I'm gonna show you a picture, but before I show it to you, I want to paint a picture.

Okay, it better not be some part of your body that's falling off.

I promise.

Better not be like a like a like a toenail.

This is this is not a picture of any part of my body in any.

State, a gangrenous toenail.

I'm in California.

Stop into a CVS, have to pick up I don't know, face wash or something.

Go to the checkout line.

And in California they can sell wine.

And this is the wine that is on display at the CVS.

Okay, it's called Nashatwal and it's like the The image is very evocative of like a Matisse painting, like two women buzzomy ladies, missay, buzzom me ladies dancing, which is weird because it's a manaja toa There should be a third person.

Are a third person?

Oh that's the implication.

Yeah, that's the implication.

And they're like sales pitches.

Join us in helping women thrive in work and in life because they are sponsored by Dress for Success.

So much is happening, so much is happening?

So much?

A screw top bottle of wine called Mona and it's.

A red blend.

Just want everyone like, I don't know much about wine.

I don't know if you go to CVS for your wine, y'all, but.

I don't know if a red blend is going to be your top shelf.

Hey in America?

And this is that aged well.

Yesterday's pop culture.

Today dance movie August.

I want everyone to know Paul's doing like a windmill like it's I think it's vogue, but it's that windmill motion expressing myself through movement.

Yes, last Dance for Roman, Last Chance.

I actually don't know the lyrics that one.

You can dance if you want to.

You can leave your friends behind because your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance, and no friends of mine.

Dance month, Yes, one of the best months of the year, truly, truly.

But before we get to dance movies Erica, we do have a couple of five star Apple podcast reviews to read.

Shall I get to it?

Sure?

All right?

This first one is from Moms to sm R eight A masterclass in yes ending and a meandering great time.

See how that sounds like a compliment?

It does?

It sure did?

Sound like a compliment.

You're focusing on meandering and I'm focusing it on great.

I'm focusing on meandering.

Yeah, yeah, they write, thank you Paul for the instructions on how to leave a review, because this gen exer never would have figured it out.

Well, you're welcome, and thank you for following the instructions on the show notes of this year podcast.

Right now, If anyone's wondering, just click on the link.

Rate this podcast slash that age.

Well, all right, Moms to SMR O eight goes on.

This is one of my top three go to podcasts because it's just so much fun.

For those reviewers who mentioned the tangents and the off topic convo, I suggest you, says, sit back, relax, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

The title of your sex tape, Moms to SMR.

This podcast is a masterclass in the game of yes and enjoy the true chemistry and brilliance of Paul and Erica's banter.

And don't worry they eventually make it back from their side trips.

What if we didn't, What if we didn't dropped a movie forever?

Just if we didn't do it with the fifth element, we will never do it and the audience is like, wait, how does clue listen?

Never have we wanted to drop a movie as hard as we wanted to drop the fifth element.

Uh.

They include fun info about all the movies they discuss, along with their thoughts on each movie's viability in today's culture, hence the title It's fair and balanced reporting, No notes.

Ah, thanks mom, Thank you Moms.

To SMR eight, this is a lovely review.

It's complete because you know what it says.

It says even the parts that you think are meandering are actually a feature, not a bug.

Yeah, it's part of the ride, man exact joy.

You know that on roller coasters you have to do that slow bumping part up before you get to the crest and then the fall.

This podcast I like to think of as all meandering bumping up.

It's just that part of the roller coaster.

Our next review comes from Samantha exclamation points.

Do you think do you think they met Samantha Samantha?

Or what if it's sex in the City Samantha Samantha.

They write, I found this podcast in August of twenty twenty four and have started at the beginning.

I notoriously do not like movies, the notorious not like movies are Yeah, the notorious anti film Samantha.

But I love listening to these two dissect and discuss.

It's well researched, funny, thoughtful, and relatable.

I truly enjoy the rapport between Erica and Paul.

They are funny and banter with each other without being mean.

Well we are to each other, but not so.

Just a really great podcast that I walk away from feeling better about the world, not worse.

Jesus, this is nice.

Thank you so much.

It's very nicely nice.

Making listeners feel better about the world is why we're here.

Ultimately, Jenny, I got a little choked up reading that last line.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Samantha and moms to SMR eight, thank you for these reviews.

If you would like a that edgeball tope ick, just let us know.

This is you.

Let us know and we will send it off for you.

Erica, all right, where are we headed this week?

Tonight?

On that age Dwell, We are headed to the White Knights of Russia.

The Soviet white Knights.

All Right, White Knights was requested by Alicia and Josephine, Janette Valo, Sarah Parker, Karen Amy and Liz.

And while I love all of our listeners equally, I just want to do a special shout out to Liz, who has been requesting this film for I am not exaggerating years.

Wow years.

Finally Liz has been heard.

Liz has finally had her voice heard this.

This shows the power perseverance.

It shows when I say I hear you, I really do hear you.

Even if I don't hear you for a while.

Yeah, even if we can't shoehorn it in like to another, we will get to it.

We could have shoehorned this in into Spy month Away, but that would have been rough though, But it would have been a weird left turn.

It would have been a weird turn.

Yeah, all right.

So White Knights is a nineteen eighty five political dance melodrama written by James Goldman, Eric Hughes and Nancy Dowd.

It was directed by Taylor Hackford and stars Mikhail Barishnikov, Gregory Hines, Helen Mirren, Jersey Skolamowski, and Isabella Rossellini in her film debut.

Isn't that that blew my mind?

When I saw and introducing Isabella ROSSLYNI I was like holy shit she had.

I did look her up.

She had like a couple of very small like like nothing.

Yeah.

So this was her first like featured role in a film.

White Knights was nominated for two Academy Awards, both in the Best Song category.

I have thoughts, well, first of all, there should be a dance like.

I know there aren't that many dance movies in a year, but there should be a choreography category.

They should have gotten a special, a special Oscar special recognition for like.

The amazing dance sequences in this movie.

Yeah, okay.

The two nominated songs were Separate Lives, sung by Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin.

You know that song, that song you absolutely remember, Yeah, and then say You Say Me by Lionel Ritchie, which is, honestly, if you'd given me five hundred chances, ye guess what popular eighty song was the soundtrack to this movie that I don't think it would have made five hundred I would not have done it.

I can think of two songs at the top of my head.

There's a Shaka Khan song and a lou Reed song in this movie that are that are better than both of those other songs.

Now, granted, I'm sure they were not recorded for the film, so they were not they were not eligible eligible, But I mean, but I mean, and.

What's crazy is this One of them won, and it's Say You Say Me by Lionel Ritchie won the Academy Award for Best Original Song for a Movie that it has zero to do with.

Correct.

It's it's played over the credit to the end of the movie.

Yep, and it just doesn't make any goddamn sense.

Yeah, Separate Lives doesn't really make any sense in the in the movie either, because it's played over like a very romantic moment between Gregory Hines and Isabella Rossellini, and it's it's about a break up, like the song's about a break up, and they don't break up.

Spoiler, they do not break up.

This also, by the way, beat Say You Say Me beat Power of Love from Back to the Future, which feels wrong.

Huey Lewis, check your purse.

You've been robbed, Huey Lewis, check your news, Yeah, you've rob.

Get the news together, it's time to storm the Academy.

Because seriously, that like, fuck off, fuck off?

How dare you not give it to power?

The movie was criticized for its use of Finland as a substitute for Siberia and the Lenin Grave, to which I say.

Are they supposed to fucking go to?

Are they forgetting what was happening in names?

But it was criticized in nineteen eighty five, so they have no excuse.

That made no sense to me, no sense.

That's like criticizing a movie now for not filming in current day Russia.

It's like, well, yeah, In actuality, Taylor Hackford used exterior shots of the actual cure of theater and other Leningrad locations that he commissioned from a finished travel company, but he did not reveal this for years in order to protect the team he worked with.

Brilliant and you can tell when you're watching the movie, you can tell, like there's some shots that are like legitimately like what we would now call Saint Petersburg, right, But like again that that drives me and said, why would why on earth would you?

Why would you criticize it a film for this?

Again, you didn't film in an actual war zone.

Ew, there's other reasons to criticize this movie.

That's the thing too.

This movie is not perfect.

I think I like this movie.

You really like this movie, but it's not per it's messy.

It is real.

It is messy.

Yes, I can admit that.

Yeah, it makes no sense.

I'm I'm willing to go with it with it not making sense on this one more than you or I think.

But we'll see.

Maybe convince me, maybe we'll meet each other halfway.

Yeah, like like Borishnikoff and high Hinds in the film, exactly, Yes, I'm Borishnikoff, I Callikov.

White Nights has a very low forty six percent critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes, a perfectly adequate seventy four percent audience score no Cherry picks five.

Yeah, forty six that's insanely low.

That's insanely low.

I think this deserves a seventy five to eighty percent critical rating, and it should have an audience score of one hundred.

Audience scores should be.

The only thing is it's a little long.

It's a little It is two hours and fifteen minutes.

Look, I don't know why you're watching this movie.

If you're not ready to watch dance scenes, yeah, if that's.

That's on you.

If you're complaining about the dance scenes, that is on you.

If you're like, why is there twenty minutes of dancing in this movie?

It's like, bitch, it's a movie starting two dancers.

But also like maybe and this is maybe a little bit where I land.

It doesn't have enough dance for me.

A forty six is criminally low because again, you're casting these people for their ability to dance.

So, like, if you're complaining that Gregory Heines and Mikhail Parishnikov are not the greatest dancers of the greatest actors of their generation, fuck off.

No actor can do what either of these two dudes can do.

Yeah, Like, and they also are both good actors, and.

They're both very good.

Actually was a little surprised by like, Gregory Heines got me.

Oh there's a monologue Gregory Heines has in this movie.

I was like, damn, you're really fucking good.

Yeah, all right, Erica, when did you first see White Nights?

I saw this movie when I was younger.

I have no memory of where I was.

I must have been at home, might have been on TV.

Maybe my parents were watching it.

We didn't see this in the theater, I'm sure of that.

But like, so I remember, because there's certain just.

Picturing little five year Old Erica in the theater watching this.

And my parents are like, this is about ballet, and I'm like, shit, I'm listening.

No, there's moments in this movie.

I remember.

One in particular is a climactic scene where Mikhail Berrishnikoff has to do like a jump across an alleyway that's like a stunt, and that really stayed in my head.

I remembered that.

But ninety eight percent of this movie I'd forgotten completely about.

So it feels like I watched it for the first time yesterday.

Okay, how about you.

I had never seen this movie.

I had never heard of this movie until a few years ago when Liz was like, do white Nights and other voices joined in the chorus for this month, so we are doing it.

I went in pretty cold on this.

I knew Mikhail Brishnikov and Gregory Heins were in it.

I knew there was a lot of dancing.

That's pretty much all I knew about it.

Yeah, I really loved it, Like I really loved it.

I know what you're saying.

You're saying it's messy.

It is messy.

You are not wrong.

It's it's shaggy because it's a movie about like real world implications to what's happening to these people in the movie.

But the movie doesn't like treat it very It just doesn't make any sense.

I'll get into it.

This is not how the world.

What is how spies work, This is not how Russia works, is not how anything works.

Which I have no argument for it.

I just don't care.

I think I think I'm gonna don't care, and.

You're absolutely right.

Why am I complaining why?

That's like the idiots were complaining that they didn't actually film.

In Russia, So uh, Erica the tagline for White Nights.

I can already tell you I hate it.

I knew you would hate it as I typed it.

As the length of it, I can tell you I fucking hate it.

Two men, not soldiers, not heroes, just dancers willing to risk their lives for freedom and each other.

No, that is a gay romance.

The amount of times I was like kiss, kiss, which is unfair to poor Isabella Russelling, who's also in this too, but like the amount of time I want it.

I wanted those two men to kiss.

It is the end of the movie is a freeze frame and me going kiss.

Kiss, because it is a.

It is a non romantic love story, but it really is a love story between these two.

Men and then understanding each other's perspective and like actually coming together and like meeting the middle and not really coming together.

But you know, yes, I agree, it's not a good tagline.

The tagline just be borishnakov heinz.

Do you like watching dancers?

Want to see them tap their way out of this one?

I don't know.

There's got to be a better, like Russian themed one.

But they're red mccormicking in Russia.

Yeah, done?

Erica.

Do you want to read the iTunes synopsis?

Sure?

This story of Nikolai Rodchenko, a Russian defector, and Raymond Greenwood, an American tap dancer who defected behind the Iron Curtain during the Vietnam War.

Twist, twist.

You don't expect that.

You don't expect to see an American being like, I'm moving to Russia.

That's right.

That's one tiny thing I have against this movie is I'm like, there are many easier countries to be like, you know what, America sucks, They're racist as fuck.

I'm going somewhere else.

Yeah, I just like, maybe think this through a little bit more buddy, Yeah, look at a map before you're like Russia.

I'm going to Russia.

Artistic vision and political idealism collide as two great dancers make a decision that will change their lives forever.

Yeap Paul Actual synopsis.

Okay, Erica, I'm just gonna say I've had enough.

I've had enough of the debates.

I've had enough of the of the of the questions.

This is just my final word on the matter.

Mikail Barishnikov and Gregory Hines can dance.

What that's it out.

I'm done.

I will not be taking questions.

I was.

I was of the camp that they're terrible, They're terrible dancers.

This is this is the movie that will actually make you believe a man can fly, because when Mikhail Barishnikov leaps, it actually looks like he's defying gravity for like a second every time.

And both these men are in their late thirties.

The performances Gregory Heights like was born with old man face.

Yeah, You're like, what is he fifty?

You're like, oh no, he's thirty eight.

He made this movie.

But the moves, the dance moves, You're like, how can a fucking thirty eight year old be doing this?

Yeah crazy and I think I I'm not sure, might even be a little older.

And I'm like, damn, he hasn't lost a step No, no, all right, everyone.

So that is your lead up to White Knights.

Stick around.

We have some commercials to play here.

If you don't want to listen to commercials, you can go to our Patreon.

That is patreon dot com slash that Age Weel podcast.

You can join any paid level.

You will get a free episodes delivered to your feet every Monday.

If you don't want to do that, stick around, we will be right back and we are going to take you through White Nights and we're back.

How do you say that in Russian?

I have no idea.

An Budka Borsh.

We open on a close up of Nikolai ko Kolia is the nickname Radchenko played by Mikhail Barishnikoff, an up and comer.

Yeah, you may have heard of him.

May have heard of him, Misha.

He's in bed.

