1 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,571 Hello everybody. 2 00:00:31,571 --> 00:00:35,454 And welcome to another episode of the Crucible conversations for the curious. 3 00:00:35,454 --> 00:00:38,296 Now we've got an amazing story for you today. 4 00:00:38,296 --> 00:00:41,248 JD is a remarkable human being. 5 00:00:41,248 --> 00:00:46,102 He has gone through stuff that you wouldn't want your worst enemy to do. 6 00:00:46,102 --> 00:00:47,703 And he's not just gone through it. 7 00:00:47,703 --> 00:00:50,645 He's come out the other side saying, okay, next. 8 00:00:50,645 --> 00:00:52,426 And he's still smiling. 9 00:00:52,659 --> 00:00:55,736 JD, thank you so much for turning up today. 10 00:00:55,915 --> 00:00:58,376 Thank you so much for having me on. 11 00:00:58,716 --> 00:01:04,419 It's a pleasure to be on this show to share my story, getting to know you. 12 00:01:04,419 --> 00:01:06,740 It's been an amazing, amazing, 13 00:01:07,581 --> 00:01:15,044 event for my life and so I'm excited to be on the end to get to share my life story and hopefully we can help somebody else in that journey. 14 00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:21,806 JD, tell us a little bit about your story, your background and how you got to this state where you are now. 15 00:01:22,562 --> 00:01:37,179 Well, I'm originally from Nashville, Tennessee, and growing up, was very difficult for me growing up because I a I'm for those of you that are watching this and those of you 16 00:01:37,179 --> 00:01:38,170 listening. 17 00:01:39,331 --> 00:01:52,369 And so when I was first born, I was born with this albinism and it causes a lot of problems with me and my family, as you could imagine, having two black parents. 18 00:01:52,369 --> 00:01:57,690 And then you being this albino person, so means I don't have a lot of melanin in my skin. 19 00:01:58,090 --> 00:02:09,253 And so early on in childhood, was very, I was thrown into, I guess you could say the fire of dealing with people's judgment. 20 00:02:09,833 --> 00:02:17,215 I can remember in a very early age, my dad used to get stopped when we'd be at the grocery store. 21 00:02:17,215 --> 00:02:20,316 And they would tell him things like, you know, my mom cheated on him. 22 00:02:20,316 --> 00:02:21,526 Like those aren't. 23 00:02:21,692 --> 00:02:24,848 not his real child, things of that kind of nature. 24 00:02:24,848 --> 00:02:26,141 So I was just giving that. 25 00:02:26,141 --> 00:02:30,952 viewpoint of the world very early in life. 26 00:02:30,952 --> 00:02:34,293 growing up with albinism is an easy thing. 27 00:02:34,833 --> 00:02:41,775 A lot of questions are asked, especially back then, before we have the technology we have now. 28 00:02:42,675 --> 00:02:44,515 There was a lot of uncertainty. 29 00:02:44,595 --> 00:02:55,748 When I was very, very young in my childhood, doctors had basically told me that I would be completely blind by the age of eight or nine. 30 00:02:57,469 --> 00:03:01,520 And they didn't think that I would even be alive at this point. 31 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:03,670 I am now 34. 32 00:03:04,230 --> 00:03:08,620 it's just been an amazing, it's amazing story. 33 00:03:08,620 --> 00:03:22,450 And so I use this to encourage anybody that's going through like a struggle just on the physical appearance side of having some kind of limitation that they feel like holds them 34 00:03:22,450 --> 00:03:22,740 back. 35 00:03:22,740 --> 00:03:24,662 know that this is, this is. 36 00:03:24,798 --> 00:03:29,938 One of the things that I dealt with early in life with that. 37 00:03:29,938 --> 00:03:33,158 So yeah, that was kind of like early childhood. 38 00:03:33,938 --> 00:03:42,418 You know, we all had those problems in school, right, with adapting socially. 39 00:03:42,778 --> 00:03:48,118 And mine was more adapting socially while understanding my own self. 40 00:03:48,118 --> 00:03:50,738 Because I didn't understand myself at that time. 41 00:03:50,738 --> 00:03:53,323 As a kid, I had no idea about. 42 00:03:53,323 --> 00:03:57,351 my pigmentation, my stigmatism in my eyes. 43 00:03:57,351 --> 00:03:59,675 Like I had to learn so many other things. 44 00:03:59,675 --> 00:04:03,606 So when I was a kid, all I really wanted to do was be normal. 45 00:04:03,606 --> 00:04:04,505 I just wanted to be treated. 46 00:04:04,505 --> 00:04:13,447 You know, I just wanted to have a normal childhood and at the time, again, it was early and it was a lot of, not a lot of information about Albinism album. 47 00:04:13,868 --> 00:04:16,396 And so I was in a school for the gifted, right? 48 00:04:16,396 --> 00:04:18,759 And they were trying to teach me braille and this kind of thing. 49 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,808 And I was like, no, I just want to be normal, right? 50 00:04:20,808 --> 00:04:24,210 I just wanted, you know, I just wanted to experience what a normal childhood was like. 51 00:04:24,210 --> 00:04:26,491 And I didn't get to do that. 52 00:04:26,691 --> 00:04:34,653 And so that kind of set me up for future events, should I say, foreshadow. 53 00:04:35,789 --> 00:04:46,694 about what was to come in my life because as much as I just wanted to be normal, it was never meant for me to actually live a normal life, to say. 54 00:04:46,694 --> 00:04:48,435 And I'm sure other people have. 55 00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:59,170 I'm sure we can all relate to that, or we just want something that we see other people have, and we realize that comparison is the thief of all joy. 56 00:04:59,330 --> 00:05:01,111 And what's... 57 00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:05,160 What's given for you is not meant for me, right? 58 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:08,421 And what's meant for me is not given to anybody else. 59 00:05:09,241 --> 00:05:14,543 And it took me very, very long time to adapt to that, to understand that. 60 00:05:14,543 --> 00:05:29,338 So as I got older, my early nine year old, 10 year old, up until a traumatic turning point in my life, it was really just a kind of, I was just floating through trying to. 61 00:05:30,202 --> 00:05:31,004 Mm-hmm. 62 00:05:31,004 --> 00:05:32,315 understand myself. 63 00:05:32,315 --> 00:05:47,094 I didn't have a lot of friends because it was just very hard, know, as a kid you just having to explain to everybody you meet, hey, I have albinism and this albinism thing is 64 00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:50,621 it means that I'm, I lack melanin in my skin. 65 00:05:50,621 --> 00:05:55,485 You try to explain that to an eight or nine year old or six or seven year old, right? 66 00:05:55,485 --> 00:05:58,699 And they just gonna look at you like, what does that mean? 67 00:05:58,699 --> 00:06:07,900 And so it was very hard for me to even have friends when I was younger because there's so many questions that I had to deal with. 68 00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:08,892 just became... 69 00:06:08,892 --> 00:06:11,954 It just became too much and I didn't maybe want to have friends. 70 00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:12,994 So I didn't really have friends. 71 00:06:12,994 --> 00:06:20,189 The only time I felt normal, to say normal, was when I was introduced to the game of football. 72 00:06:20,430 --> 00:06:24,832 That was the only thing that I could remotely relate to. 73 00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:26,953 And so I cling to it. 74 00:06:27,594 --> 00:06:35,108 You find something, right, that gives you that joy, especially as a child, and we cling to it, right? 75 00:06:35,108 --> 00:06:36,138 That's our... 76 00:06:36,428 --> 00:06:37,648 That's our one thing that we have. 77 00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:43,180 sure that people have other things, whether it be music or drawing or something like that. 78 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:46,001 But I cling to that. 79 00:06:46,001 --> 00:06:51,832 That was my only thing that I had where I could actually then have friends because it wasn't about my skin tone. 80 00:06:51,832 --> 00:06:58,104 It wasn't about all my limitations or the things that I had to deal with. 81 00:06:58,104 --> 00:07:03,296 It was about, you good at this particular sport? 82 00:07:03,296 --> 00:07:05,426 And that was all that was wrapped around it. 83 00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:08,626 That was kind of like my safe haven growing up as a child. 84 00:07:08,626 --> 00:07:10,146 It was the only thing I could have, you know. 85 00:07:10,146 --> 00:07:14,806 In school, I was bullied a lot, as you could imagine. 86 00:07:15,206 --> 00:07:30,986 And, you know, I had to learn very quickly that although words are best to defuse a situation, and we should not seek out the violence, right? 87 00:07:30,986 --> 00:07:35,278 It comes to a point where I had to start defending myself because it was an everyday... 88 00:07:35,870 --> 00:07:46,114 occurrence of being bullied for my skin tone, for my parents being who they were, right? 89 00:07:46,114 --> 00:07:51,236 And especially being in an all-black school. 90 00:07:51,795 --> 00:07:56,119 When you're in an all-black school as a kid and you're this albino child. 91 00:07:56,119 --> 00:07:58,631 It can just be, it can be hard. 92 00:07:58,851 --> 00:08:08,100 And so that's kind of how my early childhood, what I experienced up until, up until 11, when just everything in my life then shifted at that point. 93 00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:15,542 Yeah, so that age 11 for me was the hugest turning point in my life. 94 00:08:15,542 --> 00:08:21,618 That was the day, that was the year really that my entire life shifted. 