Oh you're listening a mess.

Hello, the fake laugh coming into it.

Yeah, you're always doing that, yeah, Janet Jackson, Yeah, don't do that.

Stop touching.

Touch you there.

Hello, we're at mess.

We are doing it.

He said, Hello.

Tyler Perry, Tyler Perry, Tyler Perry.

He's you know, he always got something going on.

There's always something going on.

It's never a dull moment with him.

And I thank him for that.

Really, you're thinking, Tyler Perry, I don't usually do that, but he does contribute to the mess.

And so since we're good at that here, we have to, you know, uplift these people who provide for mess constantly.

This is true.

People have been providing for mess.

I mean some of twenty five.

I think a lot of.

People just like you know, they're just like, I'm gonna do whatever.

I think it's important.

Well, hm, I think sometimes the wrong people are doing whatever.

I think certain people should do whatever, and I trust them with their whateverness.

But I feel like you're a safe person to do whatever.

It's exciting, it's a story, it's exciting, but it's it'd be a little bit unhinged at times.

You know.

It's like you know it's it's not the most professional mess.

Yeah, yeah, you're a professional, a mess, a mess, But what do you mean not professional?

Like do you have an example, sister?

I don't have an example.

Actually I don't my I feel like my mess now is me trying to come up with like little cute scams, you know what I'm saying.

Okay, Like, so I ordered, I told you I got this like storage bench, yes, from Facebook marketplace.

Right when I get there, this lady had two little chihuahuas.

Yes, nowhere in the post it.

To say she had dogs, but the thing was cute, it was the right size, and so I got it.

Yep.

I bring it all the way home.

The next day, I'm like, what is that smell?

And I feel like I can smell the dogs on the bench.

Yes, you told this story right, Yes.

So I like I got for Breeze.

I've been spraying a crap out of it, and I'm like and I'm like, so yesterday I was laying on it and I got up because I can still smell it.

I've had this bench now for like a month and a half.

Yes, so, but the dog the smell is not going away.

The for Breeze is done.

I sprayed the whole thing.

So I was online yesterday and I was looking and I was like, oh my god, she got this bench from Amazon.

And I was like, if I order it from Amazon and then can I return this bench back to Amazon.

That's what I mean when I say little baby.

Scams, you're scaring the corporation.

I'm like, they will get the bench back.

It's just gonna be the dog bench.

But then I'll be in a home that dog smell free.

I mean I don't.

The thing is is that you could try it.

There's nothing wrong with trying, but that feels like a lot of work, right because now I gotta like, because it's a the you've been on it, it's like two people, two and a half people could sit on this bench.

Why don't you hit her up and be like, yo, I've had this for a month and a half.

It smells like dog.

What is she gonna say?

Okay, well it's out of my apartment and you already paid for it, sister, can you run me my money back or like, run me some money back?

Because now I have to actually buy a bench that doesn't smell like you know, snoopy.

So your solution thank you, Snoopy.

So your solution is you think I should hit this lady up.

You don't think too much time has passed for me to hit this lady up and be like, oh, you deceived me.

You and them smelly as dogs trick me.

I don't even know if I could find her contact.

Oh it's been that long.

It might I might have had this bench for like two months.

Damns.

Yeah, sometimes there's that they were transpired where you're like, you just got to take that l because smelling like dog nothing since we don't have dogs, it's a no.

I'm like, did the dogs live in this?

I think so that might have been their spot, the spot on it like it.

The smell never went away.

So are you gonna get another bench?

Because you know, my.

Fear now is because you know sometimes when you order something on Amazon, they'd be like, we'll give you a refund, but keep it.

My fear is'm gonna have two of the same bench.

I guess I could put one outside.

You could, there's all, there's all there, there's a will, there's a way.

But I think that See that's the thing with Facebook Marketplace, its like and they always be taking these pictures and lighting that you're.

Like, oh yeah, this is this is bombed and you get there, you're like, this is broken down, this is ashy.

Did somebody die on this?

And I think that and it's so hard to call people out on it after you be like, oh yeah, I'm a buy this, thank you.

But that's what I'm saying, like, so, I'm.

I think you should get another one friend because something smell like dog.

You don't even even care.

For believing dogs?

Ye, all dogs do go to heaven.

Well, these dogs went to the bathroom on this bench.

All dogs pete on his bench.

Yes, ma'am.

So that's that's what I'm talking about.

I'm here for the small little scams by Reezi.

But then like everything is not a scam, but that a scam if she was not a scam, right, okay?

Boom.

So I dropped off a bunch of clothing that I got in Japan or for Japan at the drag cleaners.

One of the things that I got is this little mini skirt that I got from Revolve that costs way too much money.

I truly didn't.

Even know if I was gonna keep it because it was I was like, this is that much fabric and it costs how much?

It was like a hundred and something done?

But what made you get that skirt?

Because I was like, I'm living in abundance.

It's like I got rid of a bunch of stuff that are like low quality.

Fast fashion.

Let me pay for something.

Let me pay this price for this thing and maybe it'll be quality.

Living in abundance, But the skirt is this The fabric is not abundant.

Is that fabric is not abundant?

But but the budget for the skirt, I was like, I'm living a bundantly.

The skirt came, I tried it on.

It looked good with some of the outfits and I was like, yeah, Japanese schoolgirl in Japan.

And like, I WoT the skirt one time.

I brought it to the drag cleaners.

When I got back and when I went to pick up all my crap, they were.

Like, we can't find the skirt.

You lost the skirt?

I said, I wore that skirt one time.

Do you know how much that skirt costs?

Hey call us tomorrow or call us on a couple in a couple of days.

Were gonna see if the cleaners lost it, because they send the stuff out.

No, the daughter of the cleaners, God damn skirt.

She she she's out club Zuli right now, right now.

I've been to this drag cleanness now like maybe five or six times.

Skirt is gone.

They're like, oh yeah, we never found it.

She put me on the phone with the guy.

He's like, listen, said does the receipt?

Yes, send a receipt.

I never sent the receipt, he said, I sent.

I texted the receipt.

No response.

I'm like, hello, no response.

I sent the screenshot of the email, me scrolling through so he can see that.

It's that's it's like legit, Like I'm not scamming them.

No response.

Sis, pull up, you gotta pull I'm queen, pull up.

Don't wait for nobody.

I'm going to the clean up.

To the cleaner.

The lady is like, well, we send the stuff out.

They must have lost it.

And the person that I'm talking to is the guy that I sent the receipts.

Tough is now not I'll call him because.

I have his number.

I'm gonna call him because I've been texting.

But what I'm gonna call it from?

Do want you to call from a different number?

And I'll be like, I'm your representative.

A right, this is on behalf of my client Washkowitz and Washington Legal Firm.

And uh, my client here says that you misplaced his skirt.

Was it five hundred dollars?

No, it was like one hundred and eighty dollars skirt, which is in sustain with me.

Five hundred dollars.

We're gonna need that money.

I can write it, and I, you know me, I'm not spending that on a skirt.

