Ridiculous Crime.

It's a production of iHeartRadio.

And one and did Elizabeth five, six, seven eight.

What's up girl?

How you doing doing pretty well?

You know what's ridiculous?

Do you know what?

I got a question for you?

Yes, you know what's ridiculous?

Oh, honey, I do not.

Sarah TACIONI she is amazing, okay, but I'm kicking it off with her.

She and I my my my soul sister, closest, she my bff.

She and I in like the late nineties early aughts loved Demeter perfumes and they had these weird sense like gin and tonic dirt and those sort of things.

And then Sephora had these little knockoff ones and they had caramel and honey, and we were obsessed with the caramel and honey sense, really warm all the time, loved them, and so, you know, then they kind of discontinued it, but we still if you smell it, like if we find and you know, something that smells like that, it takes us back to our crazy days.

So I thought of that when a number, a large number of your dudes sent us a line on a mashup.

Yeah, it's legal.

It's kind of like the other.

It's like the alt what's it called Aldi?

Oh, yes, yes, I've seen the Yeah.

So it's like Aldi is like deep Impact and Legal is Armageddon.

Sure is that right about movies or switch them up?

I don't know, but they're both meteor whatever.

Have at it?

So letal.

Going.

They sell these forty nine cent croissants quassan okay, and apparently they're just incredible, but also forty nine cents is the big thing.

People love them.

So they're like, well, people love these, I bet you they want to smell like them.

So they got together with a perfumer, Perfume Sarah McCartney, and they came up with this limited edition Fragrance au des croisson and they're like, you want to smell like you?

You know, Oh, I just got back from Paris croissants in my jacket, like what.

But then it made me think about how much we loved the caramel and the honey sense and so perhaps I did, I really did.

And so this is like this like buttery.

I don't know, just to say.

It comes in a bottle that looks like a croissant man, But you know what, you can't buy it.

You have to enter to win and we missed the window.

December eighteenth is when it stopped.

You had to do something through Instagram anyway.

You know Google alert for this.

I always find out like right right when it's ending, and I I just feel like I started that public facing Instagram account so that because I may have to put like sponsored.

Stuff Elizabethdutton crime right.

Yeah, And so I'm thinking like, well, I'm doing all these mash up things.

I'm doing the lord's work and selling their garbage for them.

Maybe they could hit you up.

Because give it to me ahead of time.

Hey, marketing departments.

I want to be an influencer.

We've got four followers anyway, that's ridiculous.

That hits ridiculous.

So is your aspiration to be an influencer of mashups?

Yeah, I'm a mash up influencer.

Well, Elizabeth, I got something for you.

I bet you do.

You know it's the holiday season and I've already established my love of Christmas yeah, and Christmas themed entertainment products.

Yes, Well, if I noticed something else for some reason, Christmas time in the holiday season, it's not just a time to gather with those you love and to celebrate those relationships, be they romantic or friendly family community.

But it's also a prolific time for crimes.

Oh yeah, it is many which are ridiculous.

Yeah, this is Ridiculous Crime, a podcast about absurd.

And outrageous capers, heists, and cons.

It's always ninety nine percent murder free and one hundred percent.

Ridiculous ridiculous Elizabeth oh Zarin.

So it's now actually officially Christmas time.

Yeah, and I already told you the story of Johnny Cash getting robbed in Jamaica at Christmas to kind of, you know, get you in the mood for that.

That makes me feel it's not Christmas until I hear about that.

You're so kind.

Well, this week, I i'd be more fun to return to the theme of Christmas and to a roundup of some of the hair brained, hilarious, ridiculous Christmas crimes that I found.

So buckle up, Buttercup, Yes, sir, Now, I do have to admit I got this idea from me.

No, unfortunately, now that's what but I'll just leave it at this.

It was another iHeart show one that I co host, the one called very Special episode.

It's a great show, right.

So last year I did an episode about all the many folks who tried to steal Baby Jesus over the years.

And a lot of people they hear that episode and then later they think it was one of ours.

Yeah, well because it was put in our feed too, and.

They talk to me about it like, I don't know, I wasn't invited to that party.

You think not hearing your voice the whole time would be like.

Too blessing for many people.

No, So that episode did include the shock rocker Maryland Manson, who has a Florida boy had stolen a baby Jesus from a nativity scene and replaced it with a ham at tracks right, Yeah, I mean he has to be at the top of the list of celebrities who you would not be surprised to learn had stolen a baby.

That's kind of his whole brand.

But anyway, if you've never checked Very Special Episodes, I definitely recommend it.

It features some great stories.

They're like audio based magazine stories.

So, yeah, what's up with all the stolen baby Jesus is that I learned about last year?

Great question, Elizabeth, It's such a good question that.

It be Baby Jesus or Baby Jesi.

The Jesus, the magi and the Jesus.

Yeah, exactly.

You see where I'm going with the gift to the Jesus, because Maggis is you know, and then Jesus and in the same us, and then you get Magi Jesi.

It's sleep that's not on, you know, like terribly uncommon.

For some say multiple christ children, all of them tender and mild.

It's so true, so tender and mild.

I don't even know well either way.

I've been telling my dog that he's tender and mild recently.

Holidays.

I'm trying to get it on.

Chris.

I appreciate your enthusiasm, your spirit.

So we'll be going at our round up the larceny of the baby stolen from his manger.

Now, back in two thousand and eight, when GPS was still like a cool new feature to add to products, there's this company called brick House Security that began to offer its GPS services to safeguard Jesus.

