Hi, I am Kate Hudson and my name is Oliver Hudson.

We wanted to do something that highlighted our relationship and what it's like to be siblings.

We are a sibling raivalry.

No, no, sibling.

Don't do that with your mouth.

Revely.

That's good.

My name is Oliver Hudson in case you guys didn't know that, And I have a future icon sitting next to me right now.

She don't say anything, just keep it quiet.

So after years of.

Grinding it out in Hollywood, okay, this woman she just won us over.

As Kate Pearson on This is Us.

She was a fan favorite, and now of course she's turning heads again in Netflix's new hit The Hunting Wives, which I have started.

I'm three episodes in and.

Uh, a little bit spicy.

It open and appropriate.

There's a little bit of nudity, I would say, but it's good, it's amazing.

It's just it's this tangled web and Southern Secrets's betrayal, there's murder.

Anyway, let's just get to the point.

Chrissy Metz is sitting next to me.

Well, this is fun because in person has sort of died as far as the podcasting goes.

I've been doing it with my sister for years, and it started before COVID, where everything was in person.

Then it went to zoom.

Then everyone gets so fucking comfortable with zoom that no one wants to do anything in Persone pans right, exactly right.

I mean in my podcast, I'm fully naked.

Can you tell people?

You just goes that information?

So we did.

I had Michelle Obama and her brother on.

The podcast, and she was like, don't She's like, I don't want to keep this super casual with her brother, Craig casual, Like it's like the soars the dress goes, because it's the whole thing.

Yeah, you know, obviously it's Michelle Obama Hello.

And I decided to go against that and I suited up and like slicked my hair.

I looked like a young Republican and she's like, what are you doing.

I'm like God, And then I said, now look, it's fun up top.

And then I backed away and I was in my underwear.

I was like, but it's a little bit, you know, it's a little party down below, and she.

Shot with.

Obligatory No.

It worked, Okay, it works.

It was funny, it was funny.

I think it was funny.

If it falls flat and you're just like, it's like the most awkward moment.

You're like that, that's not what I've been thinking about.

Just click, the zoom goes off like oh okay.

Then you get like a terrible ladder.

So we were talking about, first of all, Chris Mets is here.

Yeah, yay, thank you for being here.

Finally me, finally, I know, because we've had sterling on, we've had Mandy, and we've had Chris song, you know, saving the best for last.

Wow.

I totally not to say that.

Milo.

You know, he's just rejected me a thousand times.

No, he's busy.

We were talking about age, and before we started rolling, you asked me if I cared about age.

So my birthday is September seventh.

Oh your virgo, I'm September twenty ninth, are you but virgo rising libra?

Yeah?

Yeah, do you know what your rising is?

I don't know, but I just had my chart done by these girls called the Astro Twins.

Wait, so you don't know, you're They throw so much out that I don't know.

I have voice notes from her saying what on this?

And I'm that they were on the podcast and it was incredible.

Into it on the incredible and I'm a bunch of there's a bunch of moons, and I don't know what the hell there's a bunch of moons.

There's rising things.

Well, the ascending is what people view you as.

So I'm Virgo ascending, which means that when people view me, okay, but it depends on your moon.

So my moon's in Gemini, Okay.

So that's like two different people.

So I don't know who I am.

I don't know who I am either.

All I know is that I'm more Libra apparently than Virgo.

Okay, so I'm more Virgo than I am Libra.

But Libra's my star sign.

We're twins, Oh my gosh.

Weird.

Anyway, you know, I don't care about the numbers so much, but when fifty hits, I don't.

Know, Listen, I'm about to be forty five.

Yeah yeah, and I'm like, oh okay, but then I also don't feel forty five, and like what does that even mean to feel forty five?

No?

Well, I wanted to talk to you about like sort of your your wellness journey and all that, because kind of on one myself.

Okay, what does that mean?

Kind of well, I'm on and off sure, of course, because we're human, but I want to stay on.

Yeah, that's the whole.

And I just decided I want to be in the best shape of my life at fifty.

Oh so now I'm on supplements, I'm thinking about peptie and all this stuff.

So I just wanted to I know I've been talking for now, but I wanted to get your journey because I want to it coincides possibly with some of the things I'm trying to accomplish honestly as I'm getting older.

And so where did this start for you?

How ingrained are you in it?

And how hard is it to stay on it?

Because that's the hard Yeah, consistency.

Consistency.

Yeah.

So, I mean I've always been a chabby girl since I was literally an infant, and so it was always sort of a point of contention, and because there's such a negative outlook on people who are away, because if you're aware, you're absolutely unhealthy, which is not true.

However, as you age obviously like all the perimenopausal stuff, Like my mom didn't teach me that stuff, and I don't know that she even wanted to because it was sort of like that don't sort of talk about it kind of thing.

She's tough, kids are seen and not heard kind of thing.

So she don't think it's change.

Yes, so perhaps now she would have explained more to me.

But the things that I'm figuring out and the stuff and the supplements, the magnesium, Like who knew magnesium could change your life?

