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Let's get into the episode I want.

To know what?

That is, I want you to show me.

I want to feel.

I want to feel.

I want you to show me.

I was fucking dancing away when I first you.

I was.

And then because it was like a festival, kind of set up a big massive field, lots of walk and all that.

And I've been fucking on the couch at night for months before.

And so I hadn't warmed up that day.

So, lad, I got to the after party and you know the Dome, Grand Central on Rancho St.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The after party was there.

Walked in a Dome and just said, lads, listen, my back's gone in.

They all just bear stop laughing.

There's a lot of be back gone.

I've got to go.

We're always.

Stuck all day, aren't you?

That's it.

Yeah.

Yeah, they carried on.

It's like 6 of.

Them you hang a line with a lot of gym boys, don't you?

You're a lot.

They're not.

They're not like comics.

Like, no, they're playing all day, every day, Yeah.

So like they don't understand 8 hours on your feet?

Standing on you?

No, I couldn't.

Watch Not Jodie, there's a pub next to the grand sensor called the Blaby.

Blaby Stone or something.

Yeah, Pablo Al Jabuza and when we get to the after party, the after party like wasn't open for like 20 minutes.

There's all people going like starting to get in there.

So we just went to the pub next door and I just got the pint and sat down with a pint.

Just been to Revolt in the Galleys but I sat in his pub with the pint.

Oh nice, was that first sip.

I was like that.

I was right.

I'd just rather stay at your place.

They were like, now we've gone to get to the after party and you go.

I was like, oh fucking hell, see?

Did you go in?

No, I went in like I bought.

I was just want to stay in that pub last.

This was didn't you?

Because all the lad, it was a Platini's out with the lads that hadn't seen evasion.

So if it was me, like I would have been saying I was staying at this pub.

So how was the after party?

It was post like 6.

No, that's what I mean.

That's a lot of standing.

Yeah, my backstop is on.

I'm sad.

It's all sheep lad.

That's stock up, just fucking you.

Sweat and everything, just a mess.

Yeah, just fuck yeah.

Carried.

Well, that's it.

One day you might give it up, man you.

Me, the girl, the girl out.

Only 33, aren't I?

I've got, I reckon I've got two years left.

I was laughing at when you when you said when you called yourself a puddle.

Which time?

I just it just it's making.

Me laugh that's that's from that's from when I called him a puddle so funny because when.

I don't like it, I don't like it, but I just just you.

You just make me laugh.

I.

Don't go.

What was it you're going to say that?

He dropped some it yeah, yeah, yeah.

Trying to find something, trying to find something in the confined space.

And just like his facial features went into himself just.

Sorry that no.

Sorry that no like.

That I wish we always be.

Have a little joker I'll be back on.

His way, when I was, I didn't want to say, 'cause I didn't think it was that you in the van.

It was in the van.

Yeah, you know the tea face.

Odd said You're a puddle.

Yeah, I'm saying, you know, you must have been selling some of the lads on the road while you're on the road, mate.

No, but I just like the idea.

Obviously Skelly and all you.

That's what it is.

That's 2 fat guns as well.

You know what I mean?

It's not.

I'm not just the fat guns in here in the situation.

There's three fat guns in a in a in a very small.

Skelly Skelly's.

Very what this is, before his operation, he was a fat guns and then there's Jamie's a fat guns as well.

And then I'm the fat guns.

There's three fat guns all stuck like this.

I dropped me light at the side, so I'm fucking like this mate, you know what I mean?

Like, but my head's stuck against the window Crest on the window, lad.

I'm slide by the window trying to find, trying to find a camel's going cramping me legs now like that.

I was a camel.

You can't.

I was a Cam.

You went down for a can and government lighter, but like no, I am I I feel I still feel whenever like, like I'm saying to you, like when they just like hi, like you have it as well, don't you?

You get up in the morning, you're like, do you ever just go?

Ah.

Yeah, we woke up.

Yeah, I was on Friday.

I wake up some size and go why was it last night?

Why did he take you last night?

Why am I yes No.

Do you ever get like ah?

You just remember you've got a gig, yeah?

You feel everything.

Yeah, when I woke up PSD Sunday, after the whole, you know, tablet session, dancing session, rave session, I woke up the next day and I literally like growled.

I was like, oh.

I'll be pressed away on Friday.

That was the waste.

That was one of the waste I've ever seen.

Get out of the house on Friday.

I can't do it.

For the live show.

I can't go.

Before you just said that because now I'm thinking, yeah, I do that all the time.

Gross.

Just just just.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like on Friday when I said to you.

Yourself.

I was in bed shaking your half six and like shows, Yeah, I'm still in bed at half 6 going.

Oh, I don't want to go.

I don't want to go.

Yeah.

I was in the green room that week.

I can't.

I can't.

Remember when I seen him, he was like, glad I couldn't leave the house.

We just, we just didn't want to be there.

Yeah.

And we smashed it.

The gig was 6.

That's how it goes.

Yeah, it's horrible in it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The shout that that that primal.

I just wanted to know if you did it.

What?

Do you do it as well?

I shout to a pillow all the time.

I scream to the pillow a lot.

You do it to the pillow, you don't just do it out.

Don't just even the house is free.

Yeah, let's go.

It muffles it and.

Fill.

I've just pitched it though before you have lost like walks in and you've got your face and a pillow kicking your legs.

Just go.

No, she's, yes, I've just go.

I'm going up for a scream, man.

What's happened to us?

It'll be one thing that just like the Shard breaks the camel's back, Joe.

Like a chopping ball.

Don't fit in straight away like I'm going up for Yeah I've.

Seen I've seen, I've seen you lose your shits over handles.

Door handles, anything just.

So I'll start the dish, I'll put the door as big figs as push and he's got rattling.

And then he just goes, yeah.

Open.

I'm like, yeah.

And it almost gets to the point where you go like, I'm not going to open this by pushing it.

I'm going to, I'm going to pull this open or someone else is doing it, but I am not pushing this.

Now.

I have noticed that you got like a gym bag or something and then and then like and then you've got like 2 pockets either side and you want to try and get the.

Keys and all your charges.

And, and you always go for the and you're like, and you're feeling around and you're like, I'm, I'm not going into the other one.

It's debt.

And then you sometimes have to concede I've got to go into the other pocket.

I'll have to cap and I'll send me the capital tile room on Saturday.

Just fucking come downstairs and I've left me fucking cap.

So I'll just go and oh, we've already handed the key in and I'll just leave it.

Forget it.

That's another thing lost in it.

No point.

And you could have just went upstairs and.

Got it.

Yeah, but I'm not doing that because that's what they want in it.

Just people want me to go up and look for me out and then me out won't be there.

It's your fault.

It's not like it's just people rushing them.

Doing things though, isn't.

It fucking not going up now just lose it It's.

Doing things, doing things, that is is.

It's a lot.

Would you like this before you before you don't like stand up?

Now I think it's just as time goes.

On as you get.

Around you down I think life obviously people will blame sort of ADHD is a thing that they'll do it now, but without wanting to get diagnosed.

You got like I think it's just things just grinded.

I'm if I'm not doing it therefore because I don't want to do it.

Was you ever happy?

No.

Never, because I I remember the time when I was happy.

Yeah, so like maybe 20?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

You must have been the time of your life whenever you're happy and you're thinking your life's good.