And then I spent it and I was like, I don't even know I'm gonna keep this.

Maybe I'll rerid in Japan and I'll bring it back.

And then I wore it in Japan and I got back and I was like.

I'm just gonna keep it.

Already worried I'm gonna keep it.

But I should have said, you're in this cold chip gut.

If I had sent it back, I wouldn't have had it.

I didn't send it back and now I still don't have it.

Friend.

You know what that means.

You gotta stop spending money.

That's where the root is.

It's not a stop scanning.

Oh okay, my mess.

My mess is that I'm you know still on my fitness journey.

I'm working out twice a day.

My body hurts, my back aches.

It's a lot, it's a lot.

I don't have I don't have a gym unit.

I don't have the hair for the gym.

You also have to work out outside.

Crazy crazy, So we usually walk the track at night.

That's cute, that's cute.

Today we said we're gonna switch it up.

We're gonna switch it up.

We're gonna play basketball.

We're playing skin.

We don't know how to play basketball.

But Dwyane bought a basketball that was small size.

It was not like a baby basketball.

I don't know, it's not a daven Buster's size, but it's a next side.

Like a Bunba basketball.

Don't do that.

Don't do that.

Because we go to the park and there's all these girls doing drills.

What it's a whole team of high school lady basketball player, eighty basketball players.

We're doing drills, working out.

I don't know if it's a class or a team.

Whatever, they're doing it.

They're killing it.

They're killing it.

And me in tight biker shorts like.

How wipe the play love and hip hop, loving basketball, all of that and so me and Dwyane are in sunglasses basketball missing, missing the whop constantly.

And it's also a thousand degrees outside.

When you say playing basketball, y'all playing a game or y'all.

Just shooting the ball.

We're just shooting the ball.

We're just trying.

We're like for them, we're youtubing how to do the drills.

We're youtubing how to play basketball.

It's in barrel.

It's two.

It's the gays are not doing it right when it comes to this sport.

And so these young girls are watching us be so unserious in our life.

They're not gonna make it to the finals.

No, baby, we're not even in the practice.

Don't even put us in the game.

And so first we go up to they're like, can we use the other the other court?

They're like, for now, for now, we know, we know you're not about not about nothing.

So we were going.

Also, we put sunscreen on.

It's important.

We are cooking, cooking.

It's the white is coming down my face, his face, the braids that are underneath, the braids that are underneath sh they oh my god, it's so it's I honestly, it's my fault.

I should have just came in a bonnet or a headscarf for something.

I looked insane with it, and it's it's shifting.

It's shifting while I'm dribbling the ball, and I'm holding onto the hair while I'm dribbling, and then I'm trying to make the hoop, and it's please show me how you shut the ball.

I just want to see because they looked like you gave us the no.

No, it's given me half a video.

Well to do your hand one more time?

How did you shoot it?

Wow, that's the goods.

Yeah, yeah, show us how you threw it in.

I'm doing it, but it's these nails and nails are in the way.

So we're trying to we're trying to make we're doing like ten we need to make ten shots ms.

I will.

We're gonna put it in the dump that it's so bad.

Please.

So we're just trying to diversify our portfolio with our workouts.

And yeah, I don't know that I have.

If you guys can give me options for other things for workouts.

For workouts, well, now like activities.

I don't want to just be in the gym.

I don't want to just walk the track.

Girl, to just run.

There's different types of workout classes you can take.

Talk to me nice, you know, like a chabata fitness Chamata chabata, it's called tobata, not chibata.

My bad, you've done that orange.

Yeah, okay, you do orange theory.

Okay, you can.

Do butts and guts, abs and ass.

There's all these classes that will work very specific things of your body.

You're living in an abundance.

You want to you want to get me a you want to give me a class?

Gnosis, I lost one hundred and eighty Actually, if I had the price of the bench to the to.

What I've lost.

No, you said in some living in abundance?

Do I want to give you a gin class?

Girl?

I need a gin class.

That's why don't you get us a gym?

Am?

I your man?

Wooh, I don't have a man.

I have a woman.

And thank God for our guests today.

We we it's we were losing things, but we're winning here today.

We're winning here with our Saptabulist guests.

Fresh off of everything that's going on for you.

You're gonna be in Ironheart.

Yes, Yes, that's on Disney.

Yes, can't wait to see it.

In the middling Hi, Sonya I call every time I see it's it's noise at this point, like I just mean, like so many people say it wrong, right, it just I corrected everyone.

What does sonya mean?

Like, what's the what's the what's the definition?

I don't know.

But what I do know is every time I get in an uber or lyft, Russian will tell me it's Russian.

A person from South America told me a South American, like somebody who was Indiana.

It'll be like, oh, are you lie?

So it's a universal name.

I have no oh ethnic, Yes, you can go with anything, right now, you're all that name.

Yes, obey, obey, now obey.

That's mess.

It is not all purpose.

Albeit it's Maryland.

So I feel like, yeah, they put it on seafood, they put it on vegetables, they put it on wings.

You put out that's mess seafood.

It's not for the meat crabs.

I'm not a crab person.

I know that's going to like give me.

It's just so bad, it's so much work.

I'm not really a crab person either.

And that yellow thing, you know, the yellow stuff that's in crabs.

You don't get that.

I don't do the whole body in the body.

I think, yeah, I think the can I curse on that's it's ship, you know, ship crap ship.

I think you'll be eating the crabs.

I do the legs.

I do the legs, and it's so much work.

You're cracking and you get but this much total meat.

And it be mad like shell and you got a bier.

Bunk, gloves tools to get this much meat.

You're saying all this and y'all date men, okay, which is a lot of work, and you get a little out of that.

That's what I have no energy, no energy for to stop the drama.

I get what I need to get sitting here dating a woman and you can't get her to play for the gym CA so.

Oh I can.

So if I asked, I can.

Just your girlfriend's treating you know what you should get.

I was thinking when you all were talking class past, have you heard class you can do?

You get like fifty sixty credits.

I got it for free.

That's actually a free because I'll send you the link.

You could like you could find a link and it'll be like Dermatologica or something like that, and it'll be like they want you to get one month free.

But I got like I took a bunch of classes and I was like back to back to back back.

I took pilates, I took spin class, I took a dance class.

I took whining.

One on one did not recommend whining.

Who was teaching a lady.

No, a whole whiner, like a like a person from the Caribbean.

And she she was so but she would be like, she wasn't teaching you how to do No.

She would be like her do it like I don't know how I do it.

But and I'm like, and I gotta stiff back, which I thought i'd be good.

I was not good.

So when you have a stiff up but you look so flexible.

I mean that day I was not.

And she kept there's a whole white woman next to me.

Oh, she was in there, but she wasn't doing it well.

She was she was doing something, and I think I feel like I was being singled out because I.

Looked like I should be able to do it.

But I was like the hips from no Girl.

I walked out of there.

I put my head down.

I said, I've never seen these people ever again in my life, because.

At one point she gives us choreo.