We think God, But all the things that explain really.

Quickly how magnesium does work.

Yeah, so, I mean for me, it helps with sleep and heart health.

Interest I suffer with anxiety.

I'm on lexapro Okay, twenty milligrams.

Okay, do you feel like it's yeah, you guys tried to go.

I tried to go off of it, and it spiraled me into like the craziest place ever, because weaning off of a lex pro specifically can get nutty.

Oh okay, and then I had to go do a job, and I'm like fuck this, Like, yeah, I can't go work like this.

I'm a crazy person.

Yeah, you know, it's just sort of like you don't know what you don't know, and the more that you dig you find like, oh, I need peptides potentially and magnesium and supplements and like I mean no acids because if you want to have like pure protein as opposed to like all the junk that's in a lot of protein powders, you know, And because our business is so weird, like we get up at four in the morning, we work eighteen hours, how do you fit the food in and how do you fit the appropriate food in that you feel associated like all of the things.

And obviously I didn't.

Know that until I was an actual working actor.

But I've always been sort of chasing contentment with my body.

So I've yet to really find that, but I'm certainly in a better place mentally and emotionally.

How do you start that journey to be content with your body?

And how does it get better?

Yeah, and I'm assuming it's like two steps forward a couple steps back.

Yeah, totally for sure.

Yes, So it takes.

A lot of mental fortitude to be able to take those those new two steps forward.

Like when I wrote that memoir years ago, learning to Love Yourself for who you Are Today, that was like not just like a little quip kind of catchy title, it was like, I'm literally learning to accept myself for who I am right now because if you don't, you can't get to the place want to be because you're in this cycle, the cyclical crazy fair school that you're like, I hate myself.

I should eat, and now I hate myself for eating.

Oh I should eat more.

Like you're like, you just can't get off the ride.

So I have attempted to, like get off the ride, and I'm like, oh, I don't like that ride, but sometimes I like the ride, or sometimes I think I like the ride, and I'll stand by the ride, but then I'll get off quicker now than I ever had before.

So I was like, that's progress.

That is a forward movement direction.

And so I try to just have grace around it and with myself because I'm like, I say that to all my friends and my family, people I love, but I don't have it for myself.

So patients and grace, Oh.

My god, it's not so true.

I'm the best advice giver of all time.

I've been through a billion years of therapy.

I can be a therapist, right, and people come to me naturally to help, you know, just because I have my own personal insights.

But can I follow them?

Yeah?

Myself now right right?

You know, I'm like you know, practice what you preached.

What the are you doing?

I know it's about self love, self worth and the and self compassion is what you're saying.

Yeah, give yourself some grace, yea, you know, give yourself a little leeway.

Yeah, don't be so hard.

I had to give myself compassion that I never received.

And so that's like, you know, my dad when he passed away, we were estranged, and I realized, like to make like a living amends.

It was to myself because of the love I never got from him that I'm still seeking through other people and the validation and I'm like, oh, I have to love myself the way he couldn't, and that is so hard.

Yeah, yeah, I mean that's not dissimilar.

My dad didn't pass, but he wasn't around.

Yeah, Kurt came into my life and became my father.

But there's something to be said about your biological course and so same thing.

It's trying to fill this void that you can't there's whether it be food or sex or drugs or whatever it is, you can't feel it.

You can't plug it.

No, there's nothing.

There's no substance that plug it, right, you know, even though you keep fucking trying.

Oh with everything, like oh not this one?

Yeah and yeah, and that's I think the ride, right, the ride that you want to get off of.

So yeah, I mean some weeks, some months are great and then some days I'm like and then that's when you have the grace for yourself.

But it's also just like sort of acquiring all this data collection.

I'm like, okay, okay, I'll use this.

Okay, that doesn't work for me.

I use that.

I've been doing more strength training, which makes me feel like, oh, because I've always wanted to be Lucy Lawless, Okay, like can I please.

Have her body things?

Yea.

And my boyfriend lifts weights and he's very consistent.

He was also in the Nigerian Navy.

Like very different from like my inconsistency is like he's very regimented and scheduled, and I'm.

Like, oh, this is good.

This is good to see it in practice in a positive way and it never enforces anything like in fact, he's like when I was.

In South Africa, He's like, are they feeding you?

I'm like, Babe, I missing a meal.

But it's a different cultural thing in Nigeria, like you know, so here I mean literally.

One of his sisters said.

She prayed to gain weight, she prayed to get fat.

I was like, I prayed to get skinny.

Like this is crazy.

It's just so different here, and of course in our business even more magnified.

So it's wonderful.

And I keep saying when people ask like, oh, how is your relationship, and it's like there's a love that I haven't experienced before.

That's like, He's like, I would never want anything to be removed and nothing gained, just as you are, and that gives me the liberty to say, oh, I can love myself enough.

You love me enough that I don't have to do anything.

But now I want to for the longevity of my health, which is a whole other thing.

Now.

