The big reason why a lot of people stay stuck is that we are actually subconsciously afraid of what it might look like if we succeed at doing it.

Get specific about your goals, but get specific about your fears.

Hey, everyone, welcome back to on Purpose, the place you come to listen, learn and grow and become happier, healthier, and more healed.

Today's guest is Emily McDonald, neuroscientist and founder of Mindcraft Neuroscience back tools to rewire your brain and master your reality.

Emily shares how understanding the brain can help you break free from limiting patterns, manage your emotions more effectively, and consciously create the life you want.

This conversation will help you see how real change starts from within and how rewiring your brain can transform your reality.

Please welcome to on Purpose, Emily McDonald.

Emily, it's great to have you here.

It's so amazing to be here.

Thank you for having me.

I love following you on social media.

I feel like I learned so much.

I have so many friends who live and swear by your page, and so have you here now is awesome.

And again, congratulations and all your success.

I know you just got engaged as well, So thank you congratulations on that is wonderful to meet your fiance.

Yeah.

Yeah, but let's start straight in.

If someone was to listen to our conversation today and apply the things you have to say, how would their life change.

I'd like to say that it can and will change in every single aspect that you apply it to.

I think that And you know, actually, one of my students in Mindecraft she joined a few months ago and she I asked her, I said, in which ways do you think that your life has changed since joining?

And she said, every single aspect of her life has changed.

And I think that the principles that I teach and I coach on and that I practice, I think they really can be applied to every single area of your life.

So yeah, I think it just depends on you and what you choose and what you intend, right, So it's all about intention there, and it's like if you want to apply to relationships, you can, but also just being more in control of your brain.

I like to make the analogy of if you are driving a car down the road and you don't know how that car works, if it breaks down, you don't know how to fix it.

You'll be stuck there, right.

And I have a story of like my car breaking down.

My brother, Luckily he's a mechanical engineer, and I called him.

He's like, oh, poor water in this oneman hole or whatever, and I could be on my merry way.

Right, I got home safely.

But if you don't know how and the brain works the same way, right, So let's say you're stressed out, or you are overwhelmed, or you're struggling to focus or whatever it is.

If you don't know how your brain works, you might be stuck.

But when you know how your brain works, you can then use that knowledge and apply it to whatever area you're really struggling with.

So that I think that it really can be applied to many different areas of your life.

Yeah, yeah, I love that analogy.

I've had many a time in my life a car that's broken down on me.

Not been a mechanical engineer.

Yeah, I pushed my car up.

And that's what it sometimes feels like for people.

I feel like people feel that they're fighting against their brain, they're breaking down their mind, they're trying to push forward, and they just feel stuck.

I feel like so many people listening right now feel stuck in their job, they feel stuck in a bad relationship, they feel stuck looking for a career.

If someone feels stuck, what do they need to understand about the brain in order to start the process to get unstuck.

Yeah, So I think that feeling of being stuck, it's really quite natural.

When you think about neuroscience and your biology.

The brain loves to keep you in what is safe and normal to you.

The brain is also, I like to call it a prediction machine, So we don't necessarily experience reality.

We experience, you know, our brains sort of filtering everything we see here feel touched, but also predicting what's about to happen.

And that's why a lot of times, you know, we feel like anxious or whatever it is, it has to do with the brain's predicting kind of something that's upcoming.

And so I think that feeling of being stuck is quite normal and natural.

And I just want to say that first.

But also understanding which area you're stuck in, right, And I'm going to take it an interesting direction right now, but I like to talk about procrastination because it's a good example of feeling stuck.

Right, So, if you are.

Let's say you have a goal and you're like, like starting a podcast, and you're like, Okay, I want to do it, and then you're procrastinating it.

Right, So I always say that there are three reasons why people procrastinate, and the first reason is there's an identity sort of mismatch.

And what I mean by that is that you don't like your sense of self and who you believe that you are doesn't match with you working toward the goal of launching a podcast.

And this actually kind of resonated with me personally whenever I was starting to write a book.

I was procrastinating writing my book, and I was like, why am I doing this?

I know it's a goal, I know I want to do it, but I don't know why I'm procross And the default mode network in the brain is really what's at play here.

So the default mode network is really appropriately named because it kind of helps to regulate and propel our default mode of behavior.

Right, So it's responsible for our default mode of being and doing, but it's also responsible for our sense of self and constructing the narrative or the story of our lives.

And so if your sense of self doesn't match if your identity doesn't match whatever it is that you're trying to do, then your default mode network is not really going to be helping you do the behaviors or take the action toward starting a podcast.

And so I always tell my clients, I tell my students, I tell everyone on social media, and like, just identity shift, you know, like shift your identity.

You can just start to identify as the version of you who has done the thing.

And so that's kind of the first part of that, and then the second.

That's so interesting.

That's so interesting, And I love the way you broke down the default mode network because this identity mismatch that you're talking about.

Are you saying that if you don't I know, you've said something which I love you said.

Science says you have to act like you already have it.

Yeah, before something can happen.

Is that what you're saying that You've got to feel like I'm already an author, I'm already a podcaster.

How does someone practically apply that identity to make sure it's aligned?

Right?

So it's really just choosing to identify as that person, right.

And so when I say that you have to act like you already have it, or like you already are it in order to do it or be it works the same way.

The analogy I use there is falling asleep at night.

Like when you fall asleep at night, you lay down, you close your eyes, you slow your breath, and you pretend like you're asleep until you fall asleep, and your brain makes it so.

And life works that way as well, and you have to act like it and move like it, right, Like you're not going to become a drummer in a band unless you act like a drummer, and drummer's practice.

And so it's sort of like and so how do I apply that like practically, I guess from my book example, I really just decided I'm an author, Like from this moment forward, I'm an author.

And I think a lot of times we don't realize the power that we have to choose those sorts of things.

And this is another reason why I tell people to be so careful about the labels that they use to identify themselves and the labels that they put on themselves.

And growing up in my own life, I had so many different labels put onto me that I believed and just kind of allowed to describe who I was, and that impacted my life, it impacted my health, it impacted everything in my world.

And so that's one of the reasons why I'm so passionate about it.

But yeah, and so applying that practically a lot of times, it really just looks like choosing to identify as that version of you.

Like if I'm trying to start a podcast, I am a podcaster, and there I am doing.

It right, almost like how does an author behave?

And let me start practice?

Right, So an author gets up and write a page even when they don't feel inspired, because that's how they get for example, right, or like a podcast that sits down and you just start interviewing the people that are available until you're able to book the guests that you really want to speak to.

Right, exactly exactly, And when that happens when you choose, when you write a new what happens then is that you're writing a new story and your brain kind of stops using your past to predict your future and it kind of starts to take the present moment and your new identity that you are choosing to help predict your future behavior.

And so it's super powerful.

I love that, all right, what's the second that was?

Okay?

So the second reason why most people procrastinate is fear.

A lot of times we are actually subconsciously afraid of success.

And I think this is a big reason why a lot of people stay stuck, is that we are actually subconsciously afraid of what it might look like if we succeed at doing it interesting and for me personally, so I'm actually about a launch of podcast by the time this episode comes out, and may or may not be already launched.

But when I again I was procrastinating filling my podcast, and me being me, I sit down and I analyze my mind, like why am I procrastinating starting to film this podcast?

And what I found was that I was subconsciously afraid of being seen in sort of a more vulnerable way, because long form content is a lot more vulnerable than a one minute reel on Instagram, Like you're not really you in that short of period of time, but in long form content, people can really see you.

And so that was sort of the fear that I uncovered for myself.

But yeah, and I think this is another reason why I tell people all the time, like a lot of people say, get specific about your goals.

But I also say get specific about your fears, because your fears, they can have control over you when you don't know what they are.

But when you identify them, labeling them, well, that activates the prefernal cortex and the prefernal cortex and the amygdala.

They sort of have this kind of seesaw relationship where when one activity activity in one goes up activity and the other goes down.

And so when you label your emotions, you label the fears that you you have, you're actually giving yourself your power back.

You're activating the prefernal cortex, which is the CEO of your brain.

It's sort of the boss of your brain.

And so kind of getting specific about your fears, I would say, is the way to overcome that version of stuckness.

And I think that's a really powerful activity to do if somebody were feeling stuck.

How did you get so specific and define your own fear?

I love that you shared what you were worried about in this whole idea that people are scared of success.

Yeah, how did you come upon that?

Like?

What process did it take?

What reflection did you do?

How did you identify them?

I love what you said about identifying your goals is important, but actually knowing your fears is equally as important, if not more.

How do you do that?

Yeah, So I think for me, I have the saying called take it all the way to the end, and so allow yourself to go on the journey or the path all the way to the end.

And so I sat down and I was like, Okay, if I go and I film this podcast, my goal is to have a top podcast in the world.

Right, so if I'm having a top podcast in the world, what might that look like?

Oh, that means that I'm setting myself up to be seen more and maybe have more hate and maybe have more criticism and judgment and all that.

And just seeing myself write that down, I was like, Okay, well, if my brain is highlighting that as oh, if you go and start a podcast, you're going to have more hate and face more criticism, then it might try to keep me safe from that.

And that's really what that is is your brain is just trying to keep you safe.

