You're listening to mess.

Girl.

You know who I bumped into yesterday?

Who Daisy?

A beautiful, dark skinned British dress.

She's married, she just had a baby.

Get out of town.

The baby is like a year old.

Yeah.

I haven't seen Dais in forever.

Yeah that we did that birthday party for her years ago and then I don't think.

I ever saw her after that.

She was I was at the Soho House and she was there, No way, Yeah, that's where the show was.

Was it good?

It was?

I the bookie looks great, Yes, he looks it was.

Yes, his show is getting his packed pack back packed?

Oh?

People were they was there?

Wasn't staying last night?

People were like leaving.

But it was a Monday.

It was a late Monday night show really.

But it was when I did it, it was hot as fuck and the weather no, no, no is hot.

It was hot in there.

Okay, I said, Oh they can't, I said, the membership, they can't afford no ac, what's up?

What's tea?

So T so whole house?

But I will say.

That I would like to join a member's only club, but I don't want to pay for it.

So how do we get me in to one of these things.

But I don't want to pay.

I think it's you gotta do a show, you gotta do a show.

So what I'm hearing is I gotta do a show at Dumbo because that's the house that I like, or I got to do it at like the Ned or Bond Street or one of these other places that you got to do a show.

Yeah, new house, Yeah that's the one I forgot.

But there's a bunch of stuff.

There's members only clubs that we don't even know about.

I'll do a show, but like a silly show.

Oh yeah, because I feel like these people don't like stand up.

Like they'll be there and they're listening, but for some reason they still like up tight.

It's like you're here.

Yes, they are a little clinch.

It's not a theater.

This is not a play like this is.

It's all about the give and take.

Right, I give jokes and you also then get lefter that I take exactly.

Yes, it's a you know, and a lot of the times they be talking about these membership these people don't have money like that.

They make it seem like they're so rich.

They're not.

They're just bad with their money.

Oh so you think if somebody's paying I don't even know.

Like, let's say they're paying an extra.

I think it's five thousand dollars for the year thirty five hundred dollars.

So you're saying they got five extra thousand dollars a year.

But they that doesn't mean that they're rich exactly.

People are bad with bad yes, you know that.

You know that this is America and people are bad money.

Hey, hello, bad with money me.

Some of my favorite people are bad with money.

Yeah, But I'm like, I'm never going to spend that much money all at once.

I'm gonna spend the money, but eventually, eventually.

But the way the way late night, I'd be looking at stuff when I open and I was just like and then It's like, what the fuck?

What did I just buy?

Yeah?

That stupid I think that I never really did, but I'm doing it a lot.

In twenty twenty five, I got this late night or or I folks see with my laptop like close to the bed and I'll wake up in the morning before my alarm sometimes and I'd be like, maybe just check my email, and I'll get on my laptop and I'd be like, oh, cause you know the ads will pop up.

They do right next to the little gmails.

Yeah, and you'd be like, oh I was or Revolve, Oh I was on such and such I did.

Oh they got they got new blouses.

It like you know how they get me?

You know it's mess emails.

No, no, no, an ad will pop up because you're like, oh, I actually do like that top and then I look at that.

I'll click it and then like put your put your email in for that ten percent off.

And I said, now I'm in.

Now I gotta get the ten percent off of this fucking Instagram shirt that I know when I get it, it's not gonna fit right, it's going to cintegratee.

The color is not gonna look like that.

And it's gonna be printed on one side exactly white.

On the other side, it's not gonna give the way it's giving on this model.

And a lot of times it's just the body, like they look good, so whatever they put on is gonna look good on it.

And then I get it, and why do I look like you know, what's.

The doll from Rugrets, Cynthia, Cynthia.

I look like Cynthia in it.

Cynthia, she's a really cool dancer.

Cynthia.

She's a really cool girl.

That's the song I see in my hair when I'm like, I'm gonna go to bed early tonight, and then cut to me at two am dancing in front of the mirror.

Cynthia.

She's a really cool dance Cynthia.

She's a really cool girl.

Maybe I'll be Cynthia for Halloween this year.

I think that would be cute.

I'm gonna figure out how to do the ball spot.

I'm gonna do it.

It ain't hard for me.

Yeah.

Yo, I went to this hair salon that's close to the crib.

I passed it all the time, but I went the other day, and you know, I made an appointment.

I got my hair washed, I got a deep condition, I got.

A trim, and I'm going to actively work on growing my like growing my natural hair back out.

I see this journey for you.

Yeah, yeah, I mean you can see some of them sticking out because it's shorter now.

But yeah, I just I feel like I'm gonna it's right there.

It's like the universe was like girl, fix it, fix the edges.

I bought some of the products that they have in the thing for my edges, and I'm just gonna maintain it.

I'm gonna keep my protective styles in for like a month at a time.

Take them out, watch it at this place, treat it, get another protective style.

It just needs ten dollars because I need to go to Turkey.

Once I get a new hairline, then I could start my my new hair journey.

I think I want to go to Turkey this summer.

Really, yeah, damn, you won't have the money.

Then, I mean, I'm go.

I have to talk to the universe.

Okay, and let's talk to the universe because I really need I want this.

But the thing is is that once you do it, you out.

You out for like three months because your hair grows and then it like falls out, and then the new hair grows and then you can't be throwing awag on top of that.

So it's like, so what you're gonna do?

So these so these men.

Who be going to Turkey, which I saw.

I met a guy today.

He was like, oh, let me show you.

He I mean, when I tell you, he had like a strip but then just bald on the side, like it looked like a premature mohawk situation going on.

He was like, yeah, I went to Turkey.

I spent the extra money because I didn't want to be near anybody while I was getting this procedure done.

And he's got a full head of hair.

It looks beautiful, and it's too thick.

It's not too thick because sometimes the Turk is doing they be coming back real ruggable.

No no, no, no no.

And he was like, yeah, let me show you when they took everything off, and he's like, yeah, I was.

I was walking around like that.

I didn't care.

Yeah, they don't care.

They don't care because they know in a couple of weeks they're gonna have tendrils.

He said, listen, this is you shooting with me in the gym right now.

You guys see me with the little sprouts coming out, because let me tell you, in three months, bitch, all these holes gonna.

