Welcome to Ready to be Romanced.

I'm Tori.

And I'm Kelly.

And today we're discussing.

Barbarian, alien.

The effort was there.

The effort was there, it's always bad but sometimes I will edit it to make it sound better.

Some behind the the scenes tea.

No, I, we love the behind the scenes tea.

I love hearing about the edits when I'm listening to podcasts.

I like it.

Especially when they're like, we're gonna edit that out.

And then they're like, oh, they didn't edit that out.

Me too.

They left it.

Me too.

Or when they're like, they say to their, they're like editor's name, clip that or whatever.

And I'm like, oh, that's always so funny to me.

Tell us, Kelly, you're back for book two of the Ice Planet Barbarian series, but tell us what you're covering over on Nathan for Us.

Yeah, we're actually covering the curse right now, which is a show that came out a couple years ago starring Nathan Fielder and Emma Stone.

I think we'll be finished that by the time this comes out because we only have two episodes left.

So we're we're working through.

I think we're going to cover.

Have you heard of the chair company next?

Yeah, It's a weird little HBO show starring Tim Robinson where he is this guy who works for like a property management firm and he becomes obsessed with investigating this chair company that he believes is nefarious.

That sounds.

Good.

Yeah, I it's very weird, but I think we're going to cover that next because that seems to be the theme of what we do over there is just bizarre Comedy is is what we're working up, working with right now.

That's a good niche to be in.

Yes, but I'm very excited to talk about Barbarian Alien.

This comes up a lot on our podcast weirdly.

Like we talk about ice.

Fan of Barbarians frequently.

As you should like yeah makes total sense Nathan Nathan fields to her fan podcast ice fan of.

Barbarians, it's all the same.

Yeah, that's so funny.

I actually, I was before we started recording, I was asking Kelly 'cause I had thought she had read on into the series because of course this series is a million books, but she's only read these first two where I have, I think you read up to #6.

You're a keener.

You're killing it.

I know and I gotta say this isn't a spoiler, but if you like these books, it is just the exact same.

Like like like there is and again, maybe Ruby Dixon pivots in seven on but like at least the first six are literally just like a slight like a different trope, but the exact length voice plot line like it it's it really is just the same and know what kudos to her.

The formula would clearly work.

Do you think there's another genre that should be tackled in the Ice Planet Barbarians?

Like, should we be doing some sort of like a murder mystery or would it be too?

Shocking.

Too shocking to like is she all of a sudden publishes like a 600 pager that's.

Like, yeah.

No, totally.

No, I like, like, not that she's mailing in, but I'm like, yeah, girl, do the bare men at your job like I like.

I don't care.

I I support that she's quiet.

Quitting.

She's quite quitting as a small author.

Exactly, exactly.

So it was like just so funny.

I also have been in.

I've been, I don't think I've actually really extensively talked about this on the pod, but like I am in a book rut.

I usually read upwards of 80 books a year.

This year I've read.

14 Oh man, You know what?

You're not the only person who said that, though.

I've heard that from a lot of people.

What is it?

I just I don't know what it is.

So whenever I'm like, I guess not whenever, but like when I've really felt like I've been in a rut, I was like, I feel like I'll should revisit this series because it's so easy to read.

Yeah, it's definitely brain candy.

I'd say junk food.

It's exactly that.

It's literally exactly that.

OK, let's, let's get into it.

We're going to be talking about the first two books, Ice Planet Barbarians, but not anything that comes after that.

And a content warning like of the Briefest of Sense.

But it is a book essentially of abduction with the purpose of human trafficking.

So there is a little bit of a, yeah, a dark undertone to this series, even though it is totally brain candy.

So just take care of yourselves.

And the series is written by the aforementioned Ruby Dixon.

It was published July 24th, 2015, which you can tell because of all of the millennial references.

Because it is a series and it covers a different couple each book.

We do meet Liz and Rahash in Book 1.

So Liz in the first book, she's like hatching plans with like the kind of de facto leader and heroine Georgie.

And then we see Rahash.

He's like a friend of Vectel's.

He's a hunter and he's really hesitant about why the humans are there and how they can help the tribe repopulate.

Yes, he's very brooding.

I feel this.

I feel like he's this is almost like instead of grumpy sunshine, this is just like grumpy grumpy to me.

They're both a little surly, which normally I love.

I love a surly heroine.

I don't know if it works for me as well in this book but we can get into it.

I think Liz did grow on me similar to our who she grows on her but.

Yes, OK, that's so funny because I wrote that in the round Table discussion because I was like tropes.

I was like grumpy sunshine, but it's not grumpy sunshine or like Black Cat Golden Retriever, but it's not.

It's not.

Black cat It's.

Just two Black Cats.

Like, yeah.

So that's really funny.

I like this part because the the first book ends and and they had just got their Cuis.

The the I listened.

I read this book on my Kindle and then I did listen to the audio book.

Still can't pronounce love and lights.

Like fuck.

It's like I know they say Cootie.

I want to say like Kauai, but like it's not like whatever, but they get the like parasite that will help them live on.

Not Hoth we get though Liz's POV where she sees Georgie take getting the parasite and being like oh that's like not for me.

She's just like I'm opting out.

I actually would rather die.

I would rather die which like.

Fair.

Fair at this point.

At this point, she's looking at Georgie being like, you're kind of a freak.

Yeah, and she really is.

And she's not down the clown like Georgie is at all.

No.

And like, OK, so when the book actually starts, we see her, they're releasing the girls that are in stasis pods.

And she is giving, Yeah, like a corporate icebreaker.

She's just like, hey, we landed on the like, we were kidnapped.

We landed on this this planet.

And also, like, we probably have to have sex with these aliens to survive.

And then she's like, I don't know why they're crying, like.

Yeah, she's so she has no self-awareness I feel in this moment at all.

She's so blunt with them and then has like, no empathy.

Is that like a, what's the opposite of an empath?

Because that's what she comes off as to me.

Yeah, or sociopath, I think like they're void of empathy.

It's not not that like like.

She's all about Liz.

She is a little bit self-centered.

She is.

But honestly all of the girlies kind of are.

I'm like none of these are.

None of them are for the girls.

And I never can get over that.

They're all like 22 year olds, like girls.

Well, what is?

Do we ever figure out why 22?