And so that's why identifying your fears can be so powerful.

And so yeah, I would say, if you're trying to identify what your fears are, I would just take the goal whatever it is that you're trying to do all the way to the end, like if it's the top podcast, or if it's the best selling book, or if it's your business, or even a relationship.

Right, like a lot of people in relationships, like you're afraid of relying on someone or being dependent on someone, or really fully being open and vulnerable with someone, and honestly just identifying that as the first step and getting super clear on that, because when you get clear on that, then you can rewrite the story of exactly like you said, Yes, it's true, being more vulnerable and being seen my equal more judgment or criticism, but it might also equal and to the same extent, if not more, more love and more support.

So and you have to identify at first to give yourself the chance to even rewrite that fear.

Yeah, I love the idea of take you all the way to the end.

That's a great one.

It's a great way of actually getting really clear on exactly what's tripping you up.

And I love what you just said there that actually when you come up with it, you realize your brain was just trying to keep you safe.

Yeah, it was actually just trying to help you because it was scared of that.

It wasn't that you weren't good enough, or it wasn't that you weren't smart enough, or it wasn't that you can't develop the skills.

It was just trying to keep you safe.

Yeah, And I think when we think about the brain trying to keep us safe, that and that's a really big reason why the brain tries to keep us kind of in our comfort zone.

Right, But it's super important to recognize and acknowledge that any sort of growth happens outside of our comfort zones.

Like I would not be in the physition where I am today if I didn't take delusional level risks and leaps of faith.

And so it's really a requirement to achieving or receiving or having whatever it is that we want.

And so yeah, getting really clear on our fears and take it all the way, I take it all the way to the end applies to that.

It also applies to limiting beliefs as well, like take it all the way to the end, see what comes up for you.

And also, yeah, I think because I've had students, I had a specific student ask me she was struggling with sand volleyball, beach volleyball, and she was like, I had this fear, and I was like, take it all the way to the end.

Visualize it.

Maybe, you know, I don't think I've ever heard anyone tell people like visualize your fears.

But if it's safe for you and you're not gonna like like have any sort of physical reaction, like visualize it and see what comes up for you and see like what is it really that you're afraid of, and then you can give yourself the chance to kind of rewrite that story to number three.

Okay, so we've got there's an identity mismatch or there's maybe some underlying fear behind it, and then number three is really more of a scientific, kind of simple, straightforward thing.

And it's cheap dopamine.

Uh, it's everywhere and society sort of it's everywhere cheap dopamine, social media, it's all over the place and like fast food, binging, Netflix, whatever it is that's that's number three is cheap dopamine.

And it's it's really it's a dream dopamine.

I always say, like, dopamine doesn't care about your dreams.

Dopamine just cares about what you automate and what you repeat.

And so it's going to keep you doing that.

And also when it comes to cheap dopamine, if you're giving yourself a lot of that, then you're not really And one of the big things that I do to help kind of motivate myself to doing things is withholding reward.

And so whenever I was in the PhD, I studied drug addiction, and so a lot of dopamine research and studying kind of the dopamine pathways.

But also drug addiction is really maladaptive habit formation.

And so when I think about kind of cheap dopamine and habit formation and behavior, because dopamine drives a lot of behavior, one of the things that I do to kind of motivate myself is just withhold whatever reward that I'm wanting.

So let's say I saw it online or I was shopping or whatever, and I saw a shirt that I wanted, I wouldn't allow myself to buy it, or a candle or whatever it is, I wouldn't allow myself to buy it until after I do the task that I'm maybe procrastinating or feeling stuck doing.

And so if someone's out there right now and you're procrastinating or feeling stuck starting a business or going after a job, or dating in a relationship or whatever it is, and you're regularly giving yourself sort of cheap dopamine or you know, allowing yourself to just like have whatever reward it is, and you just give it to yourself all the time, then you're not really setting yourself up for success because you're giving yourself your brain is just well fed on dopamine.

And you can think of it sort of as the analogy of like snacking all day, right, So if you're snacking all day, you're never really gonna be hungry and to eat that whole meal, and so dope means kind of the same way.

If you're like giving yourself those cheap dopamine hits going on social media all day long, then you're never really gonna be driven to go complete that big task.

And that big task is going to be a lot more rewarding than the small, repetitive cheap dopamine, especially at night.

So I want to I want to highlight that because this is something newer that I've been talking about, and honestly, I discover all this, Like obviously I learned about neuroscience in school, but I discover a lot of the kind of hacks and stuff based on what I need and in my own life.

And so I realized, you know, I was waking up with less motivation, waking up low on energy, and just not really feeling like normally and I have most of the time.

I really do wake up and I jump out of bed and I'm like ready and so excited for the day.

So I'm like, what's what's happening here?

And what I actually realized was that so dopamine actually resets itself and restores as you sleep, and so scrolling at nighttime or binge, watching Netflix or any of those things that give you cheap dopamine and even eating late night snacks and all that that actually up Well, one, it disrupts your sleep, and that keeps your dopamine system from restoring itself.

But also it desensitizes your dopamine receptors, so when you wake up in the morning, you're, for lack of better like to keep it simple, you're less sensitive to dopamine when you wake up in the morning when you give yourself cheap dopamine at night, and so cheap dopamine is number three.

It's a big reason why people stay stuck.

Yeah, because if you're giving yourself snacks all day, you're never going to be driven to cook a meal.

If you're giving yourself cheap dopamine all day long, you're never going to be driven to go do the big task that's going to help you get closer to your dreams.

I love that.

How do we convince ourselves that the big task is going to be more fulfilling than the cheap, quick dopamine.

Or what do we do with that?

Because I think you're spot on that there are a million distractions today.

It's easy to be caught down a wormhole.

It's easy to binge your show, and you don't realize that actually building the thing you love or starting that business, or investing in that relationship, whatever it is, will be so much more meaningful.

What do we do with that?

How do we get there?

Yeah?

So I think two things.

The first is get super specific about why you want that thing, right, So, if you don't really know why you want and let's I guess the big goal for this would be writing a book, because that takes so long and it does not come easily or company and.

It never gets easy.

I'm I'm writing my third book right now.

It does not get easy.

It is not.

I'll just tell everyone it's not get.

Easy, and it's it's you're in it.

It's a marathon, it's not a sprint.

They used to say that to me all the time in the PhD.

It's even though they wanted you to sprint the marathon.

And so I think for that, it's really understanding and being super clear about why you want to do it, because motivation is not always going to be there for you, and that's where knowing your why.

And I kind of have a different take on discipline where I don't really think of like this hardcore sort of disciplined sort of moment.

I think of discipline as looking out for future you.

And I think this is why it's super important for me.

Whenever I am working with people, I ask them, you know, like who do you want to be?

Like when you imagine yourself like achieving the goals or whatever, it is like, it's not really about that.

It's about who achieving those goals is going to make you become.

And that's really what it's all about.

And like who are you feeling called to become?

And getting super clear on who that is and why you want to be that person, and so understanding your why and why you want to do it, why do you want to write the book, and that will keep you going and motivate you, but also who that's going to make you become, Like I want to be an author, Like I want to have a book published, and sometimes that's going to motivate me a lot more than just thinking about publishing a book, you know what I mean?

I think that is sort of super important, is really knowing your why.

And then I think the other thing when you're clear on that, when you're clear on who you want to become and your why and your purpose for doing it, that's really the first half of it, and then the other half of it.

I don't do the whole internal battle thing, like don't I don't negotiate with myself.

That's something that I don't do.

And so I think trying to convince yourself that it's going to be rewarding and going to be better than scrolling on my phone, I don't think that we can really even do that.

I don't think that that's something that I wouldn't recommend.

I think in that scenario it would more be and actually like recently, I was struggling with getting filming content and I called my friend who's still in the PhD.

She's like my best friend and I called her and she's like, em, you're the one that would always tell me, you need to you need to withhold reward, like what do you want?

Like you do you want like a new feel?

Like what is it that you want?

And then get that, get clear on like what it is that you want, and then don't give it to yourself until after the big thing has been accomplished, after you've done the thing that you want to do.

And that's how you start to train your brain that it's more rewarding.

A dog doesn't learn to sit for free.

I say that all the time.

If you want to teach a dog how to sit, you have to give your dog a treat, and then that treat boost open me.

That dopamine drives learning, and then when you learn it and it becomes a habit that you repeat, then it's just wired in and you're doing it and you don't have to think so much about it, and it's not about convincing yourself.

It's just wired and it's automatic behavior.

And then another thing that I talk about a lot in my community, in the people that I coach, is that take a moment after you do accomplish those things or you do.

It doesn't have to be some big goal that you're accomplishing either.

It can maybe be even something small, like I said, creating content like that's a stepping stone on the way, And it can be just as simple as taking a moment to tell yourself, Hey, I'm proud of you, good job you accomplish that.

Self talk boost dopamine like self affirmation boosts opamine.

It activates the reward centers in the brain.

I used to be I didn't used to believe in affirmations.

I used to think they were woo woo or whatever, and I was like, no, what is that?

