If you can catch an owl, you have fully earned the right to dunk them a couple times.

Campsite media arg.

Rory.

In this lighting, it's a little hard for me to tell.

Do you still have your mustache?

I do, but I haven't had a shoot for a few days, so it's kind of filling.

In well, considering that today's episode is extremely relevant content for you and your facial hair.

Oh good, So here goes.

If we lived in the same city and I snuck up on you and like shaved half your mustache off, you'd probably punched me, and I deserve it.

But would you also call the cops?

No, so I haven't committed a crime.

I I mean, I know you.

You're not a stranger.

So well, okay, let's imagine that I was a stranger.

Oh no, I kill you.

I kill you.

When I shave half of your mustache?

Are you calling the cops?

Or You're going to deal with it in your own way?

You're asking a comic, So there's a part of me that really appreciates the effort and the high jinks.

I don't know.

I actually don't know if I would call the cops.

I don't know.

That does seem extreme but that is also an absurd thing to do to somebody I don't know.

Well, I ask because a version of this happened, and not just to one comedian in Denver, to numerous people, Amish people in Ohio.

Oh here we go.

Their beards were attacked shorn, which raises one of the most important questions in the extremely long history of Crime Lost, America's foremost podcast for the analysis of nuanced criminal justice issues.

That's right, one of those burning questions I think that haunts nearly every American.

Is it a crime to cut someone's hair without their permission?

And what if that person is a cat?

God, that's all.

This is great for some reason.

I feel like if it's a cat, it's more of.

A crime, hopefully, I would say, shamefully undercover matter of unauthorized grooming.

After the break, Hello and welcome back to Crime List, the podcast that celebrates the amazing creativity of the world's dumbest criminals.

I'm Josh Dean and I am Rory Scopel.

Okay, Rory, Yes, when it's time to lose your state cops dash, how are you gonna do it?

Uh?

You know what, I'm gonna blend it back in I don't want to shave it off.

I'm gonna grow the beard around it so it gets to hide amongst its peers.

I know you're on the edge of your seat waiting for this week's top story, and here it is.

On February eighth, twenty thirteen, the FBI Press Office proudly reported the end of a wild conspiracy in northeastern Ohio, and I quote, Sixteen individuals were sentenced today for hate crimes involving attacks against Amish residents in Ohio, some carried out by the victim's children, and the group's leader received a fifteen year prison term.

In response to a religious dispute among members of an Amish community, the sixty six year old bishop of an Amish congregation in Bergholt's, Ohio, directed his followers to forcibly cut the hair and beards of other members of the Amish faith.

Oh And I.

Omitted one bit of information from that second paragraph because I didn't want you to gloss over it.

Okay.

The name of the mastermind behind this ring of ruthless beard choppers.

His name from the Extremely on the Nose Department is Samuel Mullett, Senior.

YEP for Good Good.

Also named in the case were Johnny Mullet, which is just an all timer of a fake name to use.

Yeah, that just seems like a kid who started smoking cigarettes at about nine years old.

So we got Johnny Mullett, Lester Mullett, and Daniel Mullett in addition to Samuel Mullett.

Then there were a variety of Millers, a couple Shocks, and a Burkeholder.

First of all, this is an adjudicated matter, so I can say with confidence that the sixteen people convicted in this case did what the government claimed.

They cut by.

Force, Okay, But Jerry heard the evidence and found them all guilty in the fall of twenty twelve, so we're not falsely accusing anyone here of beard cutting.

And before I get into the details, though, I gotta ask you a question.

Do you know why the Amish grow those extremely long, kind of unruly beards.

I don't know the reason for it, unless it's just, hey, this is a signifier that you're in our group.

It's because of the Bible basically, okay, which isn't to say that this is a particularly Christian quirk.

Either.

I'm gonna make a gross generalization here and risk cancelation by numerous global religions.

I love getting brought down with other people.

Please go ahead.

No, but I think you can often tell how fundamentalists strict.

I'm gonna dare I say unfun a religious group is by the unruliness of their beards, Like the longer the beard, the more seriously religious.

The more committed they are to the religion.

Do you think there's any chance any of the Amish got their beards shorn and we're like, oh my god, I look great.

Like they had any moment, like there's any epiphany of like, oh my god, look who's underneath there.

I haven't seen that guy in years.

Oh my god, look who's been hiding under that face blanket?

Wow?