95 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:22,951 I'll never forget it. 96 00:08:22,951 --> 00:08:26,353 was February the 2nd, 2002. 97 00:08:26,353 --> 00:08:31,855 And that's the day that I lost my father. 98 00:08:35,058 --> 00:08:36,819 he was a great man. 99 00:08:36,819 --> 00:08:38,459 He was a helper. 100 00:08:39,020 --> 00:08:41,611 He was a leader among men. 101 00:08:41,611 --> 00:08:44,363 He's a dedicated father. 102 00:08:44,363 --> 00:08:47,284 He taught me everything that I know. 103 00:08:49,586 --> 00:08:54,206 Again, you don't know what people carry with them. 104 00:08:54,206 --> 00:09:00,317 You don't know their pain and their struggle that they carry with them unless you really stop to ask. 105 00:09:00,317 --> 00:09:05,300 And that was something that I didn't even do as a son, right? 106 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:07,793 Yeah, he he committed suicide. 107 00:09:08,613 --> 00:09:12,753 And I never got to really tell him goodbye. 108 00:09:13,393 --> 00:09:20,773 You know, I was a very young child at that age, so I wasn't really paying attention as a child. 109 00:09:20,773 --> 00:09:21,973 Who would? 110 00:09:21,973 --> 00:09:23,353 You you're 11 years old. 111 00:09:23,353 --> 00:09:27,413 You don't really pay attention to those dark demons that your parents are facing. 112 00:09:27,513 --> 00:09:33,953 I remember he came into my room and he just gave me a hug and was like, I love you, son. 113 00:09:33,953 --> 00:09:35,133 And I was just. 114 00:09:35,615 --> 00:09:40,525 Being an 11 year old kid, you're wrapped up in whatever exciting new thing is in front of you. 115 00:09:40,525 --> 00:09:43,035 So I just kind of paid it no attention. 116 00:09:43,595 --> 00:09:45,755 And was like, yeah, I love you too, dad. 117 00:09:45,755 --> 00:09:47,665 Well, I didn't really need to say I love you. 118 00:09:47,665 --> 00:09:49,655 I wish I did, but I did not. 119 00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:51,814 I actually was like, yeah, appreciate that. 120 00:09:51,814 --> 00:09:54,075 And I just went back and doing whatever I was doing. 121 00:09:54,275 --> 00:09:59,795 And I remember it was like two or three in the morning, and I get a knock. 122 00:10:00,155 --> 00:10:03,475 My mom gets a knock on the door, and it's two police officers. 123 00:10:03,475 --> 00:10:04,918 And they're like, are you the? 124 00:10:05,311 --> 00:10:13,691 wife of Carl Shivers and you know and I can remember just being in my in my bed. 125 00:10:14,091 --> 00:10:22,751 My brother was already he moved to he moved away he moved to East Tennessee at that point by that time so it was just me my mom and I can remember just laying in the bed and I 126 00:10:22,751 --> 00:10:33,104 remember that the the feeling of you know that your entire world just changed in that instant or you just can just you just know. 127 00:10:33,104 --> 00:10:36,073 Even though I was 11, could, yeah, just like snap of the finger. 128 00:10:36,073 --> 00:10:37,039 You just know like. 129 00:10:37,039 --> 00:10:43,248 It's like you just, your reality becomes a bad dream. 130 00:10:43,248 --> 00:10:45,662 And I remember at that point, I knew that I... 131 00:10:45,662 --> 00:10:48,313 I would never have my childhood back. 132 00:10:48,954 --> 00:10:55,069 So, and it took me a long time to even be able to speak about this. 133 00:10:55,069 --> 00:10:59,002 Like I remember very few fragments. 134 00:10:59,002 --> 00:11:04,096 They're like them fragmented memories until I was able to address it in therapy. 135 00:11:04,537 --> 00:11:11,141 Years, I mean, it me almost 20 something years to even address that whole entire situation. 136 00:11:11,482 --> 00:11:12,362 But, 137 00:11:13,370 --> 00:11:21,566 Those three or four months after that period, I was thrust into a manhood completely. 138 00:11:21,566 --> 00:11:26,275 There will be times that I vividly, I can remember. 139 00:11:26,275 --> 00:11:39,899 I would have school at 6.30 in the morning, but the night before, I'm having to get my mother off of the floor because she's completely drunk, right? 140 00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:43,020 And it's not that I don't blame her for anything. 141 00:11:43,020 --> 00:11:45,350 I she lost her entire world. 142 00:11:45,690 --> 00:11:52,403 And I personally can't imagine what she went through with that. 143 00:11:52,403 --> 00:11:54,125 so I don't blame her at all. 144 00:11:54,125 --> 00:12:06,583 right but it was that's that was my reality was I had to fix this I had to try to fix this broken woman who just lost everything wow 145 00:12:06,634 --> 00:12:17,120 in a period of life where you're supposed to be exploring yourself, you're supposed to be growing, you're supposed to be aging. 146 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:26,757 And here I am trying to pick up the pieces with this, with my mom, as we try to navigate the waters of... 147 00:12:26,757 --> 00:12:39,488 Losing our leader losing our rock losing our foundation and that was That was a hard time and I know that In seeing how she adjusted to it. 148 00:12:39,568 --> 00:12:43,413 That was how I started to adjust to it Right seeing how she 149 00:12:43,413 --> 00:12:50,730 used alcohol to numb the pain is how I started to use alcohol to numb the pain. 150 00:12:51,042 --> 00:12:54,654 Right, because I had no time to honestly deal with it. 151 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:59,589 You know, I still had to maintain my grades at school, right? 152 00:12:59,589 --> 00:13:06,697 I still had to navigate that and act like things were put together in my life still. 153 00:13:06,697 --> 00:13:08,688 when they clearly were not. 154 00:13:09,929 --> 00:13:19,536 And at age 11, going into that summer, that's when I started to walk down my own bad path. 155 00:13:19,536 --> 00:13:30,063 And that's when I started to smoke marijuana and I started to dabble in drinking because it was like, that was my only escape. 156 00:13:30,784 --> 00:13:35,227 So, and then, you know, my life took another shift. 157 00:13:35,571 --> 00:13:52,000 because we moved to East Tennessee and we went from being in a predominantly all Blacks area to being in a completely opposite area where it was predominantly Caucasians and 158 00:13:52,961 --> 00:13:54,592 there was only 13 Black kids. 159 00:13:54,592 --> 00:13:58,684 have 200, I'm sorry, I 2,000 kids, only 13 Black kids. 160 00:13:58,684 --> 00:14:01,395 So now I have nobody to relate to. 161 00:14:01,395 --> 00:14:04,745 have nobody to even speak to because 162 00:14:04,745 --> 00:14:11,519 A lot of these kids had two parent households and they had a good upbringing. 163 00:14:11,639 --> 00:14:22,135 While in my world, we don't really have a stable house at this point in time. 164 00:14:22,135 --> 00:14:26,749 I'm living with my aunt and I love my family. 165 00:14:26,749 --> 00:14:30,961 My family was tremendous in my upbringing. 166 00:14:31,335 --> 00:14:38,900 I couldn't imagine where I would be at in my life right now if I did not have family support of my aunts and my uncles. 167 00:14:40,021 --> 00:14:48,367 They did their best to try to navigate me through that entire situation, but in my world, I felt completely alone. 168 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:59,345 In my world, it was not only am I dealing with the loss of my father, not understanding. 169 00:15:00,095 --> 00:15:03,389 what got so bad to make him want to take his own life. 170 00:15:03,389 --> 00:15:16,413 But now I also don't have anybody to help me with building my confidence or giving you that reassurance of love when you're trying to become a man, when you're trying to do 171 00:15:16,413 --> 00:15:19,838 things right, when you're trying to. 172 00:15:19,838 --> 00:15:26,463 Excel like sports and you need that male figure To just be like son. 173 00:15:26,463 --> 00:15:28,364 You're doing a good job, right? 174 00:15:28,744 --> 00:15:32,337 How do I speak as a Navigating all that stuff. 175 00:15:32,337 --> 00:15:33,783 So I'm 13. 176 00:15:33,783 --> 00:15:41,624 Well, I'm 13 years old Trying to just fit into middle school, right? 177 00:15:42,585 --> 00:15:47,099 Again, just being having the albinism and 178 00:15:47,099 --> 00:15:49,861 Also not having to deal with my father. 179 00:15:49,861 --> 00:15:58,775 Alcohol and marijuana was my, that was my parents to me in my world. 180 00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:06,200 Like I said, my mom was trying to be there for me and she did a fantastic job with what life had dealt her. 181 00:16:07,281 --> 00:16:07,752 But. 182 00:16:07,752 --> 00:16:09,102 In my world, it was... 183 00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:19,301 drink and smoke and that's what kept me able to just function without without like breaking down. 184 00:16:19,301 --> 00:16:20,496 and as I grew older. 185 00:16:20,496 --> 00:16:22,979 It really became then my habit. 186 00:16:22,979 --> 00:16:27,702 So by age 16, I'm in sophomore year in high school. 187 00:16:27,842 --> 00:16:32,306 My day was, you know, I had football practice at six in the morning. 188 00:16:32,306 --> 00:16:33,906 So I would go to that. 189 00:16:34,687 --> 00:16:39,456 I'm out by 7.45. 190 00:16:39,671 --> 00:16:42,333 My first period was at 8.15. 191 00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:47,696 By eight o'clock, I have a 32 ounce cup of tea and vodka. 