Hi.

I am Kate Hudson and my name is Oliver Hudson.

We wanted to do something that highlighted our.

Relationship and what it's like to be siblings.

We are a.

Sibling Railvalry No, no, sibling, val don't do that with your mouth, Vely.

That's good.

It's Oliver Hudson here, solo mission, me and me and me, not me myself, and i'd me me me.

I need to do more me me me because I I don't take enough care of myself.

I need to go me me, me, me me.

You know what.

I can do this whole fucking intro right now and do a whole thing.

But we have a guest waiting in the waiting room and I need to get to her because I'm excited to have conversations and talk about life and bigger things and unscripted shows with husbands and books and let's get into it.

Please bring on missus Baldwin, Larry Baldmin.

Hello, how are you.

I'm good, I'm sorry, I'm late, that's okay.

I did a whole panel for my gut health for you know, they did blood, they did this, they did that.

Unfortunately it was stool.

I mean it was everything.

So I had a consultation after the fact to go over every piece of my body, scared, hoping that there wasn't some shit that is going to you.

Know, I'm going to not have much longer to live.

But so I was going through the whole process and it was very interesting.

It can be interesting.

That kind of thing always scares me.

Did you see you seeing me like full body scan doing in Europe?

Yeah, well there's the pre nuvo stuff too.

I mean I don't know all the names, but I was looking at this and I was like, you know what, this would probably terrify me.

But they stay within like an hour or something like that.

You know so much about your.

Yeah, yeah, no, I did it.

I did a full body scan I think last year, and uh yeah.

Then you sit down with the technician and the lead up is scary as shit.

You're just thinking, okay, you know any.

Any sort of health scarceuse.

We all have like little you know, Yeah, I.

Feel like we all have our things, and especially once you at least for women, once we have kids, there's not only things for us, but then there's things for the kids too, and it's all scary.

The best doctors are people calling you this, nurses, whoever's calling to get the result.

They will just like pick up the phone.

They're like, everything's fine.

Yeah, I'm good, thank you.

No, I know, I know, don't ask me how I'm doing.

Nothing, just everything is fine.

You're yes, exactly, get into it.

I love that.

I know, I totally agree.

I mean, because you're just waiting for some sort of a shoe to drop and then the doctor's not calling you after you've done your blood work and whatever, and oh my god, something's wrong.

And you know, I mean I have anxiety around health for sure.

Very It's like, you know, we we so much focus on all these material things and stresses and what people think and stuff like that, and ultimately our health is number one.

But you know, I even say with you know, the way that we've learned to communicate in with my friends and my husband and and my family is I'm like, start at the end and then let's.

Get to the story.

So, you know, my my son recently broke his collar book and I wasn't there.

So if we start with.

Okay, Romeo is having X Y Z, and then we can go back, just you know, once you start it from the beginning, and you're like you're guessing and guessing.

And guessing, like what's happened?

And now go back and learn.

And I've that's actually helped me tremendously with anxiety because you just get there.

There's no lead up there.

That's great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I like that.

Yeah.

It's like when you get a call from the school.

But just happened fucking too many times with my insane children, although they're great kids that get straight a's and they're amazing.

So you get that call from the from the school and immediately you see the school on the on the ID and you.

Pick it up and the first thing they say is why is my one of my sons Wilder?

He goes Wilder is fine.

Okay, good, get to the end and then like what we have to deal with?

No, that's good for me.

It was when the nurse calls.

So I have six in the same school, and so the nurse calls and she's like.

I'm like, which one is it here?

And I'm like, great, yeah.

No, I I get I know.

And as when I had kids, I have three kids.

I have to say that this fear of death honestly is gotten worse and it and it's not even a selfish thing.

It's more about my children, you know what I mean, Like I go to this place of I need to be here for them to continue on, you know, imparting whatever wisdom or insanity.

That I'm going to give them.

But you know, I think that that is an issue and I wish.

I don't think you can truly truly live until you have sort of gotten over this fear of death.

You know, there's liberation there.

Yeah, no, it's I think I bring my kids to cemeteries a lot.

It was, and I feel like and first of all, I do, I feel very much like you do.

It's see, you know, it's it's once you become a parent.

I think that how fragile life can is, can be very you know, it becomes very Uh it comes into my fears all the time.

But I I really feel like, you know, we spend time in cemeteries and you know, everything from like the history of it, and just also acknowledging like.

This is part of life.

You know, this is part of life, and there's a tremendous amount of peace there as well, and not being afraid, you know, if not of death, but of people who have died, you know, and because I don't want anyone to be afraid of me when I die, so I try to have that kind of connection with them.