Really yeah, so you see, for whatever reason, it had become a holiday tradition to you know, at least in America, to go down to a nativity scene outside of a church or perhaps in your local town square and steal the baby Jesus some folks would steal the baby Jesus from stores or storefronts, or from their neighbors' dativity display.

Why I do not know, but that's the thing.

What's steal me some Jesus.

I'm a naughty person, I'm a stinker.

I'm quirky.

Well it's not quirky.

They're just like, look at me, I'm a bad boy.

So the company Brickhouse Security, they stepped into the breach and they were like, if you need to keep your baby Jesus safe, do not look to the Lord, but rather look at brick House Security.

Wow, that wasn't their marketing slogans.

What a slogan that would be.

So anyway, the Lord can't help, you know.

Jesus saves, but we saved Jesus.

So it's a proof of concept for a GPS enabled baby Jesus.

In an Associated Press syndicated story from two thousand and eight, the company Brickhouse Security was cited as the cause for a baby Jesus that was saved, you know.

So so the point is that there was a different Florida team, not Marilyn Manson.

Instead, a teen girl from Wellington, Florida had gone out and joinked a baby Jesus from antivity scene outside a community center in the town.

The people they were AGAs Elizabeir.

You know, of course, you know, why would they not be, who would do such a thing, who would steal Jesus?

Have you no respect?

No sense of decency?

Yeah?

But when the police in Wellington found out about the poorer loined baby Jesus, they didn't panic.

They didn't send out a team of bloodhounds to sniff out the purp.

Instead, they turned to brick house security who pinged the location out of course, and snatched it back.

Cool I like to hear that.

So they pinged the location of the GPS monitor secreted inside the baby Jesus and reported back to the police with its location.

So the local sheriff's deputy rolled out to this apartment complex where the Florida teen had absconded with the life size ceramic baby Jesus.

Life size they got like a whole infant, and there they found the Lord and Savior lying face down on the apartment's carpeted floor and the eighteen year old Florida woman.

She was now the one who was agast in shop.

She was arrested for stealing baby Jesus.

Chrisis averted now.

The CEO of Brickhouse Security, One Todd Morris, told the press how the baby snatching crime had been solved and in his words, if somebody moves baby Jesus, emails and text messages go out to several people from our server and we can check with them to see if there's a problem, if he should be moving, if he shouldn't be moving, they call us and say we can't find him, we will log on while on the phone and interface with local law enforcement to help them track down baby Jesus.

If he should be moving, should your Jesus be moving?

Right?

He'll get something now, you know how like people want to get package thieves and they put explosion with glitter and blue and confetti.

Why not do that with a baby Jesus in the manger?

And you have like you have like a remote button where you can deactivate it for when you do need to move the Christ child.

Good?

But then you know how great would that be if you go to steal Jesus and then it's just you know, glitter city, glitter bomb Jesus.

Yes, they'll teach you.

I like that idea.

Maybe not the spirit of Christmas and or Jesus, but.

It's a you know, it's effective though, Well if it was red and green glitter and confetti.

There you go.

Keep it on thinking and keep it on.

Brands and then like the party horn.

So the folks down south, I figured this is kind of fun to be able to track Jesus, you know, because so often when they lose their way, they turn to Jesus.

But now when Jesus loses his way.

Yeah, they can look for him, have each other's back.

They get to save Jesus for once.

Anyway, if you're wondering, brick House Security doesn't limit its savior services to Baby Jesus and the Christians who worship him.

The New York based firm also offers its trademark lightning GPS services for say a'm an noora display for Jewish folks celebrating Honkakah.

Sure.

In fact, when the company first started offering its services two houses of Faith, the initial twenty applications came from synagogues looking to safeguard their religious symbols and displays.

So it certainly isn't just a company that keeps Baby Jesus safe.

Yeah, but now we have air tags.

No, they also keep the lights safe.

Yeah, so that's true, they don't need it anymore.

So Also, let's be sure to wish a happy Honkah for all those who light the anora.

Correct.

I don't want to just be Christmas focused just because I happen to be raised Catholic.

That's right, Blame my mother people.

Anyway, now that we've got this whole holiday ball rolling, let's dip into some more holiday season crimes.

I would love that.

First up.

I don't think there's a Star Wars based holiday tradition yet that I know of, but I say give it some time, because this next story sure feels like it could be the inspiration for something if somebody's creative.

Now, because back in twenty eleven, an Oregon man hit up A Toys r US RP Toys r US.

I guess they're coming back.

I guess yeah.

They're on the edge of the drain.

They haven't gone all the way down yet.

There's there's attempt to bring it back.

So the venture capitalists for like, let's give one more shot.

Still got name recognition.

Geoffrey the Giraffe is all I've got one more so, here's Jeff Bezels, this.

Guy, this Oregon man.

He hit up a Toys r Us store do some holiday shopping, and then on the way out he got busy with a lightsaber.

Oh no, I should be more specific rather than use that phrasing, because if you assume it's a euphemism, that's a whole different crime.

Yeah.

When I say he got busy with a lightsaber, I mean he used it as it was.

Intend dude went on the attack and started swinging that thing like he was Anakin Skywalker on a bad one.

Was it one of those When I was a kid, I had a lightsaber that was like plastic with batteries.

Was it that?

I think it was a little bit a little more high tech now, so it same idea.

I ruined mine by putting it in a sandbox and it got all full of sand and the batteries, like the connection wouldn't happen anymore.