So yeah, I know, how much did you use because you're funniest shit, right, So how much did you use humor and self deprecation to deflect how you were feeling?

It's like it's like my knee jerk default to the point where I think I saw someone talk about how self deprecating humor is just like the worst thing you can do.

I can like jam for myself.

I need to make fun of myself first before you do, I'm gonna beat you to the point like I'll talk about my family, but don't you dare you know, it's that thing.

And so I realize, I'm like, oh, our subconscious still hears that stuff, and we're still putting ourselves down just in the event someone might just that.

Negative self talk.

Even though it's couched in humor, it's still it's still fucking you up.

Yeah, yeah, you know, like I use food as a protection and whether whatever we're filling the void with.

It's like, we have a coping mechanism, and it might have worked for many years.

And then we realize, oh, this ain't this.

Ain't it anymore?

Like we've got to figure this out in a different way.

And I think generally too, people who judge, whether they judge you, judge me, judge anyone, everyone has some sort of a coping mechanism.

We're all afflicted one way or another.

Everybody.

I went to a place called on Site, which is outside of Nashville.

But you do, okay, So there is a particular exercise that we used and you you speak to the person so like say, you became my father, and I got to say all the things I never got to say to him, and then you get to then respond and say I didn't know, I'm sorry, Like, and you hear things that you never would have heard from your parents, and I was like, like it was so cathartic.

It was like or there were two men in our particular small group and they were so complimentary and so kind and they're like, oh no, I could cry now.

They're like, I would be so proud to be your father, and I was like, that's.

It took me out, I gotta go.

But it was so helpful because if you haven't heard these things and you've it's like the one thing you needed to hear, wanted to hear it.

It really can make a difference.

You know.

I wish I could say to my mom or Kate or Aaron, my wife, and I'm way better now, but this is kind of before, Like I just want to say that I love you so fucking much and I'm so happy to be with you and I feel lucky.

Easy to say, but I would approach that and be like I can't say, I feel like I want to like do this.

Do you think it's.

Because you don't know what the reaction is going to be, or that you're going to disappoint them or.

I think it has to be subconscious because it's because you know, cerebrally in the moment, of course, I know.

I imagine my wife was like, eh, fuck you right, yeah, you know what's don't ever say that again.

I mean, then there's no chance it would only be positive.

But there's a vulnerability there that was very hard for me.

Yeah, to sort of express writing easy.

I could gush.

The in person stuff was difficult.

Well, yeah, like vocalizing is very than having it secretly in your journals exactly.

Or I can send it to them.

They can read the writing.

Yeah, right, right right, But there is something different about saying.

Oh yeah and owning the words.

Oh yes, yeah.

Let's go back to your childhood anyway, Yeah, because this all relates, we're just going backwards.

Yes, where did you grow up?

So?

I was born in Homestead, Florida, But when I was six months old, we moved to Japan.

My dad was in the navy.

Wow, So we were there until I was almost nine.

My parents divorced, we moved back to Gainesville, Florida, I don't even know why of all the places, and then moved.

To la when I was twenty.

Did you do you have siblings?

Oh?

Yeah, I'm one of five, the model, of course, the middle.

You're the middle, of course, of course, can you no shocker?

Yeah, it was my oldest sister, brother and I and then my parents divorced.

My mom had two other daughters, and so I had the experience of being the baby.

But like.

The lore states in our family that my dad really just wanted nine boys for a baseball team.

So a little disappointed two girls came in only one one a boy.

So they were always very close, and I felt like I could never measure up, Like, you know, I was like, I don't even remember as a kid having a relationship with my father.

I saw a picture of me like swinging with him, and I was like, when did that happen?

Right?

Who was that girl?

Yeah?

That's me?

So it'sz are to sort of look back.

But like, growing up in Japan was so cool.

Wow, So you grew up in Japan.

Your parents were still together when you were in Japan with your dad.

Yeah, for about eight and a half years, and my grandmother lived with us, my mom's mom, and she was like my saving grace, and so she was like like my little best friend and she would picked me from school and like a lunchtime and make me a little girl cheese and some ovaltine, you know whatever, and walking.

Back to school.

Oh, we love especially with your grand Yeah.

So yeah, that was very very helpful.

And instruments you think it was just a gender thing.

You think it was because you were a girl.

I mean yes, but there also felt something a little deeper, and then I thought it is as an adult, I'm like, did my mom sort of construct these these thoughts or because she was so upset with him even though when he passed away, she was still in love with him, even though he was very unfaithful.

For many, many years, my grandmother and I were very close.

She instilled faith in my life.

But I have conversations with my older sister all the time that she's like, I don't know that dad didn't try to reach out to you, because I remember getting my high school graduation announcement to invite him the invitation and it was return to send her.

So all my life I've replayed the tape of he didn't want to come, He like, send the invitation.

It's one thing to get it in and throw it away, but to return to send her, and so my sister's like, do you think maybe Mom didn't want us to have a relationship with And I just can't believe that, Like, I don't think that to be true.

