I am free.

If I never lost another ounce or ticked down any more percentages in body fat, which I do want to do for health reasons, but I am free now.

I am free to live my life for the first time ever, ever, ever.

And it's so exciting.

[music] Welcome everyone.

My name is Lisa Chance.

I'm a fasting coach here at TFM, and today I'm here with Kim.

I'll let her tell her whole name, but she has an incredible story about how fasting has completely transformed her relationship with health.

Good morning, Kim.

How are you doing today?

Good morning Lisa.

I'm doing great.

It's really good to see you.

What is your whole name?

It's a mouthful.

Oh, it's one of those hyphenated names.

It's Kim Andrews-Bingham.

It's a mouthful, so I usually don't make people say the whole thing, but I can say it because it's my name, right?

[laughs] Well, welcome.

What brought you to TFM?

Why don't you start telling us a little bit about-- a lot about your journey?

How's that?

Sure.

I came to TFM-- I've actually been here for about three years.

This has been a long journey for me.

I think you guys call us 'the turtles,' who go slow.

But there's a reason that I chose to be a turtle, so I'll back up a little bit.

I've been obese, morbidly obese my whole life.

I'm in my late 50s now-- well, I'm still in my mid 50s, technically, so I'll claim that.

I'm in my mid to late 50s now.

I started this health journey in June of '21, and by summer of '22 I'd found fasting, but not TFM yet.

So by that fall, though, fall of '22 I found TFM, I signed up, I got a coach (you were my first coach), and I started working really hard.

And so in that time I'm about 80 or 90 pounds down from my absolute highest.

From a really stressful period in my 20s, I'm about 120 pounds down.

And I'm about 20 pounds from what I would estimate is my final weight goal, because I don't know exactly what that will be, but I'll know when I get there, right?

You know, when I examine my relationship with food in this history-- and, like I said, I come from a large family, and I've been obese, morbidly obese my whole life.

And I dug into that, but I don't have-- you know, some people have a trauma from their past or a thing that sent them down this path.

I didn't have any of that, so I was always so confused as to why I had this really difficult relationship with food and overeat terrible, sugary, awful things.

But what I realized, over time and doing a lot of identity work, is that I come from this family that shows love in so many ways, and one of the ways they show love is food.

And so food is love for me.

And so, boy, trying to pull that apart, right, and fix that relationship.

Love is a good thing.

How can it be bad, you know?

So food is still love for me, but it's in a completely different way now.

I've done a lot of work on that, but that's why that was so hard for me.

What's interesting, from talking to other people that have been overweight/obese their whole life like me, is I know a lot of us have this feeling of inevitability, that it doesn't matter.

You know, I'm a Monday-morning dieter.

I'll start the diet Monday, or the first of the year, or whatever, but it won't work.

You know in your heart it won't work.

I'm not one of those people that is on the cover of a magazine who lost 150 pounds or whatever.

It's just not going to work for me.

So I just had this feeling of inevitability and doom that I was doomed to be overweight my entire life.

And I will say, over the past few years of really digging deep, working on my identity, working with coaches, and going to meetings, and working with everybody at TFM, that feeling of inevitability has literally flipped on its head now, because now I know it's inevitable that I will succeed, because I have changed who I am.

I'm not that person anymore - doomed to be obese my whole life.

I am destined to be this thin, healthy-weight person who has good blood markers, all these things.

And I'm pretty much there.

I'm really close to being there.

So I'm transformed.

I'm really transformed and it's so exciting.

One of the things that I really love about your journey, Kim, is that you sought other coaches.

None of us at TFM mind if you go on to another coach and get their knowledge.

And I think that's just-- you kept being persistent, you kept pursuing all of this, and that's wonderful.

That was really key because-- you know, I started with you as a coach and you taught me (from working with you) how to fast, how to learn about my body, how to figure out what foods do and do not work for me.

And so that was foundational, right?

And through that I realized, well, even if I can figure out those nuts and bolts pieces, I need to work on my identity piece.

So great, we have Terri on staff at TFM, right?

And so I booked a package to her, and I did a deep dive and I told her from day one, "Terri, it's all identity.

Every session I meet with you, I want to dig deep into my identity because I need to address this." And so I did that with Terri.

And then along comes Heather, later, and she is the consistency queen.

That's what I wasn't being, was consistent.

I was moving along slowly, but I needed help learning how to be consistent.

So I worked with Heather and she taught me how to be consistent.

And so now I've gone through all that, and that was just-- it was serendipitous to choose you guys at the right time, in the right place based on your skills and your experience, but I'm now to the point where I'm looking in the eye of maintenance (whatever that means, right?) and I know that I need some help figuring out what that's going to look like for me.

So I've got some more coaching lined up with you, Lisa.

We start next month and I'm really excited about it.

So yeah, I'm transformed and I'm confident I can do this.

And what I want to say, too, in being transformed, is I love what I eat.

I do not feel sad.

I do not feel deprived.

I eat delicious whole foods.

I am not white-knuckling my way through life resisting that sugary thing at this party or whatever.

I mean, I'm literally transformed.

And I know that might sound strange to somebody who is currently like I was, you know, completely a slave to sugar and carbs and all these things, and being kind of controlled by food, and thinking about it, and being preoccupied with it so much of the time.

But I'm finally free and it is so exciting.

