You're listening to the Loving BDSM podcast episode four fifty one.

Kayla Lords here with the one, the only I still can't find anything snarky to say about you, John Brownstone.

Mhmm.

I just love you too damn much.

Goddamn it.

I just I keep looking at you and I'm like, no.

Nothing snarky.

Just love.

But what the fuck?

Well, I guess it's better than the opposite.

But, you know I mean, true.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm real good at snark, like, at the end of the day when we're trying to go to sleep.

Yeah.

Mhmm.

I mean, if somebody wouldn't neglect rubbing my butt, I probably would not be so snarky.

You better be careful.

Your butt will get so much attention tonight.

So here's That you'll be, daddy, don't touch me, daddy.

Don't touch my butt.

No.

I don't want butt rub.

Daddy, don't touch it.

Here's the problem.

The, baby girl who doesn't wanna be, like, at all, yeah, is terrified.

The masochist, though?

The masochist.

She's like, okay.

Bet.

I'm not that brave, though.

I'm not gonna I'm not gonna misbehave to get it.

I want you to give it to me because you want to give it to me.

That's how I roll.

Okay.

We're not talking about any of that.

This is That's not why we're here.

It's already unhinged, and we haven't even gotten started.

You don't take much.

I thought as a way to continue celebrating our ten year anniversary with pod the podcast, we would do one of the things that seems to be one of the the favorite things.

We're gonna react to BDSM, post the BDSM side of Reddit, I should say.

I I say this every time because I feel like a disclaimer is necessary.

I cannot guarantee that I will rant.

I did read at least one that kinda pissed me off.

I mean, like like, pissed me off.

So I don't know.

Got stuck in your crawls, they'd say.

A little bit.

A little bit.

Yeah.

So no guarantees.

No promises, but it's always possible.

Alright.

Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast.

If this is your first time listening, glad to have you.

If you're back for another week, welcome back.

Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure in education, and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app.

You can also follow the show on FetLife at loving BDSM PC on Instagram and technically threads, so that handle I will forever fucking hate.

It's loving d s and the number one, so at loving d s one.

I hate it.

Blue Sky at lovingbdsm.

Blah blah blah, or on YouTube, at youtube.com/lovingbdsm where you watch us live stream the podcast every Wednesday.

All links are in the show notes.

A big thanks as always to our kinky patrons over on Patreon, including our newest peeps.

We, have been able to be weirdos on the Internet for ten plus years officially, officially ten plus years, in large part because of our kinky patrons, and we are grateful for our refunding one of you.

If you would like to join our kinky community, get access to extra content, like the behind the scenes of what we're working on in our relationship this year, or access to our Discord server that we talk, like, too much about in every episode these days, you could do that.

Just join us at patreon.com/kaylalords.

That's patreon.com/kaylalords or use the link in the show notes.

Okay.

So before we get into these Reddit posts, one announcement.

It is literally a reminder.

Our giveaway is still open.

If you heard about it last week and went, oh, yeah.

I'm gonna do that.

And now you're like, oh, shit.

I forgot.

The link is in the places.

Feel free.

There's multiple ways to enter.

It's the giveaway is open until the August.

I think that's the thirty first, if I remember from looking at a calendar.

Don't ever trust me when it comes to dates.

But it's the last day of the

month at 11:59PM Eastern.

That is when the giveaway closes.

We're giving away four prizes.

The, top prize is a $50 gift card to the Kinkery, $50 to use at our, our Etsy shop, and our tenth podcast anniversary enamel pin.

That was, like, the big goodie during this year's membership drive.

Second place is $25 to Kinkery and Etsy and the pin.

Third place is $10 to Kinkery and Etsy and the pen.

And then there's fourth place, the pen.

I'm trying to get these pens out of this building.

Okay?

Because it's only good for the tenth anniversary.

So, yeah, that is going on.

Enter to win.

Yay.

And yes, even if you are not in The U.

S, you can register, enter and potentially win.

You just have to be the legal age in your country of origin.

Okay.

Please, please, please don't be a fucking minor listening to a BDSM podcast and then go enter the fucking giveaway.

Please don't.

Okay.

Thank you.

Okay.

Here we go.

We're gonna start.

I have several.

I'm starting with the one, thank you to Silent Wing who sent it to me.

All of these are coming from the BDSM advice subreddit.

I checked the She usually finds some good ones.

I checked the BDSM and I the asshole subreddit run by our friend, Rara of Pink King podcast.

That needs that needs more attention.

If you are wondering, am I the asshole in a kink situation?

Please go post it there.

I would like to be nosy and potentially talk about your situation on a future.

Yes.

There we go.

Okay.

So oh, it's chaos.

It's chaos.

Okay.

Okay.

So simple.

Mhmm.

Okay.

Short and sweet.

Title is I need advice.

Okay.

In your opinion, should a safe word be taken away if you feel like it's used too much by previous subs?

And should harm limits be ignored because quote, you've never done them so you can't have them, end quote.

Edit to be clear from the poster.

I'm a sub.

I'm fairly new to this lifestyle a couple years and don't have anyone to talk about this stuff with.

So that's why I came to Reddit.

This is all being said during the vetting process, and I've never heard someone say this stuff and didn't know if it was normal or completely insane.

I'm safe and he hasn't touched me.

I'll go ahead and tell you it's completely fucking insane.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Feel free.

You know.

Wow.

Wow, indeed.

Yeah.

Have your safe word first of all, have your safe word taken away.

Fuck you.

You.

Right?

Exactly.

Safe word taken away because somebody else used to do much.

What's that got to do with me?

I know.

Right?

What what yeah.

What What?

One's one's got nothing to do with the other.

In no way.

That sounds like a you issue.

And maybe if your subs are constantly safe out, you need to look in a mirror.

Right.

Because it's one thing to play to an edge, but if they are all always safe word.

If they are always using that safe word, then, you know To the point that a future sub can't use it.

What the fuck?

Fuck that shit.

Yeah.

You're right.

Took the words right out of your mouth now.

Yep.

So I think we're clear on that one.

Yes.

We are.

Okay.

Would you like to like, let's talk about the you can't really have a hard limit if you haven't done the thing.

Bullshit.

I didn't even know how to say it.

There are things I have never tried.

I don't have to try.

And I know that I am never gonna try them.

Right.

I don't want to.

That's enough of a thing a reason for something to be a hard line.

Who cares if you tried it and hated it?

Now it's a hard line.

I don't want to is the answer.

Right.

Valid answer.

Yeah.

The rest is bullshit.

Mhmm.

As as daddy said, just do what daddy says and daddy said it was bullshit.

Yeah.

That that one makes me a little hot under the collar.

I'm glad this person came to a space to go, Yeah.

It it this this isn't normal.

I mean, that's essentially what they were like.

This isn't normal.

Pretty I mean, I'd be curious.

I don't want to know the person they're vetting.

I have no interest.

But I would like to be a nosy bitch and know more about said Yeah.

Person because that's pretty bold to just put that out there Yeah.

With your whole chest.

Yeah.

I I mean, come on.

That's I mean, I I'm glad because then you can go, oh, you are walking red flag.

I'll I'm done.

Yeah.

It's And, you know, even even the thing with the with the hard limits, to me, that's manipulative.

Oh, it's very manipulative.

Yeah.

It's very it's invalidating what you do and don't wanna do by saying that there's a standard you have to meet to decide what you don't wanna do.

Nope.

That's not how any of that works.

Mhmm.

Yes.

On one hand, I'm like, wow.

I'm so glad this asshole was this asshole during the vetting process.

But to be that bold means that that's been said before and decisions have been made before and they're not questioning themselves as to whether they should keep with these assertions.

