Why Quiet Please?

Quirt Please?

The Mutual Broadcasting System presents Quiet Please is written and directed by Willis Cooper.

I featured Ernest Chapel Quire please for tonight.

It's called don't tell Me about Halloween.

Oh uh, I'm going to kill my wife tonight or maybe tomorrow night.

I mean, I'm going to kill one of my wives, like better.

If something's gonna happen to me, that won't be good.

Oh, Halloween's almost here.

Halloween's the deadline, and Candace has to be dead before Halloween.

What the trouble is?

I'm not sure i'll recognize her whence she shows up.

You haven't been in Salem, Massachusetts, place where they hanged all the witches.

No, they didn't bring 'em at the stake.

A lot of people think so that they didn't.

They hanged 'em all except the man waitful, Giles Corey.

They pressed him to death, very unpleasant.

Well, it was in Salem, this particular Halloween that I met Candace.

It was dark up there on the hill where the gallows used to stand, dark and cool, with a damp wind coming in off the sea.

The two little lights you could see in the dusk.

Only you made a darker and lonier and creepier out there.

I remember how I shivered as I started down the hill the town, and I remember how I jumped on something that looked like a black cat jumped out of the shadows at my feet.

Oh, but I was thinking, I yell, who's that?

My heart almost stopped beating because.

Well, good even.

I'd been all alone up there, and then all of a sudden there was a woman standing beside me.

You're a fast human being that spoken to meeting.

Those who are you?

I'm trembled.

I I don't know any canvas.

You didn't, but you do.

Now you have to scare me to that.

Oh, I wouldn't do that to you.

Oh what's your name?

Craig?

You liked me?

Pray?

What wh I?

I don't know what you look like?

I like you very much?

Well, but I get me no, give me.

M You know you're going to be a very nice husband for me.

Greg, What do you mean?

I'm like, when I say something's going to happen, it happens.

Pray, but I I'm not What did.

You like to be rich, Craig and have a beautiful wife?

I am beautiful.

You'll see wouldn't you like to be rich and wise and happy and live forever?

Wouldn't you cry?

You?

Who would tap alock?

That's a very act way of putting a cray.

Who are you?

I'm tandas it doesn't have anything to me, I'm the witch.

They didn't hang cray.

Well, she was right.

I am rich whenever I need money, which hasn't been for a long time now, I asked Candas when she comes to see me at Halloween time.

I am reasonably wise.

I suppose I'm quite an authority on American history, quite well considered at the university here.

And while I can't say I've lived forever, I have lived two hundred and fifty three years now, that's right, you see.

I met Candas on the hill about Salem in the year sixteen ninety four, two years after cotton Map has stopped hanging wishes.

Yes, Canvas has kept her promise.

I remember the way she put it, standing up there in the early morning, watching the miss crawling along the ground.

Belowst You're not seeing me now because I matter Halloween, and I can't tell you what form I'll be in when I come to see you to day.

But did you see a strange bird, or a lost dog, or any strange being at your door come Halloween, you say, who's that?

And if it so happens the strange as me, why then I'll be home with you till the top.

Crows the morning.

And I remember I started to speak to ask questions, but she stopped me.

For the time is short now or a while, and remember the words, and be all the future before it as long as I is, you'll tell me.

And below somewhere a rooster crows.

When I was standing alone on the hill and the yellow butterfly was rising in circles above my head, I watched it disappear into the first rays of the sun.

No, I didn't believe it either, And yet we were only two years away from the witchcraft trials, and whatever may be said today, the belief in witches didn't die as quick a death as modern historians would have you believed.

I was there, I know.

Besides, I had married a witch.

Halloween sixteen ninety five, a stray dog lay on my doorsteps, shivering in the rain.

I don't like dogs.

I was about to boop the animal of the street when I caught a look in his eyes.

I yelled, Who's that?

What it's about time?

I've been going down that door, left freezing and nearly grown without a stitch on, and you stand there and look at me like some great pool give me something to poor dress of cold?

