No more, mister nice go, No more, mister clee ain, No more, mister nice go.

And that's what we're talking about today.

What's up, everybody.

My name is Craig Parra.

Thank you so much for listening.

We're gonna talk very quickly, crisply, and concisely about doctor Robert Glover's book No More mister nice Guy.

If you are struggling with resentment, poor coping strategies, a secret porn life, or secret sex life, this book is mandatory.

This book is mandatory because for the overwhelming majority of my clients, the sex and the porn they're the symptoms.

They're always the symptoms.

And my experience with my clients, what's at the root, what is closer to the root, is the integrity issue.

In fact, when I was thinking of starting the Mindful Have at thirteen, I brainstorm and come up with crazy ideas and what if we built the whole program just around accountability?

Right, you could do that, and that would be very valuable for some people.

What if you built the entire program around integrity.

I had that idea.

Now I've combined both and then some, but nonetheless, it was an idea that I had because I knew.

If you solve the integrity issue, you don't solve all the problems, but you solve a lot of them.

And I want to talk about that integrity issue and I want to share with you a very important life lesson.

And it is a life lesson that I encourage you to embrace, to analyze, to reflect on, to reject if you disagree.

And here it is needs get met proactively, mindfully, intentionally, or they get met reactively, as we have been trained and conditioned to meet those needs reactively, mindlessly automatically.

Needs get met reactively, or they get met proactively.

And what happens with so many of my clients, they're unable to express their needs around conflict, around sexual desire, and they maybe said something once and got shot down, and then they stuff it down.

Then they stuff it down.

First they start gaslighting their partners, and before you know it, they're gaslighting themselves because they're not being honest, because they're afraid of hurting someone else's ceiling.

So I'm very excited to have doctor Robert Glover on my podcast.

I'm super super pumped about that.

But let's go through the core concept of no more mister nice guy and the core principles of no more mister nice guy, with some troops that hopefully will help you say, oh my god, this is me.

I get to do something about it.

And as you leave this event that we're experiencing now together, ask yourself where am I hiding?

Or ask yourself what would I say to my spouse if I knew I wouldn't get in trouble?

Maybe we pause there for a second before we jump in.

Let's do that.

Close your eyes, take a nice, big, deep breath, relaxed attention in your face, Feel your feet pressed into the ground, Feel the two bones in your butt pressing into the chair.

You breathe naturally.

I'm going fast to keep things moving here, and I want you to imagine.

I want you to notice what comes up in response to the prompt.

What would you say to your spouse or partner if you wouldn't get in trouble, or if you knew she wouldn't be upset, or if she knew it would be received in the manner in which it was intended, which is you being honest?

What if it was received with the intention that you're trying to be honest?

Does not come naturally to us, right in some ways we've And here's the contrast, right, brothers, my clients, they all fashion themselves as men of integrity, and in many ways they are.

But I will never forget when my boss at handover said to me, it looks me dead in the eye and says, never trust a man who lies to his wife if he lies to her, who lie to anyone?

I will never ever forget that.

So core concept nice guy syndrome.

It is the belief that if I'm a good guy, I'll be loved and my needs will be met and my life will be smoothed.

But there's a huge but here, brothers, But this belief leads to repression, resentment, self sabotage because nice guys hide who they are to get approval and avoid conflict conflict, and there are consequences for that avoidance, and they are great.

It's literally you living an authentic life.

So core principles number one, stop seeking external validation.

Now there's a big how that we're not going to address.

Nice guys are addicted to approval.

They believe love and acceptance must be earned by being good or selfless.

Here's the truth.

Self worth must come from internal alignment, not others' opinions.

You cannot make someone love you by trying harder.

Let me say that again.

You cannot make someone love you by trying harder.

For us men, that's an identity shifting event.

What do you mean there's more than my performance?

Ho emti Core concept number two Set boundaries and embrace conflict.

Nice guys fear disapproval, so they avoid conflict, maybe not at work, but in their personal lives.

That creates dishonesty and resentment.

Practice tell the truth, say no, let others be uncomfortable.

Conflict is growth.

Conflict is growth.

Number three.

Own your desires and needs.

Nice guys hide or repress sexual emotional in personal needs out of shame the transformation.

Identify what you want and learn to ask for it directly without manipulation or guilt.

Core concept number four.

Integrate the shadow.

Nice guys suppress bad parts like anger, sexuality, ambition, creating hidden resentment or acting out hello hidden resentment.

The healing is to integrate the disown parts of yourself, honor them, lead them.

The road to recovery is paved with honesty, courage, and self acceptance.

