Scott, are you ready for a crazy one?

Oh?

Yeah, laughing, uff and off.

It's really good.

It's like I only get paid if I say it.

A decade after losing her sight, a British Columbia woman can see again through her tooth.

What yes?

Yeah?

Wow?

Hold okay, well that is truly perplexing.

I'm trying to picture what it looks like.

Oh I cannot wait.

Okay, well, uh, let's sink our teeth into a brand new, eye opening episode of Bernana's.

World.

Would billion pieces you.

Britten s Bridada guys, gals, No, I'm buyinary pals.

Welcome to Bananas.

I am sitting across from screenwriter and amazing human being in general, a kind human being who is competent and thinks of everything.

Scottie Landis Boy.

That's I had so many technical difficulties on our last zoom.

I feel like you're just building me back up in the best way I've sent across from writer, comedian, great dad, great guy, great friends, the kind of person that if you're planning a fun time, the first name you put into the email and that mass email it's Kurt Brown oler Uh.

Things are going well.

It's a fry it's the fridy, It's a Friday for us.

Get ready for the weekend.

It's a long weekend coming up.

Are you excited?

Yeah, I'm happy.

I'm feeling great.

Everybody has kindly been texting me this week saying, well, you got any plans this weekend?

And I have zero plans, So I think everybody was hoping that I would have plans.

Oh interesting, I don't have them, but I do plan on going and getting some delicious Mexican food and drinking too.

Margarita's.

That's my plan for Friday night.

You know what my plan for Friday night is?

Hit me, homie.

I got three of my oldest and dearest coming up to my town in New Jersey to hang out.

Yes, I'm very Sam, Damien, Patty and.

Bobby WHOA fun crew.

Fun crew.

It's gonna be really amazing.

I'm so excited.

We're going to start off with drinks out by this lake near me, and then just the only bummer is that, like the old there's an Elk's Lodge, like a punk rock Elks Lodge right near me that has is an amazing bar and it's closed for they're finishing the floors, so that's the only the bummer.

But I'm so excited to see old friends in Jersey.

That's so nice.

You and I have an old friend who I won't mention their name, but once I was like, you grew up in Iowa.

She's like yeah.

I was like, how is that for you?

He goes, well, you know my parents are crazy, which is a funny way to talk about the state.

Yeah.

I go, what do you mean?

And he goes, well, when I was a little kid, there was a lake and it was shaped like a heart.

Like it was from above it looked like a heart.

So it was called Heart Lake.

And when he was like seven or eight years old, he had started a new school and he had some kids over and they're running around their backyard and those kids were like, let's go hang out at Heart Lake.

And he walks over to his mom, who was working in the garden, and he says, Mom, can I go to Heart Lake with these friends?

And he said.

His mom put down like her spade and looked directly at him and goes, there's a witch that lives in that lake.

She lives underneath the surface, and if you go to Heart Lake, she will pull you in and drown you and then just went back gardening.

So he never went to Heart Lake.

So yeah, when you guys are sitting around raise a toast for our mutual friend, I'll tell you have to record whose mom told him there was a submerged witch who pulled children into the Iowa Heart Lake.

Oh my god, no, I can't imagine.

Also, Olive would be like, yeah, well then let's find out about this.

Can we trap her?

Yes?

What what is what's the garlic vampire witch equivalent?

Salt?

I guess we'll salt around Heart Lake and then she won't be able to cross over the threshold.

There's these there's these an invasive species here called lantern flies boo.

But they're very beautiful.

They're like, hey, they have these brown wings, but when the wings open up, underneath it's just red and black polka dots.

It's really crazy.

Bad.

They eat trees, they eat wood, and uh and so, but when we first got here, we didn't know what they were, and so they were just like these kind of beautiful bugs.

And Olive and Gus are obsessed with bugs.

Obviously they're children, and so they're very much like, oh, let's make sure, oh, this one's hurt, like, let's make sure we move it off the path or whatever.

And then one night they were out at dinner and somebody was like, they're invasive species.

We should kill them.

There's actually like a campaign to like, anytime you see them, kill them because they're just.

Throwing all the woods.

And then right like it was, the change was instantaneous to murder all bugs.

And then they just disappeared for fifteen minutes, just stomping lantern bugs, lantern flies or whatever the fuck they're called.

Oh man, and well now they hate them.

Now they hate them.

Do your kids so when they're little guys, you know, there's the thing where kids are sitting in the back seat or the back seats the car.

They're in a car seats and then like the parents will say, oh shit, and then you hear the little kids a oh shit for the rest of the week.

Like do kids of your when they reach the age that your children are, do they still like listen to everything you say and repeat after you are now they more in their own world and own headspace and are listening to the radio and whatever.

Look me out the window.

You imagine that they are more in their own world, but they're still listening to absolutely everything you say unless the TV is on.

