1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,252 For white people, I think this always comes back to witch trials. 2 00:00:03,252 --> 00:00:08,726 And it's so important to understand the like history of witch burnings in Europe, right? 3 00:00:08,726 --> 00:00:17,792 Like white people burning hundreds of thousands of women who were slightly different for any reason, right? 4 00:00:17,792 --> 00:00:20,670 And then in America, 5 00:00:20,670 --> 00:00:26,815 much fewer, but still that very significant history of witch trials. 6 00:00:26,815 --> 00:00:31,460 And it's like that rocked white culture, right? 7 00:00:31,460 --> 00:00:37,064 To the point that from the 16, yeah. 8 00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:41,789 I mean, I just think that like, yeah, yeah, yeah. 9 00:00:41,789 --> 00:00:47,914 And I just think that from the 1600s to basically now, right? 10 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:54,141 it has been seen as no, it's too dangerous to be a woman who stands out in any way, right? 11 00:00:54,141 --> 00:01:03,498 So whether that's by not having kids, whether that's by making too much money, whether that's by being too vocal, whether that's just by doing your own thing, it's dangerous. 12 00:01:05,140 --> 00:01:13,347 And that is, think, like deeply in the DNA of being, I don't know if it's American woman or white 13 00:01:18,470 --> 00:01:20,513 It's my rapture outfit. 14 00:01:20,513 --> 00:01:21,714 Did you not hear? 15 00:01:21,714 --> 00:01:24,929 White Jesus is coming back today for the white people. 16 00:01:24,929 --> 00:01:26,850 Oh, okay. 17 00:01:26,850 --> 00:01:29,951 Yeah, this is some white people stuff. 18 00:01:29,951 --> 00:01:32,133 You might as well wear white for it. 19 00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:32,713 Whoa. 20 00:01:32,713 --> 00:01:33,063 Okay. 21 00:01:33,063 --> 00:01:38,997 Because she came on, for those who cannot see what I'm looking at, Danielle is wearing white. 22 00:01:38,997 --> 00:01:45,401 In all types of white, which, you know, isn't typical. 23 00:01:45,602 --> 00:01:48,431 And it's, you know, you notice it. 24 00:01:48,431 --> 00:01:49,111 And 25 00:01:49,111 --> 00:01:57,771 I, my immediate thought was Mormon, just because I've been watching this other white lady I listened to, you know, white lady books. 26 00:01:57,771 --> 00:02:04,951 There's a white lady YouTube I watch, is Alyssa Grunfeld, who does ex Mormon stuff and holy whiteness. 27 00:02:04,951 --> 00:02:08,551 Just call that white numism. 28 00:02:08,551 --> 00:02:09,491 I don't know. 29 00:02:09,491 --> 00:02:17,679 And so when I saw you, cause I just saw a video, it's just like a picture that she has in the back of a video where she's talking about how racist, you know, 30 00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:19,085 Thank you. 31 00:02:19,085 --> 00:02:19,665 I love it. 32 00:02:19,665 --> 00:02:22,588 I think she's a white lady who stays in her lane, but does a really good job. 33 00:02:22,588 --> 00:02:27,404 But the picture, all these old men in this all white outfit. 34 00:02:27,404 --> 00:02:31,884 And then you say rapture and I'm like, Jehovah's Witnesses did this one. 35 00:02:31,884 --> 00:02:33,488 when they do all white. 36 00:02:33,488 --> 00:02:34,651 uh 37 00:02:35,181 --> 00:02:38,844 Ooh, it doesn't look, I mean, it's nothing. 38 00:02:38,844 --> 00:02:44,489 It's just, you know, my God, that's another wash white people do, washed out. 39 00:02:44,489 --> 00:02:52,137 They'll wash brains, they'll wash books, whitewash books, whitewash bombs and stuff. 40 00:02:52,137 --> 00:02:54,119 They won't whitewash their legs. 41 00:02:54,119 --> 00:02:58,183 They won't wash their butts, but they'll wash out. 42 00:02:58,183 --> 00:02:58,760 Whoa. 43 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:05,193 I always wondered why like we have this idea that we all look so good in white, like for weddings. 44 00:03:05,193 --> 00:03:08,714 Whereas I'm like, I look quite washed out. 45 00:03:08,714 --> 00:03:09,544 Oh my gosh. 46 00:03:09,544 --> 00:03:12,075 I actually battled that. 47 00:03:12,075 --> 00:03:21,879 I battled it like not consciously, but just subconsciously where I was like, I don't understand. 48 00:03:21,879 --> 00:03:23,150 I don't understand. 49 00:03:23,150 --> 00:03:24,840 I know blonde washes me out. 50 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:26,941 I know I don't look as good. 51 00:03:26,985 --> 00:03:33,830 But in my mind, when I wanna be pretty, like for my wedding, it was like classic blonde. 52 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:38,432 And it was like, I had gotten to that level of the language. 53 00:03:38,432 --> 00:03:41,504 And then I started doing more of this work. 54 00:03:41,504 --> 00:03:46,466 And that was when I, like when I said it out loud, like when I think of myself as attractive, I think of blonde. 55 00:03:46,466 --> 00:03:51,058 And I was like, it's propaganda. 56 00:03:52,037 --> 00:03:56,459 you are more attractive to whomst. 57 00:03:56,759 --> 00:04:00,021 I don't think it's a whomst, I think it's to whom, but I just wanted to add those letters. 58 00:04:00,021 --> 00:04:04,423 You're more attractive to someone looking to target. 59 00:04:04,423 --> 00:04:05,873 You are a better target. 60 00:04:05,873 --> 00:04:09,855 If you do all of these things, that's how you fit better into the sorority. 61 00:04:09,855 --> 00:04:17,508 They're not saying we need you blonde, but being blonde makes it known that you value. 62 00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:19,988 these things just like we do. 63 00:04:19,988 --> 00:04:23,168 Having the Stanley Cup isn't about the Stanley Cup. 64 00:04:23,168 --> 00:04:34,548 I didn't look better with fried straight hair, but I was more attractive to job opportunity people and men who want to whatever. 65 00:04:34,928 --> 00:04:36,894 I was, not to me. 66 00:04:36,894 --> 00:04:43,236 things like to the people that want to know that you'll jump through the hoops. 67 00:04:44,119 --> 00:04:45,826 You know, like. 68 00:04:45,826 --> 00:04:51,990 unsaid and what is in the unsaid, but also like denying your truth. 69 00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:53,391 It is denying the truth. 70 00:04:53,391 --> 00:04:59,415 I look better like this, also not, no, not better. 71 00:04:59,415 --> 00:05:01,626 Cause I will receive negative attention. 72 00:05:01,626 --> 00:05:03,477 So I can't be looking better. 73 00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:05,358 That's not, whoa. 74 00:05:05,358 --> 00:05:05,778 Right. 75 00:05:05,778 --> 00:05:09,980 And like working hard for it is more important than what it looks like. 76 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,021 Ballet. 77 00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:12,139 And I realized. 78 00:05:12,139 --> 00:05:12,569 fine! 79 00:05:12,569 --> 00:05:15,116 ah 80 00:05:15,116 --> 00:05:16,637 brought ballet over here. 81 00:05:16,637 --> 00:05:20,239 Oh, yes. 82 00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:23,083 Mormons brought ballet here and it makes so much sense. 83 00:05:23,083 --> 00:05:25,664 And that's why Mormons are in ballroom dancing. 84 00:05:25,664 --> 00:05:28,547 And talking about that, I loved hearing that. 85 00:05:28,547 --> 00:05:39,956 could, because as a dance person, I could see how if I were in the Utah area, I would have led into a ballroom dancing lifestyle because it's taking something subjective and trying 86 00:05:39,956 --> 00:05:41,657 to make it gradable. 87 00:05:41,998 --> 00:05:47,669 and you get to meet the opposite sex and there's, you know, it's you're the exception to the rule. 88 00:05:47,669 --> 00:05:52,549 You get to perform as if this it's being the billionaire black person. 89 00:05:52,549 --> 00:05:53,880 It's like. 90 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:56,162 it's the performing kids and cults. 91 00:05:56,162 --> 00:05:58,854 Like that's the time when you get to dance. 92 00:05:58,854 --> 00:06:03,417 That's the time when you get to, you know, do these moves and blah, blah, blah. 93 00:06:03,417 --> 00:06:13,373 And just kind of like, I, this is actually interesting because I haven't talked to you that much about it yet, but my book Un-American that I'll work on eventually, like one of 94 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,635 the themes is dancing. 95 00:06:15,635 --> 00:06:21,935 And this like starts from when I'm young and I'm performing, but like I'm allowed to just, 96 00:06:21,935 --> 00:06:26,978 be myself and then sort of like all throughout. 97 00:06:26,978 --> 00:06:31,560 You know, when I was on deployed to Afghanistan, that was when I learned how to salsa dance. 98 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:39,985 And it was very like frowned upon socially that I as a woman and as an officer would be going to these things. 99 00:06:39,985 --> 00:06:41,886 And I was just like, I don't care. 100 00:06:41,886 --> 00:06:44,758 Literally on both of my deployments, I was like, I do not care. 101 00:06:44,758 --> 00:06:50,490 Like I need someplace where I'm allowed to be myself. 102 00:06:50,631 --> 00:06:51,180 Yeah. 103 00:06:51,180 --> 00:06:59,045 You're not supposed to choose things that remind other people of your autonomy and your difference from them. 104 00:06:59,045 --> 00:07:04,959 So I have on my board just, I've been talking about this phrase, non-practicing whites, which we've discussed like once or twice, right? 105 00:07:04,959 --> 00:07:09,992 And, you know, as it sat with people, it's not fitting so great, right? 106 00:07:09,992 --> 00:07:14,915 And what is the harm in being just white, right? 107 00:07:14,915 --> 00:07:17,639 And thinking about it feels similar to 108 00:07:17,639 --> 00:07:22,812 how people whisper black or it's this removal dismissal. 109 00:07:22,812 --> 00:07:25,893 If you add something, it's the inverse of whispering. 110 00:07:25,893 --> 00:07:27,894 It's saying, non-practicing white. 111 00:07:27,894 --> 00:07:31,645 You look just like me, not saying white, or I'm very, very white. 112 00:07:31,645 --> 00:07:33,596 I'm as white as blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 113 00:07:33,596 --> 00:07:35,316 Taking it, making the joke. 114 00:07:35,316 --> 00:07:38,317 I think we almost, skip a step, okay? 115 00:07:38,317 --> 00:07:39,918 You're making jokes out of the trauma. 116 00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:41,198 I need you to sit in it first. 117 00:07:41,198 --> 00:07:41,908 You're white. 118 00:07:41,908 --> 00:07:43,279 Did you know that? 119 00:07:43,279 --> 00:07:45,019 What does that mean? 120 00:07:45,111 --> 00:07:49,562 let's sit in that truth before we start making cracking jokes, especially around black people. 121 00:07:49,562 --> 00:07:53,534 Cause mostly that's where you're doing it, where you feel safe and like you're interjecting. 122 00:07:53,534 --> 00:08:03,608 It's a blue bracelet of the saying white and what's wrong with just, know, Olandria, who is a person who was on love Island, who is dark skin, beautiful woman who everyone talked 123 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:03,838 about. 124 00:08:03,838 --> 00:08:08,529 And like there's, it's doing a lot of things for black women in terms of romance and making us believe in love again. 125 00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:11,620 And it happens to be with a white man, which is 126 00:08:11,706 --> 00:08:13,508 You know, we can't plant these things. 127 00:08:13,508 --> 00:08:20,103 It's really tough out here, but she is ever since she came out to be on TV and people are talking about her beauty. 128 00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:23,026 She has made it a point to say, no, I'm just black. 129 00:08:23,507 --> 00:08:25,849 I'm not mixed with anything. 130 00:08:25,849 --> 00:08:27,481 You know, I talk about being black. 131 00:08:27,481 --> 00:08:28,822 She says black is beautiful. 132 00:08:28,822 --> 00:08:29,262 What do mean? 133 00:08:29,262 --> 00:08:30,974 I'm beautiful because I'm black. 134 00:08:30,974 --> 00:08:31,565 Not. 135 00:08:31,565 --> 00:08:35,478 Yeah, this just what if you are just a human being? 136 00:08:35,478 --> 00:08:36,729 What if I am not? 137 00:08:36,903 --> 00:08:42,181 I don't have to be, and I made a Patreon video about this, I don't have to be someone's sister, someone's daughter, someone's mother. 138 00:08:42,181 --> 00:08:46,607 I don't have to be a good contributor to whatever. 139 00:08:46,607 --> 00:08:48,071 What if I'm just a person? 140 00:08:48,071 --> 00:08:58,632 we've really been taught by, I mean, white supremacy, obviously, that like all of the other races mixed with white, that's the more beautiful, right? 141 00:08:58,632 --> 00:09:01,469 Like that's the more palatable. 142 00:09:01,469 --> 00:09:08,902 Which, which if anything, what you really should be thinking is, white is only beautiful when it's got other stuff in it. 143 00:09:09,022 --> 00:09:11,812 You know, the most beautiful white women usually have ethnic features. 144 00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:14,263 That's why you're getting tans and that's why you're filling your lips. 145 00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:15,744 And we talk about that, right? 146 00:09:15,744 --> 00:09:19,545 Because actual beauty is from the source of humanness. 147 00:09:19,545 --> 00:09:25,246 And, you know, it's almost like the projection you start to go like, well, actually you guys are proj... 148 00:09:25,246 --> 00:09:28,447 We weren't even talking about you, but now that we've talked about it. 149 00:09:28,447 --> 00:09:31,527 And then you want to be mad and say, is an eye-beholder. 150 00:09:31,527 --> 00:09:32,987 OK, all right. 151 00:09:32,987 --> 00:09:33,747 All right. 152 00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:36,823 You guys keep demanding and declaring stuff like that. 153 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,737 of what is beautiful for so long? 154 00:09:39,737 --> 00:09:40,127 Right? 155 00:09:40,127 --> 00:09:48,461 Because if you have to say it, if you have to assert it so often, maybe it's not the natural truth. 156 00:09:48,461 --> 00:09:49,431 And maybe that's okay. 157 00:09:49,431 --> 00:09:52,542 Not everybody, you know, needs to feel beautiful. 158 00:09:52,542 --> 00:09:54,703 Like that's not even a thing I care about. 159 00:09:55,324 --> 00:09:57,664 When I'm home by myself, it doesn't matter. 160 00:09:57,925 --> 00:10:00,465 And that's why they don't want that. 161 00:10:00,506 --> 00:10:04,647 They don't want you to feel like you are enough as is and the just. 162 00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:07,439 And it made me think of something we talked about last week. 163 00:10:07,439 --> 00:10:08,667 And you were saying, 164 00:10:08,667 --> 00:10:10,379 And I don't know, I just rang with me. 165 00:10:10,379 --> 00:10:21,067 You were saying that they would see you as just an angry or bitter ex, you know, if you're out of the military or you have to kind of like prove you're not just angry and bitter, 166 00:10:21,108 --> 00:10:21,558 whatever. 167 00:10:21,558 --> 00:10:33,708 And I'm just sitting, I'm just like, that feels so black woman coded because what do but also like, okay, if you are an angry and bitter woman, what does that mean? 168 00:10:33,708 --> 00:10:35,719 Yeah. 169 00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:36,305 What happened? 170 00:10:36,305 --> 00:10:36,894 Yeah. 171 00:10:36,894 --> 00:10:43,710 well, we can't listen to her because she's just, she's just angry and she's just bitter. 172 00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:45,606 And that's why she's saying this. 173 00:10:45,606 --> 00:10:51,261 is very much what they did to cult survivors, which is like we don't listen to cult survivors because they're disgruntled. 174 00:10:51,261 --> 00:10:52,922 But like, but why? 175 00:10:52,922 --> 00:10:54,564 Why are they disgruntled? 176 00:10:54,564 --> 00:10:55,045 Mm-hmm. 177 00:10:55,045 --> 00:10:56,276 Let's talk about it. 178 00:10:56,276 --> 00:11:05,111 But it's never, when you let it be a thought terminating cliche and you start defending yourself and saying, no, I'm not just angry. 179 00:11:05,191 --> 00:11:07,812 Now we're defending having an emotion. 180 00:11:07,812 --> 00:11:09,493 Like, what are you even talking about? 181 00:11:09,493 --> 00:11:12,015 I'm upset, so listen. 182 00:11:12,015 --> 00:11:12,675 What do mean? 183 00:11:12,675 --> 00:11:15,637 I'm upset, so don't listen? 184 00:11:15,637 --> 00:11:18,278 Only people who don't care should be listened to? 185 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,950 That doesn't make sense. 186 00:11:19,950 --> 00:11:21,601 That doesn't make sense, guys. 187 00:11:21,601 --> 00:11:24,874 Like, do you become a liar just because you're upset? 188 00:11:24,874 --> 00:11:26,606 That's something we need to look at. 189 00:11:26,606 --> 00:11:28,859 So when you're mad about something, you'll say anything. 190 00:11:28,859 --> 00:11:35,334 There's this inherent, other people are manipulating you, like enslaved people who say, ouch, that hurts, are manipulating you. 191 00:11:35,334 --> 00:11:36,465 They don't feel that pain. 192 00:11:36,465 --> 00:11:49,859 this white supremacy, patriarchy, British stiff upper lip thing, you know, that is like so, you know, right. 