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Hello everybody, Welcome back to Holly Randall Unfiltered.

I am over the moon about today's guests because she's somebody that I have been stalking on the Internet for quite a while, and if you're a man who has any interest in having your sexual health questions answered, you may have been as well.

She is a certified sexpert, a board certified urologist, pelvic surgeon, and one of the most trusted voices in sexual health.

I am, of course talking about doctor Rena Malick.

She specializes in sexual wellness for both men and women, but she's an invaluable resource specifically for men who have questions are too embarrassed to ask anywhere else.

And despite her busy medical practice, she's built a massive YouTube following of over two point five million subscribers where she breaks down everything from a rectile dysfunction to pelvic pain to porn myths.

No judgment, just facts, and today I'm so privileged to have her here to answer all of your questions about what does good sex actually look like?

Is porn addiction real?

How do you get hard and stay hard if you're having problems in that department.

I'm so excited to have her here to set the record straight, inspire better conversations, and take the shame out of sexual health.

So let's welcome doctor Arina Melick.

Hi, thanks so much for having me.

Of course, I'm truly very excited to have you on.

And when Keeley Rankin told me, she was like, you know, you should really have her on, I'm like, how did you know I was talking her?

Are you looking at my surch history?

Because you really do, like have a massive following, and I feel like it kind of speaks to the fact that men do have so many questions about sexual health and there is such a need exactly like you just said, and they you know, don't have resources for that or they're too ashamed to ask it, and you really like break it down in a very, like I said, non judgmental way that really provides the information that I think is so incredibly helpful.

So I guess let's just start from the beginning.

How did you become interested in this area of medicine.

Yeah, so when I went to medical school, I didn't ever even know what urology was I did rot I did my medical first two years, you just do like bookwork, and I thought I'd be like a critiologist or something.

That I went to rotations and realized that I liked surgery and I really enjoyed doing things with my hands.

I enjoyed the idea of taking somebody and fixing them and leaving them right and being able to do that.

But I also liked the idea of having a long term relationship with your patient.

And so there's only a few fields in medicine where you can manage a patient over a long period of time and operate, and so urology was one of them.

And when I found urology, I realized, like, there's the people in urology are just really great when they're super smart, they're innovative, but they also don't take themselves too seriously because they're taking care of genitalia all day.

And so I was like, oh, I found my tribe.

These are really smart, really fun people who love their jobs.

And I took a chance.

Because in medical school you only get so much exposure, and I realized I actually loved eurology.

I was so grateful that I made the right choice.

I love operating.

I love taking care of patients, and then sexual medicine I actually became more of a passion project of mine as I started seeing patients, and I just saw how desperate people were to get better, and how long they had hid in shame or in fear or with anxiety before they actually came to see me, And they had struggled for years.

Some of them have had divorces, some of them have just been like avoiding sex, and they became a shell of themselves.

And I realized this was such an important part of people's health that they were just ignoring, and so I wanted to be able to help people learn about their bodies.

Yeah, I mean I think like that.

You know, that need for intimacy is such an incredibly important part of the human experience, and I think that we tend to sweep that under the rug a lot, especially in this country.

And you know, obviously we you know, I'm constantly lamenting the lack of sex education as well in this country, which you must run into that gap all the time.

I mean, it's crazy.

In the US, it's bad, but around the world it's really lacking, except for like some of the European countries, right, which have a little bit more sex education than we do.

But for the most part, people don't know anything about their bodies.

So when something goes wrong or they think something is wrong, they're like, oh my god, I'm broken.

And sometimes it's just normal physiology and they weren't taught.

What is the most common problem that people come to you with.

So for men, it's a rectile dysfunction and for women, and it's low libido when you're talking about and now menopause and those sorts of changes.

But oftentimes with men, you know, fifty two percent of men over fifty will have a rectile dysfunction, so it's exceedingly common, and it's probably increasing in prevalence as we see more comorbid conditions like high blood pressure, diabetes, all those things.

And then for women, about forty percent of women experience low libido, so it's very very common, and twelve percent are bothered by it.

But that's still a lot of women who feel like they've lost a part of what they used to be.

So I'm interested about the low libido, you know thing in women.

I mean, I know that my audience is mostly men.

We're probably going to talk a lot about men's sexual health issues.

But you know, I think that there's just a sense and this is obviously like a bias that I see a lot working in the adult industry and the way that men view women in the adult industry, And the idea is that women are just generally not sexual beings, right, that women are there to provide a service and pro create and let like all they're therefore, so this idea that women have a low sexual libido, probably a lot of people think, like, well, women don't really have a sexual libido?

Is that something that you encounter.

I think more so it's that they expect it to go away.

So I think when you're younger, everyone assumes that women want to have sex, or they're interested in sex, or they have a sex drive.

But it's very common that sex drive changes over a lifetime, especially after babies, especially when you're going through hormonal changes, and so very often women will at least have periods of time where the libido waxes and wanes, and they may change in terms of how they respond to desire.

Their desire will change in terms of it won't be spontaneous.

They won't just see their partner and be like, oh my god, I want to jump them.

It will be more like I need to be open and receptive and close and intimate with my partner, and then oh, there is a desire after I've allowed some arousal to happen, right, I've allowed myself to get turned on a little bit.

Now I'm like, oh, yeah, I like that.

I describe it like going to the gym.

When you go to the gym, A lot of times you don't want to go, but once you're there, you glad you did.

It's sort of like that, and that's not abnormal.

That's a normal variation.

It's very common.

But the thing is that no one knows that.

So they're like, oh, I never feel desire anymore, so I'm broken.

And then they're not receptive to trying to become aroused because they're like, well, I don't feel like I want it, and that's where the breakdown happens.

But really, I think a lot of women, to your point, is they are sexual beings.

They miss feeling sexual, feeling desired.

That's a big part of it is they don't feel desired, they don't feel desirable, and so they start feeling like they're not themselves.

But like, how dare they bring that up when they have so many other things to do, right, Like, oh, I've got to take care of my kids, they go to take care of my aging parents.

I've got so much else going on, Like that's not a priority.

And I think that's a huge thing.

I wish would die swift death.

Like sex is a priority.

It is something that if you enjoy, if you feel pleasure from, you should hang on to as long as you can.

It is a marker of longevity, being able to be intimate with another human being, to have sex, to feel that connection with someone else.

It makes you live longer.

It makes you happier, and it is a sign that things are working.

That there's good blood flow, there's good nervous function, there's good hormones.

All those things are working well.

So it's a sign of good health.

So if you enjoy sexual activity and you start feeling like something is changing, you should investigate that and you should figure out what's going on and you and sometimes it could be, like I said, a normal variation.

You just have to work through that.

But the worst thing someone can do is just like close the door and say I'm just going to deal with it.

And sex is just going to dwindle away, and that's okay.