If the TV is on, they are not listening at all.

Like you could talk directly to them, you could yell at them, and they will not hear you whatsoever.

I have to pause the TV before speaking to them because it's useless.

Otherwise I think we were that way probably of course it's yeah, of course, and.

I have a that's crazy.

But but will Lauren and I will be in the car, they're just chit chatting in the back, and then she and I will be talking and then we'll say something that's maybe a little you know, sensitive, or something about the kids, and then Olive will.

Be like that.

It'll be like really like, oh shit, that's right there in the back and they can understand what we're saying.

I have I've talked about this with friends in life, and maybe you had this experience with growing up.

I have a few vivid memories, and we lived in two different houses when I was really I guess three different houses, but in two different houses.

I remember sitting in our living room area TV on, maybe sitting on the floor and maybe crawl up in the corner watching TV, and one of my parents would have been in the room middle of the day and commercial break would start and I'd go to talk to my parents and they had left the room and I hadn't noticed.

And I think about that a lot, because it really was like time traveling, where yeah, imagine all the things you miss in life because you're so focused on something else.

But I can vividly remember turning to say something to my dad and he's no longer in the room, or asking my mom a question at the commercial break and she was already cooking dinner.

I could hear, I could smell it.

But something about that glow screen I will right in.

I honestly think driving is very similar for me, where I'll start thinking about something while driving and then all of a sudden, it will be like five or six minutes later, and I will have no memory of what I what the drive was like me like I'm just I just my brain takes over and I'm just going on autopilot driving somewhere, and it'll be like a five full minutes of me like going over something in my head or like writing something in my head, and I will have no memory of like driving to go to their school or something, which is weird I think there's a specific word for that, where like the autonomic systems take over for driving, but I don't know what it is.

Well, that's fine as long as you get there.

You know, your airbags come standard.

It's all fine.

You get there.

Here it is.

Are you ready for this shit?

I can't be more ready than to hear about teeth that can see.

It's amazing.

So this was sent in by Jordan Myers.

Thank you, Jordan, Thank you Jordan.

If you want to send stories to us, you can on Instagram at the Bananas Podcast and you can email us at the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com.

This was in the CBC.

This was written by Jacquelin gilenew Business.

After ten years without sight of Victoria, BC woman saw her partner's face and her dog's wagging tail this year for the very first time, thanks to a tooth surgically implanted into her eye socket.

Gay Lane, seventy five.

Yeah yeah so they okay, keep going, I'll ask questions later.

Gyllene seventy five was one of three Canadians to undergo the rare tooth in eye surgery technically called osteo oden do caro toe prostethosis.

In February eye tooth.

They could have just called it eye tooth.

They would have saved everybody so much time.

Lane lost her site ten years ago due to complications from an autoimmune disorder that caused scarring to her corneas.

In the weeks that followed the complex, two part surgery, she gradually regained the ability to see.

First, Lane said she was able to see light.

Then she could see movement, and the wagging tail of Piper, her partner's service dog, became perceptible.

Eventually, Piper, the black labrador, came into focus I did, as did bits of the world around her.

I can see lots of color, and I can see outside now, the trees and the grass and the flowers.

It's a wonderful feeling to be able to see some of these things again, said Lane.

She met her partner Phil after she lost her sight, and she had never seen his face before.

Nearly six months after the tooth in eye surgery was completed, Lane saw him for the first time.

I'm getting goosebumps.

I know, I'm sweet.

I'm starting to see facial features on other people as well, which is pretty exciting, she said Lane.

She has not seen her own face in detail yet, but hopes that that too will come with time, aided by a new pair of glasses she'll be receiving soon, and Lane can now pick out her own outfits without the help of a volunteer app service called be My Eyes, which she had relied on to ensure her clothes match's.

Yeah, I've heard of that.

That's a great app.

That's a great service.

That's so cool.

Now that's the story of Lane.

Now what the book is going on with this tooth?

Here it is.

While the surgery has been done in other parts of the world, ophthalmologist doctor Greg Maloney, He's full of no baloney, from Vancouver Mount Joseph Hospital, was the first to bring this operation to canon.

It is quote it's a complex and strange operation, but it basically involves replacing cornea, said Maloney.

He was eating a big old thing of maloney.

He said.

The surgery never suck, he said.

The surgery begins, Scott to hear it is by removing a tooth from the patient's mouth.

The tooth is then implanted into the cheek for several months until it is encompassed in strong connective tissue.

Both the tooth and connective tissue are then removed and a plastic focusing telescope or lens is inserted into it, using the connective tissue as an anchor.

The tooth and the new lens are sutured into the patient's eye socket.

Quote.

We need a structure that is strong enough to hold onto the plastic focusing telescope but is not going to be rejected by the body.

Lane said that the surgeries and recovery were uncomfortable but not painful.

