fucking dead.

Yeah, mouth open, and then the police turn up.

The two ambulances turn up, and she finally comes to and wakes up.

She's surrounded by the police.

They'd broken in through the door.

They're surrounding it like she was dead, and she was like, oh, like this and they were like, we thought we thought.

That you would, you would, you would parts and they're like, what made you think that?

And they were like, oh, we couldn't wake you up.

And the cat was in and around you.

And when you die, if you're a cat owner, the cat, the first thing they do is they eat you.

And she was like, that explains the bite marks, So the cat even thought she was dead.

And she was like, you.

Can imagine my shock when I wake up from a nice little nap and there's I'm surrounded by police and power in front of her.

She's like, they're not the only people thought I was dead.

I thought I was dead.

Anyway.

But she for fixing the door, by the way.

I think the neighbor just fixed it.

I think that because she's got like one of those security screens, because she's lives in quite a hairy suburb.

Mind you, she slept right overnight through that.

They the next day.

People wondering there was a shooting in the area.

They're you always hear shootings in the area.

But it was, well, I've lost my train of thought.

It happens, so that's gone.

That's got.

What was I saying?

What was what story was that there was a shooting?

Yeah, yeah, are no what just happened?

Someone just like, am I dead?

Anyway?

And then the next thing she literally, what just happened?

In min That's that was what my brain looked like.

Someone just.

Anyway.

She's completely fine, thank god, But the whole ordeal, and actually that's what brings me back to the Queen of Maryland.

She was actually quite flattered by the whole experience.

Oh yes, good to know people care.

She was like, I didn't think that many people cared about me.

The whole neighborhood was over pretend that I'm dead more often.

It's just like I'm concerned with how easy I die.

I was like, you're fine anyway, Nan, shout out to you.

You never listened to a podcast.

You're never going to hear this, but it's good to know you're still with it.

Yeah, tell her, I say hi for now.

Ah.

Yes, a couple of stories for you.

I'd like to tell you one that my mother told.

Tell me.

If you think this is an appropriate story to tell a six year.

Old, I'm going to tell you right now, it's not going to be.

I can tell it's nothing too juicy.

We were in the car I was driving.

My mom.

Lovely Nana Bless the Cotton Socks, was in the passenger seat.

In the back was Marley and Lola.

For those wondering, Marley's six, Lola's.

Four, and as they should be in the back of the car.

Thank you just for the place.

We are all adhering to the appropriate road rules in this household.

But my mom was like, we're talking about Santa Claus.

And my mom, who loves a random fact, oh yeah, she would just spit it out.

She's like, do you know where the name when Mill comes from?

And You're like, here we go.

And she goes to Marley, like over at shoulder in the car.

There's a long car trip, so, you know, searching for some conversation, and she goes, do you know why Santa Claus wears red?

Oh god?

And I was like, maybe I don't know.

I don't even know this, so I'm going to learn to she and.

Malie is like, because it's his favorite color.

Good answer.

Should have just said yes, yes.

My mom goes, well, actually, Marley, oh god.

Actually Santa used to be green.

And the reason why Santa is now red is because Coca Cola round a marketing campaign where they dress Santa in red because they were wanting to promote the product around Christmas time more I have more people purchase Coca Cola.

Since then, Santa Claus is now read And I was like.

I wonder how much he got paid for that?

What the fuck are you saying?

That's an amazing marketing campaign, I will say, will say, still credit where credit is you?

Yeah, well done, Coca Cola.

I wonder what sort of pool you have to have to change it to a different color.

Let's do it on.

But I was like, what are you saying?

Moment She's like what it's interesting?

I said, yeah, but fuck it.

Talk about taking the magic.

At a Christmas You pretty much brand Horde Santa Yeah.

And Marley is like a sponge Sometimes she's into something, she just locks in.

So now she's been telling everyone.

She's like, you know why Santa Claus w red?

And I'm like, just it doesn't have the same feel about it when you talk about Santa Claus being a victim of great marketing from Coca Cola.

Yeah, it's like, well, how do you explain the white cocaine?

Like for good?

Sound like what are we thinking?

Ellie?