Like I haven't had that for a long, long time.

No, it's when I say maybe 18/19/20 like, but then I think that's just because you're looking back.

At it, you're only happy in hindsight.

Yeah.

You just haven't got.

You've not got the stress of life as a mid phase but.

This is meant to be the unhappiest part of your life.

Even then, you know I was not getting enough.

I didn't know that, so it was just.

Because because it's the bit where as normal as a yeah, because you're under the most stress to get everything sorted.

And when you get to like 55, you're through the kids, you're through that and you're meant to be a bit more set in your weight.

You're set then a bit more potentially close to supposedly so the bit 20 late 20s at 30s.

Molecule of all pit could all go right.

But when he gets to 55, if I, if I get to 55, but when you get to 55 average people, you're basically done then that's.

What I mean, so I think you're meant to be happier then because.

Because you know it's soon.

I think it's just you go like, well, I've had me go or I don't know really, because obviously then you're trying to say like you're writing people off there on.

Midlife crisis as well as the near 40.

They say so.

Quarter, you get a quarter one as well, I don't really know.

I think mid far isn't it.

It's 40, you know.

Yeah.

But you don't really look that far ahead, do you?

That's what I got divorced, I guess I was a biker.

And they're like, oh, he doesn't really.

Like 40, just thinking I don't, I don't care.

Like we obviously aren't looking at any sort of retirement age.

Know what?

I don't know many people.

We can't be, we can't be fucking gigging.

Touched about, but we're basically retired now, aren't we?

We're not far off retired now.

Yeah, that's the sort of thing we're not.

We're just.

We're just.

To say we're comedians is an insult.

Yeah, there's three.

Last I know about fraud and comedy.

That sucks.

Yeah.

Unemployable bums.

Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely, I had.

To I had to come out earlier today.

Why I had to come out 22 school mums.

Come out telling a new comic those clips.

No.

So kids come out to ours and sitting rather than go through the whole day and then at the end just sort of crops up like what I do or do, I do shifts or anything.

And then I was sat there and then even my kid looked at me because she knows it's a dirty scene.

She looked and she was like this.

She's drinking a little food shirt.

Oh God, you've got to lie again.

Everyone was going to lie again.

Stand up comedian.

I just, it was just like, and then everyone's like wants to hear you that last big time.

It's horrible, isn't it?

Because like, they should know.

If you don't mind kids I'm just going up for.

A scream now.

Yeah, but I also think, I also think when you what's.

Up being seen on clips though.

No, no, come on, mate, come on.

No one knows any.

No one knows anything.

The special.

No, like the only people.

No, the other people like you know, there's no one like regular.

No one regular.

Yeah, yeah, we got recognise also.

Yeah, I've seen by you.

No, by regular people as well.

Yeah, but it's.

When we went to Newcastle it was largely 18 to 35, little bit podgy, sort of little bit off looking.

Do you know what I mean?

It was never there was very rarely was it sort of like a a well to do 38 year old couple.

They were all.

Actually no nice no nice people that on to me like.

They were, they were more of a, it's either students or like these lads like like Beard and and Short.

And it's just, yeah, there's a certain type.

Yeah.

I look at them when I'm with him and I go like, Oh yeah, see you there, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

But then you go, oh, they don't know.

And school mums ain't gonna know.

No, no, no.

What's 'cause that's not in their algorithm?

I think, I think, I think no.

No, I think that algorithm it'll be about.

Schools when?

School mums.

Seriously if anyone recognise me.

May.

Probably excuse.

I don't.

Maybe I'm here for the mums, honestly.

But I think they, oh, what was I going to say?

What was it now?

Oh.

Lad, that was that was that killed you there?

I'm a stand up comedian.

Go Dad's a stand.

Up, you know, you forget though, and you know, but then it was getting to work.

I've got to make a decision now.

There's nothing here.

And then in hindsight now looking back, I should have said, oh, I'm having a year off and then said about my all day job.

That's what I should have said, but I didn't have the presence of mind.

You a riser?

Yeah, yeah, but come on.

Hello.

Yeah, that's that's, I mean, imagine that was like, what have you written?

Look at this.

Really, look at.

That this bit about come.

Yeah, no.

So I came out and then regret it now.

Probably should have said something else, but why could just this is this?

It's got to spend that at school.

That's what I said, I said, I said, I said to them, said of anything else found out.

I know it's come.

From You're gonna have, you're gonna have a school dad.

Yeah.

Tapped up in a few weeks.

He'll go.

All right.

Gag gag.

The kids.

I'm quite standoffish though.

I'm quite sad, I was going to say.

To you tell us a gag while you're with, yeah.

But I'm got at that point now where I I'm, I'm sort of OK with being really rude back to them now.

Yeah, I don't mind about being rude to them now.

I was, I was rudely.

So what?

I just had enough.

I was just sitting with the booze.

Movie mate.

He's he's just his movie mates having a baby three weeks so his head's got a bit.

She's having a pint.

Just fucking have an art to art.

3 lads come in and walk share and went tell us a joke.

I went no, just just carry on talking.

Yeah, just absolutely blew him off.

Yeah, thought you cheeky cunts, goal makers or butty or whatever you do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I mean?

He fucking way off man.

I mean, I, I, are you really jump?

Cheeva the way, you know what I mean?

You're not rude yet, but I suppose I've never seen.

You, you have to snap sometimes, yeah, you have to bite sometimes, mate.

But I think that's what you're.

Outside the skewer?

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Here's the problem is it depends what level you're at.

The level I'm at, I am unemployed.

So it's the level.

So like if you're famous or you've got a following or you've got some sort of fame, then I think you have to sort of play the game because they'll know who you are.

But when you've got, I mean, you're a comedian that's as famous as anyone else who, who who might just have been started six months ago.

It's kind of like, do you know what I mean?

I'd say confrontation general though.

We're not comedians though, are we?

We're just fucking.

Fraudsters.

Yeah, it's it.

But we're not comics.

So are we.

Smoking mirrors bro.

Well, I was.

I was.

We were.

Are we like reality TV stars or something that means?

That's the level, that's what it is.

That's what we are.

By man, he's going on maths soon.

What that's?

What we are man.

He's going on maths but that's.

What we are, we're like reality TV stars.

Yeah, yeah.

Or Tik Tokers.

Because they they watch.

You like to me you're that guy off TikTok.

Yeah, they watch so much of us.

They're.

Talentless.

So what 4000 food of you do?

They broke my heart.

But you see.

You said you're that furious.

I said I'm not.

You said you are.

I said I'm not, I am not.

Make my take away guy.

Yeah, but he was saying he was going.

You are.

I was going.

I'm not.

Who was it that?

Who was he think you were he?

Was outside the gig and.

But who did he think you were?

He.

Wasn't that really just been honest?

He was saying to me, I was listening.

I'm not he.

Must be right my take away.

And then when I said I was, I went to a comedian.

Not even, you know, you're a food viewer asked.

No, I'm a.

Comedian.

Not even I.

Am a comedian, shut up.

Fatty Where's the best burger, Fatty?

I'm sick of this fucking shit.

I was.

Saying you were saying before, like even you're gigging with Smith.

We were talking about the material and, and we were just saying before about how like all our material is like is, is is like come.

It's at least a cousm.

It's.

It's come, Yeah.

It's not come.

And it's.