Be on whin your time.

He gonna be he not no hats, he's gonna be.

He's gonna be swooping that bang to the side like he says chili out here.

He said chachia, like he's living his best life.

It's funny because a lot more men now like like going to Turkey or going up uptown and getting your hair done.

That's the new BBL for men.

It is because bbls are out for women and men getting hair transplants are in.

And that's the new.

Like if you balled in twenty twenty five, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

Yeah, because Turkey and they say they got amazing deals, Like it's just way less.

It's like one get one, yeah, and so I would like that for myself.

It's just like there's a lot of things that need to line up because once I do that, I won't be.

Able to work for a while.

So what I need is I need to go to Turkey and then I need another pandemic to hit roll out for three months, nobody could work, so I don't feel like I'm missing out or anything.

Get the little stemmys going.

What I'm hearing is we need to start coaffing in people's faces.

We need that Coviana part.

COVID twenty press, COVID twenty kana part twess because there was the O marion, there is COVID then omarion, and there was another virus that we don't know about.

But it didn't really do my oviage.

Plus Yeah, so now I need the Koviana tress so that when I get my new hairline, we all out together.

We're all like waiting for my hair to grow out.

I'm not ready for another pandemic right now, though, what I'm not ready?

Wait?

I feel like the pandemic happens like once every hundred years.

So what was the first pandemic?

Oh, the Spanish flu?

And what happened to the people.

A bunch of people died.

That was in like nineteen nineteen or something like that.

You are the local historian of mess Hey, sirih, what's the Spanish flute?

No?

When was the Spanish flut?

Well?

I need to know what it is.

Oh, it's talking to me about a Spanish flute.

Oh okay, you got an accent.

You know that?

He's uh AnyWho?

So yeah, I need that.

Okay, So out for the summer.

Okay, I guess we're not doing that to start.

We can do it in August, September, October.

Hey, if God blesses me the universe all that and bless me by July, I think I can make it happen.

But you know, things fell off a couple of weeks ago, so you know my trajectory for the summer was looking, you know, up, and now it's like I might have to start from Scratchkin's.

What you mean?

Your trajectory was looking at what happened?

Oh girl, we in that.

Now that's not gonna be the summer.

Don't you need like two weeks to recalibrate the cells and the and the chemicals in the brain.

You only need two weeks or what is it twenty eight days?

The former habit the summer.

The summer is more than twenty one days.

This is true, girl, But the year has just been going by so fast that like I look up and it's another motherfucking month, and I just I want to hit the calendar.

Yo.

When I tell you, I decked the calendar, punched through that, I like pop and it fell off and everything.

I was like, yeah, that's what I need.

I need time to slow the hell down.

Well, what month is your calendar on right now?

It's if you keep it up to day, yeah, or you like forget to flip it.

And you know, wait a minute, I'm hey, I see it every day and I've you don't do that.

I don't have a physical calendar in my whole you new school, Yeah's too good for an actual calendar, and al, yeah, I need to I want time to slow down just a little bit.

But it's not.

It's gonna it's at a crazy speed.

I've never seen the year go by this fast.

It's on ghost speed race or go.

It's on two time speed, too fast, too furious.

It is literally tokyo drift and tyresee he's in the car.

What more do you want from me?

That he wasn't doing that?

He was driving cars.

Girl, anyway, nothing is more important than family.

Oh yes, thank you so much, Olive Garten.

Yo, So let me tell you.

When you were gone, I went to a couple of met gala parties.

Okay, this is on the list.

Yeah i went.

I went with Dwayne, and I realized, yeah, I only want to be at those parties if like I got something going on, because it's like you're just there to be around people who got something going on.

And if I was a pedestrian, that could possibly be cool.

But because I'm like one degree away from the people that got something going on, I'm like, this ain't really that fun, you know, because people are just sitting around looking to be looked at, so people notice them.

They're not having a good time, and then the lines are long, and you know, some people are dressed, some people are not, and like you get scammed because you think this is going to be a cool party.

And we hopped to like three or four parties and one night, and every time we were going to another party, like the same couple of people would be at the same party because we're all hopping to find the better party.

But you are the party.

So what parties were good?

What parties were not?

Let's talk.

Well, Kate Trnado was spinning and you know that is my guy, but I absolutely will tell you I didn't see it.

I was not.

I was not here for that.

Like I loved him, but the vibes it wasn't.

It wasn't like when we went to go see him a couple of years ago that was so much fun, even though it was like packed to the brim hot, but we was in the VIP, so we wasn't even dealing with all parties.

Do feel different when you in the VIP.

I want to be in the VIP.

I don't want to be in the GA.

Was you were you at the party that Sissa was at?

Uh No, that was an after party and that was this weekend.

This was this was a This was supposed to be Doci's after party at the Public Hotel.

Yeah, we were there, and you know the Public Hotel like it's big, but it's not.

No like that room like it's hot ceilings, but mm hmm it was not really it's not need we need to be spacious.

I don't want to be crammed on the dance floor.

Did you see Doci?

I did you see Doci?

Yeah, she probably didn't get that till she was doing her laps too.

I did see indeya okay at which party at a at the Crane Club later that night, which was supposed to be Pharrell's party, and it was an UNO tournament.

Bitch I said, you have to stopped playing in my face the husand Day playing no.

But by the time we got there, it wasn't a ton of people where the tournament was happening.

There was another party upstairs and that was probably Whereas and Day it was at.

But we were on the regular floor and there was there was a DJ and somebody you know on the mic talking about look.

At all the fly ladies.

Yeah, dropped forward like it was just stupid.

Like I was like, who thought, who thinks this is funny?

All the fly ladies draw for this is game?

Yeah?

Okay, h yeah, And then I saw Candy.

Candy was at every time, every time we went to a new party, she was there.

Wait, so did you see Zendaya or not?

I did see day We were outside of the club in the the what do you call those those cars, the black car, the van, the sprinter pulled up and like was all these paparazzi and it was like and all of a sudden, the door got this bitch floated into the club.

I don't even think her feet really touched the ground.

Well, she just had that like dance.

She kind of like slithered in, like float slithered in and she had like this burgundy rhymestoneish sequin dress and hair is up.

