You're listening to Loving BDSM podcast episode four fifty two.

Kayla Lords here with the one, the only, the why didn't we think to get you your comfy chair while we record sooner, John Brownstone?

I don't know.

Like, you've been with a bad back suffering through a not comfortable chair.

I wouldn't say suffering, but uncom not fully comfortable.

But Since 2020.

That's me being a service miss of who's of service and trying to take care of her daddy.

Anyhoo.

Anyway, this week, fun fact, we are celebrating the fact that I finally got access to the Loving BDSM, email account You're welcome.

By answering the questions in our inbox.

Actually, it was twofold.

First, there was a server change and I couldn't log in.

And then three weeks after we finally got that fixed or took three weeks to get it fixed, then I couldn't get the actual email app on my Mac to open.

But here we are.

We have access.

We're gonna answer questions.

Actually, there's another couple of reasons why we're doing it doing this this time.

We'll get into that later.

But, yeah, we're answering a couple of questions.

Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast.

If this is your first time listening, glad to have you.

If you're back for another week, welcome back.

Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure in education, and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app.

You can also follow the show on Fetlife at loving BDSM PC.

The PC stands for podcast.

On Instagram, technically threads at that handle I will forever fucking hate.

Nobody can change my mind.

And no, I can't change the handle to what I want.

That's the problem.

Loving d s and the number one.

So at loving d s one.

On blue sky at loving b d s m dot blah blah blah or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm where you can watch us live stream the podcast every Wednesday.

All links are in the show notes.

Okay.

Before we get into, the episode, a couple of announcements.

There are a few days left, as of the time I'm actually recording this and live streaming it, for to enter our podcast anniversary giveaway.

It ends at 11:59PM eastern on the August, which I am convinced is August 31.

If somehow the last day of August is August 30, that's fine.

If it's August, it doesn't matter.

Whatever the August is writing the calendars now?

Look.

We can't trust me with a calendar, with time and dates.

I don't know.

I don't know.

It's I can look at a calendar 18 times, but apparently, I need that nineteenth time because I'll walk away going, I got it.

I looked at the calendar.

I know what days are, and I'll stick my dates wrong.

So August,

11:59PM eastern.

There are four prizes we're giving away.

They're kind of, like, in levels.

Top prize is a is $50, to use at the Kinkery.

$50 it's technically like a discount but $50 to use at our Etsy shop.

The next one down is 25 for both of those places.

Oh, everybody is gonna get a tenth.

Everybody who wins is gonna get a tenth podcast anniversary enamel pin.

So we're shipping those.

And then the third prize is $10 at each, and then the fourth is just the pin.

Yes.

You can be located outside of The US, US, and enter.

We will ship internationally.

But just be of legal age in wherever you're located, please, and thank you.

So, yeah, that's technically still going on as of the time.

I'm sitting down and saying this.

I would love to be able to announce it fully and officially but by Friday I think that's the August 29?

But god, I don't know.

Friday before Labor Day, we're supposed to have a Labor Day sale at the kinkery, thekinkery.com.

Why can I not officially announce it?

I don't even have a coupon code planned yet, y'all.

But there will be a sale.

It is coming.

We are frantically restocking.

So Friday is the, twenty ninth.

If you follow the Kinkery on socials, if you, are subscribed to the Kinkery's newsletter, it will all go out that way.

We will make a big deal out of it.

So don't worry.

But I just felt like I should slide that in there.

That in there.

Okay.

Into the wire.

So those are my announcements.

So let's get into this topic.

Look.

I'm I would not I don't wanna be anybody's second choice, but sometimes somebody's gotta be a second choice.

And what we're doing for today's episode is second choice because I came up with an idea and I was mapping out what points we could probably make.

And I was interested in hearing JB's perspective.

And I was like, oh.

And then something hit me on Tuesday and I was like, have we done this episode?

Yes.

We did in 2023.

And I don't mind repeating a topic if we have something new to say, and I was, like, really into I had planned it out in my head.

I had talking points.

I could have made notes right then, but I didn't have time to go listen to the episode from two years ago.

So that we I you know, is this new information?

So that didn't work.

And then I was, for half a minute, was really excited that I finally gained access to the loving BDSM email account again.

There was a server change, technical jargon, technical jargon, blah blah blah.

That was a journey for you.

And it didn't it three weeks, I could not get into that inbox.

So I was like, oh, there's all these emails.

I think we also lost a lot of emails in the server switch over.

But I was like, I know people ask questions, so why don't we since we're not doing Monday episodes right now, which are, you know, for a while had been a q and a episode, let's just make this a q and a episode and go through our inbox and answer some questions.

And that was my backup while I was, like, mapping out the topic I wanted and could not do.

And then I could not get into any of my email on my Mac.

And the only place I accessed the Loving BDSM, And the only place I access the Loving BDSM, email is on my Mac.

I was like the universe does not want me looking at email, clearly.

So that is what we're doing.

So we've got a couple of questions.

They're kind of, like, meaty.

There's, like, stuff there.

So I think that's be, like, hopefully helpful to the folks who sent in the questions, and hopefully interesting for us to talk about.

I just heard Lola whine in the background, so she may not approve, but that's what we're doing.

So yeah.

So I've got the questions here.

I'll read them.

K.

We'll see what we think.

I I I looked at them.

I didn't have enough time to formulate thoughts on it.

So Okay.

I'm going we're raw dogging it is what we're doing.

Okay.

First question.

I'm in an online DS relationship.

It's also my first kinky relationship.

I've only been owned for three months.

Obviously I'm learning and I'm being trained to be his fuck toy.

He's a great dom, very knowledgeable, very caring, very smart, very patient, a great communicator and listener.

I trust him, but the problem I'm having is how to totally submit to him.

I'm very obedient, but I have needs and concerns, which I communicate to him a lot.

I'm very obedient, but I don't know how to go about changing my mindset to his fuck toy.

I'm very devoted to him.

I do a lot of researching, but I have found no information on the process of full submission.

I'm struggling right now, and I don't wanna come off as needy to my dom.

Any tips would be much appreciated.

You go first because we know I I got I got thoughts.

I that I'm not even sure about that one, but, yeah, that's No.

I I mean, that you know, there there's gotta be some definite communication going on, and it's gotta be understanding and work with that.

Well, and that's You know?

That's the thing.

I would I would love to know the dom's perspective because Yes.

Is this a submissive who thinks they're failing and their dom is like, you're doing great.

You're doing fine.

Right.

We're three months into this.

Exactly.

That's where I would you know, is the uncertainty and the lack of confidence from within, or is it, you know Mhmm.