I've got nothing in myself.

I've come.

Off I come on stage, I said.

Smith.

I went, Oh yeah, I, I can only come on stage twice because if you're doing 20, I think you can only come on stage twice.

And he even said the same, that he's got 2 routine or he's got 4 routines, but he has to choose which two he's putting in his show because it's all because it's too much come.

So you've got to go.

I can't do that bit where I come there.

I've got to do the other where.

Kings of toilet tuba.

Yeah, It's, it's that's OK That's a lot.

Oh yeah, that's a lot, don't it?

Yeah, what limescale?

Humour when you get like comments off like an old an old woman on Instagram and a yolk dishes toilet I love.

Them yes.

Do you not ever?

Do you not ever dream about being out the toilet or not?

No.

What do we talk about?

What do we talk about?

Politics, lad.

It's just in the bag, lad.

We're in the bog.

We know where we are.

We all get any ideas about getting in in the bathroom.

We're not even in the sink, we're in our bog.

That's where we belong and that's where we stay.

So we stay, Yeah.

Oh well.

So what are you going to, what are you going to do if if they're spread down the school, you're just going to hold it down now you're going to have to, you know.

Yeah, I'll just we've deal with it as if it's going to do anyway.

5-6 more shares on your videos.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I'll actually, yeah.

I'll tell you what, I have a bet now.

I'll post one now.

Yeah, a few more scouts.

I'll post one now.

Yeah, I have a bet now.

5 is in.

Or how much?

Want to bet?

Five?

Yeah, five.

Yeah.

I'll put a video up now.

You share it.

You share it.

Have you got share it and see how many views it's got at the end.

And then whoever gets closest wins.

Seems like a conscious to share you.

Still.

Not doing that, right.

Well, that's the shit.

I've got to get home now.

Let me share it.

You share it now?

Yeah.

Yeah, you share it Instagram we've.

Got an offer to talk about how are we done?

Damn.

18 minutes.

Oh wow, I'm not used to not having this.

On Instagram.

Hang on, I haven't done it yet.

Sorry for you all the old listeners, we're just.

What else then?

What else did we talk about?

You've got loads lad.

I've got loads.

What?

Last year?

Fuck off.

This Father, No.

Oh, say Jesus Christ, we've not gone to that.

Who wasn't that a scene?

Oh that was it.

Luke on mum went for a shit on her podcast, didn't she?

Luke on mum went for a shit on it.

Fair.

Play.

So you think you're the King's a toy like you, and she's, she's one up to there.

She's the Queen.

I.

Did it?

I did it last week.

I did it two weeks ago.

I don't know.

Yeah, stop for a shite.

On what podcast she.

She just went on webcam, took a listen to the laptop in oh sound waiting for it.

I'll probably do that.

Can't find the video too.

At the end gives.

A yeah fucking yeah and I'm sweating yeah.

Just don't die if it's, Smith cried that in.

Yeah, a little one and done.

How did you that was some knocking at the door.

It's like a year of asking on it.

What?

Well, it was at last minute lastminute.com on it.

Just I.

Didn't get shot.

Just sat in the Alfred's car park, wasn't I?

And then just you get the nod.

So that's it's this fucking dogfight out there, man.

In it for work.

No, but it's tough.

I've got a gig, this one.

Is what I mean about like 5.

Weeks in the something I've got gigs.

You know what I mean about being unemployed, though, is you sat, you sat in a in a in a retail

park at 2:00.

No, with no money.

And then you go, Oh well, I, I don't, I don't have a job.

And then and then someone goes, oh, can you get to Derby tomorrow?

You go, oh, now that's my job.

That's fucking mental in it.

It's.

Crazy, how are we meant to live like this?

But that's how you where were you?

Were Middlesbrough?

Were you recently?

We got a double.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Was that the last last time you you had any work?

Yeah, that way I had a, I had a charity gig, but obviously don't take fees for.

Oh yeah, how was that nice?

Yeah, I was sick of it.

Yeah, quite close, but yeah.

So.

Didn't take a fee now.

No, no, no, you can't, can't you?

Well, you kind of like the full the shit charities, the Salmons.

You can't.

Yeah, the hills with charity.

So.

You haven't.

Any probably feedback into the pot there?

But it was someone like 400 MSPCC so I'm taking 4-4 figures.

That's what I mean.

I'm the last.

4 kids were hope the kids.

Oh, you're being like a big charity.

All con these gives me expensive cancel research.

Give me, give me.

Then big I.

Have a Big Lunch gives 4 figures.

You know they're fucking.

Cancer Research not.

I'm coining it in that.

Yeah, when the CEO is all ON4250 grammates, I'm taking fucking 900 equipment for me, fucking for me dinner.

Yeah, you shouldn't feel ashamed about working for a charity for, you know.

For money.

Yeah, because they will get there while making loads, aren't they?

Yeah, but I'll say when it's when it's when it's when it's a real one.

Of course, I'll close the whole one.

Yeah, you just, you just put your feedback in even though I was like that.

Sure.

Have you had any any any 10 lately?

Which any 10?

Yeah.

Only when we have to get the party started, yeah.

Yeah.

Is that a?

Slogan.

I had about 7 cans in the night and and the next day I'll be Pooh is green again like baby Boo.

I've heard about the of the colours well.

Is it just the blue one?

Was the pink one.

I'll just think.

I'll just think, whatever ones I've got no money.

I'll just think down there I've got well, I've got yeah, keep keep that alike.

Yeah, when I've got, when I've got.

Do you?

Think you'll ever get money?

No, no.

I'm shit with.

What he does, he owes it me, yeah.

So what what?

What's your plan?

Run out of tick dealers I've run out of beats yeah he's a fan out of be held that buddy wow oh family buddy don't have left me I'm just alone but.

Won't get into The Dirty numbers, but it's recoverable.

I've taken a piss.

Yeah, obviously.

What are you?

I'm always good because you know what you did.

The red always arguments.

You must know it yourself.

Sorry.

Oh, yeah.

Do you ever think, do you ever think envisage your life of of money?

Did you see it?

Did you see it?

I'll tell you to.

Be a quick, quicker, way quicker way to the grave for me, like if I had loads of money.

I do.

I was like working out how many tickets go on sale in a couple of weeks because he said like this many are going on sale in spring and then, you know, we'll aim to get to this mount.

I was just doing the the maths and and like, after all, I'm.

Never off the calculating me Dang boys on it, but not for like good reasons.

I'm on the calculator like to see how bad it's going to get, whereas he's on the calculator to see how good.

It's going to be.

But yeah, the optimist, yeah.

Well, it's good news for you though as well, because exit gigs for you, really.

That's all I've got left to be.

Raft, life raft, that's all I've got left over.

The rest of the year is a few tour supports dotted around from other people.

That's going to be the thing, and it's also what then?

Jump on your own tour that pops.

Yeah, that's it.

It's.

Got to be the way to do it.

I'm just waiting for the reserves.

Me if you like, I'll wait for you.

I'm getting yours on.

I'll wait for you to get injured.

Yeah, you're doing a few bar, but yeah, they were not yours.

Not all that on sale yet.

No sooner.

Next 4 weeks.

Is it there?

Yeah.

Saying that for all being done, so being mapped.

Signed off.

Yeah, signed off now, yet I've got to.

Get a video over to this week all I have one of the videos.

