Gentlemen, behold a mermaid.

Isn't that acclaimed children's or author Ariel Stein?

I made him sexy.

Can he breathe in there?

Of course not.

What's that beeping sound?

I put a bomb in his ass.

I'm still oral star and.

Then you could put the goofy screen sound effect in there.

Oh yeah, yeah.

Yeah, hello and welcome to another episode of You Can't Scare Me, joined, as always with my good pals Mario.

Hi, it's me.

It's Mario the cool ghoul who's everybody's pal.

Oh and yeah, this is the the summer edition.

So yeah, we're wearing Speedos.

Just FYI, we're recording.

I am wearing some trunks.

Yeah, no.

Oh wait, am I the only one wearing a Speedo?

Well, I mean a Speedo.

This is swimwear.

It's true.

It's true.

Yeah, I'm getting sand everywhere and.

So is my neon yellow banana hammock.

It's true.

It's true.

Yeah, yeah.

No, yeah.

Hammock pals.

What's up?

Hammock hams.

Yeah, we're bumping hammock hams.

What's up, Brandon?

How you doing?

Not too bad, not too bad.

Good to know.

What are your feelings on sand?

You know, I think I love it.

It's really coarse.

It's coarse and uncomfortable and it gets everywhere.

Gets everywhere, so in that way.

It's predict Daring, yeah.

Yeah.

It's like consistent.

I would say yeah, sand is often predictable.

Welcome to the fanservice episode of You Can't Scare Me, the summer edition where we're all scantily clad and we're talking.

I would say I'm at my sexiest.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I've never been sexier.

Yeah, yeah.

I have I have a mustache so.

Wow, really?

Yeah.

Ohhh.

Yeah.

Can you detect it?

Can you hear it?

Can you hear that?

And.

I I think I could have heard it when you were recording the intro.

Yeah, I could hear a few bristles on the microphone.

Sure.

It comes through beards, all that you can always hear the brain.

You can hear him, yeah.

I just heard it.

Whoa, yeah, it's there.

And no, no, no, dear listener, that it's there.

Not me, I'm smooth and sexy, not a hair on my body like a baby seal with alopecia.

Oh damn, you got that baby oil?

No.

You got that baby oil.

You got that baby oil.

Hey, Brandon, you got that baby oil?

You got that baby oil.

Hey, relevant social commentary about baby oil.

You can put it right here.

Let's put it right there.

I wasn't even thinking that.

Wow, baby oil has been ruined, hasn't it?

Hadn't it?

Hadn't it?

Hadn't it?

Hadn't it?

All right, we're well, guess what y'all we're here to talk about.

Weirdly I don't know why I didn't plan this, but a very like ocean summary kind of book, you know?

This is a summer special.

Book #19 in the Goosebumps series Deep Trouble.

Wait, what's that?

What do I hear on what do I what do I see bounding across the the the beach in slow motion?

Why?

It's history.

I'm trying y'all.

I'm recovering from a cold and that really hurt.

I'm sorry.

It's summer that history.

Oh my God, Brandon, God damn it.

Ouch, Mario.

Yes, hi.

As established, I have a mustache, which means that I qualify, I think, for professorship.

So that's right.

It's me, Professor Doctor Mario, here to tell you about what was happening in the big, big book of History in May 1994.

But only those pages of history that pertain to movies, TV and video games.

The only history that matters.

There's a lot of talk about movies actually, in the in May 94.

This is going to surprise you.

Maybe actually, it won't surprise you because it's a pretty mixed bag.

Well, it.

Surprised me that you think it surprises me.

So that's a surprise.

Well how about this one coming coming at you immediately surprising 3 ninjas kick back.

Hell yeah, I'm there.

Did I?

The only three Ninjas movie I remember is High Noon at Mega Mountain.

What, like that's the one that I think about, you know what I mean?

Like for whatever reason, that's the that's the three ninja movie.

You don't remember the first one where they give laxatives to the invaders, the home invaders and make them shit themselves?

That's an extremely traditional ninja technique as I recall.

Yeah this is true as the art of the shinobi is full of giving laxatives to people.

I just feel like it's a weird one where there is actually 4 movies in the Three Ninjas franchise and the 4th one in my mind is the one that people talked about.

Like maybe I'm an outlier, maybe my high school experience as an outlier, but whenever we referenced our childhood in high school, I feel like we were talking about High Noon at Mega Mountain.

I don't know.

That's like being really into TMNT and.

Carrying the third movie.

Yeah.

And everybody's talking about the third movie, and it's like, no, no.

I mean the 4th 1 is unique in that it has Hulk Hogan.

Rest of the kiss, rest in piss.

Yeah, rest in piss.

But you know any regardless, let's just say this.

3 Ninjas was certainly, if you were a 90s kid, 3 Ninjas was important to you at some point.

Yeah, one of the movies you definitely watched.

It was definitely a movie that I did watch.

Speaking of things that are definitely a movie, here is a movie I didn't know existed but sounds so wild that now I'm very curious about it.

It's a film called Being Human.

It stars Robin Williams, Bill Nye, Vincent D'onofrio and it's also Ewan McGregor's first movie ever.

Sand.

It was an international Co production of the United Kingdom and Japan OK.

The film portrays the experience of a single human soul portrayed by Robin Williams through various incarnations, with Williams being the only common actor throughout the stories that span the entire history of mankind.

That's that's a lot.

That's a lot, right?

I've never heard of this film before in my life.

Yeah, that's that's wild.

That's like not only high concept, but also a litany of stars.

Yeah, dear listener, I'm about to show something visual so I apologize in advance, but we just watched in my discord The War of the Worlds movie 2020.

The new one, the new.

One featuring Ice Cube, and I am making the face that Ice Cube is making in throughout that entire movie, which is thus.

That one, you know, it's weird.

I haven't seen the movie, but I could imagine the face.

That's what's impressive.

Yeah, it's like ice cubes.

Default face basically.

I gotta, I feel like I gotta watch that.

Movie.

I mean, I don't want to face in general.

It is one of those movies that I would recommend watching because it is so bad.

If you have Prime yeah who who fucking cares?

You know, let just.

Yeah, true.

They're not getting any more money out of it, so.

Yeah, exactly.

It's like, you know, it is what it is.

It's bad.

Yeah, expect something bad, but it is entertainingly bad.

You will have a time and you will laugh.

So.

So here's an interesting one that was released this month in May 94 that has for some reason been showing up on my TikTok for you page, like edited clips of it.

It's the movie dream lover.

This was during the the sexual years for James Spader.

You know, when James Spader was like in a lot of psychosexual thrillers.

The Secretary, this movie where he stars opposite of Mansion Mick from Twin Peaks.

I mispronounced your name, but I loved her in Twin Peaks.

I guess it's sort of a thriller.

It's in the vein of like Cruel Intentions, that kind of thing.

You know, back in the in 94, everyone is making movies about people having sex and then regretting it in big ways.

So do with that information, we will.

I don't know why it's been popping up on TikTok clips of it.

I couldn't tell you.

I don't know.

When did species come out?

Oh, 1995.

Right, a species is pretty good, actually.

Yeah, you just said like people having sex and regretting it.

And I was just thinking, like, what?

Oh yeah.

Species is cooler than this.

I'm talking about people having sex and then regretting it because they slept with like their secretary and their secretary, like kills a beloved family pet or something.

You know, something like that.

Something that kind of vibe.

They're having sex with psychopaths and it doesn't work out great.

Oopsies, apologies.

You ever get done having sex and just say whoops?

God, who hasn't?

Oopsie dooples.

Oopsie Daisy.

That seems like.

Oh.

Baby made an oopsie that.

Seemed like a way better idea like 5 minutes ago.

I think we both know this is a mistake.

You ever?

Have you finished having sex and then display?

Yeah, the trumpet player is a roommate.

That's every time.

You ever start having sex in this place?

That's also every time.

Stop putting it on blast, Bob.

Speaking of mistakes, this is a weird TV movie crossover.

It was listed in her films on Wikipedia, but it was definitely ATV miniseries, so I don't know what's happening here.

Stephen King's The Stand.

Yeah, yeah, OK.

From from director Mick Garris, a nice guy who makes pretty much only bad movies and also bad TV miniseries.

No offense to those who love the ABC, The Stand I I I bet.

I bet the love is 1 of nostalgia and not because anyone thinks it's actually very good.

Yes, I sit.

Damn it, Brandon.

Christ, you I I don't think listeners appreciate you have torpedo jokes, Yeah, that just like completely go under the water.

But they're hilarious and like.

Brandon is a sort of submarine on this podcast.

It's true.

It's true.

Running, running deep, running still.

That's why I'm in my element with this one.

I'm a battleship and you have sunk me.

I'm.

Why did that sound sexual anyway?

I am a seagull.

I'm above at all I'm.

Think.

I think only of bread.

And shitting on people.

Speaking of birds, the crow came out this month.

Oh.

Yeah, that's OK.

That means, you know, that means all right.

A shame about the lead actor.

Yeah, not worth someone dying, but yeah.

No, but it you know return of Jafar.

I heard that that wasn't that bad.

Is that?

I mean, I watched it.

I watched it a lot.

I definitely had it on VHS.

That's the one that's all about Iago, right?

Yes, it also features Jason Alexander as Abysmal.

Abysmal.

I remember.

What is abysmal?

Abysmal.

It's a It's Jason Alexander in an Aladdin movie.

It's a It's a short con artist who gets Jafar's lamp.

It's the plot of Return of Jafar.

Beverly Hills Cop 3 The bad one came out.

The Flintstones movie.

That.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, yeah.

The the an animated one or.

No, no, no, no, no.

The John Goodman live action 10, dear.

Moving on.

And then a weird, cyclical nature of history.

The unreleased Roger Corman Fantastic Four movie snuck its way into people's greedy claws on VHS this month.

'S way into their nightmares.

If you ever want to watch a bad movie, you could watch that.

If you, if I mean.

Or don't.

Or don't or watch the new one.

That's probably bad too.

Wait, TV?

Boy, nothing happened in TV.

There were literally literally no new shows were aired.

But Phil Hartman did make his last SNL appearance and he was leaving the cast and Star Trek The Next Generation ended, so make it not so.

Because it's.

Not so.

Not so on TV anymore.

G Gundam premiered on TV actually last month, and I didn't know it, but here it is now.

I'm saying it, yeah.

You mean Gundam?

Gundam, a great show, an amazing show, don't let anyone tell you differently.

A piece of art that deserves to be preserved and remembered and is featured in Super RIP at Where is Y coming August 28th Anyway, video games.

That's a great wow.

I'm doing transitions out the ass man, I've got this woof.

Video games.

They are a mixed bag, I must say.

Andre Agassi's tennis for this Ness.

We've talked about this before, somehow, I don't know how, but it's here.

He was in his prime.

It was a time everybody loved Agassi.

They were all Agassi heads.

They were all Agassi heads.

They were, yeah.

This one I think we might all remember.

I remember certainly.

Clay Fighter.

Yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, Bad Mr.

Frosty is there and a bunch of racist caricature is that we will not be talking about.

Yeah.

That was among the games that I that my parents considered Satanic and I wasn't allowed to play.

Wow, really?

Yeah, that one, because of like some of the visuals that they had in that one was so scary.

That and Diablo.

Diablo.

I mean that that makes sense, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, it was icky bad clay that did it.

It was icky bad clay.

I played Clay fighter a fucking lot.

I rented that from Blockbuster on a near weekly basis and I couldn't tell you why.

That's like me with primal rage.

I thought Bad Mr.

Frosty was cool.

I don't know what I mean.

Ha ha.

Funny joke, but also I Yeah.

I was a fancy little lad and I did not like Clay Fighter despite playing it because it wasn't as good as Street Fighter 2.

Oh, it wasn't.

It definitely wasn't.

What is I really?

I mean, yeah, hey.

Speaking of fighting games, though, a transitioned again Mighty Morphin Power Rangers for the Genesis.

I remember that being pretty damn good.

I played this only at a friends house.

I never had a Genesis, but I was really into it and when I played it I was like, oh this is cool, this is a cool game.

I played the pants off that sucker.

I was.

I could be so large.

You can also be I think.

Is this the one where you can play as the Megazord like properly and there's big Kaiju fights that aren't actually that good but.

You can play as the Megazord in that one, Yeah, yeah, I have no transition for this next one, but it is important.

Tokimeki Memorial was released this month for PC Engine in Japan.

The prequel to Symphony of the Night.

It was actually.

I mean, that's true in the in the sense that the, you know, yeah, in the.

Sense that's sequentially the.

Sequentially, the dev of the.

Writer of Toki Meki Memorial then went on to make Symphony tonight.

Yeah, but yes, you too.

If you were in Japan, the most important thing in your life at this time would be trying to successfully romance Shiori Fujisaki in Toki Meki Memorial and never ever succeeding.

Also a little one that's not as important as Tokie Maki Mori, but I did play the lot.

Jazz Jackrabbit.

I I never played that one.

It's not, I mean, like it's not good, you know, it's not like it's, it's not like it's really good.

But you know who designed that game?

Cliffy B.