Yeah, which this is even grosser, but it's because they wanted to like breed them the green aliens or whatever.

So they're all like of prime I guess.

OK, it's not like a Taylor Swift reference.

No, Ruby Diction isn't like Swift.

She's not.

She's not.

Just like when she came up with the book, she wasn't dressed up in that little top hat with the shirt.

That's.

So fucking funny.

So yeah, she's really annoyed at this guy that keeps like, kind of fawning over her, like trying to help her heal because she is ill.

She is like one of the girls that like could pass away at like any moment.

Now that they've got all of the girls, they had to get their quiz like that's gonna.

I should have listened to our podcast again and be like, how did you pronounce it that time?

I feel like it doesn't matter though, like I feel like it's like it's a made-up language.

So I think it's OK if we're butchering.

It's almost like an actual language, you know, a little more sensitivity.

But like it's all, it's all good.

The aliens aren't going to come for us.

Hopefully you know.

Or maybe.

True, I mean, or maybe we my poor husband, my more husband's like, please no, I'm like, I don't know.

They really like, they really talk it up in the book.

Yeah, the every, all the girls are getting their Cuis and Liz panics and she starts to run away.

But Rahash, who she doesn't know at this time but has like resonated for her, follows her, cuts open her neck and puts the kui in.

And he's like upset that he is like essentially doing this without her consent, but otherwise she'll die.

So he thinks it's kind of like life over limb type of a situation.

Yeah, he's like, oh, for the greater good, I'm gonna do this.

I don't know if it works like that.

Like they still have to ask you if they can do.

Things I think that's the the biggest like this isn't even a gripe and grumble because it is like a big thing.

But like, my biggest problem with this book in particular is like he does a bunch of stuff without her consent or like she just doesn't have choice in the matter.

And then it's like, oh, well, his parents died.

And and so like, it's OK kind of.

And I'm like, well, no, like, like I get that that's context and that is important.

But like, I'm just kind of like, I don't know, like I don't think you can really.

Like, I don't think that like negates the fact that she had no consent in a lot of these things.

Yeah, I feel like we really learned that perhaps there's no therapy on the ice planet.

Like, Rahusha is just out here and he's got all this trauma and the only way he knows how to how to fix it is to perpetuate the same thing.

Also kidnapping his mate, just like his dad did.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

So yeah, he's like, uh oh, Vectel's going to be mad because Vectel values consent.

And I was trying to 5 minutes ago.

Yeah, as of literally I was like, remember when you went down on your on Georgie when she was like we.

Dying whatever was.

Happening.

Oh God, He's like, yeah, the humans have something called consent that we actually like, need to practice.

And so he's like, yeah, I did something bad.

So I'm going to kidnap her and they go to one of his hunting caves and she's healing like it's working.

Her bones are.

Being you're doing better.

Like, yeah, she's doing better.

She's regenerating.

She's regenerating and he's like dying because he his quee is humming all the time and he's like rock hard 247.

Yeah.

Do we know if the quee is vibrating?

Does that mean that they're also like, erect?

And.

Like no.

It sounds like it because it's like, it feels like it is like essentially like what a cat does or whatever, I guess.

I guess so.

But it's like I it's not always sexual though I guess it's romantic too or whatever.

But yeah, it like, it also just feels like most of it is like when they're horny.

Yeah, and he's a Big Horn dog.

Yeah, yeah, he really wants to mate with her, which I guess is also the point of after you resonate you mate.

But she obviously doesn't want that.

So she wakes up and she's like what the fuck am I doing here?

Why did you kidnap me?

Also why is my qui humain in my chest?

All valid questions.

She has gotten like very little info other than like she had to take this parasite to live then forced to take it and actually wakes up away from everyone which honestly I feel like she was too calm in this moment.

Yeah, actually, that's a really good point because, yeah, Georgie does go back to the spaceship and tells them stuff, but it's still A, we learn in this book that it's three weeks after the crash, so like, no time has passed, basically.

And then B, it's like, I do feel like someone telling you stuff is a lot different than, like, living it.

And she's only been around the aliens for like, mere days.

And they're huge.

Aren't they like really big?

I'm like, so that's spooky.

And I feel like all these girls are small because I just feel that's like a 2015 trope is like big man small lady.

It really is.

I think that's another problem with this book is it's like tiny tiny 22 year old white grillies like.

It's like that.

You kidnapped A sorority.

No, seriously, I can say that I was in a sorority.

I feel like I can talk shit on them, No?

It feels exactly like that.

Yeah.

She's, like, talking all the time.

Because he's not responding.

She just assumes that he doesn't know English.

Because you could go to this motherboard space mothership thing and download English or download the Sakui language obviously.

But he did learn English.

But he is the silent brooding type.

So she's just blabbering on and he's not replying but he knows exactly what she's saying.

This what pissed me off so bad.

If I found this out later, this is like unforgivable.

I forgot that this happened and when I was doing my reread I like, must have, I kind of like must have skipped the sentence that said he knew and then she finds out and I was like oh fuck, that's like really bad.

Which like, I do like that one part of Liz's character that I like.

I think it's really funny that she just like, yaps constantly.

I find that very relatable.

Me too.

She I like, I love when he was like, she's like you don't talk and he's like, if a wall could respond like you would talk to it.

Yeah, she's like, he's like, you just talk everything.

Which is very me also.

Yes, yeah.

When I had a kid, I like you kind of like have to narrate everything you do.

And I had like, no problems with this.

And my kid talks so much, just like an insane amount to the point where anytime we go anywhere, people are like, oh, he's like really chatty.

I'm like, oh, I wonder why?

I was like going crazy at home narrating.

Like, OK, now I'm going to do the dishes.

Like we got to pick up the stove and like squirt it on though.

And that is how they look like.

That is how they look.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

I like that though.

I I think it's a good quality to have.

And maybe other people don't think that, but I do.

You need one, you need one and one.

You can't have two yappers.

I think like that's too much, but you need like a yapper and like a a more subdued person.

Agreed.

Who comes in with the zingers?

I think that's important too.

Yes, yes 4 has a massive Dick, which we learned Rahush does.

Yes, this is like, it's so.

It's just so funny how many times Ruby Dixon clarifies that in this book when like, we already know that the species is like, large.

Yeah.

But also, yeah.

