Hey, welcome to Water Cooler twenty twenty six.

Not the episode number, that is the year, the first episode of twenty twenty six.

Thank you so much for tuning in.

I'm already gonna tell you right now I'm noticing something different, and i'll tell you for the listeners.

I'll explain what that is.

But let me produce.

Everybody who's here, you know how it goes.

I Chris sucks.

I'm gonna kick it with my Crol digital buds of yesteryear with me today.

All the way in Orange County, California, we have Gary Smith, got it, Patna, that's right.

And then in Long Beach, California, like myself, it's Kaylin Bean.

What's going on?

Hey, Kaylen?

And then in North Hollywood, in North Hollywood, California, it's Mike Dawson.

And this Mike's not working.

The levels were.

Working, levels pretty good?

No two six yo, that's right.

And I'll tell you what's different about this show, everybody.

Matt Fondelier is here all the way in Austin, Texas, Matt Fondelier, welcome.

Babe, brother.

I guess fort for most of the listeners, that.

For all of us flash show yeah, they haven't heard us.

We've we'n't been around in a minute, So welcome back to listeners.

Uh, yeah, it's been it's been a long time.

So much has happened.

We talked a lot about it during Patreon because we didn't stop the Patreon shows over over holiday break.

But oh, do you guys use some of us?

We did.

Matt h checks in the mail.

All right, we got we got a lot of stuff to get into.

Dawson has a little pup next to him already already hanging out on the pod.

Yeah, what's going on, man?

Just sleeping?

Okay, Oh my gosh, very cute.

Oh my god.

Wow.

Look yeah, do pull your pants up and let's all right.

Well we're looking at a puppy.

Dawson's cuddling great pot.

By the way, for those lists.

That's my new that's my new puppy.

His name is Mitch.

Good name Mitch.

Mitch is nine weeks old.

Uh.

I took Mitch to the vet today.

Mitch and I have been together since Saturday night and by Sunday morning when I woke when we woke up Sunday morning, do this guy's he's attached to me?

He's my boy.

He's a good dog.

I love it well.

I'm glad, Dawes, I'm glad you have a wonderful pup in your life.

What's what's the breed?

Labrador Retriever?

Full up, full up, n sucking a k C and definitely not the run to the litter.

What is a k C?

American Kennel Club?

Okay, it's just registered anyway.

I had no idea.

I don't know what that means.

So you're just gonna let it go.

Like if you don't know, you just you don't.

You just don't want to go about your life not knowing a.

Lot of means.

I have no idea.

I think it means.

One of the things it means is you are eligible to compete in dog shows.

Okay, you want to do that?

You want to absolutely not.

You want to weave bob and weave between the agility course.

Man, this this boy is going to do a lot of fish and a lot of swimming, and a lot of chasing balls, a lot of camp camp and a lot of riding in the truck.

What about the dog?

And absolutely fucking love.

Oh, I love it well, I'm just super happy.

I'm glad you're happy.

Still, I still miss uh Champ very much.

But this was a Christmas gift from my mom and she bought him a couple of days after she cried for two days over Champ, she went and got me this dog.

Okay, here we go.

It's on so uh you know everything they tell you about a puppy.

This is my third puppy.

I wasn't ready for all this ship and piss, but here we go.

You know a lot of that.

And listen to listen to this.

Okay, we're listening the Great Pod.

Alston's putting the microphone up to us.

But lady, he was snoring.

You didn't hear it.

I heard.

It's very cute.

Well there might be a gate in there.

But yeah, he's a he's a good boy.

Yeah, and well, Das, you have a lot of explaining to do.

Okay, well I got you here, buddy.

Okay, it's our first show.

It's new year, new us.

We want to kick the show off with a bang.

Mm hmm.

We're all signed on, ready to do the show.

Did a six thirty one pm Pacific pet and I get we get a group text.

You hit up the group text.

You just say running behind period and you left it at that.

No, No, I gotta I gotta fact check here, chrisky no period?

Oh no functions open ended even more even more so?

Okay, Okay, So Dawson's severely confused by the look on his face.

Now, oh, I'm not confused.

I'm confused while you're confused, and I'm curious.

Would you rather spend time?

Would you rather I spend more time texting and less time doing the work, finishing the work that is keeping me away from being here?

Yes, I am you know, yeah, kind of I would.

I would.

I would like, I would like the communication I was like, because that could mean anything.

Like, right, I think here's the argument, Dawson, because I believe that you could have communicated in fewer characters five minut late or ten minut late or fifteen minut late.

Like that's a little bit inmation far as how far behind you are running, because running behind no period could be kind of obvious, right, yeah, it is.

It is a common thing that if any of us are run running like, we usually text five to ten minutes before and indicate the time in which we are running late.

So you're open ended one minute after.

In my head, in my head, I need two minutes, okay, And so I was just giving you a heads up that I am going to be there.

I'm just running behind a little bit.

I should have said to be there in two minutes.

That'd be nice.

Yeah, but I had.

Now I remembered at six fifteen, I'm doing car porn again.

I got I got the call.

I got the call from the producer.

I got the call from the producer and he's like, hey, man, what are your rates for commercials these days?

And I gave him a number that I knew he'd say yes to, and sixty nine and he said, great, here's a thirty second for El Crove Automoll.

And so I had to rip that out.

You know, new models, new designs, new technology, new deals, the ol Grove Bottom Mall, Sacramentos best auto mall period.

It'll clear that that out.

And then and then, because I plan on having a couple of beers while we're doing these shows, and beers affect my voice.

It's very difficult to do a voiceover even after one beer.

Well it it gets increasingly difficult.

One beer fine, but I'm gonna have like.

You understand, you can't have beer in your mouth when you're recording voiceover.

And then I had two beer yes exactly, So I had two voiceover auditions to do.

One four Bears Packers and one for uh some fucking ice bath ship lifestyle crap.

And so I had to I had to do those three jobs.

Plus I was finishing up next Tuesday's radio show.

So I apologize.

But the good news is, if you can, if you can feel me on this, I'm working.

It's so nice.

No, I know.

Know what I'm saying is this is work that I've lost before I used to do.