I'm very sorry for anybody else who has come across their fucking past.

Right.

That one is kind of simple.

Thank you, Silent.

I do I'm sweating in all of the places now from the blood pressure going up.

So I appreciate you.

So what she's saying is that she's pre ranting.

She's I think that does kind of count as a rant.

It's just a short and sweet one.

Yeah.

I mean, once I say no and motherfucker, we're kind of done.

Right?

Like okay.

So there's that one.

Okay.

The next one.

Okay.

This is interesting because I have I had clear thoughts, but I've never heard this, like, as an idea before.

Mhmm.

Title, boyfriend boyfriend?

Yeah.

Boyfriend kink involves me getting sunburned.

My boyfriend is really into hardcore pain during our rougher sex moments.

He loves slapping my breasts, punching my stomach, and even has suggested using a knife on me.

Well, recently, I came back from doing DoorDash and my car doesn't have any AC, so I'm boiling out there with the windows down.

I got sunburned pretty bad on my left shoulder and arm.

At first, he was concerned, but yesterday, he made the comment of us going down to our local lake without me wearing sunscreen for a few hours and me getting absolutely cooked out there was a turn on.

I was like, oh, yeah.

Okay.

But this one I have now already hurts pretty damn bad, like, it's on and off.

So what should I do here?

I don't know if I wanna be a new skin color for a few days and in this kind of pain.

And it's female 28, male 25.

That's So They're not Yeah.

I don't like it.

That's what I'm gonna tell you right straight up front.

I I don't either, you know, because here's here's the thing.

Getting not wearing sunscreen and being out in the sun to deliberately get a suntan, knowing what we know about doing that to your skin and the possibility of cancer.

I mean, assuming you're not on the side of the internet that tries to tell you that sunscreen doesn't work and it's the toxic thing.

But that's a whole different other wrapper.

Exactly.

You know, so In general.

Yeah.

Now, you know, I I know it's gonna, you know, it's come down to the point of, you know, somebody is gonna consent consent to something.

Grown people can do what grown people wanna do to a certain extent, unfortunately.

Yeah.

So, you know, but, you know, no.

I mean No.

You know, but not with the health risk.

Right.

Because the risk is not even there's the immediate risk because a sunburn can lead to sun poisoning, could put you in the hospital.

Right.

That's there's that risk.

But then there's future risk that you actually can't plan for.

You can't mitigate and you can't plan for it because it could happen.

Mhmm.

And when it does, it could be literal decades into the future, potentially.

Or it it rears its ugly head and you know, boom, you got some stuff going on.

I can see I can see assuming both parties are willing.

If the sunburn happened unintentionally Mhmm.

And there's some misery there and you wanna play with that, I that's that cool because it happened and you weren't try hopefully hopefully you'll go, oh, next time I should put on more sunscreen.

That would be, my PSA for Sunscreen.

Those of you out there.

But not to purposefully go out to burn your skin in an uncontrolled way.

Like this is not we're pouring a wax that we know the temperature of.

This is not like there's there's several reasons why I just don't like it.

Now Yeah.

I don't know if I'm being too sensitive.

Okay.

Possible because what I know about impact is we keep it mostly to the back.

Mhmm.

This line from the the poster Mhmm.

That okay.

Slapping breasts, that's fine.

Yeah.

Using a knife, that's limit Stomach punching.

Yeah.

Punching my stomach.

I'm Yeah.

I do not doubt that some kinkster out there can do it and feel like they have mitigated the risk, and it's as safe as that's ever gonna be.

But there's something about that makes me feel very uncomfortable because of the risks.

Those are soft organs in there.

You know, as as as as a kid who, got into share of fights and had been punched in the stomach, for me, that's not something I would want to do on a whim.

No.

No.

You know, or, you know, for for kicks and giggles.

And then then you start thinking about the thing, you know, kink is risk.

Kink is risk.

There is a risk with every single thing we do.

Punching somebody in the stomach, all soft organs there, too much Yeah.

Potential for for serious harm.

Mhmm.

You know, that's why, you know, and they say when you hit, even when we learned to do punching Mhmm.

You know, years ago, the person who who taught that was very, very strict about where Oh, yeah.

I've actually pulled out an anatomy book and was like, do you see this?

This is where you punch.

Don't punch here.

Don't do that.

It was very explicit Mhmm.

On on where you can, you know, do that.

Mhmm.

Any anywhere muscle.

You don't do, you know, where it's soft.

You don't do Don't do bones.

You don't do that.

Yeah.

So, you know, no.

So I pointed out one because Kind of.

The punching of a stomach is makes me queasy.

Mhmm.

But also, I feel like that's the pattern.

This person is not there's no such thing as a 100% guaranteed safety and kink.

There.

Said it.

They they not they not they sound risky to me.

Yeah.

They sound like they are willing to go to an and that's a now that's a personal preference.

I get that.

But punching a stomach when that's soft tissue and organs and sunburn, which is can can literally send you to the hospital, but also future health like, something about this person is not reading as risk aware, safety minded.

Shit.

I I just had the word, and I lost it now.

You know, almost seems like they, that's what they're doing.

They're chasing, you know, that that risk, that excitement that Sure.

You know?

Mhmm.

Well, they're into the hardcore pain clearly giving it.

Yeah.

You know?

This person does not really say that they if they are truly into it being on the receiving end.

Mhmm.

I hope so.

I hope so.

I'm it's I mean, no.

Plea please please don't purposely go get sunburned just to feel the pain.

Take advantage of if it happens, oopsie.

Sure.

And you're into it.

Mhmm.

Yeah.

Let's let's not purposefully risk future cancer just for a scene.

I just Yeah.

No.

No.

And then somebody in the live chat was talking about, and, yeah, is he gonna, like, take care of of his partner and, like, keep it the aloe and the this and the that and the like, because it's it's miserable Oh, yeah.

To have a sunburn.

Mhmm.

Okay.

So there we are on that one.

Okay.

Next one.

Title.

He's 39.

I'm 19.

I understand the secrecy but it still stings.

Go ahead and be mad before I read it.

It's fine.

Okay.

Here we go.

Yeah.

I'm 19 and I'm in a relationship with a man who's 39.

He's my dom and also my daddy.

The age gap is huge and I know that alone would be enough for most people to freak out.

Add in the BDSM and how we met.

There's no way I could explain this to my parents.

I don't have a close relationship with them and I don't plan to tell them about us anytime soon.

But still, when he said he didn't want my parents to know, something inside me flinched.

I know he's being realistic.

I know it's complicated, but a part of me wished he had said, if it ever came down to it, I'd stand beside you or I'm not ashamed of what we have.

Maybe I'm being too emotional.

Maybe I just wanted to feel like we could be a real couple and not a secret to be hidden.

Has anyone else felt this?

I'm not angry, just quietly disappointed.

Honey, I want you to get real fucking angry.

Right.

I want you to get so goddamn angry that you were seeing red.

That is what I want for you.

They're they're, you know yeah.

Something's not right there.

Nothing about this.

Nothing about this.

Yeah.

No.

No.

Nope.

Yeah.

Here's here's the thing.

I'd I'd like to do a little background search on this fella.

Right.

I got questions.

Because I I I had the feeling he's hiding some shit.

Oh.

Well, because here's the thing.

Here's the thing.

We do not say too much about age gap.

There's an eighteen year difference.

I was in my fucking thirties though, y'all, when it all went down.

And we've had this conversation before, I think, in previous episodes like this, where I have an opinion about especially, I do not know their gender, but my brain said female.

That doesn't necessarily mean anything.