Open all movies on a shirtless Mikhail Barishnakov in bed for some reason, when he smokes a cigarette, I love it.

I don't like it in real life, but when he's I'm in the.

Amount This person smokes for being a professional dancer.

And I know professional dancers do smoke, like like that's been a thing the whole the whole existence of professional dancers.

But he's just crazy, Like, there's my lungs hurt watching I.

Was like smoking and the fact the man is still alive and kicking and in good shape, And I'm like, did he not was this just for the movie?

But was he smoking because everyone smoked back then?

Yeah?

Or is he just one of those people that just like smoked his whole life and lived to one hundred and six and like, yeah, it just doesn't doesn't take.

My great grandfather lived to be over a hundred.

He smoked cigars every day of his life.

That's that's a real thing.

That's a very human thing.

It's a real fucking thing.

So Nick is in bed, staring at the ceiling, blue eyes, a blazon, cigarette, a blazon.

He's just smoking a cigarette, looking pensive, looking off into the distance, and then we hear music begin and the camera pulls back and we see that he is not actually in bed, well, he in bed, but he's on a set because he is on stage performing a ballet.

He is performing a ballet sequence called in apologies my French is frankly non existent Le junoumes de la et la morte, which I know that was bad.

I could tell like as I was saying, and I'm like, oh, if anyone who speaks French is like, girl, you are hurt in my ears.

The young Man in Death.

The young Man in Death, Yes, originally choreographed by Roland Petit in nineteen forty six.

This is a very famous ballet performed by Borishnikoff.

I think in the sixties or seventies he revived it and now they're putting in in this movie.

And it was filmed actually in the Bristol Hypodrome, like because the movie starts in England.

So it's all very I mean for the inside baseball nerds in ballet, this is all very very cool.

The rest of this film has unbelievable dance numbers, and this is still the best one, like they say, is this is my I mean, it's so good and it's Polish, And all the other dance scenes in the film are generally except for like a couple like with Gregory Hines are rehearsals or like him like Borushnikoff, just like the character like riffing while on stage, so they're not as like tightly choreographed as this.

Yeah, fair enough, because it would make sense story wise.

This it is just so good.

Also bleak.

It is the most bleak dance sequence.

I took this way too much to heart, and I didn't I realized he was doing a performance immediately, but I didn't know what its place was in the movie, and I thought it was like an artistic telling of the movie that I'm about to see like a prologue or something.

Oh no, he's going to kill himself.

I was literally like this, this is going to end in a suicide and like and then and the woman betrays him.

Like I had this whole I was like, oh, this is so interesting, and I was like at the end of we were like, oh, that wasn't it.

I've thought too much.

As is your wants, Yes, but the the movie gives you it tes tip of tand a little bit because this is opening and then there's opening credits either I can't remember if it's during this or just after this that calls out that all the other choreography in the movie is swila sarp yep.

And this was particular to this scene.

The general plot is the man is smoking a cigarette.

He's joined by a woman.

They dance a potter Do you find out she's a faithless lover?

She leaves him.

He decides to end his life.

The walls of his Garrett apartment start to rise into the rafters, revealing a Paris skyline in the background, and the dance partner re emerges in a white gown with a red cape and a skull mask.

I in my brain she has a sickle too, but she doesn't actually have a sickless icycle because it is death.

It's the same dancer from before, only now she is portraying death itself.

She takes off the mask and places it on him.

As the curtain descends, it's so dark.

The dancers take their bows, The audience and Erica go fucking wild.

She stands up from recouched.

It is incredible to be reminded what an actually like perfect male body looks like sons, like steroids, and like the mar marvelification of like of what of what a man could possibly look like with these systems of drugs.

I feel like ballet dancers generally are more live than they are muscular.

Oh yeah, yeah, for obvious reasons, but like, that's what a body can look like through exercise and eating well, and probably a lot of cigarettes for.

A lot of cigarettes.

Well, and don't forget the twenty hours a day of dance.

Right right, speaking of by the way, male bodies and twenty hours a day of dancing, I would just it's just a PSA.

I don't know how the Instagram algorithm has decided that what I want to see is short videos of Italian ballerinos in skin tight dance skin skin tone boy shorts, like stretching their legs so their taint moves towards the camera.

Uh huh, don't.

I don't know how it happens.

Instagram's got you girls.

Someone is sneaking into my room at night and playing these videos and teaching this Instagram algorithm something like it's short, so tight you can see the individual hairs around their asshole as they stretch towards you.

So we cut to Nick on a plane with its agent and Wyatt played by Geraldine Page.

Geraldine Page is in.

This movie, that's right, she is.

They're en route to Tokyo, and the pilot announces that if they look out the window, they'll see the famous Soviet white nights, which is a time of year when the sun never sets.

Right because of the way that Earth spins.

Blah blah blah, Arctic circle.

Arctic circle, angle of the Earth spinning.

You know what, you know what we're talking about?

And also, Paul, I don't know if you know this.

Uh uh, it's also the title of the movie.

Oh yeah, I know.

Does that blow your mind?

Also, the movie we're watching is called what I Know?

I know they should have called it.

Mikhail Berishtakov holds his legs above his head.

Let that sinking.

Let that's sinking, all right.

So they're over Siberia when the plane suffers an electrical malfunction.

It's a bad place to have an electrical.

Truly, of all the places to have an electrical malfunction, this is one of the worst.

Nick leaps up.

He sprints to the bathroom against the olders of the flight crew.

They're like, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

And he frantically starts tearing up his identification, his passport, anything on him that has his name on it, putting it in the toilet and trying to flush it down the toilet.

The plane barely manages to get clearance to isn't it isn't a better idea to be like, Ann, I need you to shove my passport like in your unmentionables and pretend you don't know me.

I mean he was panicking, but you're right, that is the move that or give it to, Like, well, no, because they probably do search the flight attendance.

Yeah, like, yeah, Anne would be the person to because Geraldine Paige, although I don't know, he's famous.

Yeah, Like I don't know.

I don't know how he thought he was going to get away with this, because it's not like he's nobody.

He's like a random Russian defector.

Like yeah, he's a very very famous Russian defector.

Yeah.

That's like if Martina Navratulova was like it was like, sh don't tell anyone who I am.

All right.

So the plane barely madges to get clearance to land at a Russian military base, but the runway is too short for a truly safe landing.

They have no choice.

They have to go.

I really want to just take a moment to appreciate the man playing the pilot in this in this scenario, because he remains very calm the entire time, and I was like, that is exactly what I want my pilot to be doing.

That's a Sully.

That's a Sully.

That's good, that's a Sully pilot.

Excellent, well done, sir.

The plane hits the ground.

Nick is trying to scramble back to his seat and buckle in.

There's too much turbulence.

He's thrown backwards and then the beverage cart is knocked loose and it it rolls towards him and it hits him in the head and it knocks him unconscious.

The plane comes to a stop after it crashes through like a couple of like small buildings.

It appears that no one on the ground is hurt.

Yeah, and Ann rushes to Nick, who's bleeding extensively from a head wound.

We cut to mustache twirling villain of the film, Colonel Chaiko of the Russian Army.

He's playing with a plump.

This guy excellent.

Like, I love a villain who leans in and after who leans into, playing like a fun villain.

Jersey Skolimowski Skolamowski, I apologize.

That's a rough name for me to say.

We apologize to the entire Skolamowski clan.

For what just happened on this podcast.

Yeah, we apologize to anyone who speaks French, anyone who speaks Russian.

I'm just gonna cover my tracks English.

Yeah, yeah, anyone who speaks any of those languages.

We're so sorry.

We're so sorry.

It's not gonna be good.

I apologize those ballet dancers for objectifying them, But you are the ones putting the videos online.

You know what you're doing.

Colonel Chico arrives at the base and is debriefed on the situation.

Captain Kerrigan, another Soviet official, reports that there was one passenger on the plane with no passport.

Huh, one guy who just had zero identification on him, and they did find something.

We don't know quite what yet, and Carrigan gives Chiko the something.

Still the audience does not see what it is, and he tells his superior I have him isolated.

Chiko walks into a hospital room where Nick is in bed, bandage around his head, kind of woozy still from his massive head wound.

Nick is like, I am a French to descend, I do not speak your Russian.

I do not understand what you are saying.

Oh, he doesn't say that in French, not in French with an English accent to.

No, no, no, that's how that's how I heard it.

I don't know how you all heard it, you know.

He says that in French in the movie.

Chico's like, it's crazy how you didn't have any identification on you, and He's like, I don't understand.

My name is Pierre.

It should have been in my wallet.

Perhaps I haven't been a baguette go.

Hard for because you refuse to break.

Just like it was in my copy of Being and Nothingness?

Did you not see it?

Lavine Rosecombs?

And Nick is like, perhaps the French ambassador could help, could you get me to the French embassy?

And Chico's like, nice tried, dick wad and he tosses the findings from the crash onto the bed and it's Nick's torn up identification, which I you know it would be.

I imagine a passport would be very difficult to get down.

It is way.

Those are tough.

You want what the real move is to eat it, but you're never gonna get You're never gonna choke that down during a plane crash.

Yeah, those leather bound is not why they make passports so thick actually, so no onah can't eat it.

You never thought about that before.

Those are indestructible.

Chiko's like, you can drop the act.

I know you're not French.

I know that your real name is Nikolai because of your and also, I don't know if you know this, sir, but you're fucking famous.

We all clocked you the minute you came in here because you're famous.

Nick does finally drop the act and he tells Chico, listen, I'm an American citizen now, and Chico's like, oh cool, fun for you being an American citizen here in the Soviet fucking Union.

You know you are a criminal, a defector.

Nick says the world will demand that he be returned to the United States, and Chico scoffs.

He's like, no one cares, to which, I say, Britney Griner, this just happened.

Like a ballet dancer and a basketball player.

I think I'm only saying this because the world sucks and is misogynistic, but it was a woman basketball player.

I feel like they're on equal footing.

Yeah, this does make a level of sense.

He does have an argument, like, if enough people in the United States start to give a shit about this.

They will figure out a way to get him back.

Yeah, And Chiko continues the the Soviet Union is having a wonderful moment of excellent pr because we just saved hundreds of lives by allowing a foreign plane to land where it wasn't supposed to.

So shut it.

And he leaves Nick in the bed underguard.

Yep.

He goes out there.

He addresses the other plane crash victims.

He tells them that they'll all be flown to Moscow, and Ann asks after Nick, and Chico says, look, he was gravely injured in the crash.

He cannot risk being moved.

He could die.

Yep, and Anne kind of feels like this is bullshit, but she has a no power.

Yeah, no recourse here, yeap to only.

Island in Siberia.

That's only, not only, There may be more islands.

I don't know.

Is it the Lonely Island?

Is it the Lonely Island?

Can you imagine the Lonely Island in this movie?

Genuinely, that would be an amazing comedy.

If the Lonely Island did a movie where they had they were.

Stuck in Russia, it was if it was the sequel to Pop Star, Never Stopped, Never Stopped.

Yeah, Yeah, that guy gets it, ends up in Russia and we have to trade him for someone.

We meet Raymond Greenwood played by Gregory Hines, and he is performing there's a boat that's leaving soon for New York from Porgy and Bess.

Now with a tap break added into it.

I am very surprised there is a Russian audience that like wants to see Porgy and Bess.

That just seems so American.

It does well, it is very America now, it's certainly true.

I was caught up in this because he's singing and dancing or like greedy with enthusiastic applause, and then and then they bow, and I'm like, that's not the end of Porgy and Bess.

There's like one more scene after that, because this is when when Bess goes to New Or with I can't remember this character's name, after he gets her addicted to drugs, and then Porgy gets released from jail, I think if I remember correctly, and then he's like he has to go to New York to look for Best, and that's that's the end of Porky and Best.

It's a whole other scene that's supposed to happen.

I really get the impression from this film that he is a the only American and be the only person of color for like like black Americans, for many miles around.

Oh I think that, yes, I think that is certainly clear.

His co star snarls that he's a show off as she exits after the bows, and backstage his wife Daria played by Isabella Rossellini, looking so young and beautiful and yet somehow exactly the same as she does now she's waiting for him.

They kiss and they laugh and they clearly have this loving relationship.

And then who should enter Erica dun dug Colonel Chico?

What Colonel Chico definitely sounds like a Sonic the Hedgehog villain, right A thousand percent?

Yeah, Colonel Chico sounds like like a villain in like a the back of a Cereal box.

So that's like like a G I.

Joe Greatest Greatest animation.

Yeah, Like like when they were trying to indoctrinate children to hate the Soviet Union when we were little, which fully happened, by the way, and they were like watches Captain Crunch beats the Evil Colonel Chico.

Raymond and Daria clearly know Chico and they're like, oh, this guy.

They're apprehensive about his sudden appearance in his life.

Nothing good ever happens when this fuckers around.

He tells them, hey, you should both come back to Moscow, like we have some stuff for you to do in Moscow, and they both are like, okay, that seems like good news.

And then Chico says he remembers that when Raymond first came to Russia, he seems so nervous and Daria was just his interpreter, and He's like, in a in a way, I made you two fall in love.

I brought you two together.

You owe me, and and Daria's like suddenly like, okay, this trip to Moscow doesn't seem so great anymore.

Yeah.

Daria leaves, and Raymond is like, hey, I've been trying to get in touch with you, Tchiko.

Remember about my situation and how I shouldn't be fucking stuck here in Siberia.

Yeah, and Chiko's like, girl, sorry, I have been swamped.

Girl has been crazy.

Girl.

You would not believe the number of emails I am getting a day, I am under seas.

I am underwater.

I'm under what I am in the weeds?

Girl, girl?

It is so let's circle back on this later.

Girl, girl, can we just put a pin in this?

Girl?

I just I have so much do my inbox.

My inbox is an in tower, you know what I mean.

He's going, sorry, my phone is ringing.

I'm so sorry, and Raymond's like, there's literally not a phone in the room where.

It's nineteen eighty five.

In Siberia, In Siberia, there are no phones here.

We are in the place that the entire world uses as shorthand for the middle of fucking nowhere.

Chiko's like, but you know what, I'm so glad I finally came out to Siberia, beautiful Siberia, to drop by and see you.

After all, there is actually think this is crazy, there's actually something you can do for me.

And he's like, why don't you go wait outside, Raymond, and I'll tell you what it is.

And now you see the look of panic on Raymond's face.

What the fuck do they want from me?

Yep?

Raymond heads in to find Daria.

She does not want anything to do with Chico.

She's like, we can just stay here.