It's been a long wait, but it's well well worth it.

Lane said she is most excited to have her independence back.

Yeah, that's how do you even I mean, these there are people in this world, Yeah, that are so intelligent that it makes you realize that average intelligence is so stupid because these hot these people like like I just don't know how anything works.

And the idea of putting a telescope and then connecting that to the brain and having it work, how like, how do we live in the dumbest time in the smartest time?

I know, it's really so intelligent.

Also, what's interesting what I always find really interesting as well, which is kind of the flip side of what you're saying about medical stuff is that you kind of forget that the body is legitimately a machine and that if you just be like, well, we put a little lens in a tooth and then popped it in the eye.

There, we're cars, car, we're cars.

And it's just like, well, you need light, and the light to shine on the back of the retina.

So this is the way you could do it.

Because it's like, oh, okay, it does sounds very jury rigged.

Really, this is a particularly sensitive area for me because you know, like being men.

Yes, I am not man, I am devo.

Go ahead, that's right.

Like sometimes there have been times in my life where I should have been able to cry and it just didn't happen.

Certain amounts of pain, rejection, heartache, whatever it is, there should have been times where, like a normal person, I would have cried, even getting rejected truly NonStop every week of my professional life.

I know a lot of writers, especially some of my women friend writers who are like my podic got canceled and I cried for two days, and I'm like you, that is so nice.

I wish I could be able to do that.

But the one thing that will make me cry even just thinking about it are the you videos of children getting glasses where they can see for the first time, people getting the hearing inplant def people hearing for the first time, even the glasses for color blindness.

When they show it and somebody looks around, those videos will make me cry.

Like if it's soldier coming home, dog greets them great, love it, I'd smile.

I click on anything that's especially if it's a kid gaining sight for the first time.

Gaining hearing for the first time, destroys me like instant waterfall level of tears.

And I don't know why that.

Is so fascinating.

It's such a specific thing.

I think if I ever felt like I really needed to emote and get those things out, I could just click through one of them.

And I saw one of an adult woman recently who heard for the first time.

Is that the cochlear implants that new technology and she starts crying.

Burst.

I mean it burst open, like if my face was a water balloon.

It's like somebody shot it with crossbow.

It was like and so for some reason, like if I had read this story or seen the video of it, I probably would have burst to your I don't.

And it's specifically that it's not people like getting an artificial limb that works, or being reunited with their lost parent.

It's not that it's specifically hearing and seeing, and if it's a kid, forget it.

I'm bad for forty five minutes.

That is so.

I love that, and I love that you just told me that I had no idea about that.

The kid thing is really specific, and it especially became very strong for me after having a kid.

I never really had any like feelings towards children before having children, you know, just like, oh, yeah, that's great, what a treat for you.

But now we love when Uncle Kirk comes over.

Yeah, what a treat for you eating a little peanut butter and jelly.

But a little treat for you.

I'm going to go do drugs.

But now that I have kids, if there is even the hint in a television show or a movie that a child is harmed or a child dies, I am.

I get so upset and like I just start hating the movie or hating the TV.

Sure, I think that's normal.

You know where I'm just like, you didn't have to go there.

You did not have to have this child be heard in any way, shape or form.

I feel that.

I guess that's the way some people feel about seeing like a like there's dogs and like there's like does the dog get hurt or whatever?

There's a web site.

Yeah, when we all went, we have a big friend group of us went, including Kurt myself, and we saw Guardians of the Galaxy three and we all and Kurt and I specifically left and were like, what the fuck is that just torturing animals for fifty minutes because it makes you feel so bad against the enemy, and but it was so unnecessary, It.

Was so and it was it went on four, so it was the whole.

Movie was just animal torture.

Children to animals being tortured, and it was just like, who the fuck greenlit this?

Like that?

I agree, like it is so insane if that movie felt to me also, I was very drunk when I watched it, but me too, that movie felt to me.

And I'm sure I said this after you that it was heavily influenced by AI animes.

Yeah, because a lot of the butthole, the butthole thing that they go and visit like that was just all gross AI shit.

I feel like that movie as a whole missed the mark for me so much agreed.

Uh, there you go.

That's our first movie review.

I think aver on bananas and uh, we're giving it nine brown bananas.

Yeah, here's a more feel good, well and good time Harry sent this in.

I think it's the first time Good Time Harry sent this in.

Also, congratulations on getting that Instagram handle.

That seems like it would have gone really quickly.

I think imagine Kurt all the people who when a new social media whatever platform comes out, race to get like beer at Instagram or farts at Instagram.

I'm sure a lot of good Time Harry's are out there just trying to get on periscope.

Pittsburgh nun chases down credit card thief.

This was in CBS Pittsburgh, written by Barry Pintar, who is really good, really good at typing things about news and stuff.

A crime fighting Pittsburgh nun has made the news again.