Do you think a lot of that has to do with and this is of course, like speaking from experience as a woman who you know, has had a child and who's you know, sexual libido has waxed and waned, you know, depending on what's going on in my life.

You know, I feel a lot more confident in my body now than I used to because I've actually taken a lot of measures to like take care of myself.

But I know that a lot of women don't have that luxury, right.

Do you think that a lot of that comes from like and feeling you said, they don't feel desirable.

Do you think that a lot of that has to do with the fact that, like we in society have this ridiculous standard that like women need to look like and need to like appear a certain way to be desirable, and that's a really hard thing to achieve after you have a child.

Absolutely, I mean one of the biggest reasons the biggest sexual insecurities for women is body image, right, And I think especially after you've had children and maybe you're going through menopause, maybe you've gained a few pounds, it can feel very sort of not sexy in your body because we see these images of like these perfectly fit women even in their postmenopausal years, looking great exercising, you know, and sometimes it's difficult, and I think the reality is that everyone's body changes and.

It's sort of like we have to go.

This is where like self talk, sex therapy, those things can be really helpful in sort of one getting rid of those negative thoughts, but also when you're with your partner, focus on what feels good, not thing about how does my body look like in this light?

How does it look like when I am in this position?

More so like, look is this pleasurable?

Let me enjoy the sensations that are happening.

Let me focus on those things rather than all the other thoughts in my head.

And that's when you can really sort of let go and enjoy.

And I think for women that's really difficult.

They've actually done studies where women will practice mindfulness and they've seen an improvement in desire arousal orgasm like all the sexual domains just from practicing a twenty minute mindfulness meditation daily because they're now able to be more present in the moment with their partner.

And men men deal with this too, right, Men are worried about when they have trouble with erections, the next time they have sex, they're now worried about their erections.

They're not focused on what's happening, like is my erection gonna last?

Is it going to come?

And it can be the same thing with ejaculation.

Am I going to come too soon?

Am I going to come at all?

I mean, there's a variety of different things.

And men have body image issues, right.

They worry about the size of their genitalia and if they're doing the right thing, and they just not vocal about it, but they still, you know, feel these anxieties and they can absolutely play a negative role in their sexual relationships.

I want to talk about penis size.

Obviously, that is probably like the question that comes up like the most from my audience.

I'm sure you get a lot of this, and you know obviously working in the adult industry where you know we I mean, look, it's a caricature of real life, right, and you see these large penises that are much bigger than the average dick.

And unfortunately, I feel like a lot of people do get sex education from porn and they don't separate fantasy from reality, which I think honestly happens in all.

Forms of media.

And they think like, I could never be a good lover, I could never be a good partner because I don't have a penis like Johnny Sin's.

So how do you address those insecurities?

Well, one, we are really bad at estimating size.

We know the AP size is summer between five point one and five point six inches.

Most people think it's six inches or larger.

And then when you ask someone what is six inches, they're like, you know, their idea of what it is is much larger than it actually is.

So they've done stays where they've actually shown people different sized fallacies, and they've said, what size do you think this is?

And when they are average.

They are usually bigger than average, is what they'll say.

Sorry, When they're slightly bigger than average, they will think they're a lot bigger than they are.

When they're slightly smaller than average, they think they're the accurate size.

And then average is sort of somewhere in between.

And so the realit is, we don't nobody knows what reality is.

And I think the most important part is that you don't need a large penis to satisfy a partner, because for women, the most important organ of pleasure is the clitterists.

The clitterist doesn't require you to have a long penis.

The clitterists can be stimulated by your fingers, by your mouth, by a toy, and that is the homelogue of the penis.

So for guys, I'm like, look, you guys enjoy someone stumilating your penis, The same thing is what a female person is going to enjoy when you stimulate their clitteris.

And so you don't need like.

A large penis that's reaching the cervix to provide pleasure for a partner.

And so I think focusing on communicating with your partner, finding out what they like and that it's an exploration that can be very very fun and sort of like applying that is going to be way more valuable than focusing on the size of your organ.

I mean.

And there's a lot of women who can't come from penetration.

I'm actually one of those.

Yeah, it's very common.

So eighty five percent need clitoral stimulation, and only a small percentage of them will climb A very small of women will climax through vaginal penetration, and likely it's because of the anatomical variations, right, Like some people have a thicker space between the clitoris and the vagina and some have a thinner one, And that's just variable person to person, And so I suspect that when people have a little bit less space that they're more likely to climax because the penis is closer to the clitteris the clitteral shaft.

So again it's variable, but it doesn't mean there's something wrong with the person or wrong with you.

Everyone is individual and that's where the communication is so important.

Do you think that people focus too much on like the physical aspects of sex, like what you said, like just the large penis size, body image, and less around like the cerebral parts of sex.

That's I was once in a like an S and M relationship for a brief amount of time, and what I enjoyed about that was there was a lot of mind play in that.

It was like the most actually cerebral relationship that I had been in, because it wasn't just about this that makes a lot of sense, It was a lot more around it, and that for me was really interesting me.

I think we can learn a lot from BDSM practitioners because they communicate right before they have sex.

They have like a contract and they go through right, you go through what's okay, what's not okay with my zoyfriend.

Did that with me.

He gave me a boundary checklist.

And this was years ago.

I had never seen one like this before in my life, and I was like, what is this And he's like, I want you to check off what you're okay and what you're not okay with And I was so uncomfortable with this level of communication.

But it's so great right now now you know like what you're into and what you're not into, and it doesn't need to be that like concrete, but it's great if you're open to that.

I mean, I think, like I tell my patients sometimes, I'm like, write down your fantasies and you don't have to share them right away, but it's good for you to know what they are and encourage your partner to do the same.

And maybe as you start talking about sex, you can share one and then see how you react to it and sort of like slowly think about the things that you're open to and not open to.

Because we don't really take time for that exercise.

But I think the bottom line is, yeah, we don't talk about sex.

We just were never and this is no one's fault.

No one taught us how to talk about sex.

Right in my household, we didn't talk about sex.

It was like, don't have sex.

That was the entire conversation.

Boys only want sex, don't have sex.

That was the whole conversation I had growing up, And many people who knew had very similar conversations.

And so, how are you going to know how to talk about it?

How are you going to know how to communicate with your partner to find out what they like?

It is such a foreign concept.

It's so uncomfortable for so many people because we've had no practice doing it, and so realizing that everyone you talk to probably has not talked about sex.

So it's okay, you're both going to be awkward, it's going to be weird, but it's like an ongoing thing.

We're not just going to talk about sex one time.

We're going to keep talking about it and have little snippets of conversations throughout the relationship and really open up over time.

If you're somebody who's in a relationship and you feel like your sex life is stagnated.

Let's say you're a man, because like I said, my audience is mostly men, and you want to start talking to your wife about sex and about maybe trying different things.