The dom not building them up and, you know, having expectations that are too high.

But okay.

You want me to go is what you're saying.

Okay.

Run with it.

Run with it.

So a few things.

You're only three months in, so you you're new.

You are a baby in the relationship or in DS.

Doesn't matter.

Three months is early.

Okay?

Three months is is still innocent on some things.

So whatever your end goal in mind is for what kind of submissive you wanna be, you you're still learning.

You can get there.

But but you can be obedient, and still in the moment, if it's if it fits you and it's what you genuinely want and not that you want it because your dom wants it, be the air quote fuck toy.

Right?

Total submission, is are there people out there who can, like, work it into everything twenty four seven?

Well, sure.

Sure.

Sure.

But in general, most of us total air quote that total submission, that's a very subjective term.

Mhmm.

It sounds like literally, like, you do whatever, don't really have your own thoughts, don't really have your own opinions.

In that moment, you are whatever your dom wants you to be and they're playing.

Right?

That's cool for a scene.

That's cool for a few moments, but the vast majority of people do not live like that, can't live like that, don't wanna live like that.

So that's first.

Second, being obedient, being their fuck toy in the moment, whatever that moment looks like, never means you don't have needs, never means you don't communicate them.

You always communicate your needs.

Because this is not just the Dom getting what they want.

You are supposed to get what you want out of this as well.

Now it is entirely possible that the fuck toy thing is not your thing.

That total submission is not actually your thing.

There's that.

Also, we're three months in.

You're still new.

Right.

That could be part of it.

It's online only, which is a very real thing.

I won't invalidate people's, you know, only online experience, but it is a different thing than in person.

Yeah.

And some mindsets can be harder to shift for some people because it's online.

I actually do a really good job of shifting my mindset and and being in the moment online because now it's like fiction.

And I don't have to say anything out loud.

I don't have to be awkward.

I can, like, type it all.

Right?

But other people don't.

So there's a there are a lot of reasons why maybe it's not working, but it's never because you're too fucking thing.

Okay?

The dom who can't handle your needs is just not the right dom for you.

Right.

And that's all and I would say that if they're giving you that impression, if they're making you feel too needy.

However, if it is what often happens to subs, especially when they're new, where you have an image in your mind of what you think submission is, which is no opinions, no wants, no needs, the dom just knows, they just they do what they want.

If that is the picture you have for yourself and you're struggling with it, I'm so grateful you are because, again, there are a few exceptions.

But in general now that submission is, yes, I'll do what you say.

Yes, you can do what you want with me within our negotiated bounds.

But I need to still receive something out of this as well.

Pleasure, you know, fulfillment.

It feels good.

Like, whatever.

And if you're not getting that out of the type of dynamic this dom wants from you, you have not done submission wrong.

Like, I'm obedient, but I got thoughts and opinions, and that's okay.

I'm still submissive.

We all have our, like, style and brand and and way of navigating both dominance and submission.

There is no one, you know, way of doing it, that one true way bullshit.

The Internet will have you thinking at hell, sometimes your own community, you'll go to a munch and there'll be somebody who's like, well, real doms or if you're a true sub.

I hate that way of thinking because that doesn't actually work in the real world.

Because it sets you up for some of what I'm hearing in your question of I'm struggling to because I can't be this thing, this, you know, idealized version now.

And, again, I wish I knew.

Is it your dom's idealized version?

That's a problem.

That's a big problem.

That's not the right dom for you probably.

Or is it some you got you got that thought in your head from somewhere else and you're trying to be what you think you're supposed to be.

You're not supposed to be anything other than what y'all negotiate in your power exchange.

Is that obedient?

Okay.

Is it in scene when y'all are, like, truly, like, having that moment between Dom and Sub whether it's sexual or not because it doesn't have to be sexual?

Use use of the term fuck.

Lola, agree.

Yep.

Use of the term fuck toy, I'm automatically assuming it's sexual, but it doesn't even have to be.

You know, you can you can be that in those moments if if you want to be and if it works for you.

But that I'm now just repeating myself and I got my blood pressure up.

Because part of it is I don't know.

Are we dealing with the the shitty dom who's like, oh, I want all the fun but none of the responsibility.

Yeah.

And I'm gonna make you feel bad for having wants and needs.

Yeah.

No way of knowing.

That is very common.

That does happen a lot.

Yeah.

But we don't know.

Right.

Or is this a submissive who has got this, you know, picture in their mind of what they think submission is and they think they're failing because they're not meeting that version?

Either that version is not a real version or you're just not there yet.

You're looking at the finish line of the type of submissive you wanna be and you haven't had time to grow into it.

But please go ahead and knock out of your brain the idea that you don't get to have needs.

You absolutely get to have needs and sometimes those needs are I need to slow this down.

Sometimes those needs are, this thing you assigned to me, this thing you asked me to do, I can't do, I don't want to do.

No.

Lola agrees.

You're not doing submission wrong when that happens.

You are your own individual self, your own autonomous person who is supposed to both give and receive in this power exchange.

That is where I think a lot of people get confused.

People see that the dom gets what they want.

They have you know, the sub does for them.

The sub lets them do things, and they get this picture in their head that that's just how it works.

It's like, no.

No.

The the exchange part of that is we call it power exchange.

Exchange implies we're get giving and receiving.

It's a flow back and forth.

So if you're not experiencing or feeling what you'd like to be feeling as a submissive, renegotiate, see if the relationship is even viable.

You know?

It it's not always that it's a bad dom.

Yeah.

Sometimes it's just crossed wires of of expectations.

That's another thing.

You want to you know, between the two of you, set expectations for where you are right now.

Three months in is very, very new, where you'd like to be in the future, what you're working towards.

But also those expectations need to be realistic.

Okay?

We all have lives outside of whatever kink thing we're doing.

Some of us incorporate our power exchange into our outside lives.

But even then, I don't use my submissive voice when I'm at the grocery store buying some milk.

When I have to talk to my kid's doctor, I'm not baby girl.

Right?

Now if I got the vibe, sure.

You know what I mean?

Like, we we are full people with all of the ups and downs and ebbs and flows, and I get to show this part of myself to this person.

I have to show another side of myself to somebody else, and it all has you have to find a way for it all to kinda coexist together in a way that, you know, feels right to you, works with the life you have, works with your personality, works with your desires.

You know?

And sometimes what a partner wants from us is not something we can give.

So that's another thing to just think about.

You know?

Are they asking you to be a fuck toy and and that's not actually your vibe?

That's okay.

It just might mean you're not aligned, that that you're not compatible.

It's also possible you could say to your partner, yeah.

This fuck toy thing's not working for me, assuming that was a thing.