I did car commercials for like fifteen years, and as soon as the lockdowns happened, cars dealerships stopped advertising.

They weren't selling cars.

All that works right up, I haven't done I haven't done a regional car commercial for four years, and I'm back.

Baby.

They're giving me two thirties and fifteens.

So here we go.

Hell yeah, that's all the pay you all right?

Well, I mean I let that add up to well, anyway, I'm happy.

It's about a six hundred dollars job.

I didn't really, you didn't need to say.

That, Okay, okay, whatever, dude, you can cut that out if you want.

To Yeah, I'm gonna go back and make it louder.

Well, look I'm happy, I'm happy.

Look it's the school of Adam Carolla.

I remember one time I was I was hanging with Adam and he was on the phone with like he was talking like lanch Or August or something, and he goes, yeah, that's okay, no problem, Yeah, yeah, we'll be at there.

We're moments away, and then he would hang up and then he looked at me and goes, that's how you do it, max Apata.

You just say your moments away and you can get away with anything.

It's like it's just like secret trick.

Oh yeah, we're moments away, because that can.

Mean any of it.

And then one week later, I'm on the phone with Adam like where are you We're about to start.

The sug goes, oh, A moment's away, and he hung up on me, and I'm like that some of them.

He did it to me right after explaining to me like what of that means?

I don't know?

Some people like where is it?

Like I actually have no idea he could be anywhere, because that's what that means.

I know it.

So and I'm sure Matt's deal with that back in the day too, So it's just that it's just that just reminded me of it when you said running by him like.

That, give me.

He could be two minutes away, or he could be five hours away.

Still counts all right.

Well anyway, look, no, if.

I was going to be really late, I would say start without me, right, Oh, that's true.

Which we were.

We were really getting into long text though.

And that's what happened.

So we're about start the show, and I go, should we start now?

Should we wait for Dawson?

And all the guys here were like, let's start f him, and I was like, you should probably.

Just makes sense.

I know it's reverse, right, Yeah.

I believe I am the one who originally said we should probably wait a few just to be sure.

No, you said f you put two middle fingers up to rip your shirt.

That's a new shirt he put on, and he's but you know, we've reset, we've reset.

Look I don't.

But here's the thing.

It's a new year.

I don't want to start this off with this kind of energy, right, we don't need that.

Here a water cooler.

We are the show with the plgorithm, we are, there's there's why are your lights off?

I feel like I'm talking like in my garage.

Just went full silhouette on me, like shadow.

Man, I am.

I am in my garage and watching TV.

No, no, no.

I realized because the main light in here is behind me.

And I realized my main source of light is from the TV.

And I'm like, okay, I need to do something with the TV.

So it's static.

So that's what I just did.

You just drew attention to a problem that I just solved.

That I that's what I did.

Light, I just saw.

I look, I'm in this room.

Do you under you don't understand that in this room right now?

I finally got rid of the eight million boxes that have been delivered with appliances for my mother's house.

It looks very clean in there was one of them, a light box.

Places still still a wreck, but I finally made space and moved out some appliances.

I broke down all the empty cardboard boxes.

And uh, I realized, because I have the boy with me, I can't sit at the bar, which is behind me.

I can't sit at the bar right This guy's nine weeks old.

I'm gonna get CPS called on me if I bring him up to the bar, and I'm not doing that, certified nerviss.

My main source of light in this current seat is the television, and right now it's on the Roque Wu home screen.

What what channel should he put on that that cast?

The most part of the reason.

Why I put it on here is it's like, does this have a back light feature?

That would be actually great, that would be a brilliant thing for a television just to become a backlight.

That light totally just went out by the way, and it's back No.

I know because I I just switched to see if I could find some kind of backlight.

Dawson, what you want to do is you want to go find a YouTube video of white screen that's two hours long and just there, because that's what's going to give you the best back the best front lighting.

Right now, the screen is going to be flitting, Gary.

Thanks, that's why.

This is an audio podcast.

Please stop talking about the birds that are flying past the window.

Okay, videos, Well, look there's to start here, Chris.

You really fixed the energy.

We're about to start the show.

This.

What should I look for?

Gary?

White screen, a white just a white screen long?

What what do you flick this what do you flick that hold.

On the two hour white screen?

That's what I'm calling this episode, by the way, so if you well look for that video, they're just gonna get our podcasts.

That's how that's white in te white screens on hour.

Yeah, see there's some problem.

All right, let's take my apologies now, commercial motherfucker is everyone coming down on me?

Look at this?

I fixed it.

I believed.

Yeah, white screen long was the way.

It was a way to go ps BRO.

Problem solved.

Yeah.

I can't stand that TV setting where it's uh it adjusts the light according or even computers do this too, according to the light in your room.

Like it just throws throws, Like I have.

The one thing this pisses me off constantly because I'm, you know, always on my phone listening to podcasts with my pawn work.

My phone will like if I'm in the middle of a podcast, it'll adjust the volume of the podcast at random, so like it'll just be sitting there and I'll get like a text message or alert on my phone and it'll drop the volume of whatever I'm listening to significantly, and then I have to wait like a couple of minutes for to like come back up again.

I have no idea why it's doing it, and it annoys the fuck.

Do you have an I headphones and it's fine.

Do you have an iPhone two?

Like?

Why?

Why is it like a twelve?

I have no idea.

I've tried to look up adjusting the set.

After thirty seven the time now thirty eight Now, I just got they're coming it out.

Just came off the.

Fuck out of me.

Dude, I even deal with it every week.

I don't know why why it would do that.

There was like a thing for a minute.

I don't think they do the same work because everyone hated it.

But cars would when you drove faster, it would turn up the volume, and then when you car would slow down, it would bring the volume down because.

It would it Why I try to go with the Uh, well, it wouldn't do it like just like you trying to rock down, just start floing.

No, it's uh.

It was just for road noise.

You can hear everything over the over the road.

Noise and misunderstood.

Second, I don't like it, just floor whatever you go again.

And by the way, look at that white screen.

Look at that does man?

Gary?

Yeah?

Actually two thumbs, two thumbs.

Buddy, you're welcome, brother.

Yeah, actually, yes, thank you Gary.

