Listening to mess Wow, we've never had a clap before.

Yeah, this is real, real.

Professionally professional.

Let me go ahead and put my phone on D and D.

Oh and I guess I guess I got to do that as well in a proper studio today.

It's so hard to put it on D and D.

Is it?

It's happened?

I mean, thank.

Goodness, I got those text messages when I did yesterday, which text messages.

Oh okay, well, Marie, let's just get right into it.

Let's get into it.

The mess is is that?

Oh, I feel like every time I don't have shows, I feel like I let you know, like, hey, I'm off tonight, okay, And usually you.

Look like are you sure?

Because Sidney nobody works as much as you like, no one is running around New York more than Sydney Washington.

That's not true, not anymore.

In fact, not anymore.

I'm trying my best to sit down.

I am, okay, trying your best.

But you put you forget to put stuff in your calendar all the time.

You'll be like, I don't have nothing.

You'll be like I don't have nothing, and then you'll be like, that's what you're gonna say, actually, they just tagged me in this thing.

I got this thing.

I thought I said no, I meant to cancel.

I didn't.

Yeah, so well I was doing good this week because I was canceling stuff left and right.

I was like, I can't do that.

Nope, that's not going to work.

Hey, I said yes, I really meant no.

Me you say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

When it's really no, it's no.

The answer is no.

It's always it should always be no.

But Sydney, for you, I can say that as a fact it should be no.

But you'll be like, I'm doing this thing for no money, for the love of the game.

On now, this person that I adore, Wait, I need you to say something more positive into the mice, saying that you are more likely to say yes to something that you should have said no to me.

Okay this is true, Okay, this is true.

But yeah, so I tell you top of the day.

Yeah, you know, I got I got the we had the podcast, I had the room, and then I was like, you know what, I'm gonna get my eyebrows done and then I'm gonna go home on a chill.

You did go.

I got my eyebrows done.

They look better now because they did give you know, mo from the Simpson No, they did.

They I just looked fucking angry and upset.

So they were too dark.

They were so dark, and I told her.

I was like, hey, I have been eyebrows and I have a small face.

I don't need overpowering brows.

I feel like I'm having a great day.

I'm feeling good.

I'm like, got everything done.

I stopped by mary best place I come home.

Oh yeah, you had time for friendship.

I did because I was like, oh, I'm already, you know, further into the to Brooklyn.

I'm close to Williamsburg.

I'm gonna say hi, So mind jew I saw you.

I said the last words I said to you were you got spots tonight?

And you were like, no, I'm off, I'm off.

I was like, I said, I said it with my chest.

I said it with my my my head, shoulder, knees and tooths, knees and tooths.

I was like, I'm off.

And so I felt so good saying that.

I cat home.

I'm I'm booty butt naked in my bed.

That's one is yeah, yeah, yeah, wait what was that on the face time with you?

M I think we spoke, We talked early earlier.

Maybe okay, I might have called you after.

Oh I called you after we talked while you were getting your brows done, and then we talked after you got.

You We talked all David.

We talked all day, and then I get a text at eleven fifty damn near midnight.

Yep, Lisa Tragger shout out to Lisa Tragger, my only friend, my only friend that works at this institution.

Hey girl, so I'm at McDougall.

I'm gonna come around and see you at the VUA the where the who oh shit?

I was like, wrong tags?

Did you respot a wrong tax?

No?

But in my head I'm like, wrong tags, question mark, question mark.

I run to my text messages from the booker.

Oh yeah, girl, I had a spot.

I had a spot.

It was a spot at midnight.

And if spots, I had not one spot, not two spots, tress spots, tress spots for the for the night.

No one hit me up, no one called me, No one was like, hey girl, I saw you on a schedule.

I haven't seen you.

Are you okay?

I could have been in a ditch dead, That's what That's what I got upset in it.

So you were mad, not that you missed the spots, but that no one hit you up, because you could have been dead, could have been dead, could have been.

Dead, but you weren't dead.

You were butt naked in your band with your dark ass brows, live in your best black lives.

I am panicking, I am I'm calling, I'm sexting, I'm hitting everybody up.

I call you.

I'm like, girl, can you believe?

And you're like, yes, I absolutely can believe that that happened.

And it's almost like you you don't want your job.

I didn't say that, you pretty much said it.

You're doing so well.

You got to write a room you don't need.

You don't need your job at night.

Huh?

And he got too many jobs.

Have you ever met somebody who had too many jobs?

You not even Jamaican.

Listen the way the economy is set up right now, I need all of the jobs flash slash slash slash.

So you missed three shows those treads.

Nothing nobody said anything.

There's no way you can make it to the last one in time.

If they would have hit me up when I missed my first one, yeah yeah, I mean I would have had, you know, the dark eyebrows, and I would have been in a hat and some sweatpants and a hoodie and crust in my eyes.

But rus rush.

Yeah, you know when your eyes like water from the it's so windy and you're like rying.

And then the water drives the rest.

Yes, well, the tears, the tears, well, you know my tears are dehydrated.

The tears.

Yo.

I don't even know what I would do.

I was panicking, Yeah, what's the first thing that goes into I know, your stomach drops.

I just was like, well, I guess I might as well just jump out this window and then I'll be dead and I'll say, see, y'all didn't call.

You don't check.

I missed my three spots and I was dead.

You would kill yourself for comedy, Kill yourself for comedy.

I for comedy.

Nope, that'd be a cute documentary.

