Welcome back to start here, the very special mini series within Sugar Mama's Fireplay, where I answer your real life money questions with practical, empowering advice to help you get started in achieving your financial goals and dreams.

Today's question comes from a listener who wrote, Hikenna, I've been on my financial journey and really educating myself this past year.

There's a topic I don't think gets talked about enough, helping your parents.

My parents have never been in a good financial position.

They're both in their early sixties.

Mom doesn't work and has no SUPER.

Dad's been working in retail for most of his life and doesn't earn much.

They own their own home mortgage free, but have a car loan and possibly some credit card debt.

They keep talking about traveling and cutting back on work hours, but I can't see it happening.

I'm worried that when Dad hits preservation age, they'll withdraw a lump sum from super for a big trip or worse, take out alone against the house.

Any suggestions on how to help or how to start this conversation.

Well, first of all, what a caring and thoughtful message.

I can really feel how much you love and are worried about your parents and the concern that sits behind this question.

I know so many listeners will relate to this, both adult children worried about their parents and even parents worried about their adult children, because navigating money or aut conversations with parents or with children adult children, it's really hard, especially when you're trying to be supportive but also not overstep boundaries.

So today I want to help you find the right balance between caring and respecting, between supporting not controlling, and will talk through why these conversations matter, how to approach them gently, respectfully, and the practical steps that can actually help your parents and you feel a lot more secure, connected and empowered.

So let us begin.

Okay, Step one, let's understand really what's going on here before you say anything to your parents.

Start by understanding why you're worried.

You know, it's not just about the money or the numbers, it's about what this situation represents.

You are seeing your parents move towards retirement with limited super debt, growing debt potentially, and these really big dreams, and you're naturally worried about that choices, particularly as you know that they don't have a certain level or any level potentially of financial literacy, and you're hearing things like withdrawing super early or borrowing against the house that could really jeopardize their financial security, particularly in the long run.

But at the same time, it's also really important to remember your parents' mindset around money comes from a very different period of time.

You now, for many people in their fifties today, superannuation wasn't compulsory until I think about nineteen ninety two maybe, and that's only one generation of real contributions.

You know, they've grown up in an era where you know, hard work and home ownership equaled financial security, and you always had, you know, the government's age pension to fall back on and support you until your final days.

You know, the conversations around superation and investing in the share mark and needdfs these are sort of foreign concepts to a lot of people who form part of that generation.

So before jumping into advice invest time for you taking a moment to pause and acknowledge this.

They're not being irresponsible, they're just operating from a very different financial framework and mindset.

And it's just one though that unfortunately today might not actually be the most or best functioning mindset in order to be able to have that long term financial security.

Okay, the next thing is is to lead with curiosity not control.

This is where the magic happens and how you start opening the door to these really important, empowering conversations.

If you start these conversations with control, Mum, Dad, I think you need to do this immediately, those defensive walls go up.

They are really solid brick walls.

However, if you can start the conversation with an element of curiosity, like planting a seed, you start to invite and build trust.

You know, you could try asking very gently, like open ended questions like you know, what are you most looking forward to when you retire?

You?

How are you feeling about your super and the income that you will have through retirement?

Do you know what your living costs will look like once you both stop working and you start thinking about those holidays and those trips that you're talking and planning about.

The key here is tone, you know, coming from a place where it's warm, not worry, curiosity, not criticism.

You are not trying to manage them or control them.

You're just trying to understand them, you know, get to learn more about what they want, and I always say it's is their alley they're ordered to.

So the next step is to share, not preach, and this is something that works when you're talking with friends as well, or anyone that you love that you're about money.

It can always be really tempting to tell your parents what they should be doing, but remember advice from a child, or advice from a partner, or advice from a parent can land very differently.

So instead share something that you've learned or you've discovered, or that you're excited about.

Say something like I've been learning a lot about income and how much income I need in order to be able to retire and do all these wonderful things that you're planning on doing, and it's really opened up my eyes as to how much I really need, so I'm excited about working towards this.

Or I've recently started tracking my spending and I'm starting to realize how much things, those little things really do add up.

And whilst it's bit of a shock to me, I'm actually finding this really liberating because I've got a sense of clarity as to how much I spend and how much I'm going to be able to build and need an invest for the future.

Or I read something the other day that taking like a lumps some matter of your super can be really dangerous because it can actually shorten how long the money actually lasts.