And then when you would like swing it at someone, you could hear all the sands slide.

Now you got a rainstick that was like a lightsaber, So I turned it into a digit dude.

So the headline for this story was Oregon man arrested in lightsaber attacks, which just kind of gives it all away right there.

Sure, but if you did read the story like I did, you'll find that around closing time, at about ten minutes to ten pm, Portland Police were called out to handle a report that a man was quote attacking customers with a Star Wars toy.

So when the police arrived, they find this Oregon man in the store parking lot, brandishing the lightsaber and shouting in coherent statements.

So I don't know what they were, but I'm imagining it was some cussing.

So I also like to believe that he had maybe just one too many eggnogs and got a little fired up.

He was just talking like R two D two's.

Doing his own sound effects.

Yeah.

Was it just a baseball bat that he spray painted red?

I think he got it from inside the toys r us.

Either way, the Portland Police they confront this wannabe Jedi, or perhaps he was more like a wannabe Sith lord.

I shouldn't jump the conclusions.

Elizabeth, Yeah, I don't know, don't label him.

Yeah, because obviously the Portant police they had no lightsabers of their own, so they couldn't duel the lightsaber wielding man, and so instead they used the more earth bound technology to available to them.

They drew a taser and they popped him with that.

Well het they didn't light them up, no right.

Yeah, seriously, but dude wasn't having it because he used his lightsaber to sever the wires of the.

Taser sever it.

I think he just knocked him out of it, you know.

It wasn't like he was like a lops off a leg of a deputy.

So they had to go old school and just straight up tackle them, which they did, and he tried to struggle free, but he didn't have the force working for him that day, so the port of the police, they outnumber him.

Soon he's subdued, arrested, taken into custody.

The thirty three year old man on his Jesus year, mind you, was taken down without any serious harm to himself or any of the toys or as holiday shoppers.

Thus ended the lightsaber wielding Oregon Man's rampage of destruction.

Wow.

Yeah, I guess that's not really enough for a holiday after all.

Maybe not, who knows, I will even for those who celebrate the dark side of the.

Force's what's the tradition, you go tack some cops.

I don't hey, I don't invent holidays.

So you see a potential sounds no come on now.

So next tip, Elizabeth, we have another story of holiday shopping getting interrupted by a purp love that this time it was one of Santa's elves or I should say want to be elves.

So the headline is what did it for me?

And I quote elf bomb angry Elf tells mal Santa he's packing dynamite.

Elf bomb yes, so like as in munitions.

So this time it was a Georgia man, because you know, the Florida man steal all the headlines.

I want to give the Georgia man.

In December of two thousand and nine to forty five year old William C.

Caldwell the third walked into the South Lake Mall in suburban Atlanta in Clayton County, and he had some business he wanted to discuss with the mall Santa.

He was dressed as an elf, so right away makes this story kind of fun to picture if anything.

Yeah, So he gets in line with the families and he's you know, all the ones are there who want to we get.

A grown man dressed as an in line with the families.

I'm picturing him in the tights like this, like this, with a bell at the end, the whole bit.

And if I'm one of the parents, I'm looking at the other parents like when I give the signal, we take them.

We take him out because he's so good.

This is not good whatever it is.

So, yeah, you got all these families there.

You know, they're eager to make a memory with the Malsanta as they're young and sit on the lap of old jolly Saint Nick and tell them what they want for Christmas.

Right, And this elf man is waiting patiently for his turn, And then finally his turn comes and the forty five year old man dresses one of Santa's ELFs, strides forward and plops down on Santa's lap.

Now I don't know if he got to pose for a picture or not.

That wasn't any of the stories I read.

Yeah, but there he is on Santa's lap when he whispers to the mall Santa that he quote had in fact brought some of his own tools from the workshop, specifically a bag of dynamite.

A bag of dynamite, yes.

End quote.

So can you picture the face of the mall, Santa with his forty five year old man on his lap and the guy's whispering into his ear.

I got a bag of dynamite, Santa, I.

Not here, nice, he needs a lightsaber.

Picture words carefully with fatman.

So, according to local outlet ABC thirteen eyewitness news quote, Santa called mall security well fit, Yeah yeah, good call Santa, right, and they.

Came rolling up on the segways.

What's going on?

What's up?

You know, Paul Blard mess around.

So that must have been a shock though for the kids and the families in line to see a freaked out Santa calling for security.

Mall security did, though, act promptly and contacted local authorities.

The mall was then evacuated cordoned off while the authorities determined if the ELF's threats were real or not.

Right they were not, Elizabeth.

Turns out there was no actual dynamite.

I don't know if he had like some of your grandma's road flares and just like popping off, But it was all just a ruse.

It was not exactly the funniest prank to pull, because no one wants to see Santa crap himself out of fear that the whole mall's about to go up in the ball.

Yeah, this guy probably doesn't have it, but you can't take the risk that like.

Yeah, exactly.

You know.

So the local police and the Georgia Bureau of Investigations they had to clear the threat of danger and then once they all clear was given, by then it was ten pm, so closing time for the mall.

So come back tomorrow, kids, Santa will be back.

Oh man, I don't know if.

It was the same Massanta the next day or not, Like.

Oh yeah, U like, I'm done.

Who would blame that Malsanta for being like, no, I.

Quit after a grown man in a you know, elf costume came up.

I'd be like, you know what, this isn't for me.

Yeah right, I don't need to be one of Santa's deputies anymore.

I'm head home.

Okay.

