Welcome to another episode of survivor science soundbites.

This week, we are playing a little bit of catch-up.

I recorded an episode on Friday.

Got close to the end.

And then my computer just decided to.

Not finish recording.

So I apologize for that.

But Friday episodes are usually a wrap-up.

I figured with everything going on the holidays, kicking off.

Really into the crunch time now.

That I recorded an episode.

Over the weekend, which I definitely did not do.

However it is now the Monday before Christmas, December 23rd.

And I figured.

What better time to record an episode.

Then the Monday before Christmas.

So last week we talked about hard things, doing hard things.

We talk about that a lot growth recovery.

What that all means.

We talked about relentless last Monday by Tim Grover.

And we talked about Oh, what's the book by Jim.

Uh, limitless by Jim quick.

I recorded the whole episode on Friday and got.

The 25 minute mark, and then it just.

Crashed on me.

So.

I decided not to rerecord and I would just wait till today.

'cause last week towards the end of the week, I realized also.

That I had my dates mixed up for the last couple of years.

Now that's not terribly important, really?

In hindsight, in the grand scheme of things.

But I did realize my stroke.

I've talked about it for a while.

And yesterday was in fact, the five year anniversary since my stroke in 2019.

Again, it's not terribly important.

I do not like the term stroke.

Aversary.

I'm not against it.

It's just not my jam.

I.

I've learned a lot of things over the last couple of years, I'm not going to talk about the five things I learned over the last five years, but I do want to look back and reflect.

I think it's important.

Not only for me, but for the audience.

Because if you listen to this show, you know, I've come a long way.

There's a lot more work to do.

It's an interesting time.

I did a little bit of a.

A, uh, Instagram real was shared over to Facebook yesterday.

I feel.

Lucky to be alive, but I also think there, I think for a lot of people, including myself, sometimes we post on social media.

You see a lot of the good things.

Honestly, I've never been against posting the bad things.

I think.

For me.

And I gave this some thought it's it said.

It's not that I've never wanted to share the bad things.

It's that I really genuinely couldn't even figure out how to share the bad things in the early days.

Yes.

My wife did take some pictures in rehab early on.

Yes, I did not want them posted.

Uh, I did post some stuff, but then I wound up later deleting my Instagram account.

And all my social media in 2020 before coming back onto social media in 21 and 22.

And some parts, reluctantly 23, even this year.

And it was never about not wanting to share the journey.

Yeah.

That's silly because I have a podcast where now I've had one for a couple of years, but I kind of changed it last year.

Focusing over here.

On survivor science and finally getting that all under control and under the umbrella of the server science brand that had been building the last two years.

And really helping other survivors know.

Just how hard it is.

You know, that's why I love talking about doing hard things.

It's because this is really.

Really fucking hard.

And for anybody that tells you otherwise is either delusional or very lucky.

Different set of circumstances.

Yeah.

I mean, let's not sugarcoat it.

There really is no reason to.

In fact, many stroke survivors that I talked to really don't want to sugar coat it because honestly, Sugar coating.

It does nothing for anybody along the way.

It's it?

I think some people do it unintentionally.

I think.

I've done it to myself.

I think a lot of times in the early days, some people are, think they're helping by protecting you.

They want to give you optimism and hope.

And there certainly there is a solid point to that.

But it's hard.

It really is hard being a stroke.

Survivor is no joke.

I still believe it is one of the hardest things that you can potentially overcome.

What do I say potentially, because.

It's different for everybody, but I think there are it's different.

In a lot of ways think cancer.

Sometimes you can do everything right with cancer and you may not win.

When you think about Ms and ALS and some of the other things, they're a little different.

Stroke tends to not be a progressive.

Disease like you have this joke is, uh, we all know.

It will mess you up in a lot of ways.

Uh, seemingly unexplainable.

I mean, I think a lot of us probably could go back and be like, oh, if I had done this different, if I had done that different.

Maybe it would have never had this stroke, but there are plenty of survivors out there.

I think they say it's like 80, 20, 20% have done everything right.

Their entire life.

They still have a stroke.

You know, the data's kind of skewed, but either way, right.

If you're lucky enough to survive.

You know, it's hard, whether it's hard mentally, physically, emotionally it's really freaking hard and I cannot.

Emphasize that enough.

Uh, doctors emphasize that to me in the beginning.

If you're like me, you probably didn't want to hear it.

You're like, no, I'll show you.

I've had that attitude the last five years.