Cliffy B.

That's right, Cliffy.

B gave us gave us that game and that's it.

And then he made This was years before he did the sequel to Jazz Jackrabbit, Jazz Jack Rabbit 2, and then the sequel to that Gears of War one.

Oh, I was gonna say Jizz Junk Rabbit.

Yeah.

I don't know what I mean.

I don't.

Yeah.

The Gears of War is basically a direct continuation of Jazz Jack Rabbit.

Jack's Jazz Rabbit.

Same vibe, very similar vibes.

You can close the book of history because that's it.

We'll see you again in June for some other stuff.

There actually is some stuff in June that's important.

But, but, but we don't, but don't.

We don't talk about that.

Yet rather than welcome to the stage of history, it's say goodbye to the stage of history.

I forgot I was going to say welcome to the stage of history, but fuck.

I was, I was going to make that joke, but I forgot the specific wording of it.

So yeah, I was getting.

The fuck of history.

A tale of souls and swords eternally retold.

Get the fuck out of the stage of history.

We don't want you here.

Right, Sophitia.

We done did all the history.

We done did it and if you and you picked Killick, which means you're an asshole.

Kill, I was literally going to say Killick is here to poke the history we talked to stage.

Literally in the last episode.

But yeah, I'll say it again.

Fuck you if you picked Killick, and also fuck you if you picked Jing Hua.

You suck.

You suck.

You know why you did it?

You know why you did?

It Where are my nightmare manes out there and my nightmare hey.

Hey.

I had such a combo with that dude.

I don't know if I mentioned it before, I probably did, but that combo that I had for that dude, Oh my God, it was diabolical.

I mean, I think if you're, if you are of a certain age, when Soul Calibur 2 comes out, you are automatically drawn to Nightmare.

And if you're drawn to anyone else, you're not.

You're not normal.

I liked Maxi.

Maxi was cool, Maxi was cool.

Maxi was cool because Maxi reminded me of Michelangelo.

Yeah, true.

Yeah, yeah, not the had them nunchucks.

So turtles, I mean, Yeah, yes.

And if you had the GameCube version, if you were blessed like I was, yeah, Link.

And it was actually kind of fun.

I had the Xbox version so I could play as I could play a spawn which.

You.

Know, I at the time I thought that was pretty dope.

I did and it's pretty cool.

I had the Dreamcast version, I don't remember.

You guys talk over 1 Where's?

Myself 2.

02 Oh yeah, Well, there's a lot of similar stuff.

I forget which console.

I had two on I think it was PlayStation I think.

Then you had Hey Hachi.

Right.

Yes, yes, correct.

Because which I didn't play because I didn't know who he was.

Well, because that's because they lost the licensing stuff to have cloud, but they were, they were trying to get cloud, which if they had gotten cloud.

That would have been great.

That would have been the, I mean, yeah, that would have taken it.

Sweenex dropped the ball there.

Why don't they want him in everything?

Everybody wants him in everything.

Well, now they do, yeah.

Which Soul Calibur was?

Yoda.

That was 5 No 4444.

Yeah, I kind of fell off after 2.

You were right to do it, but anyway.

I remember the custom characters being really interesting, like you could do some really insane shit with those.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember 1 interesting thing about Soul Calibur 1 is there is a mode where you can have them do like AI don't know, kind of like a routine of their moves or whatever.

It was just like a video.

Yeah, yeah, and and at the time I remember what there were people posting.

I don't on the proto Internet that was that existed that you could sync them up with certain songs and Astaroths went along with.

A Monty Python song always look on the bright side of life.

That's funny.

That's funny.

Look it up.

I remember that.

No, look it.

I remember that.

I remember that specifically, yeah, because I was looking, yeah.

It was like kind of the attract mode kind of like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that.

The well, I put the shit out of Soul Calibur 3, I will admit that.

And then Four came out and that had Yoda and Darth Vader and Starkiller and also a bunch of random guest characters that used the same move set as other characters, but they were designed by different anime artists.

So there is one the artist of Sergeant Frog.

I remember only that.

And then five ditched the entire cast, I think, and replaced them with their kids and everyone hated it.

And Six, it had Geralt in it.

And that's the history of Soul Calibur.

Thanks for joining me again on this little extra bonus episode of History where I talk to.

You about.

That.

Well, much like Voldo, let's bend over backwards and and and slide into the next segment.

Cover discussions with Brandon.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, wait, no.

Oh, is there a different name for this section?

That's right, Bob.

This is judging a book by its cover.

The part of the show where we do what they say we should not do.

You can't scare me, and you can't tell me what to do.

So the Jacobus nodding.

I'm nodding.

Yes, yes.

No, yes.

Maybe the Jacobus cover, the original, the big one.

I think it's pronounced Jacobus.

Jacobus, I'm going to always get it wrong.

Jacobius.

Jacobius.

Jacobus.

Jacobus.

Jacobus.

Jacobus.

So the Jacques cover features blue text on a cream background.

The center image features an underwater scene tilted slightly up towards the surface of the ocean from beneath.

The bulk of the image is occupied by a black and white hammerhead shark with bared teeth turning to take a bite out of a human child with green swim trunks and flippers, his head hidden above the surface of the water.

A multi colored coral forest is visible in the background and God rays descend diagonally from the surface.

The tagline is just when you thought it was safe.

It's a solid cover.

Hey, have you seen Jaws?

I love Jaws.

Jaws.

Before there may be some references to JAWS in some of these covers, there may be some pretty straight RIP offs of Jaws in some of these covers.

I mean, I gotta tell you, I like this cover, yeah.

I like you see the whole hammerhead shark.

You do it, does it?

Hammerhead shark don't look like that, but you know.

It's one that I appreciate more as an adult.

I, I really like the color combo.

I I I like.

The I do think it it aesthetically it's very pleasing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, very like it.

It's, it's the composition is really nice, like the way that the the shark is like arched and then pointing basically at the the kid who's just like swimming.

It also plays into a a very basic fear of like, I don't know anyone out there who's swam in the ocean.

Yeah, anything.

And anytime anything touches your your body, it's just like, what the fuck was that?

It's true.

It's stuff under the Wow.

Under the sea.

Sea.

It's killing me, yeah.

I mean, I.

Think always better down where it's wetter.

It's not I that.

Should have been the tagline.

Oh my God.

Oh my God, they probably they're, I wonder if they even thought of that or they're just like, no, no, Sebastian Crab is going to sue us.

Here's the idea.

Let's get to sue you up, boy.

Here's my here's my tag shark.

I wish one of the tag tag lines for one of these books was just fuck fuck yeah.

The fucking shark.

Or just like, just like a huge scream.

Just yeah, just literally the tagline is.

I mean, I here's the thing.

I agree with you, Bob.

If I was a kid, I think this would not have grabbed me as much.

Like, like, I appreciate it more now than I I think I would have as a child.

Like, I think I would have just kind of skimmed, skimmed past this one as a kid.

Yeah, I think just a shark.

You would skim past it on first glance but if you look at it, it's like it is giving like horror suspense.

The fact that you can't see his head is is like makes it feel pretty classy.

Jacobus has pinpointed a scene that lasts for approximately one second.

Yeah, but, you know, OK, fair enough.

Fair.

Enough.

I mean, we'll get into it, but like, the book is pretty atypical for Goosebumps.

And so if you were trying to make a cover that like fits on a shelf of horrible.

True, you wouldn't.

Yeah, it would be hard the.

Majority of this.

It would be hard to make what this book is actually about into a horror cover.

That is true.

Although you could do another thing in this book that is arguably more interesting than this singular shark scene.

But you know, it's good.

I like the cover.

I think it's, I think aesthetically and compositionally it's really good actually.

Yeah.

And an interesting thing to compare it with are I've included some of the pencil sketches for other versions that.

The treble sketch.

But the J boy, the J boy the.

J Boy the Jake.

So Jacques provided pencil sketches with even more hecked up encounters with the shark, including one in which Billy is swimming towards the viewer, closely followed by an enormous open mouth of a shark many times his size a second.

It's OK, it's not it run.

It's like really similar to some of the other, but like just a kid being scared, like looking at the at the view, at the like viewer.

Yeah, it's it's neat, but it's very direct and I think that I think so.

Both of these pencil sketches are much more actiony and much more horrifying than the book actually is.

I think the first one is inaccurate but fits with the Goosebumps theme a bit more.

I think that the type, the cover he ultimately went with is a little classier, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, although we didn't mention it, it's strange that this hammerhead has like orca colors, like a white belly.

Yeah, back.

Yeah, but I guess.

It must be said that Hammerheads are not aggressive, so the whole premise is flawed, but you know, it's.

OK, they they were making good choices for kids media.

It's like a hammerhead is a recognizable type of shark.

I'm sure they said we can't do a great white.

They already did that in Jaws, so like I'm sure that they that that's literally what they said.

Yeah, Speaking of Jaws, here's the other pencil sketch by Jacobus, which is Jaws.

That's Jaws all right.

That's JAWS, except not a JAWS isn't under the water, it's the hammerhead is is breaching the surface of the water.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, features the shark's enormous open mouth.

Breach we are being.

So generous child dwarfed in the foreground.

We're being so generous of the size of a hammerhead's mouth.

We're just like.

I kind of like this one though, not gonna lie.

This ones pretty like honestly, if you're gonna interest kids, play around with like referencing popular culture.

It's fine and stuff, nothing wrong with it.

The best part of this to me is these.

He's done a lot of work drawing these waves of very well rendered.

It looks like he's in a there's.

A lot of detail in this sketch.

Yeah, he's like in a choppy sea, like and there and he's got like some real Hokusai waves breaking behind the the the hammerhead's giant head as he emerges from the water.

It's cool, it's actiony.

I think it arguably fits the book better.

But also it's Jaws, so.

And I would say that it doesn't fit the book.

I I would argue that it kind of doesn't fit the book that well, but yeah, yeah.

I think I think it fits the book and the fact that the book is very action centered and is not very subdued or horrifying.

So I guess yeah.

Anyway, that's the sketches.

So let's go to the classic cover.

Now let's.

Talk about that.

The classic cover is not that different an idea or composition, featuring another underwater scene with a more monstrous and mutated looking hammerhead shark front and centre.

In the background, a rock outcropping looking like a giant skull is visible above.

Red coral and God range descend from the surface.

No human figure is visible in this one, which I think makes it less effective and less spooky.

I mean, it does represent what the shark is doing for 99.9% of the book's runtime.

It's just hanging out in the ocean.

I mean like, you know.

Also got a shout out the fucking six different fonts on the cover.

Graphic design is my passion.

It's so bad, why do they keep doing it?

So.

It's what could the bonus features possibly be for this book?

It is a book.

It's a URL that you have to type probably.

Probably.

Imagine if it came with like a disk of a of a a flash game.

Wouldn't that be amazing?

Cool a little a little point and click Learn about sea creatures game.

Oh, that's that would that would be cute like all of the the the animals referenced in the book and like the.

Yeah, I I had such a thing.

I had a Magic School Bus game that did that.

Oh yeah.

This shark looks like a fucking wow monster.

I've said it before about other things this artist draws, but this looks like a video game monster.

It just has big like fantasy creature and energy.

Yeah, this is a pretty boring covering.

I should say I like the skull thing, but like, you know, that's just intrinsic to skulls.

It doesn't really fit with the vibe of this book or the reality of this book either.

Yeah, it's it.

It's fine, but it's not really.

It's nowhere near the original, and it's not really doing anything for me.

Yeah.

For my for my wow players yes you you absolutely like.

I think this is straight up a screenshot from Vashir.

Yeah, so I'm.

Gonna cuddle it now.

Moving, Moving.

For for my sheer my.

Sheer Vashir is the underwater zone in the Cataclysm expansion.

Oh yeah, it does look a lot like that, doesn't it?

Doesn't it?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Do they have a skull like like, like place that you go that you swim into?

Anyway, I'm going to shut the fuck up.

It's a skull place.

It's the kind of place that's got a skull in it.

You know, you got skulls and places.

What are you supposed to do?

What are you?

Supposed to do?

What are you?

Supposed to do.

And what's to do with the skulls?

So the.

That's.

Pretty good, yeah.

So the UK cover the goo background this time is pure blue 'cause it's the ocean.

The oh wow.

The A besnorkeled swimmer with full mask and breathing tube apparatus is 1 head out of the ocean.

He has light colored eyes and brown hair and is surrounded by a thrashing octopus tentacles.

It's pretty good as UK covers go.

I mean, it references the octopus, which is remarkably rare for the octopus's prominence in the book.

I'd also say it's certainly first time that like the the goo kind of makes sense a little bit where it's like you're in water I guess.

Yes, the goo does.

I mean, it's not like it does kind of feel like they've just put the goo around another picture, but it it does make sense, I'll grant them.

At least they've like incorporated by having these these octopus legs coming out at different parts of the goo.

It does at least look like there's some perspective where usually the goo is like it's very obviously that they've made an illustration and stuck it in the middle of the goo.

I need to know the story behind how the UK covers were done.

Yeah, it feels like they were done in one giant batch.

Yeah.