It could be anybody.

It really doesn't fucking matter.

But I would say I do not think a 19 year old being with somebody 20, 15, 20, whatever years older than is a good thing.

But I also have that sort of but you're adults and once you hit that age, you get to decide and just, you know, try to assess the risk.

Try to vet.

Try to right?

In general, that's what the fuck I think.

This situation, that was predatory because you know you sought out a 19 year old and were they 18?

Mhmm.

Did you meet them when they were 17?

Yeah.

And you've been biding your time?

But now you don't want anybody to know that's because you don't want the questions and the looks and the judgment Right.

Because you know you fucking deserve it.

Yeah.

Yep.

And that's you know that's the line and I think most people rightly so warn for this because more often than not this is the situation.

It's somebody who is is preying on somebody younger Right.

And probably more naive and certainly less experienced than all the things.

Like, I have so many questions.

Like, I wanna know how you met because I have a feeling therein lies everything we need to fucking know.

Mhmm.

Because the thing about being into BDSM, you don't have to tell your family.

You don't have to tell any fucking body that you're in a kinky relationship.

But you can still talk about the fact that you're in a relationship with the person I'm dating.

This is the person I care about.

Right.

Yeah.

The the secrecy, there's so many reasons that that person could could want this to be secret, but the twenty year fucking age gap is a big Big one.

Big one.

It's the obvious one.

Yeah.

But I I don't wanna know because I think it'll, like, make my heart hurt, but I do wanna know how did you fucking meet and what does your BDSM relationship look like?

Because Mhmm.

Just at first glance, the whole thing is real fucking suspicious.

Yeah.

But the secret thing, that's just a red flag.

In chat said, it's sketchy.

It's so sketchy.

Right.

You are like you are proving the rule of why everybody's like, all age gaps are real fucking bad.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because Yeah.

Because this it's this shit.

It's this shit right here that people do.

Deep breath.

Yeah.

I know.

If if my 20 year old came to me and said, mom, let me introduce you to my 40 year old partner.

I'm a be like, bitch, you come with me to the next room.

We're gonna have a conversation.

And then I'm a look at my child and go, you sit still.

Mommy will be with you in a moment because remember, you still call me mommy.

I don't wanna know what you're calling her, but I got questions now.

Yeah.

And I say all that to say that a 19 year old is a legal adult and they can make their decisions.

And I'm gonna, like, support their right to make those decisions.

But that motherfucker sounds sketchy as shit.

Sounds predatory as shit.

So, you know, I mean, I I I do not see this in in this at all, but, you know, I I will say, and I've told you this before.

Mhmm.

I've had folks in their twenties reach out to me as a person in my sixties.

And they get mad at you when you're like And and they get mad when I'm like I have a kid your age.

Don't you know.

No.

No.

Not my thing.

Yeah.

And and they get pissed.

You know?

Yeah.

And, you know, that does that does go both ways.

But they are they are actively seeking out Right.

You know, a huge age gap.

Right.

And see For whatever reason.

I would even go, okay.

Maybe the maybe the thing about how they met is that the 19 year old sought out this older person.

Mhmm.

Cool.

Cool.

Cool.

The fact that they don't want it to be secret Yeah.

Means that they did it with whatever good intentions they may have.

Exactly.

And this motherfucker's hiding because they know they need they're hiding from something and or they know they need to because Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you know, I absolutely understand being hurt by it, feeling disappointed.

Yeah.

Because you you're happy with your relationship and you want to know that when the time comes, they'll be by your side proudly.

Yeah.

But I really want this person to get angry because that's that's that's where I think they need to go next.

I mean, you know, we we we met through our mutual sex and kink blogs.

Okay?

But, you know, when you asked, you know, meet the family, I was like, okay.

Right.

And they didn't scare you off, and you're still here.

So you know I'm still here.

You know?

But that's because our relationship is a little bit more than our power dynamic.

Mhmm.

Mhmm.

Okay.

So there's that one.

Next one.

They want an answer from a Dom.

That's what it says.

Dom, please answer.

But you know, I'll have thoughts.

So here we go.

I'm in a committed relationship with my Dom.

We are not in an open relationship or polyamorous.

We've been living together for three years.

Been collared for one year.

My question is, in this scenario, do you as a dom let your relationship status be known?

Example.

One.

When past partners are trying to get in contact with you again, do you disclose your relationship status?

Two, when you are repeatedly contacted by the same person who repeatedly asks for your time.

My Dom says no.

It's none of their business.

He's in a relationship, so he does not tell anyone he is in a relationship.

Do I get the do I just get the quote he's keeping his options open type feeling because I'm new to this lifestyle?

Is this normal etiquette?

This is second or third person I need y'all to start listening to your intuition.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Because you're getting the he's keeping his options open vibe for a fucking reason.

Oh, yeah.

But go ahead, Dom.

Please answer.

Yeah.

No.

He's he's he's playing the field.

Oh, yeah.

Okay?

You know, he's like It's nobody's business if I'm in a relationship, so I just won't say I'm in a relationship?

You know, bullshit.

How has lightning not struck your dumbass?

Because Mhmm.

Liar liar pants on fucking fire.

Yeah.

You know.

You know what?

In in in a way you can say, yeah, it really is nobody's business.

You know, you can just tell There's no details.

Yeah.

I mean, you just tell the other person look I'm not interested go away.

Or I'm with someone and that's all you gotta fucking say.

Exactly.

But the it's nobody's business so I don't have to cop to being in a relationship.

That that is that is Kiss my fucking ass.

All this freaking shadiness going on.

All this secrecy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Here's the thing.

I can understand people in a relationship mutually deciding we're gonna keep this quiet for reasons.

Sometimes for drama reasons and you're trying to avoid said drama and you know it's gonna put like, a mutual decision like that, me personally, I might not love it, but I can see it.

I can, you know, I can understand why people might make that decision.

Mhmm.

But at any point, when you are in a relationship with someone and one of you will not refuse as asks you not to claim them publicly in even the most mild mannered way, that's a red flag.

Mhmm.

What what are they hiding from?

Is it another family they don't want you to know?

Are they playing the field and keeping their options open for whatever comes along?

Are they just have they been cheating on you the whole time and you are one of many?

Who knows?

But it's a sign of something.

Yeah.

It is absolutely a sign of something.

Like like Ross said in chat, and I agree a 100% as a dom, wouldn't you want to show off your sub?

I know I would.

My question, knowing what I, you know, having experience I now now have You did.

Yeah.

I know.

If I have a dom who doesn't want to admit that they are, at minimum, just in a relationship with me, that's the thing I'm gonna ask is, are you ashamed of me?

Are you ashamed of this relationship?

Yeah.

I'm a bitch, so I'm gonna go, what the fuck are you hiding?

And who are you hiding now?

But also, with somebody like that, I never work out in that fucking floor.

Trust issues too damn deep.

But, yeah.

I just this person knows.

They just don't they're not trusting themselves, and I have a feeling they're in that.

Well, I'm submissive.

They're the dom.

So maybe there's this thing that I just don't know when I'm supposed to submissively allow this.

And Mhmm.

Their intuition told them everything they need to know.

Yeah.

Mm-mm.

Now Yeah.

There's it's something shady for some reason.

Oh, yeah.

And then I have the second example, somebody repeatedly contacts you and you're still not telling me you're in a relationship, but you're not doing anything to make it so that to make it clear to them or to just block them or whatever so that they cannot repeatedly contact you?

What the fuck?

You know, I I would as the other person in this, you know, the the at that point, if this person is repeatedly contacting, I'd I'd start to get a little curious about what's being conversed.

I'd be contacting that person going Yeah.