I am free, physically, to move in my body, and I'll tell you a story in a minute, maybe, about this trip to Scotland I took where I climbed a mountain, literally, but I'm unencumbered in my body now.

I can do what I want, I can move.

I am free from the allure of food.

I'm free from feeling self-conscious all the time, or walking by a mirror or a window and feeling mortified at the reflection just looking back at me.

I am free from being mortified when I go on bathing-suit vacations to beach destinations, right?

I'm free to shop in any store now, except the plus size store, because I really can't find anything in plus size stores anymore, which is just awesome.

But along with that-- I mean, I'm free to buy clothes now because they look great, not just because they fit.

I'm free from hiding behind people in photos so the photo won't show how large I am.

And, most importantly of all, I am now free from pre-diabetes, fatty liver, acid reflux, poor cholesterol, and high blood pressure.

Those things are resolved for me now.

I think, when I started this journey, the word 'freedom' was at the top of my mind.

I wanted to be free.

And having some epiphanies, just in the last few days, I've realized I am free.

I am free.

If I never lost another ounce or ticked down any more percentages in body fat, which I do want to do for health reasons, but I am free now.

I am free to live my life for the first time ever, ever, ever.

And it's so exciting.

That's so wonderful, Kim.

How I know that, how I know that I'm finally free is-- so I have an accountability partner, who I met through TFM, and she's been just instrumental.

I'll just use her name, Illy, because everybody in the Community knows her.

She's been instrumental in my journey.

We've really helped each other and we've been true partners.

And so when I got home from this two-week trip-- I went to Europe a few weeks ago for a couple weeks.

Half of the trip was a hiking trip in Scotland, and that would not have been possible a few years ago, but it was doable now and I did it.

When I came home, I told her, I said, you know, I don't think there's anybody in Scotland or England who knows how to cook a meal at a pub that doesn't have super carbs in it, potatoes and bread and things like that.

So, thus, I came home, you know, a few pounds heavier.

And normally, when I come home from a trip or something like that a few pounds heavier, I always felt discouraged.

I was like, "Oh, why did you do that?

Now you've got to do that work over again.

You've put 10 pounds back on." All these things, and then texting-- so we check in every day, either on the phone, or text, or whatever.

And I was checking in with her and I realized I did not feel discouraged after putting on a little weight after this trip.

And so in texting her why that was, I'm just-- I'm going to read you this text because it could say it a lot more clearly than I could reframe it and say it to you.

This is what I texted my accountability partner a couple of days ago.

I said, "I'm struggling at times right now, but still determined to get back on track.

It's funny though, this time with the weight gain and the struggling, I don't feel discouraged like I normally do.

I don't feel like I backslid and have to do the work over again.

While it's true that I have backslid and I do have some work to do over again, I'm not feeling discouraged this time and I don't know why.

As I've reflected on that, I've determined this is why I don't feel discouraged.

First, my identity has changed.

I now see myself as a healthy person who indulges on occasion, but who will get right back on track to my normal way of eating and be fine.

I can stress-eat in extreme situations, but even in those instances it takes a lot more stress now for me to cave to those stressors.

Secondly, food isn't controlling me anymore.

I can still have poor choices come into my life when cravings and the insulin beast are in the house, but I know that's physical.

When those cravings appear, it's physical, it's from the insulin beast, and I know how to send that insulin beast packing, and I'm in the process of doing it this time too.

And then lastly, food is no longer a preoccupation or a focus for me when I travel or socialize.

I don't think about it like I used to.

As a result, I don't gorge just because it's a special occasion, and things like that.

And I'm doing all this without feeling deprived or like I'm having to use willpower to restrict myself.

Food has become just a pleasant part of travel, just like any number of other things are a pleasant part of travel.

It doesn't hold the allure for me like it used to." So when I wrote her that I realized...

I'm here.

I have-- you know, and you can't-- you always have to be vigilant, right, because you can always backslide.

But I have arrived at Food Freedom, and I realized that when I was writing her that the other day, because it didn't-- food didn't control me or direct me on this trip.

It wasn't a preoccupation.

It wasn't a problem.

When I indulged in something that was a special cultural dish, I ate a normal-sized portion.

I didn't just, you know, eat as much as was available because it was there.

When I text Illy, my accountability partner, after little stumbles like this, I often finish the text with the hashtag 'onward' because that's what I'm doing, I'm moving onward.

And so that reminds me that I'm going to keep going.

And it reminds me of a really cool Japanese proverb that I actually learned through TFM.

Fall down seven times, get up eight.

My partner and I say that to one another all the time because you're going to stumble on this journey, you just are.

You can't beat yourself up (I stopped doing that) and you have to look forward.

Now, you have to sit in the stumble for a minute and learn what you can from it, figure out-- you know, you're going to assess and figure out what you're going to do so that you don't stumble again.

But don't look back because you're not headed that way, right?

Move forward.

Don't dwell.

Those are some epiphanies I've had recently, but I've-- like I said, this has been a long journey for me.

It's been a couple, three years with TFM.

And I've had other epiphanies too.

A couple of big ones, when I was working with Terri, a huge epiphany was related to the emotional connections I have to people and how hard that makes it for me to change my identity.

And the example is, you know, I would go to family houses for the weekend and visit siblings, or friends, or whomever.