But then, you know, I sort of went on my own journey and then of course looked into the neuroscience of it, and they really are so powerful and not even necesscessarily an affirmation track or whatever it is, but speaking to yourself positively and kindly, it's so so so important and making sure to take a moment to do that and acknowledge yourself when you are working toward the goals, because it's so easy to you know, just be like okay, like I'd posted a video, Okay, we're not necessarily at ten million yet, so that's not we're not there yet.

It's really easy to do that and get caught up in the big picture and not give yourself the pat on the back for the steps that you're taking along the way.

And those are the little dopamine booths that are going to build momentum, that are going to keep you going, and that are also going to teach your brain that oh hey, this behavior, this action that we're taking is valuable and meaningful.

Well practices do you think young people should delay?

It doesn't have to be a purchase.

It is not to be a purchase.

I'm using this is personally for me.

I like clothes, so like for me.

And then maybe it's even going and planning.

It can be anything like planning a reward for yourself, like going out to dinner.

Let's say if you're a foodie.

It really depends.

So I'm not gonna sit here and tell people what's gonna boost their OPA mean, because it's very highly individual.

What is it that you want and like?

But maybe you love going to the grocery store and buying these one box of cookies that you really like or whatever it is.

Maybe there's something and also it's good to switch it up, like if it's something that you haven't done for yourself in a while, or like there's a dessert that you love that you only have on your birthday.

It's like, Okay, if I take the steps, if I sign up for this LLC and I get the logo done and I set up the website, I'm gonna go get that thing that I get for my birthday and I'm gonna give it to myself now.

So it's just kind of really anything that makes you And I think also this is why I always talk about with with people, is to also have something to look forward to.

I think is super or whether it's just like a dinner because I found and this is something I really learned through experience in college and undergrad But then of course, now knowing the neuroscience of it, I would be so much more productive and study so much better when I had plans on Friday night.

And like, if you don't have any plans or anything to look forward to or like a reason to get some done quickly, then it's gonna be a lot harder, and also like dopamine is released in anticipation of a good thing happening, it's not just about reward.

It's also when you are anticipating something.

Like from my like kind of research studies, that was more tied to craving, right, but in kind of our day to day lives, it's anticipation.

Like that's why when you're when you're a little kid and it's the night before Christmas, like you can't you couldn't, you can't fall asleep at night because you're excited, you're anticipating something.

And actually the day that we're supposed to close on our house, which was like two weeks ago, I woke up that morning feeling like a kid on Christmas, and I was like, I was looking into the neuroscience of it actually because I was like, how do I activate this feeling more every single day because it's a great feeling, and I was so productive.

But that was really a day of detachment because we weren't sure whether or not we were going to close that day, and it was actually as soon as we decided, oh no, it's not gonna happen today, we'll just drive home, we got the call and I was like, Oh, you're gonna get the keys, and I was like, it's always when you let go.

So yeah, I think it depends on a person when it comes to what you should delay or what you should purchase.

It doesn't even have to be a purchase.

It can be any sort of rewarding thing, like actually, something that I've been doing because I have a mountain bike, not like an avid mountain biker, but I love nature and I also have a ripstick.

I love to ripstick, just like around my house or whatever it is.

And so I told myself the other day actually, I was like, I'm gonna film this content and then afterward I'm gonna ripstick and giving myself that sort of little reward of like honestly, it's like playtime, Like not giving myself that.

It motivated me to go get it done because I had something to look forward to and a little reward afterward.

Absolutely Well said, it definitely works.

It definitely works.

I can think of so many moments in my life where that's exactly how I'm focusing on how to get the work done first and then be able to play break afterwards.

And the biggest one for me from what you said that I think really is going to make a difference for people is being kind to yourself in the process.

Yeah, that grace that comes with that, and the ability to celebrate the small wins and the progress, because if you're always measuring yourself up against a big goal, you could be waiting a long long Yeah, especially when you're writing a book.

I mean that you just told me the cycle of when your book's going to come out, and that's what it is.

It takes like two three years to put it together, then it takes time for it to come out, then you're promoting it.

So the actual result of someone saying I love your book and I got so much from it is so far away that if that's what you're waiting for, it's going to feel like forever.

Yeah.

I actually had to switch.

This is funny that you say that, because when I first started, I was very motivated by having a best selling book and writing this book.

And quickly did I learn that's not going to last and we're not going to be able to push through on this.

So I actually shifted from motivated by kind of the result to hey, actually I just want to be an author, and being an author is a reward in itself, and when I acknowledged that, then it became more rewarding to write the book and do the work.

And so it was that shift, And I think that's also why it's so important to figure out who you want to be and that identity and who it's going to make you, because when you can start to kind of identify as that, it's also very rewarding to embody it as well.

Yeah, you've said that desperately wanting something actually blocks you from getting it, which applies to what you just said about your house.

Just that moment you let go, you're like, you got the call that you've got your house.

Why does desperately wanting something actually block it?

When you are very attached to an outcome and you desperately want something and it's to the point where it is kind of raising your stress levels and you are dependent on it or attached to the outcome, it boosts stress and a boost cortisol and that actually narrows your perception and kind of which gives you a sort of tunnel vision and actually blocks you from being able to perceive or be aware of alternate pathways and alternate routes, which is one reason why I can block you from getting it because a lot of times, you know, we'll have a goal and we have something that we want to accomplish.

And I know for me personally, I had a goal and I had to be very open to alternate pathways in my life.

I had to be very open to like, okay, and you know, we'll go down the road and maybe this road isn't it, and we'll take a different road.

But being able to be open to alternate pathways that actually you're less able to do that and you're less open minded and you have more of tunnel vision whenever you are kind of desperately attached to something, and also whenever we are chronically stressed, I mean that puts us in fight or flight.

And when the nervous system is disregulated, I mean it becomes way harder to rewire your brain.

And I like to use the analogy of a kid in the classroom, Like if you're a kid in the classroom and you are being bullied by every single student, it's going to be really hard to pay attention to the teacher and actually learned what's being said.

But if you feel safe in that classroom, the kid can actually feel safe to learn and pay attention to the teacher and absorb what's being said.

And it works the same way in our lives.

Like, if we're feeling stressed and anxious all the time, it's really going to be difficult to be focused on whatever goal that we have.

And so that's another kind of piece of it.

And then there's another piece of it, which is sort of this incubation effect in the brain.

And I'm sure you've noticed that if you're sitting there and you're thinking about a problem or a challenge, or you're wanting an answer to something, and you can't necessarily think of the way of the answer, But then as soon as you walk away from it, then you go for a walk or you're in the shower or whatever it is, all of a sudden, the answer comes and whatever you wanted to say comes.

That's the incubation effect.

And our subconscious mind or like the other kind of areas in the brain can process a lot more information and make a lot more connections than our conscious mind can when we're sort of focusing on something.

And so whenever we're desperately wanting something or attached to and we're thinking about it all the time and we're kind of stopping that from happening.

We're stopping the incubation effect to do it magic of sort of going to work behind the scenes and coming up with the answers.

And so that's another reason why letting go can be so helpful and just.

And that doesn't mean that you're not going to work towards your goals.

That doesn't mean that you're not going to be focused on your goals, but it means that you know you work toward it, and you worry about what, you worry about the inputs, and you worry about what you can do, but you sort of let go of the how and the when, and you just and it also allows you to enjoy the journey, which is which is really important.

And I think that's, if not one of the most important things when it comes to all of it, is enjoying the journey.

And I always say, you know, life is about the journey.

If it were about the destination, it would be called death.

It's about the journey, and so enjoying the journey is super important.

And when you're desperately attached to something, especially you know when it's a long term sort of situation, you're going to be you're you're withholding reward and you're withholding feeling proud of yourself and feeling accomplished for a long time.

And I don't think that anybody should really live that way either.

Yeah, it can be you can tolment yourself.

Yeah, you can capture yourself if you do it, and it can lead to greatness, but at what cost?

Right, it absolutely can.

But I knowing myself, and I think that that's a very important piece of this, and knowing myself is that one of my top values is joy and being able to enjoy my life and enjoy the journey of my life.

And so for me, yeah, I think remembering to enjoy the journey.

But also I've found that I do so much better in my work and creative process when I am in my joy.

And so I think that joy isn't necessarily like a break or like an additional reward, but it also is sort of a necessity if we want our brain to be in its most optimized state, because tons of studies show that play and being in your joy it actually boosts creativity and also boosts longevity and our immune system function and all the things.

So it's really good for our physical health as well as our mental health.

Yeah.

Absolutely, Yeah, you've reminded me of two things.

One thing I always say to people is you'll get to where you want in life, just not in the way you imagine it.

The idea that you're going in the direction, but the path it's going to take is going to be totally different.

Yeah, and so.

What you want may even change if you're moving at the pace you want to go.

And one of the things I love that you said your values joy.

One of my values, deep values, is love.

And I always say to myself, I always want to move at the pace of love.

I want to move as fast as I can while still loving it.

Yeah, because if I start hating it, then it's not worth it, even if I move three times.

The speed that I'm at right now.

Yeah, Because I want to move at the pace of love.

I want to move at a pace that I'm in love with myself.

I'm in love with what I'm doing and I in love with what I'm serving, rather than I'm moving really really fast.

We're getting there, but I actually hate it and I'm upset at myself.

Yeah.