And I think that's the voice of a lot of Amish people.

When you think Amish person, you're like, oh my god.

Yeah.

I mean if they look like Civil War soldiers who are abandoned in a remote cave or Tom Hanks and castaway, probably a tough hang.

Yeah, yeah, definitely a tough hang.

For sure.

Those are the kind of people who would disapprove of many of your habits.

Yes, I think your theory is correct.

So the Amish see the beard as a symbol of masculinity.

Apparently, beards are mentioned nineteen times to the Bible.

Okay, and the founder of the Amish sect, Joseph Ahman, I guess that's where we get the term Amish.

He decided it was God's will to grow a beard, and it's a sin to shave one off.

But there's an important caveat married men.

Single Amish dudes do not grow beards, which makes it very easy for the ladies.

Oh so, no, you can't, like, there's no excuse, like I didn't know.

He was married.

Yeah, it's my Amish voice.

By the way, that was actually right, he was married.

Oh I didn't know.

Oh my god.

This is good voice work that we're doing here.

Oh my god, he's married.

It's also the only way to tell an Amish guys married because they don't wear rings.

Okay, I'm teaching you so much today.

There is a lot of education happening right now.

But you know what, the Amish don't like rory what a mustache?

Yeah?

Yeah, you want to guess why that is.

I don't know.

I'm only just now realizing that that's the case.

Yeah, Because like Amish people have the big beard and no mustache, which is a look.

It's definitely a look.

But for some reason, it never occurs to me that there's a reason for it.

Obviously it's because they're pacifists.

Rory, Okay.

Apparently, back in the nineteenth century when the Amish came about in Europe, the British and French military is required their soldiers to have mustaches.

Oh, all right, feelings about that.

So the Amish are a little more rebellious than we have ever been led to believe.

Yeah, because the fact that they completely live inside their own cultures and never interact with us.

Or use electricity or any modern machines.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, outside of those things you're telling me they're rebellious.

So the Amish hate war, so they banned mustaches.

That's a statement.

Yeah, I like that.

I can get behind that.

As a guy who only has a mustache, you're the opposite of the Amish.

I love war.

I love it.

I just love it.

So that concludes the religious history lesson for today.

I'll get back to our crime.

According to the US Attorney's Office for the Northern District of Ohio, which is based in Cleveland, the group, led by Sam Mullett, yes his real name, carried out five separate beard and hair assault in four Ohio counties between September and November twenty eleven.

In each assault, the defendants quote forcibly removed beard and head hair from practitioners of the Amish faith with whom they had ongoing religious disputes.

Wow, so that's the crux a bit.

It was a religious dispute.

Mullet was the bishop of one specific group of about twenty Amish families who lived on two hundred acres near Bergholtz, Ohio, which is about one hundred miles south of Cleveland.

The problem seemed to stem from some family troubles in the Mullet clan, specifically a messy breakup huh.

After the estranged husband of Wilma Mullet, Sam's daughter was granted custody of their children.

It led to the kids moving out of the community, and this did not go over well with Sam Mullet, who sounds like a bit of a dick.

Yeah, I'm just gonna say it.

Well, he is wanting to keep his grandkids close by, right, I mean yeah, I mean that's fair.

I would also be upset, but I wouldn't go.

I wouldn't do this because he decided to mete out some of his own justice, a little like custom Amish violence here he I mean, look, he's a mullet.

This is the mullet way.

This is the mullet way.

Here's what he told The New York Times a year after his convey in a jailhouse interview.

We felt God was against us, the community was sinning, and men were not leading Christian lives.

The inference there, I think is that Wilma's ex was stepping out and wasn't the only one.

Sam feared that his flock was overly randy, and he really spun out over this.

He instituted a series of pretty radical practices, like he canceled the bi weekly church services that are typical in Amish settlements and instead required members to attend regular meetings that, according to the Times, were quote filled with accusations and confessions.

Going to keep reading from the Times here.

In that tormented climate, Wilma Mullett concluded that her brother Johnny and other men were mistreating their wives and children and having impure thoughts about other women.

One night in early twenty ten, Wilma and another woman took it upon themselves, she said, to force her brother and six other husbands to rethink their ways cutting off their beards in front of others.

Huh huh.

It's like an ari astor horror movie kind of.

I gotta say, there is a vibe, there is a little bit that there's a splash of that.

I gotta say, outside of the assault element of it, I bet it is really fun to just shave off a massive beard.