They're used to Kim showing up as the Kim who overeats and gorges on sugary treats that they provide for me.

Because food is love for us, it's our love language, right?

And so why would I think that just because I show up and say, "Oh, I'm not eating like that right now," that they would understand that.

So I had to keep showing up in those situations, with those people that I love and want to spend time with, but I had to keep claiming my identity, and I had to keep vigilant, and I had to put tools in place to help me stay on track when I was with them.

And you know, it's to the point now where they are recognizing that it's a new Kim and she shows up in a new way.

So when I go to their houses, they don't have all the sugary treats lined up and things like that, because they know that's not who I am anymore.

So that deep emotional connection to people can make changing your identity when you're in their presence super hard.

And that was a big epiphany I had.

And so I had to-- I knew it was going to be harder, but I knew I could do it, so I just had to figure out a way to do that.

Another big epiphany I have is I need help and support.

I have been trying to lose this weight and be healthy my whole life, and I've never succeeded.

And you know, in fits and starts and a little bit here, a little bit there, but nothing permanent.

It was confusing to me because, you know, I'm a smart, capable person.

I can write a dissertation, I can do all these things.

Why can't I conquer the food beast?

So I reached out for help.

And in a couple of ways.

TFM, and all of you, and the knowledge...

I mean, you have to work with people that spend their lives devoted to understanding how the human body works, and to help people get healthy, and help them learn not just about *the* human body but *their* human body.

You guys always say it's n=1.

You know, everything's n=1 because we're all so different.

So I needed help and support from experts, but I also need help and support from people that can just support me.

My family has been really helpful.

I know sometimes people's families aren't.

I've been lucky, mine is.

My really great accountability partner.

I've got friends.

So help and support is another epiphany.

I could not have succeeded without that.

And then the third epiphany was I realized, when I was working with you-- and like I said, I was getting the nuts and bolts of how to eat and all these things down.

I realized that I had to work on the identity piece if this was going to be permanent.

So that's why I work with Terri, because I knew, if I was going to be a healthy person for the rest of my life and at a healthy weight for my body and for me, I needed to figure out my identity and then change that to be that person.

Because what I learned from reading Atomic Habits by James Clear is that we all start with these goals, these outcomes we want to achieve.

You know, "I want to lose 50 pounds," or whatever.

And then so maybe we need to back it up a little and focus on the process, like, 'Well, to do that I'm going to go on this diet," or, "I'm going to go to the gym," or whatever.

But what we never dig down to is the identity piece.

And what the truth is, is that all your behaviors and all your habits stem from that identity.

Because we act in accordance with our identity.

We all know people who-- I mean, think of a vegetarian who is a vegetarian for ethical reasons, they don't want to eat animals.

There's nothing you could do to make them eat a steak or something like that, because it doesn't align with their identity.

I wanted my identity to be-- from the beginning, I wanted to be a naturally thin and healthy person who doesn't white-knuckle her way through life, who just doesn't eat problematic, unhealthy foods.

Not because I'm resisting them, but because I do not want them.

And I am mostly there with that.

And that's really exciting.

So if you haven't read that book (Atomic Habits by James Clear), everybody should read that book.

It's awesome.

And I know it's a big one at TFM.

Yeah, we usually do it about once a year for Book Club.

I know.

I do TFM Book Club and I do it.

And every year it's like, oh good, I get to read Atomic Habits again, and I pick something up each and every time.

I do too.

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[music] One of the things you said that I want to touch on is going back and restarting after your vacation.

I actually did this as an exercise for myself, and I had my clients do it too - what does the R in TRE mean to you?

So we say time-restricted eating, and of course Coach Terri teaches us that going back to TRE, no snacking, is never a step backwards when you have to do that at periods of time during your journey.

It is-- you know, you're really going to maintenance.

You're actually going forward to where you're going to be once you reach goal.

And so what does the R mean in TRE?

I started thinking of all these R words: recognize, renourish, regenerate, reclaim, rebirth, renewal.

And so I realized that, in any situation, whichever word you want to put in there for what the R would stand for instead of restrict, the R words aren't something that you stand by and just watch.

It will take some effort on your part to put in the results that will be worth it to you.

And you learn from them, you regroup, you reevaluate.

You revitalize your plan.

You reinvent yourself.

You've learned.

Everybody is going to have a learning moment where they take a step back, use that R word again, and revise your plan, reclaim your faith, and rekindle your vision, and all of those things.

So I always like that as a practice.

What does the R word stand for (when you go back to TRE, no snacking) this time?

Yeah, I've never thought about it like that, but you're right, the R can mean a lot of things, depending on the situation you're in.

So after I came back from that two-week trip abroad, I then immediately turned around and went to a big family event for a week down south, and it turned out to be very stressful.

And that added to the stress, and the stress eating, and things like that.

Although I don't nearly-- I don't really stress eat anymore.

On occasion it's really bad.

So like coming back from this month or more of being in all these unique situations and not having a lot of my foods available and stuff like that, I just eased back into it by going back to TRE.

I go back to TRE.

And I found-- so, at first, I tried to do it by fat fasting because I know that's a really useful tool that a lot of people use.

But what I have found-- and when some people fat fast, they just pick three or four foods and then they can eat them, you know, whenever they want them.