Wow.

In the past, she's had a gun pointed at her face.

But I shouldn't laugh at that.

It just seems so It seems like it's out of a nineteen eighties comedy, A none with a gunpoint in their face.

In the past, she's had a gunpoint at her face, after she chased down a jewelry thief and has been face to face with a man demanding money from her religious shop.

This is craw in Pittsburgh.

This is in Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania too, not that fake one.

Now she's chased down a credit card thief.

When k d KA TV's Barry Pintar called Sacred Heart of Jesus store in Bloomfield and asked Sister Mary Madaline, it's not really an original name, but we'll go with it, he found out that she had he was already talking to her.

Hold on, what does that say?

And asked for Sister Mary Madeline.

He found out that he was already talking to her.

Is it Sister Mary Madeleine or Sister Mary Magdalene?

It's with a D.

It's that's so funny to just take the g out.

She doesn't want to wash anybody's hair, our feet with her hair.

She's not going to do that.

He found out that she was already talking to her.

She said, come on down, because she wants everyone to be zapped by God.

And zapped is in quotation, which means she said it and loves laser tech, apparently fearlessly praying fearlessly, unafraid.

Sister Mary madeleine shy Schlaefer, Schleffer, Schleifer.

We're gonna go with Schlifer.

We're going to call her Sister.

Mary through the whole rest of the podcast, going Schliper, Schleffer, Schleffer, Schlifer.

Dude, that's like that different story for different is a defender of her faith A few stories.

A few days ago, a shopper in her store set down her purse and then notice someone had stolen her credit cards.

Sister Mary went into action and chased down to thief and she got the credit cards back.

Whoa quote?

What makes you think you can go after all these people who are trying to do bad things?

Barry Pintar asked her.

Because Barry asked the hardest hitting question the questions I'd ask.

A different question is why is that lady putting her purse down and walking away from it in Pittsburgh.

Baby in twenty twenty five, forget it.

You don't think about that, Mary said.

Sister Mary said, there's no why.

It just happens.

It happened so fast, she said, the crimes happen fast, as does her instinct.

And she says, these are children of God who can be changed.

I just think she was misled, she said, of the alleged thief.

So I think a woman stole the credit cards.

There was also a time where someone stole an expensive necklace from her store.

He was walking out of the store and I started to follow him, and he turned around and said, I don't want to have to shoot you, and I said, listen, all I want to tell you is that Jesus loves you.

And then he went out and I went out after him.

She said.

So she actually got that back too.

There were other times where things like this have happened.

Again, is this a Jessica Fletcher from Murder?

She wrote?

Thing, is Jessica Fletcher the serial killer in Cabot Cove?

How does one small town have this many murders?

How does this nun stop this many crimes?

Is she planting credit cards in other people's verses?

Also, I really love this idea of like a crime fighting person who constantly is just saying like Jesus love you and then like beating the shit out of them.

Yeah.

I mean I had a roommate in New York who got his CD car, CD stereo stolen and I told him to put a Bible on his dashboard, and he did, and he never had his car broken into or had anything stolen out of it ever again.

But he put it visibly on the dashboard.

So wait, why would that prevent thief see it and then they get guilty.

Yeah, because they're like, oh, I don't want to steal from a priest or something.

Well, at the time, this was sort of the end of the John Gotti era, so I was figuring that there were probably a lot of Italian Americans who skew heavily Catholic in New York.

So I was just thinking we were going to use the Bible to guilt them into going onto the next car and stealing their stereo again four nine years.

No, he got it broken into the first three months we were there, and then never again once the Bible went on the dashboard.

I love it.

It's the original club, the Bible's original club.

Also, that's a great place to hide drugs in your car.

Is a hol out Bible on your dashboard?

Absolutely right, speaking about drug dealers.

Think of yeah, don't be idiot's drug dealers Bible.

Several other things like this have happened in the past, so why does she do it?

Quote we're all his children or hers children.

Okay, it's the one problem with Christianity.

They're really about the man is in charge.

We're really all his children, whether we know it or not.

You know, sometimes there's a lot of cred on us, and we have to get that crud cleaned off to be able to see, she said Fairy Pennsylvania.

Sister Mary is fearless.

Not in her own strength, she says, but in the strength of who she represents.

Obviously, there are people in the world who are going through hard times, and you come face to face with them, what do you say to those people?

Very hard asking questions, Pintar asked, I say to them, Jesus loves you.

God loves you, she replies.

And that, plain and simple, she says, is why she does all she does in whatever situation.

I love it.

I love it.

I think she's great.

It is there is something about if you say anything that you can change, Like it's hard to be vigilant stuff, but it is amazing that sometimes if you go hey, like I saw oh one time right near your old place in Windsor Terrace.

I was driving a work van and I saw two kids about to beat up this other nerdy kid, and I just went eh, like that, and they stopped and they all walked away.