I would think.

So it's like a like a like a topiary, right, like when you have like a big hedge and you just like, ah, look at those.

Yeah, like there's a chance they like shaved a dude and they were like, my god, you look fifteen.

I mean might be fifteen with the beard.

We thought you were fifty eight shaved.

I thought you were in high school.

It's like when you see the images of like a wet owl.

Have you ever seen like a bird without its feather?

It's such a specific example of rash, such a wildly yeah, you know, it reminds me of a wet owl.

I feel like that's our next T shirt.

I bet you right now.

One listener was like, I was just gonna say, wet owl.

So during the trial, prosecutors and witnesses described how some of the defendants Sam Mullet's sons in this case, pulled one guy out of bed and chopped off his beard.

Meanwhile, some female followers surrounded their mother in law and cut off two feet of her hair.

Hmm, man, Yeah, they also started making quote errant men.

Not sure if that's cheaters or just men who dream of bare ankles sleep in chicken.

Coops from up to two weeks.

Okay, now it's gotten.

Now it's a little more aster than we had previously.

Now Sam claimed the door was never locked.

He did admit to one other very weird rule, which is that when he caught two men fistfighting, he insisted they work out their issues by spanking each other with wooden paddles.

Okay, this is There's so much coming to light the more that we dig.

I feel like Sam has some stuff to work out in therapy.

I think, yeah, Sam does not know fully, he has not fully formed in his mind what it is he's truly into, and he's just trying everything.

Throw every noodle at the wall, let's see what sticks.

I gotta say I was pretty relieved.

I mean, I loved the headline, but then to learn that it was Amish on Amish crime because otherwise, you know, I'm sure there have been some asshole teens out there in Ohio or two.

Yeah, but it would be a much less funny story if it was outsiders or the English, as I believe they called Harrison Ford and Witness.

I agree with you.

It does feel like it makes it more like, uh, I don't know, palatable.

Yeah, otherwise it would be kind of mean.

Yeah, otherwise it feels Yeah, otherwise, it feels like a hate crime, despite the fact it's clearly fucked up.

In the aftermath, some of the local Amish definitely did not want to claim Sam Mullet as one of their own.

One woman, whose husband is an Amish bishop and had his beard cut off, called Sam's disciples a cult and accused him of quote programming their minds.

Yeah, I agree with that.

These attacks were never just about hair, said assistant US Attorney Bridget Brennan after the convictions were announced.

They were about religion, which is, by the way, why this was a crime.

Coming full circle here, Rory.

This was, according to the US government, a form of religious persecution.

The state argued that These were hate crimes, religiously motivated assaults, which is why they were handled by the DOJ's Civil Rights Division.

Sam got fifteen years in the slammer, four other dudes got seven years, and the rest of the gang up between one and four years.

Man.

Meanwhile, back home, some of those who stayed in Bergholtz seemed to feel like justice was not served at all, Like Sam's unmarried and therefore unbearded nineteen year old grandson Edward mast who talked to a reporter from WKYC in Cleveland and said, the beard, what it stands for me?

What I know about it?

Once you're married, you just grow a beard.

That's just the way, jamshit love how fucking just right to the point that is Oh for me, it just means you're married.

Okay.

As for the victims, he added, quote, they got their beard back again, So what's the big deal about it?

Interesting?

Very interesting, That, of course, is not how the US government felt.

Yeah, from day one, this case has been about the rule of law in defending the right of people to worship in peace.

This was never about haircut, said US attorney Stephen Deddleback.

These were violent, religiously motivated home invasions that left the victims bloody, bruised and beaten.

Yeah.

I love that.

Someone's like a it's just haircuts, the guy is it?

Is it?

Maybe not quite?

Yeah.

He called the verdicts a triumph for one of the most basic and sacred freedoms in this country, the freedom of religion, and the judge.

US District Judge Dan Aaron Poulster also pulled no punges.

Here's what he said to Sam Mullet before his sentencing.

You deserve the longest and harshest sentence.

Sadly, I consider you are a danger to the community.

Well, you're right.

He really didn't hold back in those two sentences.

He let them have it.

He really laid it on him with words.

And then fifteen years in prison.

Yeah, I mean that's I gotta say, that's impressive.

Didn't I don't know that I saw fifteen coming.

No, I feel like no one did.

I think Sam.

Sam's gonna come out of prison as like a tattooed gang member.