Hi guys, it's me.

How are you doing?

All them, Yeah.

Oh yeah, go go back on tour.

Fuck off.

You got a film sketch.

You fucking 15 quids, fuck the sketches.

Like I'm just going to go on like that and go listen, no, you got your fucking 15 quids.

Don't even bother saying I'm going to show shit.

Kill me your money.

Give me your money.

Like I'm fucking sitting here.

Escape with no money, lad.

Again I start lying by children.

Children call me.

Fuck.

Over three years I'm sitting here with no money.

What's this for?

What's this all being for?

Oh, we usually fucking entertain.

Because I'm certainly not.

Yeah, buy your fucking ticket hotwatercomedy.co.uk/fucking source.

Make sure you click that one.

That fucking breakdown.

Would people send you money?

What do you mean if I ask these lot send me money?

No, but if they send you it they they get a decent one for him, wouldn't they?

I did it as a laughter and I got like.

A go for me.

£1.50 on PayPal, did you?

Yeah.

Oh, you did a go for me, for him.

No, I did PayPal for yourself.

That's shit.

Well, well, well.

You know, you know well.

Yeah, we started saying I've got 2 fatty gigs, only got 2 fatty gig.

Too fatty gig.

The puddle car gets a gigs go for me puddle save the puddle.

Puddle laid.

Puddle laid, man.

I would love, I love.

It so so funny stories about big people.

Oh, I told you.

That one, didn't I?

I'm told, I'm told.

You always said Chimp Fest for Callum.

Yeah, there's big acts.

Complete the name.

Oh.

No, don't.

Don't do.

This don't do this.

Massive roll that.

Don't do this.

And it's like you're like a sage of like a fucking nativity or something.

Like just pallets basically.

He gets on, he falls on his ass, lad.

He is on his.

Back What falls over?

Lad, I mean proper fucking tortoise.

Lad cannot get up.

I can't get.

Up.

No one can pick him up.

He's still there now was.

Everyone size 8 years is everyone laughing laddie?

I wasn't there.

I've got another.

No, me, me that me and Cameron lost a long.

I would have gone.

I know lost a long one gone lad.

I know, lost a long one.

What about was the audience laughing?

Well, you're like.

But then it got a bit like and the St.

John's Ambulance are coming in.

Oh, 'cause you're always though those fat people get embarrassed.

He's probably fought shit.

I need just 400%.

I'm 80, you know what I mean?

But.

It's OK just to get him up like having like, you know, like pretty muscly guys like Joel Bromart and Steve for him and that other like even in him up.

But he's like and he's like, oh, and he knew he went too far, but he's fine finding his equilibrium and he's like 8 minutes into his 10th spot at this point.

As soon as if that was as.

Soon as he got up, he got.

Fussed Fatty fatty.

Yeah, no, I have it, but I don't.

Want to I saw so much faster.

He's not an 8/1.

Just just the.

2nd.

1.

It's got it's got 2 characters at the same.

No way there was Tony gig in that scene.

You must give him shit all the time doing a podcast with him.

How was Rob doing?

Has he lost any weight off these jobs yet or?

I think he's a few stones down.

That's what he just put online so.

But wait, I'll laugh, I think.

Oh, do you reckon?

Massive?

What?

Are you going to, are you going to, are you going to try and get on it?

So you're not.

You're not.

I wouldn't be funny if I was fucking.

Number one of them please what?

I wouldn't be funny if I was skinny, so I'll stay fast.

Miserable do.

You reckon I?

Wouldn't be funny if I was skinny at all.

You've not been, you've not had your turn by it at all.

No, yeah, to be fair, I have life.

And what's been the deciding fact there's.

Not the cost of the minute, cost of the place they are.

I think there'll be a scandal about them in a few years.

Do you?

Reckon something's going to come out?

Just all too much, too quick.

Just yeah, not having it like what he said he isn't a diaper.

You've got you've got to do it yourself for years now.

Now it's just like you can get a jab or take a pill and you're fucking skinny.

So as you said this, well, I'm not like why I haven't sucked them.

It's just I'm too lazy to start it.

To to the mum for this.

I'm too lazy to start.

I mean that you.

Shouldn't even be arsed jabbing yourself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's kind of be arsed.

I've lost my needle folks.

Sake, Yeah.

You do well not to to drink to drink tonight, though.

That's good.

You're not drinking tonight.

No.

No.

No, no, no.

Just ask that Saturday, mate.

Yeah, still going to try and just get home and get your head down.

I go.

Yeah, I've got a few things.

You've got a few writing bits to do when I get in.

SO right, you don't like to write out.

Yourself.

So now what do you do?

What is your your day?

My day I wake up and I'll get showered, shower.

Shower.

Shower guys.

And then I do some research like.

Well, a lot of the audition like, you know, like score on score.

On Instagram.

On Switzerland, you know, like see what's going on in the world and that because obviously others comedians, we've got to be ready.

We have.

To figure on the poll something.

Yeah, Yeah.

You know, we've got to we've got to make keep up on, on, you know, like current affairs in the world.

OK, So I have a little scroll on that and then what they what they we recalled, we recalled all the time, man, this is a good job Laden.

It's all forever.

Yeah, always.

And I would record a lot of we do live podcast.

They have adult gigs.

So yeah, record it just watching the cell, you know?

Me.

I know.

And she's like, she's like kids.

Yeah, I know.

But but even then, I'm not right.

You take.

The kids to school, you pick the kid up.

But in some holidays it's different, isn't that I just lie in bed and.

Don't you take the kid to bath?

Every now and then there's activities going.

On you do you plan your school I'm a deeply.

Dishonest man.

What do you mean?

Just.

I was Did you plan it?

Do you plan it?

If there's all these good like you go like fucking.

This days out they go on.

I lie in bed and fester.

I'm dead sad.

Yeah, I am.

We're also.

To me, used to.

Live in great steaks at midday and that they're nice.

What's your?

Day.

Oh, I had one the other day, didn't I?

Jamie's obviously he got he gets forced to get up by his girlfriend or I'd sided.

I'd signing.

That's decided like that's decided.

I like a sheet to see what time we woke up and he's.

Because I was festering too much and they needed like motivation to get up so.

Yeah, you get into a pit and.

Get a signing at like 9:45 or 10:20 if I've been gigging.

Signing how?

OK, WhatsApp message or something?

No, in the inner office, we've just got an Excel spreadsheet.

What time I got up?

OK, well, it's my.

It was my.

Just to give you a structure.

Yeah, I needed that.

Yeah, I needed that sort of.

I have to get up to do that.

I know you wake up, but then what else do you do for the rest of later than 910 hours of the day?

Just sits there waiting to sign out everyday isn't it?

Oh, sometimes I can't.

Wait to go to Penny.

Sometimes I'll sign, I'll sign and go down, make yourself a coffee and just have that coffee in beds or one in my end.

I've so got up and done something, yeah.

OK, I mean a little task sort of complete getting into.

It I'll watch, I'll watch like a trashy like TV series during the day and then like I can't.

Do nothing, man.

No.

We don't do nothing, do we?

Maybe play darts, maybe for an hour, yeah.

Got to get the steps in out with you just.

To get up, yeah, do.

You remember that time when I was Silas that walk, I'm not doing that again.

And I said look, I don't like 10,000 steps a day.

And he went.

