This is me, Craig Ferguson.

I'm inviting you to come and see my brand new comedy hour.

Well it's actually it's about an hour and a half and I don't have an opener because these guys cost money.

But what I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while.

Anyway, Come and see me live on the pads on Fire tour in your region.

Tickets are on sale now and we'll be adding more as the tour continues throughout twenty twenty five and beyond.

For a full list of dates, go to the Craig Ferguson show dot com.

See you on the road, My DearS.

My name is Craig Ferguson.

The name of this podcast is Joy.

I talk to interesting people about what brings them happiness.

My name is Craig Ferguson.

Welcome to the Joy Podcast.

Coming to you here from inside my house.

My guest today is a joy for you, simply one of the best comedians around, a hilarious gentleman and a deep thinker, the wonderful Antivity and Jim Jefferies.

Everybody you in Scotland now is that what's happening is the Scottish WiFi.

It feels like it's the wrong time.

I died ab in Scotland.

No, it's it's not.

It's not.

Look it's hot swhen it's not scott What happened was I went I moved to Scotland for five years, yeah, five or six years, and then I moved back to New York and now I'm in New England.

But I went there because my youngest kid, I wanted him to go to school in Scotland for a little while.

Yeah, yeah, just because it's cheaper than American university exactly.

Yeah, it's it's much cheaper for the younger.

And also there's a you know, not everybody in Scottish schools gets a trophy, so when you know, if he didn't like win something, it's not like, here's a trophy for your feelings.

He doesn't get that, and I kind of like that.

I wanted them to experience a little of that before he came back to America.

Now he's going to American high school.

You'll get all of that now.

My oldest boys twelve, and I've already started to say that you want to go to university in Australia, mate, just because substantially cheaper, right, Oh yeah, I.

Mean here it's crazy.

Let me ask you this though, there's something.

Are you in Australia right now?

I'm in Los Angeles right now?

Just the map of Australia makes it look like I'm in Australia because I thought so.

And amst in Australia because.

I mean I'm in the valley.

I'm in La all right.

So which is about Lake Australia.

Actually, if you don't make me saying so, I.

Tell you what I've just post made.

It is for my lunch today.

There's a New Zealand cafe up the road and I have ordered a box of meat pies.

So I am the most clich.

I haven't lived in Australia since I was twenty years old.

I'm forty eight years old now and I'm ordering meat pies whilst I mean, living in America, I've really assimilated, haven't I.

I'm a Vussel cruel.

Each those meat pies as well.

He gets them from that same place.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, Russell does that.

Yeah yeah yeah.

Russell was like, I want to come and watch the rugby me pies.

I went, I went, he had he had the All Blacks were playing against the Wallabies in a game and I went down with Rhys Darby and he had a pie master there making his pies.

And it's weird because I think, don't quote me on this, I think that Russell was supporting New Zealand because he was born in New Zealand.

And that was Yeah, that the heart, because that's the thing about Australia.

We're always claiming people that we don't really own, you know.

Like Canada is bad for that too, Yeah, Canada.

There was I remember watching The Greatest It used to be a TV show, the Greatest ever American and the Greatest Australian and they had the Greatest Canadian and it was won by Alexander Graham Bell, who was, you know.

From Scotland.

From Scotland.

Well, it's it's it's Australia.

Had we we claimed mel Gibson for years that mel Gibson actually moved over to Australia when he was five because his father wanted to dodge the draft for his sons, not dodge the draft, get get out of the country.

Yeah, during the Vietnam War, and so he moved his sons to Australia.

And he was always Australian.

He was in Mad Max.

They dubbed his voice with an American accent on Mad Max.

And then he goes on to say the horrible things that he said, and he said that, he said the it's always been an American actor, American actor, American actor.

And then he said the N word, and it was Australian actor.

You know.

You know what happened to in Scotland they had they put up a statue of William Wallace at Stirling Castle, but it was William Wallace, it was eight hundred years ago.

Nobody knows what it looked like.

So they put up a statue of mel Gibson and braidmart and then he said all these things and they were like, I'm god, he like drew a mustache on it or something.

I've noticed.

I've noticed the birstray.

I want to ask you this because I heard again today when I went to a Sure it's a long time I have been in Australia.

I've never been in Australia sober action.

I've only recently been to Australia, so.

I imagine it's very different.

But the I went to Australia a long time ago, and they were the first people and the only people I heard that used to phrase no worries, used to say no worries, Mike.

And everybody knows that the co opted everyone's stolen the no worries from from Australia.

I thought that people in the UK said no worries as well.

Thought it was a UK Australia from Australia.

It's good.

At least we were the we were the convicts before.

At least they're stealing something from us.

It's all right.

Well, I think, well, I'm this Rolf Harris brought it over and.

I think so all the all the American listeners who are listening to this podcast right now, they won't know.

He was a beloved entertainer from Australia who saying a few really good songs.

Take the bag with.

A wooden leg, two little boys are two little toys.

Yeah, yeah, an extra leg and two little boys.

We should have seen what was coming.

You should have seen what was coming now, he used to, but he was.

He was an amazing artist.

He could paint really quick with big brushes and go, can you see what it is?

Yet?

Can you see what it is?

He was a little it's a little fellow coming in.

Yeah.

Yes, So the Brits took him on anyway, he was done for He was me too several times over.

I want to get into details because I don't know the exact details.

And he went to jail.

I mean it was just like, you know, still in jail.

No, I think he's he's in eternal jail.

Now.

I met a blake who had who had no retirement plan, but he'd been buying a Rolf Harris painting every five years and putting away because because they kept going up in value.

And he's like, oh.

No, that's the worst thing around, terrible.

It's like these Hitler patents are going to be worth a full chair.

Well I'm saying that on the stage at the moment.

He's like a lot of people want to go back in time and kill baby Hitler.

Not me.

I want to go back and buy some of his artwork, encourage him a bit.

Yeah, there you go.

That's a good idea.

Put some love out in the world, do a different direction.

Do you know what I've become?

And I don't know if you've reached it.

You're a lot younger than me, so I don't know if you've reached the stage out where you watch a lot of Hitler documentaries.

I watch a lot of, man I've covered on them.

And actually the other night my youngest boy said, Dad, how did Hitler raise the Power?

And I was like, oh, finally my moment.

I cracked in my knuckles.

In my new special, I have no less than three or four Hitler jokes in the special.

Nothing to you're allowed to joke about him anyway.

So I wanted to call the special Hitler, and I got some pushback from Netflix.

It is not called Hitler, but I thought, how many people search that name all the time.

I'm searching it all the time, all the time, Yeah, all the time.

Anytime there's a new doctor.

If they go World War two in color, oh you've got me for a week, that's all.

Definitely.

Did you see that one?

What he did that World War One?

It was a Peter Jackson did it.

And he did the restored.

My god, that was crazy.

That was one of the handle of the voices over the top going.

And I knew I was out for an adventure that one.

Yeah, yeah, and all this is all sort of said, well, you had a lovely time actually apart from the war bit but they're walking up and down.

It was lovely.

It was very strange, It's very it was a very odd thing to watch.