I thought it was just gonna be like one two, like you know, once you step like she's out here like and I want and I too, and and then and then she split the class up.

She's like, all right, one half is gonna watch y'all.

My brain went blank.

I was in there like I'm out.

I took.

I took a Haitian dance class one.

I said, let's see what this is about.

First time.

It was somebody's like like old uncle.

It was it was a man teaching it.

So I was like okay, and he was like, and you do it like these And I was like, no, I'm not.

He wasn't teaching us.

It's the same thing.

It's like, babe, what But.

It was funny.

I had a good time like something like that.

Yeah.

I was in my head trying to be losing something forty five minutes to an hour.

I just need to be sitting in my body.

I wanna go back to the Haitian disceclass with you.

I would even pay for it.

Oh now that it's so unsay for it?

Girl, you laughing, because you know I'm gonna be bad at it.

Girl, we would be bad at it because but then and then it was like he was like this and this and yes and this, and I was like, I've never seen my dad do this.

But okay they didn't have is it on class past?

No?

Okay, pay out.

Of pocket, but there are there's that on class past too.

Because I went to a second class.

I was like, maybe it was a fluke.

No, it was you.

It was you.

I just can't do corio.

I can do like if you give me my brain.

My memory span is like this.

But once he got through the third step, I'm like, but.

You're an actress and you you booked.

That's my mind.

It's like the mind body connection, like my brain would be like hold up, I need ten minutes to go practice this by myself without y'all looking at me.

I can't do and I'll come back.

I watched them do it and I'm like, okay, yeah, and then they're like do.

It and I'm like, how is you?

I just did it one time?

So confusing in my like what I think?

My body is like yes, fully against it.

Yes, It's like I'll know it in my head.

And then when I try to actually do it, the body is like, let's do the opposite of that, the signal does not go.

And then but that's why we're funny, Like I feel like it's not.

My friend was like, yo, you can't be good at everything, girl.

Funny people who can dance, I know, Dwayne Wurkins, it is so good.

Some people got it something all but Sidney, I see your freestyle.

You can you can make it up just a little bit.

Absolutely not.

I mean the best time of my life is obviously when I was on Mali and cocaine and liquor, you know, because you're no inhibition, I'm just my body is loose.

And so it's kind of like this is a bad analogy, but it's kind of like you know, drunk drivers when they get an accident, their body is just going anyway.

So that's why a lot of time they don't die because they're just going there.

Yea, that's a bad example, but a good bad example, good bad example.

But for me, like, because I'm so conscious of me dancing sober, it just is I'm stopping myself every time.

I'm not just letting it go, you know what i mean.

And then I'm trying to remember on top of that, and like do I look sexy?

It's like I'm thinking, I'm moving my head like this and looking like you know, it's also just like where are you looking at?

What are you doing?

The mirror is too much.

See, I don't like the mirror because it makes.

It worse because then, like you said, there's the disconnect.

You think, oh, I can do what he does, and you see yourself You're like.

Hm, you need the mirror to be like, oh, actually I'm not doing it.

I like the mirror when I do workout classes because or like you know, like the instructors up there doing it and I'm I'm not even looking.

I'm like And then when I did ballet last year, I like, yeah, the bar or like actual like the bar, but we also did like floor stuff.

But you know, I'm I get it, Sidney.

Like all last year I was trying to like trick myself into working out because going to the gym is boring and expensive and once you join the gym, you can't cancel that membership.

No, they make you do everything.

But you got an email corporate, you got to send your left last for your social your mom got to write a note, your doctor got to say you got a bad back.

Is there a.

Bird here, like because you know what it is, so many people quit things they started, they quit, they started, they quit, and people said no, no, no, I fuck that, And the gym is probably one of the biggest places where people are like, you know what.

At the beginning of the year, I am gone, I get apps.

I'm going to be better than everyone to turn.

I'm going to make sure my exes are mad and miss me.

And then February they're like, you're actually I don't really want to.

It's I've worked enough, you know, you know, I mean, I get my uncle Charles died, Like I just can't get there.

So they're like, they're like, if you really want to cancel, you're gonna have to really be about it.

You gotta move.

And I kind of they be like, you gotta Like if I learned the contract once because I want to get out of it, it was like, you need to be at least one hundred miles away from here, period.

So how did you what gym is this Planet Fitness?

Oh?

Yeah, you got they really I will never I went into colections with Planet Fitness for ten dollars a month.

Colection.

Wait, how long did you not pay?

Oh?

I wasn't paying, I said, I went there.

I said I'm canceling and they said, oh, okay, sure, so sure they said.

That I canceled.

But then apparently you can't cancel inside the gym, but they told me I did.

So then I'm thinking I'm canceled, but I was still getting charged.

But I had moved.

I did have.

I did move, but I wasn't.

I don't know if I was one hundred miles because I don't know distance I went.

This was evil.

They on Tuesdays to the gym, and like Bagel's on Mondays and Fries on Friday.

Like every day they bring in something that you're like.

I don't think that.

People are like they want you to stay in planning, will never want you to make you are mess, mess, adjourned, trash, trash.

Okay, so sonya, Yeah, what are you coming in here?

What's your mess?

What do you want to?

Should I do both the messes or one of you?

And then we'll work our way through it.

Yeah, we'll probably do both.

Okay, Okay, So I'll start with the more interesting one.

Maybe I moved to Flatbush, which I think people shouldn't stop moving the flat Yes, there's enough people in Flatbush.

We're done too much loud to Indian people.

But also now a lot of white people with little dome.

It's the gentrification, gentrification of it all.

Like I was walking past the juice stand.

Here's a white lady with her dog.

I'm like, what is this?

But that's not why so I moved to Flatbush.

I'm excited.

I used to live in Williamsburg, which was very like yes, yea factory.

I'm a Flatbush Like, oh my god.

So I I was like, uh.

Just two years ago.

So I'm like really like trying.

To I don't want to be on the apps, but I'm like, I feel like I'm in the mood to like meet somebody.

And I had been like like, I'm like a woo type person.

I do terror.

I have crystals.

And I started getting into like, yeah, I'm a crystal crystal.

Yeah on you right now.

I usually kept traveling with a black obsidion.

Oh what's that for?

Calmness?

Put it on your third eye?

Oh I need that.

Yeah, also antidepressants, anxiety medication ola.

It works.

Okay, I get some black obsitian and just tape it to my forehead.

You could.

I was on the train once stress about So I'm like this, people are looking at me like and You're like, I have anxiety.

So I started getting into hohodoo y'all.

You know how in centers, you know how in sinners?

Uh, stack had the mojo bag?

Yeah that's Winnie, was it Winny?

I think your name is Whinny.

That may be the actress's name, but yeah, yes, she gave him the mojo bag.

That's for protection.

So it's like in the realm of that, there's there's a spell you there's spells you can do for love specifically.

Okay, this on the secular sory appreciate it.

So you could do spells for for love.

Or love for okay.

So there's like categories.

