Welcome to Redesigning Life.

I'm your host, sabrina Soto, and this is the space where we have honest conversations about personal growth, mindset shifts and creating a life that feels truly aligned.

In each episode, I'll talk to experts in their fields who share their insights to help you step into your higher self.

Let's redesign your life from the inside out.

Hello, hello, hello, hello.

Hi, palak, hi, thank you so much for joining us on Redesigning Life.

I am so excited to have you on.

I am excited about this conversation because what you stand for is something that I'm trying to implement in my own life.

So we'll get to that in a second.

But before we get started, can you tell our listeners a little bit about your background and your book and all of the things?

Yes, thank you so much for having me on, sabrina.

I'm excited about this chat.

They have enough in-person connection that they're experiencing things in real life through meaningful experiences and that they're being mindful of their digital habits just because of the digital era that we live in and how much it is a part of our day-to-day lives.

So I actually come from a 10-year corporate career background and seven years ago I launched my own company, imbiria, and it essentially helps women do all of these things, and now it's evolved into a social club.

I launched the book Beautiful Every Days earlier this year and my entire ethos is just wanting women to feel more fulfilled in their day-to-day lives.

Okay.

So, with that said, I feel like, more than ever because of social media, because our phones are always attached to us I mean, there are companies that make chains so that it actually is chained to your body it's impossible to disconnect, but I've noticed in my own life, especially last year I went on a seven-day retreat where they took away your phone and for the first time in years, I got to listen to my own gut and my own self and intuition and I would love to say that I've incorporated that into my life.

But I find it impossible in this day and age.

So can you give some tips on how to find silence or disconnect when we have so much on our plates, especially if you have kids?

Yeah, absolutely.

I love that you had that experience, though, because you know what it's like when you have that feeling.

And that's the key, because when you do have days off where you do that, you come back thinking how can I get this in my everyday life and how do I incorporate it into my day-to-day.

I actually want to say that the issue that we're having now is we're sort of part of this experimental era of people that you know.

Phones haven't been around that long, apps haven't been around that long, and so we're going through it and learning it as it's happening, which is sort of akin to when cigarettes were able to be smoked anywhere on airplanes, restaurants, all that and over time, there were guidelines in place and rules and regulations, and there was more safety warnings about the negative effects of it.

So I kind of compare it to that that we are, unfortunately, in the space where there aren't as many guidelines yet.

I think it will happen eventually, and we're seeing it with kids in school and a lot of those discussions that are being had.

But in terms of how to do it right now, unfortunately, it does fall on us as the consumers to take it in our own hands and take back the control, and we have to do that through little habits every single day that will stack over time, the same way that you would when it comes to your physical movement routine and being at the gym, the same way that you would when it comes to healthy eating.

It is one of those habits that you have to take it upon yourself if you want to see any change happen.

Okay.

So when you have a full-time job and you have a child or children and pets and a partner and just a million things that are pulling you in every direction and there aren't enough hours in the day to get all done, how do you physically put your phone down when you know that your to-do list is still a mile long?

So the first step would be to actually evaluate where your time is going, because all of us have this.

All of us feel that we are too busy.

We're living in a day and age where everything is about being busy.

Sometimes it's a badge of honor, but we also know that we're exhausted and so we know that something's got to give and it can't continue this way, because we're feeling overwhelmed, depleted, exhausted and have no time to do anything that we actually want to do and love.

So the first step would be to actually evaluate your time, because it is shocking and it is jarring if you look at your screen time and add up the time that you're spending on your phone, or if you're adding up the time that you're spending binge watching a show that probably doesn't even light you up.

It's just something that you think you're doing to disconnect, because it feels easy, and we're looking for easy things to do, right, so we end up doing those things, but what ends up happening is we're not doing things that are actually filling our cup.

So these things all leave us feeling depleted and not energized the way that a hobby might leave us feeling, or the way that going to a dance class or having dinner with friends might leave us feeling, and so the first step would be to evaluate your time and actually get a real picture of where your hours are going.

There will always Okay, wait, hold on.

