Morgan L. Stogsdill (00:00)

a simple word change can change the entire meaning of a sentence. So know that. I know it sounds scary, but too many people are like, just glaze over things. yeah, it looks like the same sentence, but there's a difference between may or shall or will. Those simple little changes could...

really modify a sentence and what the meaning is. You have to be very careful.

don't nickel and dime your lawyer at this point too, because you need them. This is the time that you're not wanting to save dollars. You're going to want to do it right.

Andrea Rappaport (00:30)

What I think happens is it's an area of something that we think that we can control because there's so much that we cannot control.

Andrea Rappaport (00:37)

If you're going through a divorce or thinking about getting a divorce, this is the podcast for you. Hosted by Morgan Stogsdill, the head of family law at the largest family law firm in the country and comedian Andrea Rappaport, you're gonna laugh, you're gonna learn, you're gonna avoid major divorce mistakes. This is How Not to Suck at Divorce.

Andrea Rappaport (00:59)

If you're anything like me and you tend to go on a hole when you're suffering, I've got news for you. There's a better way to do things.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (01:07)

Rather than hiding in a hole, your divorce besties want you to connect with those in your circle, especially as we head into the holiday season.

Andrea Rappaport (01:14)

Don't isolate yourself. You are coming up on a time when you and your kids will need community more than ever. So how do we want you to connect? By making a tiny bit of effort and actually send out holiday cards this year.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (01:29)

We are partnering with Truly Engaging, a card company that has truly won my heart over. I have personally been using them for years and believe me when I tell you, these are the nicest cards on the market.

Andrea Rappaport (01:41)

Yeah, Truly Engaging is actually the only company with a premium line that has both raised foil and the glossy varnish, which is deliciously luxurious.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (01:51)

And I know what you're thinking. Don't worry. It is not wildly expensive, especially not for our listeners.

Andrea Rappaport (01:57)

Connect with your community with a keepsake worth holiday card. And no, we aren't telling you to write, and I think I want a divorce on the back of the card. Although, ⁓ my God, if you do have the balls to write that, please send me that card because I would die.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (02:11)

No, don't write that. But do check out Truly Engaging, direct link and promo code in our show notes.

Andrea Rappaport (02:18)

Okay, can you read what this says or is it gonna be backwards? Wait, hang on, I gotta move the camera back. Tell me if you can read what this says or if it's backwards.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (02:27)

my gosh, it says scream here. It's a pillow.

Andrea Rappaport (02:30)

So

it's a pillow. And this was just like an Amazon, I bought a pillow covering, but I'm thinking we should make some really cute, high-end little pillows that say funny things on it, but obviously not be like, I'm getting a divorce, but something that somebody who's going through.

That stuff where you would want a pillow, like a designer pillow that says Scream Here.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (03:00)

I am interested, but I still can't get over the fact that you keep calling it a pillow instead of a pillow. So I'm stuck on your pronunciation rather than the idea.

Andrea Rappaport (03:06)

What? Pal-p-p-p-p- ⁓

You know what I also say? I say melt.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (03:14)

⁓ no, you're one of those? No. Nope. You've lost me. You've lost me. Your whole idea was lost because you can't pronounce the word pillow.

Andrea Rappaport (03:23)

I didn't go to real school. I went to performing arts high school. We didn't learn these things. We were too busy singing and dancing and high kicks. That's Wait, gotta stop. Let's talk about school for a minute. You went to school, I assume.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (03:32)

All right,

You would hope.

Andrea Rappaport (03:45)

One would think. Do you remember, you remember being in high school?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (03:50)

Yeah, I remember high school.

Andrea Rappaport (03:51)

Okay. Do you remember when you were a senior in high school? Were you one of those seniors that like stuck it out until the very end? Like, I'm gonna be a really good student until the day I walk across that stage. Or were you like more of the gen pop where you had like senioritis?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (03:55)

I do.

I think once you're in that last semester, that was me. was like, forget it. I already know where I'm going to college. They're not going to take that away from me. And as long as I don't fail my classes, I'm going to graduate. So who gives a shit? I think that's a lot of people, right?