Something something we need to talk about?

Mhmm.

I just these shady motherfuckers.

I know.

Right?

Damn.

Yeah.

This person just listen listen to your intuition.

It's It's screaming at you at this point.

You know what you're seeing.

Mhmm.

And it's no different just because it's power exchange versus non kink.

It's really not.

Take off the blinders.

You know, and I We come across this a lot.

Certainly, Reddit sees this a lot Mhmm.

Of, oh, power exchange is so so fundamentally different from every relationship style I've ever known that maybe I am supposed to just be treated like shit and that's what it's like.

And I'm just like, shit.

No.

You're both supposed to be enjoying this.

You're supposed to both be getting something from this.

And you're both supposed to be able to trust each other.

So if you don't have that, this isn't just because of power exchange.

This is bullshit behavior.

It's red flags.

Yep.

It's irresponsibility.

It's Yep.

Like, completely unsafe and the worst.

But, like, it's all the things.

It's all the things.

And none of them are good.

I am very hot and sweaty.

We're kinda flying through these.

And I picked several.

Okay.

Here we go.

Title, I accidentally hurt my Dom.

Advice please.

Okay.

I journal slash write reports to my Dom every day and have been doing that for months.

It had been unclear to me why he assigned me this task.

He just told me he wants to monitor my status.

So I've been trying to guess what he wants, writing what goes on, how I'm holding up with my tasks, and all good things I notice that he does for me, like helping me prioritize and make sure I get enough rest.

I asked him again a couple of weeks ago when I felt unsure about what to write, and he told me I should write things I want him to know.

The other day, I wrote about how he lashed out at me during the day and then it made me sad and demotivated.

And he got really mad at me.

Told me that my reports should not contain any complaints.

Issues are to be brought to him in person.

I usually do that, but that particular day, I had no chance to bring it up because of having kids around all day.

Now he doesn't want my reports, and he stopped following up on my tasks.

I feel bad and lost any advice.

I have apologized several times and explained that I didn't realize this was inappropriate for the report.

So I gotta go grind to my back molar right now?

Fucking hell.

You know, one kinda sounds he this person was making it up as he goes, you know, And when his ego was getting stroked, he was like, yeah.

I like this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, you know, and, yeah.

Then then when things you know what?

You you you need to take you you need to be able to take the criticism.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

You know, because I know I'm not right a 100% of the time.

Right.

And also, you recognize because you're mature and people who are mature will event if you don't know it now, you'll know it eventually.

Sometimes it's easier to write the thing down than it is to say the thing.

Yeah.

And that way, if feelings have been expressed, everybody's on the same page and then you can deal with it or we can be a big crybaby and get our feelings hurt because Well, you know, yeah.

And that that's the thing and and what what really what popped out of me was the fact that he, how did you put it, really in caps mad at at this person.

Mhmm.

You know what?

Sorry that, Kind of sounds like somebody else.

No.

You know, a little bit of classic narcissism going on there, okay?

Something.

Yeah.

Something.

You know.

But, Yeah.

To to get angry about that.

That that, you know, you you can get upset.

Sure.

You cannot like something.

That's valid.

But you know what?

That that just give that that should be an opportunity to sit down and have a talk.

Right.

And, you know, outside looking in, the maturity level, the responsibility level, the safety level of that Dom is completely in question.

If they get all caps really mad at being told that their sub was a little was a little upset by something.

Like, what the fuck?

So I had forgotten what this was until I started reading it.

And for me, the flashing red sign of there are problems here, which was at the very beginning of it had been it's it's not a universal experience, whatever JB says.

Mhmm.

But from outside observation, I've never really talked to a Dom who assigned a task or said, you know, this is what I want you to do as my that did not have, at least on a basic level, some reasoning behind it.

Yeah.

Even if it's I get off on it and this is fun for me.

Mhmm.

Like, is that Yeah.

Is that pretty much it?

Yeah.

I I mean, because even, you know, in our in the beginning, we had, you know, we got to know each other because we had respective blogs that we were writing and following.

Mhmm.

Okay.

But at the same time, I asked you to journal some things in in Google Docs that I could see To get to know you, to get to understand you, to get to know who you are, the things you like, and what, you know.

Mhmm.

So, yeah, there was a purpose behind it.

But any task you've ever given me, there's a purpose behind it.

Yeah.

I mean, I It's not just oh, I think, let's see.

Oh, go dig a ditch today just because I want you to dig a ditch.

I read a BuzzFeed article that said this is what subs do.

So here's your task.

I mean, quite frankly, if you did and that's the reasoning you gave yourself, at least that's fucking honest.

But either, yeah, this person heard that's what some subs do and went, okay.

You'll do it.

Mhmm.

Or who knows what?

But best practices, air quote that, empower exchange, doms.

If you were assigning a task to your sub, and it makes sense to do because I I know that sometimes there's those power dynamics of the you're assigning it because they're gonna do what they're told.

That's the fucking reason because I want you to.

But when we're talking about like this, like, you should be able to explain some level of why you want it done or how you certainly how you want it done.

Another example for for us, you know, I had a little bit more experience in the lifestyle than you did at that time.

And I gave You had ten plus years on me at that point.

And I I gave you assignments, so to speak, to research different kinks, different Right.

You know, things.

But I knew why you were giving me Right.

Those assignments.

You we talked about it.

It was part of the communication process.

Mhmm.

And this person could have said, hey, anything that's like negative or where you're upset or it's an issue we need to work out, I want you to bring that to me separately.

You know, that's gonna be a separate conversation.

That should not have stopped this person from being able to write it in their fucking journal.

Is it a journal or is it not?

Yeah.

But I could see setting the, hey, we're not gonna we're not gonna sort out issues just in this writing way.

Write it down if you need to, but we're going to have this conversation together.

Let's let's work it out that way.

Yeah.

But that doesn't seem to have even been said until it happened and he got his little feelings hurt.

Right.

And also, she this I shouldn't say she.

This person asked, what do you want from this?

Mhmm.

And their response was, I should write things I want him to know.

Well, guess what?

Yeah.

That's a lot of fucking shit.

Mhmm.

Sorry you didn't like We didn't.

What they needed you to know.

Apparently didn't say only the good shit.

Fragile ego.

Yeah.

Can't fucking handle it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I I could Yeah.

They they they did not hurt their dom.

No.

They did not.

And quite frankly, the dom needs to be asking for apologizing to their sub for the overreaction Right.

And for the not handling it well.

Right.

And the here's how we move through this so it can be better.

Because there there's a there's a lot of, trust and, you know And here's the thing.

The effect that that went down the drain with that.

And the thing with journaling, I think it's, you know, if it works for the people involved, do it.

Great.

But I think whoever's gonna be reading that entry and it's usually the dom.

Right?

It's usually subs who journal, doms who read it.

You gotta be fucking prepared for whatever their raw feelings are.

Whatever their not always rainbows and unicorns.

No.

I mean, we've had early days of our relationship.

It wasn't journaling.

It was like emails but I write them in that way of the hard stuff that I wasn't able to verbalize.

Mhmm.

It got put down in writing, and he had to read it.

You you still do that.

Yeah.

I don't do it for interpersonal stuff between you and I.

I've gotten much better at going, you just pissed me off and let me tell you why.

You have.

I'm very good at that.

I'm proud of you for that.

I know.

But, yeah.

I no.

The they did not hurt their dom.

Their dom is No.

Pulling a guilt trip on them because they didn't like whatever it was and it gave them feelings and they didn't wanna deal with those feelings.

But the mistakes were made at the very beginning.

It should have been very, very clear.

This is what this is for.

