You did mention my T shirt when I walked in.

Is this part of the episode?

Is this now?

This T shirt was gifted to me by my children for Father's Day.

Oh so now I get to wear the shit aret on my chest.

Welcome back to two doting guards.

I'm Maddy Jay and I'm Ash And this is a podcast all about parenting.

It is the good, it is the bad and relatable and one thing that I promise I will never do.

Actually it's a lie.

Last Emi said, I gave some advice.

I know.

We were like, it's not advice, but it's advice.

We try not to give advice.

Every now and then we can't help it.

We have to, like, let the valve go seeps out.

We close the valve for shut again.

It's a lovely shirt, well said, thank you.

Yeah, look it's not Look it is ship art.

All kids do shit art, but it's my ship art.

Who it is that you?

It's meant to be me?

Looks like you're attacking what's the big blob on the right.

And we'll put a photo meant to.

Be a love heart.

That's a mazy love heart.

That one that's cute.

We'll put a photo up on socials, just so people can look at the incredible creations we'll get just to take a decent photo and by your kids.

What's those shirts that excel It's a big I like a big shirt.

You A big shirt means not as.

Big as you were a few months ago.

I have lost a little bit of weight.

Yeah, are you going to start?

It's a parasite moving to Is a parasite gone?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, it is gone.

How did you get rid of it?

I ate a lot of raw garlic, yeah, trust me, So let me just give you the concoction.

Please.

Is this housekeeping?

This is not housekeeping.

We will go in housekeeping.

This is this is cooking with ash.

So there's a couple of things that you can do.

Please.

Raw garlic, yep, seems to.

Be the most impactful because you could feel it happening.

Anyway.

So what you do is you chop up the garlic.

But what you mix it with honey to attract the parasite.

Then they eat the garlic and die.

Parasites don't like garlic.

I don't like garlic.

They vampires.

Yes, they also only come out at night and love blood.

And the thing is that the garlic won't kill the eggs though, because there's already eggs in you within with in with instchew, yes, what said?

Made that up?

And then you need to have something like papya seeds, but not chewed.

You can't chew them.

They got to be there to kill the eggs.

How does papya seeds?

Not a scientist?

I just went who's told you this?

And then walnuts and pumpkin seeds?

How does April go at nighttime when you guys have a little bit of a.

You know chest?

She goes, good, don't you?

Ah, that's disgusting.

Sorry, once you've had the garlic.

Because if I have garlic, it's seeped out of me.

I tell you right now.

She didn't come to him that a parasite and I didn't have the energy I would have found it.

No, No, I didn't have the energy.

Let's go on a house keep.

Let's go to housekeeping.

I got something for you.

I have something for you.

Oh yeah, okay, wait, there, don't go anywhere.

I would never This is from live, she says, Hey, guys love the pod shuckers, especially especially the ones where you talk shit.

I'm absolutely here for it.

Anyway, probably many episodes ago, Ash had a story about some concerning play behavior he observed from Macy.

I believe the term was serial killer may have been coined.

Was it the shark?

No, it was when she was hiding body parts.

Do you remember, Oh, she.

Was hiding the Lego body part.

Yes, well, there's still a bunch of heads missing.

It reminded me of a confronting scene i'd witnessed from my five year old daughter hiding up her room one day.

I found a poorly plotted gravy of doll torsos until I finally stumbled upon the final resting place of the doll's limbs.

Oh my goodness, in particular the legs stuffed into a small pot or cup.

When I interrogated said daughter on her secret shame, she told me it was a bucket of drumsticks.

I'm still wrestling with how I feel about this, and she's put some photos in Oh.

No, oh my looks so creepy.

It does look like drumsticks.

A bit go down, I found a cup of Lego heads and water frozen in the freezer.

Yeah, so now she's found out how to preserve body.

Really quickly.

The cat Raspberry likes to kill little lizards and she will sometimes bring them inside your cats, you know, like, look what I've brought for you.

Master.

One of these lizards was a bit old, half decade and so some of the bones were sticking out, and Lola was just obsessed.

She was like, oh, speaker was his listen.

I'm talking like you can see it's not a dragon, and yeah, because it was an old lizard, so have the rib cage.

Sorry, I referenced, we're talking like one of those ten centimeter lizards.

And Lola was fascinated by the bones, and I was like, she's Jeffrey Darba.

Oh yes, just it sell and take some pictures.

Houski, what do you got.

I've got one for you from Linda.

This must go back from when we were talking about the pregnancy tests and like things people keep from childbirth, et cetera.

