So what happens when you're sad around a narcissist?

Like, how do they act?

How do they react?

Do they treat you any better?

Do they get kind, caring and compassionate and stroke your hair or hug you and kiss you?

Or do they go in the other room and slam the damn door, pretend like nothing's happened?

Or did it tell you to shut the hell up and stop your whining?

What happens?

That's what we're talking about today.

Yeah, of course.

If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.

I'm a diagnosed narcissist here to give you inside look at the mind of a narcissist.

And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.

Let's get it.

So boom, welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back.

Yes narcissistic people do not like it when you are sad around it.

Well not every single narcissist.

Now let me go ahead and leave the video off by saying no two narcissists are the same.

Got it got it, good good.

No2 narcissistic people, 2 toxic ass people are going to be the same.

So no two narcissists are going to react the same.

Now, some could react in a certain in certain ways and whatnot, right?

But this is what goes on right here.

This is what happens in these certain situations.

They're going to react differently.

So let's hop right into it.

Yeah.

Could there be a narcissist out there that when you get sad, they get kind, caring and compassionate.

When you are sad around them, they just be like, you know what?

I'm going to be here for you.

I'm going to be the best thing that ever happened to you.

I'm going to do everything that needs to be done.

I lean on me, look, cry on my shoulder, look, I don't even need a handkerchief.

You can just get my shirt wet.

Cry.

I'll hug you, I'll kiss you, I'll be there.

I'll clap them cheeks if you need me to.

Do those exist?

Yes, they absolutely exist.

There are a lot of narcissistic people out there who actually have that mentality.

They want you to be sad.

They want you to be unhappy.

They want you to be so they can play hero.

They want that, that they want you to be grieving or something like that so they can play the hero.

They absolutely love it.

There are some that thrive on it because now if they give you a little bit of empathy, if they give you a hug or kiss or something like that, they will expect something later on.

It's transactional.

Y'all know?

Y'all know not relationships with narcissists are typically going to be transactional.

This not going to be any different.

You being sad is not going to be any different.

If they are there for you when you're sad, you have to anticipate that they're going to want something for you later or they're going to use this as a get out of accountability free card.

They're going to say, you know what, guess what, you remember.

So you act like I ain't never did nothing for you.

You remember the time your dog got hit by a car and yeah, I was driving the car, of course, right?

The dog got hit by a car by me.

I was driving, you remember that?

I was there for you.

I hugged you, I cooked you, I cooked for you.

I did all, I did all this stuff for you.

You go out like I did.

I ain't never.

Been there for you act like I never did anything.

For you, they're going to use it to get leverage later on, just like a lot of narcissistic people do.

They're going to use this situation to get leverage from you later on.

This is how it works.

I'm dead, I'm dead serious.

And y'all, if you dealt with a narcissist, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

You know exactly what I mean, that they're going to use this right here for something later on.

Give me something later.

I give you something now.

I'm giving you some compassion, I'm giving you some some some some physical intimity, intimity, empathy, right?

I'm hugging you, I'm caring for you, I'm being there for you.

I'm offering you my time, my effort, my energy.

So I need something from you later on.

That's what's going to happen for some, not for all.

Now I know that I had to get that pull out the way first because not all of them will act like that now.

All of them will be there for you or hug you or kiss you or do anything for you.

I think personally, the majority of them are going to do the opposite.

I think the majority of narcissists are actually going to lose.

Lose it when you are sad.

Like damn, Lee, that's now.

Now Lee, you're cooking now, Lee, you cooking with grease.

You cooking with the hottest grease in Greensboro.

No, this is I'll tell you how this I had to tell you how this story at a different time, but there's Yeah, Dave, both of them will not be there for you when you're sad or when you're grieving or when you need them.

That's just the objective truth.

They're not going to be there for you.

So you acting like you thinking that they're going to be there for you is you doing yourself a disservice.

Let's be real, like most narcissists, when you're sad around them, some of them or most of them are going to get angry.

Most of them will imagine your partner getting pissed off and angry because you're sad.

And like I said, I said grieving, but sadness can you just had a bad day.

Like you had a bad day at work.

Your boss yelled at you.

You lost a client, right?

You got there late or you got there early.

Something happened.

You lost your job, right?

You got kicked out of school.

You got AB minus when you wanted an A you failed a client.

Like you're sad about something and they just meet you with anger.

They meet you with anger, they meet your sadness with anger, and that can make you there.

They can do damage to you that can hurt your feelings, that can do a lot of harm to your mind in this type of situation right here.

When they meet you with anger, when you need compassion, when you need some type of love, when you need some type of joy or something.

You need somebody to be there for you and they're meeting you with this pissed off attitude.

They're meeting you with this flaming hot fire that they have.

That's crazy.

That's insane.

You know most of them like this is like this does not have to be a boyfriend, girl, girlfriend, husband, wife relationship dynamic right here.

This could absolutely be absolutely be your parent being sad around a narcissistic parent.

This could be absolutely be your friend, your teacher, your boss.

Be sad around them.

You'll see that you'll see that your true character come out of it, right?

A lot of them hate that when you're sad around them, they'll make they'll make you pay for being sad.

They'll call you negative Nancy or negative Ned, right?

There's just like you a buzz.

They'll call your sadness A buzzkill.

Now they are allowed to be sad, right?

They're allowed to be unhappy.

They're allowed to complain.

But you can't like, right?

You ain't not even really sad sad.

You just might be just tired of something.

You want a life change.

You want something to happen in your life.

You want your life to get better in some way, shape or form and it just not working out for you right now.

And this what type of stuff that ends up happening like you are going through it, you are battling it in this situation.