I still don't think it's good practice to say you can't put anything negative in this because that's I think that we're stroking the egos at that fucking point.

But I think you can have the write what you need to write, but we will talk about these things and we will work through the problem stuff, you know, not in this venue, but, you know, mention it if you need to or whatever.

I can also see I might not agree, but I can see a world in which how something is written, not what is the topic is, but like how the sub expresses themselves could be a problem for Adam.

It could be set in a way that maybe is feels disrespectful or whatever whatever.

I could see that world but I go back to journals are very personal.

You are asking for somebody to like put their feelings and thoughts into words where they're just writing and yeah, you're gonna get to see it but it's because you're getting a peek into their inner world.

Right.

And you're not always gonna like how they say something or what they do.

No.

And in in my opinion, most journaling things, there should be no discipline around what is written and how it's written.

Unless we're talking about the person just spent the whole time going, you're a motherfucking asshole and I hate you, 20 lines of it and that's it.

I mean, that's a deeper conversation.

But if they're just, you know, saying they're mad at you or they didn't like this thing or they felt uncomfortable or whatever, no.

I don't there's there should be no general.

Yeah.

Just Dom's, you gotta emotionally regulate yourself, and that's a hard thing to do.

But yeah.

It could be for some people.

Yes.

Look.

We all have to fucking gentle parent ourselves, apparently.

It is if you've never done it, it's very difficult.

Okay.

We have one more, and it is long as fucking shit.

Okay?

I hope Saved the best for last.

I hope these old ass eyes can keep up with it.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

Well and and it's heartbreaking, but it's long.

Okay.

Title.

Why can't I leave my dom even though I feel starved and hurt?

Hi, everyone.

I've been in a DS relationship for a few months now.

I'm a new sub, and he's my dom.

When I met my dom, I thought I finally found what I was missing.

We spent some days together in person and it was amazing.

I felt safe, loved, cared for.

On the couch, just hugging and talking, or during our most intense BDSM moments, I could finally let go.

Subspace with him felt like home, like I didn't have to worry about anything.

I trusted him more than I ever trusted anyone.

But since I left, things have been completely different.

We're long distance and it feels like everything is on pause, and they actually are.

No tasks, no sessions, no nothing except late night calls for an hour or two.

Life got busy for both of us, but I kept being here waiting for him to enable our dynamic again.

For over a month now, we haven't really had a good moment.

We said we'll revisit our expectations, limits, and boundaries soon.

But in the meantime, it feels like I'm stuck waiting, starving, and wondering what's even left between us.

He says verbal affection isn't his way, so in texts, I get almost nothing.

He checks in once or twice a day, but never really asks if I'm free or tells me when he'll be around.

I'm the one who has to ask, and I feel he doesn't appreciate my time.

We don't know when or if we'll see each other again, and I can't survive on only the memory of those two days to have what I need.

When I ask for affection, he says I come across needy or bratty and I that I push him when I ask for it and that I can't take no for an answer and that it is really bad behavior that I ask him for affection.

But I don't push him.

I ask for a good word or something sweet in a gentle way because this was in our agreement.

But for more than a month now, he doesn't want to give it to me and he gets mad when I ask for affection.

I've opened up about my struggles, like health issues or everyday life, and he throws them back at me in arguments Since then I stopped sharing because I'm scared it will be used against me again.

We had a huge fight three weeks ago and since then I don't feel safe to share my feelings or what is happening in my life because I know he will say that I'm not okay and that he is gonna use my struggles against me.

He also says I safe word out of things we agreed on and never bring them up again, leaving him to feel like he's giving without receiving.

I can admit I've failed on follow through, but it feels like my mistakes erase all the effort I do put in.

At the same time, whenever I'm upset or sad, he says he can't do things with me then even when he knew from day one that my way of coping when I'm not okay is through sexual stuff which leaves me wondering when can he?

Because I'm not perfect and he's not either.

I don't know what I'm getting from him anymore.

Maybe just company at night.

But even then, I feel like my time and emotions aren't valued.

I just wanna feel loved and shown that I matter, not to be left to guess just because he still talks to me.

And yet, I can't leave.

I keep clinging to the memory of those days together, the safety, the trust, the way subspace felt.

I keep hoping it will come back even though the last month has been nothing but pause, fights, miscommunication, and distance.

I know the obvious answer is quote leave, but I can't.

So I'm not asking whether I should.

I'm asking why.

Why do I feel so tied to someone who doesn't give me what I need anymore?

Why does the memory of safety and love keep me stuck here even when reality is starving me?

I want to understand myself better because logically I see the problems.

Emotionally I'm trapped.

Yeah.

You know, I I think there's the the problem is more that she or they, you know, experience what they experienced, and they are kind of stuck in that spot that they're like, I want this, and this is the person that gave it to me.

And this was the moment that felt like, everything clicked, and this was air quote perfection.

Mhmm.

And so Yeah.

You know, talk about stuck in the moment.

Mhmm.

Mhmm.

You know, my best thing I would say for some somebody like that I mean, I know, you know, we we all want some kind of affection, you know, we closeness as as people, that's what we as humans, it's what we desire.

You know, they're they're that that person needs to get in therapy.

I think that person needs to speak with somebody.

Probably.

I mean, there's I'm sure there's some thumb something to that.

Yeah.

You know?

And and be because, you know, to and and I don't you know, to a certain extent I kind of understand that.

Because the relationship with my family.

Mhmm.

You know, it in it's almost in a sense the same thing.

Right.

You know how good it can be.

So you're You you know it's supposed to be good.

Right.

You know, so you you kinda hang out, you know, okay.

When's the good part coming back?

When's the good part coming back?

Right.

And it never gets there.

Mhmm.

And I think that's a very common experience for people.

I think Mhmm.

Probably most people have had some level of that.

Yeah.

The thing that came to my mind was something I discovered about myself from my first marriage and that I hear, I've heard plenty of people talk about, like, in relationship the relationship algorithm of the Internet.

And that is, loving their potential more than the reality.

So this person had the best experience, air quote this.

I mean, that's subjective.

On the outside looking in, we might have gone, actually.

But in their mind, that was the best.

That was exactly what they wanted.

Everything clicked for them.

Right?

So they know how good it can be.

They know what that person is capable of.

So they know they have the potential the potential for it in the future, and that's what they are banking on is their potential.

What they're doing is then not they see it logically because they can describe it here for us.

Yeah.

But they are not, I don't think, internalizing the reality because the potential is so good.

The potential is filled with hope.

That's the future.

That's what could be.

Right.

And if somebody who stayed married for way too many years because I was I was aware of their potential, it's it just leads to misery long term because while there are valid reasons why somebody may not be able to do what they once did, it's not that's not the measure of whether this is gonna be a good relationship.

It's how they handle it.

Right?

If there's a valid reason they can't be who this person needs, that's a conversation.

That's a let's bare our souls kind of a let me get real fucking real with you about what's going on with me.

Here's like, how do we work around this?

How do we fix this?

How do we whatever whatever.

This person, you know, made promises and then doesn't keep them and then gets mad at them for having, I don't know, human needs and feelings and emotions, which what is it with these fucking doms who can't handle that their subs are, you know, people?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know.

But I you know, please don't choke.

Please don't choke.

Try not to.

It's not my intention.

I know that's not your kink.

Yeah.

No.

Yeah.

I think I think they're they're clinging to something, whether it's the memory, it's the hope for the future.

And sometimes the hope for the future is way more interesting, way more comforting than the reality.

And you just kinda keep going, but it could get better.

It could get better.

But obviously it does not.

Now there's, I'm sure many more reasons why.