193 00:11:49,859 --> 00:11:53,991 So they have built this into the whole world, right? 194 00:11:53,991 --> 00:11:58,727 That the more stoic you are in a crisis, the better, right? 195 00:11:58,727 --> 00:12:01,074 But like, you know, so in a 196 00:12:01,094 --> 00:12:10,020 what I think is a rather extreme version in my case, we're deployed to Afghanistan, there's a bad ambush, we lose 10 people in one day, right? 197 00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:13,703 From our unit, like that's a big fricking deal. 198 00:12:13,883 --> 00:12:19,538 And I am literally told, do not let anyone see that you have been crying. 199 00:12:19,538 --> 00:12:27,935 And I just like, I remember as a young lieutenant at this point being like, I don't think that's the right leadership choice. 200 00:12:27,935 --> 00:12:39,571 You know, I don't think pretending that this didn't affect me and therefore making all these soldiers who work for me think they have to pretend it didn't affect them. 201 00:12:39,571 --> 00:12:43,014 Like, I don't feel like that's the right choice. 202 00:12:43,014 --> 00:12:45,085 that's white supremacy. 203 00:12:45,206 --> 00:12:47,307 And that's how it stays. 204 00:12:47,388 --> 00:12:59,177 Because everyone has this, you know, everyone has this side conversation, but black people aren't aware, you know, so they each think the other person actually feels nothing. 205 00:12:59,218 --> 00:13:09,027 Because they're not having a wide conversation, hey, we're all not, you know, so, also with the Utah thing, I was watching one of her videos about Utah moms, and they always 206 00:13:09,027 --> 00:13:10,518 have this perfect 207 00:13:10,518 --> 00:13:16,781 woman that they see at the gym and they're like, oh, I want to be, I'm in competition with Jessica and she's always looking great. 208 00:13:16,781 --> 00:13:18,952 She's always said to them, no, she's miserable. 209 00:13:18,952 --> 00:13:19,712 You're miserable. 210 00:13:19,712 --> 00:13:20,792 Everyone's miserable. 211 00:13:20,792 --> 00:13:23,714 Stop your, your what? 212 00:13:23,714 --> 00:13:28,437 And that's the whiteness, the self-imposed suffering, the, well, I'm doing it for them. 213 00:13:28,437 --> 00:13:31,098 I'm, I'm not feeling my emotions. 214 00:13:31,339 --> 00:13:33,910 So that what? 215 00:13:34,270 --> 00:13:35,010 So what? 216 00:13:35,010 --> 00:13:36,563 So what's the why? 217 00:13:36,563 --> 00:13:42,267 because then they will fee, I'm not sure, you know, but there's this fear, panic. 218 00:13:42,267 --> 00:13:53,994 argue in Culting of America that it's because the military is afraid that if your subordinates know that you're human, then they will not obey you in a crisis. 219 00:13:53,994 --> 00:13:54,234 Right. 220 00:13:54,234 --> 00:14:05,800 And it's literally such a weird thing because, you know, and, and what I was going to say is when you said that's why supremacy, I was like, okay, well, I'm happy to know then that 221 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,642 I marched over to my soldiers and said, come on. 222 00:14:08,642 --> 00:14:11,344 we're going for a smoke break and we're all gonna cry. 223 00:14:11,424 --> 00:14:15,998 know, cause I was like, no, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not doing this BS, you know? 224 00:14:15,998 --> 00:14:19,465 Yeah, I just. 225 00:14:19,465 --> 00:14:20,036 But that's it. 226 00:14:20,036 --> 00:14:25,218 And that would make you a better leader, but not a better cult leader. 227 00:14:25,218 --> 00:14:27,033 Right, exactly. 228 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:33,247 You know, and those two things really don't, shouldn't go, one person. 229 00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:39,381 It, I hate it so much that don't, but also it extends to, I'm going to bring up bathing one more time. 230 00:14:39,381 --> 00:14:42,922 White women, you aren't bathing because you don't have time to bathe. 231 00:14:42,922 --> 00:14:45,922 Cause it's, I have to do this for my kids. 232 00:14:45,922 --> 00:14:51,984 I, you know, you always talk about when you have not being able to shower and fitting a shower in and self care comes last. 233 00:14:51,984 --> 00:14:53,584 And what are your kids seeing? 234 00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:55,357 Yeah. 235 00:14:55,357 --> 00:14:57,118 Love means taking care of everybody else. 236 00:14:57,118 --> 00:15:06,482 And literally, if you go take a bath, it's taking, you know, that's your whole patriarchal concept you have to let go of because that's why these men aren't showering either. 237 00:15:06,482 --> 00:15:12,024 Because you're not, it's all comes, you're raising, they don't see any focus on that. 238 00:15:12,024 --> 00:15:20,241 Any focus on self care as fundamental because you are taught to self sacrifice in that way as love. 239 00:15:20,241 --> 00:15:20,960 Yeah. 240 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:25,980 And we have to all kind of work on that and not think, um, self care is for the, but not for me. 241 00:15:25,980 --> 00:15:30,451 And the good person says, yes, please go rest, go rest, but, but you go don't rest. 242 00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:34,011 Cause we know the things to say that's me talking to me mostly. 243 00:15:34,011 --> 00:15:38,851 It's like resting is fundamental and we have to fight that whole lazy thing. 244 00:15:38,851 --> 00:15:40,311 You're just lazy. 245 00:15:40,311 --> 00:15:42,502 Just again, you're tired. 246 00:15:42,502 --> 00:15:48,122 You're tired and you don't like how you smell, which makes you hate yourself a little bit more. 247 00:15:48,152 --> 00:15:49,933 which is exhausting. 248 00:15:49,933 --> 00:15:53,614 It all comes down to sit, sleep and shower. 249 00:15:53,754 --> 00:15:55,995 And you have to do it first. 250 00:15:56,075 --> 00:16:07,080 But I feel like white people just jump so many steps and go into theory and concept and like other people, them over there, they're just angry. 251 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:08,520 They're just bitter. 252 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:11,120 And like, it doesn't matter who they're talking about. 253 00:16:11,601 --> 00:16:12,746 But we... 254 00:16:12,746 --> 00:16:18,397 Black people, when we say we and them, it's very clear who we're talking about. 255 00:16:18,397 --> 00:16:22,037 When we say we, don't mess with that stuff, we know what we're doing now. 256 00:16:22,037 --> 00:16:28,697 When we say them, it's, we'll just say agents of white supremacy, whatever them, because it's not always only white people, right? 257 00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:30,897 It could even include our own them. 258 00:16:30,897 --> 00:16:35,268 But when white people talk about we and they, it's a little bit more distancing. 259 00:16:35,268 --> 00:16:38,528 It's like everybody, know, people in general. 260 00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:40,281 You don't talk for us. 261 00:16:40,543 --> 00:16:43,016 Y'all, we doesn't include us. 262 00:16:43,016 --> 00:16:47,563 And then all of a sudden it's, we need to work on forgiving racists and moving together. 263 00:16:47,563 --> 00:16:50,096 And black people are really not trying to hear that y'all. 264 00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:54,304 And you can say you're talking to white people, but then talk to white people. 265 00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:55,906 And I said, was like, ba-da-da. 266 00:16:55,906 --> 00:17:00,829 Yeah, and sorry, my kid's home from school today. 267 00:17:00,829 --> 00:17:07,643 Yeah, I think they're, you I've seen a lot of this language and a lot of this like, well, how are we gonna get past? 268 00:17:07,643 --> 00:17:10,835 Now are we gonna move forward and reintegrate people? 269 00:17:10,835 --> 00:17:14,288 And I'm like, but we haven't, like we're still in the middle of it. 270 00:17:14,288 --> 00:17:18,877 Like, they're still, they're still racist, you know, like they're still. 271 00:17:18,877 --> 00:17:19,977 Who's we? 272 00:17:19,977 --> 00:17:20,297 Right? 273 00:17:20,297 --> 00:17:22,437 And that's when I learned this one from white people. 274 00:17:22,437 --> 00:17:24,217 Do you have a mouse in your pocket? 275 00:17:24,517 --> 00:17:29,257 People said that in my comments quite a few times and I was like, I don't know what they are talking about. 276 00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:35,237 And, um, cause the black people version, yeah, the black person version is, you speak French now? 277 00:17:35,237 --> 00:17:36,457 Cause that's in a song. 278 00:17:36,457 --> 00:17:42,597 Oh, and say we, and it's like, we, and you know, eventually I found out, I asked, what's this mouse in your pocket business? 279 00:17:42,597 --> 00:17:45,477 And they were like, cause it's, must have somebody with you. 280 00:17:45,477 --> 00:17:47,297 was like, okay, all right. 281 00:17:47,297 --> 00:17:48,241 Um, but yeah. 282 00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:49,263 Who are you talking about? 283 00:17:49,263 --> 00:17:54,731 Because, and that's why my third weight has two T's and it's who am I talking to? 284 00:17:54,731 --> 00:17:56,694 Because you're not being specific. 285 00:17:56,694 --> 00:17:58,448 You're just jumping to non-practicing. 286 00:17:58,448 --> 00:18:01,451 If they're talking about non-practicing white, who are you talking to? 287 00:18:01,451 --> 00:18:02,843 Not me. 288 00:18:02,843 --> 00:18:04,442 Don't tell me you're non-practicing. 289 00:18:04,442 --> 00:18:07,704 now I'm thinking about like, okay, so when do I use we? 290 00:18:07,764 --> 00:18:13,768 And I'm like, I think when I use it, I'm either talking about veterans or like cult babies. 291 00:18:13,768 --> 00:18:17,691 there, think there's like a more defined group in my head. 292 00:18:17,691 --> 00:18:24,375 But I mean, I'm definitely guilty of saying we and being kind of like all Americans or all people. 293 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:29,499 But I do like there's a difference to me when I say we. 294 00:18:29,499 --> 00:18:32,139 And I mean like a specific group. 295 00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:39,894 it's like, well, if you're in this group, you know, if you're a call baby, you're a veteran link, you know, when I say we like, this is what I'm talking about. 296 00:18:39,894 --> 00:18:42,657 Yeah, we who have had this experience. 297 00:18:42,657 --> 00:18:45,049 so, and you know, it comes in context. 298 00:18:45,049 --> 00:18:50,244 It's not necessarily subtext and underneath, but a lot of times white people like they'll do this. 299 00:18:50,244 --> 00:18:57,562 And if they don't want to, if they want to do a critique of someone, they'll say, we, it's usually, that's when they bring out the we and they don't want to speak directly because 300 00:18:57,562 --> 00:18:59,262 speaking directly is inappropriate. 301 00:18:59,262 --> 00:19:02,595 So like, we need to work on our blah, blah, blahs. 302 00:19:02,595 --> 00:19:04,297 And no one in particular. 303 00:19:04,297 --> 00:19:06,570 then, cause I saw that in, uh 304 00:19:06,570 --> 00:19:13,652 a dance judging thing for dance competitions, which is another white people way of taking something fun and making it terrible. 305 00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:19,514 And, you know, the lady's recording her judgment while watching and she said, we want to lift our leg a little bit longer. 306 00:19:19,514 --> 00:19:21,112 We want to, we want it to do that. 307 00:19:21,112 --> 00:19:23,935 But then when she's giving a compliment, it's, that's so beautiful. 308 00:19:23,935 --> 00:19:27,396 It's kind of a little bit more direct, but any critique is a we. 309 00:19:27,396 --> 00:19:28,927 It just feels so. 310 00:19:28,927 --> 00:19:30,467 Maybe you shouldn't be doing it. 311 00:19:30,467 --> 00:19:31,928 Maybe this isn't a good thing. 312 00:19:31,928 --> 00:19:33,258 Maybe stop talking. 313 00:19:33,258 --> 00:19:39,693 If you're not going to be able to say to this person, and I've heard from black women, if it's not directed, it's not respected. 314 00:19:40,014 --> 00:19:43,437 If you're not going to be able to say that, then maybe you shouldn't say it. 315 00:19:43,437 --> 00:19:46,059 Maybe judging on the spot while they're dancing. 316 00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:48,280 Wait, we've lost the plot. 317 00:19:48,701 --> 00:19:51,023 Because that sounds terrible. 318 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:54,806 And now after you've performed for everybody, let me hear the job. 319 00:19:54,806 --> 00:19:57,928 I can't believe you guys are doing this to your white girls. 320 00:19:58,549 --> 00:20:00,510 Holy moly. 321 00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:06,319 Yeah, yeah, it's Like all the, it's like not. 322 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:17,005 Well, I mean, this goes to I think a larger thing that like dance for the sake of dance has largely gone out of white cultures. 323 00:20:17,005 --> 00:20:24,259 um You know, that has a lot to do with Protestantism and religion and Puritans and all of that stuff. 324 00:20:24,259 --> 00:20:27,386 But like, it is 325 00:20:27,386 --> 00:20:33,657 that's what made the Mormon thing interesting is because they're using it for PR, because then it's show business. 326 00:20:33,657 --> 00:20:36,930 We allow this in this space because it gets you out there. 327 00:20:36,930 --> 00:20:45,924 And hearing that, the Mormons initially tried to kind of run away West and then realized, we can't just keep running from the rules. 328 00:20:45,924 --> 00:20:53,888 Now we have to actually infiltrate the rules and then turned around and said, all right, so now we have to make it more tolerable for us to stay here and we'll just. 329 00:20:53,888 --> 00:20:59,395 push our ideas through the system and be in the world but not of the world? 330 00:20:59,395 --> 00:21:00,216 Sorry. 331 00:21:00,216 --> 00:21:01,238 I hate. 332 00:21:01,238 --> 00:21:06,860 I don't know what zombie, creepy man. 333 00:21:06,860 --> 00:21:14,872 Well, and by the way, this brings us right back to the rapture thing, right, which is 334 00:21:14,872 --> 00:21:15,483 count to think. 335 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:23,420 I feel like there's a lot of this rapture stuff, which is kind of like group religious suicidal ideation. 336 00:21:23,420 --> 00:21:33,489 And it's like, anytime they're forced to deal with the fact that they're this white world that they have created is not actually great. 337 00:21:33,489 --> 00:21:35,952 It's just like, Jesus gonna come back, right? 338 00:21:35,952 --> 00:21:39,115 Like, and I see it on the left too, with all these white ladies. 339 00:21:39,115 --> 00:21:43,987 Your dad, wait till your dad comes home. 340 00:21:44,787 --> 00:21:45,778 That's what it sounds like. 341 00:21:45,778 --> 00:21:47,668 You're going to get in so much trouble. 342 00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:50,269 Everybody don't talk to me like this. 343 00:21:50,269 --> 00:21:51,710 Don't tell me things are bad. 344 00:21:51,710 --> 00:21:53,070 Just wait till your dad comes home. 345 00:21:53,070 --> 00:21:54,482 He's going to be home any minute. 346 00:21:54,482 --> 00:21:54,878 I don't know. 347 00:21:54,878 --> 00:21:56,922 Is that kind of like the Jesus vibe? 348 00:21:57,523 --> 00:21:58,484 He going to be mad. 349 00:21:58,484 --> 00:21:59,305 ways, yes. 350 00:21:59,305 --> 00:22:04,549 I was laughing because actually my husband called me out on this when our kid was born. 351 00:22:04,549 --> 00:22:08,081 And he was like, why do I got to be the, like the Punisher guy? 352 00:22:08,081 --> 00:22:15,717 Like, why do I got to be the wait till, you know, it's like, I don't think like people realize that they're always putting the dads in this position. 353 00:22:15,717 --> 00:22:21,759 um I, you know, there's a couple. 354 00:22:21,759 --> 00:22:26,573 a couple things about like white American rapture mania. 355 00:22:26,573 --> 00:22:37,133 And one of the things I've always said, it's like, it's, they're excited, not because they actually want to go live in the sky with Jesus, they want to be right. 356 00:22:37,133 --> 00:22:39,954 And they want to see everyone else get punished. 357 00:22:39,955 --> 00:22:40,495 Right? 358 00:22:40,495 --> 00:22:47,541 Like they want that moment of flying up in the sky and being like, see, we were right. 359 00:22:47,541 --> 00:22:49,784 Now all the rest of them are going to burn in 360 00:22:49,784 --> 00:22:51,425 That's a terrible goal. 361 00:22:51,785 --> 00:22:55,427 I want everyone to know that's weird, okay? 362 00:22:55,427 --> 00:22:59,109 And that's why I've been also thinking about it as right supremacy. 363 00:22:59,329 --> 00:23:01,392 Because you just want to be right. 364 00:23:01,392 --> 00:23:03,423 You don't care how terrible you are. 365 00:23:03,423 --> 00:23:07,556 And it's like gambling on godly goodness and just godly. 366 00:23:07,556 --> 00:23:10,030 Whatever that you decided that old white man said. 367 00:23:10,030 --> 00:23:13,151 as soon as you said that, like, you just got to be right, right? 368 00:23:13,151 --> 00:23:16,442 It's like, this is the cult thing. 