No, you'll be on this couch, I hear, you'd be having hat on.

I'd be like this, this is be one with my tears spot.

You know.

I told her to put stuff in her calendar and she just refused.

I I told her to color coordinate everything, and she'll just put in comedy and you believe it.

Yeah, I was stressed friend, and so yeah, I And then we were at the podcast having a grand all time a blast just with Aaron Jackson, and uh, then I got that text like, hey, what happened last night?

You missed all your spots?

You didn't even call.

I should have been like, did I am hey the caller you're trying to reach?

Yeah, And then I sent her a voice note like, oh my god, oh my god, I didn't even know I was.

I was home.

I would have come to the shows.

And she was like, it was a mess.

Absolutely was a mess.

You need to be more careful, eh, girl, you really can't make no more mistakes.

I can't make at least into the next calendar, Like you got six months you want probation.

I I don't know.

It's just something about you know, for so long I wasn't putting things in the calendar because I didn't have anything going on, and then when you least expected now everything is just that is a lie.

I've never known you to not have nothing going on.

That's a lie.

You got birthdays, you got baby showers, you got work, you got other work, you got community service because you do like to give your time to people that you're like that, anybody like like anybody like you.

All you got hair appointments, you got brown you got beans, greens, tomatoes, potentia, you got all this stuff going on, you name it.

So for you to be like I did have anything in the calendar.

I've been telling you to put stuff in your calendar since second Obama administration, Like the.

F U Hey, is anybody listening who are just like, it's the calendar is so hard?

I get overwhelmed.

No, girl, what's overwhelming is forgetting something three things that you're supposed to do.

That's more overwhelming.

I feel like, but.

Let's really get into it.

Why didn't anybody hit me up the host is my friend hosting and text me and be like, hey, where are you at?

You?

Okay?

I had a friend who was supposed to be after me on the lineup did not text me.

Then I had Then I called another friend.

I called Antonio and I said, yo, man, what happened?

He said, what do you mean?

We we were on the same show.

You didn't even call me.

He's like, you know what, I thought?

You just like pieced out?

Why would I do that?

When do I ever, just go straight home.

I'm always looking for my friends at work.

I mean, I think a lot of people when they get to work after they finished doing their spots, they just lead.

What about friendship?

That's the problem with everybody.

Everybody's just all caught up in their own things.

And then I gotta get home.

I gotta rush, I gotta do this.

Why don't you take a moment, take a beat and see if your friend is where they're supposed to be.

Check on your friends, check on your check on your late friend.

Don't check on your your strongest latest friends.

Check on your black friends.

Check on your black friend.

I mean, if you're not checking on your black friends, do you even have a black friend?

You even have?

And it's crazy because there's people who are at the at those shows.

I am their black friend, and Lisa Tragger that I'm her black friend, and she she checked on me.

Thank you, Lisa Trager.

Every everybody follow Lisa Tragger.

Watch your special She's the only one.

She's a real one.

She is a real one.

Sydney, I started putting stuff in my Google calendars this year and I love it.

I color coordinate.

You see this, you see that?

What's the colors.

The red means a show, okay.

So if the color is very very clear like that, I know I got to go.

Okay.

Yellow is travel okay, so like I know where I'm gonna be, when I'm gonna be there.

The light pink is personal to me, my toes, my wats going to the to the Tony's getting a massage, I got.

Death becomes her in here.

We remember we're supposed to go.

We didn't go.

It's not even did Yeah, we didn't.

We got tickets for the Fishers and we missed it.

We did and the next day and she won.

We believe it.

It wasn't the calendar that was in the calendar.

Yeah.

And then green is like people's birthdays.

Damn, I need to do that too.

Yeah, I think it's cool to do it this way.

And then blue is I don't know what the hell blue is, but well.

My girlfriend said, hey, can you please forward your schedule like for when you get your spots?

Can you for and I'll put it in a calendar and we'll we'll share it.

So now your girlfriend is your secretary.

No, no, we're collaboration.

We're we're you know, she's making a calendar and she's putting both of y'all's stuff in it, or just yours.

It's fine.

So that's your secretary.

No never, what in the mad men is going on?

Here?

A banging her secretary?

You know what?

In the L word?

Okay, that's what the L word does?

We look out for each other.

Well, unfortunately none of the people on the shows that you missed were lesbian.

No, not one, oh, not one.

I need Murray, I need more lesbian friends.

I'm just letting you know.

Okay, I'm in in twenty twenty six.

I'm going to venture out and I'm gonna be looking for a lesbian best friend.

Oh, that's my show, looking for an l best friend lbff lbff.

Are you the one?

Okay?

Yeah?

I like that?

Why what for men't me?

I like that best friends?

I love that.

Fore, you're just gonna let me just go out there and look for somebody not about to be gay for you, girl, Yes you go, Queen gon't be gay in twenty twenty six.

Ohnda, yo, Marie won't fight for me.

And that's fine, girl, what do you?

Let's list the things that you really realistically think that I'll fight for.

I'm barely fighting for me.

So you know what, I all right, I'll fight for a refund.

There you do, You're good for that.

I'll be right on the phone.

You won't present to tiv Yo.

If I wait there too long, I'm clicking over and I'm like, fuck it, I guess it's gone.

You know.

Sometimes like if the if the whole too long, they'll be like, we'll call you back.

I'll be like, I'll wait, no, no, no, I tell them to call me back, and I'll watch my apartment from top to bottom and then be like I be like, yes, yes, So.