She said, I kept my pregnancy tests and they are now mounted in a frame along with the outfit they came home from the hospital, in the hospital wristband, the birth certificate, et cetera.

They are both hung in our living room with no con takes.

These photos look like there's going to be a bit more.

But if you went to this person's house with no context, and you saw that, you'd think that they lost both babies, Like Linda, I know, it's beautiful, Ash Well, I'm just saying.

I'm just saying it does look No, it doesn't.

It looks like you beautiful and you'd be like, I'm so.

Sorry if you lost It's like, what, No, it's beautiful.

With context, and I'm a big fan of context.

These are adorable.

I'm a big fan.

I don't have any recollection adult and so again put these photos on the Facebook group on socials join us now.

I don't remember what Marlon and Lola were wearing when they came home.

They definitely had that stripey colored blanket.

Oh yeah, oh yeah.

I can't wait to see what you should make shirts than that that look like that, and we and people would and.

It should just say, you know, this is.

Where's your birth certificate for the kids?

He's good, He's very good.

I don't know.

I don't even know where mine is.

Actually I do know who mine is now because it was like, here's your birth I was like, you have that?

Where did you find that?

What about your wedding certificate?

It's probably in the family filing cabinet somewhere wherever that is above the fridge.

It's under a bar, under a key.

And I was cleaning out the room upstairs which will be the nursery for Poppy.

I did find Marley's little medical.

On the risk thing on the foot as well.

Yeah, yeah, it's just like Marley May was born.

But I was like it not, I like it, Linda, great idea.

I April kept the belly button that drops off because you know how you pegging it?

Yeah, that's right.

Oh my god, I'm remembering all this weirdy hint doing the nappy peg up.

No pegged out, I can't remember, but I was a bit grossed out by them.

And then what did she do with it?

Eventually I threw them out.

I didn't tell her she's listening.

Like beef jerky.

Yeah, I didn't try and chew on it.

Did your mum keep you forury after they cut it off?

After it?

Because Laura just told me that Mitch Cherry's mum kept his fory.

That's weird that about.

You know, there's nothing like love between a mother and so it's much I can put that in the band.

Come on, what's wrong?

And what's wrong?

With people unless they really get a good hold of cloning, and it's like, hey, thank god, I've got that bit of dried up jerky foreskin.

I have something really quickly.

This is still housekeeping.

I don't know anymore.

I don't know.

We're just housekeeping is done.

It's over finished.

That's it, guys, not forever.

But today, just down, just really quickly.

Just as a parent, Ash, and I'm sure you can appreciate this.

Maybe the listeners are unaware.

You have to be very careful as a parent with what you say to your children because they will believe anything.

Yeah, I love that.

And it's hard for children to decipher what is a joke and what is serious.

Yes, Like when I said it to you, I was like, when are they going to work out what sarcasm is?

Idiots figure it out.

Turns out Marley hasn't figured it out.

Yeah, neither of my kids.

I was cooking dinner, okay, and I had some sweet potato.

They were very thin, very long.

One had a bit of a vein on it.

I'm referring to a video on the internet where she had a really girth.

It's thick.

It's a boy a Vaine running down it.

So they weren't the ones that I had, weren't.

Quite as It's okay, they're come in different sizes.

But Molly was like what is this?

And I was like, this is a sweet potato and she's like, what is what is that?

Where does it come from?

And I thought it would be funny to say, well, actually it's a pig's penis.

Yeah, okay, I don't know because I'm fucking.

Twelve, and also it's entertaining for us.

And she was like really and I was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, these coming from the farm.

They're from the pigs.

And not my best joke.

No, I think it's great.

I love it because she would have confused the shit out of her.

Yeah, she was like, the cogs were turning anyway before I could have the chance to say, it's actually just from the guard and they grow on the ground.

It's a vegetable.

I then got carried away with cooking.

I forgot to correct her.

She is now telling people everyone, it's like newsday.

She was like, well, guess what I found out?

I say something weird.

She's telling everyone.

She's just like the town was like, hey, what what have you been telling?

Marley and I was like, what do you mean.

It's like I picked her up the other day.

She's telling my kids that you guys eating pigs peanises, like what And I was like, oh, fuck, that's right.

I was like Marley.

And so then she was like, you lied to me.

And I was like, ah, it was the Joe.

It's a joke.

It was meant to be a joke, Like it was I played a trick on you.

That's what it's meant to be.

And it's like sometimes you're like you feel bad for about one second.

You're the entertainment of it all.

Like I was putting that table together in the new place that we sat at you the other day, and I was like putting the legs on, and she's like, what are you doing?

I was like making a sandwich.

And she just took off.

