I am breaking the do not enter police line, do not cross dating seal.

The b is back now.

I'm not coming in with a vengeance because dating can feel like a buffet where if you don't make good choices, you indulge on a bunch of crap that makes you feel sick and you don't even know what you ate.

So I have taken what's almost eight months, to not date, to be celibate, to be selective, to reflect, to do the therapy, to do the work, to be alone, to use my solitude to think about what I really want, to not settle, to not do the just go.

It might be fun to not go out with.

The younger, washboard ab Italian guy, because I'm bored and that would make me feel sick anyway.

That's like junk food.

And I don't want someone in my house that I don't like.

I don't want to be at someone else's house.

Like I want to be selective.

I might picky you better fucking believe it.

Why Because I know I do have a lot of opportunity.

I do happen to have several suitors.

I have a good personality, I'm fun, I'm smart, I don't need someone's money.

I'm not a gold digger, but I don't want someone who can't afford me.

So I've been super selective.

And what has that process taught me?

Of being bored and alone and sort of not just like going out just to have a drink with someone just because just in case, like none of that.

What it's done is it's been like buying a house, where when you buy a house, you choose what you want.

You say ahead of time, Okay, you're going in, you have a price range, and you say, I want a house, or I want a condo, or I want an apartment, or I want to rent or whatever whatever you're doing, and I want these things.

I want to be by the beach.

I want to be by the lake.

I want to be by the golf course.

I want to be by the town.

I want to be in a cul de sac.

I want to be near other kids.

I want to be in a good school district.

I want to be in houses next to each other because it'll be more social for my kid when riding a bike.

I want to be on a farm.

I want to be secluded.

You decide where you want to be, okay, then you decide what you want it to be.

Are you choosing brand new, sparkling perfection, new construction, engineered wood floors, turn the key on the door, walk in, and everything's perfect, but you're paying a premium.

Or are you choosing fix or upper.

Are you choosing a building that has tons of amenities, dry cleaning, a gym, very social, big place may have an indoor pool.

Or are you choosing intimate and charming and more like pre war or privacy or bigger apartment because you don't have any amenities, so you're getting a bigger apartment and you're getting a smaller lobby.

Same thing happens on a vacation when you go away to a hotel.

You decide what you want, and everyone wants something different within the hotel, within the house, what are you choosing.

You may come in saying I want a bathtub, I want high ceilings, I want brightness.

I want multiple little rooms because I have to hack it up for my friends.

I want one giant open space.

I want an open kitchen.

I want the elevator to open onto my floor, or I want to walk up the stairs, or I want a doorman, or I don't want a dorm in because I want privacy, Okay, you say all of these things that you want.

You want a view, you want to be near the school, whatever the thing is.

Okay, So now you have made your list.

Here's what will happen.

This is what happens with the house.

You came in and you set your sites high, of course you did, but then reality sets in and you may not find everything you want in your price range.

Okay, unlimited funds, then the sky's the limit.

If you're brilliant, you're funny, you're stunning, supermodel, you're a male Cloney, You've travel all over the world, you're a human rights lawyer or whatever.

Then you get George Clooney.

Okay, but for the most part, and even supermodels they always have to change their desires all the time.

For the most part, you go looking for a house and then you start to decide what is worth giving up and how the puzzle will shift.

So you're going to look for a house and you realize, wait, like my thing, my non negotiable in Florida and in ever moving from my Hampton's house for me was sand an ocean, not bay, not lake, not boat, not dock, not farm, not anything like.

Non negotiable was water I don't need that in New York City because I can't use it.

I can't walk on a beach, I can't swim.

So now I have four homes.

Two are sort of more for business purposes, meaning like Miami and New York City are like kind.

Of right off workplaces.

But also we're good invest and also aren't huge, and I could sell them for more than I paid right now, and I feel good about keeping them because everything I do is an investment as it pertains to real estate, personal real estate, which is the only real estate I invest in, and like, so all of my homes unrelatable sentence, but this is the truth.

Are on or near the water, a beach and swimming usable water.