So there's like attract love and like things to me.

There's all types of stuff.

You can do it for wealth protection but for love specifically, attract someone to me, make someone specifically, Like you can do a general I want to find someone.

You can do specifically some a specific person that you are into.

But that's a little creepy because go to their doorstep and pour, like I forget what the waters I haven't looked at in a while.

But like you have to pour something on their doorstep or like put something in their path.

And then there's a third one that's like keep me on his mind, like make him obsessed with me.

The third one.

So you did the third one, No, I did the person.

I was a specific person.

I don't know if I need the third one.

But the second one.

You already got that girl.

Good for that.

You got a man obsessed with like abundance.

Yes, but see this is a cautionary tell I do the first one where I'm like, I'm trying to attract energy.

I'm seeing all any before Caribbean man, not anybody, but like what I want, I like.

For the streets you know is crazy.

No, of course, not anybody.

Y'all look down the street.

Your man will talk to you too.

No, No, I want, I want it.

I was trying to be specific.

I was like, I want someone I find attractive kind.

The risks I did.

I did, but the list was not thorough enough.

What's the list?

Tell us that everything that was on the list black black.

You don't have to whisper it.

Black kind, generous, open minded, not obsessed with gender.

That's that's I don't want to have to talk to you about queer trends that you just not a man who's going to be like pause when he needs a hot dog, Like I don't.

Like, I gotta cut the popping before I like.

A nice.

Another that some man was like, oh and then my doctor touched me pause.

I was like, touch your touch you?

That's a pause.

What do I look like as a man letting another man give me a prostate exam?

You look like a man needs a prostating cancer is rote out?

As a man letting paper towel touch my button, wipe your ass?

I really feel like they're in the shower.

As a man who would want a sheet over a pillow to touch my face and be in my mouth.

How do I look as a man putting on lotion?

It's actually as masculinite.

Yeah, okay, because that's feminine to be moisturized.

And also I feel like if a woman does it to you, they really be like, it's not gay, you.

Know a woman, So take care of your skin.

Yes, so many men don't do that.

They need analonic acid on the balls on the balls.

On the ball on the balls, what you know about the ball can be dangerous if you do too much.

So why the balls.

That's scary because smooth balls they always angry when I've seen them.

When you saw some balls, yeah, balls, where's the last time?

Like two years and they were mad?

They were mad.

But when I.

Was when I was in the the genre of ball, whenever I've seen them double, they always looked like they had an attitude and like they are like why, I like, they don't they look so old?

They're like when they when they're they was probably he was probably cold.

Well, I think balls grow.

The balls.

I think they shrinking.

They like if they're cold, they looks really.

Weirdles are wrinkly when it's cold, yeah, or when it's it was or when they release, Yeah, when they when they empty out looked.

Then you ever had you ever blow up a balloon and then it like it's all stretched out and then it comes back.

And that's how I would two years ago.

Balls you got a lot of ball, ray a lot of ball.

All thoughts.

That might be the title of the episode.

I'm back, baby, I'm back.

You playing basketball the ball?

Yes?

What are we playing?

For?

My hunt my ball?

I just imagine you with your man putting kyaluronic and learn.

You know you got she's gonna put it in and she's gonna.

Pat it on the ball.

No, I wouldn't.

I would use the road milk serum.

Yeah, facial balls just so.

They can look a little look the same.

You ain't like this man.

You didn't like this man.

I don't like you met That's what it is.

You don't like none of them.

How did you find yourself?

You were just like, let me try it out.

Let's see.

Maybe I'm not well.

You know, we go through this every other everyisode, no, every pride, every every other episode.

I was.

I was down bad, I went through a break up.

My money was low, my self esteem even lower, my living situation just not right.

Everything.

So I said, since I'm doing this bad, this is the perfect time it.

Yeah.

Yeah, we tipp this over getting with her man.

I said, I can't go to women being this like trash.

But man, this is rpy.

He was like, you open up.

You shouldn't have.

He said, have you met my ball?

Sure, I'm cold, but maybe you can wave me a warm meals fix your life with my ball?

And did it get better?

Oh?

It got worse, got very much worse.

Or if you perspective that your life is not that bad.

Could you could be dating?

Let's talk about this love spell bad?

Yes?

Okay, so the spell I did it.

It's like basically like you take you get an orange, you get red thread, you get pins away.

Now should you be telling everybody because you know in the wrong hand, Yeah.

Tell everybody.

Okay, Well it's this high level like you still got to read up on it.

But I'm not feeling you don't read girl, I'm not telling you all about the one where you make someone obsessed with.

This is literally I just want to attract energy.

Jack sittingy you cock blocking the listeners.

Sorry, I just I don't trust y'all.

I see you'all messages because.

There is a cautionary I read this book.

It was a cautionary so it was like, don't do this first, Like you don't want to attract the energy.

So make sure if you're going to attract a specific person that.

You know that this is what it should be.

I'm defined the fine print.

That's me.

So orange, red thread, red thread.

Eight I forget how many eight pins, but you you burrow a hole into the orange, you cut a piece of your hair, you put it inside the orange, you put the pins on that.

My real hair could be hair.

That's no, you can't do you can't do that.

You got you got a simple little bit, put it in there and then you you like put the pins on the side so you kind of like weave the thread through it and then close it up and then I might be forgetting some stuff, but you then you bury it.

Use to bury it.

Yeah, but I don't live I live in an apartment, so obviously this is for someone who.

So I just had a plant and I just put.

A bunch of dirt in the plant.

That's why your spells.

You gotta have land, baby, that's what it is.

You need an estate to do this spell.

You're supposed to bury it your phone, near your phone, I don't know, yeah, near your phone.

It's very modern, this list who do?

It's up to date for sure?

Yeah?

Yeah modern who yes?

Yeah.

So then within a couple of weeks I was like, you know, it's the regular people who are like, you know, a man will talk to your socially in New York, Hey, in Flatbush, especially in flat Do you really need somebody?

No, But that's what I'm saying.

I was trying to attract because I'm not on the apps.

Also was going through a depression period where I was not leaving my neighborhood.

Okay, so it was like, where am I going to meet this man?

I don't go to events.

I don't.

I just am home sad like you.

Like you, I thought a man can fix this.

He did.

I didn't say a man can fix it?

And you said you were like, I'm down back, I am trash.

I must be amongst it right now, so I'm not messing up.

You know the good women that are out there, I see now.

Does it have to be an orange?

Can to be a tangerine?

No, it's going to be an orange.

But you know what the thing about who do is is because since it was created, uh, it was brought over by like enslaved Africans.

It's like you do what you can, you know.

So if you do only have a tangerine, use what.

You have, I know, but somebody use yeah, and aren't just big A tangerine is little orange.

I feel like that's a big man, smooth tiny balls.

Though.

You know what if you can we use a clementine, grapefruit a little bit.

Yeah, he's a sour man.

No, I don't want a sour man.

What a sweet man.

Yes, yes, okay, so I do it.

