[SPEAKER_00]: Hello and welcome to another solo episode of the Mark Bros Podcast.

[SPEAKER_00]: Today we are diving into authenticity.

[SPEAKER_00]: What does it really mean?

[SPEAKER_00]: It's a buzzword, but what gets in the way of our self-expression.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I love this quote from Africa Brook, which is, live as if you're already canceled.

[SPEAKER_00]: It really demonstrates and speaks to this idea of expressing yourself [SPEAKER_00]: really recognizing that there could be a cost to belonging.

[SPEAKER_00]: There could be a cost to how you're perceived socially.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now, that is one of the greatest forces of influence upon us is how our social circle peers, just people in general will respond to our self-expression.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think we live in a time now more than ever where we're just coming out of, [SPEAKER_00]: how culturally there's been a lot of opposition to any conversation that opposes what might be called the sort of predominant narratives.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now, I would say these narratives are the narratives that are pushed by news outlets, propaganda, et cetera.

[SPEAKER_00]: And we really saw this get to a head with the occulted.

[SPEAKER_00]: In that space, if you said anything that was oppositional, even if you talked about [SPEAKER_00]: how to create a healthy functioning immune system, you could get censored on places like here, you could get censored on tech platforms.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so there's this codependency is at the root of this.

[SPEAKER_00]: I call this collective codependency that there's a prioritization of other people's thoughts and feelings.

[SPEAKER_00]: So we're sourcing safety and security from something else or someone else at the cost of ourselves.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that's because all humans have two needs.

[SPEAKER_00]: We have the need to belong, and we have the need to be authentic, [SPEAKER_00]: and when authenticity threatens belonging, belonging usually wins, till it doesn't.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so that essentially means that if you being you cause your relationship, you're going to not be you to keep the relationship.

[SPEAKER_00]: So we've talked about this before that that's the root of codependency that I'm saying that being connected to you matters more than being connected to myself.

[SPEAKER_00]: But the cost of that over time is inflammatory.

[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to get gut issues.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, if you think about it at the root of how an autoimmune disease works [SPEAKER_00]: It is the body, combating itself.

[SPEAKER_00]: And think about when you are wearing a mask and pretending that you believe in things you don't actually think and believe, you're actually going to experience that very abandonment of yourself that you're in opposition to your internal truths.

[SPEAKER_00]: So to live in a way that you self express, [SPEAKER_00]: at the potential cost of relationships.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, obviously, we have to be strategic about things because I think authenticity does not mean the absence of strategy, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like if you were just always you all the time to everybody, that wouldn't always be helpful, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like you can't just be transparent and open to an abuser, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: You can't just give all your information and all your vulnerabilities to a narcissistic person, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: Because they'll leverage them against you.

[SPEAKER_00]: So [SPEAKER_00]: Authenticity also has to have strategy, but here's the real catch on this.

[SPEAKER_00]: Instead of feeling like you have to wear a mask, like you don't have a choice in it, you're putting it on and taking it off when the time is appropriate.

[SPEAKER_00]: So it comes from a place of choice instead of from a place of an adaptive strategy or a trauma or both.

[SPEAKER_00]: So really recognizing that when you begin to heal codependency, it tends to take the space of your romantic relationships.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I notice that I'm self-sensoring.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't advocate for my needs and wants.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not standing for myself.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm noticing that the cost of that is that I feel resentful of other people.

[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I don't get to be myself around other people.

[SPEAKER_00]: I really go into the martyr, feel like, what about my needs?

[SPEAKER_00]: And no one notices how much I give and how much I do.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's this, I'm going to give, but it's really under a secret contract of getting something, the recognition, so it's very much the martyr.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so what happens is, is in order to resolve this, we have to begin to stand in our own truth, because if you think about it, like the adaptive strategy of people pleasing is really young.

[SPEAKER_00]: right so you learned it really young so the origins of it are both your family of origin likely like with your mother your father may be both but also maybe your culture that wasn't okay for you to speak say be right like in Australia they have the the tall poppy syndrome like don't be too big [SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, we have these conversations like, don't be too emotional, too loud, too funny, too whatever, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: To angry, too sad, we just have these like, cultural limitations on what it looks like to be a good person, quote unquote.