That's what I want.

That's my happy place, that's my therapy.

That's a non negotiable item.

You may have things that are just non negotiable, Like I really did not want to move to Florida and not be at the beach, but I also really didn't want my daughter to not be near a town, and I almost settled.

So then you're by the beach, but then you're really secluded and you can't just go run and get something.

So I ended up really prioritizing being near some version of a town and the beach, which is not that easy, and those are like non negotiables.

Okay, the beach was really no negotiable, but the town became more important because it was important to my daughter.

My daughter had things for her that were no negotiable.

For her.

It was she did not want to be in a condo.

She wanted to be in a home, backyard, her friends, her fantasy.

She's had some challenges in her life, in our personal situation, and I want her to have that happiness, that provincial life with other kids and so like, that was something that she I rarely don't take into account what she wants.

She's an amazing person.

She's such a light in my life, and she's so sweet, and I want her to be happy and so non negotiable.

So now when.

You get to the house, you are thinking of what you're willing to compromise on, right Are you willing to compromise on privacy?

Are you willing to compromise on a basement which they don't even have them in Florida, or a guest house which I've had in other places for privacy?

Or do I have an office that's separate.

Do I like, what are the things we're not willing to compromise on.

I, oddly, in this particular move, for the first time, got everything I wanted.

I am very close to the beach, not on it, so I sack not being on it because I could have been on it if I was going to be in a condo, but my daughter didn't want that.

So to be on the ocean in a home is much harder in Florida.

So I'm next to it, literally right next to it.

But I'm saying when I look outside, it's not like my Hampton's house where I see the water.

So that's one compromise.

Okay, I was willing to move that puzzle piece on the board because of the circumstances.

And then the list goes on and on and you determine how it's going to work.

But this is all to say that dating is not unlike this.

So you might say, I want a man that is this height, this age, this religion, lives in this general area or these two areas, has one home, has multiple homes, has two kids, has three kids, whatever.

Okay, then you get into reality and the pieces will move.

And someone was trying to set me up with someone and I told them exactly what I wanted, but I changed one of the pieces because of a situation.

So there's a certain success level that I would like.

Okay, there's a certain success level that I would like.

I'm loud and proud about it.

I am very successful.

I don't want anyone else to feel inferior or insecure.

I've dealt with that in many different ways.

I've gotten bullseye to understanding what I need and don't need.

I've never been at this point in my entire life known exactly what I need and don't need because I took this time to be quiet and think about all of the mistakes that I've made in all of the cars that I've gotten into that were going in the wrong direction.

So there's a certain success level that I wanted.

I decided to make an exception for one person because the person was younger, very successful now.

The younger and the very successful now equals how successful they're going to be.

This could be some version of a partnership.

I could actually help this person be successful.

Meaning if I was dating someone ten years older than myself, I want to know that they were pretty establish where they are because they're not like in their business prime, and where they are going to be success wise is where they're landing.

And you could do this in your twenties and thirties too, by the way, So where they are in their success life, yes, they could become very successful in their sixties and seventies.

Anything can happen.

So for that I would require that they are at a different financial and business success level and power level and accomplishment level.

Then if someone is slightly younger than me, I said to this person, no, this guy actually could work.

But if someone was brilliant and funny and powerful and lived in the right places, I might settle on.

The looks I don't want to.

So I chose in this equation to tell the person who wanted to set me up with someone else.

I was like.

They were like, wait, this person isn't as successful as you were talking about.

I'm like, right, but look at how old they are, look at how good looking they are, how tall they are, look at the schools they went to, and look exactly where they live.

And look that they don't have five kids.

They have five kids.

Like no, So even if they're handsome and successful, those two things cancel it out.

So what I'm saying is you have.

To really be very clear on what you want and what your puzzle is and kind of don't settle.

You can move pieces around and adjust, but you better have a real good justification to yourself as to why you're doing that.

I don't want to go out with someone until I'm excited.

Why not because I'm an expert on it.