Andrea Rappaport (04:27)

Yeah, I think that's most people. And it's funny because I was thinking about the idea of having senioritis with getting a divorce. Because, you know, we all think about senioritis as like, you know, graduating, right? So you're almost done. Like what you just said, I'm almost done. The school is not going to reject me now. So fuck it. I'm just going to phone it in.

But what happens when you get senioritis and you're nearing the end of your divorce process?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (04:55)

Yeah, that's actually a really good point because divorce, we all know, is super draining and it's just like high school and you're like, all right, I've been through this for how long now and I see the finish line and there is a lot of people out there, ⁓ or I should say there are a lot of people out there that come to me that are at the end of the race, the divorce race, and are just like, screw it, I don't care, let's just get this over with. That's the mentality that they have at times with the end of the divorce coming.

Andrea Rappaport (05:24)

that phrase, the like, screw it. I don't care. That, I feel that. That resonates still, even though, you know, I'm years out from my divorce, but I can still, I have like a physical response. Like I still have that, like, yeah, you want it to be done so badly.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (05:41)

You know, I wonder if you would put screw it. I don't care on a pillow

Andrea Rappaport (05:47)

Pillow. Pillow.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (05:49)

No, but I'm curious.

Let's really talk about the fact that in your divorce, mean, what specifically brought you to the fact of like, I just want to be done feeling? Is it really the process or is it the length of the process? What was it for you?

Andrea Rappaport (05:54)

Mm.

⁓ I think for me, what comes up is that you just felt like you were losing everything. It just felt like bad feelings piled on top of bad feelings. And so I think that most humans get to a point where they're like, I don't like the way this feels anymore. Okay, you know what? I see what's happening. I want to be done.

What do I need to do to wrap this thing up? Because this isn't fun. Not that you think that the divorce is going to be fun, but you don't anticipate it being as draining in different ways that it is. So I think for, I know for me, when I got to the very end, I'm afraid that somebody could have handed me a document that said, in three years, Andrea, you need to move to Neptune. And I'd be like, I don't care. Fine.

Sign it. So I'll deal with that in three years.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (06:57)

Right, because three years seem so far away when you're in misery, right?

Andrea Rappaport (07:00)

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yep. Exactly. Is that right? Is that wrong? Should I not have agreed to move to Neptune? But I mean, but the issue with what I went through is what if I had signed that? What if I had signed a document that said something absolutely crazy? Wait a minute. Hold on. Who the hell is hosting this show? I did sign documents like that.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (07:07)

I don't know, could be lovely there.

Andrea Rappaport (07:25)

Oh my God, I almost forgot our mission statement for a minute there. I did that. I think it's really funny that right now, this is totally off script. I'm actually realizing that I wrote, wait, what if I had, and as I'm saying this, I'm like, ding dong, you did. Okay. Well, welcome to our show. Guys, don't be like me. Don't get senioritis because, dun, dun, dun.

The reason why you are listening to this episode is that there are some big mistakes and we're going to go over the three biggest mistakes that you need to be mindful of so you don't make it when you're nearing the end of your divorce.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (08:05)

And that's why you're listening to this episode. So let's get right into it from a divorce lawyer's perspective. Okay. Let me set the table here. So you've been through all this crap, all the divorce decisions, all the misery. You've been through it for a long time and it's been super draining. Let's just say that you've been through it. This is your second year. You're about to wrap it up.

where are we at this point? Let's just say it's the last month. And the reason it's the last month is it's go time. There are either settlement documents going back and forth or you're prepping for a trial, which even if you do a trial, there are going to be documents that you have to look at to end your marriage. Okay? So let's put it into the context of there are settlement documents going back and forth. You're hoping you're in the last month. You're hoping to settle. There's some negotiations going on. The first...

biggest mistake is that that senioritis that Andrea was just talking about has put you in a place where you're not paying close attention to the small changes that are being made to all of the documents. And look, I get it because a lot of times you're seeing documents over and over and over again. And it's really the same documents, but with different changes, maybe redlined. And sometimes after a while you've kind of lost the plot.

