This is Mandy be Welcome to Selective Ignorance, a production of the BLACKPEC podcast Network and iHeartRadio.

Hey, Hey, hey, classmates, Welcome to another episode of Selective Ignorance.

Am I Ignorant?

That's right, It's another Friday bonus episode and we are talking and discussing and I'm advising about whether or not some of you may be a little selectively ignorant, very ignorant, or not ignorant at all.

Really excited to get into these and again coming at the top of the year, we are introducing my good brother Jah.

He will be on once a week on the Selective Ignorance episodes.

So really excited to really just be giving y'all.

Some more content, more current events.

Of course, also having someone else to join me in the conversation on the am I Ignorance And Yeah, I am really really really ready for the holiday break.

I need gonna hold you.

I am ready to kind of just clock my brain out.

I did want to follow up with some of y'all because last week I had an am I Ignorant rant around Uber drivers in Atlanta.

A lot of y'all hit me up on the discord, and you know, pretty much was like that I can request it to be quiet or not in the car.

So for some odd reason, it doesn't give me that option every time I call it Uber, So I don't know if that's just Uber black option or not.

Secondly, bitch, let me tell you if you follow me on the Gram.

I literally recorded one of my Uber drivers this week, and at this point the universe is pranking me or something.

So I get in the car and the woman starts talking about girl, that power where the d will make you do some things.

It'll make you be a little strange, but don't fuck it up.

Now the power wer to peed just as strong, baby, baby, Why did you think that that was appropriate?

Oh my god.

Anyways, I did start with her.

She got a one star, and so I'm just about to start handing out one stars.

That's it, skip me, one stars, one stars across the board.

Okay.

Also, again, the discord is available to anybody who joins my Patreon Again, please support this podcast if you love what we're doing, really excited about what I'm about to be bringing y'all at the top of the year, more content, more everything with Mandy B.

So go ahead and join right now Patreon dot com backslash selective ignorance.

Anyways, I want to start off with my ignorant rant of the week and it was pushed by my one of my favorite classmates, Barry.

He was like, ooh, girl, you better get on with your thoughts around this Diddy documentary.

So if you have been living under a rock, fifty Cent recently released and executive produced Sean Combe's directing, which is a four part documentary around p Diddy Puff Daddy Love did He Diddy Bob Okay?

And it goes into quite quite a lot of detail.

I will say, Barry, you weren't the first to convince me my white as mama did hit me up all some Amanda did did Did he really kill Tupac and Beggy?

And at that point I was like, WHOA not my white ass mama asked me about Tupac and Biggie's death and Diddy's affiliation to it.

So I was like, okay, Mama, get off my phone.

And I decided I need to go watch this documentary now.

It is a quick watch if you have some time.

If not, you still should be able to get through it in like two days.

So episode one takes you all the way back to pretty much his high school and intern days leading up to him being a promoter.

And you also, within the first two episodes find out that he was a part of promoting a party that ended up killing nine.

People and to know how it happened.

It pretty much was Travis Scott's festival, Astro World before Astro World, but in a high school gymnasium, and so it's really interesting.

You get to see the people around him, You get to see them connecting the dots in a really thorough way, between his affiliation and relationships with the Notorious Big, with Tupac, with Chick Knight, and just across the music industry, him finding Jodasy.

Mary J.

Blige, and how a DJ at one of the parties he promoted mixed those hardcore hip hop beats with R and B, and you get the background of him pretty much becoming an an R under Andrea.

Herral Now.

Where my ignorance and I need y'all to call me out if I am mind you, if you've been listening to decisions decisions over the years, this has already been something put on me, but I would like to know from y'all.

So I'm listening to all of these.

Accounts of people who have worked alongside did He, people who have been physically, sexually, emotionally, financially abused by this man four years And as I got to the final episode, my mind of my heart battled and I was like, Okay, am I a bad person right now?

Is there something that I know that I'm not connecting to?

Am I being ignorant?

So you have the person that helped start Bad Boy Records.

I think his last name was Burrows.

He's the man in the documentary with Dreads, Capricorn, who was Ditty's assistant, Capricorn Clark.