192 00:16:48,124 --> 00:17:02,605 drinking that and I've already smoked probably one joint or a blunt or something like that and I would just go to class and I it wasn't it wasn't an issue of making me a bad student 193 00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:13,063 or whatever school was school came natural to me so in doing keeping my mind not sober it's what kept me to get 194 00:17:13,313 --> 00:17:14,543 just at that point in time. 195 00:17:14,543 --> 00:17:16,813 It's just what kept me together. 196 00:17:17,073 --> 00:17:22,153 Because in the back of my mind it was, I don't want to be here. 197 00:17:22,153 --> 00:17:25,853 I don't fit in. 198 00:17:25,853 --> 00:17:27,753 My dad didn't love me. 199 00:17:27,753 --> 00:17:36,033 It was really the start of me self-hating myself. 200 00:17:36,653 --> 00:17:39,813 Because I took it as it was my fault. 201 00:17:39,913 --> 00:17:43,219 He couldn't take the blame. 202 00:17:43,417 --> 00:17:48,189 He couldn't take the judgment of his child being albino. 203 00:17:48,189 --> 00:17:51,190 And that's how I internalized it. 204 00:17:51,190 --> 00:17:51,970 Is it the truth? 205 00:17:51,970 --> 00:17:52,340 It's not. 206 00:17:52,340 --> 00:17:53,751 It's not the truth. 207 00:17:54,931 --> 00:17:57,072 But that's how I internalized it. 208 00:17:57,352 --> 00:17:58,523 I took that on. 209 00:17:58,523 --> 00:18:01,044 And, you know, and I'm like, look at my mom. 210 00:18:01,044 --> 00:18:02,944 She's falling apart. 211 00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:05,866 And there's nothing that I can do to help her. 212 00:18:05,866 --> 00:18:07,686 Right, I took that on. 213 00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:10,326 That wasn't the truth, that wasn't the reality. 214 00:18:10,926 --> 00:18:21,226 But again, when you're a child and you come home and there's no lights on in the house, because she couldn't afford to pay the rent, or she couldn't afford to pay the light bill, 215 00:18:21,406 --> 00:18:31,717 and now you're left with two choices, like, do I stay in this dark house and live with candles, or do I leave, or what do I do? 216 00:18:31,717 --> 00:18:34,059 And so, in my mind, 217 00:18:34,059 --> 00:18:37,571 It was, I gotta do something. 218 00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:39,932 So I started to hustle. 219 00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:47,176 I started to turn down the path of no resistance, as a lot of people would say. 220 00:18:47,897 --> 00:18:58,602 And so I began to, you know, hustle anyway I could and do whatever I had to do so that I can help keep lights on in my house. 221 00:18:58,843 --> 00:18:59,123 Right? 222 00:18:59,123 --> 00:19:03,415 I could help pay the water bill so I could take a shower after. 223 00:19:03,651 --> 00:19:06,222 long day of practice in school, right? 224 00:19:06,703 --> 00:19:12,786 Then it became a situation where now you're adding stress, right? 225 00:19:12,786 --> 00:19:16,248 You're adding stress onto a 16, 17 year old kid. 226 00:19:16,248 --> 00:19:19,830 You're adding stress onto his life. 227 00:19:19,830 --> 00:19:25,844 Now I'm not only having to deal with picking up pieces, being albino, dealing with that, trying to... 228 00:19:25,844 --> 00:19:33,524 Also being made in my house, now let's add on, okay, now you wanna help pay some bills. 229 00:19:33,564 --> 00:19:40,104 So I mean by 18, sorry, by 17, this is right before I graduated high school. 230 00:19:40,204 --> 00:19:43,564 I mean now I'm not even going to class sometimes. 231 00:19:43,884 --> 00:19:45,450 By 12 o'clock I'm. 232 00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:45,873 Yeah. 233 00:19:45,873 --> 00:19:50,065 I'm well into drinking half a bottle of liquor. 234 00:19:50,065 --> 00:19:53,128 and my life was just out of control. 235 00:19:53,128 --> 00:19:55,446 mean, 236 00:19:55,478 --> 00:20:00,204 I mean, just it got to a point where I was. 237 00:20:02,219 --> 00:20:06,399 I was counterfeiting money just to make sure. 238 00:20:06,399 --> 00:20:12,125 that I had extra money so that I could hand it to my mother and be like, mama, I can help you pay these bills. 239 00:20:12,125 --> 00:20:24,339 And all while doing that, somehow, thank God, I was able to still graduate high school, succeed in sports enough to earn a scholarship. 240 00:20:24,339 --> 00:20:32,485 This just goes to show you how far you don't know how out of control your life is until it's too late. 241 00:20:33,426 --> 00:20:40,651 I had opportunity to go play at my dream school, the school I've always wanted to go play at. 242 00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,656 I had a full scholarship ride to pay for that school. 243 00:20:44,656 --> 00:20:51,255 And I was so lost that I got there and I squandered it completely away. 244 00:20:51,255 --> 00:20:54,679 I didn't even last a semester because my habits were the same. 245 00:20:54,679 --> 00:20:55,531 I'm still a 246 00:20:55,531 --> 00:21:02,111 waking up, drinking, smoking, and then trying to operate my life. 247 00:21:02,351 --> 00:21:06,651 And when you get to college, you can't do that. 248 00:21:06,671 --> 00:21:09,731 You can't do that at all. 249 00:21:10,711 --> 00:21:13,451 And so I was there for one semester. 250 00:21:13,451 --> 00:21:22,031 My GPA went from a 3.4 to a 1.5, I think, or 1.3 or something like that. 251 00:21:22,131 --> 00:21:24,278 And so by the age of 18, 252 00:21:24,278 --> 00:21:26,871 I was already dropping out of college. 253 00:21:27,612 --> 00:21:29,585 And I'm just like, look at your life. 254 00:21:29,585 --> 00:21:36,702 And it didn't really help a lot that I had a relationship at that time. 255 00:21:36,843 --> 00:21:41,879 And that was my first real experience with bigotry and racism. 256 00:21:42,110 --> 00:21:51,430 And the person I was, her family did not like that I was black when they finally figured out that I was black. 257 00:21:51,430 --> 00:22:01,410 Because a lot of times being in a predominantly white area and being out by no, it got to the point where I just was like, if they know, they know, if they don't, they'll just call 258 00:22:01,410 --> 00:22:01,970 me whatever. 259 00:22:01,970 --> 00:22:04,630 So I just gave up at that point, right? 260 00:22:04,630 --> 00:22:08,733 So they just thought I was white for the longest time until they realized I had black parents. 261 00:22:09,309 --> 00:22:15,696 And once they found that out, obviously they didn't that relationship to continue. 262 00:22:16,497 --> 00:22:21,142 And so they did what they felt necessary to do to make sure it didn't continue. 263 00:22:21,723 --> 00:22:23,316 And at the time... 264 00:22:23,316 --> 00:22:34,546 being young and dumb, we were in the process of having a child in which they took that away from me. 265 00:22:35,227 --> 00:22:44,195 And so that sent me down the worst spiral of my life because again, I took that on as blame, I was sick. 266 00:22:44,195 --> 00:22:45,036 I was sick. 267 00:22:45,036 --> 00:22:46,948 I took that on as that's my fault. 268 00:22:46,948 --> 00:22:49,361 Right, I took it on as my fault. 269 00:22:49,361 --> 00:22:53,277 And then in doing that, I introduced myself to pills. 270 00:22:53,498 --> 00:22:56,353 So now I'm adding in that and I wasn't a... 271 00:22:56,353 --> 00:23:02,188 I just knew that at that point that that started something really bad. 272 00:23:02,188 --> 00:23:05,678 And that pushed me to the point of... 273 00:23:05,678 --> 00:23:07,258 trying to take my life. 274 00:23:07,338 --> 00:23:12,621 That was my first attempt at trying to take my life because it just got too heavy. 275 00:23:13,081 --> 00:23:14,941 It got too heavy for me. 276 00:23:15,242 --> 00:23:17,422 I had no direction. 277 00:23:17,723 --> 00:23:19,523 I dropped out of school. 278 00:23:20,204 --> 00:23:23,116 I lost the so-called relationship. 279 00:23:23,116 --> 00:23:30,723 And I couldn't find, I felt, I felt what my father felt, if that makes sense. 280 00:23:30,723 --> 00:23:35,753 And so I remember it's winter time in Virginia, in the mountains. 281 00:23:35,753 --> 00:23:39,265 It's no, it's no joke to say. 282 00:23:39,265 --> 00:23:40,766 It's very, very cold. 283 00:23:40,766 --> 00:23:41,929 It's very, very cold. 284 00:23:41,929 --> 00:23:46,587 I mean, you can get to below, you know, freezing outside. 285 00:23:46,627 --> 00:23:49,908 And I'm feeling how I'm feeling. 286 00:23:49,908 --> 00:23:51,509 My family can't get in touch with me. 287 00:23:51,509 --> 00:23:56,431 Cause back then we didn't have like, I don't, I don't believe iPhones were created at that point in time. 288 00:23:56,431 --> 00:23:58,251 don't really know, but I know I had a flip phone. 289 00:23:58,251 --> 00:24:00,451 So there was no GPS tracking me. 290 00:24:00,599 --> 00:24:06,742 And I'm in Virginia, which I was like three or four hours away from my family. 291 00:24:06,883 --> 00:24:10,965 And it got to the point where I was so sick in the head. 292 00:24:11,065 --> 00:24:13,286 I just said, I give up. 293 00:24:13,687 --> 00:24:14,927 I give up. 294 00:24:15,247 --> 00:24:24,393 And I remember I got really drunk and I took five lower tabs at that time. 295 00:24:24,393 --> 00:24:26,484 And I just walked. 296 00:24:26,645 --> 00:24:28,065 And I was just walking. 297 00:24:28,515 --> 00:24:35,307 And I can remember I just sat down somewhere and I gave up. 298 00:24:35,449 --> 00:24:37,804 I literally just gave up and 299 00:24:37,804 --> 00:24:39,404 I don't know who found me. 300 00:24:39,404 --> 00:24:45,984 don't really remember, but I woke up in the hospital and I had hypothermia. 301 00:24:46,764 --> 00:24:48,104 Right. 