It's actually it's much much less just me.

It's a little bright turn the town just a little bit like a gray screen ten.

Hours do you guys?

Look, that's not how I want to start the show, just talking about all of our screens.

I didn't want to do that for the audience.

I'm sorry about that.

It's twenty twenty six.

I wanted.

I wanted to bring bring the goods.

And here we are, all right, Well, now the floor is yours.

Bring the goods.

Oh, I got goods?

Bring up bring So you guys have any resolutions?

You guys, you guys have any year's resolutions for twenty twenty six?

When you what do you are you thinking?

Wow?

No, there's some there's some new new hobbies.

Mine was to do a good podcast, but Jesus bro should be already broke that.

It should be to communicate better.

I'm kidding, So there's no I'm I'm I'm kidding too.

I mean that was one of my things, Like I I'm trying to and it's not even really new jo solutions, just something I've been trying to do for a while I'm still figuring it out, but just time management and trying to be early for stuff because I've spent the last fifteen years of my life always trying to get somewhere like twenty seconds before I need to be there.

I don't know who taught me that, but it's just something that I've been doing.

And uh, and I think I want to get there early now.

I want to.

I want to.

I want to be early for things.

You have not put this into practice yet, No, I'm still considering it.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's it's in the concept phase.

But something Wow, it will never happen, dude.

It's something that I think gets kind of ingrained.

And you well, I was told a long time ago.

You're either ten minutes earlier.

Late told that when I first worked the Olympics in two thousand and two.

Yeah, And I.

Was like, you're skater, right, you were on?

That was I was.

I was, actually I was actually you know, the I sharpened the blades on the skates for your opponent, the team from Haiti.

It was good.

I don't worry, don't worry.

We'll get it.

We'll get it.

Everybody.

We're just we're coming back.

We're coming back Gary, Gary can actually you can actually ice skate, Like I remember when I would go to ice skating rinks the last time I went, I mean, it's been so long or one of the few times.

I remember.

I was a teenager.

And this has been discussed a huge, huge Mighty Ducks fan right here, more of the movies than the actual NHL team.

And so I always wanted to do that thing where you go really fast and you stop and you just shave the ice and spray it.

Yeah, because it looks super fun.

Look it's actually quite difficult.

But I remember going to the ice skating rink and I don't own a pair of ice skates, so you have to rent them.

Those are very hard to do on rental skates.

And when you I mean it is it is significantly harder to do on rental skates.

So I remember renting the skates and they gave me, you know, I tell them my size, you know, fifteen.

There, I know it's like, there's no, there's no skating.

I realized what I've done, he said medium.

I tell them my size and they hand me a pair of figure skates to where I said, no, I would like the hockey skates.

And they said, we actually, Wow, how do you know the difference?

Pick baby are black?

You can you can just tell they just have a look.

I would say about ninety a topic on.

The front, ninety eight percent of the ice skates in the rental or on the rink from rentals are figure skates, skates or just regular ice skates, whereas the hockey skates they just look cool.

They look like boots with blades, right, So I asked for those.

They didn't.

They wouldn't give me them.

So I just felt like such a dork in my figure skates trying to Kalaen.

There's a new game coming out, a video game you won't want to play.

It's called Boots and Blades.

Oh yeah, it's fucking badass.

It's like hell Diver, but hockey rink.

I play it.

That ain't bad.

Yeah, I'd play that too, Gary who played NHL a teen, That game is really fun.

It's been a minute, but yeah, I believe I have.

In the past anyway, so I remember doing that.

Ice ski is freaking hard, though.

Man.

I there's a there's a roller skate rink by my house and I peek in every once in a while to check out check out the HAPs not creepy.

Huh you did?

Yeah, just like checking in on peeping in on the roller skating.

It's popping in seeing what the scene's like these days.

To be fair, it's probably very entertaining.

You know, there's probably a group of fifty year old white dude is just tearing up the dance floor with their own dance moves.

I've seen it.

Yeah, you got the thing.

The gen xers are probably coming back maybe to the uh to the skating rink, because that was I mean, I don't know how often you guys did that.

But of course you had bounce castles in people's houses, you had uh foam pits, you had many more laser tag ship like that.

We had.

All we had.

From ages of like four to thirteen was the skating rink.

That's all we had.

Damn you never a laser tag, dude.

We did.

We did get laser tag.

Okay, yes we did.

I didn't like laser tag never.

It never worked, dude, That's part of the fun.

Yeah, laser like.

Maybe you were the kind of kid.

I had my own home laser tag kit that me and my friends would play.

Like laser tag.

I think we had that you got that you put in your virtual reality headsets.

Also, it was like that scene in Big where they're playing in the fucking toy store, like one of those ones that me and my friends.

Were speaking of laser tags.

I got.

I'm officiating a wedding, A laser tag wedding.

Wow, it's gonna tie in God.

And I know I'm officiating.

I I know the bride a lot better than the groom.

I love them both from your laser tag league.

You'll see, Damn, you're getting closer, and but I love I love them both to death.

But I've known the bride for so so much longer too.

And but anyway, I get invited to the bachelor party of the groom.

Oh that's weird, which is I mean, why is that weird?

But you're you're like the priest figure.

You don't, damn, I'm the holy one, Like yeah, and you'd really liked going to be like the teacher, the boss, like hanging out.

What if the dude does something and like you're marrying these and you know something and you're like, I just did I have to speak up?

Yeah, dude, that's dangerous.

And of course I would wait till the ceremony to do it right?

Yeah?

Has that been in a movie?

The one thinking about anybody would object to this marriage speaking now now?

Yeah, yeah, that's not gonna happen.

I mean, I know him well enough and and he doesn't he doesn't do any of that stuff.

He doesn't drink, he doesn't like he's he's a really really good guy.

But I'll tell you so his Oh get I'm kidding, so he uh So I get I get a message from.

Must have been.

Yeah, yeah, you a magician.

By the way.

By the way, I remember my fishing was at my bachelor party, and yeah, so it's it's fine anyway.

So I get a message from his best man slash b f F, who I've never met, and it's like, hey, you're invited to go.

It's not that big of a group.