you've kind of lost where the original proposal was to where it is now. And a lot of times where the biggest mistakes are made is that you're not paying close attention to the modifications of the documents because you're tired. So the biggest mistake and what you can do is you've got to really dial into those documents. I know it sucks, but you need to be talking to your attorney about those small changes. And

If what I would say to you is if you're getting tired, you have the senioritis, the documents are being modified and little nitpicks here and there, I want you to actually print out that document every time there's changes and I want you to read it. Find an hour of quiet time where you can actually read it and focus in where nothing else is going on around you because we want to ensure that what you are signing is something you can live with.

Andrea Rappaport (10:14)

You know, when the biggest thing that comes up for me in hearing you talk about this is the mistakes that I made with my parenting agreement, which often that's done in the middle. Like you're not going to do that at the very end of your process. You'll have that stuff. However, what people don't realize is there could be other documents that you're signing that could somehow have an implication to another existing document.

So that is what I think. And again, your attorney is the one who should be guiding this. But we all know unless you're paying top dollar for an attorney who goes through white glove style and highlights all of this for you, it's going to be on you to ask your attorney, okay, with the modifications that were made to this document, does it affect anything else?

that we've already gone over. And can you help me understand those implications? Because I feel like that's an area where a lot of people goof up.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (11:19)

Yeah, agreed. it's something so simple.

There's two kind of horror stories that I want to tell you just to be careful of. One is a simple word change can change the entire meaning of a sentence. So know that. I know it sounds scary, but too many people are like, just glaze over things. yeah, it looks like the same sentence, but there's a difference between may or shall or will. Those simple little changes could...

really modify a sentence and what the meaning is. You have to be very careful.

The second thing I want you to just be aware of is that attorneys and clients are human. People make mistakes. also, also, there are people out there that might not be super above board. So you have to be careful with the document. And if you don't know the word compare on a Word document, that's okay.

But what you want to be doing is making sure your attorney is running a compare or you are between the two documents. So for instance, document one comes over and it's got red lines. Your attorney cleans document one up and sends it over document two. There's a compare button where you can compare those two documents to see the changes. So you want to be super, super careful.

Andrea Rappaport (12:35)

That is so helpful. We need to teach people how to use that compare feature so they see all the highlights. But then let's say they do that and they see that there's some herein has been changed to wherein or some legalese that was completely made up. How do you know if that changes the meaning of the sentence? mean, is this the kind of thing that you pop into AI or do you want to ask your attorney all of these questions?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (13:02)

So this is not the time at the end of your divorce to be saving money with your attorney. This is the time that you've got one shot to get it right. So this is the time that I would go to your attorney and say, hey, can you break down what the major changes are and whether anything is seriously changed or affects me in a different way? Let them work it out with you, but I also still, doesn't, that does not take the place of you actually reading the document from front to back and making your own notes and questions.

Andrea Rappaport (13:31)

God, that sounds so fun. ⁓ know, going back to the parenting agreement for a minute, and I'm bringing that one up just because it's such a icky agreement and it's one that you want to kind of glaze over. And I'm thinking of any other agreement that you're signing, whether for you, the sticky area has to do with finances or if it is something kid related.

Or maybe it's a particular document that has to do with college. know, something that has been like an area where you're like, mm, fuck, this is my cross to bear. And let's say that what the agreed upon agreement is something that was not in your favor, not something that you wanted. Well, then likely you're not gonna wanna go over the details with a fine tooth comb because you don't like what it says.

If you're going over something and it is aligned with what you are pushing for, then you're kind of a little bit more joyous when you're going over it. And you're like, yeah, right, exactly. This is what I wanted. This is what it says. Okay, good. But there's something to be said about reading something and analyzing something that we don't want that's giving us that feeling inside of our body, like, don't like this, but you still have to make sure that it's accurate.

With the parenting agreement, I went through that. And that's how I missed some things that then had an issue with other financial things because I didn't put it all together well. There are so many facets of this world of agreeing to things that you think can be easily changed and they cannot be easily changed.