And yes, in your life you could be surprised, But think about how many times in your life you were not excited and you were pleasantly surprised by someone who wasn't your physical type, didn't live where you wanted them to, wasn't successful enough, something they had turned you off.

How many times have you gone on that date and had it be good?

Because mine is probably zero to one if any I don't remember any.

So I don't want to go unless I'm excited because it probably will be a disappointment anyway.

Not to be negative, I'm saying, it's just like, ah are so I want to be really excited because if you go and you second guess yourself and you knew you shouldn't go, and then it's bad.

You could go low.

You could go depressed.

It's like that buffet that you ate all the wrong things and you're like disgusted by it because you don't even know what you did and why you did it.

Then you don't want to go the next time, and there's a really good one.

So don't go unless there's a really good reason.

Actually, my last house in Connecticut, I only wanted a house that had a pool.

I settled on that, but my broker was like, it has all these other things, and I went, and I was glad that I ended up going because I heard him out on all the other things.

But you better have other things to make up for what you're sacrificing, and don't delude yourself just to like match up with what you're doing, like don't get in the wrong car.

So I'm excited about starting to date because I've been tight and right and rock solid and exactly what I want.

And it is a puzzle and I can't wait until I get it right to tell you how I got it right.

And I'm really not going to be sharing like a lot about specific dates about people and specifics or what happened or didn't happen.

And when something is right, I'll just tell you guys.

Something is right.

It feels right.

But I'm not going to get into details because I really want to keep this private.

I do believe that like my profile and my what I do for a living and all this craziness and my pajamas and my grays and my shit show and this fucking calamity probably to scare some people, but maybe it doesn't.

I have no fucking idea, but I'm definitely ready.

So last night I did something really problematic.

Let me tell you the story.

Let me set the stage.

Here's what I did.

I had someone working with me at my house, my home that I owned that I paid for with my own big girl money, and we were just talking and I offered her it was like probably six o'clock, five thirty, I don't care if it was nine am, but I offered her a drink and we had a couple of SIPs of a margarita.

Then she departed.

Then I saw a Miley Cyrus song on TikTok that I love that you already know about.

Was in pajamas because I had just shot something that required pajamas.

Was having a drink and I got up on the counter and I did a Miley Cyrus dance to a sound.

My dance to Miley Cyrus's sound.

I had a great time.

I was home alone.

My daughter informed me she was going for a botchy with her friends because she's a tenant.

I'm a landlord, which we're going to get into soon.

I am officially missus roper slash mcaulay Culkin.

Home alone.

So we're about to describe to you the difference between TikTok and Instagram.

And it's a fact, it's true.

No one disagrees, it's not even up for discussion.

But I'm just going to tell you.

I'm going to highlight something that you may not know.

And if you're on both of those apps, you do know.

And if you're on one of those apps, you'll understand how those different neighborhoods relate to one another and don't have they contrast and compare.

So I then had trolls on Instagram TikTok.

Fine, you could do whatever you wanted TikTok.

You could hula hoop naked okay.

On the other app, Instagram, the Betty Bowling, Alley, Karen Middle Aged bake Sale, Marriott Christmas Party, lanyard name tag, Dusty Vibrator crew.

They come in and they're like, looks like someone drinking alone.

I'm like, yes, yes, it is guilty.

Is charged?

Asked an answered, my own house, my own drinks, my own body, my own choice, my fourth home, my fourth luxury home that I purchased, my own money from the cocktail that I created, that I invented that I sold to get myself on the cover of Forbes magazine.

But like a.

Bunch of those like Dusty Old, like Miserable, Oh pray for her daughter.

I had one drink and it was like a water down sort of wine based drink.

Got on my pajamas early started watching High Town Eating Chips sober.

As a goalpost.

That is Instagram.

You could post something that is like slightly askew but funny, and on Instagram they're so literal.

Instagram is like the rule following bakesale mom that comes into He's like, well, now you're only supposed to have one parking spot, or you're supposed to park behind the yether line.

You're supposed to get your application and by that day, well, the costumes need to be sewn by June ninety nine.