Let's stop for a second there, because I just had a wow, because I am so busy these days working on one specific project.

It's a temporary busy, but it's really crazy.

And so to unwind, I'll listen to true crime podcasts because I don't want to do self-help, which is my normal, like audible, I don't want to think.

I want to listen to some sort of crime thing which is not lighting me up.

Obviously.

It's actually probably making me paranoid, but what I'm listening, what I hear, is, if I would have taken that one hour to play pickleball or something, instead I would feel less exhausted than listening to somebody getting murdered and getting away with it.

You got it.

You literally hit the nail on his head, because there are activities that we think that, by being able to tune out and stop thinking that, those are relaxing us, but they actually put our bodies into a heightened state.

So when it is true crime, which is fine because that's a lot of people's go-to choice, or whether it is like a drama on Netflix and you're binging that, it doesn't matter.

There's lots of you can choose.

There's an array of things that you can choose from these days, but the goal is to make a list of activities or things, even things that you haven't been able to do but you might be remotely interested in.

So let's say, you haven't taken up pickleball, but you keep hearing about it and thinking, oh, maybe I could play pickleball.

If you're remotely interested in it, add it to the list if you think that it could be something that might light you up in some sort of way.

And the goal is to have this go-to list of things that actually make you feel good and leave you feeling re-energized, re-inspired, motivated, calmer, like your nervous system's more regulated, because you're doing something that's filling your cup rather than depleting you.

And when you do find time in your schedule or you make time for those things, you're going to see that you're actually inherently more productive at work.

You're able to accomplish more in less amount of time because you're filling your cup.

From a personal standpoint, so now your overall well-being is being looked at, versus feeling like you're constantly on this hamster wheel that you can't get off of.

Yes, I never thought of it that way because I almost felt like it was a treat to myself to listen to something like that or to watch some crappy show on TV, because it's my I'm not thinking moment.

But I never thought it's actually worse.

It's making everything worse.

Yeah Well, you know what's funny about that?

That when you're playing pickleball or when you're immersed in a hands-on activity, you're actually not thinking.

Your mind is very immersed in whatever the act is of the thing that you're doing, so your brain is able to rest.

In those moments it might feel like you're doing work in terms of, oh, it's a physical activity and I have to, like, exert energy, but it's in a positive way, so your mind is getting the chance to rest and fully be present and fully immerse yourself in whatever it is you're doing in front of you.

That's why pottery classes have taken off in the past few months.

There's a lot of pottery studios popping up because people are looking for something that doesn't involve them thinking or planning or you know, they just get to show up and immerse themselves in something and it's a full in real life experience.

Although, I'm taking a pottery class.

It actually stressed me out, but that's just me.

That's because I'm a perfectionist and I'm like there's also that Cause.

That's like there's cooking classes, there's lots of classes you can do, and the whole goal is like leave the perfectionism at the door and do it for the sake of doing it, not being the best in class.

So there's also that which a lot of us, especially as women, I think, have to undo that thinking.

But if you do allow that to kind of be put aside, you can immerse yourself and have fun in the activity for just the sake of doing it, versus thinking you have to excel at it the way that you would want to excel at work or in other professional achievements.

What?

Okay, so that's number one is looking at our online time and how much time we're spending on whatever.

Fill in the blank Okay, what other things could we do?

So number two is all about human connection.

So we are in a time where we think that we're being connected to our network and our people and our community because we see what they're doing online.

So it gives us a false sense of feeling connected to the people around us.

You might know that someone went on vacation recently, or you might see that they're doing something with their kids, or it was their child's birthday, and in fact you actually aren't fully connecting with them like a like or a comment.

That's not true connection as humans.

When we say connect, that means connecting in person or having a one-to-one conversation with someone where you can read cues and feel their energy and understand their mannerisms and get feedback.

And it's a two-way loop.

It's not this one way, through a screen, feeling fulfilled.

You're not going to get the same effect.

So human connection is key and we're also in a time where people think that they're so busy so you're not having time to actually connect with the people that you care about.

That's what I was going to say.

You're like well, I'm so exhausted for my week.

