If you're a man after 50, chances are you've built a life that doesn't fully feel like yours. Maybe it's the expectations, the demands, the survival grind. But somewhere along the way, the real you got buried. 

Societal constructs, marital constraints, family demands. 

The reasons we end up here are numerous.

Slowly but surely, as driving men, we become what everyone else expects, demands, and insists we should be.

In fact, a 2018 study published in the American Journal of Men's Health finds that men's health has remained largely under-theorized, particularly in terms of the gendered nature of men's social relations, with evidence showing how masculine role expectations impact authentic self-expression. 

This research is backed up by a 2020 study also published in the American Journal of Men's Health, which finds that men after 50 often find themselves living lives shaped more by societal expectations and masculine role conformity than by their authentic selves, leading to midlife identity crisis. 

I'm Nelson Pahl, an experiential psychologist that makes it easy for men after 50, that is, my Gen X peers, to reclaim identity and reinvent themselves.

And in this episode, I'll give you a seven-question survey that reveals whether or not you're currently living someone else's version of your life. 

As we start here, something I want you to keep in mind:

This isn't about judgment. 

It's about honesty. 

It's about getting you to a place of true fulfillment.

Simply answer yes or no for each of these seven questions. Again, answer each with full transparency. No one knows you're doing this. And transformation, it begins with truth. 

So, here we go. 

1. Do you find yourself talking more about what you used to do than what you're now doing?

2. When you look in the mirror, do you recognize, truly recognize, the man staring back at you, or just the roles he now plays? 

3. Do you spend more time proving yourself than expressing yourself? 

4. When people ask how you're doing, do you answer with a resume instead of the truth? 

5. Do you sometimes feel like a supporting character in your own life?

6. When the house gets quiet at night, do you ever wonder, is this all there is? 

And 7. If everything you've built collapsed tomorrow, the job, the titles, the status, would you truly know who you are without those things? 

If any of these questions made you shift in your seat, you're not alone.

A lot of men in midlife feel this tension between who they really are and who they've been told to be. 

The gap? 

It's a kind of grief. The grief of losing old identities. And it's worth facing head on. 

Again, if you answered yes more than once, I invite you to dig deeper.

I've created a powerful 28-day challenge called Resurrection Camp that will help you reclaim identity and reinvent yourself. I invite you to enroll today. Just log on to resurrection.camp. You'll find that link in the show notes of this podcast. 

Until next time.