302 00:24:49,204 --> 00:24:49,975 And. 303 00:24:49,975 --> 00:24:55,538 It was tough because that was my first point where I was like... 304 00:24:55,538 --> 00:24:57,930 Wow, this is you're at. 305 00:24:57,930 --> 00:24:59,671 This is where you're at in your life. 306 00:24:59,772 --> 00:25:02,314 But I didn't learn anything from that. 307 00:25:02,314 --> 00:25:04,848 I was just angry. 308 00:25:04,848 --> 00:25:08,959 I was just angry and I was just pissed off and I was lost. 309 00:25:10,221 --> 00:25:14,014 so again, that led to me obviously dropping out. 310 00:25:14,014 --> 00:25:15,476 That was the last straw. 311 00:25:15,476 --> 00:25:18,128 came back home and... 312 00:25:18,580 --> 00:25:25,930 You know when you get a sign about something, God will send you, He'll send you people in your life. 313 00:25:25,930 --> 00:25:30,916 And if you don't pay attention to those people that He sends in your life, you miss the boat. 314 00:25:31,278 --> 00:25:32,829 You'll miss the blessing. 315 00:25:33,657 --> 00:25:34,388 Yeah. 316 00:25:34,388 --> 00:25:35,959 And I almost missed that boat. 317 00:25:35,959 --> 00:25:42,171 can remember, you know, back at home, people didn't know anything about my situation. 318 00:25:42,171 --> 00:25:46,953 So I felt I still was a quote unquote legend at my school, right? 319 00:25:46,953 --> 00:25:49,845 I'd done all these amazing things and people had no clue what was going on. 320 00:25:49,845 --> 00:26:00,220 So I came back to a game and I am, I mean like I am, I'm past belligerent and I can remember this one man. 321 00:26:00,438 --> 00:26:02,769 He knew who I was, but did not know who he was. 322 00:26:02,769 --> 00:26:05,809 And all he said to me was, you know, just hello. 323 00:26:06,110 --> 00:26:06,870 That's it. 324 00:26:06,870 --> 00:26:16,353 And in my drunken stupor, I'm talking to this guy who I didn't realize he would be one of the biggest mentors in my life. 325 00:26:16,353 --> 00:26:19,134 And I'm just like, yeah, what's up? 326 00:26:19,394 --> 00:26:21,034 And I kept him moving. 327 00:26:21,434 --> 00:26:26,896 And I mentioned that story because he later became... 328 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:32,460 the person that led me to the Lord and really got me out of a dark place I was in my life. 329 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:39,675 Because as that time will go forward, again, I'm 19, dropped out of school, I got nothing going on for me. 330 00:26:39,675 --> 00:26:42,785 I found myself, I ended up going to jail. 331 00:26:42,785 --> 00:26:44,967 So I ended up going to jail. 332 00:26:50,470 --> 00:26:57,805 the most sobering day of my life was Mother's Day, 2009. 333 00:26:58,884 --> 00:27:05,632 My mom had to be in a jail to see me. 334 00:27:05,632 --> 00:27:11,229 And then she had to travel an hour and 30 minutes to go see my brother who was in jail as well. 335 00:27:11,229 --> 00:27:15,269 And I never will forget having to, I couldn't even hug her. 336 00:27:15,269 --> 00:27:16,557 I couldn't touch her. 337 00:27:16,557 --> 00:27:17,669 couldn't, I couldn't nothing. 338 00:27:17,669 --> 00:27:22,105 was just looking through a glass window. 339 00:27:22,269 --> 00:27:24,440 I happened to tell my mom. 340 00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:29,226 happy Mother's Day and it's like what is is happy about that day for her? 341 00:27:29,226 --> 00:27:30,906 Both her sons are in jail. 342 00:27:30,906 --> 00:27:33,729 just have, there's nothing happy about that day. 343 00:27:33,729 --> 00:27:38,943 And I will never forgive myself for that day. 344 00:27:40,084 --> 00:27:45,479 And that's when I really tried to start to get my life back together. 345 00:27:47,481 --> 00:27:54,538 I did get out, got back in school, started playing basketball in college. 346 00:27:55,350 --> 00:27:56,840 but I just didn't learn. 347 00:27:58,001 --> 00:28:03,875 You get motivated for a while and motivation while important, it's fleeting. 348 00:28:03,875 --> 00:28:10,348 So if you have no discipline, eventually that motivation is going to fade. 349 00:28:10,348 --> 00:28:16,921 then that's when the discipline is supposed to take over. 350 00:28:19,616 --> 00:28:21,768 as I repeatedly say a lot. 351 00:28:21,768 --> 00:28:24,472 You are what you repeatedly do. 352 00:28:25,034 --> 00:28:31,295 Therefore, anything, mostly anything, it's not a choice, but it's a habit. 353 00:28:31,295 --> 00:28:39,011 and my habit was every day when pressure hits, when things got tough, when my life got busy. 354 00:28:39,011 --> 00:28:41,443 Where's that joint at? 355 00:28:41,443 --> 00:28:44,035 Where's that hit of marijuana at? 356 00:28:44,035 --> 00:28:45,267 Where's that liquor at? 357 00:28:45,267 --> 00:28:50,310 So on the outside, I'm in school, I'm doing well. 358 00:28:51,739 --> 00:28:54,624 I have my own apartment at this point in time. 359 00:28:54,624 --> 00:28:57,702 and I'm right back in the same thing I was doing in high school. 360 00:28:57,702 --> 00:29:07,739 You and it's not, you think like it's something mature because as you get, as we get older, you can manage it a little better, but you don't. 361 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:09,411 You don't. 362 00:29:09,411 --> 00:29:12,203 so now I'm in my twenties, right? 363 00:29:12,203 --> 00:29:15,595 I'm in my twenties and I'm starting to figure things out. 364 00:29:15,595 --> 00:29:22,300 I'm starting to understand that I have something special that I can do with my life. 365 00:29:23,222 --> 00:29:25,176 But the only thing that's stopping me is me. 366 00:29:25,176 --> 00:29:29,980 And so now you're trying to navigate, how do I overcome my situation? 367 00:29:29,980 --> 00:29:34,022 I have yet to still deal with my dad at this point in time. 368 00:29:34,022 --> 00:29:38,421 It's been going for 10 years and I've yet to shed one tear about it. 369 00:29:38,421 --> 00:29:46,984 And so I, as I continue to get older, I think it was about 21, it was the first time I actually cried about it. 370 00:29:47,214 --> 00:29:53,553 That was a huge release for me because I had to finally admit that it wasn't my fault. 371 00:29:53,553 --> 00:30:00,411 You would think out of all the people in the world telling you it's not your fault, you don't really believe it until you are ready to accept it. 372 00:30:00,411 --> 00:30:05,090 right until you decide and that's the beautiful thing about acceptance. 373 00:30:05,090 --> 00:30:08,046 Once you decide to accept. 374 00:30:08,046 --> 00:30:09,626 you're ready to start growing. 375 00:30:09,626 --> 00:30:14,421 And so that was the first time I really accepted that he's gone. 376 00:30:14,942 --> 00:30:16,484 And it's not my fault. 377 00:30:16,484 --> 00:30:17,705 It wasn't my fault. 378 00:30:17,705 --> 00:30:20,447 And it was nothing that I really could do about it. 379 00:30:21,249 --> 00:30:27,086 And it was in that moment, when I started accepting that, I lifted some burdens. 380 00:30:27,086 --> 00:30:28,709 I'll live to some burdens. 381 00:30:28,709 --> 00:30:31,611 And my life got a little bit better. 382 00:30:32,092 --> 00:30:33,694 I still had problems. 383 00:30:33,694 --> 00:30:35,815 I still had some horrible habits. 384 00:30:36,156 --> 00:30:40,971 But in that moment, I found myself getting just a little bit closer to... 385 00:30:40,971 --> 00:30:42,090 healing myself. 386 00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:52,005 And so as I got older, I think I'm about 24, 25ish, I graduated, you know, and I... 387 00:30:52,005 --> 00:30:54,836 At this point in time, my drinking and... 388 00:30:54,836 --> 00:30:59,209 habits weren't because of the pressure now. 389 00:30:59,950 --> 00:31:04,654 It started to just like I said earlier comparison is a thief of all joy. 390 00:31:04,654 --> 00:31:14,352 And so now I in my dark in my dark moments, I'm self hating myself because I wasn't where other people who are 24 or 25 where they were in life. 391 00:31:14,693 --> 00:31:15,653 Right? 392 00:31:16,414 --> 00:31:22,430 So while I beat one demon, I another demons coming at me and now and now I'm starting to 393 00:31:22,430 --> 00:31:22,966 Yeah. 394 00:31:22,966 --> 00:31:29,340 I'm starting to just see myself as losing because I'm, yes, I've graduated. 395 00:31:29,340 --> 00:31:31,001 Yes, I have a master's degree. 396 00:31:31,001 --> 00:31:34,833 Yes, I'm doing certain things, but I don't have a car. 397 00:31:34,833 --> 00:31:36,124 Right. 398 00:31:36,124 --> 00:31:38,585 I can't drive at this point in time. 399 00:31:39,145 --> 00:31:46,280 You know, they didn't, they didn't have anything that could help people with albinism because our vision is so borderline bad. 400 00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:50,403 They don't think that they didn't think they can have anything to help us drive. 401 00:31:50,403 --> 00:31:53,665 And at this point in time, again, I'm in school. 402 00:31:53,725 --> 00:32:06,392 I'm doing all these amazing things, but what I was told as a young child, I had to go back to this, what I was told as a young child, the only thing that I would ever be able to do 403 00:32:06,392 --> 00:32:09,695 in life was to be a dishwasher. 404 00:32:10,656 --> 00:32:15,150 Because I didn't think that I could do anything else because of my eyesight. 405 00:32:15,150 --> 00:32:25,643 and as much as it it pissed me off it fired me up because it was like how dare you tell me that that's all you think I can be in my life is that 406 00:32:25,643 --> 00:32:30,017 I'd gone through all these things and I had dropped the ball. 407 00:32:30,017 --> 00:32:31,158 Dropped the ball with sports. 408 00:32:31,158 --> 00:32:32,479 I dropped the with football. 