1 00:00:00,151 --> 00:00:08,915 So yeah, right now I'm doing an all magenta and ivory and teal phase era, because it goes with the book cover. 2 00:00:08,915 --> 00:00:18,809 There's also the yellow and orange, and I feel like I'm going to get to that when I get home, but I had to like to travel, you know, I packed because I like the it's red, white 3 00:00:18,809 --> 00:00:20,840 and blue, magenta, ivory and teal. 4 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:22,791 You know, it's just another form of it. 5 00:00:22,791 --> 00:00:28,553 And then when we launch the book, though, we're going to have the cults always promise space travel parties. 6 00:00:28,889 --> 00:00:32,229 and the outfit that I got for the New York party. 7 00:00:32,229 --> 00:00:34,289 Oh, it's too much. 8 00:00:34,369 --> 00:00:35,829 It's too much. 9 00:00:36,129 --> 00:00:39,969 And I also found a space travel like dancing dress. 10 00:00:39,969 --> 00:00:43,629 So I think my actual party is going to be a salsa party. 11 00:00:43,629 --> 00:00:45,749 It's gonna be like a salsa space party. 12 00:00:45,749 --> 00:00:46,609 Yeah. 13 00:00:46,661 --> 00:00:47,849 that's just awesome. 14 00:00:47,849 --> 00:00:50,914 Salsa, space, systems. 15 00:00:52,499 --> 00:00:53,895 Just throw that in there. 16 00:00:53,895 --> 00:00:58,697 You know, she's just gonna pull it all together. 17 00:00:58,718 --> 00:01:02,500 I mean, it's funny how the things that you think don't connect get connected. 18 00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:13,907 Like for me, like the knitting and crochet and creating and like the depths of how that has helped me, like me with identity, but then also has like folded into my brand and what 19 00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,929 it means for other people has been really cool. 20 00:01:17,237 --> 00:01:18,637 same, right? 21 00:01:18,637 --> 00:01:30,040 Like that was not a part of my intention, uh which is where the growth happens when you can't like there's some aspect of like scheduling change that we think we can do. 22 00:01:30,201 --> 00:01:38,002 But when I started my first white woman whisper video, I'm wearing this like button down thing I wore to work all the time. 23 00:01:38,023 --> 00:01:46,835 And I'm still thinking, you know, I just come so far and I was in Christina posting some of our first episodes, just like seeing how 24 00:01:46,835 --> 00:01:51,093 different you look to like just obviously it's just color, right? 25 00:01:51,093 --> 00:01:55,421 But it's just like, Oh, look at us with any air just. 26 00:01:55,421 --> 00:01:56,581 it's just color. 27 00:01:56,581 --> 00:01:57,921 But is it? 28 00:01:57,921 --> 00:01:59,221 Is it? 29 00:01:59,667 --> 00:02:00,107 right. 30 00:02:00,107 --> 00:02:02,369 It's the simple, easy. 31 00:02:02,369 --> 00:02:08,966 Cause it doesn't, it means so many other things to embrace color as something. 32 00:02:08,966 --> 00:02:13,730 like, even in our language, when we talk about colorful language, it usually means cursing. 33 00:02:13,730 --> 00:02:17,933 And then I thought about curse as a word, curse. 34 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:23,398 I don't know, just like, hmm, little, little witchy, like a curse. 35 00:02:23,449 --> 00:02:24,860 What's it gonna do to you? 36 00:02:24,860 --> 00:02:30,459 I would rather hear the curse word than a beep, beep, beep that makes me go, what was that word? 37 00:02:30,459 --> 00:02:31,760 And now I gotta go look it up. 38 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,070 Like literally that's what censorship, anyway, 39 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:40,984 So one of the things that was funny when my child was born, we were raising her trilingual for a while. 40 00:02:40,984 --> 00:02:44,276 And so I was like really, really focused on this. 41 00:02:44,276 --> 00:02:52,560 And I found this cool essay that was about you cursing around your children as a way of teaching code switching. 42 00:02:53,661 --> 00:03:03,466 And this was a thing that was going to happen around my child anyway, because her father was in the military and in the military we use fuck like a comma. 43 00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:07,647 and we just use all kinds of curse words all the time, right? 44 00:03:07,647 --> 00:03:08,424 So. 45 00:03:08,424 --> 00:03:10,349 there's something about that in the white cults. 46 00:03:10,349 --> 00:03:12,034 I feel like in Nexium they did that too. 47 00:03:12,034 --> 00:03:14,209 For some reason I felt like they were all using the word. 48 00:03:14,209 --> 00:03:15,178 Go ahead, continue. 49 00:03:15,178 --> 00:03:19,640 Yeah, no, whatever the language is, it becomes the thing. 50 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:23,921 Like in the army, you just say fuck all the time, all the time. 51 00:03:24,242 --> 00:03:28,744 know, it'd be like, we were just fucking standing there talking about whatever. 52 00:03:28,744 --> 00:03:31,305 And you just like say it like that. 53 00:03:31,305 --> 00:03:34,656 And anyway, but it was interesting the essay, right? 54 00:03:34,656 --> 00:03:45,030 Which was about saying that like you teach your kids that like language is language, but we get very different responses if we say things. 55 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,222 in different places. 56 00:03:47,262 --> 00:03:53,102 You know, like the first time I think my daughter used the F word or something, she had dropped something at home. 57 00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:57,002 She was like, Oh, you know, or maybe it was S word, whatever. 58 00:03:57,002 --> 00:04:01,182 And it was like, we both looked and we were like, Okay, that's appropriate. 59 00:04:01,182 --> 00:04:06,122 Like that's if you if you say that in the middle of a grocery store, you're to get a different response. 60 00:04:06,122 --> 00:04:09,202 If you say that at your friend's homes, you're going to get a different response. 61 00:04:09,202 --> 00:04:12,702 If you say that at school, you're going to get a different response. 62 00:04:12,702 --> 00:04:14,428 And it's one of the 63 00:04:14,428 --> 00:04:20,783 know, code switching is one of the things that any bilingual child is just getting from birth. 64 00:04:20,783 --> 00:04:33,613 Yet for like for monolingual people, that's a skill you're usually developing in middle school, probably white Americans, right? 65 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:43,950 You don't really start understanding that you act one way in one situation and a different way in a different situation till you're at the sort of 13, 14. 66 00:04:44,124 --> 00:04:47,437 age and the world starts forcing it. 67 00:04:47,517 --> 00:04:57,406 Whereas I think for bilingual children, obviously for Black children, for multicultural children, you're going to have that concept from the time you're born. 68 00:04:57,581 --> 00:04:59,322 Yeah. 69 00:04:59,322 --> 00:05:01,344 there's, know, W.E.B. 70 00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:03,786 Du Bois talks about double consciousness. 71 00:05:03,786 --> 00:05:12,082 And I've been saying lately, it's like, I think that was where my autism, whatever form of that you want to consider it came in, is that I only, I have a lot in my single 72 00:05:12,082 --> 00:05:22,760 consciousness and my privilege of being conventionally attractive in some places allowed me to get away without doing the social cues as much. 73 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:24,301 But I mean, to a degree. 74 00:05:24,465 --> 00:05:31,696 All right, I started to learn, but then I burnt out from the extra masking, because I had my own levels of masking as a woman. 75 00:05:31,937 --> 00:05:36,897 But then I wasn't, you know, but that's interesting. 76 00:05:36,897 --> 00:05:48,910 that recently for like the pretty girls, like being pretty was sort of a form of masking, like all the work that you do to look that way. 77 00:05:48,910 --> 00:05:58,441 You I think of myself, like I used to do so much work and like I can make myself look like Barbie, takes a lot of work and then you have to keep it up. 78 00:05:58,622 --> 00:06:05,546 And I think for women like us, we think that's gonna make them forget. 79 00:06:05,546 --> 00:06:06,927 that were different. 80 00:06:08,390 --> 00:06:16,497 But what I have found is it just makes them more angry that you like got passed or something. 81 00:06:16,497 --> 00:06:20,657 It's like you sold them something and they're like, that's not what you sold me. 82 00:06:20,657 --> 00:06:23,817 And I was like, what did, sorry, I don't know. 83 00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:36,557 And I've had that on a couple levels, especially like being light skin in a group of friends in black culture and in black spaces, that's different from existing as a black 84 00:06:36,557 --> 00:06:38,077 person in all white spaces. 85 00:06:38,077 --> 00:06:45,128 I just happened to always be in mostly black spaces as after the age of like eight or something. 86 00:06:45,128 --> 00:06:53,881 But so I had enough awareness of this wouldn't be the case in other places that some people value this light skin thing and they come and talk to me. 87 00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:56,832 And then I'm like, I don't know. 88 00:06:57,052 --> 00:07:03,104 And, um, but it's like, they're expecting something specific, but I'm a whole human. 89 00:07:03,104 --> 00:07:05,304 I'm not, but I'm still sold. 90 00:07:05,304 --> 00:07:09,266 Like, listen, guys, you should use this to your advantage. 91 00:07:09,266 --> 00:07:10,610 It's a privilege. 92 00:07:10,610 --> 00:07:16,492 and you get in these places and I can get at the table because they want to sit with me, but yeah, no. 93 00:07:16,934 --> 00:07:18,246 No, thank you. 94 00:07:18,342 --> 00:07:21,013 so this has been a question for me. 95 00:07:21,013 --> 00:07:25,805 It's like, yeah, but how much can you change a system from within? 96 00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:26,723 Right? 97 00:07:26,723 --> 00:07:28,136 Cause that's always the thought. 98 00:07:28,136 --> 00:07:32,928 The thought is always, well, you play the game, you do it hard, you get to the top. 99 00:07:33,048 --> 00:07:44,093 But you know, I, I remember when the first woman uh general was appointed in uh combat arms, right? 100 00:07:44,093 --> 00:07:44,781 So. 101 00:07:44,781 --> 00:07:46,591 first woman and everyone was like, take a lot. 102 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:47,462 What do you think about this? 103 00:07:47,462 --> 00:07:49,141 This is so amazing. 104 00:07:49,141 --> 00:07:53,686 And I just remember at the time being like, it is amazing, right? 105 00:07:53,686 --> 00:07:57,288 And every step forward is obviously progress. 106 00:07:57,288 --> 00:08:03,852 However, that woman hasn't been allowed to be a woman for 30 years. 107 00:08:03,852 --> 00:08:09,795 She's been having to play the boys game and tamp down everything about herself. 