We don't have to do this, and he's like, well, I don't know if you've you've been rushing your whole life, so I thought you would know this, But we don't so much have a choice with what this guy tells us to do.

And I think on some level too, he's like, I'm so sick of Siberia.

I can't live in Siberia anymore.

If it, whatever it is, if it gets me to Moscow.

Yeah.

Fine.

The movie doesn't like ever really enumerate exactly what happened to Raymond, but essentially he winds up in Siberia because once they're done with his pr blitz for having defected to Russia, they basically, you can fuck off to Siberia.

We don't care anymore.

And like I should mention the performance he was just doing was in like a theater smaller than my high school auditorium.

Oh yes, thy people in the audience who looks, who were looking kind of dead eyed at like what the because the whole show is an English porkain Bess, So this most of this audience, there.

Is no Russian translation of porkin Bess yet.

Yet guess what I'm learning Russian.

Give me a minute, I got this I got it.

But yeah, like, so this this existence, even though he gets to quote unquote be the star of the show here, the show is the most ragtag, fucking little little dumpy theater in the middle of Siberia, He's like, I gotta get the fuck out of here.

Uh So he assures Daria, Look, it's gonna be all right.

We're not gonna be in fucking Siberia anymore.

So they embrace, but Daria still looks very unconvinced of the intelligence of this plan.

Yeah, she remember she has been Russian her whole life.

Yes, she gets how shifty they are.

I say, I said it, y'all.

Shifty shifty, yeah, shifty Russians.

She knows when she looks at Colonel Chico that he looks like like the second to last guy that.

James Bond kills in the movie one hundred.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

We cut to the American embassy in Moscow and is there with the ambassador Larry Smith.

Perfect yeah, like what a name, the first not name.

They're like done, Larry Smith, we don't care, played by Shane Rimmer and god bless this movie.

Agent.

When Scott played by the great and Good John Glover.

Okay, I love John Glow.

He pops up a lot.

Now.

Yeah, we're covering more eighties movies and I'm so here for it.

He was just in Batman and Robin playing a mad scientist, and his hair in Batman and Robin was four times less thansane than it is in this movie.

This is the flattest flat top.

Yeah, I have ever seen it.

The plane could have landed on John Glover's hair.

Tell me you're a spy without telling me you're a spy.

Tell me you're a military man working as a quote unquote bureaucrat.

It's genius, because he could not look more like a spy.

Correct.

So they they're examining the X rays that the Russians have sent over, claiming they are nicks.

Right, nikolais and the X rays are telling the story of a massive brain injury, and Anne points out correctly, but of course she can't back this up that we don't even know that these are nex She is insistent that they have to appeal to the UN and schedule a press conference.

We have to let the world know what's happening here.

The men advise caution, They're like, look, this is a tenuous situation.

Why don't you go back to New York.

Let us figure this out, let us work on it.

And she's like, fuck you, I'm not going.

This is the best agent.

Yeah, she really is.

Like I am staying in enemy territory in Siberia waiting for my dancer, and I will not leave without my dancer.

Bitch, get yourself a friend as good as Anna.

It's true, but it also also does give the give this sense like is he your only client?

He only client.

She's definitely in love with him.

Oh yeah, she's one hundred percent.

She was like kind of flirting with him earlier, and I'm like.

Girl, girl, I mean, look, shoot your shot.

You gotta shoot your shot.

You're gonna sleep with zero of the Russian world famous Russian batle dancers.

That you don't try to fuck.

Thank you.

I got mixed up in the middle, and you're right there for me like a great dance partner.

I'm your Anne, You're my Ann.

If you get stuck in Siberia, I will stay there.

I will stay there till you get out, my friends.

And if you get stuck in Siberia, I will campaign for your release from the comfort of my home.

Absolutely, because you know what I will say, all of a sudden, I told that bitch not to go to fucking Russia.

I was going to Tokyo.

I tried to eat my passport.

They didn't sit well.

With my tom tone too much ruffige.

I'm onto zempic.

You guys, it's really hard to eat a passport when you're autosimpic.

Fucking drown that shit, and Caesar Dressing couldn't choke it down, all right.

So we cut to Neck.

He's waking up in a new room.

He stands up, he kind of he walks out from behind this kind of drawn curtain that they have, and we realize he is in Raymond and Daria's apartment.

And Raymond's like, hi, am Raymond, and he here's the American accent, and he is like, holy shit, did that actually work?

Did they actually give me to an American?

Yeah?

He's like, oh my god, am I in the embassy?

Are you?

Are you the ambassador?

And Raymond's like, na, where no?

Nick asks if he's under arrest.

Raymond's like, no, You're as free as a bird.

Nick asks, are you my guard?

Raymond's like I'm a tap dancer.

Okay.

So can I take a walk?

Go ahead?

So Nick leaves and Raymond's like fuck and and he gets his jacket.

Nick rushes through this sparse island settlement.

It's it is.

He sees no people.

He runs all the way through this.

It just looks almost looks like a series of bars, like.

An abandoned neighborhood.

Yeah, Raymond follows him from a distance.

Nick eventually finds the theater where Raymond was performing Poor Game Bess, and he finds a telephone.

He tries to make a phone call.

Raymond appears, he disconnects the phone and Nick laughs.

He's like, I know what's going on.

You are here to inform on me.

The Russians want me back.

Can you imagine being so good at an art.

Form literally anything, literally an art form, literally anything, because I'm like ballet is till like there's very few people who are very good at it.

So that's but genuinely, what would you be good enough that that a foreign country, a foreign enemy would be like, you can't leave.

We don't have anyone who does this as well as you.

We refuse to allow you to leave because we want the international prestige that you being from our country lends us.

Yeah, in my case, it would be binge watching television.

It's the only thing I'm genuinely good at.

I'm gonna go with making bitchy side remarks under my breath.

Falling asleep in a crowd full of people.

No one else can do it as well as you, ma'am.

You have to say, it's a skill we need.

How you got your genius immigration grant?

My MacArthur grant came from back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They go back to Raymond's apartment and they have dinner with Raymond and with Daria.

Barishnikov is going after this herring and onions like it is made out of ham.

Yeah, honestly, I like this this bit because it made a little like a He probably hasn't had this type of meal since it defected, so it's and it's a home cooked Russian meal.

And he's like, this is really good.

Yeah, So yeah, he's going after his herring.

Not a euphemism.

Raymond's so sadly.

Sadly, Raymond is just drinking vodka, just slowly staring at this man and drinking vodka, and he gets angrier and drunker, and he starts to mock Nick for being americanized.

Yeah, Nick says, it's a wonderful country, America he means, and Raymond's like, psh, wonderful to you maybe, And then they really like give Gregory Hines a lot to work with in this movie, and he I think he's really good, right, Like he has this monologue about like, man, you don't know shit about America and how fucked up and terrible and racist it is.

And Nick is like, why did you defect to Russia of all places?

Of all places?

All again?

I like that is so important?

Why why like famously like Josephine Baker was like Paris, And I'm like, yes, that makes fucking sense to me, Like why would you pick Russia?

I guess you.

And look, the movie does not make this argument at all, so I'm not trying to say it does, but like you could think that that would be the if you want to stick it to the US government.

I think that's what it is.

That's the that's the one that hurts.

Yeah, he wanted to be splashy about it.

Yeah, exactly.

Anyone can move to fucking England, Yeah, I mean that is what Edward's Noden did, right, Yeah, Like potentially had other countries he could have gone to, but he's like, this is gonna hurt.

Yeah, so he went to Russia.

But he's not a black man.

So Raymond continues the monologue, and the movie blessedly has him tap dance while he's doing it.

Did you notice the credit at the end of the movie, No tap improvography by Gregory Hines.

Im proography?

Improvography?

Is that a word?

I think it's choreography that's been improvd pvography.

Cool, Yeah, can't you just say choreography whatever?

Moving on, I.

Didn't want to make the point that he did.

He didn't work it out in advance.

He was just doing it.

He's just Riffin.

So Raymond tells Nick the story of his disillusionment with America.

First of all, starting when he was a child, he got work as a tap dancer, and then you know, aged out of it because no one wants to see an adult tap dancer, is what he actually says in the movie.

And I'm like, counterpoint, I'd pay a lot of money to watch you tap dance, buddy.

He then he grew up and he wound up in the army, and he was excited.

He believed in America.

He was a patriot.

He wanted to fight for his country.

Then they sent him to war and perhaps not our finest hour, the Vietnam War, and they made him a murderer, and they made him a rapist, he says, And they made him, they made him, they made him someone who burns villages.

And he and you can see like the light go out of Gregory Hines's eyes as he's talking about it.

And he realized that the government was using him.

And he says, they didn't even see me as a human being.

They saw me as is like a killing machine, and they wanted him to die so that they could get more money and more power, and he starts to break down and cry and Daria comforts him.

This is beautiful.

This scene is incredible, yep.

Nick says that he actually does remember Raymond's defection in the news, and Raymond says bitterly that he was big news while the Russians needed him, but now not so much.

And Nick repeats himself that America is still better than the Soviet Union, still a better place to live, and Raymond says that Nick wasn't a hero.

He just wanted to be where the pay is better.

He's like stop trying to paint yourself as like an idealist, Like you have no ideology, as neither do I.

Neither of these men are like I'm a you know, I'm a capitalist, I'm a communist.

No, they don't give a shit about that.

They just wanted to go where they could, like one where he could succeed and the other where he could like hide it in a way and like become become a part of something that was anything but the United States.

Yep.

We cut to the next day.

Raymond is in a car with Colonel Chaiko, who looks like he's about to go give a report to m Bison.

Chiko asks if Raymond has pitched Nick on the idea that he could live the life that he used to live, right, So this is this is what we're hearing for the first time, Chiko.

The job that Chiko gave to Raymond was you were going to convince Nick to come back to Russia and dance for us.

That's what he wants.

Raymond's like, I haven't even brought it up yet.

It's the first day.

Like, if if I go too hard, if I John Malkovich in Dangerous Liaisons, this he's just going to tell me to fuck off.

It's not gonna work.

Chiko tells the car to stop, and he asks Raymond to get out, and that the edge of this enormous like stone quarry slash labor camp slash mine something whatever.

Yeah.

Chiko asks him, what do you mean last night when you said you were big news while we needed you, which means that he's listening to all these conversations, and Raymond says, oh, I was drunk.

Nick's a pain in the ass.

I can't just come out and tell him he has to dance in in Russia.

He's a diva.

He's like, it won't work.

I have to convince him, and Chiko looks out at the quarry and notes, you know, a man gets old before his time in a place like this.

It's better to work in a theater than at a mine.

So basically, being like, step on it, get him to agree to dance, or you're winding up in a labor camp.

Cool, cool, love this country.

You know what?

Us is starting to look a little bit better now, isn't it.

Buddy.

Back at the apartment, Daria is anxiety cleaning house.

She's terrified.

She's deeply relieved when Raymond walks back in.

Raymond apologizes to Nick for his behavior of the night before.

Raymond tells Nick, look, everyone's really glad you're here.

We're glad you're back.

We're all very excited for you this, for this reunion of you and your homeland.

Uh huh.

And I think people, many.

Many people, so many people.

Would absolutely love it if you danced again, if you danced here for a minute.

I mean, think about the comfort you would bring to your former and fellow countrymen, yes, and women like, wouldn't that be something that would warm your heart?

And Nick's like, it's a very roxy heart response.

I feel like Maria Kallis would have given the same response.

Don't try to fuck with me.

Raymond keeps pressing.

It's like, I think your situation, and by your situation, I mean my situation would greatly improve if you played a little fucking ball, ye, Nick, I think from the jump, Nick is very smart.

He kind of cottons to what's going on, and he's like, okay, sure, but you know what, Ugh, I can't really play ball here.

This is not the place to play ball.

And why don't we go to Leningrad to see what my status is?

So we cut to the trio arriving in Leningrad in a car with Chico.

Chico is up front.

They're being driven by Kerrigan, and Chico gives Kolia his luggage, all the luggage they recovered from the plane.

And he's still playing very nice but like this with a crocodile grin on the whole time.

Remember this is Colonel chaik Go.

He is the villain in a very very very janky offshoot of the X Men.

That's right.

So they drive past the Kirev Ballet where Nick was trained, where all of these famous ballet dancers danced, gorgeous theater.

It's a gorgeous, beautiful building.

He tells Nick that the season opens in ten days.

Nick's appearance there will be a great moment.

No one's gonna hold your past mistakes against you.

Look, you're not even in jail, and you're a convicted criminal.

How cool is that?

Aren't we just the cat's pajamas?

Honestly, like Russia, I see your point.

Yeah, get you let a convicted criminal just roam the streets and dance the ballet.

But here in America we make them president.

That's right, that's what we do.

That's what we do.

That's how we honor our convicted criminals.

Come on, now, come on, now, one off that.

Are many many times convicted criminals.

They arrive at an apartment building and we find out it's the same one where Nick used to live.

Even the landlady Pasha is the same land lady.

Boy, that old lady she's just she could not be less impressed.

She's like, well she genuinely she's like, oh, you're back.

That's nice.

Anyway, moving on, moving on, They bring him to his old apartment, which has been kept, he says, just as he left it.

Creepy, creepy as fun.

What do you think did they really actually keep it the way he's like, like in case he came back, or did they just quickly like read they kicked the family out that's living there now.

No, they kept it because the way he walks around, like his pictures are in the same spot.

Yeah, like the archivist would have had to be so they would have had to take photos of it just in case, and like Mark like, okay, this is a blue post.

It just goes over here where the blue post it goes.

They just kept it.

Wow, they didn't give it to any of the fucking proletariat.

Yeah, there's some vintage porn in that.

Excellent, just just bush and tan lines in that porn.

Ladies with pick and potatoes.

I don't know what Russian porn looks like.

Jet skiing.

I'm guessing absolutely old Russian lady naked on a jet skate.

What a picture?

What if that's their port old like like like just granny an old babushka got on and that's it, and that just wearing a babushka and a and a at a bottle of vodka.

Chiko reiterates that the Soviet offer is sincere.

Nick will have his old life back.

Everything will be at his disposal.

He will have a car, food will be cooked for him.

He will have to worry about nothing.

All he has to do is dance.

So Nick kind of like wanders through the apartment.

He finds a framed photograph of him with a ballerina with a with a photoshopped version of Elimeirn's face on upper body.

It definitely looks one real you guys.

Yeah, this is not weird, bad photoshop, don't worry about it.

Chico goes over to Raymond and he says, you need to get Nick into shape starting tomorrow in the studio, and Raymond's like, I'm a tap dancer, and Chiko's like, that's your fucking problem.

