We need to talk conversations on wellness with ghost FMS Tony Street.

Hello, welcome to We need to talk and it is great to have you with us.

In a child counseling is a type of therapy that is growing in popularity worldwide.

A few weeks back, we talked to Kara.

Lennin about how transformative it can be to help couples reach their fertility goals.

But it's been used for so much more than just that.

It involves identifying unresolved childhood experiences, recognizing patterns and reparenting, releasing shame and guilt, and building compassion for yourself.

Teresa Root is an intuitive trauma informed life coach who helps with all of those things.

Teresa, it's lovely to have you with us.

Can you just explain what an intuitive trauma informed life coach actually does and who you work with?

Yeah?

Yeah, so absolutely So.

Basically, the intuitive piece in my name is led by So I'm a very old soul, so I get channeled through my work, and that's particularly like I've had the choice, obviously to go down the counseling route, but I specifically chose not to because I can't with the gifts that I have, I can't be put in a box because it's coming through me.

And so that's the intuitive piece in my name, And the trauma informed aspect is I grew up in a lot of childhood trauma.

I went through domestic violence, addiction, sexual abuse is in my childhood and so I kind of learned through my journey and in my healing journey to really understand the importance of safety.

And so the trauma informed piece of what I do is very much about understanding and a deep knowing of what our bodies need and the importance of safety.

And then the life coach piece is obviously because we want to heal, but then we want to actually create what we want in this life.

So that's kind of the whole embodied piece there.

Can I just break that down a little bit further.

Yeah, when you say gifts, what do you mean by that?

Yeah, So basically I am a seer.

So as a child, I could see very deeply into people, far deeper than they could see themselves, and just notice in your nervous system, anybody who's listening, how you feel as I say that.

So it's a gift that I had since I was a child, and Obviously, growing up in the environments that I did, that was not very welcomed.

And so I learned kind of in my teenage years.

Looking back now, I would go to parties and I would find just like one person and then I would somehow take them outside and tell them these things that they didn't know about themselves.

And so obviously that did not go down well at that age.

And so what I learned to do was to really channel my gifts and learn who is ready to receive them in this lifetime.

And so the people that are it's a fantastic gift, but it was really about tuning to it and knowing how to use it in a right way.

Clariss and and clairvoyant and I really see into people, which really helps them see themselves and mirrors that back to them.

But obviously it took me a very long time to figure out how to channel that in a good way.

So this intuitive ability you have, do you think that started as a result of your traumatic childhood or do you think you had that prior.

I believe that what I went through in this lifetime was actually part of a much bigger mission.

So I have been through lifetimes of trauma and this one in particular, was really about It was all about shame, to be honest, it was all that was The lesson that I was here to learn in this lifetime was around shame, because had a lot of shaming as a child, and so I believe that it's in my soul, it's in my being, but in this lifetime I'm ready to express that.

If that may make sense.

Can you explain, however much you're willing to share what your childhood was like and how you managed to get yourself out of that.

Yeah, I kind of say, you know, basically, when I'm talking about my childhood, I pretty much went through pretty much most of the things that a child shouldn't have to go through.

So, yeah, as I mentioned, I grew up in domestic violence, in the household drug addiction with my parents, you know, just really scary, toxic kind of environment.

And I was also sexually abused by my stepfather.

And so I was seven years old, sitting at a dinner table in front of him, and I told my mum what he did right in front of him.

And I don't know where that courage came from I was seven, but I know that I was being so divinely guided because I knew from such a young age that we must speak up.

Unfortunately, speaking up about it back then caused me further harm, but I was able to really heal through that and I started healing again.

I'm a very old so my whole life pretty much has been dedicated to healing because it's what I'm here to do, and so I started healing very very young.

I internalized a lot of the trauma that I went through and thought that I was the problem.

And I can see the gifting in that, because if I was the problem, I was also the solution.

And so that empowered me to really start to heal from a very young age and really peel back the layers and really alchemize that shame you know, that was put upon me.

Because trauma happens.

You know, we all have we're all in our being, and some people have heavy rocks in their soul and they will pass that on to you.

So when trauma happens is actually an exchange of energy.

And then what happens is you carry that imprint and until you clear it, it's going to sit with you and it's going to show up.

To be honest, every area of your life.

So I knew from a very young age that shame would not sit in my body.

And I've gone on an incredible mission to release that.