I mean, as a person who's a nosy bitch, I'm like, okay, what are your past relationships like?

Any past traumas you're willing to share?

Like, what where what is going on or is going on in your life where you would rather cling to both the past, this amazing memory and experience that you had, and then the hope for the future and let yourself, you know, to know to know logically and still be unable to walk away.

Like, there I think you're right.

I think there's probably, you know, a therapist might be able to help just to talk through some shit.

Right?

Just to, you know, hopefully, learn your inherent value as a human and that you deserve better.

Mhmm.

And this person ain't fucking shit.

Ain't looking out for that.

No.

They have their fun in the moment in person and then didn't want, didn't expect, didn't plan for the responsibility and the the difficulty of a long distance relationship.

Mhmm.

And instead of just being fucking honest and going, hey, what we had there was great, but I can't do this.

This doesn't work for me or I find it too difficult or whatever.

Like, whatever their fucking reasons are.

They can't just fucking say it and then work through the pain of them just walking away.

Like, I just it's very sad because I know plenty of people, you know, I've seen them online.

They can articulate everything that's wrong and but they're like, but I don't wanna go back.

The other thing that came to mind is was this person in sub frenzy when they have this beautiful perfect amazing moment?

Mhmm.

And man, that's some neurochemical blah de blah shit that'll fuck with you.

Looking at it through those rose colored glasses?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

And then I wonder how much because for as in-depth as this is, there's gonna be layers that haven't been shared of how much air quote forgiveness is this sub giving their dom?

Like, explaining shit away.

Oh, well, they had a long day.

Oh, they're very tired.

It's this whole focusing on caring about and putting their needs above your own, which is not uncommon in any relationship style.

And it's okay to do when it's reciprocated.

Right.

You know, when you know that other person's gonna do it for you.

But there's also the why.

I can't I have to keep reminding myself this is literally only been a few months.

This is very, very fucking new.

So you got new relationship energy, you probably have some sub frenzy.

There's also this belief that a lot of submissives get that they have that one amazing experience with this musty dusty fucking dom who don't fucking deserve it and they convince themselves they won't ever get something like that again with anybody else.

There's no other doms out there, or it won't be that good, or they won't meet somebody.

You met this motherfucker, you will meet somebody.

Yes.

If this one came crawling out of the cracks, I promise you there's somebody else out there.

So, you know, I think there could be a lot of reasons why they're struggling.

I, you know Excuse me.

I do like the fact that they can they can clearly state what is wrong.

That's a good sign.

I know I myself lived in denial for a very long fucking time.

And I've known people who to this day are still in a bit of denial, about their own stuff.

It's more, you know, what hurts worse being treated like this and maybe getting a phone call every so often or being left the fuck alone so you can live your best fucking life, life.

You know?

As a a sub with, you know, either no partner or a long distance partner, you can go your ass to munches if they're available.

You can go to workshops.

You can go to conventions.

You can join online groups.

You can go out there and live your best submissive self without a fucking dom.

I know it's not ideal for for most of us.

We would like to have a partner.

I fucking get that.

But this one's making you feel miserable.

Right.

You deserve better than that.

Everybody deserves better than to be with somebody who treats them as an afterthought, can't be bothered to communicate with them, you know, strings them along, leads them on.

The Dom needs to just fucking come clean and go, this This clearly isn't working.

Mhmm.

I can't be what you need.

That was how I got broken up with before I met JB.

We had an amazing in person moment.

Went our separate ways.

We're separated by just a few hours.

We're like, yeah, about eight hour drive, kinda like you and I work.

Were.

And for a while, it was fine and then it wasn't.

And I was clinging on to hope.

I can do this.

I can make this work.

And he was like, I don't want to do it that way.

I can't give you what you need.

I this is done.

And, oh, that was awful.

It was it was one of the worst feelings I've ever felt in my fucking life.

But for all that, you know, he might not have been everything that he portrayed himself to be as people tried to tell me afterwards but those people were not trustworthy so I don't know.

There's a whole mess.

I don't like drama in my life and somehow I stepped into it with this breakup.

But looking back that was the responsible thing to do.

He couldn't do what he said he would do.

He couldn't be what he said he would be.

And he couldn't give me the level of focus and attention that, you know, we both agreed that's what this power exchange deserved and so we just fucking cut ties.

So that's what this fucker needs to do.

Stop stringing the sub along.

Yeah.

The breakup will suck.

You'll heal.

I promise you you will.

But if you can't force yourself away, I really want you to force yourself away.

You can do this.

You're better off without this mofo.

That's what they should do.

They can't, you know, just fucking own it.

I can't be what I thought we could be.

Done.

Yeah.

Done.

Mhmm.

That one doesn't make me angry.

It just makes me sad.

Yeah.

But I have hope for this person because they could clearly articulate all this.

They Right.

I think they'll get there.

I think Mhmm.

Maybe they need some more support.

Maybe they need to hear some more voices, something something, but I think they can get there.

Have faith in them.

Excuse me.

Lord.

That was it.

Okay.

That's all we had.

I am hot and sweaty as usual.

If my blood pressure does not go up in one of these episodes, have we really done it right?

Mhmm.

No.

No.

The rosy cheeks too a little bit that, you know.

And and, thank you perimenopause.

Thank you changing body.

Thank you, less elasticity in my skin.

I now get sweat that sits right on the top of my cheeks, right under my eyes, just below where the bags live.

And, it lets me know how hot I am as if I couldn't tell.

Also, it's a sensory nightmare.

But I know that I got toasty water because that little ledge on my face is hot and sweaty.

Goodness.

Anyway.

Mhmm.

So So What's that?

With all that being said We do a bonus section?

Sure.

Of course.

Sound good?

That's not for me to say.

Keep it kinky, y'all.

And we'll see you next week.

Daddy.

Yes, baby girl.

Can we talk to the crickets and maybe I won't yell and get kind of blood pressure up and get all sweaty and red cheeked more red cheeked than I naturally am.

Go right ahead, baby girl.

Which I do suspect is probably rosacea.

But insurance doesn't cover those kind of dermatology appointments, so I'll just keep suspecting it.

So, yeah.

We, we're here.

Mhmm.

We survived moving the 20 year old into his new apartment.

Yep.

I do feel like I physically survived something because when we moved him out of the he's he's not on a, First Floor apartment.

He's on a Second Floor apartment, both places.

When we moved him out, I was taking those steps up and down and up and down, and there felt like a million of them.

Mhmm.

And I was tired, but I was fine.

This time, oh my god.

Every time I went up, I had to, like, pause, take a beat, tell myself your heart will not always beat this hard.

And every time, I do not know what the difference was because I was fine that first time.

I was carrying boxes both times.

That it was well over a 100 degrees.

I'm sure that had something to do with it.

You know?

Yeah.

But, yeah.

It it was it was a lot rougher getting him there than it was getting him here.

Yeah.

It was.

Oh my god.

Yeah.

It was.

I'm also I don't really need it anymore because I don't have to worry about periods or anything.

But I am just now at the big age of 45 learning about the luteal phase and the this phase and the that phase and how, like, where your hormones are at any given point within a cycle, which I've been perimenopause, my cycle is just a squiggly line, can determine how much, energy you have, how much this you have, how much that you have.

The muscle mommy side of Instagram taught me some of that.

And so I do sometimes wonder.

It's like, oh, oh, am I, like, out of whack more than normal?

And so it's whichever direction it goes that can, you know, make you tire more easily or have less strength or stamina.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm still learning about it.

Even though I don't need to care because we we're not tracking shit around here.

That part of the plumbing is gone.

So, but it was embarrassing because look.