The last thing I want to do is plan a dinner party.

Oh, my gosh.

And when somebody cancels plans on me, I'm like oh, thank you, Thank you.

When somebody cancels plans on me, I'm like oh, thank you.

Thank you.

It's funny and it's sad all at the same time, because it happens to me as well.

And you're like, you're celebrating the fact that someone's canceling, and that's when you know that there's something wrong in society, where we're all excited that plans are being canceled when really those are the things that should be lighting us up, and those are the things we should look forward to, and we say yes to things with the best intentions, and then the date comes around and we're like oh God, do I really want to drive across the city for that thing and do my hair and all the things?

No, I don't want to do any of it, exactly Because we're tired, right.

So at the end of the day, we feel tired and exhausted and depleted, but if we put all these little little things into place, we're going to see the changes and we're going to see that we feel less of that.

So, human connection being saying yes to the things that can actually make you feel fulfilled, and being surrounded by people that can light you up, that are not energy drainers but energy givers, the people that you love having around you, your friends, your family, whoever that is for you.

When you go out and see them in person.

You rarely will leave saying, oh, I wish I sat at home and scrolled on my phone instead, or I wish I watched that show instead.

If you're with people that truly light you up, then you will feel good when you leave and you'll realize oh, I actually want more of that in my life.

Like, why don't I do more of that?

That was so nice.

For example, I hear a lot of women say you know, when they went out to dinner with their girlfriends and they have such a nice time because they're so present that their phones are automatically put away.

Like you might take a few pictures of the food or with each other, but then you put your phones away.

You're immersed in the conversation.

If you're having good, deep conversations with people you care about, you are automatically going to be on your screen less.

That's just how life goes, and so it doesn't have to be a forced thing.

That way it's just like you know that's going to feel good.

Do more of it and you'll notice that you come back feeling really inspired and energized and like you filled your cup because you surrounded yourself with people that you, you actually want to be around, and so that's.

A second tip is don't say no to the invites because you think you're going to be like too tired, or you rather, if you have a valid reason and you're doing something that is better for you, then sure.

But if your reason is like, ah, I'm kind of like not feeling this because I'm too tired, I would recommend pushing yourself a little bit to see how you feel if you do end up going and the feelings that you get afterwards and how it actually leaves you feeling energized.

It's so well.

And that opens up another conversation of taking inventory of the people that are in your life.

Because if you are constantly saying no, or when people are just changing plans and maybe canceling plans and you're excited, maybe you have like, you're not in the right group of friends.

And I think for a lot of us, especially me in my 40s, you have a lot of people that are in your life, maybe through history, but not necessarily that light you up and that's another ball.

You know, that's another can of worms.

Yeah, that's a big part of it actually, because through the seasons in life and if you become a parent or you move cities, like there's going to be lots of different life events that occur.

And I hear that often from women like, oh, I have my friends from elementary school and we've been friends for so long, but then they hang out with a new group of women that might inspire them from, like a business standpoint and suddenly they're like oh, this feels really energizing.

I'm no longer like just gossiping about all the people that we know.

Yeah, it's like more like, oh, now I feel inspired, I want to take action.

Oh, I want to try this new thing that I heard about tonight.

So it is really important to sort of broaden your circle and be open to new connections to see where they can fill gaps in your life that are happening for you.

Yeah, absolutely Okay.

So that's number one.

Number two what's next?

The third one is all around healthy digital habits and just having that sort of control around, and it's self-discipline, it's willpower, it's all of these things, because there is no one that's gonna come and tell us hey, put your phone down, like it has to be.

You wanting this for yourself because you wanna live a life that feels more fulfilling than the time that you're spending potentially on a screen.

And look, there's a time and a place for it.

We all do it.

Tech is a part of our day to day.

It's impossible to say, oh, I'm going to like run off to the forest and do a digital detox for three months and still be able to work and make a living.

That just doesn't happen anymore.

So I know that people think that you can really only go so extreme.

It's like I can only have Instagram or I can completely not be on it.

It's like there has to be a happy medium there.

It's about finding the happy medium for you.