I've done like 12 I.

Was on, I was on like 86 and they they were just visits to the toilet.

86 steps.

Yeah, in the whole day.

It's not fine.

86 steps I've checked 9 I lie down, just lie down so much.

I love lying down a lot.

I don't even sit down.

I don't want to get in yet.

It's good.

Then it's lie down.

Just like that.

No, no, I I'm fully.

I'm fully back.

I'm fully back.

That's good.

I love lying down.

You're on your back.

Full back, I'll be bonded.

Say it a lot.

I've got a I've I've started using it.

Feels like I'm taking the weight off me, you know what I mean?

Literally.

Yeah, well, yeah.

Because I am, yeah.

So I just love lying down.

Would you rather feel your body just sort of like you're thinking like, oh, this is not being?

Used I I get everything When I say the door goes, I get up and I feel my calves going.

We have not been used.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In.

Hours.

Yeah.

And it hurts.

Oh yeah, it aches.

Bones.

Yeah.

There's nothing.

Just give up.

With a lot of us, we've gave up.

Absolutely.

And just and also with so much time.

But no, because he was Once Upon a time when I was fucking happy, man What changed?

I don't think because I was truly happy.

I'm not really happy but like.

Wearing a mask.

I remember being content and happy.

I had a good life man and I'm threw it all away for this shit.

But.

All your drinks, everyone.

But 8 the aches though that is sore like walking about getting your skeleton when this is good.

When this what we do, when it's good, it's good in it.

It's getting all I.

Think that's what it is?

It's getting all too rare.

But when it's good, I think that's what the sacrifices, yes, You know what I mean?

The the highs are fucking high, but the lows are really fucking low.

I think it's also when you when you, when you're stagnating and you're not going anywhere and you do feel a bit like, oh, this is, this is the same again.

Maybe that's what we need in our lives.

A bit of what Jamie said, you know, a bit of.

Structure.

Structure because when I don't, when I don't gig, I go miserable, but when I gig I'm happy.

You need something to.

I definitely need to do something.

I'd be, I'd be, I'd be in a bad way if.

I didn't like a side project though.

That's what I mean.

That's why I tried to get into jigsaws and threw that away.

That shit side of it's.

Summit to style, but I still wanted a happy way I could sit down.

Yeah, I might start streaming me.

Streaming.

Yeah, or something like that something.

Like what are you going to stream?

His nose?

What?

Are you going to stream?

Hey guys, what's?

But what you gonna stream?

Playing games.

Or what?

Playing.

Yeah, playing games.

Karaoke will be sick.

Karaoke, Yeah.

Karaoke.

You can't do karaoke.

Tony Carlos big karaoke party.

I'll just get karaoke.

Karaoke.

There you go.

That'll be sick.

Calamo.

Add tune.

In you can be the Co host.

Carl Oak just like you know, people sign.

It YouTube viewing it.

So do we have two viewers?

Definitely usually sitting there watching and go.

What a fucking fat loser.

Ears both of you.

That happens with everyone.

Tell you what I do.

Do I do watch gangsters on TikTok?

I'm obsessed to them.

Do you like the whole Sam Walker?

Yeah.

I love it.

Sam Walker, Darren J Tintin.

Tintin.

And Mervinu, but whatever it's called.

Yeah, but the whole James English Darren G thing at the minute, Yeah.

Did Sloth ever get back to you about your best fist?

No, no shit.

Yourself should.

Try and get on James English.

I might spice it off that I beat the final boss holes.

I win.

Yeah.

What you make of that?

What you make I've.

Seen nobody looks quite tired and I thought I mean.

What do you make of it?

Some people thinking it's a bit classist or whatever.

Some people are having to go with it.

I I think I.

Told someone you know?

I think put on a lot to be honest.

We'll get started on and.

I think why is he going to ask like he's been made the famous because he's been just being terrorized about his appearance.

But isn't that I've been terrorized about my appearance?

And I have it is not.

The way that you can get your hair cut like that and then you suddenly.

I've been telling the.

Same with that picture.

I'm just saying Bosch after.

You're blaming about me?

Yeah, I have adult terrorizing.

Yeah, but I'm still skins.

These are made.

You're getting all the the roof without the smooth.

Yeah, where's my money?

I'll get a maybe get a mad haircut.

I've got 1 mullet.

No like.

I was thinking, you know, not office pool, that rave.

I was thinking someone's going to take a picture of me and say office pool, final boss, lad, all this haircuts, I want to swear ladders.

Fucking hell, it's like I want to be.

I was paranoid, like thinking I want to be a meme in the back.

Final boss.

I want to be a meme.

I want to be a meme in an hour.

That'll go far.

I'm going to be a meme in an hour.

No, you will.

Can we make that as a clip?

Maybe you should.

Try and do that just.

Go for a game like go for something like that.

Just have a really mad, mad thing on your period.

I'm.

Just going to let me like, why talk on silence, to be honest?

Is that what you're going to do?

That's what I'm going to do because I've said a lot of doubts into believers last few years.

So I'm just going to keep on what I'm doing, work in silence and saying the masses and you know what?

And I'll be models and keeps remodels.

Don't change your way.

I'm stay loyal.

Bring the next person up and that's what I'm about sad.

What about you?

What's your writing process?

I was going to, I was going to say.

Do you write actually?

Do you love it inside of the week to write?

Yeah, I've got a right side sketches, isn't it?

Yeah.

I've gone now I've gone, haven't I?

The Premier League sketch on.

The sketch game now, Yeah, Nice.

Ford again.

Ford again.

I'm not.

Scared of Ford though am I?

You stole it off someone.

No, we don't talk.

We don't talk about that.

Yeah, yeah.

Massively derivative inspired.

Inspired.

Yeah.

But the yeah, no, I'm going into, I'm going into sketches.

Nice.

But like sketches, not like just not the not the clip, not the post clip interview did the actual scam.

I'm going into sketches.

Sketches, yeah.

Which is wild, Yeah, wild.

Me going into.

Sketches.

Bingham coming back.

No, no, just.

Like you got to do characters.

No, just like Instagram sketches, I'm going in.

I'm going into that September, I'm going into that.

You've got planned film week six.

Yeah, because obviously I like to film stuff before I have to do because I could.

I can never go week to week.

So I'll have to see if it's any long.

I'll have to do like a little three month space of it.

Could try and get to somewhere where I can get some level of respectability but.

If is this, the side gets more followers.

Yeah.

And if it if it doesn't work in a year, I think it could be curtains, you know what I mean?

What everything.

Yeah, I think just knock it all on the edge, you know what I mean?

Get a bit of height with it.

You can't keep going that don't.

You can't.

I just love if he retires in two years, retires from comedy and then he he knocks on the door and talks.

You said he was a comedian and he's just a DHL driver.

You're lying trying to get into my knickers hot comedian when you're just a DHL driver giving me parcel.

No, it's it's nice to think of that escape plan though, isn't it?

Yeah, I think you.

Gotta put, yeah, I've I've had time on my it's good pressure.

You could never enter the workforce again, do you reckon now?

No, no, go back into club promoting.

Could just.

Probably not now.

I couldn't.

You don't need to.

I couldn't go back into call centers.

I don't think I'll get it.

I don't get a real job again at all.

Like because I'm very honest online.

Like the battery?

In the morning.

That's all very hopefully don't know about a lot of things.