Who's the name of my mom?

And she's like what And I'm like, I just is it real?

Is it me?

That's really real?

When did this happen?

So in the nineteen thirties didn't start him wearing red, but just really popularized him wearing red.

Is that so?

Yeah?

Yeah, there you go.

That is an amazing fact, Ellie.

But also not for a child, am I yeah, right, right, at least is not inappropriate.

It's inappropriate.

I was expecting way more inappropriate from your mum.

But it tells me, tells me.

Tell that story to I'm intrigued.

Don't tell it to a six year old.

I want to know.

Okay, let me ask you a question.

If a brand these days we're going to do the same campaign, which brand do you think it would be?

And what color do you think Santa would end up being?

McDonald's yellow?

Oh?

God, really hit that hard?

And I think you bang on?

Thank you?

Even Amazon yellow?

Can you imagine the big man in yellow?

Quite flattering?

Amazon orange?

Let's agree to disagree.

But hey, that's good, but not freshot.

I will be having a word to your mom.

I do have one more, just quick little mention.

Yep, go on unless no, I don't want to.

I've got nothing, okay, I don't mind, prepares.

I don't know if this has ever happened to you.

Just very quickly, ash, just this.

Is like a p s A the e bike.

Yeah, my e bike.

I don't know what you're you have a different one to be.

Surely Santa's Sleigh is now electric?

The same doesn't need to be.

It's the range electric petrol.

It was diesel one time.

It runs on.

I guess the good stuff on the eight sorry please.

So the e bike, my one has a kickstand where it's like a little prong either side either side.

Yes, thank you, like a like a chicken wish, like a wishbone.

Yeah.

So you like you put it down, you're then like a scooter.

Oh yeah, okay, and so the.

Back wheel is then elevated, so you like pull it back on itself.

Back wheel elevated, little prong either.

Side, well, explained Boom.

The issue is sometimes if the floor is not quite level and you lean like the kids sometimes got to climb up on the bike to get up on it, and it's not level, and I'm like, fuck, be careful the things that will fall down.

And you know it weighs a ton the size, it's like a huge hog.

Yeah yeah, mine, it's massive.

That's what she said, thank you.

I was racing at the door very late.

You late shut out, So I got the bike out and then put the prong down, put the kids on the bike.

Realize, hang on a second, Oh gosh, where's my helmet?

You check your pockets?

Helmet was in the garage, so I thought, kids are just the kids thrown the bike.

I said to them, don't lean.

You told us six and a four year old not to lean.

They're like what.

So I quickly run get my helmet.

As I'm inside the garage, I turn around and the bike it was slow motion.

It was just and my kids looked at me like dotty, and I'm now I try to run to catch the bike before it hits the deck because it's quite behind.

The bike falls over with both my children in the back of the bike, onto the foot onto the footpath.

Oh, helmets on, obviously.

Helmets on, Thank heavens.

But the screams, oh mate, I can imagine the gurgle screams coming from two girls who didn't lean.

And I was embarrassed.

And the annoying thing was one of my neighbors who I don't really know, happened to be walking past, and she was lovely.

She was trying to help the situation.

And I'm there like screaming kids like try pull the bike back up, and she's there being like, oh my god, let me help you.

And I was like, it's okay, it's okay, and she then stood there and the kids were like, Daddy, what.

Like you pushed them?

And I was like, is anyone her?

And then she's still standing there and I was kind of like, oh, thank you very much.

Can you fuck off?

Seriously?

And I was also so late as well, and I was just like.

This is that I need right now to crying kids on the back of the.

Back and I'm there trying to comfort my kids as this woman's seeing if she can offer any assistance, but also kind of judging me as you will, but also canat she didn't, she hung around.

I was like, and then I'd literally was just like, get the funk out of here.

The problem is with also getting them back on the bike and trying to get out of there as quickly as possible.

Then you're going to look like a guy's kidnap two kids.

Right.

I feel for you, But if.

She's listening, she's probably not just she's actually right here, she's still she's in at the crimes thing where you pushed your children off the e bike, mate, and then like getting him the bike the next morning.

So traumatized.