You are you want the best for yourself in this scenario and you're trying to go out there and get it.

And then you get met with this narcissism, you get met with this toxicity, you get met with the this, this, this horrible ass person is not being there for you.

And I know that sucks, right?

But this is the mindset of a narcissist.

Now, Lee, you told us what they'll do.

Some of them will do right, But what, what will others do?

Some of them, like I said, we'll get angry at you So but some of them will just ignore you.

Don't expect empathy from a a, a, a caring a person that doesn't care.

They, they don't care if they haven't cared before.

Don't expect empathy from them when you're sad around them.

Some of them will just pretend they don't see you like you don't exist.

They'll go on a way if you're sad or you're crying or you're grieving or you need some type of emotional support you might have that you might need a friend or somebody else to be there for your family member.

But whoever, right?

You need somebody.

An AI chat bot will give you more empathy than your narcissistic partner, right?

That's crazy.

You got AAI chat bots, Chat bots out here giving out more empathy than your narcissistic partner, which is insane, right?

Which is insane.

Yeah, AI bots giving out more empathy and shit than your the narcissistic partners do, which is crazy.

Which is absolutely crazy.

But again, they this is how this is how they be.

This is how some of them will be and believe.

Why do they do this?

I'm glad you asked.

Most narcissistic people that show you this lack of empathy, this just overall this, this just lack when they don't give you anything, it's because they don't have the emotional capacity for it.

And I, I say emotional capacity, they narcissist can feel y'all.

I know some people like they don't feel at all.

Narcissist can feel, but it's limited.

I feel like it's limited.

I feel like there's not a lot, a lot not enough feelings to go around right.

So there's not enough feelings to go around.

When they do finally get out of it, when they do finally start to do stuff, like when they go out, they go out in the real world and they get exhausted on their own, right?

Because other people need stuff from them.

Other people need emotions from them.

Other people require stuff from them.

When they come home or when it comes to deal with you, they got nothing left.

They got nothing for you, right?

There's nothing that they have for you right here, right?

They don't have anything left to give you.

So that happens quite a bit too to a lot of people in these situations, like they come home and they're just burnt out of emotions because they don't have the law and they have limited emotional capacity.

Not all some, right?

So they don't come home.

They don't want to deal with your stuff.

You're overwhelmed.

You're overloading their system, right?

They have limited emotional capacity already.

So when you need something from them, you need some type of emotion from them.

They, they don't have any left to give and it's unfair to you as their partner or your friend or their your, their child or whatever.

It's unfair to you because you're the closest person to them and you get the least.

Everybody else seems like they get compassion from them, right?

I know you're like, that's crazy.

Everybody else gets compassion.

Everybody else gets this, everybody else gets that, but you get nothing.

They they give you little to nothing.

They don't give you.

They don't give you little to nothing.

They don't want to deal with it.

Like I said, they're they're they're you overwhelm your emotions.

Your sadness overwhelms the senses of a narcissistic person.

I know that.

Again.

Yeah, I know how insane that sounds like when you are just like Lee.

They ain't got nothing to give Even.

Yeah, even if you're at home with them, they don't want to give it to your emotions.

Your sadness is a hindrance you're taking away from them.

Narcissistic people only want to be around people that are not taking away from them.

They won't.

They want, they want to be around people that are just giving to them, giving, giving, giving.

Now you saying they give, give, give.

They won't.

They want validation.

They won't external, they won't.

Narcissistic supply and when they are already feeling bad about their lives or the work something going on, they're unhappy internally.

Your sadness just makes them more unhappy.

Your sadness just contributes more to their unhappiness.

And that's typically how it goes.

You know, it's nothing that you've done wrong.

Like you're, you're a human being.

You should be able to express yourself in in healthy emotional ways, right?

You should be able to because this is your family member.

This is your friend.

It's your partner, it's your spouse, right?

This is what goes on.

You should be able to, but when ours is, you can't.

Like again, in the beginning, they might do that for you.

They might be there for you, you know, and that's what keeps you there longer.

But most of them will, a lot of them will give you the red flags in the beginning that they don't have the empathy for you and you don't recognize it.

And then get what happens.

You don't recognize it or you do recognize and you just blow past it.

And I guess what happens, you end up in this toxic ass relationship dynamic pool much longer than you need to be.

Much much longer than you need to be.

You don't need to be in this toxic relationship dynamic.

You don't need to be in it.

But I'm telling you, they'll suck you into it and just mess your life up.

You don't want these.

They will mess your life up.

Y'all.

You don't need your life messed up by a toxic narcissistic bastard that does not deserve you.

That's just that.

That's just it right there.

Yeah.

So when you're sat around a narcissist, well, Lee, what should we do when you're sat around a narcissist, Like if you understand that you they're not going to give you anything.

They can't be there for you emotionally.

You probably have to find them another event, somebody else to vent to someone, something else, another way to express yourself healthy in a healthy way to maybe somebody else.

But again, that doesn't mean go cozy up with somebody else.

And just like, well, Lee, I started cheating on my my spouse because they were, they were not there emotionally.

Like they didn't give me anything emotionally.

So I started cheating and I'm minor nurses, you know what I'm saying?

You have every time I hear those stories right there when I'm doing when I do my one on ones over zoom, they literally I start cheating on my partner because they did it.

I'm like, Oh my goodness, what are we doing here?

What are we doing y'all?

Anyway, y'all, if you haven't already, make sure you check out my website mentalillness.net for my courses that are half off right now.

You can enter the code mothers or fathers to get 50% off my courses about understanding what you went through and healing from a narcissistic relationship.

Y'all check them out mental illness.net and I am out please.