This is Mandy be Welcome to Selective Ignorance, a production of the BLACKPEC Podcast Network and Iart Radio.

Welcome back, classmates to another episode of Selective Ignorance bonus style, Baby, and we are doing another am I Ignorant?

Now It's Friday, which hopefully means Heyday for some of you.

Nicholas.

Now, in my am I Ignorant rant this week, it's not about me being ignorant, and it's also not about me not wanting these people to get paid.

But at this point, speaking of payday, some of you do not deserve a check.

And I'm calling out the uber drivers of Atlanta.

Now this could be in other major cities as well.

However, I was just living in New York City and I didn't seem to have this goddamn problem, the problem that I'm having.

And boy, I need y'all to tell me if I'm overreacting or not, because Baby, the only ignorant thought right now I have is how I'm ready for the fucking robots to bring their asses on over way more about to see way mo of me?

Okay, if I keep having this problem in Atlanta.

So this is something that has been brewing probably since I've moved here, so I've been sitting on this for a fucking year, and this week it happened in like four cars.

So here we are.

Let me know if I am overreacting to the fact that these uber drivers feel the need to have full blown personal conversations when I'm in the vehicle.

Are you not on the clock?

Are you not working?

Is it old school to have the mindset that when you were doing a job that you shouldn't be taking personal calls.

Now here's the other problem with it, bitch, I'm getting into the car and I got a call.

Why does it sound like I'm in the clurb shouting over somebody else's conversation to have a conversation on my phone when I am paying, When I am paying to sit here in your paying school.

Yes, the pause was intentional because it just really grinded my gears.

Make it make sense.

I don't know if I should start complaining.

I don't want niggas to like knock my stars down for telling them to get off their motherfucking phones, because yes, I'm also in their motherfucking car, But also, this is a motherfucking job.

What's happening here?

And then that's the other thing, these phone calls are not appropriate.

WHOA, Yes coming from me, I'm calling bro.

I got on the phone with this one girl and she talking to her homegirl about a nigga that's playing.

Where Why am I here?

Bitch?

You just don't need to even be fucking with that nigga no more because whoa and the curse words.

So we're on the phone and using profanity on the clock.

And I guess, because it's like a ten ninety nine entrepreneurial kind of gig, there ain't really no HR.

But call me Karen, bitch, I'm about to be HR on now.

Next time I get in a motherfucking car and a motherfucking uber driver decides to have a personal conversation, you know what, I need y'all to join me on the discord.

Head on over to the discord if you haven't, y'all.

Discord access is granted to patrons, so if you haven't yet, for as little as five dollars a month, you can join me on Patreon.

That'spatreon dot com.

Backslash selective ignorance.

Now do I tell the driver to get off their phone?

Or do I just leave them overview one star and write that they were on the phone, Like, which one do you think I'll get?

More?

Like if I leave enough one star reviews cause niggas is talking on the phone, maybe it'll impact something.

Maybe they don't get a bonus for that week.

I don't know, but I'm about to start doing one or the other, because baby, get off your phone.

Anywo If y'all take ubers or lifts and you're having the same problem, please tell me.

I would like to know.

And also before I get into the AMTI ignorant letters, if you haven't yet, send yours over to Selective Ignorance Pod at gmail dot com so we can talk about how ignorant you.

Niglas is now really excited about this first one because we are heading into Christmas season, Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, whatever you celebrate.

It's the gift given time.

And this first one I'm assuming is a birthday gift.

But wow, let's get into it.

Did I miss the mark?

All right?

So my best friend has been on a huge healthy lifestyle kick, meal prepping, gym classes, the whole thing.

For her birthday, I got a really nice dessert making kit because growing up she always loved baking and making treats.

I thought it would be nostalgic in something she could enjoy on cheat days.

She politely thanked me, but later I heard from another friend that she was disappointed because it felt like I wasn't supporting her lifestyle change.

I wasn't trying to undermine her.

I genuinely thought it would make her happy.

Am I ignorant for not realizing how my gift might clash with her current goals?

Now, bitch, you know what?

The now bitch may have to be the introduction to you know, you an ignorant as motherfucker.