I'm trying to get my fourteen ninety nine back.

My mother taught you, well, yeah, girl, I don't know you're You're right, you're not really a fighter, but I'll fight for you in the best way that an anemic EmPATH push over people pleaser could do.

Anemic EmPATH push over people please, Yeah, that's what you want to put on your tombstone, cat mother, anemic EmPATH, Yes, impashover.

Wow, Well you feel everything you feel the cold you people?

I do, And you would think as many feelings I feel for people would make me warm, it does not.

It just burn so cold.

You need a snuggie.

So you studying, let's figure out what we need to get you free.

I want you to fight for me, fight for me for Christmas.

I fight with you for Christmas.

No, I can't fight because look, I'm an impath and I'm a pushover.

Yo.

They are dragging me in the comments on Spotify.

Why.

I don't know when this comes out.

I mean, I'm sure this will come out.

Like after well it will, but Jay, they just misunderstood what I was saying when we were talking with Jay Jordan about fighting with people, not fighting with people, but like calling out people or saying people are not funny or all this others that they thought that I said, oh, don't call out racist and homophobics and transphobics.

And I never said don't call them out.

I'm just saying, if somebody's not funny, they're not funny.

I don't care.

That's what I was saying.

Oh, Jay is a very funny comedian.

But this was not a very funny episode.

Can you believe that, First of all, we have ranged everything is not going to be funny.

Yeah, yeah, it's funny.

When they got off topic, but they stayed too long on just one topic and it felt very inside baseball, Well, were playing ball here.

Sometimes we spend a lot of time talking ish about people, places and things.

And I'll focus in ourselves.

I want I want people to know about me.

My thing about it is this, if you've taken all of this time out of your day to talk about other comedians and what they're doing and not doing well, and and it just feels like you must not have much going on in your own life.

Which is crazy because he's so book busy, married, I mean, in his thing Polly, and I mean that's that feels like a very full calendar.

Well, you know they got a calendar and for the for the house, but yeah, what do you think they use the color on the calendar for like a Polly?

Look up?

Uh pink pink?

Why pink feels poly mysy think, oh brown, Maybe that's brown.

I don't know if they have brown, but maybe it's brown.

So yeah, I don't I don't want people to think that I'm here for all of those phobias and being like bad people.

I'm not here for that.

I just try not to spend my time wrapped up in what other people talking about.

Yeah, because I have so much going on, I'm barely putting it in my calendar.

Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

And we notice I have I have a friend and that I'm vicariously living through you.

I'm busy you living through me?

Yes, absolutely, I said, a girl, do do all the places, go to all the things, plus wan me, don't plus wan me text me after FaceTime me in, buzz me in.

Buses in right, I don't know.

I feel like life this short.

Yes, it's literally the world is about to end in three weeks.

So you gotta do the stuff that you want to do today.

And none of the stuff that I want to do involves other comedians' careers ever.

And you know some people do you know they got a lot of time to see, to swipe to look.

We spent too many hours looking at this video on TikTok.

You know that's where I where I reside.

That's what you was doing when you were missing them.

Spot bitch, just let me tell you.

The thumb has carpal tunnel the way it looks like.

And you know I'm laying on my back with the phone.

Oh yeah, And so this girl's like, we have got to stop scrolling.

We are wasting our time.

All we do is scrow.

We are on the internet day in, day out.

We wake up, we go to sleep, we eat Internet, We're on the toilet, Internet, We're on the train, we're in the car, we're in conversations, where at dinner, we're looking on our phones.

It's city and tired, sick.

She's like, when do we stop?

When do we take when we sleep?

Break even in my sleep, I'm thinking about some of the tiktoks.

No, don't you We use it for reference every on everything.

It is crazy, how like to break it down like that?

Yes, we do scroll all day.

I mean I feel like, you know, back when I had a family computer, it was like I was on the internet once a day and I had it was a long process to get on the internet.

Oh hey, hey, hey mom, somebody pick up the phone.

Mom, I know you're talking to Alice.

Get off.

I need homework.

I know you heard that.

I'm trying to connect, trying to get on aim.

And now it's like you literally like you're just always on the internet now for everything.

I mean, we google to be like, oh I'm finding out a fact.

Before we had to get in a book, get a book and look at it up the Encyclopedia, Encyclopedia, thesaurus.

Now what happened to all the encyclopedias that were in the world.

They in a landfill, They in the Library of Congress, like where they are?

No, they're in people's you know bookcase.

People still have them.

Yeah.

Do they make new, like updated encyclopedias.

I don't know.

I think they're in people's attics.

I think they're in people's basements.

I think they're in people's random You know that room that you just throw things and You're like, I want to keep this, but I'm not using this because you got a room we just throw stuff sitty.

I used to remember when I used to live in the Carolina's Building.

I had the Dulse bedroom that I was like, yeah, I have my dressing my uh, what is it?

The vanity.

I had an extra closet that was the printer room too.

It was a print.

Remember when I had a print?

I was like, Yo, would it be crazy if I may?

Let me get that print?

No take back?

Let me get that right?

No take back.

I'm like, you don't even get the ink for the printer, so you might as well just give Let me talk to you about the scheme the scam of printers.

Okay, first of all, you get ink for him after you got to spend like nine dollars on ink, I don't know how much in costs.

And then it'll be like you'll print a couple of pages.

They'll be jet black, you know, allah ya eyebrows right, and then after like a couple of pages get printed, it'd be like it's low.