And that was really my calling basically, was to really you know, and I tried all different healing modalities, all the things, and it's really about coming back to your own body, you know, and really learning how to be in there.

Yeah, you say that being brave as a seven year old, which was incredibly brave to bring that up.

Were you not believed by your mother?

I was believed by her, but she did bring him back into the house, and so that was a very big betrayal for me and something that I really had to work through.

We have a lot of generational trauma in our family, and so obviously, you know, I believe I was really incarnated into that family to kind of go through those things to release the shame.

But it's something where you know, I my channeling in this lifetime was obviously to learn to use my so to have it shut down when I tried to use it as a child and tried to say, you know, hey, this is what was going on, it was really a It caused a lot more shame, and you know, it caused a lot more of like I don't make sense to myself, and so paradoxically that also put me on a really strong mission to start to make sense to myself.

You know, Yeah, what's your relationship like with your mother?

Now?

We currently don't have connection, and I don't have any ill upon her.

This is about for me just really knowing that I was I put in that family in this lifetime and it's just where that feels safe for me.

I love her, I wish her well, and the harm is something that doesn't feel safe to be around until things would shift and change, and they may never in this lifetime, and I've come to a place of acceptance.

That Yeah, okay, so you are a good example of someone that has managed to remarkably recover from this draumatic childhood.

But you have to do the work to get to that point.

Right, So there'll be people saying, this is me.

I know, I've got issues from my childhood.

Where do you start?

What do you start unpacking it all and trying to rewire those pathways?

Yeah?

Yeah, I love this question because and for people who are listening, I'm holding a ball of string, right, and so when we're healing we think that we need to go right in there, like, you know, how do I get to the core?

How do I get to it?

And actually that never gets us to it.

And that's the beautiful thing is for so many of us we think, you know, I can't remember what I went through, or you know, I don't think that I went through something.

A lot of clients that come to me will say, you know, I don't really think that I've had any trauma, but and you know, they're having these recurring patterns in their love.

And so the things that I find really powerful is that when we go searching for it, you try and put your finger in there, you can't get in there right.

But if you just notice what's showing up right now, which is just this tiny little piece right So maybe it's a pattern that you're noticing in your life, or a response in your body, or a trigger that you're having, just start there and just start by gently peeling back the layers.

You don't have to go searching for it.

And what you'll notice if I kept pulling this for long enough, this actually starts to get smaller as well, because in the peeling back of the layers, you're finding the safety in your body to be able to hold what is here right, So we actually don't need to go searching for it, which I think is great, and we just start with what is coming up for you and then we just gently moved from there.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like what you've said there, because I feel like what people really do is they compare their trauma or their upbringing to someone else's.

Do you have to have had a traumatic upbringing like yours, for example, and then involved a whole lot of abuse for this to be an issue as an adult.

Absolutely not.

And I remember being in a group, I think it was maybe seven years ago, and I'd shared my story and obviously, you know, my story is quite a lot, and I remember this person in the group saying to me, and I'm so glad that he did it, and he said to me, like, hearing your story, I feel like mine doesn't even matter in comparison.

And I loved that he said that to me because I was able to really hold space for him and let him know that his experience is so valid.

And actually, I love that you've answered usked this question because there's a very common trauma response where we actually minimize our experience.

So if you're ever thinking, like, you know, what are the signs of trauma?

One of the signs is you'll hear someone else's story.

So maybe listen to this back and notice when you hear my story, is there any voice in your head that's saying, oh, well, I didn't go through anything that bad, right, I didn't go through anything that bad.

Tells you that there's something there.

And so there's no such thing as a trauma comparison.

And obviously, you know, everything has its own experience.

And I remember when I started my business about three years ago.

Now, I had a client come to me who again thought he hadn't had any trauma, but he said, like, I show up late to everything, and it's getting really bad because I've now started my own business and I'm showing up late to that, right, And he was like, I don't know what's going on.

And so we did a couple of sessions and gently started to peel some things back, and then we went into because I can also take clients into their bodies and start to discover what's in there.

So we went in and his little boy is in a little boy lifted him back.

In memory, I think it was about seven and his mama dropped him at school for this performance, so I think it was like a something was happening there anyway, and she just dropped him off, thinking, you know, other people are going to be there.

But he walked down and no one was there, and he was terrified.

And then because he felt so silly about it, when people started to arrive, he never told anybody.