108 00:08:09,795 --> 00:08:13,811 You know, in uncultured, I say the number one part of 109 00:08:13,811 --> 00:08:20,405 being a woman in the military is to try to make them forget you're a woman so that they'll let you do your job. 110 00:08:20,526 --> 00:08:31,253 And so it's like, is, you know, every time I see the military supposedly going to make changes and then they're bringing in these women who are high ranking women. 111 00:08:31,253 --> 00:08:34,666 And I'm like, they're they're in the system. 112 00:08:34,666 --> 00:08:36,177 They're in the boys game. 113 00:08:36,177 --> 00:08:39,419 They've been playing it so hard for so long. 114 00:08:39,439 --> 00:08:42,621 Are they really going to show up? 115 00:08:42,721 --> 00:08:43,913 with a woman's perspective. 116 00:08:43,913 --> 00:08:48,580 And of course, I'm not saying like they stop being a woman or anything, but I'm just saying like. 117 00:08:48,580 --> 00:08:48,981 not. 118 00:08:48,981 --> 00:08:51,942 But you do a lot of conforming to get there. 119 00:08:51,942 --> 00:08:52,903 You have to. 120 00:08:52,903 --> 00:08:55,424 That's the only reason they would choose you. 121 00:08:55,544 --> 00:08:57,332 And we don't see it like that. 122 00:08:57,332 --> 00:09:00,537 We think, you know, because we both tried to change it from the inside. 123 00:09:00,537 --> 00:09:08,712 But once you realize you have to, it takes all of your energy and dedication to get there by the, it's a humiliation ritual to there. 124 00:09:08,712 --> 00:09:12,594 And they say black faces and high spaces aren't going to save us. 125 00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:13,604 It's similar to that. 126 00:09:13,604 --> 00:09:17,096 Like I don't want a fellow person. 127 00:09:17,330 --> 00:09:18,580 doing that. 128 00:09:18,721 --> 00:09:19,891 I don't want her going through that. 129 00:09:19,891 --> 00:09:26,854 And there's a lot of deaths that happen when Black women, know, self and other and heart attacks and all these things when they get there. 130 00:09:26,854 --> 00:09:38,959 The president of Harvard and there's all these different cases of Black women making it, being allowed there just for one to be the first person thrown under whatever, the bus, 131 00:09:38,959 --> 00:09:39,279 whatever. 132 00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:46,923 Or just to, you succeed and you've given up your life to be able to, because you 133 00:09:46,923 --> 00:09:48,276 How do you do that? 134 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:50,134 How do you get there? 135 00:09:50,134 --> 00:09:54,597 What do you have to lose of yourself and accommodate and accommodate and accommodate? 136 00:09:55,404 --> 00:10:01,970 And I never forget having this discussion with a couple of white men in my master's degree. 137 00:10:01,970 --> 00:10:06,772 And we're doing a Harvard Business Review case of this woman named Carla Ann Harris. 138 00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:12,225 And she was like the highest ranking black woman on Wall Street, right? 139 00:10:12,225 --> 00:10:15,597 Like super successful, super rich. 140 00:10:15,617 --> 00:10:19,799 And so we're reading this whole basically like business story of her career. 141 00:10:19,799 --> 00:10:21,640 And we're supposed to be discussing it. 142 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:22,913 And one of these white 143 00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:29,673 men says to the other white man says, you know, it's so cool that she didn't encounter any racism this whole time. 144 00:10:29,673 --> 00:10:34,700 And I was like, what are you talking about? 145 00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:38,161 And they're just like, I mean, she never mentions it once. 146 00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:41,724 And that's cool. 147 00:10:42,024 --> 00:10:46,406 Think about the levels of, that's cool. 148 00:10:46,406 --> 00:10:49,727 So not only do they, are they wrong, right? 149 00:10:49,727 --> 00:10:53,129 It's now they are commending who? 150 00:10:53,129 --> 00:10:54,589 The system is so great. 151 00:10:54,589 --> 00:10:58,278 She didn't, what they're really saying is she didn't mention how racism happened. 152 00:10:58,278 --> 00:10:58,694 right. 153 00:10:58,694 --> 00:11:02,474 kind of my thing to them where I was like, first of all, she didn't write this case, right? 154 00:11:02,474 --> 00:11:03,734 Someone else wrote it about her. 155 00:11:03,734 --> 00:11:14,074 But second of all, just because when we see her videos, like she's not talking about racism, but it's like, she can't, right? 156 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:18,414 She was the first woman, black woman to get into that space. 157 00:11:18,434 --> 00:11:19,554 She's got to play the game. 158 00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:25,094 She's got to be, you know, like that perfect first person that gets in. 159 00:11:25,094 --> 00:11:27,791 And you're just... 160 00:11:27,791 --> 00:11:31,092 you know, she didn't say that there's plausible deniability. 161 00:11:31,092 --> 00:11:36,554 I've been really thinking about the deniability side of accountability and what isn't said. 162 00:11:36,554 --> 00:11:44,517 And Zora Neale Hurston said something to the effect of if you're silent, they can kill you and say you enjoyed it or something, something to that effect. 163 00:11:44,517 --> 00:11:47,709 And it's like, even when, we say something, we're angry and we're bitter. 164 00:11:47,709 --> 00:11:53,340 When we don't say something, then you get to say, didn't happen. 165 00:11:53,650 --> 00:11:54,527 So, 166 00:11:54,527 --> 00:11:58,521 our blackness is there, you see it because you just brought it in when I didn't. 167 00:11:58,521 --> 00:12:02,525 So when I want to talk about something that isn't making it about race, they do. 168 00:12:02,786 --> 00:12:09,767 But in this deniability, denial, to me it's denial on one side and believable on the other. 169 00:12:09,767 --> 00:12:13,158 themselves that racism was no longer a thing. 170 00:12:14,057 --> 00:12:15,080 in her story. 171 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:21,698 Like not only it's just the weirdest decision to make and that to say out loud. 172 00:12:21,698 --> 00:12:24,714 And then if you push back against that, you're the problem. 173 00:12:24,913 --> 00:12:33,589 did and they got very upset with me and then of course at some point it was just like back to like yeah okay well what we're not talking about race that's not what we're here for 174 00:12:33,589 --> 00:12:38,498 like y'all brought it up and said it didn't exist uh 175 00:12:38,498 --> 00:12:39,579 America. 176 00:12:39,579 --> 00:12:41,018 That's America. 177 00:12:41,018 --> 00:12:42,230 That's what just happened. 178 00:12:42,230 --> 00:12:44,532 A black woman said, hey guys, did you know this? 179 00:12:44,532 --> 00:12:46,163 And they were like, interesting. 180 00:12:46,163 --> 00:12:48,064 Let's make it racial. 181 00:12:48,064 --> 00:12:50,665 And we're only happy you spoke because you did it. 182 00:12:50,665 --> 00:12:53,687 Like, what about the thing she's, and she didn't even say anything. 183 00:12:53,687 --> 00:12:54,738 Like you said, it's a case on her. 184 00:12:54,738 --> 00:12:58,992 So, but still we can do all that, all that. 185 00:12:58,992 --> 00:13:03,404 Think about all that fat woman sacrificed to be able to do something. 186 00:13:03,404 --> 00:13:04,586 And everyone's just like, 187 00:13:04,586 --> 00:13:06,840 They probably just told her, don't talk about race, don't talk about race. 188 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,863 Don't talk about race. 189 00:13:08,863 --> 00:13:12,128 And then once you don't, they get to say, see, isn't it crazy? 190 00:13:12,128 --> 00:13:20,484 This is like, you know, while I was deployed on my second deployment, this is what I would talk about with the psychologist all the time from the woman's perspective. 191 00:13:20,484 --> 00:13:22,175 It was like, we're not allowed. 192 00:13:22,175 --> 00:13:25,527 We're not allowed to complain about anything specific to being a woman. 193 00:13:25,527 --> 00:13:34,444 We're not allowed to even mention that being deployed for a year in this outfit, in full drag, by the way, right, because we're dressed as men. 194 00:13:34,444 --> 00:13:41,008 And we're not supposed to have any conversations about how that affects us. 195 00:13:41,246 --> 00:13:54,481 And I said, I was like, a decade from now, we're going to have all of these women just splitting open, not being able to function because of how like, like men are able to talk 196 00:13:54,481 --> 00:13:58,855 about things that are male issues. 197 00:13:58,855 --> 00:14:00,817 But to them, it's not a male issue. 198 00:14:00,817 --> 00:14:02,719 To them, it's an everyone issue. 199 00:14:04,015 --> 00:14:12,358 And when I say white women are the men of women, they get really mad at me, which is a weird reaction and emotion to have in response to that. 200 00:14:12,438 --> 00:14:20,232 Like you, so you hate men or you like, because you were so pissed that I would compare you to such creatures. 201 00:14:20,232 --> 00:14:22,833 Anyway, starting to sound familiar. 202 00:14:22,833 --> 00:14:24,685 And, I. 203 00:14:24,685 --> 00:14:26,256 why you should connect with them. 204 00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:34,189 And I also tend to think if I were talking, I just made this connection because I was talking online, kind of trying to ask white women, like, what was the difference maker 205 00:14:34,189 --> 00:14:35,990 with this man versus bear? 206 00:14:35,990 --> 00:14:41,212 And it's really that you were forced to identify with me and not with whiteness in the story. 207 00:14:41,212 --> 00:14:48,696 uh Because but I had to say, remember how men reacted to the man versus bear. 208 00:14:48,696 --> 00:14:52,313 And a lot of people said, if you didn't say that, it's like, but if. 209 00:14:52,313 --> 00:14:58,833 Why else would I be here talking to you if I didn't have the point that I wanted to use this anyway? 210 00:14:59,213 --> 00:15:08,284 But it's, if women want to talk to men in general about stuff, I would say, don't say your daughters, your wives, your whatever. 211 00:15:08,284 --> 00:15:09,564 It should like, I don't know. 212 00:15:09,564 --> 00:15:10,784 They'd like talking about themselves. 213 00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:12,884 Y'all like talking about yourselves as white women. 214 00:15:12,884 --> 00:15:14,364 Hey, white women, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 215 00:15:14,364 --> 00:15:16,964 And they're like, yeah, listen, that's just the truth. 216 00:15:16,964 --> 00:15:20,335 You can't convince someone to care by saying, what if it was your 217 00:15:20,335 --> 00:15:30,155 your property, your possession, or your protector, or your parent, is like, we'll see you doing it wrong because it's hurting them too. 218 00:15:30,315 --> 00:15:32,035 But don't talk to them if you don't want to talk to them. 219 00:15:32,035 --> 00:15:33,055 That's the other. 220 00:15:33,415 --> 00:15:35,075 But that's so interesting. 221 00:15:35,075 --> 00:15:37,395 It's a direct, like, that's why say it's a cult. 222 00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:41,286 It's a cult mindset, cult system, because... 223 00:15:41,286 --> 00:15:44,452 You can't talk about yourself. 