There's no way he's not going to change.

He's he's into like colts.

I think that one guy's right.

It does just feel very cultish.

I feel like this is the start of another really good movie, which is like the kind of breaking bad homage.

Guy goes to prison for beard shaving fifteen years later, comes out and becomes like an Amish mafia gang boss.

Yeah, tat's on his knuckles, but he springs from jail and it's called rum Springer.

Oh yes, and his rum Springer is in prison.

So it wasn't fun at all.

I mean, I can't believe we got to the very end of the segment in rum Springer has only now come up.

It was well, hey, I'm glad we got there better late than ever it was bound to because.

We would have gotten letters.

Otherwise they'd be like, wait, you did a whole Omish segment.

There was no discussion of rum Springer.

Yeah, that's right, all right.

Well after the break, we've got a very different kind of barber shop ambush.

Okay, Rory, I'm gonna show you a picture now, okay, Well Lane Is I don't have that kind of power.

Can you see what that is?

Oh my god, Oh my god.

The caption says, my friend's cat got shaved at the vet and now she looks like a game of exquisite corpse.

Yeah, it has nothing to do with our story.

So that, as the caption clearly states, this cat's shaving was totally above board.

But what are we what are we looking at here, Rory?

It's a cat.

It's really hard to even fully understand, but it's a cat that is shaved.

In the middle mid section of the cat body, the cat is like standing up leaned against a screen door.

In the middle part is shaved like for a surgery kind of thing.

And so the full upper half of the cat is still full with hair and the lower half is full of hair.

And it looks like, in a cartoonish way, someone just stretched the cat out right shaved or not shaved.

That looks like a long cat.

Well, that has nothing to do with our story.

I just felt like you needed to see that, and you're right, I did need to see that.

Are you a cat guy?

I am not.

I'm allergic to cats, and therefore I've never developed any sort of warmth with any cats.

So you've never tried to shave a cat or trim a cat's nails, put a cat into a carrier.

No, no, okay.

But I've you know, I've tried to as a kid, tried to hold a cat unaware that they're not like puppies and I've been scratched.

Yeah.

I think people who don't spend time around cast need to understand how hard those things are.

Yeah, really understand the depravity of our second tale Today, here's Bill Fitzgerald from WTVR in Richmond, Virginia with our story from the spring of twenty seventeen in the small rural town of Waynesboro.

A bizarre mystery to share with you tonight.

Someone's going around a small Virginia city abducting pet cats, shaving them, and then returning them to where they were found.

Police in Waynesboro say it's happened at least seven times to different cats since December.

So wow.

Rebecca Martin, the cat owner who you just saw pop up there at the end, said that what she found motes upsetting was the shaving of her cat, Tiger Lily's belly, not once, but twice in the previous year.

Hurt her not like physically, but it must have been mentally hard on her, which she deduces because the cat doesn't.

Like to be picked up anymore.

Huh.

Anchor Bill Fitzgerald closes his segment with the most important question of all at least for US.

Police say they're not even sure what crime has.

Been committed, cutting amash Beard's crime shaving cat maybe not yet.

What are we?

I love that the cops are like, look, we don't even know the law.

So this bizarre spade of cat shaving comes on the heels of report from w HSVTV in which another Waynesboro cat owner was interviewed about her cat having its undercarriage shape.

When the station called the local police, they weren't super helpful, but did pause it.

One theory as to what might be happening.

Want to guess what the cops theorized.

I don't even have a guess.

No, they believed it could have been someone checking to see if the cats were spade or neuters.

Oh okay, it was always the belly, it seemed in this case.

Yes, okay, So how do you do that?

Why would that work?

Looking at the scars?

I guess scars?

Yeah?

Does this mean if a cat had no scars they'd take it a step further and spay or neuter the cat.

They would kill the cat.

They would just have to kill the cat.

There's nothing else you can do, absolutely no other options.

Lest you think this is only something that troubled American teens would do.

I offer you this twenty twenty three report from ITV in the UK.

To the mystery surrounding what cat owners have described as a disturbing space of attacks on their pets.

There are more than fifty reports of pet cats having had their furs shaven off across the southeast of England.

More than fifty reports.

Isn't it funny how just her accent alone gives so much more credence to like the nightly news, Like over here, it just seems so performative.

But that just because of an accent, We're like, this is real news.

Oh you know, you're right, Like every one of ours makes Anchorman seem like a documentary exactly.