So for me that means I absolutely notice and I know when I wake up in the mornings, if my phone is the first thing I look at, it absolutely affects the way that my day goes.

I just feel a bit more frantic, my energy's a bit off.

I'm like worried about what I'm consuming, if an email came through that I'm thinking about.

So it's just a non-negotiable for me to like, even if it means waking up earlier, carving out that time for myself before I touch any of my devices.

How long do you go?

Mine's actually pretty long.

I do about an hour and a half to two hours before I touch anything, and that's me waking up early enough to say I'm going to fit in a workout, I'm going to walk my dog with my husband, I'm going to make a smoothie, I'm going to drink my lemon water like things that just light me up in the morning to make me feel good.

I don't have to do all those things every day.

I'm also not someone who's like those things every day.

I'm also not someone who's like I don't need a strict routine.

I'm very intuitive with myself, and so one day I might be feeling Pilates or yoga.

One day I'm like, oh, I'm going to do a HIIT workout because I need to like burn off some energy and sweat.

One day might be a slow walk for an hour just because I want to be out in nature more and I know I have a meeting heavy day.

So I'll typically do that in the mornings and then, after I feel like I've like filled my own cup and nourished my wellbeing, then I'll be like, okay, I'm sitting down to work for the day.

And when I sit down to work that's when I'm touching my tech, because then it's all a part of that system of work.

When we were going into offices, you know, years and years ago, even before not just before the pandemic, but if you look back to like 40 years ago, when you didn't have cell phones, you would have a train ride to work or you would be just like commuting without all of this noise coming in at you, and you had that space and the mental freedom to think and to let yourself be creative and allow your thoughts to run wild and just go from place to place without consuming.

So my number one rule for the mornings is just allow yourself to be and then, when you do get on your phone, try to create before you consume.

So if you are posting or you need to be doing stuff before you let energy kind of impact you on what other people are posting.

Do your best to get your creation out first before you like ingest all of this other stuff that might affect the way you feel about what you're putting out in the world.

It's just for me.

Well, okay, so I'm a business owner and I'm also in a occupation that there are.

No, it's not a nine to five, right?

So I have that on top of having an eight year old on top of, you know, on top of, on top of on top of.

So, yes, that sounds fantastic, but I also need sleep.

So I'm like I don't want to wake up an hour and a half before my alarm goes off, just so that I can just sit in a room, Like I, but I also.

It's so weird because I'm talking to you and then I also understand how important meditation is and how important being quiet is for your mental health.

It's like this dance that we're all trying to do that sometimes seems impossible.

Yes, it absolutely does seem impossible, and what I recommend to people is to not add things in but actually strip things away.

So we are in a time where we think we need to do all the things right.

You're like, oh, I have to work out, I have to sauna, I have to cold plunge, I have to meditate, journal, take care of my children.

All the things have a social life, work, all the things.

It's impossible to do it all.

If we really were to look at doing it all, because something's got to give whether that's going to be your mental health or time with people you care about or whatever something is going to or shaving your legs, exactly.

So something's going to have to give.

So, instead of thinking about all the things that you have to do and even looking at, don't look at self-care as a list of things you have to do.

Look at self-care as just well-being and what makes you feel good, and that could mean one thing that day that makes you feel good.

It doesn't have to be a laundry list of items that we're checking off the way that we would check off a work to-do list, like for me.

As I said in the mornings, I'm not doing all the things I'm reflecting and saying.

Do I have like five minutes right now?

Does that mean that I want to like journal, or do I want to just listen to a quick meditation?

Or maybe I'm just like playing some affirmations in the background while I get ready, and it might just be that, but it's something and it's a little habit and, as we know, habits stack over time and you start to notice when you're not doing them that you don't feel as good, and so you know it's a habit, just like brushing our teeth.

We brush our teeth and we know that if we didn't, we wouldn't feel good, so we do it.

The same thing can happen with little wellness hacks and habits.

You don't need a 10 step morning routine.

You don't need a 20 step evening routine either, like you absolutely do need good sleep and nourishing foods and movement and the basics of just being a human and what makes us feel good.