And they were just like, what kind of theme can we have across all of the goosebumps?

How about goo?

How about just everyone's in goo?

There's just goo.

I think it was like the 90s thing where like kids were it like they had that, that not board game, whatever, you know what I mean?

Where where like you had a guy's head, big plastic guy's head and the game was pulling boogers out of his nose.

They had you.

Mean like you mean like.

Gross out type stuff in the.

Skull, the monster factory thing, the yeah, yes.

You know what I mean.

I don't think that.

Probably creepy crawlers adjacent.

Don't pick daddy's nose, creepy.

Crawlers.

Oh my.

God, creepy crawlers.

It was a thing in the 90s where where there was a lot of like toys, games, card games, where gross out humor was like kind of the thing.

I'm sure it parents hated it but I briefly I remember being around that stuff as.

The Doctor Dreadful Food Lab Monster face toy.

No, there's a Goosebumps Monster Face toy.

Whoa, wait, who is it?

Is there RL Stein?

Don't pick my nose, RL Stein.

You'll have to get the goobers out of my nose.

I do think that it is.

There is a Doctor Dreadful.

Yeah, there's a Doctor Dreadful.

It's like a zombie head thing.

But yes, to your point, yes, Brandon, there were a lot of like random gross out toys for boys.

And the person playing Doctor Dreadful is the Crypt Keeper.

It's John Casser.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah.

So I'm, I'm putting a link to it right now.

One of them.

Wow.

Oh yeah, I remember this.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You definitely remember this.

I remember the beakers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1000%, yeah.

This one's not John Casser, so that's.

Weird, I remember the brain.

Yep.

Yep, Viewer listener, not viewer.

There's a so there's a toy that it is an orange skull with a green base in which brain foam yeah, pink foam is ascending probably you mix sugary powders and stuff and it foam I.

Remember a white skull but I and I can't find it now but regardless.

I think all secondary colors, this one.

Oh yeah.

And you like, I think the thing in the back is like maybe you make like gooey gummy worms or.

Something out of them.

Yep.

Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep.

Yeah, there's a lot of like gross out food type guys back in the day.

Very strange.

I do.

You got to think the artist for the UK cover, the UK covers, was.

You got to think when he got to this, when he was like, fucking finally.

My time to shine.

This is what?

I trained for.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, yes.

So let's move on to the French covers and Cher de Poux.

Cher de poux.

So does this Binya Dante RDP?

This looks familiar.

No swimming.

What's this like?

What's this look like to you?

Features a fairly accurate hammerhead shark head vertical in the water with the classic Jaws mouth open pose.

Yeah, I thought we're gonna say a fairly accurate recreation of Jaws.

Yeah, yeah.

The flippers of a scuba diver are visible just in front of the mouth, and the background is a simple dark and light blue gradient.

It's Jaws.

It's Jaws.

It's.

Jaws not fine.

It's JAWS.

Not even breaching the surface of the water, it's just straight up.

That's just Jaws.

It's just jaws.

OK, so the French 2 cover.

I guess they felt bad about the first one.

I like this cover.

Yes, Cher de Poo features a scuba diver underwater.

His leg is caught by the tentacle of a giant glowing one eyed sea monster with giant sharp fangs that occupies the entire bottom of the frame.

This is very cool.

This is cool and I wish this were in the book.

This is good.

We like this guy.

Technically, this thing could be in IT.

Yeah, yeah, technically, but not in a way that you would feel like you, you read the book, you're like, oh, no, I want to see that guy.

I want to see what he's doing.

What's his story?

What's his deal?

Italy has a good one too, actually.

Yeah, Picori BVD features a similar composition as the second French cover, with a scuba diver and El Monstro Ocean at the bottom in the center of the frame.

A scuba diver shines a flashlight down onto a monster at the bottom of the frame, which is a mass of tentacles with glowing yellow eyes.

I kind of like this one, though I think, again, I think for the book's content focusing on the shark, it's probably the better move.

I mean, I like, I like it conceptually.

I think the monster has a neat look to it where they've like not gone for an octopus thing.

Yeah, he's almost more like a bug.

I think he's got four eyes, actually.

This is an extremely low quality picture.

Yeah, I think it's neat.

I think it's neat.

But yeah, I mean, again, it's not a great fit for the for the for the book, but you.

Know Edo Teroresi Discon de negli BC.

Yep, that's exactly what they say.

That they they, that all the beautiful Romance languages.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

OK, so next one is the Korean cover, which could have just been called shark.

A hacking great white shark is swimming open mouthed toward the reader.

The background is red.

The shark is black with red eyes and white teeth.

It's cool.

It's very subtle.

I would call this book jump scare.

The book like this is like you pull it off the shelf and get jump scared.

There are also little like completely 2 dimensional cut outs of sharks and one of them has like eyes and teeth.

Teeth like little little like eel teeth.

That's cool.

These Korean covers man, they're all, they're all cool.

I like their vibe.

It's a great vibe.

I I I like it.

I think it's a cute cover.

This has got like a sponge texture all over it as well.

Like they they always do the work these guys.

So next one shirts.

There were a lot of shirts.

Mostly they were the Jacques Jacobus.

I can't remember Jacobus Jacobus cover.

It's Jacobus.

If I say it a million times, I'll still forget it.

The Joker.

Joker.

Joker's chance.

There were a few shirts, all featuring some rendition of the Jacobus, the title of the book.

I'm going to take you breaking.

I'm going to take you just say just give me a clean Jacobus and I'm going to copy paste it every single time.

Jacobus.

Wait, Jacobus recognizable every time.

There were a few shirts, all featuring summer edition of the Jacobus cover and the title of the book.

The tagline is not Jacobus is also featured on this one.

I've included Just When You.

This this is the kind of shirt.

That I made kind of boring.

I hate this.

Kind of shirt.

I hate shirt or like.

And by the way, this is the cover of the book Deep Trouble, a Goosebumps book, the 19th one in the series.

You can buy them in your local library like yeah.

You can see that they subtly manipulated the image so that the swimmer is even bigger, which, Oh yeah, yeah, it sucks.

Yeah, they did have like a WAVY motif, but still, this is a minimum effort kind of guy.

I like how, but you got the quote right and then it says Goosebumps at the very bottom under the quote, under the tagline.

And then you go to the back of the shirt where it says Goosebumps at the top.

And then it sounds like like just in case anyone was possibly confused what this is, it's the cover of Goosebumps book 19 Deep Travel, published in May 1994 by.

Scholastic.

The whole the whole statement is just when you thought it was safe.

Goosebumps.

Deep Trouble 19, except it's.

Really, really tiny.

So it'd.

Be and you got to say goosebumps twice because it's at the bottom of the the front of it and the top of the back.

So to be clear, what this shirt is saying is just when you thought it was safe, Goosebumps.

Goosebumps.

Deep Trouble 19 Got it, got it, got it.

Held it.

Just when you thought it was safe.

You know you.

Thought it was safe.

You're going to get hit with the fucking synopsis for this book.

That's right, we have completed the judging of the covers.

You'll get fucked up with the goosebumps.

I was also thinking of Crossfire when we were talking about those old toys.

If you're the number one commercial, the one that lives in every child's mind that grew up at that time, you'll get caught up in the Crossfire.

It's sometime in the future.

The ultimate challenge.

Crossfire, Crossfire.

You'll get caught up in the crossfire.

Crossfire.

You'll get caught.

Up in the Crossfire Crossfire.

You'll get caught up in it.

I always thought it was cop in love.

Yeah, I don't know why I thought that, but for many years assumed as you get caught up in love.

This is how most people meet their significant other crossfire.

How do you know How do you really know a person, if you ever.

Played.

You haven't played Crossfire with them.

Fire a marble at.

Them.

Did you actually play Crossfire?

Did you play for?

Once I wanted it always.

I never saw it.

I never even saw it.

I.

Had crossfire.

Damn we had crossfire also real quick.

I just want to here watch this.

Crossfire, you'll get caught.

Crossfire You'll be caught up in the crossfire.

Crossfire, You'll get caught up in the crossfire.

Crossfire, Crossfire, crossfire.

That was good.

It's got, it's got, it's so, so dramatic.

The song, there's a lot of built in drama to it.

It's very dramatic, yes.

It is.

It is.

It is that commercial.

It's one of the classic commercials that I mean.

Seriously.

Mr.

Bucket, put the balls in my mouth, Mr.

Bucket.

Yes, yes, yeah.

Mr.

Bucket, if he was a real creature, would definitely be in jail today.

Or or he would be the president of the United.

States I'm just thinking of Mr.

Bucket like covered in baby oil now.

Yeah, everything I just thought I can't say out loud.

Well, you can.

I'll just take a nap.

Yeah.

All right.

And with that it's.

A clip of swearing of.

This beep beep beep beep beep beep beep.

Beep.

Cue 30 minutes of beeping.

All right.

And with that, I think it's time that we actually dove into this book.

Wow.

OK, we're waiting to do that the entire time.

Hi, how you doing?

It's me.

It's Bob.

And I am here with the 1st 8 chapters of the summary.

We're going to do it.

We're going to do it right now.

We're walking live, Yeah.

We're going to do it live.

Fuck it.

Chapter one The first chapter of this book is a Daydream sequence in which 12 year old explorer William Deep.

William Deep William Deep solves quote scary ocean problems like an electric eel in Miami, which William says he quote unplugged.

This is.

Hell yeah.

Hell yeah.

William says he's from Baltimore, MD and specifically mentions Myrtle Beach, which has my East Coast ass invested.

William says he's on the hunt for a great white Stingray he has named Joe, which reminds me of the time when someone could talk about a Stingray and not immediately be reminded of Steve Irwin's death in 2006.

Man, the entire chapter it's all I thought about.

Rest in peace.

Yep.

Anyway, William gets nitrogen narcosis in the Benz and dies.

The end.

Yeah.

Yeah, Chapter 2.

Wait, there's another chapter?

Well, that's weird.

Interesting.

Interesting.

Just kidding.

In a shocking twist, Williams name is revealed to be Billy and quote, I'm 12, I think I mentioned that already.

UN quote.

Can we can I say something real quick though?

Sure.

Before we before we, I want to give props to whoever wrote this book because they open with there I was 200 feet under the sea hunting for the great white Stingray, right?

That is the maximum depth for a Stingray.

So.

I also want to, I have AI have a little note right here.

I'm absolutely here for the goose rider, having some fun with Stein's formula.

So whoever wrote this, whether it was Stein, whether it was a goose rider, I enjoyed.

Yeah, we'll get to it.

But like actually, we'll get to it.

I'll shut up.

I won't.

I keep.

Talking about stuff before it happens in these things and I need to.

Stop.

We all, we all do.

We all do.

We have a we have a problem, a brain problem.

But I will say, I'll, I'll just say of this chapter specifically, I think this is the kind of Daydream I like in a Goosebumps book.

Yeah, because it's got useful information that's in it.

Like if you're going to do a dream sequence or like a, I think it works really, like a lot better if it's a Daydream thing, because then you can insert like things that are happening.

And especially if you do it like early on, you have a bunch of useful information that you can give to to the reader so that you don't have to like, you know, it's so it's not an utter waste of time.

I think this is an inoffensive Daydream sequence.

Yeah, yeah, I think it also it's.

Typical for a kid too.

It's like they're they're having delusions of or daydreams of grandeur, I guess I should say.

Daydreams.

Daydream Delusion.

The other thing is, and this is unusual, extremely unusual, for Goosebumps.

This actually sets the stage for the events of the book.

That is unusual for dream sequences, which are frequently much more interesting than what's actually happening in.

The book in, in fairness, Billy is something of a deep sea explorer.

So like, yeah, it's not like he was in his pool that, you know, like I was expecting that kind of reveal.

I want to bring this up because we are going to be talking about it a lot and I don't want to forget this.

So this book is pretty cool and pretty unusual in terms of Goosebumps.

A lot of stuff happens in it.

This book was one of three Goosebumps books to win a Nickelodeon's Kids Choice Award, which it won in 1995.

The other two winners were even more tales to give you Goosebumps, and the third was deep trouble too, So.

Look forward to it.

Yes.

And as we go on, you, you will, you will be like you.

You listener will understand.

Also feel that this is an extremely atypical Goosebumps book for the amount of stuff that happens in it.

That's actually stuff.

I'd also like to add from the trivia section of the same website, you pulled a great piece of trivia.

They added Billy's name is William Deep Junior, which means his dad's name is William Deep Senior.

Yeah, so take that piece of trivia with you.

True facts, True facts and his grandfather could be was unnamed.

Well, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So sorry, Bob, continue, continue.

Billy has a sister named Sheena who is 10 years old and annoying considerably more.

So if you listen to the audio book, it gets really bad.

Oh yeah, by the way, I did listen to this with the official audiobook.

Yes, how which they do have.

How was that?

It was it was fine.

Yeah, it was read by Pierce Cravens, who, yeah, did a pretty good job.

I'm gonna make some jokes about it later, but you know, for the for on the whole, I I do I I did a really appreciate, you know, this audiobook.

I think that maybe going without audiobooks for a little while has made me really appreciate just at least having something.