And so I really love that you've asked this question, because what I want you to know out there is that what may seem small to you as an adult, maybe really big for the child within you.

So he was able to realize through this noticing and connecting to as and a child, that it was safer to show up late because then I never have to feel that feeling again.

Right, So it's really important to not compare trauma and to really know that what you went through and what you're and a little boy and a little girl went through, damn well.

Matters you're listening.

Do we need a talk with Tony Street.

I perhaps held this assumption too, that if you were going to get in a child counseling, that in some way you didn't have good parents or you weren't brought up properly.

But that's also not the case.

Not at all.

And this is the thing as well, and I often you know, and I really understand it because, to be honest, for a big piece of my healing in my early twenties, I would go to counseling trying to understand my mum.

So my whole motive was not for myself, was about I want to understand that so that I can try and build a closer relationship to her.

And what I realized was I actually had a really big fear of seeing my parent in the wholeness of them.

And this is really important for people to know.

And again, I'm really glad that you've asked this because I felt really cool to share today that there are in a children out there that need to know that you are not bad for getting curious about your childhood.

You do not It doesn't mean that you don't love your parent, It doesn't mean that they didn't do a great job.

What it means is you're figuring out the pieces of who you are, right And everyone is imperfect, you know, Like obviously there's different extremes with that, and I'm not justifying any behavior or anything like that, but everyone is imperfect.

We're doing the best that we can and we can only know what we know to our current knowing.

And so when you have that space of curiosity towards your parents, it will help you to understand yourself a lot more.

And you deserve that because I want you to know that when that doesn't happen, and it's not just your parents.

It can be teachers, it can be you know, being bullied at school.

It can be you know, it can be one moment, to be honest, And trauma is not so much about the event itself.

It's was its scene heard and recognized.

So with that example that I gave you with that little boy, the event itself was manageable, right.

What caused the trauma for him was that he felt that it was silly and so he couldn't tell anybody about it.

Yep.

And so when we look at it from that aspect, trauma is actually a part of the human condition.

I don't believe anyone gets away from you know, I just I think it happens to everybody, and when we don't clear it, it conditions our lives in ways that we may not even realize.

Yeah, so you've given that great example of how that trauma was showing up in him as an adult in terms of lateness, how else might it be showing up in your life as an adult.

Look for signs like when you hear people's story, look for those signs of like even mine wasn't that bad.

Look for signs where you're minimizing your experience.

Look for signs in your body.

So if you're noticing like dysregulation, you know, anxiety depression, low mode.

If you are going through seasons in your life, whether that's like pregnancy and menopause, like all of the maternal kind of seasons and pathways, if you're noticing in there that you're getting stuck in spaces, that's another sign as well.

So it's a blockage.

It's a I don't know why I did that, or I'm not quite sure, I don't understand myself, or I don't quite know myself.

And another really big sign is when you're sitting by yourself, do you feel comfortable to be with you?

Do you feel comfortable in your body?

Do you feel safe in your body?

Do you feel connected to yourself?

If not, then there's likely blocks around that.

Can we go back to that ball of string and you talked about peeling back those layers.

How do you peel back those layers?

What do you do with clients that might be saying yes, that's me and listening to this, what do you physically do?

So for me, I work very much on an individual basis, and so what I will do it's a very hard question to answer because everybody is so different, and I will just meet them exactly where they're at.

So some people, if it's someone who's completely new to this, I'm going to focus initially on learning their nervous system.

Because if we go into trauma too quick, too soon, we bounce back.

So when trauma happens, there's actually a disconnection that happens in our psyche.

And this is proven by neuroscience.

This is not just we woo.

So what happens is our nervous system is what it is when we're born, and that first kind of fracture creates that disconnect.

So when it happens, a part of us holds the pain, and another part of us make sure that we're never going to have that happen again.

And that part of us runs our lives right.

And so when we're looking at and you know, I'm very connected to nature.

So for me, I'm looking at the tree and I'm looking at the roots.

I'm not going to dive in deep.

I'm going to start at the roots and notice, like, is there safety there?

Do you know your nervous system?

Can we learn your nervous system?

Can we learn how to find safety in your body?

Because if you go in too quick, too soon, and the body is not feeling safe, it's not going to shift anything in your life because it's just going to kind of retraumatize and get you stuck up here.

And another point that I really want to mention is that when children are bringing their feelings, they need to bring that to someone.