So spend the money now in a smart way and do this the right way. And one of the things that I really wish that I had done that I didn't do because I didn't think that I needed it was I didn't think that I needed the assistance of our family wizard. And I totally did. I used another parenting app, co-parenting app when I got divorced and it sucked. It did not give me what I wanted. And it was the cheaper way out.

I don't want you to do that. If you have a drop of conflict, then guess what? A co-parenting app is going to save you so much sanity. It's gonna help you work through all the things that you don't wanna have to look at, the stuff that makes you feel icky inside, whether it has to do with expenses relating to the kids, holidays, communication, the schedule, all kid-related things that make you feel ick, our family wizard.

is going to help it feel less icky. I cannot stress that enough. It's one of the biggest things that I didn't do that I want you guys to do. And you hear us talk about this app all the time, so I'm not going to go on anymore. But you know about it. You can see a link in our show notes that gives you more information. please, and this is queuing us up for the second biggest mistake, don't be cheap here. Now is not the time.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (16:40)

All right. Okay. So the mistake number two, you led me right there. When you are in the last throes of getting your divorce done, the worst thing that can happen is the nickel and diming. So I want you and you might be like, Morgan, that's easy for you to say because you're the lawyer. It's not your money. Yeah, I get that. But you have to not lose...

I don't want you thinking about the trees and losing the forest, right? And that's what happened so many times. And when you lose and you start nickel and diming and you're only focused on the trees and not the big picture, the forest, what happens is one, you're costing yourself a ton of money. And I'm talking about things that don't matter. And what I mean by that is, you know, the big picture is these are the ways that we're settling this case. And then you get that document almost there. And then the next thing you know is you're like, well, wait a minute.

They spent $500 here. I want that back. So then you're throwing in extra items to negotiate. And so by nickel and diming, I'm meaning two things. One is you're throwing in extra items last minute. You're losing the forest and only focusing on the trees. Big picture is let's get you divorced and get you done with this. And the third thing that nickel and diming does is it increases your attorney's fees and it extends the time that you're negotiating. So you have to be very careful about...

not nickel and diming and adding extra issues at the 11th hour.

Andrea Rappaport (18:03)

What I think happens is it's an area of something that we think that we can control because there's so much that we cannot control.

you know, somebody feels like they're already losing so much. So maybe, you know, some of us are going to say, okay, I'm not going to ask my attorney that question because it's going to cost me too much to ask them that. So I'm going to figure it out myself or I'm going to throw the question into chat. Right. Because I think I'm saving a tree, even though I might be losing a forest or

They see that there's so much that they can't control. Well, I can control if she thinks that she's going to get this, this, this, and this. And at the last minute, I'm going to say, you know what? I don't agree to this. And you owe me another $700. Well, that $700 thing that you want could be costing you $3,500 in fees.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (18:54)

Right. the way that I think you brought up a great point, and I would reframe it about control. I think it is about control. You're losing control and you feel like they're taking advantage of you and all of these things because I see it all the time. I think you want to reframe it with your lawyer and say, these are the things that are bothering me, whether it's the last and financials, what I'm calling nickel and diming. And ask your lawyer, are there any of those things that I just mentioned that are worth pushing on that I can win on?

because maybe you do need that last little win to get you over the finish line. And your lawyer is going to be honest with you. I just had a case like this where the last nickel and diming was brutal on both sides. And I had to sit my client down and say, listen, if you truly want this done, you have to stop nickel and diming because you're costing yourself more money and you're delaying it. Here are out of the eight things you told me, there's two that I think have legs that we can get done and get this thing done with your dignity and in timing wise, get it done fairly fast.

And that's the way that you have to actually ask your lawyer for that feedback.

Andrea Rappaport (19:54)

Okay, repeat that again. What's the language that we want someone to use in order to have their attorney help them discern between is this realistic or not realistic?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (20:06)

I would say these are the things that are bothering me. Usually they're financial issues. List them out, bullet point them. Andrea and I love bullet points. These are the things that are bothering me. Are any of these things worth pushing or can I win any of these issues because these things are really eating away at me and causing me to be distracted when I'm negotiating this full settlement.

