[Courtney] Hello everyone and welcome back.

My name is Courtney.

I’m here with my spouse, Royce, and together we are The Ace Couple.

And I would like to wish you all a very happy Ace Week.

And if you are listening right on the day this comes out, I would like to wish you an even happier Disabled Ace Day.

[Courtney] Just a reminder for all of you, Ace Week is the last full week, Sunday to Saturday, in October every year.

It is the longest running Asexual Pride event, and Wednesdays during Ace Week, we celebrate Disabled Ace Day.

This year, we’re not doing too terribly much for Ace Week or Disabled Ace Day because I got called to jury duty on the Monday of Ace Week.

And isn’t that just about the most acephobic thing you all have ever heard?

How very dare they.

And speaking of acephobic, let’s talk about ableism and language.

[Courtney] This is a topic we have touched on a lot throughout the years, sometimes extensively, sometimes in little bits and snippets here and there, offhanded comments.

It’s something that I care about a lot.

I think it is a very important conversation to have.

It’s also a very difficult conversation to have.

Whenever you get into elements of critiquing language, there’s a tremendous amount of nuance that very often gets lost, and people on all sides of the conversation are often heavily predisposed to responding to any criticism of language that they themselves may use with a lot of defensiveness.

And it’s just– it’s kind of– it’s easy to take it personally.

So, I want to preface it with that.

The words we’re going to talk about today, whether you use them or don’t use them, only use them in specific ways, if you yourself have a disability that is very central to the origin or popular usage of some of these words, this can be a very sensitive conversation.

[Courtney] One way or another, whether you think this is a word that is personally offensive to me and I wish everyone would stop using it, I never want to hear this word again, or if you have that same disability and you think some people are being too sensitive and this word is not actually harmful and we have bigger fish to fry in the name of disability social justice.

To give us kind of a framework to start from before we get into our own personal thoughts, experiences, nuances, I do want to be referencing a blog called Autistic Hoya written by Lydia X.

Z.

Brown, who is an ace autistic activist, advocate, whose work I have admired for many years.

There is specifically a blog on ableism and language that is sort of a glossary of sorts of a variety of terms that are either inherently ableist, have ableist origins, or can be used in ableist ways.

And I’m going to sort of start using this as a reference for words, so we have specifics to talk about.

[Courtney] And as Lydia themself notes, not everyone in the Disability Community is going to universally agree with all of these.

There are a lot of diverse, varying opinions.

And I’d like to just ask everyone to please just be kind.

I really, really do not want to get home from jury duty and be looking at a bunch of nasty comments and threads and people attacking each other because they’re disagreeing on individual words or specific things we said.

But when it comes to heavily policing language, this is something that has very widely been extremely detrimental to our community as a whole, not only Disability Community, the Asexual Community, the Queer Community.

I have seen disproportionately more marginalized aces attacked over language.

I have seen aces of Color, disabled aces, myself included, who have been absolutely harassed sometimes for months or years on end for using a specific word.

[Courtney] When I’ve seen other aces, white able-bodied aces, use the same words over and over again, completely unchallenged.

So although it is very important to talk about language and understand these grander systems of oppression that influence so much of our language, such as ableism, it’s also important to keep in mind that on an individual level, when you go person to person, there are other structures such as racism where certain individuals are always going to be held to a much higher standard than others.

So have these conversations, yes, but before you start having these conversations with other people, especially before you start dictating and telling people what words you can or cannot use, have these conversations with yourself.

Think through what these words mean to you, why you feel the way you do, and continue reassessing over the years.

[Courtney] This is something I frequently do, and I have changed my mind over the years on how I personally view or use some of these words.

So mindfulness is going to be the key here.

As I get into this list of words, please note that the link to see this specific blog and read in full– which please do and check out some of these other entries from autistichoya.com, there are some fabulous blogs here.

Links are going to be in the show notes on our website as well as the description box on YouTube.

[Courtney] So without further ado, let’s get into it.

Starting off the list, we have a few similar but different phrases: “Blind to” or “To turn a blind eye to”, blinded by ignorance, blinded by bigotry, or a double blind review.

This is one where I don’t have the personal experience to talk about it from that place.

Some of these I have a much more personal connection than others, so I don’t want to speak too out of turn on the ones that I don’t.

[Courtney] But this is absolutely one where when I first, many years ago, heard– I think it was probably the first conversation I was exposed to was “Going in blind.” Like going in blind to a video game going in without prior knowledge.

And I did read a blog that was saying, “I’m a blind person.

I don’t think you should use this word this way.

And here’s why.” These are obviously very often used as a metaphor, so they are not necessarily meant to be literal.

But of the blind people I have had in my life and spoken to, in my own little bubble, a majority of them do not care about these.