I and it's like the regular ship.

But now I'm starting I feel like I'm starting to meet people that actually aren't in the strain of man that I'm into what it was, but like random like Cafe, Gym, Prospect Park, but like none of these things are working out.

Like first person was like this dude, I met a Prospect Park.

I was like doing yoga and like I had seen him there before, I will go to the same spot.

He kind of looked like like Andre three thousand ish and that his style was.

Very sad thing okay something was like yeah, like he had like his style and stuff.

So I was like, you know, so you're doing your downward facing dog and he was like, not my steate queen.

He kept we like were walking around out around the same time.

He was like, hey, I like your something something something or blah blah blah.

We start talking about meditation.

Oh what he was doing.

He was standing with his feet and shoes off.

He was grounding.

So I was like, oh, I saw you were you grounding?

So I was like, okay, this is yes, we're the same thing, kindred spirits.

Yes, so I thought, so we exchanged.

He's like, oh, can I get your Instagram, which.

Is always like that that's what I'm not on there, just the number that's a real fly, that's a reflac.

But I was like, but I was I was starting to be like maybe like something was there was a little something that was like I was like, Wow, this person's really attractive.

I'm into them, but there was something I was like, just take this, yeah, just take this.

So he hits me up.

I see in the request.

I pull up his page.

This man's a rapper.

Oh well you said Andre three thousands, so, but not a good rapper.

And also he has a post couldn't movie my luck?

Bro, Like he has a post talking about how Candice Owens.

Oh no, no, throw it away.

Owens is making valid points like that.

It was like that strain of Kanye, like you know, like people will be.

Like Kanye, Yes, that man who's so open that he gets like right back around, like the white supremacy swoops him back around.

Like he's so like, nah, I don't believe the governments like this.

You're like, the government is messed up.

He's like, and also did it and you're like that's true.

And then he's like and the earth is like like what he's like, and it was just like I'm like scrolling and I'm like wow, like no talent like the raps too.

I can't tell y'all his name because I don't want him to find out, but it was a good rapper.

You're like, maybe not a can as no, no, Can's always over at always like.

But it was also like I don't know if y'all felt like this, because I hell know, but I don't know why I feel like this.

But I don't know if I.

Could like date someone who's like ambitions I can't support, Like if you're a person, like if would you date somebody if they were like I'm a musician, I'm an actor, I'm a d but they're bad at it And then you gotta like we pretend but maybe they're.

But he could you're at this level.

You want somebody at your level or better?

Yeah, somebody here that's still trying to figure who thinks it's good.

Yeah, we gotta wait for them to figure out that it's bad.

Yeah, get better.

And it wasn't even like me.

It was like I was like, yo, turn this ship off.

He looked worse in the video, like he was shooting the music video and I was like, shooting him music video?

What kind of camera?

The galaxy?

I was like, are you uglier in the video?

I showed it to my friend.

She was like, well you said on grade three thousand, You're like what it was awful?

I was like, Yo, this is.

Your I'm sorry show at the end of it, I will show y'all.

And the name crazy the name.

But I was like, name the chosen one worst.

I was worse than that, brother to the But then what's bad about those next nag?

Yeah.

No, it's like one name and it's like, uh, it's one It's one word, and it kind of it just seems like how do I say.

What I was saying.

It's like it's like something like it's like a motion you could do to somebody, but it's like one word.

And it also doesn't seem very much like rapper, Like I don't think any rapper would choose this name something like that wave worse but yeah, but it's like a word where you're like, huh, wave to me is too cool.

It's like giving like hmm, yeah, yeah.

So the but the bad thing about this spell is so I see this, he messages me.

I look at his page.

I'm like, I don't know, but it's a dope.

No, forget it now, I gotta go to a different part of the park.

But a month later, I'm on the phone with my friend.

I look down.

I see somebody ride up with a bike.

I look up.

It's him.

No, him, dangerous of dating someone in your neighborhood.

I couldn't believe because you you go get smoothie at the same place and you don't want to know.

Mister Rogers ask dude yes.

And I wasn't even near the park.

I was a whole different.

I was like a block down for my part.

You like, you gotta be joking, you gotta move.

So my landlord, I messed up and messed up, but I was like, he was like, I've been looking for you.

I was like, yeah, yeah, please.

I was like, and he was like, YO, give me your.

Number, no before you got my I the fact that you haven't got my number yet, that is the sign man.

Read between.

I never accepted it.

It just stayed as a request.

And then but I did say to him, I was like, can I be real, what's up with Candice owns.

And saying, this is why you don't want peace, because why did you do that?

Because I'm like your cornery.

I'm literally starting to open my phone.

I'm like, okay, I I can't.

But that's the thing.

If I if I this was.

Somebody I just saw randomly and like, I don't know, Bushwick whatever, I might never see you again.

But sling my business.

I've gone to a different park.

I'm changing my life, not going to the same part of the park.

And I still ran into you and you're running up on me, like I've been looking for you.

So girl.

He also has a hoodoo bag, but.

Yeah, he was like, I just she's four, like she she just has like good ideas on black people that are like But he was like, listen, just text me because I have to I have to skate, like blah blah blah blah.

He's like, for real, really like text me.

And I was like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

So you took his number down, took it.

I was like, uh HUHP three three, yeah, I got it.

My phone.

I've taken numbers people numbered and I'm just putting one, one, two to ye.

I'm just hitting numbers and there's nothing getting said nothing.

You said, what's your name Derek with two rs?

Nothing?

No K.

So then what's the next guy?

Alkright?

So then.

This is the most the one I just told you I was the most recent one.

The one before that I was at the gym.

I gotta stop working out of me people.

I think people who work out are toxic.

No disrespect to you.

Should working twice a day, but I'm like, this is not working out for me.

I'm been on that you think people who work out are toxic.

I mean I work out too, but I'm like, this keeps well.

I just I think that I'm just meeting people in workout settings.

And this is gone for Tuniture.

Planet Fitness Bank now ba same thing.

It is, same thing, blinking a little a little bit.

Yeah, you're not doing better.

It's like a month and a plus, maybe a C minus and a C plus.

No Planet Fitness is a C yes.

Blink is a be yes.

Because they're not serving pizza blink and it's like newer this episode.

Is it's sponsored by blank Blick Fitness.

I would love to get some free.

It is very cheap though, so that's probably part of it.

But yeah, so I'm like working out one day and like there's this like I was like working out, there's this guy who was like doing this like lift stuff, and I was just really impressed.

Also like he was.

Like really my type and I was really like him, like he looks really good.

And then he caught me looking at him in the mirror and then I looked away.

You was dreoling was your mouth?

Oh you gotta stop being so you gotta start wearing I really got a date for personality.

You gotta start wearing glass gym so they can't see your eyes.

Your eyes giving up.

You wear a low hat, but I don't wear a little hair no, now I am Now, I would never, never dape from the gym.

It's a mistake.

Okay.

So that was one day and then I see him the next day and then we like, you know, a glass glass glance.