224 00:15:44,452 --> 00:15:50,332 You're not allowed, we're not allowed to talk about periods because it makes men uncomfortable. 225 00:15:50,332 --> 00:15:53,835 That's, those are weak people. 226 00:15:53,835 --> 00:15:56,606 what I love about women comedians right now. 227 00:15:56,606 --> 00:16:08,938 It's like every single one of them talks about her period on the stage and also makes fun of how balls look, both of which I think are incredibly appropriate uh for what women have 228 00:16:08,938 --> 00:16:09,724 had to deal with. 229 00:16:09,724 --> 00:16:17,448 But yeah, like that has been a thing to me that has been so weird, like men being like weirdly afraid of periods. 230 00:16:17,448 --> 00:16:20,070 And it's just like, so. 231 00:16:20,070 --> 00:16:25,513 if we, you know, that's up to us in my opinion, like for the men around us. 232 00:16:25,513 --> 00:16:30,956 My brother has heard about my period because yeah, how dare you, you know? 233 00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:36,659 And I'm gonna, this is my, I'm doing this for the women of the world. 234 00:16:36,659 --> 00:16:39,480 This is the one guy I have around me sometimes. 235 00:16:39,801 --> 00:16:43,743 He's going to at least not go, I don't know. 236 00:16:43,743 --> 00:16:47,371 I just don't think women, women hold too much of that space of 237 00:16:47,371 --> 00:16:49,332 men don't like to buh and hear about it. 238 00:16:49,332 --> 00:16:52,964 You take it on as your responsibility. 239 00:16:53,205 --> 00:17:03,442 You cover your shoulders because you think you can control men's, you think you can control men's feelings and lust and whatever by what you wear. 240 00:17:03,442 --> 00:17:13,278 That's a little not true, but also like colonial and dehumanizes men, but also is wrong. 241 00:17:13,278 --> 00:17:14,263 Like it's just bad. 242 00:17:14,263 --> 00:17:15,725 it dehumanizes men. 243 00:17:15,725 --> 00:17:18,066 also teaches men, right? 244 00:17:18,066 --> 00:17:21,690 Like men were taught that periods were gross and crazy. 245 00:17:21,690 --> 00:17:24,422 And so then they're taught that they should stay out of our purses. 246 00:17:24,422 --> 00:17:28,015 And so then they're taught that we should be the ones doing the, you know, whatever. 247 00:17:28,015 --> 00:17:30,727 um I think it's just that. 248 00:17:30,727 --> 00:17:32,619 It's all just learned behavior. 249 00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:36,652 like, this is why you always hear the dudes say, I have sisters. 250 00:17:36,652 --> 00:17:38,484 It doesn't freak me out, right? 251 00:17:38,484 --> 00:17:41,460 Because like they've just been around. 252 00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:42,770 people who talked about it. 253 00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:47,212 But it's like, so going back to the what you wear thing, right? 254 00:17:47,212 --> 00:18:01,656 Like that's how purity culture creates pedophiles and rapists because you're, know, like the stories that I've heard of people, like their dads telling them they need to cover up 255 00:18:01,656 --> 00:18:03,847 because they're giving them impure thoughts. 256 00:18:03,847 --> 00:18:06,386 Like, ew, what? 257 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:07,596 so much. 258 00:18:07,596 --> 00:18:08,536 I hate it so much. 259 00:18:08,536 --> 00:18:11,127 And what does that teach your little brain? 260 00:18:11,287 --> 00:18:19,389 And I, I, and then we don't have go into her, but I don't know if you've heard about this Kendra person, Kendra who fell in love with her psychiatrist. 261 00:18:19,929 --> 00:18:20,247 Yeah. 262 00:18:20,247 --> 00:18:20,617 Okay. 263 00:18:20,617 --> 00:18:33,223 So just, but for my, my aspect of it, I talk about, you know, the white woman of it all and this automatic assumption that if you, if a white woman finds someone attractive, he 264 00:18:33,223 --> 00:18:34,213 also. 265 00:18:34,393 --> 00:18:43,601 He's already reciprocating that feeling, this just the desirability and the, can control your, this man and his attraction to me. 266 00:18:43,601 --> 00:18:52,008 And if not the dysregulation that comes from that, but the validation and the confirmation and how dangerous all of that can be. 267 00:18:52,269 --> 00:19:01,228 But it's just instead of sitting in like, I don't know, I don't need to make up this story, but just zooming out and seeing your place in everything. 268 00:19:01,228 --> 00:19:12,970 is so important and that pause in between, well, and you have it and there's something about people who have left cults already, who are already questioning the things that come 269 00:19:12,970 --> 00:19:14,341 to their brain. 270 00:19:14,708 --> 00:19:21,410 And maybe that's what it is because, or like that's the white woman I want to capture is like, oh 271 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:27,622 I think, you when you were saying that about like, they just assume that if they like someone, they like them back. 272 00:19:27,622 --> 00:19:40,280 And I feel like that is what that was specifically taught to white women in the 80s and 90s with the social media, with like, that's part of main character syndrome, I think, you 273 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:44,113 know, and just like, and if they don't like you, then they're automatically gay. 274 00:19:44,113 --> 00:19:48,533 Like that whole part of that, I felt like that was 275 00:19:48,533 --> 00:19:53,886 uh When I came to the US, I felt like that was a thing being taught to girls. 276 00:19:54,340 --> 00:19:58,601 That's interesting that he hit you because he likes you is a delusion. 277 00:19:58,601 --> 00:20:00,732 That's stop that. 278 00:20:00,732 --> 00:20:05,203 You know, you're convincing yourself of things counter to what you're experiencing. 279 00:20:06,984 --> 00:20:13,205 and it, the fairy tales just tell you he's sleeping beauty guys. 280 00:20:13,585 --> 00:20:16,826 I, and I see myself as the waker of sleeping beauties. 281 00:20:16,826 --> 00:20:19,897 I whip open the lights and go, man, it's coming. 282 00:20:19,897 --> 00:20:20,557 A man is coming. 283 00:20:20,557 --> 00:20:22,488 He's going to kiss you and then he's going to possess you. 284 00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:23,716 need to go. 285 00:20:23,716 --> 00:20:25,827 And then the story's over because whatever. 286 00:20:25,827 --> 00:20:27,279 like, there's no dragons. 287 00:20:27,279 --> 00:20:28,720 It's just me. 288 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:31,782 I've been trying to get in here to save you. 289 00:20:31,782 --> 00:20:38,968 Like, it's not the fear and the protection of doctors and all that stuff. 290 00:20:39,169 --> 00:20:43,802 These narratives are, yeah, they're taught because we don't have them either. 291 00:20:43,802 --> 00:20:46,374 They're taught to white women specifically. 292 00:20:46,434 --> 00:20:48,645 I never got the feeling. 293 00:20:48,645 --> 00:20:49,466 about this before. 294 00:20:49,466 --> 00:20:55,503 Like you have never assumed that any boy you liked in school that you had a crush on was going to have a crush on you back. 295 00:20:55,714 --> 00:20:59,365 No, I was like, we're just interacting. 296 00:20:59,365 --> 00:21:01,626 Uh-oh, what's happening here? 297 00:21:01,626 --> 00:21:03,626 Like opposite of main character syndrome. 298 00:21:03,626 --> 00:21:06,907 And maybe it's because whatever, I just saw things for how they were. 299 00:21:06,907 --> 00:21:08,518 I'm listening to the words you're saying. 300 00:21:08,518 --> 00:21:10,828 I've got myself an overactive listener. 301 00:21:10,968 --> 00:21:16,069 And if you said Netflix and chill, uh-oh, I thought that's what you meant. 302 00:21:16,130 --> 00:21:16,890 Not for very long. 303 00:21:16,890 --> 00:21:17,130 Yes. 304 00:21:17,130 --> 00:21:22,195 I caught on eventually with whatever, but why would I have? 305 00:21:22,195 --> 00:21:22,455 on. 306 00:21:22,455 --> 00:21:25,280 I never caught on to when men would like me. 307 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:26,512 There was the autism thing. 308 00:21:26,512 --> 00:21:27,223 Yeah. 309 00:21:27,223 --> 00:21:28,523 um 310 00:21:28,523 --> 00:21:29,691 they even like you? 311 00:21:29,691 --> 00:21:30,517 I don't know. 312 00:21:30,517 --> 00:21:31,750 Or are they just... 313 00:21:31,750 --> 00:21:41,884 anecdote of the white woman, sleeping beauty, main character syndrome, and you coming in and waking her up, that's how the book needs to start. 314 00:21:41,884 --> 00:21:47,704 That's the prologue of your book is just like, this is what we're doing. 315 00:21:47,704 --> 00:21:49,436 Right, it is not a dragon. 316 00:21:49,436 --> 00:21:50,792 It is just me. 317 00:21:50,792 --> 00:21:53,550 I'm just a lady here to take, you know, just trying 318 00:21:53,550 --> 00:21:59,600 are not real, but the man is coming and he is gonna kiss you and then take you away. 319 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:02,360 He's been doing this for 400 years. 320 00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:02,900 Okay. 321 00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:10,080 I need you every time y'all come in here, you eat the apple just cause some older lady told you to eat the apple. 322 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,400 don't know if that's even the same story. 323 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,520 It doesn't matter. 324 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:13,780 You keep going. 325 00:22:13,780 --> 00:22:15,740 I need you. 326 00:22:15,740 --> 00:22:16,440 Wake up. 327 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:24,760 It's been long enough, you know, but it's like, and then they're all woke and you can woke with me, but it's, it's his white knight syndrome. 328 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,020 He said this up. 329 00:22:26,020 --> 00:22:28,040 He told you about the dragons. 330 00:22:28,540 --> 00:22:29,331 Um, 331 00:22:29,331 --> 00:22:37,616 You're going to be like waking them up at the beginning and then like, here's a whole book to like get a little bit woke. 332 00:22:37,816 --> 00:22:38,587 That's so good. 333 00:22:38,587 --> 00:22:39,727 That's so good. 334 00:22:39,938 --> 00:22:50,108 this is, know it's gonna be harsh, like this is how you're gonna, we're gonna have humility this, we're gonna, and then talk about the scam of the white lie of all of this. 335 00:22:50,157 --> 00:23:01,265 I think there's this kind of idea that like getting woken up out of your cult or out of your brainwashing is like, it's so nice, you know, you've just been sleeping and you wake 336 00:23:01,265 --> 00:23:06,106 up and there's this like, nice handsome prince there kissing you and 337 00:23:06,106 --> 00:23:07,650 to save you from it. 338 00:23:07,650 --> 00:23:08,205 oh 339 00:23:08,205 --> 00:23:17,085 know, and like, in reality, like when you have a moment that cracks your brainwashing, it's usually incredibly painful. 340 00:23:17,625 --> 00:23:24,265 You realize you're gonna have to see your whole life all over again through a new lens. 341 00:23:24,325 --> 00:23:26,905 And that that's not easy. 342 00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:29,925 That's not something that's just done automatically. 