And I do believe you were going to kick me too, will you?

Ye?

Candice dear?

How was I to know?

Well?

Oh, oh, she was all contriteness and apologies in the moment that I can feel that slap alongside my chops from two and a half centuries ago.

And our first anniversary was a very plen one.

I was very glad I'd married a witch.

It had its drawbacks, though, Despite wealth and growing wisdom, people around me and Salem grew old and I seemed to stay the same age.

I moved away, and the years went on.

I moved away from Salem, and I moved away from Philadelphia, and I moved from Baltimore and Richmond, Savannah and a score of other prices.

I spoke to George Washington, and I watched Robert fultensteinboat chug up the Hudson, And when I was more than a hundred years old and looked thirty five, and every high rollween I welcomed canvas home for a night.

One year in a farmhouse on the middle of the Wois Prairie, a red fox wind up my door and it was Candace.

One year of blue jay flew down from a tree in Missouri.

In another year she came as a skittering little gray field mouth.

And the year I came back to Wisconsin.

After the Civil War, a porcupine gnawed its way into my cabin on Halloween night, and one of its quills spiked me.

Before I thought to say, who's that?

And when Candace smiled at me, there was only a strand of yellow hair to the thick of my farm I remember she pulled it out.

And in her.

Years and years and years.

Who now, she's been a wonderful wife, but I never forget what she is.

Once a year is getting to be enough.

It was just sixty seven years ago to night before Halloween.

You see, that was the first time she appeared before Halloween eighteen eighty.

My brother of be Hayes was still present.

And yeah, it seems like yesterday I heard something bumping against the front door.

Before I thought, I called out.

Who's that?

I thought you were never going to call 'em?

Harlene, I didn't know it was you.

Well, huh don't people keep fair wise anymore?

Huh?

Think you?

Well, you surprised me.

Suppose you surprised me?

Hm hm?

Now how come you're so early?

Dear?

Oh?

I just thought it would be nice to surprise you.

He certainly did surprise me.

He died, He was certainly dead.

What happened in class?

You?

Why?

Uh?

Nothing much?

Not so?

And what have you been doing?

I do when?

Where?

Pray?

You'll be better off if you don't imply too closely?

And to my private of said being married to a witch ought.

To be enough?

Boy, I'm I'm just interested?

Canist like I'm interested in what you do?

When irmable?

What I am interested?

You know?

Wow?

I don't know what you're talking about?

There?

You don't know?

Don't you rather get lonely while I'm away?

What?

Why?

Certainly?

What are you talking about?

You know what I'm talking about?

Craig, I don't either.

You're forgetting that I'm a witch?

Dear?

What you gotta keep anything from me?

Craig?

Don't you know that?

Oh?

I won't punish you, Cray, but you must run around with a redhead girls?

Well, I don't know what.

Oh, yes, you do, but I just decided to take that temptation away from you.

Cameas what did you over there at the window?

Job?

And I looked, and peering in the window out of the darkness was a frightened, tiny red squirrel, its teeth chattering with terror and cold.

She still got her red hand yet canvas canvas?

Did you do that to her?

Hot dear?

No, no, don't try to rescue.

I've got other plans.

Do you want to hear?

Girl?

Friend?

What are you going to listen?

Now?

Come here and kid me?

Oh y yes?

In some ways it's fine.

In some ways, you know, in the last fifty sixty years, I've gotten so I'm afraid to say, who's that any tide?

I wait a second, did you hear anything?

Oh?

No, I guess she's not here any I wouldn't want her to surprise me.

I yeah, I want to surprise her.

It's sixty seven years ago that she set the wheels on that pool of a red squirrel.

It was once Marjorie had forgotten her last name, but I hadn't forgotten what she did to me.

They arrested me for murtor.

Can just let me stay in jail a whole year.

I waited till the next Halloween, eighteen eighty one, till a little screech owl came and perched on the window ledge of my cell.

And even then it took me half an hour to remember to say, who's that?

Oh?

