All right, Another thing I want to talk about in dating and relationships and marriage and even friendships, I guess money.

People will talk about sex, people will talk about the most personal of topics, but they don't talk about money.

It's a taboo.

Your life partner may not know how much money you make.

Certainly, someone you're dating and you've said I love you too, might not know how much money you have.

And I think it's a very important topic because people get together and don't know where the comfort level lies, don't know what the other person is comfortable spending what they're comfortable spending on.

One person could have no problem spending on stocks or phishing gear, and another person really likes to spend on hotel rooms and restaurants.

Like money is a very big topic.

Take someone like me, for example, I've been with many different types of men.

I've supported men, I've dated men who I know are not at my financial level, who I have to hesitate before buying something at a counter at a drug store because I'm spending a couple hundred dollars on something and I feel like, wait, are they going to feel like they have to pay for me now?

And it can be very awkward.

And very uncomfortable.

I've had a situation where I'm going to go away with someone where I don't know whether I'm supposed to pay for the hotel or not, and they're supposed to pay for the incidentals, or whether I'm going to go away with someone and they're supposed to book the air travel or what they think or who's supposed to pay for it?

Or what about if you bring someone out with a bunch of your friends and the check comes.

What if you bring someone out with your parents, but you're a grown adult, you're forty five, and the check comes, Like is your part are supposed to pay?

Like?

What are the rules of engagement?

And people just get in their head what it's supposed to be and what it's not supposed to be.

What level of a gift is someone supposed to get?

How much is someone supposed to spend on you?

And what does that mean?

Are they supposed to spend on flowers?

Are they supposed to buy jewelry?

If it's a man, what are you supposed to spend on them?

Are you supposed to go over your skis?

Are you supposed to overextend?

Are you spending more on them?

Because they've spent more on you.

What happens if you're thinking about possibly marrying this person, Like, what would it look like?

What if the.

Person has been left a home from their parents, and what if they want you to move in?

But what if you have a flare for design and you're going to add a ton of value, but you don't own any of that place?

Like all of these things sound like nothing, but they're not nothing because the number one reason that relationships don't work is because of money.

So it has to be taken seriously and it's a real thing, not unlike sex.

Someone doesn't do enough for a place.

Someone does much for a place.

Someone likes toys.

Someone can't get an orgasm unless they use a toy.

Someone can't have an orgasm during sex, but they can during oral sex.

Someone doesn't want oral sex at all.

They don't like it.

Someone has liked I but doesn't like it.

With you, you need a compass.

Don't talk about sex during sex.

Don't talk about sex in bed because nothing will kill the mood like that, But talk about sex when you're on a car ride.

Just like with kids.

You will talk about something to kids and you'll say, how is school or how's it going with the boy, And they won't say a word.

Then you'll just be in a random situation at a meal or during a car ride or talking about something different or laying on the couch, and then they'll just spill.

They'll spill.

That's how it should be, too.

Like you're talking to your partner about something.

It might come up in an unsuspected place.

It might be just on a beach walk.

So if it's something you're thinking about it, and if it's something that's important to you, and if it matters at all to you, then it matters and you need to talk about it and not when you're wearing a ring like you're not gonna like wish a problem away.

You need to talk about things that matter.

You need to talk about you, geography, You need to talk about religion.

You need to talk about therapy.

You need to talk about money.

You need to talk about sex.

You need to talk about parenting.

You need to talk about private school versus public school.

You need to talk.

About in laws and parents and how people are involved.

And our parents stop by your house parents or are they formal and they feel like they need to call you to stop by.

If somebody got sick.

Are your parents moving in with you?

If your parents just think that at a certain age they should move in with you, do you need to talk about child's care?

Does your partner not believe you should have a housekeeper ever?

Do they believe you should never have a baby nurse?

Do they want their mother to come move in with you to take care of your kid?

All this shit matters, and people are so taboo about it.

People will overshare so many things, but they won't overshare in the things that you need to overshare about.