The thing about kids, they're so easily traumatized.

I get over it.

Just suppress it.

Like us and then in your thirties, bring.

It back up.

That fucking e bike.

I'll get you, Matt.

We haven't done this in a little while, but I didn't want to say that.

Oh to the listeners like that, Yeah, you're quick withitted on that one.

Where was I've I've been shot with a dranquiser again.

But we haven't done parentglyized little wile.

We've got a couple of quick ones.

We just want to just very quick, yeah, very quick.

This will be honestly, it's a flash in the pan.

But it's good to hear this song again.

Tell me loud, tell me little love, Matt.

I'll go first.

We have received this in the Facebook group which is thriving from Jessica.

From jess Jessica, however you like to be called Jesse, I don't mind.

It is written as Jessica in.

My notes here it says jess Well, look, I'm here to save time a little parenting lie.

I told my two and a half year old yesterday she loves to jingle the decorations on the Christmas tree.

So I told her that if she knocked the tree down, then Santa wouldn't know where to put the presents.

So far so good.

They do love a ball ball.

They smash them because they think they're going to bounce back up.

I know.

I did a post and the two doting Day Instagram page of Christmas trees in the households where there's a toddler and all the like the f thing that you have to yeah, or like you decorate it just from like kind of chest up.

Yeah, I think you got a better chance of actually fencing the kid in and leaving the tree to flourish.

This one is from my sister, this panting line, and it happened this morning because we were at the cafe.

I got a coffee, She got a coffee with our kids, Lola and little Chansy mcgazzy, who's my niece shut up the chassy, and we got them a chocolate cookie.

Cut it in half and my niece ate like half of her half, so there's like a quarter left.

And I was like, you're going to finish that chat and she goes, I can't, And I was like why not.

She's like, I'll get butt worms And I was like, what the old chocolate butt yeah.

I was like what do you mean and she was like, you know, like the butt worms you get when you have too much sugar.

Your this is going and yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's like fucking play a lot.

And I was like, okay, and my sister goes, yeah, that's right, because you know, when you have too much sugar, then the butt were come.

That's because they like the like the sugar that comes out with you pooh.

And I was like, oh, okay.

That's good.

That's pretty good.

That's good because I mean, I always think like, I'm not going to associate sugar with.

Worms, but now I am.

I mean, yeah, but worms the scientific name for them.

I mean, I don't maybe someone did get worms in their household, but it's good.

I think that's a good one.

It's a banger.

If you've got any other little ones like that, send him on him.

We'll try and read them wheneveryone can, whenever we have time, busy schedules.

But matt this will be quick, well two minutes, plenty of times to be You're here.

I'm home.

Yeah, I'm fine.

You.

On the other hand, I'm not leaving, Matthew.

This is a question from the Wicked Household, which happens to be my household because I live there too.

But it's from my wife, specifically because she's warrior Warts sometimes shout out to April.

Shout out to April.

She's still listening every episode.

She was at the start, Yeah, she dropped off.

Imagine having to listen to me at home and then getting going anywhere and listening to me again.

Sounds like a lot.

Even I don't want to do that.

But this is from April, who will be hopefully on the podcast next week at for a little cameo to say, Hi, we have decided to get the kids bunk beds.

Congratulations.

That's a huge milestone in any family, any relationship.

Really is driving this?

You me gone me because I'm sick of okay, so I'll just paint your picture really quick.

Their bedroom two beds, like a prison cell, let's be honest, but much nicer.

A pon would be happy to be in there.

But there's no room for anything else.

Yeah, So that means where are their toys and their belongings?

Yes, in a living space, for God's sake, and it's already a unit, you know.

So I'm just sick of all the toys everywhere, which there's no point packing them up all the time because they just get them back out again.

And I don't mind if their room's going to be dirty and then packed up at the end of the day.

Fine, but it's hard to do that in the living space when I keep kicking them and shit.

So my question is, Matt, can I.

Just say before you answer, ask the question, I think bunk beds, you're going to look at the room configuration.

Like town planning, you have standalone houses, a free standing house.

But then when the population gets too full, you've got to go up.

You've got you've got to go.