My great grandfather was killed in that war.

I imagine you probably have relatives killed in that warm.

I know, well, I don't know about World War One.

I don't know.

If I go, I look, my big claim to fame is that we have some family members that were in the first or second fleet of people.

Like that's that's Australian pride right there.

I have convict stock, proper convict stock.

I remember that when I was in Australia that that was kind of like if you had been on the me Flower in New England, if you had been in the convict stock.

So you really are you go.

Back to the we go, we go back a couple of two hundred and forty years in Australia.

But then, but then for a while there there was there was there was rumors of my family having Aboriginal heritage, and also it was very proud of that.

Then I did one of those like twenty three and Me's and it was just Irish and English.

I didn't even have Scottish and me thank god.

But I was just Irish, just Irish and English and like one percent Swedish or something like that.

Yeah, just like someday buy an album or something.

That's exactly right, like a Hanson album maybe, or you know, oh yeah nice.

I I feel that I would never do the twenty three in me.

A lot of people say, because now they've sold the information to the other people.

But I look at it this way, right, like like I don't even know why.

Like so those prisoners escaped in Louisiana, right, they ran off a loaning bay and they ran out, and there was twenty of them and they all scattered around and they caught them all really quickly through facial recognition.

We're all being monitored all the time.

You can't there's not a crime you can really commit.

Now.

I look back at like Ted Bundy.

Ted Bundy was driving around in the same Volkswagen Beetle every murder and going up to women with a brace and I'm going, Hi, my name's Ted.

And then in every documentary they go like this, oh, he was a genius.

He could have been a great lawyer.

He could have been he was He's a fucking moron.

Everyone was like, we're looking for a guy called Ted and the Volkswagen be But how did he elude the police for so long?

Just move states?

Yeah, well there was no content.

Now though every year everybody is filmed all the time.

But I feel like the twenty three in me if like we were talking about Hitler, if Hitler had the twenty three in me's now, that'd be bad.

That'd be bad because I mean, look, it wasn't great the first time.

It was better, but you know, if he has your genetic information on file, oh man, the twenty three and they can't pick up if you guy, he was genociding them as well.

You know, there was there was a few things, a few loopholes within the in the structure.

You wouldn't want to do ancestry dot com and go ancestry dot com.

Oh I've got a relative.

You've got a relative in Hitler.

Oh oh yeah, that's true.

I feel like it's uh nowadays though, I like when I was drinking back because I was part of all my drinking story when I was doing it.

Now you've got sober fairly recently.

We were cell phones around when when you were drinking.

Ah, yes, and that was part of the reason that that brought me to my giving up alcohol, right, because when you when I reckon the next generation, the generation Alpha, which is the one coming in after the one that millennials, and then what was the next one, theen z gen Z, and then they reckon Alpha is going to drink eighty percent less than Generation X, which is my generation, right, And they think it's because they stay it's because they're more evolved people who it's not.

It's that they have mobile phones and that nothing can stay secret.

They can't make mistakes because people are is filming them.

They're they're a generation of grasses, right, who are going to who are going to tell everybody off pass?

They have dating apps?

Right?

When you have a dating app and you can chat to a person for a few weeks before you one night stand, of course you don't have to drink.

We had to go into a dimly lit room where our personality could not come into play because the music was too loud.

We just had to stare at women until eventually one of them stared back at us.

Try doing that fucking sober impossible, impossibly.

Now I'm really glad I missed all of that.

I mean I got so there was barely cell phones when I got sober.

I mean there was still the brick the brick telephone.

When I got sober.

It was no cameras around them.

When you're a blackout drunk and you'd wake up in the morning and then you'd ring your friends, going, oh was I did I behave myself?

And they'd go, oh, you said this to this person, you did this thing, And you're like, oh God, you could ring up and apologize to the people or whatever, or you just everyone just moved on with their fucking day, you know what I mean.

But now there's no okay at concerts.

Right.

If you were at a concert right in the old days, we didn't hold mobile phones up in the we had a naked flame, naked flame, naked flame next to women.

In the eighties, we had so much hair spray on they could wearing polyester.

They could have gone up like that, right, But we held this naked flame up there until our thumb got too burnt, and then we thought we'll hold off for a bit and put it back up for a ballot.

Right now, the kids out front.

Now, if you're at a concert and you're on the floor and there was a woman who was with her boyfriend.

She couldn't see the show, so for two tracks, she's going to go up on his shoulders.

Right, the people behind get upset.

Oh my god, we can't see the show.

What would she do to reward the people behind?

She'd flash off top off.

Everyone was happy.

Times.

She wasn't condemned.

She probably worked in some corporate job and moved on with her life.

Do you remember do you remember streakers?

Oh yeah, yeah, people running across sporting events.

It was hilarious.

I tried to tell my twelve year old son what a streaker was and he couldn't wrap his brain around it.

I'd be like, you'd be at the cricket.

I don't know if it ever happened at baseball, but at the cricket it was rampant.

If you have a five day sport, someone's getting naked.

Right, there's a lot of deer drinking with creet there's a lot of day drinking in the sun.

The fine used to be in Australia too, hundred bucks, right, it's even in today's many six hundred dollars say something like that, and people around used to be like this, I'll throw in twenty, I'll throw in twenty.

I'll throw in twenty and then they all throw it into a hat and then the blake or the all the women would run out.

Everyone would cheer.

In Australia, for in the eighties, they used to keep the camera on them.

They didn't even take the camera off.

They just went, we have a streaker.

The players were all laugh and we move on.

Now if someone enters the pitch closed, we think it's a terrorist attack.

Yeah, I miss streaking brings streaking back streaking figure.

Well, let me talk to you about you're a special because that's kind of interesting.

I haven't seen it yet.

It's two days.

Oh no, no, I haven't brought out this when it comes out.

Okay, So the specials called two Limp Policy.

Yeah, two Limp Policy, and it's out on Netflix, and the two Limb Policy the name comes from you were going to call it Helller though, I was going to call it Hitler because I have a few Hitler jakes in there, but we.

Too hard to there is a better name.

But I don't work for Netflix.

I I'm not.

I got affirm no on Hitler.

So I wanted to go to Limp Policy because I have a routine in there.

About after the end of my shows, I take I have a meet and greet with some audience members who pay for the meet and greet.

And then and mind you, when I say sober, I still partake in weed.

I don't drink or do any drugs or smoke or anything else, but I still take weed.

As soon as I go to stage, I take an edible, and then I have my meet and greet line of about eighty people.

And if you want to talk to me for a bit longer, stay at the end of the line when the edible kicks in, because because you know, you know you're boring.

You know you're boring when someone's paid eighty dollars to meet you and they end the conversation anyway.

So I so what I do is on stage is I also offer up.

I've worked with disabled people in a sitcom I was with and I still am sort of slightly involved with.

Yeah leit, I remember it, Yeah with the disabled.

Community and all that stuff.

And so at the end of the show, I say, if there's disabled people in the room, they can also join the meet and greet and have a photo and I'll have a chat with them as well, so they don't have to pay the eighty bucks or whatever.