And I didn't actually know that until recently.

See, when you try this approach, she completely disarms that natural defensiveness that we're all guilty of.

It shows humility and also invites collaboration and conversations.

And you're saying, hey, I'm in the same boat as you.

I'm learning too, I'm trying to figure it all out and do the best for myself and everyone else.

You're not saying I know better, you should do this.

You're not being demanding, you're not being bossy, and you're definitely not been patronizing.

And if they're open, you know, offer to explore things together.

You know, don't just send them off to go and fix this and get advice.

Offer to like hold the hand and be on that path and that journey with them.

For example, you know, sit down together and log into their super fund if they're comfortable with that, you know, look at doing a budget with them, look at you know, getting together their paperwork so that they know who to call.

To check their acount balances, to check their mortgage details, to check their insurance details, you know, even their wills if you like, help them.

You know, sometimes one of the reasons why we do nothing is we just don't know where to start.

But if you have someone saying, hey, i'll sit with you and we'll do this together, you'll get so much more done and you get started, which is most important because then you can build momentum from there and as you tick things off your list, you can go on to the next.

You know, it may seem small, but it's actually really positive and it's a really non intrusive way of helping them get engaged without feeling like they judged it all before you know it.

They're actually not just getting started, they're will on their way.

The next thing is to suggest a financial health check.

So once you've opened the door, very very gently, suggest a financial health check.

Now, a way of framing this in a really positive, exciting way is to say something like, you know, you guys have done so well in that you own your home outright and you don't have a mortgage.

Let's make sure that the next step in your life financially is just as secure.

You know, encourage them to check their super their balances, their investment options, even the fees that they're paying, and then get them to go through that credit card debt, see who they owe money to and how much and even if you can look at their budget and work with them to see how they can potentially pay that off quickly, including the carloan that you mentioned as well.

These are things that are going to help create awareness and this will then allow the space for their own AHA moment to kick in and then of course most importantly, encourage them to get advice.

A really handy starting point is the government's Financial Information Service.

It's known as FIS at centerling.

Can you I think you can log into it through Services Australia.

You can do it online and you can make an appointment as well, and you can even go along with them to this meeting.

But it is free, it is independent, and it is designed for older Australians like your parents and try to help make sure that they prepare for retirement.

And you know, of course yes they can go and speak to a licensed financial plannet, which is something I would firmly recommend.

Don't try and do this yourself.

It's way too complicated and it could end up being a mess.

This is also very delicate, intricate details where you need strategic but that's today's opposite episode, not about the advice or the strategy.

It's about working with your parents and getting them in front of the right people.

So a financial planner, obviously is someone who really understands these situations.

Your situation is not uncommon, and a financial planner that can specialize in retirement strategies like pension eligibility, downsizing rules, superannuation withdrawal options, that's going to be their specialty.

That's going to be their forte and they can talk through all of those options and have those uncomfortable conversations on your behalf with your parents.

So they definitely need to go and see a financial planner, but starting with Fizz through Services New South Wales or Services Australia is a great start.

And here's one more great tip as well, even if they're not ready to see a financial planner, and that is when your parents make that call to their superannuation account provider who whoever it may be, it's worth asking whilst they're on the phone if that particular fund offers free general advice or even discounted limited advice.

So more and more superannuation providers now actually have this in house financial advisors and they can give them like general guidance on investment options, contribution strategies, and even like ideas on retirement preparation.

And this can be really handy because it's affordable, it's non intrusive, and that you can do this over the phone, you can do it at a time that suits you, and it's just a really efficient use of your time and money.

And again, like you're not telling them what to do, but you're helping them find the right people that can help them achieve what they want.

You're getting them in front of them, and you're allowing these people who do this every single day to have those conversations.

They know how to navigate this and also how to tiptoe around certain landmines and also come from a place of compassion in a very ethical way.

The next thing is for you is to set boundaries and to help your parents protect their future.

This is the awkward part, but it's also really important if you are worried about your parents borrowing against the home like a reverse mortgage or taking out ridiculous amounts of debt like credit card debt and buy now, pay later.

It is okay for you to have that conversation, but it needs to be done kindly and with compassion.

You know, try something like, you know, I just want to make sure that both of you are really secure financially.