So now that we got this holiday train rowing, let's take a little break, listen to some ads and in the true modern spirit of the season, and then we'll be back to dive into some more holiday theme cross and we're back, Elizabeth, Yes you're ready for some more felonious holiday.

I most certainly am Okay, why'd awake and ready?

This next fellow was far more personal in terms of what he did.

Okay, you know, in terms of the law, we could say that Santa is something of a purp himself.

Well yeah right, I mean he does break into people's homes.

After his unlawful entry, he's known to eat up their tasty treats.

That folks way about unguarded.

We framed it in the right lens.

That's a home invasion robbery, sure, but you know what's set that aside?

Because who knows?

Perhaps that's what inspired this next cat that I want to tell you all about the year was twenty eleven.

The setting was just outside Dayton, Ohio, in a suburb called Van Dahlia, which is an appropriate name for this story, as you will soon see, because you see Elizabeth.

As my man Clement Moore once wrote, twas the night before Christmas went all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in the hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there.

And as that poem goes, and I think you well know with that scene now said, our action kicks off but first back to Clement Moore's seminal work.

The children were nestled, all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads.

And Mama and her kerchief and I in my cap had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter.

But instead of old Saint Nick come to visit this home in Vandelio, Ohio, it was a man high on bath salts.

Oh no, so the story goes.

According to local news outlet w oh I oh get it like Ohio, oh I, w Ohio, forty four year old Terry Trent entered this quiet suburban home and he made himself at home.

He didn't toss the family's Christmas presents in his sack in some sort of like reverse Santa Claus move.

No, quite the opposite.

He decided to increase their holiday cheer.

You see, Elizabeth.

He put up some Christmas decorations all around the house.

What he hung a Christmas wreath on the door to the garage.

Then he entered the home via the back door.

He found that no one was about, no mice you know about so to speak in the poem's terms.

So he got comfy.

He lit some holiday candles on the coffee table, and then he lit a couple more on the kitchen table.

Then he turned on the TV.

Maybe he wanted to put on like a holiday movie, like did Jimmy Stewart Holiday Classic Gets a Wonderful Life.

I don't know.

The news stories didn't tell me.

But satisfied with his work, he lay down on the couch for a short winter time.

Now, now, Elizabeth, the house was not empty.

There was someone else in the house, an eleven year old boy who lived there.

And when he heard all the rustling downstairs, he came down to the steps to see if perhaps Santa had shown up early that year.

And what did his young eyes spy.

Well, it wasn't that jolly old elf.

No, Instead, it was forty four year old Terry Trent, high on bath salts on the family's davenport with the TV blaring at loud volume.

Oh no, And at this point he'd kind of roused because he was playing with the child's toys left strewn about the living room.

Returning to my man, Clement Moore, and he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes, how they twinkled, his dimples, how merry, His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry.

But that's not what this kid saw.

Instead, he saw a man, as he said, high on Basalts, playing with his stuff.

Right, so it was more like his eyes were like roses and glassy to boot.

So the intruder sees the boy.

Well, the interloping man was polite actually, and back to Clement Moore, a wink of his eye and a twist of his head soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

Except in this real life version, the manhaigh and Basalts, with his penchant for holiday decoration, said sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.

I'll get my things and go.

So poor kid.

The kid, though, was not particularly cool with this particular Christmas surprise, so instead of bidding him farewell, he phoned his mother, who was visiting with folks next door.

Oh imagine the mother getting that call, right, Oh so he ran through a wall.

Oh yeah, totally cool, eid Man style.

The mother gets back from the neighbor's house, she confronts the stranger in their home and then phones the police.

Herself.

Thankfully, the holidays were not ruined because nothing bad happened to the mother, or the child, or even the forty four year old man high in bath salts.

Yeah.

In fact, according to someone who knew him and had worked with Trent the intruder just the week prior, he was quote a very caring person involved with the Boy Scouts and a local church program to help convicted felons currently in prison.

Oh, we can go visit his friends.

I guess the holidays were a little hard on him, so he got high on some bath salts, sort of lost his head.

What year is this, two thousand and.

Nine, Yeah, that was the bath salts era.

Remember you hear stories about people getting high on bath salts and eating other people's faaces.

That's Florida style.

That's the Florida stream.

Ohio, you break in and you decorate with Chris is sparkling bath salts.

So anyway, this dude, Trent, he spends the night in the county jail.

Hopefully he was able to spread some holiday cheer with the other men in lock up.

Yeah.

So okay, now let's go into our next crime with a holiday twist.

Love it.

This one also features a home invasion not perpetrated by Santa Claus.

Spoiler alerted does involve a chimney.

Technically, this one didn't occur during the holiday season, but it still has a holiday vibe, so I included it.

The story goes in King County, Washington.

That's up where Seattle is.

A man decided to commit a burglary and he got a little cute with it.

So rather than smash a window or probe open a back door, instead, he decided to descend into the home via the chimney.

Is he not familiar with anyway.

So according to Seattle Time I'm to the newspaper, twenty three year old Sean Chanel was naked and on top of a roof when he reached into the chimney to retrieve his lost backpack.

At least that's what he told the judge in his trial.

Naked.

Now he was indeed naked.

He was stuck in a chimney when the police found him after someone passing by heard a man calling for help.

Now trouble for him was he was stuck in that chimney for about six full hours on that fateful February day.

Can't imagine that was warm no, no.

After the passerby called nine one one police and firefighters, they respond to the call.

It took the medics forty five minutes to chisel their way through the bricks of the chimney to release the trapped, naked twenty three year old.