You have Lil Rod aka lit Leroy, who pretty much put together the entire love album with Ditty, And there's just a few other people sprinkled in there, right.

And by the end of.

The documentary, after watching all the tea, after hearing about all the abuse, I had zero empathy to the people who portrayed themselves as victims to Ditty.

Now here we go, all y'all are gonna be like, God, damn, Mandy, you ain't shit, but.

Hear me out.

Capricorn Clark got fired after working with him for twelve years.

Burrows, who was the co founder of bad Boys, who initially owned twenty five percent of bad Boy Rerecords and eventually ended up giving Diddy back the twenty five percent, and now is broke and you know, living between homeless shelters and at one point in his car, and you know, sued Diddy, I believe in two thousand and thirteen or something like that.

And then even low Rod, who also you know, sued him for unpaid wages for the Love album.

What I heard through their own mouths was that as long as they continued to get paid by Diddy, as long as they were employed, as long as they can feed themselves or live whatever lifestyle they dreamed of, the abuse was excused.

And so as I'm watching this, I'm like, is the grudge that you're no longer getting paid?

Is the grudge that you no longer have access?

Because the grudge to me did not appear to be from the abuse.

Let me give some examples.

I could say spoiler alert here, but I'll just give examples.

With the three of them.

Right for Burrows, which again was the co founder or bad boy, he mentions before, did he even got super super super popping?

He's called into his office one.

Day and did he is getting head by a woman at the desk, so he calls him in there and just pretty much looks at him and makes this nigga very uncomfortable but makes him Watch did he receive fallatio?

Hr?

Hello, that is not okay.

Furthermore, at the end of the documentary we learn and we're told that did he also sexually assaulted him, and it seemed in the physical nature.

Now this was such a sexual assault, you know, viewing he was in touch.

But by the end of the dock we hear that there was some sexual relations.

My guy, you stayed around why because you had twenty five percent of the company.

You could have asked to be bought out, got your money and left this hostile work environment when it became hostile.

And it seemed to become a hostile in the very beginning, Capricorn Clark, you dead ass allowed Diddy to kidnap you and bring you over to kid Cutty's house to kill him.

That that's what Diddy said he wanted to do.

He said you were gonna kill that nigga.

But hanging out and being around Cassie you got fired right after.

But you also saw the abuse that he was given to everyone around him.

You saw the bad deals that his artists were being placed into, and you chose to work with him.

Everything was all good and dandy as long as you were his assistant, right and then Leroy, lil Leroy, Lil Rod.

First off, you let the nigga call you a different name.

You ain't even correct that you lay him call you whatever he wanted.

You woke up sore in your Buddha hole and him laying right next to you, and you continued working with him.

Well, wait, there's more.

Before he brought your ass down to Miami and Star Island and had you being a madam to get the bitches out of goddamn booby trap to come and fucking get drugged up in his mansion.

You claim that him and his son walked into a bathroom with a gentleman.

You heard gunshots and then you saw a man bleeding.

And where you had to call an ambulance.

You continue to work for someone that you assumed to be a killer, that you assumed to be drugging and raping you, and you only decide to file a lawsuit right after Diddy, I mean right after Cassie filed her lawsuit against Diddy.

And right after you were not paid twenty nine thousand dollars.

Mind you, you admitted that for two years you pretty much lived.

The rock star lifestyle.

And so I'm listening to all of these people who were abused for years.

For whatever reason, not really view themselves as victims until the well ran dry.

And it's interesting because I know that this was heavily a conversation around Cassie being a victim as well, and so I guess that's where my ignorance comes in, because I do believe that Cassie was a victim.

But these other people in this work environment, it's like, as long as they was getting paid, as long as they were getting the luxury of being associated and attached to this billionaire, they was willing to bend over.

They was willing to assist niggas in covering up murder and crimes.

They were willing to turn a blind eye to the abuse that he had on his partners.

And so, in the strangest of ways, is did he a monster?

Sure?

But to me, what this documentary showed is that everybody is a monster for the right price.

Hear me out, how many of.

Us work at corporations and companies that don't align with our morals and goals.

How many of us continue working with people that we don't agree with that mistreat us, but the bills don't pay themselves.