How do you even start that conversation?

Because I know so many men that are afraid to even broach the topic.

So one, I would say, give them a little prep so say, look, I love being intimate with you, or if you haven't been intimately, like I miss being intimate with you, and I'd love to talk about it.

Let's set aside in time to talk about it when you're ready.

So one, it's not like let's just try to have the conversation, give them a little moment to like process and think about, and then pick a time and a place not near sex, so like not right after sex, not right before sex, like in kitchen on when you're sitting at the kitchen, when you're going for a walk, when you're in the car.

I do that you don't have to look each other in the face because obviously it's an uncomfortable conversation, so not.

Like a kitchen table, like sit down and see.

Yeah, yeah and so and realize like look, she might say, oh no, I don't want to have that conversation and be like, look, it really means a lot to me, think about it, and just and just leave it there, like you don't need to It doesn't need to be a yes right away, but sort of just like broach it gently, carefully and realize that she might be like, oh, no, I'm worried that you're going to say I did something wrong, I did something bad, you don't love me anymore, you don't find me sexy, whatever is she's ruminating in her head, Like, just realize, like she's probably not worried that you're about what you're thinking in terms of like wanting to make it better.

She's probably just worried about the negative things that could come of the conversation.

And just keep trying right and like it is.

It is going to be difficult for someone who's never had this conversation.

In the beginning, will be awkward.

It might be awkward ten times fifteen times before you start feeling more comfortable with it, But it's worth it.

I think we really feel like we should never work on sex, but anything in life that's worth working, that's worth having, you have to work for, and so you should work for having a great sex life, you should keep trying to make it better and trying to connect because a lot of times we just do one thing and we're like, Okay, this works, we both get off, we're super happy, and we're going to keep doing this thing.

But in the day, you can't keep doing the same thing because you'll get bored.

And there's comfort and routine, but there's also importance of having novelty.

And to have novelty, you probably have to talk about it, right.

I mean, you can do things like try different rooms or try you know, a different time of day, and that's easy enough, but if you want to have different types of novelty, you're going to have to communicate about it.

So you obviously have an incredibly strong presence on social media.

You have this huge YouTube following how did that happen?

Like how did that journey turn into?

Like being one of the biggest voices on YouTube for men's sexual health.

By accident, I started YouTube because I really had a passion for health literacy, and I knew that in fifteen minutes when I saw my patients or thirty minutes, I could not communicate everything I wanted to because it was just such a short time and they left feeling, you know, maybe they got some information, but how much are they really going to remember?

And so I knew that video was a great way for people to remember things, and so I said, okay, I'm just start making content on YouTube.

And so I started making content.

And I remember when I got like my first I said I'm going to do it for six months and I'm going to see what happened.

And after six months, I had a thousand subscribers and I was like, oh ma, oh.

This was in about six years five and a half years ago.

So I was like, okay, I made it.

A thousand subscribers that said I'm going to do this, And so I just kept doing it, and I just kept listening to my audience, seeing what they needed, seeing what kind of information they asked for, and I just kept getting content around that, and that's sort of grew from there.

Do you remember the first video that went viral for you?

Yeah?

It was scientifically proven ways to increase penal length?

Yeah, what is it?

Rise?

I mean there was other ones, but that was the biggest viral video of course.

Yeah.

So okay, so speaking of what are are there any scientifically proven ways to increase.

So there are many There are many ways.

There are non surgical ways, and there are surgical ways, and they've been studied, but I will say there is not an abundance of data on all of them.

So I would say the surgical techniques have many, many complications.

They're not there's not a lot of people doing high volume penile enhancement surgery, and so at this point in time, I would say avoid those things unless you have a doctor who is really proficient in those surgeries and can give you clear outcomes, because you only have one penis and you really don't want to mess it up.

So I'd say, generally speaking, the outcomes are okay, but there's a lot of downstream potential risk.

And then there's non surgical options.

So when you talk about non surgical options in terms of length, probably the safest thing that has shown benefit as attraction device.

You can buy online, but you do need to It's like a commitment.

You have to sort of be very disciplined about using attraction device, which sort of lengthens with stretch over time, and really disciplined at least a half an hour twice a day, up to six hours a day depending on the traction device you use, and then after several months you will see an increased length.

I don't know if it will last over years, right, Like when you stop using the traction device, will you maintain that length?

I don't know because there's no evidence on that yet.

So that's one.

And then for girth there are some options.

Probably the safest option available now is a penal filler with micro doses of hyonic acid, so very small doses delivered over multiple times, right, so you won't go to the doctor once and get a filler and be done.

It's probably going to be overtime because they don't want it to become lumpy and bumpy and sort so they want to give these really small doses and that will also dissolve.

So after you know, about a ten months usually it dissolves and so you'll need to go through the process again if you still want it.

So those are probably the safest options right now.

There are other ones.

There are people always researching, investigating, but this time those are probably the top two things that are the safest and of course you know, reasonably effective with obviously everything has.

A little bit of a risk.

What's the like standard amount of length that people can gain.

With attraction device about two centimeters.

With girth, it just depends on how much you inject.

Most injectors will stop you at some point because at some point it's not possible to accommodate that kind of girth and normal vagina.

So, in fact, they did studies where so when they do transgender surgery, they use a forearm flap to create a neofallus and they would make the girth of it, and they were making them too girthy.

So they actually had to do studies to figure out what was the optimal girth and length.

And so there is sort of an optimal girth.

You don't want to go too big because then you won't be able to fit your partner anymore.

Yeah, you don't want to be growth master.

Yeah, or maybe you do and you get a contract with browsers.

I don't know.

I mean two centimeters that I don't know.

To me, that seems like not a huge difference, but I guess to a guy who's like really obsessing over his penis size, I guess that would.

Again, it's very individualized for some people.

But I think the more important thing is if you have something we call small penis anxiety where you are obsessing over this and you like are like so fixated on it.

You need to see a psychiatrist to really make sure that your thoughts are under are managed, because it's not gonna that's a mental issue, right.

A lot of people just want a longer Peni's just like women want larger boobs, and that's okay.

But when it.

Becomes this compulsion or this sort of obsession where you are thinking about it all the time, re ruminating about it, you're feeling like it's so important, that's where we have to really involve a mental health professional to make sure that you know you're in It's not a body dysmorphia where like you're not going to be satisfied with anything, right, And and that's where also you can harm yourself by doing really sort of aggressive options and then be dissatisfied at the end.

What about guys with micro penises have you ever seen and what is specifically like, I mean, I know micro penis is a very small penis, but is there a specific size that measures.

About I think it's about two point seventy five inches or smaller in terms of stretched PNL length, which is the essentially the enhanced the erect penal length, the surrogate marker.

In terms of those, yeah, there are again that's where we have all the data.