Although I will say Cravens does do the Kip fuck about thing of quiet yelling and but he doesn't do it all the time.

It's just here and there.

Also, his voice for Sheena is like nails on a chalkboard.

But but yeah, we'll also reference it later.

But yeah, we'll, we'll we'll get to that when the book gets pretty interesting.

This book actually pretty.

It's pretty cool there.

There's some, really.

Interesting, I agree.

So this is a pretty dense chapter.

So here's the most important stuff.

Billy and Sheena like pinching and playing jokes on each other.

Sheena's a stick in the mud.

They're here visiting their scientist uncle on his research ship named the Cassandra.

And I promise I'm only going to highlight this once and move on.

Their uncle's name is George Deep, but quote, everyone calls him Doctor Dee.

This man will be referred to as Doctor Dee this entire book.

No, I am not fucking with you every single time.

In the audio book they called this man Doctor Dee.

Yeah, Doctor, Mr.

the D penis.

Oh, is oh like cock?

Like, yeah, like, like a Dick.

Like Doctor Dick.

Like deep my my mind was not in the gutter so.

I was it Is it?

Is it just me?

Maybe.

It's just me, isn't it?

Disgusting brain that took us here.

Hey guys, can can we can we pause the pocket?

Lowered.

Lowered the standard can you can.

You do so it's just am IA pervert.

Who isn't Bob?

Who isn't?

Really.

Everyone who is pretending not to be a pervert is pretending.

Hey, listen, there's, there's this book.

Hey, they don't need the, you don't need the doctor DD pervert, pervert about this book.

There's foot stuff in here.

There's fish women.

There's fish, women.

Hey, spoilers.

Tickling your feet.

There may be fish women.

There may or may not be fish women.

There may or may not be fish women.

There was no fish women on any of the covers.

That's true.

Also, I'd like to note that Sheena is described as having no imagination, and I wrote 100 years ago that would be a compliment.

So Doctor D's physical appearance is described as scientist.

Quote.

Anyone who saw him would say I bet you're a scientist.

UN quote.

So he's basically just Doctor Kleiner from Half Life.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like straight up Doctor Kleiner.

Yes.

Gordon, what is it?

Help me, Gordon.

Help me, Gordon.

Look, Gordon, a rope.

Help me Gordon, I don't know if you.

Yeah, you know, I know.

Yeah, the last, yeah.

Look out, Gordon.

Yeah, yeah, haunted boobs up ahead.

Yeah.

It's big ones.

It's big ones.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I read about it.

Yeah, it's real.

It's real.

Yeah, I read about it on Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit.

The free online encyclopedia that no one can edit anymore.

No one can edit anymore.

You forgot your passport, Gordon.

Doctor D reveals there have been reports of sharks in the area but ultimately decides to let the kids go swimming because if it's a choice between having the kids around him or death, death it is.

I think this describes so many parents.

Cast them away into the sea.

Doctor Dee warns the kids to stay away from the nearby clamshell reef instructions Billy immediately decides to not listen to.

Billy has not followed the Harbinger's warnings and is thus marked.

For death, in fairness to them, I I feel like Doctor Dee could have maybe explained why.

Yeah, it would have been.

Helpful.

And I I think Billy actually mentions this one, but we'll, we'll get there.

Billy has not followed the Harbinger's warnings and is thus marked for death, which he nearly finds when some kind of weird but tentacled creature grabs him and starts pulling him toward the bottom of the sea.

Oh no, not the Hall of Death.

Oh, no, I don't know about you all, but right now, like in chapter 2, I'm already clocking this is this feels different.

Yeah.

Like something, something's different about this.

And I and I like it.

Agree.

And I would also say you're going to quickly continue that in Chapter 3, and you're about to say it, but like, we're ending here, the cliffhanger.

And like, while in the context of the book you'll say what happens, this does not feel like a fake out to me.

Yeah, this, this whole book has like big action serial energy and it's basically like the opposite of really large Stein.

To add on to what Mario was saying, Chapter 3, weirdly, this isn't a fake out.

Yeah, Billy is actually being attacked by some kind of weird sea creature, described as an enormous dark green balloon with at least 12 tentacles and one giant brown eye.

Don't laugh.

It continues to attack Billy, but Doctor D arrives in time to save Billy and the monster disappears.

Wild.

I'm sure this event that caused Billy's life to flash before his eyes won't soon leave his mind.

Never mind, it's time to race Sheena to the boat.

Hell yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh wait, Sheena's wearing flippers, which is basically a swimming cheat code.

So Billy decides to take a shortcut through Clamshell reef.

On his way through the reef, he gets tired and decides to step on the coral, causing him to scream and probably die.

I mean, first of all, even if this wasn't what we're about to find out, shouldn't step on coral anyway.

Yeah, It's like, it's not, it's sharp like, you know, I mean, like if you've ever done it, it's sharp.

It it will cut you.

It's like rubbing Obsidian.

It's like just don't do it.

Just don't do it.

But also let's note that if this sea creature that he was attacked by, which again I grant that only he knows about it.

So it's not like a thing that they can everyone will tell him it's not real, but he is insistent it is real in this chapter.

So we are I I take it as written, it is a real thing.

And I guess it would technically be a dodecapus.

So it has 12 tentacles, so.

It has a brown eye.

It hungers.

It is Doctor Weird's ass.

He's a crazy guy.

Chapter 4 Doctor D explains that Billy stepped on fire coral, which is real.

It's real.

It's a lot if it touches your skin, delivering a burning sensation, hence the name.

I didn't put this in here, but I did, I did a little research and I actually looked at some videos of fire coral burns and they last from two to two days to two weeks.

So Billy recovers really quickly, but.

He's superhuman.

Yeah, there there is a video of a of a a diver just brushing against some of this fire coral and it yeah, her hand is completely fucked up for like a while, like huge blisters.

It looked really painful but.

So Billy spends the rest of the book in terrible pain, incapacitation, covered in blisters.

Yeah, the that's the other thing.

I didn't put this in here as well, but fire coral, fun fact, fire coral is not coral.

Yeah.

So there you go.

It is.

I forget what it's called.

It's some kind of like.

Plasma.

It's fire.

It is a hydrozoan, so yeah.

Anyway, also coral can be extremely sharp.

Billy, why the fuck would you step on it?

I feel like that's a pretty common thing that everybody knows these days.

But I don't know, maybe when this was written it was like, also it's for kids who may not necessarily know these things so I need to like chill anyway.

Billy's 12.

He don't know.

No, he don't know nothing about nothing.

I'll add that A hydrozoa is a small predatory animal that forms colonies with others of its species.

So the the fire coral is actually a bunch of little tiny animals.

Yeah, little stationary hunters, Yeah.

Yeah, apparently they it was.

Also an animal, but.

They sting because they're actually basically grabbing micro, not microfiche.

That's.

Microfiche.

They go to the they go to the library and they hunt microfiche.

Yeah, yeah, they, they, they like, stun their prey, which.

Are yeah, they're releasing stingers into your body.

Also I also learned this if you get stung by fire coal.

I don't know why I'm just throwing this out there.

If you get stung, do not pour tap water on it.

Do not wash it off with tap tap water.

Wash it off with alcohol, isopropyl alcohol or sea water because if you if you wash it off with tap water, it will reactivate the stingers and it will fucking hurt so.

Good to know.

It also causes your skin skin necrosis on the edges of the burn, so that's nice anyway.

That's not good.

You don't want that necrosis.

Don't want that necrosis.

I don't want that necrosis.

Doctor, get this necrosis.

Awful Doctor.

Doctor, Doctor.

Got necrosis?

All the big characters that do stuffed books.

Should talk like that doctor doctor I got.

Doctor help me.

Help me I got.

I got this.

I stepped on Falco.

Help everyone.

Why are we?

Turning to the children.

We're turning the children from pork chop sandwiches.

Yeah.

It's a hydrozone, so.

I.

Was going for more of an ooh woo type thing but yeah I don't know.

Everyone starts swimming back to the ship as Billy feels fingers tickle his leg.

He tells Sheena to cut it out only to realize Sheena is swimming with Doctor he Doctor D, Doctor he Doctor D Man, Doctor he man only to realize she is swimming with Doctor D up ahead of him.

So who or what touched Billy chapter?

And.

I don't know who's who's.

Fingies touch me.

Whose fingies touch?

Whose fingies touch me?

So Chapter 5.

This chapter introduces Alexander Dubrow.

Dubrow.

Dude, bro, Dubrow.

Alexander Dubrow, I mean.

That's that's cannon now that's cannon now doctor D's assistant and cook.

I guess he basic.

He's basically a big buff dude who makes great food but the kids hate it for kid reasons.

Dude bro, he's he's made chicken salad sandwiches for lunch.

Billy decides to try it first and freaks out because the sandwich is mildly spicy.

He starts screaming about how Alex put fire coral into his sandwich.

Kid shit.

OK, Billy.

Yeah, yeah.

The kids demand cereal instead.

Words happen describing the kids getting used to Doctor DS boat and feeding the fish on it, including some kind of eel named Biff.

I don't have this written down, but I really do like the the names for fish in this book right now.

Yeah, it's cute.

It's cute.

And Joe, I don't know, there's something cute about.

That's cute.

I like all of the names.

Billy Deep.

It reminds me of how the the shark, the animatronic shark in Jaws was named Bruce.

Yes, yes.

Probably because he had a bunch of springs in him that kept breaking.

I think it's cute to name, to name the creatures like this.

I think it's cute.

I think, I think this book is like actually very well crafted.

Like, I think there's a lot, a lot to like about this book, yes.

There's 1 chapter that it's, I'll just say it's very goosebumps.

But other than that, yeah, no, this is shockingly like, we'll get there.

I need to shut up.

We're all in agreement.

We'll.

Get to the part where he gets necrotizing fascism.

Doctor D gets some back story here and is described as a God damn maniac when he's not in the water quote.

Doctor D ended up spending a good part of Christmas Day in the bathtub playing with my old toy boats.

As long as he stayed in the water, he was back to normal.

UN quote.

Doctor, Doctor D is not, well, normal.

Has mental problems.

Very normal things are happening in this book right now.

I will say that this may act as I don't I I haven't seen I haven't read anything about Deep Trouble 2, but there is some set up for stuff in this book like a few things, this being one of them where it's like this made me think is there something is this like a stay out of the stay out of the basement situation?

Stay out of the basement.

I I do know that on some level, Deep Trouble 2 involves a mad scientist.

OK, I don't, I don't know who it is, but I know there is one in that book.

The blood Walker.

Doctor Deep, Yeah.

Yeah, who's going to say it?

Doctor.

Mr.

Doctor.

Orgasm, the weed of deceit.

Thank you.

Yeah.

The weed of deceit.

Anyway, a boat with a marine zoo logo pulls up next to the Cassandra.

And a man and a woman up here, a woman up here, and a man and a woman up here.

I don't know why I'm putting it.

You're at the end of the woman.

You're the one he's cursed today.

Yeah, I don't know why I'm going to take a sip of water.

Hold on, feel free to make fun of me, OK?

I was just going to say, Doctor, Mr.

Dick.

Doctor.

Mr.

Dick.

That's Doctor.

Mr.

Doctor.

Doctor.

Doctor.

Doctor.

Doctor.

Doctor.

Doctor, Doctor.

Doctor Doster, Master Dong.

Doctor Mr.

Cock and Balls is what I was trying to say anyway.

Doctor Monster balls.

So yeah, a boat with a marine zoo logo pulls up next to the Cassandra, and a man and woman appear.

Doctor Dee takes them to his office.

Billy decides to eavesdrop, and the chapter ends as he overhears the man saying, I don't care how you do it, Doctor Deep, but I want you to find that mermaid.

Whoa.

Fuck, but can I just say.

I heard that Cohen somebody'd earphones and so it was pretty good.

Fuck.

Can I just say I appreciate that the events of this book have begun in the first third of the book?

Yeah, usually it's a really good sign when a Goosebumps book it's like within the 1st 5 or 6 chapters if stuff.

Starts happening.

Yeah, that's, yeah, that's a mark of a good goose, a good goose, a good goose, a goose, goose be.

That's the mark of the bump.

The mark of the bump.

I need that mark of the wolf like movie poster to be subbed out with that the mark of the bump.

Yeah, Mark, the mark of the bump.

Mark of the Goose.

He has the mark of the goose.

Just the goose mark.

I need like a 10% like faded RL Stein like in the background just as like just like Hello Mark Stein Chapter 6.

Mark of the Goose.

Mark of the goose.

Hello, I've got the Mark of the Goose Chapter 6.

The zoo people are not kidding about the mermaid.

They heard.

Some fishermen, who are famously known to not exaggerate, ever report sightings of a young girl with long blonde hair and a shiny green fishtail, and they're prepared to reward Doctor D if he can find her, a reward of $1 million.

Fuck.

Fuck.

In Chapter 7, Billy leans too hard against Doctor D's office door and falls into the room I have.

OK, I have created a approximation of what that sounded like now.

OK.

You know I.

Was waiting.

I was waiting.