I think it's super important to know in mindcraft, in the very beginning, I have people get to know themselves, and they're key values because in my business, actually, like working in business, I've had kind of I don't want to use the word standoffs, but situations where I've had to bring up and so mine what I have mind broken down into three parts, and one of the parts is to be to have love and joy.

And for me, it's the exact same way.

It's like, yes, we could do all of this, and we could move at this speed, and we could, but at the cost of my love, at the cost of feeling love and joy, it's not worth it to me.

And so I completely resonate with that.

Yeah, what is the number one thing people are coming to you in Minecraft and your community for coaching?

What's the number one thing you're seeing amongst young people?

Minecraft is a pretty wide range.

I would say it's from like twenties up to sixties, so we've got a pretty wide range of people.

And so I would say the reasons why people come into Minecraft are pretty variable.

But I think I like that you asked a question about people feeling stuck, because I think that that's a big reason why people do come to Minecraft and understanding kind of the neuroscience of reality and how life works and how the brain builds reality is so sort of an eye opener.

It was an eye opener for me, it's an eye opener for a lot of people.

But then also seeing how your brain is really like directing you and then directing how you feel and your actions and all of that.

And so I think a big reason is that people do feel stuck and they want they and also, I mean just I got to meet with some people in Minecraft in person recently, and one person said that he joined because he wanted to find purpose in his life and connect more deeply with spirituality.

And he found that not only did he find his purpose, but he actually just launched a nonprofit, which is super cool.

Yeah, a lot of people, surprisingly, and I guess surprisingly or not.

I don't really know what I was expecting when I started Minecraft.

I just sort of started it because I wanted to give people everything that helped me get to where I am in one place.

But I've found that a lot of people end up quitting their nine to five jobs and starting their own thing and not that.

And you know, of course, there are people who love their nine to five jobs and they're in them but surprisingly a lot of people do embark on that journey, and so I think it a lot of people join because they want to really find what lights them up and what calls to them.

And I think that when you figure out who you are on a super deep level, and you then figure out how your brain works, and you understand all the little kind of nuances of focus and stress and anxiety and nervous system regulation and of course like identity and your sense of self and how all that works, then you kind of have this sort of freedom to go and create the life that you really want.

What's your take on manifestation.

I'm one hundred thousand percent believe in manifestation.

Version yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I think a lot of people don't believe in manifestation because they think that it's this thing where you just sit down and think until it pops up into your reality.

And I don't really I don't really see it that way.

So I guess my take on manifestation is really sort of just understanding the neuroscience of reality and how the brain works.

There's actually a really cool study, so I'll tell you about this study.

This study actually really greatly explains how manifestation works at least in my eyes.

So there's a study done in the nineteen seventies where they took kittens and they raised one group of kittens.

They raised them all in complete darkness.

They took one group of kittens and they showed them only horizontal lines, horizontal black and white lines.

So they're raised mostly in complete darkness except for a few hours a day where they're shown only horizontal black and white lines.

And then a different group was shown only vertical black and white lines.

They allowed their brains to develop through their adolescence, and then when their brains were more developed, their visual systems were developed, they put them in a normal environment with chairs and tables and all the things.

And what they found was that the kittens that were raised to only see horizontal lines, they couldn't see vertical objects.

They would bump into table legs and chair legs because their brains weren't programmed or wired to see them.

The brain develops in a way that helps us survive in our environment that we grew up in.

And so the kittens that could only see the vertical lines as they were raised, they could see they would weave in and out of table legs and chair legs and all that, but they wouldn't jump up up onto tabletops or you know, chairs to perch the way that the kittens that were raised to see horizontal lines would.

And so I think that, you know, that study kind of really showed me that if the way that kittens were raised kind of determined what they could then see or perceive in their reality, Like what am I missing in my life because of the way that my brain is wired and the way that I was programmed by my environment?

And I think that's where sort of certain activities like shadow were kind of come in.

But recognizing that you really can only see in your reality what your brain is wired for, and so that job, that relationship, that thing that you're trying to make or create into your life, you it might be right in front of you, but you're missing it because your brain is not programmed to see it or construct it.

Right.

And it's super cool because there was someone who came to my masterclass.

I host free master classes, and he he said he had been searching for a job for two years, and two weeks after the masterclass, he got his dream job.

And to me, it's just it's a really cool example, but also a real like when you wire your brain to become a match, and so that's what it's really it's all about.

It's sort of that like neuroscience meets law of attraction sort of situation where when you wire your brain to become a match so that it can actually construct the experience that you're wanting to experience, that's when you can see it.

And that's why I say, like you need to act like it or you need to be it before you can see it.

It's because the brain has to be a match for it in order to even construct whatever it is.

Like you can be in the best relationship ever, but make it toxic or you know it won't you won't be perceiving it as that if you're brain isn't wired to be in a healthy relationship.

And so I think it really is about rewiring your brain so that you can perceive the things that you want.

And so for me, that's what manifestation is all about.

For me, manifestations and it is I guess an entire it is a mental game.

It is about rewiring your brain so that you can become a match to whatever it is that you want.

But then of course that requires action.

You don't rewiring your brain.

Yes, it can be done through visualization and all of that, but a lot of the circuitry, like habit formation, all that, a lot of it comes from action and from doing.

And so I do think that of course it requires action, but taking aligned action and when, And I think that it's important to recognize that when when you have action but your brain isn't programmed to see it, then you'll be taking action for a long time.

You might achieve it, you might not.

But when and when you're of course only doing the brain component, or the energetic component of it, the mental component, you might become this great thing.

But then it's going to take action for you to go.

And I think that when you have both your brain as programmed for whatever it is that you want, and you're taking action toward what you want, then that's when you become completely unstoppable.

Yeah, it's so interesting to hear about the exposure of the kittens.

Yeah, what they had the vertical and horizontal lines.

I remember I was coaching someone a few years back and they told me that the richest person they knew made one hundred thousand dollars a year.

And so then I introduced them to someone who made one hundred thousand dollars a month, and they were like, oh my god, I didn't know you could make one hundred thousand dollars a month.

Then I introduced them to someone who made one hundred thousand dollars a day, and then they're like, oh, wait a minute, Like, I didn't know you could make one hundred thousand dollars a day.

And then I introduced them to someone who makes one hundred thousand dollars an hour.

And it was just incredible to watch their mind expand because it was just a glitch almost in their belief system of what was possible.

And that wasn't about that person wanting to become really rich or wealthy.

It was just about the idea of can you expand the mind out enough to be exposed to something that it hasn't seen before and heard before, and all of a sudden, the person since being able to wire differently and being able to conceptualize dreams and businesses and ideas that they never have because they just weren't aware.

And I always think about that, like, what's the prison that we've created for ourselves?

Yeah, no matter how big your world is, or how small your world is, it just ends up being that size.

And it's hard to do that if you haven't left your town or met someone outside of your landscape, or met someone in a different career path.

I mean, I talk about it all the time.

Growing up, I didn't know anyone who looked like me who worked in media or was on television or worked in.

Any sort of way.

I just didn't see anyone.

And if you haven't seen it, it's so hard to experience it or dream to become it because you just think people like you don't do that right exactly.

And that's why I'm really big on normalizing your dreams to yourself, because yeah, exactly, if your brain hasn't been exposed to it, it's going to be really hard to honestly even set the goal for yourself to be it or have it.

And you know, I've definitely had people like my business partner and fiance.

He definitely should me a lot on the business side of things that I had never experienced before, and I was like, well, there's a whole different world out there that I didn't even know existed.

But then also kind of more in the content creation space and like meeting people when I did.

I'm big into moving and I love that you said that if you haven't been outside of your hometown, because for me, moving is just an incredible way to level up your life.

And I love to talk about the brain also being an association machine.

So the brain loves to make connections and associations between things, and when you move into a new environment, the brain has no prior associations to anything.

It's like it's a clean slate, and so it's really easy to establish a new identity or sort of new beliefs or a new mindset in a new environment because your brain has no prior associations to kind of hold you back in that past version of yourself, and so it's really easy to start anew But yeah, and love I love going and putting myself in environments where I'm being around people or places or things that are expanding my mind.

It's an incredible way to level up in your life and in your mindset and in your ability to even set goals for yourself because I think for a long time, for me, I didn't even know what I wanted to do or be or have.

I didn't I didn't know like I didn't know any of it, and so I think exposing myself to that, And like when I moved across the country to Miami, I didn't know a single person there, but being around certain people I knew, I was like, you know this person.

Not necessarily do they resonate with me, but I know that they were brought into my reality to show me what's possible, and it really did expand my mind.

So I'm grateful for that.

How do we manifest based on neuroscience?

How would neuroscience suggest we do that?

Yeah, so I have a three set process.

I love them, I know you, I.

Love me, some steps and making it simple.

That goes back to my scientists days.

So when it comes to manifesting, it really is the same thing for anything that you want.

So the first step is to be is to identify the feelings.

Identify the feelings that you believe the thing that you want is going to bring you.

I always say, you don't want the thing that you want, You want the feeling that you believe the thing that you want is going to bring you.

So, for example, if you are wanting a relationship, then you might the feeling you might be after is to be loved and feel safe and supported.

If you're wanting a whole bunch of money, it might be freedom.

It might be security again, safety and security and freedom, whatever it is, right, So those are a few examples.