Like I said, not everybody is going to agree, but another phrase that I’ve heard arguments for and against is like the blind leading the blind.

I have seen instances of blind people totally reclaiming that and using it in a positive way.

[Royce] Does this blog post suggest alternatives for some of these?

[Courtney] Yes, all of them give a variety of options.

So a conversation I was tuned into at one point was sort of separating these out by, you know, one person or a few people’s personal preferences.

And some might say like, “Well, the blind leading the blind is bad because it’s assuming that you’re not going to get anywhere.” Blind is being used as ignorant, lost, other negative things that don’t necessarily have to do with a literal vision.

Whereas others have said, “You know, going in blind on the other hand, that one, I don’t see as much harm being done.” So even amongst varying opinions, there are going to be little nitpicks like that.

But the consider instead section here from Autistic Hoya says: “Consider instead willfully ignorant, deliberately ignoring, turning their back on, overcome by prejudice, doubly anonymous as opposed to double-blind, had every reason to know or feigned ignorance.” [Courtney] Also worth noting here, since we’re talking about alternatives, not every alternative that’s ever going to be proposed is going to resonate with you, and that is okay.

You do not need to attack people because the one or handful of options they gave just don’t jive with your linguistic style at all, because sometimes that’s going to happen.

They are simply options, and that’s kind of just how language works.

You start picking up little language quirks because you heard someone say something one time and you liked it and you adopted it, or you heard something so often that it just naturally integrated its way into your vernacular.

Also, also worth noting, not everybody is going to easily be able to change their language.

That is something that has bothered me about a lot of online conversations I’ve seen about ableist language.

[Courtney] Usually in an instance where one particularly passionate person has one specific word or phrase that they want everyone to stop using, they say, “Don’t use this, it’s ableist.” And they’ll say, “It’s not that hard to just say…!” And they’ll give another alternative.

Um, speak for yourself… It is rather easy for me personally to change my language once I have come to the conclusion that that is the right thing to do.

It is not as easy for everyone to do that.

Being able to easily change and adapt your language is itself a type of privilege.

In some cases, it is a type of skill.

Not everybody has that.

Whether that be general linguistic ability, sometimes in instances of being a non-native speaker, can make changing language more difficult.

Lots of reasons for that.

Certain cognitive disabilities.

Next on the list we have one that I admittedly have started using more over the years, and perhaps ironically the reason why I started using it more was because I was substituting it for another word.

And that word is bonkers.

I started saying bonkers instead of crazy for a while.

[Royce] What is the reason for bonkers?

The series of blind phrases was not surprising.

I actually hadn’t heard anyone call out like a double blind study before, but that makes sense.

Bonkers I’ve never heard of.

[Courtney] You haven’t?

I mean, it’s– [Royce] It is a word that I don’t hear very many people use.

[Courtney] Yeah.

[Royce] I also don’t know what the origin is.

[Courtney] Well, the example here on the blog is because bonkers can refer to people with mental or psychiatric disabilities.

[Royce] Oh, okay.

[Courtney] And so basically because it can be used as a synonym for crazy.

[Royce] Right.

[Courtney] And when we get to crazy– Or should we just talk about crazy now and go out of order?

[Royce] Probably.

[Courtney] Let’s talk about crazy and bonkers and any– probably any synonym you can think of for those words.

[Royce] Because crazy is one that I was aware of.

That’s a very common one to have these conversations about.

But the vast majority of utterances of crazy or insane in my life have not been about a person.

It’s been about an event.

[Courtney] Yes.

[Royce] And particularly like growing up in the 90s and early 2000s, like, “That was insane,” was said a lot.

[Courtney] Mh-mm.

Yeah.

And I would say when I first stopped, or not even fully stopped, but at least tried to not refer to people as crazy anymore, it wasn’t even with an anti-ableist mindset.

It was with a feminist mindset, an anti-misogyny mindset.

[Royce] Yeah.

[Courtney] Like– [Royce] Well, there’s- [Courtney] “Don’t call women crazy,” was sort of the first, like, “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t use that word as much.” [Royce] Well, using that towards a person is often just dismissive, even without the discriminatory aspects of it.

[Courtney] Yes.

And I will say there was a period of time where I tried to cold turkey stop using the word crazy, and it drove me bonkers.

[chuckles] Because it was rather easy for me to stop referring to people as crazy.

I’d already started turning away from that for a variety of other reasons, so it was very natural additional step to do.

But calling situations crazy, like you said, calling myself crazy was something I wanted to do a lot.

I wanted to say, “I feel crazy.” And sometimes, as a woman of many maladies, sometimes that’s in a reclaiming sort of sense.

Like, I do have or have had a variety of mental disorders in my life.

I feel I’m fully entitled to call myself crazy.

And it’s not even always in a self-deprecating way.