And they go, oh, okay.

There's so many other ways I can play.

Let's try you you you don't know until you have a conversation.

True.

It always comes back to have a conversation.

Mhmm.

Always, always.

But you are never too needy.

No.

You are never, too much because there's you have questions.

You have wants.

You have needs.

You're not you're uncertain at times and, you know, something's not quite comfortable.

You get to have all of that.

Full submission, that's that's a a real subjective term.

Yeah.

I think you and your partner need to decide between you what that means to you, and then please remember and understand that in another relationship or to another definition is Dom makes all decisions, sub doesn't do anything the Dom doesn't want them to do.

And the Dom basically, like, rule whether it's in scene or it's all the time, the dom is the final authority and the sub basically doesn't have, you know I'm not wanna say they don't have wants and needs, but in the moment, they're probably not expressing them.

I'm only down with that.

If there are moments outside of that moment, you are expressing your wants and needs, and they're being respected.

Right?

Because let me let me say it again.

We all have to be whole ass adult people in the world.

Right?

And, I I would like to have my dom take charge of a lot of my adult responsibilities, but we don't we don't live that life.

Right?

So that that's the other thing.

Full submission.

What does that even mean to you?

Because it's immediately going to be a completely different definition for an online or a long distance relationship than it is for an in person relationship.

And then it's gonna be dependent on what does your life look like.

Like, what kind of job do you have?

Is it crazy and your schedule changes all the time?

Are you parenting kids?

Are you caregiving adults?

That's gonna have to be factored in.

That's gonna, like, skew things.

Like, you're gonna be you're you're not gonna spend as much time in your submissive headspace as you'd like because you've got these other responsibilities.

Right?

So, yeah, the full submission thing, let let's get clear between you and your partner on what the hell that means.

And, again, if your partner's never asked for that and this is you having done your research and having read something or watched something and somebody said full submission and you latched onto that idea.

Even if they did define what they think it means, you don't have to take their definition and just apply it to yourself.

You you create your own definition of what full submission looks like.

And sometimes it's a, this is not a good fit, the the thing your dom wants to do to create full submission, and sometimes you're just not quite ready.

You're not quite there in that moment.

And and it's a a process.

And you just give yourself more time, and you go more slowly, and you try different things, and you keep communicating your needs.

You are not too need I don't I just I wanna get a T shirt that just says you were not too needy because it's it's true outs not outside of kink.

It's relationships in general, but man in power exchange, submissives feeling guilty because they got needs.

Like, what the fuck?

I know.

I know.

And I get it.

I get it.

The tropes and the cliches and the stereotypes and the one true way ers and the, you know, the bullshit of it all, will lead you to think that.

But no.

Your needs and wants that are compatible with your doms should be as just as full fulfilled as theirs are.

Point blank period.

Might not always happen at the same time or in the same way, and there'll be an ebb and flow of who's getting a little bit more today versus tomorrow.

But everybody is getting something from this, and this is supposed to feel good for everybody involved.

Not just one-sided, not just the dom.

I rambled.

You did?

I made myself hot.

My blood pressure's up.

What are your thoughts?

Especially as a dom who has I mean, you've been in many a a relationship with a sub.

It was like, I'm being I it's too much.

I'm not sure I can tell you what I need.

Am I even a good submissive?

You you've lived it.

Yes.

I have.

So you're good?

Yeah.

I said it all.

That's not You didn't.

Even remotely true.

Well, no.

For the record, JB's not quite feeling great for this episode.

Yep.

That's why I did different chair and Yeah.

Podcast listeners, you can't see he's in his comfy, like, big boy chair, to kinda ease up on his back.

Yeah.

Might be him.

Okay.

Let's go into the second question.

Good.

Oh, I would like to stop sweating now.

Okay.

Now this first line gave me pause.

Mhmm.

Because it was it sounds like underage folk doing kink, but the rest of the question reads to me like we're we're after that now.

We're adults now.

It's the only reason I would allow this to even see the light of day.

Okay?

I have deleted many an email from a literal fucking child that was like, nope.

If I couldn't send them a resource, delete that shit.

Okay.

So just remember that when you hear this first sentence.

Okay?

I got with my dom when we were both in high school.

We didn't have a clue what we were doing, but we tried and failed a lot.

We decided to take a break from all things BDSM about a year ago.

After tons of research, we feel like we are one step closer to getting back into the life the right way this time.

Although I'm worried that I'm a bad submissive because I have a hard time communicating my wants and needs due to a past relationship.

How do I get better at telling my partner what I like slash want and what I need from them?

Well, first of all, good for you for realizing that it wasn't working the way you wanted and stepping back and regrouping.

That.

Yep.

Okay.

That that that in and of itself was very smart thing to do.

So, you know, now as for your the the communicating the communicating, you know, that will probably take a little work, but what some of it comes down to could very easily be that you have not found your communication style.

Yeah.

And you're not your comfort level.

Right.

Because you're gonna say stuff that's very, you know, makes you feel very vulnerable and kind of opens you up and kind of cracks open your soul and you're like, here, let me tell you my innermost desires.

Right.

So, you know, is it, you know That's big.

Yeah.

Because it, you know, is could it be it could be journaling, email Mhmm.

You know.

Some people like parallel talking where they don't look at each other, you know, like sitting in a car seat side by side.

Mhmm.

Okay.

Voice notes to one another.

Yeah.

That way it's an asynchronous form of communication.

You're saying the thing, but they're gonna listen to it and respond to it later, and you're Exactly.

Even even texting.

Oh, yeah.

Alright.

Any written form Mhmm.

I'm a huge fan of.

And and, you know, unfortunately, the the the part with it, you know, due to a past relationship, that that's rewriting bad tapes.

Mhmm.

That's what we call them.

Yep.

That's what we we call it bad tapes.

And, you know, they're they're they're a bitch.

Yeah.

They can be a bitch, but, you know, nothing is insurmountable, and you can work through them.

Mhmm.

So But it it takes time.

All of it takes time.

Right.

It it doesn't happen overnight.

Right.

So Time and work.

The one thing we there's one book we recommend and we've recommended multiple times, and to my knowledge, it's both a physical book, an ebook, and I believe now an audiobook.

Oh.

And that is it's called Tongue Tied by Stella Harris.

The whole thing is about communication mostly within sex, but certainly within relationships.

There's only a couple of chapters on kinks specifically, but it all applies, all of it, with, you know, a section on like what is making it hard for you to communicate, what can help make it just easier in general.

I'm currently thinking of this section on making sure you you know what you want so you have a starting there's a couple things.

We say this a lot.