But whatever it is that you want, write down whatever it is that you want, and then write down the feelings that you believe those things that you want are going to bring you.

It's super important to identify the feelings.

And I get a lot of questions from people like what if I don't know what I want?

If you don't know what you want, that's it's fine.

You can still write down the feelings that you want because I think a lot of times maybe we don't know.

And I think a lot of times also we think we know what we want, but we don't really know what we want, but it really is the feeling that we're after.

And so identify the feelings.

That's the first step.

Identify the feelings and write them down, and then from there make two lists.

The first list is a list of reasons why you already have to feel that way, and so for example, for me, I actually held a manifestation workshop in my community and I was I always use personal examples, so mine was a million followers on Instagram, and I didn't have it at the time, and I live on that call.

I realized, Oh, what I'm really after is feeling official and accomplished, Like I want to feel official and accomplished.

That's really what I want.

And so then I identified those feelings, right, And so then the next step is to write a list of reasons I already have to feel that way.

I think a lot of times again, our brain isn't even letting us acknowledge that we actually can already feel that way in the present.

And I was like, I already have this business, I'm coaching people, I'm changing lives, I have a giant follow on social media, even if it's not a million.

I have a lot of reasons to feel official and accomplished already, and writing a list of all those reasons down.

And I have people in my community that they print out their resume and put it in their bathroom mirror, like all of the things that they've done right to make them feel that way.

But write down a list of the reasons why you already have to feel that way.

And then the second list is a list of things right.

So sometimes people will be like, well, I don't have any reason to feel that way, which to that I would argue.

To that, I would argue, try harder.

But there is another list, and the list is a list of things that you can give yourself that you are in control over to feel that way.

So, if I'm trying to feel official and accomplished, what can I do today to make myself feel more accomplished?

Well, for me, I always feel accomplished after I complete a workout.

I always feel like I know that I'm writing a book.

I can go write a few pages of my book that will help me feel accomplished.

And so again, what will help me feel official?

I mean the definition what an official means to me?

I guess for me, it's just like, oh, I made it, and I guess that for that I could go and maybe read comments from people like saying like, oh you really help me or whatever it is.

So, what are some activities that you can do to give yourself that feeling?

And I think combining the two is important, right because again acknowledging all the reasons why you already have to feel that way, but then also becoming more aware of things that you can do in the moment to make yourself feel that way.

And when you start doing that, and after like two months after doing that practice on myself, I had a million followers on Instagram, and I do believe and know that it shifted my energy, right, Like I'm creating now from a different space of feeling more official and accomplished.

And so I think that that kind of process of identifying the feelings, recognizing all the reasons you already have to feel that way, and then becoming aware of things that you can do to help yourself feel that way even more.

When you start doing that, now you have the feelings that you want already, and now you're in a place where you can also be detached from the outcome.

It's not going to stop you.

You should still go and work toward the thing that you're wanting, right.

But that's how you rewire your brain.

And so that's sort of the neuroscience component.

Of course, we could go way deeper into this and talk about this for hours, but this is sort of like my short, condensed three step neuroscience component to becoming a match to whatever it is that you want.

And now when you're going and working toward the journey, When I was going and working toward a million followers.

Now I'm working toward it with a different energy.

I'm working toward it as a match to whatever it is that I want.

Yeah, that match piece is brilliant.

I love the way you broke that down.

I think we all forget how many difficult things we've already done, and how many amazing barriers that we've already broken through, and how many challenges we've already overcome.

And if you just took a moment to recognize that, you'd feel so confident, because each and everyone person who's listening to us has been through Helen Back in their own way, and that experience is something we kind of take for granted.

We don't realize how hard it was because to us it was normal, right.

We don't recognize just how much beauty there Isn't it?

That's brilliant.

Do you believe that you can miss something was meant for you?

Don't?

I don't believe that you can miss something that's meant for you, because I think that really we are on this journey to learn lessons and level up in our own little game of life, and so I don't believe that.

And I think that if there is something that you think that you missed out on, that you believe was meant for you.

I think that I'm a firm believer in divine timing, So everything happens in divine timing, maybe not at that time, but it will come around and cycle back.

I think that also life happens in these sort of cycles where every time you level up or just you know, you'll still see the same situation over and over again.

So I don't think that you can miss something that was meant for you if you're not a match for whatever it is that you want, I do think that you can miss it, but then in that case, it wasn't meant for you in that time.

At that time, I think you were talking about how if you judge someone, you can internalize those same things that you're judging about them.

And I really like that you brought that out because I think one of the other biggest distractions right now is actually jealousy, comparison, gossip.

There's a sense of like, we'll talk about the person, and it's what you said, was your fear with even becoming more public and being more vulnerable, is that people put themselves out there, then other people point to them either make fun of it or call it cringe or whatever it may be, and then we don't realize we're actually just setting ourselves up for failure too, because then we're not able to put ourselves out there.

Talk to me about what do we do with feelings of jealousy and comparison when they're so human, they're natural for us all to feel, But how do we transform them into something actually useful for us rather than something unhealthy?

Yeah, I think for jealousy a huge thing that I would do when I first I don't remember where I learned this from, but I have a mantra or a statement that I say, and when I see somebody with something that I want, I say, that's for me.

And I think jealousy a lot of time is it is just fear with a mask.

It's fear that we can't have it too.

It's fear that this person can achieve this goal or have this thing and I can't have it, and so I'm going to be jealous of them.

And I think that it is sort of a limiting belief and a limiting kind of mindset and behavior to be jealous of somebody, because you're basically telling your brain that you can't have it.

Whenever you're jealous of someone, you're basically reinforcing to yourself that's not for me.

And so recognizing that that when you're jealous of someone, you're teaching your brain that's not for me, then you're like, oh, wow, I don't want to do that anymore.

I want I'm gonna teach my brain.

And I think that a lot of times we are shown things in reality to see them, and when our brain is triggered it by this thing, it's because we actually want it too, and it's to be shown something that we can then go and work toward.

And so I started saying to myself, that's for me.

And I remember actually when I first moved to Miami and I was on the beach and I went on the beach and there's this couple having the super romantic like picnic on the sand, and I was very saying and I just like I remember looking at them, and I took a video.

I was like, that's for me, and just like being so took a creepy video from Afar, like that's for me too.

And it's really cool though, because I think maybe it was about a year later that I'm less than that.

Actually that I met my fiance and then we were both in Florida and we were doing that, So it's super cool how that works.

So yeah, I think recognizing that you don't want to teach your brain that you're limited in that way, like teach your brain that that's possible for you too, and so recognizing that that's really what jealousy is is just fear with a mask.

Yeah, I really like the idea of that's for me, and the idea that when you are jealous of someone, it's actually saying that's not for me, and that is the emotion that blocks you because and then you justify it.

You come up with so many reasons for why you don't like what that person's doing, or so many reasons for why you deserve that and they don't, but none of that actually motivates you to get out there.

How much do you believe that our matching is feeling we're worthy of something or deserving of something, Like when you say that's for me, that's you saying like, well, I deserve a love like that, I deserve a picnic on the beach like that.

How much how much do we struggle what's happening in the brain when we're struggling with feeling worthy or deserving of that.

Yeah, I think it really is just a worthiness component to it.

And I think that there are different components to achieving whatever it is that we want or having whatever it is we want, Like believing that it's possible is huge, but also believing that you are deserving and worthy of it.

And worthiness comes down to self love and knowing yourself, and I think self love really is one of the biggest components to all of this that we're talking about today, and loving yourself and so and loving yourself is about more than just like doing self love practices.

It's also about knowing yourself and knowing who you are and in the light parts and also in the dark parts, and giving yourself grace and also accepting all that you are and accepting every single piece of yourself.

And so when it comes to self love, of course, there are so many I mean, the first thing on that, what I would say is really your self talk and recognizing how you're talking to yourself is so important.

But I've seen insane shifts in my own life when I have decided that I'm worthy of something and a lot of times we don't.

Again, it's sort of that on that same playing field of getting specific about your fears, like getting specific about your limiting beliefs and where you are limiting yourself.

And I think that worthiness is a big component to that, and so recognizing that you are worthy of whatever it is that you want is so important.

And yeah, I mean you can, of course, like make a list of all the reasons why you deserve it and why you are worthy of it, and that's great, but also like it really can just be a decision to decide that I am worthy of this, like I am worthy of this, and I do deserve it, and really like stepping into that.

And if you don't believe that you're worthy of it, then that's again an area where you can take it all the way to the end and ask yourself why, like why don't I believe that I'm worthy of this?

And then getting clear on that and getting clear on your why, and then again you can rewrite the story from there and and kind of create a new narrative around whether or not you're worthy of something.

But back when I rouse in the PhD, I would go to this temple all the time and hang out with all these monks, and I got like really close with a couple of them, and I think one of my greatest takeaways from the time that I spent there and just learning from them and talking to them is that wanting things, wanting material things and physical things, whether it's money or a job or a relationship, whatever it is, that's it's it's not a bad thing.

It's it's not bad to want to make more money.

It's not bad.

It's it's actually like one of the most spiritual things that you can do is to be abundant, because it's that's the state of nature is abundant.