But you don't have to add all those things in.

And I also wanted to touch on your point about feeling like.

You know it's not a nine to five job.

When you own a business, you can be tethered to your phone and to your email, and all that literally 24 seven, and so it is hard to turn it off.

But if you are creating content for your business, my tip with that would be carving out separate times throughout the day to do different activities on social media, because social media is now just a virtual world, right Like we're living in the real world.

And then there's various activities we can do on social media, which involves maybe sending someone a DM, liking people's posts, scrolling through your feed, looking at stories, posting stories, posting content.

There's so many activities that you can do in that space, in that virtual space.

So carving out different times of the day for different purposes will allow you to be more intentional with the time that you're spending there.

It's like saying that you go somewhere physically and you have a list of like 30 things that you want to do when you get there.

It's very confusing and you don't know where to start and where it will end because you just are running through this sort of loop On social media.

If you know that you're going to go on with the intention of posting, allow yourself to just post and then get off for a bit and take a break and then, when you know you want to connect or you're trying to find someone to collaborate with, or you're doing some research for something and you need to look up a few accounts, carve out time to do just that, like if you're actually breaking down the activities, you won't feel as bad when you go on, because you'll know exactly what you're there for, instead of ending up doing something completely different that wasn't tied to the initial thing, and that's what leaves you feeling like, oh my God, where did two hours just go?

I just like spent two hours doing nothing.

What did I do with my time?

Yeah, it also bleeds into discussing boundaries and, like last night, I'll give you a perfect social media turns you into this guilty parent that turns you into, like this, go-getter.

But so a friend of mine posted that she had set up this cute little movie party for her kids.

And then I realized that I've been working so much that I told my daughter that we would watch a movie together.

And then we're watching the movie and I'm on my phone because I'm working on a project that starts next week.

So she had to say, mom, you know, I heard like mom get off your phone and I'm like my eight year old's telling me, telling me that it felt like she stabbed me in the heart and it's like, yeah, you're right, there has to be boundaries of it, doesn't you know?

It's going to have to wait.

Some things are just going to have to wait.

And the thing is, social media and our phones make us feel that everything needs to be urgent.

So it's very easy to fall into that trap that it needs to be answered right now.

But if you actually are mindful and noticing and assessing, you'll realize absolutely it can wait.

It can wait till tomorrow, it can wait till an hour from now.

It can wait.

It's very rarely unless you're saving lives.

It's very rarely as urgent as we make it out to be.

And I know there's so much pressure just from a work standpoint, like we're putting this pressure on ourselves.

There's external pressure, there's societal pressure, like there's so much pressure.

But if we take a step back and look at it from like this bigger picture universe standpoint, like we are just a little blip in all of it and we really got to get our perspective back, because we are in it right now and it feels like a tornado for most people.

It's just a flurry of things constantly coming at us and until we're able to take a step out of it, only then can change really start to be implemented, to get our control back of our time and our lives.

Yeah, and it is this self-imposed like pressure that I'm working on a project now, just to be specific, and my partner on the project is very much more relaxed than I am and we are CC'd on emails and I will text him and say you have to get back to so-and-so, and he's like it's Friday, I don't have to get back to anybody, it's Friday after hours.

This can wait.

But again, like we're so just under this, guys are under this idea that there are no business hours and we have to realize that it's okay.

It is okay to return to the.

The weekend is the weekend, you know yeah.

Actually there's a really good book on that called 10X is easier than 2X and it's all about having days for specific things and the authors talk about having free days.

And free days is that whole concept of back in the day when everything was closed on a Sunday.

Your time would be spent with your family, you'd be resting, you'd be recharging, you'd just be with your family doing things you love.

Some people would be going to church.

It's just like a day to reset that sounds magical.

Have you seen that meme that people were saying that social media.

They wish they had social media.

Yes, like a library.

Yes, it would be amazing.

Yes.

So, in absence of having someone else be able to give us those hours, those are the things that we can absolutely put on ourselves.