I have we're supposed to have our communication workbook available on our Etsy shop, but somebody hasn't gotten that done yet either.

So we do have a we have a workbook coming where we put a lot of some of what we're gonna say in that.

So one, realize it's gonna take time.

You do not need to have a conversation, one conversation where you tell your partner everything you've ever wanted and needed.

You can have that conversation if you both have that bandwidth, but you don't have to put that pressure on yourself either.

You can be like, okay, we're just gonna talk about this one thing.

Right?

Let's just explore this this one topic, this one kink, this one knee.

Like, whatever.

You can take it slow like that.

It I love writing as a form of communication.

That is because my first, like, career as Kayla Lords was writing, so I'm very comfortable with writing.

You do not have to have, good grammar.

You don't have to know how to to spell.

I don't have to be good writing.

And just Just just be able to get the point across.

Get the words out.

You know, get yeah.

What I like about writing, and this can be a Google DocuShare, it can be a text, it could be an email, like, it it doesn't matter.

The method does not fucking matter.

Right.

What I like about it is you can get all your thoughts out and then, especially when it's digital, you can go back and edit yourself.

You're like, oh, did I like how that sounded?

Oh, did I did that even make sense?

Oh, maybe I don't want to talk about this right now.

Take it out.

Whatever.

And then you send it off to them, and you run away and go do something else and pretend you did not just write that and they get to read it and think about it and figure out how they're feeling on their own time.

And then you can come together and have a conversation.

So that way they know the hard thing that you're trying to communicate and you don't have to do that part face to face or over the phone or FaceTime or whatever whatever.

But the maybe the talking about it, whether it's a negotiation or it's a oh yeah I thought of that here you know here are my thoughts and feelings.

You can do that verbally or if both or either of you are struggling with communication they can write back a lot of of shit in our relationship early days because we were long distance, of course.

We were solving is things between each other by email, very long emails, because it was the easiest way to communicate those things, but also there was a comfort level to it.

It takes a lot of pressure off if you don't have to look into their eyeballs Mhmm.

And say the thing that makes you feel very vulnerable and is scary because you've never had to say it out loud before.

Take that fucking pressure Find another way.

Now, if we're if you're like, I'm not gonna fucking write anything down and or they're not gonna fucking read it, then it's, you know, it voice recording, voice notes, whatever.

Right?

Or it is on the phone.

Lola agrees.

Yep.

Or it is on the phone, even though maybe you live in the same fucking house, for all I know.

But you're maybe just in the same town.

So you're not looking at one another.

Or like JB said, Parallel.

Parallel.

We've had many a hard conversation even after all this time together, driving down the road, not looking at one another.

Yep.

So there's no perfect way to communicate.

There's no rule that says you have to look them in the eyeballs and say it out loud.

You can find another method.

Right.

It's perfectly acceptable.

You need you need to find what works for you.

Mhmm.

And it's possible that this is what has happened with us over time.

I don't use because for a long time, when we first started living together, we're no longer long distance, I used writing for when there was conflict.

That was really hard for me to say out loud because all kinds of reasons.

So if I was upset with JB or if my feelings were hurt or if I was, you know, having, like, anything less than a even a neutral feeling about something, I would write it down because that was just easier for me.

We have gotten pissed me off, she said respectfully.

But do you know what?

A week ago, two weeks ago, I did send an email because I'd been having thoughts about myself as just a human, but also as a submissive, also within our power exchange.

And I was struggling to find the words to verbalize it, to have to say it in a conversation.

So I just wrote it down in an email, and I was like, I started out with, it's gonna be long and it's probably not gonna make any sense, but I gotta get this out of my head.

And it wasn't conflict, but that email was the first time I needed to do that in In a while.

Little years.

Yeah.

Okay?

So it could be something that you move away from whatever your method is as you get more comfortable talking, you know, face to face or however.

It could be a tool you use for the rest of your damn life because it's what allows you to communicate effectively.

You know?

Yeah, yeah, it might be ideal if you could if you can say it, if you can look at them while you're saying, yeah, but maybe that's ideal, but I don't fuck ideal.

I want you to do what works and get you to the point where you're saying the thing that needs to be said.

Now there is the comfort level of owning what you like, what you want, you know, what you need.

And that that's a that will fuck with your communication, but that to me is a separate thing from that because there's the vulnerability of it all.

Right?

You're thinking about a past relationship and how whatever happened, how that shit went down and how you still feel about it.

And even though you know this partner is different, you that's where we call why we call it bad tapes.

That's what's playing in your head is your past experience, and there's that fear of what if this person says it like this, does it like this, does something to remind me of this person that, you know, I can't be with for the reasons.

That is a time thing.

That that is pure vulnerability, and being vulnerable at that level requires trust, and that takes time.

And you may trust, this partner because you you've known them before, previous relationship, previously, you know, doing kink together, whatever.

But it doesn't stop the little voice in the back of your head, from going, but what if what if it turns out like the other?

So this is where I would like your partner to listen real fucking close.

Okay?

The way anybody but this in this case, this submissive is going to get more comfortable sharing what they want and need and their desires and whatever they're trying to get out of being submissive or their kinks or whatever, you better be a safe place for them to say the thing.

You swallow the uncomfortable laugh.

Keep your face fucking neutral and don't, like, do the quizzical what the fuck because unless you tell us what the what the fuck look means, we're gonna interpret it the worst possible way.

So if you are in a this is it doesn't matter, dom or sub.

The truly does not matter, dom or sub.

If you want your partner to be vulnerable with you and tell you shit, you need to be a safe person for them to tell shit to.

Yes.

Every time.

Always.

You won't be perfect.

You will sometimes fuck it up.

But in those moments where you can see and feel and have previous experience with the oh, this is a vulnerable moment.

They are really fucking trusting me right now.

If it's not a good time and you're not in a good head space, you go, okay.

I wanna have this conversation, but we have to I can't do it right this second because I wanna be able to be here for you.

But otherwise, if you're like, I could be here, you don't don't fuck around until you know that it's kinda safe between you and your partner to, like, giggle about it or to make a sarcastic remark, you just be there for them and be their safe person.

And that's how trust grows and that's how partners can be more vulnerable with one another.

There's an expression I'd like to use, and it will not come to my brain.

There's Oh.

There's, like, a way I wanna wrap that up, and Swiss cheese brain strikes again.

But that's that's the thing.

It's not just about the partner who's scared of sharing the thing or finds it difficult to share the thing.

Yeah.

There's some leaps of faith you might have to take.

There's some finding workarounds if verbalizing it is too difficult.

Yes.

But also you need to know that the person you're gonna tell this stuff to is is gonna take it seriously and is gonna treat you with respect and treat the topic with the care it deserves.