I found that if I just do that and eat those foods whenever I want them, it plays into my grazing habit and then it makes me want to graze.

Well, I've grazed on the avocado, so maybe I could graze on the handful of nuts now or something like that, right?

So when I come back from a trip, I might stick to the fat-fasting foods, but I do it in a TRE protocol.

So I'll eat two or three meals a day to make sure that I'm not feeding that habit of grazing.

And I have learned that you have to really be patient with that.

I've learned that, to go fast, I have to go slow, because if I try to jump back into things too fast, I will inevitably crash and burn.

You know, I'm an experienced faster.

I can do longer fasts now.

I've done multiple-day fasts, I've had great results, I've done all these different protocols.

And because I've trained my body to be able to do those things, I assume I can jump right back into a five-day fast and get this water weight off from this three-week, offroading incident or whatever.

It's not the case.

Your body is going to do what it's going to do, and you need to give it the time to adjust.

So it's taken me about a week of TRE, and reeling it in, and trying to get things together, just to get back to alternate-day fasting, which I just started back yesterday.

So that's what I'm going to do for a while now.

I'm going to do one meal, two meal.

And then I'll try to do some overnights.

So, you know, there's a lot of tips that I've come across from other people in the Community along the way.

That 'go slow to go fast' thing is one of them, don't rush it.

But there's a lot of things that I've learned that have really been helpful.

And you guys say this all the time at TFM, but it's so true.

You have to fit fasting into your life, not your life into fasting, because, if you're trying to force a square peg into a round hole, it's just gonna be frustrating, and you'll have stumbles and failures and you'll get discouraged.

And there's this great handout you guys have about protocols.

It's like 60/40 protocols, meaning split your eating and fasting for the week between 60% and 40% of your time.

That's therapeutic fasting, and that's how you know you're going to really get the therapeutic benefits of fasting.

So what I decided to do was I printed out that sheet of 60/40 protocols, and then I will look every week at my week and say, "What does this week look like for me?

What fasting protocol will fit into this week for me?" Some weeks, it might be a 72-hour fast, some weeks it might be a 48 with some 24s sprinkled in.

Some weeks it might be just TRE.

And so I fit fasting into my life, trying very hard to always do a 60/40 protocol so that I can keep moving forward with the therapeutic fasting.

So that's a huge thing.

I hope people hear those words and believe them.

You have to fit it into your life.

Don't fit your life into the fasting.

Another thing-- we talked about Atomic Habits a minute ago.

Another great book that I read is Never Binge Again by Glenn Livingston, and I know you've read that one as well.

He's got an accompanying workbook, and in that he teaches you how to create food plans, which I had never done before.

So now I have a food plan for every situation.

I put the food plan together for the week, looking at those protocols I just mentioned.

If I'm going on a vacation, I will write out a food plan for that vacation, and I'll send it to my accountability partner so that she knows what my plan is for that week.

Even though it's a vacation, maybe it's an all-inclusive resort.

So that's a different kind of food plan.

So I have a different food plan for every situation (weekends with friends, going out to dinner) and it helps me stay in control of what I'm going to do.

Getting support is really important as a tip I've mentioned, but the one thing I want to add to that is-- you know, if you find an accountability partner-- and there's lots of people at TFM that want accountability partners, so I'm sure you can find one if you look, but make sure it's a good fit.

Like any relationship, it has to be a good fit.

You have to give in that relationship, but you also have to receive.

And you can't have a partner who just relies on you all the time, but then you aren't able to rely on them.

So make sure it's a good fit before you dive into that, and make sure they're going to tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.

Because that's been something my partner and I have negotiated.

You know, we're both nice people.

We don't want to say things that are unkind, so we say things in a kind way.

But we have told some truths to one another that we've observed that the other person didn't see.

"I didn't realize I was doing that until you told me," you know?

So that's the value of a true accountability partner.

Yeah, honesty.

The honesty aspect is so important in an accountability partner.

Don't tell me what I want to hear, tell me what I need to hear.

Kindly, but tell me what I need to hear.

Compassionate.

Exactly.

Yes.

Actually, truthfully, the kindness is important, but you do have to tell them what they need to hear.

Because sometimes you don't see the forest for the trees, right?

And you need somebody that can stand back and observe that, and explain things to you (or what they're observing at least).

Other things that I've found are critical...

Go to those TFM meetings.

It keeps your head in the game.

You know nine times out of ten you're going to pick up a nugget at those meetings, something that you didn't know before.

Even if you're a super experienced faster and have been at this for a long time, you're going to pick something up.

Get a coach or pay for one of the special classes that you guys offer.

I mean, I'm in the 'Maintenance: Part Two' class right now, and it's already really great.

So, you know, if you can afford to do that, do that.

Elimination diets.

I can't say enough about those.

That is how I learned how to cure my acid reflux.

I had been on proton pump inhibitors for decades, and I was becoming very uncomfortable with the safety profile.

And my doctor's advice, when my acid reflux got worse, was to take more, take more medicine, double your dose.

And I said, "No, I want to get to the root of this.

I want to fix it." So I did a very strict elimination diet, and within 30 days I figured out what caused my acid reflux.

And now I know to avoid that food, or how much of that food I can have on a special occasion before it brings the acid reflux back.

And that's super freeing, right?

So it's important to know your body.