Maybe she was protecting us.

But I remember the last moment I had with my dad really, he came to school shop for me.

I think it was whatever year Robinhood Prince of These was out.

We saw that in the movie Theater.

I think I was, I.

Mean everything, like, like, oh my god, I'm obsessed with that movie.

And maybe because it's nostalgic because I had that bonding experience my dad and fine, I love that.

Yeah.

So anyway, I just that's like sort of the last memory I have of my dad and I ever having just like any sort of connection.

And I think that was third or fourth grade.

Oh really yeah, And I know he remarried a woman like right after he divorced my mom and then got married again, and my brother was really close with them and ended up moving down to Miami with them.

Really, yes, were you close with your brother?

Not really?

No?

No, no?

And what about your older sister?

So she she was sort of close to my dad, but they got into this big fight and my sister is still and nails, and my dad went to like put his finger in her face and she pushed him and he was like, you need to get out of this house.

And she was seventeen, so she went and did her own thing.

Are you tight with your sister?

Yeah, like all my sisters and I are close.

They all live in Florida.

So I've been very intentional about giving back to my family and to my friends because they were there for me.

My friends, particularly here in LA, were there for me when I was broke as I joke, couldn't pay attention.

And my family, I just feel they're.

My family, you know, and I want to give back, And like my therapist is like, yeah, but they didn't spend twenty years in LA and break their backs and go through everything you went through, Like you're not Santa Claus, You're not the bank.

And I'm like, yeah, I know, but like the life that I get to live, like, I want them to share in it.

But then what ends up happening is then they're reseemful that I give too much because they can't give back, which I don't need anything back.

It's more just like if you're happy, I'm happy, great, but you create like a precedent and then sometimes you create a monster.

Yeah, and that breaks my heart because I'm like, I know it just came from a good place, but damn it, Like I cannot just be an endless source of this because it's not even not only is it potentially not appreciated, but like it's now creating a wedge.

Yeah, so your mom has what is it called aphasia from her stroke.

Were you were you ever able to actually sit down with your mom and get answers that you wanted before.

Yeah, it's interesting you asked that because there was right before this is Us started.

I was back home in Florida and I was so anxious.

I was like, they're going to fire me.

I can't do this all the all the things.

And I remember having a conversation with my mom because I was very, very anxious and I don't know having on the subject, but I was like, you know, I felt like, you guys didn't do this, you didn't do that, and this is where my anxiety stems from.

And this was before her stroke, and she was like, Christy, I lovingly want to say, like I don't think that was what really happened.

Like our perspective is different, and I was like, what do you mean, there's another perspective not just about me.

And so it was.

Nice to have that conversation with her because I felt like, oh, I didn't consider what they might have gone through or our parents doing the best they could, and it was nice to have that.

It wasn't as in depth as I had hoped, but it definitely was important and needed and providential.

Yeah, yeah, one more thing and then we'll go to some more fun stuff.

But I love this shit.

I love.

You know.

When your dad did pass, And I think this is pretty relatable to a lot of people who have parents who have are strange.

Yeah, I wonder you know again, I have a more of a relationship with my dad right now, you know.

But it had been twelve, thirteen, fourteen years, and I would go through this in my head, like if he dies, what am I going to feel?

Yeah, you know, and I would.

I couldn't put myself in that situation or put myself in that feeling because I really didn't know how to.

I didn't know what they're feel like, Well, I've lived you've kind of lived it.

There's an obligation of like, oh, they're my father.

They're it's biological or blood related, but you don't have a relationship with them, so you really grieve a relationship.

Or for me, I grieved the relationship I didn't have, and so that was hard.

It was like, did I miss an opportunity?

Did did the information given to me?

Was that incorrect?

Did I have this idea?

Did I keep replaying this tape that wasn't true and there was nothing I could do about it?

Now, Interestingly enough, I went to this medium and she said, your father keeps coming around and bringing you gifts, just like all I see is like tons and tons of presents with these beautiful bows all around you.

For all the times, oh no, for all the times like he wasn't there, and all the times that he's there, like apologies and gifts.

And I was like, oh, that's that's very healing, that's very sweet.

And depending on if you want to believe it or not, but I know that nobody's all bad and nobody's all good, and so I really chose to believe that like he did the best he could.

It's unfortunate that we didn't have the relationship I wanted, but I can redirect that and hopefully, you know, heal it in a different way.

But I certainly was sad.

I mean it was like the last time I hung out with him, one of like the first questions he asked me was like, well, how much did I make on this as us per episode?

I was like, this is not.

Good, Okay, this is this is the kind of stuff I'm talking about because I don't want to have a relationship with you.

And then I'm thinking, well, what if that was the only thing that he could sort of ask about.

Like what I wanted him to.

Say was I didn't even know you're interested in acting?

Tell me about that.

Like, but then when I was watching and observing him with you know, with everybody, I was like, oh, he's gregarious, he's smart, he's clever.