I'm like, okay, I'm getting looked back next week.

Same another weekend.

I'm walking.

He walks past me and he goes, hey, I forget.

He says something something something, and he was like, I would love to take you out to dinner.

And I said, oh, you said, I eat off the rip.

Okay, okay, what's your number?

Okay, okay, very tall that.

I'm like, this is great.

That night, that night night you had nothing to do.

SI, okay, my plans got canceled.

He hit me up.

He's like up to I said, forget it.

Yeah, it's some fun.

Yeah, the spells working out.

Yeah we o bawlinge out out to the Orange.

Yes, yes, the Orange.

I threw the ship out after, but.

I didn't get it far away from me.

I waited for the trash man.

I said, but yeah, I go on this day.

It's fun, it's cute.

We hang out, we hang out, we hang out.

Then I start noticing, like I feel like he was like it was like he was like giving love bombing a little bit, like it was very like every time, like wow, sis so pretty d D.

And then I started feeling like I don't know about this, you know, it's feeling weird, Like there was just like little things here and there that I'm noticing.

Had a conversation about trends things.

He went from being at I'm an ally, which also was like a weird word to say, to one day we had a whole conversation about it, and I was like, why would he be in an airline?

So I was like, I feel like this person maybe like it's not fully everything they saying.

They're saying, and I'm kind of like losing interest whatever.

So I like send a message about something and then he ignored it.

I said, oh, okay, cool, it's dead.

Right.

Then I'm at the gym one day, see I see his his shoes, Like you know, first off, I've seen him a few times too on that gym.

I'm like, I walk in.

Now, i gotta go different parts of the gym.

I gotta walk around.

I'm like uncomfortable even though I ain't doing anything.

Tanya, you gotta stop shipping where you eat.

This is a problem.

I'm going, No, you're doing this great concert.

It's perfect for the pob.

I'm saying it's bad for the way that you're trying to live your.

Life, not for me doing great.

Now, i gotta go different times because I know he goes on the weekend at such and such time.

So I'm going later, I'm going earlier.

I'm like going to different parts of the I'm going downstairs in the leg area.

I never go down there.

You can't even do yoga in the park no more.

You you're dunking and dodging now, Okay, so h, I look down, he tells me some story.

I'm also scared he's gonna see this.

But are you scared?

There's a problem.

You gotta see these people again.

If it was just a stranger.

You think he listened to this podcast?

You're right, it's women, so probably not.

But I don't know.

But yeah, he had like a story about like his ex girlfriend and like she deleted my number and did she get his phone some like party that time and blah, I don't know, I'm just even liars.

Ex girlfriend deleted your number, so that's why he didn't respond to your text.

He can't also deleted the text.

She she like like uh C, I a erased everything allegedly.

She put it back to factory settings allegedly, and then they dated.

So say that, how say your bow?

Okay, well you hadn't seen him for months?

Yeah, you could work out in peace for months for months, No, but then I started not seeing him.

I would go different.

I would go on different times and I was like, look at God.

And then one time I did see him and then the eye contact was made and I was like, I don't have no beef.

So I just went and it was fine.

But then the conversation but I'm like, uh.

Okay, like cool, cool, that's amazing.

But even then it was like this is so weird, like what are we Are we supposed to like hang out again now we're supposed to Like no, I'm not thinking.

I'm just like wondering, like why we're having this conversation right, like it's just going to like but even that now it's like okay, but I felt like he was kind of hitting it like if you if your bird ass is trying.

To pop back in tweet tweet babe, and yeah.

I was like okay, yeah, no that's crazy.

So y'all never kissed or anything?

Oh before yeah, yeah we kissed you.

No, we didn't.

We did not we kissed.

He was hot, like he's honest.

Even when as he's telling me these lies, I'm like, oh, it's a lot to me.

Is like can I just do this for boredom?

No, you cannot.

You're gonna regret it link membership that you're not gonna be able to cancel exactly.

Also, this is alleged girlfriend will come fight me.

I was like, I'm not.

Going to delete your number.

She's going to leave your life.

You don't want.

I'm gonna be like, babe, take me out.

I'm ready to go.

But also I'm not fighting you over this man that I don't want.

Yeah, I am people, sure, that's all you saw.

You got him, he's yours in the final third guy their guy.

There's a cafe, I guess used to at this point.

Damn he running you at the cat cool you made You can't go to the park.

Where can you go?

We gotta go to church, you gotta go to bell Chase girl, where can you go?

No?

I go to this cafe.

All the time.

I was like writing, working on the script, like you know, trying to get out the house.

And then like his friend one day was like I was like, because I'm in the in the cafe.

Actually I went with another person that I used to date.

Doesn't it's you?

You are the mass.

So everyone has exes though, Yeah, but okay, so you was with.

Your ex at the cafe.

Yes, but I wasn't expecting to meet nobody there.

This was like again, actually, no, this person, this ex, I met him before I lived in Flatbush and he happened to live in Flatbush.

Like there's a problem.

It's Flatbush.

I think No, it's the orange.

It's you and the orange, or is.

It Orange is the New Mess?

Mess?

I love that title.

We're gonna go with that Orange is the New Mess.

But yeah, so I'm in.

That person leaves and then another there's another dude that works there, and then eyes I go to the bathroom.

I come back.

He's like, hey, like such and such has a crush on you.

And I was like, huh, somebody who works at the cafe.

He works at the cafe.

And it was the dude I've seen at the cafe turn out like yeah, so he was like you should.

Talk to him, blah blah.

I was like, okay, Ce, sure, yeah, but this is such and such got a crush on you.

Like if you can't come say with a like what are we doing?

That's why I can't even look at her.

I'm looking at you.

Barista is your wingman.

He owns it.

Oh, now that's what you should have started with.

Wait wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on, the guy that has a crush owns it, or the person who came to talk to you owns it?

Who has a crush owns it?

Well, then he definite should he should have sent an ice t latte or whatever, like a golden latte to the team, extra sir, oat milk.

But then in the house, but also if I was the owner or something, I was like, somebody do my light work.

You know what I'm saying.

Yeah, Well he was like I can't believe he did that, blah blah blah.

Like I just mentioned that I thought you were pretty for a while, like because you come in here, da da dah, you know, here's your number.

Blah blah blah.

But long story show with that, it was like more like I don't know, he's just like really busy running a whole cafe.

You that this is this business man.

No I live, but it's also can we go on like real dates?

Oh?

He would be like come to the shop, come to the cafe.

Day, we're gonna go.

We're gonna go somewhere after.

But it was just like too, it was too.

Like like like I'm busy all the time.

And if it's like I don't know if if it's benefiting me personally, like this somebody you're married to in a relationship with, where like you know financially you are benefiting, then I support your dream, right.

But if it's like every time.

It's like, oh, or you could come to Taco Tuesday, or you could come to blah blah blah and then we'll go to such and such such such, or I'm running late because of work and blah blah blah.

I was just like, yeah, I could see you being like, didn't really seem you.