I know who I am and what I look like.

And I wanted to wear a sign that said, normally I do not huff and puff on the fucking stairs.

I didn't and I didn't tell strangers that.

I just owned my huffing and puffing.

I just some very attractive college student who clearly is still a baby, but, like, an older baby and was I was like, if you weren't my child's neighbor, I'd I think you were very attractive, but that just feels uncomfortable.

Walked past me and did that polite, oh, there's an old lady dying on the stairs smile of, hey.

How you doing?

You're right.

I just wanted to walk around on the side.

I was like, you guys usually have the cup upstairs.

Thank you, Andre.

Andre.

So for podcast listeners, it was a super chat in in YouTube live chat.

So but yeah.

It you know, it we we talked about it, and it was one of those things.

We were we were glad to have him home.

It was, It was wonderful.

It was nice.

Forgotten about him being here.

It was nice to have him here, and and what made it nice too is because it had been a hot minute since he'd really been here.

You know and when we go up to see him it's kind of a whirlwind because you know we take him get groceries take him shopping take him get something to eat you know and then we we go back but kick him out the car and go yeah but you know to to see how he has grown and matured in the time and the conversations that can be had with him now Oh, yeah.

Now, it's it's it's amazing.

It it's a marvelous and wonderful thing to see.

Mhmm.

But it was very nice for him to go back to his his own place because yeah.

Monday morning, being back to my typical routine, I felt like a new woman.

I was like, I can do anything because my routine is mine.

I'm not sharing a car.

I'm not Mm-mm.

Even though he is technically a baby adult, but an adult has been getting his ass out of bed by his damn self for two years.

And I know that.

And I the first day he was home and he had class that day, and so he would need to get up by a certain time, leave.

I was tempted to go check and I stopped myself.

I was like, self?

He's been doing this by himself all this time.

You don't need to do it.

But what I realized is having him home and knowing that he had a schedule or trying to figure out where he was going to be in time and space in a given day, it was a lot more mental energy than I remembered ever using before.

I was like just constantly aware of partly it's because I'm the anxious mother who's waiting for, you know, mom I got a ticket.

Mom I'm in an accident.

You know, something awful.

So I'm just I know I was on edge about that, but not knowing that yeah.

I think about him.

Like, I wonder how he's doing and he's doing band camp right now and how's that going?

And I know he's met somebody and he's like head over heels right now.

I'm like, how I have these thoughts, but it's different when he's not actually here versus when he was here.

And, yeah, this past Monday, I was like, I can do anything.

I got all the time in the world.

Yep.

Yep.

That was my last day of being productive this this week so far.

So that's been fun.

That's been fun.

Yeah.

It it's been, you know, it it's been a crazy week.

I have been up to my neck in wood.

Not even in that fun way.

I mean, he could No.

He could be if he wanted to be.

No.

I I have been, on a mission.

I am going through and I am cleaning the garage.

And the garage is where all the wood gets kept Especially the scrap wood.

Prior to milling.

And, I am just digging through every crack crevice and corner and pulling everything out and, like, okay.

What can I do with this?

What's this gonna be?

And just My favorite was it the bloodwood or was it the purple heart you came from?

I found a whole thing of this Bloodwood.

Of this very expensive exotic wood.

I didn't even know I had.

I was like Four foot piece of four foot piece of redwood.

Which on Or bloodwood.

Bloodwood.

On today's market, that might be worth some gold or something.

I don't know.

I know.

I know.

We, we're planning for JB to go to the sawmill.

And we don't know how prices have changed Yeah.

With how things have gone.

So we're only actually planning on getting our basic woods, not our fun woods.

Yeah.

Like, we hope we're budgeting correctly, but we we don't have that.

We don't have that.

Now thankfully the guy picker shock when I do it.

Yeah.

You might thankfully, the sawmill guy adores JB.

Yeah.

And so, like I don't know why, but yeah.

You got that personality and you got that face.

People wanna just tell you about their life and you are polite and don't tell them to fuck off and you just let them.

And people like that.

It's like for some parts of the population, I'm not fucking one of them, but people like to feel seen and heard and you like make that, you know, easy for people.

And you're not a judgmental ass.

Now you might be judging them in your head and then you're gonna come home to me and go, let me fucking tell you what this motherfucker said.

And I'm here for it.

Okay.

I'm here for it.

But yeah.

You're such you're like, yeah.

People know that you're a good human.

It does help that you, you know, are a good human and so therefore you act like a good human.

But yeah.

I did mildly lose my shit with one of the neighbors yesterday.

But you know what?

And this was a moment where I was like, j JB, use your privilege on the way that you should because that old dude was only gonna listen to somebody who looked like you.

And he, you know, you probably didn't change his mind, but he backed the fuck down.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He didn't get combative.

With me, I'd have gotten a well little Missy blah blah blah.

But I don't do that kind of shit anyway.

But still Yeah.

Like I know.

At least it did it wasn't confrontational.

No.

No.

It wasn't.

You said your piece.

Yeah.

He went well like they do.

Mhmm.

And then he left you the fuck alone.

I bet we won't see him come across the street for a while.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But, yeah.

That is pretty much what I've been doing.

Like I say, I'll I'll take some pictures of the wood stacks.

Our our office and recording space is never fully, like, really neat and organized.

It's all there's always a a bit of chaos somewhere.

It's every flat surface.

I mean, on my desk, I have a paddle blank that needs me to template it so I could pass it off to you to cut so I could pour resin.

It's just been sitting there next to other stacks I have.

Like, you can't see our printer because there are stacks of wood on it.

The credenza behind the camera behind the light, the studio light Mhmm.

Some of that's not even stacked up in a straight line.

My heart hurts to And then there's the stuff on the shipping set station.

I know.

My shipping station is supposed to be that is where we ship shit.

That is where my supplies live in nice little, like, rows.

Not Yeah.

Not right now.

Not right now at all.

Nope.

No.

Well, prior to this, it was all on this table.

It was.

A lot of it was on this table.

Like about an hour before it was time to sit down in front of a microphone.

So I had to move all that.

Andre asked about Lola, how Lola is.

Lola is doing well.

She's napping right now.

She's napping.

She's napping right now.

It seems to be we have found the correct mix of of pain meds for her, and she is doing well.

She is moving around.

She has been more herself Mhmm.

Lately.

She's been up in my lap again.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

She cuddled with me after she dug her elbow into me first.

But she's she's had zoomies a few times at night, and I mean hard zoomies where she was body slamming me.

She's a big old girl.

Any zoomie she's gets don't be a little True.

You know?

Same girl.

Same.

It's it's a hell of a thing when you see a 70 some pound dog charging at you and you know you just gotta stand your ground.

Thankfully, you know she likes you and this is good charging.

Right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, you know, and running at you and the tail's wagging in the face, you know, pity grin and But the jowls are still flopping.

She's a lot of things, but Graceful ain't one of them.

No.

No.

No.

No.

Same girl.

Same.

But, no, she's she's doing much she's doing much better right now.

So we're we're very happy for that and, you know, it's nice to see.

Mhmm.

No.

Because even even, you know, the well, when we were that well, I think it was the eye doctor, the ophthalmologist when we were there for the follow-up.

Week.

Yeah.

You know, he was like, she is so expressive.

Mhmm.

Yeah.

She is.

But that means that she is also expressive when she thinks you're a damn fool.

Right.

Like, when she just paces to the door at the vet's office, like, here's the door.

I'm showing you the door.

Let us go through the door.

And then she texted you, like, do you not see me standing here at the door?

She is expressive in all in all of her emotions Mhmm.

And thoughts and opinions.