But I do have a I do have a two limb policy because I was opening it up to I was opening it up to disable people, and I was getting fucking dyslexics and just the people who are mildly autistic, and it just wasn't cutting it for me.

I couldn't take photos with everybody, you know what I mean, like like like like a lazy eye is not going to cut it, you know what I mean.

So I I so I have a two limb policy, and those have to be missing doing nothing or doing everything.

And that's that's my that's my my thing.

And you can mix and match.

They can be a legand and m Maybe you've had a stroke.

If so, lucky.

You you get to meet me, You save eighty dollars and you get to meet Jim Jeffery timeday.

It's almost sometimes worth the idea.

Maybe a mild stroke.

I not now that accident you had doesn't seem so bad.

Hello, this is Craig Ferguson, and I want to let you know I have a brand new stand up comedy special out now on YouTube.

It's called I'm So Happy, and I would be so happy if you checked it out to watch the special, just go to my YouTube channel at the Craig Ferguson Show and is this right there?

Just click it and play it and it's free.

I can't look.

I'm not going to come around your house and show you how to do it.

If you can't do it, then you can't have it.

But if you can figure it out, it's yours.

Let me ask you this.

So you're like, you're still younger, You're still in your forties right way you forty forty eight, forty eight, forty eight, Yeah, you're still a kid.

I'm sixty three.

Now.

All I do is worry about it's going to kill me?

Was it going to be like every lump, every mall, every everything.

And it's like, it's crazy.

Bill Burd's calling out my age to your age.

The drop dead age is what he's calling on his next Yeah, it just happens.

And when it happens, people are like, huh.

You know, it's not like as big a tragedy anymore.

They will stay a little bit too young.

But you know, he he had a good time.

And you know, with each passing year, the sympathy gets less and less for your.

Dead it's Billy conn Billy Connley used to call it too.

He did a tour I think tool today young and he's still he's not doing stand up anymore.

He's like.

John Cleese's tour is called not Dead Yet or something like that Before I Die tour or you know, I guess that's I guess that's Getting old is a privilege, you know, I think sure.

I think what you really want in life is for no one to cry when you die, right, to get to like one hundred where people just go, ah.

Well what what what a life?

Yeah?

Not a time yet no one.

No one cries at a ninety five year old's funeral.

I've got a friend who's I want to say his name because he goes on Lane and watched his podcast.

But he's ninety five this year.

Ninety five.

You don't think he's going to guess who he is.

You don't think he's got.

To figure his name is.

His name is Pat drum Gholi.

He's an old theater director and movie producer and movie he's a lovely man and he's ninety five.

And he said to me, he's very poortion.

He said, my brother, he said, my brother's very ill.

Greg.

I went, oh, that's terribly sad.

What's wrong?

He said, well, he's he's ninety, mate, but he's not a good ninety fucking good namety, but he's he's an interesting guy because he like he never got so but he drinks like a first.

He lives his life hard.

He like, he smokes cigars, He does this thing, he eats cheese.

He's a little overweight, doesn't He just keeps fucking going.

Okay, the oldest human to ever live lived to one hundred and twenty one years old.

I just, I just I just looked this up the other day.

Strangely lived to one hundred and twenty one years old.

French lady, right right?

What did the French do more than anybody?

Cheese broking?

Yeah, yeah, right, smoked until one hundred and twenty one.

Smoked.

Well, you don't going to stop at one hundred, like one hundred years old, so stay you stop smoke.

Guys.

I think I think you get to a stage where your lungs are coated with a wall, where they're actually more of the lung than the actual lung, you know what I mean.

Like it's just a kind of she had a flu to Champagne on one hundred and twenty first birthday.

Like it was good, it was going for it.

But there's like I think there's there's five people who have lived over one hundred and twelve.

I was like, all women, there's no men who have too much time?

Hey, what was your show?

I used to love your show, The impostor Not The Impostle was a bloody called the one where You're in the road.

The Hustler.

The Hustler show.

I love the Hustler was was something I watched all the time.

I Love the Hustler.

It was such a simple concept of figuring out whose Lyne, Who's telling the truth?

And I tell yeah, is that is that coming back?

Yeah?

That was a COVID tragedy that one.

I was added two seasons of that, Yeah, and then it disappeared somewhere in twenty twenty one.

But it was a good show.

I like doing it.

I would do it again.

I'm about to do a new game show.

You do the game shows, right, I.

Do a couple of game shows.

I do one in Australia, the One Percent Club, and I do one that's on Fox right now, which you can watch on Hulu called The snake and the snake is a similar thing to your showing that you have to figure out who's who's bullshitting and stuff, but it's it's a it's a it's a voting game.

Basically, it's the contestants way against each other.

Well, what happens is like you've seen other game shows where you have a voting ceremony at the end where you majority rules.

It'll be an anonymous vote.

You write, put it in a bucket, then they pull out the names like Survivor or whatever, Survivor.

That's what I was thinking this one.

You have a person becomes a snake, then they choose the person to save, and then the next person chooses a person to save, so it snakes down.

So you only have to get one person to like you each week to stay in it.

But then you can't repay the favor because you've got to save the next person, right, so one right until it gets down to the final two, and then the snake decide who goes home and who stays.

So if you make alliances and you stay in a pack and you go, we'll always save each other and then but eventually you have to lose that pack and start knocking off friends because you can't, and have too big a group because you won't be able to stay.

So most of the game is about the ceremony and the vote and all that type of stuff.

But I'll tell you what, I love hosting game shows when I do first, I love it.

Is there anything better than telling someone they've won a hundred thousand dollars right?

Which is fantastic?

I love.

I've done tons of it.

Now you don't have to remember lines like when you do acting right, There's there's no there's no having to get coaching from an acting coach or anything to make sure no one's worrying if you have chemistry, you just you just stare by yourself.

I would I would do.

And also I feel like it's something you can do when you're eighty and no one questions it.

Yeah, that's right, it's a you can go for it.

I'm just a boat to start horsed and scrabble on TV awesome, which this is great for me.

I please scrabble on my phone all the time.

I love scrabble.

Now, do you play scrabble or Words with friends?

Be honest, I don't play words with friends.

Please scrabble cheap knockoff friends.

Yeah, yeah, scrabbles.

Scrabble is a way to go.

Especially now that I'm hosting scrabble, I have to say no, I wouldn't ever go and work.

I may have looked at it occasionally when my drinking days, but now it's only scrabble.

But I but I would say that.

I said you didn't drink when founds were existed.

Now you're using a spot found words.

We played scrabble in little huts in Scotland, all right, who's going to X?

Hey I met a punch?

Is not a world.

But the what I like about game shows is is that it's a world to itself, you know what I mean, Like all of the jokes, all of the riffing that you do, everything you do, it's all there, it's all it's all happening at that point.

So you don't have to make a joke about I don't know, Katie Perry going to space or you know, Donald Trump, and like you not to do any of that.

You just concentrate on what you're doing.

Yeah.

So the one percent Club, which John McKayle house, the American vision over here and in Britain, god fucking know, this guy really well.

Uh Limac, Oh, he's terrific comic.

Yeah, yes, yes, so Limac does the UK version right.