She looked phenomenal.

I could not smell her, but I know she smelled.

Oh absolutely, Oh she was so smelt and just money, money, money, money, money.

She glides in and I'm like, why am I Why am I poor?

Like I'm not not poor, but just saying like like I see that that's the part of the celebrity You're You're like, oh you ain't got to wait, You ain't got to talk nobody.

They already know you come in, you go in, you say in for a little bit, and then you walk out.

You're like the ghetto.

All saw Chloe of Halle Fame or was it Holly?

I think Holly.

I saw Haley Haley and Kiki Okney.

The girls just tiny.

They're like smelled smooth, so tiny.

Yeah, I don't I've never seen Kiki before in like, I don't know what her body was before she had the baby.

Has she always been that small?

I think so every actor is short and they need to fit into the screen.

So everybody's everybody's poly pocket size.

And the really tall people are so tall that it's like how do you even get in the frame?

Like everybody's on Apple box.

Questions that need answers because the girls are tall, not all the girls, the girls, but the girls tend to be tall, and then the men are all real.

Short, very very Who else did I see?

I saw Padma she was she was at Doci's party.

I saw numerous people.

That I was like, yeah, you know what this is for people?

This is not for me, But like, I don't know.

I think parties are cool when you're just there to have a good time.

When you're there trying to be in the limelight, it messes up everything.

Like even if the music is good, everybody was so focused on who's looking.

Oh you know who I saw?

What's that pink panthers?

Oh see that's somebody that if I saw her, I probably wouldn't recognize it.

Well, she was on stage with Kate Tranada.

There you go, So that was cute.

Who is that?

Yeah?

It was a tiny and soyl.

It.

Just like I don't know, I'm never impressed with celebrities.

I'm not impressed with any of it because it's like, again, we are one degree from all of that, and I see what the people be going through, and it don't.

It all glitz and glay.

It isn't.

And like the most fun we ever have is like when none of that is on the table and we at some random place in a corner doing our own thing with like you know, Chay and Reggie and Amina and just having a blast.

Buton med Gallow weekend fashion week, things like any weekend that's like super hyped up where everybody is out is probably a more stressful weekend for even the celebrities, because it's like they trying to go out and have a good time, but it's more.

People in their face.

It's more paparazzi.

It's more just phones up because people go to parties now, not to have a good time.

They go to.

Parties so you can see that they were at this party embarrassing, and it's like we gotta start putting the phones in pouches.

It's embarrassing.

And this is why they'd be like, oh, I can't believe that celebrity was me.

You were in their fucking face with your hot ass breath, your hot ass pedestrian breath.

Of course they're going off on you and they don't want to take a picture with you.

But that's like I'm not required to take a picture with you because you know me.

No, they say, you gotta take a photo.

We made you.

It was a guy.

I think it was like like Essence.

Something like Essence was doing and it was like Vivica A Fox.

Oh I saw that video.

It was great, and Taraji p Henson and all these black women and it was some like big creepy man who was in all these ladies faces, Like can I get a picture?

Can I get a hub and it's like, I don't know you.

Yeah you do, and you don't know me.

You might've seen Set It Off, you might have watched Empire or Hidden Figures or whatever, but you don't know me.

This thing is it's like the best times I've ever had.

There ain't no photos of it.

There ain't no we are so wrapped up and having a good time.

We not really taking pictures.

So whenever I see somebody doing all this picture shit, it's like you are not in the moment, You're not having a good time.

The aesthetics are going to look good for online, but like, I don't know, it's so annoying.

It was so annoying to see because I love Kate Trnado.

I love him so and you know, I be feening to see him, and then all these people are messing up my good time.

Yeah.

Yo, Remember when I had a migraine and I was upstate like doing a show.

I took a cab all the way back.

Then I went to urgent Care, I had them give me a shot so that the migraine could go away, and then I met up with you to go to Kate Tornado at Mirage.

I didn't know he's a good cat from all the way upstate.

For that.

Oh yes, girl, I was like, oh hey, we had to write it off just.

Young and we were so close to him, girl, we were so close.

We were we were literally by the DJ booth and that's what we deserve to be.

Yeah, and that was so fun.

I don't want to do it any other way.

But it's not even me being bougie.

It's just like, it's not about being bougie.

You remember what parties were like before people were so obsessed with like the image of being at said party.

Like we'll never go back to a time where like, you know, early two thousands type parties or like I don't know, I don't know what year Studio fifty five was, but that era that's never gonna We're never gonna be there.

Again because people are like, even when you go to a concert, boom the phones up the whole time.

They're like this, babe, you're not gonna rewatch that.

Y'all not tired of this, y'are you?

You you pick your phone up for like that one crucial moment or that one like if you're close and Beyonce winks at you, like you take up.

You take the video of Chin no Eiva like that.

People be at arm extended your your shoulder's not tired.

Hey, you know it's mess y'all going live at the concerts?

What what what's going on?

How are y'all doing?

What?

What do you have?

Like?

What kind of uh instruments are you using to have your camera up the whole fucking show three hours?

How many battery packs do you have?

What about the people who.

Be on FaceTime at concerts and you look, you can see the person that they talking to.

They laid up in the bed with the dog.

They ain't got no bra on city.

That would be me.

Turn the brightness down.

Or or make that square small and just make the concert big.

You see what I'm saying.

People be on face this time at the airport.

I love a party.

No you know, I know you do.

Girl.

I'll be laughing so hard because when I see girl, I was, hey, you know it's an uber driver is on FaceTime the whole fucking ride.

And I could see the girl like, I'm like, does she not trust you in the car, because there's no reason for y'all to be on FaceTime?

Were they talking or was it.

Just one of them silent, we both doing our own thing on the line facetimes.

Yes, yeah, it was sad.

I gave him one star.

I don't give a fuck because I get I'm I give these men five star after five star after five star.

It don't matter how stank the car is, the music is bad, they playing a religious beats or whatever.

Like I'd be like, you know, five star, five star, five star.

But this man, the face in the face.

The girl was literally in my view so she could see me.

I said, hey, I wasn't I wasn't prep for this.

This was a daytime FaceTime, a daytime face time.