Is it like a large in general or just like proportionally large?

I would love to know.

You don't get an actual measurement.

Yeah, no, like let us know girl, cuz yeah, I think that the the aliens are like 7 feet long or tall.

So it's like you're right.

Is it just proportionate, but not in repositious case.

He says he's he's scoped all the other Dicks on the drive and he says, no, I know mine's the biggest.

I also think and let me know because maybe I'm I don't know or like I don't know what the the general census is.

But like, I really think it is such a like male gazy like male centered thing about like large Dicks because I feel like actually the average woman would be like sometimes it's actually like not good.

No, I think that's it.

No, I think that's true.

I feel like, yeah, average is probably best.

Too big is scary.

Like anything too big is scary.

You can't have too much of a good thing.

You eat too much candy, you get a tummy ache, like giant big Dick.

Like that's probably going to hurt so weirdly in the curse.

This is like a mild spoiler.

The Nathan Fielder's character, one of his like main character.

He has like a really small Dick and they call it a cherry tomato.

I.

Hate that so much.

And it's like a main plot point.

Like it comes up like you see it like many times it's Dick, like it's clearly fake, like it's clearly a prosthetic or something.

But like this like tiny micropedas anyways.

So if you want to see some like small Dick representation, just check out with the.

Purse.

I know we should be better allies.

Small Dick community.

They actually need representation too.

100% that is so bizarre.

I hope Ruby Dixon writes that in one of her books though.

Like give one of the aliens like a small Dick.

Yeah, maybe he's.

Short.

Yeah, he's like the little one.

He is a Napoleon complex.

I don't know, it could be fun.

So Liz is a hunter by trade as she grew up with her dad and they used to go hunting a lot.

She's a really good Archer.

And the next.

Day.

Rahash leaves to go hunting and Liz wants to come, but he doesn't allow it because in his tribe, the women don't hunt because there's only four of them and they can't risk them being hurt.

What did you think about this?

Because I was like, I, that actually makes sense to me.

Like, I don't think it was like a gender thing.

They used to hunt, but like, there is only four of them and they are the key to this species survival.

So I was like this to me, like actually wasn't like that egregious.

Yeah, I, I think I agree overall.

Like, I don't think it's too egregious.

Also, she's like new to the planet.

He talks about the fact that she's still very cold.

Like, again, she just has so little information.

I understand being like why I wanna go hunting, but like we see again with those, I don't know if we call them animals, the weird stick things in in the water, like the same thing that Georgie did.

There's just a lot of creatures about that you don't know about.

So like for your own safety, like you do kind of need to wait a minute, you know, catch your bearings before you go out hunting Totally, but completely.

I do see where she's coming from though, Like you know, she's like, well, I'm actually adopted this and I don't want to be just your little trophy girly pop in The Cave.

Yes, yeah, like pregnant and barefoot at home, which, again, that's so fair.

But I just felt like it was like, could you have a conversation about this?

I guess at this point she can't, but I don't know.

He should have talked to her at this point, like he should have explained here and then like I actually speak English and This is why you can't.

He's always like, I don't wanna hurt her, but he has no problem, like emotionally hurt.

Her like, yeah, by omission.

It's crazy.

It's crazy.

So Liz is alone in The Cave and she's thinking about Rahash and she starts masturbating because she is like overcome by horniness because of her quee.

And he comes back, of course, catches her hands down her pants or her skirt or whatever.

And he's like, oh, perfect.

Like this is the time that I can meet her.

But she's like, absolutely not, doesn't stop, continues.

And so he is like, OK, well, maybe this is like part of it.

I'll also jerk off.

Casual.

I mean, again, he probably could have been like, why not?

Like, you know, yeah, I feel like he could have just said something at this point.

Yeah, yeah.

But I feel like, you know, Ruby Dixon's like, I got to include something new.

Let's have a little voyeurism going on here.

So I see why she included it for, you know, smart purposes.

But plot purposes it could have been done a little better.

Totally, totally.

I know she's getting real creative with the sex scenes and the tails and the spurs and.

You gotta hand.

It to her, you gotta hand it to her, you gotta hand it to her.

I just like the idea of her writing these is so funny and she's like, do you think she's like greeting them to her husband?

And he's like girl.

Apparently I don't know too much about this but apparently he is a feature on her Instagram as like a beta reader basically.

I love that.

That's so fun.

I know, I know.

I was like, that's actually really cute.

That's like he, that's what the part of him that, you know, she based the aliens on because he's just, that's what he's there for, his woman.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was like, OK, good for you, girl.

I also would die to know how much money she's actually made from these books.

I would love.

To that is a question that also passed like I like that I thought of because when I was listening to the audio book this time, it was truly the worst quality audio book like there there was just like sometimes it was like they sounded far away.

Sometimes they close like different mic audio like.

Stuff.

Oh no.

So I was like this.

I feel like probably didn't make tons of money but it did have a book talk boom in 2021 so.

I don't know, I would love to know.

I actually don't even know how like the Kindle Unlimited like payment system works either.

I would love to know more about that, but me too.

Probably a discussion for another time.

Totally.

But yeah, that would be interesting to know.

So like they kind of get into a routine of him going hunting her, coming back, feeding her and stuff like that.

And she is looking for a way to leave.

So she makes herself pants and she's like, the only thing I need is material to make a bow so I can catch my own prey.

But he because he's an an alien like I guess maybe super sound or whatever, but he like fully watches her sneak out and follows her and she gets herself in trouble.

She goes down to the stream, grabs a bamboo piece that she thinks is a bamboo, but it's a fish.

Yeah, I feel like we already had this happen in the other book.

It happened to Georgie and I just can't picture.

Like is it a fish with like a huge stick on its head?

Like I just can't picture it in my mind.

Yeah, I guess it could be that or like, yeah, it just like they're dangerous is all we really know.

And like, they'll like eat you.

But yeah, it's kind of weird because it's like she picks it up and then it's like gonna attack her, but like, can't you just throw it away?

Yeah or yeah.

Is it like a piranha like I?

Very confusing.

We needed some fan art of this, the fish, I guess, to figure it out.

Maybe even the Encyclopedia of all the Animals.

Yeah, Oh my godness.

Super clean Encyclopedia of Ice Planet Barbarians would be wild.

It'd be like anatomical penis spur drawings and tails.

