Love Maps and Power Exchange

Episode Transcript

You're listening to a loving BDSM podcast episode four sixty.

Kayla Lords here with the one, the only, the love of my life, the man that we've remembered day before recording, which was our wedding anniversary that we did indeed get married in 2017.

One day we'll retain that information.

John Brownstone.

Happy belated wedding anniversary.

Happy early birthday.

There's no need to discuss that.

Yes.

There is.

That's all we're talking about this week, though.

You sure?

Positive.

This week, we're talking about a concept called love maps or love mapping and wondering if it can work for power exchange as well.

JB just gave me a look of utter confusion.

Don't Don't worry.

I will explain to everybody who is that is as confused as JB what the hell a love map is.

Yep.

Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast.

If this is your first time listening, glad to have you.

If you're back for another week, welcome back.

Loving BDSM is some sometimes produced on Mondays and always produced on Fridays for your kinky pleasure in education, and show notes are found at lovingbdsm.net.

Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast app.

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It's loving d s and the number one.

So it's at loving d s one.

You could see why I might hate it.

Right?

On blue sky at lovingbdsm.

Blah blah blah or on YouTube at youtube.com/lovingbdsm, where you can watch us live stream the podcast every Wednesday.

All links are in the show notes.

Okay.

So before we get into the topic, I do have a couple of announcements.

I will try to speed run them.

Actually, it really is just a couple.

First is a reminder that we're doing thing on Patreon where you can join the tier known as holiday crickets.

I know.

It's a weird name.

Just go with, okay?

$20.

Yes.

You can be international for this.

You will get in December a kinky holiday card from us with a few little goodies inside and and an invite to our first ever holiday party on Zoom that will be December 20 at 2PM eastern.

I should have checked that time.

Damn time we had a company Christmas party.

Hell, we can't even have our own company Christmas party.

Anyway anyway, to you have there's a time limit for when you can sign up.

November 15 is the cutoff.

Might I increase that?

Because I know some folks, it's like you gotta juggle shit.

Maybe.

We'll see.

But right now is November 15.

November 15 is your cutoff.

Get signed up.

It's it's a tier you only wanna be on for one month.

You can decide because it's you only get the perk for the one month.

You can decide if you wanna stay with us at a lower tier.

You can, you know, nope out afterwards, whatever works for your personal budget.

But, yeah, join us.

Become a holiday crick at patreon.

Patreon.com/kaylalords.

Link is in the places.

The next one, our trans affirming resource of the week is I think I mentioned it when, we did the first ever one for the campaign for Southern equality.

It's called QueerMed.

It is a telehealth company where trans and non binary folks can get gender affirming care.

It is also it's queermed.com, but you might also see it as Qmed.

It is not the only one of its kind.

There's Plume.

There's Folx, f o l x Folx.

QueerMed is the one that was recommended to us when we talked to the person at the Campaign for Southern Equality, and I had never heard of it or I had heard of the others.

I thought I would pass it on for anybody who might need that.

My understanding is if you are in a state that does not offer some level of gender affirming care for trans people, specifically minors, but it I don't know if there are any laws that are impacting, adults.

You have to be located in a state at the that does allow trans, gender affirming care, HRT, all that good stuff for, in this case, I'm gonna say minors because that's the one I'm sure of, that does allow it to have your telehealth.

Right?

So, like, you might have to hop across the state line, and get on somebody's Wi Fi and do your appointment for them to be able to help you, but it is an option.

It's also an option even if you are in a state where you could get the medical care you need, but you're like, I don't like the doctors.

I'm saying queermed.

Queermed.com.

Okay.

Now we shall get into it.

Okay.

So before I tell you what a love map love map is, let me tell you where who came up with it.

Is that something you get from, like, triple a?

We don't want Like a triptych?

We don't want that.

Triple a.

My gosh.

You've already, like, derailed my train of thought.

Hey.

Might as well get it over with right on right at the start, you know?

Because I can't get back on the tracks.

Takes you a minute.

Okay.

Before we get into what the hell a love map is, who came up with the concept where who, you know, who are we basing this off of?

I mentioned it in the episode we did a couple weeks ago where we were answering questions from therapy Jeff because the questions he was, you know, positioning for couples to respond to together, was based on the concept of love mapping.

Love mapping comes from the Gottman Institute, doctor doctors Gottman and Gottman.

It's John Gottman and his wife, Julie Schwartz Gottman.

They have been studying relationships for fifty years.

A lot, a lot, a lot of things that come out, on the Internet and and other places, but on the Internet's where I am, from therapists in general, like sage advice about relationships often comes from the Gottman Institute because they do studies and they, like, take a scientific approach.

But, also, if you go to their website, they will try to sell you everything not nailed down.

So I was like, I mean, I you gotta you gotta make your money, and I respect it, but okay.

So that's where this comes from.

This is a concept developed by doctor Gottman, based on his theory called the sound relationship house theory.

Okay?

Mhmm.

I did not look into the sound relationship house theory.

That was I just wanted to get to LoveMap, and LoveMap is part of the foundation.

Okay?

Now he on the on the site and on the places I've I've seen it talked about, they primarily focus on, married couples.

I think this fits for any kind of, you know, relationship.

I don't don't think you have to be married to form a love map, but that's where it comes from.

And in his view, it is, sort of the foundation, the base of of a relationship.

It is the thing that sustains a relationship.

And a love map is basically marital friendship.

It's the it's the knowing your partner.

I have lots of notes here because I was like, I'm gonna not get any of this straight.

So I'm gonna, like, refer to my notes here.

Okay.

So here we go.

Marital friendship is the foundation of doctor Gottman's sound relationship house theory.

It's the thing that sustains a relationship.

Okay?

So when the lust is not there, when the money stress is there, when you're like, I can't stand to hear this person chew one more moment, and that goes both ways.

I'm not just the one bitching.

And you're like, I can't I don't wanna fuck this person right now.

And in our case, I don't necessarily wanna be kinky with this person right now, but I really do love them.

It is typically the friendship, the Okay.

The I like this human as a human.

Okay?

Gotcha.

Now the Gottman say they found that the key to sustaining a happy relationship is having a strong friendship.

And then the first, step in strengthening that friendship is getting to know each other deeply and intimately.

And that's essentially what a love map is.

Now we are gonna talk I'm gonna get through, like, the talking about what the hell a love map is, and then we will get into some of the things many of you are already seeing as a correlation with power exchange.

So a love map, in essence, is the part of your brain where you store all of the relevant information about your partner's life their hopes, their dreams, their worries, their preferences.

So it's how I could know, without even thinking who is not allowed to speak at your funeral, because I know you and your life well enough.