409 00:32:32,479 --> 00:32:33,579 I couldn't... 410 00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:37,723 I was the late bloomer in basketball, so that was gone. 411 00:32:38,084 --> 00:32:42,246 I dropped the ball with becoming... 412 00:32:43,468 --> 00:32:47,692 The one thing at that point I was like, well, I could be a teacher or something, right? 413 00:32:47,692 --> 00:32:50,645 Because that doesn't require a lot to do with your eyes. 414 00:32:50,645 --> 00:32:52,646 But I dropped the ball because... 415 00:32:52,774 --> 00:32:55,254 You know, now I had a record. 416 00:32:55,254 --> 00:33:03,234 So I couldn't, I wouldn't accept it into the program because I had a record and I was at a Christian school at that point in time. 417 00:33:04,174 --> 00:33:07,284 you know, so again, I dropped the ball. 418 00:33:07,284 --> 00:33:08,963 So now that's why I got to that point. 419 00:33:08,963 --> 00:33:12,294 And I was like, man, I screwed up everything. 420 00:33:12,294 --> 00:33:14,594 Maybe I am going to be a dishwasher. 421 00:33:14,594 --> 00:33:17,214 At this point in time, I working at a restaurant. 422 00:33:17,214 --> 00:33:18,454 I was a waiter. 423 00:33:18,994 --> 00:33:21,444 So I was only one, I was only. 424 00:33:21,444 --> 00:33:25,398 five steps away from that dishwasher, right? 425 00:33:25,959 --> 00:33:28,813 So I'm looking, I'm just looking at my lifeline. 426 00:33:28,813 --> 00:33:30,733 This is what it's come to. 427 00:33:32,254 --> 00:33:42,557 And I was in a very dark place when I was 25 because I had, on the inside, I hadn't given up. 428 00:33:42,557 --> 00:33:44,557 I hadn't given up completely. 429 00:33:48,098 --> 00:33:50,629 my best friends in my time, had no idea. 430 00:33:50,629 --> 00:33:58,111 I'm seemingly put together, but this was my life. 431 00:33:58,537 --> 00:34:10,075 I literally could wake up out of my room and walk out of my room and I could walk into my living room and any point in time in life I would, that day, I'm sorry, I would either see 432 00:34:10,136 --> 00:34:16,760 two or $3,000 on the table or I'd see two or three pounds of marijuana on the table. 433 00:34:17,281 --> 00:34:22,404 I was living with a drug dealer because that was the quickest access I could have to it. 434 00:34:22,404 --> 00:34:25,396 Now I may have told him, 435 00:34:25,888 --> 00:34:27,328 Hey, but I'm helping you out. 436 00:34:27,328 --> 00:34:28,418 You need a place to stay. 437 00:34:28,418 --> 00:34:29,788 I got you. 438 00:34:29,788 --> 00:34:30,468 Right? 439 00:34:30,468 --> 00:34:37,128 So on the outside, it's like, you're doing a good deed despite this guy's whatever you're doing. 440 00:34:37,388 --> 00:34:42,468 In my mind, it was, no, that's my access. 441 00:34:42,928 --> 00:34:44,348 Now I don't have to pay for it. 442 00:34:44,348 --> 00:34:46,568 Now I can just smoke whenever I want. 443 00:34:46,908 --> 00:34:54,328 Now you're talking about, I mean, there's days on times that I smoked all day. 444 00:34:54,617 --> 00:34:55,068 Mm. 445 00:34:55,068 --> 00:35:03,371 And wow, some people believe that it has these benefits and this and that and this and that, whatever. 446 00:35:04,112 --> 00:35:06,833 It doesn't stop the fact it's killing your brain cells. 447 00:35:06,833 --> 00:35:08,474 You're not sober minded. 448 00:35:08,474 --> 00:35:12,195 You're not thinking correctly. 449 00:35:12,876 --> 00:35:13,847 And that was me. 450 00:35:13,847 --> 00:35:29,190 And I mean like, I mean there was points, they would have anything from cocaine, I see, I was involved in so much stuff. 451 00:35:29,752 --> 00:35:40,691 I didn't get that level to do cocaine, but I sure didn't stop people from doing it right there in my countertop, on my table, in my room, in my bathroom, I didn't stop nobody. 452 00:35:41,637 --> 00:35:45,297 So I might as well have been contributing to it. 453 00:35:46,657 --> 00:35:50,361 It got so bad with people trying to... 454 00:35:50,361 --> 00:35:52,268 They were trying to rob my house. 455 00:35:52,268 --> 00:35:55,641 And again, I'm like, this is what I'm living with. 456 00:35:56,303 --> 00:35:58,184 This is what's in my house. 457 00:35:58,986 --> 00:36:03,531 And I was in my second relationship at that time. 458 00:36:03,712 --> 00:36:09,447 And I can remember, I got to a point where was like, she wanted nothing to do with it. 459 00:36:09,447 --> 00:36:11,131 I you need to choose. 460 00:36:11,317 --> 00:36:11,711 Mm-hmm. 461 00:36:11,711 --> 00:36:12,567 and 462 00:36:12,578 --> 00:36:15,686 I can't remember this how dark it got. 463 00:36:16,671 --> 00:36:20,582 had, I got to a point in life where 464 00:36:20,582 --> 00:36:26,797 I was just self-hating myself so much that I tried to kill myself again. 465 00:36:26,797 --> 00:36:28,363 I had skipped work. 466 00:36:29,084 --> 00:36:30,494 You know, I skipped work. 467 00:36:30,494 --> 00:36:46,594 I had the whole house to myself and I remember I took a bottle of aspirin and I 12 aspirins and I laid there in my bed and I was ready to go. 468 00:36:46,594 --> 00:36:51,314 And it got so bad to me because I felt defeated. 469 00:36:51,354 --> 00:36:53,454 I felt completely defeated. 470 00:36:54,294 --> 00:36:56,171 I had lost. 471 00:36:56,171 --> 00:36:59,851 I had lost my will to keep pushing forward. 472 00:36:59,951 --> 00:37:05,451 I was looking at life like it was a mountain I couldn't climb. 473 00:37:06,031 --> 00:37:10,291 I wasn't where I wanted to be. 474 00:37:10,291 --> 00:37:15,002 And I had in my mind felt that I couldn't get anywhere forward. 475 00:37:15,002 --> 00:37:17,162 I felt stuck. 476 00:37:17,302 --> 00:37:22,869 I felt like life had became too much to handle. 477 00:37:22,869 --> 00:37:29,624 You know, wasn't, I just wasn't in the right, I wasn't in the right, I wasn't in the right mind. 478 00:37:30,445 --> 00:37:47,758 And I'm sure that a lot of people, we go through things in life that where you want to be something successful, you want to be something good, and you're not ready for life's 479 00:37:47,758 --> 00:37:48,859 punches. 480 00:37:49,528 --> 00:37:53,034 The more successful you want to be, the harder life's going to try to knock you down. 481 00:37:53,034 --> 00:37:54,488 and it's going to try to hold you back. 482 00:37:54,488 --> 00:37:56,343 And if you're not... 483 00:37:56,343 --> 00:38:02,055 right-minded, right, to handle those experiences, it can beat you down. 484 00:38:02,055 --> 00:38:04,937 And I was at a point where life had beat me down. 485 00:38:04,937 --> 00:38:13,140 It had just beat me down mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. 486 00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:15,441 It beat me down. 487 00:38:16,401 --> 00:38:20,143 And I was at that point where I just said, forget it. 488 00:38:21,223 --> 00:38:22,444 I'm over it. 489 00:38:22,884 --> 00:38:25,157 I lost my relationship. 490 00:38:25,157 --> 00:38:27,457 I lost my job. 491 00:38:27,817 --> 00:38:36,877 I was coaching at a college, the college I went to, and I lost that. 492 00:38:37,337 --> 00:38:53,317 I wasn't, again, my bad habits of partying and drinking and smoking were catching up to me in my master's program where I was one credit shy of getting my master's and doing a 493 00:38:53,317 --> 00:38:55,206 24 month program in 10 months. 494 00:38:55,206 --> 00:38:57,458 but my habits and so. 495 00:38:57,458 --> 00:38:58,589 I gave it up. 496 00:38:58,589 --> 00:38:59,899 I really gave it up. 497 00:38:59,899 --> 00:39:00,760 I called my mom. 498 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:04,273 was like, mom, I'm just, I love you. 499 00:39:04,273 --> 00:39:06,674 And I'm not sure what that did to her. 500 00:39:06,888 --> 00:39:15,278 mean, those same words that her husband told her, know, here her son is trying to tell her that. 501 00:39:16,199 --> 00:39:18,441 And she had no clue, but. 502 00:39:18,441 --> 00:39:21,092 Again, God sends you angels. 503 00:39:21,153 --> 00:39:27,638 Even sometimes those angels aren't who they who you would think they are, who you want them to be. 504 00:39:27,638 --> 00:39:27,959 Right. 505 00:39:27,959 --> 00:39:36,883 But he'll send somebody and he he sent my boy Malcolm as my best friend to this day. 506 00:39:36,884 --> 00:39:42,057 We grew up basketball together, all that stuff in college and he we were working together. 507 00:39:42,057 --> 00:39:43,968 And at that time, I don't know. 508 00:39:44,289 --> 00:39:47,471 To this day, I don't know what made him. 509 00:39:48,003 --> 00:40:01,663 leave work because we work together but I didn't show up and I don't know what made him leave but you know he came and knocked on my door and obviously my door was locked I 510 00:40:01,663 --> 00:40:12,363 locked my door that's how that's how serious I was with this I was like nobody's gonna be able to get in till it's too late and my guy climbed on the roof of my apartment and broke 511 00:40:12,363 --> 00:40:13,390 in through my window 512 00:40:13,390 --> 00:40:16,219 And if he didn't do that, I wouldn't be here talking to you. 513 00:40:16,219 --> 00:40:21,963 And that was my turning point in my life. 514 00:40:21,963 --> 00:40:23,475 That was it for me. 515 00:40:23,617 --> 00:40:24,730 I realized like... 516 00:40:24,730 --> 00:40:26,738 I can't be a victim anymore. 517 00:40:26,738 --> 00:40:28,903 I gotta stop being a victim. 