I spent a little bit of time before the pocket.

That's when I was.

That's the stupid thing I said.

You know what?

It was worth it.

Yeah, you know, I like goosebumps.

Appropriate for goosebumps.

You left nothing to the imagination.

I'm I'm a big fan of metal pipe smashings dot MP3 Yeah, I love that sound of of people who listened to the previous podcast may also hear a certain metal pipe smacking like a metal wall or something in our Space Ghost tribute.

Yes, I.

Did it's one of the it's one of the sound designer tool kits Wilhelm scream type things including doom door open that wave and creaky old door doors feature a lot, don't they A.

Lot of doors a.

Lot of doors.

I mean sound design is mostly doors sort of life.

Sort of life, really.

A lot of doors.

When you think about it chapter 8, the zoo crew get very upset learning that this 12 year old has heard their plans.

After all, 12 year olds are very trustworthy and if any child of that age or heard talking about mermaids they would be they would be taken extremely seriously.

If you can't trust a preteen, who can you trust?

Billy is forced to promise to keep his dumb baby mouth shut and not mention any of this to Sheena, who has already been established to not believe a single word that comes out of Billy's mouth.

But whatever, better safe than sorry.

The search for the mermaid has commenced.

Billy then has an obvious nightmare so the chapter chapter can end on a cliffhanger.

I literally did write this is 100% a dream.

This is this is obviously a dream.

Yeah, yes, yeah.

Hey, but the tentacle monster does come back.

So the Dodecapus is featured in that chapter as well.

That's a second.

It's a second of a spoiler.

I know.

I meant, I meant in the chapter you just the dream sequence just now that's out.

That's that's a second, a second appearance from the Dodecapus.

Right.

Yes, I do remember the description of a of a a single brown eye.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How?

Like, how can you not?

He's the.

He's the.

The duty CAPUS.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is.

A brown eye and a tentacle comes out of the ocean in his dream and grabs him.

It's how you know, it's definitely a dream.

But he is again, Decapus appearance too, you know?

Hey, hey, take it where you can, folks.

I know I'm gonna.

And we all are.

Yeah, all right.

Who had the next chapters?

Twas I.

Twas ever thou.

Yes the mirror yes so the brown eye monster is as big as a whale and it's about to set sail.

Billy Chapter 9 Billy was definitely dead and it's not ATM.

Goosebumps dream fake out.

No wait, he was not dead.

Boy do I already have egg on my face.

Billy became awakened on he bed.

It was sunrise.

After mentally shoving the evil dream into his mind closet and reflecting on his goal of finding the mermaid, he quietly slipped into his bathing suit and crept out of his boat cabin.

Coffee was brew in the gallery, so he knew that sneaking past galley, galley.

So he knew sneaking past the doctor Mr.

Dick would be necessary.

With utmost stealth, Billy obtained the rest of his snorkeling gear sneakily sneaking up to the deck.

Sneakily Billy silently, sneakily slipped into the dark water of the lagoon and pondered about precisely what level of hecht up it was for him to sneak out to snorkel the ocean solo.

He's set to searching for the mermaid and tried to picture what she would look like.

Then he thought about what it would be like if he were the mermaid.

You go Billy, live your truth.

After I am famous from having become the discoverer of mermaid, I will write a book, he thought.

It will be called Courage of the Deep by William Deep Junior.

It is possible that if Billy survives this book, he might find himself working in a different medium.

Deep Fear is a 1998 survival horror video game Co developed by Sega System Sat com and Sega CS2 and published by Sega for the Sega Saturn said on the underwater big table research facility in the Pacific Ocean, the player controls John Mayer Yes, as an unknown infection begins transforming the facility staff into hostile mutants.

It's lovely.

You should play it and Billy.

This is what?

When did this book come out in 94?

I think so, yes.

May he.

He he could have, if he was very ambitious, become a developer on such a game.

You just have to move to Japan as a 16 year old and learn game development.

But it it could happen.

Timeline checks out.

As Billy neared the seaweed, he felt something wrap around he ankle and scratch him.

He gulped a mouthful of seawater.

Seaweed doesn't have claws.

Is it Go time?

Chapter 10 No.

No.

It was his sister Sheena doing a little scratch attack.

The weird freak chastised her brother for being in the forbidden zone near the reef, which was a bit hypocritical because she was also there.

But she explained she was just breaking the rules because she had to make sure he wouldn't break the rules.

Cop Material.

The two argued about Billy's presence in the Forbidden Zone.

Billy was about to stop arguing and return to the boat when he saw a big splash on the other side of the reef.

Deciding this was definitely the mermaid, Billy bolted to Sheena's Great vexation.

Chapter 11 Billy chased the splashing entity, though this was surely the splashing of a mermaid.

He peered, he swam, he stared.

He thought he saw a fin.

There is only one thing that could have fins in the ocean but Oh no.

Billy's mask fogged up.

He surfaced to clear the fog.

When he broke the surface he searched for the mermaid.

What he saw instead of 1/2 fish lady was a full fish dorsal fish, full life hammerhead and and it was headed right for him.

Yeah.

Chapter 12.

This is not a fake out and Billy did not have his has weapon.

It is in fact the elusive go time.

The shark approached Billy with malicious intent, swam past him and began circling.

Oh fuck, Billy made.

It.

But was incepted by the intercepted incepted he the the fish got into his mind.

No, the fish within a fish.

Fish.

Fish the recursive fish, but was intercepted by the monster fish.

It continued to circle, growing closer and closer.

Finally the sharks nose bumped billye leg, its jaws opened and Billy had his life flashed before his eyes.

Because he's about to die for real halfway through the book.

This.

The rest of the book is an extended epilogue.

There's a funeral.

It's beautiful.

Sheena learns to dance, like to live in, to live Billy's memory.

Alexander makes a lot of food specifically about it.

I don't know how you make food about a funeral.

He did it.

He did it.

This.

It's a squawless dead type book is what I'm saying.

Its jaws opened.

Billy kicked with all his strength, barely managing to avoid being chewed.

Billy broke for the reef again.

He reached the fire coral and pulled himself up on it.

Saifu.

But Oh no, he was dragged backwards into the ocean again.

Billy tells us this, the shark dragging him back.

But since this is the end of a chapter, it's probably his sister or something, right?

Right, because this is Goosebumps, right?

Chapter 13.

No, it was the shark.

The shark.

Moving back into the wall?

No.

What was happening?

They they're setting stuff up and then doing it.

You can just do that.

You know it's free.

You're writing.

A book.

Can we check the cover of this book?

Is this?

Oh no, we're reading Boost Gumps, Boost Gums and.

Laurel Netesta wrote it.

Oh, I am I having a seizure?

What you're reading?

Yeah, Mr.

Smub.

Why do they?

Call it oven.

When you when you know the the.

The the toe teeth.

You've got your fucking good workers.

You have to stop.

You can.

Please no.

No, I've lost my place.

I'm tearing up.

OK OK, but no, it was actually the shark pulling Billy back into the water somehow to eat the child.

It it was then that deliverance came in the form of another fish which began to fight the shark.

Stuff is happening.

What book is this?

He witnessed a large green fishtail attack the hammerhead and heard shrill squealing.

Billy heard a loud bump and the shark swam off away in defeat.

As the waters calmed, Billy heard whistling and low musical humming, beautiful and slightly sad, sort of like whale song.

Then the creature lifted its head ahead of long blonde hair on it.

A mermaid for real?

Chapter 14 Ahans.

Christian Anderson asked.

Mermaid may interject.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Seeing as how the shark grabs Billy in that chapter, we can now assume that Billy's leg is just a pile of meat.

Yeah, I mean, I presume that and it shouldn't be.

Covered in blisters and horribly, wholly racked with pain from the fire coral, his leg is now just meat dangling from his body.

This kid is just.

Dead Billy gets fucked up in this book, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, there's just like shredded pork hanging off.

Like please, yeah, Please note in this book Billy has touched fire coral and also he was actually mauled by a shark just now.

Yes, yes.

But Billy is actually pretty resilient in this book.

Yeah, he's a superhero.

He.

Is an underwater explorer, yeah, So makes sense, makes sense and that.

Boy is deep.

The boy is deep, yeah.

So Hans Christian Anderson, ass mermaid with a green fishtail and long blonde hair.

Billy stammered out that the mermaid had saved him and asked what he could do in a return.

The mermaid cooed and reached out to him, healing the fire.

Quarrel instantly.

Burns instantly.

Wow, said Billy.

This is a lot of stuff happening in a Goosebumps book.

Billy looked around and verified this was not a dream.

Suddenly, the mermaid flipped her tail and was gone.

Will I ever see her again?

He thought suddenly, a sharp pinch at his foot.

Was it his sister Sheena?

No, it was the mermaid again.

The mermaid was the pincher all along.

Wow, wow.

Set up and pay off, not same for the final chapters again.

Is this a Goosebumps book?

I think I speak for all of us at Bubba Gumps.

Thou canst not instill in US fear.

This book's consistent action and lack of boring fake outs has ghasted us.

Flabber.

My flabbers are ghasted, that is for sure.

Yes, I'm just imagining the vine that that kid or he's the fucking mermaid reason.

And he looks down and goes wow.

Wow, wow, it must be said.

I mean, this is this is now chapter, the number that we're on.

14.

There you go, this is my my my my thing.

Minimize 1414 chapters and in 14 chapters I think basically something has happened in all 14 of them.

I think there's more happens in this book's two chapters than the entire mummy tomb book.

I mean, we're, we're not even halfway or maybe right at halfway through the book and an actual fucking mermaid is here, indisputably real.

Fighting a hammerhead.

Shark fighting a shark?

Yeah.

What the?

Hey, hey, RL Stein or whoever, Where have you been?

Like what the fuck?

Yeah, This is why the kids choiced this one.

Yeah, I mean, I've.

Got stuff and it's it's fun and it's an adventure and there's stuff in it.

It is.

You can just do this.

I read this book faster than any other book we've done.

Yeah, like, genuinely, it was the only one.

I hate to admit it was the only one where I was reading it, not for a goal, but because I wanted to see what they did with it.

Yeah, wanted to see where this Indiana Jones thing went.

I was compelled by this book.

It is a compelling book.

Yeah, it's it's it's like why is there so much boring?

Like I was thinking about this a lot while reading this.

Like why are the goosebumps books like so boring?

Words are free, you can make anything happen in them and kids don't care if it's realistic, they just don't give a shit.

They would rather be entertained and same.

I think it's probably because like the initial like blueprint of Goosebumps was it's supposed to be kind of a slow burn suspense building up to a scary thing.

And you don't want to like blow your monster load all at one place.

You want to kind of build up to it.

And so it in order to get there, you have to kind of like tease that stuff is happening.

You got to see the Dagon priests, you know, down the hallway very far away dimly and then the door shuts quickly so that you can build up to it.

It's just that he's generally not that good at that kind of build up thing.

The stuff where it does it best is always when like, wacky shit is happening where there's a robot in a weird piano school, you know?

But words are free.

You could do that.

You could just have a build up.

Kids don't care if it's realistic.

You can write whatever you want.

Yeah, I think it's.

A.

It's you can do that.

Mixing this like adventure serial kids media with horror is like kind of a natural fit and very obviously just much more compelling.

And the kids choised it, so they agreed.

I hope there's more more like this as we go through it.

There's more, I think more.

I hope that more Goosebumps books like, after this one, kind of like, recognize this, Yeah.

Or at the very least a Deep Trouble 2.

Deep Trouble Two I'm really interested in because.

I'm, I'm, I mean, we're, it's going to be a while, but yeah, I can't say I'm not intrigued.

I'm, you know, I'm looking forward to it actually.

Yeah, Day 2.

The hecked up ducks returning to a flabbering guest.

The mermaid was there, the boy was there.

Everything was fine.

Except it wasn't.

A shadow overtook them both as a net was dropped onto them.

They screamed.

Chapter 15.

It was Doctor D and Sheena who immediately congratulated Billy for finding the mermaid, which was now be captured.

Dr.

D praised the zoo people who were so right about the mermaid's existence.

It's astounding.

It's historic and imprisoning it is definitely a crime against life itself.

Alexander was there too.

I guess the group was all in raptures over the mermaid's actual realness as it squirmed and tried to free itself.

As they prepared a little jail cell for the mermaid, Billy told Doctor D that the mermaid had saved him from a shark.

Doctor D said.

Astounding.

The find was amazing for the scientific community.

Billy immediately retorted that Doctor D just wanted the $1,000,000.

Doctor D looked hurt.

This is a pretty good conflict for a Goosebumps book.

Characters doing stuff.

Kid has agency.

He's like, making up his mind about a moral quandary raised by the book's events.

Yeah.

What the fuck is this?

Yeah, Doctor D insists in his Doctor Kleiner voice that he only wanted the money to continue his research and would never use the mermaid to get rich.

I'm sure the mermaid will appreciate that Doctor D had good reasons for selling her into captivity.

Billy looked to Sheena, who did not want to pick a side.

The mermaid in the tank gradually stopped moving.

Billy declared she was dead and they had killed her.