343 00:23:29,925 --> 00:23:34,945 You know, I, you know, I had my cult crack in the brainwashing when I was 14. 344 00:23:34,945 --> 00:23:38,175 I have my military crack in the brainwashing at some point. 345 00:23:38,175 --> 00:23:52,436 But like when I got that email from the army asking me to testify against someone I had been married to for white supremacy, my literal thought was, oh my gosh, I'm to have to do 346 00:23:52,436 --> 00:23:53,407 it all over again. 347 00:23:53,407 --> 00:24:05,638 I'm going have to go through every story of my life and examine the whole way I tell myself the story from a different lens. 348 00:24:05,638 --> 00:24:07,189 And that's not easy. 349 00:24:07,191 --> 00:24:09,531 That's not something that takes moments. 350 00:24:09,531 --> 00:24:11,671 That's something that takes decades. 351 00:24:11,671 --> 00:24:16,700 That's why I was like, oh my God, I have to do this all over again, you know? 352 00:24:16,700 --> 00:24:25,016 Oh, it's a moment they have a positive disintegration where it's like, yeah, it hurts, but it is for the best. 353 00:24:25,016 --> 00:24:27,038 got to kind of break it down, go through it. 354 00:24:27,038 --> 00:24:28,589 And then what you'll get is better. 355 00:24:28,589 --> 00:24:30,641 It's like reviewing your work. 356 00:24:30,641 --> 00:24:31,951 I hate doing it sometimes. 357 00:24:31,951 --> 00:24:39,937 We reading something is like, you gotta do that to get to a version you feel like you want to share. 358 00:24:39,937 --> 00:24:42,408 And you would enjoy sharing if that's what you want to do. 359 00:24:42,509 --> 00:24:44,370 But there's. 360 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,591 Yeah, it takes going through it. 361 00:24:46,591 --> 00:24:58,159 It takes hearing the song you've been singing for decades and then actually singing the words out loud and realizing, oh, this song was about a penis the whole time. 362 00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,381 And it takes getting to that song. 363 00:25:01,482 --> 00:25:03,302 Yeah, all of that. 364 00:25:03,483 --> 00:25:04,964 You start to hear it. 365 00:25:06,445 --> 00:25:10,327 Or the phrases like, oh, don't be afraid to crack the whip. 366 00:25:11,909 --> 00:25:14,232 Until you hear someone say it, you don't. 367 00:25:14,232 --> 00:25:16,470 think about the phrase until you hear someone say it. 368 00:25:16,470 --> 00:25:19,580 That doesn't mean that person is the problem or anything. 369 00:25:19,580 --> 00:25:21,707 It's just part of... 370 00:25:21,707 --> 00:25:23,728 violence in the language. 371 00:25:23,728 --> 00:25:27,951 And these are, but you know, when you say like, it doesn't say that person is the problem. 372 00:25:27,951 --> 00:25:37,557 I've had this argument so many different times with the word guys, just like, just telling people that like, it is not gender neutral. 373 00:25:37,578 --> 00:25:41,520 is not, uh that's all I will say. 374 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:45,943 Guys is not gender neutral and people will flip the fuck out. 375 00:25:45,943 --> 00:25:50,423 And I actually love to let people just go on and on and on about how they think it's gender neutral. 376 00:25:50,423 --> 00:25:54,743 And then I'll be like, OK, so how many guys have you slept with? 377 00:25:55,003 --> 00:25:58,483 And all of a sudden they're like, oh, yeah, it's not gender neutral. 378 00:25:58,483 --> 00:26:04,063 But the way people take it so personally. 379 00:26:04,063 --> 00:26:05,983 it's like, it is hard. 380 00:26:05,983 --> 00:26:07,763 It's hard to change language. 381 00:26:07,763 --> 00:26:13,634 When you decide, when I decided I was going to get guys out of my vocabulary, it took me about three years. 382 00:26:13,634 --> 00:26:19,671 Fun fact, my nine year old is bringing it back in somehow now and I know she's not getting it from me. 383 00:26:19,671 --> 00:26:26,631 the culture, like the internet culture uses guys also, like on YouTube, so they use it gender-neutrally. 384 00:26:26,631 --> 00:26:28,751 I think I'd probably say it, I get that. 385 00:26:28,751 --> 00:26:30,305 And that's just information. 386 00:26:30,305 --> 00:26:32,327 where it's like, yeah, it's easy. 387 00:26:32,327 --> 00:26:33,567 It's easy to say it. 388 00:26:33,567 --> 00:26:38,530 And if you haven't ever specifically worked on not saying it, you probably say it. 389 00:26:38,591 --> 00:26:43,894 But that doesn't mean that it's gender. 390 00:26:44,934 --> 00:26:50,259 So I will flip it around sometimes and I will say, hey, so I'm gonna call everybody ladies. 391 00:26:50,259 --> 00:26:54,542 And I just want you to know that when I say ladies, I'm being gender inclusive. 392 00:26:54,802 --> 00:26:57,444 Like I mean all of you. 393 00:26:57,888 --> 00:27:02,149 Well, cause black people say girl to everybody. 394 00:27:02,149 --> 00:27:02,939 And that's interesting. 395 00:27:02,939 --> 00:27:08,111 And some men, obviously it's a red flag if they don't like that, but it depends on the type of conversation you're having. 396 00:27:08,111 --> 00:27:09,191 So it is interesting. 397 00:27:09,191 --> 00:27:16,143 Also like language is different for everybody and you have to be okay saying, I say guys and it's not gender neutral. 398 00:27:16,143 --> 00:27:16,764 Okay. 399 00:27:16,764 --> 00:27:20,297 If I say, okay, I'm going to use this word that does indicate men. 400 00:27:20,297 --> 00:27:21,345 All right. 401 00:27:22,038 --> 00:27:22,938 But I'm okay with that. 402 00:27:22,938 --> 00:27:27,025 If you want, if people want to get in my comments and say, they have a right to do that. 403 00:27:27,025 --> 00:27:30,449 If that's the thing that makes them block me, that's interesting. 404 00:27:30,750 --> 00:27:33,065 You know, it's have nuance. 405 00:27:33,065 --> 00:27:33,804 me earlier. 406 00:27:33,804 --> 00:27:38,479 We talked about it on an episode of like, you don't stop listening to R. 407 00:27:38,479 --> 00:27:41,951 Kelly or whoever like right away. 408 00:27:42,132 --> 00:27:50,916 It becomes like the more you understand how problematic they are, you just don't want to pick that music up as much. 409 00:27:51,597 --> 00:27:52,196 And 410 00:27:52,196 --> 00:27:53,747 are uncomfortable with that. 411 00:27:53,747 --> 00:27:59,641 yeah, you just make decisions based on information. 412 00:28:00,882 --> 00:28:04,755 things aren't inherently bad because they're not gender neutral. 413 00:28:04,755 --> 00:28:09,378 it starts mattering to you, you know, like that's when you're gonna give it up. 414 00:28:09,378 --> 00:28:11,079 That's when you're gonna change the language. 415 00:28:11,079 --> 00:28:20,665 That's when you're gonna, you know, to me, the guys thing mattered a lot because my career was in the military and we were constantly being sidelined and erased from the room and 416 00:28:20,665 --> 00:28:21,275 all of that. 417 00:28:21,275 --> 00:28:27,349 It was the same reason I don't say female, cause it sounds like a slur and. 418 00:28:27,389 --> 00:28:29,691 you know, that's another one people get really mad about. 419 00:28:29,691 --> 00:28:41,790 And I say to them, I'm like, the use of the term female to a human woman was for slavery came in through chattel slavery. 420 00:28:41,790 --> 00:28:45,402 And it was specifically about dehumanization. 421 00:28:45,683 --> 00:28:48,081 And so, you know, like I 422 00:28:48,081 --> 00:28:50,043 you're not telling people what to do. 423 00:28:50,043 --> 00:29:02,103 use it, but when I hear another woman referring to herself as a female, I always know that she's worked in a misogynistic environment because... 424 00:29:02,103 --> 00:29:05,446 telling them, you're not telling anybody not to use it. 425 00:29:05,446 --> 00:29:06,397 And here is why. 426 00:29:06,397 --> 00:29:15,205 And even if you work, they don't have to listen, but it's interesting that they will go back and forth with you about it because it feels like once you know something, you have 427 00:29:15,205 --> 00:29:16,186 to do something about it. 428 00:29:16,186 --> 00:29:22,562 And that's just not to, or correct the person who said it so that you don't have to do anything about it. 429 00:29:22,951 --> 00:29:34,098 But that is kind of the problem, I think, with language is it is very crack in the brainwashing, know, like once you know, like you should have seen, oh, we call my we have 430 00:29:34,098 --> 00:29:36,329 a bundle for Culting of America. 431 00:29:36,329 --> 00:29:44,004 You get the book, you get the workbook, you get a bag that says I knit so I don't stab people and you get needles that look like swords. 432 00:29:44,004 --> 00:29:49,638 And we did everything and we did all the packaging and it was Knitter's Bundle. 433 00:29:49,936 --> 00:29:54,309 And just literally the first time I tried to say it out loud, was like, nope, can't do it. 434 00:29:54,309 --> 00:29:55,329 We gotta change it. 435 00:29:55,329 --> 00:29:57,191 It's gotta be the knitting bundle. 436 00:29:57,191 --> 00:30:01,713 like, I hope Rebecca, I was like, I hope Rebecca doesn't see this. 437 00:30:01,713 --> 00:30:02,765 uh 438 00:30:02,765 --> 00:30:04,418 Like, it would be a choice, right? 439 00:30:04,418 --> 00:30:07,252 Like, it wouldn't be the thing that is- 440 00:30:07,594 --> 00:30:16,534 and I told you when I talked about this on threads and people flipped out and I was just like, it just, it never occurred to me before. 441 00:30:16,534 --> 00:30:18,234 And now that's all I hear. 442 00:30:18,234 --> 00:30:31,214 So that is just like an easy change for me, you know, and, and, and, and there's this other thing of like, I can only explain it with the man, man, woman thing where it's like, 443 00:30:31,214 --> 00:30:32,594 it doesn't have to be an equivalent. 444 00:30:32,594 --> 00:30:33,902 So I will say, 445 00:30:33,902 --> 00:30:38,205 women soldiers, Or like women military officers, whatever. 446 00:30:38,205 --> 00:30:40,767 It doesn't sound to me that weird. 447 00:30:40,767 --> 00:30:45,210 When you say men soldiers, it does sound weird. 448 00:30:45,630 --> 00:30:59,390 I continue to say male soldiers, but also men have not had the word male weaponized against them in the same way that military women have had the word female, right? 449 00:30:59,390 --> 00:31:02,086 They literally will say the hit those 450 00:31:02,086 --> 00:31:03,717 females over there, right? 451 00:31:03,717 --> 00:31:08,268 And it's like, it's said in the same tone as bitch. 452 00:31:08,268 --> 00:31:09,488 We all know it. 453 00:31:09,488 --> 00:31:10,909 We all have to deal with it. 454 00:31:10,909 --> 00:31:13,106 We have to refer to ourselves that way. 455 00:31:13,106 --> 00:31:15,610 And it's just, it's one of those things. 456 00:31:15,610 --> 00:31:23,333 And it's like, if, if men found being called male to be dehumanizing, they would bring it up. 457 00:31:23,773 --> 00:31:26,774 And maybe they will someday, but. 458 00:31:26,955 --> 00:31:28,136 Well, and they shouldn't. 459 00:31:28,136 --> 00:31:37,194 So here's the thing is like, I say white women and that is, that makes people very uncomfortable because you're white people are not used to having white weaponized in quote 460 00:31:37,194 --> 00:31:38,596 unquote against them. 461 00:31:38,596 --> 00:31:45,242 I'm not weaponizing, I'm just using it, but I'm saying the thing you're not supposed to say in front of person, in front of people. 