When a tree blossoms with fruit, it's abundant with fruit, and so you like, we are abundant by nature, and recoging that and that, like the divine, by nature is abundant, and so recognizing that you deserve to be abundant as well, and recognizing that honestly really helped me because before that I thought, I think this is also where a lot of like the hate or like because I've got I've seen people before say things like, oh, it's bad to want money, I don't like money, and all that.

I think a lot of it comes from that place as well as like thinking that it's bad or feeling guilty or shameful for wanting to achieve it.

And I think it's really important to recognize that you don't need to feel shameful or guilty for wanting things.

That's actually like you came here to expand consciousness and expand along with the universe universes expanding.

We're here to expand, and a lot of times that does mean to go after whatever material thing that we're wanting.

And that's that's it again, it's not about the material thing.

It's about who we're going to become on the journey toward achieving the material thing.

But if the material thing is driving you, that's not a bad thing and you don't have to feel ashamed of it and you can actually feel worthy of it.

Yeah, it's so interesting how we think of them beliefs as being I'm not good enough or I'm not smart enough.

But shame and guilt can be limiting beliefs as well, like I don't I feel like if I want that, then I'm a bad person.

And if I want that, then I'm not a good person, or whatever it may be.

And what do we do with that?

What do we do with limiting beliefs of I'm not good enough?

And what do we do with the shame and guilt of maybe I'm not a good person if I want that?

Yeah, So on the I'm not good enough piece, I think that's where I like to adopt the game of life mindset.

When you make it to a new level of a game, you're tech you're good enough to get there because you passed the previous level and you're on this new level.

But are you really good enough to play this level yet?

Like?

Probably no, you haven't learned the way this level works.

You haven't learned the ins and outs.

Usually it takes yourself, you a few tries, and you got to go and navigate and learn the rules of this new level of life and this level of the game.

And so are you good enough to be on this level?

Maybe not, but you're good enough to pass the previous one.

And but recognizing that that's okay, Like you're not meant to be perfect at this new level yet, like you just got there, and so recognizing like for me, like I'm starting to write it, I might not be good enough to be a best selling author yet, But it's gonna be the journey that's going to make me into one.

And so I think giving yourself permission, permission actually to not be good enough to do the thing.

And I mean, of course, like understanding who you are and knowing yourself and and and being confident.

And I think I have like a hot take when it comes to confidence that it doesn't have to You're like, confidence isn't about achievements or accomplishments.

Confidence is knowing who you are.

And I have a track on like all streaming platforms, I'm like, I'm not trying to plug this right now, but it's called like you don't even realize who you are.

And I think for me, whenever I was first starting the journey to go into the PhD and moving to Arizona where I didn't know a single person there, I had people asking me like, aren't you afraid?

Are you nervous?

And I wasn't at all, and and thinking about why I wasn't.

It was because I had just embarked on this journey of self improvement and knowing myself and self awareness and also like a huge spiritual journey that I was on.

And I think that those two things together and this sort of trust and surrender mentality.

I had trust and surrender written on sticky notes everywhere.

Did I necessarily think I was good enough to be to be this like amazing scientist doing all these things.

I don't know if I really believe that, but I believe that I was capable of being good enough to do it.

So recognizing, of course, like innately I am worthy, but also like mentally and physically, maybe I haven't gained those skills yet, but that's okay, I don't need to have those skills yet.

From there, you can really again, it all comes back to your why of why you want those things.

Like for me, I don't feel shamed, like I don't feel ashamed or guilty for saying I wanted a million followers because I know that with my platform growing then I can impact and help more people and that's my overall goal.

Like and so yes, of course, like I want a million followers.

Honestly, if I'm being honest with myself, I want even more.

And that's okay to want that, but also understanding that what is driving me to even build this from the beginning because I never even my plan was never to be a content creator in the first place, I was just becoming a scientist, and then the content about science was taking off.

It really is about helping people reach their maximum potential and giving people the information that I wish I had whenever I was younger that I didn't have, and so recognizing my why and other people don't need to know that.

And I think one of the things that I've had to really release on my journey is being understood and accepted by everyone.

And when you are, I always say that being misunderstood is the tax that you pay for being authentic and so and authenticity is the most magnetic energy that you could possibly have, Like you are so powerful, because that's really if I have to name a purpose that can be distilled down to everyone, that is your purpose to be you, because like you came to this planet to be exactly who you are.

You were made on purpose, and so that is your purpose to be you.

Being yourself and being authentic is super powerful.

And me kind of being myself and sharing that like that that is me just being authentic.

But also I don't feel ashamed for it because I know my why and I know that it's a lot bigger than me, and I know that it's going to be like helpful for people, and that's what's driving me, you know, And there are people that and I can't speak for everyone, but there are people in my personal life that want to make more money and they are driven by money.

And I think from there, it's like, okay, but what is your why?

Like why do you want to make more money?

And a lot of times it's okay, I want to be able to take care of my family.

I want to be able to have a sense of freedom and safety and security.

I don't want to have to worry about certain things, and that is completely valid and okay, And I think again, you mentioned giving yourself grace before, and that's something that I've recognized through working with people, that most people do not give themselves enough grace.

We really do, and forgiveness is powerful practice forgiving others but also forgiving yourself.

But I think that when it comes to feeling guilty or feeling shameful, I think thinking about it from the neuroscience perspective to kind of attack from both sides here, realizing that you learned that story and that doesn't mean that it's true.

And so if you feel guilty for wanting money or a specific job.

If you feel like if you feel like that makes you a bad person, realize that you learn that from somewhere and that does That doesn't mean that it's truth.

It means that that's what was programmed into you and from there.

And this is what I tell people with limiting beliefs as well, is look for evidence of the opposite.

Look for evidence of people.

And I have people someone in my community was like, oh, yeah, there's this guy who's super rich, multi millionaire, and he uses that money and donates it to charity and does a lot of great things.

And so that's a great example of someone who's gone out and made a lot of money and then used it for good.

And so of course there are the opposite side of that as well, but that doesn't that doesn't mean that that's going to be you, and so recognizing that is important to.

Yeah, what I appreciate is you're such a student of your own work, Like you're testing these things out in yourself, You're creating the things you wanted when you were younger.

What's the work you're doing on yourself right now?

Like, what are you working on and building for yourself right now?

Recently I have been doing a lot of re releasing of being accepted and understood by other people.

That's something that I've been writing down a lot in my journal, but also tapping back into more of my creative side.

Something I live and swear by is doing morning brain dumps.

So every single morning I wake up and I just I write for about thirty minutes in my journal and I just write and and it's great for a lot of reasons, but also it is a great way of practicing non judgment of yourself.

If you just allow yourself to get into flow and just write in your journal without judging it, without really overthinking it, but just stream of consciousness writing, it's really kind of priming your brain for flow for the rest of the day as well as well as you know, practicing no judge but of yourself and getting into more of a creative state.

But also it's a really great way to observe your own patterns too, So I love kind of analyzing myself in that way.

But that's really something that I've been tapping into.

And also I guess just really giving myself more grace because the past few weeks have been insane in my life, like we're we just closed on house and we're moving and getting engaged in all that, and I think, like I was telling you, the house is a mess.

We don't have furniture, and there's a lot going on, But recognizing that the messy middle is proof of growth, and sometimes the in between stages mean that you're growing and leveling up, and so giving myself grace and that as well as and recognizing like, Okay, yeah, things are not put together right now, like we are not settled, I feel displaced, I feel a little bit all over the place, But recognizing that that means that I'm in a journey of leveling up and is a good sort of mindset to have while doing this.

So I would say that those are really some of the key things that I'm working.

I'm kind of acknowledging and wiring into my brain right now.

You're releasing the need to be accepted by people.

What is the part of you that is crave to be accepted that you're trying to release?

So I think for me, I guess me understanding my why and understanding that I really am here to just help people in every way that I can.

It's sort of tough when you see comments or get dms from people, and I mean people have negative things to say or they pick on like certain things like oh I can't believe that you would do this or whatever, and it's just like damn, Like I'm trying so hard to be like a positive force for good.

No matter what I do, it seems like some And so I've recognized sort of recently that maybe it's having a little more effect on me than I would like it too, and so becoming aware of that and now also recognizing that I think a big thing that I've realized, and I guess another thing that I've been working on a lot lately is play and being in my joy more.

Because actually we were in Sedona a couple of weeks ago, and it was funny because and this is you had mentioned a little bit about the videos, like what you put out and what you put onto people is actually mirrored in your brain and you're really putting it onto yourself.

But I went to this like or reading thing and Alex he asked me, he was like, what color is my or going to be?

And I told him brown, and he's like, what's your gold Mine's gonna be gold?

And we go there and mine was brown.

And it really is true, like you get what you give and there's tons of neuroscience behind Yeah it was gold.

Yeah, and it really is like I mean obviously like and you kind of mentioned it a little bit, but when you when you talk about badly about other people or just make any sort of comments, like you are activating those pathways in your brain, and so your brain isn't necessarily even making the difference that it's about someone else.

You're just focusing on that emotion and you're focusing on negativity or complaining.

And for me it's like, okay, yeah, I'm focusing on that brown aura.

But really what I was told and that was like you need to be pouring into yourself more, like you're pouring into a lot of other people, and you need to be pouring back into yourself more.