She's like, it's got such a weird diet.

I know ummies, And I was like that was for me, that was funny.

She's confused, and I still haven't corrected her.

So we're still going on.

Every time you sit at a table, she's gonna be like, is dad gonna start eating it?

Is he gonna start.

I'm just speaking about Macy really quickly good segu as she has learnt to say her full name because you know, she's not a great talker.

She's still she's a woman of few words.

Yeah, she doesn't talk very much.

Also, she's got she can't say el, so she said a lego.

She's like, yeah, goom corn on the COB's.

But I got her to say her full name because I was like, oh to see.

First of all, she thought her middle.

Name was the same as Oscars, which is William.

She's like, thank you, mind's William to in the middle my grandfather Billy William William Bill.

I was like, those names don't match.

William, Matthew Wicks, Matthew, a little bit of Matthew me too.

Did you want some more?

Sorry?

Yes, please?

The internet?

Would I apologize?

The internet is just about die and anyway, So I got her to say her name.

I just thought it was really you.

I don't want to show you just just for just for the part of it.

I wanted to show you because I thought it was really cute.

Full legal name, sweet, full legal name, sweet.

Like Yoda.

And I was just so she cried, how did you ever read of chocolate?

For that?

Her voice is so cute melts my inside.

We're in the car the other day, and this lead me into my just quick other thing, my quick observation that I saw before we move on.

So we're in the car and so you came over to my place the other day and you drive down that really long road, a long narrow being lake, you know, and there's the path of wakers parkway actually trying is it?

Wacers drive ignore me?

I will, And there's a people walk around the lake.

It's lovely.

It's a beautiful, beautiful run.

But I noticed the other day only because of Macy spotted her.

She was like, look a cat and she said, look two cats And I was like what And I look over there's dry me crazy forever.

Two people not walking their cats on this path.

They had them in baby carriage, baby beyond baby.

It's not like a front mount front mounted two cats.

Like a couple like this.

Cats are like, yeah, so there's.

Two people two cats.

Think about that just for say, and it's got the thing over the front.

Did they look?

They look?

Honestly, I didn't get that.

Good is eighty k's I did slow down to like forty they were like forty years old.

Good of great eyes.

She's got well, she's got.

Those young eyes.

She's on that side of the car too, because there's two car seats.

Boom, she's she's spotted them and I've slowed right down.

Freak.

Yeah, I was literally like, they're not kids.

Also, baby beyond that's that's good money.

Yeah, they should.

They should bring out a pet range.

I'm not endorsing that actually, because I don't.

Care careful what you say here.

That is a little bit.

I mean, can I just say I will defend pet parents who put their pet in a walker or a trolley type structure if the pet is too.

Old to walk.

If it's too old to walk, put that fucking thing down.

What about you can walk?

She's a functioning animal.

Can no need to yell.

I have told the story.

He doesn't know what date it is.

I told the story about how my dad's dog died, right, take it away.

That dog was like eighteen okay, your dad's dog, yeah it was.

It was our family dog.

Okay, but it was dad's dog.

And the only time it would ever really get up and about was.

After a bath.

That would pounce prance.

It was happy after a bath, you know what I mean?

And garo, okay, you and on our balcony was those wires, you know, the wires that go around to keep everyone in yep, okay, the dogs prancing, prancing, and then what it would do.

It would rub up against the wire because it must feel good.

Anyway, one day after a bath, really happy rubbing up against the wire, slipped through the wires, felt two story, two stories.

That's a long way.

Whack on the ground.

Survived Yeah, oh.

God, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh god.

I had to pick the dog up.

You did, Dad had to pick the dog up, Shane.

What kind of dog was it?

It was a strange silky terrier.

Don't know what that is.

Show dog.

Oh gosh, what a loss.

But the poor thing, the only happy moment turned into a catastrophic.

Fl It'd be like masturbating and then like suffocating in the process.

Yeah, some people are into that.

And then we had to take it to the vet and put it down.

To say thank you for sharing that story.

Yeah, I just thought, what a way to go.

How do we get onto this topic?

I don't know anyway?

Moving on, Okay, cats and carriers, what's next?

Honestly, that's right.

If your animal is too old to walk on its own, and you want to take the animal outside for a little, a little like you know, fresh air, if you will, and you have to put it in a carrier, I will allow it.

Yeah, okay, I think there needs to be some sort of signage to say to explain it.

It's what I think you can tell on the back of the trailer says I am not a pet parent.

My dog can't walk, so I'm taking him out for his daily.

Was trying to scratch itself on the balcony and fell to stories.

Sorry, sorry, I don't want to laugh at it.