It's like eight guys in this in this group text.

After I said yes, I'll do it, and I got the I got the itinerary today.

Basically, it's just a one day thing.

We're not leaving town.

It's it's old school, right, We're not making.

A big vacation out of it.

It's just hey, we're getting.

Does I make it old school?

It just sounds it's nice.

It sounds nice now, but like that, you know, there there's been a trend where we go off like San Diego and hang out for a weekend and then come home and have these old people just stay.

You're welcome.

So so I get the itinerary and it's basically a three three item menu here of what we're gonna what we're gonna.

Go through for this day.

What time is the first item?

Seven am?

Seven am.

If that's not golf, it is not gone, sounds perfect.

I was gonna guess golf, laser tag, go.

Karts close, Matt and kailin second guess it is an air Soft?

Oh hell yeah, although indoor Airsoft are kind of like Okay, I'll make sure to chime into this group chat, which is what it's.

It's like I have one guy's name in the group chat and they're all just like random number.

I don't even know their names.

That's I'm just in this group and I'm chiming in thumbs up.

No.

I was a big airy back in the day.

So you guys know about Airsoft a lot about Airsoft, So.

I know nothing about Airsoft to the paling.

Can you can I ask you a question about airsoft.

How do you determine when someone's out?

Because I come from more of a paintball.

Yeah, it really is an honor system type of deal.

You have to you have to be going with guys that you're cool with because you definitely, definitely definitely get the snake.

Okay, so here's the thing.

Initially, when the when the buddy hit me up and kind of just tell me what we're gonna do, it's like, yeah, we're gonna do paintball.

It was initially paintball.

We're gonna do airsoft.

I mean, we're gonna do paintball.

We're gonna do top golf, and then we're gonna go Then we're gonna go to a Duck's game, all right, all right, yeah, and like get good season, watch a hockey game.

It's like that sounds awesome.

I'm in for everything, but the paintball is whatever responded with because I don't care about paintball.

I don't like getting hit.

So you do whatever you do.

Since you're the officiator.

Invited on this trip, make sure you complain about all the things you're gonna do to people you don't know.

It doesn't say what I want to do.

So I played before.

I don't have a good time.

I don't have that good of a time.

Okay, I'm a much better target than shot, I guess, and and.

You're the worst target you would think.

I remember one time, like the first time I played paintball when I was a kid, because my uncle was really really into it and he would take me to the point where he was in like paintball calendars, and it's like it's just like it's like a calendar, but instead of like hot girls and bikis, it's like guys with paintball guns, and like they're not like shirtless there's they're like they're like action shots of them on the peotball paintball field.

We should get dope.

We should get your uncle together with my friend Shasta and maybe they could do a collaboration on disc golf and paintball.

I'm sure.

I'm sure they're kind of there.

They seem like they're both kings in their own right.

Fake sports.

I'm sure they have a lot of the people who do one.

They do disc golf doesn't hoot Okay, why why?

Why was that in a British accent?

In a baby accident, a British, which hurts more British babies like we need the baby accident in a British voice.

And now it sounds I feel I feel, yeah, I feel embarrassed and dumber as well.

I don't.

I don't either, but it hurts more for some reason.

So just the more for you guys.

Okay, you guys, you guys, you guys laugh.

I don't.

It's not that I can't take it.

I just don't it.

I don't care.

So I chimed in in the initial text and said, hey, that all sounds fun, but I may be busy in the morning.

Count me out for paintball.

And he's like, got it, all good.

And now in the group chat, I get the today, I get the itinerary, and it's like Airsoft Top Golf Ducks game.

Everyone's like, awesome, awesome, awesome.

It's like, here's the breakdown of the costs.

Of course, we're not paying for the group.

The groom's not paying.

We're gonna We're gonna pay him.

Here's what the price is for everybody.

So now I'm seeing it and it's divvied up perfectly, even for the whole.

Day, including you, including me.

The efficient, the honorable.

Please, part of the staff, please tell me you did not go back and ask for a different calculation, because participated you.

Can do that.

You can't do that.

You can't do that in a group where one name, and you can't.

And I only know the name because he told okay, hes because he introduced me via introduced himself to me via text.

I have already jumped all the way down conclusion.

I'm glad you're the.

Total costs of an airsoft round cannot be.

I'm glad you guys are here.

So here's my dilemma.

Okay, because I got one.

Now, No, you don't just go to the hockey game, Chris.

Right, send.

Send, just send them that guy here'sient.

With the bride in the groom and somebody in the in the fucking like audience is gonna not someone else will be like a fucking guy couldn't pay for airsoft?

Okay, you are the holy one.

Let me ask a question, Chris, Are you getting paid to officiate the wedding?

Of course not no, as of now.

I've negotiate ticket up then, or go pay for top golf.

No one's going to charge you for top golf.

Don't worry I promise you.

I promise you.

Someone's going to cover.

Someone's going to cover your Top Golf, someone's going to cover.

You're officiating the wedding for free.

But here's the thing in the groom.

So I don't I don't know that your theory that jumping for this guy, they don't know.

I just don't see that happening.

So Chris, the only answer here is to go to your Venmo right now, type in the number that was at the bottom of this list you were provided and stract sorry, shut up, Matt.

You're the worst possible person to give advice.

On it really hasn't stated the issue.

If this was Matt, he would come back with, Okay, but I have a gift card for Top Golf, so I'm gonna go ahead and subtract that out and I'll just fire up my gift card when I get there.

Okay, So here we go.

So my dilemma is I don't want to do airsoft because it hurts.

That's where I was.

It hurts even more than I've been shown with Airsoft.

I don't care for it.

It's not it's not fun.

And then when I hit other people, I don't care for it either.

So why do I want to do to do this?

It's it's not fun for me.

It's so fun.

It's at seven am.

Bro.

Yeah, Chris, you like dodgeball getting shot if you're gonna get shot off, But if you're gonna get shot with anything, don't do it at seven am.

Yeah, you know, until eleven am until you shoot me.

Although admittedly, when I used to go air softing, I would wake up at air softing.