And it's not what, it's how you must talk about it, but how to couch it, how to frost it, how to dip it in.

You're going to find a way to talk about it so it's real smooth and slides right into the conversation.

Okay, I want to talk again about this topic that keeps coming up in different ways.

It keeps presenting itself, and it is men dating younger women.

And now that I have embarked on a very successful, proven dating concept, I have institutional knowledge about this topic.

I can speak with great authority on this topic.

And women just flippantly say men they all want younger women, and they say that for a couple of reasons.

One they believe it.

Two they sort of stuff it to the side so they themselves don't have to deal with either looking better, trying harder, actually dating.

They get to sit on the sidelines to just say, men are pieces of shit that only want to date younger women, and they get to like protect themselves from having to go out there and do the work.

And it's hard work.

And I've met women who have said I don't want to meet anyone.

I love being alone.

And while they mean it in many cases, not in every case.

In some cases they're saying that because it means they don't.

Have to deal with it.

It means it's like a self preservation technique, Like they don't have to be afraid of whether someone wants them doesn't want them.

They just don't even want to get up to bed.

So sorry to disappoint those women.

But men, okay, I have personally for examples of men, and I'm more shocked than you would even be of men that I've either met or dated or no one in my past or I'm being very specific about how I describe this.

Who have money, are successful, all the cliches, okay, and this is my personal experience.

Not to mention all the people in this dating pool, but in my personal experience, four men.

I'm thinking of one off the top of my head who's in a relationship with someone significantly younger, who said I should have ended up with you.

Actually five of them.

Another one was with someone twenty five years younger, the hottest young woman, and he was like, I should have taken you more seriously, like or people that are now pursuing me.

And I'm sitting there going I could be this person's easily their mother.

Easily their mother.

And these guys are saying to me, now listen, I'm fun, I'm successful, I'm interesting, I'm in good shape, whatever.

But I'm finding this in this dating concept.

Too, a lot of men going around in circles and then coming back to the nest and being like the references, the intelligence, the depth, the being interesting.

Now, this doesn't mean that if you you're not being somewhat superficial and making an effort to look good and working on your body and what you're where, like putting good perfume on.

Like I can lead a horse to water, I cannot make a drink.

I cannot tell you that a man doesn't want a woman who's not only smart and funny but attractive, Like I can't.

I'm not gonna lie to you.

You better fucking come correct.

If you're in your fifties and you have three kids in your divorced and you want to meet a man, and that man is wealthy and can get a girl who's forty or thirty five, like.

Of course he's gonna go through that phase.

He's gonna want to try, he's gonna hope because what happens is men and women who date younger people, they think that that's what they look like.

When a man is dating a young, hot model, by looking at her and by being with her, he thinks that that's what he looks like.

Now, if you take a tall you take Shaquille O'Neill, and you take Snooky next to each other, it's going to be more drastic, and he's going to look even taller and she's going to look even smaller.

Okay, if you take a woman who's hot and young and you put her next to an old, older man, he's going to look older and she's going to look younger in comparison.

It just works in every way, and no one thinks about this, and a man thinks he's going to look younger by being with a younger woman.

And I always say, you pay the bill on the way in or.

The way out.

You decide, okay, whether she's going to be spooning him oatmeal later, whether it's the guy that I loved in my twenties that is now going to be seventy, And I'm like, ooh, I could have been married to him, and I'm not judging anyone's age.

I could have been very happy with him, and he's seventy years old.

But still I don't know that right now I would date a seventy year old.

So you pay on the way in or the way.

Out, and that has to be thought of the man who I see, who's fifty six, who's with a thirty two year old?

To me, he looks older, he looks desperate, he looks insecure, he looks tragic.

Now that's a blanket statement.

There are people with people younger, and it's fine, and it does work sometimes, and I have data people younger.

I'm talking like drastic difference.

These men.