My fucking problem is getting this damsel tied to the train tracks in the next fifteen minutes.

Yeah, my fucking problem is trying to steal the uranium.

Excuse me, excuse me, you do this, I'm gonna go bond villain.

Okay, this is This is the point of the movie where Eric is like, I'm.

Sorry, what okay, yeah, this.

I'm sorry, excuse me, excueeze me.

I can't I can't defend it because I don't.

I can't tell if Chico is just fucking like trolling Raymond, Like why is this his job?

This should not be his job.

No, you know who's gonna convince Raymond to go back to the United States, This other guy who loves the United States and is also a dancer that he looks up to, Like, this is all a very big mistake.

The only thing that makes any sense about it is that he he doesn't actually care about Nick getting back into shape or whatever.

Nick is in shape, Like, yes, he had.

This dancing two days ago.

He was dancing.

Yeah, exactly, so like he's just literally trolling Raymond, Like he's just psychologically torturing Raymond for funzies.

Which does like the performance, yes, yeah, does support that.

But it's just like the Russian government can't be this bad things, right, Like they would give him a handler who's an actual, like like Soviet military handler to watch this guy.

This is the one part of the movie where I really can't defend anything, Like, you are one hundred percent right.

The only thing that makes any sense because we will find out in a reveal later spoiler alert, you guys, Chiko is a big old racist.

I bet you didn't know that.

But and like the only thing that makes sense is he's fucking with him.

He's fucking with him, but but like just fuck with him a different way.

Nick, it's too important of an asset him to be like this random amateur can totally handle it.

I'm sure, yeah, it just is like and and like there's just no like I know that things can get a lot worse for Raymond, and they do spoiler they fucking do.

But like there's just not enough the stakes are not high enough at this point in the movie for me to believe Raymond isn't like, come on, man, just let me go back to Siberia if anything else.

Yeah, So Chico leaves and Nick immediately checks all the windows to see where the guards are, Like he finds them all stationed, Like where they're all stationed And to the Russian government's credit is a sentence, I.

Say so much, I know.

Yeah, if I had a nickel, if I had a nickel, if I had a shekel for every time I heard that, like the.

They did put a lot of guards on them, at least, like they put these fucking people together in an apartment together just to like let them simmer, and then they put like ten guards on the outside.

I would pose it you should put one guard on the inside.

Yeah, just saying, what if there was a lot more Challengers infused into this movie?

What if what if Daria was like playing the two of them against each other and they would well like.

The movie Challengers to the Tennis movie.

Yeah, what if there was like a real psychological like what if this was the Dreamers?

Yeah, and they all decide to form a thrupple together and then two of them find out their siblings.

Yeah, what a fun movie, What a fun with the Dreamers is a crazy movie, you guys.

Meanwhile, while like Nick is actually being smart and like figuring out where all the bugs are and where all the microphones are and shit around the apartment, Raymond and Daria geeze out the window, and Daria's like, I wish we could lose ourselves somewhere and not be under like the watchful eye of Chaiko.

I want to go to a place where no one is watching us ever again, like she's really seeding some shit that's gonna come to Ruth later.

She wishes they could just disappear, and Raymond says, don't worry.

Things will be much better now that we're in Leningrad, like far better than they were in Siberia, which is such a low bar to clear.

Yeah, we cut to the next day, Raymond and Nick go to the dance studio.

Raymond is like, come on, work out, you have to get in shape for opening night.

He's really not putting a lot of effort into this whole thing, and Nick says, I only dance when I feel like it.

You only dance when you're drunk, and he takes out his boombox that he got back from his luggage.

I guess it's boombox and his luggage.

This is the most insane.

This boombox must have seemed so fucking high tech, uh huh cool in nineteen eighty five.

Can we describe it real quick release?

So it's obviously enormous.

Is a fucking boombox, right, But it's not just boombox.

The case that it comes in like opens up like like from the from the bottom up, like a like the door of a Dolorean, And there's like a case for all of his tapes.

So it's got like dozens and dozens of tapes in there from the United States of music that you can't get in Russia.

Yeah, So it's like that will come back over and over again because it makes it also makes a lot of sense why the movie and how the movie has all this music that's American, Like how are they dancing to a song that doesn't exist in Russia?

That's how it's brought in.

It's crazy to me that the Russians let him keep it because the amount he could have recorded of like private conversations, yes with high Russian officials and hidden behind a Linel Ritchie record collection is shocking.

I also think that I think he has it because they are trying to they're trying to sweet talk him, They're trying to lull him into a false sense of security.

Yeah, and he is so rightfully paranoid, as we will find out that he's not buying anything that Chiko is selling.

He's just he's trying to string Chiko along.

He's trying to buy enough that Chico does not bite.

Basically, Yeah, Nick puts on My Love is Chemical by Lou Reed, which this song is queer as hell because there's no there is no pronouns in it.

Yeah, and it's just talking like and lou Read also did Walk on the wild.

Side, Got a little Yeah, I love that this song.

Is sexy and queer and I really like it.

Yeah.

And he's like, oh, you want me to dance ballet?

I'm not gonna attempt to do Michail Gooberchov's accent, you guys, because I'm not even gonna try.

He's like, you want me to dance ballet?

He starts to jokingly dance fake ballet, and Raymond is like, Wow, I like this song, and it's like whoa, whoa, whoa plug your ears?

This this music is dangerous.

People might be watching if they see you enjoying this, that's going to be a problem.

And he gestures above the mirror and we see we see a camera filming the two of them, but it's so prominent.

It's like they move.

It moves so like you can you can almost see like the intern behind it trying to like smoothly move it with like just by pulling on a fishing line.

Nick offers to get serious and do some real ballet, and he tells Raymond, I'll bet you seven rubles that I can do seven pirouettes in a row.

And of course, the movie's like, we know he can do it.

He's Barishnikoff, and if he fails, Raymond can have his boombox and all the tapes.

Yep.

That is even though Raymond is dirt fucking broke.

He's like, okay, that's a really good price.

Yeah.

He starts to take money out and he's like, I'll tell you what.

I have eleven rubles in my pocket.

I want you to do eleven pirouettes.

Nick's like, okay, don't get fucking serious.

This is not an ice skating arena.

I cannot do eleven piroetes on this floor.

And raymond'sh, you're the great Nikolai like Rube ta Chenko, I think you can do eleven pirouettes.

But Nick's like fine, and he agrees to the bet he sells.

He sets himself up, and Erica fucking counts eleven piroettes easy as pied with you counting along with absolutely everyone was.

And it's incredible because that the tenth pirouet he starts to slow down, and I mean talk about giving someone a middle finger through dance.

He slows down, and the eleventh pirouet is slow, and then he just puts his foot down.

Easiest pie.

He does this easier than I get out of bed in the morning.

He does this easier than I get out of this chair I'm sitting in right now.

Every time I get out of this chair at my knees buckle.

And like, oh, I'm trying to think of the thing I do as easily as he does these eleven piroetes.

Mine is belching.

Should I put a little super cut at the end of this episode, because I usually cut them out, But in case anyone's wondering, we had Shawarma and I for dinner before recording.

Here's Sharman and I'm still drinking my soda.

So there's been some purping this evening in the studio.

Raymond's jaw drops.

Yes, as says most people watching the movie, because like this is really well written, because they must have gone to like bers Off and be like, what's the like high number, like top level here what you can do?

And he probably has like a number like thirteen or fourteen, but he's like, let's try eleven, just to make it easy.

Yeah, And so we're gonna start at seven.

Yeah.

Nick gloatingly collects his winnings.

He's like, mm, eleven, hole ruples, I gonna buye so many things with my new money.

I finally have money here, and he dances mockingly at him.

If you don't know how to dance mockingly, allow Mikail Barishnikov to show you.

The man truly can dance anything.

He really can.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's such a dick in the scene is really good.

I love it.

It's so good.

It's so good.

The door opens and Galina Ivanova played by Helen Mirren, the ballerina from the photo and Nick's apartment, or at least the face of the ballerina in the photo from Nick's apartment enters, She claps her hands at the mocking dancing and says, very impressive.

Nick is embarrassed.

That's excellent, excellent to have this moment happened right before she walks in.

Absolutely.

Nick is shocked.

He's embarrassed.

He's like, stop the music.

He even says please to Raymond, please stop the music.

Galina asks Raymond to please wait outside, and he does.

He just gets up and leaves.

He's not not super interested the two of them.

Okay, So Helen Mirren is the sully that lands the plane of this movie.

I think, like like she is able to bring the Russian tragedy mellow drama and like ground it very shockingly easily.

She makes it effortless, aren't you.

Yeah?

There are two scenes been her and Mikhail Brushnikov that are heartbreaking.

Yeah, And I truly do not mean to take anything away from him when I say this.

It's just she's so good.

Yeah, No, no, I'm taking things away.

You can't be that good of a dancer and a good actor.

It's not fair and that hot.

No, unfair.

No, you get one, you get one, Misha.

So Nick approaches Galina, he embraces her.

They break apart and they make small talk for a moment in Russian, and then Galina says, well, why are we speaking in Russian?

You're American now, aren't you.

Nick says, I thought I would never see you again, and she calls him a bastard, and she explains what she had to go through in Russia when he defected to the West.

So essentially they went on a trip to dance together and he did not go back yep.

So when she got back to Russia, the KGB was extremely interested in what she knew and what she knew about him leaving.

She was interrogated by them every week for three years and had no passport for four so she underwent a lot of shit because of Nick's defection.

And he points out, well, you must have answered the questions well, because now you run the Kire of Ballet.

That's the beautiful ballet theater that we saw before she takes a deep breath, she calms herself.

She offers him a place at the care of She says, it's a generous offer and you would be intelligent to take it, And at this point she believes it's an actual offer.

She's done.

Well there, yeah, just do I mean my life is not bad.

Yeah, like just do what you're told and it's fine.

And it's the doing what you're told part that's the that's actually the sticking point.

He's not concerned that he's gonna live better in Russia, then he'll live anywhere else.

It's just like I want to be able to do what I fucking want to do with my life.

Yep.

He says he can't take it, and he goes over to her because remember there's still a camera in the room and they're kind of standing at the bar in front of the mirror and they're kind of facing away from the camera, and he whispers to her, get word to someone in the west, tell them that I am well and I am being held captive.

Please, and she scoffs that she would do anything to help him, and he promises that he didn't want to leave or he says, I was in love with you, and she just oh, she walks out.

Yeah, well she seems really hurt.

Yeah, like, the first chance you get to talk to me after breaking up with me and breaking my heart eight years ago, and you're asking for something, you're asking for a favor, like like you're not even trying to apologize, like sincerely for what he did to my life, Like this is a lot.

I actually feel really bad for this woman, Like I get it.

This sucks.

I mean, who hasn't been left by their lover after they defect a country and then your country, Yeah, interrogates you relentlessly and hounds you and makes you feel like a like a second class citizen in your own Like, girl, if I had a nickel, if.

I had a ruble for everyone.

Yeah.

Galina gets into a car with Chiko and he's like, well, did Nick agree to dance at the care off?

And she's like, what position would he be given at the ballet if he danced at the opening?

I'm curious, like how much am I gonna actually have to keep working with this guy who continues to break my heart over and over again?

Oh?

Do you think that's why she's asking?

I think she's asking two reasons.

I think part of it is, Yeah, part of it is like she's like this guy, imagine this is still her ex, so there is like a deeply personal thing here, and she's like how closely am I gonna have to keep working with this person?

And also I think she is now curious as to like what the plot is.

Yeah, I think she's asking because she wants to be sure that he's not going to be hurt.

Yeah, yeah, a little bit.

I think it's this performance to me leads me to think it's both things happening at.

The same Absolutely.

Yeah, Chiko says, well, I don't think Nick would be a available after opening night.

He's gonna have to take some time off after opening night for a very long debriefing.

I know this is meant to sound threatening, but Misha Barishnikov getting a long debriefing.

I I'm sorry, I don't see the problem start.

And while we're on the topic, these Instagram videos that are being served to me of these men pulling off their underwear to have another pair of underwear underneath.

Who thinks that that's what I want to see?

That's tachi, it's gross, it's ghosts.

What a counter these?

Okay, thank you, I'm just getting cat videos.

I'm getting the internet wrong.

I'm literally they figured it out.

It's it is just men like in spandex stretching their legs over their heads and then looking at the camera and everything short of full genital So Nick tells Raymond that he's going to take a shower.

They're still in the studio.

Raymond heads back into the studio while Nick climbs out of a window in the shower.

In the shower room, Raymond puts on music on the jukebox and he starts to tap dance.

He starts more tap improvography.

He starts dancing harder and harder, and harder and harder.

He is Wren mccormicking to the end degree.

He's letting all his feelings out.

Dancing out his feelings.

Meanwhile, Nick sneaks through the kira of ballet.

He gets up out onto the roof.

He's trying to find.

Some contact that he can he knows.

Someone he knows.

Yeah.

So while Raymond is finally dancing because he feels like it, Nick winds up in a ballet class with all girls and one little comrade Helen.

Fucking mean little bitch.

That is my hero.

Because we know, we know that Nick is not a pervert.

However, that girl is like, get out of here.

You discussed because.

He comes in through the fucking wind the windows, like, oh, who's your ballet teacher?

And some one of the girls says that Semyonov or something like that, and he's like, oh, I know him, I know him, and he keeps towards them, and this girl is like.

Fuck off, brilliant little Regina George head, bitch in charge.

Yeah, this kid is my favorite person in a whole movie.

She's great, she's she's.

Such a ballbuster.

She's like, get out.

She's nine, you guys, this is not a fifteen or eighteen year old.

She is nine.

And she's wearing a le a dancing guitar and she's like, get out, you pervert, so we will report you.

He says, I'm Nikolai Radchenko.

I danced here and they have never heard of him.

Yeah, crucially, and that that pulls him up short, right, that is like, what do you what do you mean?

I'm I was one of the greatest dancers in Russia?

What do you mean You've never heard of me?

And she's like excuse me, and she goes and she grabs a curtain rod and she's like get out, and he's like, I'm going.

At that point, he really is already walking back to the window, and she's like, keep going, bitch, and he's like, Jesus an asshole, this.

Is my hero.

I aspire to live every day like this bitchy Russian girl.

Be this girl.

Be the bitchy Russian ballerina in your life, Like, be that person for yourself, advocate for yourself and your friends.

None of the other ballerina's just saying shit.

No, they don't have to.

No, they have a fucking hell cat at the helm who's gonna take charge.