In terms of pen l enhancement, there are surgeries and other options, but again they're risky.

There's nothing that is like, there's no free lunch, is what I always tell patients, And like the more aggressive you are, it's not People will always say, like, well, women can get boob jobs, why can't I get it enhancements?

But it's a very different organ right, It's.

Very vascular, it's very has a lot of nerves, and like there are you know, we have to be and your wethrow runs through it, so you pee through there.

There's a lot of things you have to think about.

The anatomy is not as simple as a breast, so it's more complicated.

I have a question, actually, do you know a lot about carve reject?

Yeah, yeah, because we see a lot of that in the adult industry and I know some guys that have used So for those of you who don't know, it's a substance that sometimes male performers will inject into their penis to keep it hard.

And I do know some male performers that have actually kind of ruined their penis by using it extensively and have had to get a penis pump to get their well.

So CAB reject is a it's a class of interracovernocal injections that we use for a rectile dysfunction.

So when men have severe rectile dysfunction that doesn't respond to medications or vacuum erection devices, we offer these medications and they work very well, like eighty percent of guys can get an erection with an injection.

However, the issue is that there's a high risk of priapism, which is an erection that lasts longer than four hours.

After four hours and this always sounds so great, but after four hours, you're not getting any acts need a blood flow into the penis, and so you start forming scar tissues.

So I suspect what happened in these performers is they injected too much and then they had an erection that lasted too long, and they didn't go to the emergency room, which is what you should do because then we can we can extract that medication, or we can give you an injection to try to bring the get the blood flow moving.

Again, and so then after about four to six hours, you start building up scar tissue in your penis, and then you've got this permanent scar tissue, which means you can't get an erection, and so then the only option is to have a penile implant.

Yeah, I think that.

And the problem is too, is that, of course, sometimes porn sines can last a very long time.

Yes, I mean it's not common that you'll have a scene that you'll need to be hard for four to six hours, but I mean sometimes there's been stops and stars, stops and starts, the light stops working, I don't know, yeah, whatever happens.

And so maybe they keep that erection for that long because the sort of need it.

For that long.

And then I mean it's a known risk, right, Like if you're having multiple like sexual encounters in your arouse that's different than having an erection that's just there without arousal.

That's where we see the problem.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I think that it just, you know, male performers are under so much pressure that and I think they just become so really they can become so reliant on it and they use it every all the time.

And if you're working twenty five days out of a thirty day month.

I mean using it is using it is fine.

I don't think that it's harmful to use it because a lot of guys use it, right, But it's really that ignoring that prolonged direction that's when it becomes a problem.

Otherwise it's safe, Like anyone who has a rectabysfunction uses it for sex, it's safe to use.

But you're supposed to use it for a normal sexual encounter, which lasts anywhere from you know, five minutes to at max, like thirty minutes usually for most people.

And so if it's lasting longer than that, which you obviously need when you're having you know, performer, that's where it becomes problematic.

It's not the use of it on a normal way.

So I want anyone who's using it to understand that it's safe when used appropriately.

Okay, So if you are a male performer and you're using it, and I know, they don't ever talk about it, right, they never tell you.

They go into the bathroom with their little bag and we kind of know what they're doing, but they don't tell us.

So, say there's a male performer watching he uses it.

He doesn't want to stop using it because he's afraid it's going to affect his career.

What are some measures that he can take to make sure that he doesn't have this scar tissue problem.

Yeah, so one is talking to tell your urologists, because we can some people who who can really have good we can actually give them some medication to reverse it if they're struggling with this iss you're so talk to you eurolgist about that.

But also, if you have an erection that lasts longer than four hours, go to the er, Like if you can't reverse it, go to the emergency room because literally you will save your penis that way.

So that's the biggest thing, right, Otherwise use it.

That's totally fine.

If you have an erection last longer than four hours without stimulation, you need to go to the r especially if it's painful.

That's a sign, right that like this is dangerous and we need to reverse it immediately.

I have to say that's probably literally the most helpful information that like almost any male performers ever are going to hear, because I've never spoken to a medical professional about this.

Like, we all know what happens in the industry.

We all know that it's like ruined some performers' careers.

But I've never had the opportunity to talk to a medical professionals.

Well, I hope if.

You're listening that you take that home because it's so important, Like, we want you to have good erectile function.

Getting a penal implant is great when you need it, but it's not the same.

Yeah, absolutely, fellas.

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Okay, so I wanted to just talk about your YouTube channel a little bit more because you know, obviously, like this is actually something that I personally struggle with a lot, and I wonder if this is something that you ever deal with.

Do you ever have an issue between like balancing your values as a medical practitioner and getting the information out there that you need and then the need to like have thumbnails that like grab people or you know, titles that are almost on the verge of being clickbait to bring people in or retain your audience.

Or do you find that, like because of the nature of your information that like you don't have a problem getting those views.

No, you, I mean I would be lying if I said that I didn't think about titles and thumbnails.

Of course, anyone who is on YouTube, you have to get someone to click on the content, right, So all of that is really important, but I try to make it as relevant.

I never make a fake title, right, I never want to make it till it doesn't isn't relevant to the content.

And you know, you have to think about the kind of in a way that's like, how can I serve this to you in a way that's educational, and we'll answer this question and still be interesting, right because I can.

For example, I just saw an article about how sleep, apne and a rectil dysfunctional.

Really, if I made a video and said the link between sleep, aap mean, and a rectail is function, I'm not sure everyone's going.

To click on it.

But if I said something like, oh, when you're snoring, that might mean you're in danger for your erections going away, Like oh, people would be like, oh, I'm going to click on that.

Right.

It's the same information, but it's how you deliver it.

And so that's the way I sort of sort of manage that.

What about online censorship, I know that YouTube can be a tricky place in that world.

I deal with it a lot.

I know that there's you know, they don't always.

Love sexual content, but if it's educational, they generally let a lot of things yes fly.

How do you find that that's the same.

I would say for YouTube in particular, they're actually quite supportive of educational content and they realize like this is all they have their you know, auto sort of bots ready that scan content first, and there are some things that will just get flagged and you just have to go through the process to unflag them.

But I say other platforms are actually more difficult.

I don't know if you feel this way, but I found that Instagram, TikTok, those meta and TikTok, they don't really care like who you are, what you're creating.

If it gets flagged, it's very difficult.

I mean, you have a process right to request it, but I think I mean, I don't know, I don't have any context there, but I would say that once you've been flagged a bunch of times, it does negatively affect your reach and it frustrates me very much so because people who are posting content where like women are almost naked but not it's okay, right that is fully available and not flagged because the bots don't see it.

But like content where I'm trying to educate someone on their sex life and how to have healthy, safe sex is flagged, and so that's a bit frustrating.

But you know, we do what we can.

It's interesting mixed bag for me.