Yeah, when I went airsofting, I would wake up at six in the morning and me and my drug buddy would drive out towards six flags Is and we would begin at like seven thirty and we'd be out in the fucking like jungle with dudes in like full camo, all the gear and.

All that stuff.

It was it was fucking eight o'clock.

We were getting shot big time.

Yeah, but Kaitlin didn't be fair.

The reason you were getting up at six was so you guys se'd smoke bowls in the car for a half hour the parking car, right, I was like eleven and twelve, So yes.

Yeah, if you're not thirty minutes earlier, you're late for air sifting.

There is uh.

Yeah.

We used to go to like an unsanctioned area.

It was just this cool fucking bridge with like a creek below it and all this like trubbery and forest around it.

And we were doing it for months.

And I remember one time everyone was gathered around where we'd start and my dad this one guy got like a huge fucking machine gun.

You just got this brand new, like huge fucking.

Air off machine gun.

No, they we took it serious people, That's why why do I want to do that?

Sniper rifles?

And this guy had a huge fucking machine gun, and a fucking cop like rolled up right then, and my dad had this huge machine gun in his hand, and the cop just kind of looked at like, dude, guy's doing over the hair.

Okay, let me yeah, so let me let me relay this in a way Kiln would understand.

Okay, So.

First off, a little established establishment here when I was when I was a kid and I would go paint play paintball, I had.

I had such a lousy time that I remember there was a round where everyone's going, everyone's getting shot and we're going, tensions are high.

I'm all super tense because I don't want to get hit and I'm missing everything A guy next to me gets splat, gets hit and he's like, I'm hit.

Because that's for those who don't know.

If you get hit, you just raise your hands up, you go I'm hit, and you walk off.

He got hit and I straight up looked at him.

I touched his paint.

I took it on my hand for you, just smeared it on myself like I'm here too, and I just walked out of there like I'm out of here.

Man, get me that fat like that.

That's good.

Yeah, I will say this though, any embarrassment that you may suffer for not paying for airsoft will be short lived and very small and not permanently detriments.

It's not the money.

Make so much money, it's not it's not the money thing.

I I am freaking just raking it in right now.

Okay, then what is the dilemma?

You don't want to do airsoft?

And is that the dilemma?

I don't want to don't do it.

I don't want to do airsoft.

Say you got to work and I'll be there later.

I'll meet you guys at top golf bro Right.

Admittedly, again, indoor airsoft is a lot more lame.

Okay, why don't we I don't know if it's indoor.

Yeah, really you've been assuming it's indoor this time.

Is it outdoor?

It's it's it has not been said.

Well, there's not a lot of outdoor read that's neither.

It feels it really feels like it's gonna be indoors.

I feel.

Outdoor.

You should go a lot more fun.

We're far too hung up on the indoor outdoor.

It's gonna be auch anywhere.

If it's just it's.

Weird shit, you're gonna show interest.

You go, oh cool, is it indoor outdoor?

And then whatever they say, Damn, sorry, guys.

I can't.

I can't do indoor.

That's right.

Well, I'm insulted that.

It's like, oh, I'm gonna have to go, h I'm gonna have to do an airsoft thing.

And Kailn's first responses, I bet it's the lamest one possible.

I'm gonna have to give a ship for that, like, okay, moving on.

So I don't care for airsoft.

I've been hit with airsoft guns plenty of times.

Do not care for it, all right, So I have to now go into this group chat with all these guys that I don't know and tell them, tell them that I.

Hold on, I have a prem I have a problem with the premise here.

You do not have to do that.

That is what you were choosing to do.

Well, I'll tell you why.

Also, Kailan and Gary.

It's it's equivalent to I'm I have not been in this airsoft world nearly long enough to where I think everybody else got super good.

It's like going into San Andreas online mode right now in GT.

Eight five and you're going in there with your stock pistol.

They probably everybody else's rocket launchers, got a couple of customs.

Yeah, and so the where like you just respawn, you leave your apartment, and you just get killed like one second later.

Because everybody is super good and they've been doing this for a long time.

It's not going to be a good time.

It's not a good time when that happens.

So I am going to respectfully bow out.

I got a solution.

You pay for the whole thing, get the Airsoft, you.

Go make a lot of money, I really do.

Just tag me in for the Airsoft.

Wear a mask, well, actually can Your solution is to.

Stranger and for it.

This is what's the first event, So they don't even know what to expect.

They don't know you, they don't know me, they don't know what.

This is.

Brilliant.

Isn't the room part of the vastal party?

He'll be wearing a mask, could be wearing a mask the whole time.

Yes, six inches overnight.

We have to figure that one out.

Yeah, we'll work out the details later.

I like this.

Yes, easier rather than short, let's let's practice this.

Let's icther than making shorter.

We just need to make Chris a little taller and then the problem is solved.

And I would actually even be willing to substitute the airsoft cost.

So I'll just pay for the air soft round, you pay for the other two.

The money doesn't matter, Caitlyn, I've told you that's a million times.

The money's fine.

But let's I think we do need to practice this because the groom will be there.

You have a mask on, You're gonna walk in pretending to be how do you what's the first thing that you say when you walk up that dearly.

Beloved completely gathered here today indiscernible to where there is no question that that guy.

I got walk up sob fellas.

I think there's no fucking I never said sub fellas in my life.

You think you think I'm a sup Someone's gonna go, who are you?

Somebody's gonna go who are you?

And and you're gonna say Chris locks him on it, and they're they're gonna go, Yeah, of the wedding, you are, actually Chris, Chris, I have a better idea.

I have a better idea for you.

You should tell everybody.

I'm not gonna make it to Airsoft because I'm an incredible pussy.

But what I am gonna do, because I have a job where I make a lot of money, what I am gonna do is pay for the entire round for all eight of you.

I will see you with top.

Golf pay for the other That's a little shelly.

Yeah, now you are rolling in money.

I really am.

But that's a little shelly.

I don't want to.

I'm not trying to do that.

Somebody have a truck backing up into their house.

We'll find out.

And just a little bit.

Dawson left the left his microphone, So Caitlyn, you.

Just want if his new puppy also burned down his kitchen, that would be tragic.

You would just say, sub fellas.

Yeah, I'll just keep it as vague.