And I've come to recognize that the comparison, the jealousy, being bothered by what other people have to say, it has a lot less of an effect when you're actually really enjoying your life and so pouring back into myself more and spending more time in play and like going on my ripstick and going hiking and playing with my dog but allowing myself to actually be in my joy more often and pouring more into myself is actually something that I've been doing more often that I kind of fell off of doing, and it I think that's one way that I am kind of lessening the effect of that, because yeah, I recognized that it was having more of an effect on me, and I have learned that those comments and what other people have to say, it really has less effect on you when you are actually truly enjoying your own life and feeling confident in yourself.

That and I also had a dream.

I had this dream about the neuroscience of reality and why you shouldn't listen to what other people have to say, and that actually, of course it told me everything I needed to know, and I made a video about it, and it was like, basically, the neuroscience of reality and in short, is just the idea and understanding how the brain works.

That your brain is constructing your entire experience of reality.

Everything that you hear see like, you don't see with your eyes, you see with your brain.

All your eyes do is just taken light signals and then those light signals travel through the brain where your thoughts and your emotions and your beliefs and your past.

It's all incorporated before the image is even put together that you see.

This is why they've they've shown differences in activity in people that when they look in the mirror like they have sort of body dysmorphia or whatever it is.

They've shown differences in brain activity in those people.

So it's not just that like, oh, it's on their head, but really their brain is actually constructing the image of them differently.

And so this works with everything in your reality.

This is just how it works.

It's not just vision.

Also, it's same thing with sound, all of it.

And so recognizing that what that means is my brain is different than your brain.

You live in a completely different world than I do because your brain is constructing the world differently.

You have a different brain, and so it's constructing a different world.

And this is why actually science shows that no two people see color the exact same way, because no two people have the exact same brain.

I used to work in a color vision lab and I got to see how different objects and were plotted on this color map, and how different individuals would see the same color fruit And it was pretty cool to see that.

But yeah, and so recognizing that, like, okay, every single person is seeing the world differently, like they're essentially living in a different reality.

And so when somebody makes a comment or they say something that might be actually true for their reality, it might be true for them, that might be the world that they live in, but that doesn't mean that it has to be the world that I live in, and doesn't mean that it has to be true for my reality.

And so recognizing that, and of course, like everybody's on their own journey, their own timeline, their own path, they have their own programming, like the kittens, Like imagine the kittens that were raised with the horizontal lines giving giving advice to the kittens with the vertical lines, the kittens of the vertical lines, and be like, what are you talking about?

That doesn't make sense at all, And that's it's the same thing for people.

We're all programmed and raised differently.

And that's why you know, we should take or resonates and leave what does not resonate.

But also I think that that's given me a lot of reassurance, So think thankful for that dream, but it's given me a lot of reassurance on my journey of releasing that.

Yeah, that's beautiful, Thank you for sharing that.

I wanted to talk to you about love.

You just go engaged two weeks ago, and you've said that you don't attract what you want.

You attract what your brain is wired for.

And I wanted to ask you for anyone right now who's in that space where they're like, I want to be in love, I want to find my person, but maybe they just got broken up with.

What do you do when you're feeling going back to what we talked about earlier, you're almost feeling so desperate that you just want to find this person, and you keep hearing different forms of advice.

Someone's like, yeah, you just got to get on the apps, you got to focus, and the other person saying, no, you'll find someone when you're least interested in looking for them.

People are confused, where do they start?

From a neuroscience point of view, Yeah.

So I can share my story of it all.

And of course it's really funny because whenever I was still dating, I used to people in my life would be like, you date like a scientist, and I absolutely did date like a scientist.

So everything I like to be super intentional with the way that I do things.

So whenever I would date people or go on dates or whatever, it is, like I said, you do have to be a match for it, but also you should be sort of putting yourself in positions.

But so I would go on dates and stuff or whatever.

And actually what ended up happening was I ended up with a list.

I love lists, if that's not obvious.

I ended up with a list of all the different qualities that I wanted in a partner because I became very aware and clear of what I didn't like in people and what I did, at least for myself, right, And so these weren't necessarily physical attributes, but values and different characteristics of a person.

I took stock of, Okay, where am I a match to that?

Where am I not?

Like if I'm wanting someone that's physically active and physically healthy and into fitness and likes to eat healthy and all that, like am I living that lifestyle?

Right?

Like?

Am I a match for that?

And so I think that's the first step is getting super clear.

And I think also understanding what you want is very important when it comes to wanting to date someone so or wanting to meet your person.

That's Honestly, what I did is I would treat it like an experiment and collect data of all the different things that I valued and things that I didn't, and then on that list, recognizing like, Okay, where am I out of sync with whatever it is that I'm asking for?

Am I asking for something that I'm not currently embodying, and then embodying that, And then, honestly what happened was I did give up.

I did actually give up.

I met my fiance literally the same week I had said to my friends I'm giving up on dating.

I went through like a little bit of like a talking stage and then ended it and I was like, I'm giving up.

I'm just gonna focus on my business, I'm gonna focus on content, I'm gonna I'm just gonna do me.

And and literally I was in the middle of doing me.

And you heard the story of like how we met, but we met on a work call, so I was in the process of doing me.

And I think that it really does work well when it happens that way, because I met someone that was literally my perfect match, and it was really cool because I think maybe like a few weeks after we officially started dating or whatever, it was I went back and looked at the list, and he checks every single box on that list, and so it works.

And I think from that for that, I also tell people like, don't ever settle, like I don't settle for a person.

And it was really cool because when I it was that moment of like, oh, that's what it's supposed to feel like like that.

For so long, I was like fighting to make certain things work, or like trying to like make explain myself in situations or whatever it is.

But then finding that person that really understands you that you don't have to over explain yourself all the time is really incredible.

But yeah, and so I guess just again getting clear on the feelings that you want.

And I think when it comes to manifesting love from the neuroscience perspective of it, you do have to date yourself.

And people do say that, and you do.

You do have to be in love with yourself, and you do have to date yourself, and you do need to have a really good relationship with yourself because I mean, the truth is is that like relationships are like they are work and you do have to pour into them and there are going to be moments where you're gonna maybe not see it the same way, But understanding yourself and really being really confident in who you are is really important, even for the longevity of a relationship.

So it's more than just about finding your person, but also making that relationship last and making it a healthy relationship.

Dating yourself and really being in love with yourself and having a positive relationship with yourself is super important.

So I think, of course, then again, what's the follow the three step process that I said earlier?

Identify the feelings that you want the person to give you.

Do you want them to make you feel safe?

Do you want them to make you feel supportive?

Are you making yourself feel supportive?

Do you support yourself?

Do you celebrate yourself?

If you want someone to celebrate you, are you celebrating yourself?

Because the way that it works is then if you get into a relationship, you start dating someone or whatever it is, and they don't celebrate you, if you don't celebrate yourself, you might let that slide.

But if you're celebrating yourself and you're loving yourself and showing yourself all of the being for yourself, all of the things that you're wanting from someone, else then you would You wouldn't even settling, wouldn't even be in your vocabulary, because as soon as somebody didn't do something that you would do for yourself, little switch will go off and brain and be like, Okay, something is a mismatch here and it's not Maybe it's not completely a match, or maybe it's something you need to communicate, but either way, again, giving yourself all the feelings that you want to have from that person is then going to make you a match for it.

And then also whenever you're dating someone that's not a match again, that's where your question of do you think that you can miss something that's meant for you?

This is going to make you better at missing things that are not meant for you.

What's that?

Yeah, it's been great.

I've learned so much and I think we've touched on everything from manifestation to relationships, to people dealing with self doubt, to people knowing their values, getting to know themselves, being able to understand My biggest takeaway has been this idea of the mismatch of identity with goal or even identity with the person.

And I think that's going to help so many people.

And I love all your steps and lists keep them coming there great.

But Emily, we end every episode of On Purpose with a final five.

These questions have to be answered in one word or one sentence maximum for each of them.

And then sometimes I'll break the rules that I'll.

Let you know.

So the first question is what is the best advice You've ever had or received?

The best piece of advice I've ever heard or received is don't follow or do what you think you should do or what you think is going to work, but follow or do the thing that most lights you up, because that's the thing that you're going to make work in the end.

Well said question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever had or received?

You you have to follow this diet or you have to create content this way, you have to have this schedule for posting, you have to do this, that or the other.

I think when you try to follow specific step by step pads that work for other people.

And I think for the same reason of the neuroscience of reality and that you live in a different world.

It might be true for somebody else's world, but it's not necessarily true for your world and your reality.

And so I think any piece of advice that my answer would be any piece of advice that is calling you to go against your own intuition.

The question number three, for anyone who's listening to this, when they wake up tomorrow morning, what's one thing you'd like them to try or do differently?

All right, when you wake up tomorrow morning, well before you went to bed, I hope you didn't give yourself a whole bunch of cheap dopamine so that your dopamine stores can replenish themselves.

But I would like them to try the three m's movement, mindset, and mindfulness.

And they can be done in any order.

But these three components in the morning, they make you that deeply rooted tree so that you're not swayed in the wind of life.

And it can be as short as fifteen minutes, it can take you two hours for me, it depends on the day.