369 00:23:16,442 --> 00:23:25,144 But it's also like, as soon as you say there's only one way of life, then you got to fight about having the right way. 370 00:23:25,144 --> 00:23:28,635 Instead of just being like all that there are different ways. 371 00:23:28,635 --> 00:23:36,996 This is why one of my one of my like, vaccines like cult vaccines, I give people is just there are many what 372 00:23:36,996 --> 00:23:39,694 There are many valid ways to live a 373 00:23:39,694 --> 00:23:41,676 Yeah, that's it. 374 00:23:41,676 --> 00:23:42,958 Calm down. 375 00:23:42,958 --> 00:23:45,600 Most of my stuff is like, guys, it's fine. 376 00:23:45,641 --> 00:23:46,854 Just be today. 377 00:23:46,854 --> 00:23:50,257 I feel like this is something that as cult babies, we have to learn. 378 00:23:50,257 --> 00:23:56,383 Like when you figure something out and it changes your life, like we just gotta tell everybody. 379 00:23:56,383 --> 00:24:02,208 And like right now I've been using a hand steamer on my curls in the morning and it just makes them so perfect. 380 00:24:02,208 --> 00:24:11,495 And like, I just wanna tell every, my God, if you don't have one, like, cause you can do hand steam all your crochet and knitting with it. 381 00:24:11,495 --> 00:24:13,074 Like that's what I have it for. 382 00:24:13,074 --> 00:24:13,967 And then someone, 383 00:24:13,967 --> 00:24:14,941 Hmm. 384 00:24:14,941 --> 00:24:22,841 doing the curls and I mean, obviously we have different hair, but for me it just like poof, like, you know, because I wake up with them all smushed from sleeping. 385 00:24:22,841 --> 00:24:27,601 And so I almost never have them down unless I've just set them and done them. 386 00:24:27,601 --> 00:24:30,381 And all of a sudden it's like, oh, there's this cool. 387 00:24:30,901 --> 00:24:39,801 Anyway, this is one of those things that I used to notice with myself where was like, I found a new thing and then I would just like have to tell everyone about it. 388 00:24:39,801 --> 00:24:43,553 And one day I realized like, I just, I don't. 389 00:24:43,553 --> 00:24:44,314 to do that. 390 00:24:44,314 --> 00:24:48,777 You know, like if it comes up naturally in conversation, that's cool. 391 00:24:48,777 --> 00:24:57,614 But like, just because I found something and it is amazing for me, like, I don't, I don't actually have to go evangelize it to the whole world. 392 00:24:57,614 --> 00:24:59,366 Like that is labor. 393 00:24:59,366 --> 00:25:00,307 That's a choice. 394 00:25:00,307 --> 00:25:01,377 It's not bad. 395 00:25:01,377 --> 00:25:03,684 I'm just saying that like the 396 00:25:03,684 --> 00:25:05,705 thing and used it for bad. 397 00:25:05,705 --> 00:25:13,327 I think that's just something we battle with also as like autistic people, special interests and like you can connect it to everything. 398 00:25:13,327 --> 00:25:14,637 It's really hard to stop. 399 00:25:14,637 --> 00:25:24,870 Do you know how hard it is to have a special interest of white women and how they specifically are powerful in dismantling the terrible systems around us, but they just 400 00:25:24,870 --> 00:25:26,241 won't get out of their own way. 401 00:25:26,241 --> 00:25:27,888 Do you know how hard it is? 402 00:25:27,888 --> 00:25:30,308 to not tell white women that all the time. 403 00:25:30,308 --> 00:25:32,128 It's very, and that's why I stay inside. 404 00:25:32,128 --> 00:25:33,768 So listen, I'm not saying I have the solution. 405 00:25:33,768 --> 00:25:35,068 I don't have solutions. 406 00:25:35,068 --> 00:25:38,688 I have answers, which are, yeah, join the awareness land. 407 00:25:38,688 --> 00:25:41,439 I don't know, but I need you aware first. 408 00:25:41,439 --> 00:25:48,739 like aware that there are many ways, because if your parents were the ones telling you that, my parents didn't tell me that. 409 00:25:48,739 --> 00:25:50,159 There's only one way, right? 410 00:25:50,159 --> 00:25:51,999 I got the vibe from society. 411 00:25:51,999 --> 00:25:55,574 I grew into the cult a bit, and that's why it was probably easier for me to get out. 412 00:25:55,574 --> 00:26:00,027 And because I still had the vibe of like, no, we don't believe in any of this stuff. 413 00:26:00,027 --> 00:26:05,761 We just, this is the world we are around and yeah, these people are Christian and that's weird. 414 00:26:05,761 --> 00:26:10,845 You know, where my mom grew up going to Yeshiva, but being the rebel who took off her jacket. 415 00:26:10,845 --> 00:26:12,906 And like, that's the story I knew about her. 416 00:26:12,906 --> 00:26:19,010 You know, and with my dad just being Jamaican and that and there's all this stuff where it's just like, who knows? 417 00:26:19,151 --> 00:26:24,574 And so I imagine that's hard for people, but even I had to go through the whole like, 418 00:26:24,804 --> 00:26:26,355 Corporate America is just... 419 00:26:26,355 --> 00:26:31,803 a cult, it's just like the military of business of the economy. 420 00:26:31,803 --> 00:26:44,640 trying to boil you down to being replaceable, you know, and this is one of the things you realize in the army, you know, after a couple of years, you're like, every single job is 421 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:53,312 made to be immediately replaceable by someone else with the same training and the same rank, right? 422 00:26:53,312 --> 00:26:56,853 So so they honestly have to 423 00:26:56,945 --> 00:26:59,497 You know, so like when I came into the army, I spoke three languages. 424 00:26:59,497 --> 00:27:05,333 I was like, y'all should be snatching me up right now to use for some special skill. 425 00:27:05,333 --> 00:27:09,236 But they're like, like every call, it's like, nope, your lieutenant is a lieutenant. 426 00:27:09,236 --> 00:27:10,347 You got to go sacrifice. 427 00:27:10,347 --> 00:27:12,418 You got to go pay your dues. 428 00:27:12,939 --> 00:27:24,079 But it's also because like you can't actually have a role that rests on someone's individuality because then what if that person is gone? 429 00:27:24,478 --> 00:27:27,280 and then you can't fill that anymore, right? 430 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:38,866 So the more you systematize, but, you know, and it's interesting because this is also true that bureaucracy is the opposite of charismatic leadership, right? 431 00:27:38,866 --> 00:27:43,108 And so it's like the more you systematize, the less individual you make it. 432 00:27:43,108 --> 00:27:48,851 Also, it's harder for one person to kind of like grab it and steer. 433 00:27:48,851 --> 00:27:51,032 So we assume that it's safer. 434 00:27:51,032 --> 00:27:52,454 uh 435 00:27:52,454 --> 00:27:54,415 we complexify for those reasons. 436 00:27:54,415 --> 00:27:54,738 Yeah. 437 00:27:54,738 --> 00:27:55,179 Yeah. 438 00:27:55,179 --> 00:27:55,751 m 439 00:27:55,751 --> 00:28:05,138 of that is boiling, you know, boiling yourself down to like they call batch experiences, you know, so you can't be an individual. 440 00:28:05,198 --> 00:28:08,821 You have to fit in these molds. 441 00:28:08,821 --> 00:28:19,149 So like batch living is like if you're in a military barracks and like you wake up at four, you all go work out, you eat breakfast at 10, lunches at. 442 00:28:19,417 --> 00:28:22,870 whatever hours, dinner is at this, lights out is at nine o'clock. 443 00:28:22,870 --> 00:28:30,553 So like, when you're with a bunch of other adults and you're living on a schedule, basically that's batch living. 444 00:28:30,553 --> 00:28:35,595 Ooh, you know, it's like, and so bad experiences. 445 00:28:35,595 --> 00:28:42,658 So now it's like, you can't speak to anything in particular and you are denial because you're just going through what everybody else is going through. 446 00:28:42,658 --> 00:28:51,141 Like you, there's this, and then they also have you go through horrible experiences so that you can deny other people's horrible experiences. 447 00:28:51,341 --> 00:28:51,771 Yeah. 448 00:28:51,771 --> 00:28:57,791 who have been through that batch experience, but no one else can understand it, right? 449 00:28:57,791 --> 00:29:00,111 So it becomes this like thing. 450 00:29:00,111 --> 00:29:02,451 Now you're this more insular group. 451 00:29:02,451 --> 00:29:07,371 And even if new people come up, you know, like right now, like with the army, right? 452 00:29:07,371 --> 00:29:16,211 Like in the army, I guarantee you between the folks who deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan and the folks that didn't, there's an attitude. 453 00:29:16,423 --> 00:29:16,816 Right? 454 00:29:16,816 --> 00:29:19,314 Of like, you just don't get it. 455 00:29:19,314 --> 00:29:20,755 and that's never good. 456 00:29:20,755 --> 00:29:32,520 White people with the, I've been also working on like capital I's, like capital I's, but like capital I's, they just very have like this, I went, you don't understand what I went 457 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:33,280 through. 458 00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:36,702 And like, there's a very like, you have no idea. 459 00:29:36,702 --> 00:29:38,942 They say that all the time, white people. 460 00:29:38,942 --> 00:29:40,203 You have no idea. 461 00:29:40,203 --> 00:29:42,323 And they mean it seriously. 462 00:29:42,724 --> 00:29:46,021 And I think that's weird, lowercase I. 463 00:29:46,021 --> 00:29:51,312 But anyway, white people love capitalizing stuff and yelling stuff and being like, you don't understand. 464 00:29:51,312 --> 00:29:51,826 What do you mean? 465 00:29:51,826 --> 00:30:02,099 it's very true, first of all, because I've personally been told, you know, I was once told by a straight white Christian conservative man that there was no market for my stories 466 00:30:02,099 --> 00:30:09,311 because nobody could relate to them, you know, because like nobody can understand growing up in a sex cult or being a woman at war. 467 00:30:09,551 --> 00:30:19,534 But also that was something that I had to pull out of my writing very hard was this, you couldn't understand or you could never. 468 00:30:19,534 --> 00:30:20,784 And it's like, no. 469 00:30:20,908 --> 00:30:26,334 you need to get better at telling the story and you need to trust the reader, right? 470 00:30:26,334 --> 00:30:34,652 Because if you describe a human experience and you describe your human emotions, other people can understand. 471 00:30:34,653 --> 00:30:39,027 And that's even like, that's uh a recruiting tactic for cults, right? 472 00:30:39,027 --> 00:30:41,620 They'll be like, oh, most people wouldn't get this. 473 00:30:41,620 --> 00:30:44,070 Most people wouldn't understand. 474 00:30:44,070 --> 00:30:45,941 your friends and family won't get it. 475 00:30:45,941 --> 00:30:47,402 I always tell my audience, right? 476 00:30:47,402 --> 00:30:51,643 I'm like, right there, I want you to stop them and be like, what are you saying about my friends and family? 477 00:30:51,643 --> 00:30:58,777 Right, that right there is the boundary, the thing, the trigger you should hear is they won't get it. 478 00:30:58,777 --> 00:30:59,598 You don't even know them. 479 00:30:59,598 --> 00:31:01,038 There's the they. 480 00:31:01,119 --> 00:31:04,913 The ominous theoretical they is usually real people. 481 00:31:04,913 --> 00:31:17,079 let me tell you, like the more and more I think about it, the more and more I think like, I may be one of the first people that actually wrote a military book for them instead of 482 00:31:17,079 --> 00:31:18,980 for us, right? 483 00:31:18,980 --> 00:31:23,143 Because male veterans, there's 13, 12 million of them, right? 484 00:31:23,143 --> 00:31:27,015 So if they, and this has been true ever since the modern wars. 485 00:31:27,170 --> 00:31:34,215 If they want to write a book about being a veteran, about like a military experience, they do it as true to the experience as they can. 486 00:31:34,215 --> 00:31:39,229 And other veterans are going to relate to that. 487 00:31:39,229 --> 00:31:45,314 And if you pick it up as a civilian, great, you're getting this outside experience, right? 488 00:31:45,354 --> 00:31:48,480 But for me, there's not enough, right? 489 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,598 There's only a million women veterans. 490 00:31:50,598 --> 00:31:52,173 there's, there was, there. 491 00:31:52,173 --> 00:31:55,427 So like you're just giving, getting agreement. 492 00:31:55,427 --> 00:31:56,699 It's writing to the people. 493 00:31:56,699 --> 00:31:59,953 Like what is the point of the writing? 494 00:31:59,953 --> 00:32:00,563 Yeah. 495 00:32:00,563 --> 00:32:16,732 is that I think like, because I had to translate my experience for the outside world, that actually allowed me to write a military experience in a way that an outsider can kind of 496 00:32:16,732 --> 00:32:18,154 like participate in it. 497 00:32:18,154 --> 00:32:18,604 Right. 498 00:32:18,604 --> 00:32:22,569 But yeah, and people can always, right? 499 00:32:22,569 --> 00:32:23,620 Black people are proof. 500 00:32:23,620 --> 00:32:25,771 Y'all haven't represented us ever. 501 00:32:25,912 --> 00:32:34,117 And we read and what are the lessons we choose to get out of them are the arc include the context that y'all don't let us write books. 502 00:32:34,519 --> 00:32:34,879 Right? 503 00:32:34,879 --> 00:32:37,111 So, but white people don't have that context. 504 00:32:37,111 --> 00:32:40,184 White people have the, this is what good books are. 505 00:32:40,184 --> 00:32:42,906 Cause it's in front of you and whatever. 506 00:32:43,026 --> 00:32:46,725 You know, there's not enough zooming out to realize 507 00:32:46,725 --> 00:32:48,336 You don't need relatable. 508 00:32:48,336 --> 00:32:49,726 We're all humans. 509 00:32:49,726 --> 00:32:52,357 Sometimes I don't want to hear a story that relates to mine. 510 00:32:52,357 --> 00:32:54,388 Literally, white lady books. 511 00:32:54,508 --> 00:32:59,090 I want to hear a white lady book, but they tell you no one cares about that. 512 00:32:59,491 --> 00:33:01,571 Because, but who are they? 513 00:33:01,571 --> 00:33:03,032 That's them when I need you. 514 00:33:03,032 --> 00:33:04,833 Will y'all just sit with who is they? 515 00:33:04,833 --> 00:33:06,233 That guy? 516 00:33:06,525 --> 00:33:08,714 Yeah, you're not writing it for him. 517 00:33:08,714 --> 00:33:10,475 Especially anyone who thinks like him. 518 00:33:10,475 --> 00:33:13,266 Are you trying to convince a man that your story is worthy? 519 00:33:13,266 --> 00:33:15,060 Well, that's why I don't like the industry. 520 00:33:15,060 --> 00:33:23,635 The system will always replace it with another person who's going to make you feel like you need to beg for your story to be told. 521 00:33:23,635 --> 00:33:34,742 Like you think about how white women sometimes think about my content and how they feel like they're doing me a big favor by saying, I've followed you for a while, but this blah, 522 00:33:34,742 --> 00:33:35,532 blah, 523 00:33:35,787 --> 00:33:37,094 This one's too much. 524 00:33:37,094 --> 00:33:38,325 oh 525 00:33:38,325 --> 00:33:39,045 You know what I mean? 526 00:33:39,045 --> 00:33:44,405 That person isn't buying anything if I'm caring about selling, but that's also not the person I want to talk to. 527 00:33:44,405 --> 00:33:45,725 Who am I talking to? 528 00:33:45,725 --> 00:33:46,825 And I'm aware of that. 529 00:33:46,825 --> 00:33:47,925 I'm very particular. 530 00:33:47,925 --> 00:33:59,985 I talk to white women, but it's one for black women, but also for white women and for myself, because I need to understand what is going on with y'all. 531 00:33:59,985 --> 00:34:03,765 And y'all aren't talking about it until maybe I bring something up and then you say something. 532 00:34:03,765 --> 00:34:04,565 So. 533 00:34:04,565 --> 00:34:11,830 Um, a black woman also asked me, so I just want to, she said genuine question to me and I was like, Oh, but it was a black woman. 534 00:34:11,830 --> 00:34:15,252 And then she had an actual genuine question and it made so much sense that she said that. 535 00:34:15,252 --> 00:34:18,755 And I was like, this is us anyway, just starting off so strong. 536 00:34:18,755 --> 00:34:21,136 said, do white women have a phrase? 537 00:34:21,136 --> 00:34:23,308 Um, like if it don't apply, let it fly. 538 00:34:23,308 --> 00:34:23,958 Right. 539 00:34:23,958 --> 00:34:27,140 And, um, she said, I think it would help them. 540 00:34:27,421 --> 00:34:32,184 You know, she was genuinely asking, like, do they, you know, asking me and I was like, this is amazing. 541 00:34:32,184 --> 00:34:32,865 I love this. 542 00:34:32,865 --> 00:34:34,095 Um, 543 00:34:34,191 --> 00:34:38,706 And I said, no, one, they've heard this recently and they just take that. 544 00:34:38,706 --> 00:34:43,690 And secondly, there's a phrase they don't have, which is if you like it, I love it. 545 00:34:43,991 --> 00:34:46,945 And now this can mean quite a few things in black community, but 546 00:34:46,945 --> 00:34:52,180 that oh if you like it, I love it means do you do you? 547 00:34:52,180 --> 00:34:54,400 I'm going to be over here rooting for you. 548 00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:56,331 I'm team you, whatever you want to do. 549 00:34:56,331 --> 00:35:00,083 Sometimes it means I would never, I would never do that ever. 550 00:35:00,083 --> 00:35:03,245 Sometimes it means he cute for you. 551 00:35:03,245 --> 00:35:05,886 You know, it could mean a lot of stuff, but there's a 552 00:35:05,889 --> 00:35:08,961 there's a basis, an underlying love happening. 