Now a love map is developed over time.

It nobody walks into a relationship knowing their partner that intimately.

It is a thing that you there there are things you learn about each other over time if you are paying attention, if you are in communication, if you are being vulnerable with each other, if and, you know, if you were listening to your partner, if you were asking questions.

So therefore, the lack of a a solid love map can also lead to disconnect.

Sure.

Right?

Because things are going on in each other's lives and you have no basis for even sort of understanding what's going on.

It can yeah.

You can feel less connected to each other.

So, I'll I hope this goes without saying at this point, but I'll say it right now while I'm thinking about it.

The resources I use to, like, explain all this, they are in the places.

Feel free, including a two that go to the Gottman Institute website.

So why love maps are important.

When you have a decent love map of a partner, you can navigate conflicts more smoothly, you can support each other more effectively during times of stress, you maintain a strong friendship alongside your romantic relationship, You stay connected even as life changes and evolves.

Right?

Yeah.

All of that makes sense.

Yeah.

In my mind, I would boil that down to, well, if you, have clear communication and trust one another, you can do that.

They're basing it on you have this in inner knowing of your partner's inner world, and therefore, that helps you navigate it.

So how do we build a love map?

Okay.

The two most common ways I mean, some of it is are you an observant person?

Are you actively interested in your partner and you wanna know things about them?

This can happen over time.

But if you're like, oh my gosh, I I don't feel like I have an inner knowing of my you know, I don't know my partner's inner world.

Building a love map, the two most common things is to just literally play 20 questions, answer questions about your partner to determine how much you know, and or ask your partner open ended questions to learn more about them.

Now, I found multiple free resources online with, suggested questions.

I linked to I think two of those as well.

For anybody who's like, sure I'll play this game with my partner.

When we have done some of the therapy, Jeff, answer these relationship questions, that is essentially what we're modeling is how much of a love map we have of one of those are the types of questions that you can use to build love map.

If anybody is sort of freaking out right now that you maybe you don't have a love map with your partner, Do not panic.

You can build these over time.

And these kinds of, questions to ask each other or to try to answer about one another, this is part of it.

So so love maps are an ongoing thing, because because there's always more to learn about your partner.

I sometimes and not sometimes, there have been times when we've done the questions from Therapy Jeff, who does follow the Gottman Institute and cites their work a lot in his own work, where I'm like, god, I don't know that about JB.

Because you can never communicate enough, be observant enough, be all up in somebody's business enough to truly know everything about Right.

You can't know everything about somebody.

You're you should be consistently, not constantly, maybe, consistently learning about one another.

That's what I like about those questions because sometimes I'm like, oh, I don't know.

What do you want to do?

How would you handle that?

And then you get to learn something new.

So that that is a love map.

It is it is the intimate details that you know about your partner's life before they met you, while they're with you, you know, their hopes or dreams for the future, the things that annoy them, the people in their lives that annoy them, that's a love note.

And, again, every time I see it in context, we are talking about romantic often, it's implied sexual relationships, but not necessarily romantic relationships, typically married couples, but not necessarily, but partnered people in a romantic relationship love map.

That's how it's framed.

Now Mhmm.

If, y'all have known me for more than thirty seconds, you know I like to pervert the non kinkster concept.

Kink a pie.

Yeah.

Let's kink it up.

So I think the spoiler here is if you are in a romantic relationship and power exchange, yes, you would probably benefit from a love map.

You probably have one that you don't realize you have.

Sure.

But let's talk about power exchange that's maybe not romantic, not sexual.

You're not even freaking married.

You're but let's talk about a love map in terms of power exchange.

Okay.

What are your thoughts?

Yeah.

And y'all wonder why I do most of the talking in the podcast.

That would have been your podcast.

We'd be done now.

No.

I I think it's it's from from sounding what it is, you know, all this description, what a love map is, I think it definitely could have a place in DS.

I think I think we are already doing these things, but not calling it that.

Calling it that.

Because yeah.

You know, that's what we do in in in this lifestyle, you know, you have to know Right.

Pretty much as much as you can Right.

About the person you're playing with.

Right.

Agree.

You know, so, yeah, it's it's definitely sounds like it, Just not on with a name.

Yeah.

We don't we haven't named it.

Now, I do wanna point out, you and I, for how many years?

Just over ten Mhmm.

Have been sort of doing the, you know, long term power exchange.

I mean, I don't talk about casual play or pickup play because I don't know anything about that.

But long term power exchange, I don't care if you're fucking or not.

I don't care if you, like, love them romantically or not.

We always say you should start with a basis of friendship.

Like Right.

Before you bare your soul and your ass to somebody, make sure you like them as a human.

This to me is a love map.

The start of a love map, if you wanna call it a love map, is that same concept.

You know, we were friends before you domed me the first time.

We were growing that friendship.

And long distance folks who are always like, well, how did you build that relationship?

How do you Questions.

We literally played 20 questions.

Yeah.

When when you know, it's funny when you mentioned the 20 questions.

We and Lola agrees.

Lola agrees.

She agrees.

As she sings the song of her people.

Would you like to go calm your dog down?

I think I said it a week or so ago, maybe on a Friday night livestream.

Her crying has gotten much more frequent as she's getting older.

She doesn't appear confused.

I think she just thinks nobody's gonna pay attention to her unless she's crying like her heart is breaking.

Now she seems placated for these thirty seconds.

So, yeah, the, you know, I think the the the term love map is cutesy.

I think that's Mhmm.

You know, if somebody needs that to be able to sort of, like, have a name for it, have a label for it.

But, you know, some of the things we've talked about in the over the past few years of our personal life stress and then our 2025 project of, like, oh, getting back to one another, we've always emphasized that we genuinely like one another.

If the power exchange goes away, if we can't do fuckery, we still want to be in each other's presence.

And I I don't need a name for that.

I like the guy.

I wanna know as much about him as he will let me know, not just because I'm a nosy bitch, although there is that.

Right?

The more I know about JB, the better I can serve as a submissive, the better I can react when, you know, things get rough and he's biting my head off, and I can remember this is not personal.

This is a trauma response.

You know, y'all know I'm gonna, you know, do some psychology in my head, but therapize and all that good stuff.

But, you know, I don't know that anybody necessarily needs the term.

So I don't know that power exchange needs love maps.

I think the concept of being genuinely curious about your partner within the bounds of whatever you've negotiated with each other.

And and there and that's what I was thinking.

You just said the said that word.

You know, in thinking about this, it's you could almost say we do have a name for it in the lifestyle and it's negotiation.

I think so.

For the power change part of the For the most part.