Also old neighbor a cat.

A cat fell out of the off their balcony seven stories.

I found it.

It was alive.

I had to pick it up and take it.

The vet survived.

Nah, they said, though, wow, you've been through all.

We said though.

The reason it didn't because you know, cats land on their feet always, uh not always.

Apparently they're saying that the cat that didn't fall high enough for it to flip background and land How hot?

They Yeah?

How high was the seven stories?

That wasn't?

Hugh not high enough.

No fact, seven stories is not high enough for it had to flip on to its feet.

Yeah, And then I had to break the news to say, who's saying this?

The vet?

He's an idiot like her.

Thank you.

Women can be vets too.

Now.

Also I had to tell I had to tell the old guy that his cat died.

And then all of a sudden, I'm buddy comforting a sixty five year old man crying on my shoulder.

I'm like, bro, it's a cat.

Oh my god, is a dog off about it?

Moving on, moving on, just really quickly.

We are going to speak to Laura in just a second.

She is she's currently getting her hair done.

Must be nice.

This is by the time this comes out, the baby would have arrived.

We're recording this right now on a Tuesday.

The baby is booked in to be induced tomorrow at eight thirty am.

Wow, so we will How should I get there?

I think nine o'clock.

I've allowed guests from nine o'clock.

You've got front row reserved.

Yes, I wonder who's going to be there?

Just me?

I think Alicia's coming, Laura's sister.

Great, okay, cool?

And so this will be the final word from Laura, her last little interview before she gets split into by a tiny human.

Well said, well put.

Also, I was thinking about go on putting well said on a T shirt.

All so every little saying that we come up with, I swear hamishnandiev.

I know, I just really quickly want to talk about how disappointing it is as a parent when you invest not just the money but the time for your child to play a sport that that they end up hating.

That's all about whether it goes good or bad on that day.

And you know, soccer was such a great idea at the time.

We had a little soccer ball around the house and Lola just loved to kick that football.

Gosh, she was into it.

And we thought, we're gonna do this little little soccer clinic on the weekend.

Great coming in the back end of winter and Centennial Park, what a beautiful thing.

Actually lovely spring mornings.

Great afterwards.

Man, it is like I'm dragging her to the depths of hell.

Every Sunday morning.

She hates it so much.

We do it for them.

She wakes up and she's like, what day is it?

And I'm like it's a Sunday and she's like it's a soccer day.

And I'm like, it is a soccer day.

And she's like, don't make me go.

I'm like, oh, for God's sake.

And there's another friend that we've made there and we enjoy going together.

And I think I'm going to blame the coach.

Od no, we got he's out.

We've got a new one, a new one.

He's Spanish.

He's very strict.

And I just want to remind people and if you're a coach of a young soccer team, take note, like, you don't have to drill into these kids rules and to be perfect.

You're not teaching messy here.

You're teaching a four year old.

Let them just have fun to a degree.

He rules with an iron fist and he pits the kids against each other.

I'm really liking what you're putting down for this guy.

I'm actually all about this so well.

He does this game where you get two groups of kids.

Right, it's called soccer.

You shut the fuck up, Like two teams.

Two teams.

Every kid has, every kid has a number.

You are just literally describing the game of football.

Hang on.

He then calls number one.

Okay, they number ones.

Then they run up two teams.

They both run into the pitch.

He throws a ball.

They have to then battle it out like gladiators to fight for the ball to then score a goal.

Okay, the issue is the kids that have been doing soccer for a long time.

Oh it's just starting out.

Man, what age group?

She four?

So how have they been doing it for a long time?

They're all four because the kids have been there since they were two.

Wow, that's commitment.

Are some of the boys?

Yeah they are.

The European kids are like they rock up in their football boots already.

Lola's just there and like her slippers.

None of them could swim though, thank you.

I needed that.

And Lola hates how competitive it is.

Hates it.

She strikes me as a competitive not bro.

Really not the moment you start fighting against another kid, the coaches there giving them fucking knives and he's like, all right, you're the wins scored a goal, and I'm like, you just there's no need for this.

To the death.

All they want to do is just kick the ball into the net.

So I'm paying this crazy amount of money and I end up just I kicked the ball with Lola, like just by ourselves, and I'm paying like a hundred bucks for it.

Yeah, and they really wrench it on the sport.

Hey, oh dude, the only like for Oscar.

With jiu jitsu, he was like hating it.

And now last night he was like, I want to do it every day.

And it was like, oh thank god, because I was like, I'm I'm throw I said to him, I'm throwing money down the toilet here because you wanted to go.

You went.