But no, I mean, this is the this is the human the human thing.

Do you have fears and anxieties?

You know?

I mean, is this part of your of your life?

Is managing yourself to be the best for your kids and your husband?

I mean, yeah, I mean I so I turned forty one this year, and I feel like, for what I hear from other women, I feel like forty is a big growing up phase in life.

You know, I've had my kids, I doubt I'll have any more, and I have also not only do I have a lot of kids, but I've been thrust into many experiences in life that.

I had ero preparation for.

I don't know if anyone would and and so yeah, no, I mean it's definitely the fears of am I able to do this?

Am I good enough for this?

You know the title of my book, where's a manual for this?

Manuals not included?

Like kids said anyone?

And you know, who can I call to get advice for this?

And you know there isn't anyone.

But that's where I think, you know, my my yoga practice, breathing, running, gratitude.

I've I've always been just a very grateful person anytime things are going bad, and you know, somebody came up with you know it came and.

Told me about toxic Oh don't be so toxic positive.

And I'm like, if I'm not positive somewhere or find beauty somewhere, it's just going to get so.

Dark, you know.

So I try to cling onto some sort of beauty and positivity wherever I can find it.

So yeah, no, I mean, it's definitely, it's definitely there.

But then I also think about the perspective and the experience that I want my kids to remember when they're in their twenties and thirties and beon.

And think how was my mom?

How was my childhood?

All feign happiness sometimes just because I want them to feel that joy, and they're very smarting sometimes were like.

Mm oh yeah, but at least oh no, they know, they know, they know they're there.

Their intuition is so strong and spot on, and they feel so much, and they pay attention way more than we think that they're paying attention.

My kids will sometimes my daughter, what's wrong, Dad.

I'm like, how did you know?

You know what I mean?

Like, they can feel that that.

Energy, and I guess sometimes yeah, you got to put on the good face and then sometimes you just got to say yeah, you know, yeah I'm not good right now, and that's okay.

Yeah.

I'm a big believer in a healthy dose of.

That, because I think by not telling them you question their sense of feeling and their own intuition.

But we talk a lot in our family as well about that your feelings can lie to you, which I didn't grow up.

Everything is like, oh, we trust your feelings, trust you're good.

Sometimes your feelings are anxiety and they're not true.

Yes, sometimes your feelings are I feel like a horrible piece of it today and this is just just so awful and I'm the stupidest.

And that's not a true feeling.

Yeah, you know, you can validate that where that is coming from, and that that is, you know, an anxiet, But that's an anxiety.

That's not a true feeling.

And so I talk about that with my kids as well, because ultimately what we want them to become is good problem solvers.

If they can solve you know, what, what do I want to do with my life, what makes me happy?

Who are good people to surround myself with?

You know?

How How can I treat other people and be a good citizen of this world?

Then we're doing a really good job.

I think as parents, that's what we try, that's what that's what we strive for, you know.

And we all do it differently, which is so interesting as well.

All parents do it differently.

There is no Well it's interesting you know about your book, you know, using the word manual, right, because there is no manual, I mean.

And I raise my kids so differently than my sister does.

And they're all great kids, you know, but I have different theories and I have different instincts than you might, and that Kate might, or than anyone might, right, yeah, you know, And it's just something And it's not about if we're fucking them up.

I think it's just to what degree, you know what I mean, we are screwing them up one way or another.

It's just part of the life, you know, Right.

Well you might find as well that you know, with your children, they're all so different, so you're going to have to parent each one of them.

Yes, you know, I have a big brother and I look up to him, and I think that he's since this is a sibling show, since I think like.

The world of him.

And he has a my nephew who's twenty, and he is just like such a good dad, and I got so inspired by how he parents because it's, you know, really about being together and connection.

And you know, my nephew is really close to him, like sleep in bed in the bed with him, so you know, everybody's judging, and my brother's like, it's not going to sleep in bed with me when he's in college, you know.

And it's like he understood that these so he taught me a lot about phases and you know, just kind of really being present for the individual child that you have.

And so I'm different with in some ways.

With all of my kids, I've had to hone in.

And you know, just like hell yeah, all without a doubt.

I mean, I would do it.

My wife and I talk about it all the time, how differently we would have done it with our first kid, knowing what.

We know now.

I mean, it's night and day from one, number one to number three, and you got number one to number seven.

So I'm sure there was a lot of evolution from one to seven.

Yeah, no, no, no, and that but that's the thing, is like teaching our kids that we are evolving and we are, you know, imperfect.