I listen.

It's a great attitude to have, but it's still really.

Freaking hard.

So I'm not going to circle back really to last, week's doing hard things, because this is more of a.

Taking a little time to share some of the things that I've learned.

Some of the things that I've thought about, like, I really.

Want to share kind of the five years.

Backstory.

But also like how.

Just how hard it is.

What are some of the lessons that I learned?

Really, I mean, it is sharing my journey, but I want to share it.

With you for you so that you kinda know, because if you're earlier on or you haven't heard my story.

I think it's important.

And, you know, I'm reluctant to be.

A certain way sometimes.

And this is part of the lessons like.

You know, this is not about me.

It's about sharing the lessons.

So hopefully you can glean something from it, take something from it.

Interpret it, however, you'd like, I mean, I really just want to be.

You know, I just want to reflect back and see like, okay.

Yeah, progress.

Good.

More specifically, maybe then I have on other episodes.

So again, I think we'll just kind of go through my story and the last five years, so you can see the progression and how things changed and kind of get a really comprehensive glimpse and overview of the last five years.

Because again, So today is, uh, Monday, December 23rd.

The reason for.

Well, because I didn't record her the weekend.

So let's be clear I'm recording today.

So let's go back five years.

So five years ago, December 23rd, 2019 was also a Monday.

And.

That was the day that they finally confirmed because they were going to do a procedure.

This morning.

Five years ago, December, 2019.

Two.

Shock my heart into rhythm, which is why I was admitted to the hospital in the first place, because they saw on a scan.

Yeah.

When I was getting checked in.

They wound up admitting me because they're like, oh, you have a fab.

Did you know that?

I was like, no, I had no idea.

I had, I fed that like, okay.

So they admitted me to the hospital here in Jacksonville, Florida.

Only because of the AFib and they were going to do a procedure.

Again, this, it would have been this Monday, five years ago.

To get my heart shocked back into sinus rhythm, and hopefully I'd recover after a day and be able to go home for Christmas.

Well yesterday, December, 2019.

So December 22nd, 2019.

Somewhere during the day.

Unbeknownst to me and the people around me, I had a stroke in the hospital.

Unbeknownst to the staff.

Again, holiday time, different staff people covering shifts, not your usual on staff people.

Again, I was scheduled for a Purdue team procedure to shock my heart back into rhythm, to hopefully get rid of the AFib.

And be on my Merry way.

Well, again, I had the stroke five years ago yesterday.

And, uh, That's the day that forever changed my life and it's You know, it's been a really long journey back.

It's been difficult.

I won't go through all the things, but I wanna know going into inpatient in 20 January 20, January 1st, 2021.

To a facility here in Jacksonville, Florida called Brooks.

There are amazing.

Went there for 30 days kind of got decent enough to be home.

Uh, with some rehab, wasn't walking, but.

Watch the Superbowl, February, 2020 woke up the Monday morning after thought I was having a second stroke, turns out, got diagnosed with Ms.

Went back to rehab.

All of which happened before the pandemic in 2020.

So year one.

Once I got home.

Uh, I think I came home.

Uh, either on or after the day after St.

Patty's day in 2020.

Stayed home for two weeks, kinda got ready to go back to work way too soon.

Went back to work January 1st, I work remotely, so I thought I could do it.

It was very clear, very quickly that I was not ready, prepared.

Or any of things.

So we kind of worked on what I could do working part time.

Slowly going and getting better.

Going through therapies.

So I did that for a few months working part-time for the company that I had been employed up until the, my stroke.

Really good really worked out well, got that whole summer and the pandemic to kind of get back on my feet and by the middle or end of the summer.

I was back working full-time again, probably too soon, but that's the way it goes.

And in year one, I was lucky because there was a pandemic.

So I pretty much was at home and or therapy or at home because I work remotely.

So I was either.

On the computer working.

In my home resting, relaxing breeding.

Kind of letting my brain really rest when I wasn't working.

And I think it was a good mix between resting.

Pandemic rehab.

Work, you know, it was able to get my body and my mind working a little bit.

It's still in the wheelchair most of the year.

But slowly kind of able to begin to recover and do some things and move around the house with aided devices, like a Walker.

You know, A decent size home, but, uh, and big open space enough to use the Walker.

So year one, really, I focus on rest and recovery.

I would recommend that highly to anybody that's stroke survivor.

Going into year two, started to try to do more.

Went into coaching, went into a program for coaching.