It's a lot of work to feel like, okay, we can get control over this, but it's like, do we want this app controlling our time in our lives or do we want to be able to control our time in our lives, like I think we all want the latter right.

So, yeah, the concept of having free days is so key.

They actually recommend two days a week, but even if it's one day a week where you are literally not working like you are just not working and there is scientific research based on the fact that if we take those days for rest and for doing activities with our families or people we love, or just for ourselves, going out for a walk in nature with no intention or purpose other than to have the free time, we will just automatically be able to give more to everything else in our life.

Our relationships will flourish, our work will do better, we'll be more focused, our weeks will go smoother.

We hear this all the time and I preach this all the time, and it's like anything else in your life.

You have to practice it, because I've fallen off the wagon of disconnection that, yeah, you just have to remind yourself.

But how did you even get so passionate about this?

That's a great question.

I've done some digging personally to be like, yeah, why am I so passionate about wanting to make the most of my every day but do it in a way that feels really fulfilling?

And if you asked me this question two years ago, I would have said, well, I started my company because I was craving a sense of community in my life.

I was working at the Toronto International Film Festival.

I was at TIFF for four years running their marketing for the festival and it was a very high stress job and I was craving more community.

Personally, I was like I want to make time for friends, I want to make time for plans, I want to go to a fitness class and be able to know the women's names, not just walk in and out and feel like, oh yeah, I did a workout and I checked it off without getting to know them and build a sense of community.

So that's initially why I started a company that really did pop up experiences all over Toronto to bring people together.

But then I dug a few layers deeper because I realized there's like a real inherent need for me to want to live a fulfilling life every day, and I realized that that mainly stems from when I was 15 years old.

My dad passed away suddenly of a heart attack, and so I was only 15 years old when it happened.

It was a complete shock to the family, thank you.

He was mowing the lawn outside in our new home in the backyard.

He had all these dreams and plans for himself and my mom to travel the world when he retired, and all the things that he would tell us all the time that he wanted to do.

But he was so busy trying to build this life through his work that he didn't ever get a chance to do it.

And it wasn't until I realized that I faced that for myself.

It's only when you go through a loss or a tragedy or something really big happens in your life that can shift your entire perspective and for me, that shifted my perspective to realize I don't want to wait till I'm retired to do these things.

I don't want to wait till I'm in my 60s and then I may not have the energy or the ability or I may not even get that time.

Like who knows, nothing's guaranteed in life.

And when you start to face the reality of all of us are going to face that one day, and that's the one thing that we know for certain is that we're not here forever.

Then you start to put things into perspective, to realize it is up to us to make our own lives beautiful every single day and to live them in a way that feels fulfilling, and to do the things that matter, and to put work into perspective.

And, yes, we want to make an impact and work To me.

I work a lot, but I've made my business my mission, and so they're intertwined and integrated.

Where I'm now talking about the things that I love, and so when I am promoting my book or I'm talking about an event, or I'm hosting an event, I'm bringing to life the values that I so strongly believe in, and so I'm able to live out that purpose, which has been a really beautiful flow circle moment for me.

I love that.

You're absolutely right.

Sometimes it takes horrible things and big tragedies in your life to put everything into perspective, tragedies in your life to put everything into perspective.

But I love that you are making that your mission in life and helping other people kind of take a beat.

Thank you.

And, yeah, I don't want people to have to face those tragedies to learn those lessons.

And that's exactly why I communicate the message, because I'm like I don't want you to have to go through a loss or something tragic, or somebody gets sick for you to stop and realize, oh, loss or something tragic, or somebody gets sick, for you to stop and realize, oh, when life is paused, that's when I'm actually dealing with the real things that happen in life, because real stuff comes up that matters so much more than the email that is waiting to be answered.

A hundred percent.

Thank you so much, palak.

For anybody listening in the show notes, I will have her Instagram, your website, also a link to her book, which is Beautiful Every Days, and you'll have all the contact for you to get in touch with you or even pick up your book, which I look forward to reading because, lord knows, I need this in my life more than ever.

But I appreciate thank you so much for your time today.

Oh, thank you, Sabrina, I love chatting with you.

Thanks so much.