Number five stop the covert contracts.

Nice guys live by unspoken deals.

If I'm nice, you'll meet my needs.

If I sacrifice, you'll appreciate me.

If I avoid conflict, everything will be fined.

These always sail because they are dishonest and untrue.

Dishonest and untrue.

Shift, give freely without expectation.

Make your needs explicit, and for those of you who have been listening, you've heard me say needs get met reactively or they get met proactively.

All behavior is need seeking behavior.

Make your needs explicit.

Think about that for a second and what that means.

That means write them down and listen.

They're messy, they don't make sense.

You can never say it that way.

That's where you start.

Remember the assignment.

What would I say to my spouse if I knew I wouldn't get in trouble?

Number six, make yourself your mission.

Nice guys make others their mission, partners jobs, family new rule.

Put the oxygen mask on you first.

Make your growth, integrity and happiness your top priority.

Serve others from overflow, not emptiness.

Number seven, embrace masculinity and purpose.

Authentic masculinity is not aggression or dominance.

It's just not please.

Don't try to fool yourself that it is I don't want to.

It's grounded self leadership the practice, build purpose, passion in direction, become a man you respect core principal Number eight build healthy male relationships.

This is why if you're listening now, if you are hearing my words almost and you're not in my community or not in another community, you need community.

Right.

Thirteen years of coaching, you learn what works, you learn what doesn't work, and you know what success looks like on the other side.

Every success on the other side, there is community.

It is necessary.

You may have heard the quote from Jonathan Hari.

The opposite of addiction is in sobriety.

It's connection.

Build healthy male relationships.

Nice guys often isolate or rely only on women for emotional connection action.

Cultivate male friendships where you can be honest, challenged and supported.

Number nine one of my favorites, express healthy sexuality.

Repressed sexuality breed shame and secrecy.

I want to say that again.

Repressed sexuality breeds shame in secrecy.

If there is anybody in the back who needs to hear it again, I'm going to say it again.

If you're not driving and your safe, close your eyes, take a breath, big inhale, big exhale, Keep doing that.

We're almost done.

You made it this far.

What comes up when you think of this prompt Repressed sexuality breeds shame and secrecy.

It is according to Freud, your libido is not just your sexual drive.

People think libido is sexual drive.

Not when Freud was talking about it, he was talking about it as your life force, except that your sexual energy is part of your vitality.

Learn to channel it with integrity.

Whoo do we have a lot of shitty training in that regard, don't we, brothers, And look what's going on in the world.

It is getting worse.

Number ten.

Live in integrity, stop pretending, lying or hiding, say what you mean, and do what you say in Hegarty creates freedom and authentic connection.

So if you do not have the book no more, mister nice guy, you know seven at least five six of these really connected with you.

You don't have to be all it's not one hundred percent.

It's never going to be one hundred percent.

But if there was a teeny kind of tiny part of this where you connected, click the link in the chat because it's going to contain a link for you to get the book.

Credible paperback, ard copy smoke signals, get the book, Get the book.

Nice guy is not what you think it is.

As you've heard these prompts and you've heard some of these core principles.

I have a high degree of confidence that if you're listening to me and thank you, I am honored.

I look at those numbers and I think, son of a gun, thousands of people heard this message.

It is a blessing, a blessing to be in such a wonderful place and people see as a credible source for actionable information.

That is always my goal.

That is always my goal.

So let's leave it here.

I want you thinking about again, what would you say to your partner if you knew you wouldn't get in trouble, or if you knew it would be received in the manner in which you intended, which is to be honest.

Yeah, all right, brothers, embrace your power of choice, feed the right wolf inside you.

And if you are lacking capacity, right, if you are a leader lacking capacity and you need help quickly accelerating that capacity, deepening that capacity, and giving you tools to sustain that capacity, visit mindfulhabithelp dot com joined an incredible pack of men supporting each other, mentoring each other, empowering, empowering each other to feed the right wolf inside them.

The new website for leaders struggling with poor coping strategies and US syndrome relationship issues.

And among those coping strategies, the Internet, gambling, alcohol, a little bit of drugs, a lot of drugs, you need medical help, porn, any of the distractions, any of the dopamine addictions.

That new website, which is this close to being done.

I'll tell you the domain now.

It is mindful habitmastery dot com.

I am so excited to announce that now.

If you are listening to this and you are struggling with compulsive sexual behavior, that program is still growing strong.

If you need help, reach out visit the website mindfulhabithelp dot com.

Check it out.

Thanks for listening, and make it great.

Bye everybody,