I will say definitely, YouTube at least has somebody that you can talk to, right, and that does not exist on any of the other platforms.

There's no like channel manager or anybody that you can speak to.

But I have found that for myself that YouTube is actually more restrictive with my content than Instagram is now.

Interesting, which is crazy.

TikTok impossible, I know, like impossible once you're flagged.

Once it's like your TikTok is gone.

It's just like TikTok just doesn't like anything like sexy.

Yeah, I mean, I don't even try.

I'm so there's a lot of content that I'll put on my Instagram on my YouTube that I will not put on TikTok because there's just no way they're going to let it fly.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, it's but it's it's also difficult, right because it's like they're pretty opaque and you can't really they won't give you a straight answer.

I'm like, what's allowed and what's not You have to sort of guess.

So, anyone who's listening, if you want to support us, share our content when you see it, because that's the best way that we can get a bigger reach.

If you like what we do, I would just say do that because it's helped this a lot.

Yes, yes, yes, sure.

I never encouraged that I should.

Maybe I should say that more often.

It might be a good idea.

Okay, So obviously I would love to talk about porn being in the porn industry.

I have, you know, my view, my side coming from a medical professional.

You know, obviously there's a lot of activity about porn out there.

Give it to me straight.

Do you think porn is unhealthy?

And can you watch too much porn?

Okay, So I don't think there's a yes or no answer here.

I think that and I know it's annoying to be wishy washy, but I will say that porn is just an entertainment product.

It is fine for adults to watch.

I do worry that kids are getting access to it at younger ages.

When you and I were kids, it was very difficult to get access to porn.

You'd have to find a magazine or a VCR and a videotape and it was not that easy.

Well, what's funny is, I don't know if you know this, but my parents were pornographers.

Oh really, so I grew up the daughter of pornographers, so it actually wasn't that hard for me.

However, when I did get access to like a magazine back then, it was actually soft core content because they didn't show any sort of penetration in print at the time.

When the Internet came along, everything changed.

So when I was able to steal my parents like Club magazine, Penthouse magazine when I was younger, I didn't see all that much, right, compared to what kids are able to access today, completely different.

Mong So that's where I would say hard, no, you should be doing your best to have your children not access that.

Unfortunately, the average age of children accessing is a ten, which means that eight year olds are seeing it and it transforms the way they see sex because their brains are not fully developed and so they think that's what sex is.

And as you know very well, porn is a curated product.

It is not real life sex.

And so that's where I will say, draw the line, no porn is bad as an adult.

Porn is an entertainment product.

If you can separate reality from fantasy, you're probably fine.

It's a great way for people to explore, to find new things they're interested in, to maybe even have arousal with their partner, enjoy something together.

It is not harmful for those people.

There is a very small subset of people, I would say, who do have a problem with porn.

So people say porn addiction.

There's actually no medical diagnosis called porn addiction.

There's compulsive porn use now is becoming I don't know if that's the exact term, but there's an ICD criteria for that, which is also not.

Really valid in anyway yet.

It's just sort of they've come up with these criteria that may be related to compulsive porn consumption or compulsive sexual disorder.

It's not about porn specifically.

And so in those situations, people find that they are consuming a lot of pornography and they have difficulty doing other activities, like they just want to watch porn all the time.

They don't want to spend time with their partner, they don't want to go outside, they don't want to hang out with friends.

That's a clear problem oftentimes, why is that happening.

We suspect that it may be that they have some underlying mental health disorders also, and they're trying to cope with those disorders by using porn.

And so yes, there are people who struggle with it.

There are also people who can't separate fantasy from reality, and then when they do have intercourse, they feel like something is wrong with them or someone is broken because their partners not responding the same way that they do on porn, or they're not responding the same way the porn actor does.

And so I see a lot of that in young guys, which is why again I say young people.

I really do have an issue with young people saying porn.

So as an adult, yes, there are some people who have problems with it.

And if you like you know search this.

There are many people who feel perceived they have a problem with porn.

The reason we find that this is when is this more common when you have a moral incongruent.

So this is actually in the data.

So when people feel morally that porn is wrong, they are more likely to have a problem with porn.

And so that's a lot about society, how you're raised, how you view things, and so yeah, like if you have if you think you have a problem with porn, you may, but it's often times a reason because of the way you're raised or what you think of porn.

And for those people watching porn once can be bad, well, watching porn like once a year can make them feel like there's a problem.

And then there's people who can watch it every day and have no problem with it and it's fine.

So it's a very individual thing.

We should not shame people, right, that's my biggest takeaways, Like we should not shame people for watching porn in a healthy way, it's really that, But we should also acknowledge those who struggle with it.

I think that that's the biggest problem too, is that like the shame around it in general, Like people don't even want to admit that they watch porn in the first place.

Yeah, so if they believe that they have a problem with porn, they don't even want to acknowledge that they watch it at all, and so then they don't seek that help, and then the problem just pretic cycle.

It becomes a cycle.

So they feel shame and guilt around watching porn.

Then they want to alleviate their stressor of shame and guilt, so they watch porn again to get the dopamine hit basically, and then they feel more shame and they just keep going in this cycle.

So that's sort of what what happens, you know, and then they just like they get deeper and deeper into that experience.

For me, I just and this is actually speaking from I'm a recovered alcoholic.

I have like seven years of sobriety.

Congratulations, thank you.

But you know, so I obviously like have an addictive personality.

I'm not addicted to porn.

I actually always joke that the best way to get over a porn addiction is to work in the industry and you won't want to watch it anymore because you will know everybody in the scene and it'll feel weird and then second you'll just get really.

Sick of it.

But you know, I think that, like it's so easy for me, like my addiction will transfer itself.

Work is the number one thing for me, and like that's thought, but I've had it transferred to food and other things, and so I think that, like, you know, anything that can have a dopamine response hitting people can be addictive, right, addictive or compulsive.

Interestingly, when you look at how the brain responds to porn, So if you look at like the the response of your brain when you watch porn, of course there's a response, right, but that response is significantly higher the second you touch yourself.

So it's not the porn, it's that you are masturbating while you're watching porn.

That's what creates that response that's even higher.

And then after that level, if you're with the person, your response.

Is even higher.

So I think people blame porn, but it's actually just the behaviors that you're associating with porn and then like you're doing those and you're not.

But if you were to actually have it with a partner, your response will be even higher.

What would you say to people who believe that they have a problem with porn?

Where should they go?

Yeah?

So I would say the best thing is to find a you know, a psychologist who is vetted in who has some sexual education background.

So if you go to a SECTAA, sect dot org, they have a list where you can look up sex therapists, sex educator psychologists who have a background who can help you with going through the process.

Often time it's like CBT or acceptance and sort of thought modeling type things.

Actually like cold turkey, getting rid of porn doesn't work.

A lot of people online who are like coaches and things will say like, that's what you have to do.