It's like low, I just added into this thing, and then it says it's low for the rest of the year.

But it's still prints.

I've been printed.

It's been telling me I need new ink, and every time I print, I'm like, I don't.

We'll see how it comes out.

It's black every time.

I mean some light black, dark gray.

It's gray, the darkest of grays.

Yeah, the darkest gray ever.

Yeah.

And you know what, as low long as I can still send my packages out with the label that I print from the printer, I'm not replenishing me.

Is that what you're using it for?

Labels?

Marine labels, inside and scripts?

What would you was in your printer for a friend?

I feel like for you to use it a couple of times and it's already saying low ink.

You're printing out flyers, bitch fly You're you're printing out missing cat.

You know I'm not I do that by hand.

You've seen a cat?

Call me?

Can you do that?

That would be funny.

I want to see how you would draw a cat by by memory, Rod, George by memory, just the fat black and white cat.

Uh huh you know, yes, sexiedo cat.

His name is George or it was George.

Yo.

Let me just get to the printer on the weekends.

Man, you want to share custody of the printer.

It's been years.

But it's like, friend, Sidney, what what you're trying to print out?

I know it's not your calendar.

It's not like and it's crazy.

You know what.

Amina bought me a calendar that have pictures of you guys for each month yep, like whatever month somebody's birthday is coming up.

And it was so beautiful and so I use it for r seventy five and I have not looked back.

I use it for those three months.

And then I said, what.

Would you use like a physical calendar for to like actually write things in it?

I was saying, you know what day I'm on and how I'm feeling, how I felt yesterday, how I'm feeling right now, and how I hope to feel the next day.

All that was fit in that little ass box.

What day I'm on, How I'm feeling, how I felt yesterday, how I'm feeling tomorrow.

It would be like washed but hopeful legs hips anybody damn.

Yeah.

So I feel like, what are we going to do?

I want to remove myself, like right now, I haven't been on Instagram and like almost two weeks, so I have to get back and no I'm missing everything.

People will be like, oh, have you seen this?

Have you seen that?

No?

I have not.

I've not seen none of that.

But you on TikTok every day.

Because it's just it actually feels like it's feeding me.

I feel like Instagram is depleting me.

TikTok is feeding you because you're doing recipes.

No, you know, I don't cook, Okay, I do send recipes though, I send them to Duane, and I feel like I want to start sending them to you because I know you cook too.

Yeah, let's send me something.

Yeah, you're gonna be cooking when you going uh to London?

Yeah?

No, why you cooks?

Well?

I want to see y'all do a little you know, what's that?

What's that movie where they're like chefs?

Not the bear rataitui No, not ratituey.

So you want me to sit on his shoulders.

I don't want you to be ratitude.

It's a it's a movie about two people who learn that they're in a culinary school and then they like have a romantic It's like brom Com.

Somebody's gotta find it, Becca, what you're doing over there?

Is it the one where they're on a truck the Bradley Bradley Cooper one?

No?

No?

Is it the menu that?

It's not the man.

From Scratch?

Maybe from scratch not just the Zoe Seldona one?

Oh no, No, that was sad in Italy or something.

No.

I think it's I think it's no reservations.

So you want me to cook with this man and call you?

That's what you're saying.

I mean, hey, I will hope y'all be doing more than just cooking.

Roll you up, stretch.

Yeah, I think it's I think it's no reservations.

Okay, three, all right, you have to and you still haven't text me your options?

What options?

Oh?

For the for the stuff yeah, because I've been ordering stuff.

What have you been ordering?

City's trying to get me to get lingerie.

Yes, you have to.

There's this brand called Fleur Dumal that's really nice.

So I'm trying to spend money.

I mean, I feel like I'm not as well invest in some sexy stuff for me.

Okay, you know what I mean.

Here, I am trying to give you, like my membership discount and you're like, nah, I'm gonna pay full price.

No no, no, yeah, no no no, listen, you got it.

Listen listen, yes, see listening.

Okay, but I feel like the time is past past.

No, because you can I have like two day shipping.

Mm hmmmm.

Whatever.

Here, I am trying to so you have a lot of things planned when you go to London to see what am I gonna do?

Okay?

I want to go to afternoon tea Yeah right.

I don't know if that's something that straight men are into, but I would like to do that.

I want to eat tiny sandwiches and judge the table next to me quietly, but like loudly, you know what I mean.

I want.

I couldn't see you judging somebody quietly.

Friends, You can't you've never seen me cut my eyes to somebody and be like, no, girl, even when the eyes are cutting, I can hear it.

You say my yes, very There's a couple of like modern museums that I want to go to, like modern art.

Okay, yeah, yeah yeah.

There's a cafe that has cats, a cat cafe.

Now you know that is my whole thing?

How they have here?

Sin?

We should have you taken me on a date?

WHOA, when's the last time you dated me?

Every day we go to work together for men, take me out?

Your girlfriend is gonna fight me.

Keep talking to me like this?

Why does Marini to earn you?

Why do you call me your secretary?

He's gonna be like, do I sound like that?

We both did the voice.

I don't know.

It's it's a lot I wanted.

I would like to do one touristy thing a day, No, just for the in the week, Okay, just one because whenever I go I travel, I don't do too many touristy things because I live in New York and I don't like tourists here.

So when I go to another country, I'm I'm not really thinking, let's go see Big Ben or the London Eye or hang out with the horses that can't move.

You know what I'm talking about?