Then you hear a British accent, You're like, shut up, something important is being told to us.

So that Anchor goes on to Warren that it could become quote a daily occurrence.

Oh my god.

Coco has always been a playful, happy cat who liked her tummy being tickled until she was attacked two days ago.

I was stroking her and then felt kind of this stubbly area on her tummy, and I actually realized that they've actually shaved the insides of their thighs and her tummy area as well.

Since the shaving, Coco has been unsettled and become reclusive.

Man, I'm sorry that I'm laughing at that, But what that makes me think you did it?

I mean, it's exactly what you said.

It's the toad, the accent, the tone that makes it seem like they're taking it so serious.

It's just like, this is so much more real and dramatic.

But over here tonight we've got cats getting shored.

What are Presley saying about it?

Right after these messages and like you're like, all right, no.

That seemed like, I mean the close up of the cat's face as they were saying the cat had become unsettled and reclusive.

But these cats have such a different struggle.

You're like immediately like, oh my god, yeah, i gotta say.

It does seem evil, the element of learning that it changes the cat's psyche.

It's like, Okay, that's one, why are you doing this?

But two now it's got an evil element to it where you're like, oh, you're like fucking with these cats' brains again.

We're applying human emotions to cats.

Here, but so with the news people.

That's right, that's right, and I look at it.

I don't even like cats, and I'm here to vending cats and not just these cats, the musical cats, anything involving cats.

In the case of these cats in Kent, the shavings were more random.

The shaver or shavers targeted different areas.

Of the many cats.

There were bellies, sure, but also backs, sides, legs.

An organization called Animals Lost and Found in Kent went so far as to map the attacks in twenty twenty four and counted as many It was one hundred and seventeen, stretching from the south of England all the way to Scotland.

Natasha McPhee, director of the organization, said on fortunately we have no idea why anyone would do this.

There was once an elderly ladies shaving cats that would come into her garden, but she was cautioned and stopped.

I doubt she's traveling the UK shaving cats.

Well, I'm not a crazy large country, you know, England.

Just to just England alone, could you could really get around and really work a number on a lot of cats.

It always starts with one too, right, like that lady's got to be on the suspect list.

The drug kicks in, you know what I mean, you're gonna let's go one town over, suddenly you're an hour away.

I mean, I also doubt it was her, but that would make a great BBC limited series.

You're right, whatever is happening here, Rory, I think we can agree this is creepy as hell.

Yeah to even want to do this, Yeah, it's I don't know the belly.

It's got a serial killer vibe to it with no murder.

The thing about these cat atacks in England, they're still going on because earlier this year the problem flared up again as more cats in the South of England were targeted by this mysterious weirdo or Weirdo's.

The South Holland.

Police released a statement.

It has been brought to the attention of the local policing team that some cats have been returning to owners addresses in the morning with parts of their fur having been shaven off.

This appears to be in the Pinchback area.

There's also been a case of this in Curtain near Boston.

The motivation behind this is not known.

The cats do not appear physically harmed, and the shaven areas appears to be small and caused by some form of hair clippers.

Don't they have like CCTV everywhere?

Like, don't they No one's got anything on this, apparently not.

It seems insane.

The wildest and most disturbing theory I found was that these cats were somehow being marked for future injury, perhaps to be killed, which is some very dark shit.

That now it's getting a little that's a little too far, now, wow, I mean, I don't have a theory here, do you?

I have no theory at all.

Like if this is someone's like weird thing they just do with cats, it's like what, I don't know.

It's so confusing.

Well, at least the local.

Cops are delivering a stern warning to these cat shaving sickos.

This police statement comes from a story with the headline police tell people to stop shaving cats.

I was about to make the joke.

Police give stern warning, Hey cut it out, greatly misinterpreted crime continues.

They also said, quote this behavior is completely unacceptable.

Whatever the motivation behind this is, it's not something that should be taking place.

And also this is not a bit of fun and needs to stop now, which.

All sounds like something seems like it seems like someone who knows someone's in trouble, but they don't even really know what they did.

All right, Well, change and be better.

I guess I should have done that in a British accent?

Can you do in a British accent?

Cut it out?

This is not a bit of fun.

These kissy cats.

Leave these kitty cats.

Be we let you drink outside of pubs on public sidewalks with glass pint glasses.

Can't that be enough?

So, whether it's a crime or not, the British cat attacks are still unsolved.