The whole time, you're just making all the questions are what number comes next in this sequence?

You know, it's all our que questions.

I'm making jokes about sequences and number orders and all that type of stuff.

It's like, come and get me.

I tried cancer.

We for a joke about it.

Fucking yeah.

I know.

See that's what I think about it too, that that you can you can exist in that world and you can kind of relax like it's the old days.

Let me ask you this about the special when you because obviously I mean I do specials as well.

I'll probably do another one at the end of the year, and when I when I'm out, when you're out doing material, right, like you're running up and you're getting that to you know, it's the size that you want.

Do you keep in your mind like I can't.

This is a good job, but I probably shouldn't record it or do you just not give it fup?

Only only to the extent that I've done some jokes that haven't aged well because they were time sensitive, although they probably killed for a couple of years, ten years ago.

Now you're watching it.

You go, we and I'm even including like making a joke about Donald Trump, you know what I mean.

I don't.

I don't want someone to watch it in ten years and it's like me making Monica Lewinsky gangs, you know what I mean.

Like so I'm mindful of that.

Sometimes I look back on things and I think, oh God, maybe I should have said that joke.

Maybe should have said that joke, because I'm just a different I mean not a different person in a different place in my life, you know than I was then.

But for the most part, no, unless it's unless it's time sensitive.

No, the most part, I just have a go.

There's been there's been a few jokes that I've done over the years that have never made the edit.

They've just tried to slip them in a few times.

Just have it each year, OK, maybe this time I'll just speak it on through.

It's funny what you should try having ten years of late night setting out there, because every time I watched a documentary about something, then there's a whole bunch of people from late night and you're always in there saying something like, oh fuck, I can remember saying it.

In saying that though, because because that does happen.

I always say that happened with Leno as well, like they always know then he was he was rude to Pamela Anderson back in the day and she might have felt blah blah blah.

Man, did you ever come out good in that Britney Spears documentary?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you master watch that felt good about yourself that day?

You would have gone on, I was on the wrong.

I was on the right side of history that afternoon.

You know what was funny because at the time I felt it was I thought I was gonna get fucking fired, right, yeah, I mean yeah, I was like, well, I lost my fucking temper.

What aped was?

I went and it was a Monday boarding.

She'd gone crazy over the weekend and she clearly was had a mental health issue or something.

You didn't have to be still.

Still does, I think?

But you know that's that's I'm not a doctor.

Yeah right, and I'm not either.

But I looked at what was the footage of her coming in, like this is someone who looks like a manic episode or some kind of weird shit going on.

I'm not a doctor.

But it didn't look healthy.

And I walked in and the writers role there, and everyone was like, they're doing their jobs.

They were all like firing jokes about you know what, she's in the writer's room.

And I was like, I fucking got mad because I had turned fifteen years sober that weekend.

So I chucked them all out except the one writer who was sober at the same time as me.

I mean, you and I are going to write this fucking mon alogue.

We're going to do it because I'm fucked if I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna pick on this girl when this is happening.

It's just like twenty six at the time or something.

She was quite young.

Yeah, yeah, she was young.

She had a couple of kids, and she was clearly with herself.

And I also think that that once again I don't now, but I also think that when she shaved a head and she went through that manic episode, I think that there was a lot of I think she shaved a head because she was probably getting drug tested, she was going through custody stuff and stuff like that, you know what I mean, maybe yeah, yeah, yeah, you want to get a hair follicle off me?

Good?

Fucking luck.

So if that's the case, more power tour.

You know, it's funny thing to at that time in La.

I think you must be Were you in La at that time?

I believe that was just before I got here.

I've been seventeen years, so would that be around.

Yeah, it would just bed just be coming out and I've been running by.

That right on the cusp.

It's funny because there used to be packs of paparazzi, used to be everywhere, used a follow.

I mean, no, there's no point because you get people with their puns.

But because the public, the public of the paparazzi, Yeah, you don't need to hire paparazzi.

You know, everybody's a fucking paparazzi.

It used to be people got papped going into the venue and then they were free in the room.

And it's like you're not free anywhere, and so it's like it's like I had I had a friend who came out to visit, a relative came out to visit, and they're like, where can we see some celebrities?

And I'm like, in their homes.

In their homes, that's where you can see.

Because the old days where they'll be down at the Viper room having a good time.

Those days are over.

Those days are over, right, And when was the last time you walked into a bar and saw an actual celebrity sitting there?

No way with camera phones.

It's over.

It's a it's a long play.

I even thought.

And once you get even a little bit famous that it Fox with your hair made me paranoid as well.

Not because people were always taken photographs of you.

It's just that you think people are all sicking for it.

So like if you're sitting in a Starbucks and you're like, really want one of those cakes or something like that, and you have a cake, and then suddenly you're like, now form a late night always eats cakes sadly and go fix sure up?

Or something that's like that did you find once you became famous it was much harder to complain at customer service.

Yeah, you can't.

You can do it.

You can't complain anywhere because because people will say, and this is the thing people say about famous people, like they always say, like if you run in a I don't know, Ozzie Osbourne or you know, or Trump, people will say were they nice?

What were they like?

Were they nice?

Like, I met him for thirty seconds.

I don't know if he's nice.

He was nice to me, yeah, yeah, And people seem obsessed with niceness.

Do you find I find that when people meet you, well, when they meet met not you.

I don't know when people meet you.

When people meet me, the look of disappointment when they look at you and they go because you're always the oldest you've ever been.

All right, they've just watched a special of you from ten years ago, and you've aged so rapidly in.

Their Yeah, no, God, I remember.

Carrie Fisher was a friend of mine.

Did you ever meet Karen.

I've got Carrie Fisher's stories that I could tell you of.

Yah, but the private.

But Carrie Fisher was in my sitcom Legit.

She was in She was in an episode where she was sexually harassing me.

I could have me too, the character where she kept on asking me to lick a pussy.

And she was just the best.

Was an amazing, amazing woman.

I tell this story, I can tell you right.

So one time I'm on Kimmel and I tell a story on the footage obviously is somewhere, and I tell a story about how my mother got deep vein throm boss on a luxury cruise.

Now, most people get deep vein throm bosas sitting in economy.

My mother moved so little on a luxury cruise that she got put into the infirmary because she had deep vein from bosas in her legs and couldn't enjoy the rest of the cruise.

Right, And I tell this story.

My father went off and one sexiest man on the boat on a pool party on the side of the thing and won a T shirt and came back and visited her, and his T shirt said sexiest man anyway.

So I tell this story.

I'm doing I'm doing the It's day one with Kerry.

We had two days with her and she's sitting next to me in here and makeup.

My mother rings and then she rings again, she rings again.

I'm like, all right, something's happened, you know, I gotta pick it up.

So I pick up the phone and my mother goes, you have to go back on the Jimmy Kimmel Show and tell the American public that you're a liar.

And I said, why, what what have I done?

And she goes, I didn't get deep vane from bosas on the boat.

I got it at home.

It was diagnosed on the boat, right, And I went, all right, so let me be clear here, Mom, let me be clear.

You want me to tell people you got the disease, like the condition from not moving in your home, then you got diagnosed the boat.