Do you think he's going to like grease himself up and slip down it?

Did he go flip first or head first?

I wished I was my big question, wish first either way.

I think head first would have been funnier, but fore head first.

Yeah, I'm pulling for that me too.

Side note, Who pays to repair the damage to the fireplace?

Is that a case where it's like, I hope you have homeowners and shirts.

I think it would have to be homeold insurance.

Yeah, because I know.

The medics aren't paying for it and their company's not paying for it.

It's like when the police, like you hear about people who the police come breaking into their house.

They kick down the door, but it's the wrong house totally, and like then the door's all busted over.

If it's the right house, who pays for with those?

I think you can actually appeal to the city or the county, depending if it's sheriffs or local police.

But like if you're in a car, if you have a car accident in a high speed car chase, yeah, I think you have to go with your own insurance company.

Right Yeah.

Like if someone hits your car in LA used.

To always have the cars would just getting nailed, like six cars on the street where the guy would lose his control.

Right then, yeah, are like, hey man, sorry, that's just.

That's why we haven't shuret to God.

Huh.

So Anyway, when this twenty three year old faced a judge in his trial, boy was he quite a handful.

So first off, the story, it's just ludicrous on the face of it.

He claimed in trial that his friend tossed his backpack into the chimney, which was covered that there was a top he had to take off anyway.

He then climbed up and then climbed into the chimney to retrieve his backpack, which the police later discovered leaning against the garage, nowhere near the roof or the chimney of course, and so and plus then there's the whole naked part, like my friend also throw your clothes down the thing.

So for obvious reasons, the press dubbed this man, the Santa Claus Burglar, for his failed chimney son.

Well, there you go.

So when the Santa Claus Burglar was in court before the judge, he was definitely placed on her naughty list because he chose to cuss her out just before she sentenced him for attempted residential burglary.

Captain's decisions, right.

He's like, let me wait for the sentencing, that'll cuss you out.

And he's like, no, just can't wait.

I she is going to judge me in the name, and I'm gonna at any point cuss this woman out.

And then, in a move that eluded both making sense to his lawyer and confounded the judge, the so called Santa Claus Burglar asked for more time behind bars.

He says, I want two years in prison.

So the judge is like, now, I'm giving you seventeen months.

So I don't get it.

He was like, that's not enough.

Interestingly, though, there is an official Christmas connection to this story, because you see, he'd been recently released from jail just a couple months prior, where he'd been spending time for charges related to possession of a stolen vehicle.

His release date from His prior charges was December twenty fifth, Christmas.

Day, Special boy.

All jokes aside, It must suck to be released from jail on Christmas Day?

Can you imagine that?

But yeah, you're called around, can you pick me up?

I'm sorry, I'm with the kids.

I mean like, nothing's open, Yeah, nothing's open.

Yeah, you get out.

Everybody else is like in a really good mood.

There you are, like trying to go.

I need a shower.

Just so fun.

Anyway, moving right along, We've got our next tale of holiday high jinks, and this one also involves a burglarizing Santa Claus.

So.

According to the sf Gate, the local news outlet that I know you like from San Francisco, back in twenty fourteen, Santa Claus robbed a bank, or rather, a man dressed as Santa Claus did.

I don't want to be specific.

So I have a fun fact for you one I did not, but I learned while researching this story.

Elizabeth, have you ever heard of Santa con Yes, it's typically this big news story out of New York each year where a bunch of folks get dressed up as in Santa Claus outfits.

They descend on the city they get drunk.

They do like a pub crawl, and they parade around and act a fool and get into all sorts of trouble and misdemeanors.

Yeah.

The only thing, Yeah, I just know.

It's a bunch of people dress is Santa, walk around, get drunk, and it's I just know.

The San Francisco one.

My friends who live in the city hate, Yes that night.

Yeah, it's in a Union Square, which is like a big tourist area anyway, but it bills out in the North Beach and yeah.

Yeah, so well, Santa Con did not start in New York.

It actually started in San Francisco in Square.

That was the first one.

So according to SF Gates, Santacon started in SF in nineteen ninety four.

Yeah, just three years after Burning Man Connection.

Yeah, so this Santa themed pub crawl.

It became instantly popular spreads across the country and now New Yorkers have sort of made it their own thing.

Okay, anyway, the Santa Con in San Francisco back in twenty four, on the ten year anniversary, one of the revelers decides to make a quick pit stop.

Well it's a twenty year anniversary, you're right.

Yeah, look at that twenty years ten years twenty who's doing math?

Or I feel like laid a trap for me.

This is see if you go for it.

Yes, No, I wish I could claim that I just breeze past it.

It's just like on the fly, I was like, yeah, it's that whole nineties matheties ten years ago, trunk hat that time.

So this guy, one of the revelers, just in a Santa outfit.

He decides like he's gonna make a quick pitstop.

He ducks into a bank dressed as Santa and proceeds to rob the bank.

After he's done making his illegal withdrawal, he dips back out of the bank and joins the hundreds, if not thousands of revelers, all dressed as Santa Claus.

That's brilliant.

It's a perfect crime.

Really, my messed up opinion.

It's so good no one got hurt and he was able to escape into the drunken madness of Santa con right.

I never got him.

No, Yeah, they had pictures of him, but it was like.

Well that's any of these drunk fools.

Yeah, So he got away with it.

His plan worked perfectly.

Wow.

And since he didn't get caught.