They know Olga's gonna take care of shit.

Olga's the Queen Bee.

I love this kiss.

If you just do what Olga tells you to do, everything is fine.

Everything's fine.

I wish Olga was in the United States just so she could be on our side.

Yeah, because we need more.

We need more Olga than the world.

Be the Olga you want to see.

Haha.

All right, Erica, it's halfway through the movie Raymond.

Raymond is coming alive.

Nick is is that loose ends?

Oh my god, he's been stunned by this revelation.

Has been a race from history.

Is it time for commercials?

Sure?

All right, stick around, We'll be right back to take you through the end of White Knights.

Enjoy these commercials for Russian vodka that was just like the count from Sesame Street.

That was bad.

And we're back white liness connected to Mama.

Do you think they approached Grandmaster Flash to ask him to do like a remake of White Lines.

It's called white knights, called white knights, white nights.

Not so what they end at nine pm a night, so white they don't season their potato salad.

Yeah, now are you thinking k I N I T HG.

I misspelled that.

It doesn't matter.

You get what I'm saying.

Like a man in a in a full suit of armor making potato salad.

Absolutely, but he's bad at it.

He season it correctly.

That's a white knight making some potato.

Salad, all right, Erica.

When when we last left Raymond, he was dancing his heart out in the studio.

When we last left Nick, he was being chased out of the ballet dance room by comrade Helean.

Bye, Olga, the Great, Olga the Great.

Oh God, that kid, that's the best kid Nomina.

I know she's a small part in a movie, and she's technically one of the bad guys, but I don't care.

I fucking love this.

She's great.

She's a little too dictatorial.

I love where she's going.

I need some of the edges shaved off hah.

All right, So Nick returns to the studio.

Raymond is none the wiser about his little adventure with Comrade Olga.

Raymond is listening to his music.

He's like, don't you miss this music?

Come on, and Raymond admits that he does.

He says there's nothing left in America for me, and Nick is like, that's bullshit, and Raymond says no, actually, like I'd be arrested if I went back.

And also, my father won't speak to me, and my brother is ashamed of me.

And my mother got sick a few years ago and I tried to call to speak to her and no one would even take the call.

They all blame me for her dying.

They think meat affecting to Russia killed my mother.

And then Nick's like, oh, really, hard to think of a counterpoint, buddy.

Well, I guess you do have a point.

However, Big Max, how about that?

How about Big Max?

Buddy?

We got Big Max the pop music of nineteen eighty five.

Genuinely almost, yeah, almost.

I feel like England would give you just as much of a.

Yeah, you get to England like you go to England.

It's just as good.

Yeah, but yeah, no, that's the scenes where Gregory Hines gets to drop in and like he's so good and so effective.

Yeah.

The next day at the apartment, a large feast is brought in for Nick, Raymond and Daria.

Do they know where it comes from?

Like, I don't really recall it brought in?

Yeah, I think Nick seems to think that he's being awarded for something.

So they're trying to like seduce exactly.

They're like, how about instead of Big Max?

Yeah, how about Borsch?

Have you considered aspect?

And Nick suggests to them that they all enjoy it because that's what life for the elite is like in the Soviet Union, because they are just as decadent as every everywhere else in the world.

And Daria says, well, just for tonight, I just really want to be decadent, guys.

This is caviar.

Like the food they brought it is beautiful.

And she's like, I just really want to try this caviar because it looks like.

I've been in Siberia for five years.

Yeah, I've eaten so much herring.

So her excitement is infectious.

She's adorable, right, And Nick's like, you know what, You're right, Let's enjoy it.

So he toasts them with a welcome to my house, to my apartment, and just then, fucking hell, the door slams open and Chico appears, fresh from killing the rainforest.

Colonel Chico's here and he.

Is determined to catch Carmen san Diego.

This time.

She is not going to slip through his fingers one more time.

Chico is furious at Raymond and for Nick's little detour in the ballet studio the day before, and of course Raymond still doesn't know what happened.

He's like, well, I don't literally don't know what you're talking about.

Yeah.

This is when he finds out that while he's supposed to be was supposedly taking a shower, Nick went on a little a little escapade.

A little side quest, if you will.

Chico is pissed, and he tells Raymond, well, you'll see now what happens when you cross me and the men take Daria away, as she's like pleading with Raymond, don't argue with them, don't fight, like I'll be okay, I'll be okay, I'll be okay.

And Raymond is genuinely terrified and furious, so like, what are you doing with my wife?

Where are you taking her.

Oh my god, Oh my god.

So Daria is gone now, and Nick admits to Raymond what he did.

Raymond kicks him in the gut and he I mean go.

He slams him up against the bureau and he's screaming at him, I will kill you if they hurt if they hurt Daria, I will kill you.

I'm just now remembering realizing that Daria because it's spelled d a r y a.

But it also just sounds like Daria, like our Daria.

The cartoon character.

Yeah, the laconic teenage girl.

And and picturing like that Daria in this situation is pretty funny.

I don't think she would have eaten the caviar.

I don't think so.

I don't think so.

I think she would have been deeply unimpressed.

Yeah, she would have been like, it's just fish.

Yeah, it's not even that impressive.

So Nick spits back that this is life in Russia.

The implication here they didn't quite say, is that Daria is in this situation because she's married to Nick.

She could have married someone on a better upward trajectory and also.

Under the radar, like Nick's on the Ray is on the radar, whether he.

Likes it or not exactly, And so Raymond starts to break down.

Nick sits him down.

He's like, look, it's gonna be all right.

He goes over to the boom box.

He turns on some loud music and he's like, okay, now I will trust you.

Yeah, And then we cut away and we don't know what.

We don't know what.

Transpires next, what they're cooking up.

Do you think they make out?

God, I wish.

I feel like that's a bad time.

That's a bad time for Nick to approach that subject.

It is.

It's like, I look like, look, this might be too soon.

However, do you want that we've got rid of doi?

Just we're just two men alone.

We're just two men alone in this giant apartment, all this eighties music, syncopated eighties music.

And I basically don't have hamstrings.

So this my favorite trope, by the way, in any of these movies where someone just plays music really loudly and like the bugs in the room can't hear them anymore.

It happens so much of this movie where they get away with so much, just like turning the volume up to seven on the boom.

Box, it's like universal movie language for all surveillance has been canceled.

Like if I were surveilling them, and they're like, the thing is, it's not like the guys like, it's not like they're not supposed to know they're under surveillance.

They know they're under surveillance.

So if I was the guy surveiling them, I'd just walk in the room and be like, guys, turn it down.

Turn down, guys, no higher than a three.

We have to be able to hear what you're saying at all times.

Remember, we're surveilling you.

Yeah, come on now, hey, everyone, just keep me cool, otherwise we're taking the boom box away.

Yeah, yeah, come on next time.

My neighbors have like the music playing at top volume, and the apartment above me is literally thumping the amount of people dancing and moving up there.

I'm not going to be mad at them for having a party late at night and keeping me up.

I'm going to be mad at them for being Russian spies, because they are obviously Russian spies.

Clearly, the only reason to have your music on that high you're you're evading the US government, sir, and.

I can't hear you through the bug anymore that I placed in your apartment.

Yes, how dare you?

How dare you?

How dare you?

Am?

I unofficially an American agent?

Maybe Aberative?

Perhaps is my code name spinster Lady?

Yeah, yeah it is.

I'm on the knock list.

We cut to Nick as he visits Galina at the ballet.

Can I interrupt you for one moment here?

Sure?

May?

Okay, So we're at wet We cut to the care of Ballet.

Galina is there.

She's on the stage like like most executives are when they do their work.

She's looking at drawings.

She is in It's not a pencil skirt, but it's like a Maxie skirt of it and like.

A blouse, not a Maxi skirt.

It's more of a pencil skirt because it's fitted.

It's fitted.

It like tapers down to her knees.

Yes, and a pair pumps.

But she's sitting on the floor of the stage, just posed in the most seductive way.

She goes over drawings.

This is a this is a romance novel.

No, yeah, people did my back.

Hurt's even looking at Helen Mirren sitting in that she was a ballerina.

She could do anything.

Sure.

She also like she doesn't feel pain.

I don't know if we mentioned this, but her she married the director of this movie.

This is how they are, Tylor Hackford.

Yeah, and so I feel like Taylor Hackford maybe was falling in love with Helen Maren during this project and kept putting her in like poses he wanted to see her.

He's like, for this scene where you're having a conference call with fifteen executives, yeah, I need you to unbutton a few more buttons.

No reason, I need some decoltage.

Nick points out that the music she's listening to, which is a Russian artist, is forbidden music because I guess it's abversive Russian artists like another defector, and she's like, listen, we've made progress.

I know what you think, I know how you think, how backwards this all is, but I've managed to push the needle forward.

Here.

Look at these drawings.

Therefore, an evening of work of Balanchine.

That's what I've been trying to get them to do for years.

For anyone who does know the backstory, George Balanchine, famous Russian choreographer who defected very loudly and famously and moved to the United States, and then became head of the New York City Ballet, so like they're gonna finally let me do his work and like here and Nick's like, girl, girl, that's never going to happen.

It's just it's a dream you have.

And they keep hold hey, dangling this carrot in front of your nose basically, and she's like, well, when it happens, because it's definitely gonna happen, I hope you'll dance in it.

And Nick asks her have you ever danced balancine in your career?

And she goes, no, of course not, and he goes, well I have.

Galina asks him if any other theater or audience in the world has compared to the care of He says, of course.

It will always be a part of me.

But I have been free for eight years, really free.

And he says, I won't go back to these restrictions that they're here in the Soviet Union, and Galina starts to cry, and he turns on the forbidden music and he says, God, I'm a dancer.

There a dancer dances and he starts to dance around the stage defiantly.

Yeah, he's read mccormicking, he's read mccormicking again, dancing it out.

He's getting all those emotions out through dance.

The music ends and he asks her, he doesn't really ask her.

He says, you're working for Chico and he thinks that Judge Doom and Roger Rabbit had a point.

And she's weeping.

She admits that she is.

She says that look he forced me.

I had no choice.

She says, you ran away.

I had to face the government.

I had to live here.

And Nick says he's just a dancer, and he knows the government won't let him dance for himself, no matter what they promise.

Galina says she can't risk helping him, and he says, I understand, and he sits down on the stage and she crawls to him and she's sobbing.

It's Helen Mirren, just sobbing.

He says she's too frightened, and he says it's all right, and she lays her head on his shoulder and she says, I won't let them destroy you.

How can I?

And he kisses her hand.

The scene works so well, I yeah, I buy them instantly.

Instantly we cut to a gala, some event for the theater Chico enters with Galina on his arm, and he introduces her to Win Scott, the flat topped John Glover, who's super definitely not an ex military spy.

The funny thing, too, is like his whole cover is that he's this like golly g gosh darted an American.

So he's playing it up so high.

It's like, well, hi, so nice to meet you.

Is Clark Kent ing so hard?

I think the flat Earth movement started when they saw John Glover's haircut.

In this movie and they were like, you know what, this feels right?

This feels right, This feels like the planet I'm living on.

Absolutely, Yeah, it's just so funny.

The performance is so Clark Kent it's over the top.

Chico steps away for two seconds, big mistake.

Why would you leave Galina with a fucking spy?

I don't know.

I don't like.

He must really trust her, like she's doing a really good job to like hide her allegiances enough that he like will leave her alone with this dude, even for seconds.

And guess what, it bites him in the.

Asshole, because it's hard to get bit in the asshole.

No, right right up the asshole.

Spread the cheeks I'm biting your asshole.

I'm picturing a snout to.

Get It's one of those dogs with a really long snout.

It's like pincher.

Yeah, that can also spread cheeks gnawing on his assholes.

Chiico walks away for two seconds.

Galina gets really close to win, big fake smile on her face, and she's like, Nick is healthy and he's in Leningrad.

Wynn absorbs us quickly.

He has a moment of shock on his face, which immediately goes away because he's a spy.

He's very good at his job.

And he's like, well, you know, I have friends at the Minneapolis Opera House.

They would love to have some Russian ballet maybe there at some point, Like maybe we can we can offer some kind of exchange program.

How can I get in contact with you?

Should?

I just call your office to set that up?

And she gives him a meeting time.

She whispers, Friday at this bizarre, this open air like flea market.

And then Chico returns just as the man is still blathering on about the Minneapolis ballet and she's like, God that I can't believe that Hick wants me to go all the way to Minneapolis.

Win brings the information directly to the embassy and is there.

The ambassador is there, and it's like, fantastic, we have to go public, and the men are still skeptical.

They say, look, all we have are the words of Nick's jilted ex girlfriend that he's even still alive.

Win points out, look, if we push too hard, the Russians could just if he's alive, the Russians could just assassinate him and tell the world he died of his injuries from the plane crash.

So we have to play this carefully.

We cut back to the Leningrad dance studio for the whole reason to watch this film.

Nick puts on some Cheka Khan and he tells Raymond come downce with me.

Raymond's like, I'm freaked out about my wife who's been kidnapped.

I'm really not in mood right now, and Nick is this.

Is this the point where Nick is stretching the stretching seductively and you know, while we're on this topic, Erica, uh huh, I know I've already brought this up, but Instagram, how.

Dare you how?

I don't know why you think you should be serving me videos of men in jockstraps and mess shorts, pointing their grundles at the camera and stretching for you think I'm not gonna grumble at a grundle, I.

Will grundle grumble.

I will.

That is obscene.

I don't want I'm not going to be peering at the peranaeum.

It's perverse.

It's perverse.

It's stop it, perverse.

Stop it.

Paul sent me three of those videos this morning to look at, and I co sign thank you.

I also would not like that on my algorithm.

So even though I liked all those videos, yes, do you not start sending me seductive videos of foreign dancers pointing their dicks at the camera and stretching on a bar.

I don't want it.

I don't want to.

I don't want it.

I don't want those apple bottoms in my face.

Stop it, Internet, I just want more tradwife content.

Yeah, this is the scene where Nick is like stretching on the bar, and like, I personally have never really been into borish.

I think he's an attractive man, but I don't get it.

Yeah, now I get it.

Yeah, I get from watching that just him like stretching on the bar, Like, oh my god, I actually really get it.

Yeah, I've always gotten it, and I got it, dare I say real hard?

And you know who can get it?

Misha, Misha, Misha can get it.

Yeah, anything you say, Misha.

So he's trying to get Raymond to dance with him.

Raymond's like, look, man, not now, I'm too I'm pissed at you for putting me in this situation.

And I'm pissed at the world right now.