So yeah, I don't think, I don't think any.

I'm not hireable, am I?

You?

Can get a job somewhere.

If anyone's got any work for me let me know please guys I want to finish the tour and I think I want to hang the wake up.

I had something to discuss man do.

You know when you go into when you go garage and you get like a restock of your jigs?

Yeah, it's the same person that's always working us out.

Yeah, they will.

They will like the you do know them and you get to know them like you never and you are.

I are embarrassed.

You're embarrassed about like going in you.

Ever like look at it and go like fucking hell he is again?

Yeah, and you and you just think you like I used to work in the Co-op.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but the same, the same like the same like man would come in like 50 year old by the same thing like wine steak.

I just look at him.

I think what a Dick.

You fucking prick.

That was horrible.

I was.

I was some style.

That's what we do for a living.

That's what we do.

That's.

What we try and do for a living.

That what we did then.

You should say that on stage.

That's.

What we try and do is that.

That's half of stuff in it.

I have stuff someone's just going to try and I.

Spend most of my life just pretends a laugh at your stories.

Yeah, yeah, Gives you a headache, doesn't it?

Forces it out.

I've got a headache now he's.

Laughing.

No, but also it does what I was saying to him.

We laughed to her in the car and I'd be like that's ruined.

Whole night's ruined.

I'm written off gives you a headache.

We.

Meet up every Friday, like the pub before the live show.

Just just just hope one of us has got a lie on us left.

Yeah, What a lie left.

Yeah, yeah, we'll be talking about something and we'll have to go.

Shut up, lad.

We've got to save for the pub and then sit in the pub for silence.

And so there's an audience in front of us and then we can say that story.

It's not even before, anyway, two hours of quietness in the pub.

Not going to Scotland this year?

I don't know.

You're not going to Edinburgh.

Fuck that lad.

That's not what you see.

That's like.

You should go.

You should sell them, not there.

Quick cash grab.

Yeah, you should go up there a little 20 day, yeah.

Well, offer me the like.

What was the live?

Show that loads.

Not that I'd rather feel long day.

I actually had add 1 today.

Yeah, I'd work on today.

What do you mean?

Like actually I was be, I'd be productive today.

I had loads and that's why I was late.

What did you do today?

I.

Had loads of emails just sort of today, no cousins at all stuff.

Oh yeah.

So yeah, yeah, it's been a busy.

E-mail.

I'll just stay with new agents, just just introduce myself.

Hi, Alan.

Yeah, just.

Yeah, just loads of ads.

But I'm not going to be just not the confused today.

I haven't got a computer.

I haven't got a laptop yet.

I haven't got a laptop yet.

Are you working around the porn ban?

That's a good topic in it.

Oh yeah, Twitter using Twitter to be porn.

How are you?

Yeah.

Are you?

Are you?

All we had, we fucking had.

No, I love a good head Paul wank.

Do you what was when had?

Like, you know, like full imagination.

You can't.

Yeah.

Best thing ever.

Mix them both, isn't it?

Are you not?

Are you?

How come you are off it?

Fair imagination, full imagination.

Been like that for years.

You didn't even watch it as a little oh.

Yes, as a.

Starter.

As a starter, yeah.

But then I just got into like, you know, women I work with and that.

Yeah.

A lot better for me.

That's fucking nasty, that.

Lot a woman who wakes.

With you're chatters in the office, love, You're walking all right, chatters, Good morning.

She doesn't even know that you're going to wank it over there back in the day.

That's horrible.

Do you like a woman who wait show?

Yeah, probably.

You're later on sort of making a cup of tea and she doesn't know you're.

Oh, right, right.

I mean like rivals.

Oh right, girls who don't like me.

Where she's being horrible to you because she's really.

She's just like, fucking no, she's not fancy me.

She hates me.

I went around in the fantasy.

How?

Just because we have to work together on a weekend shift and like the it's both like the tension just gets to us.

We throw our headsets on the floor and just fuck while we're telling someone.

Policies cancelled?

I know that that would be, yeah.

What have you been doing over the pool?

What's up group from about 7 years ago?

It's abandoned.

It's abandoned because it got breached by someone.

It got a, it got a what's?

What's the word called when someone gets not hacked and there's a rat in there?

A leak.

It got, it got dropped.

It got dropped on it in a heartbeat then then another group was set up but in this one, this one had been building up for like 8 years with like.

8 It's just all you, just you and a few.

18 to 24, sort of.

25 just just just five we used to have.

Like a pawn dealer and you just go every, every Monday you'd go there you go boys, boom.

And you know what you're going to get?

You're going to get all wildness.

So you're getting some actual legit stuff.

Somebody watching thinking, oh, this is going to go horrific soon.

Then you'll get some year where they'll be like, oh, it's a nice sexy woman.

Boom.

So what outfits what?

What format is it on?

Well, that's what that's what I would suggest to other people is that on WhatsApp, when they used to send the video, you must get like people sending porn on WhatsApp now.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he's generally what lads are not like a group chat just for that.

But that wasn't just for that other stuff.

There's those so many things.

You got a flippy, loads of photos in nature.

It's a bit of, it's a bit great.

No, don't look at him.

And then but there's a like, there's a good chunk of time, like a year, a year and a half where one one of the lads was just heavy sending loads.

Yeah.

And I look back now, he was a legend.

But looking back now you're thinking this has been a godsend and so I've still got some there and I know one of my mates was actually away one time he said to me can you sort me out some something?

So I sent him, AI sent him a 1 of this guy like a work party in a toilet and they're being filmed over the cubicle.

It's probably illegal, that isn't it.

No, no, no.

I've.

Seen.

That film filmed over the cubicle.

Somebody.

He's just fucking pounded away, is he?

Yeah, no.

And then it's only after like 5 minutes they realized and then they look up and then I've seen that.

Yeah, it's good enough.

Yeah, I wouldn't.

I wouldn't mad that.

Yeah, I think it did, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So I said, he said, can you sort me something out?

I'm in a cottage with the family.

I need something.

So I bang, send them a couple through.

But brilliant.

Thank you.

And then sort of what you got to do is.

I couldn't ask my mate there, I couldn't.

Even go on in there on this phone.

I don't know why.

I don't know why I couldn't get sued.

I think it's sort of like if you've got like I, I need Wi-Fi.

Yeah, I can't go.

I can't.

Do it 4G now.

I've got a Prince a lot.

Yeah, yes, same and.

Then four.

It's as man, but I don't want to ring them off.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, we're advised to go higher.

Could you to be honest?

I think, I think I did do that because.

They're going to be like, yeah, you know what you do, why don't?

Why don't I ring on the Patreon and get your block off?

No, it's not that big of a deal.

You can do it.

I don't think you need to.

Speak to them.

I've tried, it won't let me.

It says I've got a ring.

No, but I just go.

I'm not that bothered about it so.

It's a ring on Patreon.

You ring one pizza for me, get off for me.

Yeah.

So we do that.

We can just do it on that I.

Can't even go on fucking on Viva streets anymore because sometimes I like.

You know that is that brushless?

Yeah, I don't, I don't get them anymore because fucking it's.

My cost of living, I'm fucking.

Skit labs, you know, but I do like, but I still like that checker who's on there, you know, like checker, like the new girls, the hot new girls in town.

I like to, I like to keep vocal, educated.