So it's not just a you need to figure something out.

This is a relationship situation.

And unfortunately, there are too many times we come across people we think we can tell them the thing, be vulnerable, whatever, and we find out the hard way that we cannot.

And then those people are like, I don't know why this relationship no relationship ever works out.

Well, are you being a motherfucker when somebody's trying to be vulnerable?

Jesus Christ.

Also, some of us some people do not deserve your vulnerability.

True.

That's true.

And I don't want anybody to have the kind of trust issues I have.

I don't think my trust issues are healthy.

I would like some people to have a few just a just a little bit of trust issues, only to go a little slower in the the bearing of your soul, to kind of get a sense of is does this person deserve it?

Have they, you know, given me enough clues where I think, okay, I can I can do this without And and when you are the the safe person, you know, that that becomes an awesome thing when somebody trusts you that much?

You became my safe person so much that I fully unmask in front of you.

And you were like, who is this girl?

Right.

And and, you know, it it comes with some funny stuff too and some fun stuff.

So, you know, I'm not yeah.

It does.

Well, poor JB.

He's like, why don't you crack these kinds of jokes and be this silly in front of others?

I'm like, nope.

That's not safe.

No.

There is a part of me that wishes I could.

Yeah.

So for this person, find alternative methods of communication to this person's partner, be calm, cool, and collected when they tell you something and treat it with the seriousness that it just not maybe the topic.

The topic might be light, but the the strength it takes yeah.

The strength it takes to go, oh my god.

I can't believe I'm saying this out loud.

Mhmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's gonna like, that's important.

And, also, do it for each other.

Right?

Submissives, just because that person's your dom, they are not, like, they're not, made of titanium.

Like, that's a soft squishy person too, and they need the same kind of care.

Lola agrees.

Lola has a lot to say tonight.

She she really does.

It's fine.

It's I mean, my flow can be Swiss cheese brain.

It's it's fine, Lola.

You you're adding to it, really.

So that that is the thing.

Look into Tongue Tide, if you haven't already.

Find your alternative method of communication.

And then, yeah, take a leap of faith.

Do it with something small, smallish, like list out the things you're trying to to share.

And that's another thing.

Some people think they have I think I said this already.

You don't have to say everything all in one conversation.

So kind kind of think to yourself what are the things I'm trying to share.

Pick the one that feels the least scary.

Right?

The least, what will they think?

The least, oh my gosh, is you know, am I allowed to ask for this?

Yes.

You are allowed to ask for whatever the fuck you want.

It's up to the other person if they will agree that, yes, they would like to do that with you too.

But start with the one that doesn't feel quite as daunting, and that can be your first leap of faith.

I'm gonna say this thing.

How do they handle it?

How do they respond?

Right?

How do how do I feel in this conversation?

Did it go well?

The other thing is, communication skills are bumpy.

It's not a linear path once you like start focusing on them and trying to get better.

It's a two steps forward, one step back.

And it's like that for you and your partner.

And I'm not saying it's always gonna happen all of the time, but there will be times when you will both be trying to communicate the best you can and it's it's clashing.

You're not on the same page.

You're not on the same wavelength.

One of you is misreading something.

Does it mean everything's doomed and It's it's called go to your separate corners, cool the fuck off, and maybe you send an email with your thoughts.

That's what We used to get into those moments.

I'm better now at saying, JB, we both want the same outcome.

We are on the same team.

That's true.

And that kind of resets us.

But in the beginning, I didn't have that kind of confidence to say that.

I didn't even have that thought in my head yet.

So we would be trying to do something that we both wanted to do or have a serious discussion about a thing that affected and our own lack of communication was getting in our way.

So we would get upset with one another when that did not make sense to do.

We'd go to separate corners to calm down.

That was the hardest part for me because that's some of my trust issues.

But so what would typically happen is I would get my thoughts clear and I would email them or I'd write them on a piece of paper.

But we would cool off and then we'd come back.

And by the time we came back, we we were like, okay.

It's us against the problem, not us against one another.

Now we just give verbal cues.

Now I tend to be better at that than Jamie.

You do.

Jamie when Jamie gets annoyed, he goes inward and he fuck all y'all.

He is inward now, and he is self protective.

And I'm over here raising a white flag going, dude, dude, we could we could solve this.

So that that's a thing to all That's my crabby nature.

Yes.

You are a Cancer.

Oh, my God.

That's a thing to just keep in mind.

This is it's a it's a very squiggly line of chaos Mhmm.

As your to your path to, like, get better over time.

And any communication skills you improve on in kink, they are transferable to every part of your life.

If you find that you are having to sort of work with new communication skills in other parts of your life, like learning how to talk to my children, young children, in a way to help them, regulate their emotions actually makes it easier for me to talk to JB when he needs to regulate his emotions.

So any communication skill you pick up from anywhere in life is transferable.

Okay?

So just keep that in mind too.

But that was our second question.

For anybody who maybe you've never heard one of the the Monday q and a episodes we're not doing right now, we're on a break from them, that's what they're like.

We read the question and then I go on a rant and JB says something smart, but he he'll say his five words.

He said what he said, and he's done.

And then I will be Swiss cheese brain chaos.

Now we did have another question, and I was real fucking excited to answer it.

I was going on a rant in my head, but I was also like, okay.

Like, I was mapping it out.

Sometimes when I read a question, I'm like, okay.

The the brain just starts up.

It's like a, you know, coal powered train engine.

It's fine.

And then the very last line was, do not read this on the podcast.

I was like, damn it.

So, it was there.

It was a juicy one.

Uh-oh.

But we do respect that if you're like, I don't want this.

Right.

Like, that that's fine.

That being said, because I've lived in email hell for about a month, if you have sent in a question, I didn't get it.

It's gone.

The Internet ate it.

I don't know.

I don't know where it is.

It's floating out in the ether somewhere.

And if you're like, do they really answer a quest and you've never sent one but you're like, oh, I have I have a thing.

Feel free.

The link is in the places.

It's a form you fill out on our website, but it comes to me via email.

Mhmm.

Yeah.

And as I'm sitting here, it's just now occurring to me.

I think there's a place on our website where I could go and read them.

All that time, I was, like, freaking out over emails I could not get to.

I I I believe there's a in the back end of our website.

Yeah.

There should be.

As I'm sitting here Mhmm.

I'm figuring that out.

God.

Better late than never.

Got there eventually.

Just took me a fucking month.

And recording of a whole podcast and the the saying it out loud, the verbalizing of what the hell's going on, and then and then the light bulb finally came on.