[SPEAKER_00]: Even think about how we talk about emotion.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's good emotion and there's bad emotion.

[SPEAKER_00]: No, emotion just is.

[SPEAKER_00]: Emotion is information.

[SPEAKER_00]: that allows you to assess your environment because if you're experiencing sadness or anger or both, it's informing you that you need to change things and you need access to anger in order to access boundaries.

[SPEAKER_00]: Being able to recognize that when you're beginning to heal your codependencies, it will show up in your romantic relationships, but it will also show up in the friendships that you've created that are based on you being a chameleon.

[SPEAKER_00]: So this hyper level of responsibility [SPEAKER_00]: that I have, that made it so I had to pretend to like things I like or like suppress my emotions and feelings and that origin wound is painful.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm upset about it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a victim of my circumstances that created that, that's true.

[SPEAKER_00]: And now, in order to step out of the energetic of a child and get into relationships with people, [SPEAKER_00]: You have to enter the energy of an adult, and so this initiatory process is going to come through your relationship patterns, but it also is going to come in how you express what you stand for, what your values are, and how you relate to people who you disagree with.

[SPEAKER_00]: Are you willing to share how you truly feel in order to stand and protect for yourself and for what you value?

[SPEAKER_00]: Now a lot of [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just going to call it that, because let's be honest, the sensors are all over all this stuff.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because the whole cultural narrative was, if you are uncertain or hesitant, then you are anti, can I say Vax?

[SPEAKER_00]: You're anti the shot, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: And so no one wanted to be seen as anti the shot, because we shame anyone who is hesitant about getting any mend of going, oh, [SPEAKER_00]: not any medical intervention, just that medical intervention.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so we had all these people who their job was on the line, well, being their rent, their food.

[SPEAKER_00]: And we said we didn't force anybody, but whenever you put someone under a dress like that, that is a violation of informed consent.

[SPEAKER_00]: But my point is, is that a lot of people suppress their self-expression and agree to do something in order to fly in order to go to restaurants in order to play sports.

[SPEAKER_00]: for their kids, etc.

[SPEAKER_00]: And those are all valid.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's no shame in that.

[SPEAKER_00]: We just have to recognize where we have had access points to self abandonment in order to maintain group cohesion, but in doing that we abandon ourselves.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I really want you to start to think about.

[SPEAKER_00]: Where in your life do you prioritize belonging over your authentic self-expression?

[SPEAKER_00]: And this isn't about burning everything down, but this is about how do you, you know, I was thinking that song like, allow me to reintroduce myself, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, how do you do that?

[SPEAKER_00]: Terry Cole has this great line where she talks about boundaries, where she says that there's a new sheriff in town.

[SPEAKER_00]: So, how does this sheriff enter the town?

[SPEAKER_00]: How do you reveal yourself to the people around you and start to take the mask off and be able to expose who you what you truly feel?

[SPEAKER_00]: I was reading a study recently that there's a very high percentage.

[SPEAKER_00]: I can't remember it with something like 38 percent of college students are afraid to share how they actually feel about politics and their true beliefs.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that shows you that we are in a culture that does [SPEAKER_00]: And in order to create a culture that celebrates diverse thought, we have to be brave and expose our actual thoughts in a sort of homogenous thought process where there's just a central sort of narrative.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's very healing to express in that space.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it also is healing to a culture when we allow diversity of thought.

[SPEAKER_00]: And we're part of the conversations that [SPEAKER_00]: come to a wiser perspective that is only arrived at by bringing two oppositional or different perspectives.

[SPEAKER_00]: Every time you bring diversity into a space, especially diversity of thought, you end up with more brilliant thoughts.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's just a rule of how it works.

[SPEAKER_00]: Anyways, much love, I hope this helps you.

[SPEAKER_00]: Think about that and I'd love to hear in the comments where do you most suppress your self-expression and what would be a way that this week you could begin to expose yourself, emotionally, vulnerability, conversationaly, and some of your beliefs.