Chapter 16 and this is Goosebumps.

But no, she was crying or something weird.

Fake out.

They discuss what mermaids eat.

What do mermaids eat anyway?

And.

I think I know.

I think I know what the mermaids eat.

What they eat when they eat cookie.

Cookie Crisp cookie they.

Eat rice crispy.

Rice crispy.

The cookie I was like waiting for.

I was like, oh, so put the cookie in so it gets fucking gross and soggy.

And then it did, and I was like, whoa.

This is this is a kid thing.

Yeah, and I love it.

It's it's like normally in Goosebumps it would be like, oh, why'd you do that?

That's stupid.

Yeah, it's very adult writing children, you know that.

We've called out before, but this really feels like authentically like the kids just trying stuff, being a kid, not knowing shit, stepping on fire coral like a fucking idiot.

I agree, I I think this is a really genuinely good kid protagonist doing kid stuff.

Yeah, with a heart in the right place.

Yeah.

Also, he doesn't suck.

Yeah.

Yeah, he doesn't.

He doesn't suck.

He doesn't suck.

He's actually enthusiastic and proactive.

It's pretty cool.

He doesn't have to suck.

The story doesn't have to suck either.

Words are free, You can just write them good.

Words are quote Brandon.

Stop.

Words are free.

You could just write them good you can.

Just do that.

You can just do that.

It's like I really I.

Really want RL Stein to come on our RL Stein.

If you're listening, I challenge you, Sir, to come on our podcast so that we can talk to you.

And Brandon could tell you to your face.

Words are free.

Words are.

Free.

You can just write them good.

I preempt this by saying this.

This guy had a completely unreasonable turn around time of one month per book.

Right?

It's free if you have infinite time, you know.

Yeah.

Maybe when he wasn't writing one of the previous books, he did write this one and just like.

I will say that while I joke about the Goose writer and all that stuff, and I think there is, you know, definitely like something's happening here.

I will say that this does remind me of a little bit of a welcome to dead house in just the the way that the adventure is kind of structured a little bit.

So that says to me that at least I, I think RL Stein was like in charge of the like giving a skeleton like for someone to, for a ghost rider, a goose rider.

I'm sorry to to mess around with it.

It I I am ready and willing to believe that RL Stein did this and he didn't do like the previous two and he was just given time to write a good book.

It is possible.

We we can choose to believe that that's like.

I want to believe in Ariel Stein.

I want to believe that with the first couple of books, he actually had like the time to to make them and craft them.

And then he got pulled into a deal and he had to basically take it and he started having to produce material quickly that he wasn't happy with.

Because you've got a month deadline that's that's actually like super fucked up and basically impossible to write serially good, different themed horror books.

Let it, let it not be said while we criticize the books that are bad because it's impossible to say that good that bad things are good.

You know, we're all honest about that sort of thing.

This task is really hard.

I don't blame him.

I don't blame a writer in this situation for phoning stuff in.

It's just that, you know, we're all esthetes.

We are artists in our own way.

And when the stuff is bad, there's no, there's no fleeing from it.

You know, when you're reading it and it sucks, it just sucks.

There's if it sucks for a good reason, it still sucks.

So yeah, but this doesn't suck.

This, this book is, this is good.

They were cooking.

They were cooking the whole time and and on the giving a cookie to a mermaid thing.

I'm pretty sure I did this with bread and a fish when I was myself a dumb kid.

Yeah.

So yeah, you know, kid don't know nothing can't feed oatmeal.

It's like.

That fish, it's like that raccoon giving trying to wash his food.

Yeah, his cotton candy.

He's given a little thing of cotton candy and he tries to wash it and just.

Disappear.

Yeah, Yeah.

He's like, what?

What the what?

Where'd it go?

That's not how stuff works.

I guess that's what cloud food happens with like due to it.

And what then what?

That was the most sincere I've ever heard.

Mario.

What?

What?

OK, what?

Chapter 16.

But no.

She's not dead, she's crying or something weird fake out.

They discuss what mermaids eat and Doctor Dee declares his intent to go to the store to get supplies and quote Try various foods on her.

No try various foods out on her.

Try various foods like other than fish.

I'm thinking Arby's.

I'm thinking Arby's.

Doctor D got speed off in his dinghy.

Billy and Sheena wilted in the heat of the ship's deck.

Billy tried to communicate with the mermaid.

He asked if she was hungry and pantomimed nodding or shaking her head to indicate yes or no.

She alternatingly nodded and shook her head when asked the same question if she was hungry just copying Billy.

Billy figured he should just try feeding her or something and decided that everyone must like chocolate chip cookies with actual child logic.

Having retrieved the cookies, he passed Alexander carrying lab equipment, who simply shrugged at the idea.

Billy returned to the tank and attempted to communicate to the mermaid that the cookies were food.

He rubbed and patted his belly.

The mermaid did the same.

This, this is this feels like stuff is happening again.

There's, there's like stuff.

Someone wanted to write this.

Billy and Alexander fed the cookies into the tank lid and they, of course, became insogged and disintegrated.

The mermaid did not attempt to eat the soggy, nasty cookie pieces.

Oh yeah, that's what cookies do when they get wet.

Alexander walked off to get his notebook.

Billy stayed with the mermaid, who began crying again.

He then decided he was going to set the mermaid free despite Dr.

DS deal.

Based Billy Good.

Actually.

Heroic Billy.

Yeah, Goosebumps protagonist being heroic in a non coerced or accidental way.

It's weird that that's weird, isn't it?

A little bit.

It is weird.

It is weird that it's weird.

Yes, I agree.

Chapter 17 Billy began trying to open the tank and he was immediately stopped by Alexander and immediately he admitted what he was doing.

Billy, heroic but not very bright, yeah said he was trying to free the mermaid.

He told Alex to look how unhappy the mermaid was.

Alexander appeared sad for a moment but told Billy that sometimes the happiness of other creatures is worth sacrificing if you really want something badly enough or are like getting money.

He also said it would break Doctor Dee's heart if the mermaid was set free.

Billy retorted what about her heart?

The two argued back and forth, with Alexander saying Doctor Dee is a very caring man and people could learn a lot from the mermaid and so forth.

There's like a conflict.

Yeah, yeah, Billy thought he loves Doctor DI.

Don't want to spoil his big discovery, but that mermaid shouldn't have to suffer for science.

He left Alexander with Alexander to look at some lab equipment.

Even if the morally correct answer is pretty clear, this back and forth is pretty heady stuff for for for boost gumps.

After showing him some cool probes, Alexander took Billy to the kitchen for lunch.

He showed him marinating squid with squid ink.

Billy sarcastically said Yom, I haven't had squid ink in days.

This dumbass isn't right that squid ink is an ingredient used in a number of delicacies, and he was passing up an opportunity to broaden his culinary horizons, a thing that children famously do.

Alexander told Billy to bring the bull up to the deck.

Billy brought the bull up to the deck near the mermaid tank.

The bull of marinating squid.

Billy had the idea to feed the squid to the mermaid.

He unlatched the tank lid and drops him in.

She leapt and caught it.

Mermaid eats ocean fish?

Check.

Alexander came on desk and asked what was happening.

Billy threw another piece in and again the mermaid caught it.

Wow, said Alexander and wrote some notes.

Hey, that's our lunch, he said.

Billy wondered whether his feelings were hurt, but Alexander thought of it for a moment and said at least someone likes my cooking.

Characters are interacting and developing in the story.

I I keep asking, is this a Goosebumps book?

Keeps looking at the cover and what what the OK, all right, all right.

Double take, triple take Did did someone stick a a different jacket on this book?

On returning from the store, Doctor D fed some of the seafood he bought for the mermaid to the mermaid.

He checked some instruments and confirmed the mermaid uses sonar to communicate.

Billy went to he cabin after dinner and pondered.

Suddenly Sheena burst into his room to declare the mermaid had escaped.

This is real.

That's the end of my chapters.

Chapter 18 In a particularly cruel sibling fake out, Sheena was just kidding about the escaping mermaid.

Lol.

But Billy is still conflicted.

Dr.

D sends the kids to bed early, but Billy is kept awake by the very valid ethical questions raised by giving a seemingly sentient creature to a random zoo suddenly.

Oh, Mario, I think, I think you made a little bit, a little bit of mistake, Yeah.

This wasn't a zoo like the the people aren't from a zoo.

They're.

From Not a Zoo.

It's not a zoo.

It's it's they're, they're representatives of SeaWorld, so they're.

Follow Now Bob.

Now Bob.

I feel pretty sure it is a zoo.

But no, no, it said SeaWorld.

No, it's absolutely SeaWorld.

Does it say?

Does it say?

So I'm fucking with you guys.

I know, I know.

I know.

It's the letter C.

Follow the letter C now C now E world.

Brandon has her ID.

You got to say it's not a zoo.

Not a zoo.

Not a zoo.

Also, while I have a horribly hijacked your wonder the beginning of your wonderful chapter, I mistakenly forgot to point out a little thing.

So y'all are not listening to the audio book.

I wanted to give you a quick little lesson of what I've been experiencing.

So this is the beginning of chapter 17.

17 My hand trembled as I reached up to unlatch the screen at the top of the tank.

The tank was taller than I was.

I wasn't quite sure how I'd get the mermaid out of there, but I had to find a way.

As I struggled to pull the screen off, the mermaid began to squeal.

OK, I see now.

I see.

Now it all becomes clear.

He was.

He's doing it though.

He was doing it.

He does that over and over and over every time.

Well, Speaking of E, Speaking of ES and OS.

Suddenly several mysterious individuals board the ship.

A cry of pain comes from the deck.

Could the mermaid be in trouble?

Chapter 19 No, it's just Doctor D.

We don't have to feel bad about that at all.

Don't worry about it, OK?

Just a regular guy getting hurt.

Four men dressed in black have knocked out Doctor D and are preparing to kidnap the mermaid.

Sheena calls for Alexander but there is no response.

I am certain he is just fast asleep and there is no sinister reason for this.

Billy attempts to stop the kidnappers, but they are, you know, 4 adult men and are not hindered by the objections of a literal child.

As they extract the mermaid, Billy prepares to make the in inadvisable decision to try to tackle one of them.

This will 100% work.

Chapter 20 RL Stein provides children with a valuable lesson in physics.

A 12 year old child's weight is not sufficient to stop an adult man, even at Max velocity.

The unfazed kidnapper throws Billy into the fish tank, presumably one handed, which would be very funny at least.

At last, at last, Alexander appears.

Billy is sure he is going to punch one of them.

He's never seen him do it, but he knows, looking at him, that Alexander could punch someone.

But low treachery Alexander has been paid off by the kidnappers.

Who could predict have predicted this?

Certainly not I.

Gay.

ASPA Gay ASPA Chapter 21 Turns out the kidnappers gave Alexander $20 million for the mermaid, which, yeah, that's a pretty great deal if you have no morals whatsoever.

Yeah, I kill like a bunch of people for that.

I may, you know, listen, if you just think of it as a big old fish, $20 million, $20 million.

As a responsible investing decision.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, what are they gonna do with it?

I'm imagining Free Willy, but then the kid is offered like $20 million and he's like, actually, never mind.

And then the movie just dances.

See, Bob, here is your mistake.

This is SeaWorld.

These guys are from SeaWorld.

I see where you get a confusion.

Yeah.

OK, OK.

I see.

I see.

Doctor D grabs Alexander's ankles as he tries to get off the boat and he totally beefs it in front of his cool kidnapper friends.

Emotionally raw from having beefed up so hard and knowing full well that he is going to get brutally mocked by the guys for this, Alexander winds his friends to handle the family.

They come to the reasonable conclusion that they really have to kill them.

Say, throw them all into the mermaid tank.

I mean, what else can you do, you know?

You got to protect that investment.

You got to do something.

You can't just leave them they have.

You can't just leave them with a boat, you know.

They have a responsibility to their investors to maximize profit.

I mean nothing else for it.

I mean, if it comes to money versus killing Americans, they are themselves.

I presumably American.

They are making the responsible financial choice.

Yes, Chapter 22.

Alexander is honestly pretty chilled with the idea of killing two children if it means he gets a lot of money and no one kills him.

So into the tank they go.

You can't just leave us here, shouts Dr.

D, and the kidnappers agree, so they throw the tank into the ocean, a foolproof plan if ever there was one.

In the future, just for listeners at home and readers of this book, if people leave you to die, don't say you can't just leave us here because they might decide like, no, yeah we can't and then just kill you, you know, just a thought.

Allow for the possibility of escape if you can.

Chapter 23.

Claustrophobic and or aquaphobic or claustro aquaphobic.

Readers beware.

In a genuinely pretty stressful scene, the gang tries in vain to escape the tank as water pours in.

Billy discovers a latch and with Sheena's help, successfully opens it.

However, it turns out there are two other latches, and they are unreachable.

God damn it.

Redundant design.

Suddenly shadowy figures that surround the tank.

It's the mermaids and they want revenge.

Yeah.

We are in check 23 and there are many mermaids.

We've escalated.

Look at this.

Look at this natural escalation storytelling gang.

You could just write books like this.

It's true.