Andrea Rappaport (20:10)

Mm-hmm.

Love

And again, those bullet points that Morgan just mentioned, that would also be the way to handle any issue that you have, right? Even if you're thinking like, ⁓ God, I don't want to ask my attorney this. This is going to be so expensive. I'm just going to chat GPT it. No. Ask your attorney, but in a very concise manner. And if you need help doing that, even if you're at the very end, my friends.

the attorney communication guide. It's $20. It might be the best $20 that you will spend in this divorce process if it could save you thousands of dollars. So you can grab that on our website. But again, we don't want you to not have this information. We just want you to be smart with how you're getting it.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (21:17)

don't nickel and dime your lawyer at this point too, because you need them. This is the time that you're not wanting to save dollars. You're going to want to do it right. So, you know, just kind of putting your head in the sand, this is not the

time. So nickel and diming goes like, it goes to so many facets of your divorce. It's the little mini negotiations, the last 11th hour negotiations we don't want you to do, just recapping. And we don't want you to be nickel and diming your lawyer, not contacting them at the end because you just want to

you have senioritis, you want this done, and you're like, let's get it done. That is not the time to be doing that.

Andrea Rappaport (21:50)

That's right. You can go home and scream into your pillow all you want, but don't nickel and dime your attorney. And reminding everybody what the first mistake is, don't glaze over the modified. The modified? This is a new word. Wow. I truly did not go to school. Don't glaze over the newly modified documents. Use the compare button. Ask your attorney.

these changes that you just now sent over. Is there anything that's going to affect previous documents? What do I need to be looking out for before I sign?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (22:26)

Yeah, and one thing I failed to mention, but I want to mention the first mistake about not getting tired, not looking at the documents the way that you should. like Andrea said, you might either hate the documents, you might feel that you are lesser of a person because maybe you don't completely understand the documents, which is his own thing we've talked about in other episodes on how to handle that. But what I want you to think about when I'm talking about setting aside that hour, printing out the document, writing notes on it,

Andrea Rappaport (22:46)

Mm-hmm.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (22:54)

We want you to think like a business person. We want you to take a step back. So what I would say to yourself is, ⁓ at 6 p.m. tonight, that's going to be my quiet time for an hour. I'm going to print out this document. I want you to pump up yourself mentally. I'm going to get through this document in one hour. I'm going to write notes on it and I'm going to take the emotion out of it and I'm going to act like this is not about me and my life. This is about somebody else's and how would I do this as a business person? So

Think about it that way because I think mentally if you get yourself prepped, it's going to be way easier to go through that document.

Andrea Rappaport (23:26)

Mm-hmm. Feels like some kind of character study we're asking people to do, but I like it. I like where this is going. Okay. Now, you ready to give everybody the third mistake?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (23:39)

Yes. Yes. Okay. So the third mistake, everyone, this might surprise you. In fact, if you're in the middle of a divorce process, this might really surprise you. But the third mistake in general is not preparing for this mixed bag of emotions at the end of the divorce process. And I know, I know it's probably going to be something that you're like, what in the hell is she talking about? Because I can't wait for the judge to stamp my divorce. The issue that I see, just so you're aware, is

You've gone through this long process of so many emotions and the divorce has taken up a lot of your life. It's taken up a lot of your time, your efforts, your mental space, your emotional space, all these things. And so when you get to the divorce, it's kind of anticlimactic. It's literally like, yeah, let's just stamp it. Or, ⁓ yeah, you're divorced. And you're like, what? We worked all of this way for you just to say, good job, you're divorced?

And so I see clients having a hard time with it because now all of a sudden it's like the next day you wake up and you're like, I'm divorced. I don't have to call my lawyer who I've talked to so much in the last two years. It's like, I don't know what to do with that. I don't have to prepare paperwork. I don't have to think about negotiating. I have all this extra time and it kind of feels weird. And so I want you to prepare yourself for this mixed bag of emotions that might come at the end of the process that might have nothing to do with the actual divorce.