You had one bad day out of all the good days, and all of a sudden you hang on to that.

So the anxiety gets to him on the way, which is fine, and I'm like, you're allowed to be anxious.

Everyone is anxious before they do things.

You just don't know the unexpected.

I just want her to have a little win, a win on the pitch.

That's all she needs.

I reckon, that's all she needs, bro.

And she gets there.

Soon as she gets one ball taken away from her, she's like I'm out.

Yeah.

It was like oscool with rugby union.

He was like he got tackled and I'm like, that's footy.

Just again, Coaches, if you're listening to this, if they're four years or if they're under six, just make it fun, right.

Everyone's a winner.

If you touch the ball, you win.

Let me ask you a question.

Is is he a parent?

I don't know.

Probably No, I don't reckon he is.

I reckon he's just a soccer fanatic.

Yeah, yeah, we've got this coach the team.

You're fun.

Yeah, I'm doing at the moment with all the kids, all the kids who aren't good enough he's got.

He's got two kids that are great.

I take the rest of them.

I'm at the pied piper of the bad kids who can't kick football, and I'm there like encouraging them and having fun with them.

Meanwhile, Lionel Messi and here's another football player, Ronaldo.

Which one?

Shut up?

I think you should be a pioneer and just go listen here.

Like Stuve Ross or.

Something something Spanish.

It's racist, is it?

What's a common Spanish name?

You just go step aside, Sunny Jim.

I'm paying a hundred fucking bucks a lesson.

I'm not going to then pay that money to then coach the class.

What do you want from me?

We just want to see, We just want to know how you're feeling.

And we've been trying to get you on the podcast for so bloody long.

There's a couple of bones to pick.

Okay, well, I'm having a baby tomorrow, so I'm glad that we've left it to the very last minute.

Strategically, this could bring on labor.

This could be so uncomfortable for you.

Like a stretching sweep, it might bring on labor.

I do love a good stretch and sweep.

How are you feeling, In all honesty.

I am at the end of my tether at the moment.

I feel as though I'm having a near death experience and there is something inside me that's crushing all my internal organs and it's trying to exit through my pubic bone.

So you're not horny.

She's really trying to rush this podcast along.

She just gave us a full spiel.

It was so good.

I would really, really like I would have said that this was my easiest pregnancy up until about three weeks ago, and now it is my worst.

And you know that we we did call an expert about do you first have a parenting podcast?

Do we We talk a lot of topics other than parenting.

This episode has been mostly about dying pets.

A few pets have died one more time out of the table.

You're going with him.

We've tried everything to have that's the cake.

O.

I thought.

He's made this kid a birthday cake.

Why guys making cakes?

Stop pretending like you actually.

Does that job.

Laura, Yeah right, this is this.

This is the sort of thing.

Is it not amazing?

There you go, Poppy, this is all for you.

Daddy's been baking.

You're welcome.

I don't think Pop, we can hear.

Yeah.

So if that baby comes out of Siliac, you're all good.

I just learned that word today.

That's why I've used it.

It's like, Celia is really bad.

I thought Celiac had something to do with your spine until I realized it was that scolio.

I gotta laugh.

Just that your internal thoughts coming out externally.

That's nothing.

We already touched the side.

What were we talking about the other day?

My place?

And you're no, it was here, and you're like, it's fascinating.

Bennett the last name, Oh yeah, double double N, double t, and you're like, your brain.

We had doctor Bennett on and that's that's what I came out.

That's the biggest takeaway.

Was Okay, is doctor Bennett connected?

She said?

She said way back, we should have sex because the semen is going to help bring the baby out.

So apparently the amount of semen that you actually need to bring on labor is akin to a liita.

Is it like that?

How you would need for there to be enough hormones in the semen that does bring on labor?

And let's women have told me to be fair about it's been banking here for a while.

It needs more troops in there, you know what I mean.

It's like tugger war.

Get in there, unload the leaders worth the seeming in there, and pull that baby out.

We got to get to work.

Then.

I would like to unsubscribe.

Honestly, this is for Laura to talk about her she's having a hard time.

I would like to know, friend of friend, husband and wife, how are you feeling about what life will be like with three children in the mix?

Some days I'm really excited about it.

And then some days when both kids are not listening and we're both annoyed at each other, I'm like, Wow, this is going to be a lot, like we're going back into the trenches.

But also I feel like we know what we're in for because we've now done it.

We're like old ducks at this parenting business.

But when I'm freaking out.

That's a fools game going in.

I know, I know, but I do feel I think we are going to be okay.

I think.

But when I feel like we're not going to be okay, I can't say anything because I'm like, I don't want to make a spiral.