I mean, you know, because you're asking, you know, when you're negotiating you're asking, you know, what do you like?

Do you like spankings?

Do you like canes?

Do you like this?

You know, do you have any anything that prohibits you from, you know, so you have to learn about the person.

And then as you do the thing with the person, you learn more about them because you learn their responses.

You learn both by having conversations and by observation.

Well, how intense can I do this?

How often?

What can they take?

What can they handle is what I mean.

So that makes sense to me as well.

What I'm curious about Mhmm.

Because I had a very, shameless self promotion moment when I thought about this is, do we do this already?

Is it something that would be beneficial to have a version of a love map that's but that's specific to kink and power exchange.

It's the understanding and knowing Mhmm.

Of not just what your partner has agreed to, but the things they're curious about, the things that have gone wrong in their kink life, the things that they hope for in their kink life, where they're trying to take this kink train of their life, you know.

And shameless self promotion time, I did immediately think of our thirty days of DS workbooks that we do sell on Etsy links in the places.

Those are not were not written for that.

They were written so that, you know, you can either kind of figure yourself out or you could figure out with a partner what you both want and how you both perceive these different concepts.

That's what they were built for.

But and then then made me go should I should I create questions for so people can build a kink map?

But before I even take on that project, you know, is there any benefit to that, or is it just the same thing as a love map, but just by a different name?

Because in our friendship, I do understand your kinks, and I do sort of you know, I know the past history that you've shared with me.

I know how you respond to things.

You know, it's all sort of built part and parcel as I've figured you out as a human, and your kinks are just part of you as, you know, as a person.

Yeah.

So, you know, I think that's the thing I'm interested.

I I like the idea of the, you know, the concept of a love map.

I don't care about the term that doesn't do anything for me Mhmm.

Other than to be easy shorthand.

Yeah.

Because it all it does is back up a thing we have believed this whole time.

Right.

But I do wonder if there's benefit for kinksters in, I'm gonna say power exchange specifically, because that's my area of expertise, to have more intimate knowings of each other's internal world, specifically from a kink perspective.

So that that way, maybe you are gonna power exchange with somebody and it's platonic and you don't live with one another, and you're not trying to build a life forever, but you really want this dynamic to continue as long as it both serves you.

Is there is there benefit to having that kind of internal understanding of your partner's inner world from a power exchange kink perspective?

Does it make you I don't know if it makes you a better kinkster, but does it make weathering the stress of when your lives interfere with your power exchange?

Does it help you negotiate new things in an e you know?

In a in a in a more yeah.

Right.

So what do you think about the cons what do you think about that?

No.

I think I think it's a it's a good concept.

And like I said, I think for for the most part, a lot of people, we already do it in the lifestyle.

You know, and I I know that long term couples definitely Yeah.

Do it.

But it's to my knowledge, it's not something you do on purpose.

It's a thing that just sort of happens.

You get to know one another.

Yeah.

And yet in in DS, it happens on purpose.

At the start of it, it happens on purpose.

Absolutely.

It has to.

Mhmm.

So, you know, be because you need to sit down and understand the person you're playing with.

And there's play, but there's also living with because there are things that make me, I hope, a better submissive, but understand you as a dominant because I understand certain parts of your life.

Right?

Mhmm.

Like, I am better at knowing that when you are grumpy and grouchy and grouchy and snappy, that I've not done it uh-huh.

I haven't done anything wrong.

This is, you know, how you respond in certain times of stress.

Right?

When I get snappy Mhmm.

You know, I'd like to believe that sometimes, not always, because nobody's perfect, you know, we all have our own stuff going on.

We don't always read each other Mhmm.

Properly.

But you're not thinking she's being a shitty submissive.

You're thinking something has gotten to her.

Something wrong.

Something is wrong.

What's wrong?

What's going on?

And I get where we would know these things about one another because we are literally together twenty four seven.

If we do not know these things now, there is something wrong.

Seriously wrong.

But the so no.

Have having that deep understanding about a partner can about you specifically.

I use myself as the example.

Understanding you that well, as well as I do, knowing the things about you that I do, I feel better able to offer suggestions of what you need Mhmm.

As a human, but as a dominant, what I can do for you as a submissive, what, you know, what I think will be a service to you.

Right?

How the hell I can get the hell out of your way so we're not having a stupid fight because one of us was cranky.

Right?

And I know a lot of that just sounds like relationship stuff, but not every power exchange swims in the same relationship kind of pool.

True.

Not everybody's trying to live together and raise babies together True.

True.

And be together until they're 99.

Right?

Like Right.

So, therefore, nobody's talking to those folks about, hey.

Here's a benefit to genuinely understanding Mhmm.

Your person as much as they will let you.

Now part of that is a vulnerability with one another.

Sure.

You gotta be willing to share.

And the thought I have is if you imagine sharing your innermost world, your hopes, your fears, your thoughts, your desires, all of it, all of it, and knowing you have a partner that sees you that deeply, right?

If some part of you shies away from it, that's a conversation to have with yourself because sometimes it's your own stuff you have you haven't worked through yet, your own insecurities, your own fears and anxieties.

And sometimes, I mean, is it because you have a partner that you either don't really wanna know like that or you know is not gonna let you know them like that?

I don't think that's a basis for deciding if you should be in a relationship.

But I do think that's a piece of information.

Like, what is what is stopping you from wanting to share that with a person?

And oftentimes, we have an instinctual reaction to something.

We might not know why we're having it, but there's there's a reason there.

And it's not always because we're the scaredy cat who's afraid to say, you know, vulnerable things to a partner.

Sometimes it's we're getting some signals and you know?

But that's another thing I go to because there's a certain level of trust and back and forth that every kinkster needs, whether you're deep in relationship power exchange or you're just trying to get kinky.

And if this is gonna be something long term where you wanna come back to this person or build something with this person, have some connection that lasts beyond the moment, you know, there needs to be some level, not as deep as everybody, everybody's got their own level, of vulnerability and intimacy and learning each other.

And I think it says something when you have a partner who doesn't wanna learn about you or doesn't wanna share with you.

You know?

We talk about it in terms of kink all the time.

It can be dangerous to not share pertinent information or to not know something.

But beyond that, they're like, that's the almost the surface level stuff.

Like, what do I need to share with this other human being so that I am as mentally, emotionally, and physically, air quote this because it's real subjective, safe, air big air quotes on safe Mhmm.

As possible.

Right?

Versus how can I get to know this person to the point where I can you know?

I don't even know if I have the language for it.

It's a deep intimacy that, to me, can make power exchange better.

But we also have the benefit.

I guess, we live together.

True.

We're around one another.