Sometimes it’s in a positive way that I want to say it.

Or sometimes with very good friends, I’ll want to say like, “oh, you’re crazy.” But mean that in a positive way.

Like, I love it.

[Royce] Like a– In that instance, is like a crazy can be used to denote something extremely creative and out of the box that may be boundary pushing or something like that.

[Courtney] Yeah, it could mean fun.

It– [Royce] There is also just a lot of times where you feel that something with your brain is abnormal.

It’s in a different state than your normal resting period.

And whether a more accurate description that is some form of mania, or if you’re experiencing some brain fog, or if you just stayed up too late and things aren’t firing in the way that they’re supposed to be.

[Courtney] [laughs] Right.

[Royce] You need words to describe that.

And sometimes vague is fine.

[Courtney] Sometimes words like crazy can be a really, really useful catch-all word.

And it was actually during my period of time where I was like, “I’m just going to try to stop saying crazy at all and see how it feels and see how I feel about it.” And it was during that time that I was actively learning Swedish and having conversations with native Swedish speakers and having Swedish lessons and classes.

And whereas, I was starting to say words like instead of saying I feel crazy, I’d say like I feel frazzled.

Like that’s a fun word.

That’s a word not everybody says all the time.

And it felt comfortable.

I’m like, yeah, I like saying frazzled or other loose examples of synonyms like that.

Which usually often when something is very vague and sort of can cast a wide net like crazy and mean a variety of different things depending on the context, sometimes finding a more specific synonym is also just a more obscure word.

[Courtney] And sometimes that’s where, like, language privilege can come into it, where it’s not as easy for other people to do that.

But while I was learning Swedish, I didn’t know how to say I’m frazzled in Swedish.

So I’d be having a conversation with other– with Swedish speakers, and I, in Swedish, just say, like, “Yeah, I feel crazy today.” Or, I started using crazy while speaking Swedish a lot more often because it was useful.

I could get a point across in a way that I didn’t have other language to do.

And that really, really got me reassessing all the different ways to use crazy.

I would put this in a category for me where it can be used and is often used in an ableist way, and I frown upon that.

If you are using it in a way where you’re saying, like, “I don’t deal with crazy people.” Like, that’s a phrase I’ve heard someone say recently.

Mm-mm, I don’t like that.

I’m not playing that game.

[Courtney] Because the ‘consider instead’ alternatives here for bonkers, since that’s the one we started this conversation on, the first one on this list is wild.

And I did that for a while, actually.

I was trying to substitute wild instead of crazy.

Like, “Oh wow, that’s wild!” But then I had someone challenge me on that and say, “You shouldn’t say wild because that’s actually, you know, based in racism.

That goes back to colonial times calling people savage, calling other cultures, you know, less civilized.” And I was like whoa… We made a whole bunch of jumps when really I just want to convey that this situation, this thing I am referencing is funky.

And I actually do see that all of the consider instead examples on bonkers and crazy are the same, so I’m just going to go ahead and read those: confusing, unpredictable, impulsive, reckless, fearless, lives on the edge, thrill seeker, risk taker, out of control.

[Courtney] Not all of those are going to work for all situations.

Because I see a lot of those as being more specific or having a certain connotation, whether it be a little more neutral or a little more positive or a little more negative.

Whereas I think bonkers and crazy could go either way depending on the context.

It could be positive, it could be negative.

And that is honestly an element of some of these conversations that I do feel like does get missed sometimes because some people do want to make it very black and white where like, crazy as an origin is ableist therefore you should not say it.

Nobody should say it.

But considering for me, in my opinion, the way language evolves, there are a variety of ways that words and phrases evolve.

And I do think there are some situations where a word can be ableist in origin but isn’t necessarily ableist in practice.

[Courtney] Like, I can acknowledge that crazy has an ableist origin, and I can acknowledge that there are ways to use it now that is ableist.

And I can avoid those ways, and I can encourage my circle of people to avoid using it in those ways.

But if someone is like, “I’m feeling crazy, let’s go out dancing tonight!” In practice, I do not think that is ableist.

And therefore, I think we have such better uses of our time and energy than to attack that person and say, “Don’t use that word that way.” Because when we get into talking about semantic changes, sometimes I think when there are really diverse and passionate opinions on some of these words that people do not universally agree with, sometimes I see it’s because language is in the process of evolving, and sometimes we can’t decide universally which way it’s evolving.

[Courtney] And the internet can at times make it more confusing, because different dialects, different countries, even if you’re speaking the same language, can sometimes have a word that is getting more positive in one country, where in another country that word is getting a more negative connotation.

And those can happen simultaneously.

So when people get in the same place, the same like virtual platform, and start using these words with different personal references and connotations, a lot of feelings can get hurt, sometimes inadvertently.