No, no, no, no.

I feel like if somebody is from there, you gotta do what those people do.

Don't.

Don't do what the masses are doing.

That's just yeah.

Yeah, we might go see a rugby matt.

Oh my god, football, you're gonna see football?

No, that's rugby, sys Oh, it's a different thing.

What's rugby?

Rugby is like European football.

I'm excited you.

So you have a fit for all of these activities.

You know, I don't.

I don't.

I'm gonna figure it all out.

Okay, No, trust in you?

Yeah, because I'm bringing my medium sized suitcase.

Well because you might go shopping again.

Right girl?

What did you be like?

You know what, I got a little extra something, Let me take you out.

That's the fantasy.

But I don't think men talk like that.

Hey, I got a little extra money.

Do you want me to spend it on your clothes?

I don't think that actually sounds like a you know, I got a bonus.

That's not dad.

I'd be like, hey, can you send me some money for books?

I just I remember calling my dad once a week.

When I was in college, I need money for books, and then we'd be like, I think I bought two books the whole semester.

I mean, yeah, I hope that.

I feel like after the first couple of days, he can be like, oh my god, I don't even want to do anything.

I just want to look into your eyes and feed you chock a lot.

Well, he did say, send me a send me a list of all the things you like to eat, so I can make sure that the house is like stocked with all the foods that you need.

I was like, and you know, i'd be in my house snacky, And I was like, now I got to come up with a list of stuff that I like to eat.

That's amazing.

That's what you know.

That's what my That's how my girlfriend talks to me.

So listen.

If he's talking like a lesbian, you're in the right I mean, you're doing yeah, in the right place.

Yeah, thoughtful, Liz.

What can I do?

What would you like?

You need?

What do you need?

I love it?

What do you need?

Because usually I don't need anything, But now I got to come up with a list of stuff that I need.

Yeah, but I think we should be doing that anyway, I think we should all be putting lists together.

What do we need what do we want?

Because those are two different things.

Oh okay, that's kind of deep.

You're smoking.

What do we need?

What do we want?

You know, sometime my alma philosopher, you know, I like that.

That's not bad, but I would like to say Sydney Angelou and he will rise as well.

I'm so excited.

I'm gonna try not to bother you.

I'm gonna do that.

You should check on me, you know, you should absolutely check on me.

I'm gonna send you his his WhatsApp you have to, and I'm gonna texting them, like just to face, like girl, he'd be like, yeah, he'll ask about you because you know, since that episode of the podcast with the Couchie Reaper you put it on a map front.

He'd be pretending you don't know what the hell your name is.

I'd be like, you know, her name is Sidney.

You know what it is, sir, you're listening to this, it's s y d n E E too East.

I honestly, I've come to the point where I am done.

I am done with anybody spelling my name wrong.

And these are people who are trying to work with me, who are trying to be my friend.

You're like, oh, it's Siri, it's Apple.

Well you're gonna just be talking to Apple now and Siri because I'm not responding, And then they'll realize, oh my god, you know what.

I'm sorry.

I spelled it with an I and an extra y at the end.

That's not even how that's nowhere near my name?

Why are is there an eye?

Some people spell s I d d n E y s I d n E just craziness.

Well, I look like there's a y in my I am my name.

Do I look like an s a Sydney, like Sidney Portier?

Do I look like that?

No?

No, No, I'm sid s y d in an ee yes, Sydney Sydney.

Oh should I put a little apostrophe you on yes Sydney.

That would be cute.

That's why they're doing it wrong.

Yeah, yeah, I just want to get big enough that people start spelling my name right.

Mmm mm hmm.

That's important.

Well, because you know, I'm sure Beyonce when she was walking around they didn't know how to spell her name when she was little, and now we all know it.

My phone Ato corrects Beyonce.

Now it puts the accent on it and everything, dude.

The accent is important.

The accent is important.

It's like the accent is like, you know, I am not like y'all host.

I am different.

I'm different, Okay, Sydney's different.

And don't you guys forget that.

It was something I wanted to say and I forgot what it was.

Did you smell before you left?

I didn't, But I feel how you know what it is?

I didn't eat me neither, you know I have I have some for us I got from another Oh, it's probably from the same thing we went last night last night.

Yeah, we went to.

Sometimes y'all say, we are all like, what is it we play ball or we're in the ball with ball house or whatever like.

When well, when we only talk about like comedy stuff.

But we went to Michael Chay's comedy show last night.

Sure, and they have got snacks from there.

Yes, I wanted to get to be so many snacks.

If you want to know anything about me, I'm asking about a gift bag and I'm taking snacks.

I have been to many party or an event with Sydney.

And when we're on our way in, She'll be like, will there be gift bags?

I need it?

I want it.

Was it an event?

If I'm not leaving with something, I have to leave with something that so that I was here, it's an event.

You're spending all this money on advertisements and collaborations and whatnot.

I want to leave with a lighter.

I want a stupid cup cup.

I want a shirt that.

Yeah, I want a shirt that I could Winnie the Pooh when I'm in the house, like, give me something, give me a magnet, give me, give me you know, emergency contraceptive.

That's what you had in your bag.

I did.

I did have for your birthday and thank you for money me and yeah, and you can.

I don't think you can mix Plan B with chocolate.

I think something about it makes it not effective.

I can't plan BE and chocolate don't pay well.

No, I think that I am chocolate.

I think I saw that on Maybe you can't eat it at the same time.