Getting, uh, being a certified coat loop life coach through ICF.

And then, uh, an, a school on the west coast, uh, online.

Amazing program.

At that time I sort of realized, you know, went through a transition with work where I was like, okay, You know, this isn't, I can't do this the way I used to be able to do it.

And it's just not fair to me.

Or the team and ultimately I ended up leaving.

My previous career.

Because I just needed more time to do more work on myself.

And so by the middle of 2021, I had left.

Really started focusing on getting into the gym, rehabbing my body, uh, in a much more significant way.

Dilla that sort of working for myself, getting things together, getting things organized and You know, more of the same in year two.

Starting to build the business making networking, connecting, getting ready for my daughter to college that year she was graduating high school.

A lot of things, just trying to get everything under control and you know, that went pretty well.

Really.

Really good.

And then again, more of the same in year two in 2022.

And really it's honestly, it's been more of the same each and every year.

Just figuring out a little bit more, how to work better, how to work smarter.

With myself and my business.

And then.

Really got into.

Fitness and education.

And just, uh, really trying to figure out, learn my body and my brain and rebuild and re.

Do all these things.

Yeah, pretty relentless in that area.

So.

Again, I, over the years I figured out meditation.

I figured out breath work.

I figured out how to rest and recover.

Some of the things I didn't do so well, like really figuring out the handwriting, really figuring out how to type better.

Really looking back.

I'm reflecting back and I'm trying to think of like things that I wish.

You know, I was trying to figure out how to network, how to build a business, how to be a creator, like, because when you own a business in 2024, Even 20, 22, it's like, you really need to be the face of the brand.

Doing a lot of different things.

And Yeah, building a podcast.

I was still doing the other podcasts, but by the end of 2022, I realized, okay.

Really want to work with survivors.

This is kind of what I'm living.

This is my life.

There's an opportunity here.

To really help people because even a couple of years ago, there were sure there's a lot of stroke survivors that read books and write books.

And that's great.

But I felt like I could be doing more.

I still feel like I could be doing more.

And that's really what this podcast is about.

That's really why I finally have gotten everything together.

With survivor science and.

Building out the website and battling with the community portion, building the newsletter, building this podcast, like putting it all together.

In a way that my name becomes synonymous with survivors science and really what that means is.

Helping sucks.

Uh, survivors.

You know, beyond once.

Cause when you think back to your own situation, you go to the hospital, you may go.

To rehab.

He may go inpatient.

The resources are.

Thin the resources are scattered.

Everybody has different opinions.

Some things work, some things don't even the.

Everything different things.

They're going to work for different people.

Super important to have a variety of things, but even just finding things and.

Bringing to them to your attention.

I mean, that's really, a lot of my free time over the last couple of years has been behind Google, behind research libraries behind the actual library, like getting.

Into what are the things that are going to work and trying those things trial and error.

Testing.

Is it working?

Isn't it working like?

Finding answers to questions that like, Even yesterday, I made a post on Instagram.

You know, we're five years out from my original stroke.

And you know, I've had hiccups along the way.

Ms.

Certainly hasn't helped.

I've had.

You know, probably some undiagnosed, Tia is a times.

Definitely.

Not necessarily classified seizures, but had times where I was unsure.

I mean between 2020.

You know, 2020 I was at home primarily.

They've.

You know, later in 2020, towards the end of 2020, I actually had the procedure.

It was same day procedure.

I think to get my sinus rhythm back in place.

So that procedure I was supposed to have in December of 2019, because of COVID didn't get rescheduled for almost a year.

Then in 2021, you know, is still dealing with wound care and leg care.

And like that's a whole other thing.

Lots of doctor's appointments throughout those years.

I think, you know, 20, 22.

More procedures.

Uh, you know, they got me on the Keppra because I think I definitely had a seizure in 2020 or 2021.

Honestly, I can't remember now.

But haven't really had one since, but there've been moments where I was a little unsure.

Luckily You know, working with my team, we've got the medications under control.

That's been good for a while.

There's just a lot.

Of stuff to deal with.

And so I'm all over the place.

I'm just trying to reflect over the last five years and really try to.

What are the things that have worked best.

Number one, meditation, number two, breath work.

Getting into that has helped with anxiety and relaxation and speaking.

Podcasting has been great for speaking.

Because honestly, I think.

And I've always said this, and I don't know that I've said it here, but it wasn't the stroke that really affected my speech.