I did the slow dim, like, went from dim to bright real, real slowly, but that light bulb did come on.

Goodness.

Yeah.

Hey.

That's, you know, that's all that matters in the end.

God.

Look.

I like answering people's questions because I wanna help folks.

90% of the time, the answer is please have a conversation with your partner.

What we tend to add to that is the nuance of think about these things, consider that, whatever.

So the majority of it, that's what I like.

I like I like to try to help folks just from our perspective.

Our perspective is not the only perspective, and there will be other ways to deal with the issues that you face.

We're just gonna tell you what we would do if it was us.

But also I'm a nosy bitch.

And sometimes sometimes I have to be reminded that, man, there really are some shitty people out here trying to, you know, call themselves a dom or a sub.

Yeah.

In the emails we get, it tends to be the dom, but not always.

But also some people will, like, explain as as the context for the question, Like, okay.

Here's my life situation.

Here's the relationship situation.

And I'm like, oh, I need to get the board out and do the strings.

It's fast.

Like, I'm a nosy bitch.

I am.

See, I think I learned something about you tonight.

I didn't Oh, that I'm a nosy bitch?

Yeah.

But you did not know?

No.

Well, I think it's because in public, I'm really good at overhearing, but keeping the face real neutral.

Because, see, look, if your face is expressive out in public, people wanna come talk to you.

I don't want that.

No.

No.

No.

I do not need strangers.

Like, random people.

Crickets?

Y'all can walk up to me anytime.

It has happened before.

It was a very weird thing because I was just trying to get some groceries.

And I'm just a weirdo on the Internet, and that person was very lovely.

It made me feel very special.

I don't mean that.

But, like, if we're sitting, like, in a I don't know.

In the Waffle House.

God, it happens in the Waffle House a lot.

You let your face get expressive.

Somebody's just gonna come talk to you.

I don't need I don't need that in my life.

Mhmm.

Mhmm.

Yeah.

My my hearing is not like your hearing is, like, I don't need a hearing aid or anything.

My hearing's not as good as it used to be, and also my auditory processing is not as good as it used to be.

I have to be looking, like, at somebody's mouth to kinda catch words sometimes.

And it had it took me a while to learn that that was probably auditory processing stuff, not, like, am I am I losing my hearing?

Auditory processing stuff, not, like, am I am I losing my hearing?

So I don't I can't overhear without looking like I'm very interested in this stranger where they're having this conversation.

Can't do it quite as much.

It is a little more difficult, especially in a, busy place.

But, yeah, back in the day, oh, I just like when we used to go to Starbucks all the time, we'd sit in those chairs, and we'd be talking.

And when we weren't talking, I'd just be listening.

I hear all kinds of shit.

All kinds of stuff.

I'm a I am a nosy bitch.

I don't wanna engage with the shit I learn or hear.

No.

No.

No.

That's called interaction.

Who wants that?

But I wanna know.

It keeps me humble.

It reminds me every I think everybody needs to keep it in their head that whatever you are experiencing is only what you are experiencing, and other people don't experience the world the way you experience it.

It's true.

And a good reality check for that is to listen to strangers talk to one another.

Look.

I'm not getting up and, like, scooting in the booth with them to, like, hear their innermost whatever whatever.

But if if you are within, like, a five foot zone of me and your voice is at a volume that I can hear, I won't you won't know, but I will know.

And then we'll get in the car later.

I'll be like, oh my god.

Did you hear them?

He's like, no.

I didn't hear them.

Oh, let me tell you.

I'm just saying I'm a nosy bitch.

Just send the damn questions in.

I am, it was, we are chaotic.

Really?

I know.

This Who would have ever guessed?

Right?

This was random.

I wanted I wanted to do the topic that I came up with in my fucking head.

And then I have another topic I wanna do but I have to research on that.

I don't want to I mean, I don't sometimes I have to just not know stuff out loud in front of other people because that's how you learn things.

But I have access to the Internet, so I should if I'm gonna talk about something that is not my lived experience, I should, like, go learn a little bit more about it and not just be speaking out of my ass about something.

That's just how I view these things.

So I have another topic I really want us to do, but I do have to sit down and, like And and flush flush it out.

I gotta go learn shit.

So Okay.

Anyway, this was our very chaotic episode.

Mhmm.

If you have not already, and you want to, please, enter our podcast anniversary giveaway.

Mhmm.

It's still open until when?

The August, whatever day that is.

And we will just keep doing more of this, but we'll call it a bonus section.

Okay.

Okay.

So we're all, I don't know.

You don't know?

That's not for me to say.

Okay.

Keep it kinky, y'all.

And we'll see you next time.

There are fuzzies Yeah.

Just floating through the air.

Mhmm.

Oh my gosh.

Because Lola's been so I have to ask Yeah.

When she was getting her zoomies over there when she was back in and out, in and out, did did you forget we were over here?

No.

Okay.

Because there was a o in the background, and I was like I thought that was for something else.

Okay.

I was like, did he forget we were doing a podcast?

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

I I just knew if I didn't give her a quick outlet to let off that steam Yeah.

It was only gonna get worse.

Right.

That's the thing.

When she started a wooing, she was calmly laying in her cot.

She was not Yeah.

Begging for attention.

We were not ignoring her.

She was chilling.

And then she just decided, I am done chilling, and I will let you know Right.

By singing the song of my people.

Yeah.

So yeah.

Yeah.

There was a thing.

I was like, oh, we'll talk about that in the bonus section, and I have forgotten it.

I forgot it.

Yeah.

No.

No clue.

No.

Gone.

Oh.

Gone.

This I I don't know if I'm just so used to Swiss cheese brain these days.

I call it that because it really does feel like there are holes in my brain and, like, the information just falls through one and it's a black hole and it's gone and I don't know.

Or I chase thoughts through the holes that make a maze in my brain.

I can I can take that, analogy a little too far?

I don't know if I'm just resigned that every moment of every day is now a Swiss cheese brain moment.

So I don't even clock it or if it did come upon me suddenly and I went, oh, it's gonna be chaos for this stream slash recording.

Okay.

Because the moment I wanted words to come out of my fucking mouth, I was like, oh, no.

No.

The hole's in the cheese.

It's just black holes.

Things are gonna disappear.

And I maybe maybe it's I just walk around all day long like that, but I don't like, a lot of the work I've been doing lately has been very physical.

Like, we making paddles.

I've been pouring resin.

Like, I don't have to articulate thoughts to do that.

JB and I are able to get through an entire day and communicate mostly in grunts, eyebrow raises, and nudges, you know?

Yeah.

At this point in life.

So I have to articulate very much a lot of the time.