553 00:35:08,961 --> 00:35:12,513 And white people said, well, we do have uh whatever floats your boat. 554 00:35:12,513 --> 00:35:14,434 And then a couple of people said that. 555 00:35:14,434 --> 00:35:15,774 And I thought, okay. 556 00:35:15,774 --> 00:35:17,914 And someone said, whatever floats your boat. 557 00:35:17,914 --> 00:35:20,295 I don't know who invented that one, whatever. 558 00:35:20,295 --> 00:35:24,207 And I said, you don't know who invented whatever floats your boat? 559 00:35:24,207 --> 00:35:27,008 That's a white people-ism, okay? 560 00:35:27,008 --> 00:35:29,058 That is, listen to it. 561 00:35:29,058 --> 00:35:31,969 Whatever floats your boat, gets weird. 562 00:35:32,043 --> 00:35:32,874 Okay. 563 00:35:32,874 --> 00:35:34,815 Or I would never yuck your yum. 564 00:35:34,815 --> 00:35:36,396 I heard that one too. 565 00:35:36,396 --> 00:35:38,688 at a certain point, I think we need to smell it. 566 00:35:38,688 --> 00:35:44,091 You know, cause I used to love that one for like, oh, lunches and like people bring different types of lunches to school. 567 00:35:44,091 --> 00:35:52,716 But now that I know what some of y'all are eating and what you're not washing, what you're touching and stuff, I'm going to yuck a, I'm a yuck a yum. 568 00:35:52,716 --> 00:35:56,708 You know, and that's not the same as, you know, or mine. 569 00:35:56,708 --> 00:35:58,417 It's just like white people have. 570 00:35:58,417 --> 00:36:05,182 Mind your business slogans that like, I don't care, whatever floats your boat, know, hands off. 571 00:36:05,182 --> 00:36:16,048 goes back to this thing of like, I don't think white people have the concept that it's okay to be different from the rest of the group, right? 572 00:36:16,048 --> 00:36:18,039 So that goes back to the evangelizing thing. 573 00:36:18,039 --> 00:36:23,946 If you find something that works for you, you have to tell everyone about it you have to convince them it's correct. 574 00:36:23,946 --> 00:36:27,955 And you have to, you know, get them on it too. 575 00:36:27,955 --> 00:36:31,608 Because if you're the only one doing it, you're not safe. 576 00:36:31,608 --> 00:36:33,900 Or it's not valid somehow, it's not valid. 577 00:36:33,900 --> 00:36:40,197 You don't validly like it until someone else comes back and is like, yeah, I tried the curl thing and it's amazing. 578 00:36:40,197 --> 00:36:45,610 And it's like, instead of just being like, this is amazing, it works for me, I do it every morning now. 579 00:36:45,610 --> 00:36:50,076 Yeah, that just like, is a thing I've been obsessed with and you're just sharing, right? 580 00:36:50,076 --> 00:36:56,163 You're not necessarily evangelizing to the point where you're like, if they don't do it, that's a failure on your part. 581 00:36:56,163 --> 00:36:57,917 What it, no, because they probably have routine. 582 00:36:57,917 --> 00:36:58,846 You're just. 583 00:36:58,846 --> 00:37:00,058 for you to keep doing it. 584 00:37:00,058 --> 00:37:02,700 You know, it's like that too, you know. 585 00:37:03,054 --> 00:37:05,629 Yeah, no one ever, like who said all of that? 586 00:37:05,629 --> 00:37:07,021 You know, all of this. 587 00:37:07,063 --> 00:37:11,666 and again, this goes back to all the things, but like witch trials, right? 588 00:37:11,568 --> 00:37:14,820 For white people, I think this always comes back to witch trials. 589 00:37:14,820 --> 00:37:20,294 And it's so important to understand the like history of witch burnings in Europe, right? 590 00:37:20,294 --> 00:37:29,360 Like white people burning hundreds of thousands of women who were slightly different for any reason, right? 591 00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:32,238 And then in America, 592 00:37:32,238 --> 00:37:38,383 much fewer, but still that very significant history of witch trials. 593 00:37:38,383 --> 00:37:43,028 And it's like that rocked white culture, right? 594 00:37:43,028 --> 00:37:48,632 To the point that from the 16, yeah. 595 00:37:48,673 --> 00:37:53,357 I mean, I just think that like, yeah, yeah, yeah. 596 00:37:53,357 --> 00:37:59,482 And I just think that from the 1600s to basically now, right? 597 00:37:59,574 --> 00:38:05,709 it has been seen as no, it's too dangerous to be a woman who stands out in any way, right? 598 00:38:05,709 --> 00:38:15,066 So whether that's by not having kids, whether that's by making too much money, whether that's by being too vocal, whether that's just by doing your own thing, it's dangerous. 599 00:38:16,708 --> 00:38:24,915 And that is, think, like deeply in the DNA of being, I don't know if it's American woman or white 600 00:38:24,915 --> 00:38:28,385 woman, you know, um yeah, that's... 601 00:38:28,385 --> 00:38:32,227 mean, because if it's not witch, you're gonna be a bitch. 602 00:38:32,227 --> 00:38:34,589 And usually that's a black person, right? 603 00:38:34,589 --> 00:38:35,599 It starts with us. 604 00:38:35,599 --> 00:38:41,768 It starts with black women being loud and all that. 605 00:38:42,146 --> 00:38:57,126 it was something that I really kind of struggled to describe was that my relationship with white Christian Americans tended to be, but Daniela, why you gotta be so different on 606 00:38:57,126 --> 00:38:57,897 purpose? 607 00:38:57,897 --> 00:39:06,488 You know, like the amount of white people that asked me why I was teaching my child other languages. 608 00:39:06,488 --> 00:39:13,001 You know, and just like, it is this, if you wanted, you could have the keys to the kingdom, right? 609 00:39:13,001 --> 00:39:18,392 Like Rebecca, you can't ever really pass yourself off as the perfect skinny white woman. 610 00:39:18,793 --> 00:39:20,573 But I can't. 611 00:39:20,773 --> 00:39:23,433 So how dare I not? 612 00:39:23,634 --> 00:39:25,354 That has always been the kind of thing. 613 00:39:25,354 --> 00:39:32,506 was like people in the army, they would basically beg me to tell them I was Jewish or some kind of other religion, right? 614 00:39:32,506 --> 00:39:33,774 Like they'd be like, you're not. 615 00:39:33,774 --> 00:39:35,367 You're not a Christian? 616 00:39:35,367 --> 00:39:37,091 I'd be like, are you Jewish? 617 00:39:37,091 --> 00:39:38,092 No. 618 00:39:38,403 --> 00:39:43,372 Oh, so are you like, no, no, I'm just not religious. 619 00:39:43,372 --> 00:39:44,244 Thanks. 620 00:39:44,244 --> 00:39:45,375 And it's like. 621 00:39:45,655 --> 00:39:47,849 Why do you need to have one? 622 00:39:47,849 --> 00:40:01,439 I really couldn't, it's like I couldn't answer the question until I got the like, really the white supremacy piece and the blonde piece and the like, ideal of this like image that 623 00:40:01,439 --> 00:40:04,781 I was subconsciously trying to achieve, right? 624 00:40:04,781 --> 00:40:10,095 And like, in that image, you're not supposed to be different, right? 625 00:40:10,095 --> 00:40:13,778 Perfect Barbie doesn't speak Spanish and Portuguese, right? 626 00:40:13,778 --> 00:40:15,899 She's all American. 627 00:40:15,910 --> 00:40:26,258 And so the funny part for me is like the whole time I was on this hamster wheel, I still hated the idea of being bland and not standing out. 628 00:40:26,258 --> 00:40:29,560 So I was still always kind of like doing it wrong. 629 00:40:30,047 --> 00:40:34,488 Yes, all of us, because there's no way to be a not human human. 630 00:40:35,648 --> 00:40:38,408 You know, there's no one's winning at this. 631 00:40:38,408 --> 00:40:40,288 Sorry, I'm gonna turn my turn, not to disturb on. 632 00:40:40,768 --> 00:40:42,208 There's no one's winning at this game. 633 00:40:42,208 --> 00:40:43,628 They're all pretending. 634 00:40:43,908 --> 00:40:52,948 Even the ones that aren't necessarily pretending as hard or it's easier for them, I guess, or, you know, they're rewarded more often, whatever, they're in a different place. 635 00:40:53,028 --> 00:40:57,548 You know, what are you aiming for? 636 00:40:57,548 --> 00:40:58,408 Skinnier. 637 00:40:58,583 --> 00:41:03,125 with just paler, lighter, younger. 638 00:41:03,125 --> 00:41:03,905 What? 639 00:41:03,905 --> 00:41:05,246 Like what's happening? 640 00:41:05,246 --> 00:41:10,968 And zooming out to see who said, who said, was it Simon? 641 00:41:10,968 --> 00:41:14,350 Does this unknown Simon says, what's Simon about? 642 00:41:14,350 --> 00:41:15,911 What are his incentives here? 643 00:41:15,911 --> 00:41:22,235 uh Yeah, sounds about right, right, you know? 644 00:41:22,235 --> 00:41:23,255 And what does he know? 645 00:41:23,255 --> 00:41:24,639 He's never done a thing. 646 00:41:24,639 --> 00:41:26,394 this beige top really fun. 647 00:41:26,394 --> 00:41:27,087 What am I looking at? 648 00:41:27,087 --> 00:41:28,247 OK, like a crap. 649 00:41:28,247 --> 00:41:28,686 All right. 650 00:41:28,686 --> 00:41:29,318 I like that. 651 00:41:29,318 --> 00:41:31,060 crappy and I put some matching. 652 00:41:31,060 --> 00:41:33,222 So wait, this is the whole outfit. 653 00:41:33,222 --> 00:41:34,002 All right. 654 00:41:34,002 --> 00:41:38,562 So this collar that I made from an Indian shirt. 655 00:41:38,562 --> 00:41:48,288 And then these two cuffs that I just made, which was out of, this was out of one sleeve off of like an Indian Shawlarkinese like big shirt. 656 00:41:48,288 --> 00:41:49,628 And I made cuffs. 657 00:41:50,929 --> 00:41:51,949 No. 658 00:41:52,970 --> 00:41:55,451 Just sweatpants. 659 00:41:56,092 --> 00:42:00,174 I've got some dark blue sweatpants like that's probably what it's gonna be honestly. 660 00:42:00,174 --> 00:42:00,681 Yeah. 661 00:42:00,681 --> 00:42:01,623 up on the top? 662 00:42:01,623 --> 00:42:03,348 Just curious, just curious. 663 00:42:03,348 --> 00:42:12,892 My outfits are very top heavy, but no, I'm actually gonna take this uh completely beige bra now and just completely like dress it up with color. 664 00:42:12,892 --> 00:42:16,446 That seems good for what we're talking about. 665 00:42:16,558 --> 00:42:17,319 Yeah. 666 00:42:17,319 --> 00:42:31,289 mean, the choice to put color and also, okay, so like you were saying, you know, people expect if you have the ability to get that proximity, to get that good job, you know, to, 667 00:42:31,289 --> 00:42:37,115 for me, you know, cause within black culture, same thing, you know, to make it out and to do all this stuff. 668 00:42:37,115 --> 00:42:41,904 All you gotta do is give up all of your fun. 669 00:42:41,904 --> 00:42:42,622 you are. 670 00:42:42,622 --> 00:42:45,624 and personality and the things you like and care about. 671 00:42:45,624 --> 00:42:47,845 And then you get everything you want. 672 00:42:47,845 --> 00:42:59,038 And if you choose not to, just like when I choose to say I'm black instead of biracial, there is a discomfort with people of like, why would you choose not to lean into this 673 00:42:59,038 --> 00:43:00,688 thing that gives you more power? 674 00:43:00,688 --> 00:43:01,749 Power where? 675 00:43:01,749 --> 00:43:03,169 To do what? 676 00:43:03,589 --> 00:43:04,771 Attractive to who? 677 00:43:04,771 --> 00:43:08,177 Not the type of people that mean well for me. 678 00:43:08,177 --> 00:43:19,024 if I do this, if I wear this thing or if I dress more like this or wear my hair straight, it is more attractive to that, to that stranger. 679 00:43:19,024 --> 00:43:20,745 was such a realization for me. 680 00:43:20,745 --> 00:43:29,882 And this is really the, I think the point of the whole book when I write it, it's like, yeah, I was, yes, I looked like Barbie, right? 681 00:43:29,882 --> 00:43:31,043 Literally. 682 00:43:31,183 --> 00:43:32,905 And who married me? 683 00:43:32,905 --> 00:43:35,366 A fucking white supremacist, right? 684 00:43:35,366 --> 00:43:38,209 Like more attractive to who? 685 00:43:38,209 --> 00:43:40,504 And that's what was like when 686 00:43:40,504 --> 00:43:44,957 And by the way, folks, if you haven't listened to our third episode, whoops, I married a white supremacist. 687 00:43:44,957 --> 00:43:46,459 Go check that one out. 688 00:43:46,459 --> 00:43:48,140 This has been a long journey. 689 00:43:48,140 --> 00:43:54,134 But I when I when I found out that he was being kicked out of the army for white supremacy, right. 690 00:43:54,134 --> 00:43:55,914 And then I had to testify. 691 00:43:55,914 --> 00:44:03,391 And then, gosh, it was like I felt like it was like two weeks where I was just walking around in a daze. 692 00:44:03,391 --> 00:44:06,972 Like, I want to pull my face off, you know, like. 693 00:44:06,972 --> 00:44:07,516 Mmm. 694 00:44:07,516 --> 00:44:08,376 It was that, right? 695 00:44:08,376 --> 00:44:11,099 It was attractive to whom, right? 696 00:44:11,099 --> 00:44:30,905 Like now, honestly, when people tell me, oh, you're so pretty, like every time it creeps me out because I understand that I fit the idealized, stupid, you know, the one, the one 697 00:44:30,905 --> 00:44:34,107 they picked to be like, this is pretty. 698 00:44:34,336 --> 00:44:35,817 The picked flower. 699 00:44:35,817 --> 00:44:36,658 Wonderful. 700 00:44:36,658 --> 00:44:38,339 Slowly dying. 701 00:44:38,921 --> 00:44:39,604 You know? 702 00:44:39,604 --> 00:44:43,275 you know what, like, that's how I felt, right? 703 00:44:43,275 --> 00:44:49,707 When I was in this relationship with this guy who like, didn't even like for me to tell people that I spoke Spanish, right? 704 00:44:49,707 --> 00:44:53,498 He then it'll just become a conversation about why you speak Spanish, blah, blah, blah. 705 00:44:53,498 --> 00:44:56,499 And it's like, I like to speak Spanish. 706 00:44:56,499 --> 00:44:58,239 I like to speak Portuguese. 707 00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:04,581 I like to participate in those cultures because they're mine and also because they're awesome. 708 00:45:04,869 --> 00:45:12,705 And it was like, there was this bargain of like, can, like, which life do you want? 709 00:45:13,045 --> 00:45:13,659 Right? 710 00:45:13,659 --> 00:45:21,110 Do you want to be the weird white girl who's always having to explain or do you just want to be Erica Kirk? 711 00:45:21,589 --> 00:45:22,389 Right. 712 00:45:22,389 --> 00:45:30,543 And there's somewhere in the middle where you get to decide when and how you talk about whatever you want by only going to places where you speak when you want. 713 00:45:30,543 --> 00:45:31,593 Like, you know what I mean? 714 00:45:31,593 --> 00:45:33,164 If you want to explain, then you can explain. 715 00:45:33,164 --> 00:45:34,855 If you want to speak Spanish, you can speak Spanish. 716 00:45:34,855 --> 00:45:39,006 I think the language limitation is so purposeful. 717 00:45:39,006 --> 00:45:46,769 You know, so many people who don't speak Spanish because their parents didn't teach them Spanish in order to help them in their mind. 718 00:45:46,769 --> 00:45:50,985 I, you know, and dealing with that and not being able to, that would 719 00:45:50,985 --> 00:45:58,548 I can't even imagine the heartbreak in some ways, because I think being able to speak multiple languages is, I don't, I mean, I speak white and black and TikTok. 720 00:45:58,548 --> 00:46:06,031 And I realized that I was like, actually it's really hard because I make videos and I'm like, if you guys knew how funny I am right now, but you don't speak black TikTok, you 721 00:46:06,031 --> 00:46:07,052 speak TikTok. 722 00:46:07,052 --> 00:46:10,033 I speak black and white and I'm talking about whiteness with a black TikTok. 723 00:46:10,033 --> 00:46:12,454 It's a whole thing you guys don't even know. 724 00:46:12,554 --> 00:46:13,956 But that's my struggle to deal with. 725 00:46:13,956 --> 00:46:18,570 I've been dealing with it in my own life, but it's like, you know, like, it just are cool. 726 00:46:18,570 --> 00:46:25,148 we were walking, was telling my kid today about the does my dog know he's black Twitter trend from a long time ago. 727 00:46:25,148 --> 00:46:26,109 It was so great. 728 00:46:26,109 --> 00:46:34,597 It was like, if you could be a white person and just sit there quietly and read them, you could learn so much about black culture. 729 00:46:34,597 --> 00:46:35,618 It was great. 730 00:46:35,618 --> 00:46:36,640 And it was funny. 731 00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:39,642 And we don't even know because it's just life, right? 732 00:46:39,642 --> 00:46:41,313 It's just living to us. 733 00:46:41,313 --> 00:46:43,095 That's American culture. 734 00:46:43,095 --> 00:46:44,636 You guys have yours. 735 00:46:44,636 --> 00:46:45,416 Boo. 736 00:46:45,416 --> 00:46:46,297 We heard about it. 737 00:46:46,297 --> 00:46:47,318 It's not great. 738 00:46:47,318 --> 00:46:49,279 We give middle names to the dogs. 739 00:46:49,279 --> 00:46:58,546 We give them like they're, we respect them like humans in a way, like where you guys respect them as your pets and belonging, like this weird dress them up thing. 740 00:46:58,546 --> 00:47:02,508 We dress them up for occasions if they need to, whatever. 741 00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:03,289 but 742 00:47:03,289 --> 00:47:13,309 I just made a video where I had to acknowledge like there's a black sound going on and look, if white women don't get it, whoop dee doo, which whoop dee doo is a very popular 743 00:47:13,309 --> 00:47:14,369 black sound right now. 744 00:47:14,369 --> 00:47:16,649 And so I use it and then I say, Fran's black. 745 00:47:16,649 --> 00:47:17,569 We don't kiss on the mouth. 746 00:47:17,569 --> 00:47:21,069 And that's the end of the video and white people either you're going to get it. 747 00:47:21,069 --> 00:47:22,009 You're not going to get it. 748 00:47:22,009 --> 00:47:22,929 That's okay. 749 00:47:22,929 --> 00:47:24,369 We're all just in it together. 