462 00:31:45,242 --> 00:31:45,602 Yeah. 463 00:31:45,602 --> 00:31:48,044 They're like, no categories are for everybody else. 464 00:31:48,204 --> 00:31:50,866 I'm an American or whatever. 465 00:31:51,067 --> 00:31:51,788 Okay. 466 00:31:51,788 --> 00:31:53,857 Like what did that mean? 467 00:31:53,857 --> 00:31:57,299 The fact that you're correcting me says you're even whiter than I thought. 468 00:31:57,299 --> 00:31:58,859 And I didn't think about you at all. 469 00:31:58,859 --> 00:32:04,622 So like, that's, it's the behavior, not the language always, right? 470 00:32:04,622 --> 00:32:05,773 It's what do you care about? 471 00:32:05,773 --> 00:32:12,221 And for me, certain language, saying enslaved people instead of slaves is something I stand on. 472 00:32:12,221 --> 00:32:14,407 I don't, I don't correct people. 473 00:32:14,407 --> 00:32:16,338 that's the correcting is a white thing. 474 00:32:16,338 --> 00:32:17,788 Like the correctional officer bit. 475 00:32:17,788 --> 00:32:18,933 um 476 00:32:18,933 --> 00:32:20,504 It's just taking note and listening. 477 00:32:20,504 --> 00:32:22,265 And how are people, why are people talking? 478 00:32:22,265 --> 00:32:31,760 If you say slaves, but I'm really informed by everything else you said, I'm not going to be like, I love everything you had to say, but enslaved, were enslaved. 479 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:33,901 weren't, you know, I'm not going to do that. 480 00:32:33,901 --> 00:32:38,544 But if you ask me, you know, let me read your book and tell you what I think I'm going to tell you. 481 00:32:38,544 --> 00:32:40,985 Hey, I would not say this. 482 00:32:41,045 --> 00:32:42,826 I would say this happened. 483 00:32:42,826 --> 00:32:45,808 A bunch of people kidnapped them, trafficked them. 484 00:32:45,808 --> 00:32:48,034 You know, they were never. 485 00:32:48,034 --> 00:32:54,437 me, somebody simply asked me to start saying the delusion of white supremacy instead of just saying white supremacy. 486 00:32:54,437 --> 00:32:56,758 And I was like, oh, I like that. 487 00:32:56,758 --> 00:32:58,739 Like I like that it's useful. 488 00:32:58,739 --> 00:33:01,811 It makes me think about it every time that it's fake. 489 00:33:01,811 --> 00:33:03,371 It makes other people think about it. 490 00:33:03,371 --> 00:33:04,362 Right. 491 00:33:04,362 --> 00:33:10,205 And it was like very polite, also a very big request to change language. 492 00:33:10,205 --> 00:33:11,705 And I was like, no, that's great. 493 00:33:11,705 --> 00:33:13,414 uh 494 00:33:13,414 --> 00:33:14,995 a request to consider it, right? 495 00:33:14,995 --> 00:33:20,979 Like no one says, now that I've asked you, why people do this, now that I've asked you to do something, it's kind of also a demand. 496 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:24,883 you know, like the, I ask you a question is weird. 497 00:33:24,883 --> 00:33:26,854 It is, let me ask you a question. 498 00:33:26,854 --> 00:33:27,614 Yeah. 499 00:33:27,614 --> 00:33:35,619 And it's also, you know, so my child recently chose her own name, which is Leia, by the way. 500 00:33:35,619 --> 00:33:40,502 um I don't hate it because she needs a code name for social media. 501 00:33:40,502 --> 00:33:43,803 So she decides she's going to do this, right? 502 00:33:43,803 --> 00:33:55,476 And immediately, every single time we say her actual name, it's mom, dad, you know, and it's kind of like we're trying to tell her like, 503 00:33:55,476 --> 00:33:58,579 like, babe, you got to give us some time. 504 00:33:58,579 --> 00:33:59,450 That's the other thing. 505 00:33:59,450 --> 00:34:01,121 It's like language. 506 00:34:01,782 --> 00:34:07,287 I mean, it's the longest chapter in Culting of America, which is available for pre-sale, by the way, y'all. 507 00:34:07,287 --> 00:34:09,630 Super awesome packages tagged here. 508 00:34:09,630 --> 00:34:17,697 But language is something we're very willing to change about ourselves, but it's also something we're very, very deeply connected to. 509 00:34:17,697 --> 00:34:19,919 And so it can take time. 510 00:34:20,832 --> 00:34:27,332 in cultish Amanda Montell says that the cult language is the last thing we give up. 511 00:34:27,332 --> 00:34:32,412 And I actually think it's a really important... 512 00:34:32,412 --> 00:34:35,292 I can tell where people are. 513 00:34:35,292 --> 00:34:39,712 For example, if they're not willing to call the group they were in a cult yet. 514 00:34:39,712 --> 00:34:44,472 Sometimes I give them that as their homework and you need to start calling it a cult. 515 00:34:44,806 --> 00:34:48,426 But learning, learning to take off 516 00:34:48,426 --> 00:34:50,797 the language that the cult gave us, right? 517 00:34:50,797 --> 00:34:51,908 They were not slaves. 518 00:34:51,908 --> 00:35:08,649 They were enslaved people and use and always the words that the cult gave us were whitewashing, whitewashing, covering up, making it sound less, you know, it was called 519 00:35:08,649 --> 00:35:13,112 flirty fishing in the children of God, not worse. 520 00:35:13,376 --> 00:35:17,721 I mean, he really did call them God's hookers and all of this stuff, like once they accepted it. 521 00:35:17,721 --> 00:35:23,727 you know, saying flirty fishing sounds much less harsh than saying religious prostitution. 522 00:35:23,908 --> 00:35:32,638 You know, saying children performing on the streets of the world sounds much less harsh than saying I was internationally trafficked as a child actress. 523 00:35:32,638 --> 00:35:34,499 uh 524 00:35:34,499 --> 00:35:36,881 mean, the truth hurts, right? 525 00:35:36,881 --> 00:35:38,601 But like, not that bad. 526 00:35:38,601 --> 00:35:44,244 It hurts, but hurts isn't, hurts isn't, you know, when white women are like, it really hurts to be compared to men. 527 00:35:44,244 --> 00:35:48,085 Oh, that hurts. 528 00:35:48,766 --> 00:35:49,166 Right. 529 00:35:49,166 --> 00:35:51,016 uh 530 00:35:51,016 --> 00:36:00,932 had the words for labor and what had happened to me, I couldn't really heal from that or get past that or understand it. 531 00:36:01,243 --> 00:36:04,415 Why painkillers were, are a white people problem. 532 00:36:04,415 --> 00:36:10,838 For many reasons, but it was designed to be so that you avoid, you think that is the win. 533 00:36:10,838 --> 00:36:14,451 That is the goal is to not feel end of sentence. 534 00:36:14,451 --> 00:36:20,513 know, anything, not joy, sad, but, but rage at other. 535 00:36:21,154 --> 00:36:22,914 When we decide. 536 00:36:22,995 --> 00:36:24,335 Like it's so. 537 00:36:24,561 --> 00:36:26,412 The prescribed feelings is weird. 538 00:36:26,412 --> 00:36:30,984 The selective controlled feelings of like the cry night idea. 539 00:36:30,984 --> 00:36:34,235 Like the more I learn, I saw you post a video about Pure. 540 00:36:34,235 --> 00:36:35,556 So I ordered it. 541 00:36:35,556 --> 00:36:37,226 It took a couple of days, but I ordered it. 542 00:36:37,226 --> 00:36:40,597 So was like, I think I want this to be my next white lady book. 543 00:36:41,758 --> 00:36:45,340 because I want to hear white women talking about white women. 544 00:36:45,340 --> 00:36:46,030 Now I don't know. 545 00:36:46,030 --> 00:36:51,302 I haven't gotten to hear if she knows she's a white lady, but we'll find out. 546 00:36:51,302 --> 00:36:54,075 Usually when deconstructing it does. 547 00:36:54,075 --> 00:37:00,278 It is helpful, but not always happening to see the whiteness end. 548 00:37:00,278 --> 00:37:02,130 don't know that she sees the whiteness. 549 00:37:02,130 --> 00:37:04,371 Like I'm looking, looking back at that now. 550 00:37:04,371 --> 00:37:05,312 It's been a few years. 551 00:37:05,312 --> 00:37:11,818 Definitely a white lady trying to deconstruct white evangelical purity. 552 00:37:11,818 --> 00:37:13,969 And there's not. 553 00:37:13,969 --> 00:37:17,598 going to read it as a white lady book, but it is interesting. 554 00:37:17,598 --> 00:37:18,792 We'll see. 555 00:37:18,792 --> 00:37:19,654 We'll see. 556 00:37:19,654 --> 00:37:20,078 it's. 557 00:37:20,078 --> 00:37:26,704 I you're going to, I think you're going be able to bring so much more history into like where it came from and all of that stuff. 558 00:37:26,704 --> 00:37:30,334 Because to me, it's like, oh, these are the results of something, right? 559 00:37:30,334 --> 00:37:39,743 I already know what the something is, but I don't know that much about the results because I was protected, actually protected, by my, with my whiteness. 560 00:37:39,743 --> 00:37:48,499 My white mom was like, mm-mm, we only keep, it was mostly black people around, uh or just people that are cool with this. 561 00:37:48,499 --> 00:37:51,621 But I didn't know the culty parts. 562 00:37:51,621 --> 00:37:54,054 didn't, so it's interesting to find out, but. 563 00:37:54,054 --> 00:37:55,895 Whoa, but it's also weird to hear. 564 00:37:55,895 --> 00:38:00,197 It's like the way people in Utah think that that's everywhere. 565 00:38:00,478 --> 00:38:05,030 Like if they're not, if they don't leave, they think just Utah is everywhere. 566 00:38:05,030 --> 00:38:11,624 Like that is the, everywhere has soda shops and everywhere has, just like everyone wants to be Mormon. 567 00:38:11,624 --> 00:38:12,745 Everyone's kind of Mormon. 568 00:38:12,745 --> 00:38:15,627 Everyone's almost Mormon, used to be Mormon, knows a Mormon. 569 00:38:15,627 --> 00:38:17,908 I didn't know what a Mormon was. 570 00:38:18,008 --> 00:38:21,278 I had never heard the words until I had my first like. 571 00:38:21,278 --> 00:38:25,858 white friend after, you know, in the cultiness of business school, that was a whole element. 572 00:38:25,858 --> 00:38:27,718 was just like, these people are different. 573 00:38:27,718 --> 00:38:33,738 Um, I was in Thailand and there was anyway, I was just like, I didn't know what any of this was. 574 00:38:33,738 --> 00:38:42,718 I'm from like New Jersey, New York, but I believe that they think that everywhere is like that. 575 00:38:42,718 --> 00:38:44,178 And what happens there? 576 00:38:44,178 --> 00:38:46,858 Like when they, do they leave? 577 00:38:46,858 --> 00:38:47,758 Do they not leave? 578 00:38:47,758 --> 00:38:50,294 guess they usually don't. 579 00:38:50,470 --> 00:38:53,835 It's such a big place, so it's like you're isolated. 580 00:38:53,970 --> 00:38:59,367 If white America is a cult, then this is the headquarters, the entire state of Utah. 581 00:38:59,367 --> 00:39:00,930 which Mr. 582 00:39:00,930 --> 00:39:06,379 Knitting Coat Lady is going to be driving the Culting of America van through Utah. 583 00:39:06,379 --> 00:39:08,201 So I'm so happy. 584 00:39:08,483 --> 00:39:12,266 There's also like a billboard culture apparently in Utah I found out about. 585 00:39:12,266 --> 00:39:18,310 I follow like ex Mormon people because I'm also like, this is, this is literally what y'all want without us. 586 00:39:18,310 --> 00:39:20,001 But there's like a billboard thing. 587 00:39:20,001 --> 00:39:24,401 So I thought about having me out there, but I want a billboard out there. 