So it I think the surprise is the same when I go, oh, yeah.

That's right.

Let me be reminded, Swiss cheese brain.

Because I still to this day do not expect it.

I look.

Look.

I get to look at the thumbnails from every YouTube video we've ever done, livestreaming.

And so I get to, through the history of our channel, see our progression as we've aged.

But I still want to believe that I am that articulate, Oh, god.

I was, what, 34?

About to 33 about to be 34?

34 about to be 35?

Mid fucking thirties when we started the podcast, and I could have a thought, think about a thought, say a thought to somebody else, and still remember that thought to repeat it back into a microphone.

I want to keep believing that I am that person, and I am not that person.

I know physically I'm not that person anymore.

I've got the visual proof in our YouTube studio dashboard.

But verbally, brain wise, I'm and it's humbling.

I used to say I had a mind like a steel trap.

Not anymore.

Not anymore.

Not anymore.

And I keep asking so the closest person I have, like, physically in my life I certainly know people online and can have these conversations.

The closest person I know physically in my life who I can, like, get to whatever whatever, who has gone through menopause is on the other side.

She went through perimenopause, she raw dogged that, she didn't even know she was in it.

Did not know the word for it.

I'm the one who told her after she had been in actual menopause for several years.

She made it through that, hit that day when you are officially in menopause, and now she's on the other side.

And she's the only person I'm like, mom.

Does it does it get better?

Do does your brain come back to you?

Can you hold thoughts in your head again?

I I just need to know.

I just need to know.

Look, I have learned over time that I put way too much pressure on myself and too much gave too much weight to my perceived intelligence.

I I mean, I'm I I believe I'm an intelligent human being, but, like, I was, like, I was full of myself about my perceived intelligence.

I was probably obnoxious about it at certain points in life.

My early twenties come to mind.

But there are times that I I'm like, I know I have thoughts.

I know I can have coherent thoughts.

But I will open my mouth to try and speak usually into a microphone on the Internet where, yeah, everybody can see it.

And I feel like the biggest fucking dumbass.

Like, it's like, do I even know anything anymore?

I don't think so.

And the thing is is I know that that's not true.

Like, I know that.

But when Okay.

Okay.

When you know that you used to be able to have a thought and communicate a thought, change your thought mid thought, and come back and remember what the fuck you were talking about?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like Mhmm.

Am I stupid?

I don't think I don't think I don't wanna be stupid.

And I'm not.

Like, cognitive issues like that have nothing to do with intelligence.

Oh, it's been an ego check.

I'll tell you that.

Kim asked from my mom what was the answer.

She can't tell me.

She is not forthcoming.

I think the the only symptom my mom had in perimenopause that she understood was a symptom, and was at least willing to talk to me about was hot flashes.

Like, she was the the person standing in front of her refrigerator just letting the cool air waft on her because she can pay her if her electric bill is like a thousand dollars, she does not care.

She's she's gonna be cool in her house.

Right?

So she would just, like, let all the cold air out of the fridge and stand in front of it.

And she's like, well, I don't have to do that anymore.

So you're saying you didn't you didn't have the brain fog?

You didn't you didn't have the other you didn't have the other stuff, mom?

You can't tell me?

It gets better.

I need to know.

I need to know.

Yeah.

Anyone.

Anyhoo.

No.

Yeah.

It does knock my confidence also just as a content creator.

Because I'm like, man, I used to, like, come up with shit.

Now, maybe?

I don't know.

Yeah.

So fun times this perimenopause if you, are going through it too.

Solidarity.

Mhmm.

I have to I do have to change doctors.

I realize that.

I was watch look.

I watch YouTube and I look at Instagram reels.

That's what I do for my my video content.

Man, reels will fuck me up sometimes.

But I got on the perimenopause and menopause side of the algorithm and it was a doctor doing a reel saying, you know, if you're what you're hearing back when you're explaining these symptoms that are becoming like I don't know if debilitating is too strong of a word, but some sometimes sometimes that's the word I can use.

And they're telling you, well, you just need to sleep more, and you're probably stressed.

Right?

They're not taking it seriously.

Right?

Whatever.

And I've been I don't like my doctor who gives me my hormones, but she writes the prescription.

Right?

But the last visit, she really did say, well are you sleeping and are you stressed?

And I was like, I don't know what that has to do with the symptoms will be fine for, like, a month or two and then they're, like, not fine and then they're fine and then they're not fine.

I don't it's a cycle.

It's a cycle.

It's a bad cycle.

It's a curly q wine cycle.

It's a cycle.

Mhmm.

So, yeah, we're at that point.

She's she's thrown her hands up.

She doesn't think there's anything else she can do.

And I know there is.

I've done my research, but she won't.

So I have no choice.

I have to get a new doctor who will actually fucking listen to me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know.

The the first the first doctor you had was very good.

I've had in in my life for the gynecology part.

OBG, like the obstetrician, both of them were excellent.

But for the gynecology part, I've had two that I would do anything to be their patient again.

One is up in the pan presumably, I don't know if she's moved.

She's up in the Panhandle.

I'm not driving eight to ten hours.

I could, but it's not that serious yet.

The other one is in Montana now.

So Yeah.

But, anyway, that's my complaint of the day.

Mhmm.

As I I sit here and sweat, I can't blame a hot flash.

My blood pressure went up because I got heated in the answering the questions and the lights are pointed at me.

I know why I'm hot.

It's the Swiss cheese brain situation.

And I know, because I'm aware, that I'm doing a whole hell of a lot of talking and JB is not doing a whole hell of a lot of talking.

Let me remind anybody who maybe just pulled up to this or your podcast listener is zoned out.

He doesn't feel good.

Mhmm.

This is how we work.

I Yeah.

Norm normally, if I have to, I try to hold out till after, and I take any of my meds before bedtime.

But, tonight, it was, sitting at dinner, and I was getting muscle spasms in my lower back.

And they're like, no.

Not going to, so, yeah, I took my meds a little early and they just kinda Yeah.

It calms everything down.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This would be a time you would be pretty zoned out.

Like, you'd be doing something easy on the computer or you'd be I'd be playing Terraria or something mindless.

Yeah.

Mhmm.

Mhmm.

Yeah.

But yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

It's alright.

When we're done here, I'll go sit on the, heating pad for a little bit.

Mhmm.

Mhmm.

I am going to make ice cream You are.

With my Ninja CREAMi.

Mhmm.

I got an early I still don't know if it was an early Christmas or early birthday present or an early this is both, so enjoy it.

I'm good with whatever.

Mhmm.

But my mom saw the Ninja CREAMi on sale and went, here you go.