Keep the rest of them all.

Yeah, keep educated to see who's who's who's.

You know what's new on the menu?

Yeah, who's who's who's just moved it to Kelly, You know what I mean?

Yeah, sometimes you look on like a meat to the restaurant just to have a look.

And see if the menu's been updated.

Yeah, yeah.

And there's some.

There's some.

I don't know because I haven't been off for ages because I've I've yeah, I've already on your phone.

So that's all card.

They English, they English, or they trafficked.

No, no, there's, there's, there's a mix of mixed bag, you know, there's, there's one that's bad.

I was Googling but there's like scouts ones as well.

I was Googling that how you get out of sex trafficking.

How do you get out of it?

What's shaky way through you know, Madam?

You know, you just, you just get off.

You've just got to brave the threats and go and like it.

If you you just walk like I'm going to give you if if I was a sex worker.

Yeah.

And.

Trafficked.

So you're there, you're being held because of all.

Right.

Say if I was outside, I want to see, you know, Yeah.

And a van pulls up.

Yeah, Yeah.

And I get full lashed into it.

Yeah.

And then say two days later.

Do the bit.

I was going to.

I was going to.

That's cold.

That's cold.

No.

Well, let's just say, yeah, two days later, I'm in, say, Peru.

Yeah.

And you went, oh, yeah, fucking get it in.

And then you put me into a room and then I actually get like, you know, I got bumped or something.

Yeah, whatever.

Whatever it is.

And then if you're, if you're not, you're not locked up, am I?

It depends.

If it was like cheat like you're down.

To threat.

No, but then it's just a pimp there.

No, you just like, you just get bombed for a few weeks or the other.

Then you'd be like, hey mate, I'm just going to the shop.

Do you want to say this all?

And he'd be like, yeah, go ahead and have like, whatever.

And then you just go, say you go to the shop and you just get off, you go away.

I think I'd shag myself to management.

No, but what I'm saying is what I mean.

I'm not putting us in it.

Yeah, but like, how can they threaten if you just get off?

No, right.

So they get a woman from Eastern Europe or somewhere and they go.

If you leave, they take the passports, take everything.

If you leave, is a photo of your front door, photo of your kids, photo of the.

School.

Oh shit, yeah.

There you go.

If you leave, they're dead.

Oh no, you stay in an.

Argument.

How do you get out?

Of the adult, you're just on your back, you know what I mean?

God.

Well, you know the way you.

Now, well, I think obviously.

Very sad by the way.

How much?

Yeah, I know.

It's that you shouldn't be livable.

Oh, I'm not joking about that.

I.

Know it's sad but like how the how the fuck to get out of that?

That's horrible.

Well, I should call the cops.

Have you ever had the services of an of an Eastern European?

Held against the will?

No.

So I haven't because that's illegal.

How do you know?

Because I've already had Scouse presses.

I want a gent.

Racist.

Yeah, not, not ethical.

That's not ethical, is it?

Yeah.

You just want girlfriend experience.

Yeah.

So you've asked for that?

GFE.

What kisses?

Girlfriend.

Experience.

I've asked for kissing before.

And they said, yeah, nice.

Do all that date stuff I can go.

I've never took, I've never took an escort.

I was like the fucking bar bar as well.

Yeah.

Well, no, I mean no, I mean that's.

Not could be in the brass dancing and Barber.

Which executives do, don't they?

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you see it all the time.

Like award stews and.

That you see all the time, you know, like, you know, like these fucking fellas, you've got all one apple.

They're just fucking virgins and the the school reunions are they're gonna fucking sit there and bring an escort, tell her the story she's got to say where they met and all that, and then walk into the fucking Peter Lloyd's fucking gym, Yeah, where they fucking with the school reunion is and just be like, this is me wife.

And she's like, oh, la, la, la.

It's fucking sad, isn't it, mate?

It's just sad.

Why can't everyone just be happy?

You know what I mean?

I'd love to be happy again.

Me.

Why did you said that in all three years went?

We wanted to go a bit Aggie now, maybe Dragon.

Yeah, let's have a sit.

Got the Patreon correspondent sort of Patreon episode what?

I'll see if anyone's got anything to say.

Want to do a blind ranking with us?

We do that sometimes.

Oh yeah, go on.

That blind ranking, Yeah, yeah.

Oh, there you go, You're having a good time.

Great time.

Yeah, Little Penny.

Sorry.

To him.

We've got we've got one for top five gay people.

Don't have Gays 20.

20 E 720.

20/20/28.

Fucking.

Hell.

Fucking hell do.

You just want to do it?

Or do you want to do a different?

One, let's do the gays, lad.

OK.

So it's up to you.

So the first one's Elton John, so.

Right there.

You need to do this blind ranking.

Top five gays.

Yeah, go on then.

OK, so just just want to decide how using.

I think we all just decide to give a daddy know.

What I mean how use a rank and then we use ranking them based on how good they?

Were as the top five games in our opinion, Daddy.

Go on, that's all that.

Thanks mate.

Well, Jamie was asking that so.

I just get over the game OK.

Number one.

22 fucker 8 mate.

And #1 #1 Elton, OH.

Elton's my favorite.

I think Elton's number one.

Number one lads.

Elton.

Elton.

I got that's fair show.

Elton John #1 on early.

Yeah, I've got it.

What do you think?

What do you think, Simon?

Do you think he's the the top?

The top T again.

Nah, no 4/4.

4 for Elton John.

Yeah, Oh.

Fine, maybe we should do a separate one there.

I reckon the beginning.

Some better ones.

Coming via Jamie versus Simon.

I've got.

I've got a.

We're going to be our number one.

He's Simon's number 4.

I've gone early but one.

OK, Stephen Fry is the next one.

He's.

5 She's out.

Number five are these He's he, isn't he?

Isn't he elegant?

What's he called?

Eloquent enough, Fizzy.

No, he is.

I'll tell.

I'll tell you what though, Stephen Fry sick the audio books of Harry Potter but mapping to having 5.

OK, 5.

Away from Brian from Big Brother comes off at some point.

The next one is Al Alan Tearing or Church, Yeah.

Nick Mccole.

Nick Mccole Three.

He won the war, didn't he 3/3?

We agree with you on that one.

He broke the Nick.

He broke the Nick Mcconne.

What's that like?

It cracks into the Germans when a these Germans said they're going to fucking shag him out.

Yeah.

Oh, him, yeah.

Other than his.

Tortured soul he sold Churchill.

Didn't he?

And the Churchill fucking went.

You're not shagging him out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So next one is Ryland.

1.

Ryland's the boy though.

4 though.

No, I'll give him.

I'll give five.

I'll.

Give him 4 Rylands seems decent fellow, don't they?

You going 4?

This is my #1 Now this is.

My #2.

This is my #1.

Phillip Schofield.

Get in there.

Stay to the end.

Yeah, I'll give Phil number foot number one.

He's had a tough time.

He's had a tough time.

He's the one who's gotten the lowest of them.

Not sure and had the tough though.

Did he think?

Yeah, yeah.

Then out he got found guilty of being gay.

Yeah, I don't see any guy.

After winning the war.

What did he do too?

He killed himself.

Fork 1.

He was worried.

Was he the one who broke into the the radio shift?

Enigma code, yeah.

Tap, tap, Tap Morse code.

Oh, was it Morse code?