So children's feelings are really big, you know, big excitement or you know, big everything, and they can't make sense of it, so they need to bring it to someone and have that person kind of meet them there, alchemize it and move it through.

And when this doesn't happen, we have stuck energy in our body.

And unfortunately, due to the way that we were taught, we have a real lack of embodiment, particularly in the two core emotions of anger and grief, because when we felt those things, we were conditioned and told go away, go to your room.

It's your problem.

Stop crying.

Yeah yeah, yeah, and then we're left alone in it.

And so we want to start with learning the nervous system, and learning were as the lack of safety and how can we build that so that we don't go in too quick, too soon.

And oftentimes, you know, it honestly breaks my heart when clients come to me and say, like, you know, I've tried talk therapy, I've tried cognitive behavioral therapy.

Nothing has worked, like I'm not doing enough, and they blame themselves, and that really breaks my heart because if it hasn't worked, nothing is going to work up here, right because the trauma is in your body.

So when you try and come at it with all this knowing and cognitive understanding, it just gets really overwhelming.

And in a children learn, if I can't be in my body, I'm going to go in my head because that's my safe place.

I can make sense of things in there.

So we want to really start with the core, with the roots, and with the body is so important.

Yeah, this is we need to talk with Tony Street.

So of the adult clients that you see, who is your typical client and what are their typical problems that they're trying to unlock.

This is again, I love this question because no one is typical.

I get all sorts, and I love that because to me, you know, it's this is the thing.

It works for everybody because we all have trauma, and so there's this You can have this person who is going through this thing and someone else who's had a completely different past, but you'll see the like the threats of the same type of trauma even though they've had completely different experiences.

So I often see a lot of patterns of people not understanding why they do things, feeling quite unsafe in their bodies of like, you know, I don't feel safe to be myself.

I you know, don't feel safe to be authentically me.

But yet they they know who they are inside, they just haven't had a chance to kind of express that or bring that out.

And obviously, you know, the classic things that we see and like people pleasing, overworking, overachieving that real sense of I need to earn this or I need to be a certain way.

And an analogy that I give to kind of encapsulate all of that is we come into this world as a seed, and it's our parents' role and the people around us just to pour into us, to give us the sunlight, the water, you know, the soil, so that we can grow into the beautiful beings that we're here to bathe.

And when that doesn't happen, and so a child, you know, just comes fully authentically themselves and then they bring that part of themselves to somebody, and based on whether that part is accepted or rejected, they frame themselves around that.

And so what happens is I see a lot of people who kind of have an authentic self, but they wear a mask because they have been rejected in their authenticity.

And to be honest, there's a lot of that in this world, and again I do think it's part of the condition of trauma.

So based on that, what would your advice be then to parents right that perhaps don't want to make the mistakes of bygone errors where you're right, you know, emotions we're encouraged to be expressed.

And I'm sitting here, I've got three kids, so I'm all, he is, how do we make it easier for our next generation?

I think just really knowing that as a like, you know, I'm not a parent currently, but as a parent or a guide.

Your role is to be there and to notice and to attune and to kind of mirror back to this little being who they are so that they can start to feel safe in that.

And so the more that we can be with ourselves.

And that's the really important thing, is like parents are going to get triggered by their children's responses because it'll bring up stuff within them.

And that's why being safe within yourself and learning your nervous system, you're going to be able to hold the expression of your child and to kind of know because obviously, when there's safety in the nervous system, you're resourcing a part of you that has your intuition and you're knowing.

So the more safety you have inside you, the less you will feel confused about what to do because your body will actually just guide you to it.

So for parents, I really encourage looking at nervous systems starting there and not so much focusing on what how can you be better like for your child or how can you do it differently, but what comes up for you when your child has a response, and how can you meet that part of you?

And so oftentimes I've got a lot of clients or parents and that will say to me, you know, I've made these mistakes.

I'm you know, feeling all the shame all these things, And paradoxically, I will say to them, don't try and fix it with your child right now, because you've got a little girl or a little boy inside Joe that has been having these responses for very valid reasons.

And the more that you meet that part of you, the more you're going to naturally know how to show up for your children.

Yeah, it makes a lot of sense.

Look at yourself first, and then it should all work itself out.

I want to ask this question because.

I feel like sometimes when experts start talking about intuition, there is a segment of society that goes, oh, is that all sort of woo woo like that, I want this to be back by science.