I was reading a something about how people who have good relationships with their parents as adults and what their parents did well as children when they were children, and it was about saying that you're sorry and admitting that when they were wrong and fallible.

And I think that that's one of the big you know keys.

I try to include my kids in an empowering way in their growth.

So you know, yes, they have to do their home, Yes they have to eat their vegetabs, Yes they.

Have to go to bed.

All of these there are rules, trust me, there are rules.

But the more that I can encourage them to feel a purpose in their own growth and the why why and taking the time even when I'm hearing seven whys at the same time about seven different completely different subjects and they're yelling at me at the same time.

So you can imagine a spinner.

Not only I have seven, I have seven very close together.

Yeah, but that's something that you know, hopefully, well, hopefully it will turn out well.

For our relationship.

Yeah, and so you have you have one sibling A one sibling.

Yeah, and so take us back, take us back.

Where were you?

Where were you born?

Where did you grow up?

So?

I'm born in Boston.

My whole family lives in Spain, which was a big part of my childhood as well.

Is where my whole family lives and we Yeah, my brother lives there.

Oh, he's lived there most of his life, and I've lived here mostly.

Did you live in Boston?

I live in Boston, Boston yea yeah, yeah, yeah, Well.

That's my my in law.

So my wife grew up.

They grew up in Boston, my in laws, like we were in Brockton, and then my wife was in Long Meadow, which is just uh, I know it.

Yeah, and then now we go to the cake.

We go to Falma every summer for three weeks.

But where are you?

Where are you located now?

I'm in La born and raised La.

Born and raised in La.

And are you how is everything there?

It was crazy?

Yeah, the fires were definitely affected us.

One of my brother's houses went down, so now it sucks.

Then my parents, Kate, myself, our houses were not directly affected, but some smoke damage and stuff like that.

You guys all live very near each other.

Yeah, we're all sort of eight ten minutes away everybody.

I love that.

That's so nice.

I tell that to my my kids, and they're having conversation this morning because my my son, my oldest son, went away to like this.

I don't know if your kids did, like a two day you go away with your your class, like I.

Can't play bumps and stuff like that.

And I was a wreck.

And it's so weird because I have seven kids, and you would think that like six kids are.

Still like noisy, and it's like so quiet, even the one and he's even like one and more quiet of the bunch.

Yeah, it was just such a.

Weird changing the dynamic.

And he came back yesterday and I said to him, I said, you know that's it.

All of you guys are going to live inn account compounds because we're all going to live with me forever.

I love that, No, I know.

I mean, and only do you truly understand the love that your parents have for you once you have your own children.

You know, when we grow up and you know your parents are loving on you, and they're concerned about you, and and they just want you to sort of be good human beings and and be well off and be positive and oh mom, I got it, I got it.

And then when you have children and then you are in their shoes.

The appreciation now that I have for my parents, you know, the love that has deepened for them once I've had my kids, is astronomical because I understand it now.

I understand that you love so hard.

That you don't even know what to do with it, right, you know what I mean?

Also just you know, I mean I talk about, you know, being fallible and just not understanding what to do.

And I always try to think about, you know, my parents, my friend's parents, when we're at my friends and I, you know, everybody off conversations and everything, and I think, you know.

If I don't, none of us know what we're doing.

Most of the time, we're trying, we're trying our best.

And so I think becoming a parent is also a really good dose of, you know, looking back and thinking, wow, my parents were in their twenties and thirties and forties and I and beyond hopefully you know, and and you know the same thing like when I look at some of these very difficult experiences I've had, I hope my kids just.

Know that I was trying my best, and I hope.

That they know that there was no manual and in the end, I just wanted everybody to be okay, and and you know, it's a little bit of you know, trial and error.

I have a story in the book we had, I think on our show.

Yeah, I was on our show as well about how you know I have we have paparazzi downstairs sometimes and I'm always trying to take care of Alec and try to get them out of the house without these you know, because they're the name of the games.

They don't care what they say.

They're just trying to get a reaction at it.

And I had one morning where I was like all out of like all my tricks and I don't know how these things come to mind, but I just come up with like the craziest stuff to do sometimes and I'm like crazy enough to try it.

So I was like, you know what, I don't know what's doing.

It's so cold outside.

I go upstairs and sad, I'm gonna put something crazy on and then I'm gonna try to lead lure them away from the house and then get an uber to come at the same time so they don't recognize our car and Alec can go in and they will be here.

And so I put on fishnets and this tinle skirt and it's like like I look ridiculous, but she gets it's like eleven side and freezing, and I'm walking in very slowly and pretends me on the phone and I'm walking, walking, walking to the corner and you and sure enough they start following me, and I'm like, this is like thirty percent chance of working.