I'm maybe more like him than I, right.

And so I was like, oh, okay, yeah, nobody is.

All bad, and we're all troubled, and we're all just trying to figure this thing out, and we have this blueprint of life, and we're.

Like, oh, what if some people choose to go deep and figure it out and some people just say fuck it?

This is they aren't able the true acceptance of who they are, even if they're bad, you know, so.

It's like, is that good or bad?

I accept I am I'm an asshole, you know.

You're like, oh no, you just don't want to change it.

People don't want to change you're scared.

Yeah, so it was.

But he also was very loved.

He had a lot of friends and his is widow Maria, really sweet woman was obsessed with him, and thank god, because he really needed someone to dote on him like that was My mom did that with him.

She like kept him underweight to stay in the navy, like she really.

Yeah, so there, it was cool that I got to see other aspects of him, even though he's definitely fallible.

And yeah, so anyway, I would say this, you should write another book on your dad and those feelings and we title it return to Sender.

Oh hey, come on, I'm gonna have to give your credit for the acknowledgements.

All about your dad.

And I did write a song called Daddy's Girl, did you yeah, about being more like him than I wanted to give an admit.

So cool.

Musically, yeah, musically it's like very cathartic for.

Me that way.

So getting into all that, Yes, how did you get into the arts?

You know, acting singing.

I mean, I okay.

So yesterday someone asked me like, how did you know you were an actor?

And I was like, I was writing in a journal and I had this epiphany.

I was like, oh, I've been acting all my life.

I've been acting like I've I'm okay.

I've been acting like I'm happy.

I've been acting like I'm loved.

You know, I'm like, oh, oh, I didn't need to go to Carnegie Mellon, Like I didn't need to go to NYC.

Like I wish I did, but I didn't.

But I think it was moreover, like.

I have such empathy for people, and that's where I think real acting is, Like that's why we are attracted to it, because even if you're the villain, or you're the in between or whatever, protagonist acting whatever, like, you have to have empathy and understanding of why the motivations are the motivations.

But music was my first love, and I my family couldn't afford to like rent an instrument for band, and all the cool kids were in band, and all the cute girls, all the cute skinny girls had the piccolos and the flutes and the clarinets.

And they were like, we have the baritone.

I said, I will not be the biggest chubbiest girl in sixth grade.

And with the baritone for share setting up, they're setting me, even setting me up on my life set and a failure.

And so I was like, I can't do this, and my mom's like, well, I can't rent it anyway, and I was like great, and you're not buying it.

So I ended up joining choir and I was like, oh, I can be one of many that sounds like one voice but also sort of hide but also still like saying.

And music was always prevalent in our family growing up, and I was yeah, like Motown to like the Doobie Brothers, like everything, and so I've always been influenced by music.

But I never thought like I was going to sing.

I never thought that.

I I mean, I had no self esteem middle school.

My stepfather was very difficult.

He was very hard on me.

My mom remarried, and ironically, when he passed away two years ago, I was able to write him a letter and for give him for everything that he's done.

But he was more of a father to me than my own father.

So it's a wild conflict.

The whole yeah, I know, but you would You wouldn't You would not change it.

No, I'm saying that because I know and I wouldn't either.

It is all led you to who you are.

It helps me every.

Single scene that I'm ever in, every single song that I write, or the people that I talked to, you might be going with me the same thing.

Yes, I would not change it.

It was difficult in the moment, I'm like, what the actual is going on?

So it really sort of came out of choir that I really fell in love with music, and then I was like, oh, okay, I can sight read.

Okay, this isn't that, And.

I wish I would have taken you know, piano lessons or violet or some sort of instrument.

But it really wasn't until high school when everyone's like, oh my gosh, we're going to nominate you for class clown and the supperlatives.

And I was like why, Like what?

Because I was an angsty teenager very I was yes, like my stepdad was very hard on me, and so instead of like turning inward in a soft, sweet way, I was like just yeah, a brat and talk back to my teachers in middle school like eighth grade.

I'll never poor miss Smith.

I was such a mean girl to her, and I feel terrible for it.

I have apologized and I hope she hears me.

But it's like, because I knew that I was going to make people laugh, I was like, oh, I'll get attention that I don't get at home, and it's mostly positive.

Yeah, but this isn't this isn't good.

But the Dean mismetters who I am.

I am obsessed with.

She changed my life.

Anytime I would get like a referral, like a write up, She's like, come to my office and you can answer the phones.

And she knew that I was troubled and she knew like I just needed like positive love and positive reinforcement.

So she was so, those are the special people.

She's the best.

Well beyond yah the act, Yes.

They dig deeper and understand why.

Yes, yeah, thank god for her.

So yeah, But it wasn't really until high scho senior year of high school where I actually had enough guts to audition for chamber choir because I wanted to do theater and all the cool kids were doing theater who were.

Like taped for Broadway, and I was like whoa.

But I never thought I could do it.

I was just so interested because I was obsessed with Jim Carrey and Jack Black.