We don't know if he was drunk and celebrating with his fellow Santa Claus, he was just like, I don't I'm gonna get the next round, let me dip it into this bank, or if he like was just like waiting for this is the perfect cover because he could like hide out with all that was it Santa clausa Santa Claus eyes, Santa Claus's.

I got the same problem with.

Elizabeth, Santa's clause, the Santa's clause, Santa's Claus.

So either way, he escapes into this madness and the police had almost zero chance of finding on which obviously they did not easy.

They said, perfect crime, right it really is.

Now this brings us to another bit of unhinged holiday criming.

This story comes from your old neck of the woods, South Carolinas.

U Back in two thousand and six, in the town of Anderson, South Carolina, they were having their annual Christmas parade when holiday festivities got hijacked.

But rather than me tell you about it, Elizabeth, close your eyes, well as a closed I'd like you to picture it.

It's the annual Anderson Christmas Parade on Main Street.

The airs Chris and chills the cheeks.

Families huddle together on the sidewalk on both sides of Main Street.

Rosy faced children smile wide at the sight of all the floats, and they thrill and dance to the sound of the local high school marching band.

The aromas of hot chocolate and muld cider and the sugar sweet smell of kettle corn mixed together in delight the noses of the parade watchers.

Basically, it's a picture perfect holiday scene in small town America.

This unpretentious holiday parade is an undeniably cheery celebration of the season.

At the moment, Elizabeth, you are standing on the sidewalk along Main Street.

You hold a paper cup of hot chocolate that's warming your hand.

You enjoy another sip as you see a new float turn the corner and pull into view.

It's the flower festooned float for the local dance teacher and her Steppin' Out dance studio.

A stupid big pickup truck pulls the float down Main Street a top the float slash trailer.

The driver of the truck, by the way, is the father of the child who dances on the float along with their classmates.

The crowd cheers at the sight of the dance class doing their well practiced holiday best, and then you hear it.

The truck's engine roars for some reason.

The truck pulls out of formation and rumbles forward.

Is the driver trying to pass the float in front of him?

Why?

Yes, yes he is.

Guess the float was going too slow, you think to yourself as you marvel at the mood.

The dancing children and their dance teacher are thrown by the suddenness, but thankfully no one falls off the float.

Meanwhile, the driver of the truck doesn't slow down.

In fact, he speeds up.

He races past multiple floats as he thinks this holiday parade is a race down main Street?

What is going on?

A woman next to you pulls out her cellphone and calls nine to one one, which seems unnecessary since there are so many cops along the parade route.

You turn back to check on the racing dance school float, just in time to see the driver blow through a red light.

Thankfully, it's a parade route and there's no cross traffic.

Two motorcycle cops race past you.

They give chase to the runaway dance school float from where you are, you can see down Main Street and you watch the now high speed chase as the driver of the truck leads to the motorcycle cops on a three mile chase.

Finally, the cops do get in front of the truck and force him to slow and then stop.

So there you go.

Crisis averted is so terrible.

No one gets injured in the parade float, so there is that.

It's a minor Christmas miracle.

When the police confront the driver of the truck, the one pulling the parade float, the cops discovered that the driver, forty two year old David Allen Rodgers, has an open container of alcohol in the truck.

Oh no, which explains his amateur Dale Earnhardt move or the parade route.

But Elizabeth, this driver isn't done yet.

He's got one or two more laws he'd like to break.

Because when forty two year old David Alan Rodgers is asked to step out of the vehicle, what does he do?

He gets belligerent and attacks the officers.

He's quickly calmed down after that, he's arrested.

He's charged with the doi for obvious reasons.

He's also charged with eighteen counts of kidnapping, yeah, the kids in the floor, along with the charge of assaulting an officer through.

Some child endangerment in there too.

Oh yeah, you definitely could enhance those charges.

I guess we can chock this one down to sometimes the holidays bring out the worst of people.

Yeah.

Yeah, And with that, I say we take another little break for some holiday advertisements, and after these messages we'll be back to dive into a couple more holiday crimes.

Elizabeth, I'm wondering about, like, did that girl not allowed to go back to the dance, Like that's uncomfortable?

Yes, right, she has to quit the stepping Out crew.

Totally could have been a boy though.

It could have been like a little billy.

Boy, yeah, the child?

Yeah what did Yeah?

I'm just wondering, like, how uncomfortable is the next.

What is that Broadway play with the boy.

Kid Elly Elliott?

There?

You go there it is?

Yeah, Billy go, little.

Billy Elliott over there.

He's gonna have to open his own dance.

Yeah.

I love stepping Out as a dance.

All right.

So far we've kept it conventional and stuck to stories based in America.

Time to broaden our focus and take this Internationale.

Remember when I told you some crime stories about beloved mascots and costume superheroes getting in fights with each other and the police getting involved in New York and other places.

I've got a holiday version of that theme, Oh, Elizabeth, If you had to name a holiday figure or beloved character from fiction or movies who you would get dressed up as in fight a stranger?

Who would you go with a holiday figure out here?

I'll give you a moment to think, and I'll tell you mine.

Now.

Personally, I go with the John Lovetz character from Saturday Night Live, Honikah Harry.

That's a good one.

I always love that sketch from the reruns and the bit like do you remember that one?

Instead of a sleigh and eight flying reindeer, Honikah Harry had a cart and a team of magical donkeys on Moisia on herschel on slo right, yes so?

And he also give the catch practical gifts like socks.

Yeah.

So that's who I go is Honakah Harry.

Okay, so okay, now you got that going.