Yeah, And they follow me.

And they're taking pictures and I kind of turn around and I'm gazing at the door and see.

Alec like dirt into a car and drive away, and I just like turned around and it was like.

I mean, in some ways like get leaning into trying to find silly ways like pressful situations.

But he and then of course they love to like call me a slug and stuff like that.

It's like, look, she just wanted to I'm like, well, now I can tell you what I was doing.

Yeah, you guys, you made a game.

You made a game out it made a game out of it.

And so there's times, by the way, I try these things and sometimes it doesn't go well either, so you know, or I don't win, but that was one where I went.

But again, that's like an example of like, I hope people look back and be like, you know what, she's crazy, but she's trying her very best.

Oh yeah, yeah.

And by the way, you know, because it was a different time obviously then, but I grew up with famous parents, so I had to deal with paparazzi and you know, people in general, fans in general coming up to my mom and Kurt and whatever that meant to me and felt to me as a young kid might have been irrational, but there were my feelings where I just didn't want people invading our space and it gave me sort of just angry feelings a lot of the time.

And it's a thing that you have to navigate as parents, especially now in the spotlight, right, So how do you guys deal with that, talk to your kids about it, you know, or is it just kind of hey, guys, this is what it is inside our four walls, it's all.

It is what it is, and when we go outside, you know, sorry, not sorry, but this is our fucking life.

Yeah, I mean, I think it's after I answer, I'd love to get your opinions.

You lived it as a child, and I not grow up as a famous person, So I have no idea what I'm doing with famous parents.

But my I think it depends on what's going on.

And I think because these past few years have been so difficult, we've a lot of the attention that is coming at us.

It was very, very aggressive because it entered into a new realm where there was a feeling of entitlement to go another step of the right relation, you know, to really like is it all of it is a violation?

Taking a picture without somebody's consent is a violation, right, But then it gets to be like we're like shoving you violations, you know what I mean.

And and so with the kids, you know, if they're far away, we kind of like talk about it and bothers them because they see it bothers us, and that's our fault, right we should One of the things where I've made a mistake is I should just take a deep breath and that like burning sort of like why are you doing this to me?

Saying I need to learn how to calm down.

So that's what I'm working on in like.

My therapy, in you, in your therapy and your meditation, and your journaling and breath in your wellness journey exactly.

And it's another step when they're like streaming stuff at us that the kids are there, like you know that that kind of thing, and there's no level of humanity.

I'll say them like, you know my kids, don't they hear, no, we don't care.

They say, I don't care about your kids.

They will actually say it, and then they cut that part out when they when they sell.

So I think some of it is explaining the business, but I think it goes back to what you were saying before.

Kids are smart.

Kids are smart.

They see things, you know.

I mean, how many kids of famous parents or famous kids you see them like giving the middle.

Finger to like a paparazzi or something.

I have.

My kids definitely happen, I'm like, but out of them, they feel my boys.

I have four boys, and it is so funny how they feel.

You know, they're nine, eight, six, and four and they feel very protective over their parents in certain ways like that.

They're just like especially like me, They're like, this is my mom.

They're like kind of like yeah, yeah, So I don't I don't know what the right answer is.

I mean it's it's somebody's Scially, when you're doing an imperfect system.

Like you know, you're not going to make it better.

If it's just bad already and there's you know, people behaving badly, you can't really fix it.

Do you see it affecting either of your kids differently?

You know where some are better with it than others.

I mean, I think when they're little, it's obviously it's.

Better because they don't get it.

Yeah, and yeah, I.

Mean they go through phases.

But I think that the more.

We stay together and understand it and talk about the business of the clicks and selling the advertising and the clickbait and really what that is and they can understand helped me.

I don't got to understand it.

You know, when people told me I was good clickbait, I was like, what is that?

Even those first time I even heard this thing.

Like No, So you're somebody that you know, in a community of a lot of people that when they put something about you, they know that they're going to click on it, and when they click on it, that generates ads and it's just like ends up being this whole whole thing, and it just helps you to understand it.

I think the system a little bit more.

But I think it's just something that hopefully they will be able to separate from and say, that's the choices that these people are making over here, and I'm going to go onto my life.

I think doing the reality show was very helpful to us.

Yeah, I gave us it was very cathartic, and I think it gave us the ability to speak when we were told not to mm hmm.

And I think speaking and continuing on even if you know when we're filming, it was in private.

It was in a private place with with these people who we trusted, who we do trust of obviously they're wonderful people they we I think that was that was very very life saving for us.