We have learned each other's habits and ways and tells and, you know, twitches and the the way we learned all of that.

Yes.

And I'm not saying every power exchange exchange needs that.

Although, are you living together, building a life together, and are trying to be together until the end of time?

Yes.

I think you would benefit from that.

Yeah.

But would, you know, would any kinkster doing power exchange benefit from that?

And how would they get to that?

Now that's the thing that has been on my mind since this too because I'm like, okay.

Well, what are the questions?

What are the things?

And it will be different for everybody.

I know.

But what are the things that could benefit you to understand deeply about your partner so that you do have that friendship and you have that basis for trust, and you've had the vulnerable moments with one another and and know that you're safe to know these things?

Like, are there kink specific things?

Like, is it meaningful beyond it's what I like and I'm glad to know it that I know, because you've told me, what your journey into kink was like?

Right?

Mhmm.

Does that is and that's the thing.

I'm too deep in the we are in love and are married, and you're never dying, and I'm never dying, and we're going out like the lemon leaf.

To be able to separate, does knowing that benefit anybody in a power exchange relationship, regardless of how long you've been together or how deep you're gonna take this relationship?

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Because we know plenty of kinksters who they're it's platonic.

They're friends.

They live separate lives.

They come together Mhmm.

Or they keep it it going by text.

Certainly, long distance folks, you are separated and you only have your forms of communication.

You know?

Well, we we knew some folks back in back in the Bay Area.

He had play partner that, for years, and they were just platonic.

And then he married Mhmm.

And still played with the other partner at times.

So then I would be very curious about their inner world as their that platonic power exchange.

Mhmm.

How deep did their understanding of each other go?

And and was what was the depth?

And and how, if anything, did that impact that power exchange regardless of the other relationships a person had?

Like, it's all a thought experiment to me right now.

I have nothing concrete other than I could not stop thinking of love maps, one, because I felt validated as a person who's, like, like, please be friends with the person you're, like, doing this thing with, like them as a human being.

And I just sort of always assumed that observation, curiosity, a willingness to share.

Sure.

But some of this stuff just happens over time.

Like, I had never thought about purposefully focusing on how much how well can we know one another.

Right?

And it having a purpose beyond, that's what you do when you're together forever and you actually like each other.

Right.

Which really I think that's true.

That's what happens when you're together.

You're with somebody in whatever format way that is.

Right?

Whatever structure.

You're with to get you're together with somebody for a long enough period of time, and you genuinely like them, and you have a genuine curiosity about them.

Mhmm.

But I also know that there are people who, you know, don't have a genuine curiosity, might not know what questions to ask, might, you know, think that they're, you know, intruding.

They don't wanna, you know, whatever whatever.

And that's that's what I then come back to when I think about power exchange specifically.

Like, you and I, we got to this place, air quote, this naturally.

Right?

Mhmm.

Because I'm a nosy bitch, and I wanna know shit.

Because if I can understand you, then I know how what to do with you, around you, how I need to be like, I it's it's information for me at that point.

Mhmm.

But is you know, I come back to it.

And, again, this whole episode is just a thought experiment.

I got nothing concrete.

Is there a benefit with specifically kink knowledge about your partner Mhmm.

And specific to power exchange regardless of the type of power exchange?

Take out all of us married folk, right, who've been together for a million years.

You know, if you're invested in one other, you're probably gonna get there anyway.

But, you know, is it a thing I would tell somebody who's like, I'm trying to, you know, get closer with my partner.

We're working on our vulnerability and our intimacy and our communication.

You know, I know what kind of DS they want.

I know what kind of submissive I I am.

Is that enough, or can you go deeper with this a kink map?

Let me pull up to give you a sense of some of the questions that they say.

This will help you build your love map.

Right?

Let me let me find one of the PDFs and see.

Are there correlations with kinks that we can make?

So, like, there there's so many questions in this thing.

I'm not gonna read them all.

We'd be here all day for that.

But it's like, name your partner's two closest friends.

What's your partner's favorite musical group, composer, or instrument?

His favorite is Rush.

What was your partner wearing when you first met?

A green shirt that I promptly sweated through when we got on his motorcycle.

And and jeans.

Jeans because he was on his motorcycle.

What stresses are facing your partner in the immediate future?

Who's your partner's favorite relative?

What's your partner's favorite food?

Some of these things are superficial to a certain extent.

What turns your partner on sexually?

Well, if I were going to kink that question out, I'd be like, okay.

What are my partner's kinks regardless of what we do together?

Right.

Like, is that beneficial to know even if, like, you might be into something I'm never gonna fucking do with you.

Mhmm.

Does it benefit our power exchange to have that knowledge of you?

I don't know if it would specifically benefit in a way, but I I think that would be good knowledge to know regardless.

Mhmm.

Because it just kind of goes hand in hand with understanding.

Just because you know, I don't like something, but you wanna do it Mhmm.

Doesn't mean I shouldn't understand it.

I agree with that.

I agree with that because I think the more knowledge you have about your partner, the more you understand one another, the closer you can feel connected to each other.

Then again too, I'm just a naturally curious person, so I always wanna look under the hood, but Nosy bitches unite.

Okay.

And you know what?

I'm I'm being unfair to some of these questions because I'm like, well, these feel superficial.

Well, you know what?

It's actually way more than 20, but it is the 20, 20 questions game, I can't remember what that thing's called, that we played back in the day.

Right?

Like, I was asking, what's your favorite movie?

What do you like to do for fun?

I think I remember asking, what's your favorite dessert?

Which at this point, I I don't remember what you answered, but I know it's anything Apple at this point.

Oh my.

I don't even think that was your answer back then, but I know that now.

Right?

So so I can go back and look.

You my god.

So these questions, you know, they are very non kinky.

Most of them are non sexual.

Mhmm.

You know?

So to build something like that like, I think anybody could do this with any partner, whether it's platonic, romantic, sexual, whatever whatever.

I think you could build the love map as they describe it with your partner.

There's not, you know, if you haven't already done it and it's, you know, you want to know these things about each other, you want to share, you're willing to share them, cool cool cool.

But my I can't stop thinking about, well, what kink questions would give you a peek allow your partner to have a peek into your inner world, allow you to understand your partner a little bit better, like what?

Or does it even matter?

Does it even matter?

You know, to to say a particular thing, I think that would be difficult in lifestyle, because that's why many people use a Checklist.

Mhmm.

You know, because there are so many things, so many possibilities, so many different combinations.

So are we, without knowing it, and why we being the universal kinky, are we building our own version of a kinky love map?

I think I think so.

After so many years, yeah.

We, yes.

We But I mean, like No.

I mean I mean in general too.