Who were you gonna be?

Well?

I can't choose between two.

I think my impulse is the little match girl oh, okay, I just set the person on fire.

I like that, but I'm actually thinking the Grinch.

Oh, Bob, well, I got good news for you.

Grinch.

You know it is like if you bucks.

Yes, exactly, he's down to throw hands.

So my second question is what two beloved holiday characters would you like to see get into it.

And throw blows holiday characters?

You already got one, the Grinch.

Oh, the Gridge.

Okay, Grinch versus Miss Claws ooh fun.

Yeah yeah, kind of like a mixed bag there.

I like that.

I like that too.

Well.

Last year, down in Mexico, two men dressed up as holiday faves decided to mix it up.

One man was dressed as Santa Claus, not Missus, but Santa.

The other one was dulled up as the Grinch, and in true Grinch fashion, he tried to ruin Christmas for the man dressed up as Santa Claus.

Oh no, hell yeah.

According to the New York Post, the two were quote posing for pictures with passers by in the central Mexico municipality of Aguas Calientos when the apparent disparity in their tips sparked a brawl.

So the Grinch was getting stiffed and got pressed about it.

So it's kind of perfect that the Grinch got mad and he wasn't getting as much love as Hanta, which I assume is that we go what happened, but who knows.

Anyway, It could have been the other way around, but I have to assume it was the Grinch was getting the shorthand yah short change.

Either way, Santa the Grinch.

They get into a full on brawl in front of all the holiday goers in the families.

They have to watch the Grinch throwing haymakers at Santa, or maybe Santa's like handing out, like, you know, a two piece special of his own.

I don't know.

Detail were scant.

It was just kind of fun to imagine if you're a sick oh like me.

So back to the New York Post account of events, quote onlooker, it's mainly tourists checking out the Christmas displays, and the city square called the cops as the conflict escalated.

This was good since apparently the Grinch could throw blows.

As the New York Post reported, a viral video captured the aftermath of the fight as the police handcuffed the Grinch, whose heart was apparently still two sizes too small.

Saint Nick was lying on the ground a little further away, receiving medical aid from a paramedic before he also was handcuffed.

They kids got to see Santa.

Yeah, well see you understand Deputy Santa's representative.

You know, kid, you've.

Heard the stories.

The Grinch is a bad, bad man.

Bade Sanna got his blood up right, He's been working over time in the I'm surprised that, like some parents would jump in and split it up, like, I swear to God, you too stup it.

So now what would a roundup of Christmas crimes be without at least one mafia tale?

Oh God, but this one, I mean nothing says Christmas like the mafia.

Right to realize holiday you got here, she will be ashamed of somebody ruined it.

So so anyway, this one is also, by the way, a little too on the nose for my taste.

So I was like, this is real?

Is this AI?

What's going on here?

But I have to trust it's reels.

It It was on the BBC and as we reported Numero like more than a decade ago.

I trust them.

So the story goes back in twenty thirteen four alleged gangsters from the Italian mafia were arrested after their Christmas extortion plot was uncovered.

See in Italy, point settias are part of the Christmas decorations.

Yeah we care.

Yeah, in Italy they're called Christmas stars.

But really, as you point out, for any Catholic population, the red and green poisonti plant is often part of the holiday to core.

My mom used to always get them for.

So they're all poisonous.

You're like, don't let the dog eat it.

Yeah, why do we bring this in?

Why do we have to put it up high?

So enter the mafia to take a cut of this holiday tradition.

So the four gangsters had cornered the point Setia market and they were charging a price far higher than the wholesale price.

Like how much far higher?

Great question?

Yes, try one hundred times more than the wholesale price.

So you see the fur mafios or they were operating down in Naples, which is still a mafia stronghold.

To this day.

It is so for three years the mafia had been running a point seti extortion racket.

They would approach shops and they make the proprietors a quote Christmas offer they couldn't refuse.

The Mafiosa would tell the shopkeepers, these are some nice point SETI as you got here.

Sure we be ashamed of something bad happened to your store if you don't jack up the price up to one hundred times the wholesale price.

So for the shopkeepers who ignored their threat and refused to jack up the price, their stores were vandalized.

According to the BBC, the Italian police said quote, it wasn't someone dressed like Santa Claus tapping on the doors of shop owners and businesses.

Instead there were four emissaries of them Mozzarella clan.

The yes, is that like a like a real thing or are they like right?

That's why do you believe the story?

I'm like, you're just making this up?

Is that some sort of like very offensive insult.

But I may be pronouncing that incorrectly because it's spelled m a z z A r e l l a, which is different than the m O spelling m A z z A r e l l a.

Mazzarella.

Yeah, I figure that's how it is, so the Mazzarella clan.

Anyway, why were these gangsters strong arming the shopkeepers?

Was just for some easy loot.

Nope.

Turns out the men had a specific goal.

They needed the money to pay the legal fees for members of their crime family who were already locked up and facing charges.

And then like a Christmas time, we're gonna we're gonna clear some clear some numbers.

They had like a brainstorming session, like you know, they sat there around these little cups of espresso, like how do we do this?

What can we do?

Look around?

Where can we get money?

Point SETI, it's everybody needs points SETI is right, here's what we do.

They'll pay, they'll pay, they'll.

Pay through the nose, right.

So let's keep it moving because I have another fun one for you.

It's another tale of a bad Santa.

Okay, I guess in this case, the bad Santa couldn't get his flying sleigh going, so instead he hijacked a helicopter.