Oh and I'm like, Laura, what fuck?

How often do you think this?

Daily?

He rings me and tells me every day you are the more positive person, Like, I'm very realistic.

I don't say that.

I feel like I'm more realistic about I'm like, it's you know, it's like it's going to be hard for a year, it's going to be or not a year.

Six months is going to be hard.

But like the girls are so excited.

And when we had Lola, they were so close in age that we just had two babies in nappies at different ages.

That was really really hard.

Whereas like I feel like now, at least the gap is going to be good for us.

It'd be interesting to see what the dynamic turns into with the third with the two girls, how that's going to go.

I think Laula's gonna get really jealous.

That's what I'm prepared for.

Jealousy.

Because she is still even though she is you know, gives Matt some time a day these days, which is more than she did six months ago.

She's still very much like seeks me out in every occasion, like morning's first thing, it's like, where's mummy.

I want mummy to do this, or Mummy to brush my hair.

I want me to brush my teeth.

Even at nighttime she'll say she knows that she can't have you in her bed and she can't come into our bed, so she'll say, Dad, come over here, I'll go in to bed with her, fall asleep.

I shouldn't do Yeah, you shouldn't do that.

But then within an hour, Lola's like, you can leave.

She said, can you get out of my bed?

Yes.

This morning she woke up and like Matt, Matt goes in and he goes to comfortable and then he always falls a sleep within five minutes, which we're trying.

I'm trying to sleep train Matt not to do that and to come back to the bed.

But anyway, this morning she woke up and Dad was still in bed with her, and she was like, enough, get the fuck out of my bed.

So there was a tangrum about the fact that Matt was still in there.

I think we're fine.

I actually think we are not prepared enough.

And the indication of that would be the fact that the bassinette is still still has not been assembled.

We don't have a car seat yet, so there's actually no way of bringing the baby back from the hospital.

I'll do it, Tomura.

We have not assembled the pram.

You did say that you were buying the car seat.

Yeah, and then I remembered I was pregnant one and you're not.

So I just didn't go and get it, and she just full just.

I did poke my head into the room that's meant to be the nation.

We don't have a nursery reformer in there.

Looks great, so you just PLoP the baby down on the reformer and the doctor tot on the foot.

I am going to shredded.

Maybe this is the thing like when you have three, you also realize like how little preparation you actually need because they're in your room for so long.

So I'm like, oh, we have four months to get I haven't even packed a hospital bag and I'm being induced in the morning, So I'm going upstairs after this to pack a hospital back.

Holy hell, Buster did just fart under the table and it's punchy.

I can't wait for four After four months and we're having this conversation, there's no bram.

I've always wondered how how nervous are you about childbirth?

It is absolutely horrific what women have to go through.

I mean, yeah, thank you, it is at times.

But also I am having an epidural and I did speak to my obstetric I was like, because when when I had it last time, they told me that I had to be an establish labor in order to have the epidural, which you know when you've been induced, inductions can be a lot more intense with labor, and it was awful.

I was like, why do I have to Why do I have to experience this absolute horror show and then have the epidural.

And I was speaking to my obstetrician.

He was like, oh, you can have the epidural straight away if you want to this time.

Now, I'm going to arrive in the car park, go upstairs and be like epidurol first and then break water.

Speaking to your sister and Kate had the same thing done, so I'm not I'm actually not.

I don't know.

I'm not not scared of the birth part, like it feels like I'm about to run a marathon.

But I think because I'm so uncomfortable at this point, like I honestly feel like I'm a whale on land that's trying to walk, that I'm quite happy about going through the birthing part.

And also there's this weird sick thing that happens because you have such a dope meine rush afterwards that it's like it's like you want it, like it's like exciting.

It's like an addict have another baby.

How are we feeling about Poppy versus Penny?

Oh, I'm still I'm still team Poppy.

Yeah you too, for other reasons, Popsicle, do you like?

Why don't like Penny?

I got a wager with my wife and that's Poppy.

And if it's not, I've got to do a gym class with her, and that's my man.

And April is very fit right now.

Just want to call it a different.

Essentially, she wants to sign me up for high Rocks or whatever.

If I get high Rocks, my puppic flour could never know me neither mind either my pebt, Like who's going to be in the room with us, Alicia, and you sorry, oh my gosh, you wouldn't even touch my stomach, let alone look at the.

Mountains.

You know, help, but you also are not a great deal of help.

That's why I just don't look, no, because Matt doesn't.

He doesn't like looking down the party and I wouldn't.

And he also doesn't want to cut the umbilical cord.