Just keep it short, keep it keep it real short.

That's officiating.

Oh thanks for coming.

How how was the drive up?

Its great?

Okay?

Excited?

Y are soft?

Excited to go?

What was your name again?

Chris?

Chris?

Okay, where are you from?

Tell me about yourself.

I've never got to go to the bathroom.

Real quick, I'll meet you.

Guys.

When the round you just came from the back?

Well, I gotta go.

What is all the quiet?

I got your hype?

I thought this is a bachelor party square, So anyway I start shooting.

Yeah, we're we're doing pistols.

We're doing uh, we're doing rifles.

We do pistols, rifles.

Yeah, what's what's the rules?

The kal?

And the key is that you can't be too excited about this because then when Chris actually does tag in, you're gonna really put him in a pickle.

You know, it's gonna be hard enough for him to recall the details of the experience, but give him the rundown.

I'll give the whole summary after after the experience.

I think I have a better solution.

Oh wait no, because that the gram's going to be there.

So I'm still loving the idea of Kial and dressed up like Scorpion from Mortal Kombat with the fucking hood and.

The mask on.

If you just took just yeah, the strip of eyes, I mean, I can't really tell.

You's no what you could tell.

And you look fucking sick holding an airsoft rifle.

Well, and I have a Power Rangers outfit that covers his face and if he wants to borrow that, just saying uh uh that might work would be a great The alarm in the background has gotten worse.

What is happening?

Just if we just uh yeah, can if you wait, what which Power Ranger Gary?

This is important?

Uh?

Blue one I believe has that alarm has gotten worse, and now it's concerning the dog.

And now I am like legitimately concerned about what's going on in no hok no, Well, I don't know what.

Dawson such a cute puppy, that cute as ship.

He's got to go investigate.

Wait, could someone takes Dawson?

Is everything?

Okay?

My mom is cooking in my kitchen.

The smoke alarm went off.

I'm trying to disable everything.

There's still an alarm going on in my house right now.

We know you can hear it, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, we can.

The keypads, all alarms are disengaged, so I gotta call simply see.

I see.

It's weird that Dawson will mute.

Dowson will mute his intro, but then when his alarm's going off, it's like, let's get that thing wide open.

It's like, yeah, take the gate off and keep it blasting.

Yeah, puppy.

All right, Well, whether I'll keep you updated on.

Could I go?

I'm gonna say no, I'm going to stay.

I'm gonna go, I'm going to stay.

Mitch, what's good that?

That is a cute talk?

Has Dawson explained to Mitch that we were pro puppy.

I'm sure he knows that's why he's stuck around.

All right, Well, anyway, I'll keep you guys updated on what's going to happen with this.

But that is a that is I never heard the end of this.

Like, what is your plan at this point?

What are you going to jump in and say in this group text, I'm busy that morning, I have something going on, you said, And then what are we going to do about the financial aspect of this.

I'm not going, okay, just because I don't want to make it awkward every They're all going to feel bad if I pay.

So I'm going this is really for them, It really is.

Yeah, I'm looking out for them.

I don't want them.

I don't want to this weird energy, this weird aura on.

During the better this than I am anyway, right.

Surely certainly a better listener, and so I don't want to.

By the way, White Screen just went to commercial, can tell yeah, we can.

Do YouTube premium.

By the way, I think it's totally worth it.

Okay, I should probably get that home because it's a tax right off?

Oh you should?

Now you think I should never pay what.

Isn't what isn't on this show, nor cards, so I feel so.

I don't want them to think that.

I don't want them to think, oh, we shouldn't make Chris and they're going to have to start a whole new thread just for the Airsoft thing and just talk about how guilty they feel that I still paid.

So I'm I'm not gonna say that I'll still you know, I'm still gonna pay.

I'm just gonna say, hey, I'm gonna have to bow out.

Bow out sounds like boo, I'm gonna have to.

Bow out, uh of the airsoft portion just because it's a more early morning.

Oh but you should say, but I know a dude who will kick alle.

He'll be there in my stead.

Yeah.

Oh I like it.

He goes as the officiatet Caitlin.

What if you go in blue paint and you're in my Navvey Avatar dressed like a priest.

Honestly, I love the show up a power inrow.

That can be made, that can be made to happen insanely easily.

I'm more upset that you haven't podcasted in that in that outfit.

Now, yeah, I would also be insanely easily done it, easily enough to during a Halloween meet up, not put it on.

Anyway.

Well, I mean you know, uh, okay, well, well we'll think of a solution.

But right now, Gary, the plan is to just tell them I'm bowing out and I'll see them at top Golf.

And no, okay, but you haven't.

You you have not answered my question.

How are we going about the financial aspect of this?

It was broken down what each thing costs and for each guy, So you're just gonna pay for the latter two events and say, and then send in the group chat, I'm bowing out of very soft see a top golf.

I'm not gonna pay yet.

I'm gonna I'm gonna bow out first and then maybe wait a day or two, go oh sorry, we'll test the water.

Yeah, Matt knows.

That gets it.

What's the total, dude, you're making your what you're doing.

What's the whole thing unless it's already broken down?

Each event is it's just creating another job for some one else.

Someone else has to do math and figure something out.

That's what you look.

It's not easy to I've organized a bachelor party is not easy.

That what you don't when.

You organize an event, you do math?

No you do?

Oh man, dude, okay.

Well we need.

Organize an event without math.

I I don't think there's a bachelor party or bachelorette party, at least a large one that has been planned and everybody just paid and everything went perfectly.

There's always something that goes wrong.

It's it's very hard.

So your calculus on this is for this one.

I'm going to be on the week link.

No, No, that's it's your turn.

Baby, Okay, so it is your time.

Okay, So the uh, the hockey game, because we got really good seats, and I think this is like a pretty.

What is really good?

Mean?

Are we talking two hundreds?

Three hundreds?

Not price, I'm talking about the pond?

Okay, you would know, you would know?

Yeah, two hundreds lower level two hundred okay.

So yeah, so that's the lowest level as close to the ice as you can get.

Those are nice seats, Okay.

So that is.

That was two hundred and eighty nine dollars out the door each.