And it's hard.

Elimination diets are hard.

Yeah, they're hard, but they're one of the best things you can do.

And I tell people-- you know, I've said this before, and in the Community, I've taken multiple courses on this type of thing about, you know, the GI, how to improve your leaky gut, the gut permeability, how to cure some of your autoimmune issues and things.

The best thing to do is get your blood sugar fixed first, and then, instead of worrying about all these tests and things and lab draws and everything, do an elimination diet.

It's one of the best things you can do.

And every course says that.

Every book says that.

Find out on your own.

It's cheaper to do it that way.

It's harder, but it's cheaper.

Oh yeah.

And you can do them in different ways.

I mean, you could cut out one thing for 30 days and then another.

But I wanted to just-- you know, I like to do things and get them done.

So I went on a super strict-- I cut everything out.

I think I lived on a couple of kinds of protein and about four or five above-ground vegetables for 30 days.

And not one other thing crossed my lips.

And, yes, that was a really hard 30 days, but it was only 30 days, right?

In the scheme of my life, 30 days.

So I can't say enough about elimination diets.

Thinking back to Atomic Habits, you know, I'll talk about that for a second.

Another thing that the author says is to develop habit, you need to make it easy.

And so I knew I needed to change my eating habits.

And so food prep is now a habit of mine that has made my life so much easier.

And everybody thinks, oh, you know, that's a drag.

I don't want to do that.

It's not-- you're going to be cooking anyway, or else you're going to be going through a drive thru, and then you're really going to be in trouble after that.

So, on a Sunday, I will cook a bunch of protein, cut it up, portion it out, and freeze it, precooked in the freezer.

And then I will stock my freezer with steam-in-bag vegetables.

And if at the end of the day we come home, we're tired, we don't feel like cooking, I can pull out a bag of pre-cooked chicken, a bag of steam-in-bag vegetables, throw them in the microwave, have a meal in ten minutes.

Throw some seasoning on it.

There's no excuse not to eat healthy if you've prepared, right?

The other really fun thing that I do, I like to call it my 'food go bag.' I have this 'go bag' packed all the time of, like, emergency foods so that, if I get a last-minute invite, I grab my bag out of the pantry.

And it's got a selection of teas, it's got some olive oil packets, vinegar packets, a few beef sticks.

It's got some olives.

It's got a little bit-- some pickle juice.

And I take it with me, like on a weekend away, or if I'm going to a friend's house for the evening, just for the habit.

So then if I need something.

You know, I might show up and the food they're serving is like a carb fiesta, nothing I can eat.

Well, I can excuse myself for a moment and I can go, and I can eat my beef sticks, and I can do a little prep there and get ready to go.

I'll take some of that vinegar so that, if I do eat some carbs at that meal, it's going to blunt the insulin impact.

So it's my food go bag.

I take that with me whenever I go anywhere.

Fantastic.

Yeah.

And so then also sometimes I'll just eat a full meal before I go somewhere.

And then when I go, if I know what they're serving is going to be something that's really not great for me, I will eat my meal before I go, and then I'll put some food on my plate, and I'll just talk, and I'll push the food around, and I won't really eat it.

But nobody knows and nobody cares because they're focused on themselves.

We always think everybody's looking at us.

They're not.

There-- nobody's knowing what we're doing or caring.

Yeah, unless it's your mom, they're usually not looking at your plate.

[laughs] Exactly.

You know, I mean, I've even done that with alcohol.

I was at a party once when the host was very concerned that I wasn't having alcohol, and I wasn't having a good time because of it (which was not true), so I took a can, an alcoholic beverage, I dumped it in the sink, and then I filled it with water, and I sipped my water all night long out of that can, and the host was happy because they thought I was enjoying their party and partaking in the libations, you know, and things like that.

So a couple of other things that I do is, when I go to a buffet, I never pick up a plate and go to the buffet.

I just walk around with my hands in my pockets and I look at everything on the buffet.

I decide what I want to eat, and then I go back to the beginning.

I get my plate, and I go back just to those places where there are food choices that I want.

Yeah, that's worst, better, best.

That's what I do.

I walk down, I look at it all (I love that you put your hands in your pocket, that's even better), and categorize it worse, better, best.

And then I eat the best first, and then the better, and then very little room for the worst.

Yeah, that's exactly what I do.

And that's been kind of-- I mean, I don't go to buffets a lot, but, when I do, it's just like a savior.

And then when all else fails, a tip that I learned from Terri and coaching with her was, when you're feeling like you're going to cave to a craving and there's a food that's, you know, in your face that you don't want to eat but you might, you need to reengage your logical brain because it's your illogical brain that's telling you to go ahead, you can do that this time, all these things.

She said, "You've got to reengage your logical brain." So what I do (and the tip she gave me was), I put my hand on my heart (And you can do that anywhere, it's not a really visible thing.

You just put your hand on your heart.), and I say to myself in my head, "I'm a healthy person.

I don't eat based on urges." And it's just a way to reengage my logical brain and stop me from taking the dessert that somebody is offering me when I'm not hungry and don't want it and don't need it, but the craving is talking.

So yeah, those are just things that really, really help me and they help keep me on track.

And back to the whole habits thing.

You know, it's hard, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.

Everybody always asks, "Does this journey get easier?" And in my opinion, the answer is yes.