And so as I'm watching this, I'm like, Okay, let me take it out of the realm of working for a billionaire.

And I was like, damn.

How many of us have siblings or parents that we know are abusive in their romantic relationships and we don't speak up and we don't say anything.

How many times does the weird ass uncle show up to the barbecue and all you do is tell your child not to go around Uncle Tommy because he a little fast, but you don't check him in his behavior towards little children.

So as I'm watching this, I think it's so easy to be like, oh my god, did he as a monster.

But as I'm watching this, I was like, Damn, depending on the relationship, depending on how a person benefits, we all got a little monster in us.

We all got a little demon in us.

And if you're listening.

Saying yeah, no, not me, go back to all of the examples I just listened.

Have you stuck up for any of your family members that you know are being physically abused by their partners and let them partners though, did you call the cops on the partners?

What have you done to stop what you know is morally wrong?

And if you called that person out?

Because I think a lot of people also lean into the fact that didd he had yes men.

Yes, a lot of people have yes men, especially when they're men in power right or or women of power.

There's a lot of people that are not gonna tell them, hey, bra, what you're doing is wrong at Look at Trump, look at Kanye, look at the kivin naj There's a lot of people that we see that have money and power, and we're confused as to why ain't nobody telling them about themselves?

Ain't nobody trying to help them?

Well?

The people closest to them normally benefit in some way, shape or fashion from what they have to offer, again financially or access wise.

And so this led me to be like damn.

And again It's why I'd be like, ooh, well, peace, we ain't gonna see it, because.

I was like, damn, for ye, A lot.

Of these people that were supposed to have empathy for that I'm supposed to be getting emotional for because they're crying, and I know that they were abused because they're sharing the moments in which they were I was like, well, now that you deserve it, bit, And I know when you say, but it's like, bitch, that's what I'm meant, But it's not.

No one deserves to be abused.

But baby, if you are taking money or you were benefiting off of the behaviors of said monster, how are you not a monster?

You assisted in the harm of other people.

You assisted in the behaviors of this monster.

And now I'm about to be real geeky, but only because I was watching it last night.

It's like Vecna in Stranger Things and all the Demi Gorgans.

As I'm watching the fucking documentary of Diddy, Lil Ride, Burrows, Janice, his mama, all like Capricorn, everybody's like his Demi Gorgan's and y'all was sitting here being monsters right along with Diddy up until it ain't serve you.

And so it was really it was really eye opening to me because when we talk about Hollywood and when we talk about like, you know, celebrity aspects, and we talk about people of power, because we talk about, you know, even Epstein and Trump, and we can lean this into politics, we can lean this into high level execs.

Baby, I've been watching fucking woof on Wall Street, which, by the way, if you have not yet, one of the most phenomenal fucking movies.

Jordan Belfert monster and everyone that worked for him, monsters, his wife, everyone is a monster.

And so it was just I don't know if I think it told us the story right, and the final episode having the fan like the juror member, I think didn't put the nail in the coffin.

I also, I also even, let's talk about bitches real quick.

And I could say bitches because I'm a woman, but even the fact that did he chose to.

Sleep with like his enemies, girls or women that you know, dated other men of power.

I was even looking like at all the women he had made kids with.

All right, Pete Kim Black Cassie finally got what she wanted, and Tupac's asked that we didn't really get to talk about Misa Hilton.

Bro I'm looking at her all these bit just like they birds, you know, these niggas beefing.

You, hopping from one famous nigga to the next.

It was hard for me to like even have empathy for the women, because, Bro, you just going after the bag or the man with the shiniest fucking watch, And I'm like, oh, it's not he did.

He can't go after these men alone.

I mean these women alone.

Bro, We're in a fucking world full of birds and monsters.

That's what I saw from this fucking documentary.

My nigga, I ain't even gonna hold you mind you.

We literally are also listening to crip gangsters who have a part of this.

So now we're listening to gang members willing to just say, yeah, I'll fucking kill the list.

Nigga, I have no attachments to them, but I'll kill them.

For a bag or a mill on his head.

Bet All I saw was how ruthless we are as a community.

Birds, monsters.

That's what it is.

And I don't know if y'all watched the documentary.

And thought anything else.