Andrea Rappaport (25:03)

had to

Morgan L. Stogsdill (25:03)

I've actually

had clients call me afterwards and be like, but when are we going to talk again? And I'm like, well, we're probably not because my job is done. And they're like, but I'm used to pretty much talking to you every other day. Like we talk all the time. And at that point I say, just call me whenever you want to talk. And so it's hard for people. They don't expect it.

Andrea Rappaport (25:18)

Yeah.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (25:24)

Andrea silent.

Andrea Rappaport (25:25)

I'm really contemplating that one. There's a lot there. I think it's like, no matter how much Chad thinks he hates Brenda and how much Brenda thinks she hates Chad, it's still the finality to something that

Morgan L. Stogsdill (25:27)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah,

Andrea Rappaport (25:43)

like...

When you enter a marriage, most people don't think, like, I'm going to be battling this out one day. You know, when I stood up there and said, I do, to Chad, I didn't think that I'd be saying, but I do not agree to this, this, and this, you motherfucker, and vice versa. So I think that it's, when you're done, you're kind of like, huh, okay.

Well, that's sad, but I'm not really sure why I feel sad. I'm sad for a lot of reasons.

I remember the day that I got divorced. ⁓ You know, people like want to celebrate, right? And you're like, oddly not in that space. You're kind of down and you're not sure why you're down. And I think that the mistake here is that you don't want to be

blindsided by the opposite emotion of what you think you're going to have. Because then you see it as a fail.

I planned this big guy's night out. I planned a big girls trip this weekend to celebrate.

And now I don't feel like doing it. I'm kind of bummed out. I want to sit on my couch and watch Gilmore Girls and cry. What's wrong with me?

There's nothing wrong with you. It's just that you need to anticipate that you're going to have a mixed bag of emotions.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (26:55)

Mm-mm.

Yeah, I think that from a divorce lawyer's perspective, I have seen it all. So the last day, the divorce day, I have seen couples high-fiving. I have seen couples motherfucking each other, walking out of the courtroom. I have seen couples crying where one side didn't think that they were going to have any emotions because like you said, Andrea, they were just so happy to get it done with.

Andrea Rappaport (27:27)

Yeah.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (27:27)

I actually have seen a couple walk out of the courtroom and say, let's go one last time. Let's go get a hotel room one last time.

Andrea Rappaport (27:39)

I know that gag every time you say

that story. I'm like,

Morgan L. Stogsdill (27:42)

I know. So I think you're right. You kind of don't know what you're going to feel or what you want ⁓ until it happens. And I just want everyone to know it's a very normal, normal feeling and emotion. It might take a little bit of time and not many people talk about it. So I thought that it was important for Andrea and I to hit that as one of the mistakes because I think everyone thinks, yeah, once I divorce, I'm so good. I'm so golden. But there's emotions that come with it.

Andrea Rappaport (28:09)

And you might think you're going to be devastated and you might not feel devastated. And that's okay, too. So what we want you to know is be prepared to have the opposite feelings of what you think you're going to have. And don't plan anything major that you can't get out of the day your divorce is finalized. That's not the day to throw the really expensive party for yourself. You're going to want some time to kind of marinate on all of that.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (28:13)

Agreed.

Andrea Rappaport (28:38)

something that this is like such a great lead-in to this announcement. Our listeners, our community have been asking for this for so long. Another place to hang out online to help guide them for what life looks like after the divorce and where can they go to talk to other people. So here we go, friends, as if I don't have enough things to do, I'm pouring out more love and more energy.

because you all deserve a place to go. So as of now, we have the how not to suck at life after divorce community on Facebook that you can go and join. And there's gonna be all kinds of things available. Be patient, it is just now getting started, but it's gonna be another place to be a part of, to get some guidance, to feel a little bit less alone no matter how you're feeling.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (29:32)

That's right. And as a podcast, we want to get you through the divorce and we just don't want to leave you at the end of the divorce. We want to go through your life with you the same way that we were there during the divorce. So if you need more community, our private community is completely open. It's confidential. You don't have to say your name to join it. We would love to have you. If you need more on top of that, like Andrea said, we have lots of, have the DCC course on our online website. We have lots of different documents, including the attorney guide.

to help you do this process better because this is a tough process, but we're here for you.