That's that's your factual truth, right.

And she's like, She's like yes, and I get off the phone.

I went fuck it.

And Kerry turns to me and goes, you're a mother and my mother sound like exactly the same person.

And I said, let me stop you there, Kerry, you're while there was Debbie Reynolds from Singing in the Rhine.

My mouth is a mobilely a base woman who lighted a lazy boy for too long until she got deep brain from vises in the outer suburbs of Sydney.

These are vastly different people.

It's funny, though.

I Carrie said that thing though about when she had when she got her photograph taken in the metal bikini, when she was like getting captured by jab of the hut.

She said that that thing, which I always thought was great.

She said, I didn't know when I go, when I did that job, that I was making a contract with the universe to look like this for the rest of my life.

That you know, people would come up to her forty years later and say, oh my god, to let yourself go and stuff like it's forty years later, you know, I mean, it's like or thirty years later.

That was one of the things that I was with Carrie and she goes, I can't eat too much.

I've got to lose weight.

And then I go why and she goes, next week, I have to play a princess.

It was the last job she did.

She was like, oh God, I gotta be Princess Lay again.

That bikini is like every nerds fantasy, isn't it the Princess lab any?

But it makes you think, like, okay, not not carry of course, what did Princess Laa have to do to jab of the hunt?

Like what was this slave?

Because obviously she that character was a sex slave to the slug.

There's a whole other mini series in what happened in those three days?

Right?

I feel it's very similar to what the story I was telling when when I was When I was telling you earlier on in the podcast about what I did when I was a young man, when I was drinking, I feel I feel it was a very similar situation probably.

And Princess Lea never liked slug cock ever again, or.

Even anything that tasted like slag.

Let me ask you have you still to ensure as Jimmy Carr.

Me and Jimmy I'm actually I'm flying out to.

The answer is we have none planned.

Hopefully we'll do some more in the future.

We just did some.

We did a whole tour of Canada together where the two of us were, you know, head co lining and co headlining co lining anyway.

So so but I am going out to in early August to the Oasis in the UK because I thought for some reason they wouldn't tour America at the time when the tickets went on sale, so I had to go see him.

And so I'm going out.

I'm actually me and Jimmy car are going to go co Oasis together.

And it's funny because I go, I go to Jimmy, I go, I go because I already had tickets, and he goes, oh, I'd like to go as well, and I went, I went, oh, well, we'll see, we'll see if you can get your ticket.

Let's see if we can get your ticket.

And then because I'm so excited, and then Jimmy goes, he goes, I think I'll just ask Noel, and I'm like, ah, right, right right, I forgot that Jimmy was.

I can friends with everyone.

So hopefully, hopefully I get to go to the after party with Jimmy and meet Noel.

That would be really cool.

I've met him.

I've met Noel before and interviewed.

But I'm a big, big, big fan of a basis.

But Jimmy and me, we did the tour, I was going, we were swapping the headlining spots.

Right.

We're doing it in the round, so it's like one would walk on one week walk off, And it's like being a boxer when you're going out in the round because you have to walk through the crowd and everyone's high fiving and you're getting all of spotlight follows you as you walk through, you know.

And I was going on after Jimmy carr Is.

I didn't find it difficult as such, but I did find that it was hard for me to offend an audience because he's saying far more offensive things than I'm saying, but he's doing it.

He's a legitimately just jokes when you watch me, even though for the most part I'm joking that you do watch me with an element.

He could have done that if I say that's a story, yeah, that's that's based on real life.

Yeah yeah, so so so I preferred to go on before Jimmy, you know.

And then as I said, I'd taken edible and I'd sit there and I'd watch Jimmy Carr tell he's one liners.

It was one of the most wonderful tours of me life.

We had a great time.

He's a great We got on one.

I've told this story on a podcast.

Before we were I realized how professionally he was.

At one stage we bought our own plane tickets, but all the two of people brought our plane tickets.

But we weren't always seated next to each other.

We were with each other all day, you know, just where you get a business glass you just watch your iPad or whatever.

So he's sitting in the front row in the second seat.

So he's in A two and I'm in B one, so I can see through the crack of my seat.

Jimmy's on his computer and this is like six months ago, and on the top of his computer it says jokes for twenty twenty six Jesus.

Right, And I'm sitting there, and I'm sitting there like I haven't got a new tour after I recorded my special ready at this stage, right, and I'm seeing I look down on my iPad and I'm watching an episode of Mash.

I'm you, that's what I'm doing.

I'm watching the Heitler document.

Like how time sensitive is that I have to watch this Mash episode right away?

And I thought, he's a much more professional man to me.

But he's always in the suit.

He always wears in the suit.

He's the most immaclately dressed dump, all tailored to him.

The suit is on the plane, he's in the three piece suit.

We're in Canada, where all of his TV shows airs.

He's hugely famous.

Everybody's walking on, Oh, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, jiny like hello, He's so nice to all of them.

And then the person who sits in a one next to him is a blind woman.

Right.

She goes past him.

She's completely blind.

She's got a guide dog.

She's you know, with the glasses like like a cartoonishly blind this woman, right, and she comes in she sits down next to him, and Jimmy just waits for a second.

This is all I hear.

He turns through and goes, what breed of dog is that?

And she goes, it's a German shepherd, and he goes, is that what they told you?

Oh my god.

She died laughing.

And she didn't know who the fuck Jimmy Carr was.

She just knew he was a really really funny man.

You know, he isn't really only man once.

I'm a big fan of what he does.

I think he's he really fucking carved his his space and and I love what you I love that his fearless one liner.

Shit, it's unbelievable.

I only man once.

It was just for laughs.

In Montreal.

I was doing something and he was there and we had gone to see Uh, David Tail, goes David for me, David Tail is kind of like, you know, you know, yeah, he's like the underground or something, you.

Know what I mean, if you know, you know he's the comics, comics, He's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I was watching the Tail and uh, and Jimmy was there and I talked to him for about, I don't know, twenty minutes.

Or something thought Jesus, you know, he reminds me of did you ever meet Don Rickles?

I was on a radio show with Dom rick I was on the Opium Anthony Show from Montreal.

They were filming it and it was me, Jim Norton, I think like Louis c.

K.

There was There was like five or six comics and Dom Wrickles.

Dom Rickles came on and he sat down and I think it's the most quiet I've ever been on a podcast or a radio show in my entire life, because I thought to myself, I'm not I'm not going to speak up, like I'm not going to fucking cut over the top of this guy because I have a singer, you know what I mean?

Like like it was, it was a for a comedian.

It was a meeting Elvis moment where I was I was like, and he came in and he just raised everybody and it was just like he goes, hey, I don't do tonight show.

I was, Oh, I don't mind doing Lano.

I occasionally has done Ladderman, but I don't do Fallon because I don't play ping pung right.

And it was just one of those things I don't play ping pong because Balance started bringing all those games especially fun right.

But everything was like it was quite cutting what he was saying, but it was also so disarming, no offense taking whatsoever.

He said something to me about being Australian.

I can't even remember what he said.