Yeah.

Through the through the through the community.

I think, yes, that's definitely a thing that has been happening whether subconsciously or consciously.

Mhmm.

You know, because and and you know, it's even morphed over the years because, oh gosh, I can't even think of what it is now.

It's been so long since we used it because, rack and then the We were still aware consensual came.

Right.

But then the one that came first.

Safe Safe, Staying, and Consensual.

Yes.

Thank you.

SSC.

Yeah.

Oh my god.

Yeah.

We haven't used that forever.

Yeah.

You know, I mean, that was kind of the first iteration of it, and it has morphed throughout the year, you know, and I have RAC.

There's there's even several newer ones.

The only one I know after RAC is Prick, but I can't Right.

And I think I think you're right.

They think there's something that came after that, but I don't know what it is.

I haven't seen that.

So, you know, that is that is the evolution Mhmm.

Of it all.

Mhmm.

So, you know, it it's and I I think with with DS there is a little bit Maybe not.

I I kinda lost that thought, that tread.

I hate that.

Yeah.

It happens.

Mhmm.

So then, here's my question.

Yeah.

So if the Gottmans are even remotely accurate in their assessment Mhmm.

That the strong foundation of, in their case, marriage is what they're talking about Mhmm.

Is that marital friendship, is that love map, is what builds the foundation of your, you know, relationship house or whatever the hell they call it.

Right?

And we've said that before, like, as power exchange.

Right?

Have your have your base.

But so here's what I'm curious about.

So then they then the the thing that comes from that is if you do not have a love map of your partner, and we're talking about the Gottman's sort of version of it, then there's Jamie's phone.

This is chaotic, more so than usual.

So the premise being if you do not have a strong love map of, your, you know, husband, wife, whatever whatever Mhmm.

Then that is how relationships can't stand the test of time because there is, there are times when you don't really even wanna be around the other person all that much.

You're certainly not thinking about Mhmm.

You know, and I'm talking in terms of marital.

You're not thinking about sex.

You're stressed out to all hell and back.

You know, life is hard, and it's easy to take that stress out on a partner, which is goes back to where we've talked many times about how it's not me versus you.

It's us versus the problem and blah blah blah.

Right?

Okay.

So take that back to kink.

Is it possible that one of many reasons why a relationship does not work out in power exchange there are so many reasons why relationships don't work out.

But is it possible that it's not a strong enough whether it's negotiation or just communication about kink And that not strong enough understanding of one another?

Yeah.

From a kink perspective.

That again, there are so many reasons relationships Yeah.

I don't last.

And sometimes it's just sometimes it's a shitty human being being a shitty human being.

Yeah.

But I don't wanna negate that.

But sometimes it's people who genuinely care about one another Mhmm.

Or thought they did or negotiated something in good faith, but it can't ever get, like, past a point or it goes off the rails or, you know, to it's people not really seeing, hearing, understanding one of their from a kink perspective.

Do you think that that how do I put this?

Can that kind of lack of kink map impact the power exchange in the way that the lack of a strong love map presumably impacts a marriage.

Is there a correlation there at all?

I I think so.

I think there is.

And the the worst part about it is in kink, you know, if you don't have that understanding of your partner, somebody can get hurt.

Absolutely.

On multiple levels.

And I and I I'm not saying that can't happen in in a regular relationship Sure.

With with the love map kind of thing.

There is, you know, definitely some emotional hurt Mhmm.

If things don't happen.

But in the DS, you know, you've got the added thing of physical harm Right.

That could happen.

Absolutely.

And mental and emotional.

Yeah.

You know, you could traumatize somebody.

So oh, yeah.

Yeah.

And never, like, actually physically harm their body.

So is it yet again?

For the most part, with definite exceptions, it's sort of understood, almost scientifically at this point, that kinksters, the kind who are doing it and trying to be, like, good at it and healthy at it, right, have better communication.

They even find I have seen one or two studies that say this, that we have, I don't know if better mental health is the right term, but sort of a better understanding of of mental health Yeah.

And certainly better communication skills as a whole on average.

Right?

Mhmm.

So have we, through negotiations, through checklists, through consent sheets, literal worksheets, have we been already doing this and the vanillas are just now catching up?

Well, I don't know that.

I don't know about about just catching up.

I mean, how long they've been doing the study?

Fifty years.

I know.

I'm Yeah.

Yeah.

But it's it's two people Yeah.

Trying to tell the world, hey.

You need a better fucking love map with your partner.

Mhmm.

And kingsters are over here going, bitch, I got workbooks.

I got, you know, published books.

I got these worksheets right here.

Mhmm.

Is this it's clearly different.

Right?

The love map versus what the kink version might be.

But is it They stole it from us.

I don't think they're one to one the same, but there's, you know is that what we're doing?

There's definitely an, you know On a certain level.

Venn diagram overlap there.

Mhmm.

Okay.

So, yeah.

I I I think, you know, whether, again, consciously or unconsciously that, you know, kinks are starting we're doing this that, you know, yeah.

It it's it's a good thing.

Oh, absolutely.

Absolutely.

And, you know, I I don't know.

They I I think they took it from us and been notified it.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

For sure.

Like, oh, those kinky people tend to have better outcomes.

Not always.

We know they're Yeah.

We know they're the awful people.

And we also know that many people struggle to be that vulnerable with a partner for all kinds of reasons.

Right.

The other thing I think that sometimes a person is just not curious enough about their partner for whatever their reasons are.

Right?

Because I don't know.

I can't maybe it's because I cannot imagine any power exchange that did not come with some depth of emotion and connection because Mhmm.

I mean, I don't do anything relationship or sexual without some kind of connection somewhere, not necessarily directly with the person, but there it's there's gotta be a connecting force, and that's how I'm wired.

But, you know, I just can't imagine doing power exchange, especially long term, especially, like, negotiated.

This is your role.

This is my role.

These are the things we're going to do together, and not being curious about the other person.

Mhmm.

You know?

I'm sure there are people out there.

They make it work.

It's fine.

But if I wanna be connected to a human being in such a vulnerable way, such an intimate way for any amount of time.

I wanna I'm a nosy bitch.

I wanna know about this person.

And for me personally, just sort of how I view the world and not just from, like, the things I should see a therapist over.

I know there's some of that too.

I'm hyper vigilant, like I know stuff and I get it.

But like I wanna know your inner world to a certain extent.

I wanna kind of like know how a person, you know, ticks and what what makes them tick and how they, like, view the world and how how, you know, just stuff about them, mostly from a nosy perspective.

But I do think I take that kind of information in as a submissive too, you know.