They then they go through the phase, the fuck around and find out phase, and then they're like Wait, she doesn't understand any of my references, or like the music or the way I feel, or that my friends are dying, or that people have body aches, or that people are going through menopause or got a hysterectomy, or that my balls are dropping, or I can't get it up as much as I used to.

Whatever these things are, These are realistic things.

Age is not a fucking number.

It is a fact, as I keep saying.

But I'm gonna dive deeper and deeper into this because I keep getting more examples.

I'm astounded by men coming after me.

I'm like, you a fucking thirty five year old who's in love with you and she's gorgeous, What.

Are you doing with me?

Like, I honestly don't even know, but I do actually understand it.

I would say, I don't understand it, but I do understand it, because we're all just human.

You can't assign a brain, a life.

A purpose, an identity, and a value to a number to an age like you can't just be like, you're hot and you're young, and yes you may be smart.

So I'm gonna assign a life of experiences to your body.

Have you traveled?

Do you speak languages, what do you like?

Do you know what I'm saying?

Do you know who the fucking begs are?

It's just it doesn't mean it's right or wrong.

It just means it's like your own pool, your own essence.

So don't get caught up in that shit.

But bring your fucking game correct, Okay, Because yeah, if you're divorced with three kids and you want to go out with a fifty five year old, good looking, wealthy man, he's got the option, he's got the menu of a younger man, and you do with younger men.

But it's not the same, and we all know it's not the same.

So pull your shit together and come intellectually, emotionally, physically correct.

And be fun and be alive.

If you're miserable and bitter and you're coming into this thinking that the world owes you something and that men are just assholes because they choose to go out with young women, then you're not the right person for this thing.

Okay, you're right if you come and you're like, I'm confident, I'm fun, I'm alive, I'm sexy, I'm flirty, I'm smart, I'm entertaining, i am caring, compassionate.

I'm a good parent.

If you're a parent, I'm a good person, and I bring something to the fucking table.

I have purpose.

I have something that I have to do somewhere that I have to be.

Something I add value to, something I'm helping with.

I volunteer.

I'm good at sports.

Going to Lululemon, buying a workout outfit, getting a latte, exercising, and buying a Chanelle bag is not a purpose or a skill set.

Okay, that is not it.

That can and also you could be hot and that could last for six months to a year, to three years to five years.

You have the kid, you have the next kid.

Things move quickly and you can like get away with a lot.

But the minute the lights go on and someone realizes that you've been hiding behind purposes that aren't defined by just like you, not attached to another being that you're taking care of, not attached to an item that you're buying, attached to like what you bring value to.

That's what men are interested in.

And you better fucking believe it, because I'm not stuttering.

Okay, So j Lo has been alone for a minute that we know of, and she's reflecting on her relationship with Ben and all her relationships because she seemingly is doing things differently and doesn't want it to be public as much as it used to be.

And she loves love, so she couldn't help sharing the love, sharing the letters, sharing the relationships, sharing all the information on the reality show or the documentary, which I get.

So now she's on Howard Stern and he says, did she think any of them truly loved her?

About all of her men?

And I think she might have five rings.

I think she might have more rings than Tom Brady.

And she said, no, it's not that she's not lovable, it's that they weren't capable.

And I don't think she realized what she was saying.

I mean, I think she did, but she kind of thought like she was giving them a hall pass to that they just couldn't do it because they didn't have the emotional capacity.

But they're amazing people and like almost like you can't ask a.

Dog to be a cat.

So then she would be criticizing herself for the way she chooses and her picker, which I also get, But it would be very difficult to believe that all five men that she chose like successful, wealthy men that she chose all five are incapable of love.

That just sounds preposterous, Like that sounds far fat.

I don't know how you could say that all the men that were with you were all incapable of love.

It just doesn't even see mathematically plausible or correct.

And I just don't know if that's not taking accountability on your own, even for just like the choices or choosing the wrong combination, or the lifestyle hundreds of hours of glam and travel and perfection and paparazzi, and I have knowledge about this life.

I live in the corners, not even the far corners.