The, my speech was more effected by the Ms and continues to be.

Because no matter how much work I do.

Ms is funny in the way that, like, I feel like with stroke, you can put in the work.

And eventually you get a return.

Ms is a little different where it's like, you can do a bunch of work and you'll get results, but then Ms.

Will rear its ugly head and be like, oh, you did all that work.

Cool.

Let's start over again.

Uh, you know, to be fair, I don't know that's entirely true or even fair.

Are fair.

Fair to Ms.

Like, like I care.

But yeah, there's a lot of two steps forward.

One setback.

And so if you're a stroke survivor, you may not experience this because I can't tell if it's stroke or Ms, because I have to deal with both to be perfectly clear about that.

Neo.

Thinking back to some of the things You know, all this is kind of goes back to last week's topic.

Uh, doing a hard things and recovery and growth.

And I really love that topic of post-traumatic growth, which bill guests.

As I talked about on his podcast.

And actually that's a concept.

Bill's not the original inventor.

There are some researchers that came up with this, uh, to that ski in Calhoun.

About, uh, overcoming adversity and enhancing how it enhances personal strength and.

A certain appreciation for life, but bill definitely talked about it and we talked about it on his episode.

You can go back and listen to his podcast.

Uh, recovery after stroke.

And I was on episode 3, 27.

I think he talks about it pretty regularly.

On his show.

And it can go listen to your show.

If you haven't heard it before, it's also, uh, an amazing show.

But yeah.

You know, I feel like there's so much more to say.

On the five-year mark and I'm blending my notes between what I already did on Friday and recorded that never did.

I didn't actually get saved.

My computer.

Didn't have enough room to save it.

So it didn't really crash.

It just ran out of space.

Uh, and before this episode runs as a space, I'm trying to wrap it up, but You know, th the thing is it's hard.

It's really hard to overcome stroke.

Most people will never thankfully have to experience it.

However, If you do.

Or, you know, somebody just know how hard it is, because I think one of the hardest things that I've had to deal with over the years is battling both my ego.

Internally and externally and.

I do make things look easy, kind of not intentional.

But I was just thinking, cause it's the holidays.

It's a couple of days before.

Cards for family members, which is weird because I keep seeing these cards come in and I'm like, you know, it's so weird.

How, when you become a stroke survivor, And this is part of my own doing, probably because I'm six foot eight.

It's so strange because the majority of my extended family knows my story and knows my parents had passed the year before I had the stroke.

They know.

So many things, and it's just, it's weird when you get these cards.

From family members and it's like, It's really surprising how your life changes after stroke and you lose friends and your family gets distant and It's so interesting that people feel obliged to send cards, but they don't.

They don't feel obliged check-in over the years to see how you're doing.

And they only check in as much as people that you don't know, check in on social media.

It's just a really.

Interesting experience.

I don't know that everybody has the same experience.

I hope they do not.

But yeah, if you are a caregiver, caretaker, family member, or friend, go check in on those strokes hours in your life.

Because again, it's really fucking hard and I don't think people realize just how hard it is.

No matter how hard you work or how hard you want to work or how hard you do work.

Life is not going to be the same.

And so.

Even as a stroke server, I look back on five years.

I could say yes, I've come a really far.

I'm really proud of how far I've come.

But man, do I wish that I had asked for help?

Along the way, uh, many times sooner.

You know, I think that's important.

I talk about it a lot on this show.

Asking your immediate family asking your extended family.

Just for some help and some guidance, because this is really hard to do alone.

And probably my biggest mistake over the last five years is really thinking I could solve every problem that I faced.

Solely on my own.

And to be fair, I've sold the lob, but I think.

You know, when I was reflecting back and thinking over the weekend, One of the things that I really.

Wish I had been better about on top of like all the work that I've done and success I've had with myself.

Is just really.

Asking for help more.

And.

It's like, you know, and it's a weird thing because you think other people are going to ask.

And.

They don't ask for whatever reason.

And you don't ask because you feel a certain way.

You've been accustomed to be doing everything yourself or.

You know, I thought.

You know, when I look back, I'm like, oh, I'm not crushed.

It's just like, I just know that if I had asked for.

I wish I recognized that like, yes, I can do a lot and I have done a lot and I've made a lot of progress.

So I don't want to take that away.

I think we can all agree whether it's myself or yourself, your story, you've probably made some significantly good progress over the last couple of years on your own journey.