Oh that's right.

All I yelled was hey, really loud and like deep voiced, and it prevented, at least for that hour, that pipsqueak getting his neck wrung.

That's so, it is really crazy how little it can take sometimes, right, Like an intervention does not have to be a lot.

It just needs to be like snapping people out of whatever thing they get into where they like I can't see or they can't hear.

You know, yeah they're not invisible.

But anyway, it's good for your sister Mary.

Again, it seems like crimes are circling you in every direction, so maybe you need to speak to him or her or it and go can we just cool it in Pittsburgh, just try to sell knickknacks, religious knickknacks.

My god, the amount that I used to go like I would the idea of going to church to me used to be like it felt like going to the gym or something like, oh, look at what a great thing I'm doing for myself.

Sure, do you know what I mean?

And I remember it like going because you could go to church at my high school, so you could go early and go to the chapel and they would have a mass before classes started, so you'd get there early and go and instead of having breakfast, you would go to like a twenty five minute long mass.

And I would do it.

I would do it like I think.

Remember once I was like I'm just going to do this every day for a month.

And I did it like every day for a month and nothing, there was no change, there was no change the habit.

But I felt like I was like exercising some sort of some part of me.

And uh, that is that.

Is it's meditative.

It's a meditation.

Is the meditativeness of it that that I kind of liked.

There's no threat, there's it's a safe place, it's a supportive place.

I understand the basics.

I understand this sense of community and thinking about things larger than yourself or reflecting on things.

That is the thing that I miss about it.

That's the thing that I miss about it.

I miss not being constantly talking about a sense of purpose higher than the ones that we are given in normal society, like make money, you know, go on vacations, those sort of things.

That's that is the one thing I do miss from it.

I just don't like all the other trappings of the weirdness, you know.

Right, Oh of course I know.

I mean it's uh, you can't quite take all the good with the bad.

But I you know, Similarly, when I was at Sacred Heart and I was in middle school, I went to Catholic school, they did a thing where they would be like, hey guys, and twenty minutes before every school day, we in this classroom, we say the whole rosary, and if you want, you can lead it, and so same as you.

For whatever reason, I still had good boy syndrome.

I was still trying to make the powers that be happy.

So one day I went in there and they were like, who wants to do it?

And I was like, oh, I'll lead the rosary.

Do you remember how many beads are on one hundred rosary?

It's well, maybe there's different kinds because the ones we used were fifty nine, and then the small beads, which are the hail mary beads, they're fifty three.

So before a school day, I led fifty three hail Mary's.

And then you get to the knots and I think those were the our fathers, and I think the big beads were the glory bees.

Maybe I thought the big beads were the were the our fathers.

Okay, yeah, the larger beads are their fathers.

And then when you start working your way down the little beach to the Crucifix, then you have to say the apostles creed, oh Lord.

And I did that one day, and I remember pretty quick, probably small bead three or four, being like, oh shit, oh shit, I'm about to I should have brought a big glass of water because I was saying our father.

Just to get through another fifty nine beads.

Oh maya, this is busy work, busy worth for your brain.

Well, now, if somebody's like, do you want to lead this?

And I'm like, venmo me two hundred and fifty dollars and I will lead us through this, no sweat.

But I was just doing it like you.

Was I getting anything from it?

No?

No, we just had good boy syndrome at the time.

I'll tease this into some thumbs up, real good boys, okay boys.

Ned the Lefty Snail has a one in forty thousand shot at a mate q A National Search love this guy slow jams.

Here we go.

Thumbs ups.

Sarah Costa wants the thumb up her three best friends, Joe, Aaron, and Brianna.

She also wants a thumb up herself.

Yay.

They jumped into their own educating business.

It is called meaning fuel Ed.

They are for educators.

They're trying to make schools better for children and for teachers.

That's awesome.

So they also launch their own podcast.

It is called Pop Pop by meaning fuel ed, so that it's meaning like meaning fuel like gasoline fuel and then ed at the end meaning fuel ed, and they shore there.

Basically, it's a it's a platform.

It's a podcast where they share thoughts and laughs about all the craziness that teachers have to deal with these days.

So, if you have kids, if you want, if you're a teacher, if you just want to commiserate, or are just curious about what the age is going on in the school system, check out Pop the pod on meaningfueld ed.

Thumbs up Joe, Aaron, Brianna, and Sarah.

That's a very nice one.

Oh hell yeah, thumbs up.

Oh.

Amy wants to thumb up herself.

Pro I guess this is Professor Amy r PhD for getting a promotion.

Eleven years of additional education and training post undergraduate allowed Professor Amy r PhD to apply for early promotion, and now she is an associate professor.

So congratulations.

One more year and she will be up for tenure or the tenure track, I guess, But for now she just has a slightly fancier title and a near reasonable salary.