No, No, okay, so you're doing that.

I'm gonna be.

Yeah, let's talk about your Thanksgiving plans.

I'm gonna be with her and her family because you know I don't have one, So yeah, family listen to this podcast.

My brother, Hey Jay, Well, sometimes he just looks at the clips, but other times he texts me and he's like, you're a mess.

He's like, oh, I love Rezy.

She's so funny.

And I'm like, what am I?

He's like, you're a mess?

Oh okay, hey Jay, by Jay, fight for me?

Earn me.

Sidney's funny as hell.

No comment, No, he knows, he knows.

He's always comment commenting on stuff.

But yeah, I'm going to her house and so we're going to do our own thank getting something.

She told me I don't have to cook anything, but she doesn't trust me.

There is no trust when I'm in the kitchen.

I feel that.

But that's not true, Marie, because you've had some of my cooking and it was good.

Yeah, but that was years ago, Sidney.

When was the last time you cooked something?

I made breakfast like a month ago.

That's not Thanksgiving?

True.

Do turkeys lay eggs?

No?

I don't think do they?

They must.

It's a bird, it's got it.

Oh.

I thought the turkeys just say it out like a mammal.

Baby.

Sydney, please, Sidney, please, Sydney with an eye please?

Oh my play eggs all day, bloody ass birds, watch your mouth.

I love me.

It's some chicken.

Well, I'll cks.

But that's crazy that a turkey just drops out another tekend like a like a giraffe, baby, like a giraffe.

I just saw a couple of goats be born.

Yeah, where did you see that?

It's great TikTok friends Sydney, you have you know where my algo is?

Babies being born?

Baby's being born.

Now, it's like I see otters.

People are having otters as pets, like little baby otters.

Did I mention donkeys?

I mentioned donkeys donkey in the house, yo, bitch.

They got donkeys donkey and they did you know when donkeys are born they have like little bowl cuts.

They're so cute.

There's no I didn't know that.

Donkey were so like I need a donkey now.

I don't like donkey mouths.

They do.

They like a lot of mouth.

The teeth very George Washington's slave teeth.

I don't like that, Marie, what watch your mouth?

What what the teeth look wooden?

Yeah?

I just think they need a VISI line and a good dentist girl, please and I and you shouldn't talk like that because you once had a best friend that needed a good dentist and love it.

She found it in a tooth and she found and I still am not satisfied.

I I have to get in visiline or braces.

I might do braces, Marie, damn might I might do braces because they're just like a visi line.

Your teeth can shift anyway.

You don't wear your retainer.

After you get your bracelests off, your teeth wolf shift to really.

Yeah, but let's talk Sydney with braces.

Whoever's editing this, can they edit some braces?

And yes, Sidney Brace face Washington, Sidney Brace just got braces, she did, and she's rocking them.

No, she put they're not off yet.

They came off already.

She just got them to share.

How long are you supposed to have braces?

However much you need to get your teeth to shift into space?

Damn?

Do you know I have bracest for like two and a half years.

Oh, I don't think I could do that.

I cannot do it.

I cannot be my age and do that.

No.

No, but but if you put the braces in, people don't think you younger?

Yeah?

Probably?

Oh, but remember when Miranda had braces that was bad, that was not good, and then stuff was getting in her teeth.

And she was like, yeah, but Miranda was I am Miranda, you are not.

I really do feel the spirit of Miranda because she wants to be cool, she wants to be fun, but she is kind of like Stern by the books.

Sidney, you are not no, no, I am.

You are not a Miranda anything.

You are Charlotte.

What You're a Charlotte than I'm Miranda.

You think I'm a Charlotte or a lover girl.

Yes, you're a lover girl.

I'm not prude, and we're not We're not calling you.

You picking the stuff about Charlotte that you don't like, But as a whole, you're a Charlotte.

You're showing up to a baby shower with a big ass basket, You're ringing flowers everybody's birthday.

You are a Charlotte.

Cis You're right, Okay, thank you for getting me in order.

And obviously you are.

I'm a Samantha carry Bradshaw.

Yes, Samantha Jones Bradshaw I said that, yeah, yeah, and it's You're fun.

It's Samantha was the best.

So she's the best.

Oh honey.

When Branda had that baby and she threw her in that cab, she was like, fock, yeah, that is cute.

Actually, a friend of ours just had a baby and she thinks that I haven't gone to see her because I hate kids that much.

Now let's get into it.

You hate kids.

I don't hate kids.

I just don't want to see them in certain places.

In first class when I walk into the back, I don't see a kid there, no where ease, literally on any type of public transportation, I don't really think the kids need to be there.

I agree.

You know, it's like, are you being a good parent if you have your kid on the train?

Here's your car on the on the bus, you can't.

You couldn't.

There's not a hot car.

You could have rolled the window down in and let the baby sit in the way.

There's Uber Family.

I think there's like a there's a section where you could just like get a little van for the family.

Get that.

Yeah, and it's shared so they pick up other things.

If you're on a budget.

Uberpool family.

Yes, no, girl, somebody might leave with the wrong But no, I don't hate children.

I I like kids.

Actually, I take that back.

I don't hate them.

Okay, I'm not gonna say that.

I like them, but I don't hate them.

I don't.

I don't hate them.

I don't dislike them.

They're kids.

They don't they don't know.

It's not their fault that they're in the world.

You know.

I'm actually I got beef with the with the parents.

It's really the parents.

I mean, I don't I don't love like a in your face, goofy child.