518 00:40:29,107 --> 00:40:31,573 I gotta do something about this. 519 00:40:32,604 --> 00:40:43,538 That's that was a turning point where I decided to get my life on track I'm gonna say right because I came later on but That age 26 is where it started to shift for me that's 520 00:40:43,538 --> 00:40:58,002 why I started to gain my superpower because I could I realized like I Can overcome this right I gave I gave power back to myself when you give power back to yourself 521 00:40:58,642 --> 00:41:03,940 you unlocks all the potential that life really wants to give you. 522 00:41:03,940 --> 00:41:07,936 If you let it beat you down, it's gonna beat you down, but the second you decide to fight back... 523 00:41:07,936 --> 00:41:10,317 it's gonna open doors up for you. 524 00:41:11,217 --> 00:41:13,537 And that's what happened for me. 525 00:41:14,558 --> 00:41:18,739 I got sober, I stopped. 526 00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:23,760 I limited a lot of things that I was doing. 527 00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:27,502 And really, honestly, truly, for about eight months, I quit everything. 528 00:41:27,502 --> 00:41:36,714 I rededicated myself to my fitness, my health, my spirituality, and I got myself right. 529 00:41:37,122 --> 00:41:41,753 I went back to school, graduated with my masters. 530 00:41:43,674 --> 00:41:46,715 I started a prep school as a basketball coach. 531 00:41:47,295 --> 00:41:59,830 even, I, and I started to figure out ways that I could use my albinism to my benefit. 532 00:42:00,630 --> 00:42:04,372 And I found, had to go and find this doctor. 533 00:42:04,372 --> 00:42:05,793 He's a great doctor. 534 00:42:05,793 --> 00:42:16,982 I found this doctor, you know, we I told him what I wanted to talk about Hey, I want to drive I need to drive And so he helped me to get that so now I'm Right. 535 00:42:17,982 --> 00:42:30,544 It something I thought I never would do in my life And and I and I just I hit this high and it was like wow I'm actually as a first time I could feel that I was alive not living 536 00:42:30,544 --> 00:42:32,605 because we're all living 537 00:42:32,769 --> 00:42:35,429 but very few of us are alive. 538 00:42:36,309 --> 00:42:47,509 A great saying that stuck with me for a long time was, most people die at age 25 and they're buried at 75. 539 00:42:47,829 --> 00:42:48,666 Meaning, 540 00:42:48,666 --> 00:42:53,391 You might be living, but you're no longer alive because you're dead inside. 541 00:42:53,391 --> 00:42:54,372 Your dreams are gone. 542 00:42:54,372 --> 00:42:56,543 You've given up on your dreams. 543 00:42:56,543 --> 00:42:58,020 You're not living with any hope. 544 00:42:58,020 --> 00:42:59,176 You're not living with any faith. 545 00:42:59,176 --> 00:43:08,075 You're not living with any courage or confidence because you're working, working, working paycheck to paycheck. 546 00:43:08,896 --> 00:43:11,640 And you've forgotten what dreaming is about. 547 00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:14,304 And I found that again by age 26. 548 00:43:14,304 --> 00:43:18,669 I moved to Atlanta. 549 00:43:21,014 --> 00:43:25,271 I began to really put myself in great positions. 550 00:43:25,271 --> 00:43:32,691 got back into coaching college, I started the whole entire AU program. 551 00:43:33,631 --> 00:43:38,491 And I shared my experiences with my players. 552 00:43:38,491 --> 00:43:44,251 And I started to see that I could change lives. 553 00:43:44,471 --> 00:43:46,898 I could do something good in this world. 554 00:43:46,898 --> 00:43:51,541 And I was able to help shift a lot of kids' lives. 555 00:43:51,582 --> 00:43:59,908 And you don't know how sobering that is for you when you have responsibilities that are bigger than yourself. 556 00:44:00,569 --> 00:44:01,510 They're bigger than you. 557 00:44:01,510 --> 00:44:05,172 Like, these kids are looking up to me, right? 558 00:44:05,473 --> 00:44:12,749 So there was two players of mine in particular who just gravitated to me. 559 00:44:13,610 --> 00:44:15,061 They were adopted. 560 00:44:15,447 --> 00:44:25,943 And so immediately when I found that out, I thought back to my childhood, like how that must felt if they're adopted because they don't really know their true parents and 561 00:44:25,943 --> 00:44:30,654 whatnot, but yet they're thrust into this whole different world. 562 00:44:31,254 --> 00:44:37,576 And for a long time, I felt like I was just thrust into this whole new world. 563 00:44:37,576 --> 00:44:40,197 I'm Albino, so I couldn't relate to anybody. 564 00:44:41,853 --> 00:44:45,183 I'll honest, I don't see racism because I got it from both sides. 565 00:44:45,183 --> 00:44:48,613 Black people that made front of me, white people that made front of me. 566 00:44:48,613 --> 00:44:55,704 So I related to them to a point where I like, I looked at them like my own children because... 567 00:44:55,704 --> 00:44:57,607 We both grew up in that spot. 568 00:44:57,607 --> 00:44:58,810 We didn't have nothing. 569 00:44:58,810 --> 00:45:02,185 And I could share my life with them. 570 00:45:02,185 --> 00:45:07,085 And then I was able to make an impact in their life. 571 00:45:07,085 --> 00:45:10,985 And that really pushed me to get my stuff together. 572 00:45:13,405 --> 00:45:17,005 So I'm like 32 at this point in time in my life. 573 00:45:17,425 --> 00:45:24,765 And I was really, really, really trying to get my stuff together. 574 00:45:24,885 --> 00:45:26,500 And I was doing very well. 575 00:45:26,500 --> 00:45:34,844 But you don't identify your triggers, you don't open up to you and deal with your bad habits. 576 00:45:35,787 --> 00:45:37,760 They eventually catch up with you. 577 00:45:38,053 --> 00:45:38,827 Yep. 578 00:45:39,890 --> 00:45:46,775 And while I was limiting my bad habits, I still had not dealt with those bad habits. 579 00:45:46,876 --> 00:45:52,961 You know, it's like, how can you change the tires on your car, right? 580 00:45:52,961 --> 00:45:57,715 Rotate the tires, change the brakes, but you don't change your rotors. 581 00:45:57,715 --> 00:46:03,210 You know, you're not going to, your car is still going to be running bad. 582 00:46:03,210 --> 00:46:10,330 If I change the oil but I don't change the oil filter, it's still going to be producing bad oil. 583 00:46:10,330 --> 00:46:12,890 My car is not going to run correctly. 584 00:46:13,350 --> 00:46:16,910 And eventually it's going to catch up. 585 00:46:17,530 --> 00:46:20,590 And that's what happened to me. 586 00:46:20,590 --> 00:46:24,870 It eventually caught up to me. 587 00:46:26,437 --> 00:46:38,364 Until I dealt with it fully like I had to take time to address it not Not just clean it up and shove it under the rug Right now just pick up around it. 588 00:46:38,364 --> 00:46:53,744 No, no, you have to address Everything you can't just pick and choose the traumas and the pains And the bandages in the wounds that you want to address You gotta address it all 589 00:46:53,744 --> 00:46:58,524 And so when I was 32, I went to go see my brother. 590 00:46:58,584 --> 00:47:05,224 It was our friend's birthday and I, at this point I was not, I wasn't drinking huge, but I was still smoking. 591 00:47:05,224 --> 00:47:06,094 I was still smoking. 592 00:47:06,094 --> 00:47:09,624 That was my one thing was when I'm stressed, I'm smoking. 593 00:47:09,624 --> 00:47:11,564 When I'm happy, I'm smoking. 594 00:47:11,764 --> 00:47:12,794 When I'm sad, I'm smoking. 595 00:47:12,794 --> 00:47:13,804 When I'm bored, I'm smoking. 596 00:47:13,804 --> 00:47:15,824 When I'm celebrating, I'm smoking. 597 00:47:15,824 --> 00:47:19,384 And that was my bad, that was still part of my bad habit. 598 00:47:20,104 --> 00:47:22,852 And on that, 599 00:47:22,852 --> 00:47:24,094 Particular night. 600 00:47:24,094 --> 00:47:25,697 This is how God works. 601 00:47:25,697 --> 00:47:28,591 This is how God works on that particular night. 602 00:47:28,591 --> 00:47:34,420 I did not smoke And all I had was one glass of wine With this how God works. 603 00:47:34,420 --> 00:47:37,075 I shouldn't have been dropping right 604 00:47:37,075 --> 00:47:47,689 And I remember prior to that, prior to that night, I had a conversation with God and I was like, listen, God, I want to become complete. 605 00:47:47,689 --> 00:47:49,472 Help me to become complete. 606 00:47:49,472 --> 00:47:54,532 And in my mind, it wasn't about the drinking or smoking. 607 00:47:54,532 --> 00:47:56,219 For me, it was more about. 608 00:47:56,219 --> 00:48:00,848 The more darker side of my addictions, right? 609 00:48:00,848 --> 00:48:04,645 The reasons behind my addictions, like why am I turning to... 610 00:48:04,645 --> 00:48:08,471 the things that I'm doing when I'm stressed. 611 00:48:08,471 --> 00:48:10,514 Why can't I turn to you, God? 612 00:48:10,535 --> 00:48:11,878 That was my conversation. 613 00:48:11,878 --> 00:48:18,793 And his response was simple, well if you want my help, this is what we're gonna do. 614 00:48:18,914 --> 00:48:21,556 I'm gonna get you stopped at a checkpoint. 615 00:48:22,257 --> 00:48:25,759 And I told the officer he asked me if I had a drink. 616 00:48:25,759 --> 00:48:27,692 I said, yeah, had a glass of wine. 617 00:48:27,692 --> 00:48:34,529 Story goes on, regardless of the fact, I'm arrested that night because... 618 00:48:34,529 --> 00:48:36,502 I was under the influence. 619 00:48:36,502 --> 00:48:40,485 Regardless if I passed, all the other stuff doesn't matter. 620 00:48:40,646 --> 00:48:47,223 It was the fact that to me, it wasn't even about the arrest or anything. 621 00:48:47,223 --> 00:48:53,590 It was more about I said that I wanted to help, and this is how I had to get that help. 622 00:48:54,118 --> 00:48:54,933 Mm-hmm. 623 00:48:55,896 --> 00:48:59,851 And my next step was I went to therapy right after that. 624 00:48:59,932 --> 00:49:01,853 I had to go to therapy. 625 00:49:02,175 --> 00:49:07,373 I had to finally open up an address. 626 00:49:07,373 --> 00:49:08,744 I had to address my father. 627 00:49:08,744 --> 00:49:10,915 I had to address those feelings. 