And honestly, this made me think you not really her friend.

I ain't even gonna hold you story time because I'm going to share with you something that is completely unintentional and how I would have never done it.

And this is the scenario I want you to sit in.

Right, So when was it?

This was maybe like twenty fourteen, twenty fifteen.

I actually bought a gift for like my little booth thang.

I'm gonna call it my booth thang.

It was a little situationship.

He was like my little nigga.

He was my nigga that basically wasn't going nowhere right, And we used to get fucked up together.

You hear me.

We partied, we were rock stars.

We could kill a bottle by ourselves chilling at the crib.

Now, I think we ended up falling out a little bit over something.

So there were a few months I didn't talk to him.

We ended up rekindling right around the time of his birthday.

Okay, So I sent a gift to his house.

It's one of them nice little kgnac sets again twenty fourteen, twenty fifteen.

Bitch's back when it bitch was drinking hennessy.

Okay, so I sent him this cute ass KGNAK sipping set with two cups, a nice little bottle.

It's in the case and all that shit.

He gets it, and I could tell there was an awkward, polite thank you.

But bitch, I didn't know that this nigga was going sober and had just got out of AA.

My heart sunk because imagine this here.

Imagine you get a recovering alcoholic or someone battling an addiction, the thing that they have to steer clear from.

That's what I get when I read this letter.

But the only thing was I didn't know the Nigga went to AA and I completely know how inappropriate that gift would have been had I gotten this information prior.

You, bitch, know that your friend is on a healthy lifestyle kick where they're going to gym classes, meal prepping, probably watching a calories, watching a sugar and take, and you decide to get a dessert making kit.

Let me take these puffers up from under my eye.

Not only is you ignorant, not even selectively, bitch, you ignorant as hell, And I don't think you like your friend very much because I don't think and this is this goes to the gift giving side of the year right now.

If you intentionally get somebody something that goes against what they're working towards their goals or brings them back into something that they're fighting to get away from, you ain't shit.

And at this point, you ignorant, and you kind of an ain't shit person.

I ain't even gonna hold you because wow, because wow, I'm glad that you had another friend that could come and let you know, but don't do this shit again.

And at this point, I actually do think that you owe your friend not only an apology, but another gift.

Go on over to class past, get us, some get us some some classes.

Get her a B twelve shot, get her like an IV drip.

I don't know what all the healthy bitches is doing, but you need to get her something else in replacement of this bullshit gift that you got her, and you need to hope that you go into the new year a better person and a better friend, because goddamn, goddamn, goddamn.

All right, let's see what else we have.

Ooh, I like this one.

I like this one, especially around this time of year as well, because baby, work life balance, work life balance six seven sixty seven, you know, is it a thing?

All right?

So the title for this email is work life boundary blind spot question mark.

All right, Hey, Mandy, So I worked in a fast paced industry let's say tech adjacent.

But I've been really intentional about protecting my evenings because I burned out horribly at my past job.

Bitch, is this internet?

Let me find out internet?

Right in?

Because this is what it sound like.

So after five PM, I mute all my notifications and answer everything.

The next day, my team keeps making snide comments like we didn't hear back from you last night, or hard to collaborate when people go dark.

I'm hitting my deadlines and doing my job well, but they seem annoyed that I'm not available twenty or seven like many others.

I thought I was modeling healthy boundaries, but they think I'm slowing the team down.

Am I ignorant about what's realistically expected in my field?

Or are they just too used to burn out culture?

This is a good question, and it brings me to storytime.

Y'all know what I'm gonna do is always relate shit back to my life.

And here's why, Because people who share their opinions, where the fuck do they come from?

If it's not from their personal life experience, I'd be wanting to know.

But I actually had something very similar happened when I worked at Ernst and Young.

So Ernst and Young big four firm accounting, and I worked in the tax sector for hedge funds, private activity funds, and investment banks.

So K one season was very busy, which was like in July, then you have October for the deadlines.

Right.

So my first year, which I only really did my year, but I'll never forget my it was either my first or second review, mind you, first year accountant Okay, I go in from my quarterly review and y'all know, lie, I'm sitting across from from my senior my senior manager, and they literally had the nerve to tell me that they felt like I wasn't staying late enough.