You can't, You've got to there's a space left.

You're making a lot of very good points.

You've got to get high rises.

So you're at the point right now where you're going to skip the duplexus.

You're going to go straight to the apartments.

Yeah, I want to.

I want to build up.

Yeah, like the Gold Coast essentially.

If anything, I would like to build them up and out of my house.

But they're only children, Matt, and we can't do that yet.

So we have decided that we want to do that.

It's not one hundred percent.

So the question comes from April because she likes to overthink.

What does she what's where's ther mind?

Going.

She wanted to ask you because you have bunks for your girls and something were we were actually our trial period.

We decided to do this months ago.

But we're going to see if there was any injuries.

Wait, if Matt and Laura lose a child.

Yes, Look, we are a bunk family, very proud of it.

Have been a bunk family for two years now.

I'm a fan of a bunk I would get a bunk bed in the master.

Of I I grew up in a bunk household.

So we're a generational bunk family.

Well said.

My mother was also part of a bunk family.

I thought she came from the Hammock family.

She it was a hammock initially then transitioned to a bunk So we go bunks way back and I can't imagine life any other way.

We have not touchwood.

There's a lot of touching on wood today.

We've not had any issues, I don't think.

But we've got a great little barrier like Marley's up top just goes up top.

It's just a given.

That is a given.

Yeah, and Maje's a bit upset about that now.

I mean it's which I'll update.

You know, you're talking about prison cells.

The stronger prisoner goes up top?

Is that right?

The bitch goes downstairs?

No offense to Mason?

No, sorry, well said, but Laura?

Can I just say Laura was also a bunk family and she broke a leg.

It is a true love story when two bunk family come together.

What's the evolution of the bunk?

Do you think are we going to Are we gonna go downward?

Are gonna go like ba, We're a basement family.

Anyone out there who's in a triple bunk?

Yeah?

Remember the caravan cabins had three bunks.

If anyone lives leather mattress, was that about, send us a photo and like, I want to hear from.

More bunks the better.

Yeah, so okay, can't pro Actually?

Can I just see you're more pro?

Can I just my sister has the bunk, the double downstairs, the single up top?

Yeah, that's good.

That's that's a nice one.

Then who gets the Then it's like that, who gets the double?

Then?

So then then then you transition to the eldest gets the double to' there's a hierarchy here, which do you know?

What I would really like is a double double?

But that's for for us, So the sex on the bottom, sleep on the top.

I'm yet to see a double double.

No, you've got a picture of a double.

If you have a double double in your house, I fucking want to see it.

What's better a double double or a triple?

Or a three stack?

A three or a four sack?

That's ridiculous?

What about a built in one?

Sorry?

You build your house around it?

Were getting sorry?

Okay, all right, let's go back to the question question again.

If you didn't stop, Uh God, Elvis, we did just say there's only gonna be like a couple of minutes these questions, but we're.

Turning into like a six minute question.

Pros and gods?

Pro small room after this?

No game changer, game changer just the amount of space, Like once I installed the bunk beds, it was like, holy, it was just unreal.

Step brothers were onto something like that interactivity that's unbelievable.

Like it's phenomenal.

The only con I'm seeing that if potentially a child was to fall off the top one.

And that leads me to my next point.

Okay, Laura was about four or five and she was put on the top bunk or I think she was in a room.

Her sister had the top bunk, and a sister dared her to jump off.

I could be making this.

This is like an Olympic gymnast.

Something happened.

Whether or not it was Laura or the sister, that's for another time.

But Laura snapped her FEMA.

That's a big I don't want to freak out, April, but there's cut that right out.

There's photos of Laura being carried around by her grandpa and she's got the cast from from toes all the way up like four leg, full leg.

That is brutal.

Yeah, but they did jump.

They jumped.

It wasn't There will be a very stern word before anyone touches the bunk.

You go to lay down the rules.

You jump off this bed, you're out.

You're out of here.

I'm jumping off straight away.

Yeah.

Look, I think we're I think we're I think you sold it to us.

Actually one question on the back of this.

You have something on the floor in your kid's room a rug, but that's different.

It's quite spongy.