And I think dominants take some version of that information because the more you can kinda understand your partner, the more you can tailor what you're doing with one another to fit each other.

Well, to fit each other and and, you know, from either a relationship or a king side, you know how much you line up.

There is that too.

I think initial negotiations help with that.

Yeah.

I think it's like many people I see, like, online talking about their relationships or where it didn't go well or in the emails we get where things didn't go well.

Mhmm.

It's like the initial negotiations tend to be fine, and then somewhere after that, things are off.

Sometimes it's the first conflict, and Mhmm.

One or both sides of that don't know how to resolve that well.

Sometimes it's a, well, they said this is what they wanted and this is who they were and this is what they would do, but now it's not matching up after the initial excitement has worn off.

Or it's the new relationship energy has died off.

We are outside of that honeymoon period and you're like, what am I who you know?

I just I know there are lots of there's so many variables.

It's why I kind of feel like this is the this is my bias coming right on out.

And I know I'm not correct about it, but I'll just tell you how what's in my heart, I guess.

It feels like the the concept of just a love map, right, is really it's simple and it's useful for something like marriage.

But something about power exchange and kink is way too fucking nuanced for something that simplistic.

Yeah.

Does that make sense?

Like, I think it's because and I'm sure I know this is true for marriage.

I had a marriage that was not kinky, and I was miserable and got out of it.

But, like, I could not tell a kinky couple, well, you just need to strengthen your kink map or your love map, and it'll be okay.

It's like, well, no.

If we do not align Right.

In all of these different ways, it does not matter how much we might like each other personally.

Right?

Or we really like each other personally, but we can't make the kink work.

So how are like, you know what I mean?

So I if it I think it might be, and this is my bias, that concept of just a love map is is not nuanced enough for what it takes to have a power exchange that, you know, can be fulfilling for everybody involved.

Like, it might be one piece of it, but it's not I would not call the love map the foundation.

I would call your compatibility and friendship and genuinely liking this person part of the foundation.

I mean, even with a relationship, you know, I've said in the past that we talked about it, you know, having your foundation for kink, it, you know, your your communication, your trust, and Mhmm.

You know, those all those things help build the the foundation.

Mhmm.

Okay.

And and this could just be another part of it.

Is it is it, an a whole and entirety of it in and of itself?

No.

But I think it's a fairly good percentage.

Mhmm.

You know, for to understand and know your partner like that.

Yes.

I think the way I'm seeing love maps described for non kinky marriages or partnerships.

Right?

Is, like, this is your foundation.

If you have this, then you build upon that.

And I would say for for power exchange, a love map or some version of it is the outcome of what the foundation for power exchange is.

Right?

Mhmm.

The the outcome of a love map is communication.

It is trust.

It is vulnerability.

It is intimacy.

It is genuine curiosity about your partner to the extent that both everybody wants to share.

It is, the compatibility of kinks.

It is friendship.

That's the fucking base.

And the love map to me, if it that exists in some kink version or it's the love map like you and I would have with one another, that's the outcome of all of that.

That's the carpet on top of the foundation.

That's the flooring.

The the concrete fucking base is all the stuff that builds something like a love map.

True.

Yeah.

I think that's where I land on that.

Yeah.

It's a good landing.

Did I stick the landing?

No.

I wobbled all the way to it, but that's okay.

That's okay.

So you do seven five, though.

Not more?

Not even out of 10?

I don't get more.

Actually, that's not how they, I think it's, like, a maximum of, like, 16 or 17 points now, and nobody can get there.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Now I've gone down a different rabbit hole.

I don't know that my mind will let go of this idea that there are specific questions and kink outside of negotiations Mhmm.

That could help you understand your kinky partners and enroll better.

My mind's not coming up with those questions, so maybe it never will.

But, like, I've latched on to that.

Like, because my thing is not the love map.

Like, I'm I'm fine with whatever.

Mhmm.

It's the what kind of conversations outside of just negotiating a dynamic and negotiating this I'm gonna do a and you're gonna do b and how this how we'll get to c in this scene.

Right?

What kind of conversations could kinksters specifically have with one another that builds that trust, that allows them to be vulnerable, allows them to learn about their partner beyond the basic negotiations.

That's that's the thing I can't and I don't have answers.

We're not gonna, like, try and do it now.

But that's the thing that might stick with me for a while.

And if I can figure out again, shameless self promotion.

Maybe for some people, 30 of DS workbooks, The thirty days of DS is the original.

Volume two is, like, I consider more advanced.

Like, you're out of the basics of power exchange.

You're, like, kinda fucking live it now.

Maybe that is part of it.

Maybe that's already helped folks get there.

But are, you know, are there certain types of conversations that we, you know, can people could have with each other that help them build that foundation?

No.

That might be a good thing to ponder.

I I don't think my head's gonna let it go because nope.

It hadn't yet.

And the fact that it is still there and I remember it Right.

That that hours and weeks later.

Hey.

That that says it's not right there.

Yep.

It's okay.

Love Maps, I think that's a cool concept.

I think power exchange and kinksters in general, even if it's not a power exchange situation, we're already create that with the framework of our negotiations and consent and the way that you actually build your power exchange with a partner and then maintain it Yeah.

However long.

We're already doing it, and love, Matt, don't is not the right term for us.

No.

Nope.

So that's where I land on it, my thought experiment.

Any other thoughts?

Mm-mm.

It was a it was an interesting topic.

I know.

That's part of, you know, where my brain is going is, okay, there's all this stuff, especially with the the Gottmans I'm seeing get more, like, mentions by therapists online because my algorithm will sometimes just be, like, relationship coaches and and therapists.

Lola agrees.

And it's like, okay.

Do some of these concepts that I'm hearing about more and more, and I think I've Mhmm.

You'll probably see us do this more often in the future.

Is this relatable to kink?

Is this can kink learn something from this?

Or in this case, are we already doing it?

We just don't call it that?

Doing this buried She buried herself under the blanket.

Her head.

Yeah.

You cannot see her head.

She's also facing the wall and crying.

Ma'am.

So final shameless self promotion.

If you want to know yourself better as a kinkster, if you're trying to, you know, talk to your partner, y'all are new to kink, whatever whatever, check out all thirty days of, DS, workbooks, links in the places.

You know?

If you already have them and you did it for yourself to understand yourself, you know, is there value and could you know, if you have a partner, could you answer those questions on behalf of your partner and feel like you understand how they view kink and, you know, where they're at.

I again, that's a shame of self promotion, though.

But, yeah, that that's all I got, on love maps.

So are we are we good?

I have no idea.

I, my cheeks are really flushed.

They're very warm, and I don't know why.

You've been talking a bit, you know.