I know it's trying to it was being fed to us that Ditty's just this awful fucking person.

But I viewed it as a documentary on full display of the world we live in.

Birds and monsters.

There we go.

So when you see this goddamn title and you see birds and monsters.

It's actually fucking the Diddy doc That's all I fucking saw.

God damn, it could probably add Crabs in there, because boy, with all of these people not being connected and not knowing each other and being a part of Ditty's lives but in different moments of his life, Crabs in a barrel mentality, Boy, it was all doing it for the dollar.

So that was my mindset.

And literally I was like, oh, is this an ignorant take on this?

But I literally was like, Oh, that nigga ain't shit.

This nigga ain't shit.

That bit Chase shit, this bit Chase shit.

Who am I supposed to have empathy for in this documentary because they're all antagonists.

To me, The only like people who I was sad for were the nine victims.

In the Gymnasium.

That's it.

And I'm go'nna just say this last thing, but I'm not gonna say this very much anywhere else, but this is bonus episode.

So here we go.

Even to wanna have empathy for tupacin Bigie, but to also know that both of them were women beaters and rapists, It's like, ooh.

Yes, they were talented.

Yes, we loved their music.

But if you watch the documentary on the Notorious Big.

In this documentary, we you know see that right before the shooting at Qua Studios, Tupac had just got out of serving a sentence for raping a girl.

It's just like masters and birds, Masters and birds, massas and fucking birds.

Anyways, we are.

Gonna get into am I ignorant?

If you want to send your letters over to me to decide whether you are selectively ignorant, very ignorant, or not ignorant at all, send it over to Selective Ignorance pod pod at gmail dot com.

Or you can hop into the discord.

Shout out to Connie.

Connie dropped in the discord one of her ignorant questions and luckily during the week we got to see what happened with her case.

Basically, she wanted to know if she was ignorant for wanting her neighbors to be evicted.

Now cannot wait till I can take your calls, and we do live calls here.

But because it was discord, I was able to ask some additional details.

I said, well, why do you want your neighbor evicted?

Because it would be an ignorant thought to want someone to be unhoused essentially right, So basically, she was letting me know that they are disruptors and although they're young, there was clearly domestic disputes taking place in the home that called for loud noises and banging and bullshit at all hours of the night.

She did say that she had called the cops as well and brought it to the landlord.

Now, I'm not mad at you wanting your neighbors to be evicted over.

You know, sounds clearly if you guys go back to one of the episodes with myself and Carla, there's a way to go about it.

I wouldn't, you know, call people who of other races or ethnicities illegal aliens on a social platform, especially knowing where we're.

At with Ice.

But I told Connie she wasn't wrong.

Now since then, during the week since she asked that question, they have been evicted.

They have moved out, So Connie, kudos to you.

However, we also know sometimes the grass ain't always greener on the other side, So I'm gonna pray that your new neighbors don't bring about the same or different problems that drive you crazy.

Anyways, again, make sure you send your ignorant letters into me so I could get into it.

Okay, I guess let's do this.

I know I've been doing quite a bit of letters around like the workplace and romantic partnerships.

Definitely last week I did.

And this one is more about like lifing.

Okay, here we go.

Subject title is am I ignorant for thinking my sibling is just lazy instead of struggling with cognitive function?

All right?

Oh and it's a man?

Oh not you check it?

Okay.

Hey, Mandy, So I'm a thirty four year old man and am super organized.

That's where I'm shocked.

Not an organized man, he said.

He's organized with calendars, reminders, spreadsheets all that.

Okay, so he's typed one like me.

My younger sibling who's twenty one, is a disaster with anything adulting.

They forget bills, misappointments, losing point in letters, and avoid making phone calls until things blow up.

Then they call me in a panic and I usually end up having to fix it.

I've said, like, if you cared, you'd remember and just use a calendar.

It's not that hard.

Recently, they missed a crucial financial aid appointment for school, even after I reminded them several times.

I snapped and told them they're just irresponsible and doing it to themselves.

Later, my mom called and said that my sibling is being evaluated for ADHD and has serious issues with executive function like starting tasks, organizing, and following through, especially under stressed.

She said that my constant your lazy comments are just making things worse.