Now, y'all ain't gonna believe this.

My work life boundary you ready was three am, y'all.

This is a salary position.

You had to come in at nine am.

New York has a has a little leniency.

Really, everyone comes in the office between nine am and ten am.

But during this time, not only were we requested to come in on the weekends, but we were saying late.

And again, my boundary was three a m.

Now the other year one tax accountants, baby, some were spending the night and sleeping under the desk.

Some other people left at four, left at five.

Now, the only incentive we got was that we got a car ride home that we got to expense on our card, and we got dinner capped to twenty five dollars.

Bitch, I worked in Times Square.

That's a sandwich.

So the only incentives on top of my sixty four thousand dollars salary was a dinner and a car ride home.

If I stayed past six pm.

So I'm sitting in this meeting and y'all know lie to hear that I wasn't staying long enough or showing that I was a team player.

Because my boundary it was three am.

It's probably what pushed me to leaving that job.

And when I tell you, burnout was real.

I was crying at lunch, I was calling and complaining to my friends between work, and I just wasn't happy.

And I think that a lot of us get to a place where we're working jobs where we're giving them more than we give ourselves.

We're giving them more time than we give our family and friends.

We're there, honestly sometimes more hours than we are in our own homes.

And so, knowing how many jobs I had and left or hadn't got fired or hadn't felt that I gave them more than they gave me, when I hear this work life boundary, I think that it's so important to have.

After that meeting, I literally had to pull my senior manager aside and ask, hey, my eye starts twitching at three am.

My brain shuts down.

I am a corpse sitting at my desk.

This is what I've realized is my shutdown moment.

Mind you do the these are again?

What is this?

Sixteen hour days, sixteen hours in front of three monitors.

It's inhumane.

It's in Hugh Maine.

And so what I did was that was I had the conversation.

Listen, I'm gonna go above and beyond.

If you need help on black Rock, if you need help on this, if you need help on this account, if you need help on Goldman, I can help.

I'm here to assist while I'm present.

I am no good after this time, and I don't want that marked against me as if I'm not a team player.

And so my advice to you, I don't think you're ignorant about what's potentially expected, but I do think work life culture in America is ignorant as a whole.

This ain't even your fault.

However, I would figure out who you need to speak with, because if you got hired for a nine to five role and clearly you are needed after work hours or when you get home, that is a conversation to have.

And that's because A not sure if you're within your ninety day probationary period.

But I do know jobs can let you go for shit like this.

So and this is not the economy to be getting let go because they think that you're a lazy.

So my advice for you would be to go to your superior and figure out what really is needed from you, and you know, maybe you could waiver maybe Tuesdays and Thursdays.

You'll look at them goddamn emails and the work chats after hours, you know what I mean?

This here.

The only ignorance I would say would be as if you don't address it and you don't speak to it, at this point, you're getting the little you know, snide comments, the passive aggressiveness.

And yeah, that would be my advice.

Again, let me know if I'm giving good advice.

But also again I love sharing my stories because boy, did I have this?

And how dare a fucking company tick me in my quarterly review for not say past three am?

Bitch, I'm giving you fifteen sixty our work days, fifty sixty hour work weeks.

I've reached seventy two hours one week, y'all in a forty hour salary.

My job is forty hours.

I'm getting paid on forty hours.

And there were fucking weeks I was clocking seventy hours, y'all.

Seventy seventy litsten y'all.

Work life boundary is very important.

The economy is where it's at.

Jobs are scarce, but baby, it ain't worth dying over.

None of these jobs is worth dying over, you hear me?

Not a naw motherfucking one.

All right, let's see how many relationships shit?

Ooh, yes, here goes one from a man by the way.

Shout out to my mail listeners.

I know some of y'all come over from decisions decisions, and this is kind of giving a decisions decisions question.

So I appreciate y'all.

I appreciate y'all a lot, and hope that y'all are enjoying the content I'm putting out.

And y'all already know, but the lady's already fucked with y'all.

Alrighty y'all.

The title is forgot to mention My ex is my coworker.

All right, Hey, Mandy, I think this is a dilemma, and I may be ignorant.