About a thing I don't feel like I have my arms wrapped around.

I don't have a fully formed opinion.

On.

That's very hard for me.

I wanna come to you with, here's what I thought.

I know.

Right.

Yeah.

You want you want the concrete Yeah.

Solid I don't get that with this one.

That's okay.

I think I like where we the conclusion we came to.

And I think it's fair if somebody comes to a different conclusion.

There's another, you know Yeah.

But yeah.

Because I think it's gonna hit everybody differently.

Mhmm.

Just like anything else.

Yep.

So So are we truly good now?

Only you can say if I'm good.

Well, true.

Keep it kinky off.

And we'll see you next week.

Daddy.

Yes, baby girl.

Can we talk to the cricket?

Sure.

Lola's being a menace.

Yeah.

If you are new here, that doesn't happen every week.

Last week I think it was last week.

We didn't hear from her at all.

She was in the other room and we never heard from her.

Yeah.

In other news, it is just chilly enough that I can wear my leggings without sweating.

Our windows are open.

My toes got cold today.

I was sitting under Windows are open.

AC is fan and I off.

Mhmm.

And it's a beautiful thing.

Oh, god.

And and I don't know if it's changed.

I'm not gonna look right now.

But when I looked at the weather forecast for the ten days, tomorrow, Thursday, October 30, supposedly a special day in life.

It is.

Very important day.

The high is supposed to be, like, 60.

Yeah.

And I'm like, happy fucking birthday to me.

Maybe I won't sweat my ass off on my birthday.

But I would like to point out, we had to get to October 29 Yeah.

Before we got a day that did there where so far the whole day, nobody's breaking out into a sweat.

I mean, you were outside working all morning Oh, yeah.

Sawing and sanding and painting.

I was kneeling.

Yeah.

No sweat.

Nope.

It's delightful.

It was nice.

Yeah.

It's delightful.

It was.

Very nice.

Very nice in doing it.

Mhmm.

You know, I went went outside last last evening and, I was like, oh, this is this is different.

And, came inside, hit some buttons, and then I opened started opening windows.

I last night was didn't quite get the room cool enough that I could, like, burrow under the covers, which is k.

What I'm waiting for.

But when I did get warm, I could stick a foot out from under the covers, and I'd cool down relatively quickly.

That was nice.

It was.

That was very nice.

So tonight, as of recording, day of recording, we're gonna go see the oldest at yet another performance.

Yep.

This time last week, we went to that concert.

This week, it's a recital.

They wear Halloween costumes for this one.

Yeah.

It's a much more intimate setting.

It's like a it's actually a classroom Mhmm.

For musicians.

So there's, like, the stage, but then there's college classroom seating.

That one's always fun.

Mhmm.

It is.

That's I and I think it's it's fun because, you know, like the, when they have the symphonic concerts and and Big old group.

You know, it one, it's a big old group and, you know, it has a very serious air Oh, yes.

About it.

Okay?

You know?

We are, you know, consummate professionals.

This is Mhmm.

This is for a grade.

Yeah.

You know, there's I I I would almost describe it as, you know, pomp and circumstance.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

The way that's handled, absolutely.

Yeah.

So, you know, this yeah.

It it's it's very different.

Casual.

Casual, you know, and, it's it's just a good time.

Yeah.

Everybody by all, whether it's the players or, you know, the the audience.

You know?

They call it a studio recital because at least at UF I don't know how other colleges do it.

We don't go there.

The different instrument have groups.

Right?

Mhmm.

So this is euphoniums and, baritones and tubas, which means it's like all that deep guttural bass sound.

I freaking love that.

Yep.

But their, professor is also really relaxed and does not take herself too seriously.

So there's giggling.

There's talking.

Now when they're performing, they are like Oh, yeah.

They're acting right.

Mhmm.

But in the in between or sometimes the first year this is the first year I went because did the the oldest give me less than twelve hours notice that he had a performance for that?

Yeah.

And I was the only one.

Everybody else was like, no.

We're we were not mentally prepared for this.

I'm like, I'll do it.

And it was fun.

And then I watched I think that year, the oldest wore a clown nose Yes.

Or did something.

He wore he yeah.

The nose.

And that that's where they get silly.

Like, they're playing these pieces in a way that shows that they take it seriously, but they're being silly and goofy while they do it.

Or they're picking pieces that are not, like, super, like, serious and look how technical I could be.

They're playing, like, you know, fun stuff.

And the Halloween one, they are.

The whole thing is Halloween themed.

Mhmm.

Yes.

So Yes.

Yep.

A euphonium I'm gonna my oldest would be so mad at me when I find it this way because it's not accurate.

But a euphonium is basically a small tuba.

A baby tuba.

The baby tuba.

Yep.

And a euphonium and a baritone are two different things, but my brain does not know how.

Mhmm.

My oldest would be ashamed of me, but my brain does not know how they're different.

I just know they are different.

There's nothing different.

That's all I know.

So yeah.

So that's fun.

Mhmm.

And then tomorrow, my mother will get here.

Mhmm.

And I am looking forward to that.

But I've already tried sending the messages, like, okay.

I'm not gonna live in perpetual.

I don't know.

What do you wanna do for the next six days?

Here's what my life looks like.

Here are my appointments.

Here's what I'm open to do.

Here's here's what I got.

You fill in the fucking blanks and just tell me when to show up.

I was like, I'm not playing that game.

Yeah.

I know.

A few times I've passed, I've had to kinda, like You have to very softly and very subtly, you have to use your big d voice on on this family.

And let me tell you, they all fucking get in line, not just me.

Okay?

They all go, mhmm.

Yep.

That's what we're gonna do, including my uncle.

It's not just the sisters.

I mean, no.

No.

Whole fucking class.

Just as bad as them.

Well and it's one of those and, again, I don't know if it's an age thing or a southern thing or something.

It's nobody wants to, offend or or appear rude or upset somebody else, and yet and yet everybody is thinking the same thing.

Just what's the plan?

Just what's decided?

I think there's also and I, I don't know if this is about generationally, you know, being socialized as a woman or it's a southern regional thing.

I do not know.

There is this thing of it's somehow selfish to tell a group, well, this is what I wanna do.

You know?

It's like, no.

You're allowed to say you wanna do a thing.

Right.

The group might not agree.

Yeah.

But you are not inherently rude to speak up.

How is anybody gonna know what to decide on if nobody And now here's my problem.

I defer to you automatically.

You know that.

Mhmm.

That's what we do here.

I defer to my elders.

I was fucking raised that way.

So even though I kind of understand some of the psychology of what the fuck is happening, And I know that I could a 100% be a baby girl and get whatever I wanted to do done in the name of decision making.