588 00:39:24,401 --> 00:39:33,549 billboard culture from Canada to the US is just like their highways are not just just completely covered and billboards in the skies. 589 00:39:33,549 --> 00:39:46,411 And I heard this theory once that the only thing that actually ties American states together culturally is the billboards and the franchises that are like available, you 590 00:39:46,411 --> 00:39:48,563 know, no matter where you go or whatever, because 591 00:39:48,563 --> 00:39:57,753 If you think about it, like New York and Alabama have nothing else in common other than the fact that you can find like the same fast food joints sometimes, right? 592 00:39:57,754 --> 00:40:00,076 You don't even have Walmart on Manhattan Island. 593 00:40:00,076 --> 00:40:02,282 Like there's nothing similar. 594 00:40:02,282 --> 00:40:03,082 same oppression. 595 00:40:03,082 --> 00:40:14,943 We have the same propaganda kind of pitch to us and the same kind of newsletters and newspapers and you know, very, but then once you realize like, oh, there's other places. 596 00:40:15,164 --> 00:40:17,376 This isn't the billboards. 597 00:40:17,376 --> 00:40:18,767 goodness, I didn't even think about that. 598 00:40:18,767 --> 00:40:20,368 And like there's such beautiful nature. 599 00:40:20,368 --> 00:40:23,270 And then it's just like, go see this dinosaur museum. 600 00:40:25,113 --> 00:40:26,499 So many offensive things. 601 00:40:26,499 --> 00:40:34,119 so funny because in Canada in the Canadian RV parks, they like don't have Wi Fi. 602 00:40:34,279 --> 00:40:45,019 Like they actually want to disconnect, which is troubling when you're trying to work from an RV park, but is actually just like, kind of cool. 603 00:40:45,079 --> 00:40:54,579 Like, I know, I know it was it was harder to get Wi Fi in Canada than in Afghanistan a decade ago, which was 604 00:40:54,579 --> 00:40:56,559 mind blowing to me. 605 00:40:57,179 --> 00:41:00,679 I literally told my team, was like, it's not like I'm going to be in the end of the world. 606 00:41:00,679 --> 00:41:02,459 Like, I'm just going to be in Canada. 607 00:41:02,459 --> 00:41:05,079 And no, it was, it was challenging. 608 00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:12,499 But it, it is funny to see the difference because you do kind of tend to think of it as like, we're the same, right? 609 00:41:12,499 --> 00:41:14,759 I think it's two countries of white people. 610 00:41:14,759 --> 00:41:24,359 And honestly, I described the middle of Canada as like what America could be without the delusion of white supremacy and the hatred. 611 00:41:24,423 --> 00:41:29,803 because there's really not that much to recommend Regina, Canada. 612 00:41:29,803 --> 00:41:36,383 I don't think that I'll be going back there, but you could still get any kind of international food you wanted. 613 00:41:36,383 --> 00:41:38,735 You were still seeing all different kinds of people. 614 00:41:38,735 --> 00:41:48,163 So it was like, still very similar to the American Midwest, just without the American whiteness. 615 00:41:49,105 --> 00:41:52,118 The American practice of whiteness. 616 00:41:52,118 --> 00:41:55,921 Yeah, there's like forced smiling and how are you good? 617 00:41:55,921 --> 00:41:58,923 The world is the world's up by here. 618 00:41:59,284 --> 00:42:01,366 And like that it's just insane. 619 00:42:01,366 --> 00:42:06,930 And one of my mutuals, one of my friends who is in France, but is from the South, from America. 620 00:42:06,930 --> 00:42:17,799 Um, but she said when she came back here, she was like, I forget how like fake and customer servicey and like pretend you're having a great time serving it is here. 621 00:42:17,799 --> 00:42:22,222 And that is slavery, but that's all like tipping culture and. 622 00:42:22,328 --> 00:42:23,219 That's literary slavery. 623 00:42:23,219 --> 00:42:24,601 They said, you better smile. 624 00:42:24,601 --> 00:42:33,372 You better act like you like this so I don't feel bad about what I'm doing and forcing you to be in the house with me while I say you're disgusting. 625 00:42:33,734 --> 00:42:34,898 Get in my bed. 626 00:42:34,898 --> 00:42:36,498 I mean, be quiet. 627 00:42:36,498 --> 00:42:37,229 What? 628 00:42:37,229 --> 00:42:38,559 It's a whole mess. 629 00:42:38,559 --> 00:42:44,333 who's from Jersey and then was in the army, and of course she's my best friend. 630 00:42:44,333 --> 00:42:46,315 She also dated a guy from Texas once. 631 00:42:46,315 --> 00:42:56,133 just like the way people in the South will wave to a stranger on the street because you're driving a car and someone's walking and you wave. 632 00:42:56,133 --> 00:42:59,676 And she just always was like, do you know that person? 633 00:42:59,676 --> 00:43:03,468 We're like, no, that's just what you do. 634 00:43:03,468 --> 00:43:05,821 I don't know how to explain it. 635 00:43:06,137 --> 00:43:07,177 Obviously it's whiteness. 636 00:43:07,177 --> 00:43:10,089 I think it also comes from less population. 637 00:43:10,089 --> 00:43:14,872 So it's kind of like you're driving, there's just one person walking towards you. 638 00:43:14,872 --> 00:43:17,003 That's all you have to look at. 639 00:43:17,003 --> 00:43:21,045 So you like smile and wave, but like try to do that in New York. 640 00:43:21,166 --> 00:43:26,869 No, it's, it's, you said needed community, gated. 641 00:43:26,869 --> 00:43:27,465 uh 642 00:43:27,465 --> 00:43:31,229 it's like also, you know, and there's fewer people and it's, it's a isolated. 643 00:43:31,229 --> 00:43:32,890 You might technically know them. 644 00:43:32,890 --> 00:43:35,433 You just wave no, cause you might as well. 645 00:43:35,433 --> 00:43:40,537 And that's just nice and nice is easy and nice, nice and easy. 646 00:43:40,537 --> 00:43:44,090 you know, you know, cause that's it. 647 00:43:44,090 --> 00:43:45,922 in military towns, right? 648 00:43:45,922 --> 00:43:56,983 Like everyone drives much more politely because you don't know, like you cut that car off and maybe it was the general or you flip someone off and maybe it was the general's wife. 649 00:43:56,983 --> 00:44:02,488 And so like everyone kind of has to be on their best behavior with road rage. 650 00:44:02,488 --> 00:44:03,774 It's interesting. 651 00:44:03,774 --> 00:44:10,326 isn't that interesting that we can just choose when we are dysregulated and not and consider some people, people that might impact us or not. 652 00:44:10,326 --> 00:44:20,009 So like that's when I really figured out when I talked about intersectionality is like living at the intersection of route 21 and a random like residential street in Newark, 653 00:44:20,009 --> 00:44:22,329 which is like kind of like a highway, but it has lights on it. 654 00:44:22,329 --> 00:44:23,330 It's very busy. 655 00:44:23,330 --> 00:44:24,100 There's lots of stuff. 656 00:44:24,100 --> 00:44:31,473 There may be a gas station over there and having to cross that street every day, you have to take a lot more into consideration, but you also over time learn a lot more. 657 00:44:31,473 --> 00:44:34,774 Being white is like growing up behind in a gated community. 658 00:44:34,774 --> 00:44:36,575 And you're like, I've crossed roads. 659 00:44:36,575 --> 00:44:39,776 I know how to cross an intersection and cross the street. 660 00:44:39,776 --> 00:44:41,486 And like, obviously it's not that different. 661 00:44:41,486 --> 00:44:42,286 You just blah, blah, blah. 662 00:44:42,286 --> 00:44:43,657 You don't know. 663 00:44:43,777 --> 00:44:53,620 And you see so many different people and what people expect that they're going to be safer around you because same thing, they're politer cause they know you maybe, or they know it 664 00:44:53,620 --> 00:44:58,196 could come back on them or you may be walking in and be a neighbor or something. 665 00:44:58,196 --> 00:45:02,680 and also you come from small enough places and they don't even have intersections. 666 00:45:02,921 --> 00:45:11,637 You know, like my brother was just staying from Midland, Texas and he's like, yeah, you don't have, you don't have intersections because nobody's walking. 667 00:45:11,637 --> 00:45:14,061 Like everybody's just driving and they're... 668 00:45:14,061 --> 00:45:16,041 you gotta see route four in. 669 00:45:16,041 --> 00:45:26,161 when I never knew it was weird, but in the, where I grew up in Teaneck route four is like the street, the main highway, but it's like, you get on, there's very little ramp. 670 00:45:26,161 --> 00:45:26,481 Okay. 671 00:45:26,481 --> 00:45:29,041 It's like, you're at a stop sign and then you're on the highway. 672 00:45:29,041 --> 00:45:31,621 And then it's like, Ooh, there's just that good curve. 673 00:45:31,621 --> 00:45:33,661 But I thought this was just, you know, how we drive. 674 00:45:33,661 --> 00:45:39,961 Cause this is where I grew up and it's always kind of clustered and you just have to know where it, it's just these things. 675 00:45:39,961 --> 00:45:40,885 But. 676 00:45:41,469 --> 00:45:49,491 It's just uh being white and like cis and able-bodied and whatever I say is like being in a gated community on a cul-de-sac. 677 00:45:49,511 --> 00:45:58,044 So like in some ways you have to be extra extra extra nice because you're going to always see these three neighbors and if you want to play outside and there's all these social 678 00:45:58,044 --> 00:45:59,994 cues you're to have, you're going to ask for sugar. 679 00:45:59,994 --> 00:46:01,474 You got three options. 680 00:46:01,474 --> 00:46:10,067 If you're at an intersection in Newark, New Jersey, you got a bunch of options for sugar, especially if you've been there for a while next door, upstairs, whatever, or the gas 681 00:46:10,067 --> 00:46:11,143 station or 682 00:46:11,143 --> 00:46:16,553 get on the bus, you know, it's very, there's options, there's opportunities there. 683 00:46:16,553 --> 00:46:18,120 And a cul-de-sac is not like that. 684 00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:27,656 a white person whose last home was at the end of a cul-de-sac, ah there's this whole thing about like you don't want to get to know your neighbors because what if you don't like 685 00:46:27,656 --> 00:46:34,670 them and then they're still your neighbors, you know, so you kind of just like live constantly ignoring. 686 00:46:34,737 --> 00:46:37,739 Yeah, cause I do that too though. 687 00:46:37,739 --> 00:46:40,142 Cause it's a potential for bad is there. 688 00:46:40,142 --> 00:46:42,583 And that's true with y'all. 689 00:46:43,124 --> 00:46:44,735 Like it really be bad. 690 00:46:44,735 --> 00:46:46,527 So it's not even like that's a delusion. 691 00:46:46,527 --> 00:46:47,768 That's true. 692 00:46:47,768 --> 00:46:57,716 Like the violence within the community that is so smile, vile with a smile is the creepiest thing, you know, like, Ooh. 693 00:46:57,716 --> 00:46:59,418 And that's scary. 694 00:46:59,418 --> 00:47:00,699 That's creepy. 695 00:47:00,699 --> 00:47:03,801 The way white women act with me and someone 696 00:47:04,070 --> 00:47:13,235 I went live and, and someone said, her name, I have to just talk about her name was soul sister, but it was S O L underscore sister. 697 00:47:13,235 --> 00:47:14,175 Right. 698 00:47:14,175 --> 00:47:14,836 Okay. 699 00:47:14,836 --> 00:47:21,289 And she said, you, it looks like you have pretty privilege and all these heart, I emojis or something. 