But oftentimes it's like when they relapse, which often they relapse, is not you know what I mean, when they watch porn again, they then feel so much shame and it's actually worse right, and so it's better to actually seek a qualified sexual educator, sex therapist, psychologists who can actually work with you through that process, because it's not about just eliminating it.

If it was that easy, then people would be doing it right.

If you could just eliminate it and be done with it, then there wouldn't be so many people struggling.

It's just that they think that's the right thing to do because that's what they see online.

It's just not that easy.

It's funny.

I've actually you know, of course, I have Google ad Sense turned on on my YouTube videos, and you know, I monetize my videos like everybody else.

And I've definitely seen ads for like porn addiction, like get rid of your porn addiction sign up for my program for twenty nine to ninety nine.

On my videos.

Absolutely, and I'm serious, it's crazy.

It's you know, it's sad because these you know, it's such an emotional thing.

Porn is such an emotional thing, porn addiction.

But people who feel they've are rightfully so, I feel like it's ruined their life, right because they are dealing with like the downstream sequele of whatever they're struggling with.

And so because it's so passionate, it's easy to be passionate about, it's easy to sell that right because you're like, oh, like I don't want you to look what I did, this is what I went through, this is what i've and now I'm completely stopped.

Watching my life so monetizable.

I've transformed my life, And like, that's great.

I'm so happy if you've transformed your life for the better.

But like the reality is, we know from the data it doesn't work.

So it's so much better to find a like someone who's certified, who has a degree, who can actually walk you through the actual science behind how we deal with those types of things.

If I'm somebody who watches porn, and I'm not sure if I have a problem, right, I don't know if maybe it is like the moral background that I grew up with, and I have that moral congruency that you talked about, What are maybe some telltale signs that I actually have a problem rather than I just feel ashamed about something I was always taught was wrong.

If you feel like shame and it's pervasive and you feel negative thoughts about it, then yeah, I think it's worth exploring, right, Like it's worth figuring out why you feel that shame over something that isn't likely benign, right, So, like why are you feeling that shame?

It's it's worth exploring.

But I tell people, like, if you think you have a problem, you probably do, right.

Like most people who use it with no real shame about it.

They don't think twice about it, Like it's just a thing.

It's just a tool.

That's why I look at it pornography or a sex toy or anything.

It's a tool.

And if you use it without shame and you're fine, you don't have a problem.

But if you know, like deep down, you feel some shame or discomfort, or you literally are like ignoring your partner rather than watching porn, or you're ignoring your duties to watch porn.

Yeah, then you have a problem.

You know.

I only just learned about what gooning was this year, which is kind of crazy considering how long.

I've heard the word.

But remind me what it is again.

Gooning is somebody who like basically is on the edge of who edges to a point where they're like on the edge of an orgasm for like hours.

I know.

That's insane to me, which is crazy to me, and it's become like a thing.

Well, the issue with that is for me from a medical standpoint, is that your when you're on the edge, your pelvic floor is tense, right, and it's it's tight, and it's it's pulled together really tight.

And so then over time you can get dysfunctional pelvic floor muscles because they don't relax normally like they should.

So that's where I get concerned, is like if people are doing this and now they've developed pelvic floor dysfunction, which can then present as weak directions back pain or urinary symptoms like urgency, frequency constipation, pain with erections, pain with ejaculation, Like, then you're actually doing yourself harm.

And also if you're doing that for a pro long period of time when you eventually want to be with a partner, you may have delayed ejaculation, right because you've trained yourself to sort of hold off for so long, and that's not great for any partner.

You know.

If you're uncomfortable and there's friction, and there's all sorts of things and you're like trying really hard to ejaculate and you can't, that's actually a really challenging issue.

In your opinion, What does a good healthy sex life look.

With good healthy sex life is one that makes you feel good, one where you are intimate with a person, You are experiencing pleasure.

You are feeling pleasure.

If you have an orgasm, that's an added bonus, but the entire experience should be pleasurable.

You should basically just be feeling that that connection and that pleasure on a regular basis with yourself or with someone else.

If you have a partner, that's better, But if you don't, it's okay to self explore and enjoy yourself too.

You've described good sex before as inducing like a flow state.

What does that mean?

So I will not take credit for that.

It's Emily Jimia who wrote the Anatomy of a desire, but I love the idea.

So when you're in a flow state, right, you can you can.

You know, it seems like things are effortless, right, like you're doing a lot, but things are sort of effortless and they're just working in the right way.

And to get in a flow state, you want to sort of obviously be very present, but also you want things to be just slightly challenging.

Right.

If it's too easy, you can't get in the flow state.

If it's too hard, you can't get in a flow state.

So just a slight challenge that sort of activates your brain.

And it comes from like the.

Fitness literature, right, so they get in flow states when they're performing in athletics, and so that's sort of where it comes from and where we extrapolate that.

But essentially, yeah, it's that you're totally present in what you're doing, you're not thinking about anything else, and that it's slightly challenging.

So you've also talked before about how people get four things conflated in the sexuality receptiveness, desire, arousal, and consent.

Can you talk a little bit about.

Those, yes, So receptiveness essentially is just being open to like advances of your partner.

And I think that that is something that we struggle with in society, where like if I don't want sex right now, like I'm going to just say no.

And I think there's a place to being open and when the time is right right, And I think part of it is like cultivating the space of desire where like, hey, like I know that you've you've sort of told me you think I'm beautiful, or you've given me a caress on the back, or you've made me think or sent a flirty text, and so that you can be more receptive and open because you're already sort of primed to do that.

So that's one.

So desire and arousal get very confusing for people.

So desire is the want, like I want to want, and arousal is the actual feeling.

So for men, it's very obvious you get an erection.

For women, it's that feeling of like full of feeling like you're getting lubricated.

You're getting that fullness that you feel in the pelvic organ because there's a lot of blood flowing there and so lubrication is the most obvious one, but it's not the easiest one because it can fluctuate based on medications and based on where you are in your hormonal sist So for everyone, it's not the be all end on.

Sometimes you can get lubricated when you're not, you know, technically have any desire.

Now, for men, it's often desired than arousal, And I talked a little bit about this.

You know, that's spontaneous desire.

You have desire and then you get aroused and then you go on to have sex.

But there's also this responsive desire, which means that you get aroused first and then you feel desire.

And I think knowing that.

That's normal and okay is really like giving yourself permission, like okay, I am allowed to feel arousal and then the desire will come, and that's not abnormal.

That's just different, right, that's a different variation on normal.

And then consent, you know, I think that's obviously like in today's age, we talk about consent as being very like like yes, will you have sex media like, and when we were younger that was not the case.

But I think it is very important to just be on the same page in general with your partner.

And it doesn't all like obviously it needs to be very enthusiastic and often that you're seeing consent from your partner, But every time it doesn't need to be verbal, right, Like it can be like do you you know?