My wife and I have been married for five years before I met her.

Before you met her, you would put that little thing you out before I met her, I hooked up a few times with someone in my college friend group.

It never turned into anything serious.

Though.

Fast forward to now.

I just started a new job and on my second day I realized that that girl is now on my team.

I didn't bring it up because one it was forever ago, and two nothing is happening and nothing will happen.

Last weekend, we went to a work event and my wife met her later on.

She asked, did you two know each other before?

And I said yes, but kept it vague.

Eventually, though I did it meant to the hook up history.

She wasn't mad about the past.

She was mad that I didn't voluntarily mention it.

I honestly didn't think it mattered.

Am I ignorant for thinking this wasn't something worth disclosing?

Okay, a few things here because tricky, because words mean things now.

In the motherfucking title the sub jackline, you mentioned this girl as your ex.

Forgot to mention my ex is my coworker.

Now.

I don't know if people are referring to exes as ex flings.

Ex bouta calls X.

We used to get it on, but it wasn't really nothing.

I don't know if X is being used universally now, but you're referred to her as an ex.

Secondly, your wife after meeting her, did you two know each other before?

Now hear me out as women, we have spidery fucking senses.

Okay, fuck the webs coming out of the hands as women.

Oh baby, the tingles, the tingles ting when we meet women in proximity to our partners, and we felt like we left out of something.

So if your wife felt the need to ask you if y'all knew each other before, old girl was giving off weird energy.

I'm just gonna say it, old girl, I don't know if she was too friendly.

I don't know if she said something clearly she didn't say, just for you know, I used to suck your husband's dick in college.

That's not what was said.

But she gave her the vibes that she sucked your dick before, which is the problem.

Man, You don't get to choose what you share, don't she to your wife?

To me, honestly, this should have been something that became a joke on your second day when you realized she was on your team, you immediately should have came home and been like baby the whole days, then call up to me, because tell me why this bit y'all used to fucking college is on my team.

There's no reason why your wife of five years should have found this out.

However, much later at a work event.

I also feel like, if it wasn't that serious, if it wasn't anything that you know amounted worth anything, why not volunteer it?

Unless your wife was made to believe that you was a virgin when y'all walked down the aisle.

Your wife knows that you had somebody's before her.

What is the harm here and sharing that a girl you fucked in college now works at your job.

Unless, bitch, it was more than what you're saying it was.

And that's what I'm saying here, y'all gotta be honest with yourself.

The ignorance is you thinking this wasn't worth disclosing, and later on your wife having to be like, why did you keep this a secret?

Because now what are you hiding?

And that's where a woman's mind goes.

She might have not thought anything of it, but the fact that you didn't disclose this, why what does the CARDI B mean?

What was the reason?

What was it?

All?

In?

All?

This was selective ignorance here because I believe you know that you should have disclosed this earlier, and it wasn't something not worth disclosing, So I feel like you playing mental gymnastics to make it seem like some it wasn't when it was.

And I do think that if you and your wife have been together for five years, this is something that should have just been laid out on the table period.

Pooh, all right, Oh we got another relationship one Okay, okay, kind of similar, kind of similar.

Ooh, but maybe not boundaries versus insecurity mix up?

All right, Mandy helped me out here.

My boyfriend who's thirty, and I have been together for a little over two years.

Okay.

Before we dated, we had a pretty tight friend group that includes his ex of five years.

Okay.

I wish I knew the backstory here because a friend group.

Okay, maybe they dated back in middle school or high school or something, you know what I mean.

Okay, they broke up ages ago, though, no drama, and they genuinely stayed friends.

When he and I first got together, I told him I didn't want to be the kind of girlfriend who gets territoriabal to who gets territorial about past relationships, so I always just tried to play it cool.

Recently, he's been grabbing quick lunches with his ex, maybe like twice a month.

I never questioned it because I feel insecure if someone questioned me about my friendships.

But last week he mentioned something about her talking to him about their old relationship patterns, and I casually said, ah, nostalgia stuff, it's good.

You guys can be open.

He got quiet and told me he felt weird that I didn't even think to ask why they were meeting alone so often or how it made me feel.