Oh babe, Yeah, he's not a good guy.

One star, And I said, hey, was on FaceTime the whole ride, barely spoke to me.

One star.

I said, I'm reporting him.

And I felt my safety was in jeopardy.

In jeopardy.

Yeah, I felt like it was a taken situation.

Damn.

Yeah, there was trafficking.

Girl.

Yeah, she was like, oh yeah, I see her.

She yeah, these chep bones.

Did I tell you about the time that they try to take me?

Who girl?

So I was in I had been in like Green Point or like Williamsburg all day in the uber, No, just out.

I was with like Tony and stuff like this over the summer.

And then my uber.

Drops me off in front of my house and I'm coming up the sidewalk and this car pulls up and they're like, hey, what's like a fun thing to do in this neighborhood at this time?

And I was like, I don't know.

You see I'm heading into the house.

And it was like two ladies in the in this big ash truck and one of them goes, weren't you justin Williams?

We asked such as such, and I was like were you yes, yes, And I was like, uh yeah.

Maybe that might have been me.

And and they were like, so, like what's up, Like we want to go out and have a good time.

Like why are you going home at this time?

It's still early?

What time was it?

Maybe midnight?

Oh that's not early, maybe.

Midnight, it's still early.

I had been out all day.

It was like a day drinking into the evening.

So it's it's been a long day for me.

You spelled like the day.

I'm like, yeah, I spelled like outside I said, yeah, no, I don't know, sis, but good luck with that.

You see him walking to the door and they're like they says, they screamed something out the window and drove off.

And then my uber driver drove off.

He was like he had not he had drove off a little bit when he dropped me off, and when they peeled off, he peeled off, and I said, you think they were in Cahoot's girl, it's this car followed us from Williamsburg or he in the car like, hey, I got some potentially drunk, skinny sexy beach in the car as you drunk.

I mean, I'm telling you I've been date drinking.

I'm not drunk enough to jump in a car.

You know how to handle yourself.

I haven't really seen you there fucked up exactly.

And every time you get somebody edible, they're fucked up, and I'd be cheer.

Stuff is strong.

I'd be like this, youte girl, let's look at some art.

You'd be drugging the people.

They're not drunking people.

I got a high tolerance.

And people be like what you got and I'd be like, it's a ten or fifteen or twenty five, and they'd be like that's high.

I'd be like, take a bite, cut it in forth.

Yeah, and then people will be like, I'm gonna do half or whatever they decide to do, and I'd be like, save it for later.

And then if you take the other half while you out with me, that's your business.

Yes, just know I take edibles before I go to pilates, okay, and they hits me right at the end of class, and I'd be like, oh, I could do it.

I went to plates yesterday.

Oh how far are you up with your how many merch I think I have four classes left?

You did it?

Yeah, I knew.

I knew you could do it, girl.

I always believe in you.

Thank you.

I was like, hey, there's nothing my sister can't do.

Well, if I paid for it, I'm gonna get what I paid for and how much should you pay?

I paid two hundred and fifty dollars for ten cans?

Bitch, you are going to every single freaking class.

Yeah, girl, Remember they try to steal my eight my last eight classes from me?

Or did you steal it from you?

Oh?

Time stole it from me.

Sorry anyway, speaking of stealing, they really try to steal me that night.

Hey, girl, get in the car, like, let's go smarter than that.

I was like, what Yo.

You know what's crazy that I saw Holly Berry has Mother's Day.

She did a video and this is how another recession indicator.

The celebrities are talking to us, they're talking too much.

They want to know how much she got paid for that.

I want to know how much she got paid for that?

Well, it's her.

She she hold on, let me set the scene product, it's her product.

Now.

Now.

Holly Berry, who you saw at the mcgala and you know see through panel dress.

Uchi lips out.

Yes, they said this girl on TikTok kept calling her Holly cooochie Berry and I can't unhear it.

It's the funniest thing.

She said, your menopausal, asked, pussy out, lips.

On the carpet, Gone do a girl.

And so she's been talking about being menopausal or whatever.

And one of the things of symptoms of menopause is you dry like yeah, like you know, the powder is coming out, like the dryness is coming out.

Yes, like that exactly, so mummy.

But I'm not yes, but I'm not saying that's what Holly Berry Cucie is like, I'm not saying that.

She is menopausal.

Yes, So it's not like she's saying this like that.

So anyway, she's her Mother's Day.

She does a video.

She's in bed, head, hair's tousled or whatever with her man, and she's like, happy Mother's Day.

When you about to slip, right, I think it was called slip, it's called spin spin, take a spin or something like that.

Take a spin, about to take a spin.

On my new you know lubricant.

She's she has recession indicator.

Holly Berry has a lubricant.

Now, didn't know she was in that market.

I thought she would have vitamins or maybe a class or maybe a session.

She might have vitamins.

I thought she might have the vitamins.

She has vitamins.

She might there's Holly cooochi Berry has hollycochi Berry vitamins.

I don't think so she might anyway, so she's in the video.

She does have vitamins.

Fuckdorsing probiotics.

We're basically halle Berry.

We endorsed supplements.

Okay, so now she's the new group.

She's the group for the for the menopause girl.

She got group for the for the for the couch, for the couch.

She's in the video, she's in bed.

You know, she ain't got no clothes on.

She's with her man.

She's like, happy Mother's day.

Y'all saw what I did earlier today, And this is how I'm gonna in my night taking a spin where her lubricant and her man and cans or is it cons cans cons?

Whatever?

She she can be with cons where her her man and her lubricant.

So she's promoting her her lubricant to the people on TikTok.

The worst part about the video is the man is like, are you done doing your video?

Because we about to take a spin like like her, look, I can't wait to.

Take a spin, like and I hope you all.

Take a spend tonight.

It's like, girl, this is so bad.

Mama, you didn't run this by your pr people like what's the tagline?

What's the video?

Like?

They would never let us do that.

They would never They would.

Be like, hey, can we see uh you know what do they call those?

Can you send us the deliverables?

Can we see the deliverables?

We'll sign off on them if they're right, and they'll give you notes.

They didn't give her no notes.

Well, I mean it's her brand.

She notes she she needs a young gen , you know, team to be like, hey, that's not good.