Hire somebody, hire some hire or hire.

I mean that's the thing too, but it's like I can't because I gotta I get it, like I I that was an attractive thing to me, like your ambitious black owned da da da.

It's like a really popping place, like oh yeah, how.

Many outlets they got down?

My laptop and work right.

On over there.

There's not a few people in there too, because I was really like in Flatbush and flap Bush.

Okay, you're gonna edit that up, oh because it is, Yeah, but you're gonna edit out.

Yeah, yeah, you edit it out.

You gotta edit it.

No, they didn't hear me, because they and I heard you.

I heard you leave it out.

Leave it out.

We're gonna leave it out.

Yeah, it is.

You know that place is popping.

Be cute over Why you ain't never write me there?

That's some high people be cute there, and it'll be popping in there because I never to drinks.

You're saying I'm too big for the cafe.

You know.

I didn't say that.

It's just it's you have to get there early.

Yeah, yeah, you gotta get to get see my But I used to be.

In there, like you said early.

She said, that's not early.

No, it'd be their ginger lemonade.

Is mm.

They got good food too, and food.

Not doing this with job?

Okay, so should we go?

Yeah, let's go.

I don't want nobody, but.

Let's you know.

She's like, no, I don't.

Mortal story is not my man.

And then now when it felt when it fell off for reasons like it was just like I'm busy.

I'm busy.

I'm busy.

I don't know if I could tell this story because this is a person that will actually like watch.

This, you think, what do you mean?

No, they're just they're just like an online person and they're so busy how.

They are online clocking for me, sweetie.

They're okay, their friend, Okay, I'm all the friend of the person, the friend who was like, hey, hey, hey, you gotta my friend has a question that or I so I'm dating this person for a little bit, right for months.

I'm cool with the friends too, because I still coming into the cafe, get my little free matra.

The love it.

I have a question, Yes, how are you dating?

If y'all not really seeing each other?

No, we will see each other all the time too, like in the cafe and then the cafe.

But also it would be like a date, Like it'd be like, why don't you come here?

I come once and I'm like, like, for example, there'd be like a day where they have like stretch therapy.

I come to stretch therapy.

It's a free session.

Blah blah blah.

They have like events there.

It sounds like convenience, but I mean like, I'm ambitious, I'm working, I'm this this dream I have and I'm trying to be supportive of.

But then the next time we'll go to like bathouse, or we're going to a dinner somewhere, we'll do some stuff date we had since it was dating, No, we had dates, but it would be like if we go on five dates, three of them you're trying to make this thing or you're like, hey, like come through out after launch, or we'll go to dea which is a place that's around the corner from me.

But come here first and then I come in, and you gotta go and work on this and do that.

And I'm like, I could sit on the phone and wait in my own home.

You know what I'm saying.

Yeah, but if there's an expectation, I'm guessing.

I was like, Yo, all the girlies they're.

Just fine with this.

They're just sitting around waiting on the couch.

I'm like, I need to be an employee.

You need to pat me on the payroll.

I'm here, so you could have had you on the cashier.

What's up?

You ready?

Maybe I can make a little No, I just wanted to sit.

But yeah, so he his friend they would like tell inside jokes with me and blah blah blah.

He sent me.

He showed me a text that they a text threat they were and they were like making fun of something or whatever.

And then he's like he has he let me hold this home.

He's like, you can scroll.

So I'm like, oh, I scroll and I see old boy talking out.

I just bagged this this girl or something like that.

Something bagged and there's an Instagram I g for this person and who is the.

Person me, no, some like random girl.

There's some random girl, but I don't know that shit like set me off because I was like, oh, so you're not like we weren't exclusive.

But I was like, you're not that busy.

You got time too, bag girls like what?

But yeah.

So I'm like oh.

And then his friend's like, I can't believe you saw that he did lah you reacted to it, yeah, because I went oh oh, and he was like humh and he took his phone.

He was like, fuck, I don't know, dude, just texted that.

I just sent that in the threat.

But you should have shown you should have missed with me that.

Anyway, I wouldn't have done it.

I'm not sure it's real.

He was, Yeah, he said, go ahead and scroll messy.

He did it on purpose.

I'm trying to let you know he was trying to.

He was like, why do Yeah, he was trying to.

He was trying to be a bird and like, seeing you the message twee tweet tweet I received that said so I texted him and I was like, so I hear you out here knowing blah blah blah blah.

So I think we're done.

And it was like, what do you mean where did you see?

What did you hear?

But I didn't want to tell him a friend because I felt bad.

Because Bro was like to tell him where you saw it?

Yeah he knows, he said it.

Yeah exactly.

But then of course, like, so I the where this place is.

If I go a certain way from the train, I'm gonna run into it.

This is so messy, this is a girl.

Yeah, I see him again And the first question is, yo, so what's that about?

You really got to move from d D.

So I did tell him in the n I rated the front out and then they had it back and forth.

But like, that's what you're saying, that's your business.

You got to save yourself.

Yeah, that's how I look at it.

So what you're gonna do?

So the moral of the story is don't do it.

Don't work.

I mean, it works, but not not.

I needed to be like really specific.

I thought I was, but I was not.

So you wanted ambitious, you got ambitious.

It was that cafe, dude.

You wanted the creative forever.

You wanted fit and take care of themselves.

If we can mix all of that together.

And fourth guy, I think would be the one that he's going to be on your travels.

You gotta go to like country, Yeah, you can't.

Got to get out of I'm gonna put the neighborhood.

Flat bush.

I got to.

Now I'm outside.

Now I'm outside.

I was going through I was going through a period of depression.

So I was like, I could I could do this here, I could, I could go on a two mile radius.

And it was like, no question for you.

Do you think dating while depressed is productive?

Because I think that's honestly, I think that's the energy I put into the orange, you know orange, Like I wasn't clear and my heart was heavy and I wasn't I think if I had done that spell from a place of like healed, comfortable, cozy, did you use the blood orange?

It was giving blood orange, blood orange.

He was giving blood perid blood orange.

And that's why I got the energy I got.

Now I am gonna go get an orange after the pod ma.

Make sure you're in a good place.

I'm in a great Yeah, okay, where the orange is gonna I gotta get like a whole foods orange.

Like people, it wasn't an organic you should have got organic.

The sides where you got it from one of those like corner corner places you know you ready got to do.

You can't get the oranges in a bag.

You gotta get an individual orange.

Single.

You gotta go to the food, the market, the farmer's market, armers market.

I feel like I'm gonna get a white dude.

Yeah, you're black on ones.

Maybe I feel like if.

I got a Farmer's market orange, it will be a white man that went birken stop yes and says things like I feel.

And I don't want that.

Yeah, I did not.

I threw that ship away off.

So now you're in a good place.

How are you gonna unmass this dating situation?

What are what are your plans?

Yeah?

What are you going out?

Where are you going so that you can meet?

So I've learned one, don't ship where you eat.

When I'm at the gym, now, head down down, head down low like fabulous in two thousand and two.