I remember just being like floating around the area just like I'm wow, Dom Wrickles is right there.

So to answer your question quickly, yes I have.

Yeah.

Well see that's the thing that Jimmy Carr reminded me of Dawn because I became friendly with Don w Reckles because he was on the show.

Like we'd go out for dinner with him.

The first time he came to a party at my house in Los Angeles and he he was like it was in the hills, so there was like steps and stuff to get into the house.

And he gets and he was all kind of out of breath and he's with Barbara, his wife, and he came over and he had a dollar bill rolled up and he tucked it in my top pocket my shirt and he went, here's a buck, buy your wife a fucking house.

I'm like, what are you talking about.

He said, you can't, you can't live here.

You can't live here, you can't live in all these steps.

And he came in and the police was teeming with comics and celebrities and all that kind of stuff, and every gathered around him like it was it was like, you know, like he was the guru figure.

He sat.

He couldn't go downstairs or upstairs, so he sat in the front hall and everybody just went there and gathered around him.

Was awesome.

He's awesome guy.

But Jimmy reminds me of him in the sense that I feel like, look, I only spoke to Jimmy for twenty minutes, but he has this super kind of uh no, it's not aggressive what he does, but it has a has a real uh courage about it and real kind of you know, it's a real kind of virulent stand up.

And then as a man, he just appeared to me as being this lovely, gentle creature the way Dawn was.

He is is not Jimmy Cars as nice a human being as you'll ever meet.

I'm not just saying me, but for me, he's a person that I call if I am I need help or I just just advice from person.

There's very few people as grown men you call up and have advice with, you know what I mean.

And I called Jimmy Carr when I need advice, whether it be in my personal life or my work life.

And I'm very proud to say he's a good friend.

Yeah, he's been a great guy to me.

I thought we actually worked together really well.

Like those shows people we were selling ten thousand people to come and see the two of us, where the two of.

Us I would do and see that tour.

I would definitely go and see you individually.

Individually we were based saying about three to four thousand and then together ken you know what I mean.

And it's like but you know what it was.

We were both edgy comics in the same vein that we're going to say off color things.

That our stand up was so completely different that you had a good ying and yang to the show, but you were still getting the same vibe.

Yeah, I think that it is a good match up.

I remember seeing that you guys were own thinking I would actually I don't go and see comics, but I would go and see that.

You know what.

Because it was Canada, it was always a hockey arena, like the Rogers Arena.

I have so many hockey jerseys in my wardrobe right now, that's say Jeffries, And they're always very sweet when you get them.

I'm always like, this is awesome, but you can't wear them because you look like who puts your name on the back?

A five year old does that, like Jimmy on the bank, and it's like you're a simpleton.

So and look that I and I don't watch ice hockey either, but I can't throw them out because they're major league hockey jerseys, you know what I mean.

So I've just got them more piled up readily.

I've also got from back in the day.

This is a bit of Scottish for you.

When I was doing the Edhamburgh Festival.

The manager of the manager of Hearts was Jim Jefferies, right, And I was at the Adamer Festival and I'd go on stage and there was a chant that they used to do to Jim Jeffries, the football manager, that was cheer ump Jim Jeffries, Oh what can it mean?

You're a great, big fat cunt with a shithouse football team.

Yeah yeah, And I was like, people were chanting that to me at gigs.

I was like, what the fuck has happened?

I just got to Scotland and everyone's calling me a fat cunt to the monkeys.

Did you ever meet them?

Yeah, Jim Jeffries came to the show with a few members of Hearts.

Then they took me out to the stadium and they go, please welcome, you're a coach.

There's an American voice, but please welcome your coach, Jim Jefferies.

And I walked down the pitch with a jersey and was meant to be a laugh, but it was just lost.

Ninety percent of the people didn't know who I was.

And then he came but there was a photo of him giving me the jersey, and yeah, he was a good dude.

Man, He was all right.

I don't know where he manages now, but back then he managed haunts.

Well, what you have to do is get all these jerseys with your names on him, and you should open a sports bar and then put them all up in your sports bar and they have a new camera policy and celebrities will come in.

Look, it's just an idea.

I think I should frame them, put around my house and then start telling my kids that they have to tell their kids and let the myth grow that I was good at every sport.

That's a great idea.

I've got a lot of jerseys as well.

You know that I'm the only football games I've ever been to.

But this is a real Hollywood thing.

The only football games I've ever been to are super Bowls.

I haven't been a football game that isn't a Super Bowl?

Are you never?

You never seen?

You never seen like soccer football as we call it.

You never you've never gone to see football?

I never got to.

I've got to see a lot of soccer, but I mean I've never seen I've been to one American football game when I was in Kansas and they took me along.

Okay, which leads me to my next project.

I am.

I am in a movie called Him, a Jordan Peel movie directed by the great Justin Tipping.

Who check out this guy.

He's going to be a great director.

Marlon Wayne's tyree with is.

I have a small partner.

I haven't seen the movie yet, but it's like you know all those Jordan Peel get out movies.

Yeah, that's a great movie.

It's one of those films, right, and it's all about American football and the concussion and stuff.

I can't say much much more about it yet, But is.

There a horror movie there?

I hate the term.

It's a thriller horror movie, you know, like like yeah, get out in US.

It's in the same vein as the other you know, but good movies.

But we were out in Albuquerque film and that I was doing okay, So I don't know if they show the footage of this ever, but they were doing the they were doing, and because it's about American football, I'm like, and I'm not anti American sports.

I love baseball, absolutely love baseball.

And my son has gotten into basketball, so I follow the basketball as well now, right, but I could go I could watch baseball all day anyway.

So I they're doing the interview for the behind the scenes on the movie, and the first thing was like, so, so, what's your best memory of American of the NFL, like this right?

And I went, you don't really watch it?

Right?

Was the right answer?

No?

And they're like no, no, no.

And then they said this to me in the interview and they go, they go, so, what drew you to play this character?

And I went, well, I did an audition.

I got the like, I don't know, I'm not sitting around with scripts all around me me going yeah, no, no, like I'm a stand up comedian who got an acting job right like like like I'm not Brad Pitt.

I don't get to choose my roles.

People do talk about all the time though.

Whenever I watched him, they go, I always wanted to play a character that was a villain with a bit of depth and of this, that and the other.

When they say things like that, and you go, I haven't seen you in many movies at all, Cunt, you just reckon.

You just took the role you could get made.

When you see the British actors, there's always polished British actors and they're talking about I always wanted to play a sort of a character.

And I always think whenever I played a character in the movie, the reason they did it was because they offered it to me.

I said, I would have done this if it was bad.

It just so happens that it's a really good movie, and I'm lucky enough to be.

People always ask me an interview is like, do you think you'll do more sitcoms?

Because you know, my sitcom was reviewed really well, but I haven't really done one since, you know, And I go, that's like asking if I'll have sex with good looking women.

It's not my decision, it's up it's up to them, you know.

One off, of course, I'm a married man.

I'm just talking hypothetically, but you get what I'm saying.

It's like, it's like, it's not my decision.

I would.

I would very so I'm putting it out in the universe.

I would very much like to be in more movies and more sitcoms.