Because even though I myself am not a linguist, I really like learning about origins and the way words evolve.

And so whenever we’re having a conversation of words that are ableist in language, I’m really eager to learn that.

[Courtney] Sometimes I’ve also had people cite incorrect origins of words to me though, and that bothers me.

Because that’s why I don’t think universally we can only always go with the origin of a word.

Depending on how new it is, depending on how it’s evolved.

Because sometimes not everyone can even agree on the exact origin of a word if it’s old enough.

And like in the example that I just said where something gets more negative or more positive linguistically, those are called pejoration, like becoming more pejorative, or amelioration, becoming more positive.

And it’s very often concerning language in and around marginalized groups that experience those specific changes.

[Courtney] At least from my observation, those words can change a lot faster than the average word because there is a marginalized group who knows that language is political and the way people use words can affect the way people think about other people, experiences, etc.

So there’s just a lot of conversation around language within those groups.

And sometimes they can flip-flop.

When we’re thinking about marginalized groups, even in the Queer Community, let’s say, gay kind of got the pejoration and then amelioration treatment.

It went through both.

Even queer went through both.

I mean, gay once upon a time just meant happy.

And then, what?

The early 2000s happened and people started saying, “That’s gay.” [Royce] For literally anything annoying or inconvenient.

[Courtney] Yes.

And then Ellen DeGeneres got her talk show, and then everyone started saying, “Hey, it’s not cool to say gay, to mean bad–” Not everyone.

A few people did.

Those conversations started happening.

And now more or less– I mean, there are still people, maybe an increasing number as of the last couple of years, who might say gay derogatorily, but everybody I ever interact with, gay is just a neutral descriptor.

And queer is a funny one where, you know, it just used to mean odd.

And sometimes I still like using it to mean odd.

But then it became what many consider to be a slur.

And then it became reclaimed, and now the Queer community is one of the more catch-all words because it’s so much easier than saying LGBTQIA+ or even just LGBT Community, or it certainly sounds more inclusive than the Gay and Lesbian Community.

[Courtney] So these are things that also happen with languages around disability.

And I often feel like some people have an opinion that words are getting ameliorated, they’re getting nicer, they’re getting more acceptable, more inclusive, where others are like, “No, it’s still bad!” And I see with queer, I see that with crazy.

There are words like fat that go through the same treatment.

And I remember when I was first taking a Spanish class back in the day, learning the word fat and like practicing conversations in class for describing people like, “Is this person fat?

Is this person skinny?” And us in America, at that period of time, we were like, “You can’t call someone fat…” And I remember our Spanish teacher being like, “No, in Spanish, this is not an insult.

This is just a descriptor.

This is just–” And she was trying so hard to explain to us, like, you are not insulting someone by using the Spanish word for fat to describe someone who is fat.

[Courtney] But at the time, in English, very few, if any, people were saying fat as a neutral descriptor.

It was almost always being used as an insult.

That was often being used irrelevant of the fact whether or not said person you were insulting was even fat.

But now a lot of fat activists prefer the term fat and will say, “Yes, call me fat.

This should be a neutral word.

This should be a word we reclaim.” That one’s not even necessarily a reclaim, even though fat was often and still is used as an insult.

It didn’t exactly have, like, slur status like some other words have had.

So that itself even is another example of amelioration, like that should not be negative as you say it, let’s elevate it to a more neutral place.

And since we’re on that topic I want to jump around a little bit because I know you’ve expressed some similar sentiments about words like stupid.

Stupid and dumb.

[Royce] Oh yeah, like what is mentioned in here?

[Courtney] Uh, let me find them.

So dumb refers to Deaf or hard of hearing people, people with speech-related disabilities, or people with linguistic or communication disorders or disabilities.

Consider instead: dense, ignorant, lacks understanding, impulsive, risk-taker, uninformed, silly, foolish, non-speaking, non-verbal, person with a speech impairment, person with a cognitive disability, Deaf person, hard of hearing person.” Whereas stupid refers to people with intellectual disabilities, i.e.

in a stupor; consider instead: uninformed, reckless, impulsive, ignorant, risk-taking, risky and dangerous, or – I like this one – dipshit.

[Royce] I need to look up the etymology of dipshit.

[Courtney laughs] Interesting.

I feel like I have read at some point in time that in a much older time for the English language dumb did refer to some of those things.

Sometimes like how in older English novels you would hear the word lame referred to a physical injury of some kind instead of what I always knew it, a situation that was– [Courtney] Uncool.

[Royce] Yeah, basically.

My personal issue with, I guess, completely scrapping some of these words is: how do I describe a situation where I’m in the kitchen preparing some food and I’m– [Courtney] [chuckles] Which example are you about to tell?