Andrea Rappaport (30:06)

That's right. Okay. So we're going to recap these three steps and then we're going to play a little game to get our blood pumping because I don't want you guys falling asleep at the wheel or driving yourself off the road because of all these mistakes that you're afraid of making. But what are those mistakes you'll want to know? We're going to remind you right now. Mistake number one, even if you don't like the document, even if you think you've seen this document 45 times and you

Don't want to look at it one more time. You just want to docu-sign the hell out of everything. Don't. Use the tools that are available to you. Use the compare feature on Word. Ask your attorney, how is this doc, how is this most recent modification different? What exactly am I signing here? And can this impact any other documents? OK. Mistake number two. You're almost done, baby girl.

but now is not the time to nickel and dime. Whether that is nickel and diming your soon to be ex to just squeeze a little bit more juice out of that rock, and now is not the time to be nickel and diming your attorney. Stay the course. If you've been listening to our show throughout your entire process, which hopefully you have, you're on the right track. You've been doing this right. We know that there is so much that you can't control.

But this is not a time to grab the reins and say, well, then come hell or high water, I'm going to wrap this thing up and for this dollar amount, because that's all I've got. Don't do that. And lastly, don't be blindsided by emotions that you didn't even know you had, because this process is going to bring up a lot. You might feel elated the day you get divorced. You might feel, well, that was it.

I was expecting my day in court. I thought there was going to be balloons falling from the sky. I thought there'd be thunder and lightning, maybe a power outage, but no, I just stood there. Or maybe you live in a state where you don't even have a day in court. Maybe you mail something in and you get something back that's tucked in with your coupon savers packet that's like, yeah, you're divorced, mazel tov, right? Huh? That's it.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (31:54)

Huh.

Andrea Rappaport (32:21)

You might feel totally depressed. You might be mourning what you thought your life would look like. You might think, fuck, did I do the right thing? my gosh, now I feel lonely. I don't want to be alone. Be prepared. Be prepared to feel some unexpected things and you're going to get through it. Did I leave anything out?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (32:39)

I think you hit it and you hit it well. You got this. That's what we want you to know. You have got this. Now you're making me play a ridiculous game as usual. So go ahead.

Andrea Rappaport (32:42)

You're fat.

Okay, we're gonna play a round of marry or divorce, which is sort of like our version of like marry, fuck, kill. But the idea of saying that we're gonna F random things on a podcast just kind of felt like aggressive and icky to me. And we get enough comments about Andrea's a little too much. So I'm not about to say like, I'm gonna fuck a pumpkin because.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (33:14)

my god, thank

you for that. Thank you.

Andrea Rappaport (33:16)

I just don't feel like that would help us in any way. So we're going to play the PG-13 version of Mary or Divorce. Okay, girlfriend?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (33:25)

Okay.

Not okay, but okay, we're doing it.

Andrea Rappaport (33:28)

Okay, I wanna know, you, I mean, this is an easy one, but would you marry or divorce any kind of Korean skincare that I send you from the TikTok shop?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (33:43)

I would probably marry, but TBD depending on how sketchy it looks when it got here.

Andrea Rappaport (33:49)

I feel like the answer is Mary with a prenup.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (33:52)

Marie with a very solid prenup.

Andrea Rappaport (33:54)

Okay, your turn, you quiz me.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (33:56)

Would you marry or divorce fish that's delivered at a lovely restaurant but it has the head on it?

Andrea Rappaport (34:05)

I would marry it. If it's at a, yeah, I can deal with that. Even if it's at like a good like hole in the wall, like there was this place in like in Chicago, in the city that had like, they served like a whole red snapper with a head on it. And it's a little bit like that one eye is kind of like looking right at you, but it was amazing. It was delicious. But I would divorce any kind of fish or fish sandwich from like a gas station, obviously. Never get sushi from a gas station.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (34:20)

Yes.