I'm waiting by my phone.

In fact, it's in my pocket right now, ready to go.

When I was younger, there's a young stand up.

I don't know if if the young stand ups are legis now.

I don't think they are a quite so much.

But when I was younger, you had to tog yourself fop all the time, like you know you, or I felt like I had to.

I was alway seeing how fucking great I was, or how bigger crowd was, or how much I had killed and all that.

And I don't feel I don't care about any of that anymore.

And I think the younger stand ups are probably all key a bit more.

They threw crowd work up on social media and stuff.

I think they're bragging is more subtle, but more in the mass, right, So really, well, they're they're putting up clips of themselves all the time, all all the time.

We used to hold onto material and I don't want to get rid of something.

I don't want to get rid of something.

And then released a special and then you'd you'd starve the audience until you could feed them again.

Right, if you want to see me, you have to do that, right, And then that's what the case.

So you were saying about the how big the crowd, there's there's a there's a there's a joke that applies to stand up comedy.

There was there was a comedian and he he he, you know, he was doing a right in the business.

He'd made a bit of money.

But he you know, he thought maybe if you just had the right push in his career, everything would be all right.

So he booked out the O two, right, and he puts billboards up all around London.

He puts billboards up everywhere, and he thinks, people just need to know who I am.

Once they see me, they'll know I'm one of the greats.

Right, And twelve people show up in this big arena and the guy obviously has a terrible gig and he dies, and then he he gives up comedy.

And then a couple of years later one of his comedian mates see him and said what happened.

He goes, I did that gig at the arena and only twenty people showed up, right.

Like we always live.

That's the truth of even in failure.

He couldn't say twelve twelve.

I remember once doing a gig.

I remember it was in Columbus, Ohio, and I was like the the late Nature was pumped them.

I was doing great numbers and big theories and all that, and then suddenly I go to Columbus of ail and the theory it was like it was like in a it was like a two er or twelve hundred ye or something that it was like maybe two hundred and fifty people in it.

And I was like, what the fuck happened?

And the promoter said, there's a football game tonight.

We didn't think that the local team were going to make the playoffs, but they did make the playoffs and then and I was like fucked.

But I don't think about anybody else being in town when I'm in town order or a sports game or or something being on you can't prejudge it.

That happens every now and again.

You're going to a theater and only two, three, four hundred people shop and you're like, what the fuck?

I had one recently where I shot up at casino and they said, oh, you sold, You've sold four hundred tickets, and I'm like christ And it was a four thousand seater and I'm like, yeah, that's that's gonna look horrendous, right, And then I walked out the place was packed, right, and I think I thought I only sold four hundred, and they go, oh, we gave everybody who who had won, like had spent two hundred dollars gambling a ticket, it right.

They just wanted four thousand people in their casino, sure, right, right.

So I'm like I'm like, yeah, do that every time, and don't even tell me that I want.

I just want to walk out there and see it and feel good about myself.

It's funny, though, I though there I nowadays like I used to get a real charge of doing stand up and now I still get charge over it.

But it's weird.

No, it's tounder into some odd thing.

I kind of relax when I'm doing it now.

It feels.

It feels almost like a like an indulgence to go out and do a stand up like.

I mean, I'm really relaxed, and I enjoy it, and it's I don't give a fuck, it's kind of great.

I definitely appreciate it now a lot more.

I don't know if I'm as relaxed.

In fact, I think that I have to get to your stage.

I'm actually relaxed because I'm still I still worry about it going away because I've been doing theaters now for sixteen years, right, theaters and then you know, twelve years before a comedy clubs, right, And you know, if you told me when I first started doing theaters, I'd still be in theaters at this stage that you know, and the numbers aren't as high as my peak or whatever like that.

But I do look at the I do look at the audience, and people come up and meet me afterwards, and they're like, this is the fifth time I've seen you, and I can't take that.

I can't take that for granted.

No, I know, I do.

I have the exact same thing people who people who come up and see I grew up watching you on TV.

I get that known as well.

It's like and they're like old.

So my audience used to be all very young, right, and now about a few years younger than me and my audience we used to beak.

Now they're a sort of a bit younger than me my age or a bit older, right, right, i never had old people in my audience.

But now I've got kids coming, even though if I get that too because of TikTok and clubs and splokes my age who have teenage fifteen year old son.

Reading their kids fifteen year.

Old sons like old blood.

Show you a comedian and come and see this blake.

He says, come the he's a bit edgy.

Don't tell your mother who just come the two of us, you know what I mean.

And so it's like they're being kids, and I'm when they come when Oases get to America, even though I'm seeing them in England with Jimmy.

I'm taking my twelve year old son to the Oasis, right, and he's listened to the albums.

He watched the Supersonic documentary and they broke up eighteen years ago.

My son doesn't even remember them ever being together.

And I'm watching these two men, these two men who are in their early fifties.

I believe fifty fifty something like that, early fifties.

Who It's like when my wife watches the Real Housewives of Whatever, or vander Pump Rules or any of these reality shows where people will go talk and they're all not getting along and they're arguing with each other.

I believe the Gallagher Brothers for men my age, has been a bit of gossip that we could all watch as men, you know what I mean.

We're like, why can't they get along?

And I hear they're talking to each other again.

Oh, here they went to rehearsal and there we had the same thing with Axel Rose and Slash right.

Yeah, yeah, just these we want these men to get along.

And then part of the experience now is they're walking out hand in hand and grown men are crying because I bet their mom's happy.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't know if you if you turned into that type of performer, if your mom is happy.

My my wife has this theory that all stand up comedians have.

This have the same mom, uh, which is I'm going to run and buy you right now.

All right, because I have a very exact mom.

So okay, let let's see how we.

Go cold with bad boundaries.

When when when you say bad boundaries, what do we mean by bad boundaries?

Maybe calling you up and telling you you had to go on camel again?

Tell my mother was My mother has shaped my entire life.

My entire life, everything, everything goes back to my mother and what my mom.

I'm writing my biography at the moment, and every now and again, if I'm having a bad day, I'm really going her and then I go back and then scribble out some stuff like I no one needs to know that bit of information that's private or whatever.

But she was.

She was super mentally abusive, physically abusive, used to I used to get beaten, you know.

Yeah, and she was, but there was something to her, I believe I and my wife doesn't quite understand this.

I credit a lot of my success to this overbearing, domineering woman who used to tell me that I'd be nothing.

And because me and my two brothers, all three of us are successful.

We all came from from from working class family.

And so I think, I think, Okay, so you've got in entertainment and sports, you've got the you've got like King Richard.

So Serena Williams and Venus Williams father.

Right, and then you've then you've got uh Tiger Woods dad, and then you've got Joe Jackson.

Right.

I believe those three guys are very similar blokes.

But it's all in the telling of the story.

So so you can say that, you can say that Joe Jackson was an abusive man who beat his children, right, Michael Jackson's father abusive, abusive man who beat his children, and no one says and got results.

Oh my Tom, No.

Yeah, sure, sure, there seems to be side effects later on in life that are really unpleasant.

We don't want to go too far into this, right, but but but you don't.