I basically dismissed it as everyone blaming ADHD for everything, but I can see my sibling isn't proud of any of this.

They get anxious and ashamed when they mess up.

I've been assuming everyone's brains work like mine and that willpower is the only difference.

Am I ignorant for treating this like so laziness instead of trying to understand the issue at hand.

You probably should have ended this with I'm probably asking the wrong person.

Here's the thing with the advancement of knowledge, and when I say knowledge, it's conversation, it's access, its social media.

Over the last I would say five to ten years, there's been a lot of things brought to the forefront in regards to mental health.

So we've been introduced to the word narcissists.

And while we knew add ADHD OCD in those things, a lot of people are now self diagnosing themselves.

I have recently been quote unquote joking about my neuro divergence.

But we're also normalizing the spectrum and autism, and many more kids and much of the youth are now being diagnosed with autism at a much higher rate than ever before.

However, we also know.

That as millennials, and you said you are thirty four, you're a millennial.

We also grew up in an era where our parents didn't want.

To get us diagnosed because they would be ashamed that something was wrong, or they just felt like a lot of our missteps in school were from just bad behavior.

We just had angry shoes, or you know, we just you know.

And so I'm not mad that more people are being diagnosed or being evaluated.

However, I ain't gonna hold you.

And this is where I'm going to lean into my selective ignorance and push you to lean into your selective ignorance.

Baby, ADHD and add cannot be your excuse for not adulting and being responsible.

It just can't.

At the same time, there's medication for it.

If you're diagnosed, there is a way to treat it.

But there are wait, baby, there's post its, there's calendars right in our phones, there's alarms, and you have someone right now also trying to help you stay on top of your responsibilities.

I ain't gonna hold you.

If someone's not utilizing ways to be organized, knowing that they're unorganized, it's pure laziness to me.

I don't think you're ignorant at all here.

I think what Yo Mama wants you to do is invite that bitch grace over to the plate and where maybe you can.

The only grace I would say you could extend is to the age a twenty one year old who's navigating financial aid, meaning they're still in school, they are two three years into adulting.

Maybe you're about sixteen years into adulting at the age of thirty four if you left the house at eighteen, right, and so.

Where I'm not.

Extending any grace to these niggas with ADHD and add because maybe I feel like I'm on the spectrum a little bit.

And that's why I say, if you don't send me a calendar, lock, it doesn't exist.

There are ways for those of us.

With neurodivergence or ways in which we go about things to still lean into being responsible adults.

The world cannot call to you for your entire life, and so to me, maybe understanding that they are young, that they are new to adulting, I think showing up to school, going to bed, doing your homework, making sure the chicken will pulled out the freezer, and handling your house chores dad is not even remotely close to what it's like stepping outside as adult and actually having to pay your bills, having to budget, having to show up to certain places on time, like like work and adulting is not easy, and so to me, I think that you can extend a little leniency for them learning what adulting means, but in terms of forgetting bills and appointments and like shit like motherfucking financial aid, which is very important because how the fuck are you supposed to pipe for the school?

To me, I think that adhd Add those those can't be excuses, and y'all might wring my neck for it, but that might be where I'm gonna call this not really ignorant, And you can lean into selective ignorance here, because I know we're supposed to just extend all the grace and concern and leniency and all that bullshit to people who are diagnosed and on these spectrums.

Here's the thing, baby, I really feel like the people on these spectrums they really more genius than the normal people.

And so here's my thing too, bitch, you know, And unfortunately a lot of times they lean into this as a crutch bit, you know.

And if you know that there's something there, make it to where you can exist in the world that we are in, and that calls for showing up to places on time keeping appointments and paying bills.

Otherwise there are consequences for those things.

And so I think, maybe don't call you know, your sibling lazy, but I think let it be known that there are consequences to all of these things, and you were either gonna get lost or get with the program.

That's life.

Can't wait to hear y'alls thoughts on how I answered that one.

Okay, oh, we got another everyday life one.

And I chose this.

Because I might have had a little rant about this, and I definitely had a recent conversation about this.

So it's interesting.

Here we go, and my ignorant for thinking tipping culture is out of control and pressing no tip Ooh baby, we might have to go back.