Of this life.

I don't roll as deep as like a Kim Kardashian or j Lo as it pertains to the number of forward facing things that I will agree to.

Like just today, I was offered some big TV opportunity, but it involved me getting up at four o'clock in the morning, and I'm like, I just love my health and my well being more than that six figure number, because I don't want to get up at three thirty in the morning to do this thing on TV.

I just don't because I want to feel healthy and happy and there's no number that can make me wake up in the morning at three o'clock to do hair and makeup when it will involve me being away from my daughter, when I've been traveling a lot, when I want to feel healthy and sane and happy and together and present and loving so like.

But if I was someone who took every nickel and went to every amazing event that I'm invited to, it would be not stop.

And I just think that that's a very hard relationship dynamic to be in, having experienced it.

Okay, so I started seeing someone from my past.

Now I'm dating, I'm open, I'm dating, and i have a dynamic about myself that I've recognized that I don't know how many of you do this, have done this, have experienced this.

I have a toxic trait, a pattern or something that draws this to me where certain men decide that I'm their person.

They decide, and because of how strongly they've decided this, I just sort of aimlessly wander into it because it's an orbit that is intoxicating and so flattering, and it feels like it's going to save you and make all your dreams come true.

So I can say this because he passed away, and he's one of many times as has happened.

But Dennis, my ex who passed away, loved me for years and years and years without me really realizing it.

Meaning the first time I ever realized it for sure was I overheard him talking to two people the first time we ever.

We didn't even really go out out, we just went out as friends after all these years, and he used to say all these things to me, and I heard him in the other room when they asked him, how do you know Bethany, And he said, I've been in love with it for thirty years or thirty two years or something, and I was like what.

I didn't believe him.

And over the years he had always reached out to me and said such incredible things to me.

He was intrigued by me for years.

He later said he felt that he had thought of me for years, felt connected to me for years, and at the time that we got together and he pursued me, he basically professed his undying love for me.

And I was shocked because it was so sudden for me because I had known him for so long, but he had assigned everything he felt about me onto me, as if I was going to be at his pace, and this happens to me.

This is a recurring thing that happens to me.

It's so intoxicating how much someone loves me and how well someone would treat me, does treat me, and how they feel about me that I have a very difficult time ascertaining what I feel about it, because part of what I love about it is how much the person loves me versus it being a baseline decision of okay, let me stop, let me think about what I'm looking for and does this person fit everything?

And you know, as.

We get older and as I guess, the options are fewer, which I haven't really felt that because I've never had a shortage, but it's still different, and there are people that wouldn't go out with me because of my age.

I mean, these are facts.

Age is not just a number.

Age is a fact.

As I've gotten older, different things have been attractive to me.

And someone who does want to love and take care of you and dote on you is very attractive.

And in fact, I did fall in love with Dennis because of it, Like I don't know that he was a great love of my life, Like I don't know that I was madly in love with him, but I loved him like I was connected to him, and part of him loving me so much was the reason.

So it's a difficult thing to separate the two.

And you know, people always say you should find someone who loves you more than you love them, like it does hurt to be like grasping and clamoring for someone who kind of doesn't have it for you quite the same way.

And some people want to be the doter the lover.

Some people are comfortable in that position.

Some people want to like shower the other person with everything and women and men, and some people aren't comfortable with receiving it.

Some people want to give it.

Some people are more comfortable with receiving it.

Some people don't want to receive it.

They don't love them selves enough, they don't value themselves enough, they find it to be a turn enough, they find it to be an ick.

So I'm navigating all of those things, you know.

I know I want things to be more easy to go around, and I know I want to be loved and to feel loved, and I don't have a family, and I want family, but I want to make sure that I get into a car that I fully want to get into, not just because of how much someone is presenting the car or telling me how great the car is for them, or how much you know the person is in love with me or positive that I'm their person.

I have to make my own decisions for myself.

You can't love someone just because of how much they love you want to wat to the coasts turn