Sure, she was very sorry, very sorry, but I had to be punished for being unfaithful to her.

Unfaithful.

I never even kept Marjorie, that witch.

Who believe me?

I was pretty careful after I out of there, moved to Oklahoma.

If I have any female acquaintances, I stopped seeing them along in early September.

But now that, how did you like it that you only saw your wife once a year, and you know you she could turn into a caterpillar or a hippopotamus or something whenever she got missed with you?

You look around too, just like I didn't see nearly caught me again in Washington, DC.

That was in nineteen ten.

I'd have been a good boyfriend nearly fifty years, well, pretty good, at least careful.

I was standing outside the door of the Willow Hotel at Halloween night.

A big mop dropped out of the darkness and lid on my shoulder.

Cannis likes to be a mort I thnk see appears that way?

Sist thy twenty times?

Well, I knew what once quite it was.

My conscience was reasonably free, So I just said, who's that hello?

Jolly welcome back?

Can be any good boy?

Perfect dollar love?

Kennis?

You met about Canon?

You bet a no Campton?

You live in here now in the hotel?

I I hope you like it.

I've never been in Washington before.

We sight more.

Oh, I saw quite a lot of he who's that woman?

What woman?

Why?

My doorming?

Swear?

On earth?

Did you see?

Yes?

I thought Directrud was in Chicago where I'd left her.

Wasn't that just my luck?

I don't know what Kannas did it.

She just disappeared.

Did you know what that witch did to me?

She turned me into a fire alarm box.

I had no glass.

It isn't funny.

From October thirty first, nineteen ten, till October thirty first, nineteen eleven, I stood.

There in front of the Winter hotel.

Rain and shine, snow and boiling hot weather, and nobody even turned in an alarm on me.

Of course, they did paint me in the spring then at half past eleven on Halloween, a little black dog came by.

I tried to say, who's that.

I ain't made it all right because I could hear tears clicking.

I'm wheel spreading him.

There we were, Candace and a black bird coat, me in a blue shirt suit, all blasted with red paint.

You look perfectly awful, cry well, how do you think I feel?

Her?

Oh?

Sweet?

Well, now maybe you won't be chasing.

Other women like Candace.

I promise I'll never do it again.

He's better, not sweet shot.

I'm a very jealous one, so I mote it.

And if you think that was that, how would you like?

No, no, chemmis, please no, no, don't.

Tell me you make his knee out and don't have paint all over my coat.

Candace can be very sweet when she wants to be.

Well, these last thirty years, she doesn't seem to wanna be very much.

She spends most of the time she's here asking me questions about what I've been, known, where I've been, the people I've seen, some friends.

I'm getting awful tired of.

Two hundred and fifty three years is a long long time, A long long time with a jealous wife.

So I'm making a rid of her.

This time.

I'm done.

Oh, I don't love Candas anymore.

I'm afraid of her.

Oh I told you.

I got this job here at the university, in the history department, and I've got this little cottage up here in the hills where I go every Halloween.

Well, I I don't want Candice body again.

I'm faculty row.

Well, I'm not supposed to be married here and you don't fail.

So now I've decided to end it all this year.

I'm gonna kill Candis.

But that is I hope I am.

When she appears, I'm I'm not gonna say who's that in the killer?

And then at least I are gonna be married or god, I even tell you about it.

Sure, h here comes Alicia and now I i'd like to have you meet her.

Uh, this is Alicia.

How do you do?

Alicia and I are gonna be married.

Yes, indeed, right after Halloween.

Lisa's secretary of the being of women.

That's w' that Craig.

Well, I hope you don't mean him why I was learning him with the.

Deanilish goodness, No, dear, I mean you were being introduced to her when when you first saw each other.

Oh, I'll never forget it.

Oh I won't either, didn't he pretty, Craig?

You mustn't talk that way to stream?

Yeah, sorry, dear, but you are pretty.

But I'm so much younger than you are, Craig.

Well, uh, you are a little younger, dear, But uh, that won't make any difference, was it?