Jesus, you guys better be sitting in the first five rows or so.

I think I think we're doing okay.

Again, this is a ducks game or a Kings game.

What section are we in?

You know?

Do you would know this?

Yeah?

I do?

Two twenty four?

All right, that's that's nice.

You're gonna be like a little off center, but you're gonna be you know, right there and near one of the blue lines.

Are as long as what's the.

Closest food vendor for him?

What should he consider?

Is any other advice you want to give him?

Here?

Gary, I've got to be honest, Matt.

I went back to the Pond about two years ago to see Joe Koy and I did not recognize a single food venue.

It's changed so much, changed one hundred percent since the last time I went to an event there, So I would have no idea what to tell.

I have only one request when I'm sitting in that area, and it's I don't want to be near the camera hole, just in case that puck fight through the camera hole.

You're gonna be fine, you know.

To tell me this that what I would say, Chris is layer because if your seats are as good as I hope they are for that price, you make it cold good chance together.

Chi, I went to my Airsoft uniform that's a quadruple layered, so.

You can where you can borrow my Power Rangers outfit.

Okay, might feel a little big.

I went to a day of March Madness Games.

You guys hear me?

Yeah, okay, cool, Okay, Yeah, I had to.

Get it out how Chris is a pussy first?

All right?

Sure, I wouldn't know.

I think I think that it's the same venue I went to March Madness Games there fifteen twenty years ago.

Yes, they frequently would use the pond for the West.

They had the single best hot link I have ever had at a sporting event.

So if you go to the game and you like a Louisiana hot hot dog, get one there.

Okay, well here's a story.

I was in the stands, sitting close.

I was like second low, sup, right, you know what I mean?

And I was first seat on the railing.

I took a bite of this Louisiana hot and Louisiana hot juice shot out from the dog over the railing and landed on somebody, maybe multiple people, and it probably burned them or they probably didn't know.

And I didn't look to find out because I I don't want them to know that it was my fucking hot dog who did this.

But I sat back and I enjoyed the single best Louisiana hot link that I've ever had at a sporting event.

In fact, I feel its arrived on the stretcher, so maybe they still have it.

When I went to Dodger Stadium, the first thing I asked a concessions guy is, hey, you guys have Louisiana hants.

Nope, don't sell it.

Oh all right, that's right, I would.

I mean, that does sound good though, but it might you're telling me, Dawson, was that before after you dressed down the head of Dodger security for shealing your cigarettes.

No, I asked this at Dodger Stadium a long time ago.

Had I had already been shamed and browbeaten into multiple Dodger dogs, zero Louisiana haunts.

I give it up, and I'm not gonna get sushi at a ballpark.

I'm sorry.

Dawson just admitted to just scalding a stranger or two with.

Sue the hot dog manufacturer.

And then I took a bite of food that I bought there, expecting with the reasonable expectation that what I was doing was safe.

But then he ends the he on this, I am admission.

Of Gary Gis will back this up.

I'm in the clear, man, I ate a Louisiana hot.

Yeah, or like just like the skin because all the insights went out into somebody's to somebody's cheek.

But the he admits to all of this, and then he ends it with, oh, but Chris is gonna get hurt.

It's like, and you guys are like, yeah, Chris NC DAUSA, Just so he told you guys, he burns anyway.

I burned someone else.

I didn't burn myself.

And it's hurt.

It's two eighty nine just for the tickets Gary, and then everything else.

I'm talking Airsoft plus Top plus Top Golf.

Airsoft is another one hundred and forty five dollars.

Okay, that includes private morning slot unclear if indoor outdoor Kalin, but private morning slot in full gear and Ammo, and then Top Golf is another ninety dollars for one of the packages.

That's the cheapest.

I didn't expect.

Yeah, I know you would have been horrible at this price is right, but.

To be clear, it's one hundred and forty five when it is split six ways.

Yeah, maybe do the math for them, say, gentlemen, I will not be participating.

However, to you, I have done the math going forward in my part, give you have fun see a Top Golf.

I oh, I love it.

I'm just gonna give you back quick.

Maybe you can just handle this if you.

Don't mind just the fundally route.

Yeah, I dig it all right.

Well, anyway, I'll keep you guys updated because it's it's gonna be a good time.

It's it's in a couple of weeks right now.

So we're gonna an We're gonna have a nice time.

But yeah, I'm in a group chaw with all these guys I don't know, a bunch of numbers I don't recognize, and I'm gonna have to tell them that I'm bowing out.

But again, if you do end up deciding to pay the full cost, there's gonna be an extra ticket.

So that.

Is a that's a that's a solid you know, it's kind.

Of funny, an extra ticket.

I'll be completely honest.

He did end it with if more people jump in, the per person cost of course, will come down.

This is just a sign I guess.

Can you imagine the tables and Kaylen and t Fig just the table.

Yeah, and they just yeah, Chris, that last text that you just told us about makes this so much worse.

The converse is that he is going to make it more expensive for everyone else that you don't want to get for.

That's what I'm saying.

So it really puts me in a tough position.

I came here for advice, you guys, and you have given me for every event given me.

No, I told you to get in the revised total.

I think that's the right thing to do, guys, I'm out.

But here I did the math for you.

You're in my calculations.

I've shown my broken walls to do the math.

We talked about it earlier.

You're really doing them a favor.

I have attached a screenshot of my work if you want to, if you want to take it.

I cannot like say this vehemently enough, Chris, if you have to fucking pay for the Airsoft and just not go one hundred and forty five dollars, I agree that it costs a lot to be a pussy.

Nah.

No, Chris, I'm back.

You don't have to pay for it.

But as I said, dude, whatever, you don't have to pay for it.

Dude, you short lived.

He is short lived.

Come on, he's our friend.

You don't know it.

You don't know any of these guys shit, except for the guy you're marrying.

Well, that came out weird.

Yeah, but you know what I mean.

Just make sure you cup his balls.

Oh, if anybody, if any of the listeners, I'm sure you all have have opinions, I'll wait, I will wait.

We dedicated forty minutes to this, forty minutes of our lives, and you still don't know what the fuck you're gonna do You're.

Just because we talked about laser.