What's the deal that it's just a long head rug?

Am I thinking you had something else on there before?

We did have like a was it like a play mat.

We had were quite thick though.

We went the rug and then the phone mat on top of the double mat, the.

Double mat, and you've got.

But it was like, you know, I was like hit the ceiling.

It was just too much, too much rug, too much high, too much.

Matt's be.

Okay, good I'll pass that on.

But she'll probably because.

What you got because we had we had carpet rug, Matt, Jesus, it was like.

A and when you stood on a carpet rug, Matt, Matt.

What are those cakes called?

It's a trifle, trifle.

You had a trifle of, Matt.

Actually, Laura had a trifle of matts if you were standing on it.

Anyway, I will pass this on.

We have timberfloor ing, so that's going to be really nice.

When oscar falls on that.

We'll hear it.

At least yours.

You wouldn't hear.

It'd be like, dude, you'd sink into the triple Matt.

Good luck with that, Thank you, good luck.

Next question, I have a quick question.

Yes, I cannot wait to figure out what configuration you're going to have for the bunks, because you can sometimes go like the tea.

Bunk you're going to come over next week to recording and to find out.

I can't wait question for you and for all the listeners as well.

Let's just preface this by saying we will not go on a tangent with this question.

This is your and sharp.

When you have a baby and when you're in the hospital, you get given a blanket.

The stripe blanket.

One thing I really want to know Ash.

This is which and we're talking about the multi colored standard blanket that says you've had a kid.

That's the birthtificate.

This maybe a controversial take, got it?

But are you allowed to take that blanket from the hospital?

Yes?

Okay, I see you've got it.

So those wondering you also agree with me that easy you're.

Gonna be put in jail first.

No, that I'm a strong believer that that's a birth certificate.

You're allowed these right.

Yes.

Someone once told me that they had the midwife like a midwif free program and they come to your house at like the four week mark or something, and they forgot about the blanket and their midwife was like, oh, where's the little baby?

Saw the baby had this wrap around it, and she was like yanked it off.

The baby and he was like, I.

Just pictured the baby spitting in the air.

Like it's not like one of those magic treths you whip off on the country stays.

It just goes put in her bag.

And she was like, I'll be taking that, thank you very much.

I'm pretty sure New South Wales Health are gonna leaders.

And now like, oh, I'm so sorry.

She was like, huh the nerve.

She was so offended.

You're on the list, am I people you've been blacklisted.

Don't come for me, please, No, I think it's funny.

Don't out a lot of money to the hospital.

That's just paying the fees.

I say this, yes, and it's.

Good when you have a pet at home and it's your first child, and you can take the blanket home before the child gets home to let the pet pet sniffet and the climatas to the incoming child.

So I think fine.

And I'm not here to condone behavior of taking items from hospitals.

Is it a private hospital?

But I did take a couple of computers.

You know, the machines are go clear, I got in trouble.

No, not by me.

Not great.

We'll let the listeners, all the nurses out there.

God, you get rural nurses.

Matthew Christmas fowls.

We love them.

And sadly, this is the last time we're doing this segment.

And we've enjoyed it, we've loved it.

It's been a pleasure, but sadly, all good things have to come to an end.

Yes, I'm going to kick this off if you don't mind.

I thought you'd never ask from someone named Anna, and Anna writes, this is mum's story.

For when she was a kid.

Just for some context, So her mum, which is her grandmother, wanted to decorate the tree with real candles.

That's got disaster written all over it, doesn't it.

That's how houses used to burn down.

It's like that's how bushfire starts.

Man, we're not living in the eighteen hundreds.

That's something like Oscar.

Really, there's light of real candles anyway.

Literally, can I just say those trees are flammable, whether they're real or plastic, just all flammab that will go up in a heartpit.

You continue, simple, tree is flammable.

The tree caught a light.

Shocker and a twist that no one's coming.

Yeah, this could be a briller.

So my grandpa grabbed it, took it outside and smashed it to the ground to extinguish the fire.

He also smashed all Grandma's vintage glass ornerments.

No shits, that's what you get for getting a real can.

No one.

She was stepped in and stopped.