Let's just do it like this.

I'm glad she's happy and she's having a good time and she's looking out for, you know, the older ladies.

That's dope.

I think that's amazing.

But the video it made me.

It's not about cringe.

I don't care about things being criage.

It's just like, baby, how much money do you need?

Like what's going on?

There's a lot of recession indicators and it's a lot of the celebrities, and we also need to talk about Beyonce and get it out the way.

She's got too much going on because she's going to do another tour.

Right after this.

What you mean, what's the baby?

Do you have another kid on the way?

How much money do y'all?

What you mean?

She got another tour coming after this?

She's got Act three.

She's gonna do Act three.

And they are they complain, They say she don't dance like she used to dance no more.

Well, hers is the show that I should have gone to, and I will never forgive myself for not going to that.

But she's doing she's doing renaissance songs there.

It doesn't mean Cowboy Carter but I'm saying she her knees was working well at Renaissance.

Hey act too, she got two new knees.

Listen, she got these, Like me, we need to be nicer to She's been providing for us for decades.

But I wasn't at them shows, the shows that I'm at now, I'm like, uh, we got the same knees.

Now, two girls, one knees, Marie, you really think you got the same niece as Beyonce.

You go say that.

I remember why me buckled out the way to that wedding.

Me and Beyonce got the same knees, same size knees, my lips.

Yeah, when she did that, everybody was going crazy.

But I was like, she's not really hidden it, Like Drake Kelly.

Why she got Blue up there?

Yo?

Blue ish that your life because you know, at the beginning of the life, at the beginning of to Our Blue gives what Blue gives.

But as the tour progresses, you really see the evolution of this.

She's like thirteen fourteen.

I have been liking every single video that I see of her.

I said, you do that shit, girl, you do that?

Do that shit?

Do that show?

No?

Do it?

Oh?

Have you been keeping up with his trial.

It started.

You know, somebody said it's boring.

I said, is sexual assault and trafficking?

I didn't know it was, so you know juicy to you.

Well, they used to Lorna's view.

They said, where is the drama?

Where is Bensie and Stabler?

Where is the you know over?

You know they think Court is that, but Court is long and mundane.

It's really sad everything that Cassie's been through, everything that like, he put that woman through hell and then she has to relive this and tea the hotel that I used to work at, he's in a depusition.

They said, he used to come there with her.

And you know, allegedly I might have been in the bar when he was in the bar, allegedly allegedly.

But I told you what I think I told him.

I talked about it on here.

How I got him a bottle of sarak or promo bottle and he said he was gonna pay for it, and he didn't, and he walked out on the task.

What's a promo bottle?

So whatever they said he did, he did?

He did it?

Did he hoped they throw the book at him?

Did he do it?

Did he did it?

He yeah, he said all me money.

So yeah, it's just we should go down to the drought.

I honestly, I don't mind.

And I'll have my glasses on and my Mary J Blige scarf and I'm.

No, I'm not going to cry words.

If you also do the maryor J Blige boots, you gonna do the boot?

You know I got those.

I hope Diddy never sees the light of day.

Well, I mean, remember Judge denied all of his bail requests and he been locked up for like a full year.

Now good, But what I heard is they had to dismiss a bunch of jurors because they the.

Jurors was a some bs.

What you mean?

One dude was like, I'm not gonna stop smoking weed during the trial.

They said, well, you're dismissed.

Then sir, he said I need marijuana.

Marie.

I feel like that's has stun you.

And do you be like, yeah, but I would do animals.

I wouldn't say that to the lawyers.

I'd be like, they'd be like, are you an upstanding citizen?

Do you think you could listen to this and judge this kid?

Absolutely?

I would be high while I was talking to them.

But I'm not gonna be like, yeah, no, I'm not.

I'm not gonna stop.

Oh you know what I wanted to bring up.

Obsessed with you guys doing reviews on us.

We have our first real bad with you.

Oh and I would like to read it.

You had a bad one.

Remember the lady said I was fatphobic.

That wasn't bad.

Or she said I was mean, and she was like, I listened for Sydney, but I don't like Marine, So I guess that wasn't a bad one for you.

No, we are a unit.

Okay, what's the bad review?

I can't wait to hear it.

Okay, here we go.

You guys have to keep leaving reviews.

Okay, I need more.

More, more, more, okay and more one star.

Unfunny and mid basically two of the most annoying women you'll ever meet, talk about how they make New York a worse place to live by existing in the most irritating an unprofessional way possible gasp, gas, all while blaming any and all criticism on race based discrimination.

When we do that, let's sound like a white man old dish.

Oh you know, girl, it might be somebody you know.

Anyways, a shining example of why following on social media is not the same thing as having checks, notes, talent, or anything remarkable.

To say, that's fucking crazy.

Let me see who, Let me see who wrote it.

Oh hey, this wasn't for you, baby.

Everything we talk about it sound like you know, you flat footed, and you in a shirt that you've been sleeping in for you know, several weeks.

So you not are demo and you gladly press unsubscribe and move on.

Who leaves up?

Who leaves a review like that?

I need you to say something more specific, because this was too vague.

It sounds like somebody that we've wronged.

It sounds like somebody that saw a clip that they didn't like and they said, I'm gonna go leave a review because it's nowhere.

You listen to the podcast and you left that.

Do we wait, do we blame everything on race based discrimination?

Well?

Everything is about race.

It's not our fault.

It's history.

It's literally it literally anything that has gone wrong racism.

If you you.

Maybe not everything I mean malayo Marie, when you lost your job?

Which one that was racism?

Which job?

Most of them was racism?

Or was I just a really bad employee?

Am I a bad employee because of racism?

Boom?

There it is.

You know that meme where he's like, you know what the more you know, I don't think we blame everything on racism?

Do we?

I don't think so, because I don't do that.

Sometimes I hear something, I'd be like, that sound like a base person, But that sound like Latino's for Trump?

That for Trump?

You know what?

I take that back.

You're not flat footed, you but shot your way over to the podcast and now we not for you.

And that's okay.

Listen, everything is not for everybody, and that's cool.

Go listen to the bros.

That what the the microphones from best?

That's probably more your speed.