Oh cool.

This is interesting to talk about, honestly because you you I think from a just uh from a standpoint of watching someone expose their lives on television, you know, the perception is is that one is doing that for some sort of notoriety.

But there's a there's another you know, there's another level to it.

There's depth to it, you know, especially for someone like you, family like you guys who have been so exposed without consent.

Yes, and so now it's it's your time.

It's interesting that you bring up that word because and I don't.

I don't have any I can't speak to other reality shows.

I don't watch a lot of reality shows.

I'm tired, I go to bed.

I don't like actually do much.

I'm very boring.

Sometimes it was like turn off.

But I so our show runners, Sarah Ready, when we met in person for the first time, we sat on the rug in my in my living room.

She said, the most important word of the.

Season is consent.

And I didn't really, you know, understand anything about reality job.

And I was like, I don't think that was the word that I would have gone to at that word that is the most important word, And she said yes, especially with the children, we always ask consent before we film, so much so to the point where Raphai or eldest, he'll notice he's not in it that much because we didn't have it like he was like no, I mean I don't want you, or he would leave, and it was just very much even if they didn't want to actually say it, he would, you know, just kind of have his own space.

And there's a tremendous sense of feeling people's energy on the set and he will watch it now and he's like, why am I not in this?

I'm like, because we had consent.

And he was like, he's like, why am I not at this point?

And I was like, because that wasn't the place that you were in right now, right at that point.

But no, it was very much.

You know.

One of the reasons that she told me that is she said, when you want to get true, you don't want to.

Put somebody in fight or flight.

You want to put them in a place calm and then they can be authentic and share with you.

And so I think that that's why the show feels so authentic.

I think this is why this book is so authentic, is because it's consent.

It's I'm sharing with you, and I'm a very open person, you know.

I lunch.

I love that.

That's why I love to teach yoga.

You know.

I get to meet a whole other person and we get to share something together and maybe maybe your life is going to get this much better.

My life is going to get this much better, even just our energy is connecting.

I love that, and so that's what I want to continue on.

You know, even though I don't teach as much yoga anymore.

I want to bring that into all areas of my life.

Mm hmm.

I mean, did you know what you were signing up for?

You know, you fell in love and you just met a man, and you know who's handsome and fun and funny as shit by the way, and talented is all get up.

And then you're like, whoa shit, this is not what I signed up for.

Well, I mean, I don't think when I mean, I don't know how people at home who are listening to this field, but like I never thought with anyone I was dating, like I'm signing up for XYZ right, like, regardless of what their profession is.

Like, I'm not like, oh, doing this is signing up to be whatever.

I mean, I think that politics has like a separate thing over there, but every other profession I don't understand, like thinking.

You know, when you're starting to date somebody that you're signing.

Up for something, but so no, And I also, you know the reality show we just said okay, And I do a lot of things without thinking them through sometimes, which I think is you know, it's a little impulsive, but it's also very spontaneous.

Then you know, I'm here to try things and stuff like that.

So you know, I mean, I was just trying it out.

This wasn't like somebody came with a contract and was like, this is what it's going to be.

Also, you know, I.

Grew up not watching TV, and I.

I still don't really watch TV to.

This day, and I think that therefore I wasn't really aware as much of that world.

Of course I knew he was famous.

Of course I didn't understand.

I don't think anyone cooked, but especially I think because I was so far removed and I was just teaching yoga all the time.

Yeah, oh but I didn't.

Yeah, I didn't really understand what people say, Oh, you sign up for it, what comes with that?

You know, you're asking for it?

All of these like really wonderful things to hear, and I'm.

Like, no, I know, I didn't.

How do you deal with that, like like the scrutiny, you know what I mean, and the press and all the shit that goes down.

You know, you get calloused to it, you know, you start to understand a little bit better and it doesn't really affect you, or I'm not speaking for you.

I'm saying maybe generally, But.

The first couple of times where you're like, I didn't do anything, Like why are you?

Why is everyone so angry?

I mean, how were you.

Able to sort of deal with that?

Did you have a natural capacity to sort of say, hey, you know, what's screw it?

No?

I wish, I wish.

I feel like sometimes I'm developing that a little bit more.

I think people did it hurt It was hurtful.

It is hurtful.

I mean, I'm somebody I'm like, hey, let's all, let's all be together.

Was like, be like happy and together, Like why are we doing this?

I would never do this to anyone.

Why are you going to do it to me?

But I mean, I'm a pretty defiant person, and I you know, I have I've been talking about recently.

I have ADHD, and I will like hyper focus on certain things, and I'll like and I'm also extremely literal.