750 00:47:24,369 --> 00:47:25,749 You know, if you like it, I love it. 751 00:47:25,749 --> 00:47:29,989 I need you guys to have that energy with me sometimes not like, I don't understand. 752 00:47:30,009 --> 00:47:32,209 Can you explain why this is funny? 753 00:47:32,349 --> 00:47:33,325 No, just 754 00:47:33,325 --> 00:47:35,293 This is one of those that you're suffering you, guess. 755 00:47:35,293 --> 00:47:35,948 I don't know. 756 00:47:35,948 --> 00:47:38,532 And also, I like it, you love it. 757 00:47:38,532 --> 00:47:42,380 Like we need a white version of that of like, I don't have to participate. 758 00:47:42,380 --> 00:47:46,548 Like I can sit here and enjoy that you're having fun with it. 759 00:47:46,548 --> 00:47:46,988 Yes. 760 00:47:46,988 --> 00:47:51,551 And that is its own fun of like, I can't wait till you come back. 761 00:47:51,551 --> 00:47:53,442 And I talk about double Dutch in that way. 762 00:47:53,442 --> 00:47:57,471 Whereas like monopoly versus double Dutch, right? 763 00:47:57,471 --> 00:48:00,516 Watching a family play monopoly sounds terrible. 764 00:48:00,516 --> 00:48:03,177 Playing monopoly as a family sounds terrible. 765 00:48:03,177 --> 00:48:07,620 Winning monopoly just means you've ruined everybody else's life on the board. 766 00:48:07,620 --> 00:48:08,380 Okay, great. 767 00:48:08,380 --> 00:48:10,181 Everyone's, everyone's there. 768 00:48:10,181 --> 00:48:10,982 Got it. 769 00:48:10,982 --> 00:48:12,322 They're mandatory. 770 00:48:12,322 --> 00:48:15,634 Double Dutch watching double Dutch is fun. 771 00:48:16,083 --> 00:48:18,966 watching people get it, get it and hey, what are they gonna do? 772 00:48:18,966 --> 00:48:19,656 That's fun. 773 00:48:19,656 --> 00:48:22,259 Being a Turner is fun. 774 00:48:22,259 --> 00:48:24,691 That is a skill, being able, waiting your turn. 775 00:48:24,691 --> 00:48:26,222 The whole thing. 776 00:48:26,563 --> 00:48:27,924 No one's winning. 777 00:48:28,065 --> 00:48:28,835 No one's losing. 778 00:48:28,835 --> 00:48:30,617 Everyone at the end ends up tripping up. 779 00:48:30,617 --> 00:48:34,291 You're not embarrassed when eventually you don't, you know, some people start in the middle. 780 00:48:34,291 --> 00:48:35,462 Some people go in. 781 00:48:35,462 --> 00:48:37,894 It's a whole, all ages. 782 00:48:38,535 --> 00:48:39,734 And, you know. 783 00:48:39,734 --> 00:48:41,246 for non-white cultures. 784 00:48:41,246 --> 00:48:43,949 know, it's just like you're dancing, you're dancing. 785 00:48:43,949 --> 00:48:54,442 like, everyone knows who the best dancer in like the community is or the neighborhood or whatever, but it's not because there's been some kind of like formal contest and you have 786 00:48:54,442 --> 00:48:56,516 been awarded a dancing. 787 00:48:56,516 --> 00:48:56,894 Right. 788 00:48:56,894 --> 00:49:06,450 of my favorite videos to this day is just starts off with did you know that white people in America and Britain send their kids to school to learn to dance? 789 00:49:06,450 --> 00:49:10,591 And then it just cuts to images of children just all over the world. 790 00:49:11,032 --> 00:49:16,735 Dancing on the streets just dancing like really good dancing for young children on the streets. 791 00:49:16,735 --> 00:49:23,081 And it's just like, it like when I okay, so you'll understand this completely. 792 00:49:23,081 --> 00:49:25,291 Like when I went to college and I 793 00:49:25,291 --> 00:49:26,493 went to parties. 794 00:49:26,493 --> 00:49:30,515 My only thing was like, white people are so boring. 795 00:49:30,576 --> 00:49:35,941 When I got introduced to college, I was dating a Hispanic guy who was in the Latino fraternity. 796 00:49:35,941 --> 00:49:39,103 So like still all the parties I went to had salsa dancing. 797 00:49:39,103 --> 00:49:43,047 And then all of a sudden, I started going to white people parties. 798 00:49:43,047 --> 00:49:46,989 And I was like, there's no, there's no event. 799 00:49:47,230 --> 00:49:51,645 It's just a bunch of people in an apartment drinking. 800 00:49:51,645 --> 00:49:53,525 until the cops come, you know? 801 00:49:53,525 --> 00:49:55,192 Like there's no, I was like what? 802 00:49:55,192 --> 00:49:59,320 Until the cops come is crazy and accurate. 803 00:49:59,322 --> 00:50:01,547 my God, you're right. 804 00:50:01,547 --> 00:50:03,770 The cops, my God. 805 00:50:04,514 --> 00:50:05,544 So different. 806 00:50:05,544 --> 00:50:13,047 you know, to the point that when I in college, I get introduced to the chess team, my college had the best chess team in the world. 807 00:50:13,047 --> 00:50:17,428 And it was a group of like international, still mostly white, but international people. 808 00:50:17,428 --> 00:50:22,340 And the most of the events included like a game, a tournament, blah, blah, blah. 809 00:50:22,340 --> 00:50:24,741 And I was like, well, at least it's something, right? 810 00:50:24,741 --> 00:50:30,113 Like, it's not my flavor, I want to dance, but at least there's some event to this. 811 00:50:30,113 --> 00:50:33,034 I just don't understand. 812 00:50:33,248 --> 00:50:37,660 The white people get together where the only event is alcohol. 813 00:50:37,660 --> 00:50:39,600 Like to me, it's boring. 814 00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:42,542 it's like, and it's not tasting alcohol. 815 00:50:42,542 --> 00:50:46,123 It's not, it's, it's binging. 816 00:50:46,164 --> 00:50:47,024 You have nothing. 817 00:50:47,024 --> 00:50:48,605 And then they call it raging. 818 00:50:48,605 --> 00:50:52,527 Can y'all just, their fun is rage. 819 00:50:52,527 --> 00:50:54,107 We're gonna rage. 820 00:50:54,508 --> 00:50:57,369 Everything fun they do, they talk about crushing it, killing it. 821 00:50:57,369 --> 00:50:58,790 We're gonna destroy them. 822 00:50:58,790 --> 00:50:59,930 We're gonna own them. 823 00:50:59,930 --> 00:51:02,041 White people, stop. 824 00:51:02,041 --> 00:51:03,976 You don't know how to have fun. 825 00:51:03,976 --> 00:51:08,560 Their fun is like a fun house mirror thing where they make everyone think they don't know what they look like. 826 00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:15,785 It's like, it's just, the more I talk, I talk myself into these frenzies where I'm like, my God, there's so, and how could I not? 827 00:51:15,785 --> 00:51:21,529 You know, I don't feel like I'm evangelizing, but I guess maybe I'm just like white women. 828 00:51:21,829 --> 00:51:25,672 It is a little bit where I'm like, you don't deserve this. 829 00:51:25,672 --> 00:51:29,024 You could live a better life, but I'm not going to promise it to you. 830 00:51:29,024 --> 00:51:31,607 I'm just saying, did you know you could live a better life? 831 00:51:31,607 --> 00:51:37,143 There are options out here that aren't given to you from an old man's hands. 832 00:51:37,624 --> 00:51:38,385 Gross. 833 00:51:38,385 --> 00:51:40,948 Like, you guys let these men feed you cracker. 834 00:51:40,948 --> 00:51:41,729 Okay, sorry. 835 00:51:41,729 --> 00:51:42,208 I just. 836 00:51:42,208 --> 00:51:44,799 but I have to say this is part of it, right? 837 00:51:44,799 --> 00:51:51,632 Like this is part of what I've experienced with like American white culture is just like, did you know you could? 838 00:51:51,732 --> 00:51:57,265 Like, did anyone ever tell you, you could just walk into the restaurant with the huge Jamaican flag on it. 839 00:51:57,265 --> 00:51:59,786 You don't have to be invited by a Jamaican person. 840 00:51:59,786 --> 00:52:02,158 You could just go experience it. 841 00:52:02,158 --> 00:52:04,892 Like I used to do this in college. 842 00:52:04,892 --> 00:52:15,255 drive and invite like all my white girlfriends over and be like we are going salsa dancing you will come over in your like lowest pair of high heels and a spinny skirt and I'm gonna 843 00:52:15,255 --> 00:52:26,660 teach you two steps in a spin and then we're gonna go dance and like you can just you can just participate in this you don't have to be good you don't have to 844 00:52:26,660 --> 00:52:28,641 have a bodyguard with you either. 845 00:52:28,641 --> 00:52:32,202 it feels like that's what they're as like they're in Lovecraft Country. 846 00:52:32,202 --> 00:52:33,162 There's a scene. 847 00:52:33,162 --> 00:52:35,002 I love Lovecraft Country as a series. 848 00:52:35,002 --> 00:52:43,245 um But you know, can only get one season, but in it there's, you know, they're talking about going down to the South side of Chicago and the white women. 849 00:52:43,245 --> 00:52:46,275 think they're talking to another white woman, but she, you know, she's a black woman. 850 00:52:46,275 --> 00:52:47,566 just, can't tell. 851 00:52:47,566 --> 00:52:48,406 She's white. 852 00:52:48,406 --> 00:52:54,708 And they go, maybe we could get this other employee, the one black girl to take us down to the South side. 853 00:52:54,708 --> 00:52:55,950 And the 854 00:52:55,950 --> 00:53:00,012 black woman who's white in that scene is like, man, nothing special about this outside. 855 00:53:00,012 --> 00:53:03,426 And they're like, you've been, you've been down there. 856 00:53:03,426 --> 00:53:10,743 But the whole concept of maybe she can take us down and like we need, and that they could only go if they go with this girl they work with. 857 00:53:10,743 --> 00:53:12,104 You're white. 858 00:53:12,265 --> 00:53:14,186 You can go anywhere, literally. 859 00:53:14,186 --> 00:53:15,887 That's your whole thing. 860 00:53:16,610 --> 00:53:19,491 But then all of sudden you're a victim of your own. 861 00:53:19,491 --> 00:53:21,072 That's you doing that. 862 00:53:21,072 --> 00:53:23,493 You putting the mask over your face. 863 00:53:23,493 --> 00:53:27,514 idea that standing out will be a negative. 864 00:53:27,814 --> 00:53:31,175 And I think that comes back to the whiteness, right? 865 00:53:31,175 --> 00:53:40,188 So like, it's just a joke in my life that every time I move, which is just now have I lived somewhere for five years for the first time, right? 866 00:53:40,188 --> 00:53:42,488 So every time I move, I have to go set up my kitchen again. 867 00:53:42,488 --> 00:53:49,020 So I have to go find an international store and buy all of the ingredients. 868 00:53:49,509 --> 00:53:57,292 And obviously people are looking at me the whole time, cause I'm a white lady, usually in a store run by Indians. 869 00:53:57,292 --> 00:54:01,604 And when I get to the checkout, it's always a conversation, right? 870 00:54:01,604 --> 00:54:07,386 As they're checking me out $200 of ingredients from all over the world. 871 00:54:07,386 --> 00:54:08,826 And it's like, where are you from? 872 00:54:08,826 --> 00:54:17,078 And then we have a conversation about it and it's nice and we smile and laugh and it's an enjoyable experience. 873 00:54:17,078 --> 00:54:20,591 And at worst it's like, I have to tell this story again, right? 874 00:54:20,591 --> 00:54:25,535 Nobody points at me, nobody laughs, nobody's like, what are you doing here little white girl? 875 00:54:25,535 --> 00:54:36,324 know, like there's this idea that you're gonna end up in the wrong neighborhood and all of a sudden it's like the prison yard and you're not hanging out with your people and like, 876 00:54:36,324 --> 00:54:38,245 what are you doing? 877 00:54:38,365 --> 00:54:45,971 And I've been the like introductory white girlfriend that like takes people to things, you know. 878 00:54:45,971 --> 00:54:47,172 um 879 00:54:47,200 --> 00:54:56,949 I don't know, were just at, there's a Korean hot pot place that just opened near our house and my husband was 19 and 20 in Korea, so he's obsessed. 880 00:54:56,949 --> 00:55:04,716 And it's always just Korean people, some black people, and then a few white people that you can tell were military. 881 00:55:04,716 --> 00:55:14,116 But this time it was busy, it was a Friday night and there was a couple tables that were like a bunch of young Asian college kids with their white people friends. 882 00:55:14,116 --> 00:55:15,898 that you could tell they had brought in. 883 00:55:15,898 --> 00:55:25,428 And I was like, this is so like, this makes my heart happy that they're like, at 19 years old, they're having this experience where they're being introduced to this completely 884 00:55:25,428 --> 00:55:30,133 wonderful food of another culture that they might not encounter otherwise. 885 00:55:30,133 --> 00:55:32,847 And they're being introduced as teenagers. 886 00:55:32,847 --> 00:55:41,741 Right, and not looking at it as, like, even if you watch old housewives stuff, when they go travel and they go places and you can see, especially in like the OC, have like gated 887 00:55:41,741 --> 00:55:54,480 community women, you know, they, ooh, ooh, ooh, everything's disgusting, they can't, you know, different is scary, it's wrong, it's like something to fear, it's rotten, nasty, my 888 00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:56,116 God, what are they doing to me? 889 00:55:56,116 --> 00:55:56,928 It's fine. 890 00:55:56,928 --> 00:56:02,048 And being the minority is only a danger when the majority is dangerous. 891 00:56:02,299 --> 00:56:05,259 Like being a minority in itself is fine. 892 00:56:05,399 --> 00:56:10,399 My mom loves, my mom's the only white lady in her, in her MS support group at this black church. 893 00:56:10,399 --> 00:56:13,559 I didn't even know she just is and they just love her. 894 00:56:13,559 --> 00:56:21,039 And like, she has no business being in this black Christian support group, but it's MS related and she's at MS and she likes them. 895 00:56:21,039 --> 00:56:22,039 And one of her best friends is in there. 896 00:56:22,039 --> 00:56:24,459 It's the kiddest little thing, but this is the lady who raised me. 897 00:56:24,459 --> 00:56:27,079 So that's why I'm like, my bar is high for white women. 898 00:56:27,079 --> 00:56:30,939 And so when y'all come in, just like, I don't know if I believe you about this thing. 899 00:56:30,939 --> 00:56:32,083 Excuse me. 900 00:56:33,431 --> 00:56:34,093 Yeah. 901 00:56:34,093 --> 00:56:35,677 that's not how my mom would react. 902 00:56:35,677 --> 00:56:38,082 Be like my mom. 903 00:56:38,082 --> 00:56:40,758 But she's not the white that I learned you guys are. 904 00:56:40,758 --> 00:56:44,375 The religious, the right supremacy type of white. 905 00:56:44,375 --> 00:56:50,453 Yeah, the type of person that thinks that if you're the only one in the room of your demographic that you're in danger. 906 00:56:51,044 --> 00:56:52,255 Like that's... 907 00:56:52,255 --> 00:56:53,485 much better than the other group. 908 00:56:53,485 --> 00:57:00,038 She runs a couple of MS support groups and she knows she's like, it's different, but I love, and she would bring them matzah brickel. 909 00:57:00,038 --> 00:57:01,978 They would have a seat for her. 910 00:57:02,139 --> 00:57:03,439 I jumped on there to talk to them. 911 00:57:03,439 --> 00:57:12,853 I was just like, she never, if anything, she gets nervous when there's only white people and it's always, and has always, you know, she dated a white guy and she was like, I will 912 00:57:12,853 --> 00:57:15,104 never marry a white man. 913 00:57:15,104 --> 00:57:18,695 I'm like, you don't gotta, but it's just like, she's just like, I'm uncomfortable. 914 00:57:18,695 --> 00:57:20,914 I don't know what they're gonna, who they're gonna. 915 00:57:20,914 --> 00:57:22,236 And that can be the truth too. 916 00:57:22,236 --> 00:57:27,302 And I would rather that than the things I'm hearing from other white women about, believe everybody. 917 00:57:27,302 --> 00:57:37,829 there's an interesting part about being a visible, being a white person who's visibly not playing the white supremacy game, I should say, right? 918 00:57:37,829 --> 00:57:41,523 So it's like, non-practicing white person is not the right language. 919 00:57:41,523 --> 00:57:45,180 But like, when I, you know, when I meet 920 00:57:45,180 --> 00:57:49,891 Latinos and Latinas, I always say I have to present my credentials at the door, right? 921 00:57:49,891 --> 00:58:00,038 Like I to have the conversation about how I grew up in Brazil and Mexico and I speak the languages and I eat the foods and then I do the dances and then I get accepted, right? 922 00:58:00,038 --> 00:58:10,235 But when I had a child who just spoke fluent Spanish and Portuguese, like that step was skipped, right? 923 00:58:10,235 --> 00:58:11,129 So was like, 924 00:58:11,129 --> 00:58:17,416 I don't even know if you needed to do, I feel like you could have, and maybe they would ask and be curious. 925 00:58:18,599 --> 00:58:27,228 Yeah, because you could also just, you could just eat and dance and do, and it would be obvious that it is natural to you. 926 00:58:27,228 --> 00:58:31,584 They won't necessarily know the way, but you don't know how they are either, you know? 927 00:58:31,584 --> 00:58:35,556 a salsa club, I do not have to make an announcement that I'm not that kind of white lady. 928 00:58:35,556 --> 00:58:40,689 I just dance and then people are like, come over and ask you to dance, you know? 929 00:58:40,689 --> 00:58:43,610 Again, going back to the dance is freedom, you know? 930 00:58:43,610 --> 00:58:51,173 And that is, I even think that's a big part of, we've talked about, it's like the way that I present myself. 931 00:58:51,173 --> 00:58:55,994 It's like, well, I don't feel comfortable when only white people are around and I... 932 00:58:56,117 --> 00:59:07,283 live in an area that's not mostly populated with white people, they probably don't feel comfortable around me, you know, and there's, there are things you can do to visually show 933 00:59:07,283 --> 00:59:11,575 that you're not playing the white supremacy game, but it's not a blue bracelet. 