I genuinely thought being unfazed made me look mature?

Am I ignorant about emotional boundaries and what reasonable curiosity in a relationship looks like?

Ooh, this is where I actually wish I had Jah or a king or just a man's insight.

Only because hear me out, hear me out, I am my best friend as women.

I'm trying to bring this into what's been told to me so in a previous relationship, actually my last two relationships, there's been multiple moments, and the one before last, he felt like I didn't care about him because I didn't display bouts of jealousy and sometimes didn't over inquire about his whereabouts.

Now I knew he was a cheating ass nigga, but also wasn't really a deal breaker.

Really didn't care if he was fucking other women.

And what was crazy is, in hindsight, when we did, when we were able to have conversations, he took it as I didn't like him as much.

Now, if you guys, listen to decisions, decisions.

I also had a recent instance where my ex accidentally ordered an Amazon package to his ex's house.

It happens she got the package and wanted to bring it over, and he was so nervous about telling me that his ex was coming over to his house to drop off a package.

And apparently he had the conversation with a couple homegirls and their assumption was that I would be upset about that, and I wasn't.

And it's weird because he knew his ex would not have been down for that shit at all.

And when it didn't phaze me, we got into a conversation and I literally just expressed, like, bro, I'm not insecure, and I trust you.

I don't what you think.

I think that your ex is gonna bring your Amazon box over to your house, drop down to her knees and suck your dick.

No, I don't think that's gonna happen.

And so for me with this question, I don't think you're ignorant about, you know, not asking your partner these questions, or you thinking that you did look more mature, because bitch.

Yes, it's weird though that we attach really negative reactions and emotions to loving and carrying someone.

So we attach jealousy to you really liking someone, We attach heavy level of insecurities and questioning and overly warped behaviors as ooh, this person must really like me, this person must be obsessed with me.

And unfortunately, when you show up more in a way that allows your human your partner to move in a way that humans move, it triggers like some level of weight.

This bitch let me just hang out with my ex and isn't tripping what's happening here?

I actually think that you and him should maybe just have more conversations about it.

When he goes and have these quick lunches look at me.

I had to stop myself because I don't like talking too much about what a man does with other bitches, because it's weird, to me like I genuinely don't care.

That's probably the problem.

I'm actually probably maybe niggas be right.

I sometimes just don't be caring, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

Ooh ooh.

I think that you and him need to have a talk now, a sit down.

I also think maybe what you should do, because y'all are in a tight knit friend group, see if you could join on one of these quick lunches.

I think you need to see how both parties are acting, because that's gonna let you know if something is happening that shouldn't be happening.

Again, spidy senses and the shits with the ships is you probably genuinely feel like your nigga not doing nothing, which is why you're unfazed at these little wait wait, wait, wait, why you want me to care?

Why do you want me to be insecure?

Maybe you need to ask that question, ask that question, m to see what's happening.

That's what I think you should do.

AnyWho.

Anyway, though, if you want to send your questions, send them over to Selective Ignorance pod pod at gmail dot com.

I'm really, really, really excited y'all come top of the year, Baby, we drop in full fledged bonus episodes and I'll be having my boy Jason Lee.

That's right, Joall will be joining me once a week on one of the episodes, either on Tuesday or on Friday, and we getting into all the ignorant talks.

Baby.

I am really excited about twenty twenty six coming.

I'm excited to meeting some of the classmates as well.

I'm looking to do some intimate stuff.

Baby, this is grassroots.

This is a new show over here.

We're only like forty some episodes in Okay beer with me.

I'm really excited to grow this platform and to you know, get the Selective Ignorant community on tilt.

Anyways, again, if you want to send your letter in your am I Ignorant, make sure you send it on over to Selective Ignorance pod at gmail dot com.

And thank you for tuning in, classmates.

I'll see y'all next week.

Bye.

Selective Ignorance a production of the Black Effect Podcast Network.

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Thanks for tuning in the Selective Ignorance of Mandy B.

Selective Ignorance.

It's executive produced to Buy Mandy B And it's a Full Court Media studio production with lead producers Jason Mondriguez.

That's me and Aaron A.

King Howard.

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