But movement is super important.

I mean, every single night, as you sleep, your brain dumps a whole bunch of waste down into your neck through the glymphatic system.

If you're not moving in some way, shape or form, it will just sit there in your neck.

And there's actually been some studies now showing they're linking that to Alzheimer's and cognitive decline.

And so it's just super important to move your body.

And back in my PhD days, whenever I was super busy, I would just hit three sun salutations like thirties, like one minute, and I would be on with that.

And then mindfulness.

And a lot of people ask me like, what's the difference between mindfulness and mindset?

For me, mindfulness is raking the soil, and mindset is planning the seeds.

So mindfulness can look like meditating, it can look like breathwork, whatever that is.

And then mindset for me is setting an attention or an affirmation or whatever it is.

If you do those three things in the morning, you really will set yourself up for success on a level that you might not have ever seen before.

Nice a question of before, what's something that you've learned in euroscience that still shocks you or something recently that you learned that really stands out to you about us.

The one thing that still shocks me that is super powerful and really important to know that I never hear anybody talk about is how the vagus nerve ties in with our ability to manifest and our intuition Yeah, So there's actually research to show that the level of our the level of how much our vegus nerve is toned, actually is connected to our intuition.

And of course the vegus nerve is the tenth granial nerve and it is what is really responsible for that mind body connection.

And what they've found is that not so when I say, like the vegus nerve, how toned it is, you can think of it like a muscle.

So when your muscles are really toned, When your muscles are really toned, they're stronger.

When your vegus nerve is really toned, it's stronger, it's better, it's better.

And so when you have more vegas tone, they've actually found that your your sense of intuition is stronger, it's more accurate.

But also your nervous system is more regulated, so you're in more of that kind of like rest and digest feeling of safety.

You're better able to rewire your brain, you're better able to learn new things, and it's super powerful.

And something that I always tell people, and I've talked about before, is just how easy it is to tone it, like right in the moment, like if you're feeling anxious, you can just start humming and humming or you know, ohm or whatever it is.

It's really cool, how like ancient kind of spiritual practices are already doing it.

But humming actually tones the vegas nerve, and that's one There are many ways to tone the vegas nerve, but that's one thing that you can do in real time that you'll immediately start to feel calmer and more relaxed in the moment.

But yeah, and so they've shown that when your vegus nerve is not as toned, you actually have lower heart rate variability.

And heart rate variability is also linked to intuition, and of course nervous system dysregulation, and so we're kind of more stuck in that fight or flight our intuition is less accurate.

And so I think the vegus nerve is a kind of cool avenue to think about and talk about that I don't really hear a lot of people talking about when it comes to neuroscience.

And that's huge.

I've never heard that before.

Yeah, that's awesome.

And what are the other ways of toning it?

So you've got humming, Yeah, humming ground exercise?

Does it actually really cool?

Gratitude practice tones of vegas nerves.

But yeah, and so, and there are a lot of ways like to tone it, but exercise grounding, humming.

There's actually like I had this device, which I mean they're available everywhere, but they like vibrate and through bone conduction actually can tone the vegas nerve as well.

So there's a bunch of different ways to do it.

But yeah, I love that.

That was great.

I'm glad to ask.

Yeah, I didn't I've never heard that.

Fifth and final question we asked this to every guest who's ever been on the show.

If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be.

I would say, I would want people to learn about the power of their minds.

Yeah, growing up, I had so many labels and all these different like diagnosis put onto me, and I thought I was just stuck that way, and I thought that's just who I was and what I had to deal with for the rest of my life.

And I had no idea that, oh, hey, like, through the power of neuroplasticity and epigenetics and all these different practices, I can not only rewire my brain, but change the way that I think and feel and behave and also change my physical health through all of that.

So yeah, I would say that my law would be that people need to learn about how powerful their mind is.

Is that what made you want to study in neuroscience?

No, I actually found neuroscience on accident.

So I was again just kind of following the rules that everybody had set out for me.

I was smart and good at science, and so I just was like, okay, I should become a doctor then.

And my major was actually biology.

I hated it.

I did not like learning about the crab cycle or photosynthesis or any of it.

And so I actually went up to one of my friends and I asked him, I said, I hate biology.

What should I switch my major to?

And he was like, you should switch it to neuroscience.

I had never even heard of neuroscience at the time, but it sounded cool, and so I switched my major.

First exam I ever took, I got a one hundred, and my professor reached out to me and he was like, congratulations, you can have done better.

And I responded back to his email and I was like, this is so cool to be in the research love.

So I started doing research and neuroscience immediately, very early on and that's where I started to really fall in love with neuroscience and just learning about how cool the brain is, because the brain is super cool, but also all the different things that we can do with it.

And then I was taking a class in undergrad about the neurobiology of drug addiction and why current treatments don't work, and it was like, they don't work because we don't actually know the problem and we're just throwing band aids on the symptoms.

And that was something I really resonated with kind of growing up.

That happened to me a lot, and so I was like, that's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna go and I'm gonna cure drug addiction.

And so I actually I actually ended up doing the exact research that I wanted to do.

I was investigating new targets to treat relapse to drug addiction, like neuropharmacology and all that, and so that's what I went to do.

And I like that you mentioned, you know, being open to other pathways and stuff, because yeah, whenever I decided obviously not to be a scientist in the lab all the time anymore, I kind of didn't really know what was going to happen with that dream.

But actually someone in Minecraft let me know that she's two months sober since joining, and for me, that made me.

That was a full circle moment for me when I realized, oh, hey, like actually I still did the thing that I want set out to do, just in a different way than I thought I was going to be able to do it.

So that's how I got into neuroscience.

It wasn't on purpose, it was by accident.

And what were some of the labels that you had when you were younger that you felt you wish you had this insight earlier on in life?

What were those labels?

Yeah, So growing up I actually dealt with a lot of physical and mental health issues.

When I was eight years old, I was hospitalized with E coli and then from then on I really struggled with my health.

I was in and out of doctor's offices all the time I was there.

At one point in high school, I was going to like the emergency room.

I remember having to leave a haircut halfway through because I had to go to the emergency room.

So I had like like pcos, like hormonal imbalance, all the different kind of physical things.

Then mentally, you know, like depression ADHD all the just one doctor labeled me as bipolar, like a lot of different things, and knowing now what I know, like I was a teenage girl, like going through a lot of hormonal changes and not being supported and so you know, and of course, like I think, especially with many other things, and I think especially with the ADHD component, but also now, like I was talking to my grandma on the phone recently and she had asked me, like, oh, how's your health?

And I honestly hadn't thought about it in a long time.

And that's when I realized, whoa Like, not only have I healed my mind, but I've really healed from the inside out.

And I think for me, I thought that I was gonna have to be on all these medications the rest of my life.

I thought I was gonna just like I really struggled with like and I think something with ADHD that a lot of people don't talk about is it's not just an ability to focus and being distracted.

It's like, Okay, if you're bad at controlling your impulses, I personally also was bad at controlling my impulse of emotions, and so I was super emotional.

This is a whole bunch of things.

And so I think for me, I wish that I someone was like, hey, you can actually start to train your brain to be better at focusing and being less impulsive.

Like for me, meditation gave me superpowers, and I mean that in every aspect of it, like also like of course with the brain and focusing and training my ability to focus and all of that, but also to be able to tap into my intuition and to be able to tap into all that is and all that and just get downloads and answers and all of that.

So I think, yeah, I wish that when it comes to all, Like to answer your question of what labels, there are so many, and I just wish that somebody would have come and told me, hey, you can change.

You do have the power to change, because I thought I was stuck like that and I thought that there was something wrong with me.

Well that's so powerful.

I love hearing that because I think, right now, that's exactly what every young person's being told.

And we hear those diagnosis and they're useful, but then we end up creating a story around them as well.

Can achieve who we can be, how much we can focus what's possible for us, and your living proof that you can go on to not only heal from the inside out, but to actually go and have goals and targets and win and achieve and build a healthy life, which I think is so inspiring for so many disease So that's awesome.

Thank you for sharing that.

Yeah, of course I love that.

Well, everyone's been listening and watching.

Make sure you go and tag me and Emily with all the incredible insights that she shared.

Any advice that stood out to you, Anything you're going to try out, anything you're going to journal about, Go and follow em on the brain on Instagram if you don't already, and across social media, and you can follow mindcraft as well, which is Emily's community platform.

Check that out as well, Emily.

Anything else anywhere else you'd like people to discover you, follow you, find you?

Oh no, those are the main those are the main accounts.

So thank you for sharing that.

Of course, of course, and I'm sure we get to welcome Emily back when her book's ready.

She's already an author.

We have a back d Yeah, such a pleasure talking to Emily.

I learned so much and thank you for being such an incredible instrument and vessel for neuroscience and spirituality and mindset.

It's incredible what you're doing and I'm such a fan.

So congratulations.

Yeah, it's been great.

Thank you for having me.

This has been awesome.

Thanks for what.

If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with doctor Daniel Ahman on how to change your life by changing your brain.

If we want a healthy mind, it actually starts with a healthy brain.

You know.

I've had the blessing or the curse to scam over a thousand convicted felons and over one hundred murderers, and their brains are very damaged.