934 00:59:11,989 --> 00:59:12,969 It's not a blue race. 935 00:59:12,969 --> 00:59:15,409 It's nothing that you can pop on and off, honestly. 936 00:59:15,409 --> 00:59:18,309 It's more of a mindset that in the choices you make. 937 00:59:18,309 --> 00:59:23,709 My mom always had this white patch right here and that's how it started to grow in. 938 00:59:23,709 --> 00:59:24,749 And she just liked it. 939 00:59:24,749 --> 00:59:25,389 She thought it was different. 940 00:59:25,389 --> 00:59:29,649 And then she became known as, you know, that lady with the white patch, but also probably with the brown kids. 941 00:59:29,649 --> 00:59:33,389 like, didn't, you know, she always just, people just knew who my mom was. 942 00:59:33,709 --> 00:59:37,029 She wasn't like everybody, everybody else's white mom. 943 00:59:37,029 --> 00:59:40,029 And I was like, oh, that's, people still know her. 944 00:59:40,513 --> 00:59:47,314 And I don't think it has to be, I'm doing this so that I'm seen as a safe, because that's weird. 945 00:59:47,394 --> 00:59:49,854 If it's like, I'm a nice guy, I want people to know I'm a nice guy. 946 00:59:49,854 --> 00:59:51,874 It's like, it'll happen naturally. 947 00:59:51,914 --> 00:59:57,814 You just will value yourself more than the projected image they want you to aspire to. 948 00:59:57,814 --> 01:00:05,593 Because anything, when you accept something of yourself that other people don't have, that's when it'll show. 949 01:00:05,593 --> 01:00:17,483 when you say my hair isn't blonde, I'm gonna like, it's the bar is so low, my hair, allowing my hair to grow out of my head the way it does is a huge indicator to a lot of 950 01:00:17,483 --> 01:00:18,464 black people. 951 01:00:18,464 --> 01:00:20,565 I think probably, I don't know. 952 01:00:20,565 --> 01:00:21,946 That's not why I did it. 953 01:00:22,067 --> 01:00:28,592 But I think it does indicate to black people, oh, she black and okay with it and been black. 954 01:00:28,592 --> 01:00:31,224 Cause look how long and healthy my hair is. 955 01:00:31,224 --> 01:00:33,216 And you know, that's not new. 956 01:00:33,216 --> 01:00:34,829 That's a way of life. 957 01:00:34,829 --> 01:00:36,560 And that's all just inherent. 958 01:00:36,560 --> 01:00:40,473 That's just in the communication of accepting myself. 959 01:00:40,833 --> 01:00:41,764 And then it goes outward. 960 01:00:41,764 --> 01:00:43,005 My mom accepted she had gray hair. 961 01:00:43,005 --> 01:00:45,797 She didn't try to pretend she was younger and not getting gray hair. 962 01:00:45,797 --> 01:00:52,641 She did, you know, tend to it and darken all the other parts so that it stood out a little bit more sometimes. 963 01:00:52,782 --> 01:01:03,089 But like that was just, you know, it's, we could have more fun enhancing things and that will do it than buying things or stating. 964 01:01:03,174 --> 01:01:07,416 and this is like, you know, this is what I tell now. 965 01:01:07,416 --> 01:01:14,940 I tell like white women about cultural appropriation and like versus like inspiration and adapting things. 966 01:01:14,940 --> 01:01:24,586 You know, again, my friend brought me all this, this like bags of Indian cloth, like, because her family literally has a textile business and she was bringing me scraps to use 967 01:01:24,586 --> 01:01:28,318 for my tassel earrings that I make and all of these things. 968 01:01:28,318 --> 01:01:28,638 Right. 969 01:01:28,638 --> 01:01:30,040 And I'm like, I 970 01:01:30,040 --> 01:01:39,480 you know, want to cut up this shirt and make something and I, I tell them, you know, like I have a very long complicated history with India that I can tell you about for fun if 971 01:01:39,480 --> 01:01:48,040 you're interested in knowing and I was a 12 year old girl inside as I was opening up this bag, right. 972 01:01:48,880 --> 01:01:53,131 But and so I'm like, no, right, like no. 973 01:01:53,131 --> 01:01:59,791 why you're putting these cultural influences from a different culture into the thing you're making or the outfit you're putting together. 974 01:01:59,791 --> 01:02:02,997 And then do it like a white girl. 975 01:02:03,178 --> 01:02:05,930 I'm not trying to do it like an Indian girl. 976 01:02:05,930 --> 01:02:07,941 I'm doing it my way. 977 01:02:07,941 --> 01:02:10,213 And like, nobody's ever been upset at me. 978 01:02:10,213 --> 01:02:15,787 At this point, I use influences from every culture I can find in the stuff that I make. 979 01:02:15,787 --> 01:02:18,058 I mean, I work with scarves. 980 01:02:18,058 --> 01:02:19,099 Why would I not? 981 01:02:19,099 --> 01:02:22,251 That's the thing you can find all over the world, you know? 982 01:02:22,583 --> 01:02:29,205 And Black people, Indian people, ain't nobody got time to sit and be upset about how Daniella is using anything, to be honest. 983 01:02:29,205 --> 01:02:33,963 We have entire lives and communities and violence. 984 01:02:34,187 --> 01:02:35,028 that's the thing. 985 01:02:35,028 --> 01:02:40,337 And it's such, I mean, this has to be a white girl thing, but they're like, oh, we're fancy today. 986 01:02:40,337 --> 01:02:42,643 Or they're like, oh, what's the occasion? 987 01:02:42,643 --> 01:02:44,295 Or why are you dressed like that? 988 01:02:44,295 --> 01:02:54,822 Instead of, know, and I, someone I follow on threads was saying like, hey, hey white ladies, do you know that you can give a black woman a compliment without like, belittling 989 01:02:54,822 --> 01:02:55,955 yourself? 990 01:02:55,955 --> 01:03:00,336 saying you want to be her or somehow acting like you want to wear her skin. 991 01:03:00,336 --> 01:03:03,512 And it just made me think of you. 992 01:03:04,565 --> 01:03:07,477 my goodness, I just saved a video of these. 993 01:03:07,477 --> 01:03:13,140 I think they're African women, they're like representing how white women complimented them. 994 01:03:13,140 --> 01:03:14,390 you are a goddess. 995 01:03:14,390 --> 01:03:16,552 are this, this, that, and you are, my goodness. 996 01:03:16,552 --> 01:03:17,918 just want to just be you. 997 01:03:17,918 --> 01:03:19,653 just want to, I just want to do that. 998 01:03:19,653 --> 01:03:22,095 Anyway, I've been really traumatized in the last couple of years. 999 01:03:22,095 --> 01:03:31,980 My husband really put me down and I've just really been trying to feel like the way you've been just going into this trauma and then the black women ask, yeah, that's really tough 1000 01:03:31,980 --> 01:03:32,910 on self-esteem. 1001 01:03:32,910 --> 01:03:33,821 Yeah. 1002 01:03:34,523 --> 01:03:41,929 Listen, we need journals, but not, it doesn't have to be, hey journal, here's a narrative about my day. 1003 01:03:41,929 --> 01:03:43,910 It can just be like, what's going on? 1004 01:03:43,910 --> 01:03:46,332 Look at my board is, I say my board is a journal. 1005 01:03:46,332 --> 01:03:51,246 have a little sketchbook that I use as a journal and an actual notebook that's by my desk. 1006 01:03:51,246 --> 01:03:55,260 Cause I mean, my bed, cause it's a little smaller, but these are good. 1007 01:03:55,260 --> 01:03:57,151 The feelings have them. 1008 01:03:57,392 --> 01:03:59,613 Don't throw them. 1009 01:04:00,490 --> 01:04:01,741 I don't know what to do with it. 1010 01:04:01,741 --> 01:04:12,890 I'm, I, that compliment shouldn't come with baggage or, you know, it's like when women say, when a man compliments me, when a woman compliments me, right. 1011 01:04:13,030 --> 01:04:24,218 Black women feel the same way, but you're not, know, you're the man category and you get real close and emotional and like, are, yeah. 1012 01:04:24,394 --> 01:04:33,620 the interesting thing about that is I think then, you know, then it's like the white woman instinct to be like, okay, so then how should we compliment you? 1013 01:04:33,620 --> 01:04:40,634 And it's like, well, just stop, listen, Laura, just don't for now, just don't, you know? 1014 01:04:40,634 --> 01:04:41,669 oh 1015 01:04:41,669 --> 01:04:43,581 need a format, then stop. 1016 01:04:43,581 --> 01:04:49,885 Because if it's like, if it's cut and paste, if I can just tell you right now, this is how you, then what are you even doing? 1017 01:04:50,325 --> 01:04:53,537 Is it dependent on, you just want to compliment black women? 1018 01:04:53,537 --> 01:05:01,392 You think that's what black women are living for is compliments from you that if you don't get to do it, then what will they do with their time and day? 1019 01:05:01,473 --> 01:05:02,974 They won't know if they look good. 1020 01:05:02,974 --> 01:05:07,691 I'm going to tell you right now, if you compliment her hair, she's immediately like, damn it. 1021 01:05:07,691 --> 01:05:09,023 I knew I needed to get this done. 1022 01:05:09,023 --> 01:05:10,183 You're not helping. 1023 01:05:10,183 --> 01:05:11,524 You're not doing what you think you're doing. 1024 01:05:11,524 --> 01:05:17,007 Just like men think that they're really making your day by whistling and telling you how good you look in those pants. 1025 01:05:17,007 --> 01:05:19,549 You're like, I don't want to wear these pants anymore. 1026 01:05:19,849 --> 01:05:26,436 Anyway, it's like, you know, just center yourself so you don't center yourself, you know, like calm down. 1027 01:05:26,436 --> 01:05:28,678 learn to compliment without objectifying. 1028 01:05:28,678 --> 01:05:35,858 And if you're, and if what you're doing is problematic, then then stop doing it for a while and listen and learn. 1029 01:05:35,858 --> 01:05:38,095 And yeah. 1030 01:05:38,095 --> 01:05:41,538 if you don't know how it's problematic, that doesn't mean it's not. 1031 01:05:41,538 --> 01:05:41,988 Okay. 1032 01:05:41,988 --> 01:05:42,649 White people. 1033 01:05:42,649 --> 01:05:44,169 Cause they go, I don't see it that way. 1034 01:05:44,169 --> 01:05:44,940 I don't understand. 1035 01:05:44,940 --> 01:05:45,655 I don't get it. 1036 01:05:45,655 --> 01:05:46,320 I'm confused. 1037 01:05:46,320 --> 01:05:47,390 Are you saying I'm wrong? 1038 01:05:47,390 --> 01:05:48,282 Cause you don't get it. 1039 01:05:48,282 --> 01:05:51,043 you know, you're about to white-splaining, the mansplaining and all that. 1040 01:05:51,043 --> 01:05:52,844 It just gets worse and worse. 1041 01:05:52,924 --> 01:05:58,830 And if you don't get it, that doesn't, that just means I one of the first walls I made that. 1042 01:05:58,830 --> 01:06:03,807 active listening lessons was, you know, believe it first, understand it later. 1043 01:06:03,807 --> 01:06:07,231 Because I'm not explaining myself. 1044 01:06:07,231 --> 01:06:09,814 I'm not trying to convince you of this. 1045 01:06:09,814 --> 01:06:10,818 I'm letting you know. 1046 01:06:10,818 --> 01:06:13,030 yeah, and that's kind of what I mean. 1047 01:06:13,030 --> 01:06:20,496 And I didn't have anything so catchy about that, but I've said this to quite a few white women, which is kind of that, right? 1048 01:06:20,496 --> 01:06:25,351 It's like, well, believe that what you're doing is not working. 1049 01:06:25,351 --> 01:06:27,092 It's not going the way you intended. 1050 01:06:27,092 --> 01:06:28,954 And then just learn. 1051 01:06:28,954 --> 01:06:37,362 And at some point, you will spend enough time with black women and in black culture that you will understand how to compliment someone's hair. 1052 01:06:37,362 --> 01:06:38,723 Right, it'll just happen. 1053 01:06:38,723 --> 01:06:43,017 like, why do you want to do it so bad if someone said, stop? 1054 01:06:43,018 --> 01:06:44,259 That's colonial. 1055 01:06:44,259 --> 01:06:45,340 What are you? 1056 01:06:45,581 --> 01:06:46,722 How do I come? 1057 01:06:46,722 --> 01:06:48,133 We're dying, okay? 1058 01:06:48,133 --> 01:06:51,845 People are dying, Like this is, how dare you? 1059 01:06:51,845 --> 01:06:56,330 I said, you're unsafe and whatever, and this makes us uncomfortable. 1060 01:06:56,330 --> 01:06:58,524 And you're saying, well, how can I do it better? 1061 01:06:58,524 --> 01:06:59,604 go away. 1062 01:06:59,745 --> 01:07:00,405 I don't know. 1063 01:07:00,405 --> 01:07:01,635 And then you're to tell me I'm attacking. 1064 01:07:01,635 --> 01:07:02,416 It's a public forum. 1065 01:07:02,416 --> 01:07:03,286 This is a public park. 1066 01:07:03,286 --> 01:07:06,588 And that's why I'm not on the, you know, as accessible. 1067 01:07:06,588 --> 01:07:13,491 And we want, we stay home just like, you know, white women and not going out past a certain time and knives and whatever. 1068 01:07:13,491 --> 01:07:18,003 We have to deal with distress so much more than you realize. 1069 01:07:18,003 --> 01:07:22,033 And I think that's what we see now is a lack of distress tolerance. 1070 01:07:22,033 --> 01:07:22,764 Okay. 1071 01:07:22,764 --> 01:07:24,724 women, especially compared to black women. 1072 01:07:24,724 --> 01:07:27,364 And I haven't posted about it, but I did record about it. 1073 01:07:27,364 --> 01:07:33,184 It's like, black women, we're not not aware of what's going on or concerned. 1074 01:07:33,184 --> 01:07:35,786 We're just like, yeah. 1075 01:07:35,786 --> 01:07:36,946 is a lot higher. 1076 01:07:36,946 --> 01:07:50,191 So somebody asked me this this morning and they were like, so do you have like super rock solid finances or some sorts of preparations that we're not seeing behind the scenes or 1077 01:07:50,191 --> 01:07:51,813 are you just really this calm? 1078 01:07:51,813 --> 01:08:00,666 And my answer was literally like, I feel like I must remind you that I did not grow up in white, stable democracies with the freedoms that you experience. 1079 01:08:00,666 --> 01:08:03,065 Like I'm literally 1080 01:08:03,065 --> 01:08:15,342 just like, I don't want to say I'm not as afraid as you like I am aware I know where this can go how this can go but like I have a higher I have a higher level of stress tolerance 1081 01:08:15,342 --> 01:08:20,980 like I've survived a lot of the things that you're already afraid of you know and it's like that m 1082 01:08:20,980 --> 01:08:22,081 Yes, yes. 1083 01:08:22,081 --> 01:08:27,124 And the, but the rock solid financials as a concept is a problem. 1084 01:08:27,124 --> 01:08:30,146 The guys with the rock solid financials are building bunkers. 1085 01:08:30,146 --> 01:08:31,517 They're stupid. 1086 01:08:31,517 --> 01:08:39,742 That is a stupid financial decision to think that that is what's keeping you safe from things are going to collapse and, who's cleaning it. 1087 01:08:39,742 --> 01:08:40,582 You go. 1088 01:08:40,582 --> 01:08:43,034 They never think the apocalypse through, right? 1089 01:08:43,034 --> 01:08:47,617 My favorite is I've been seeing this one that's like, feel good, right? 1090 01:08:47,617 --> 01:08:55,563 And it's like, in your apocalypse plan, don't forget your knitters and your textiles and fiber arts is going to be important. 1091 01:08:55,563 --> 01:09:07,321 And I'm like, look, as much as I love that, what emergency are you picturing, like in the world of fast fashion that like burns up all the clothes, but not all the people? 1092 01:09:07,321 --> 01:09:08,652 And we're like, 1093 01:09:08,923 --> 01:09:10,734 clothing ourselves. 1094 01:09:10,755 --> 01:09:19,876 I always feel like this apocalypse like also throws us but they're saying if you don't have people who know how to knit you're going to be walking around naked in the apocalypse 1095 01:09:19,876 --> 01:09:22,729 because we're like not going to have clothes. 1096 01:09:22,950 --> 01:09:23,503 Yeah. 1097 01:09:23,503 --> 01:09:27,706 Hey, your knitting projects can also double as a screen muffler. 1098 01:09:27,706 --> 01:09:31,388 White people, is hap- wha- floating rock, okay? 1099 01:09:31,388 --> 01:09:33,860 I need us to zoom out. 1100 01:09:33,860 --> 01:09:37,161 and again, this goes back to what we started with, right? 1101 01:09:37,161 --> 01:09:43,224 And the rapture and yes, my outfit today is sort of to troll people, of course, you know? 1102 01:09:43,224 --> 01:09:58,140 And it's just like, not barely is getting bad, but like, yeah, like we're all being introduced to the first American dictator and it's gotten a little bit uncomfortable for 1103 01:09:58,140 --> 01:09:58,440 you. 1104 01:09:58,440 --> 01:10:01,515 The news gives you anxiety. 1105 01:10:01,515 --> 01:10:06,655 and you're already asking, like, someone literally comes on my thing today and it's like, are we gonna be okay? 1106 01:10:06,655 --> 01:10:08,815 Are we gonna survive this? 1107 01:10:08,875 --> 01:10:12,755 I'm like, yeah, 360 million people are probably gonna survive. 1108 01:10:12,755 --> 01:10:19,355 Like, in fact, no country in history has ever just spontaneously vanished because their political system wasn't great. 1109 01:10:19,355 --> 01:10:20,717 Like what? 1110 01:10:20,717 --> 01:10:26,948 And meanwhile, a black man was hung from a tree, actively still right now. 1111 01:10:27,228 --> 01:10:31,928 You know, and it's like, that's also on the news if you're watching the news, right? 1112 01:10:31,928 --> 01:10:34,167 And that keeps happening and still is happening. 