She was gonna get me the Ninja slushy thing and I was like, no, I don't like the Ninja slushy thing.

And I love margaritas but I don't like them frozen.

I want them on the rocks.

I wanna be able to suck on the ice cube after the tequila has cleared my sinuses.

I haven't had a fucking margarita in years, years.

But yeah.

I was like, no.

I don't want the slushy.

I want the creamy.

And then I was like, oh my god.

What is Ninja doing to the small appliance small kitchen appliance world?

So, yeah, we're trying our hand at frozen yogurt tonight.

I have not made that yet.

And I mean You've done very well with it so far.

It's not I got myself intimidated because I when I'm especially with food, because I don't wanna, like, waste food that's expensive, especially right now.

Good god.

But I tend to get in my own head about cooking or trying new recipes when I don't have some experience with it.

I can be influenced, online, on social, and the Internet has many times made me think that something is easier to cook or make food wise than it really was.

Oh, the family has gone through some experiments.

I was like, I saw a reel.

Let's try that for dinner.

It was just sadness on our plates.

Yeah.

So I got worried that the the trying to do the ice cream would be like that.

No.

I've cobbled together, like, somebody says do this and somebody else says do that.

And I'm like, oh, I like that stuff, and I like that stuff.

I'll just combine.

And it's worked.

It's not As far she's done good.

We've been eating ice cream a little bit of ice cream and every night.

Yeah.

Nearly.

The the youngest was annoyed that I didn't have any prepped one night.

They were like, I thought we were having ice cream tonight.

I was like, sorry.

You have to eat any one of the 10,000,000 snacks I buy from Aldi this week.

I'm so sorry.

I'm I'm I'm looking forward to trying one of the milkshakes made with it.

Yeah.

Part of the problem is so if you've not if you even give a fuck.

The thing with the creme is it comes with two, like, pint containers where you make your ice cream base and then you'll use that to whatever whatever.

We only have two which means I'm, swapping them in and out.

We can buy more.

We just have not yet.

We will not buy them from Ninja.

Those are expensive.

We'll buy the off brand.

Okay?

But so what you have to have for the milkshake with the creamies, you have to have the ice an ice cream base, and we wanna use the ice cream that I've been making because I'm making it lactose free so me and the youngest can, like, enjoy ice cream without, like, shitting our pants.

So, that's more than you wanted to know, but it's truth, lactose intolerance.

Even wanted to know.

Come on.

I have to warn you when it's about to happen.

Do not follow me.

Anyway, so we wanna make it with the, the ice cream I make that's lactose free, blah blah blah.

But we never have any leftover, and I don't ever have seem to have, like, a spare container to just that that's gonna be milkshake ice cream.

Don't anybody eat that.

We'll get there.

We'll get there.

Yeah.

I've made chocolate.

I've made vanilla.

I've made two sorbets.

Mhmm.

I made vanilla for tonight.

We're gonna put cookies in as the, like, added flavor, whatever.

That's called a mix in, with the Ninja CREAMEE, if you wondered.

And I'm also trying frozen yogurt tonight.

A berry frozen yogurt because I have berry yogurt.

So, yeah, it's my new my new thing that I do.

Yeah.

JB has the coffee maker.

Yeah.

That's his thing.

Mhmm.

I got the creamy.

Are is nearly everybody in this household making inappropriate jokes whenever we have to say the word creamy?

Yes.

Including the child.

The child who's 15 and is, like, literally, what, two and a three weeks gonna be 16.

But still, yeah.

Everybody's making the jokes.

So, anyway Anyhoo.

I like hanging out with y'all.

Even though it's a very asynchronous thing for podcast listeners, y'all could be listening, like, three years in the future from now, I still feel like I'm hanging out with y'all.

I I do.

So anyway.

But I I guess I'm done because I can't remember a thing that there there was a thing I was gonna Yeah.

And you don't come back to you.

It's gone.

Okay.

Alright.

It fell it fell down the wormhole unless it was cheese brain.

Wanna know when it'll come back to me?

Probably when we're laying in bed and you'll catch your zoomies and you'll be like, I remember, I remember.

Oh.

Okay.

That was not the one I was thinking of, but that is very accurate.

No.

I was thinking of when I randomly wake up at like three in the morning and can't get back to sleep and I'm telling myself self don't have thoughts the moment the brain revs up, you're not gonna go back to sleep and then self doesn't listen.

So, Annie.

Annie.

Yeah.

We both been sleeping like cock out lately.

Yeah.

I was doing some shit, man.

But if if I keep just talking about nothing I know.

I can't make frozen yogurt.

I know.

Oh, we gotta have frozen yogurt.

That's that's, I gotta know.

It's a must have.

We have to, you know Especially when I'm all hot and, like, got my blood pressure up, and it's hot in here, because it's Florida.

We had our one break one day break from the heat today.

Mhmm.

It was 69 degrees this morning.

How long did the Nice.

How long did that last?

About an hour, maybe.

Wow.

We got an hour.

Yeah.

I figured that'd be, like, a five minute event.

Yeah.

We gotta get a tease Yeah.

At least at some point, but, like, at the end of summer so that we, like, are given hope that, no, no, he will not always be this boy.

It always seems that at some point during the summer here, we get one day where all of a sudden, everything that the humidity goes away, the temperature breaks, You're like, I remember.

Yeah.

I remember.

I have hope again.

I know this will come back.

Alright.

This exists in real life.

I will I will get a no humidity day.

You won't sweat forever.

But you know what?

The opposite is true when, we'll get some warm days while it's still technically spring, and you're like, oh, god.

Why why did you remind me of what's coming?

So Yep.

Anyhow.

Anyhow.

Alright.

Let's go get some, frozen yogurt.

Okay.

And get you with your heating pad and Yes.

Other sundry Yeah.

Things.

Yep.

And then just toss me into bed.

Oh, I'm not tossing you anywhere.

We just hurt both of ourselves that way.

And you gotta be better enough so you can go to work tomorrow.

I know.

We got paddles to make.

Goddamn it.

Yeah.

Well, luckily, it'll what I'll be doing in the morning will be sitting at the scroll saw.

True.

True.

True.

Been spending a lot of time at the scroll scroll saw.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Anyway, we're never gonna go.

We could keep going, clearly.

Alright.

But that's not how you get frozen yogurt.

Nope.

So Alright, folks.

Thanks for joining us.

Thanks for being here with us to the bitter end.

Yep.

Yep.

Thanks for adult letting us indulge in the pure chaos.

Sometimes sometimes it's just a pure chaos episode.

I don't know what to tell you.

Okay.

We're gonna go.

Mhmm.

Okay.

Bye.

Bye.