No, you know what I mean.

But I look those that they have a goofy baby.

They have my heart, just like a kid that's like you, like they got that one big tooth.

Uh huh, it's like looking at you like throoling and whatnot.

I love that.

It's so cute.

Yeah, but that's like you're talking about like a baby baby.

I'm talking about like a like a toddler.

And up, I have an eight year old that's missing their two front teeth.

That's like my my my mom said that sometimes like, no, you have to I don't like that.

I don't like that.

I love that up.

It reminds me of like that's I feel like who I am on the inside and the inside, a goofy child.

Yes, absolutely, A goofy child is like, take care of me.

I don't know where to go.

What's today?

What today is?

I feel like ye to do a little bit of that is you give me money, don't give me money.

I'm going to lose all the money.

Like I'm a kid.

Beat me.

Yeah, you're a little bit that I can't pick pick on me.

At our core, we're all kids.

Nobody knows what's going on.

The people who you think have been figured out, they're also guessing.

It's true, and sometimes it's like sometimes it's okay to not know what you're doing.

We'll figure it out if you're trying to run a country, but.

You know, but it's clear there's just so much room to grow and learn.

I guess or not, I don't know.

I feel we're in the beginning of a movie, like a like a movie that's about to go left Independence Day No, because the aliens don't want to be here.

The aliens are like no day, that planet is everything the light touches.

We're in the dark, shadowy part.

It's true.

I think aliens actually they have like better taste now and they're like, I think there's something else we could take over This is not really.

This is not really the vibe.

You know what.

I was wondering the other day.

Do aliens have pets?

What like humans have dogs and cats and donkeys?

Now, do aliens have pets?

If they're like small alien thing that like they take care of.

Well, the Jetsons had had a pet robot.

So the Jetsons, yeah, were not aliens.

What the hell were they people in the future?

No, are not aliens.

They were aliens.

They're not aliens.

Are you sure they were people the jets Yeah, because they were in space, so they had to be the aliens.

They were us in the future.

Well, that was stupid.

I didn't get it.

I missed it, and I'm sure there's other people who didn't think the Jetsons were people.

I think most people think the Jetsons were people.

Weren't the Jetsons on the Moon they had a robot made You can't breathe in space without it's a card too, What is orbit city?

They're aliens?

You can't.

If they're not on Earth, they're not human.

How about that, if they're not in a space suit or whatever on another planet, they're not human.

They're aliens.

Okay, the Gins are aliens.

I see the lots of their haircuts.

The shoes they're aliens.

M yes, the shoes there were little sneakers.

I feel like alien.

Okay, so how do you feel about the flintstone syst The flintstones were?

What are they?

Those were?

Those were humans?

Because they were.

I can make the bed ruck girl.

Maybe Wait, what do you want to be when you're reincarnated?

That's really important for.

Me when I'm reincarnated.

Yeah, okay, yes, you never thought about that.

I mean, I don't know if I need to do this again.

What do you mean come back and redo this?

Yeah, because there's Hey, what we see through our eyes is totally different.

Do somebody else?

Sure?

But then if reincarnation is real, then we've already done this before.

Right, that's right.

I'm definitely gonna come back as a human a tree.

But maybe I've already been a bird.

I definitely in my past life I was a sloth.

I see them and I really be like a.

Family.

They're so cute too, have you seen them?

For?

We have to we have to go to a zoo.

We have to take a trip where we can just we have to go to Safari?

Can we do that?

I thought you were saying Sapharah.

But oh I don't need to go there as well.

But let's do a safari and then vlog.

Can we do that?

That'd be so fun.

I don't know if I want to go on a safari.

Like rich white people who get bad that their wives get trampled by a rhino, like you want to go on a black Saffari.

We are not.

Yeah, we're not going to be like that.

We're not coming in like with our stepthoscopes, like trying to hear their heartbeats and whatnot.

We're not trying to mess things from.

Afar from Afar.

Okay, if you're listening to this and you know, a black owned Safari presents Safari, no such thing.

Africa by Africans, by Africans.

Yeah, Africans by African FABA, that's what we need.

Yes, Okay, should we read some messages?

Oh yeah, I haven't done that in a while.

Let's do that.

We haven't done that a lot.

Okay.

Messy marriage.

Hello, you are both so beautiful and funny.

Thank you so much.

Okay, So here's the story.

A couple of years ago, I got invited to a wedding via WhatsApp group chat.

The message basically said, we're getting married next weekend.

Next weekend, please come.

The groom's mom and my mom are friend so I got the low down on the situation.

Turns out the couple had met on a dating app the week before, got engaged a few days later over the phone, and then he flew across the country to meet her in person.

What she packed up her whole dang life and came back with him.

The wedding was exactly what you'd expect from strangers who've had two weeks to planned.

No one was invited to the ceremony itself, but I went to the reception because I love romance.

And joy and drama.

It was not good.

The food was bad, there was no music.

The bride would only talk to her parents and sister because she didn't know anyone else.

Plus her dress was ugly, baby blue and patcherly sequin.

Dress does not say wedding to me, But you do you, I guess.

Then everyone went home by ten thirty.

The whole thing was already wild to me.

And then I found out that the wife was doing nothing.

She would not get a job because she wanted to go back to school, but also wasn't a citizen, so she couldn't afford international student fees, so she was just vibed.

At the time, he was thirty seven and she was twenty four.

Oh no, I'm a nosy bitch.