1113 01:10:34,167 --> 01:10:38,428 And then the rapture is going to come and go and everyone's going to make their little jokes and I'm going to move on. 1114 01:10:38,428 --> 01:10:45,668 But the whole time, black women are undergoing the distress of you're still doing this. 1115 01:10:45,668 --> 01:10:47,365 You know, and I do, 1116 01:10:47,365 --> 01:10:58,282 I want us to do, like, what's, you know, and the Charlie, I know like, whatever, the Charlie Kirk murder or whatever, and people, think white people are seeing other white 1117 01:10:58,282 --> 01:11:10,060 people for the first time experience what it's like to see someone who kind of looks like you or could be related to you, someone you know be murdered, end of sentence. 1118 01:11:10,240 --> 01:11:12,381 Now, this is your first experience of that? 1119 01:11:12,381 --> 01:11:14,166 Oh, that's interesting. 1120 01:11:14,166 --> 01:11:16,508 his quote unquote grieving widow, right? 1121 01:11:16,508 --> 01:11:21,811 This perfect little blonde skinny girl that we're all told we're supposed to look like, right? 1122 01:11:21,811 --> 01:11:30,107 It's like this is I don't know if you've heard them say there was a video of someone saying Charlie Cook died for our sins yesterday, right? 1123 01:11:30,327 --> 01:11:33,989 Yeah, it's it's just full on I know. 1124 01:11:33,989 --> 01:11:34,750 I know. 1125 01:11:34,750 --> 01:11:35,341 I mean, 1126 01:11:35,341 --> 01:11:36,810 I don't even, nope. 1127 01:11:36,810 --> 01:11:42,472 You know, I see it and I'm like, oh, see, but if it were me, I'd watch a lot of true crime. 1128 01:11:42,472 --> 01:11:43,488 Jesus. 1129 01:11:43,488 --> 01:11:44,729 Yeah, I just watched True Crime. 1130 01:11:44,729 --> 01:11:45,919 I'd be looking at her. 1131 01:11:45,919 --> 01:11:47,260 she got all the business. 1132 01:11:47,260 --> 01:11:48,261 She got the big thing. 1133 01:11:48,261 --> 01:11:49,121 All interesting. 1134 01:11:49,121 --> 01:11:51,693 But you know, that's just my, I focus on white women. 1135 01:11:51,693 --> 01:11:52,433 Okay. 1136 01:11:52,433 --> 01:11:52,893 All that. 1137 01:11:52,893 --> 01:12:00,377 I just hear a lot of the celebrities and stuff making these statements and people are like, my God, why would they say something right now? 1138 01:12:00,377 --> 01:12:05,560 And I'm saying it's because they feel like this is their George Floyd. 1139 01:12:05,560 --> 01:12:12,444 It's not, I am not comparing, but they feel like if this were a black person, why? 1140 01:12:12,598 --> 01:12:19,951 people would be saying stuff and how dare they look at the things he said and say, is okay, cause he was racist. 1141 01:12:19,951 --> 01:12:24,793 They're not saying that, but you know, his opinion shouldn't make it so that he should be murdered. 1142 01:12:24,793 --> 01:12:25,673 Okay. 1143 01:12:25,754 --> 01:12:36,938 So remember how we were saying his skin color, his potentially counterfeit bill, his potential drug past, his criminality shouldn't have him be killed. 1144 01:12:36,938 --> 01:12:41,058 So you didn't understand it when we said it and you got to make jokes and stuff. 1145 01:12:41,058 --> 01:12:44,231 but now you feel a little bit of what it could be. 1146 01:12:44,633 --> 01:12:45,994 He is antagonizing. 1147 01:12:45,994 --> 01:12:47,025 He got canceled. 1148 01:12:47,025 --> 01:12:47,526 Sorry. 1149 01:12:47,526 --> 01:12:49,579 You guys talk about cancel culture all the time. 1150 01:12:49,579 --> 01:12:54,704 He got real canceled and consequences happened. 1151 01:12:55,246 --> 01:12:56,467 That's what we are looking at. 1152 01:12:56,467 --> 01:12:57,787 Action, results. 1153 01:12:57,941 --> 01:13:04,822 in the exact way that he advocated, like he advocated for this world to exist. 1154 01:13:04,822 --> 01:13:06,454 Yeah, this is white stuff. 1155 01:13:06,454 --> 01:13:08,665 He got canceled the way white people cancel. 1156 01:13:08,665 --> 01:13:09,646 He called for it. 1157 01:13:09,646 --> 01:13:10,967 He got it. 1158 01:13:10,997 --> 01:13:12,038 not like that. 1159 01:13:12,038 --> 01:13:12,929 no. 1160 01:13:12,929 --> 01:13:14,529 That's white people stuff too. 1161 01:13:14,630 --> 01:13:18,734 You know, policing everybody's feelings about everything all the time. 1162 01:13:18,734 --> 01:13:21,897 And it's not on me to convince people like to care. 1163 01:13:21,897 --> 01:13:26,481 You know, that's what I'm not talking to anybody who thinks now that now it's bad. 1164 01:13:26,481 --> 01:13:29,703 Now it's really, really, really a problem. 1165 01:13:29,703 --> 01:13:31,124 The real problem is 1166 01:13:31,124 --> 01:13:31,526 Shut up. 1167 01:13:31,526 --> 01:13:41,402 If you're about to tell me what the real problem and who I really need to be fighting with, or I'm not fighting with anybody, but they say I'm fighting, which I think is 1168 01:13:41,402 --> 01:13:42,483 interesting. 1169 01:13:42,585 --> 01:13:45,118 You know, they also hated a lot of black people. 1170 01:13:45,118 --> 01:13:49,573 now that I've been saying this to people like I did not grow up in white stable democracies. 1171 01:13:49,573 --> 01:13:50,115 What? 1172 01:13:50,115 --> 01:13:52,482 And you see them just go. 1173 01:13:52,482 --> 01:14:04,000 You know, like, I just think so many white people in America have literally never actually pictured, like, all of these other countries that fall to dictatorships or have corrupt 1174 01:14:04,000 --> 01:14:07,742 political systems or have police officers that you have to openly bribe, right? 1175 01:14:07,742 --> 01:14:15,219 Like, they've literally never pictured the possibility that any of that could happen here to them, right? 1176 01:14:15,219 --> 01:14:17,727 Because they're not paying attention to who it is happening to. 1177 01:14:17,727 --> 01:14:18,868 So to them. 1178 01:14:18,868 --> 01:14:19,348 Right. 1179 01:14:19,348 --> 01:14:21,349 Because when you say here, that's what they mean. 1180 01:14:21,349 --> 01:14:21,819 Right. 1181 01:14:21,819 --> 01:14:22,629 Yeah. 1182 01:14:22,629 --> 01:14:23,349 Yeah. 1183 01:14:23,349 --> 01:14:32,693 And that's so hard for those of us who have been experiencing it the whole time to understand because we're like, what do you mean? 1184 01:14:32,693 --> 01:14:34,413 have we been screaming? 1185 01:14:34,974 --> 01:14:37,254 Lives matter, including ours. 1186 01:14:37,254 --> 01:14:41,346 And now you're saying, hey, guys, I don't know if you know this, but lives matter. 1187 01:14:41,346 --> 01:14:42,466 Ours too. 1188 01:14:42,471 --> 01:14:43,852 What? 1189 01:14:43,852 --> 01:14:44,273 What? 1190 01:14:44,273 --> 01:14:44,694 What? 1191 01:14:44,694 --> 01:14:51,269 You know, just, and all the focus on the colors and the blue states and the blue bracelets and the blue lives. 1192 01:14:51,269 --> 01:14:52,931 But don't talk about color. 1193 01:14:52,931 --> 01:14:54,014 Mm-hmm. 1194 01:14:54,256 --> 01:14:58,350 You know, it's addressing the whiteness in the room first. 1195 01:14:58,350 --> 01:14:59,231 Yeah. 1196 01:14:59,231 --> 01:15:01,762 You just whitewash everything and make it pastel. 1197 01:15:01,762 --> 01:15:04,825 I'm literally blended into the wall behind me. 1198 01:15:04,825 --> 01:15:06,376 And which one is better, right? 1199 01:15:06,376 --> 01:15:08,876 You know, it's the perfect analogy. 1200 01:15:08,876 --> 01:15:15,154 It's like, I love the costume for the idea of it, but imagine this was like the goal. 1201 01:15:15,154 --> 01:15:16,840 actually wearing this trying to look good. 1202 01:15:16,840 --> 01:15:17,801 Right? 1203 01:15:18,044 --> 01:15:19,337 And like, you gotta keep it. 1204 01:15:19,337 --> 01:15:23,278 Imagine you have like a bunch of white- don't eat anything, don't have a period. 1205 01:15:23,278 --> 01:15:24,396 Then everyone will know how- 1206 01:15:24,396 --> 01:15:26,633 the white outfits, right? 1207 01:15:26,633 --> 01:15:29,910 It's just like, now you have to be perfect all the time. 1208 01:15:30,160 --> 01:15:32,285 Don't eat, don't, nothing. 1209 01:15:32,285 --> 01:15:34,035 Don't touch a dog, don't have fun. 1210 01:15:34,035 --> 01:15:40,615 do wear, you know, different white outfits sometimes and people will be like, oh, I could never, couldn't do anything. 1211 01:15:40,615 --> 01:15:46,895 And I'm like, yeah, I just, sometimes you just spill something on your white outfit and then you just have a stain or you have to change. 1212 01:15:46,895 --> 01:15:49,234 And like, okay. 1213 01:15:50,235 --> 01:15:51,815 Yeah, okay. 1214 01:15:52,146 --> 01:15:54,548 people will know you spilled a thing once. 1215 01:15:54,609 --> 01:15:56,792 They'll know you ate this morning. 1216 01:15:56,792 --> 01:15:58,273 That you had some coffee. 1217 01:15:58,273 --> 01:16:02,498 you know how often I wash these white pants every single time I wear them? 1218 01:16:02,498 --> 01:16:05,421 You know how often I wash a pair of dark pants? 1219 01:16:05,501 --> 01:16:07,731 Not every single time I wear it. 1220 01:16:07,731 --> 01:16:12,379 So you're just like, you're just walking around with the spills on your pants, right? 1221 01:16:12,379 --> 01:16:14,068 Because like, you can't see it. 1222 01:16:14,068 --> 01:16:14,768 that's okay. 1223 01:16:14,768 --> 01:16:24,141 There's a happy middle ground there, but it's interesting that the white ones keep you busy, keep you worried and washing. 1224 01:16:24,141 --> 01:16:25,583 And never your legs. 1225 01:16:25,583 --> 01:16:28,368 It's like you're washing your clothes, you're washing. 1226 01:16:28,368 --> 01:16:29,468 You know, I'm sorry. 1227 01:16:29,468 --> 01:16:33,390 I'm gonna get over the washing thing eventually, but it haunts me. 1228 01:16:33,390 --> 01:16:34,631 It's haunting me. 1229 01:16:34,631 --> 01:16:37,823 And because it's like so fundamental, anyway. 1230 01:16:37,823 --> 01:16:42,123 And they're so like, we're civilized. 1231 01:16:42,123 --> 01:16:43,323 You know what's civilized? 1232 01:16:43,323 --> 01:16:44,323 War. 1233 01:16:44,703 --> 01:16:46,043 Civil wars. 1234 01:16:46,123 --> 01:16:46,883 Let's do it. 1235 01:16:46,883 --> 01:16:48,023 That's whiteness. 1236 01:16:48,023 --> 01:16:49,723 You know what's really primitive? 1237 01:16:49,723 --> 01:16:52,143 Fighting one-on-one. 1238 01:16:52,143 --> 01:16:54,743 I would rather the presidents fight each other. 1239 01:16:54,743 --> 01:16:56,003 I'll say that every time. 1240 01:16:56,003 --> 01:16:57,723 I think we would all watch that. 1241 01:16:57,723 --> 01:16:59,023 You want ratings? 1242 01:16:59,063 --> 01:17:00,683 Make them fight each other. 1243 01:17:00,683 --> 01:17:02,465 Gladiators, but different. 1244 01:17:02,465 --> 01:17:07,128 or like a dance battle. 1245 01:17:07,128 --> 01:17:08,851 I'm here for all of that. 1246 01:17:08,973 --> 01:17:12,438 Way better than sending the troops to murder. 1247 01:17:12,438 --> 01:17:19,469 Like, uh, Obama versus McCain, or like, Kamala versus Donald Trump. 1248 01:17:19,469 --> 01:17:28,455 feel like I can see like back in the day when people used to do those, you know, and they like make them dance and like the whatever back when things were a little bit more fun and 1249 01:17:28,455 --> 01:17:29,846 less aware. 1250 01:17:30,126 --> 01:17:32,848 But yeah, I think that would be great. 1251 01:17:32,848 --> 01:17:33,809 You know who would win? 1252 01:17:33,809 --> 01:17:34,950 The better person. 1253 01:17:34,950 --> 01:17:36,951 The one with more seasoning and flavor. 1254 01:17:36,951 --> 01:17:46,589 And then the other one would just be trying, listen, anything but sending other strangers to do stuff for you in the name of freedom. 1255 01:17:46,589 --> 01:17:47,529 What? 1256 01:17:47,995 --> 01:17:53,296 For the freedom of religion, what's the religion? 1257 01:17:53,296 --> 01:17:56,503 We believe in our religion that you're not free actually. 1258 01:17:56,503 --> 01:17:59,791 So we need the freedom to practice, not freedom. 1259 01:17:59,791 --> 01:18:03,931 is so I've actually been writing about the Puritans, right? 1260 01:18:03,931 --> 01:18:06,291 Because I keep saying like the Puritans was a cult. 1261 01:18:06,291 --> 01:18:10,711 now I'm like, okay, I need to like, write that down so people can see it. 1262 01:18:10,711 --> 01:18:13,771 And it's like, but it really was it was exactly this. 1263 01:18:13,771 --> 01:18:18,651 We are going to establish a land where we're free to practice our religion and our religion says you are not free. 1264 01:18:18,651 --> 01:18:24,351 And you have to literally part of the city on a hill speech was 1265 01:18:24,461 --> 01:18:26,959 And we're only going to do things our way according to the rules. 1266 01:18:26,959 --> 01:18:28,490 That's America, right? 1267 01:18:28,490 --> 01:18:35,554 We came here and said, freedom of religion to enslave, and our religion says enslaved people. 1268 01:18:35,554 --> 01:18:40,736 And just like Scientology does the same thing, freedom of our religion to harass and abuse people. 1269 01:18:40,736 --> 01:18:44,939 And you can't get into it because it's in our documents that this guy wrote. 1270 01:18:44,939 --> 01:18:46,299 Who is dead, by the way? 1271 01:18:46,299 --> 01:18:46,959 He's dead. 1272 01:18:46,959 --> 01:18:48,300 So how dare you? 1273 01:18:48,490 --> 01:18:50,593 Did I tell you? 1274 01:18:50,593 --> 01:18:59,041 Scientology had to stop suing people because they get discovery in corn and they keep being proved to be a cult. 1275 01:18:59,113 --> 01:19:00,944 That's why we to call the bluff. 1276 01:19:00,944 --> 01:19:02,325 We can't be so scared. 1277 01:19:02,325 --> 01:19:05,355 And that's what, wait, you know, we get back to the whiteness of it all. 1278 01:19:05,355 --> 01:19:08,510 It's like, you're scared to say something because they'll come attack you. 1279 01:19:08,510 --> 01:19:09,550 Yeah. 1280 01:19:09,710 --> 01:19:11,622 And that'll be proved that they're the problem. 1281 01:19:11,622 --> 01:19:12,242 I'm sorry. 1282 01:19:12,242 --> 01:19:14,234 Just like me making white women whisper. 1283 01:19:14,234 --> 01:19:17,156 At the same time, yes, it proves that racism is real. 1284 01:19:17,156 --> 01:19:19,918 Cause watch these white women attack me for trying to help them. 1285 01:19:19,918 --> 01:19:22,079 And like, yeah, but that's not why I'm doing it. 1286 01:19:22,079 --> 01:19:25,421 Not to prove them, you know, but at the same time, that's what it does. 1287 01:19:25,421 --> 01:19:28,123 I call them out and people learn and they go, oh, 1288 01:19:28,123 --> 01:19:33,186 If it was such a good religion, why would we be attacking our former executives that we were told to praise? 1289 01:19:33,186 --> 01:19:36,088 know, make them deal with the stuff. 1290 01:19:36,228 --> 01:19:38,410 But sometimes it's hard to be one of the first people. 1291 01:19:38,410 --> 01:19:42,232 You don't know if your slow clap is going to hit like, I'm starting it. 1292 01:19:42,232 --> 01:19:44,534 Are we all, uh-oh, uh-oh. 1293 01:19:44,534 --> 01:19:47,475 And I'm looking for y'all to come join me in the slow clap. 1294 01:19:47,475 --> 01:19:50,777 And, but white women are like, but what if we get in trouble? 1295 01:19:51,498 --> 01:19:52,028 I don't know. 1296 01:19:52,028 --> 01:19:53,199 Then we figure it out. 1297 01:19:53,199 --> 01:20:00,464 and I mean, that's a big part of, I think, the lack of response right now, which has been like white people. 1298 01:20:00,464 --> 01:20:10,551 And I specifically say white women, because women in many other countries are the ones that lead responses and revolution and pushback. 1299 01:20:10,551 --> 01:20:16,345 it's like, again, like this fear that you're going to go out there and you're going be the only one out there. 1300 01:20:16,345 --> 01:20:18,937 Well, like, okay, do it. 1301 01:20:19,379 --> 01:20:20,468 You know what, like. 1302 01:20:20,468 --> 01:20:22,379 It's never proven to be true either. 1303 01:20:22,379 --> 01:20:30,282 Like look at how all of these cases, you know, with the Me Too movement, that just showed me white women are waiting for their opportunity to speak, but it's messed up because it 1304 01:20:30,282 --> 01:20:32,593 took a black woman and then you colonize that. 1305 01:20:32,593 --> 01:20:33,663 And what happened? 1306 01:20:33,663 --> 01:20:35,594 Nothing really, except we all know now. 1307 01:20:35,594 --> 01:20:37,075 So maybe something is happening. 1308 01:20:37,075 --> 01:20:40,857 It's slower, but white women always come and slow everything down with their questions. 1309 01:20:40,857 --> 01:20:45,299 Anyway, and there are, know, articles and it's just... 1310 01:20:45,299 --> 01:20:46,117 uh 1311 01:20:46,117 --> 01:20:46,517 first. 1312 01:20:46,517 --> 01:20:49,690 move together now, but instead they're like, me too. 1313 01:20:49,690 --> 01:20:52,271 And then they were like, no, no, me too. 1314 01:20:52,271 --> 01:20:52,972 Me too. 1315 01:20:52,972 --> 01:20:54,673 And then they started being all weird about it. 1316 01:20:54,673 --> 01:21:02,358 Um, but you know, once the first person comes out, they usually start going, once I realized it wasn't just me, I spoke. 1317 01:21:02,358 --> 01:21:07,422 And that's when I realized women are the answer because when we know what's happening to others, that's when we start acting. 1318 01:21:07,422 --> 01:21:09,723 When we think it's just us, we stay silent. 1319 01:21:09,723 --> 01:21:15,405 Just like we were talking about you saying, make sure they don't know you're crying and that this hurts you. 1320 01:21:15,405 --> 01:21:20,605 is why, like, I found the survivors conference of the Epstein list. 1321 01:21:20,605 --> 01:21:23,185 Like, I was like, oh, shit, this could work. 1322 01:21:23,185 --> 01:21:23,665 Right? 1323 01:21:23,665 --> 01:21:24,629 Like, if 1324 01:21:24,629 --> 01:21:27,932 You know, all of these rich, powerful men, right? 1325 01:21:27,932 --> 01:21:33,946 Some of the most rich, powerful men in the world are doing everything they can to scare these victims, right? 