And Nick points out all the cameras that are watching them.

Of course, every time they cut to the camera, it's like zooms in on.

Them, so it's like, yeah, yeesh, it's like the robot from Short Circuit, it's so clunky.

Johnny five, Yes, Johnny five is in the room with them, along with a girl from Small Wonder, and she's like, I'm not watching you, don't worry.

So he's like, look, you you have to at least pretend to be teaching me tap dance or something so that we can like get out of this and stay together, right, So keep moving, keep moving.

So the two of them start to dance this routine together and it is probably five minutes long.

Yeah, it's riveting, it's so good.

It's a mix of ballet moves.

It's a mix of and tap moves and jazz moves and like a little bit of everything.

Everything these two men can do.

There's flips, there's jumps.

It's so good and it's.

So wonderful to see the two different styles as they do the same steps next to each other, but they look so different doing them.

They both look fantastic.

Athletic in very different ways.

Well, because like tap is like a very like like the.

Energy goes down.

Yeah.

Gregory Hines is so tall.

I wonder if this is part of it too, But he has it's like naturally like hunched over, like shoulders hunched like yeah, Like he's like like, yeah, the movements are going into the round as supposed to out into the sky the way with ballet is and but also like it's like internalized and it's it's like it's like it's so good.

It's just genius watching them, the two of them dance together.

Yeah, okay, so we cut from that from that incredible high every dance.

Earlier you had said that first dance was your favorite.

This dance is my.

Yeah, this is my second favorite because it has the two of them.

Yeah too, and it's but it's so fucking good.

We cut to Galina at the bazaar.

She's contacted by a spy disguised as an Estonian potato farmer who.

Excellent fucking grags.

I genuinely was surprised this man is trying to sell her potatoes, and she's like, leave me alone, and he's like, I'm an American.

He cuts her, speaking Russian to me and speaking at a clearly well enough with an Estonian Ish accent that she was convinced she did not know she was talking to an American.

And then he drops out and he's like, I'm with the American embassy, blah blah blah, and he gives her like information about like help us find.

Nick, tell us where he is.

Right then we cut back to the studio.

Raymond and Nick are with the dance, and now they start to argue over what happened with Daria.

Raymond accuses Nick of being romantically interested in her.

Nick's like, you're fucking crazy, You're a loser.

They can't stand each other.

All they feel for each other is disdain.

In this moment, door opens, Chiko, fresh from fresh from giving giving Boris and Natasha a new assignment to try to take down that goddamn scirrel.

And Moose comes in and he hears the talent of the argument, and he sends Raymond to the showers.

Chiko just coming back from the Jolly Roger where he's finally gonna get that.

Peter Pan asks Nick, Hey, what's happening here?

I thought you two would be bessies.

What's happening?

And Nick, in my opinion, lays it on a little too thick.

I think they do it on purpose so that the audience knows it's fake.

Yeah.

Basically, Nick pretends I can't take this guy anymore.

I find it repulsive that that beautiful white woman would be married to that guy.

M Chiico's like, well, you know, some women like shock value.

They want to shock their families.

And then Chiko says, and I shit you not.

He goes, you know what they say about black studs.

A black man have huge Dick's joke.

In this economy in Russian, I guess that.

I guess that stereotype is worldwide.

Chiko tried, like keeps trying to explain it in the Russian accent.

He's like, you know, they have the the pendulous, the giant dog is a black.

You know what they say, Once you go black, you never go back.

You know you'll get it.

You'll get it, Nick, you get it.

It's as big as a bottle of Smirnoff.

I'm telling you, you got to see this guy in a pair of gray sweatpants.

Nick.

I don't know what accent I'm doing anymore.

It looks it looks like moose an ble.

You know what I'm saying.

You know what I'm saying that You're gonna look at it and your jaw is going to drop.

Nick.

It's as large as a blugo whale.

Have you seen one of those really big pepper grinders that they had take you to the table.

It's like that, Nick, a pepper grinder, Nick, or one of that swinging pendulum things on a grandfather clock.

Nick.

You wouldn't believe it.

I think I'm trying to think of Russia things.

It's so big.

Even Catherine the Great would have been.

Like, no, thank you, it's so big.

Catherine the Great said, one horse cocket is enough for me in my life.

Thank you know what I mean?

You know what I mean?

Because she was a slut who fucked the horse, Nick.

And Nick plays right into Chaco's racism, and he's like, I'm sure Daria regrets marrying that loser.

That man, he's so over the top that I, as a viewer of the movie, am worried that he's giving himself away.

But thank god it works.

Chicho buys it, hook line and sinker, so much so that the scene ends with Chicho dropping an end bomb well you know, and bombs and then walks away.

To his credit, Nick is like, Jesus, that was a lot.

It's funny.

I had a different reaction because he is overplaying, I agree, but overlaying.

But to me, it's it's nineteen eighty five, like it's it's forty years ago, Like was this really overplaying?

At forty like this was?

It was more acceptable.

And and he knows, like he knows Chiico's a racist, Yeah, And Raymond is trying to act as if Russia isn't racist.

Yes, he knows that if Chiko's being friendly to Raymond, or friendly enough that Raymond believes that he knows he can get them.

And he knows that Chico believes that he's that Nick's a racist too, because they all everyone is, because who wouldn't be who wouldn't be right.

Yes, the world, Yeah, I get no, No, I fully get it.

But genuinely it was like the scene is so over the top from Nick's perspective that I was like, I was like, oh my god, don't if you overplay this hand, they're gonna know.

They're like, well, he thinks I'm he thinks he can get me with this racist this fake racism that he clearly doesn't actually feel.

We cut back to the apartment in Leningrad as Nick and Raymond arrive home and Daria is all ready there.

She and Raymond fall into each other's arms they head into their room.

I really wasn't sure if we were going to see her again in this movie, so I'm glad we did.

Yeah, this is where Separate Lives starts to play.

It could not make less sense as a song in this movie.

This is about the couple like returning to each other after a scare, and the song is about a couple splitting up.

Doesn't make any say because from.

The Russian perspective, she's splitting up with Raymond to get with Nick.

That's the reason she's back.

To be clear, is Chico's like, ooh, I'm a messy bitch that lives for drama under I am dropping the lady back in the apartment with the two men to see them fight it out over her.

He is the original reality TV show producer who's like, let's bring in a bombshell on Love Island.

That's an ex of someone who's already on it's already coupled up.

Yeah, exactly, Let's put more vodka and more caviar and more oysters in that apartment for them.

Exactly.

Let them fight it out.

So Raymond laments to Daria that they're living like rats in a cage, and he blames himself for her living under scrutiny like this, and she says, look, if it wasn't you would be someone else.

I could not be happier with someone else.

And I am with you.

And then she says I'm pregnant and they embrace again.

They're they're both thrilled at this, at this forthcoming blessing.

Yes, So the two of them were banging went out in the Raymond and Daria our bangan went out in the bedroom.

Yeah.

Meanwhile, Nick is like in the living room with loud music playing, probably because his roommates are banging, went out next to him.

He is fashioning a rope from an area rug.

He's taken an area rug apart, and it's like creating a Rapunzel situation out of it.

Raymond emerges from the bedroom and he quietly thanks Nick for helping him get Daria back.

So there's definitely a truce now between these two.

These two are in it together.

Nick is like, look, I'm leaving, whether you two help me or not, just so you know.

And then Raymond's like, can you trust Galina?

Like I know, she's like the lynchpin of this plan, and I'm not sure she can be trusted.

And Nick is like, yes, I can.

I can trust her.

I loved her once, I still love her.

I believe her.

She can be trusted.

Yep.

And then Raymond makes a decision because he sees how like confident Nick is in his ability to escape, and he's like, you know what, Daria and I are going to come with you, And Nick's like no, no, no, no, no no.

I'm willing to risk my own life, but I'm not willing to risk your and your wife's lives.

Like I don't have that much of confidence in this plan, buddy.

Yeah.

And then Raymond's like, listen, Darya is pregnant, and for the first time in my life, and for the first time in a long time, I feel hope.

Yeah, and Nick is like Okay.

He realizes how important it would be for these two to get away.

We cut back to the dance studio.

The two men continue to stage more arguments for the camera, but even though they're arguing they're dancing together in Unison.

Oh, we we were wrong before that first dance, they're not in Unison.

This is the Unison dance.

Oh, is this the really riveting dance?

Yes, this is the really Sorry.

That other dance is also good, but they're like they're dancing around each other and not dancing with each other.

This is the dance that they dance with each other.

This is the great dance.

Our apologies.

We can't be right one hundred percent of the time.

We can only be right thirty five percent of the time.

We aim for thirty six, but we guarantee thirty five.

At the end of the dance, Nick just walks past Raymond and says, tonight.

We cut back to the apartment and Raymond finally tells Daria, girl who has not been read into the plan because he rightfully assumed that she would have resistance to it, and like, and he's like, listen, Nick is escaping tonight.

We're gonna go with him.

And she's like, uh, the fuck we are.

I'm Russian, I'm from here as only place I've ever known.

I'm not gonna risk my life and my baby's life to go into another unknown I don't know.

I don't even know what the rest of the world is like.

And he snaps that he's not gonna be able to do any good to his kid while he's working in a labor camp, and she smacks him in the face.

Yeah.

She immediately apologizes.

She shocked.

She's like, I can't believe I just did that.

He embraces her.

He's like, listen, we just have to get to the American Embassy tonight.

Once we're in the American Embassy, we're home free.

Nick is very famous, and once he is like on his way out, we can like hitch our coattails to his hitch our stars, hitch our wagons his coatails.

Yeah, the thirty five percent really kicking.

It right now.

We're gonna get there.

We're gonna get here.

Hitch my coattail to his wagon.

Start that's it, that's it, got it?

Yeah, He's like, if I'm finally going to do something right, and then Daria kisses him and tells him that she loves him.

She's like, Okay.

In the course of two minutes, this woman has just gone from absolutely I will not leave my home country to.

Okay, okay, sure, it's the power of Gregory Hines.

Nick goes to see Galina at her office and they immediately start to stage an argument the same way he's been doing with Raymond this whole time, where he says, I, if I am going to dance, I will be in charge of what I dance.

I will dance when and where and what I choose, and she tells him, your ego is out of control.

You're gonna dance whether you like it or not, and if you're smart, you're gonna alienate me because I'm in charge, bitch.

Yeah, I'm olga.

Well one day take my place, but until that, until that happens, I'm the head, bitch in charge.

She puts on a tape of him dancing as a young man and says, now your backer, you belong And this is an actual tape of Mikhail Brishnikov dancing as a young man, probably at the Girl of Ballet.

Right.

Yeah, she turns up the volume universal movie language.

From now no one can hear anything else that's going on.

Again, these her valance guys have to be able to just be like, excuse me, knock knock, knock.

Hi everyone, Hi, Hi, We're gonna need you to turn it down.

We're trying to listen.

We're we're trying to hear what you're saying.

Or here's a counter offer.

Understand, if you need the music for choreography purposes, why don't we just put a stenographer in the corner of the room.

Yeah, so that they can just write down everything you're saying for us, and then you can listen to your music or whatever volume you like.

It's up to you.

Well, it's airba.

We are indifferent.

The amount of times this happens in movies is like any time volume is played above of five in any of the Russian territory, the Communist Tarra Block territories.

I am shocked.

There isn't immediately a knock on the door.

Knock, knock, knock, So the volume is up.

They sit together on the couch and she whispers instructions of where he should meet her American contact.

You're gonna meet him at the Lion Bridge.

His name is Scott.

You have to be here at this time.

Blah blah blah.

Nick says, thank you.

He calls her my love, and he asks if I had asked you to come with me eight years ago, would you have come And she says probably not.

And I can't come now my place is here, and he says, I'm never going to see you again, and she says, don't forget me, and they kiss and he says that he'll always love her, and she tells him go go now, go, and he leaves.

I mean, we know now that like seven years later, I'm going to be able to teach other.

Don't ruin the moment.

Erica Toiler for history.

It's nineteen eighty five.

Currently around nineteen ninety three, you'll be able to see each other again, just saying.

Nick goes to the stage at the Kire of Ballet one last time to you know, get say goodbye to his beloved theater.

It must be kind of incredible too.

They do have moments in the movie where like he takes in the fact that he's home and he's he has missed it.

It was his home.

It was the food is what he loves.

Yeah, like this is his theater where he became a star, and like it's it means.

Something to him, right where he trained.

There's one ghost light on the stage.

It's very cool effect.

It's stark.

There's like a white backdrop with a stark spotlight in the middle.

He gazes out at the empty audience.

He does a leap, he does some spins, He stops and leans on the side of the stage, tears rolling down his face.

Yeah, it's very sweet.

Very dramatic, Yeah, dramatique.

He returns home to the apartment and there's this moment where he walks in and one of the guards whispers to him in Russian, we're getting rid of your friends tomorrow.

Like what this goes nowhere?

It doesn't.

It's just funny like.

Oh, I heard friend uh I I both of them.

It was a it was a subtitle, I think, and subtitle said friends bank.

I heard it wrong because in my I thought this meant we're getting rid of Raymond so you can be with Daria.

Don't worry.

We're taking We're taking the obstacle out of your way.

Yeah.

Uh.

Nick walks in and Raymond in a very anxious Daria already.

They put on music and they start doing another one of their fake arguments while putting their plan into action, the argument, really, they should be better at this, They should have written down some lines.

Oh, this is actually very funny because the two men are better at it because they've been doing it.

And also there was like some natural antagonism to begin with.

Daria's trying and she's the sweetest, kindest person, so she doesn't It's like they she doesn't know how to yell at someone, right, and so she like I found this really amusing, Like when she like tries to fight back and then she looks immediately at them like was that good?

I have had enough of your vulgarity?

Is that good?

Did I do it?

She puts on her loudest red sweater.

Okay, this sweater is not fair.

She puts on her loudest red sweater to go undercover in Like, now, I know it's after midnight, but you remember it's the white Nights.

White n It's a night so white it drives the Volkswagon.

Exactly.

It's a night so white that all all a dog wants to do is piss into the into it and make it yellow.

You're going with snow, with snow, what you did?

You're like, look, sometimes the brain just goes where it goes, and the words start parting out of your mouth and it makes sense in your head.

It's a night so white.

It pronounces it chopotle.

It's a night so white.

It only wants lobster rolls.

It's a night so white.

It's listening to Crosby Stills a Nash.

It's a night so white.

It's listening to the Anne Murray Christmas album.

So as I said, it's daylight.

It's full fucking daylight still, even though it's one am.