Because this is like Reese Witherspoon from Elections Mom, who's just like worried about every rule, the ultimate loser rule follower that is just no fucking fun, right.

I live on Bad Mom's Christmas Talk.

Okay, so I got But where you're on Instagram, they are in the lobby of a midtown Marriotte at the Christmas party, having one and a half drinks with a glass of water in between, having two little ardeuvs.

They're on the Weight Watchers Points program or Jenny Craig or whatever they're doing.

But there's secretly swilling wine with others right before the fucking pot luck where they're gonna call you next Tuesday to make sure you gave them back their stained, scratched tupperware.

So that person is at the Lanyard Lobby Christmas party and they're.

Sell impressed by celebrities.

Right Meanwhile, the fun people on TikTok are on the rooftop hula hooping, dancing with tassels on their titties.

And that's the difference.

And I have a residence in the Lanyard Lobby community, but I go up to that rooftop and I want to have fun.

So yes, if you ask me, did I have a drink alone in my own casa that I built with my own fucking money.

I don't have to sleep with some fat, hairy remote control hugging golf playing.

Hey Dan, how's your game doing?

Hit them straight?

Is it raining all day?

Is a Tuesday all day bob, because that's that woman's husband, My own body, my own choice.

And Betty Bowling Alley, who's complaining about what time I showed up at the bake sale and l is it gluten free?

Is it net free as it taste free as it's soul free?

That woman she pays my bills because she watches my content way longer and is up for every video so she can come in on her keyboard with her cape and sword and shield and fight me every day.

So not only do I say you're welcome, but to Betty Bowling Alley, thank you.

And I'm starting to hit my stride and I'm starting to feel good in this complete dry streak.

That's an intentional dry streak.

That's a celibate intentional So now I'm not breaking my non dating diet.

If it's not worth it, it's got to be expensive shit that is worth it.

I am whil watching shark fishing.

It has to be exactly what I want.

So I do have a fish on the line.

I do have a fish that just jumped on the line.

You will never know anything about them.

Not a bread crumber.

It's a you connected.

The person asked you for a date, you said, yes, date is being set.

Anything else is ridiculous.

Some other guy came in, Hey did you see this?

Did you read that?

Where do you live?

What are you doing?

Upside downside, sideways up to guess what?

You could ask me the five questions.

Yes, I have kids, I live here, I live there, I go here, I go there, I'm that, I'm this, I want this, I want that.

Make a fucking date.

I do not want a pen pal.

I don't care about what books you're reading at all.

I don't care.

And no, because you're reading The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and I'm not.

But I read it years ago, or I don't know how to read, or I need flash cards.

It doesn't mean we're gonna be compatible or not.

This is what I want, This is what I don't want.

This.

Where I live is where I don't live.

I'm interested, I'm open.

Let's go or get the fuck out, piece, the fuck out scram ain't nobody got time.

Nothing feels cleaner than matching with someone and just deleting and expiring goodbye, and for them to meet too.

You don't like what you see in this window, walk on by, walk on by.

We don't need to waste each other's time.

No, thank you.

We can cosplay.

You could be at the dunkin Donuts drive through window.

I could drive by, order a latte, ask you three questions.

I'll know right away.

You don't even have to take me for a full drink.

Hand me a latte.

I'll know right away whether we're right for each other.

And so will you?

Let me get the fuck out of here.

Here's my four ninety nine and a thirty five percent tip.

Piece the fuck out.

Nobody has the time, and there should be like a rule.

After fifteen minutes, you have the lease option to buy.

I've come to meet you for drinks fifteen minutes and I can be like, I don't think this is gonna work me neither.

By.

Go do what you gotta do, get a hooker, get a meal, jerk off, watch TV, watch Game of Thrones, do whatever you want to do.

I understand your time is precious.

Nothing is more valuable, which is why I've waited this long to date people.

In my comments, ooh no, wonder she's alone exactly.

That's not an insult.

If dancing on my counter by myself is a reason I'm alone, fuck off, good, good, then I should be alone because if there's not a man that's going to understand that when he's watching the game or sleeping, that I'm gonna go danceairs, make myself a drink in flower pajamas and dance on my countertop, then I would rather be alone.