Yay.

Thumbs up, Professor Amy r PhD.

Thumbs up.

Calli wants to thumbs up doctor Clayton Moral and the entire staff at VCA Meadow Vale Vet Clinic and doctor Lane Martin at CODA Pets dot Com.

She's thumbing these people way way up for all the love and care they provide.

CALLI wants to give a big pause up to Gus, the cat who went to the Big Cosmic Banana in the sky.

In true Gus fashion, he fought like hell.

He even tried to outsmart sedation.

He was a orange cat, which he has a one cell brained orange cat while Calli sang to him in his final moments.

Gus was handsome, ridiculous, brave, silly, and not very smart.

I would not change a thing about him, so thumbs up to all the vets who you know we have we dedicated a bananas to vets, and I don't think we're.

In twenty twenty five.

I don't think we have.

Let's dedicate this one to vets.

All vets out there.

You love animals.

It's a high stress job and you also have to deal with their owners, which probably is the worst part of the job, except for Calli, who's great.

And to lift the mood a little, Kurt, we are gonna you and I the Banana boys are thumbing bran up.

She is a long time Bananal.

It's sent many great stories over the year.

But she DMed us this and I saw it.

I am currently getting induced into labor.

We have been waiting all day to take to listen to today's Bananas episode in the delivery room.

God, so I can laugh and laugh and loft this baby into the world.

So she sent that then I didn't hear anything.

So I responded the next day.

I was like just checking in, no need respond, we know this is a very big, crazy moment in your life.

And she did respond brand responding, and she says the baby Bananamal is home and healthy.

The podcast definitely helped distract during the pushing, and she said even the doctors liked it.

So bananas in a delivery room while a baby was born.

I think that makes us uncles.

I think we are Banana's uncles to this beautiful baby Bananamal, congratulations brand, that's amazing.

Thanks for including bananas and lofts and laughs and laughs into your thumbs us thumbs up to you and send yours in anytime.

Let's maybe take a little break for dead pets.

God, so no birthdays, no anniversaries, under fifty years of marriage, and maybe let's just take a little hiatus from pets going to the big cosmic banana in the sky.

Maybe this it's going to be a big fall for all of us, so let's just take a break until twenty twenty six, speaking.

Of speaking of This was sent in by Maria Simpogna the poona Maybe thank you, Maria.

This was in Washington Post ned.

The Lefty Snail has a one in forty thousand shot and a mate q the National Search.

This is written by Vivian Hoe Best in the biz.

In a world that swipes right for love, one lonely snail in New Zealand is looking for a match that can swipe left, and Kiwi's across the country are now searching for love in the dampest of places thanks to a magazine's campaign, Meet Ned, the eligible bachelor.

Ned likes leafy green's, moisten environments and hanging upside down on plants, and while everyone on the apps will insist there one in a million, Ned truly is a rarity among gastropods.

Ned has a left spiraling shell, meaning that the distinctive hard coded whirl faces to the left rather than to the right, as is those for most snails.

Only about one in forty thousand snails have left coiling shells.

So when Giselle Clarkson came across Ned relaxing on a bit of bock choys in her garden last week in Warrierrapa on New Zealand's North Island, she thought at first she had stumbled upon a new species.

Sure, this is an interesting sentence.

When you see something thousands and thousands of times and suddenly it looks different, it's quite uncanny.

So that is very interesting.

Like, she's just seen snails so often that seeing one with it going left just yea hit.

I never would have noticed.

Me neither at all.

Maybe we don't see snails enough, and Clarkson usually leaves the snail in her garden for the birds, But after realizing what she'd found, she decided to name the silivery fellow, Ned, after Ned Flanders, the Oakley docally left handed neighbor from The Simpsons.

I did not know that Ned Flanders was left handed.

She made a home for the snail out of a fish bowl adorned with some broccoli and silver beet seedlings from her garden, as well as a mossy rock and some tree bark.

Sounds like paradise, I know, Sign me up, I want to move in.

Ned's rare shell may have kept the birds at bay, but it also meant Ned will probably be forced into a life of celibacy.

While snails are hermaphrodites, they both have male and female genitalia and reproductive organs, nice both partners exchanging sperm during the slimy affair.

The spiraling of the shell for lefty snails means that their bedroom bits are reversed and unable to match up with those of a righty partner whoa also bedroom bits.

Is the first time I have ever heard that moniker.

I like that bedroom bits.

Oh my god, I'm gonna say it all.

I'm gonna use that in the bedroom.

Would you like to go?

Would can our bedroom bits have a meeting in the bathroom?

Uh?

Scientist Angus Davison, who studies snails at the University of Nottingham and England, like in the situation to buses approaching from opposite directions, the driver of a London double decker can pause and chat through the window to another driver as they pass each other.