When they're trying to escape, and this bitch puts on her loudest red sweater, I'm like, girl, you're gonna get caught.

All right.

So they they gather the woven rope while Nick fashions a hook from I think a fireplace poker.

I think it's how he makes this.

I'm not entirely sure.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, despite their preparations, Chiko is listening.

He has he has fulfilled the latest ACME order that's been sent off to Wiley coyote and now he's just killing time listening to them in the car, and his Spidey sense starts tingling and he tells the car to turn around.

K again.

Remember Kirigan, he's the aide we met in the beginning of the movie.

He's the one who gave him the stuff from the plane crash.

Kiragan is like why, he says, just do what you're told.

This will bite him back in the ass.

And this is the ass the asshole this time.

This no, I take it back.

I'm sorry.

I realized my mistake.

This will actually take a giant chunk out of his asshole, out of his perfectly round asshole, out of his red puckered asshole.

Dog nod on, asshole.

Be kind to your underlings.

Yeah, will risk going to the gulag just to get back at you.

Later agreed.

This is the scene I remember vividly from watching this movie when I was a kid with my parents.

Like they're on like the fifth floor of an apartment building, sixth floor maybe high high up.

They secure the woven rope around Nick's waist and he does this like daredevil thing where like he goes out the window onto some like exposed beams on the side of the building, like the building was in mid construction when they just stopped.

He leaps to the fire escape ladder using that beam.

So he uses that beam to like propel himself onto like a fire escape ladder.

He climbs down a bit.

He secures the rope to the ladder, and then Daria uses that makeshift hook because I was, I was, I was, like, what's that hook for?

As a like zipline, and they zipline her from the like apartment above to Nick down slightly down below on the ladder.

Before they do that, she does change the tape in the tape recorder to a pre recorded argument.

Crucially, yes, yeah, she almost gets stuck in the mill.

There ever been ziplining?

Paul, have you met me?

You're but not that kind of adventures.

Because I've been ziplining and I'm not adventures.

Oh really, I don't like to I don't like my feet dangling in the air.

I usually assume anything I've done you've already gotten.

No, that's you're good.

That's the one thing I have not done that.

I will not be drungee jumping.

I will not be ziplining.

Ziplining bungee jumping.

Absolutely not.

But I went ziplining and it didn't didn't.

I was not afraid at all, but they do tell you like you have to kind of go, and like because she gets stuck in the middle, they have to kind of like scoocherr them.

Yeah, Gregory Hinds at one point like grabs the top of the rope and it's like changing.

I'm like, oh my.

God, it looks like she did this stunt, doesn't it.

It looks like all of them, like, well, Gregory Heines will not have to work, see, but like it looks genuinely like Borishnakoff did that stunt.

Yeah, Like it couldn't have been right because it's so dangerous, but like it's so realistic.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So eventually she does make it down to Nick.

Meanwhile, the clock is racing because we as the audience, know that Chico, fresh from menacing the teenage mutant Ninja Turtles, is now on his way and will it will catch them, right, So she makes it to Nick, Raymond starts to crawl his way down the rope, and just as that's happening right below them, Chico and his men pull up and get out of the car.

Luckily none of them look up to see this weird fucking tablow ahead of them, and they go into the building.

Raymond, realizing that they're gonna have he's gonna have to distract Chico in order for the other two to get away, gestures at them to go without him.

He says I love you to Daria, and he gets back in the apartment by himself, and Daria is like, no, no, no no.

She tries to get back on the rope.

She's like, I can't leave without him.

I can't leave without him, and Nick convinces her, you have to go.

Yep, he says, Raymond's only hope is for us to get to the American Embassy.

So he gets her down onto the ground.

They can't sneak out the back as they as they had planned, because now there are guards there, because now Chico has returned, right he has He has successfully a given skeletor the power of Gray Skull, and he is back.

They have to go through the lobby.

But meanwhile Raymond goes back into the apartment and he turns the tape with the recorded argument onto side B and then he starts playing that.

So it's just music again, and then he bursts out into the hall before Chiko can actually come into the apartment.

He starts yelling that he can't take it anymore, and the guard tries to stop him, but he starts to push through the guard and make his way downstairs.

Chiko buys it.

He's like, all right, come on, come on, let him go, let him go, let him come downstairs.

So out in the hallway, Raymond loudly complains to Chicho, Look, you have got to get that man away from my wife and out of my life.

I do not want him here.

He is trying to steal.

He's trying to ruin my marriage.

Now, fuck this guy forever.

Chiko buys it, hook line and sinker.

Raymond is very convincing.

He brings him into the office for a drink.

Babe.

I think he is hoping that the two of them shag upstairs, because otherwise it doesn't make any sense.

So I'm trying to like in my head, I'm like, why would he do that?

And that's the only thing I could think of is he is like such a messy bitch.

They've also like established earlier that in Raushaw wants you to open bottle of vodka.

You must finish bottle of vodka, which just PSA for this episode.

Kids, you don't have to do that.

That does agree.

Hey, when in Russia do as Russians do.

Kids, don't go to their country and tell them how to drink.

Chiko brings Raymond into like an office in the surveillance room they have set up in this apartment building specifically for their So he's basically showing him behind the scenes and the death Star.

He's like, so, that's the guy that's been listening to you from eleven to twelve.

Yep, that's the guy that's been listening to you from twelve to one.

Yep, like they like in shifts.

Unfortunately, while this is happening, we cut to upstairs and the boom box like stops.

The tape ends and it's set to continue his play and it has auto reverse capabilities.

Goddamn it.

Goddamn it.

Technology goes from side A to side B, and what's on side B the music with that fake argument that they've already been listening to.

Yep.

So the men downstairs like start to hear the same exact words over and over again.

Meanwhile, Nick and Daria take a chance to sneak out the front door.

They're spotted by the landlady.

Remember that old grizzled landlady who's like, yep, still here, Yep.

She does nothing, She doesn't raise the alarm, and she she kind of looks at the men like in the surveillance room, and then she looks back at them and says, go now.

Kerragin that underling, that that that Chico decided to be a dick to.

Here's the conversation with Raymond's voice.

He realizes it must be a recording.

He goes right in to tell Chico.

Chiko dismisses him.

He says, I'm busy.

I'm drinking a bottle of vodka with Raymond h Kerrigan's hatred for his boss and ambition for his own advancement overrides his Communist ideals, and he just says, as you wish.

Truly, like this man hates his boss so much he's willing to risk going to like a work camp.

Yep, because this is some deep shit he's about to pull.

Nick and Daria sneak out the front door.

They meet up at the spot on Lion's Bridge.

At first, they don't see anyone, but as soon as and and Daria starts to go we have to go back.

We have to go back.

No one's here.

This is a trap and Nick is like, no, wait, give it a moment.

They start to cross, and when Scott appears, he's like, come on, come on, I'm Scott, I'm your contact.

They run across to him and he's like, whoa.

This was for Nick only.

I don't know who this lady is.

And Nick is like, I'm not coming if she doesn't come, and like they've like fine, fine, fine, and they get Daria in the car, so they start to head for the consulate.

Meanwhile, Raymond and Chico finish the vodka bottle.

Chiko is he's very busy.

He has to get out.

He has to he has to foil those damn ThunderCats once and for all.

Raymond's like, let's open another bottle.

Chiico's like, no, the ThunderCats.

I gotta go.

He tells kerragin he can deal with whatever Kerrigan was talking about now, so Kerrigan's like, okay, come on, come on this way goes to the command center.

Chiko listens to the recording for about four seconds.

He obviously hears Raymond's voice on it when Raymond is standing right in front of him.

Raymond tries to tackle Chiko.

This is you know, all systems go Now he knows he's caught.

Just delay for as long as you possibly can.

He gets tackled by agents as Chiko shouts commands to cover all Western consulates, and Kerrigan takes a moment to say, I.

Tried to tell you, but you were being a cunt.

Yeah, so yeah.

Super on you.

We followed Nick and Daria in the lime green sedan.

As they drive towards the consulate, Wind tells them there's a lot of Third World diplomats at the consulate.

They did that on purpose.

They like, look, we invited everyone from other countries to over for dinner, so that when you arrive there's so many non aligned, unbiased witnesses from many countries that you have arrived.

They're within eyesight of the embassy.

They can see it.

Two police cars who I don't think this has anything to do with the drama.

There just happened to be two police cars.

They pull out in front of them, drivers not paying attention because there's some tension in the car, and he accidentally crashes into one of them.

I thought the police were arriving on the with the orders to cover the Western consulates.

Oh thought, I.

Thought this was actually like two policemen that they get into their speeding and they get in the way and like it could be either way, and the guy's not.

The guy fucks up and he accidentally hits a cop car.

Yeah, but both work.

Wind tells Nick and Arya get out of the car, try to be seen.

Your best hope is that all of those non aligned diplomats that have started pouring out of the American consulate because for some reason they know now is the time we have to pour out of the American consulate.

Chico arrives and their driver tells Nick and Daria start walking towards the crowd.

Don't worry about like me and when we're fine, we have like diplomatic they're not going to hurt us.

Yeah, so they grasp pants and they start walking towards the consulate.

Wind shouts at Chico.

There are dozens of witnesses.

Should anything happened to Nick and Daria, like this is now in that we can just hear him telling Chico.

Chico leaves Wyn and he loops his other arm through Nicks and he hisses, I will have you shot, and Nick tells Daria keep walking, and Win shouts that Moscow will hold Chico responsible should an international incident be set off.

He tells the police to arrest Daria and she is tackled to the ground as she tries to flee.

There's like four men tackling this.

One Isabella Rossalini.

And normally I would put my money in Isabella in that case, but.

She's playing Daria here.

Yes, Zaria is a meek and gentle woman exactly, and shouts, there he is.

From the gates.

We're moving.

He's close enough now there can be a positive identification that is Nikolai Rodchenko.

There's cameras, there's like there's strong lenses that can capture a positive idea of Nick.

So he had to walk close enough to get within the camera range.

Yeah, Nick tells Chiko, look, if you let Daria go, I'll keep my mouth shut about what happened that you kept me, that I was being held here against my will.

I won't tell anyone.

I won't talk about it.

Yeah.

Chaiko pauses for a moment, and then he tells them.

He starts yelling at police release, sir, really sir, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

And he walks them both the American Embassy.

He puts his arms around them.

Daria looks like she's about to burst into flames.

She's like, what is happening?

She's so afraid.

He hisses to them under his breath, don't forget we still have Raymond, and then he announces that he's sure the return of a convicted Soviet criminal to America would count as proof of the Soviet Union's commitment towards peace, and the two of them shuffle inside the embassy.

We cut to the end of the White Nights.

They found the salt.

They've had their camamil tea, their sleepy time tea.

They've watched the Daily Show.

They're ready for bed.

They've listened to NPR.

They've they've they've they've taken their pajamas out of their PBS tote.

There.

Yeah, they're they're having their melatonin.

They're ready to take a nap.

They've ordered the lands End sheets that they need.

The sun goes down as Chico drives through the dark with a terrified Raymond in the back of the car.

So at this point I would I would say it's been about a few months, if not a year, like six months.

Raymond looks bad.

He looks thin, he looks pale.

Ye, he's not he's not well.

He looks twitchy.

He looks twitchy.

Yeah, so he it's clear that he's been in like some kind of either work camp or prison this whole time.

He's freaked out.

He thinks he's about to get assassinated.

I actually was worried that that's where this movie was going.

He was gonna get a I didn't think so, because honestly, I was like, there's no way this has a bad ending.

This movie is American propaganda.

There's just no way, Like I get it like that, Like that would be very strong propaganda.

Like look, they assassinated him anyway.

But I'm like, that's just such a goddamn bummer, Like it can't be.

It must be.

American propaganda always has a happy ending.

Yeah, that's just our way, that's how we roll.

So Raymond, who's been kept in the dark about all of this, doesn't know what happened to Nick, doesn't know what happened Daria.

He starts to ask questions did they get out?

Is she safe?

And Chico just cryptically says, we'll send your things to your wife.

The car stops and Chico tells Raymond to get out.

Raymond's terrified.

He's positive he's about to get assassinated.

In the woods, a group of soldiers appear.

There's a spotlight.

Lights go up in the middle of the night.

This this screams firing squad about to happen.

He's terrified, he's shaking.

He refuses.

He's like, no, I'm not going.

I'm not going.

I'm not going.

And they push him.

They're like, go walk into the woods.

He's like, don't shoot me in the back.

Don't shoot me in the back, please, And Chico goes just walk.

Another spotlight turns on from a distance and Gear walks forward right to Chico, who welcomes him as a comrade.

And Raymond walks forward and four silhouettes appear and we hear Daria call his name, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond.

Raymond runs to her.

She tells him he's across the border.

He's free, and Nick is also there, and Nick says, you've been traded.

Yes, so this is a prisoner exchange.

Yeah.

The guy who goes up to Chico is speaking in Spanish, and I think he's supposed to be a Cuban, so they've traded him for a Cuban communist dissident.

And again, I hate to bring it into the real world, but it does remind me of the Britney Griner exchange.

We exchanged a harmless WNBA player with a fucking arms dealer.

So this shit does happen.

In case anyone's watching this movie and they're like, that's so unrealistic.

They wouldn't they wouldn't bother to give Raymond back.

Yeah, they would, because I guarantee you they got someone way worse in return.

In fact, Chico, who would have gotten away with it was one for those damn kids sneer that they exchanged scum for a hero of the people.

And Nick is like, look, pretend anything you want you lost, and you know it.

Raymond and Daria embrace and he says, I'm going home.

For better or for worse.

I'm going home.

He is absolutely frank and furder at the end.

Hah.

He takes off his overcoat and you see him just wearing black panties.

He's about to ascend.

He goes to Nick, he hugs him, and he says thank you, and the movie freeze frames and that is the end of the movie.

If movie freeze frames not with him and Daria and Nick together, just him and Nick facing each other.

It is so the ending of Casablanca.

They've sole in the ending of Casablanca.

It's these two men and like there's there's smoke around them.

Nick's wearing like a trench coat, just like ye, just like Bogee in that movie.

Like it could not look more like that.

And I'm like, this is a love story between these two men.

I mean, I get it.

There Daria's there, and she's there, she and Peggy, but like, this is these two men story.

All right, everyone stick around.

We will be right back with our random observations and final rankings for White Nights.

And we're back alright, Erica, any last fates, any less pirouettes to to sprinkle upon us about white Knights.

Well, we open this bottle of capol.

We gotta finish it.

Yeah, we do them rules.

Those are the rules.