It'd be crazy.

Pumps and the ridges and stuff like that.

That's so fucking funny.

Yes, yes to.

All Oh my God.

And it has to be like medical grade too.

I want like I want like meta tech names for everything.

Yep.

Absolutely.

Me too.

So he jumps in and saves her and then it's like one of those things I just picture her like she's like backing away, like scooting back on her butt and he's like walking towards her.

And of course her queen is happy.

She's horny and the closeness really turns her on.

And so they finally start like kissing.

And then, and this is this is the other part that I, and I guess you just this book isn't meant to be dissected.

I know that.

But like he like fingers her and goes down on her, which I guess maybe in some sense is intuitive, but I'm always confused because they're, I just don't get how like he's always like I don't understand cording or like foreplay or stuff like that.

But I know how to do this.

It's confusing because it's not what you would do for mating.

Yeah, and we know that the female aliens have like a different anatomy cuz they like don't have a click, right?

We've established this.

Yes, the third nipple.

The third nipple.

Awful.

I hate that.

Yeah, yeah.

So I guess he's just.

And also he's a virgin.

Sorry, we we get in, we can get into that later, but it does feel like he's really got a lot of moves for someone who's apparently never made it before.

Yes.

Oh yeah, I've heard of that.

Yeah, he's a virgin because he's like waiting for his mate.

I don't know if it's just because he's, like, seemingly good at everything.

Maybe he just is a wonder Akin.

Yeah.

He's had going down on his knee.

Exactly exactly.

I liked this scene because she does the like I don't want you to do this, but she really means I want you to do this.

And I think that that that's like a fun, like it's not like non con, but it's like a fun bit I guess like.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's, I feel like it this part I think is where it works, that he actually does understand her.

And I understand why it's like he it hasn't been revealed until after this happens because it's meant to be like oh he like is extra confused because now he thinks that like her saying no is actually good.

Yeah, so I'm like, I don't get it.

You learn English from the download, but you didn't.

You just learnt the words.

You didn't learn like any of the context or whatever.

Like I just, I don't get it.

Like I don't get it.

No, and you can like put together full sentences.

I know.

So it's very confusing.

But as any good male main character, he he mutters mine.

Oh.

God, while they're hooking up and she's like, just wait a second, how do you know that word?

He's like, I'm a huge Taylor Swift fan.

I love her song Mine.

And that did make it up here to the ice planet.

Exactly.

Brutal, brutal discovery.

But she actually she's mad.

But they go back to their cave and she actually decides to make a truce with him.

And this was so fucking funny though.

And this and this is also manipulative though.

But like she's like, why did you lie?

And he's like, well, you didn't ask me that works like.

So bad.

A lie of omission is still a lie bro.

It's so bad, but she's like laying it all out.

I want to go hunting.

What do you want in return?

And he says I just want you to hold me or I just want to hold you or.

Whatever, not to be rude, it is giving a little pathetic.

I know, I know, I know.

And then I'm like, oh, this baby just wants to be held.

I don't know.

I'm I don't I'm it's a little.

Bit it's a little bit like Oedipus, yeah.

Yeah, no.

But he does need, he, he just needs comfort.

He's like an alpha male, right?

He's very like, you know, he doesn't talk a lot.

He's very tough.

So this is him, you know, maybe showing his more vulnerable side, Yes.

Yes.

And so they're starting to get ready for bed.

And, yeah, she asked about his spur.

But like, seems kind of like, I guess confused or disinterested.

This.

Yeah.

This is getting, like, sadder and sadder, actually, now that I'm, like, reading what I wrote.

And he's like, you don't want to mate with me because you think I'm ugly.

Because of his childhood when he was kidnapped by his dad.

They like obviously went through some stuff where he came back missing a horn and scarred.

So he's like, oh, this is now I get it.

You think I'm ugly?

This is so sad.

It's actually like it's getting so virgin.

He thinks he's ugly because he's, like, has some, you know, facial deformities.

Yeah, it's rough.

And he, like, doesn't want to open up to anyone.

He's like friends with Bechtel, but Bechtel seems like maybe a bad friend.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So they cuddle and he like starts to kiss her neck because he's like this is how I court her.

I like feel like I'm getting it right this time.

They start hooking up and she's like OK, we can hook up.

It's it's always the like slight Givens over like time, but we can't have pennage of sex.

He's like OK that's fine and then she teaches him again because he knows stuff but also doesn't know stuff.

Teaches him what a blowjob is.

Yeah, OK.

Also on the size thing, I feel like this is not like explained enough.

Like 'cause I'm like how?

Like, literally.

How?

Literally how?

And she's like, I suck Dick like a chin.

Like she kept being like Oh no this is like my thing.

And I was like OK, but like a 7 foot.

Yeah, I'm like, that's cool, but also like I just feel how like, is your jaw gonna be OK?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I have a small mouth so maybe that's my own issue that I'm just confused.

We need more a small a small mouth wrap like obviously like.

We're out here and we're confused.

So the next day he follows up on his promise and they go hunting.

She makes a bow out of the fish thing and then they run into some more trouble where they are cornered by metlacs and Liz gets surrounded by them.

He goes to like save her.

He falls like down a Cliff or whatever.

He's really injured and she brings him back to The Cave and takes care of him for like 10, almost 10 days.

Yeah, the scene with the Metlacs and like the fight scene, that's I feel like my favorite part of the bus.

I like that.

I feel like it was interesting.

Like, I feel like it was fun that, like, Liz got to be the hero because I feel like that's true.

We haven't really seen.

I mean, Georgie came back and saved her friends.

But like, for most of that book, I feel like she was kind of just going along with the motions.

So it was nice to see Liz, like, take control of the situation.

Yeah.

Her like bringing him back to The Cave was so kind and.

Showing her non psychopath empathic.

Yes, because she's starting to actually kind of like this guy.

Yeah, yeah.

And over time, when she's taking care of him, she's like starting to like him and worry about him.

Then like he's laying down, she's like showering in The Cave or bathing or something, and he sees her naked and approaches her.

They start hooking up or courting or foreplay or whatever and then they have sex.

Yeah, OK, We need to talk about two things.

Yeah, 1 is the Stockholm syndrome on no low key.

Low key, the whole series is like like like like at that type of thing.

Just something we just.