Okay.

Ugh. Yeah.

never goes well.

Andrea Rappaport (34:33)

Never. Never.

Would you marry or divorce any kind of seasonal decorations for your house that say things on it?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (34:47)

⁓ divorce

all day, all day. Would you, I'm going to end on this one since we're into the holiday season, would you marry or divorce blow up decor in your front yard?

We're there.

Andrea Rappaport (34:59)

Wait.

I'm gonna get so many haters on this. Fuck off, I hate that.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (35:04)

I know that's why I put you right here. I put you right in the middle of it.

Andrea Rappaport (35:08)

I'm not a fan.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (35:09)

Well, that's not the question. Are you going to marry or divorce?

Andrea Rappaport (35:12)

I'm going

to divorce it. Hard. No, I'm sorry. I know that the kids love it. I just feel like it cheapens your house. God, people are going to say such mean things to me now. Once we first were talking about fucking pumpkins and now you don't even like it. No, fine. If you want a blow up, wait, I have to tell you guys a really funny story. So it's actually, so it's Halloween-ish right now.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (35:23)

Okay.

Andrea Rappaport (35:38)

And we hate making these things seasonal because I don't want you guys to listen to this like months from now. And they're like, it's not Halloween where I am. Now I don't want to listen to your guidance. Get over yourself. Okay. It's Halloween right now. And ⁓ you all know Morgan and I are both mental health walkers. We walk all the time. Well, in my neighborhood, I was taking a long walk and there's some Halloween blow up decorations. One of them is a unicorn.

and the other one is a cat. Well, the cat is in a position like it's scared, like, ⁓ right? And you can't really see what I'm doing right now because this is a podcast, but like the cat's tushy is up in the air. Okay, we're all with me here. Okay, because it's scared, right? Air cat. Well, the unicorn has a horn like most unicorns do on the top of its head. And here in the windy city where things blow,

Morgan L. Stogsdill (36:21)

All right. Following.

Andrea Rappaport (36:36)

That unicorn's horn blows right into the kitty's tushy. And every time I take a walk, it

me.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (36:51)

Can you please post

the picture in our private community, please?

Andrea Rappaport (36:54)

I'm going to do it right now because it's so funny because every day we walk by Steve looks at it and he goes, why haven't they moved that? Like move the unicorn.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (37:06)

so good.

All right. Well, listen, if you listen to our episode today, we thank you. We're sorry about Andrea's stories and we can't wait for the hate mail that we're going to get because we do get some. We get a lot of lovely mail, but we do get some hate mail. And for the most part, Andrea and I find it very hilarious. So if you want to email in about how annoying Andrea's voice is or whether she's too extra, we're here for it. We'll answer you too. And we'll answer you nicely. We will.

Andrea Rappaport (37:10)

We're sorry.

I really do.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (37:35)

but we will take it under advisement. Anyway, we love you and we do this podcast for you. If you need extra community, join us. We're there for you. If you rate and review us, we could not be more proud or happy. It allows us to continue this podcast at the rate that we are going. And remember, divorce is a marathon. It is not a sprint. There are days that are awful. There are days that are okay. Some days are day by day, other days it's hour by hour. And guess what?

Andrea Rappaport (37:35)

Mmm.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (38:03)

That is okay, and you are gonna get through this.

Andrea Rappaport (38:05)

That's right, we do this show to help you not suck at a really draining and sucky process. We're here for you. Lean on us. Listen to our shows. Use our guides. Use our Divorce Crash Course and we promise you, you will be better for it. And remember, even on the days when you think you can't do it, you're doing it. You are actually doing it. And you've got this.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (38:31)

and we, my friends, have got you.

How Not To Suck At Divorce (38:33)

The How Not to Suck a Divorce podcast shall not be copied or rebroadcast without consent. This podcast does not contain legal advice. The information heard in this podcast is not and shall not be construed as legal advice.