Yeah, sorry interrupt.

But we just had a guy, you know, a doctor who is.

Like a prominent now I saw we left him.

Oh he's so great.

And because because I didn't know, I've never been diagnosed or anything, but it just feels like my brain is a little weird and I'm a creative and and he was explaining how a lot of creatives are just naturally they have add ADHD.

But the way he reframed it as a.

Superpower and not something that's stabilitating, you know what I mean?

Yeah, which I love because growing up it was not a superpower.

Yeah, you know, there was not anywhere near or one of our kids is I diagnosed with ADHD.

And and it was only then and that I started realizing that this.

Is a whole new world of I think, you know, information, understanding, celebration.

I mean I don't want to, you know, it's there are things that I know that me and many other people I know who we're wired very similarly.

It helps us, you know, And it is being creative, it is being spontaneous.

It's really thinking about things in a completely different way.

There's a resilience because I think people sometimes who have who struggle, you know, some of the best teachers that you can have troubled so much in their life.

People things just come like this to them.

I mean they're like, why don't you get it too?

But people who had to like really figure it out and struggle and know how hard it is come to conveying information to another person with real empathy.

So no that I was very happy.

I was.

I was doing my research before you had him on, and I love him.

Yeah, it was awesome.

Yeah, the whole idea about putting glasses on, and that is really really true, you know.

And it's not you know, just medication which works for some people and doesn't work for other people.

But it's just an understanding.

You know, all go on tangents.

And now that I can understand this stuff a little bit better, I then will like catch myself going on a tangent and I'll be like, okay.

Bring it all over, plan the plane exactly.

No, I know, I know, but it is.

It is interesting what happens when you are able to look at it as something positive, you know, even even just that feeling and that thought, It just changes the way that you feel and think immediately, yeah.

Well it's feeling valuable rather than like the stupid one in class.

Yeah.

And you also just give yourselves a little grace.

You're just like, oh wait, yeah.

And then telling people, you know, I think being able to to people like I Also, I also have dyslexia, and I'm like, not a great reader.

I've been read pretty well in my head.

But then I also realized.

That I'm like switching things and I like think that it means one thing and actually means the opposite because I realized there was a note in there or something that completely changes everything.

But and I did the audio book for my books, so you can imagine how yea the veriest scariest things for me, and I like came in like apologizing.

I'm like, I just want you to know that, like I'm not the best like alloud reader.

And they were so lovely and they actually told me that a lot of people in this field of you know, I don't like to call myself a celebrity body in like those that genre public figure books or whatever were books, they actually also are very say a lot of them have these little little differences that that I have.

So so anyway, they were really like lovely in featient with me and and but but yeah, I'm so grateful that people are talking about it now.

Oh yeah, we'll talk about the book, talk about the inspiration behind it, you know how this all came about.

So I I mean, I guess maybe maybe I'm learning.

I'm doing a therapy session right now, because you know, I agreed to do.

I know I'm going on a tangent noticing seeing.

I love it, by the way, I'm a tangent motherfucker, Like I go.

That will be good.

Yeah.

The we agreed to do.

The reality show without thinking about it, and we started filming it two weeks before the trial started, which is just like I look back and I'm like, like, I didn't think it's what was thinking.

I didn't really realize the time frame until like it came time and I was just like, oh my god.

This was like what are we going to do now that we not film the rest of it?

If he goes to jail?

Like what am we supposed to do?

Was really really so I actually started writing this book right after, right after the trige happened.

And I was there, I was I was shooting a TV show in New Mexico.

Really were you?

Yeah?

It was just an awful, tragic project time and I but I think that, you know, this book helped me very much get be a better person, parent, partner because it was almost like a journal that I could be, that I could be doing, and it really started to connect.

It was just basically like thought vomit for years because every I mean I had a baby during this you know what I mean like there was like there was this so much stuff happened during the course of writing this book.

And you know, I'm a because I'm a very open person and very unfiltered.

I I a lot of it was kind of you know, after the trial, it really sat down and I it all came together and I would do like ten pages a day, which for me, somebody like made us a lot.

And it was that just like I know now what to say, whereas I could put feeling, but these is I knew what to say in this in this time, or at least I hope.

I hope I said the right things.

And I also think that, you know, leaning into you know, my mi neurodivergence.

It is written in very like little you know, pieces, a little stories, and that helps me as well, because I struggle sometimes with just connect doing that seamless storytelling and connecting things where I can.

Hear here here, here, here, that all works sense here.

So it is written very much in in my.

My voice because I wrote it in the way that I.