Here's the thing.

You're problem any point, So good luck, Chris.

It's like paint and airsoft, but much more fun.

Here's okay, Well, here's the thing.

And I'm sorry everybody.

I did get off I didn't want to start off twenty twenty six and getting off track.

I didn't want to do that.

We're going to reset the only one here.

There's only one answer here in this is then most somebody five hundred and twenty four dollars already, that's the only answer.

That to officiate the wedding.

And I mean that's a lot.

I don't think.

The other side.

Now that I've heard the figure and he's got to put in work on top of it.

I don't mind.

I'm happy to officiate the wedding.

I didn't actually expect anything.

To me.

It feels like an honor to be able to officiate the wedding.

So I'm okay with that.

But still, are you okay with people in the audience talking about what a pussy you are while you're doing it?

Every time every time you hear a whisper, every time you see somebody whisper into another.

That's the guy that wouldn't.

Cheap bastard, wouldn't chip in on the bachelor park, you know, would make it even sweeter.

I just do I do a bunch of Airsoft references in in the ceremony.

If you do that, you have to throw in an Airsoft gi dot com.

Of course vintage water cooler right there.

All right, Well, if anybody has any thoughts, any listening, I've got thoughts, feel free to let us know online.

I've exhausted my thoughts on this topic.

Alright.

I think it's incredibly cool.

I have one and it goes to speak volumes about you that you're officiating a wedding, and I think that's commendable in itself.

So that's cool.

Not your first, right, No, no, it is my first.

Sorry, not my first wedding, but my first one that I am officiating.

Yeah, so I yeah, I'm excited to do it anyway.

And I love a bachelor party.

I love I love hang two thirds of a bachelor party, two thirds of aa.

Oh yeah, well I'm not I'm not doing the first thing, but whatever, it'll be fine.

Yeah, maybe I'll get a top golf ten minutes early.

Yeah, start there all right, Well, anyway, why don't we go around the horn, get her plugs and we've had a fun show.

We'll get twenty twenty six started on Patreon, so i'll, uh, let's go around the horn tell people what we think our listeners should be checking out these days.

I'll start over there in Austin, Texas, Matt Fondelier.

Yeah, Patreon dot com slash water Cooler.

I gotta say the last episode of the year that you guys did, I was not there for, but it was a fucking banger and I know Gary was up late editing it and it was worth it so that it's definitely worth listening to if you are a fan.

Of this podcast.

But I really appreciate it, and uh yeah, I'm excited for a great year ahead.

Join us right there.

But yeah, but in a good way.

Wait wait we yeah, or I mean you did.

You may have put in the legwork, but I I conceived it, I was so, I mean made it harder.

We're pretty even here, so I think as a group effort, we'll split it all right, and then all the way in Orange Canon, California, Gary Smith, what can we check out for you?

I mean not to say it again, but Patreon dot com slash water Cooler.

Clearly Chris needs the money, so you know, do the right thing.

I don't need the money.

I could afford this no problem, you know, but it's just it's more of just the principle of the matter.

Do I need to do this?

Uh, Caitlin, what can we check for you.

About with Michael Bean.

I've got a great episode this week with Doug stand Hope.

And I also figured out that if you sign up for IMDb Pro they have all the actors like managers and agents and shit.

So I've been reaching out to a couple of actors wow on the podcast and turning into a reproduce.

So might have some fun interviews coming your way in twenty twenty six.

Do you reach out to Brian Grazer.

It's an inside joke for me and Kalen No.

I already met him actually at the bar.

We were at right, all of your emails to these uh, these agents and stuff with the word excellent but without the.

E oh Mike August style, they'll know you're you're legit subject line, Hey.

Dude, I'll be honest.

Subject subject signs like that get me to click faster than professional ones.

All right, thaas what about you?

I am very very grateful that you guys are still listening to this podcast and being a part of this.

This is fun and you four are my favorite people in the world, and it's really good to be here.

Oh.

I've recently been asked to be a sidekick on an existing podcast with my friend Izzy Presley.

I'm now the co host of another effing podcast.

Is that the title or that's.

What it's titled.

That's what it's been titled for about I don't know fifteen years.

And we're recording a show tomorrow night with Brn Aarons from the band Flip.

We are also going to interview the authors of a new book about the album twenty one to twelve from Rush.

It's having its fiftieth anniversary this year and We're going to interview the authors of that book and I'm so excited about it.

It's called another FN podcast.

Follow me at Los Angeles for that information.

Also, if you need a wedding officiat, may I recommend my friend is he Presley.

He is a fully licensed marriage person.

He can marry, He's married people on the officiator.

He's married people on the rock cruises that were on.

He's done like twelve weddings, so he's experienced.

And if you're really looking for a solid wedding official.

Do you feel about airsoft?

Oh?

God, he loves it.

Oh I'll tell you what.

If there's one person who can totally get shot and go yeah, this is awesome?

Is he Presley?

Is your guy?

Follow him on the instances at real Izzy Presley and maybe he can marry you one day.

He'll cut the balls too.

It's kind of alert.

Ezy Pressley has been added to the chat.

Oh no, I love that dos and thank you very much.

It's very sweet.

I started the plug before you you ruined it now all after near.

The end, anyway, I would like to just to give a recommendation to the listeners, and that is it's a new year.

Let's start twenty twenty six, right, Try something new, Try something you don't usually do.

Go out there, just give it a shot.

You don't just do something out of the ordinary and start the year off having something you may have fun, you may actually enjoy it.

That's your plug.

At the end of this episode, it.

Just like give a little advice to people.

So go out there, do something.

Just step out of your comfort zone for just a little bit and see how it feels.

I think I think it'll do you some good.

All right, that.

Scared, I don't know, maybe back out.

We don't know that.

So anyway, just a little just a little life advice that hopefully you know I'll take.

I'll take myself as well.

All right, Well that will do it.

This for this episde of water Cool.

We're gonna get started with our first Patreon episode twenty twenty six, so please stay tuned for that.

Subscribe to our Patreon if you're not to get that extra episode every week, and we will see you in a little bit.

Thanks Camin for listening.

We love you.

Goodbye.