I was like, I'm gonna be on s n L and I'm gonna be the female version that didn't happen and so not well, it's still time.

I guess it's still time.

But like you could be on SNL, I could you could be on not well beyond it, but you're going to be on it.

I think it's time.

Give me a little come on.

I'd be so nervous.

Oh okay.

First of all, Stirling was on it and he was like, it was so stressful.

And then my old client, because I was I told you an agent, I go, she is a cast member.

Now she's like it is full throttle all the time.

I mean she loves it, but it's stressful and things are like being rewritten, as like the Q cards are going up and they're like oh what oh and then be funny okay, okay, and then with a celebrity that you might not know where you're afraid.

Of or I can't imagine anyway.

I want to.

Believe that the Universes, if it should happen, it'll be in the right time, we'll see all that has A My choir teacher in my senior year was like, I'm going to nominate you for this.

The scholarship for this coral camp at University of Florida.

And I was like, oh, no, it's okay, and she's like, no, there's only like two people out of the state that teachers get to, you know, actually choose to go for free because my parents obviously couldn't afford it.

And I got the scholarship and it was so like, I mean, I was way in over my head.

All these kids like cancite reading.

They're like blah blah blah blah, and I'll never forget.

We had a scat workshop.

Okay, a scat workshop correct, right, So I'm like we're all sitting like a semi circle and they're like just improvise and I was like, you know, getting closer and closer and closer to me.

And I was like, okay, do I go to the bathroom now?

Do I see my stomach hurts?

Am I gonna throw up?

Like I was just trying to get out of it.

I was so afraid and I was like, skim it up up li Like I was like, I don't know what and they were like, that's scatting.

And I was like, you're like, I'm gonna scat in my pants right now, and I did, and I did.

I'm skinny scatty.

And I was like, oh.

It was petrifying, but like you know, as you know, when you like move through the hard stuff, you're like.

Oh I didn't die.

Yeah, oa, okay, maybe I can do this again.

So every single time I was like, okay, okay, okay, but it really wasn't until and I'm jumping ahead, but I was at presenting at the Billboard Awards with Justin I think the second or third year of this is US and twenty eighteen or something, and a random guy to me and he's like, I literally just heard the Voice of God say talk to her about music.

And I was like, huh what And he's like, my wife said I should do should talk to you?

Like, I know it sounds crazy, but do you want to write?

Do you sing?

Like he didn't know if you enough voice?

No, he didn't know nothing.

And he's like, by the way, I'm Kelly Clarkson's MD for the past twenty years.

My name's Jason, and I live in Nashville.

If you want a songwrite, I'll hook you up with some songwriters.

Hello.

I was like, oh my god, I got I was like yeah, sure, yeah, I was like yeah.

I was like okay, sure, he's because you heard me say you've heard me?

Yeah right, So he's like DM me on Instagram and I was like, oh, this ain't real.

And then I did and he was, and he set me up with like the most prolific writers in an all of Nashville.

Wow for my first right, And I was freaking out, like Natalie Hemby and Daniel Tashian who did like all of you s Musk Graves albums, and Miranda Lambert and like, I just.

Saw Casey in Colorado a week ago.

Did you love it?

She was great?

Festival fun, oh fun.

Yeah.

So anyway, I was like, what am I getting?

I don't even know what I'm doing.

But I found that I love songwriting to the point of like, it's the most magical thing.

In four hours, you.

Have a song that never existed that would change poble's lives.

It's incredible.

So then I kept going back and forth just songwriting.

During the hiatus of This is Us signed with UMG because I got to sing at the Oscars.

Coodyne Warren wrote a song for a movie that he did amazing.

What's happening?

Am I like?

But then three years in I didn't get to go on tour because COVID the world shut down.

And then I was like, I'm writing music, but I don't get to put it out, So I end up leaving the label, which.

Was the really really really tough.

It was so disheartening.

Oh, it's really tough.

And then acting, I mean, when did you come.

To La by the way?

Hello, Okay, let's and how long were you here?

How long were you struggling here?

How many years?

So my sister, who takes care of my mom, who has four kids, she's an angel, she heard about this open call at a holiday and that my stepdaddy and my mama met at at the bar and that's where the open call was.

So she heard about this open call on the radio and she was like, will you take me?

Because she wanted to be a print model.

She has a different dad than I do.

She's tall and thin, and so it's okay, God, God doesn't give it two hands.

It's fine, it's Fine's fine.

So I'm still working on them.

It's fine.

So we go.

There's a woman who's sitting across from me and I'm filling out the paperwork for my sister, and she's like, are you here for auditioning?

Are you here for a reason?

Like and I was like, no, I'm just taking my sister.

I was teaching preschool at the time, and she's.

Done at all.

I'm the agent teacher singer.

McDonald's was my first job.

Yeah, that's where I really fell in love with those fries.

Still eat them, be.

Fatinal anyhow, exactly, I shouldn't.

You can't help it, Okay, drugs, drugs, that's my that's mine with extra cheese.