Think as well the structure of it, and I hope that I shared stories that feel, you know, even though I've had extraordinarily unrelatable things happen to me in my life.

But I think that the themes are hopefully things that you know, Yeah, I.

Don't think that.

I think that that sells yourself a little short as far as unrelatable goes, because that's just I think there again, there is a perception of someone who is in the public eye, who does have you know, fortune, who does have some fame, that they don't feel anything that they don't have the same sort of you know, issues and hardships and afflictions that that everyone else has and and.

So we're not allowed to talk about it.

There's pain in all.

Of us, right, absolutely, there's relatability in all of our pain.

You know, yes, yeah, no, And I'm a strong believer that if whoever is listening is going to come into it either wanting to see humanity or not.

And then there you go.

But I hope and I do think that you know, whether it is silly parenting stories that I share, or you know, issues that Alec and I have had in our relationship, or tremendous tragedy.

Or becoming a mother, you know, losing.

Pregnancies, these are things that you know, everybody unfortunately knows what it's like to experience a tragedy.

There are are our version of it might be different, but the overall, you know, theme is tragedy.

The overall theme is problems in marriage overall theme.

And I think the reason that I wanted to share was because it's people sharing with me that helped me get through my hard times.

You know, I think when people come up to me and they'll say something very kind, I always want to tell them, you know, I'm so grateful for that, and I'm able to do these things and you know, be this person because other people have inspired me.

The idea is, we're hearing all of your stories.

We're getting a little snapshort of your life.

We're hearing it in your voice, and you know, very digestible chunks.

So it's not this reflowing sort of book.

And it's basically the idea is is I thought that I knew you have this idea of how to go about something, but until you're in it, you really don't know.

You know, there is no manual like you think that.

There's an okay when I have kids, this is how I'm going to feel when I get married, this is how it's going to be, you know, and it's just never what you think it is.

Yeah, no, exactly, and being open and curious and self forgiving of when you know when you get it wrong, and you know, not beating myself up, feeling sometimes like I let myself down, you know, I let somebody get to me, and I'm like, oh.

Told that myself.

I would never let that happen again, you know, I mean, these are this is is just a human but and it's also you know the question that you asked me before about, you know, was I prepared for any of this what I was signing up for?

And that's you know, I really wanted nothing to do with this business.

That now I very much enjoy.

As much as we talk about the negative things, there's so much amazing things about this business.

There's so much and I really.

Am so grateful for it, and I've really enjoyed myself.

But you know, there is you know, I was very frightened of it at the beginning.

I didn't really know anything I was getting into.

And I remember that I was encouraged once we got I think that's when we're getting engaged to do a piece with extra then that I worked for for many years afterwards, because I became friendly with them, and they basically said, if you give this story, then everybody will leave you alone.

And that's why I did the first thing.

I was like, great, I will do this and then everybody.

Will just leave me alone.

I can go back to teaching yoga and that's it.

Obviously that was not a true promise, and I also leaned into it as well.

I'd have to take responsibility for it, but it is.

I was my initial thing.

And so you know, I look at this past fourteen years plus that I've known Alec and a lot of other people have been done doing the talking for me.

Right, you know, if they talk about you, they talk for you.

Sometimes it's true, sometimes it's not true.

Sometimes it's positive, sometimes it's not positive.

Right, we have all of the things, but the most important thing is that they're talking for me.

And that's where I, you know, wanted to be.

Like, you know what, I'm going to talk for myself.

So the book is I'm talking for myself.

The show is we're talking.

That's my new I'm in my forties now talking for myself.

Thank you very much.

I love that.

And then moving forward forty and on, do you have sort of goals or aspirations of sort of how you want to shift it or live your life, you know what I mean, Like you're done with having kids or so you say, right, so that's done.

You know what's new?

Like is there is there a piece of you when you turn forty?

We're like, you know what this is who I want.

To be known.

I feel like one of the gaps that people don't talk.

About very much for women.

I don't know how you feel for men, but for women is we are kids.

We you know, get educated, We're going to go to college.

And again my generation can go to college.

I know that I'm very lucky in this way to have had that as a dream that is achievable.

And them we get married and I'm gonna have kids and then it's over.

Yeah, nobody talks about the afterpart.

So that's what I'm like in the age of discovery.

You know that right now?

And I feel that there's lot of raising to be down with these children that I have put in right so.

We're in the raising face and I think, you know, I think just in terms of feeling every single day, I don't want to feel like the world is out to get me, which has or out to get my family which has been a dark thought that I've had for a very long time.

And as much as I try to be positive, and that is my vulnerable state of just oh god, they're trying, you know.