I love how this was set up too because the yeah at a certain point the mermaid is said to like.

She's calling out.

They say that she's calling out for other.

Yeah.

Using sonar I think.

Yeah, yeah.

Also, this is a bit of like an empathy play, like this is an inversion of the situation of the conflict of Doctor D and Billy now.

They.

Are the.

Ones in the tank, yeah, yeah.

And in their lives don't matter because of money.

It is unto the mermaids to decide what to do with them.

Yeah, he he clears his throat for no reason.

He clears his throat.

No reason.

Down, down the mermaids descended into those stygian depths which lie beneath the Ocean's Placid surface.

Through the tenebrous abyss, strange edifices emerged, evoking the terrible, vivid descriptions Billy had once read in that most cursed book in his uncle's collection, the Necronomicon.

Descriptions of that damp cyclopean corpse city of Ruhlech, built measureless aeons behind history by the vast, loathsome shapes that seep down from the dark stars.

The monoliths loomed ever more imposing.

Terrified, Billy heard Doctor Deep proclaim the geometry.

It's wrong, but more madding still in the fringes of his.

In the fringes, Fuck, Bah, fuck fuck, fuck, fuck.

I'll do it again, but more madding still in the fringes of his mind.

Billy could hear that strange chanting he had once heard his uncle whisper in his sleep.

Yeah, yeah, Cthulhu Photon.

It is written that in his house in Relay dead Cthulhu waits dreaming, and at once Billy knew that just below him lay great Cthulhu at his hordes, hidden in green slimy vaults and sending out at last, after cycles incalculable, the thoughts that spread fear to the dreams of the sensitive, and called him perilously to the faithful to come on a pilgrimage of liberation and restoration.

Billy and his family were awed by this dripping dripping dripping, this dripping Babylon of Elden Evil and New ones.

And it was nothing of this or any sane planet.

Who?

Who Who wants to go worship that nag on?

We got to go worship that Dang Cthulhu anyway.

And what I think worship that Dang Cthulhu y'all anyway.

And what I think is a.

Jet truck.

Praise Jesus.

Praise Jesus.

Anyway.

Also, I just wanted to, the entire time you were saying that, I wanted to add a little chant in the background of what not?

No, that's how I felt about it too.

All right.

Ready.

Yes.

Yeah.

Just really siling them also.

But anyway, what I think is a genuinely pretty effective sequence.

A pot of mermaids surround the tank.

And by the way, pot is the correct term for a plural group of mermaids.

I checked that.

They surround the tank and they raise it from the water.

Billy insists that they they must save the mermaid.

Fuck me, I fucked this up so bad.

A pot of mermaid, which is the term plural for mermaids, surround the tank and raise it from the water.

Billy insist that they must save his mermaid friend, but Doctor Dee is apprehensive.

How will they even find her?

Fortunately, the mermaids just kind of vibe with Billy a little bit and decide to leave them to Andrew, who is holed up in a spooky cave.

Chapter 25 The mermaids agree with Doctor Deeb that the human beings are basically useless and begin to untie their missing compatriot who's just sort of tied to the side of the kidnappers boat.

You know, could have done a better job, but whatever Doctor D suggests, they all just leave, you know, because they're not contributing.

When suddenly a light flares up on the boat and the kidnappers have spotted them.

It's time to Metal Gear.

Well, it would be if in chapter 26, the kidnappers just didn't talk to Doctor Deep for a minute.

Doctor Deep is like, you know, no, don't take the mermaid.

But the kidnappers invoke the maritime law of Finders Keepers and decide to set fire to our hero's dinghy.

A real life cliffhanger.

Trying to convince the people that just tried to kill you to do what?

Hey, don't.

Don't do that.

Just just a real quick, I think this is the part where it happens, but I think I like how sinister these guys are and I really like how are you going to be able to, you know, worry about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mermaid when your boat's on fire.

Yeah.

And then he like then he filed sets the the dinghy on fire.

I just thought that was.

Like pretty, pretty baller line there.

Yeah, Speaking of this.

Pretty atypical and weird for goosebumps.

Yeah, it reminds me of, you know, you, you'll hit like, hit me like a girl and you'll.

Bleed like a bleed like a boy.

Somebody on the goosebumps staff is is firing an all cylinder when it comes to 1 liners.

Yeah, it's.

It's sort of strange how infrequently there's proper villains in a Goosebumps story.

You'd think that that would be like a pretty natural fit.

I.

Mean there was one in Curse of the Mummy's Tomb.

Yeah, and that the sequence where they're the water is like filling in.

That was similarly harrowing.

Like, yeah, like a curse in the movies.

Tomb.

I was I could not help but be reminded of curse in the movies Tomb by the fact that our villain is like specifically a bunch of regular guys.

I mean, not in a bad way, but I was like, Oh yeah, this is very much like that one book that's.

Doesn't have mummies in it.

But unlike that one, this book has a mermaid in it.

Yeah, yeah.

Chapter 27.

Chapter 27.

Water in the Fire, the the gang.

Have you ever heard that?

I put it in the chat.

No, I haven't.

What is this water in the fire?

Why?

Why water in the fire?

Why?

Why water, Water fire?

Why?

The gang struggles to extinguish a fire in the middle of a body of water, and the kidnappers are ready to send on them with clubs.

Not only are they setting on fire in the ocean to presumably to burn to death and drown, they're going to get in the boat and beat them to death.

Suddenly, the mermaids appear.

Wet and on fire and beat.

No one said that the SeaWorld employees were anything but effective.

They always go the extra mile at SeaWorld.

To beat things to death.

Right.

Suddenly the mermaids appear and rock the kidnappers boat long enough for everyone to escape, leaving the kidnappers to presumably be brutally mauled to death by fish people.

I I can only assume that Andrew is buried dead now.

Yeah, absolutely.

I am envisioning them being descended upon by ravenous sea creatures.

All is well, but Billy worries if Doctor D is going to try to catch the mermaid again.

The next day, the zoo people return.

Chapter 28.

Worry not, dear readers.

Dr.

D is an ethical scientist.

He informs the zoo officials that there are absolutely no such thing as mermaids and they have wasted his valuable time.

And also, please don't bother asking anyone else either.

Please.

And so everything is groovy, and Billy decides to sneak out to say goodbye to his mermaid friend one last time.

As he approaches the lagoon, he feels her tickling his feet.

Very flirty, you fucking freak.

But no, it's the sea monster again.

Billy dies.

We think.

The end.

Very flirty sea monster.

Very flirty sea one, very funny.

Oopsies.

Oh no, not the Hall of Death again.

Not.

The only way out of here is death.

It's like you post that earlier, God damn it.

And that's the end of the book, you know?

That was that ending is wow, that's.

It's, it's a heck of an ending.

Yeah.

It it's.

Less of AI, don't know how I feel about it.

I like it when goosebumps like kind of are self-contained.

Like this is just sequel bait but.

Like a little bit.

Yeah, yeah.

I I do like that the the brown eyed monster is like, oh, by the way, there was description of a chocolate starfish at a certain point in this.

I don't know if you all caught it, but yeah, yeah.

Shout out to Fred Durst fans out there.

Shout out to that chocolate starfish.

Hot chocolate flavored water.

That brown eye.

You know, it's just one of those days when you don't want to wake up, everything is fucked and everybody sucks.

You don't really know why, but you want to justify ripping someone's head off anyway, so.

Preaching the choir.

The yeah, the the All in all, though, I mean, we've been saying it this entire time.

Good book.

I like this book.

Weirdly good book.

It's atypical from Goosebumps, but I kind of like that.

I like this.

Yeah, I would rather it be good.

It's hard to write jokes for when it's good, but.

Yeah, I mean, I feel like I didn't have a lot of funny things to say about this book, but, you know, it was just good.

Like it just was like a pretty fun read.

Yeah, it kind of reminded me of Haunted Mask where it was just like it's hard to at a certain point we're just kind of recapping it.

And that's fine though, because, you know, we do it in our own funny way.

But this just, yeah, there's not really much material here because it's just good, good book.

It I'm actually, you know, I wasn't really surprised.

It's 1.

Of those things do with an adventure series.

It's one of those things where it's like you're never going to say like, well, if you only read 1 Goosebumps book, like if you're, if it's Halloween, right?

If this Halloween, you a listener wants to read a Goosebumps book, you're probably not going to read Deep Treble.

You're going to read Haunted Mask probably, right.

But, and that's fine.

But like, if you didn't have that, if you had already read Haunted Mask last year, you wanted to be different.

You know, you're going to list a lot of these books are not going to be very good.

Yeah, but this one is pretty Dang good.

You could do way worse if.

You're going to be at summer camp.

This is this is a pretty good pick.

Yeah, I mean, this is like a.

Tour for all times a year.

If you had, if you were just like, casually wanted to read a random Goosebumps book, pick this one honestly.

Like, yeah, you'll enjoy your time with it, I think.

The Nickelodeon kids chose to this they chew.

They did, and I think they're right.

They chew.

They didn't.

They they chew.

I think that the kids were hungry for adventure cereals, and I'm hoping that, like the Goosebumps people took that lesson to heart.

Yeah, we can hope.

We can hope.

One can only hope.

We have to patently review this thing.

Yes, we do.

Yeah.

Yeah, because there is no TV episode, right?

The well, there is ATV episode, but it's based on Deep Trouble 2.

It's a lie, a brutal lie, A.

Brutal lie.

We've been lied to, so who would like?

Dramatizing that would be if you watch this and then read the book and we're like, wait a minute, hold.

On Wait a Dang minute.

Although apparently Deep Trouble 2 is good in its own right, so.

We yeah, yeah, look forward to that.

So yeah, yeah, if I don't know who wanted to start their patented review process first.

I'll go first because it's basically Mario's patented review and.

If he gets it now, he can just steal it.

I've been trying to find a way around this but we're we're just going to call it they.

Say eyes of a child.

Not not Mario Mario's not Mario's legally distinct review.

Eyes of a child.

You called you like you know.

Yeah, the eyes of a child.

That's a 10 out of town.

That's a 10 out of town.

That's a great book.

It's fun.

It's interesting.

Stuff keeps happening.

It's an adventure serial.

It's not super scary, but like, it's actually not that less scary than a typical Goosebumps book is either.

There's stakes, there's a lot of stuff happening.

I understand why the Nickelodeon's Kids Choice Awards chose it.

Chose.

They done chose it.

They slimed it I think.

Done, gone, done did it.

They put up all there's nasty slime on it and said you're the one.

Yeah, there's even like character development.

They're set up and pay off.

There's like a moral dilemma and up with one with like, pretty clear like with great moral clarity from the get go.

He is.

He pretty much immediately sides with the mermaid who saved his life.

Of course he would.

Yeah.

But yeah, we didn't have to do any like hand wringing about how money is actually super important, even if it means like treating a sentient creature like shit.

But we did do some discussion of like, you know, we like our uncle, we want our uncle to be happy.

So like, you know what I mean?

Like that was there was an actual, there was conflict.

Yeah.

So I'll just say it.

I know that we were joking about it earlier, but the twist of, you know, Alexander, dude bro being a bad a batted guy, Yeah, actually did kind of kind of not shock me, but it was like, oh, oh, OK, we're doing this.

Well, it's something happening for sure.

I mean, yeah.

Definitely it did kind of, you know, it was interesting.

I did not expect it.

Yeah, they didn't do any of the like the teasing that he was a jerk secretly or whatever.

Yeah, like early on, like him being feeding the kids and stuff, it was like, oh, like this guy seems legit.

He seems like he's a nice dude.

He seems like a nice dude.

Yeah, he seems like he.

Reminded me dude, bro.

Yeah, he nice dude bro.

You know he reminded me of what was it from the duck from Tailspin?

What was his name?

Launchpad Mcquack.

Launchpad Mcquack, Yes.

You reminded me a lot of Launchpad Mcquack.

Yes.

I've never seen Tailspin, I don't think Launchpad, so I presume you guys are making stuff up.

Launchpad is the duck pilot from DuckTales, did you not?

Did you say?

You said tailspin, right?

Yeah, he I'm pretty sure he isn't.

Is he in?

Is he in?

I don't think he is.

I'm pretty sure he's not.

Tailspin is, * is.

OK, I I'm getting my shit too.

OK, I'll I mean.

He is a buff duck.

He is a pilot, he is a pilot duck and he is a buff duck and he has kind of Alexander energy.

I completely agree.

I just mean launchpad is only in is in Duck.

Duck could've sworn and he's also he's also in Dark Wing Duck.

Maybe it was Dark Wing Duck that I'm thinking of.

He was in both.

But yeah, yeah, no, I got that wrong.

I'll take that part out.

No, no, leave it in.

Leave it in.

We want.

No, you're wrong.

My memory is going help it's.

He is like Launchpad from Darkwing Duck.

Yes, he is Bob.

I agree.

We have to we have to have when our when our brain cells explode live on air, we need, we should try to leave it in because not only as an example to our friends and family around us, it's also a little elegy for that dead brain cell.

Rest in peace.

I mean, I've been wrong a lot in history so and had to correct so you know, I'm not judging you.