Was he?

No.

Enigma code I don't he.

Just lit him for the.

For the hour is that.

Radios or Yeah, he's breaking.

He broke the German Enigma machine.

He hacked into a machine A.

Machine and then that was that Was that machine by by voice or by text?

Voice, I think, yeah.

So it was a radio.

Though.

It's something different things, isn't it?

Yeah, it's all the different things and.

Then and then he was here.

And then we go like, we're going to be, we're going to take.

And then everyone went, stop gossiping you, are you gay?

They were getting prison.

Oh yeah?

Is he from London?

Manchester.

What was it?

Yeah.

He's on the who's he going to be on the fibers?

Yeah, he was.

He was shortlisted.

Shortlisted for the fiver.

He's got Alan Shore in way, you know, open shore.

It's.

Got ban.

Basic.

It's got St.

named after him in Basic.

That's all I said Jack and we that Jack and he was not ever seen named after us.

Who do you think?

Who do you think?

Who do you think will be out of us for?

Who do you think could be the one that's going to?

What would be the street name The.

Hutchinson Way.

Carol Drive.

I like that one.

I like to live there.

Was your way.

No, no, no.

Called the.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, what I don't know what would mine be, was that ways to alliterations for gimps?

Well, alliterations for gimps.

What is yours?

What's your secondary wizard?

What's that from?

It's Polish.

Polish.

Don't know Wozniak walk.

No terrace wasn't that caught, just a big block of flats.

Old people.

Who sent him to us?

That Could you be Hutchinson?

Wait.

Probably.

Is that what?

You're down.

Yeah, Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know why that one is the one that is that what came to your?

Yeah, because.

Because Hutchinson's A.

Lot you need a little short bit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cattle drive.

I like that.

I like it too.

I like.

That yeah, it's a good name for someone as well.

Maybe that could be my stage name?

I wish I had a stage name.

It's one thing I regret.

One thing I regret.

I wish I had a stage name.

That's one thing I wish I could.

Go change.

I want to be Tony Carl.

No, I wish I had, wish I had a.

Yeah, I wish I'd I'd just see it there.

Really.

Just to just to distance yourself.

No, no, you've got.

That's why.

That's why we've got where we've got what's where.

We've got where we are so far, Elton John.

We're very honest and very open.

Johnny Vegas.

Elton John.

People think they know our lives.

We let them into our lives where you could you if you.

And you think?

And has that been good for you?

Not really bore, exactly.

It could get better.

Or be a stage name I think.

How do I be and Jimmy?

Jimmy Carroll.

Jimmy Carroll, Yeah, Jimmy Carl's boss.

If that's not going to go play though, he.

Can still vote.

Yeah, he does.

Yeah.

What'd you go for?

I don't.

Know what?

Go for man.

John Hutchinson, maybe?

Jamie, John.

Jamie, John.

Jimmy, John.

Yeah, Jamie John.

Jamie, John.

Is that your middle, Jamie?

Is that your middle?

Yeah.

What's next to go?

It's.

Too late, wasn't it, Sam?

Wasn't it?

Don't.

I just wish I could go for something.

Yeah, not there.

I think Jimmy Carroll's my hand, Mick.

That's proper boom man.

Jimmy Jimmy Carroll of Carroll's.

Right live at Salford fucking working men's club.

Chicken in a basket.

How are you finding the working men's clubs?

Don't play them once.

You never out them love a working man's.

Who me?

Yeah, thinly lit stage curtain on the back.

Oh yeah.

Husband that way he steps up for the and chicken in the basket.

He's fucking hell.

Did run two weeks ago.

Yeah, yeah, seen it.

I do like playing them, played stall for the few weeks few weeks ago played the middles Rd.

got no gigs now though.

So if you know anything, if you know any, any pull outs, anything or if you see anything on the forum that you maybe think.

Are you in the forum?

No, no, no, no.

I've got Facebook.

Right, that was it, Yuki, We didn't get onto the key, did we?

Well, it's not what we key.

Is the key been talked about?

Yes, these have obviously said go get a key and I'll be like, I'll be honest.

Yeah, why not?

No, you spoke about it and the day you were meant to be getting a key because you was having a drink to celebrate you getting a key and.

All but lost it.

No, but it was.

What's it get?

What?

Celebrate.

That's Alki.

That is when you get to that level celebrating The Simpsons key.

Yeah, No, I I get the get it cooked because you just the story that I said in the subway you fucked.

Do you know what you're like?

One of the worst things we've done, like me and Jamie said like after the record or do you want to stay out for the 40 in there and then 40s being like Hearts V Dundee?

We haven't even watched the match lot.

It's just an excuse lot.

It's just sitting in there, just sitting.

Sit in the flute and watch.

Yeah, just £50 that build on.

Yeah, hopefully cars.

Yeah, pints Monday night.

What are we chasing?

Yeah, I'm going to go in there, get on there.

No, I reckon.

Yeah, Nadia, I got a key court, so I'll start taking the fat jabs.

What else do you want me to do?

Get a key court, get on the fat jabs.

Stream.

Stream.

Me doing karaoke.

And just just just.

Don't me don't.

Get dragged into this lifestyle of just of this lifestyle of, of decadence.

It's not decadence really.

Is it sad just ale every night?

I haven't had 1 today.

It is, but then like he says it.

Is funny.

Though if he sat there next to you just saying, it's funny.

I would put it if so no, I'm not lying, it's objectively.

How many of you had today?

Me.

Yeah.

Are you going to have a little drink when you get in?

Don't know yet, don't like to say I'm pod anymore.

So.

People listen.

CBC.

Well, I've enjoyed today.

Have you enjoyed today?

So yeah, have you got anything to plug to our a lovely audience?

Who?

Yes, obviously my socials Simon Wozniak comedy and follow me share my clips and the Wozniak clip league need to try and get to 100K and be for July 26th and I'm going to sketches as well online.

So give give them a share when they come out in September.

Do a podcast, another one podcast that's almost finished.

So if you want to listen to that before it goes, sign up to the Patreon, Ask Me a Question going on tour at the end of 2026 if you want to get tickets to that Like Me page.

And yeah, that's it.

That's me plugged on.

Jamie.

That's all just if you want early access to fire episodes like this pageand.com/waters Green Room.

He just.

Looked at me now.

And look after yourself.

Free let there.

I'll stack free let there.

Me, I just all I got to say is make sure you buy our tickets for our tour when when you come out in the next few weeks both of us, we've worked really hard on it so we'd appreciate all the support we can get and that's it from me really thank you for listening and watching and.

Seeing some great routines from the pair.

Yeah.

Oh.

Thanks that would use.

Really, really will be worth getting tickets.

For look at that hi.

Hi bro, Wozniak endorsed.

Where you go get to see your tickets and actually also we do a live show every Friday, come and see us on every Friday in hot water Comedy tickets, only £10 for that and you get to see this, you see this live, which is always interesting.

Jamie isn't.

It oh the great.

It's my favorite time of the week.

Yeah.

So yeah, head over to hotwatercomedy.co.uk/the Pod, the Green Room Pod and get your tickets for that.

Danny, anything to I need to finish up?

I don't, I don't think, I think you covered that and you've done a good job.

You covered.

That Thank you.

See you guys.

I'm not moving.

Yeah, and I'm not moving.

You could definitely be a lead singular band.