[Royce] I’m cutting something that’s a little difficult to cut and I think in my head, “Well, I should probably do this, that, and the other thing and safely do this, but I think I have a good enough control of the knife here, so I’m just gonna be real careful…” and I cut my hand.

Like, that was dumb, wasn’t it?

[Courtney] There were so many Royce kitchen blunders from recent memory that you could have gone for, and you went with cut the finger.

Yeah, I mean, that’s one of the connotation things, because one word that can be a catch-all but is– can be used in a lot of ways, but tonally doesn’t work all the time.

I’ve used the word silly a lot, and you could be like, “That was silly of me.” But normally that seems like a lot more light and frivolous than: “I am now bleeding.” [Royce] Yeah, that doesn’t have my internal– That doesn’t carry my internal connotation of silly.

So I wouldn’t use silly in that situation.

[Courtney] And like, the origin of the word silly used to mean happy.

I think there were also some religious connotations to it.

Like blessed, “I’m blessed and happy.” But like, there are situations where it can feel right to– I could either use the word silly or crazy in this situation.

Like, if you’re just goofing off in a very whimsical, childlike way, you know?

And while I fully agree you should never use dumb to refer to, like, a Deaf or hard of hearing person, which it has historically been used, I mean think of the lyrics to, like, Pinball Wizard.

I think in today’s era there are probably a lot more person– There are probably a lot more people who have heard that song than have literally in real life heard someone say the word dumb, like in their real everyday life.

Now, if you grew up as a Deaf person, that might be a totally different story.

You might have heard that insult all the time on the playground because personal experiences are so important with these.

[Courtney] There are absolutely words on this list or words I’ve encountered in conversations about ableism where enormous populations of people just fully, completely ignorant have no idea that there is an ableist use of this word because they have just never heard it that way.

That doesn’t inherently mean it is right or okay, but there often is an element of education to these conversations.

Some people are ignorant to the ableist connotations of these things.

And then there’s in, like, one of my favorite examples of linguistic amelioration, the word nice originally meant foolish, stupid, ignorant.

And now we are so far removed from that original context.

Nice just means, like, pleasant, polite, accommodating.

Almost no one, unless you have been taught specifically what the origin of that word is, is going to know that nice originally meant stupid.

[Royce] So if you went back in time, you’d just think everyone was really cynical.

[Courtney] Well, that is one of the reasons why I don’t think linguistic origin or ableist origin is the only metric by which to determine whether or not language is currently ableist in use.

Or whether or not we should use these words, or if we should rethink using some of these words.

’Cause I think it would be silly, not happy, silly, to say like, “We should stop saying nice because that was ableist.” But a lot of these words, even though they are getting phased out or they are getting ameliorated, or they’re becoming more generalized – like crazy isn’t always being used in a pejorative, it’s not always being used to refer to people with mental disabilities – those words were frequently used in an ableist way in recent enough memory that people alive today have been hurt by words being used in that way.

[Courtney] So I kind of feel like a lot of these conversations of ableist language or language, as I say, pertaining to any marginalized community, whether it be People of Color, queer people, where these words are frequently changing, sometimes for the better, sometimes more negative, I kind of see it as growing pains.

Because the language is evolving, but we have so many contexts, so many connotations, a lot of recent memory and different experiences that aren’t always aligned with our fellow humans that might be using these words.

But, you know, dumb and stupid is in my mind very similar with something like crazy and bonkers, where I don’t say that about other people.

I might say it situationally about myself, and I will probably most often say it to mean like a situation.

Yesterday, I walked out the front door and totally forgot that a big beautiful orb weaver had spun a gorgeous web right in front of our door.

Totally forgot it was there.

I knew it was there, I saw it earlier.

I specifically walked around it the day before.

And I just walked out the door in a hurry and got a full face of spiderweb.

And I did think, “Well, that was stupid.” [Royce] Yeah, navigating changing language is difficult.

Oftentimes because, like you said, it isn’t often just the etymology.

Sometimes I think if we can figure out the intent of the person behind it, sometimes that’s also important too.

Because the internet has changed a lot.

And, you know, anytime cultures meet, that’s often times where I guess the evolution of language will speed up a bit because there’s just more coming together.

There’s this– there’s a wider variety of experiences and ways to express those experiences that are coming together.

And the internet brings everyone around the world together, but it also forms very deep specialized pockets.

And I think it’s in those small groups or deep pockets that that slang really develops.

[Royce] And so we have a situation here where a lot of new words and phrases are coming up and then just sort of being occasionally spilled out, oftentimes through some sort of viral media, into the broader ecosystem.

And some of them last, some of them don’t, some get big, some of them are problematic, some of them are people trying to solve a different problematic thing that already existed.

And going back to things like how you just explained nice, sometimes people do come to the forefront with an issue that bothers them and they sort of cherry-pick history.