I didn't make them.

I have a couple of fun like dance ones.

So in the middle of the scene when the two men are in the in the workroom and they're kind of dancing around each other while they're arguing.

There's a lot of karate Kid reminiscent moves.

There is a lot of kicking.

There's a lot, Yeah, there's a lot of It feels like Karate Kid came out right before this movie and they're like, you know what's hot right now?

Karate karate is so hot right now.

Genuinely, And I think Borshnakov's like, yeah, I do that.

There's one point where like one of them they actually do like a little choreographed almost fight choreography, or one of them like ducks under a punch, the other one kicks.

And that's what I'm.

Talking about, is that it is straight out of Karate Kid.

It's very funny because they're like clearly like karate is in the zeitgeist and they were in Twila Tharp's like, Karate Karate.

I'm seeing karate.

I already I already sang the praises of the pilot.

The pilot of the plane in this episode, he remained very calm during the plane crash.

I appreciated that.

I just want to call out one really excellent line that he has during it.

Because they're they're getting closer to the ground, it's it's clear there's not enough space in the runway.

His co pilot's like, we're gonna hit them, We're gonna hit them, and the pilot just goes, you're not wrong.

Genuinely, like the best pilot I've ever seen on film.

You're right.

He crashed that plane and is like, we are going.

To We're gonna be fine.

Another bit of excellent Barishnikoff dance moves.

This truly is incredible.

Well, they do a close up in the scene when he's in the theater and Galina's on the floor looking at the drawings and he's kind of dancing around her.

They do a close up of his feet and he goes on point.

He's in like he's either I can't remember barefoot in the scene, or he's wearing like like dance shoes.

He's wearing like white sneakers, like.

Or white sneakers something like that.

Yeah, he's not wearing point shoes, is my point.

He goes on point.

He managed to do that, and then he bends his toes forward like back and he's on the front of his toes and he's dancing on the front of his toes.

Yeah.

Ouch, And like the camera does a close up of it, so it's clearly like a Misha Barishnikov special.

Yeah, I can do this, and it's really it looks really impressive when you when you see it, and it does because it's like, God, that looks so painful.

But he's bouncing around on the fronts of his toes.

Yeah, agreed, incredible, incredible.

I just have one more and it's a line I really like in the movie.

And I look, I hate to bring this into real world and everything, but I think it's important to like point this stuff out.

Okay, So at the very beginning of the movie, when Raymond is arguing that the Soviet Union is better than the United States, and He's arguing back and he's like, well, you're a Soviet, Like, what are you talking about.

He goes, no, no, no, Nick says, I am a Russian.

I am not a Soviet.

Yeah, there's a difference.

I'm proud of the culture I come from.

I am not proud of what it has become.

And I think just keeping that in the back of our heads currently no reason, no reason.

But I am an American and I'm proud of the ideals that we purport.

At the very least, I have to say, and so like the moments like that are like kind of beautiful and important to me.

I agree, yeahah, very well said, I have a very stupid one to bring us back down.

Love that love after everyone.

So in the Last Big Dance, when they're dancing in Unison in the studio, we watch and it cuts away from the dance briefly and it cuts to Chiko watching them, but he is like kind of dancing along with them as he watches them on TV.

And he's wearing his exercise outfits.

An exercise outfit that makes him look like a Miami area senior citizen going on a run walk like it is so funny and weird.

Yeah, it's like a running suit that you would wear in the eighties that in the eighties would not have seemed dumb and all.

It just seems it seems so dumb.

It's a windbreaker.

It's so much windbreaker.

It's a wind breakers as he walks like plastic pants, tearaway pants, but they're all like neon yellow.

Oh man, the eighties.

So so delicious, and the fact that they bothered to put that, like we know he's watching, so why why is this here?

What is this accomplishing show that they are his entertainment like, oh yeah, favorite.

This is like workout video, they are his Richard Simmons.

Yeah, okay, Paul, how shall we rank white nights?

How about one to ten?

Instagram that I absolutely do not want on my feed.

Listen algorithm, don't send me any more videos of tanned, shirtless men baking vanilla cupcakes and then eating them slowly into the camera.

I don't want it.

I don't have to be fair.

I haven't gotten any of those yet.

Yeah, but I don't want them.

I'm putting that out there right now.

I don't want it.

I don't want to see a thick, hot ass man making a thong and then modeling it.

Disgusting, gross, gross, indecent.

Yes, do not send me hot women in their forties wearing nothing but underwear in a trench coat.

I don't want it.

Don't send me naked yogis whose bits and bobs are only covered by their thighs being extended in a certain way.

Gross and absolutely no more videos of Pedro Pascal destroying my ovaries.

Done.

I don't want it.

No more, no more, no more with that man.

I've had it.

I've hit my I've hit pak Pascal.

How about one to ten Colonel Chico's resume.

Oh items on Colonel Chico's resume, like.

He was Megatron's aide de camp.

How one of his hobbies is getting foiled by.

The A team, Oh yes?

Or how how he he once studied magic at the feet of Magic at the spel.

Wow, good, deep good.

How he's too busy staging a coup at the Rhythm Nation to be doing anything else.

He is actually Gargamel's cousin.

How about one to ten Knights that are so white.

So white that they have a closet full of patagony.

Vests, so so white that they give interviews after Shen Yung shows about how magical it is.

So white that they need to speak to the manager.

So white that they will sue at the drop of the hat.

They will just suit.

They will sue you right away, right away, blanket suing everyone.

So white, Paul, they don't see.

Colors, so white, they brag about having a black friend.

Should you do this one?

Okay?

Yeah?

So white?

All right?

Do you want to go first or should I go first in this one?

All right?

Spoiler alert?

I think this age does really well.

It doesn't have everything that we talk about.

It spectacularly fails the Bechdel test.

I think the only time two women talk to each other are when the actress from Porgy and Bess comes off stage and like grumbles to someone about Raymond being a show off.

Yeah, and the other someone is a woman.

But neither of those two are named.

Correct, that's very possible.

Pasha is named, but Pasha does not speak to anyone except Nick.

So yeah, AND's obviously a much more supporting character.

But the two main female roles in this are excellently drawn characters, I think, even though they don't interact with each other, played by two Oscar winners and an Oscar nominee.

So like the juice is there.

Yeah, there's no gay content.

That is fine.

This movie has enough on its mind.

We're good.

I mean, there's no gay context of what's happening in my brain.

Yeah, when I'm watching the movie, except I'm watching those two.

Dance, Except that mikaal Barishnikov dancing is fundamentally gay content.

I know he's straight as an arrow.

I don't care, except for the end of the movie when I'm like, kiss.

Kiss, Kiss.

But the movie it has like race with a capital R on its mind, I would say, and the sins of America and the sins of governments at large, and the sins of Russia.

And it has a lot of big ideas that it's packaging in this kind of little bit of a silly way, right with these two dancers, and like, you know, but I appreciate that.

I like that about it because it makes it makes the very serious stuff go down a little bit easier and you can be entertained by it as opposed to simply horrified by it.

And it's still horrifying, to be clear, It just it.

It's spoonful of sugar with the medicine.

I liked that they talked a little bit when I was doing research on this.

They talked a little bit about how they wanted to make a movie where like Russia was not portrayed as like just full of horrible people, and try to be like fair minded about the Russian and American governments.

Look in nineteen eighty five, maybe that's what they did, because very clearly Raymond calls out the American government for the Shenanigans in Vietnam and the racism inherent in the American society.

It is still absolutely the utopia that we are driving charts.

In the movie, they make it very clear that the citizens of Russia are not the Soviets, to use the movie's parlance.

Yeah, right, that there are good people working within this extremely bad system.

Yes, And I do think they accomplish that.

They don't make any apologies for the Russian government, but they don't implicate all of the citizens in it, which is pretty good.

So yeah.

Like I for the fact that it actually is a kind of complex movie, I don't think there's much to say about it because I think it I think it accomplishes what it sets out to accomplish fairly well.

Like Gregory Hines is the only person of color in the movie, but he is the lead of the movie, and the fact that he is the only person of color in the movie is part of it.

Yes, so it's not just we have our token black person here.

It's like, no, there would only be one black person in Siberia.

I'm curious now what the numbers are.

So I loved this movie.

I loved watching them dance.

I loved watching them dance even more than I love the movie.

Like the movie by itself is an eight.

Them dancing is at seventeen, Like you were saying, it kind of resonates today and it maybe it kind of aged into something that we would have thought was very retrograde.

I don't know, let's pull a number out of thin air eight years ago and now it feels much more of the moment.

I'm gonna give it a nine out of ten nights that are that are so so white that they clap on the one in the three these nights they're so white.

So white?

Yeah, how about you it?

So it does not pass the Bechdel test.

As you said, there's like there's a damsel in distressedness to Daria's character that I don't love.

Thank god that Galina is in the movie.

Yeah, and Anne is in the movie, and Anne really does get relegated to like the background, but like at least they're there, because if the movie only had Daria is your female representation would have been real fucking annoyed, because it's wonderful as Isabella Rousselini is, like, there's just a there's a doe eyed innocence to that character that would drive me insane if that's the only woman.

You're right, like, they do a good enough job of not being like yay America, boo Russia.

But it is so American propaganda in this movie, and there is you know what I also I thought was interesting is that there is also a conversation in the movie, although it's not explicit about elitism across the political spectrum, of like ballet is an elite form of dance and tap is not.

Because there's a line when Gregory Hines is first talking about like his life is a tap dancer, He's like, white people don't want to pay for tap.

They don't pay one hundred dollars ticket prices to go see tap dancers, Like it's not an art form that makes money, which is why he had to get a second job, which is why he had to go into the military, because he didn't have the He couldn't make it as a tap dancer, whereas ballet is rarefied and ballet dancers tend to be white and tap dancers tend to be black.

And I thought that was really interesting.

It doesn't seem correct.

But then I think about it, I'm like, yeah, I guess I don't really ever go see just tap dance much ever, Right.

Like that's when bringing the noise, bringing to funk was such a thing, right.

Yeah, Like there are tap numbers in Broadway shows.

Obviously there's you know, anything goes and uh, you know you were saying earlier, I haven't seen it yet.

The Boop musical is all it's like a big tap showy tap dance thing they integrate it into.

But I never I would go see a ballet.

But I don't think i'd ever I've ever gone seat to see a tap show.

Like, I'm not sure that's even an option.

I don't think so yeah much very often.

But I think there is something inherently racist and the elitist about that.

Like they're like, why is a tap not commonly shown to white, wealthy audiences ever?

So they're like, the movie is smart, like it really like it even uses the language of dance to explain what's happening in the like in larger context.

So I actually I do.

I do think it ages pretty well.

I don't know if it's at nine for me, Okay, Also because like in order to get these like really beautiful salient points across the movie, so Rinky Dinky in terms of its plot, and it's Chiko is the only person we meet of the like Russian like government in the film really real, like we like he has his underlings, he has like that guy who like turns on him at the end a little bit.

But like there's no like they don't talk about the Russian president at the time, you know, there's no like, Yeah, it's just this like one guy's vendetta against this one ballet dancer.

It feels like and it just is so rinky dink.

And in terms of it being like American propaganda, sure it every Hollywood movie is.

In a way, I'm almost fine with it because I'm like, yeah, what did I expect?

But also, you know, the movie gets some shit right about the Soviet Union, and it gets some shit right about even current day Russia, and and.

And it does get some shit right about America, and it gets some shit right about America.

And I think when I'm watching it, I'm taking a lot of what saying about the Soviet government and seeing it reflected in certain policies of our current government, and like it's echoing in that way.

In that way, yeah, it's not fair and balanced, but again, it is an American movie, so like you have to sort of go into it with your eyes open a little bit.

Yeah, that's a tough one.

You gave it a nine.

Huh, I'm gonna give it.

Yeah.

I mean like pretty diverse, not pretty diverse, not diverse, but like a main character is a person of color.

I do love movies about dance, so I'm just naturally gonna like inclined to give it more.

The dancing is so good, by the way, Yeah, we really didn't talk about it.

The dancing is so good.

Like if this movie gave me fifteen more minutes of dance, I'd be thrilled, or an hour more of dance, I would still I would watch it happily, watch a three hour cut.

If this movie was just a dance piece of ballet being men being melded with tap and they told the entire story through that, yes, with.

No words, I would say, be a way better movie.

Yeah, like way better movies.

They should, they should.

They should do that at at at the at the met next year or something like that.

Yeah that would work.

New York Theater Workshop, get on it.

Yeah, are you listening.

We have an idea and it's gold.

Yep.

So yeah, I'm going to give it an eight.

Okay, eight out of ten.

Knights that are so White.

All his furniture comes from West elm Okay, I'm struggling with my like conflicted feelings about the propaganda of it all.

But honestly, I think the movie is pretty fair and it's wonderful.

Yeah, it's stupid, don't get me wrong.

It's well a stupid, but it's wonderful.

I feel like dance movies, the stupid is built in.

You almost have to have us at least a sousson more than a sous a ladle of stupid.

Yeah, on top of it, right, because I love dance.

I love dance, but it's not serious.

That's the thing that this movie actually succeeds in is that it doesn't treat dance that seriously.

There's no sense that like he's going to dance his way into teaching these people about love.

Right, you know what I mean?

It doesn't go that far.

Most dance we do or like we're gonna work out this beef on the dance floor, We're.

Gonna stomp the yard.

Do you want to offer a palate cleanser?

No, me neither.

Watch it.

Watch this movie, heye.

If you don't have the time to kill maybe there's a super cut on YouTube.

Of all the dance movies.

Oh yeah, scenes, I would watch that.

I would watch this out.

Of that absolutely.

I'll probably watch it tonight.

Yeah yeah, all right, Erica.

That is the end of this year show.

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I cannot do a Russian accent straight up.

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I did learn in college.

We did have it because you know, doing like you know, check off plays and stuff like jo do this in a Russian accent, even though that makes no sense.

We made no checkof jokes.

Yeah, I know.

Holy shit, we should have made one at the beginning of the episode and not followed through.

That would have been the ultimate checkof joke.

Motherfucker.

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Do it, all right, Erica, any final thoughts on white Nights.

Well, Paul, all I know is I'm gonna go smoke a pack of cigarettes and then do a thousand Valet moves.

That's the plan.

That's the plan, he says, this is I.

Think this is where the Shaka Khan.

I think this is where the Chaka Khan.

Why am I saying Chaka Khan?

Because you're so New York I like everyone's while in a New York A since slips through keep it.

He asks, Wow.

Wow, I think it's mama.