Because if you work on your identity and start changing that, your behaviors and your actions stem from your identity.

And so, as I've changed my identity, which has been really hard to do, now, the behaviors and the habits and the actions come a lot more naturally because I am changing who I am on the inside, not just how I act on the outside.

Everybody always wants to know, "What are the three things that you would tell people, the most important things?" And so I thought about that when I knew I was going to talk to you, and I would say the three things for me are getting the help and support you need.

Just accepting the help and asking for help, whether that be from people who are knowledgeable, like yourself, or the support systems in your family, your friends, or accountability partners.

And then the second thing I would say is identity and habit change takes patience.

So, you know, you get the help and support.

Second, is focus on your identity, but know that it's going to take a long time, so be patient.

The whole 'fall down seven, get up eight times' thing.

You just keep getting up, and keep going, and show yourself grace, just like you would anybody else.

Learn from it.

Move on.

Read Atomic Habits.

Be that person at a restaurant when you show up, and immediately pull the server aside and say, "Excuse me, can I ask you a question about this dish?

Could I substitute broccoli for the noodles that come with this?" Just be that person.

It's fine, they don't care.

And then shoot for that Food Freedom.

I think I'm there.

I feel like I'm there.

I mean, that's a big part of the identity.

The food doesn't have the power over me, it doesn't preoccupy me anymore.

So it's help and support, having patience to focus on your identity and habit change, and then planning.

The third thing I would say you have to do is you plan.

And that has to do with food, fasting, and stress.

So the whole food prep thing is huge, having a food plan in place for every situation, plan for eating out, things like that.

And having a plan for stress because I know people that are struggling with weight loss, they're doing everything right, but the stress and the cortisol...

The cortisol is real, right?

Oh yes.

And it makes it so hard.

And we can't always control that if it's like physical pain or things like that, but, if it's something within our control and we can control it to reduce our stress, we need to take control and to do that.

When I started this journey, the reason I started it so many years ago was I saw a picture of myself at a retirement party at my work, and I thought I looked good that day.

You know, I thought I dressed up, I look nice, this and that.

I saw that picture and I thought, who is that old, overweight woman with thinning hair, and dull eyes, and gray skin, and all these things?

And that was on the heels of having a doctor visit where, suddenly, all my numbers were going in the wrong direction.

I come from a family who's-- large people, but we're quite genetically lucky in terms of we usually have good cholesterol and BP and all these things.

Well, I had a doctor visit right around that time where everything was on-- you know, the red lights were flashing, like you're about to go into the danger zone.

And it scared me.

So I started really thinking, what are my core values?

What do I really say I value in my life?

And it was things like family, and freedom, and peace, and love, and all these things.

And then I looked at my life and realized I was fooling myself if I thought I was living those things because I wasn't.

I had this crazy, high-stress job; it took all my time.

You know, when I was with my family, I wasn't having quality time with them because my mind was at work still.

And it was really apparent to me that all these things I value, or say I value, I wasn't living them.

And then I thought, well, what's the barrier to me living those values?

And in my case, it was my job.

And I realized I need to do something about this because I'm not going to be able to take control of my health if I don't change the situation.

So I started putting a plan in place and I changed jobs.

I got a job that's much more doable, much less stressful.

It gives me freedom to do the things I want and need.

And so that's a huge life change.

And that's easy to say and hard to do, but sometimes-- you know, aren't we important?

You know what is more important than living your values?

And I know you can't make a decision like, oh, my job is the problem and I need to change it tomorrow.

You know, practical reasons, families, commitments, mortgages, but start putting a plan in place to make that change so that you can find a way out.

It might not be a job, but whatever it is.

I mean, that was like my first epiphany was the core values thing, when I realized I wasn't living my core values.

Because I'm a person who always says, "Oh, my word is my bond," and, you know, "I love myself and I love..." So how do I love myself if I'm not even living these things I say I value?

So yeah, the big three things: get help and support, work on your identity and habits (which takes patience), and then do a lot of planning for food, fasting, and stress.

And I will say this too about planning.

I know sometimes people mistake planning for action, and it's not.

You can plan all day, but, if you don't implement that plan...

Sometimes you just have to get down to it, let the rubber hit the road, and start moving forward, and learning as you go.

So yeah, those are my kind of big three things and I'm throwing a lot out there, but I just feel like I've worked so hard.

Another thing you guys always say at TFM is choose your hard, you know?

Yeah, it's hard.

It's hard to do a deep dive on your identity, and your habits, and to change, and, you know, it's hard to fast, and it's hard to choose the right foods, but, you know what, it's a lot harder to not be able to hike up the mountain I wanted to hike up because I'm so overweight I can't do it.

It's a lot harder to feel discouraged and mortified when I see my reflection in the mirror.

It's a lot harder to think I might shorten my lifespan or get some terrible disease, all because that sugar was calling to me too long and too hard.

So choosing hard is easy to say, but it's true, you choose your hard.

And I choose to be healthy.

So this is the path I've walked.

And it's not been easy, but it gets easier the further I go.

And I tell you what too, everybody always thinks, "I have to arrive at my final weight," or, "body fat percentage," or whatever to feel good.

That is not true.

I started feeling good tens and tens of pounds ago, and really liking the way I looked, and really being happy to buy the occasional size 14, or something like that at the time.