Is this feel good?

You know?

It does have to be like is this okay?

It can be in a sexual way so that you're kind of getting consent, but also like making sure that they're on the same page.

I've heard a statistic that younger people are having less sex these days than they used to.

Is that true?

Based on the data, we would say yes.

And I think part of it was COVID, right people, because young people went through COVID, so there was a little less of that.

I think a lot of it.

There's a couple of reasons.

One, I think young people are just not connecting as well as our generations did prior, Like they're not finding a match, and that's I think part of it is because of like dating culture these days, like there's swipe, like we can swipe till we find the right person, and we'll just keep swiping until we find the person that meets our exact criteria, and so you sort of like they're just not connecting because they're waiting for the next best thing, and so that's a problem.

And then there's also like we didn't grow up with all these distractions, right, Like we did have video games on TV, right, but it was different, Like it's very different.

These things are addictive, and they're meant to be addictive, right, Like we have reels and these little short videos that like my son is obsessed with YouTube shorts, like he'll just watch if I let him, he'll just keep watching, right, because you can always find something interesting, and so these distractions are so powerful.

I think that's also why people are having less sex, right because you lie in bed and you're like, oh, let me look at my phone and instead of like normally you would lie in ben big my partner's right next to me, like maybe I'll just snuggle up and we'll see what happens.

Or I'm a little bored, like let's just try something.

And now there's other distractions that weren't there before.

And I think you have to actually make an effort to be intimate with another human being and to connect with someone that way.

And so we have to make an effort.

And that's like just another thing that we have to do that we didn't have to work.

So hard for before.

I have a question and this actually has nothing to do with sex, but just wondering what your opinion is on this because now everyone is ADD Do people always have ADD or do people just have Is it more diagnosed now or is it just because we have so many distractions.

That I mean, there's a real diagnosis and there's some where people just say I have ADD, right, And like there's a real things where there is neurochemical changes in your brain that make it difficult for you to focus and it makes it difficult for you to have attention on certain things.

And I think that's distinct from people just saying, oh, I think I have ADD because I have difficulty focusing.

But they're also doing ten things at once and they're like, you know, they're easily distractable.

But part of that is like we have a lot of distractions, right, I mean, if you think about life pre internet, even if you worked your nine to five, when you got home, there was no way to connect besides getting on the phone and calling someone.

And no, you would not call your business partner in the evening, right.

That was not normal.

It's so crazy because like all get like people will text me, call me, at like eleven o'clock at night.

Yeah, but that would have never happened.

That was like inappropriate, that was unprofessional, right it appropriate?

Well it's not, but I will say you can get emails at all time of the night now, right.

And so if you are someone who loves to work, and I love to work.

I love my job, you can find yourself like I have to be very intentional about turning off my devices and being I'm not going to work after in the evening, I'm going to hang out with my kids and I'm going to go to bed and read a book because if I don't do that, I will just.

Have my brain on.

And so I think part of it is like society has changed the has the actual diagnosis gone up?

I don't know.

Is it that we're just catching more of it because there's more attention possibly, And that's a good thing, right, because if people really have neurochemical changes in their brain that require attention, I'm really happy that they're getting diagnosed.

Or is it that they're just more self diagnosis.

I don't know.

Yeah, it just seems like everyone's on adder all these days except.

For me, and sometimes like and I, you know, I refuse to even consider that I have ADD and I honestly don't think that I do.

But I think it's just what you said, I'm trying to do a thousand things at once, because the problem is is that with all the ability to increase our productivity, what do we do?

We try to do more things at once, And so now I've got like ten different things going on at the same time.

And sometimes I'll forget to follow through with this or respond to this email, and then I beat myself up about it because I'm like, oh my god, how did I not remember this.

I wasn't organized in this.

Area, And I'm just like, but I don't have ADD But no, we just have a lot on I just think we just.

Have, right, Like I think.

I think it's very it's very distinct, like when you are when you see like, for example, children who have ADHD versus don't, it's very like clear right because they're just going to school, they don't have ten million different things going on.

Now we are seeing a more diagnosis of adults with ADHD because in girls specifically, it's not as obvious when they're kids because they have less of that hyperactivity component.

And so I'm not an expert on this, but like, I know a little bit, and so I think, you know, I think it's good that we're getting more diagnosis, but I do think like there is a lot of self diagnosed it because you're just feeling like, oh my.

God, I've got a lot on my plate.

Yeah, yeah, that's me.

Okay.

I want to close out with kind of like a game.

I'm going to name something and then you tell me if it's real, and maybe a little bit about it.

Okay, okay.

Number one kegels.

They are real, so they're an exercise that you do.

They're named after a gynecologist to increase pelvic floor strength, so essentially they are a tensing and relaxing of the pelvic floor musculature in women.

We will describe well in both genders.

We will say it's like when you pee and try to stop the stream of p I don't want anyone to do it all the time when they're peeing.

It's okay to learn how to do it when you're peeing, but don't do it every time you pee, because those are the muscles that you're squeezing when you try to stop that stream.

You don't want to squeeze your abs, you don't want to squeeze your butt.

For women, I'll often tell them it's like you're trying to squeeze up a blueberry with your vagina, Okay, like those little bluebear evers, squeeze it up, and then you're relaxing and you're letting it go.

For men, I tell them it's like you're trying to lift your penis up off the ground without touching it, Okay, And that's kind of a good way in both energs because they try to hold in a fart.

So those are kind of little cues you can usally sort of help you understand what a kegel is doing.

Them can be healthy, they can also be if you don't.

If you have a normal public floor, it's healthy to do them.

They can help strengthen your pulvic floor.

They can help you have better orgasms, and they're just like any other muscle.

But if you have a dysfunctional pulvic floor, which we talked about briefly, you want to see a doctor before you do them.

So if you have any indication that maybe things are not working correctly because you have pain, or you have urinary problems or bowel problems.

See a doctor.

Before you start doing them.

Got it?

Okay?

G spots So G spots are content are contentious if they exist or not.

But they're basically an area zone the antier top of the vagina anti your vaginal wall, where there is a confluence of nerves, the literal shaft and the scheme's glands, all of which are very sensitive and can be very pleasurable.

I think a lot of times people think it's like this magic button that they have to find.

There's no button, it's this area.

And some people actually will say like, oh, I do feel like a little sickness there.

Like I've heard it's called something like spongy.

Yeah, but some people won't feel that, right, and so like I don't don't go looking for it.

It's just an area, and so you can stimulate it, and some people will find it very erogenous.

They will find a lot of pleasure for it, and they will orgasm from it, but not everyone will.

And I say it it's an analogous to the male prostate.

So if men enjoy prostate play and like you're massaging their prostate and they enjoy that, not everyone's going to orgasm from that, right, And so yes, your partner may like it.