We can't think, we can't discuss it.

It's too much.

It's.

Too much.

I also I've talked about this on the podcast, but like also the thing with like mates when it's it's just an interesting concept to me because wouldn't that all kind of be Stockholm syndrome or like, like just like if you find out your mates with somebody but you don't like them, but then you start to like them.

Isn't that I like I don't know, Or it's like, how do you know that you actually like them for them?

I.

Don't know.

Yeah, the idea of them, something like that, or you feel like you have to because they're like, well, the universe says we have to be together.

Totally, totally.

Because it was really radical that his mom like, didn't want to live with her mate.

Yeah, his mom sounds sick.

Too bad she's dead.

I know, I know.

But ripped to a real 1.

Seriously unfortunate segue.

OK, we I want to talk about him honking her boob because like you said, huh?

Like his people have nipples because they call the clip the third nipple.

So I'm just so confused by like they know about nipples but also he like they don't.

It's very confusing.

I know, I know it is.

But he, yeah, she's like kind of teaching him stuff.

And he like honks her boob.

And I always like, I don't know what about boob honking?

That is just so fucking funny to me.

But it is just so funny to me.

I feel like it's like it always happens in this kind of book where it's like a virgin or like whatever, but it's still is funny every time.

It's so funny.

I don't know.

And I feel like I just don't also get that train of thought because why would you think that feels feels good or or like is sexy or anything?

Like you're literally honking a boob.

In no world is that action of like just grab, squeeze like that's not never, never gonna work, no.

Seriously.

That's how you like pick an apple.

That's not how you.

Yeah, exactly.

Or.

Or yeah, or honk a like I'm digging a clown, a clown horn or whatever.

So they continue living, hunting, etcetera.

But they are discovered by Ahako again.

This is how they pronounced it in the audio book.

I have, I would have said I go or something, but and Hayden, he's like, fuck, they're going to make us go back to the main tribe cave.

It's a long trek, the camp overnight, and Ahako fills in Liz when Hayden and Rahash are going and getting food.

About like, yeah, how his mom didn't want to live with his dad, but then she resonated with him again.

So he was going to have a younger sibling, but then he kidnapped them.

And one day the dad turned back up at The Cave and said that the mom and the child had died from a Metlac attack.

So we kind of figure out why he has issues.

Yeah, yeah.

It's very sad what happened to his family.

Yeah, and again, dark theme, I should have put a Tigger on you for that.

But like, dark theme in a goofy book.

Yeah, literally.

It's so goofy.

We went from boopong to like, my family died.

It's like OK.

He's a parental kidnapping and like a animal, a gruesome animal attack.

Yeah.

What was his game plan here?

Like?

Was he just thinking they would live in The Cave forever?

No, I, yeah, like kind of.

But I think what was happening is he wanted to impregnate her and then go back and be like, well, you can't get this out 'cause she's pregnant or whatever.

But I don't like, isn't that what happens?

Yeah, it's like when he just get exiled or whatever.

Yeah.

I don't know his long term game that was.

So his plan worked, and then regardless of that, he's still exiled.

Yeah, essentially.

Sweetie, how old are the aliens if you don't know?

I know I was going to say because if the girls are 22 usually like I feel like aliens or like fae or whatever they give older but I don't know.

He's giving like.

19.

Like it doesn't have his bed on a bed frame.

Like that's just on the floor.

Uses a cardboard box as a side table Bachelor to me.

Correct.

Because he like, likes hunting, that's his job for the tribe.

But he like likes to be alone and like provide and stuff like that.

So he likes to be gone from the the main cave a lot.

But Ahoko seems to like him I feel too.

Yes, they seem to be friends even though he kind of talks about Vecto being his friend.

And spoiler alert, it's the third book is Ahoko's.

Oh oh OK, I might have to read that I did like him.

Me too, me too.

Strong point for sure.

So the they like hook up mere meters away from from Aiden and Oco.

I think that is another thing that I won't ever get over this book is they basically just all fuck like next to each other and they have no doors or earplugs or anything.

Yeah, I don't know how you would ever sleep if everyone's just like always fucking in the caves and like.

Or why is there no group sex?

If you're all fucking.

It has to happen in later books, right?

There's no way.

I'm sure she does like a you're right, like a throuple or something.

It's like I just feel like there's, there's too many of them way too and not enough books, right?

Because I keep making more kids.

Yes, yes, and and you got to roll through all the tropes and all.

This.

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure there's like a mafia romance too.

That would be so fucking funny.

So they get back to the tribe cave and they immediately get separated.

Liz is really overwhelmed seeing the girls cuz she was an only child and she goes to the healer and we learned that she's pregnant along with five other girls including Georgie.

And this is funny because they don't know how long they'll be pregnant for.

They're like, it could be nine months, it could be three years.

We don't know.

Awful, awful news.

I couldn't imagine.

I feel like this is a question you would ask before mating perhaps.

It's like, you know, he's trying to get you pregnant.

Wouldn't you be like, OK, how long will I be pregnant or?

And and like, what will the baby like?

It's this like humanoid like I don't know, is this safe?

Does this work?

Like, I don't know.

Yeah, They haven't thought through this.

I'm like, is anyone on the ship like they're, I know they're 22, but like someone's got to be like a biology major.

No, like something a nurse like.

Yeah.

Yeah, totally.

Someone's got to have a basic, some basic knowledge, but totally.

Apparently not.

Apparently not.

So she's stoked that she's pregnant and they reunite, but they don't know that it's only for one night.

She's able to tell him about their baby, but the next day?

Vectel and Georgie, as the chief of the tribe, banish Rehash for breaking the law by kidnapping Liz.

And she is like, obviously feeling very helpless and mad and sad and all of that.

She is now being watched because they think she's going to run away.

No flight risk.

She has a flight risk so she has a hot Cove as her bodyguard and when she's peeing outside The Cave one day she convinces him to be able to see Raj because he's like exiled but also just like there.

Yeah, he like, doesn't go very far.

Yeah, he's not very far.

He still has to, like, hunt, I guess, for the tribe, and he's not doing well.

But she tells him to, like, take care of himself.

She is starting to hatch a plan to get him back.

So she starts like planting seeds of distrust between the humans and the Sakui.

I love this, Yeah.

And honestly?