What would you say to that?

I love that question as well.

I meet you where you're at.

So a lot of my clients, my work is very unique.

There's nothing like it out there in the world, and all healers we come with a very unique pathway.

You know, we paved our own pathway.

And so I've had clients and you know, I love it.

They'll come in and they'll be really honest, and they'll say to me, you know, I don't really trust this, and I'll say, great, do you know the beauty of this is you don't actually have to trust this.

Just give it a go, right, Why should you trust it?

And this I think is really important.

When you are exposed to so much, you know, kind of alternative ideas and things like that, that part of you that feels that you have to trust it is probably blocking the part that wants to get curious and give it a go.

And when you get curious and give it a go, if it doesn't like, if you don't like it, you don't have to do it.

And so when I have clients like that, I'll always say to them, let's just give it a go, and let's look at the factual pieces first.

Right.

We don't even have to go into I mean, they do actually end up going into that because it's just a natural pathway.

But let's meet you there, right, If you're not ready to go there, let's start here and let's look at the nervous system.

Right.

This is backed up by neuroscience.

This is how the nervous system works.

There are so many resources out there, you know, books like the Body keeps the score, Sail Vanderkol, you know the myth of normal Gabor Marte and Petere Levan is an incredible he's the founder of Semitic Experiencing.

And here's a book.

I think it's called Walk the Tiger or Wake the Tiger.

So start there.

Start with where it feels safe for you to start, and know that you don't have to start in a place that doesn't feel safe for you.

Effectual is what you need, meet your need there and that will actually naturally open up the rest y.

So what do meeting these needs look like?

What are the results that you see in people and how it impacts their lives positively?

Well, I am obviously so incredibly blessed to do.

I watch people go from I don't know myself, I don't make sense to myself to you know, I just did a public speech and I wasn't thinking anything about what anyone was thinking.

Or I was so disconnected from my kids.

And now I'm actually like really nurturing and attuning to my kids because I'm looking after my little girl, or you know, my clients start businesses like I am so blessed and the beautiful thing about being there for someone in their pain, you know, in their anger, and helping them through those emotions is that you get to see who they become.

And honestly, I mean I love all of it, but watching them understand themselves, like become their authentic selves, take that mask off and really own who they are in this lifetime, learn to show up better in their relationships like this.

I love it.

I love it.

Yeah, oh it sounds amazing, so Terresa, I yeah, I just had one sort of last comment for particularly Kiwi women, most about audiences women.

Hello, if you're amndnessing as well, But what would that message be to anyone that's curious about this and thinks maybe this could be for me but I'm not sure?

Yeah, yeah, I think just know that you're always going to work for you.

So a lot of clients will say to me, you know, like oh my gosh, like your work's amazing and like nothing else has worked.

And then I always say to them like I'm just meeting you, like You're always going to be the answer for yourself.

And what you need is a safe space.

You need someone that you feel safe with so that you can gently start to explore your nervous system.

Peel back those layers, you know, learn needs, boundaries, like all those things that really help create the identity of who we are.

But what you need in somebody else is safety.

And so you're the one that's going to be doing the work.

You're the one that sits with yourself.

But what you need in someone else is do I feel safe?

And I really encourage people, you know, when you're picking a healer or a counselor or whoever it is, take a moment and pause and ask yourself afterwards, do I feel safe with this person?

Because safety is the treatment, and when safety is there, it will naturally start to unlock.

And for all women out there, you know, for men, women, for everybody.

What we don't resolve continues to pattern throughout our lives and our relationships, our jobs, you know, with kids like it, just how we do one thing is how we do everything.

And so if there are parts of you that you're wanting to show up differently, know that you deserve healing and know that claiming your power internal power, it's a I am here, I am here, I belong here, and you deserve that.

Everybody deserves that.

Oh that was wonderful.

Thank you so much for joining us today.

It was really insightful and I think you'll definitely have some converts today.

Thank you very much for your time, and Tony, I also just really want to honor you, like I love the name of your podcast and the fact that you know, when I think of, like, what's the most activating thing for someone for their nervous system, it would be we need to talk.

And so I love that you are having just this curiosity to have these conversations and open up these channels because they're so needed.

So thank you to you and what you're doing.

It's been an episolute honor.

We need to talk with Coast FM's Tony Street.

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To get in touch, email, We need to talk at Coast online, dot co dot MZ