I can't make myself do it because I'm thinking, but they're my elders.

Now we are all grown ass people, and I got more gray hair than any of them.

Okay?

Which pisses me off because I'm the youngest of the adult.

No.

I'm not the youngest of the adults.

The 20 year old is the youngest of the adults.

Oh my god.

I lost my baby adult status.

You you you yeah.

Pass the, crown.

Of the ones who are here and in the conversation not making fucking decisions, I could, you know, I could a 100% go, okay.

We're just gonna go here.

And if they didn't like it, they would tell me immediately.

But most likely, they go, okay.

That sounds good.

And I could just I could rule the fucking roost.

And that's and I can't I can't bring myself to do it.

But they're my elders.

What you know, my mom's visiting.

She only gets to do so much stuff.

She's only got so much time.

There are things even here in not a major metro part of Florida that she does not have in South Mississippi.

So I I defer to her, but then she's like, but I don't wanna be rude.

And I'm like, you know what's rude?

Us all sitting around getting hungry, which turns into hangry.

Hangry.

Because nobody's making any sense.

That gets dangerous.

Now the one time I have seen her just go, fuck it.

This is what we're doing.

Literally, that's what she said.

And she says, fuck less than JB says, fuck.

Okay?

She was driving.

And she went, fuck it.

I'm just driving here.

Anybody who wants to get out and go get a some canned.

Yeah.

But I'm still, you know, happy she's coming.

Mhmm.

Yeah.

Mhmm.

So I always look forward to her visits.

Yeah.

My mom's chill.

My mom is chill.

Mhmm.

It's more the dynamics of when everybody gets together, where it's like, okay.

Yeah.

Well, I my the big thing I need to practice, we'll find out this time next week if I manage it, is to try not to try to manage everybody's emotions and try to be the peacekeeper and the go between.

Like, I just need to let them fucking bicker.

Yep.

And I'll be like, look.

I'm a sit in this back seat wherever you drive.

I'll I'll get out there.

Just park wherever it is.

I don't give a fuck.

But that's usually when I have, like, a less than fun time because I'm explaining to one sister, well, your sister's like this because have you considered?

And then the other sister, I'm like, well, have you considered?

Your sister might do this because Sounds like you're doing joint counseling.

Everybody in the fucking family needs therapy.

And why is it the people who tend to send us to therapy are the last ones who will ever get there.

They do the shit that makes you need to go to therapy.

You won't go to fucking therapy themselves.

Anyway, anyway, it's fine.

It's fine.

I love my fam I do love my family.

I do love my family.

Yeah.

So anyway Anyhoo.

So, that it?

I don't know.

I know.

Oh, goddamn it.

Why do I have to actually care about being a good fucking submissive?

I know if I do not tell you this or remind you of this and we stop streaming and recording and you think of it later, you're gonna go, oh, fuck.

And then go, why didn't you remind me, baby girl?

JB, my birthday is tomorrow.

Yes.

Whatever you wanted to say earlier that you didn't get to say, there you go.

I was a good girl and fucking reminded you.

I'll be 46, y'all.

I get to see my mommy on my birthday.

There you go.

What else what else was it?

Oh my god.

Do y'all does anybody is anybody o OG enough to remember when he would serenade me with half don't please don't sing to me.

He would serenade me with happy birthday, and now he's like, I forgot I even wanted to talk about it.

I got nothing to say.

I was only reminding you because that felt like the right thing to do as your submissive.

So, yeah, folks.

Tomorrow is this person's birthday.

Goddamn.

Did you just mind fuck me all the way around?

I fall for it every time.

So, you know, reach out, whether it's, you know You don't have to.

With that social media and wish her a very happy birthday.

Oh.

Or Discord even, you know, yeah.

That's very kind of it.

You don't have to.

Do what daddy says.

Damn it.

Is that what you always say?

Hoisted by my own petard.

I think I said that right.

Mhmm.

It's fine.

We don't have anything special planned.

We, my gift is my mom coming to town for we our wedding anniversary was the day before recording, October.

That's true.

We went and had cheap Mexican for lunch.

It was delicious.

Oh, yeah.

You had to roll us out of there.

You didn't finish yours.

I had a I had looked for lunch today.

We made sure to get the lunch specials.

Yeah.

We got our queso because, of course, we did.

Mhmm.

But, you know, we'd, like, stopped in the middle of our day, took showers, put, like, grown up clothes on.

And went to lunch together.

And then we went and ran errands because are you, like, a old married couple if you don't turn a date into, oh, but we can go do these other things.

So now I'm I'm gonna give you Me?

You Me.

A little bit of a, option.

Uh-oh.

Would you Mhmm.

Prefer Mhmm.

To be spanked or flogged for your birthday?

Fucking hell.

I don't know.

Can I look?

Look.

Can I be spanked for our anniversary and flogged for my birthday?

Or vice versa, flogged?

Because I know you really like flogging too.

Flogged for our anniversary, spanked for our birthday?

You're the ultimate decider, but if you're asking my opinion, that's how I would do it.

Okay.

We're not gonna cut this baby in half.

And I don't like to make impossible decisions.

There's always a compromise.

But as ever, I will let the decider decide.

Mhmm.

Alright.

In that note, we probably should go.

Okay.

We gotta eat a little bit of an early dinner and get on the road.

I'm watching the YouTube live.

There's a bit of a There's a major gap.

Where the hell did you go for all that time?

When did you leave that where did you go?

That was this next second time I went to, Lola.

No.

We're not that far behind.

I don't know what's happening with the stream.

Podcast listeners, don't worry.

I don't know.

I'm doing either anymore.

You're just getting up and wandering away now.

Anyway, Lola is now under her blanket and snoring.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

She is.

She married herself under there again.

She's tucked in.

And she's And I just washed that thing, and, you know, fold it up real nice, and made her bed, and look what she does.

Mhmm.

Yep.

She was offended when you washed all her bedding.

Yes.

But that was also the day we gave her a bath.

She was very upset about that.

And we managed to get her bath in five minutes before a torrential downpour.

A torrential downpour.

Yeah.

Yep.

So Yeah.

We did.

Anyway, as always, we could keep going forever.

That's true.

We could.

But we're not gonna do that.

No.

Because we have to, like, make our afternoon go fast because we still got stuff.

Go see a kid perform.

Yep.

Be band parents.

Mhmm.

Okay.

We're gonna go.

Thanks for being here.

Mhmm.

Especially to the bitter end.

Yep.

And we'll see y'all next week.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Bye.

Love Maps and Power Exchange

Episode Transcript

Never lose your place, on any device