And he gets that hungry are very often, so he has to go out for snacks.

He does get very it's really hungry.

So so that's where my sister's going to be there because she'll either do the sandwich.

Run I could be a snack guy.

And then often Matt wants to film content around all the things you shouldn't say in labor, so like quite often we're in the labor theater still.

But I want to come to that one.

I want to go to that one.

That one sounds fine, but don't you think when you think about the two berths that we've had together so far, like Marley and Lola were absolutely far sorry, well there was.

They were like chalk and cheese, Like Marley was kind of really stressful, and then Lola's were so easy.

We were if anything.

We were trying to find things to pass the time with because I had been in I had the EPI durer couldn't feel anything.

I wasn't in pain, and we were just like waiting for eight hours for this baby to come.

And we're having a great time.

Sounds good, so more feeling of content.

We're mixed.

There's mixed signals going on here, So I'm not invited.

Do you want to come?

I fainted in enduring an epidural, so I definitely don't want to come.

I'm getting kicked so bad right now.

All right, we'll try and hurry this up.

Speaking of things that you shouldn't say during childbirth, I thought we should do a little segment which we call things you Shouldn't Say to a pregnant woman creative.

I love the name of it.

Can we start with you?

If is there any that's spring to mine?

If this is your third pregnancy that you're like this one just comes straight at me.

Every single day someone says to me, Wow, it's gone so fast.

For you.

I have seen you for six months.

Has gone quick, though, it has gone quick.

So you were also not here for the whole first trimester.

So yeah, everyone always says like, wow, that this pregnancy has gone fast, and it feels like it could not have gone slow for me.

Yeah, that's like especially the last week.

Yeah, it's one of those ones where you don't yeah, you don't know that that's the wrong things because he's like, oh, just time's gone fars.

You're sort of going you're sort of calling out time here, not calling out like oh totally, but.

When it's gone like especially the last couple of weeks have gone so incredibly slow, it's just, yeah.

I've got one go.

Are you ready for your life to be over?

Which is also not true, God that's morbid?

Or are you ready to never sleep again?

But also not true.

Otherwise if it was true, people wouldn't go back for a third kid, Like, we know what we've done.

We've done it before twice.

So I don't subscribe to that having kids.

No, we don't subscribe to any of this.

Let's just put that out there.

I think there's a very obvious one, which is wow, you look huge, which is a real fan favorite.

That's a classic.

I've done that one.

I've also done I did that one to a friend of mine before having kids myself, because at the time I was in my early twenties, and I just expected that it was a normal thing that pregnant people should be huge, and therefore it wasn't an insult to tell them that they are.

I was very wrong.

No offense to the pregnant women out there.

You are fucking huge.

I do hope you that that gets edited out.

That in contrast that when people say, are you sure you're eating enough?

It's not that big?

Yeah, they're not that big.

One is also weird because then you worry that there's something wrong.

So on the like on the converse side, you know, I often get you look the same, like your arms and legs are the same, you just have like a belly, And then it gives me visions of just like like an elderly man with a pop belly, like skinny arms and legs.

Oh yeah, that makes me feel weird because I'm so aroused.

I got one here, I go on here, And this one's a little bit triggering.

It's kind of like someone says what you can can't eat.

So for example, if you're eating something and it's like, oh, you really shouldn't eat that.

Oh yeah, yeah of a fox.

You get that a lot and everyone seems to know, and it's always something different, like like, oh it is that whole leg man, I've.

Been Look, I mean we've made it this fast.

I think I can admit to it.

I've been really lacks this pregnancy.

I have smoking.

See you're smoking out.

That Like my number one craving this pregnancy is been ham And you're not meant to eat hair, but I've eaten hand.

It's like a stable part of my diet that's pregnancy.

Child will be half pig.

Also, I'm supposed to eat oysters, but anytime we've been to a nice restaurant, I'm like, get a dozen, just go for it.

But it doesn't for me.

But you know, you know that you're gonna get the judging eyes.

Oh you do.

And I feel like with each pregnancy, I've gotten more relaxed.

So yeah, yeah, there's another one as well, which I've got here, is you don't even look pregnant, which is sort of like they're trying to be nice, but it's kind of nice.

Yeah, it's kind of nice.

But then it also discounts how much you've gone through up until that point, because it's like, well, if I don't look at very much, am fucking pregnant, and I feel like, yeah, I feel it regardless.

Yes, I also think kids are very humbling because kids don't have a they don't have the ability to hold back.

So Mally and Lula La have offended me many times.

Yeah, well not even accidentally.

They just say what they're thinking and it is a truth.