So get after it crime less nation, Yeah, get after.

It solved, or hire that don't fuck with Cats team from that documentary those people did.

Like that was insane research.

Those people did that documentary I did.

And that guy was a killer and they got him.

That guy was a murderer.

They should be able to get this guy.

That's I think this would be even easier.

Season two, Season two, Stop Shaving Cats by Josh the Wet Owl Dean.

All right, after the break our final segment.

This is crimeless Lane.

What's our final segment?

Lane's game?

So I have more of a rabbit hole than a game.

But I have one question I'm going to ask you, so don't completely check out.

I love that when we get to Lane's games, Lane goes more of a rabbit hole.

Here we go, I'm in the driver's team.

Now we go where I say.

I've got this theory about the twenty twenty elections.

So a fun fact from the Crime List staff is Josh and I both lived around Namish Country.

Josh remind me where western Maryland, Western Pennsylvania, eastern Ohio district.

Like, basically, the Amish were in southwestern Pennsylvania, Okay.

And I grew up about fifteen minutes outside of Sugar Creek, Ohio, which is due with a gateway to Amish Country, Okay, which means over the years there's been a lot of like tourism popping up, lots of there's like new hotels, restaurants, shops, and a five hundred seat theater.

And in twenty sixteen, this is when it opened.

They were one of the first performances was a musical called Josiah for President.

And this musical I drove by this billboard so many times and it was just like an image of an Amish man in front of the White House with his horse and buggy, and I was always like, what the fuck, what is this?

This can't be real.

So I'm very grateful to Crime List because I finally got to get to the bottom of what this musical was about.

And I want to share a video with you.

Yes, okay, Yes, I am Congressman Mark Steedman, And as you know, I have withdrawn my candidacy for President of the United States.

The man I am endorsing will take America back back to basics, back to what is important in life.

I am endorsing Josiah for President.

I am in shock.

This is not a daily show sketch.

This is so real.

And you're telling me that you drove passed this all the time and never once bought a ticket to go see Wow Wow.

I mean, because that was an extended run there, March, April, May, June, July.

Come on.

It also begs the question what act could follow that It's always going to be Josiah for Commissioner, Josiah for comptroller comptroller.

So yeah, you get the gist of it.

A presidential candidate drops out, taps this amish man, Josiah runs on a plane truce platform, and the question is asked, can he heal a broken nation?

And that would be all a broken nation?

Twenty twelve when this book was written, the musicals based off any questions before I move on about Josiah.

Is the soundtrack available streaming anywhere?

Nope, but you can buy it on eBay for ninety dollars.

And I will.

Okay, did an Amish person write this?

No?

Just a woman even better.

Because they'd have to write it on paper because they can't.

Right.

Yeah.

Also I like that.

I asked was it an homage person?

He said, no, just a woman.

Nope, it was a woman.

Okay.

So yeah.

This has been running for like a decade now and I've only read positive reviews for it, and I found one that Rory, I was wondering if you could read for us in your best Southern accent, which I know you have.

Is he doing this?

Is?

What region?

Is this?

South Carolina, Georgia, Florida.

This means from Michigan, but I think.

A southern action, but southern makes the most sense.

Yeah.

I'm not much of a fan of live plays.

At age seventy seven and a half, I would rather honestly sit at home at my computer and look at what I will you know what I want to watch in my computer chair and hot pad to sue, then aching back, then go about anywhere else.

But my sweetheart of forty two years yes on June nineteenth, twenty twenty four, wanted me to take her to the play at Shipshee for our four second wedding anniversary.

So I took her there from Grand Rapids Mish with my making back slash leg numbness issues, and it was a hot ninety eight degrees outside, so the air conditioning was not the coldest for me, though it was fine for my sweetie.

I started feeling like leaving and taking a nap might be a better use of my time.

I'm so glad I did it.

However, the play takes a very intriguing twist as it comes to an end which I dare not give away.

Just want to say that for an old country redneck not into musical plays, I would give this one one hundred out of one hundred likes.

So again I would just like to reiterate my score here is one one hundred out of one one hundred likes, which many could interpret as the lowest score.

Also out of one hundred likes, not a unit of measure for popularity.

That I use a lot.

How many of one hundred likes would you give it?

Yeah?

Hundred?

So your single question for the day is something that Norm brought up.

What is the very intriguing twist that is great?

Josiah does win the election, so that's not the twist.