So I asked his mom why he married someone so much younger than him, and she said he didn't want kids right away, so he preferred someone who wasn't too old.

Very much a mess.

No surprise, it didn't last seven or eight months in she withdrew ten thousand dollars from his accounts and.

Left the city.

And then literally days later, his.

Mom shows up to my parents' house while I'm visiting and tells us that her son is getting divorced and she hates her ex daughter in law.

And in the same breath, this woman had the audacity to ask me to marry her son.

Tell me why.

She said, he's a nurse.

You're a nurse, you get along so well.

First of all, that's the best thing I've ever heard.

And second, that man is skeevy and boring and he's not cute, And I'm not sorry I said it anyway, Love the pod, I would marry you both.

Bye.

This is her this is him.

Damn no photo of the bride of the bride.

Well, she's gorgeous, You're a stunning girl, and I would love to marry you.

But this guy no Brasias.

So they met on a dating app and then got engaged, and then he met her.

Yeah, and then the marriage was the next week.

Maybe it was like some arranged marriage situation, but through the app.

But they arranged it.

I mean, this is a new age.

We're arranging things ourselves now.

We don't need we don't need our parents involved.

Sidney, what would you do if I came back engaged?

Would you die?

Would you die?

I die?

If I was like, girl, this guy that I've known for a month, now I'm back and we're getting we do freak out.

I would freak out.

Look at me.

I feel like my mouth will be open the whole time.

And I'm like, well, I haven't met him yet.

Yeah, how could you?

How could we be engaged if you have how?

I mean, why would you do this to us?

I mean, Marie that I do I do think about that.

I'm like, man, this person doesn't live in the in the country.

What are you gonna do?

What if you fall?

What if I fall deep in love or low.

Maybe you'll be deep in low.

I mean, I don't know.

But luckily London is one of my favorite cities and I can work in that city, so that but I don't want to move out of New York.

But you know, the way the country going, maybe I should leave a little bit.

But my podcast is here, my friends are here.

Yes, my apartment will remain here, So I'm never not going to be in New York.

Even when I'm not in New York, you know what, I'm not anxious.

But also I'm on like one hundred and fifty milligrams of you know, antidepressants, so I'm actually in a good place.

So if you just said, hey, I'm going to be half in UK half and half and half, yeah you can this, I would be like totally.

I mean we would be on you know, different time schedules, and literally I would never see you, and I would see like, what the fuck are we doing?

And I would be Aggie and I don't know, I'll be texting you and oh wow, the anxiety is coming back.

You feel it, Yeah, anxiety.

Well, I'll look at my schedule and you know, I'll see what you know, months I could say, you know, does he have another room?

He does?

And on that No, guys, there is no mess real this podcast.

It's called mess And honestly, this was the un messiest episode we've had.

You know, I agree with you.

The messiest thing was that message that we got about that thirty seven year old man with a twenty four year old girl.

I think.

I mean, that's the thing about weddings.

It's like, what are we doing this for?

Like what is it?

Like a ceremony?

Five?

Make it small, have a little party.

But I'd be damned if people come to my shit and they judging it and saying my dress is ugly and the food is bad.

No, no, no, I only want people who love me, who actually know me to come and drag me.

That's you know.

I don't want no plus one random bitch is only the ones I love can come and judge.

That's the only people.

Do you think you guys, do you think you would do a wedding or like a justice of the peace situation?

I want justice to peace.

So I went to some cute and we'll have like a like a party, a party.

I don't need.

I see these weddings.

I see these pictures and it's all nice.

It's nice, but it's like I don't need them.

I don't need I like I think I'm so fulfilled in life that day.

You heard that this is happy.

Those hundred and fifty are work fucking I'm so fulfilled in I'm lying, Okay, I'm just saying it out loud so that I can hopefully catch up to what I'm saying.

But it's they are powerful, but I just people are spending one hundred thousand dollars on a wedding, and all these weddings that I've gone to, those people are either not together or together unhappy, and I or I don't really talk to them that much.

So it's like, am I really seeing the benefits of me seeing y'all love?

No, we were just there.

We're just extras in your your your movie.

It's for the parents, it's for the it's for the bridesmaid.

Yeah, I don't know who exactly is for.

But some people have just always dream dreamt about their weddings from when they were little and they just can't wait to get married.

And it's like this, will you chose, but.

Even that, just have a party, Just do a party.

It's you've done so many parties that it's like that was better than any wedding I've gone to.

Okay, sure, thank you for bringing me back, Sidney.

If I get married, I'll do justice to the p I'm wearing a little, a little a short wedding obviously.

Yeah, it's going to be very raazy coded we'll be and then uh yeah, I'll have a party.

Yeah, I'm here for it.

Guys, Please send more mess We need messages.

Somebody messaged me today and they asked for the number because they have something long they want to share.

Oh so great, I love that.

Tell them give them the number now, seven sixty three two wait zero six, five eight eight, Yeah, fall us.

Fall us and email us your mess Yeah, email at mess thepod at gmail dot com.

Oh that's us.

We're gonna get to today so we can get this energy back up.

Please bye bye.

Mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Foston is a production by Will Barrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcast.

Create It and host It by Sidney Washington and Read Foston.

Executive produced by Olivia Aguilar and Hans SONI super produced by Becca Romos, edited a mixed by Brian Jeffries.

If you would like your messages read on air, please email us at mess Thepodcast at gmail dot com, or call for your messages to be played at seven six three two eight zero six five eight eight