700 00:47:21,289 --> 00:47:22,920 And I was like, that's weird. 701 00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:25,221 Like, I don't know what all the heart emojis. 702 00:47:25,221 --> 00:47:27,002 was like, are you complimenting me? 703 00:47:27,002 --> 00:47:27,652 I couldn't tell. 704 00:47:27,652 --> 00:47:33,185 But of course, as I don't really take it, whatever it's, Oh, so are you saying 705 00:47:33,787 --> 00:47:39,000 being pretty is so hard, like trying to bait me into saying something that would make them mad. 706 00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:42,512 But then of course I look, soul sister is not. 707 00:47:42,512 --> 00:47:45,894 And I said, you're giving sister hard E-R, okay? 708 00:47:45,894 --> 00:47:48,795 This is not giving sister with an A. 709 00:47:48,816 --> 00:47:50,657 And people love that. 710 00:47:50,657 --> 00:47:54,058 It's like, but it just felt so weird. 711 00:47:54,219 --> 00:47:56,740 What kind of, how was that a conversation? 712 00:47:56,740 --> 00:48:02,571 All of that just to be upset with me, just to find, bait me into saying something. 713 00:48:02,571 --> 00:48:10,876 Like, no, I don't have pretty, like, I guess you wanted me to say, I don't have pretty privilege or life is really hard when you're pretty because blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 714 00:48:10,876 --> 00:48:12,256 I know how to say things with nuance. 715 00:48:12,256 --> 00:48:16,819 You're not going to get me, but also even still, okay. 716 00:48:16,819 --> 00:48:18,019 Everyone's life is hard. 717 00:48:18,019 --> 00:48:27,945 It was just, I don't understand the layers of the mean girl, the, the, violence, mouth thing and the emojis. 718 00:48:27,945 --> 00:48:29,235 And I'm just trying to compliment you. 719 00:48:29,235 --> 00:48:30,646 You're welcome. 720 00:48:31,934 --> 00:48:45,282 I also just think there's this like people who don't want to self-reflect, want to dig at those of us who are publicly self-reflecting because like, did you get this category? 721 00:48:45,282 --> 00:48:46,208 Did you get this? 722 00:48:46,208 --> 00:48:49,294 Did you get, you know, I don't know. 723 00:48:49,294 --> 00:48:59,160 I just had one recently where uh of course white woman was like, has knitting cult lady ever evaluated herself as a cult leader? 724 00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:00,160 And like, 725 00:49:00,335 --> 00:49:01,925 are you asking this? 726 00:49:01,925 --> 00:49:04,397 they don't want the actual answer. 727 00:49:04,397 --> 00:49:06,528 They want to see me flip out. 728 00:49:06,528 --> 00:49:10,341 And when the actual answer is like, of course I did that before I even started. 729 00:49:10,341 --> 00:49:17,075 And here's a 20 part guru gotcha checklist that I created for creators and also to keep myself in line. 730 00:49:17,075 --> 00:49:19,236 And like, they don't like that. 731 00:49:19,236 --> 00:49:24,680 They wanted the question to just upset me and for me to have to go into defensiveness, I guess. 732 00:49:24,749 --> 00:49:26,790 Yes, ew. 733 00:49:26,790 --> 00:49:34,702 but it's because they don't want to self-reflect because I just posted about this today because the questions, you know how I'm a question with an A. 734 00:49:34,702 --> 00:49:36,763 uh I practice questionnity. 735 00:49:36,763 --> 00:49:38,283 I value questions so much. 736 00:49:38,283 --> 00:49:51,723 But then when people ask me these questions, so I had said the thing with Kendra that this automatic assumption and delusion of desire that white women are conditioned to have. 737 00:49:51,723 --> 00:49:54,946 is the same kind of delusion of disdain they have with Black women. 738 00:49:54,946 --> 00:49:56,046 They think I hate them. 739 00:49:56,046 --> 00:50:04,594 um When all of the signs point to I care a lot and see that you're really powerful and could do something, you all the signs, every, if you tell the story, you know, just 740 00:50:04,594 --> 00:50:13,572 saying, like, it doesn't make sense, but Black women are often prescribed hate and angry and attitude in their lack of doing, right? 741 00:50:13,572 --> 00:50:18,225 And the lack of professionalism, lack of the deniability, right? 742 00:50:18,225 --> 00:50:21,367 And someone said, but isn't it? 743 00:50:21,571 --> 00:50:23,232 Honest question. 744 00:50:23,632 --> 00:50:29,146 Don't you ever think you misinterpret white women's social cues? 745 00:50:29,146 --> 00:50:33,579 Isn't this inherent humanity essential to humanity? 746 00:50:33,579 --> 00:50:36,451 Isn't that like, are these questions? 747 00:50:36,632 --> 00:50:38,933 Cause the first one was kind of a question. 748 00:50:38,933 --> 00:50:39,624 How do you know? 749 00:50:39,624 --> 00:50:44,677 That's how do you know you're not misinterpreting their social cues too? 750 00:50:46,099 --> 00:50:56,782 but also it's like people telling themselves with their questions like this, you know, like I get, I get this one a lot where they're like, well, okay, fine, fine. 751 00:50:56,782 --> 00:51:02,534 The army's very rapey, but like, do you really think you can have war without rape? 752 00:51:02,534 --> 00:51:06,695 And I just like, like to lean in and be like, you know what I do? 753 00:51:06,695 --> 00:51:07,895 You know why? 754 00:51:07,895 --> 00:51:11,856 Cause I've been to war for 18 months and raped no people. 755 00:51:12,335 --> 00:51:14,601 I'm so upset by that actually. 756 00:51:14,744 --> 00:51:16,683 But I'm not so, I'm not shocked. 757 00:51:16,683 --> 00:51:17,344 too, right? 758 00:51:17,344 --> 00:51:21,108 Because it's obviously like, first of all, they're thinking it's all men. 759 00:51:21,108 --> 00:51:31,780 Second of all, they're thinking like, well, either I would do this or I've done this or I can understand the situation in which we like, in which it's acceptable. 760 00:51:31,780 --> 00:51:36,336 It's just such a funny, like telling on yourself kind of thing. 761 00:51:36,336 --> 00:51:46,478 so, and I was just, and I just erased it, but I wrote on my board, you know, these, these kinds of pillars of, and I wrote reasons to rape. 762 00:51:46,478 --> 00:51:57,621 Like it just, comes out, it just ended up being, and I wrote it down and I was kind of like, oh, but if it's, if it's religion, uh race or riches, it's like reasons why it's 763 00:51:57,621 --> 00:51:59,682 acceptable that this thing already happened. 764 00:51:59,682 --> 00:52:03,723 They're like these, and the praise, you know, someone prays. 765 00:52:03,723 --> 00:52:11,659 and praise and then praise, different types of praise, giving praise for people who have riches, know, someone who prays. 766 00:52:11,659 --> 00:52:20,153 it, I basically get it justified to me all the time because people are like, well, you're doing, you joined the army and like now you're doing well. 767 00:52:20,173 --> 00:52:30,930 like, and it's like, know, women, like we literally have to say all of the time, like joining the army was the best and the worst decision because like, of course it's the best 768 00:52:30,930 --> 00:52:32,081 social elevator, right? 769 00:52:32,081 --> 00:52:33,592 It pays the best benefits. 770 00:52:33,592 --> 00:52:35,753 Like I get disability. 771 00:52:35,753 --> 00:52:37,782 Yeah, I get a paycheck for the rest of my life. 772 00:52:37,782 --> 00:52:41,174 because I was fucking raped at war. 773 00:52:41,315 --> 00:52:51,012 You know, like, and there's this, I like how you said like the justification for rape because there are literally, I mean, there are literally reviews on my book on Goodreads 774 00:52:51,012 --> 00:52:54,084 that are like, does she expect us to feel sorry for her? 775 00:52:54,185 --> 00:52:57,108 Like she knew, she signed up. 776 00:52:57,108 --> 00:52:59,579 your goal is to someone to feel bad. 777 00:52:59,579 --> 00:53:04,741 So that's another thing of whiteness is like your power is in making other people feel. 778 00:53:04,741 --> 00:53:08,273 You get to feel by making other people feel that's colonialism. 779 00:53:08,273 --> 00:53:10,054 That's interpersonal colonialism. 780 00:53:10,054 --> 00:53:15,336 Like, why do you decide what she, I am not going to feel bad for her. 781 00:53:15,336 --> 00:53:21,258 And in fact, how dare she make me feel bad for self-reflect essentially, because they probably, my God. 782 00:53:21,258 --> 00:53:24,483 Because reasons aren't justifications either. 783 00:53:24,483 --> 00:53:26,284 People don't know what justice is. 784 00:53:26,284 --> 00:53:30,345 They don't know what peace is because peace would mean justice. 785 00:53:30,345 --> 00:53:30,886 Yeah. 786 00:53:30,886 --> 00:53:37,789 And I talked about, don't, I'll talk about it maybe in the book, but it's like Martin Luther King talking about negative peace versus positive peace. 787 00:53:37,789 --> 00:53:48,973 Negative peace being the absence of tension, positive peace being the presence of justice and white people love negative peace and negative solidarity bonding over hating, bonding 788 00:53:48,973 --> 00:53:53,785 over, you know, being better than or could be worse and stuff like that. 789 00:53:53,785 --> 00:53:55,616 And like, how dare you complain? 790 00:53:55,616 --> 00:54:04,668 It just, the reasons they do that, I didn't, I wasn't brought up in any of that in my, you know, I feel like that's very churchianity. 791 00:54:04,668 --> 00:54:14,432 I don't know, maybe, but the whiteness of like the, the Christian of it all, the pre, this is why, you know, there's that book, why does he do that or why something? 792 00:54:14,672 --> 00:54:16,773 It would be like why he does that. 793 00:54:16,773 --> 00:54:18,983 It's essentially their Bible is why he does that. 794 00:54:18,983 --> 00:54:21,184 Or like, this is why he rapes. 795 00:54:21,376 --> 00:54:26,149 because you are this, you are that, and you were supposed to do this, and you were supposed to do that. 796 00:54:26,149 --> 00:54:30,292 And the kids, if they had just this, and once he gets this, then he'll stop. 797 00:54:30,292 --> 00:54:32,594 And all you need to do is pick better. 798 00:54:32,594 --> 00:54:34,696 And you need to leave him. 799 00:54:34,696 --> 00:54:36,697 And why did you stay with him? 800 00:54:36,697 --> 00:54:37,657 All victim blaming. 801 00:54:37,657 --> 00:54:38,578 Why are you poor? 802 00:54:38,578 --> 00:54:40,179 Why is poverty a thing? 803 00:54:40,179 --> 00:54:43,842 that other people, know, good guys need bad guys to exist. 804 00:54:44,002 --> 00:54:46,695 Because how can you be a good guy without bad guys? 805 00:54:46,695 --> 00:54:48,027 Otherwise, you're just a guy. 806 00:54:48,027 --> 00:54:53,467 And God forbid, you just literally, God forbid, Simon says, surrender. 807 00:54:53,467 --> 00:54:55,627 I mean, also the Simon says of it all. 808 00:54:55,861 --> 00:55:04,624 like to me, it's always so interesting to watch shows that are from the perspectives of the bad guys. 809 00:55:04,764 --> 00:55:15,429 You know, like you had Americans, which was Russian spies in America, or we just watched this thing called Ozark, which is this, you know, quote unquote, nice white family that's 810 00:55:15,429 --> 00:55:19,731 uh money laundering for the Mexican cartel. 811 00:55:19,731 --> 00:55:23,672 And it's like, to me, it's so fascinating because when you're 812 00:55:23,870 --> 00:55:27,042 in the head of, know, sopranos would be another one, right? 