Oh my gosh.

Okay, so I digrass it's all about food.

So anyway, the lady was like, well, I think you should audition.

I was like, what is she talking about?

And she said, you know, I taught it at your high school.

I was like, no, you didn't.

When I tell you, I've never seen this person in my life.

She's a liar.

What are you talking about?

So then I fell out the paperwork.

I go to like turn around to talk to her.

I'm not kidding you, guys, gone gone, gone, and I was like, I was like, where's the lady in the hat?

And everyone's like, what lady in the hat?

Nobody ever remembered seeing her.

I'm like, this is bizarre.

A ghost yese ghost.

I'm like, this is bizarre.

And I'm like, was it a guardian angel who was like here to give me some positive reinforcement?

Anyway, the lady comes out, She's like, Okay, what do you do?

And I was like, oh, this is just my sister and I came here to take her.

And she's like, you don't do anything, you know, I'm saying, act whatever, And I was like, even though in my heart I was like, take me right, like I was like, give me out of Gainesville and my sister.

My sister's like, yes, you do sing and I'm like, oh, I don't.

And so I ended up singing.

Of course, reflection from Mulan.

As one does.

Why did I choose that hard song?

I'll never know.

So anyway, I sang and she was like, oh, okay, well we'll let you never give you guys.

I know wait, wait, hold on, well go ahead, because I Mulan was on a repeat twenty four seven with my kids.

With the movie The Live action or the cartoon cartoon okay, right, but reflections.

It's the theme.

Yeah, look at me.

You may think you see who I really am, but you never know.

Yes's chorus, who is that girl?

Back?

Yeah?

Yeah, I don't sing it?

No, yeah.

Yeah.

So she said, well, if we give you a callback, we'll let you know my Wednesday.

The following two days, she crosses back and she's like, you know, you're just wanting to do print modeling, great, but like, are you interested in doing like comedy you're acting.

I was like mm mmmmmm, I really want to sing, and she's like, I don't think you should focus on that.

I was like gutted because that was my That's what I wanted to do.

And she said, but I think her funny and like there might be something there.

Well, it turns out when I find out three years later, is she had wanted to be an actor.

She was a plusized girl, and I think she was sort of living Vicarsy through me, which ended up being great for me, but like also humh.

So we did classes, I went down to Orlando every single weekend, and then we did a showcase for all these agents and managers and I was like, oh, all the skinny girls are going to get agents like whatever.

And it was like the days of like Aaron Spelling and like you know, you had to look a certain way or whatever.

And I had this crunchy, curly hair.

It was a mess, like a mess.

And so anyway, I was the woman at the convenience store and all the actors would come in and they do monologues, you know, like it was written well, it.

Was entertaining and it was Yes showcase.

And so I got a call back and so my first agent, Jackie Lewis, who's still my dear friend, signed me.

And I couldn't addam an eve it.

I culton adds him in an event and end up moving when I was twenty into a two bedroom apartment in Burbank with six girls, and the manager slept in the living room.

We had a printer on a table with plastic chairs.

We did, yes, we did, and I took all the kids on auditions and then that's when she was like, oh, your agent Jackie needs an assistant.

Can you go work with her?

And I'm like, oh, you really don't want me to pursue my dreams?

Got it?

Yeah?

And so that was like a nine year detour, and I did get to learn so much behind the desk, of course.

But man, you were an agent for nine years.

Yes, so I was out here for twelve before this has us happened.

Were you still were you still performing now even though you were an agent?

You were like, no, I'm an agent now.

No like singing, I'm not auditioning, I'm not acting.

I'm like I would take like a voice lesson here or there.

And I wanted to John Kirby, who's my acting coach, who's the just love of my life.

He every time I would see him and a couple of other friends would coach with him, He's like, Christie, I hope that you join my class sometime, like there's something special about you.

I was like, oh, John, you're sweet, but.

Okay, my And then I finally was like, okay, I'm going to commit to an acting class while I'm agenting and like I could barely get together with my scene partner because I was always working twenty four hours a day.

And then I got a I booked an arc on American horror story the Freak Show season, and I said, oh.

My god, my life is starting there.

No it didn't.

I did five episodes and it was like the scariest thing ever because Jessica Lang, I'm pretty sure hates me.

If you don't, okay, thank you, and if you do, I'm sorry.

How cool is that?

Though?

I mean, you can book working with Jessica Lang.

I'm Matthew Bates at just going, Evan Peters, Emma Roberts.

Like I was like.

Just afraid out of my mind and like my first co star was on Entourage and my scene was with James Cameron.

When I tell you, I was scared, I'll never forget.

I called my manager and I was like, I can't do it, and she's like, you put your big girl panties on and you figure it out.

But because what happened was I had a really crazy line that they rewrote and I didn't get to audition with it.

This is Entourage, and so there's the fake Harvey Weinstein.

It's when they're at Sundance and Adrianonieri's character is Aquaman and it's premiering and James Cameron comes and I'm just.