They may not orgasm from it.

They might, but it's all about exploring with your partner.

Okay, this is a contentious one, squirting squirting, So squirting exists.

Obviously, not everyone does it.

About forty percent of women squirre it.

So if your partner doesn't score, that's okay.

And squirting people, there's like a lot of like is this P Is this not P?

Right?

That's a big question, and so there's been a bunch of studies.

Some have looked at, like, let's put dye in the bladder and then have women who score it and see if the blue comes out and lo and behold they saw blue.

There's some people who've studied looking at the components of squirting, and basically it's like a very dilute urine and it also has PSA, which is what comes from the male prostate, but also comes from the female schemes glands, which is a z G zone, so it's probably a combination.

It's there's some theory that when when you're like aroused, your kidneys may be diluting urine in a different way.

So it's very dilute.

Because if you've tasted squirt, it's usually colorless, it's usually oldorless.

It's usually a little sweet, doesn't smell or taste like PE.

So I think there's probably something physiologically going on that's changing the filtration in the kidney.

So the fluid is different, but it's coming from the bladder and the skins gland.

So the skins gland are in that space between the clitoris and the vagina, and they're these really tiny glands that create female ejaculate and that also emit PSA.

Okay, yeah, I've never heard anybody describe it in such an incredibly clear clinical way.

It's like such, I mean, so it does exist, but it could so.

It sounds almost like doctors are not one hundred percent.

I mean there's a lot of like, look, it's it's a fluid that comes out.

Is it P?

Who cares?

Right?

Like?

I think that's really like people like is it P?

I'm like, who cares?

Like?

It's not hurting you?

If you enjoy it, great.

Some people actually feel shame, they feel embarrassed, like what is all this fluid coming out?

And like is it P?

Some people actually do have what we call coiital and contents, and they do leak when they of an orgasm because they're bladder spasms, and like, there's like it doesn't really matter, right, Are you having pleasure as your partner having pleasure.

That's what matters, right.

It is not like you have some amazing superpower just because you square you might feel that way, and if you do, great, right, But if you don't, you're not missing out.

That's what I really want people to know.

And you're not missing out if you can't elicit it from your partner because she may not be a squirter.

And that's okay.

Blue balls, that's a thing.

So we call it epiditimal hypertension.

Basically, when you're aroused, a bunch of blood flow gets into the testicles and if you don't ejaculate or climax, it sort of stays there and creates this discomfort.

Usually it goes away with time.

Sometimes it's very painful, and there's been instances reported in the literature of like young boys in the er with like significant pain.

Is just blue balls, that's uncommon, but yes, it is.

A real thing.

Okay, pop cherries, it's a real thing.

So when you have sex for the first time, you can have your your hymen can still be intact.

Now it doesn't always have to be right, Like if you're a horseback rider or you've done some vigorous sports, like it might have already been not intact.

It doesn't mean you've had sex before, which used to be like this big misconception like, oh if you if your hymen is destroyed, then you've had sex and they were not true.

Ses afterwards for blood.

And that's not true because you can have your hymen disrupted from a variety of different things.

But essentially, when a fallus enters through the hymenal when the hymen is intact, it can create bleeding and it can create some discomfort.

So, yes, it's a real thing.

What is the purpose of the hymen?

I believe it's probably protective from like getting like fluid in or out when you're still developing.

I don't really know, to be honest with you, Okay, semen retention.

So it's a thing that people do now, semen retention.

It's November.

I don't know if it's going to air in November, but.

It is no, not November.

It is a stupid thing.

Yeah, So semen and retention is like a Taoist principle that Uh, there was a lot of like thought that like, retaining your semen is like a life force and it's good for you in terms of like medically, there is no medical benefits specifically in terms of testosterone or fertility to retaining semen.

There's like one study that people love to quote.

It's like a very small number of people who saw a very small increase in testosteron which would not be clinically significant, after they retained for twenty one days.

I think it was like ten guys, and so that's the ones that everyone likes to report.

But it's not clinically significant.

It's you know, it's probably anticipatory.

These guys knew they were going to ejaculate in twenty one days and they were really excited about it, and that itself can increase it's your testosterone.

So from a medical standpoint, there's no benefit.

Now for some people because they are like not thinking about sex, right, they're trying to avoid thinking about sex.

They can find themselves having more focus, more energy, more clarity, and so for them it works, right, they feel like they feel better.

Because of it.

My problem is when people are shamed about not being able to retain or feeling like they're missing out or they're white knuckling it, so they're tensing their pulvic floor for like a month, and then they create dysfunction.

And so all I want people to know is if you find benefit by all means, continue, If you are feeling shame or your white knuckling it, just let it go.

And the other big thing is people will have a nocturnal emission oftentimes when they're abstaining from ejaculation, and then they'll feel like they failed.

It's like a normal physiologic thing.

You will get a wet dream and that's nothing you can do to prevent that, and so don't feel bad about it.

Is regular ejaculation good for your prostate health?

Yeah, So there's one very famous study where they ejaculated twenty one They looked at ejaculation frequency, and they did it by category, so zero to four, four to seven, so on and so forth, then twenty one and more times, and so what they found was that men who ejaculated twenty one times or more had a lower incidence of prostate cancer compared to those who ejected four to seven times.

And they controlled for a lot of different things that would be risk factors for prostatec indis.

So it's a pretty well done study.

So what does that mean you should exactly twenty one times?

Know what I used it to say is, like, you know, the theory is that, yeah, might clean the pipes, you might not have stagnation a fluid, and might be beneficial because it might prevent like cancer cells from you know, growing, But well, we don't know that for sure.

What I would say is, don't feel shame about ejaculating however many times a month, Like it's fine to ejaculate more often.

It might be helpful, but if you're not abjecting twenty one times a month, it's also not a bad thing.

Like it just just ejaculate as much as you'd like.

And that's okay.

I love that.

All right.

Well, those are all my questions.

Thank you so much.

You're so welcome.

I do have some more questions for you that we're going to do in a separate segment for my Patram members, if that's okay.

They've definitely sent in quite a few for you.

I just want to say this has been one of the most enjoyable and informative interviews I've done in a long time.

I learned a lot and I know that my audience has benefited enormously from this interview, So thank you so much for your cust time.

Yeah, can you tell everyone where they can find you on?

Absolutely so.

You can find me on YouTube.

Rina Malik MD is the name of my channel.

You can find my podcast Arena Malik MD podcast, and then I'm on all social media platforms as Rina Malik MD.

You guys can find me on Instagram and on x at Holly Randall.

If you want to watch these interviews streamed live or get access to bonus Q and A like We're about to do now, go to Patreon dot com slash Holly Randall Unfiltered go to hollylinks dot com for access to all of my platforms.

Thank you guys so much for watching, and I will see you guys on the next one.