Sorry, okay, and I'm sorry.

And then there was one more.

No more guests, Please not gonna lie.

This week's guest was a little harsh on the ears.

She sounded like she needs a gallon of water.

I normally enjoy raspy voices like Marie's, but first.

Of all, whoa.

I thought my voice was as clear as a bath.

But the guest this week, no go, please don't invite her back.

Plus she's was way more than selectively ignorant in a lot of her commentary, which.

Was only slightly entertaining.

Lol.

That throwing the l ol in there is crazy.

Y'all really don't need as many guests as you'll be having on the show.

Y'all are deaf enough.

Keep up the great work and the laughs.

Well, this is a solo episode today, so I love that for you.

I love our guests, and honestly, in order for us to grow, we need guests because you know what you're not doing.

You're not reviewing, you're not reposting enough, you're not in the comment.

If you don't want any more guests, then you do the work.

All.

It's up to y'all.

If you want to be a sore, it's y'all.

We're showing up.

We're showing up, we're putting eyeliner on, We're looking at things that are happening.

You know, I'm literally current right now.

I'm on my phone.

Like Marie, I see in the clips, you're you're looking, you're looking for content while we'd clip in the clip.

Lol, you haven't seen it, lo l She don't even know what the.

Clips are up, but then she knows they're out.

I always reshare the clips, and I watched them, and am I looking at my phone and all the clips?

I don't think so.

But Becca, I'm looking up.

I'm looking up in the pad clips.

I'm looking up in the Mandy clips.

I'm looking up.

I'm looking where you're looking up.

I'm looking down.

Well, maybe I should bring my laptop so it looks like I'm doing work.

Oh my god, I would love Marie.

Yeah, but the laptop don't fit in this purse.

That's such a cute perse I like, that doesn't fit in this Did you get that from Japan?

That's a little gumball machine in Japan's Oh my gosh, she's so cute.

Yeah, Marie, did you bring back any gifts?

I did.

I did bring you something, but I didn't have time to grab it today.

Oh what, I'm gonna give it to you when I see you're gonna wrap it.

No, No, Marie, how much money you think you spent in Japan?

Probably like twenty five hundred dollars?

Maybe you know, well, you know how to give my own room.

I don't know what the room costs.

Not twenty five k No, not twenty.

Five thousand, like two thousand, five hundred dollars.

That's it, Marie.

Yeah, I don't know, Sidney.

I'm not doing the math.

I refused to happen math nothing.

I'm telling you what I think I paid, but I'm not telling you what I actually.

Friend told me where he paid, and I said, I ain't never going to Japan yet.

But that's probably flying first class.

That's accommodations, that's kung fool classes.

Yes, that's every single meek class.

No, I did not.

That's every single meal.

I didn't pay for all my meals, thank god, thank god.

Girl.

Every time I see a TikTok for a girl's like princess treatment, Princess street, I said.

God, did you do you hear me?

I?

Do I actually get princess treatment?

I'm just being does she get princess treatment?

It's crazy.

It seems like something you never really thought about.

Yo.

When I tell you, it's like, it's crazy.

I feel like I give all.

I've given all my love to you, Marie, I think, and I have nothing left for nobody.

WHOA at least don't say that I don't need her.

I don't need her.

You talking about since cool, but Marisa take her.

I've been friends with Marie for so long.

Anything I've thought it been thoughtful is for you?

And then yeah, no, I have nothing left for the lady.

That's not true.

That girl, Marie City, that's the man's thoughtful for you.

The med's talking Marie.

That's you're thoughtful for first of all.

And now and now what's the one go giddy yo gity, Sidney, Yes, you are thoughtful to everybody.

Yes, I'm forgetting about these hos not Hey, if you're listening, you're not os.

I be forgetting about these hoses.

I'm talking about in general, like, not forgetting.

It's just I just be like, I'm so tired now I'm tired too.

Are you also jet lagged?

Sidney?

You are my most sleepy friend?

But are we not doing coffee?

No more?

No?

I still need coffee, So you still drink coffee?

And we're not doing Red Bull no more.

I haven't had that in a while.

What's a while?

Like a week's that's a little while for you?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, Well listen, at the end of the day, tired or not, your skin looks great.

You don't, it's not giving fatigued.

When I see the clips, I don't see me looking down.

I see my bags looking down and so that's what I see.

Let me see, I'll go to the maybe I'll go to the doctor and come back with a new, with a new I'm just gonna show up like Samantha and Sex and the City when she got the peel?

Can we go together?

Can we get it too?

Because if I go, I'm gonna look like you when I leave with you go, who were gonna look like when you leave?

Sisa?

I don't know.

I just underneath the eye.

I want to say this.

I love iHeart, but this lighting it's not It's not for a woman that's you know, been through some ship and you haven't really been through anything.

But it's me that's crazy that I haven't been doing nothing.

She said, I live, She said, I don't be prepared.

And then one of the reviews that you feels like from Sydney said about me.

You are playing with She said, you sound like lou Rawl.

She said, what a wonderful word?

She said, whoa, Yes, yes, okay, all right, I guess we should read a message.

And then I don't know how long we've been talking about.

Don't nobody's keeping time in here?

Does anybody want to leave?

I don't know what time this starting.

Then we started, let's do this message and get out of here.

Yeah, we got this.

We're gonna keep it short and sweet for y'all today because people tired of hearing my recip No.

It's such a good one.

I wouldn't say that.

Your voice is not rasp I don't know, girl, what a wonderful Are you reading it?

All?

Right?

Are you guys ready for this mess Yeah?

Okay ready?

Is he being messy?

Or am I overthinking he's being messy?

I haven't even read it?

What I feel like he's being messy?

Okay, okay, hey messies.

Last year, I broke up with this guy that I had been dating for around six months.

My friends thought he wasn't cute just from photos, so I never introduced them after they made that known.

First of all, you gotta protect your peace.

You have to.

If you show your friends a picture of somebody you dating and they'd be like, if.

They're like, oh, that's cute for you, you're like, oh, no.

They're quiet for too long.

It's not looking good.

Or if they're like, oh can I see some more photos?

That's bad.

That's a bad sign.

Or or if the silence is so long that you.