The counter girl.

That was the role and I'll never forget the line now.

But during rehearsal, I could not get the line and drama was like.

I don't even worry about it.

I'll give you my baby.

Sides and I was like, what are baby sides?

Like, I don't know what you're talking about.

I was petrified and so I called my manager.

I was like, I can't do this.

So the scene goes up.

We're on the day.

James says, I go through the line to flow it again, and he goes is there something that I'm doing?

And I'm like, yes, mister Cameron, it's all you begin lineman, iman ainate it.

And I was like, oh, I'm never gonna do this, like I can't, Like I can't do this, and I cried like all the way home and I was like, I'm terrible, this will never happen again.

What's the sea God?

So he comes up to me and says, oh.

Gosh, something about like wanting a water right, And I was like, oh, can I ask you a question, mister Cameron.

He's like, yeah, sure, some random counter girl, and I said, was the sinking of the ship an attempt to foreshadow the forthcoming sinking of the tech market in two thousand?

Right?

To be fair, that's not easy, thank you.

That's a mouth twister.

It's a mouthful.

Thank you.

I appreciate that, and all his response was, no, I just wanted to make a little girls cry.

Yeah, okay, so twister tongue twister.

Especially when the nerves kick in, you're dead.

Oh my god.

In Turtle was like, what's going on?

And I was like, oh my god, everybody hates me.

And I had because I did Dawson's Creek.

I did the last year of Dawson's Creek, and that dialogue was always so mouthy, you know, Kevin Williams, but it was it was like it was always just very specific, and I had this big, not big, medium speech and it was pushing up against lunch.

And the nerves I was new.

You know, the nerves start.

To kick in and then you're and then the race is dead.

Yeah, that's it.

It just goes to blank and now there's pressure.

We're now going into sort of you know or whatever, and it's like fun.

I couldn't get it.

Had to break for lunch.

It was going to kill myself.

It was horrendous.

You know, people don't really understand like unless they're in it, do you know, because like you just feel like I feel like, oh my god, the writers are talking about me, They're going to the show, they're gonna kill me off the show, whatever.

Like it's always so I.

Think that's natural for all actors to be like I mean even maybe even if you're Meryl Streep.

I don't even know, but.

I don't know, but maybe she does.

It's like you finished a take and you're like, what they're saying about me?

And then I would go through these things much.

I'm much better now, but in the beginning, you know, the end of the day, the showrunner, director, producer would go, you know, other actors like ay Man, amazing, you were an amazing, You're amazing today.

I'm like a sea said to me.

And then it's like, hey, i'll see tomorrow.

I'm like, oh my god.

Fuck, I'm not I'm nobody.

No, he didn't, he didn't say we're not good.

I mean, this is the ship that would go through.

The over analyzation of every single like did he look at me weird?

Was he disappointed?

Why didn't he come and ask me if I want to sit with him at lunch?

Like I'm like, oh wow, chrissy, Like this.

Is torture, torture, but don't.

Think we're alone.

I think this is I think this is more natural than we even think.

I think a lot of actors will.

Stop this because it's too much, I know.

But before we get out of here, The Hunting Wives.

I haven't seen it yet.

I have friends who've called me and said, you've got you have to watch this show.

She's wild, She's a wild ride.

Yeah, it's it's certainly when I read it, it's you know, as you know, like then seeing it, yeah, you're like, oh, this is kind of shocking.

Yeah.

Luckily my character was, you know, this very sweet, god fearing woman who sort of like grounded the whole series because she well there I say, she's the only one with morals.

But it was really cool to work with everybody, and it was cool to do something different, you know, because it's the most wonderful thing to have a job that's changed your life and created so many opportunities.

But like, literally people don't even consider me as Chrissy Metz.

They're like, oh, Kate Pearson, which I get it, Like fine, but like doesn't mean I don't want to do other roles, you know.

So it's interesting.

People at the airport were like, just this first star, so I won't give you any I won't spoil or anything.

I won't spoil it.

But it was also cool to play someone who's southern because I am from Florida and I know women like her.

And yeah, it's just been It's so wild because people are really into it, like I crazy, billions of minutes of watching and people loved it.

I mean, all demographics have come up to me and there's something for everyone.

I like to say, there's something for everyone, and it's a fun watch.

I know, I'm going to watch.

I'm going to watch if you want, I'm going to All my friends are something to watch, and you know, of course it's great, but they're like, it's really like aily sexual.

I'm like, yeah, she's very sexy.

It's a very sexy show.

You said, Mom, I'm not watching this with you.

She watched it by herself, a little cheeky little mink.

But yeah, anyway, thanks for having me.

This was so fun.

Maybe we don't come back if I get a return an invitation, of course, to talk about.

We have a lot to talk about.

We just we have, we have we're more like than maybe we knew.

I know this has been fun.

I know.

Well, good luck on all of your journeys.

Thank you.

You know you have many.

Anyway, I love me, thank you.

Thank you so good to chat.

Thanks guys,