But it doesn't need to be said, like mom, you've got a fat bar, Like why does your vagina look like that?

And they'd be like, because I'm pregnant, sweetheart, Like, just get out of the shower, like, get out of the bathroom.

Because I'm pregnant.

I had.

So we were in the park recently and Molly was just telling everyone that I have purple boobs.

Was walking around the park being like, my mom's got purple boobs.

And what she meant is your nipples go dark during pregnancy, but obviously didn't have the vocab to explain that.

It's like.

That goes a different car.

Yeah, Areola.

I was expecting you to call it aola or something.

So Ariola was a Disney princess, but that's Ariel.

Yes, yeah, the confusion.

Yeah, so she told everyone, Yeah, my nipples are purple, my boobs are purple.

They're not totally pert Actually they're actually pretty purple.

This is the child friend.

Wow, let's let's give Laura.

I don't think a lot of the weird pregnancy things that happened.

She needs a break asuance.

That's a big one.

What about when someone just asks, like a random ass, if they can touch you belly?

Too much?

Depends on who it is.

It me you tried to make Ash touch my stomach and he was so grossed out by it.

You yeah, it was.

It was surprising how much it upset you.

That's because I got c stick through through aprish pregnancies.

No, Laura, I know you you are.

You've had a lot on today.

We've dragged into the podcast.

It was meant to be a quick chat.

It's now become a long chat.

Sorry about that.

You need to pack for tomorrow.

We haven't had one.

I've got really quick in the bag the hospital bag I saw I saw the other day in your story you looked very uncomfortable and very tired.

What they doing?

You were just you were just ready for the baby to come out.

That's what what story was it?

Because I might have reminded the time, So now I was rending me.

I responded to it and said, I hope you're feeling okay, mate, blah blah blah.

Left on Red you left me on I don't know, but can.

You get your phone because I want to notice whether damn.

It, but it says I hope you're feeling okay, mate, thinking of you or something like that, and you fucking left me.

On scene pregnant.

Also also pregnant.

I was exhausted.

Producer has followed you for a while.

No follow back on social media, sorry, Jess.

Also, do you know what I don't use social media apart from for work.

It's true.

Oh my god, now I've heard it all.

Laura, thank you for jumping on.

If you've enjoyed this episode, please we would love it if you shared it with a friend.

Tell your mom, tell your kids, tell you I thought you were telling Laura that d tell your dog.

Tear friends, and share the love because tomorrow morning, just so you guys do know the timetable, we wake up, I call the hospital at six am yep, and then we take Alla to daycare or Kate takes all the dayk we drop Molly at school and we go straight to the hospital.

So We're there from eight thirty am tomorrow.

Check on.

It's like checking in and when April had her last section was planned, it was like checking into our hotel.

I'm nervous, are you?

Yeah?

Why?

I don't know, because it's a fucking big deal.

How do you feel about going to number three?

I mean we're just about to wrap the podcast.

Sorry, but I feel like you're actually being honest about it for once.

I'm just myself.

I'm nervous, but I'm excited.

I'm just I don't know what we're going to get this baby obviously a child.

As a child, need to explain it's going to be an easy child, a hard child.

I mean, what's it going to do for us?

Probably nothing?

It's a baby.

What do you want this sentence?

I'm so excited.

I just I just give in to us or for I just think if we get a tricky baby, it's going to be months of hell, and I'm like, I'm ready for that.

Sucked in.

Okay, If you have enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone who you think might enjoy.

I think everyone's just confused.

If you would like to follow us on social media, you can do that Instagram, else, TikTok, Facebook and now YouTube full episodes you giving me the y m C A dance.

Impressed by you guys now with YouTube and all.

Yeah, we're just following in your footsteps.

And this camera set up is elite, just compliments.

I think that's it.

I think that's everything.

All right, we'll best of for me to you, best of luck to both of you.

Tomorrow I will be thinking I won't message you, but I.

Will write back to you.

And I'm excited and I'm excited.

People has been he has been very I'm just I'm just I'm nervous for you.

I'm like, holy ship, this is a big deal.

It's a lot of mixed emotions.

Let's go with mixed emotions.

But he has been very excited for the last six months.

Oh my gosh, I get it.

I get it.

Thank God.

All right, good bye.

We got there.

As a parent, Ash and I'm sure you can appreciate this.

Maybe the listeners aren't unaware, but.

I was just getting the brief backup.

Sorry, sorry, I was getting the brief back up.

I don't want to have to hear you.

I would almost welcome it.

I need to feel something to.

Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Island, the people's today.

This episode was recorded on Gaddigle Land.