813 00:55:27,042 --> 00:55:32,297 Like when you're in the head of bad people, you're rooting for them. 814 00:55:32,297 --> 00:55:34,024 You know, like you're 815 00:55:34,024 --> 00:55:35,244 also Daenerys. 816 00:55:35,244 --> 00:55:40,844 Daenerys is one, but people still think she's, they think she was just a good girl gone bad. 817 00:55:41,144 --> 00:55:43,864 But she did all that for a chair, guys. 818 00:55:43,864 --> 00:55:45,864 She just thinks, he said. 819 00:55:46,013 --> 00:55:47,510 from the beginning. 820 00:55:47,510 --> 00:55:49,003 for a chair. 821 00:55:49,003 --> 00:55:51,226 She said, I deserve that chair. 822 00:55:51,227 --> 00:55:54,652 My dad had that chair for a chair. 823 00:55:54,673 --> 00:55:58,099 She's never seen made of knives. 824 00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:00,894 Hey, it was a bad goal. 825 00:56:01,009 --> 00:56:02,858 for a country she's never seen. 826 00:56:02,858 --> 00:56:07,102 She had never, she had people, all these people getting sick on the boat, traveling overseas. 827 00:56:07,102 --> 00:56:09,955 And this was proof she was doing good. 828 00:56:09,955 --> 00:56:11,005 That's a cult leader. 829 00:56:11,005 --> 00:56:13,368 That's like, that's a cult leader. 830 00:56:13,368 --> 00:56:16,621 She's freeing everybody, breaking the wheel so they can follow her. 831 00:56:17,102 --> 00:56:18,806 You know, leader of the free world. 832 00:56:18,806 --> 00:56:21,407 Just went about getting a bunch of other people's cults. 833 00:56:21,407 --> 00:56:25,929 That's what our cult leader did. 834 00:56:25,929 --> 00:56:30,771 That's something I think people miss is cults pop up in times of social turmoil, right? 835 00:56:30,771 --> 00:56:39,615 And that is because our systems are not working, which also means there's a ton of predators getting people into cults, but all cults aren't created equal, right? 836 00:56:39,615 --> 00:56:43,656 All cult leaders aren't as good as other cult leaders. 837 00:56:43,656 --> 00:56:45,614 So part of how... 838 00:56:45,614 --> 00:56:54,464 David Berg built his cults up to 10,000 people very, very quickly was he just went around to all these other cults that were floundering. 839 00:56:54,464 --> 00:57:00,872 And you have all these people that are basically like already culted, right? 840 00:57:01,152 --> 00:57:12,358 So like my favorite of Game of Thrones is when she goes and she takes the soldiers who were just brought up from birth to be slave soldiers. 841 00:57:12,358 --> 00:57:13,639 And then she... 842 00:57:13,731 --> 00:57:15,374 freeze them, right? 843 00:57:15,374 --> 00:57:17,211 Quote unquote, freeze them. 844 00:57:17,211 --> 00:57:21,204 And then of course they just go work for her, you know, and it's just like. 845 00:57:21,204 --> 00:57:24,185 their names even she still calls them unsullied. 846 00:57:24,185 --> 00:57:33,238 She doesn't address the fact that that guy also told her I'm gonna have to do a deep dive on her that guy also told her hey I make them all murder babies in front of the mother and 847 00:57:33,238 --> 00:57:35,848 then Just to prove they don't have feelings. 848 00:57:35,848 --> 00:57:38,049 I make them really and do they get therapy? 849 00:57:38,049 --> 00:57:47,446 No, they just become hers They just follow her now because and then one of them is the one in charge of them all and for that we love him 850 00:57:47,446 --> 00:57:48,266 We love him actually. 851 00:57:48,266 --> 00:57:50,417 And he gets with the only other black person. 852 00:57:50,417 --> 00:57:53,759 And he also never learns English really well. 853 00:57:53,759 --> 00:57:54,919 everybody's... 854 00:57:57,200 --> 00:58:01,882 And he's just devoted to this white woman forever and ever because she freed him. 855 00:58:01,882 --> 00:58:03,713 And he doesn't even want to get a real name. 856 00:58:03,713 --> 00:58:11,726 He wants to be Grey Worm because he was named Grey Worm when Queen Daenerys, mother of dragons, breaker of chains, bought him. 857 00:58:11,946 --> 00:58:13,811 Freed him from the... 858 00:58:13,811 --> 00:58:14,707 Bro. 859 00:58:14,748 --> 00:58:15,649 You know, it's like... 860 00:58:15,649 --> 00:58:18,543 the morgue and then the Misa, Misa, Misa. 861 00:58:18,543 --> 00:58:23,720 And then they carry her, all these brown people in their brown clothes and she's on top of them. 862 00:58:23,720 --> 00:58:25,574 Just, they're crowd surfing her. 863 00:58:25,574 --> 00:58:26,987 Why would they want to do that? 864 00:58:26,987 --> 00:58:29,025 literal white blonde hair. 865 00:58:29,025 --> 00:58:30,236 Yeah, why would they want to do that? 866 00:58:30,236 --> 00:58:31,477 Calling her Misa, mother. 867 00:58:31,477 --> 00:58:32,866 She's 17. 868 00:58:32,866 --> 00:58:33,846 Mother? 869 00:58:34,027 --> 00:58:35,889 And she didn't birth those dragons. 870 00:58:35,889 --> 00:58:39,412 Someone gifted them to her for, you know, her trauma. 871 00:58:39,412 --> 00:58:44,117 And then she was traumatized and she, she was like, no, these eggs. 872 00:58:44,117 --> 00:58:45,888 Here we go with women's eggs again. 873 00:58:45,888 --> 00:58:50,243 And then she was like, no, I believe in them. 874 00:58:50,243 --> 00:58:51,784 Fire! 875 00:58:51,784 --> 00:58:52,876 And because of that, 876 00:58:52,876 --> 00:58:54,167 burn the whole town down. 877 00:58:54,167 --> 00:58:55,399 Like, from the beginning. 878 00:58:55,399 --> 00:59:00,017 need a whole YouTube channel that's just you analyzing media. 879 00:59:00,017 --> 00:59:02,390 Like, can we have that? 880 00:59:02,471 --> 00:59:06,849 Have you ever heard of, have you ever heard of the show Zack Morris's Trash? 881 00:59:06,849 --> 00:59:07,782 No! 882 00:59:07,908 --> 00:59:18,076 So it's a YouTube show and it's just saved by the bell episodes voiceover like what's actually going on and like the misogyny and the bullshit and blah, blah, blah that is 883 00:59:18,076 --> 00:59:18,796 being taught. 884 00:59:18,796 --> 00:59:21,048 And like, I've never seen the originals. 885 00:59:21,048 --> 00:59:24,690 I've only seen Zack Morris's trash and it is so good, right? 886 00:59:24,690 --> 00:59:30,034 It's like, here's the part where he blah, blah, blah to Kelly and this and that and the other. 887 00:59:30,155 --> 00:59:33,477 Also look, I finished this jacket. 888 00:59:33,477 --> 00:59:35,278 So I have to show it off. 889 00:59:35,300 --> 00:59:38,539 Somebody wanted me to make them a jacket that looked like a sunset. 890 00:59:38,635 --> 00:59:40,438 It's beautiful. 891 00:59:41,281 --> 00:59:44,114 And then how do you feel about now giving it away? 892 00:59:44,114 --> 00:59:47,739 I even put the little ADHD little bubbles that you can pop in and out here 893 00:59:47,739 --> 00:59:49,039 Fidget jacket. 894 00:59:49,039 --> 00:59:51,366 Oh, upgraded, that is. 895 00:59:51,410 --> 00:59:52,622 it's so soft. 896 00:59:52,622 --> 00:59:57,969 uh The blues and purples for some reason are the softest, so I put them. 897 00:59:57,969 --> 00:59:58,850 I would want to keep that. 898 00:59:58,850 --> 00:59:59,811 That would be hard for me. 899 00:59:59,811 --> 01:00:05,555 That's why I don't, cause I just, everything I'm just like, and then I give it away. 900 01:00:05,555 --> 01:00:07,568 I'm not good at sharing though, so. 901 01:00:07,568 --> 01:00:08,768 of what... 902 01:00:08,950 --> 01:00:11,101 So this has kind of become a thing for me. 903 01:00:11,101 --> 01:00:20,337 So first of all, just like I have to give things away and sell things if I want to keep being able to shop and find things. 904 01:00:20,358 --> 01:00:22,539 Otherwise my husband will leave me. 905 01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:32,006 But it's become a cool thing where it's like, because part of me is I do, I hate doing commissions, honestly, because... 906 01:00:32,242 --> 01:00:33,713 My brain just hates it right away. 907 01:00:33,713 --> 01:00:34,883 I know I have to give it. 908 01:00:34,883 --> 01:00:41,289 I just finished my last commission other than the knitting and I'm like, yes, I get to choose like jewelry, like what I'm going to make. 909 01:00:42,431 --> 01:00:50,698 but I've, I have a thing where no matter how much I love it, like I just made this collar, right? 910 01:00:50,698 --> 01:00:51,769 And it's amazing. 911 01:00:51,769 --> 01:00:56,733 And like, no matter how much I love it, it's still only going to get worn once in a while. 912 01:00:56,733 --> 01:01:00,986 Like I still have so many cause I'm the one that makes them. 913 01:01:00,997 --> 01:01:01,422 Yeah. 914 01:01:01,422 --> 01:01:06,305 still like only, it can only be loved so much. 915 01:01:06,686 --> 01:01:12,450 But when I send it to someone else, you know, it's like, this jacket is, this jacket is amazing. 916 01:01:12,450 --> 01:01:16,732 But I five of these amazing fur coats that I've made. 917 01:01:16,732 --> 01:01:19,164 And so it's still only gonna get worn sometimes. 918 01:01:19,164 --> 01:01:22,236 And like, I'm gonna wear it now on the rest of my trip. 919 01:01:22,236 --> 01:01:24,828 And that's, and then I send it off. 920 01:01:24,828 --> 01:01:25,609 And then like, 921 01:01:25,609 --> 01:01:32,552 I think about like who it's going to, they're like, they're going off to their better homes where they're gonna be loved. 922 01:01:32,552 --> 01:01:38,894 And then the nice thing is I'll see an old video and I'll be wearing. 923 01:01:38,894 --> 01:01:44,857 So first of all, to me, it's also a good lesson on like work and what happens behind the scenes. 924 01:01:44,857 --> 01:01:54,461 Cause yeah, I look like I have a truly endless closet, but it's really because I'm a designer that's constantly making things and selling them and giving them away. 925 01:01:54,461 --> 01:01:55,252 And so, 926 01:01:55,252 --> 01:02:01,431 But then I look back and I have this little like time capsule of like, I had that thing and it was super great. 927 01:02:01,431 --> 01:02:05,928 um The interesting thing for me is. 928 01:02:06,024 --> 01:02:07,208 I have that with blankets. 929 01:02:07,208 --> 01:02:13,071 Yeah, the interesting thing for me is how often I intend to recreate something because I loved it so much. 930 01:02:13,071 --> 01:02:14,171 And then I don't. 931 01:02:14,171 --> 01:02:15,852 And I just make something new. 932 01:02:15,852 --> 01:02:18,210 And I'm like, there's something there. 933 01:02:18,210 --> 01:02:21,494 I don't know what it is. 934 01:02:21,494 --> 01:02:22,865 It's like, I love this so much. 935 01:02:22,865 --> 01:02:25,128 I'm going to make another one. 936 01:02:25,128 --> 01:02:26,306 I mean, I do sometimes. 937 01:02:26,306 --> 01:02:27,817 It's like orange and blue colors. 938 01:02:27,817 --> 01:02:29,248 I have to make so many of those. 939 01:02:29,248 --> 01:02:31,638 The rainbow ones, couldn't. 940 01:02:31,679 --> 01:02:33,699 People buy them so fast. 941 01:02:35,050 --> 01:02:41,685 But then sometimes I'm just like, no, I'm just gonna let that be like this beautiful thing that I made and now it's gone. 942 01:02:42,360 --> 01:02:44,218 And I don't know. 943 01:02:44,159 --> 01:02:50,463 So Daniela had some technical difficulties and that's gonna be the end of our show. 944 01:02:50,463 --> 01:02:52,388 All right, bye.