It's just I have a lot of experience with saying something wrong and then someone not listening to the very end to hear me correct myself or read the description of a video.

Fair enough.

They just immediately start typing that comment and they're like hey, you're fucking wrong you fucking idiot.

Fuck you.

Fair enough.

You know if they are causing you trouble the commenters.

When there's trouble, you call.

DW Darkwing Duck Darkwing Darkwing Duck.

What a good show.

Tailspin was good too.

Really.

Tailspin was good too.

Tailspin was good too.

There is a.

Fucking character in Tailspin that is like in like other media.

I don't fuck.

Well, I mean tailspin.

Tailspin does like Star Balu from The Jungle Book.

Yeah, I think that's it.

I mean, yes, like, I mean like he is in this a pilot bear.

Yeah.

So I mean, I I understand why one would make that connection.

Like, I mean, it's it's like a pretty natural 1.

And I think I want to say Don Carnage, the fox pirate from Tailspin does show up in other things I I want to say.

You're making this up.

I want to say Don Carnage shows up in DuckTales and I believe, Yep, he's the villain.

He's the villain.

Yes, Don Carnage does show up in DuckTales.

Also count flatula and other.

I think he shows up in the modern remake of Ducktail or continuation of DuckTales.

But regardless, regardless there is a crossover.

There they are.

There is crossover.

And anyway, this is my my review of DuckTales and Tailspin.

I'll I'll review the book now.

I haven't finished with mine.

Didn't finish.

All right, the eyes of a child.

The other one, the old person.

Eyes of an adult The eyes of Kenneth Mars.

Yeah, the through the Eyes of an adult.

I liked this.

I was more interested in this book than any of the other ones that we've read, except for maybe the Kingdom Hearts 1, because, like, I, I didn't remember this one at all.

So that's part of it.

But the other part of it was that it was like genuinely doing stuff the whole time.

Like, it's very, you know, it's still definitely kids media.

It's not as engrossing as you would make for an adult audience, but like, that's cool too.

There should be good kids media.

I would much rather kids be reading something like this.

Yeah, I I'd say for Goosebumps it's also a 10 out of 10.

Wow, wow.

Now I'll take the review.

My review, as you listener will remember and I will remember with you as I say it now, is in three parts.

Number one is the scariness factor.

I don't think this book is very scary, if I'm being totally honest.

I mean, there's a couple.

The classic guy in water gets grabbed by Ghuli, you know, like, I mean, there's only really one thing you can do with that.

And I would, I'm going to give it like a 2, you know what I mean?

There's some stressful parts.

The drowning stuff is there, you know, but I think that's more in service of an action sequence than it is to be deliberately frightening.

So I'm gonna stick, I'm gonna stick with two on that.

I I just.

Don't think it's that it's that permanent, like resi problem, like the more actiony it is, the more able you are to fight the zombies, the less scary it gets.

It's kind of you kind of just have to pick where on that spectrum you're gonna fall.

I, I call it if anything more stressful than scary #2 is steininess the RL steininess of it all.

Honestly, man, this book is free of most of RL Stein's worst writing techniques.

Like genuinely, you know, cliffhangers are, are real.

There are real consequences of cliffhangers.

There's very few fake outs.

I think that it's honestly not that Steinie, whoever is the goose rider, whoever they may be, is not writing.

I mean, I don't think it's outside the wheelhouse of Stein.

It could be his work completely.

I just mean it's free of his worst trappings for the most part.

So maybe like again, A2, you know, is I guess that's you know where I'm at and #3 is relatability, AKA the kids zone.

I think this book, while not super relatable and like movie of ATV of the AT episode of the week kind of thing, you know, a very special episode of blossom kind of relatable.

It is giving Billy a lot of agency and making Billy like a very compelling character.

And so I think people would probably be able to project onto him to some degree.

So I'm going to call it A88A set an A snake.

A snake.

Yeah, yeah, 228.

That's what I'm feeling.

Yeah, it's like it, it is a little strange.

Whereas so many of our protagonists in these Goosebumps books are like, loathsome cowards and shitheads and like, they don't grow out of it.

Do kids like that?

I don't know think that that would have been annoying.

I would think people, kids would like Billy as a protagonist.

And obviously they did 'cause it won a Kids Choice award.

I think overall it's a really good book.

I would recommend it.

I, I think it's, I mean, like, I mean, it's not, you know, it ain't The Great Gatsby, but it's a good book, you know?

If you're if you're reading Goosebumps and looking for The Great Gatsby I.

Just think when I say, when I say it's a really good book, I just mean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, No, you got, you got to kind of like, you know, conform to the standards of and understand that like Goosebumps and kind of like what the tropes are, like how what what the peaks are.

The peaks are not very high.

It's a fucking kids series.

They don't need to be.

Yes, right.

I I just mean, yeah, when I say it's a good book, I mean this is a good Goosebumps book to read.

You want to read a kids book?

This is a great one.

And that's kind of my like, I'll, I'll go ahead and talk about, you know, my ranking update.

But yeah, that, that was kind of my, my, my trouble ranking this because it's like, on the one hand, this is a this is a good book.

This is just like, if I pick this book up and read it, I would absolutely recommend it to kids.

Like this is just a fun like book.

Like it, it is perfectly serviceable for what it's doing.

However, it is a Goosebumps book.

And I think when you listen to when you read Goosebumps books and when you listen to their audio books, you're expecting a little bit more like like overt scariness.

And that's the that's kind of the problem that I'm having where it's like this is simultaneously a good book, but not it is atypical from Goosebumps books.

However, it does include some nice spooky things.

I have decided to rank it 9 out of 10.

It is number 5 on my list so far.

OK.

It is right behind say Cheese and Die, which is 9 out of 10, and right in front of One Day at Horrorland, which is 8.5.

OK.

Yeah, so I think that's a nice good place for it.

I I do want to appreciate it for it.

What it, what it did.

And if Arlstein is still writing these, which I'm sure he is, I believe, yeah, definitely use this as a yeah, take our feedback because he's absolutely listening to the podcast.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, I think he's an avid listener.

So guess what y'all, I have a new segment.

OK, I am debuting a new segment right here and now.

All right, all right, all right.

Are you all ready for this?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to call it Goodreads Reads.

We are going to.

I have a collection of reviews of this book.

Oh, OK, OK.

Found all over the Internet, but mostly from Goodreads.

FYI, Goodreads has has this rated there.

What is this like?

I believe yeah.

9914 ratings.

Wow.

603 reviews.

It is rated at 3.55 out of five.

OK, gosh, little low.

Some of our viewers or listeners have even left such a review.

That's a lot of reviews.

Yeah, Also, I, I just wanted to note that we didn't mention this when we were talking about the covers, but the the tagline for this book has changed.

The new tagline is Swimming lessons Won't Help You Now.

I don't think that that fits with the nature of the book, really, but it does.

Freedom from ripping off Jaws.

Yeah, they should say watch out for the fucking shark.

They should say this book is about a fucking mermaid.

All right, so yeah, I'm going to read.

I have 123456 reviews here.

I'm going to blast through them and we are just going to also I did in order to find these, I did read a bunch of review of reviews of this book and there is a consistent sort of like disappointment with the book just not being scary.

And weirdly enough, a lot of people reviewing this book poorly specifically take umbrage with mermaids.

And mermaids aren't scary, huh?

OK, Huh.

Which is, I don't know, I've seen, I feel like I've seen some horror.

Movies that feature pretty.

Fucked up mermaids.

I agree.

So anyway, yeah, all right, first review there are some great scene about the monster or the shark, but mermaid that not scary.

When I read a goosebumps I'm looking for something scar scary, not mermaid one star you.

Should read a different book then.

You should read.

A different book, frankly.

I feel like this one will infuriate some people and delight others.

As a kid this book disappointed me beyond belief.

Nobody fights the shark on the cover.

The monster is mermaids.

What gives?

Reading it as an adult with the Blogger Beware experience, I felt those same feelings like it was yesterday.

Funny, even.

Nostalgia for bad feelings is still nostalgia.

Deep trouble.

More like deeply disappointed one.

There is sun a shit music and Bud Jackson.

What the fuck Who thinks like?

Oh God, the title Oz.

This deep book is Deep Trouble.

It's written by RL Stein.

The genre is horror slash suspense with major excitement.

This book is about a boy who imagines himself being a great marine scientist.

He finds a sea creature that very one thinks is fairy tale creature.

But people are after this creature and they're before ready to kill.

I rated this book 4 out of five stars for it's suspenseful keep you up at night excitement.

I thought this book was very exiting one star.

Thanks I could help.

I was going to say, you have some of a full life consequences.

You're fucking reading it right now, God.

Damn Billy did not has weapon.

So wait, it was really good and it it's one star.

Yeah, they specifically said I rated 4 out of five stars and it's one star they they fucking like misclicked or something.

I don't know.

I don't know who.

Who knows what goes on in the madman's mind?

It's true.

OK, next review.

This book invented animal rights.

Two stars.

Animal.

Is that is that the fucking YouTube thumbnail that?

Yeah, that would be a very good YouTube thumbnail, actually.

OK, this next one, FYI, this is in all caps.

OK Hi my name is Shena Deep and this is my brother Billy.

We are with our uncle but something weird today we saw some D3 teen and we find out it's mutating the sea creatures to prehistoric sea monsters.

Will they find a way to stop this chaos theory?

This book I read and one of my favorite episodes from the show and Disney adapt this book with Shena Deep and Billy Deep facing creature from the books and make season 3 a creature feature season.

Season 1 is Supernatural and season 2 is Seafy, and season and three can be a creature feature and bring back the Praying Mantis 5 stars.

Season 2 is Seafy.

I lost the plot like.

So she's reviewing, so she thinks she's reviewing.

Character is reviewing too, yes.

First of all, I don't know why she's going to be in character, but OK.

And then abandons it.

Did she stop at some point?

It does seem that way, yeah.

It does seem like she realizes that that bit is hard to commit to.

And the final review, yeah, I don't know how to rate kids books two stars.

Very valid.

That one's valid.

Yeah, that one I feel in my core.

Yeah, that one.

I'm, I'm with you there.

I'm with you there.

Buddy Yeah, that's the troubling aspect of this exercise.

That's true.

That's true.

All right.

And with that, thank you all so much for listening to You Can't Scare Me.

I hope you all had a great time, had some laughs, had some gaffes.

I don't know how you would have gaffes.

Whatever Anyway.

So if you would like to support us, please check us out on patreon@patreon.com/youcan't Scare me Reminder, you can join for free.

You do not have to pay any money.

You can get access to the full feed all of the bonus episodes that we've done and probably will do.

So, yeah, just check it out there.

If you want us to check out our sites, it's YCSM pod.com and you can't scare dot me.

We are also you can't scare dot me on Blue Sky.

We are not on Twitter.

So, yeah, thank you all so much for and thank you, by the way, to everybody who's currently supporting the podcast.

Thank you so much to our our current and former patrons.

Not unlike the squeegee we love, we love you.

So thank you very much.

All right.

And with that, y'all, I'm seeing our next book.

Yeah, the Scarecrow walks at midnight it.

Sure do.

It sure do.

I'm seeing that on a lot of T-shirts and hoodies and stuff.

I I'll tell you this, I mean this is a spoiler for the the next episode, but like I, I have vivid memory of reading this book.

I remember this.

I remember you saying that, yeah.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah, I'm, I'm stoked.

I'm excited.

I'm excited and worried at the same time.

I like a fire on a cold night.

I'm stoked.

And we get to go back to the wonderful well of Fox Kids TV so.

Yay, I get to have fun figuring out how to take screenshots of the TV episodes and recordings of it, because we're going to be referencing it a lot.

Boy, there is a lot of a lot of images for this next book.

There's a very good Halloweeny image in here too.

Oh OK, how the fuck are we going to end this?

Don't go in the water.

Don't go in the water.

Oh, wait.

In the water, No.

No, no, no, wait.

No, no.

I know what I know what it is.

I've got to no give me out of the wild I've got to find.

It.

Dog shits in ocean.

Have you seen this video?

Yeah, yeah.

Dog if dog won't listen.

Is this it?

I think yeah, This is it.

This is it.

There it is so good.

That's how we ended.

We say don't win that water, don't win that water, stay out of water.

Take that shit.

Dog home with me.

How we ended You just play that clip.

You just play that clip.

Nailed it.

Alright, he got to do a little meditate.

Anyway, that's the nastiest thing I've ever seen.

Like I ever seen they have.

That water, anyway, it's.

Not the guy taking that shit down home with me, weirdly enough.

Not the first time this podcast has talked about dog shit.

No.

And we are again here.

We are again here.

Again, familiar territory.

Yeah, I just imagine this video.

But it's it's us, the readers of Goosebumps, telling RL Stein to stop rolling.

This shit, RL Stein is this bulldog?

Yeah, yeah.

Shit.

Already launched that.

That's the nastiest thing.

I ain't thinking that shit, Stein.

Home with me.

Why did you not put a mummy in at?

All it has.

A mummy on the cover.

Oh, that sucks.

Well.

Good night everybody.