1326 01:21:33,946 --> 01:21:35,657 Like, we'll sue you, we'll blah, blah. 1327 01:21:35,657 --> 01:21:37,248 You can't prove it. 1328 01:21:37,288 --> 01:21:45,714 They forgot that survivors establishing a pattern of behavior is proof, right? 1329 01:21:45,714 --> 01:21:52,301 And this is why they work so hard to make us shut up and be quiet and be white and skinny and blend into the background. 1330 01:21:52,301 --> 01:21:58,937 because once we start talking, we realize that guy has abused everyone in that same way, right? 1331 01:21:58,937 --> 01:22:00,699 And we can get together. 1332 01:22:00,699 --> 01:22:04,802 And it's like, do like, I mean, who knows, right? 1333 01:22:04,802 --> 01:22:11,718 But I'm like, if like, banning together and survivor testimony takes down some really powerful people, right? 1334 01:22:11,718 --> 01:22:18,205 Like that could have incredible shock waves and repercussions, but it is this like, 1335 01:22:18,205 --> 01:22:26,043 You've got to stand up and say it happened first, you know, you got to be willing to talk about it and not know what the fallout is. 1336 01:22:26,043 --> 01:22:28,064 people have that experience. 1337 01:22:28,064 --> 01:22:38,129 Like what we were talking about earlier with the agent, you know, is that just because some guy says, no one will believe you, a man in a system says, historically and 1338 01:22:38,129 --> 01:22:39,590 systemically, no one will believe you. 1339 01:22:39,590 --> 01:22:40,551 That's not true. 1340 01:22:40,551 --> 01:22:47,815 And even in those cases where no one believed her, Anita Hill and things like that, I would say she still would say I would do it again. 1341 01:22:47,815 --> 01:22:48,235 I don't know. 1342 01:22:48,235 --> 01:22:49,335 I don't know her. 1343 01:22:50,056 --> 01:22:50,648 that's so... 1344 01:22:50,648 --> 01:22:51,981 Anita Hill. 1345 01:22:52,143 --> 01:22:54,069 And I'm gonna start reading some stuff. 1346 01:22:54,069 --> 01:22:54,412 Yeah. 1347 01:22:54,412 --> 01:22:55,523 what I'm, that was perfect. 1348 01:22:55,523 --> 01:22:56,454 Exactly. 1349 01:22:56,454 --> 01:23:02,736 And so it's not listening to the man with a suit say, no one, blah, blah, blah. 1350 01:23:02,736 --> 01:23:03,737 Why would you listen? 1351 01:23:03,737 --> 01:23:05,637 He doesn't know everyone. 1352 01:23:05,637 --> 01:23:09,509 His conclusivity, conclusivity to me is one of those culty cues. 1353 01:23:09,509 --> 01:23:19,804 If you hear someone say something so definitively like that about other people, speaking for, you're being spoken for, I speak for her on behalf of, stop, is he white? 1354 01:23:19,804 --> 01:23:21,155 What does he know? 1355 01:23:21,155 --> 01:23:28,400 And as he spent his time out there trying to sell that story, no, then how would he know? 1356 01:23:28,400 --> 01:23:28,850 Right? 1357 01:23:28,850 --> 01:23:36,023 Like, that's one of the things I tell people is like, stop taking advice from people who haven't done the thing you're trying to do. 1358 01:23:36,023 --> 01:23:38,845 You know, like, why are you listening to them? 1359 01:23:38,845 --> 01:23:43,857 But, you know, I think one of the great 1360 01:23:44,299 --> 01:23:57,999 takeaways from this was like, it all comes down to this fear of like standing out and being different and being human, which is what these cults don't want you to be, right? 1361 01:23:57,999 --> 01:24:00,259 You're supposed to be, supposed to be bland. 1362 01:24:00,259 --> 01:24:02,499 You're supposed to not stand out. 1363 01:24:02,699 --> 01:24:03,881 You're supposed to. 1364 01:24:03,881 --> 01:24:07,101 that's why we're not good culture fits often, right? 1365 01:24:07,101 --> 01:24:09,276 Black women are not good culture fits for a reason. 1366 01:24:09,276 --> 01:24:13,256 I always think it's funny that like, you can be too pretty. 1367 01:24:13,736 --> 01:24:14,316 Right? 1368 01:24:14,316 --> 01:24:21,516 Which shows, I think to me shows that like, you're not supposed to stand out in any way. 1369 01:24:21,516 --> 01:24:22,256 Right? 1370 01:24:22,256 --> 01:24:23,656 You'd be too smart. 1371 01:24:23,656 --> 01:24:24,256 Right? 1372 01:24:24,256 --> 01:24:30,196 You're not, these things that we think of as good qualities, but you're not supposed to have that in groups. 1373 01:24:30,196 --> 01:24:31,136 Right? 1374 01:24:31,136 --> 01:24:31,634 Like, 1375 01:24:31,634 --> 01:24:31,994 either. 1376 01:24:31,994 --> 01:24:37,826 Like they are allowed to see it in you and they are allowed to tell you, you don't know you're beautiful. 1377 01:24:37,826 --> 01:24:39,227 And that's what makes you beautiful. 1378 01:24:39,227 --> 01:24:40,317 Right. 1379 01:24:40,317 --> 01:24:44,119 And you're like to, you're allowed to be smart, but only if you don't feel smart. 1380 01:24:44,119 --> 01:24:50,001 You're allowed to be pretty if you don't feel pretty, but cause if you're pretty and you know it. 1381 01:24:51,342 --> 01:24:51,982 Yeah. 1382 01:24:51,982 --> 01:24:54,363 Oh, and I had to learn the whole with the light skin thing. 1383 01:24:54,363 --> 01:24:59,489 It's like, you know, attractive to who all that stuff and you know, black people, we got it too. 1384 01:24:59,489 --> 01:25:03,792 We got colorism, you guys got colorism with hair and it's weird and eyes and stuff. 1385 01:25:03,792 --> 01:25:12,400 But realizing that, nah, to people who will just objectify me, cool, great, wonderful. 1386 01:25:12,400 --> 01:25:13,702 is not bad. 1387 01:25:13,702 --> 01:25:15,585 Being different is not bad. 1388 01:25:15,585 --> 01:25:22,615 And for all of you white people that were taught like the rapture was going to come and leave you behind, like being left behind is not bad. 1389 01:25:23,475 --> 01:25:25,857 Yeah, we're having fun here. 1390 01:25:25,877 --> 01:25:30,581 Think about all the people who have been good, capital G, in your life. 1391 01:25:30,581 --> 01:25:33,293 Do you want to hang out with them for the, what do they think? 1392 01:25:33,293 --> 01:25:35,585 It's eternity or something? 1393 01:25:35,585 --> 01:25:36,807 The rest of ever? 1394 01:25:36,807 --> 01:25:39,760 Wait, also, why do you want to be alive for the rest of ever? 1395 01:25:39,760 --> 01:25:42,057 You're not even doing anything now, white people. 1396 01:25:42,057 --> 01:25:43,758 White people want to live to eternity. 1397 01:25:43,758 --> 01:25:45,638 You don't live today. 1398 01:25:45,638 --> 01:25:47,606 you're not even living in your life right now. 1399 01:25:47,606 --> 01:25:48,920 They're like, I wouldn't be alive forever. 1400 01:25:48,920 --> 01:25:50,845 For what? 1401 01:25:51,289 --> 01:25:53,795 To colonize Livy? 1402 01:25:53,856 --> 01:25:54,831 Sorry. 1403 01:25:54,831 --> 01:26:01,631 to me to being happy and enjoying my life and overcoming my trauma was like live in your life now. 1404 01:26:01,991 --> 01:26:06,211 Don't always be waiting for the next day. 1405 01:26:06,391 --> 01:26:09,242 Don't always be, oh, Jesus is gonna come back. 1406 01:26:09,242 --> 01:26:11,662 Enjoy your life now. 1407 01:26:11,735 --> 01:26:12,200 don't know. 1408 01:26:12,200 --> 01:26:14,113 I don't know what the you know, I don't get the Jesus stuff. 1409 01:26:14,113 --> 01:26:16,147 And I'm just like, who is this? 1410 01:26:16,147 --> 01:26:17,270 Is he scary? 1411 01:26:17,270 --> 01:26:17,891 Are we? 1412 01:26:17,891 --> 01:26:19,533 What are we thinking he's gonna do? 1413 01:26:19,533 --> 01:26:22,046 says he's coming like a thief in the night. 1414 01:26:22,046 --> 01:26:22,560 oh 1415 01:26:22,560 --> 01:26:23,517 WHAT?! 1416 01:26:23,517 --> 01:26:26,755 Yeah, part of talking about Jesus coming back. 1417 01:26:26,755 --> 01:26:28,358 Nobody knows the day nor the hour. 1418 01:26:28,358 --> 01:26:30,482 He comes like a thief in the night. 1419 01:26:31,178 --> 01:26:33,096 But then you just said it's an okay. 1420 01:26:33,096 --> 01:26:34,519 just okay. 1421 01:26:35,165 --> 01:26:36,497 No, but like I hear. 1422 01:26:36,497 --> 01:26:37,369 in the notes. 1423 01:26:37,369 --> 01:26:38,378 Thanks, folks. 1424 01:26:38,378 --> 01:26:43,592 Also, all, is it in the Bible that they say all sins are created equal? 1425 01:26:43,773 --> 01:26:45,053 Do they say that? 1426 01:26:45,714 --> 01:26:54,042 Okay, I heard somebody say like all sin is created equal and I don't know if that's in there because all men, think very similar, well, either way, I'm gonna take it. 1427 01:26:54,042 --> 01:26:58,406 All men are created equal, all sin are created equal, put them together, okay? 1428 01:26:58,406 --> 01:27:00,487 I think that was the problem, all right? 1429 01:27:00,487 --> 01:27:03,990 We're not equal, we weren't created, we're just here, calm down. 1430 01:27:04,331 --> 01:27:06,302 But, you know, the men. 1431 01:27:06,399 --> 01:27:15,179 We're just here trying to get through it and it, you know, it gives me the ultimate like what, what preppers really are, right? 1432 01:27:15,179 --> 01:27:19,059 People that are obsessed with disaster, like ruin their whole lives. 1433 01:27:19,059 --> 01:27:26,819 They're so scared a disaster is going to come and end or ruin their lives that they ruin their whole lives anyway, preparing for that disaster. 1434 01:27:26,819 --> 01:27:36,179 So I think this is, is great advice right now to just like, just live in right now, live in the day that we're in. 1435 01:27:36,285 --> 01:27:37,836 Yes, it's scary. 1436 01:27:37,836 --> 01:27:39,709 Being scared is not going to kill you. 1437 01:27:39,709 --> 01:27:43,211 Just just be here with the rest of us. 1438 01:27:43,552 --> 01:27:52,671 Be here with the rest of us, because even when it's scary, what was the think Dan Savage talking about the AIDS crisis in the 80s? 1439 01:27:52,671 --> 01:28:00,778 And he said, you know, we we went to work during the day, we went to funerals in the afternoons and we danced at night. 1440 01:28:01,269 --> 01:28:05,541 Or no, we fought during the day, we went to funerals at noon, then we danced at night. 1441 01:28:05,541 --> 01:28:10,063 And the dance kept us fighting because we were fighting for the dance. 1442 01:28:10,264 --> 01:28:24,961 Something wildly paraphrasing, but it's like, you have to remember that like, you're not fine, you're not like living for the emergency and like finding some rest and some joy in 1443 01:28:24,961 --> 01:28:30,314 some community on the side, like live in your life, make joy a daily practice. 1444 01:28:30,582 --> 01:28:36,772 And then also be prepared for like bad stuff to come, you know, but just. 1445 01:28:36,772 --> 01:28:39,214 operate off of crisis management. 1446 01:28:39,214 --> 01:28:42,277 And like when you were talking about the military and stuff, I was thinking about that. 1447 01:28:42,277 --> 01:28:46,450 like, you're doing all of this so that in a time of crisis, you will be calm. 1448 01:28:46,450 --> 01:28:48,842 It gives rapture, you know? 1449 01:28:49,063 --> 01:28:59,611 why are we in, what Christ, why are, you're creating crises now so that you can practice being calm in a crisis that you are creating. 1450 01:29:00,339 --> 01:29:11,088 And when I tell you coming home from a deployment gives the rapture didn't happen and now you have to go back to work, you know, and you know, tomorrow, tomorrow, there's going to 1451 01:29:11,088 --> 01:29:17,505 be a lot of evangelicals dealing with depression, because they really hyped themselves up for this to happen. 1452 01:29:17,505 --> 01:29:18,715 And it's like, 1453 01:29:18,715 --> 01:29:20,955 Do you, you, oh, that's interesting. 1454 01:29:20,955 --> 01:29:28,222 I was gonna say, do you think depression comes right away or, cause I feel like there's like a bargaining and there's like a whole, it's probably different. 1455 01:29:28,222 --> 01:29:37,122 the right word, but I tried to talk about this in my apocalypse chapter in my book where I'm like, as a 13 year old, like I hear what I'm being told, like this is bad, this is a 1456 01:29:37,122 --> 01:29:40,802 disaster, but the adults seem very excited. 1457 01:29:40,802 --> 01:29:48,462 And then when midnight hit and nothing happened, they seemed very disappointed, right? 1458 01:29:48,462 --> 01:29:52,151 So it was almost like a weird thing about... 1459 01:29:52,151 --> 01:29:55,602 explaining to people too, like when you were all set to deploy, right? 1460 01:29:55,602 --> 01:29:57,333 You've shut everything down in your life. 1461 01:29:57,333 --> 01:29:58,563 You've turned everything off. 1462 01:29:58,563 --> 01:30:01,895 Like this is basically what people have been doing to prepare for the Rapture. 1463 01:30:01,895 --> 01:30:04,327 Cause you're leaving your life for a year. 1464 01:30:04,327 --> 01:30:06,948 And then you like, you want it to come. 1465 01:30:07,207 --> 01:30:10,149 And sometimes your deployment will get delayed a little bit. 1466 01:30:10,149 --> 01:30:11,480 And it's really upsetting. 1467 01:30:11,480 --> 01:30:12,820 Cause you're like, I just want to go. 1468 01:30:12,820 --> 01:30:19,831 Like I just want to go and get started on this year that I have to get through, you know, and 1469 01:30:19,831 --> 01:30:24,367 Yeah, because you're prepping, you're preparing yourself, you're trying to get through it, get over it. 1470 01:30:24,367 --> 01:30:25,286 my god. 1471 01:30:25,286 --> 01:30:34,776 cult leaders will precipitate their own apocalypse because after all of that prepping and all of that, almost like edging, if you will, right? 1472 01:30:34,776 --> 01:30:37,049 It's like, you gotta have an explosion. 1473 01:30:37,049 --> 01:30:40,983 Something's gotta be the climax of all of this. 1474 01:30:40,983 --> 01:30:41,674 So. 1475 01:30:41,674 --> 01:30:44,923 uh 1476 01:30:44,923 --> 01:30:47,190 changing your mind and new life plan. 1477 01:30:47,190 --> 01:30:52,672 for not white people to know that like a lot of the white people are really mad on Wednesdays. 1478 01:30:52,672 --> 01:30:56,694 like this one ain't be out yet, but take care of yourself this weekend. 1479 01:30:56,694 --> 01:30:57,004 know? 1480 01:30:57,004 --> 01:30:58,795 Yeah. 1481 01:30:58,795 --> 01:31:00,076 That's not gonna be different. 1482 01:31:00,076 --> 01:31:00,836 Yeah. 1483 01:31:00,836 --> 01:31:02,276 Unfortunately. 1484 01:31:02,917 --> 01:31:04,097 All right. 1485 01:31:04,378 --> 01:31:05,628 I think we must wrap up. 1486 01:31:05,628 --> 01:31:10,329 This has been a good, this has been a good conversation. 1487 01:31:10,329 --> 01:31:13,133 I was, I'm going to tell you something you already know. 1488 01:31:13,133 --> 01:31:21,013 but I was driving the other day and I was thinking about our podcast and I was like, huh, I'm just Rebecca's public client. 1489 01:31:21,213 --> 01:31:28,155 And I go out in the world and I white woman everywhere and then I come back here and we process it. 1490 01:31:28,155 --> 01:31:28,745 Kinda. 1491 01:31:28,745 --> 01:31:37,712 Cause I was thinking, I was like, you're kind of like not in a, like the guest, you're like the guest on the Hey White Women podcast, but you're like the every woman, white 1492 01:31:37,712 --> 01:31:38,197 woman. 1493 01:31:38,197 --> 01:31:45,161 it that wasn't like model, you know, but it's like, I'm just doing it out loud. 1494 01:31:45,161 --> 01:31:55,579 And I thought that was cool, because I was thinking about the black therapist character that's in, you know, so many white people shows where they're trying to be diverse. 1495 01:31:55,579 --> 01:32:00,732 And then I was like, oh, Rebecca kind of is my black therapist. 1496 01:32:01,030 --> 01:32:03,410 But like specifically, it's very intentional. 1497 01:32:03,410 --> 01:32:05,669 It's like as a creator. 1498 01:32:05,669 --> 01:32:07,969 help deconstruct the white supremacy. 1499 01:32:08,149 --> 01:32:18,889 Oh, and because I was talking with someone who was like, when you do work on un-American, like having Rebecca involved in that will be really important as you're unlocking the 1500 01:32:18,889 --> 01:32:19,508 whiteness. 1501 01:32:19,508 --> 01:32:20,560 I was like, yeah. 1502 01:32:20,560 --> 01:32:21,081 Yeah. 1503 01:32:21,081 --> 01:32:25,924 And that is, am like the, and I try to walk the mammy trope very carefully. 1504 01:32:25,924 --> 01:32:29,267 I think we do a really good job, but we're pioneers in this. 1505 01:32:29,267 --> 01:32:37,374 I don't know in my head, cause I'm like, this is what I would want to do for white women deconstructing, like just in general. 1506 01:32:37,374 --> 01:32:44,460 And you guys come from the same place and you are, you are open and ready and at the deconstructing place of it. 1507 01:32:44,460 --> 01:32:46,462 So it's like, oh, you can be the conduit. 1508 01:32:46,462 --> 01:32:49,508 I'm kind of like that middle ground conduit between black women. 1509 01:32:49,508 --> 01:32:59,947 and white women and I'm like, see, but this is what's, you know, and I can't, you go and you, you know, you tell people the things, so I don't have to. 1510 01:33:00,871 --> 01:33:01,911 Yeah. 1511 01:33:03,660 --> 01:33:07,103 Thanks everybody for listening to us today. 1512 01:33:07,103 --> 01:33:09,014 White women, thanks for doing the work. 1513 01:33:09,014 --> 01:33:11,147 Black women, thanks for your patience. 1514 01:33:11,147 --> 01:33:13,318 And please like and subscribe. 1515 01:33:13,318 --> 01:33:17,511 Follow Rebecca on her Patreon, which will be linked below. 1516 01:33:17,632 --> 01:33:21,556 And let's go take out white supremacy. 1517 01:33:21,556 --> 01:33:22,656 little thing.