I feel like maybe the capitalism episode with Internet, we might have briefly gotten into tipping or the culture of tipping.

All right, so I recently moved to the US.

Okay, so here we go.

Straight up, You not ignorant cause you was taught differently, but here we go.

I recently moved to the US from a country where tipping is rare.

By the way, for those of y'all who ain't got no passport, Sampson ain't been out the country, there's a lot of countries who actually believe that tipping is offensive.

I'm gonna ask my husband when we get done with this letter to let y'all know what those countries are.

But let's get into it.

I recently moved to the US from a country where tipping is rare.

Here, every card reader asks for tip coffee shops, bakeries, ice ice cream shops, even some self checkouts.

Half the time it's eighteen to twenty five percent preset with a tiny no tip button.

At first, I tipped almost every time because it felt awkward not to, but it started wrecking my budget.

So now I usually hit no tip.

If there's no table service and I'm just grabbing something to go, it's giving no tip.

My friends found out and called me cheat, saying that service workers rely on tips because their base pay is low.

I honestly didn't know that.

I thought tips were extra for great service, not standard pay.

It blew up when we got ice cream and I didn't tip.

Recently.

Later, my friend said it was rude to not leave a tip at least a dollar.

I said, if it's optional, are not allowed to say no?

Employers should pay them, not me.

Puri poop.

They told me that in practice, I'm punishing workers, not companies, and that I'm being ignorant about how the system works here.

Now I feel torn between tipping culture is insane and maybe I really don't understand how underpaid these workers are.

Am I ignorant for frequently hitting noe?

Tip?

Tricky?

Tricky?

Tricky?

Tricky?

An offensive?

Hold on?

So here's the thing.

I can't call you.

You weren't ignorant at first, However, this is one hundred percent selectively ignorant if you continue, only because now you are privy to the tipping culture in America.

So we know that ignorance.

Leans into if you know better, you knew better.

But also if you know better and don't choose to do better, you're ignorant, right.

And so in this case a few things.

If you fill in your mind that.

You are hurting the workers and your friend led by saying, hey, you can literally just leave a dollar, I would say, in order to get over your guilt and not feel as ignorant leaving a dollar moving forward.

Maybe the answer here eighteen to twenty five percent.

On a service where you don't have a person serving you, or where you just order and someone hands you over the counter, I'm all for not tipping them.

Motherfucks, I go hold you.

I don't feel like fast food workers need to be tipped because essentially they're not providing you a service.

They're taking your order.

And sometimes they're not even doing that.

If you go to fucking Chick fil a and McDonald's, you order them from a kiosk.

So the idea to tip when you're ordering from a kiosk, no, I'm even when people serve me.

If you are not taking my order or making me give you my card to pay, the tip might not even be eighteen percent.

A bitch, might go down to fifteen percent because you're not even speaking to me at this point.

You know what I mean.

And so yeah, you also didn't say what country you're from, however, I wanted to give you.

Guys, some countries that leaving a tip itself can be rude or embarrassing, not just unnecessary.

So in Japan, traditional traditional norm is no tipping.

Good service is viewed as a point of pride, so that's already included in the price.

China, tipping is generally not customary and can be seen as awkward or even rude or embarrassing, especially in everyday restaurants, taxis and local shops.

South Korea, tipping isn't a part of the culture at all.

Adding extra money normally can cause genuine discomfort.

And then of course in most of Europe, tipping isn't offensive, just smaller and less expected.

And tipping, unfortunately is a big part of our food and beverage and service industry here in the States.

And yes, it's because when you have a tipped employee, many times they are only making fucking two, three, four five dollars an hour, and so tipping is their main source of income.

Again, for this I don't think you're ignorant, especially coming from another country.

I do, however, think that now that you have been informed, it's up to you how you want to move going forward.

For me, again, if it's a service industry like the nail salon, I tip, any hair service, I tip, dine in experiences I tip.

There's a lot of places that would be considered service that I don't tip.

I'm not tipping at a fast food restaurant.

I'm not tipping.

I sometimes don't even tip at Starbucks, Like if I'm ordering my coffee, I don't understand what the tip is for y'all make coffee.