You know, we'll have.

People come up to us on the street and we're just walking with a kid, and you know they're up to no good and they just start streaming and like you know, tabloid press, they're screaming stuff and they're just trying to get a reaction, and you can go from a sunny, beautiful day to all of a sudden they're in your face.

You weren't expecting it.

Like I don't want that anymore, and I know that I can't make them go away.

There's absolutely nothing, and I'm like they have a teacher.

I'm like, don't you see my human and the and they're like I don't care about but it's very painful.

But if I want to try to lean more and more into just surrounding myself by like really good and positive people, always remembering that even when there's negativity, there's so much more positive people and so much more kind people.

And so I just have to lean into that more and more.

And I'm the one that has to trade that.

You know, I can't expect the world is going to do it for me.

Because they're not exactly exactly.

This is just a choice because there are things we can control and things we can't.

Obviously we you cannot control anyone coming up to you, the way that they feel about you, how they approach you and your family, the disrespect, the invasion.

You can't control that.

The only you control is how you react, how you react, how you bring that in.

That's it, I mean, because the answer is not being a homebody and just fucking staying inside all day.

That's not That's not who you are, and that's not who we are as humans.

We want to get out, we want to experience.

So it's just about sort of making the choice.

Yeah, no, it's very true, It's very true.

One more question, what do you think the biggest sort of misconception of you is?

You know, because like you just said it, people speak for you about you, and then it builds a perception of you that is not necessarily true.

What would you say is the biggest misconception?

I mean, I think if I were to look at a twenty seven year old yoga instructor who was dating a fifty three year old rich and famous man.

What would I think?

Right?

And so anytime people think things about me, I try to give them the empathy and the compassion of without the experiences that I have.

Yeah, what would I think about somebody in my shoes?

Interesting?

And so you know, I I have ero interest in setting records straight.

And then this and then that is like.

Again, people are gonna see you, or they're not gonna see They're gonna like you, They're not gonna like you, They're gonna want to take you in, or they're.

Not gonna take you in.

But I think that, you know, all I've wanted to do is belong and be who I always am.

And you know, I enjoyed so much and start teaching yog at five o'clock in the morning and I finished at ten thirty pm most days, and I worked three hundred and sixty five days out of the year and I loved it so much, And get paid thirty five dollars a class, and I really, you know, enjoy just being there and helping people feel better.

And that is something that it still guides me.

You know.

Again, I'm raised by I'm raised by My parents are very hippie and I am very much a product of that.

And so I mean, I just I guess, you know, I think that.

I have been brought into worlds that sometimes people want to look at you as you're you know, conniving and trying things.

And you see it about other women who start dating rich and famous men.

I feel like it's very a little different when it's a man coming in dating a rich and famous woman, Right, it's a little different.

There's a very specific thing.

And I think it's these fairy tales that we grow up with and you know, the prince choosing one of them.

And I think that.

It's, you know, this idea that you know, women we sometimes feel like, you know.

Where it's it's a it's a well.

You know.

Sometimes men can be like a well and we're like, okay, we've got to get to the first to the well.

And you know, I hope that more and more we can establish you know, equal rights where we don't have to compete or have feel competing with each other for something.

So I don't know, I try not to read too much about other people's opinions because you know, but I think that I try to understand what people say and you know, if I encourage people to read the book.

Yeah, read the book.

And I also think that you make a great point, you know what I mean, like the fact that you can sort of put yourself in their shoes and understand where they're coming from and what you might think given the fact, given that you.

Aren't who you are, right, I think that that's smart, you know.

I think that does bring on some empathy, and it's like, you know, they might be wrong, they might have these opinions that are built out of something that is bullshit, but you know, maybe I would think the same thing.

Get to know me, understand who I am, you know, and that's that's it.

And there's nothing you can do about it except be you.

That's it exactly.

And there's nothing else that I that I want to do, you know, and I want my kids to.

Know how to do that.

I'm just like what it is, you know.

Yeah, and that's it.

That's it, because the truth is, we don't have money all that ship that we a true legacy, what we truly leave behind.

It's not award, it's not fame, it's not money.

It's our children.

They're the ones who are carrying us on.

Essentially, you know what I mean.

And then our grandchildren and break grand I mean, we are the legacy and if we need to give them, we need to give them a piece of us, to impart wisdom into them that they can take or not.

Then they will continue on.

Yeah, Abs, absolutely well cool.

This has been rather I appreciate you coming.

On talking to appreciate your time.

Be well, good luck with the book.

Were good talking to you all right.

Thank you, bye, take care.

Thank you.