Grandma does Grandma no basic fire safety.

Have you seen the footage of those Christmas trees going up?

Mate?

Does the plastic ones?

It was a real one.

It was like disposing of the Christmas tree after Christmas and someone lights it like it it is.

It's like a blow torch.

This is what I'm gathering from Christmas as I get older.

We're promoting a break and enters with Santa firstly, and now we're bringing a highly flammable tree inside the house.

Like, what do you think is going to happen?

I think, personally, Christmas should be an outside activity.

I hate to attack Grunny for this, but you had it coming.

Absolutely this is your fault.

I'm going to start a petition Christmas is an outside activity moving forward.

Okay, this one is from It was from mel Me, she writes at the annual Christmas water fight with the cousins.

Okay, I like that.

We went real quick we all have traditions.

The annual Christmas water fight.

I was on the balcony launching water bombs like I'm trying to baptize the entire neighborhood.

A solid right arm hook over the balcony, and my shoulder pops out and it's dangling there like a cheap pinata.

Dad comes to the rescue and pops my shoulder back in with the confidence of someone who's watched half a YouTube to tory a lot.

It love that.

Oh my god, Dad.

I ended up in the ed the next morning, followed by a road trip to Byron in a sling for New Years.

My shoulder has never been the same since that Christmas.

The vision of it dangling like a pinata.

Oh have you ever dislicated anything again?

Touch wood?

The touching of the wood continues yet too Goodness.

Actually used to have a friend who would always dessicated his shoulder.

It would like come in and out.

Well, everyone has that friend.

Yeah, he'd like fall to the ground and be like it's out, and then he'd be like he goes, oh, it's back in.

That'd be like walking along like, oh not, Matt.

I have a final one for this segment and the final segment of said segment, thank you.

This one's actually from your wife.

Oh, so it's said voice recording.

So I've listened to it, so we'll just see what she has.

But it's very good.

So I have a little Christmas fail of my own many moons ago, when I lived with an ex boyfriend.

We decided to delete it.

We decided we're here it.

Only Christmas, and have all our friends over because we're in our twenties and we were cool, and we were going to do our own little Christmas thing.

And I'd never really cooked before, but I was really really hell bent on doing a pork roast.

So I bought this massive pork and I cooked it and it was look at the pork was great, but I hadn't nailed the crackling.

So I called my mom and I was like, Mom, I've got all these people over and I needed the crackling to be perfect.

What do I do?

And she was like, oh, just chuck it under the grill.

And so I didn't realize just how quickly pork crackling cooks under the grill.

And so I put it under there, and I thought, I'll give it fifteen minutes and I came back and.

My kitchen was on fire.

So that really put down there on Christmas Day because well we ate on the balcony.

But apart from that, yeah, the landlord was not too happy about having to replace the oven and also the splash back of the entire kitchen, so that was fun for me.

I don't think any landlord's going to light their kitchen.

Go out like hide the ovens broken, you please get it fixed.

I come over to inspect it and like, this is not broken, it's burnt down.

I do like a Christmas fire.

I'm all for it.

As long as no one gets hurt.

Absolutely sorry.

Let me just put that out there, as long as there's no injuries.

More for as long as no vintage glass ornaments are broken.

Sorry Nan, Sorry Nan, Well they shared that coming.

That's our own faults.

Thank you.

Now, if you don't want any Christmas fails, what do you do?

Man?

You go to Aldi?

Of course, go on, it's Christmas.

Just indulge yourself.

You deserve.

It's been a tough year.

And we want to thank Audi for this segment.

Aldi good different ash.

Yes, I think that is this episode wrapped up in a nice, neat little package.

If you like this episode, please leave us a review.

Do not dop us in for the blanket.

Absolutely not five stars.

A few comments, whether it be on Spotify or Apple, and you can of course find us if you miss us.

You like Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and I think Ash just want some Mattie Jane.

Ash's good news.

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Everywhere pretty much.

Two Doting Dads in the Facebook group.

It's great.

It's going on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube and then we'll see.

You guys, but I don't know, maybe next week.

Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Island, the people's today.

This episode was recorded on Gadigle Land