[Courtney] Yes.

[Royce] Like, I personally want this word to change for whatever my personal reason is, and we have such a big access to information now that if you really want to change something, if you ignore certain parts of history, you can probably find a reason to support it.

And I think one thing that I struggle with, with the very large list of synonyms of– because these are rooted– because some of these are rooted in particularly, like, more extreme cases or more definitive cases of discrimination, now we also need to be wary of anything synonymous with that.

I struggle to think of the long-term effect that has on language.

Because people that want to harass others will either ignore you or will go find new words.

And if every word that has ever been said to insult someone gets permanently crossed from the register, we will run out of sounds that our mouths can make.

[Courtney] I mean, that’s true.

I mean, I was in high school the first time someone earnestly made the argument to me that we shouldn’t say fuck you to someone, because you’re perpetuating rape culture because you’re literally telling someone to get fucked.

And if that’s not consensual, you are wishing them to be raped.

And I know, I know a whole lot of people who actively work to help survivors of sexual assault, to speak out against rape culture, to protect sex workers who would vehemently disagree.

They’re like, “No, you can say fuck you.” Like, that’s sort of – often, I find – a bigger fish to fry kind of situation.

Like, all right, if everyone stops saying fuck you tomorrow, sexual assault is still gonna happen all the time.

So… [Royce] Fuck is also just one of those words that, while I do know that there are cases where it does still literally refer to sex, the vast majority of the time it doesn’t.

[Courtney] Yes.

Because words also can become specialized or generalized.

Those are other ways that language evolves.

And specialization is like how meat used to mean all food, and now it means animal flesh.

[Royce] I started laughing for a moment because I just imagined someone walking through their house, stubbing their toe, and just yelling sex.

[Courtney] [laughs] No one has ever done that!

Well, someone’s probably done that.

[Royce] Well, that’s why this is not a perfect synonym case.

[Courtney] [laughing] No, it’s not.

And I mean, there are so many studies on just like swear words in general that like– I’ve seen the studies that suggest that swearing can actually decrease pain or your feelings of pain, so they’ve got very real social purposes.

But just like some words can narrow over time, like girl, girl used to mean any child, and now it’s specifically, well, a girl.

Female child?

I hate using the word female now, because that’s just what all the TERFs always say.

[Royce] I’ve noticed that too.

[Courtney] “Adult human female.

That’s the definition of woman.” Stop.

[Royce] Like, there are times when I do want to talk specifically about something that is chromosomal or genetic in some fashion, and I can’t slip into it– It now feels weird to slip into male and female because all the bigots are using it.

[Courtney] Yeah!

It gives a bad taste in your mouth, even if the very specific situation you’re talking about would ordinarily call for it.

Like, we are a very gender-expansive household.

Or what’s the opposite of gender-expansive?

We’re very gender abolitionist households.

But just with words narrowing, they can also widen.

And I think in instances where there is a marginalized community and a social justice conversation to be had, sometimes there’s a reluctance to allow words to widen naturally.

Or sometimes they widen disproportionately in other countries.

To take a non-marginalized word example like holiday, literally means holy day, but in our country we’ve got bank holidays.

We’ve got holidays that are not holy days.

[Courtney] And we in America don’t tend to use this word this way, but like all of my British friends I’ve ever talked to, they’ll just use holiday for, “I have the day off of work,” or “I’m going on vacation,” or “I’m taking a weekend trip.” Where we would usually say vacation, they’ll say, “Oh, I’m going on holiday.” And so on the note of even two predominantly English-speaking countries having different connotations for things, I’m gonna jump around here a little bit more.

And I’m looking at the time, this is probably going to have to be at least a two-parter because we have so many words to get to, and some are varying levels of bad.

Some have a lot less sort of nuance needed.

Some are definitely more in the slur not reclaimed kind of category that I do strongly believe need to be reassessed by people who still use it.

[Courtney] But I do want to bring up the word handicapped because this is one that I do believe in my heart of hearts should probably be retired.

We shouldn’t refer to disabled people as handicapped.

However, I know very well that the connotation of hearing that word in the UK versus most places in America are very, very different.

I have seen, for example, British friends just actually physically recoil at hearing the word handicapped.

That was in the group of people I know from there, like very much slur territory, “Oh my gosh, did you just say that?

You shouldn’t say that.” In the US right now, more and more people are heading that direction as we start talking about ableist language, but we see the word handicapped literally every single day.

[Courtney] Our accessible parking places where I often park, I have an accessible parking placard, they often say the word handicapped.

So Americans every single day are seeing that word, seeing those signs, they are not seeing an alternative to that word.

Most signs, if any, I don’t know if I’ve seen any signs recently that say accessible parking, they say handicapped.