628 00:49:11,776 --> 00:49:20,091 I had to admit to myself that I suffered from suicidal thoughts because that's all I knew. 629 00:49:20,091 --> 00:49:26,896 When things got too hard in my life, the most important person in my life chose to exit my life. 630 00:49:26,896 --> 00:49:33,078 And so that was what I thought that you were supposed to do when life got too hard. 631 00:49:33,078 --> 00:49:34,760 I had to address that. 632 00:49:35,262 --> 00:49:37,147 I had to address that. 633 00:49:37,147 --> 00:49:53,706 The reason why I was drinking and smoking and partying and running is because I did not have a good system to deal with pressure, to deal with... 634 00:49:53,706 --> 00:49:56,734 anxiety and your fears and your doubts. 635 00:49:56,734 --> 00:50:07,745 I had self-hatred against my own self because I wasn't willing to accept that I'm unique and I'm different. 636 00:50:07,745 --> 00:50:11,319 So I turned to trying to self-destruct. 637 00:50:11,780 --> 00:50:18,811 And I started look back at every mistake I made in my life, every regret that I once had. 638 00:50:18,811 --> 00:50:33,756 It was all because I was self-destructing because I was holding on to traumas and pains and these fears, these things that aren't even real that I had made up in my mind. 639 00:50:33,756 --> 00:50:41,274 I was holding on to them and it was causing me to be over emotional, to act out. 640 00:50:41,694 --> 00:50:44,605 We just do and live this life that just wasn't. 641 00:50:45,289 --> 00:50:47,482 who you really want to truly be on the inside. 642 00:50:47,482 --> 00:50:53,849 And when you start to do that over enough time, you start to self hate. 643 00:50:54,071 --> 00:51:01,419 You start to run from your own reflection because you don't know that person. 644 00:51:03,834 --> 00:51:08,694 drinking so much that I didn't even recognize the person I was in the mirror. 645 00:51:08,934 --> 00:51:14,434 As a matter of fact, it got to a point where I would brush my teeth in the shower. 646 00:51:14,454 --> 00:51:17,567 I would shave in the shower just so I didn't have to look at myself. 647 00:51:17,567 --> 00:51:27,416 You know, so I eventually got to the point where I could address those things. 648 00:51:27,416 --> 00:51:28,868 And it was like a... 649 00:51:28,868 --> 00:51:31,611 weight this had been lifted off my shoulders. 650 00:51:31,611 --> 00:51:47,767 That's what I tell people, you know, when I'm coaching guys or I'm mentoring players and athletes or anything, I tell them like, you can't walk around with weighted burdens on you 651 00:51:48,208 --> 00:51:52,293 because eventually they're gonna make you crumble. 652 00:51:52,293 --> 00:51:54,065 And I was a victim of that. 653 00:51:54,065 --> 00:52:06,622 And when that happens, because we all face something in life that bring us to our knees with it, we all do, whether we admit it or not, you only have two options and that's to 654 00:52:06,622 --> 00:52:12,034 either address it, accept it, admit it and move on. 655 00:52:12,835 --> 00:52:22,871 Or you can continue to stay there and be a victim of whatever it is that's keeping you there, whether it's your situations, your circumstances, things that's not in your 656 00:52:22,871 --> 00:52:23,881 control. 657 00:52:24,489 --> 00:52:26,609 And I was one of those people. 658 00:52:26,729 --> 00:52:31,940 I was going down a path in my life where I literally was going to let... 659 00:52:31,940 --> 00:52:38,014 Things that just weren't in my, I couldn't control that I was born with albinism. 660 00:52:38,014 --> 00:52:42,587 I could not control that my dad made a decision to walk out of my life. 661 00:52:42,587 --> 00:52:43,969 I could not control. 662 00:52:43,969 --> 00:52:44,810 those things. 663 00:52:44,810 --> 00:52:51,166 couldn't control the environment that I lived in, but I could control how I responded to it. 664 00:52:51,166 --> 00:52:55,821 And it took me almost 24 years to learn how to do that. 665 00:52:55,821 --> 00:52:56,693 Right? 666 00:52:56,797 --> 00:53:00,406 Took me three suicide attempts in my life to learn how to do that. 667 00:53:00,406 --> 00:53:10,670 to just be able to accept now that and be proud that I'm Albano, I'm different. 668 00:53:11,430 --> 00:53:20,044 To be proud that I'm three years, I'm sorry, two years sober from not drinking and not smoking. 669 00:53:20,044 --> 00:53:28,763 to be proud that I know my Lord and Savior and I have a thriving relationship with Him. 670 00:53:29,204 --> 00:53:33,484 These are things that I wouldn't admit 15 years ago. 671 00:53:33,484 --> 00:53:36,984 These things I wouldn't admit seven years ago. 672 00:53:39,084 --> 00:53:41,000 And they're sobering. 673 00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:43,416 They're sobering to my life. 674 00:53:43,416 --> 00:53:46,686 saved my life, quite frankly. 675 00:53:46,686 --> 00:53:48,259 It really saved my life. 676 00:53:48,484 --> 00:53:50,195 That is a remarkable story. 677 00:53:50,195 --> 00:53:50,616 you. 678 00:53:50,616 --> 00:53:53,538 is really, yeah, that's a roller coaster. 679 00:53:53,538 --> 00:53:55,006 That really, really is. 680 00:53:55,006 --> 00:54:01,354 You've touched on everything, I think, to be honest, absolutely everything. 681 00:54:01,826 --> 00:54:11,322 And yeah, it does come down to valuing yourself, loving yourself and yeah, you are unique. 682 00:54:11,703 --> 00:54:12,724 I am unique. 683 00:54:12,724 --> 00:54:13,960 Everyone's unique. 684 00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:19,952 you know, that comparison is the thief of joy. 685 00:54:19,952 --> 00:54:21,369 It is everything like that. 686 00:54:21,369 --> 00:54:24,442 It's just not worth the effort. 687 00:54:24,442 --> 00:54:29,845 as you said, you've got to find that dark point where you actually realize that you are worth it. 688 00:54:30,047 --> 00:54:36,524 where your desire to live is more important than everything else that's piling up. 689 00:54:36,524 --> 00:54:40,970 you know, I think, I think what you've done is fantastic. 690 00:54:40,970 --> 00:54:44,473 And I think that story is really, really remarkable. 691 00:54:44,473 --> 00:54:46,115 So I really appreciate you sharing that. 692 00:54:46,115 --> 00:54:47,026 Thank you. 693 00:54:47,734 --> 00:55:04,940 Man it's it's no it's it's not that I thank you so much for having me and again to share the story but again, you know once you Are once you accept all those pains and things that 694 00:55:04,940 --> 00:55:14,718 happen in your life just like I did Like I said acceptance is the foundation for growth and when you do that 695 00:55:15,156 --> 00:55:19,359 you allow yourself to be opened up, right? 696 00:55:19,362 --> 00:55:21,700 And now you can start to change your habits. 697 00:55:21,700 --> 00:55:28,723 And I think that that's where so many of us struggle with is our habits. 698 00:55:28,723 --> 00:55:33,545 A lot of it is not conscious. 699 00:55:33,545 --> 00:55:35,466 A lot of it is subconscious. 700 00:55:35,806 --> 00:55:37,727 Just like in your story. 701 00:55:37,727 --> 00:55:47,050 know that when you were struggling with your addiction, a lot of it was just so much habit over time. 702 00:55:47,111 --> 00:55:53,933 It's hard to admit, like, I could just break this 20-year habit I've been drinking all my life. 703 00:55:53,933 --> 00:55:58,115 It's not that easy, but that's where it starts. 704 00:55:58,443 --> 00:56:03,091 We have to start, you have to start with changing your habits. 705 00:56:03,533 --> 00:56:04,285 I know that. 706 00:56:04,285 --> 00:56:06,510 some of the things that really helped me. 707 00:56:06,510 --> 00:56:21,654 is when I found people that I didn't know these people, but I found people that I wanted to, I looked at their positioning in life and I was like, I want to be like that. 708 00:56:22,375 --> 00:56:23,015 Right? 709 00:56:23,015 --> 00:56:28,947 Not have the things they had, but maybe their physical appearance, right? 710 00:56:28,947 --> 00:56:32,017 The confidence they spoke with, right? 711 00:56:32,017 --> 00:56:34,109 The courage that they walked with in life. 712 00:56:34,109 --> 00:56:38,078 and I started to build a healthy identity for myself. 713 00:56:38,078 --> 00:56:38,789 Right. 714 00:56:38,789 --> 00:56:46,664 You find yourself in clinical rehab and you see people with some real ass problems, excuse my language. 715 00:56:47,586 --> 00:56:55,202 You see some people with some real mental illnesses and it'll shift your mindset. 716 00:56:55,202 --> 00:57:00,065 I don't wanna, I'm not supposed to be, I don't wanna be here. 717 00:57:02,671 --> 00:57:11,416 You find yourself in jail with somebody who really has no hope, has no light in their life. 718 00:57:12,197 --> 00:57:23,003 Right, you spend some time with somebody who's in there for murder, who the rest of their life is gonna be behind bars. 719 00:57:23,123 --> 00:57:30,048 You spend time with that person and you really realize the difference between you being a victim 720 00:57:30,048 --> 00:57:44,977 victim of your situations and and and you You know living in some self-pity Versus a You don't have a life right outside them four walls and that little bump head, right? 721 00:57:44,977 --> 00:57:48,921 And I experienced those things. 722 00:57:49,703 --> 00:57:58,283 I slept on the floor, a concrete floor, for 23 hours the other day in a dark room and only have one hour to see sunlight. 723 00:57:58,283 --> 00:58:04,731 You look at the sun a little differently after that point, You look at outside, you value it little bit more, right? 724 00:58:04,731 --> 00:58:05,762 been to that place. 