Oh yeah, this one went down in Brazil back in twenty fifteen.

It was the start of the Christmas season, when folks were out getting the shopping done, and the guy a dressed as Santa Claus booked a helicopter and then, according to a syndicated story I found from Reuter's quote, the thief rented the aircraft late Friday from an air taxi service at the Campo Martday Airport in sal Paulo for a Black Friday surprise.

The sal Paulo State Security Secretariat said on Saturday, so here, guess what happens next now that Santa.

So they do Black Friday Thanksgiving?

Yeah, it was like this is like late, it was like December.

Yeah.

So once the chopper was airborne, the skyjacker, dressed as anti quote, forced the pilot to fly to a small farm outside of sal Polo, where they were met by a third person.

It was the third person missus clause.

So what do you think is going to happen next?

I have no idea if you're this helicopter pilot and you've got Santa making you fly around and pick up members of his gang.

Yeah, yeah, so like where they dressed his elves or did they kind of keep it casual?

Grinch?

I wish I knew, but I can tell you this.

The Santa Claus who had the chopper pilot kidnapped, then tied him up, and then he and his will say elf assistant flew off with the stolen helicopter, disappearing into the blue of the sky.

And left the pilot behind.

Yes, okay, my man Clement Moore would say, he sprang to his sleigh, to his team, gave a whistle, and away they all flew like down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight, Happy Christmas to all, into all good night.

So the pilot was able to wriggle free and contact police, but by then Santa Claus was long gone with the stolen helicopter.

The opening chords of Gimme Shelter.

So there you go, Elizabeth, a sack of Christmas time cribs.

But I have to ask you, what's a ridiculous takeaway?

My goodness, my stars?

Uh yeah, I think that this is a very complex holiday.

Right, people get fired up for Christmas.

You don't hear about this.

For Thanksgiving.

You hear about like, oh, doorbuster sale issues.

But do you know why you hear someone like, oh, they broke in and they jazzed up the turkey.

I think that the iconography of it plays into it too, And this notion of like bringing gifts and you know, I think then highlights the taking.

What's your ridiculous takeaway?

Well, thank you?

For asking Elizabeth for once.

I do have this sneaking suspicion piggybacking off your idea that because it's such a you know, Christian Christmas thing, people are like, hey, Santa, forgive me the baby Jesus, forgive me.

I think they think they can get away.

It's like a free past, like how, hey, I didn't like murder anybody, so forgive me.

So I stole a helicopter.

But you you know, Santa, he's got the naughty and nice and it's like when you're on the naughty list.

But if you've stolen the helicopter, you've already done your Christmas shopping for yourself.

It is true, right, You're like, I'm good.

I don't need standa this year.

So you in the mood for talkback.

We can wash this down like uh, some delicious hot chalk.

Really thick egg nogs.

Oh there you go.

I never liked that stuff talk nog.

I can't stand it.

You make it seem good.

No, I hate it.

Oh my god, I like get.

Lizamas and Aaron checking in after listening to your Dallas cowboy Chilter waves Gap Ridiculousness Arena Football League, for which I used to dance.

Also had insane requirements for training all the facilities or at least an hour away.

We had requirement to quote volunteer at egun and if we lost any parts of our uniform, we had to pay in full.

I learned that's the hard way.

Ridiculous, spike.

Wow, that is messed up.

I just looked up in the exploitation a cheerleader.

It's one of the like the more favorite part of the games for a lot of people.

You think they get more respect.

So you remember their women and you're like, oh, it's this American culture that's not going to get respect.

The list of problematic elements of football, yes, it's like maybe five or six, dude, the list.

I learned an interesting fact when I went to college in San Francisco.

I had a bunch of lesbian classmates, and they all liked the Pittsburgh Steelers.

You know why they've never had cheerleaders.

Really they supported Yeah, but back then it was like a solidarity move to the all the like the lesbian football fans.

I knew, like this was like superandom.

Yeah, exactly, you like Steelers?

Okay, nice, Now I'm starting to Okay, Yes, it's made me.

More of a Steelers fan, to be quite honest.

So as always, you can find us online at Ridiculous Crime on social media Blue Sky, Instagram.

We don't have any new ones right interns oft find us up brand Grizzle there on grizzle.

So we also have the account Ridiculous Crime Pod on YouTube and we have our website ridiculous Crime dot com.

We love your talkbacks obviously, so please go to the iHeart app download it, record a talkback and we would love to hear your voice here and uh oh.

You can also email us at a Ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com, or you can hit up Elizabeth Instagram account of Elizabeth Dutton Crime on Instagram.

Or Eron Burnett at Instagram.

Yeah he's got one too.

Yeah and I do it now, but public facing one anyway.

I should add, as Clement Moore would say, Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Thanks for listening.

We will catch you next crime.

Ridiculous Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Zenon Burnett, produced and edited by our man with the Wicked Dradle Game Dave Kustin, and starring annals Rucker as Judith.

Research is by the Keepers of the Naughtier Nice List Marissa Brown and Jabari Davis.

Our theme song is by our house band, Papa's Got a brand New Bag of Toys formerly known as Smoking in the Miracles on thirty fourth Street.

Thomas Lee and Travis duddon a thoas wardrobe provided by Bobby five hundred.

Guest hair and makeup by Sparkleshot and mister Andre.

Executive producers are former Macy's mal Santo's Ben Bolin and Noel.

We Ge.

Why Say It One More Time?

Geek cr Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio four more podcasts.

My heart Radio visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.