The journey can be really fun.

So enjoy the journey along the way.

I mean, it's hard, but there's going to be points-- you guys call them non-scale victories.

Embrace those non-scale victories.

I remember the day when I could zip up these boots I'd always wanted to wear because finally my calves were small enough.

Then I wore them and it was great, you know?

So there's things along the way like that that are going to be great.

I think there's a rock star quote, they don't know which rock star it's attributed to, but, "What if the journey IS the reward?" And it's like, yeah, [laughs] so enjoy every step of the journey.

And enjoy growing, and changing, and flourishing, and regenerating yourself (for another R word), you know?

The neuroplasticity of it all.

You really are changing those neural pathways.

And then, you know, you get transformational rewards.

There's another R word, you know.

Yes.

I just love your journey, Kim.

You're so inspirational.

It's just wonderful.

That's true.

The journey is the reward.

Because you know what I've built through this journey is I've built-- I mean, I was resilient before, but, boy, am I resilient now.

I'm knowledgeable now.

I'm stronger.

I'm more confident.

I'm free.

I am free.

And that's what I learned on this journey.

I mentioned before that hiking trip I took.

It was a legit hike, Lisa.

We were in Scotland.

We were in the Highlands.

We were on the Isle of Skye and it was called the Old Man of Storr.

It was like a 2500 foot up, straight up.

Wow!

They said it was going to take several hours.

I knew it was going to take me longer because I was going to take breaks along the way.

But, you know, I did the hike and came back down and was reflecting on it, and I realized that that hike very much mirrors my journey, this health journey that I've been on.

Because, you know, on that hike and on this health journey, the path was really steep in places.

In some places it flattened out, and it was just really long, overall, though.

It was really long.

I stumbled along the way, but I steadied myself and I kept going without criticizing myself.

And I would assess, well, why did I stumble?

Did I step on that rock wrong?

How can I avoid the next stumble?

Same thing on my health journey.

I reached out to my husband's hand for help a lot of the time, because he was ahead of me.

He would stick his hand out and I would take it, and I would take the next step.

Other people on the hike, too, would put their hand out, and I would take them.

And I put my hand out to other people.

So I accepted the help and I offered the help.

I took breaks.

I took lots of breaks because I wanted to enjoy the scenery.

Because when you're on a hike like that, you have to look at your feet so you don't fall, because it's so treacherous and so rocky.

So I would stop frequently just to look at the view, and look back at how far I'd come and see.

Sometimes I'd look ahead to see how far I had to go, but it was so far I couldn't even see the end.

But I knew the end was there, so I'm like, I'm just going to keep going.

So I would stop, I would enjoy the view, and then I would put my head down and start going again.

And as I approached the summit of the mountain, it was really obscured by fog because it's a super foggy, foggy island.

And I wasn't sure how close I was, but I knew I was getting close by all these other markers, like I was seeing people come back down the mountain that I had been walking up with before that were ahead of me.

So I knew I was close, but I just couldn't see it yet.

And that's where I've been in this health journey for a long time.

I know I've been close to the end.

I joked, "If I squint, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I just don't know how far away that is," right?

So I knew I was close, just like I knew I was close to the summit of that mountain, but I had faith that if I just kept going I'd get there.

And when I did get there, I got to the top, I was looking around and it was still so foggy, I didn't know what to do next.

I literally couldn't see over the edge of the cliff because it was just like a mist everywhere.

But my husband and I sat down and thought, well, if we have patience, and if we sit on the top of this mountain and just sit in this space for a moment, maybe something will change, something will come to us.

And it did.

The sun came out, the wind kicked up, the fog started to clear, and then suddenly I could see for miles.

I could see the ocean.

I could see a village.

I could see other mountains.

I could see valleys.

And that's where I am in this journey right now with the health.

I am at the summit.

I'm looking around.

It's becoming clear to me what the vast future is going to be for me and what it's going to look like.

So we sat there and enjoyed it, and then we came back down the mountain.

And so I've continued to reflect on that.

When I was at the summit, I looked back down the whole path I'd walked, and that's kind of where I am right now with this health journey.

When I was at the summit, I looked down the mountain and I could-- the beginning of the path was tiny.

I could barely see it.

It was so far away and so far down the mountain.

But I looked back down the path and, yeah, it was winding and long and difficult and treacherous.

But I took my time, I accepted help, I took a lot of breaks to assess my progress, I learned lessons, I stumbled, I got up, I kept going, I started again right away.

And so if that doesn't mirror this health journey, I don't know what does.

And so when I got down to the bottom of the mountain, how I felt is exactly how I feel right now on this health journey.

I'm proud of this difficult thing that I'm accomplishing or had accomplished.

I was surprised at how doable it was when I took the time to have the right mindset, get the right tools and skills and gear and preparation.

I was surprised at how much more doable it was.

I'm really appreciative of the support that I got on that hike, but of the help that I've gotten on this weight-loss journey.

I felt free when I came down that mountain, and I feel free now.

Because when I came down that mountain, I had not been gasping for air once on that hike.

I paced myself, I took breaks, I enjoyed the hike itself and the views and all those things, but I wasn't gasping for air, even at the hardest parts, and I felt like my body could do it.

I felt strong, I felt free, I felt unencumbered.