Yes he has to I have multiple.

Choice, but I'm willing to hear your theories.

All right, here you go.

First, he wins the election and we find out this whole time he was an undercover cop.

But let me finish one of those AI cops.

Wait, what year was this?

Twenty twelve is when it was written.

All right, forget the AI thing.

Undercover cop stays.

My twist is he grows a mustache and declares war on Canada.

Smart Smart wants the mustache.

He doesn't have to be a pacifist anymore.

Finally, all right, give us the multiple choice because I'm sure that I was right and Rora was not.

None of those are right.

If this musical is written by an Amish man, believe you me, undercover cop would have been the ending.

Too bad it was a woman.

It was a woman who has a more practical storyline that fits the ending.

Okay, so is the twist A During Josiah's Rumspringer, he was arrested for a hit and run while driving a stolen vehicle.

His opponents leak this to the press, ruining his wholesome reputation in chances of reelection.

That's a b.

Josiah's bishop urges him to drop out of the race, saying his candidacy will bring shame to his community and dilute his faith.

But when Josiah wins the election, the bishop is close to shunning him, So Josiah resigns from office and returns home or c.

After the State of the Union address, President Josiah is assassinated by a deranged blogger.

He dies outside the Capitol Building in his wife's arms.

She does not ride in the ambulance with him because she is Amish and it is a car that's see.

Okay, But before we guess, Josh, I would just like to point out again this reviewer, based on one of those three options thought one hundred out of one hundred.

Now I know, Josh, you've sat here and you heard all three potential endings, and zero of them sound one hundred out of one hundred.

Well, to be fair, I'm not familiar with the one hundred like scale.

So oh my god, I what blew this guy's mind.

I'm going to go with the assassination because it seems like that would be the most Oh my god.

Maybe the production of the assassination was significant, That's my guess.

The others are kind of like, why would that guy be so blown away by that?

Yeah, the like disappointed bishop, but I.

Feel like that.

But the twist at the end what the bishop is judgmental.

I'm going assassination too.

It is assassination.

It is assassination.

He is shot by a by a blogger whose name is storm Cloud four four, which seems weird.

Not also, just to be very clear, not the online profile name.

That person's real name is storm Cloud for four.

Oh you've read the book too.

I'm a big fan of Josiah goes to Washington.

As I have a president.

Ye.

So he's shot and he dies of his wife's arms, but she refuses to.

Get in the ambulance.

The ambulance Yeah, like, do you have.

A horse powered ambulance that we could take?

I would go see this I would go see this show if I was in town.

How you were able to avoid it?

I don't know.

I was in college at the time, you know, I was, I was above theater.

I think it's got one hundred out of one hundred likes.

Somebody is going to hear this, and we're gonna remake.

We're gonna bring We're gonna do Josiah too.

Just yeah, this is going to be a film before you know it.

Crap.

Let's you know what, Rory, do you want to be Josiah?

Yes, obviously, you guys just got to reverse the mustache to Beard.

I'll do whatever Hollywood needs.

H you'd make a good Josiah.

I think, thank you, thank you for coming down this rabbit hole with me.

I feel like I could I could breathe again.

Yeah.

This felt more therapeutic for you than a quiz.

Yeah it really was.

Crime Less is a production of SmartLess Media, Campside Media, and Big Money Players in partnership with iHeart Podcasts.

It's hosted by Rory Scovel and me Josh Dean.

Our senior producer is Lane Rose.

Emma Simonov is our associate producer.

We're sound designed and engineered by Blake Brook with support from Ewan letram Ewen Mark McAdam composed.

Our theme song.

The executive producers at Campside Media are Vanessa Gregoriatis, Matt Cher and me Josh Dean.

The executive producers for iHeart Podcasts and Big Money Players are Jack O'Brien, Lindsay Hoffmans, and Matt Appadaka.

For SmartLess Media, the executive producers are Will Arnette, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Richard Corson.

Bernie Kaminski is head of Production.

The associate producer is Mattie McCann.

A special thanks to our operations team, Ashley Warren and Sabina Marra.

Do you have a question, comment, or confession for the Crimeless team, Email us at Crimeless at campsidmedia dot com and if you enjoyed Crimeless, please rate and review the show wherever you.

Get your podcasts.

It helps people find the show and also makes us feel validated, unless you're mean, in which.

Case keep it to yourself.

We'll see you next week.

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