You feel the need to be like, he's not really that photogenic.

Well this is not his best photo.

And but mind you, we asked you give me his best photo.

Let me see his instagram.

He don't have you, He don't have any anyway.

Anyway, the relationship was fairly good, other than the fact that he was anxiously attached and during my exams, which are often I'm unreachable for a few days.

Eventually I broke up with him because of little things like him being okay with splitting the bill and even wanting to share a water bottle at the movie theater.

Girl he was dating the pores.

The ugly pause.

You can't be facially challenged and financially challenged.

You gotta pick a struggle.

You gotta pick one.

You and sharing a water bottle a recession indicator.

I'm saying it, recession indicator.

Shot a bottle at the movie first of all, the movie theaters.

The bottle of water is a lot of money, though that's not all.

That's a struggle.

Twenty dollars.

If you if you split in half ten ten, that's actually two bottles of water.

But the way I actually that's more than two bottles.

Of water.

But the way I'm seeing it, she had a water bottle in her purse and she took.

It out at the movie theater and he said, oh, God, get a SLP.

That's it doesn't feel like she bought at the movie theater.

You don't know, Okay.

For some context, I am in veterinary school and living off loans with a little bit of financial help from my parents.

Okay.

Rich Also, I used, I'm used to dating men who are offended when I offer to pay.

It's always an empty offer.

That always is in caps.

If I if I say, oh, I'll pay or let's split it, and you say yes, no, oh that's your problem.

Why are you even do Why are you empty promises?

Promises?

Just like, just don't say anything, just look around like okay, check, come and be like, oh my god, thank you.

Okay, anyway, it's always an empty offer.

Fast forward.

It's been over a year and I missed him.

I realized that one day I'm going to have a lot of money and can can take care of myself.

In that regard, I shut it down.

I don't want to hear no more.

That's crazy.

I have enough money for both me and my man.

I don't.

I don't.

I don't.

I have enough money for me and maybe, like a goldfish, did I buy?

Okay, I don't think it's the worst thing in the world to have an anxiously attached partner that wants to hear from me at least once a day, right, And I'm no longer friends with those.

Girls for a number of reasons unrelated to this.

So now she's said her new friends don't know he ugly Okay.

I reached out to.

Him last month and after two weeks he replied.

After two weeks, oh girl, he done with he replied, and wanted to see me.

But I feel like waiting a little bit makes it seem like maybe he's not as anxious, So I'm like, okay that his boy is probably be like, yo, don't don't tell it.

Don't they hit his phone?

They hit his phone for a week and a half.

Yeah, we went out for drinks and it was as if we were picking up where we left off, which I thought was a bit strange because he was really hurt when I broke up with him The same night we hooked up no sex, and I thought that was interesting and too easy.

What that mean?

No?

Wait, there was no sex.

Yeah, they hooked up.

What does that mean?

Would would be little mouthed, little fingers to use your words?

Okay, y'all, y'all writing these they said, we are parano sex.

You've never hooked up with somebody and I had sex with them.

I need to know the fingers and hole or kissing or sucking.

Well, I think just kissing is hooking up.

Okay, I think that's make it out?

Yeah, right, hooking up is more cooking.

Is like the vague between having sex and making out?

Is that in between?

First hooking up is like maybe I'll slide my panties to the side, but I'm leaving the more you you can have sex when you hook up, but it's definitely more than making it Well, this says no sex, yes, so is that va between?

Doctor Doolittle said no sex?

Okay, it's between making out and having sex?

Is that that?

You know what that is?

Kay?

Girl?

You know who knows what it is?

Halle Berry.

Whoo, halle Berry take a spin?

Was she send that to I would like her to send us some of that.

Ah, you dragged the you dragged the promo for spin and now you want to.

Take a skin spin?

I'll be good.

If it's good, I'm giving it.

I'm gonna give it good review.

I'll recreate the video.

Yeah, so it's sad.

A good mother's stay maybe her.

You know, we gotta get do it.

We gotta get it spinned.

Okay, oh girl, sorry, I've seen him now twice and we still haven't had sex, even though he definitely wants to.

I'm hesitant because he kind of pushed my head down a few times when I was sucking his dick.

There you go this look it up.

Okay, it wasn't overt and it didn't last that long, so I didn't say anything, but I noted it because he's never done that before.

Also, the second time.

We hooked up, oh, he face fucked me or fucked my face, whatever you call it.

Who bro, it's the same thing.

Yeah, and he's never done that before either, which left a bad taste in my mouth.

Literally literally, that's literally literally.

How can I ask him what's good?

When he finally said he isn't holding a grudge?

Does this man hate me?

And if so, why still replying?

Do you all like being faced?

Because I don't think I do.

Also, most importantly, Mess is my favorite podcast I.

Literally live for Thursdays.

Sorry, I should have added that when we were dating, we were having sex.

I'm just holding off right now, but you're getting face fucked.

So what's she holding off for?

So does this person hate them?

I think that he might have hooked up with a with a freak and put him on to something like this, and now he doing it to her.

He learned something new.

He probably hooked up with an ex.

You know, he had to get his rocks off, and the ex is trying to get him back.

So she's like, yeah, dig in my mouth, baby, or something like that, and then he brought the energy back to her.

It's happened.

Yeah, I think they might be a little bit like that.

It does seem like maybe he could be a little bit mad at you.

Still, it does feel like that, Like men are very emotional beings, emotional creatures, and if somebody really really likes you and you leave them, yeah they're gonna be devastated.

But you circling back and them acting different, like not acting as thirsty or as pressed, is definitely a tell that either that they they're trying to hold themselves back or they don't feel the same way about you.

That they did before you broke up with.

Them, and also they're a man, so nothing is gonna make sense.

So you're like, but if you're mad at me, why are you hooking up because he's a man.

Oh but if you are in love with me, why are you not acting like because he's a man.

Like It all leads back to their man and they don't know what to do, So why would he turn down being with you?

But also why would you think he's not hurt like the like.

Come on, sis, you gotta answer your own questions with with your actions.

You think you're gonna they think he would spin back.

And be like, oh my god, I missed you so much like you, you broke up with him.

But they did it for six months and then they it's been over a year.

And they miss she misses him.