Legendary behavior and like she was right because basically they didn't, they haven't told them everything and and like, how could they in this time?

But she's like, oh, that's weird that, you know, they didn't tell us that.

Yeah, she's just like trying to throw a suspicion onto the aliens, which, like, if I was one of the pregnant girls, I'd probably be pretty mad.

I'd be like, Liz, what the hell?

Like where were you three days ago before I fucked the alien?

Exactly.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Really, none of them are thinking critically enough here.

Liz is the only one.

Totally, totally.

Other men try to court her, which I thought was interesting.

And then at this point, and I think that this is how she comes up with like the final idea to like, really get him back.

But I mean, like, she finally like makes peace.

Like, this is my life now.

I'm going to get the language download.

Like I'm going to be a mom.

Like this is just my life moving forward.

And then so she's like, I feel like that peace gave her the idea of like, she could hold a Hako as a hostage and threaten his life.

So she's exiled too.

Yeah, crazy move.

I will say this might be too dark, but like if they are so they like need her to stay so that she has this baby because they like need more.

You need to repopulate their species and stuff.

Couldn't she have just been like, oh, I'm just going to kill myself?

Oh yeah.

Or like kill the baby or something like that.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

Yeah, like for a Hako, he's getting dragged into this like he's which, like he's a good sport about it, but he's like.

Kind of playing along and stuff because he knows she's not going to actually do it.

But yeah, that's a really good point.

Maybe that's too dark.

A question for Ruby Dixon.

Yeah.

Have you thought about, did you consider, did you the thing when I write my Ice Planet Barbarians fan fiction, that's how it'll go?

Exactly.

So yeah, she goes out Berry picking, fakes a fall, grabs him.

Rectal is like, OK, like fine, I will think about it.

And then eventually they come to the decision that his exile is only going to be temporary.

Once Liz gives birth, they're going to be allowed to live together and hunt for the the tribe, which works for her 'cause she never really liked the main main cave anyways.

Yeah, yeah, OK.

Georgie does like redeem herself at this part, but the part where originally when we're here she gets exiled is crazy.

I'm like Georgie, you like you can't stand up for your your girls like your other fellow kidnap kidnap girlies.

That's actually such a good point because none of the girls, like say anything.

They're just kind of like, well, this is like what?

What's gonna happen?

This is what's happening.

And I'm like, if any of them took any of your mates, you would have a fucking fit.

So like.

Yeah.

And like, they're all like, Liz is crazy.

She's drama.

Like that's how it seems like they're acting.

No, it's so funny when Victor's like, hey, I'll come up with your punishment and a haka goes living with her is punishment and not.

Yeah, so good.

No one gets her but wrong.

She's like.

Yeah, no one wants to be with Liz.

I'm like Liz, you do annoy me, but I do think you're at least like mostly a person.

Like Georgie I feel like was much less of a character.

Totally, totally.

OK, that's barbarian alien.

Let's get into our roundtable discussion, our Internet investigation.

This is our cursory proves of the Internet of Things you need to know.

As I mentioned that a huge TikTok boom six years after its pub date.

It became at the time in 2021, the 11th most sold book on Amazon.

Legendary stuff.

Like that's insane for basically like a seemingly self published book.

I just like obviously people bought it before this and like you could kind of get away with buying it during 2021 when it had this boom.

But I want to know the people who are like the early Iceland horror and Xenopters.

Like I want the Ogs.

I want to hear from them.

Me too, me too, absolutely.

I need to know, like I need to get a like steward of this genre on the pod because I feel like I talk to are like generally not always the case, but kind of like either new adopters to romance or have read romance their life, but they're 30 right, And it I I wanna I need to talk to an OG.

Yeah, yeah.

Someone who was in the trenches in 2015.

I was trying to look up like, what's the name of the ice planet Barbarians fandom?

But like, it seems like it's just like Big Blue alien lovers.

Like they don't have like a fandom name.

I'm like you guys need to rebrand.

And they have like a full Wikia or whatever it's called.

Yeah.

There's probably an encyclopedia on that.

I'll have to look that up.

I'm sure there is of the animals.

Oh yeah, good point.

Someone's definitely done that.

Yeah, definitely.

I looked up my Goodreads rating after I finished my reread.

I read it in 2024 the first time and I rated it two stars.

You are not feeling it I.

Guess I fucking hated this book like like that is so crazy.

I will say like 3 stars for me, which I guess for most people is like the average.

I give like 90% of books like a three stars, but two stars feels brutal like I and then I re I re starred it to four, which which probably overshot that too, but like.

You got to even it out.

I I had to correct my past mistakes.

Yeah, yeah.

I feel like it's probably like a three, maybe like a 3 1/2 if I'm feeling generous.

Exactly.

I feel like I've been reading like not a lot of like pure romance, so or like and definitely not a lot of smut.

So it was definitely for me.

I was like, oh man, I forgot.

I forgot about The Dirty talk.

I forgot about the.

Tropes.

I don't know what it is about Ruby Dixon as a writer in particular, but I feel like I'm always like, and I feel like I've read way crazy or smut and I'm always like, like, I don't know why.

It feels like obscene to me.

Like it feels filthy to me.

It's like, I don't know, I'm like, I've read way crazier.

Like I don't know, for some reason it.

It's the alien talk.

Yeah, I guess so.

It's the tails.

The tails and the spurs and the.

Spurs and the bumpy tongues.

Oh.

My God.

OK our wonder wise these are unanswered questions for the listeners.

This is again this is my biggest wonder.

Why for the entire book, why do the main characters, the girls refuse to speak in simple English when they know that aliens are ESL?

Because it's like, I am a trained ESL teacher and worked at ESL school for many years.

And it's like, and again, this is I think, common sense, but when you're talking to someone where English isn't their first language or native language or whatever, I guess that's the same thing.

You don't use turn of phrases, you don't use slang, and you use simple language that matches their comprehension.

But they decide like they just don't even try to do that.

And then they get mad that they don't.

Understand.

It's like, girl, you're talking like a 2015 Tumblr post, like no one understands what you're saying exactly.

Exactly.

It's so frustrating.

But then on the flip side, I feel the aliens do.

Like, I feel like the way that they speak is really more representative of someone who had just learned English.

Like, they're very direct and like, maybe that's meant to be part of their culture, but it does feel like it's jarring that, yeah, they don't even try.