You don't get the Jackson five through positive reinforcement.

No, no, you have Donal Keith Robinson, the stand up No.

Keith is the guy who he had a he had a stand up special called Different Strokes because he had a stroke and then he was an amazing stay.

He was a great stand up before.

But he's like he s had a stroke and he did it.

I mean, he's amazing.

He mother, he tells us to his mother shot someone in a card game and they had to go on the run.

For a while, I was like, you beat everybody that beats.

My mother had Mudhausen So how about that for a doozy Okay, that's it.

That's that's why we were always sick.

And I can't speak on what my brothers had to go through, but we all had a different medical condition that that happened to us.

That was, you know, by proxy.

Yeah, well, you know you know what.

My mother had polio, right, she did.

She had polio as a thirteen year old girl, was in bed for a year and a half, almost died, and that's when everyone visited her.

That's when people came to check on her.

So she just have Mudhausen's for herself.

My mother also about two months or about a month and a half every year in hospital.

She would talk to doctors until she got put in with her condition.

She'd be in traction for her back, or there'd be some other reason.

And you know, people with fucking real diseases are only in there for a few days.

My mother would be in hospital for a month and then two weeks later on in the type of thing.

Right.

I always loved it when she was in hospital because everyone was nice to me.

Everyone was like, oh, your poor boy, your mother's in hospital.

I'm just sitting around eating buckets of crisps, watching the TV.

You know, off at work.

It was that was heaven mom in hospital.

That was as good as a got.

But my mother was in the hospital a lot when I was okay as well.

Yeah, I think she was genuinely ill all.

So I think that's she thought.

We all visited my mum every day when she was in hospital.

We had to go there an hour and visit her and yeah, yeah, and so so I think that's when people showed her love or attention or something like that.

When so, when she wasn't sick, we were sick.

Yeah, and you know, it became a very weird And then growing up, the face the hay sort of goes down and you go, what the fuck was all that?

That was all my mother?

Also, she always used to be like she wanted a daughter, right, never had a daughter.

Right.

I was the youngest of three, right, And when I was born, I was the last roll of the dice.

Right, And I came out and there was the penis not happy.

She didn't hold me, didn't hold me, right, didn't hold me for a couple of days, and then didn't change the diaper the nappy for a couple of months, I believe, right, because she didn't want to see the penis.

Right up to the day she died.

She never liked me penis right now, now, I remember, I remember, I remember sitting there on the thing and because he wanted a daughter, and she went to me.

She goes, I'm all right with that.

I said, I'm not game.

I'm not going.

She goes, but if you, if you were, you were, she would have loved you as a son.

Anyway.

She goes, she goes, but if you are, that's fine.

I go, but Mom, didn't you didn't you didn't you didn't you just throw out all those playboys under my bed?

Didn't you find those and throw them all out?

And she goes, I thought you put them there to put me off the scent.

Now let's go back to your mom.

Why was your mom sick?

With her feel terrible?

Now?

You said my mom was really sick, and I just blasted.

I think she was.

She goes, she goes sick all the time.

She when she was about the age I am no, but younger.

Actually she she was in hospital.

She had non Hodgkins lymphma she had some weird cancer things.

She had athritis, said all that stuff.

And she was on a breathing machine, on a ventilator, and they said, the doctor went in and you came to see my mom and she was unconscious and stuff.

And then she was on a breathing tube and the doctor said, it's time for you to see goodbye your mom.

She's you know, rank between half an hour and an hour, and we're going to take her off all the life support things and just stuff.

And I was like, okay.

So when we all sat there and we all say goodbye here and they took her off all the life support and she lived fifteen more fucking years after that she got better.

It is crazy.

Okay, I have a similar story.

I'm not trying to talk to your story.

I can't top that story.

Of course, I can't top.

I'm going to tell you that this is so creepily.

Okay.

I'm at the Edmy festival, I'm halfway through my run.

I'm having a career moment.

Everything's going good.

I get a phone call from the my dad, I your mother's sick, right, the other one from my brother, oh yeah, yeah, your mom's sick.

And then the doctor says, yeah, she's she's not going to last long, mate, You've got to get back, right.

So I get on a plane from Scotland.

I have to go Scotland, London, London, and Hong Kong, Hong Kong.

Kidney said, right, And so you can't back no Wi Fi on the plane.

I can't turn on her phone, I can't find it.

She might be dead.

I'm sitting on the plane crying, will I make it, won't I make it.

I get to the hospital, she's sitting bolt upright in bed, playing Solitaire on an iPad right, And I'm like, I'm like, what the fuck?

And she's like she's like and then the doctor's like, oh yeah, spirits picked up when she heard you were coming.

And I'm like, okay.

But she wasn't like just a little bit not sick.

She was fine, right yeah, And I'm like, okay, fine.

So so then when my mother was dying.

When my mother was dying, she died because her leg broke, and then they put antibiotics that got infected.

Then they put antibiotics and then her kidney's packed in and then she asked not to be resuscitated.

And it's meant to be quite a peaceful way to die the kidneys than this, and then that organ stops, and that organ stops and your heart stops in the end, and they said, oh, she has kidney failure.

She could live with dialysis, she's already old, and she doesn't want to do that, right, so they're just going to let the kidneys go, and then she's going to die, right, And the doctor was the same, They went, she went last.

She will last about twenty four hours this right, And me and my three brothers were in the room.

We went film won and when they told me she's dying, and I rang up my brothers and went, ah, you're sure it's a long flot.

I sure, because I'll come back, but you've got to be positive about this anyway.

So then so then they go, they go, no, she will die, and we're like, when I see it, I believe what I Anyway, Anyway, when she we're all around the bed, she took her last breath and then she died, and then we all cried and we all hugged each other, and about ten seconds later she went and then died again, and we all sort of stood over the body.

We all stopped crying and went get a doctor.

Make sure, make.

Sure Jesus all right, mate, We're done.

Listen, it's been great talking to you.

I feel like I really want to come and see you do some work.

When are you doing some dates?

So where are you in the world you're in?

Yeah, I don't have anything booked in the near future, but I'll let you know because I'm just about to do Europe in the UK.

I was and I moved it to next year.

Yeah, I'm starting at the end of at the end of at the end of August, and I'm going all the way through to the beginning of December.

So it's going to be a grind of a tour, but I'm doing I've got dumb I don't know if you know Andrew Maxwell opening for me, the Lyrius comic who's don't know them, but you're very, very funny man.

But yeah, we're doing like I'm on like Zagreb and fucking like just places I haven't been before, Like, yeah, is stan Bull and all this type of ship.

So really time, Bill is amazing.

I've never been.

I've heard of some good things.

Me and me and Jimmy even though went uperforming together.

We're doing a festival in Saudi Arabia.

Okay, that's interesting.

I was Jimmy gonna, haven't you both gonna work out?

I don't have heavy censorship and stuff.

Okay, here's the other.

Here's the other comedians Bill Burt okay, Kevin Hart all right, and Louis c.

K Well, they couldn't get anybody.

That's ridiculous.

No, but no.

But my point is, I know they're all pick your cancel.

Yeah, Okay,