I'm ordering what's on the menu, You're giving it to me, and I'm picking it up.

I'm not dining in.

I'm not speaking to you more than not like me paying for you to take my order to me.

I look at it as like I don't pay or tip people when I go shopping, like if I'm going to get closed.

Even though people are sometimes helping me, there's places where it's not a commit base and I'm being helped with picking out my clothes, so I don't tip in those spaces.

Yeah, for me, the fact that you've been informed on the culture here, it's up to you again to decide if you want.

To continue not tipping.

Also, I want to be very clear, if it's affecting your budget, and I've said this.

You know, if you dine in somewhere, the expectation is tipping.

If you cannot afford to tip, I do not believe you can afford to go out and eat.

I said it, which take your ass to the drive through.

So in this case, if it's heavily impacting your finances and you cannot tip, my only suggestion is to not go to dine in restaurants.

We're tipping, yes, in this country is necessary and is deemed a requirement because you're receiving a service.

I would say, moving forward, do not feel guilty for not tipping at ice cream shops, cafes and fast food places.

And let me know if that's my ignorant take.

But that's where I'm at with this.

So again, guys, join me over on the discord.

I definitely want to talk through these ignorances because I'm keeping a list.

I'm keeping a list, and we're gonna go to fuck over this shit.

Okay, all right, I think we got time for one more.

Okay, I feel like this is half decisions decisions, but I love that we love to question our ignorance and relationships.

Ooh, and this one.

I started this when I started, and my ignorant for thinking my boyfriend should be over his childhood trauma by now.

I hey, many So I've been with my boyfriend for three years.

We're both twenty eight years old.

He grew up with an abuse of dad and a checked out mom.

He warned me early on that yelling in certain tones are triggering for him, and he's been in therapy on and off.

When we argue, my voice gets sharper.

I mean, I'm not screaming, just stressed.

Okay, girl.

He'll shut down, go silent, or leave the room and say he needs space.

Recently, we were arguing about money.

I raised my voice and he froze and walked away.

Later, he said, when I get loud, his brain goes straight back to his childhood and he literally can't think or respond normally until he calms down.

I got frustrated and said something like, it's been over a decade.

You can't keep letting your past run your life.

Normal couple argue, I can't walk on eggshells forever.

He told me that was really.

Minimizing and asked if I've ever tried to understand trauma or PTSD.

I said, people go through worse and choose to be different.

Oh, bitch, if you are in the discord, you might want to say out this week he was, he was hurt Instead.

It feels like I think he's choosing to be this way.

Now.

I'm wondering if I'm oversimplifying trauma or just being ignorant, or if it's reasonable to expect him to handle conflict more like a normal adult.

Here, bitch, you ignorant, ignorant, ignorant, ignit ignorant.

And here's what I wonder.

You said, your voice gets sharper.

You said that normal couples argue.

You said, you're not screaming, you're just stressed.

But in multiple instances you're seeing him freeze, walk away, and.

Be triggered by your tone.

I think you're ignorant here about your inability to communicate under stress.

I think you're ignorant and not trying to work on being a better communicator.

I think that you may also not be aware of the levels of trauma that you're actually enduring.

Because you saying that normal couples argue, people who love each other work on not triggering the people that they're with.

There's a sensitivity around what they've endured in their lifetime, because we all have triggers, we all may have a little bit of PTSD, and the idea that you're not working on the way that you communicate with him knowing his traumas leaves me to believe that you might not care about this boyfriend of three years the way you think you do if you get to a crossroad of reaching a place of disagreement, like in this case it was money.

The thing that is interesting here is how often you're using the word arguing, even in this email.

A disagreement doesn't have to be an argument.

Both of you not being on the same page about a topic should not lead to a sharper voice or a tone that seems dismissive or seems in a way clearly in this instance, triggering to him that might bring him back to an abusive dad or a checked out mom.

I wonder if you're ignorant to the fact that the way that you're being in this relationship mirrors these abusive parents he had and Let's be very clear, if you look into the cycle of abuse, right, some people only know how to be loved one way, and what's scary is the way that you've shown up in these abusive natures.

Maybe what's actually pulling him to stay with you.

This may be the only way.