And there are also, like, government forms that I have seen or filled out that say handicapped.

Pretty sure the first time I even applied to get this parking permit, it was like handicap parking permit.

Had to, like, fill out the form and have a doctor sign it and bring it into the DMV.

And I like the mindset shift of accessibility.

This is an accessible parking place.

This is an accessible bathroom stall.

I think the more we can put not only the word accessibility, but the concept and importance of accessibility into the public consciousness, the better it will be for the Disability Community going forward.

[Courtney] So fully, fully on board with that.

But I struggle when I see people very angrily and vehemently arguing that handicapped is a slur and no one should ever say it ever, and it’s bad.

Because it is so hard for me.

I see that word every single day.

Every single day.

Most Americans see that word every single day.

It’s going to take some time.

And part of it is also a generational thing.

I had a conversation with a man not too long ago who is a wheelchair user, has been a lifelong wheelchair user, bought a house and had to do some renovations.

And the first thing he said is like, “Oh yeah, I need to make the house a little more handicap accessible.” And that was just the word he’s always had to describe his own experience, too.

[Courtney] So that is also a situation where there are some people in the Disability Community who do use that word for themselves.

If you yourself are not disabled, for that word, I highly recommend beginning the process of rethinking it, thinking through alternatives, if you can.

But at the very, very least, when engaging with disabled people, and this goes for just for every single word on this list, or any disabled person, the best practice on an individual level is to refer to people the way they want to be referred.

If you know someone and you’re engaging with them and they say, “Yeah, I’m handicapped, just call me handicapped,” use the word or phrase people want you to use for their own situation.

It gets muddier, it gets dicier when you are talking to the internet or a large group of people.

[Royce] Yeah, in a large enough group of people, there are some times where two people’s opinions will be exact opposite.

[Courtney] Yes.

[Royce] And so there is no middle ground.

[Courtney] Yes.

[Royce] Not for everyone at least.

[Courtney] And I’m sure if you’ve been listening to our podcast for a while, you are very, very well aware of the fact that, by and large, the Disabled Community wants people to know that disabled is not a bad word and it is very often an important identity word and an important word for social justice, advocacy.

And so a lot of words sort of in and around handicapped, it’s like, “Well if I can’t call someone handicapped what do I call them?” And sometimes you get these like handicappable.

[Royce] That was the first one I thought of, yeah.

[Courtney] Or, differently-abled.

“They’re not disabled, they’re differently-abled.” Yeah, those are ableist.

And they’re ableist because they’re stigmatizing.

Like, they’re saying disabled is bad, we shouldn’t say that, we shouldn’t say that about people.

And they’re trying to soften it and make it cushy and pad it.

[Royce] Which I think unintentionally gives it a tone of infantilization.

[Courtney] Oh, absolutely.

There is very often an element of that, for sure.

And those are all words that, like, by and large, I would like to see a lot less of from everybody.

People who are and are not disabled.

Because there are still going to be some disabled people who are going to say, “I’m not disabled, I’m differently abled.” Many may argue that that comes from a sense of internalized ableism.

Which is something that a lot of people in the Disability Community need to unpack at some point in their life and often consistently throughout their life, and consistently assess and reevaluate.

So that’s sort of one where I do think it can be ableist no matter how, no matter who’s using it.

But then we’ve got some where it’s sort of the reclaimed kind of the situation where I think it’s probably ableist if you are not yourself disabled, but I think disabled people are allowed to use it for themselves.

Like, cripple or crip.

[Courtney] Because it sort of generally refers to people with disabilities pertaining to mobility, often someone who uses a mobility aid.

And I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you shouldn’t call someone else crippled.

Sounds bad, feels bad.

Verging on slur territory.

Not a good look, not cute.

However, that is one that has become a very powerful identity word in disability social justice.

Crip the Vote is a hashtag and a movement that has been used to talk about voting political candidates, elected officials that are more likely to have better policies that would help the disabled population.

The phrase Crip Tax is extremely useful for talking about the added financial burden that so many disabled people face.

Whether that’s doctor bills, mobility aids, just any sort of accessibility accommodations that cost extra money.

[Courtney] It is extremely expensive to be disabled and the disabled population is a lot more likely to be unemployed or underemployed in order to get disability benefits.

You are essentially forced to live in poverty.

There’s a concept of Crip Time.

“I’m working on crip time.” And these are all, politically speaking, very powerful words and phrases and at times identity markers.

Have I had a particularly low mobility day using either a walking cane or forearm crutches and referred to myself as a cripple?

Absolutely.

I have done that.

Would I absolutely knock someone upside the head with my cane if someone came up and called me a cripple?

Yes, I would.

Yes, I would do that.