But that wouldn't work with the driver of a bus from New York whose wheels on the other side.

Should Ned hope to mate one day, it will have to be with another very rare left coiled snail.

Sounds exciting.

That sounds like snail.

Is a snail just dying to fuck?

Is that something that's happening with snails or do they not care?

I think so.

I think they're the hornballs of the floor.

Oh you do?

Oh, okay, thank you very much.

Okay, as long as you think that they're horny.

Thus began the National Campaign to find Ned a mate.

Clarkson and illustrator and Arthur Author, who has done work for New Zealand Geographic teamed up with her colleagues at the magazine to mobilize the curious to comb through their gardens and yards for potential lefty lovers for Ned.

The chance of finding a mate for Ned is one in forty thousand, but that doesn't mean it's not worthwhile, No, James frank Ham, publisher of New Zealand Graphics, set in an email their campaign is not the first attempt at snail matchmaking.

This is wild what.

In twenty sixteen, Davison launched a similar effort in Britain after a retired scientist discovered a left coiled snail and a compost heap in London.

Davison, who studies the genetics of snails, named the unfortunate gastropod Jeremy, after Jeremy Corbin and then the left wing leader of the country's Labor Party, and put out an international call for more lefties.

Um okay.

The campaign resulted in two potential suitors for Jeremy, one named Lefty that was found by a snail enthusiast in Ipswich on the eastern coast of England, and another Tomiu, found by a restaurant tour in Majorca Spain who was raising snails for culinary purposes.

In a telenovella twist, Lefty and Tomiu ended up jilting Jeremy and mating with each other instead.

The lesson to take from Jeremy is that it's tough out there.

Clark And said, just because your physically compatible doesn't mean you're going to.

Hit it off.

Sparks, aren't they tell me about it?

But Jeremy eventually joined the Lefty Tomyu coupling, forming a thropple and fathering an estimated dozen or so babies with Tomyu before dying in twenty seventeen.

And for Clarkson and the team at New Zealand Geographic, the campaign to find neta Mate goes beyond matchmaking New Zealand Geographics just to find connections between Kiwis and their environment.

Recently, many of these connections have been strained and the solutions seemed remote.

But NED has got readers rummaging around their garden at night under torchlight, looking for life in the dark wet forgotten corners of their homes.

It keeps going on, but that's where we're going to end it.

I never thought about this.

It does seem like that wouldn't be that heart of a thing.

Like even the metaphor of two city buses going the opposite way.

You're like, so you can't.

They can't ram into each other like you could.

That happens all the time.

There's no head on collisions with a right swing and snail and a left swing and sale.

Also, I guess this is probably one of those things where this is the absolute best the Internet can do, is trying to get this lefty snail have a partner.

I agree with that, you know that it's actually the perfect summation of the Internet because it's kind of interesting, it's like cool and kind of like sweet, and the thing that they're doing it for could not give a shit less.

It is unaware of its existent and an enormous amount of effort is being made over a thing that is not even aware that it should be doing.

I agree completely.

But yeah, I think nails or little hornballs, because I think if you were living in your if you had your home attached to you and you still just set out every day to crawl around, you're looking for something.

You're looking for more than backchoy.

You're out there, you're trying to make connections, to meet people, and if you're hermaphrodite and you're both ejaculating into each other, it seems like plenty of reason to get up in the morning and go very slowly to look for a partner.

But also, can't we nip this in the butt?

And if we do get this snail a partner and they produce twenty lefty snails, like, don't we just take those twenty and make it forty and then make it eighty and then pretty soon there's this isn't an issue anymore.

But also what's the purpose of that as well?

Like just to have a bunch of inbred left handed sales.

Yeah, there's no purpose to any of this, that's the thing.

Also, I think I'm done with s card Go.

I've had it enough time.

And I guess what, I just had it yesterday at boss Off.

Oh that's a good restaurant.

It's a great restaurant.

And uh yeah, I'm done.

Yeah, can be done with escargo.

There's there's no upside.

I've only had like two great ones ever, and one was it was in a puff pastry and so so good.

But what I always discovered now it is like if you're if the presentation is, hey, this is all garlic and olive oil and parsley, and so all you're eating is butter and garlic, I'm interested.

Give me a cruton in there.

I don't need that to be a living thing.

Agreed.

I agree.

That's how I felt.

I was just like I was just mopping up the and for some reason the oscargo we had the snails were really far up in there.

It was really hard to get them out.

Easy to pass on that.

No more RASCargO, No more octopus, No more OCTOPI too smart, too cool?

Uh, send us home in a sweet little package, Scott.

Yeah, this is a nice one actually, because it's so it's very bananas.

It's giving bananas.

As the youth would have said.

Nine months ago, Detroit's MP sent this in Detroit.

MP sends good stories.

Thank you.