He knows how to love or be in long relationships because this is what he saw for majority of his life growing up.

He may not know a healthy relationship when his parents were arguing.

Maybe he knew to just run and being in his room until they stop yelling.

And that's why he's treating you this way.

Girl, Are you ignorant for thinking your boyfriend should just be over his childhood trauma?

Yes?

And I think you're ignorant to not see that the way in which you're showing up in this relationship is not only healthy, but you may have things that you need to work on.

He's in therapy on and off.

But are you Are you actually trying to be a not only better partner, but a better person, because maybe just thinking that it is normal for couples to argue, that's not a healthy mindset.

And you may think that due to something.

That you experienced in your childhood, due to how you've viewed different couples around you, or due to how you show up in your other relationships.

Is this also how you treat your friends?

And is it just normal for them to argue back with you because you know, maybe they have their own traumas and reasons why they feel the need to combat you.

Baby, this is ghetto, and you're ignorant on a front that you aren't even aware of.

Because the idea that it's normal for couples to argue, that is an ignorant take.

It is normal for people to agree because we all have different lived experiences and a lot of us have different opinions.

But I say this all the time when people try to stop me in either expressing my opinion or just having a difference of opinion from them, and they immediately want to shut down and say I don't want to argue, or they turn it into a higher decibel.

I always bring it down.

Hey, baby, I'm disagreeing with you, but I promise you this is not an argument.

I want us to reach a place of understanding or compromise.

This is not me combating you.

This is me telling you I think differently of this, and we can continue the conversation, but it doesn't need to get loud.

And so there has to be some level of a respect, some level of understanding that people that don't agree with you aren't trying to argue with you all the time.

And also a higher decibel, a different tone don't make you right, don't make you the winner of said argument.

And so.

If you are in the discord, I want you to hop in because baby, we might need to unpeel some of the layers of the onion that you've refuse to, you know, unpeel, because this is giving you have some sort of trauma yourself that you're unaware of, because maybe this is given ignorant, ignorant all around, and it's given that you have some work to do, you have some unlearning to do, and I want you to go in.

Look at me.

Grace needs to be brought into this relationship because thinking that someone should just be over their childhood trauma even at the age of twenty eight, girl, I'm literally still working through trauma that I have from childhood and even things that I did in my twenties right now at thirty five years old.

And girl, you know, these niggas don't mature as fast.

So no expecting your boyfriend of twenty eight years old and one that you've only been with for three years to completely be over his childhood trauma.

Girl, this might not be the person for you, And I'm just gonna say that I'm not gonna tell you to break up with him, but I think that there's a lot of work that you have to do.

With yourself to make this make sense truthfully.

Anyways, really really excited about next week's episodes, y'all.

I am joined with a.

Two parter, so you have two almost like regular episodes next week.

You won't get any of the segments or am I ignorant?

But what you will get is myself.

Joined with my good nigga.

Joah, my homeboy Jason Lee again, who y'all are gonna be seeing more right here, as well as Jojo Alonso from The can Play Show over on the eighty five Sauce Network and here on the batl on Radio, as well as Deontae Kyle.

So we are diving into everything twenty twenty five and our thoughts on what this year has meant and brought us.

We are digging into politics, pop culture, music and television and film, so you do not want to.

Miss next week's episodes.

Again, is we round out the year, baby, Let's not put too much on our braids.

We want to make sure we are, you.

Know, hardly working, not working harder.

Maybe the year is almost up.

Let the motherfuckers know you're in wrap up.

It's fourth quarter, the holidays are here.

The only thing we want to stress about is whether or not we have the ingredients to make the coke get though, and what gifts we put in under them trades for them.

Children that y'all got, not that I got.

I'm found about to be laying my ass out in mother fucking curra us out for Christmas.

Okay.

Anyways, again, if you want to send in your letters to Selective Ignorance, send it on over to Selective Ignorance Pod at gmail dot com.

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It's Selective at Selective Ignorance pod.

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Anyways, guys, thank you so much for tuning in to yet another bonus drop.

We over here give y'all all the content with Selective Ignorance.

I appreciate you, dearly classmates.

See you guys next week.

Bye.

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Selective Ignorance.

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