But I do think there, there needs to be a realization that I wish I had sooner where okay.

I can do a lot of these things on myself, but I'm going to need more help.

Then I think I realized, or I think anybody realized where the, again, that's from my wife, from my kids, like.

You know, I was good in the beginning about asking for help, but I think there's a little trick thing that happens where it's like, everybody thinks you're good.

You think you're good?

And I have been good, but I do still wish that, like I had been more cognizant of certain things over the last couple of years.

Even simple things like, you know, like I got back to driving and I've always been very safe about driving since I got back behind the wheel.

Uh, re had my driver's test that.

Uh, at some point, I think it was 2020.

Like I drove a 21, but they wanted to.

It's weird.

Uh, I was driving again in 21, but they want to be that retest for my license in 22.

And I did that, and that was fine.

There was no issue there, but again, you test and driving, court's very safe and secure.

I was really only driving to the gym and back.

So it wasn't that hard that far.

And I should realize that like, Great that I was driving, but I.

My point is you think you're making progress, but like how much, you know, and it was good.

It was fine.

But it really wasn't until this year, like three years, four years after I started driving again.

That I was really able to drive further than back and forth to the gym, which is about two plus miles.

And so this year, you know, finally, I was able to get to a place where I felt safer about driving.

And There is sort of a point to that, but like some of those things, like what you think about going back to work as a stroke?

okay.

Yeah.

You know, the first two years, obviously I had worked remotely for a long time.

Worked for myself, but like when I started looking around, I was like, oh, you.

I can only really work remote.

So there's a lot of difficulty and challenges, even if, even for somebody like me.

Who can work for themselves, but also considering going back to work, it's like, you know, I look at remote work and people are returning to the office now.

And it's like, no, I can, you know, five years out now I could return to the office.

If that was in front of me.

Uh, but it's, there's a lot of realizations that you have along the way.

I'm just going to be one example that I think a lot of people don't think about.

And again, I will go very long here.

There's only supposed to be a 25 minute episode.

So, uh, what's the takeaways from this episode, again, think back, you know, on your own journey during these holiday times or the things that you could be doing differently, things that you could be doing better.

Are you being relentless?

Are you kind of pursuing certain things or are there things that you could be pushing yourself to do more or better?

Sooner so that you don't let things go as long.

If you're not a survivor and you have a server in your life.

Check in with them.

If you are a survivor, reach out to your family members, loved ones.

Say, Hey, you know, I need some help or I need talk.

I'm just not sure if I'm doing this right.

I don't have a lot of resources.

I mean, this is again, The entire reason.

For building survivors science, the brand, the center, which is the online community portion of survivor center science.

It's so that people get answers to these questions because they're hard.

And if you think of how much work I put in, I've lost a human being.

I've lost.

280 pounds.

Which is more than half my original body weight.

It's a.

You know, and it's still hard for me.

So it's hard for all of us.

And I think you know, uh, whatever side you land on and you're listening to this, go check in with your.

You're survivors, family members and see how they're doing and see, you know, maybe you can't do a ton of things, but even just checking in is.

Better than doing nothing.

And that, that works on either side, survivor or caregiver from member.

You know, take the holiday time to check in on those people.

So, You know, going into 20, 25 I will see if I'll do another episode.

I'm not going to release a full episode this Wednesday because obviously it's Christmas, but yeah.

Well maybe we'll take back in on Friday.

See how you're holding up during the holidays, uh, for a little frat Thursday, Friday episode, we'll see how that lands.

How I'm feeling about that with all the kids home and, uh, yeah, we'll definitely do at least one or two more before the end of the year, but I think we'll leave it there.

You know, it feels weird to kind of do an episode fully on myself, but I think reflecting back over five years is a really important milestone, whether you're.

There yet or not.

You know, I hope you will be there.

I hope you join me on the five-year mark.

You know, I hope.

Hope you're having a great holiday season.

And if you have any questions, comments, concerns, you can always reach out to the podcast.

We'll at server science.com.

Hit me up on social media, Facebook, Instagram, Tik, TOK, you name it.

I'm all over the place.

If you can't find me.

You can always just go to survivor science.com and click the contact button and shoot me an email over there.

So, yeah, go enjoy the holidays.

I'm going to go enjoy the family time for the next two days.

Yeah, I have a safe and happy holidays.

And I can't wait to see you back on the other side of this week after Christmas.

And if you celebrate another holiday, enjoy that holiday as well.

Take care and bye.