[Courtney] And the only reason why I think it’s important to talk about those is not only so that you can have the language to yourself go out and look for these movements and these phrases and hear what disability activists are saying in these conversations and why they’re important, but also so that even though as an able-bodied person you yourself should not be using that word to describe other people, I do want people to be less jarred when they encounter those very important conversations within the Disability Community.

I had, for example, a friend who several years ago is actually a medical historian, and in the context of medical history was sharing a passage where cripple was the word that was being used in a medical context in a past century.

Makes sense.

That word was used more liberally once upon a time than it is now.

[Courtney] And she unfortunately got a lot of hate for so much as discussing this quote verbatim from history.

People were saying you shouldn’t use that word.

That is a slur.

You shouldn’t use that word.

And as a historian, that can be very difficult waters to navigate.

Like, this word isn’t necessarily socially acceptable anymore, but it was literally the word used in the passage I am citing.

And in those situations, I tend to err on the side of yes, use the language that was used back then, but put it in context as well.

But having had that experience, after getting a lot of hate from doing that, she was baffled when I called myself a cripple.

She was like, “You call yourself that?

I– Tell me more.

Why?

I want to understand.

Because from this experience I had online, I was made to feel like that word should not ever be said, even in a historical context.

People got very, very upset about it.” [Courtney] Because when words are that jarring and you aren’t necessarily tuned into the social justice side of these conversations that are happening where these words can be very powerful and useful, that’s when sometimes you also have infighting within the Disability Community.

Because truth be told, some of the worst harassment I have ever gotten from the Ace Community was, first, able-bodied aces who did not want me to talk publicly about my experience as a disabled ace person.

And then once we got over that major hurdle and most people got over themselves and I started to be able to talk about these things a little more freely without being harassed, then it was certain other disabled aces over language nitpicks.

And it is very, very hard to feel like you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

[Courtney] It’s like– I feel like I fought really, really hard to have a voice as a disabled ace person, and that is a huge reason why I founded Disabled Ace Day was because I was having conversations with other disabled aces who felt exactly the same way and also wanted their voices heard and their experiences acknowledged.

But then to see some disabled aces harassing other disabled aces for a word or a phrase that was used…?

Like we are not talking about a civil discussion of, “This is why I don’t like this word.

Here’s the history I don’t like, here’s the connotation I don’t like.” We’re talking like sometimes months and months of consistent harassment.

[Courtney] And I feel like that can sometimes be missing the forest for the trees when, you know, someone within your own community might use a word that they resonate with that you specifically don’t, and you try to go after them or get other people to turn against them instead of working together on the actual policies that would benefit the lives of disabled people, inclusion and accessibility within our own niches within the Queer Community that would benefit us all.

It’s tough.

And that’s why when we pick up for part two next week, I want to start with – I guess what I teased at the top of this episode – using the suffix phobia.

And I am going to tell a story that I have never told publicly about my own phobia and experience with terrible people who are horribly unkind to me about it.

And my own personal thoughts on the phobia suffix.

[Courtney] Because I have a lot of them and I’ve thought about them extensively for years, so I’m ready to unleash them upon you.

And we’ll get to some of these other words on this list or other words that we just come up with in the course of conversation.

Because there are many, many words here and phrases that are very much worth discussing in the context of ableist language.

But to end off today, of course, we are going to be shouting out a fellow disabled ace to be our featured MarketplACE vendor of the week.

And that is Artemis Muñoz, who has an album – that’s right, music – over on Bandcamp where you can go and listen to it.

You can pay what you want to download it.

Please go over there and support them.

[Courtney] It is not only Ace Week, it is Disabled Ace Day, and I know you want some ace music, some disabled ace music, no less.

The album is all songs from their cabaret show about identity and language, and follows the artist’s journey to self-discovery as a non-binary, asexual, cross-cultural, and neurodivergent artist.

I downloaded this album myself.

The tracks include songs such as Asexy, My Neurodiversity, and Aphobia.

There are nine of them in total.

And links as always to find our featured MarketplACE vendors are going to be in the show notes on our website and the description box on YouTube.

If any of you out there tried to come for Artemis for naming a song Aphobia, I will come for you.

[Courtney] And likewise, if anyone tries to come for Autistic Hoya, for having too many words on this list that are too sensitive or trying to police everyone’s language, I will also come for you.

You will have to go through me.

Don’t do it.

I am so traumatized from some of you.

Just don’t do it.

We’re gonna pick up next episode talking about my feelings about the phobia suffix as someone who was terribly mistreated for having a phobia.

So we’ll get there.

You’ll hear my personal lived experience.

But just please don’t be assholes to each other.

That is all I want on this Disabled Ace Day.

So on that note, I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your Ace Week.

I hope you have whatever cake or garlic bread or your D&D sessions your little ace hearts desire.

And we will continue this conversation next week.