Yeah, I like using slang that he's like, oh, what does like this mean in or like words that would have, like, double meanings or like means something.

Yeah, different in different contexts.

I don't know.

It just like it's wild that that thought hasn't even crossed their mind.

Clearly, there's no like English teachers aboard the ship either.

Yeah, or like even saying like she's trying to explain foreplay to him, even that you probably would use that you would say before how like you would use words that he knows before you have sex, you touch each other.

Yeah, it's so easy.

And then my other wonder why is why are they so addictive?

They go down so easy and they just like you can read them in literally one day.

I have a hypothesis on this.

I think it's the mix of the, it kind of goes back and forth between the smut scene and then the very, very small amount of plot.

And I feel like the way that it just like ping pongs back and forth, but in like the plot is also so like it's high stakes, but it's like pretty low stakes.

Yeah, it's high stakes to them in their world, but like, really, it's low stakes.

I feel like that's why, because you're like, well, I have to find out what happened.

I have to find out if Rosh is going to be allowed back in the tribe.

Obviously, he's going to be allowed back in the tribe.

There's 20 pages left.

Yeah that's actually a really good point because if you think about it, there is like only actually like 4 plot points like kidnapped 2 attacks main tribe cave sorry 5 like.

Oh my gosh.

And then?

Yeah, you.

What's your wonder?

Why?

Yeah the only one I had is why did Liz not go for help in the first book cuz Georgie seems very.

Useless.

Thank you.

Yes.

No offense, and Liz has seemingly survival skills, hunting skills, she can make weapons like she just seems like the obvious choice.

100% I had this exact same thought cuz I was like, oh, if there's a hunter, why wasn't she the de facto leader?

And then when I looked back at our previous episode outline, it was saying when like Georgie's making these plans, she's making them with Liz and I think Kira.

And so I'm like, so if the three of them are kind of like the leaders, why yeah, why wouldn't they send?

Especially because she's trying to leave at multiple points.

So Cuz I feel like they're like, well, Georgie was just the first one to like be brave enough to leave, but I'm like, she's trying to leave.

Yeah, every minute.

Yeah.

Even when she becomes part of the tribe, she's like, actually I don't want to be part of the tribe either.

And and she has a overconfidence about being able to survive outside.

But you're right, she does actually have skills and feels some sort of confidence to make it out.

There, Yeah.

Crazy, crazy, crazy girls.

OK, our gripes and grumbles, these are NIT picky problems we have in the book.

Yeah, I was.

I put a big question mark just cuz the trope.

I guess this could be a trope though, like grumpy, grumpy, black cat, black cat.

Speaking of Grumpy, and this is one of my biggest pet peeves about books because it just dates them so quickly and I feel like this series should be like timeless.

It should be time should be timeless.

It should be a timeless classic.

It should be a timeless classic.

And yet she calls Rahash Grumpy Cat, which truly anyone under the age like I'm 33.

Anyone under the age of, I would assume 30, does not know who Grumpy Cat is.

No, no, it's rough.

It is such a period piece.

Grumpy Cat.

It was only real like it was popular for like a year in 2012 like.

Yeah, not even right when this came out.

I feel like if anyone doesn't know what that is like, it's literally what it's described as.

It was a cat, a real cat, live cat who, like, just looked very grumpy and became famous.

Yeah, it was simple.

So times were so simple back then.

So simple.

Yeah, but it was like one of the first kind of viral memes.

And it does have like, I think it doesn't have a movie like it does have like merch and like it did blow up, but like it's not Zeitgeist or it didn't have any longevity or anything like that.

Yeah, very random.

Very random.

The other two things are just kind of like editorial things.

But I did think her POV sounded a lot like Georgie's sarcastic and quippy and stuff like that.

So I'm and I, but I will say in further books when they have characters that are quiet or whatever they do, she does change her language and thoughts and stuff like that.

And then the new cover of the book, the old covers so bad, like some of the worst things I've ever seen in my life.

Like it truly looks like you made it on paint.

But the new covers, like it's the cartoon style trend.

Like Liz on the cover, it's like full boobs.

Like it's like they're hunting, but it's like full boobs exposed, obviously huge knockers, like beautiful blonde hair flowing down.

It's like she would have had braids.

She would have been covering her chest in the cold.

Like just one of those things that I'm like, I just too much of a realist.

And that I hadn't looked up the new cover.

That's so funny.

And she was like, I used to close in her hair.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

Girl, girl put on a scarf.

I just want to.

I just want to give her a cardigan.

100% what were your grapes and grumbles?

Yeah, they say baby batter a couple times and that is not it for me.

That was atrocious.

I never want to hear that again.

Why is that?

I heard that on TikTok like this week.

Why is that a thing?

No, we just can't be doing that.

I'm.

Sorry, we already have like 7000 words for cum.

Yeah, baby banner is.

Disgusting.

I don't like it.

I don't want it near me.

I hate that.

That was a bad big one.

Yeah, I definitely been.

Millennial humor stuck out to me a lot too.

The grumpy cat thing.

I feel like even just some of Liz's jokes come off very like, not like other girls millennial coded, which is a little rough, but you know, we're not here for the the plot.

And then I also feel like the miscommunication trope.

This is only book 2 and I'm like, it's already getting old.

Like, we understand they're aliens.

We get it right?

I, I think if I say anything further, I feel like it, I feel like miscommunication is always going to be a central theme in these books.

I do, I do feel like it does kind of get a little bit better, but like, no, you're totally right.

It's also like one of the worst tropes.

Yeah.

It's also just like a trope I don't super love so.

Yeah, like, we're her.

She literally just talked to her.

Like, it wasn't even like real miscommunication this one.

It was just like he was just unwilling to communicate.

Exactly, exactly.

And we don't want to also like idealize like the silent treatment basically.

Yeah, for sure.

OK, our side character spotlight.

I think this would have been a new segment that I added into after our last episode, but it's our nomination for an unforgettable supporting character who deserves their due.

Because sometimes the best characters aren't the main event.

I had like I had to do Ahako.

He's like the only yeah side character basically in this book.

Yeah, Ahako rips.

He's great.

He's so.

Funny.

I also kind of like the healer.

I can't remember her name.

Oh yeah, I think it's, I think it's Mylac.