When I came back down the mountain, I realized that had been my experience on the hike, and that's how I feel now.

I feel strong, I feel alive, I feel brave, I feel capable, I feel confident, all these things.

And I feel finally free.

Back at the beginning of this journey, years ago, free was the word that I kept

focusing on: I want to be free.

And I didn't know what that meant, but it means in my body, it means in my mind, from the hold that food has had on me my whole life and my relationship with food.

The freedom means in my body, like I said, to move unencumbered throughout the world.

And it means in my spirit, because I've let go of that feeling of inevitability that I'm doomed to be obese my whole life, because I'm not.

It's inevitable now that I will be this healthy person who is at a good weight for her body, and I will be that way for the rest of my life because I've taken the time to change my identity.

I hadn't intended, necessarily (when you invited me to the podcast) to talk about that hike in that way, but, when I was texting with my accountability partner last week and having those epiphanies, I realized it was because of that hike because it so mirrored my life over the past three years and this journey.

It's been life changing.

My life has literally been saved, probably, throughout everything I've learned through TFM, and through books, and podcasts, and just being a sponge for gaining knowledge.

I'm one for writing down little quotes that keep me inspired.

And the quote that got me starting on this health journey, before I found TFM, and all these years ago, and I don't even remember where I heard it, "I can either choose to invest in my health now, or I will be forced to invest in my illness later." And that's the truth.

And investing in my health now or my illness later means investing my time, my money, and my energy.

So all those things.

I'll be forced to invest in my illness later, or I can just choose to invest in my health now.

So that's what I'm doing.

And the whole 'fall down seven, get up eight' - that's a mantra of mine.

One from the business world that I love to say is, "If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail." So I really try to plan a lot to stay on track.

"Planning is not doing," that's another one.

And, "C choosing your hard.

Maybe the last thing that I wanted to touch on that I haven't yet (and it comes from the Glenn Livingston book that I talked about - Never Binge Again) is your big WHY.

You've got to know why you're doing this.

And so you might say, "Well, I want to lose weight, you know, so I can be healthy." But why?

Why do you want to be healthy?

I teach business, I'm a college professor, and one of the cause analysis techniques I work with my students and teach them to do is called the 5 Whys.

It's just asking yourself "why" over and over again when you say you want something, to get to the root of it.

Why?

Why is this the case?

Okay, so why do I want to be thin?

Well, I want to be thin so that, you know, I don't feel so bad all the time.

Well, why do you want to not feel so bad all the time?

Well, because the last time my granddaughter came over, I couldn't play with her on the floor like I wanted to.

Well, why did you want to play with her on the floor like that?

Well, because it's special moments, and she's only little for a short time.

And I want to be there with her in the moment, and be able to be that grandma, or that grandpa.

So digging down deep like that and figuring out why.

Why are you really doing this?

Not the superficial, "I want to wear a size 6," or, you know, "I just really want to see a 1 on the beginning of my weight," you know, or something like that.

So I worked through the Glann Livingston book.

He has a process in there where he helps you dig down and figure out what your big why is.

I wrote it out, and so to my accountability partner, and then I actually read mine aloud to myself and recorded it on my phone.

And there were months where I would, every morning, listen to that big why.

So my voice reading the big why, my big why, to myself every morning to help keep me on track and keep me going.

So that's probably another big thing I would say that I did want to touch o,n is just know what your why is, what your real why is, and your big why is.

If you don't know how to get to that, then go back to the getting-help thing and talk to somebody who can help you, you know, dig deep.

And I would say read that book and try to figure that out.

Transformation and freedom are the two words that I think fit my journey.

Like I said, it's been hard, but so worth it.

I'm feel like I'm here now, and, like I said, I've maybe got 20 pounds to go, because I've backslid a little on my trip, and that's fine.

I'll get there.

I'm going to be talking to you next month, Lisa, and you're going to help me figure out what maintenance looks like for me.

I'm excited.

I've been so excited at times on this journey that I couldn't sleep at night because I just-- when that inevitability flipped on its head and I knew I was going to succeed, I was so excited it was hard to sleep sometimes.

But sleep is important.

It's one of the pillars of health in this weight-loss and health journey, right?

So I feel like I've talked a lot and rambled on, but I tried to talk about things that, for years as a listener of this podcast, things that I always wanted to hear people talk about.

So I tried to talk about those things.

Well, it's wonderful.

Thank you so much, Kim.

I loved your hike that you told us about and how that was a reflection of your journey towards health, the fog lifting and seeing your path forward.

It's wonderful.

Thank you so much for opening your heart and your story up to us, sharing with us.

We really appreciate it.

Thanks for inviting me.

I really am proud of myself and happy to tell people about my journey, because I know there's a lot of people listening to this podcast that are the me from three, four, five years ago that are morbidly obese, been that way their whole life and have no idea how they're going to get out of it.

The way you're going to get out of it is one step at a time, and TFM can help you figure that out.

It's been an inspiration and so many wonderful things you've told us for people to put in their toolbox and carry it with them.

Thank you.

Yeah, those have been instrumental, and I learned those from a lot of people and I learned those who've going to TFM meetings.

So that's why I say those are so important.

Thank you, Kim.

Thank you.

All right, everybody.

Happy healing or rebuilding day, whichever one you're doing.

Take care.

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