And, you know, just for a a nerdy little funny, this week, I I made a a a big, milestone.

Killed my first Terraria boss.

And we're so happy for him here in our household.

There were celebrations lasted into the wee hours after he explained to me what the fuck that meant.

But the youngest was very was genuinely impressed.

Yeah.

I didn't I couldn't tell if it was the impressed of somebody who used to play that game and know understood what that meant or Mhmm.

Or if it was the condescension of a teenager going, aw, look at you.

Right.

Old person, You did it.

Yeah.

Still not sure.

Still not sure.

Mhmm.

Yes.

It was the eye.

The eye of Cthulhu.

And now the now folks in the live chat, no if you are if you are listening to this and you're like, what the fuck are they talking about?

Welcome.

You're on my side of things.

I just smile and nod.

No.

It was it was the I.

It was definitely the I.

And, Now there's a debate in the lives.

Yeah.

No.

It it was definitely the I.

You're like, I remember that shit.

And and I know that because kicked my ass twice before I kicked its ass.

That's what JB does in his spare time.

In my spare time, I read moderately decent Yeah.

Time, to escape reality.

I I just cracked a hundred hours x in the game.

And we are so happy for you.

There you go.

Everybody, you know Right?

As they should be.

Yes.

Serfs have goals in life and, you know Mhmm.

Have fun Right.

Relax.

Mhmm.

Mhmm.

I wanna I I want it noted though.

Am I being sarcastic and snarky?

Of course.

I have I don't give a fuck how much time JB spends playing his computer games because he does participate actively in his life.

And so it's not it's not one of those situations, like, from my first marriage.

But I I just wanna say, I am verbally way more enthusiastic for JB's wins than he has been lately when I've tried to explain the smutty smut.

I at least try to hide that my eyes are glazing over.

I I I never I've I have never been able to to master that look.

Okay?

Nope.

You know, I I I freely admit it.

You know.

You know.

My favorite is because so I recognize usually after I spend five minutes giving the backstory just to talk about the one funny thing that just happened, that I probably could just say the funny thing and it'd be funny enough on its own that he'd get the context.

But I don't live like that.

So if I gotta tell you about this moment in this book that had me literally cackling in laughter, it was so funny.

Whether well written or just perfect for the book or whatever, whatever.

I'm sorry.

You're gonna have to listen to who these people are in this universe and how this all comes together.

But I only tell him those those stories because I don't do it with every fucking book.

Some books, I'm just like, why did I start this?

Fuck it.

I'll try to finish it.

Something will be good about this.

That was the last two books I read.

I'm very disappointed.

But I tell him those things because I'm like, well maybe he will want to read it too because this is how good it is.

And mostly, he's like, how many partners does this bitch in the story have?

Right.

Can can you actually fuck that many people at one time?

There's not enough holes.

That was the one with the Cupid.

Right?

Oh, that one was really good.

I do have that's really good.

I've done it with a few and you're just like, I do sometimes think I can see you trying to do the mental calculus of how are all these people fitting together.

Right.

My favorite, was it the Cupid book?

It was one of those series that I've finished recently.

They basically just ran a train.

It was like three men who all were fucking each other too and their female main character, and they would just kinda back up into one another if you know what I mean.

It was it was great.

I am a little tired of magic, buttholes that just spread and stretch with minimal lubrication.

No experience in those are magic booty holes.

Okay?

I don't possess one of them.

Most people don't.

But so sometimes I get very annoyed by the magic asshole that just stretches.

Like just Okay.

Can fill it with, like, whatever.

It doesn't matter.

And sometimes I like the book or the story or the author has done a good enough job that I'm like, you know what?

I'll forgive it because this is fantasy and in fantasy there's no shit.

There's very little need for lube and it just works right the first fucking time you do anal.

I'll go with it.

I'll go with it.

But sometimes sometimes I'm just like, that's a lot of magic assholes.

So many.

Everybody's got a magic asshole.

I mean and and there are some authors that prove that you can do the anal training with the the toys or the time or the whatever and make it fucking sexy and certainly make it kinky.

I've enjoyed reading that but that's not the norm.

The norm is a magic asshole.

It's a little bit apparently like a Tardis.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Because and some of these people, like they also have magic vaginas because I just read a dragon shifter one where was the dragon shifter or was it another one?

I they all get kind of confused in my head.

No.

It wasn't the dragon shifter.

It was somebody else.

It was some because there was multiple multiple dicks to choose from and one was like this massive, like, the size of a forearm.

Looked like literally described.

Looked like a third leg.

And it just went in just fine the first fucking time.

Didn't rearrange the guts or anything.

Just And Amorta Abe wanted to know what, what book that was.

I wish my memory is so shit.

I track my books on the Fable app these days.

I think I have that, like, whatever if it can be publicly available.

It is.

I don't remember.

I don't do Goodreads anymore.

Kim in the live chat, mentioned Emily Raith Raff.

I don't know how to say her name.

I believe I've read some of her books.

There was somebody.

Oh, and I can't remember the author.

It might have been that author.

It might have been somebody else.

This is ages ago.

It was not recent.

The magic system allowed for magically lubricating everything that needed to be lubricated.

And the dick was so powerful.

It this was in the world.

This was the world building.

The dick was so powerful.

The the asshole never hurt.

Everything fit every time easily.

But it was built into the system.

It accommodated.

It was built into the system.

And I was like, okay.

Okay.

I'll go with that.

If that's part of the magic of this world, cool cool cool cool.

Like my orc series that I've read where the orc men when this It's a very heteronormative world.

I've not seen any not straight couples but the orc's dick magically changes to provide the the woman's stim preferred stimulation.

So in this world, it was orc men who were meeting humans and they'd never come across humans before.

And these humans owned vibrators, and so their dick would change to like the rose, the Hitachi, the anal beads like this.

Wow.

But you know what?

I'll forget that when it's built in.

When it's like it's it's consistent and is it?

I mean, is it hilarious and a little bit like, what the fuck am I reading?

Sure.

That one was fun because that was like a cozy kind of series.

Like, yeah, there was some stuff like, no, they had to find a body.

But, yeah, you you knew what you were getting every time.

It was very formulaic in a good way, but magic dicks on these orcs.

And I was like, okay.

So anyway, I'm so sorry for anybody who's like, I did not sign up to hear about magic dicks.

This is why sometimes I think I should have a a space or a way or a thing to talk about some of the shit I read, but I don't know that I can just do that casually.

I will treat that like work and then that becomes pressure and then I don't wanna do it anymore.

And I don't like that either.

I don't know what to do about that.

But nope.

Anyhoo.

Yeah.

You're okay.

I I guess I guess we could be done with whatever the fuck this is, though.

But I've, you know, completely gotten us demonetized by talking about magical assholes.

But And shape shifting dicks.

I mean, I'm not I'm not mad at that idea.

A dick that can shape shift to be, like, the perfect version of whatever a partner needs, I'm cool.

Also in the that one, that orc fantasy series, their come was an aphrodisiac and smelled and tasted like candy or like sweet, like and it was magical.

Like, it got on your skin.

You were immediately ready to go again.

It was Cracked.

Maybe so.

Maybe so.

Maybe so.

So now that I'm mildly embarrassed at myself Are you ready to call it a night?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

We need to.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We have a couple things to do.

We do.

We do.

I'm very excited about some of those things.

Mhmm.

Thank you all for being here.

Mhmm.

Especially to the better end.

Yep.

Please don't forget to go, enter our anniversary giveaway if you have not already done so.

And, yeah, I guess we will talk to y'all next week.

Mhmm.

Okay.

Alright.

Bye.

Bye.