Biggie and Smallest didn't have a problem with it, and they are grown ass furry men.

Let's talk about dating profile red flags.

This is so good because I really am excellent at this.

Okay, so this is some obvious stuff, but let's just warm up.

The person's worst picture is the closest to what they actually look like.

Person's worst picture is the closest to what they actually look like.

Okay, everybody can have a good day.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

The height they will lie within two inches, okay, saying that they're two inches taller.

If someone shows a big house, a nice car, or a private plane, or them next to a celebrity, or them like flexing on some podium or with like a known like professional sports team behind them, you know what I mean, Like they're at the super Bowl or something, or they're then it's a red flag because it means that they are showing off something they probably don't really have.

So you might find your own version of that, like whatever that is.

But if it's something that is some version of showing something off that it's like a flex, then they want to prove something.

A real guy.

Has it but isn't going to show it even with Okay, so a shirtless photo or a tank top at the gym photo, Like there has to be some way that they would be smart enough to take a picture that you know they have a good body, but they're not in a tank top, or that you would understand that they're wealthy from their job description or where you find out that they live, what area it is, et cetera.

But not by like being in front of a fancy sports car.

These things are red flags because the ones who show that, like there was a guy that I saw and he lived in his town is an expensive town, like obviously even expensive towns have in expensive houses, but it was an expensive town and he was standing in front of a very expensive house, Like I could tell that the house was millions of dollars, and I later came to find that it wasn't that person's house.

So that's like the equivalent of when someone's sitting inside a private plane, Like it's either that the person's side of a private plane and so insecure and the plane isn't really theirs, or they were wance on someone else's plane and now you think they have a plane, but then like you just it's just a red flag if someone's posting like that, like inside of a private plane, if someone's posting next to someone famous.

For me, it's absolutely cringe because I know so many famous people, and then it means that they're impressed by fame, and like like I've seen people in in profile picks next to sharks, and I'm like, I'm friends with these people, Like it's just they're so impressed.

It's just also that they're trying to show you that they're hobnobbing with people.

So even if you aren't friends with famous people, there's just some version of a cringey flex.

So look for whatever version that is.

I also and I bet you don't do this, like really zoom into the background in their house and you can tell if it's their house probably, or if it's like a vacation lobby or if it's a hotel room or something.

You know, you could sort of tell.

But like, I'll look in at like I'll see someone with like a leather sofa, and I'm like a boy abort in twenty twenty five.

I Am not going to date someone who has a other sofa, so like, oh, you'll see the window treatments or is their counter messy or like is it still like friggin old wood paneling kitchen cabinets?

Like I know it sounds crazy, and you can have whatever yours is.

You could have whatever yours is.

You could see an ashtray and hate smokers, it's not about me.

You could see a bunch of liquor and think of they drink too much.

You don't drink whatever.

They have a bracelet on your note into man jewelry.

I don't know what it is, but for me, I really look and I aborted yesterday because I found out that they live in a not great house.

But like post it in front of like a palatial mansion.

Like that's false advertising.

That's false advertising.

When people battled me years ago about how I felt about being in person versus at home work, it was a.

It was a controversial thing.

And the truth is, I have realized I'll spend time in person with people that I work with, that I love and I loved work with, that I idate with, that I produce with, that I brainstorm with, and when we are together, we laugh, we connect.

It's a different experience.

And it's the same thing with my friends.

My relationships with my friends ever since the pandemic and being older and more obligations and living in different places, has gotten really like formulaic.

I had a long distance relationship like that.

It's not the same as in person now.

You can define whether it needs to be every day or occasionally.

But the pandemic was good and that it allowed us and fostered us and taught us how to produce from home.

But we've aired in a direction that I don't think is great.

Like I go a long time without human connection now as I used to not, and I get a lot more done when I'm in person with my people, and when I spend quality time with my daughter.

You can't do anything from Afar like that, so I just wanted to mention that to the aster

Aster, to the conser