You know, I would feel so much better, and I think you would feel so much better if you spoke to a financial planner together before going and borrowing any more money or taking on more debt or adding any more stress to this situation.

And you yourself can also set some firm, respectful boundary.

You know, it's really natural to want to help people, and if you're in a position where you know, to help people financially if you can afford to.

But the thing is, you don't want to go and sacrifice your own financial goals, your own financial stability, security, and even your own financial opportunities, you know, like saving for your own retirement or paying off your own home because of your parents burying the head in the sand and continuing to make toxic financial decisions that actually are undoing every bit of their financial security.

You do need these boundaries in place so you might say something to your parents to let them know of these boundaries so that they never assume that you're always going to bail them out, or you're going to help them, or that they can rely on you financially.

So you can put those boundaries upfront, and the sooner the better, And a great way of saying this is something like, you know, I can help you with information, and of course I'm one hundred percent supportive, but I personally cannot afford to take on your expenses, your living expenses and your retirement needs.

You are not being selfish, you are not being disrespectful.

You are just showing sustainable love.

So please always remind yourself of that.

And the fact that you've reached out to me to ask this question shows that you are someone who genuinely cares and is genuinely worried and wants a solution.

So the next thing is to start using tools, free tools that you can help prepare for their retirement.

Now.

Practical tools can help make discussions a lot less emotional but more focused on the job at hand.

So using a budget planner or, if you like, jumping on money Smarts, retirement calculator together makes this process so much easier because it's not you talking.

The numbers on the screen are talking, and it takes out that personal, touchy sensitive, sometimes even aggressive conversation that can naturally come up.

But when a number is showing you you're going to run out of SUPER four years into retirement, you're not saying it.

The computer is saying it because it's showing it through the evidence of the strategy.

And yes, projections are a guideline only, but it can help create that awareness for your parents to start doing things differently and also to take responsibility of their own financial situation.

So another great calculator I highly recommend is Noel Whittaker's website.

He has some brilliant calculators that can you can actually show your parents, well, if you want eighty thousand dollars a year to be able to travel overseas each year and do all the things you're talking about, it looks like you need one point six million dollars in SUPER.

Again, you're not telling them.

The computer is telling them the facts.

The figures are telling them.

This is their wake up call.

The computer is giving it to them, not you, even though we obviously master planning this.

And the one thing I'll also say is make the conversations short and casual.

They're chats, money chats, you know, do it over a meal or a coffee instead of having this like confrontation, ambushing them or even having like an intervention.

That is not what this is about.

This is about really relaxed, caring, loving, kind conversations.

And a great strategy is get them to write down their goals, you know, get them to write down the places they want to visit and how much that might cost, and you know, the lifestyle that they want.

Do they want a lifestyle where they can afford to go to a nice restaurant once a week, Do they want to pick up certain hobbies like learn how to play golf or do art classes.

Write these things down so that with them, so that they can get really clear themselves as to what their future looks like and what is the financial reality that they need to build to make this achievable, so there aren't as many risks or dangers ahead of them because they can now use this insight to make those important changes and shifts.

And then finally, remember this is about love, unconditional love, not lectures.

At the end of the day, it's not money here.

It's about the care, the dignity, the respect, and the connection that you have with them.

You're trying to help your parents protect their financial security.

One that they have worked their entire lives for both your mother in raising you and your siblings if you have them, and taking care of the home and the life admin that comes with that, and your father working long hours standing on his feet in retail.

This is an act of deep, unconditional love.

So these conversations can feel really hard because they touch on independence and pride.

But when you approach these conversations with empathy, listening not lecturing, you can actually find yourself coming together and being much much closer instead of being further apart.

And remember, your parents have wisdom to you know their have lived through recessions, mortgage rate spikes, you know the juggle of raising families, and so much more.

We can also learn from them as well, so never forget that.

So if you take just one thing from today's episode, let it be this.

When it comes to family and finances, progress is not measured by who is right, is measured by who feels heard, felt and seen.

So if this episode resonated with you, can you please go and share it with a friend who might be navigating the same challenge with their elderly parents or even family members.

And if you would like your own question featured on a future episode of Start Here as part of Sugar Mama's Fireplay, please send me a DM on Instagram, at sugar Mama TV or at Canna Campbell Official.

I will see you next time on sugarman SMAs Fireplay on Monday morning at five am.

And thanks again for connecting to this Start Here mini series, Chaff