I'm assuming it is she.

I don't know.

It might be it might be a it might be it could be a man, but unblocking So well, this is.

I'm speaking from experience.

Okay, My thing.

About it is this, you decided you miss this person, and because you're gonna be rich one day, so you paying for these dates for this person to be disrespectful to you that's.

Where that's where I'm out.

Girl.

Yeah, girl, girl.

You wonna be rich one day, so you gonna pick up the check for this person to like not be that nicely, Like, no, do you.

Live in in New York?

Because if you if you gonna be rich one day, you might as well just hang out with us.

You might as well just pay for our stuff because you'll have more fun with us.

And if you're not giving it up anyway, I mean, that's the perfect night.

You're hanging out with us.

We're laughing, we're taking pictures, we're eating good.

You know, I'll tickle you and then and then you go home.

I'll tickle you and then you go home and no one's face fucking yeah, that's nicer to protect your face, Yeah, protect your face.

But yeah, no, I don't I don't know.

I don't like this because it sounds like he's doing this to you, but what or you're doing this for him?

But what is he doing for you?

Like?

What is the benefit to unblocking this person?

And him?

You missed him?

But did he miss you?

It took him two weeks to respond, bitch, that's too much time.

I give it a couple of days.

I give it even a week like you were like, hmm, he was wrestling with whether he wanted to talk to you again or not.

But two weeks is too many weeks.

By the time she hear this, she probably gonna get her answer anyway.

She already knows what it is.

You shared this letter with us, but you already know what you need to do.

You do you actually really even like this person like that?

Yeah, it sound like you ain't got no hose, babe.

You gotta get back out there.

You are, you're a doctor Doolittle.

Go get some hose.

Yeah, or don't get no hose.

People are gonna bring you their sick, weary old dog.

Yes, and it's gonna be some like rom Com type moment.

That's what you deserve.

Yeah, a man's gonna come in with a chihuahua with like a broken leg.

No, no, not a chihuahua.

You want a man with a chiuaa No, I don't want a man, well but.

For her, I don't want a baby.

Okay, he's gonna have a Dalmatian.

He's gonna have a cool dog.

He's gonna our Damnation's cool.

How often do you see a dalmatian not off exactly.

So this person go show up with this exotic dog, this duo lingo dog, Cruella de Ville ass dog, and you're gonna be like, oh.

You know dog.

The Damatians they don't like kids.

Good, that's this person is not a kid.

You know my nigh Okay, you saw her neighbor getting Oh oh, my neighbor was getting face fucked.

Okay, yes, in the window.

Oh.

And she was holding her like hand on the on the window and I.

Was like, get off of her, like I was yelling because I was like, this doesn't look fun.

Now how close is this neighbor to you?

I crossed the way like in the back of the apartment, not the front.

Got it.

Yeah, So so you standing there you see it start or you just look up and you see it.

I saw it, and then I'm on the phone and then I get to the window.

And now I got the phone to the window because I'm whoever I'm on the phone with, I'm showing them right, because did I go to jail for this?

No, okay, I need somebody else?

Well why are they?

I wasn't recording and I was just like showing so why would you how would you go to jail.

Okay, I won't tell them.

I just want to make sure this is because you know.

Anyway, So he was going hard, so I notice is a ye, this is a yn It was a YNN for sure.

It looked like you know, he he looked like he had one of them bird chests.

Like I could see it was.

A younger dude because I don't see like grown men doing that.

But also I don't see men now.

I got a breakdown the other day, like a y N is like fourteen to twenty four or like eighteen to twenty four or something like that.

Oh, twenty five.

No, this person was like twenty six, twenty seven.

That's a big bro, okay, big bros.

Twenty six to thirty.

Four okay, and then what's next and then thirty four to forty is unk?

Yeah, and then after unk is og, after o G is elders.

Okay, Well, so he was a he was a big bro.

He was a big bro.

Yeah, he's a big bro.

But the girl was wearing like an Overnight T shirt.

So that also made me think that this was like a younger.

Du over ninety, Like she was sleeping in one of his tees and then she pulled her panties down, and.

I was like, you was watching all of this, honey, what I don't really have curtains.

Yes, I'm watching.

You also don't have Netflix.

What's up?

You're saying?

You?

Are you?

Are you?

You?

The guy from you?

No?

I am not you.

You take that back?

Well, you take it back.

You you something?

I'm not.

It's just they're by the window.

Now they are they a floor below you, same floor as you, or floor above same floor as me?

Oh, so you can really see everything everything?

You really watched this lady's and got panties off under.

She was wearing fushia colored panties.

She pulled the savage one and then I was like, oh my god, Like I was.

My window was open.

I was like, she's sucking at his death.

And then I think he heard.

I think their window was open, so he closed his blinds.

So you lost your blessing.

Yeah, I truly I would want to watch.

Just you didn't want to watch you being loud about it.

Oh you know I can't stop.

Could you hear them?

No, they could hear you?

Yeah?

Damn yeah, girl.

You know he had her pressed against that wind.

Oh.

She her hands was to the windows all literally AnyWho we did another soul?

We did it, friend, it was all up and down and in between.

And did you do did you take an edible?

No?

Okay, your eyes are just low.

I'm hungry, I'm tired, you're well.

I do feel like I took one, but I I did not.

Your eyes are this is you right now?

Yeah?

Girl, Mess.

Mess Yeah, okay, keep sending us your messages.

Uh, reviews good and bad.

Well, if you want to have sex near either of our buildings, keep hooking up near a window.

Get that breeze, get that breeze on your book crack.

All right, this has been an amazing episode of Mess.

Solo solo solo dolo solo do app shout out to you for baby, We love you.

I hope you have love of your life and food and your fridge because it's obviously you missing that right now.

But we hope all things work out for you in Christ.

We trust Amen Amen.

Bye.

Mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Foston is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast, created and hosted by Sidney Washington and Marie Foston.

Executive produced by Olivia Aguilar and hans Soni, super produced by Beca Ramos, edited a mixed by Brian Jeffries.

If you would like your messages read on air, please email us at mess Thepodcast at gmail dot com, or call for your messages to be played at seven sixty three to eight ero six five eight eight Do

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