Yeah, which sounds much like Matlack.

Matlack, thank you.

I know I didn't like that.

I do like her.

I feel like her getting into it with Georgie, I'm like, I want to know.

Like I feel like she's like taking no shit.

Yes, yes, I agree.

That's a really good one.

That's a really good one.

Also like give it up for the girl aliens, There's only like 4 of them.

Yeah, respective girly aliens too.

Exactly, I wonder if we'll get girl alien books.

Yeah, also, like I want to see a lesbian girl alien.

Let's do it.

Like why are the guys having all the fun?

Yeah.

And I want to see how they describe if they do something in IVFE.

Yeah.

How are how are you guys going to get do that one?

Yeah, they have to figure it out.

Maybe then we'll meet the biologist who maybe was or was not on the ship.

And we do see a Hako make a dildo from, yes, from wood of his penis.

So maybe we'll get, yeah, something else.

I don't know.

It's wild, it's so funny.

I like that on the ice planet they have dildos also.

Of course.

OK, finally our sequel scoop.

This is AT on any upcoming sequel seasons and the general reception.

There is 20 plus more books in this series.

There is I really want to power through.

I really want to power through.

But 20 is a lot and they have two spin off series, Ice Home and Ice Planet clones.

Oh boy, no.

So I'm I'm curious about those.

Yeah, I feel like I should keep these on the back burner.

For one, I need more palate cleanser.

I actually finished Alchemized right before I read this.

Oh my God that's such a long and dark book.

The juxtaposition of these two those two books is insane.

Yeah.

But like, there's kidnapping, you know, there's some parallels there.

Yeah, Yeah.

But yeah, it was it was definitely the genre jump.

That's crazy.

That is wild.

Yeah.

Do you think you're going to read it or have you read it?

Alchemize I've read it but no what though I never read Harry Potter I oh wow I read the first three books so I guess I have read some of it but and I watched I think the first 3 movies but I never was a Harry Potter girl and I'm not not going to become one in.

2025 It's a tough it's a tough look to become one in 20.

And so I read Alchemist, but I really struggled through it because I didn't know any of the lore or the beasts or how the war ended and like all of this stuff.

So like, I feel like I read it as just like just so much of it would have gone over my head.

That's fair.

Yeah, I have mixed feelings on it.

Yeah, that's fair.

That's fair.

And I read it as manacled, I should say.

Also OK, maybe I should.

Try as alchemized cuz I read it as manacled which is the it's Harry Potter fanfic if people don't know obviously and they straight up use Hermione and Draco and all of the other characters.

But alchemize because it was traditionally published this year a few months ago they had to take out obviously all of the the IP.

So I wonder if I would like it more.

Yeah, you should try it.

Maybe I think, like if I didn't know that it was Harry Potter, I don't.

And like, maybe in this world, I don't know anything about Harry Potter or like know of Harry Potter's existence, I don't think I would have picked up on it being Harry Potter.

When you know Harry Potter, you like automatically can kind of figure out who's who.

But I think like in terms of the world and stuff, it's pretty different.

OK, I I just.

Freaking long man.

It's very long and I I did kind of, I was like, OK, I just like don't get, I was like, this is it was a good read and stuff like that.

It did take me a long time to read it, but I was like, I just don't get the hype.

But I think it's because, again, it just was never my thing, even though I do like Germaine fanfic.

Yeah, I think there's like even more coming out now.

You could do like a whole season just on Germaine fanfic.

I no I was thinking like someone should start of just full Germaine fanfic podcast.

Oh my.

God, well, there's like that one obviously.

Alchemist came out.

The irresistible urge to fall for your enemy.

Also was Germany allegedly.

The Rose and thorns one from Julie Soto, like there's so many, there's so many that are traditionally published and obviously there's a million online.

Crazy, but Ice planet Barbarians.

This is original IP, baby.

No one's gonna dream this stuff but Ruby.

Exactly.

So yeah, the next book is Barbarian Lover and it follows Ahako.

I I guess if you read the back you would know.

This feels spoilery though.

But Kira, it's Ahako and Kira.

And then of course there's like a honeymoon chapter extended epilogue of Rahash and Liz if people want to check that out.

More boning, I'm sure.

I'm sure it's just all bone, all bone zone.

Truly using the spur and the tail again.

Yeah, of course, of course, of course.

OK, this was so much fun.

Can you tell the listeners where they can find you and anything else you want to plug?

Yeah, you can find me at Kelly W like the name Kelly, the word double and then YOU on pretty much everywhere, Instagram, TikTok.

I feel like those are the only important ones anyway.

And you can check out if you're a Nathan Fielder fan, Nathan for us podcast where we talk about Nathan for you.

We talked about the rehearsal, we talked about the curse and then whatever else we end up covering since there's no new Nathan Fielder on the horizon.

So elusive.

The back.

Catalog.

I know he just like disappears in between projects.

Which I respect, honestly, that's how I would live as a celebrity.

Yeah, the last thing I saw was while back, he was meeting with Elizabeth Holmes in prison and everyone was like, what is this about?

And like, there's been nothing more since.

Oh, that's wild.

What could that be about?

There's already a movie.

I'm hoping like maybe something to do with cuz he and Nathan for you who's doing business ideas.

Like I don't know if he was talking to her or something rehearsal related for like a season 3, but I don't know.

Wild times, yeah, but this has been.

So much fun, thanks for having me on again.

Thanks so much for coming on.

And that's the story of Barbarian Alien.

Thank you so much for listening, and thank you to Kelly for joining me on today's show.

So glad to be back.

This feels like a season 2 of sorts.

And that's why we're covering the sophomore novels of Twilight, Icelandic Barbarians and Bride.

And then spoiler alert, but we're going to be doing the movie for the sequel to the QB Bad Boy in Me as well as maybe we should do the summer I turned pretty as two to just continue the pattern.

Who knows?

We'll see what we're doing next.

If you have any suggestions, let me know.

You can suggest a book or leave a voicemail via the links in the episode show notes.

Follow me on socials at Ready to be Romanced and subscribing to the show and leaving a rating and review on on Apple pods or Spotify or wherever you listen to podcast really helps me find new listeners.

Our next episode is New Moon.

Until then, happy reading for ready to be romanced.

I'm Tori.

Goodbye.