725 00:58:05,762 --> 00:58:18,619 I've been to that place where you can't have any sharp objects in the room where it's just you and four padded walls and you gotta sit there and you know I think everything in your 726 00:58:18,619 --> 00:58:26,524 reach is a can be used as a weapon to harm yourself because that's what you're in this facility for. 727 00:58:26,524 --> 00:58:31,000 Right, it's a humble experience when you have to be a grown man. 728 00:58:31,000 --> 00:58:42,848 You know, and you can't even have shoes on because I think you might harm yourself with it. 729 00:58:42,848 --> 00:58:44,574 That's a very sobering place. 730 00:58:44,574 --> 00:58:46,906 And you start to value things. 731 00:58:46,906 --> 00:58:55,924 yeah, it's a so I can go on about it because then I get to share this story with so many people and try to change lives. 732 00:58:55,924 --> 00:59:02,519 And then that's what my mission is now is to try to help people through those struggling situations because I know how it's been. 733 00:59:02,519 --> 00:59:04,921 I know, you know how it's been. 734 00:59:04,921 --> 00:59:07,283 So inspiring to make this podcast. 735 00:59:08,044 --> 00:59:11,526 And I think it's an amazing, amazing gift. 736 00:59:12,067 --> 00:59:12,899 To the world. 737 00:59:12,899 --> 00:59:15,731 Well, thank you. 738 00:59:15,731 --> 00:59:18,112 I'm enjoying the podcast. 739 00:59:18,373 --> 00:59:19,504 Back to you for a second. 740 00:59:19,504 --> 00:59:25,578 mean, think, your story, yeah, it is absolutely remarkable. 741 00:59:25,578 --> 00:59:28,780 I love the, just the honesty. 742 00:59:28,780 --> 00:59:31,492 You you've owned everything. 743 00:59:31,492 --> 00:59:35,165 You've owned going to prison, not having shoes on. 744 00:59:35,165 --> 00:59:36,026 You've owned... 745 00:59:36,026 --> 00:59:40,828 that it wasn't your fault, but you thought it was your fault. 746 00:59:40,929 --> 00:59:46,283 Growing up, everything that you've experienced, you've had to look back at and go, is that true? 747 00:59:46,283 --> 00:59:47,453 Is that really true? 748 00:59:47,453 --> 00:59:48,954 And then you've had to make a decision. 749 00:59:48,954 --> 01:00:02,992 And I think that is empowering because when you start to look at your life as an adult, you look back from when you were the child and realize that you didn't see it as it really 750 01:00:02,992 --> 01:00:03,812 was. 751 01:00:03,888 --> 01:00:08,114 You've had to look back and go, no, my dad did not kill himself because of me. 752 01:00:08,696 --> 01:00:09,988 He did it because of him. 753 01:00:09,988 --> 01:00:13,743 And then you've had to go, that wasn't my fault. 754 01:00:13,844 --> 01:00:19,252 It wasn't my mum's fault that she couldn't cope and I had to be an adult age 11 or 12. 755 01:00:19,252 --> 01:00:29,189 And on and on, you, you have, you're giving people permission to look back on their life and change that story, to understand that story. 756 01:00:29,189 --> 01:00:33,602 And I think that is utterly, utterly remarkable. 757 01:00:34,863 --> 01:00:35,703 yeah. 758 01:00:35,703 --> 01:00:47,131 And, you know, it has been a real, real honor to have you on the show today because JD, what you, how you're going to inspire people, how you're going to carry on inspiring 759 01:00:47,131 --> 01:00:48,712 people is just brilliant. 760 01:00:49,068 --> 01:00:51,135 So thank you very, very much. 761 01:00:51,695 --> 01:00:54,298 And again, thank you so much for having me. 762 01:00:54,298 --> 01:00:58,323 just, there's no coincidences in life. 763 01:00:58,524 --> 01:01:01,168 And I could imagine. 764 01:01:01,168 --> 01:01:09,664 Again, the people that you're going to help and just by sharing just our stories together. 765 01:01:10,665 --> 01:01:11,647 I hope that. 766 01:01:11,647 --> 01:01:14,038 whoever's watching or listening. 767 01:01:14,038 --> 01:01:22,139 Like you said, giving yourself permission to really go back and look at the things in your life. 768 01:01:22,139 --> 01:01:37,015 Address them because sometimes we can get caught in a false reality I Know I know that for my full fact just like you said I blamed myself for so many things that it were seriously 769 01:01:37,015 --> 01:01:43,492 not in my control and and I Was sick I was sitting or sick minded. 770 01:01:43,492 --> 01:01:44,304 That's that's 771 01:01:44,304 --> 01:01:50,271 That is a form of narcissism we don't speak about, but it's the truth. 772 01:01:50,271 --> 01:01:55,093 I hope that people can understand it's not your fault. 773 01:01:57,204 --> 01:02:02,859 the things that you wanted to suppress and repress and bury in your mind. 774 01:02:05,067 --> 01:02:06,558 It's not your fault. 775 01:02:07,734 --> 01:02:09,935 Where can people find out about you? 776 01:02:09,935 --> 01:02:22,662 Where can they find out about JD and maybe contact you, work with you, understand you, find and say, JD, I want you on my podcast, get you on a Ted talk, that kind of stuff. 777 01:02:22,662 --> 01:02:28,865 Because I think anyone who listens to your conversation will be really inspired. 778 01:02:28,865 --> 01:02:30,666 So how can people find you? 779 01:02:31,447 --> 01:02:41,190 Well, one of the ways they can find me, I do have a Facebook number one or social media as you can always find me at JV and shivers. 780 01:02:41,190 --> 01:02:45,871 That's J-A-V-I-A-N shivers, S-H-I-V-E-R-S. 781 01:02:47,052 --> 01:02:49,192 That's one way that you can find me. 782 01:02:49,692 --> 01:02:57,595 But I currently right now, I'm doing life coaching and motivational speaking as we can imagine. 783 01:02:58,731 --> 01:03:13,770 as well as I get the opportunity, the blessing, the absolute blessing to coach college basketball and be a mentor to these young men who's transitioning into life to become 784 01:03:13,770 --> 01:03:16,321 young leaders and husbands and fathers. 785 01:03:16,321 --> 01:03:22,765 that's part of my mission in life is to make sure that I can help those people. 786 01:03:23,145 --> 01:03:25,586 But I don't limit it to just that. 787 01:03:25,791 --> 01:03:26,567 So. 788 01:03:27,023 --> 01:03:41,335 For anybody that is out there listening and watching, if you find yourself stuck or you feel like you're living life on autopilot and you want to do something about it, please 789 01:03:41,335 --> 01:03:42,836 reach out to me. 790 01:03:44,063 --> 01:03:47,211 I would love the opportunity to coach you. 791 01:03:47,211 --> 01:03:52,406 Please, you can get a copy of my book that I put out. 792 01:03:52,570 --> 01:03:54,731 It's called 30 Days Strong. 793 01:03:55,493 --> 01:04:06,242 It's a transformational book that will help you reset your habits, rebuild your commitments to yourself, and rise above anything that you're going through. 794 01:04:06,242 --> 01:04:13,638 And the same, exact same thing that I did for myself to put me in position to be the person I am now. 795 01:04:14,038 --> 01:04:16,860 So I encourage you, please, again, reach out to me. 796 01:04:17,299 --> 01:04:20,003 I would love to help anybody I can. 797 01:04:20,363 --> 01:04:21,844 I'm here to serve. 798 01:04:21,844 --> 01:04:23,645 I'm committed to serving. 799 01:04:24,186 --> 01:04:28,219 And that is my mission to serve to help anybody I possibly can. 800 01:04:28,219 --> 01:04:32,012 So please reach out to me with your questions, anything you have. 801 01:04:32,012 --> 01:04:35,474 And again, thank you so much for having me on this podcast. 802 01:04:35,915 --> 01:04:45,894 You are a inspiration to just have the audacity to build a platform to allow people. 803 01:04:45,894 --> 01:04:47,956 to share their stories. 804 01:04:47,956 --> 01:04:52,400 You are allowing people to heal. 805 01:04:53,201 --> 01:04:56,934 You are allowing people to solidify their healing. 806 01:04:56,975 --> 01:04:59,597 And that is a, you are a blessing, my man. 807 01:04:59,597 --> 01:05:01,646 You are a blessing to this world and I. 808 01:05:01,646 --> 01:05:07,110 I know that this podcast is going to do exactly what it is that you want it to do. 809 01:05:07,110 --> 01:05:07,590 Thank you. 810 01:05:07,590 --> 01:05:09,083 You're going to make me cry. 811 01:05:09,806 --> 01:05:13,954 Now that means a lot. 812 01:05:14,437 --> 01:05:16,261 JD, one last question. 813 01:05:16,261 --> 01:05:17,785 What is your superpower? 814 01:05:17,785 --> 01:05:23,021 My superpower is overcoming and not just. 815 01:05:23,021 --> 01:05:32,750 It is overcoming understanding that I walk with courage, confidence, and self-belief. 816 01:05:32,750 --> 01:05:41,722 My power to overcome any challenges, situations, the traumas, the lack, the limitations. 817 01:05:42,643 --> 01:05:44,323 That is my power. 818 01:05:44,983 --> 01:05:52,305 And it's not something I have, something that I've been given, that I never knew I had. 819 01:05:53,060 --> 01:05:58,858 I never knew I had it until I, you never know you have it until you have it, until you accept having it. 820 01:05:58,858 --> 01:06:02,692 And that is my superpower. 821 01:06:02,692 --> 01:06:13,602 know that I can overcome, knowing that I can overcome life's challenges, because I have been through the championship fight, man, and I somehow survived it. 822 01:06:13,602 --> 01:06:15,482 So, yeah. 823 01:06:15,615 --> 01:06:16,175 I love that. 824 01:06:16,175 --> 01:06:17,995 think that is spectacular. 825 01:06:18,275 --> 01:06:23,835 And you have, you have overcome, you have owned it and you've accepted it. 826 01:06:23,835 --> 01:06:27,035 And I think that is probably the most important bit. 827 01:06:27,415 --> 01:06:28,795 So JD, you're a hero. 828 01:06:28,795 --> 01:06:30,645 Thank you ever so much for being on the show today. 829 01:06:30,645 --> 01:06:32,663 I really, really appreciate it. 830 01:06:32,972 --> 01:06:34,439 Thank you so much, for having me.