This was in USA Today, which is widely known as the most colorful newspaper and every hotel lobby you've ever been to, written by Jamie LaRue, thank you.

When USA Today came out and they had infographics and people were like, this is the dumb newspaper.

Do you remember that?

I do?

I do?

And now it's just like, thank God, USA today exists because there's everything is so much dumber than USA today.

USA today is now up high in my trustworthy news sources.

Yeah.

That's like I've always had that theory with weird Al Yankovic because he existed before the Internet.

But now everything's so weird that now he's just regular Al Yankovic.

Like he was weird so early, but he's still alive and doing great, so now he's just Al Yankovic.

Just the world got weirder.

Retired Ford worker so got that, retired at the Ford factory, got it.

His wallet travels one hundred and fifty thousand miles in a Ford Edge engine and is found.

Wow, Richard Gilford.

You're an engine.

Yeah, okay.

Richard Guilford remembers Christmas twenty fourteen like it was yesterday because he because it was the now retired Ford Motor Company assembly plant worker he lost his wallet that day on the job and accepted he would never see it again, and he didn't, at least not for more than a decade.

Guildford, who's fifty slicks fifty six, lives in Petersburg's Michigan fifty slick he's fifty slicks.

He's fifty six, and the dude doesn't do us cargo.

He lives five miles south of Dundee, which also means nothing to us.

He retired from Ford in January twenty twenty four, but in twenty fourteen, he was repairing the electrical system of vehicles at a Michigan assembly plant in Wayne when unbeknounced to him his wallet's unslipped out of his shirt pocket, landing amid the transmission system of a twenty fifteen red Ford Edge suv.

The wallet would end up going on a one hundred and fifty one thousand mile odyssey across multiple states before a mechanic in Minnesota last month discovered that the obstacle was preventing him from putting the vehicle's airbox back in place.

He discovered a man's leather wallet.

So basically, a mechanic in Minnesota's trying to fix this transmission and he can't get this thing to work, and there's another dude's wallet in there from twenty fourteen.

Did he I mean like, also, was it just cooked from the heat.

Nope, it's so preserved.

And even the ID which is on the article is just Siguy's license.

So he messaged Gilford in the middle of the night with a picture of and said, did you lose your wallet years ago?

Lol?

I found it.

It's in the engine of a car.

It's in Minnesota.

Guilford told Detroit Free Press for eleven years that Walt has been riding on top of a transmission held in there by an airbox.

I won't boris with all the details, but let me get to the very last paragraph here.

I mean, it is a long article.

I would say it's a five page article as a result of which could have just been there was a wallet.

Did this thing for a long time?

Yeah?

Story baby yu bah blah bah bah.

Yeah.

So an eighty eight year old man owned it, owned the edge of when one hundred and fifty one thousand miles.

The man died the day after Vulk, the other mechanic found the wallet.

Oh my god, that is crazy.

The wallet was keeping him alive.

Yeah, it was.

It was.

It was powering him by removing that.

He killed that fool.

It was like his achilles heel.

You never know, you never know what's actually keeping you alive.

Folks.

All right, that's right, Gilford said.

Everything in the wallet is in good shape, considering the journey and endured.

Guildford said Cabella's ensured him it would issue him new gift cards.

He had gift cards in it, and he says some things in it were hot and crisp.

Think of how hot that car must have got.

Gilford said, it doesn't look like it ever got wet, just hot.

That little corner kept the wallet safe, completely dry, and completely preserved.

I want the wallet to stay as it is now.

It is a memento, Yeah, it really is.

It needs to be put in a glass box and put up on a shelf.

I think the Ford Motor Company should buy it from him or do it as a loan out put in the factory.

My our friend Emily Foster got married in an old Ford Model T factory.

There was a lot of cool stuff there.

Very funny to see people get married in between a line of old Ford Model t's.

But if there was just a wallet there, yeah, I would love it.

Come on, Ford, do the right thing.

Ford, step up and do the right thing for once.

Actually, real quick, did you see Ford figured out a new way to assemble cars again?

No, dude, this is crazy.

What do they do?

It's gonna save so much money.

Car Fords are gonna get least expensive.

They assemble the car in three different things, so three different pieces, so it's like the front, the back, in the middle, and so they have access to everything really quickly.

And then at the end they put the three segments together to build a car, so you're able to change things out faster.

But basically it speeds everything up and Fords are going to be cheaper.

Wow, because yet again Ford figured out a new way to do an assembly line.

I was reading that going again so stupid.

I was just like, that's how I would have done it, because I would have been like, first you put out two pieces of bread.

On left piece of bread, you put cheese and condiments lettuce and tomato.

On the right.

You put the meats, then you close them together.

Like I'm such a dumb ass.

Anyway, Well, I'm happy layers are going to get cheaper because cars are dom expensive right now.

No crap ola, Thank you so much for.

Listening to bananas.

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