Oh not to me, you, darl u.

Excuse us a second, Darling.

I love you, Darling, I love you.

But they're looking Shut your.

Eyes a second with it?

Please?

Nor you like her?

Hey?

Why the girl isn't see nothing at all?

Like canvas?

Man?

Am I tired of canvas?

Wait a second of the phone's ringing up.

I'll be right with you.

Oh hello, darling, Alicia.

Uh hello, dear, you can today.

I'm just leaving, Darling.

Yeah, I do too, but I'll be back in a day or so.

You couldn't No, no, dear, no, Uh you know it can't be done.

Well, it is impracticable, Dear.

I'll hurry back.

They could rive up tomorrow.

I'll probably be back tomorrow.

Miss, I'll miss you.

What did you say?

I love you?

I love you?

See you?

The there so honey, all right, but it can't be done.

Sweet No, no, don't don't do Alicia wait, oh my gosh, she can't do that if she does.

Hello, Hello, I get me, get me up three four one two?

J Well so here I am.

I wish I could have got Alicia back on that phone.

If she comes up here, she'll oh, well she won't, she's have better sense.

Yeah, let's see what time is it?

Mm hmm well yeah, let's see revolved and silver butt the old revolutionary wore a bannet.

I had a valley for it, A bowie knife, pays Crockett.

E h.

Pretty well fixed.

Come on, canvas, honey, come on, yes, come on in this ti this time you can come ahead of time baby, and probably be waiting for it.

And then Helicia, she's an hour or something's time with Oh if she's an owl, I I better get that chocolate up sea now Candace, look cow, what the dickens was that?

Oh?

Oh a mot eh?

Well?

Well, well can yeah, where's that Saturday evening course?

Light?

Sumwhere darling light?

Mister?

You're not going to get away this time, sweetheart?

Get away from that laft get away?

I say I got you.

Oh you're not dead yet?

Well out never mind?

Gray?

What never mind?

I'm going to die all right?

Who's that?

It's too late?

Gray?

You killed it?

But haven't you've forgotten something?

Done?

What did I forget?

You forgot what I told you back there on the hill, A sailor.

You'll live just as long as I live, and when I die, you'll die.

Oh, Cavas, Cavas, Let me home late, darling.

Hello, Hello, this is Forest Ranger Session.

Oho.

Brad, Oh, this is Joe Thomas.

Listen, Brad, you better call a counye coss to somebody.

Well, I don't know why must the little cabin halfway up Ladigo Canyon, you know, the one with the red shutters.

Yeah, well, I was on my way up to the stage and saying, I meet this girl.

Please be quiet when you lady, this girl in her cars bus is done.

Well.

I picked her up and she wants to come up here.

What's your name, lady, Alicia Jean?

But she's going to meet this fellow here, she says.

And I left her up and I was just starting away and I hear her scream, scream, you know, holler, Do I stop running?

Signed?

She yielded her head off.

Lady lady please.

Yeah, I don't know, Brad.

The chill looked goff of scream.

Oh there wasn't no guy here.

Oh, nothing but a squashed mark, one of them big best head marks, you know.

An a skeleton, yeaes skeleton.

Oh, dried up and dusty like it was maybe two hundred and fifty years old.

And that's all just him and.

The more funny, ain't him?

You listen to Quiet Please, which is written and directed by Willis Cooper.

The man who talked to you was Ernest Chappell.

Andreita Bauer played Candace, Alicia was Peggy Stanley, and the forest ranger was Jim Bowles.

The music for Quiet Please is composed and played by Gene Prezzo, except the course for our theme, which an answered them queries, is based on the second movement of the Symphony in D minor.

By said that from now I'm for worried about next week's Quiet Please.

Here is our writer, director Willis Cooper, Take me out to the graveyard.

That's the title I've got for next week.

Stor right, Come along for the ride, won't it so?

Until next week?

Is this time?

I am quietly yours, Ernest chapel Quiat Please comes to you from New York.

This is the mutual broadcasting system.