Yes, literally that's me.

You can't see, no eyelash, nothing.

Okay, I go in.

I'll be bumping into things.

But I was because because I'm bumping into trouble.

Okay, bumping into trouble.

Yes, at the cafe, I don't go to that cafe.

No more, you don't go there.

I get and then I for the.

Prematchra It's cool, but I asked, so I work out I write at the library now quiet.

I heard that when I find attractive.

I've never seen nobody attractive in the library, but maybe there is.

But it's harder because there's more people are like, people are not interested.

It's not the people at this cafe are trying to be hot, but they just know they are.

Definitely they're looking good.

For this fantastic.

But at the library it's graduate students.

It's people who are just people trying to get their thesis to exactly.

So you're not finding nobody at.

A young doctor.

They might be ugly.

That's the thing I'm trying to unshallow, trying to get people to know people.

I'm trying to be people in real life settings.

Maybe you met somebody at the park that's real life and I've asked.

I've asked you this off air, but I was like, what about women, And you're like, I'm sorry.

The thing is I would be So I went to Magic City once, all right, and girl, you have to go, you said, so I went to the strip club, and that you went to you went.

To the top strip club.

So you went to medic City and what did you see?

But we went.

We went when it was a PM, so nobody because one of my friends that came with us, she used to dance, and she was like, you gotta go early when it's just like it's a couple, couple couples.

The men are not there.

It's just us four girls and we were throwing it and so like that was fun.

But there was one.

Girl was really hot.

Okay, what she looked like.

She looked like if I was in Atlanta.

She had a little bikini.

She was like a more demure demure.

They had the top topless but kept the bottoms on, dropping the carrot.

I was like showing everything.

Yes, but it was like and that's what I'm saying.

It's just this the last time I felt that way.

But there are moments where I'm like, you know what I could pull up on you or or the opposite that was high fam I could do like maybe like a masculine like you know so but it's just like y'all know Natasha Cloud from The Liberty, she did go to a game.

I was too busy, like taking videos the elephant dancing.

I know who Natasha Cloud is.

Yeah, I'm like, they're like cute, but I don't know.

There's like I think, like, you know, I haven't been in a position or I have been in positions where I could and I never Yeah, she.

Kind of looks like Coy Lauray if.

She was brother.

Yeah, brother.

She is problematic.

She's like, I think it was either her or she's like, oh the person she's dating who's isn't isn't another basketball player.

Or she's like she's not really gay, she's just into me.

Oh my god.

I just had this conversation with my best friends.

She's dating a woman and she self identifies as a straight woman, and she said that.

People are mad.

People are mad, that people are mad that that that like the people don't like get like, the community is not like that.

And yet gay's love us straight person Yeah, a specific gay.

Yeah that does that.

You think it's toxic?

I don't want it, Yeah, because what I don't like a chase.

I actually don't want to work at all.

Why would I be with somebody who's like you.

It's clear that you're not really about this.

And then those girls who are with somebody but they're like straight, they're not giving ahead.

You gotta you gotta, you gotta get it heads.

You gotta give.

Some girls don't want it, though I want it?

Why would I?

Why would I be with somebody who don't want to do it?

Right?

But I feel like, haven't you dated people who didn't want you to do it to them?

That's not That's what I'm saying some girls.

No, no, no, wait, wait waitit no, no no, I've never been with somebody who didn't want to head.

They definitely want to every it do't matter what gender you are.

Everybody I've been with they wanted.

I feel like there are people updated words, they like to give more than they like to receive.

So maybe I did it a few times, but that's not our regular routine.

Could you do that?

If she like dipped down there and was like all right, that don't make me feel like so is it bad?

Like?

What does it taste like pennies?

What's going on?

Does it?

Does it taste like a Susan b Anthony down there?

Yeah?

But like so so you're saying, Okay, you're saying you could do it or you couldn't do it?

Could I do it?

I feel like, I'm I want your study.

You're studying one mass homophobic, homophobic study.

I feel like I want, I want.

I want to have a relationship where you don't want to do it, you don't want to do it.

If I'm doing a relationship, I would want it to be like I would want it to be some equity and I wouldn't want the person to feel like you where they're like there, So you just.

You're just never gonna do it.

So you're saying you wouldn't do it, but you would get it.

If I if I was to go into that you dry, you're l.

No, I did, I would, I would try if I if I found a girl.

Who was like, you know, we here, nobody wants you try in there if you want to be with a girl.

The spell is instead of hair from your No, no, that's a different kind of spell.

I heard.

That's the spell that like get your get your man to be like obsessed or like that's that's a different type of so that's like a witchery.

Yeah, yeah, yep, they put I think I think that was in mids some more.

I didn't see that it was there.

Yeah, yes, she put herubes in the pie yeah, nasty in the pie?

What kind of pie?

Some I think it's like a Swedish apple some something.

You would do it apple like that, like strude so in the toaster.

Not that.

But then you're like, my god, let me take them clothes off, diving in you doing that?

No, be my baby, all right.

To nice to night, a little honey on and by the act as you could tell, these women are straight.

Absolutely get my fingers, baby and I and the straight the whole time.

This is improv they're they're just.

When the lady comes up to me, I'm like, no, thanks, yes, and but no.

Think I love your shoes.

There's no version of a woman where you be like me, yeah, I feel like just a curiosity.

Yeah maybe, but I don't know.

I just I don't know what she would have to look.

Excuse me, you ain't never said that.

See yeah, because you could you popped into the dicks.

Maybe she could pop into No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.

I don't I need to change the narrative.

Don't change that narrative.

You saw the man I was in the sunken place Okay, I didn't.

I didn't pop in it.

You pop in you sunk in, fell off the chair.

Where'd you meet this man?

I'm so curious.

Oh god, there's so many I was on not so many, and it was I was on hinge, so you can put effort into me.

I was like, it wasn't brought to you.

It was a dark time.

It was a dark time.

I met the one with Marie.

Yeah, yeah, we were out.

I went to the bathroom.

When I came back and Sydney was talking.

To a home man.

What but but I wasn't talking to him like talking.

I was just like, he's still here shouting no, no, no, Sidney, don't do that, don't do that.

Sidney is like Sidney is a flirt.

Okay.

She's like I was just to him.

No, he was saying things and she was like, yeah, like they're going back and forth.

It was going back, not putting this on.

Tyler was on stage and was like, mages, So this was really No, it's like two years ago.

Okay, I forget how long tylerman, but yeah, can't believe I'm putting my glasses because I didn't even believe MA say something like that.

You love throwing me underneath the bus?

Grol What how did I throw you under the bus?

You were flirting with this dude.

I didn't think I was flirting with him.

I thought I was being totally chick, because are you doing this?

No?

She was standing and she wasn't leaning on anything.

Okay, Sydney, you were absolutely y'all were flirting so much so and this is not me throw you under the bus.

Y'all exchanged information in minigrams that counts now, instagrams that counts.

No, that's information.

I'm an influencer, that's he said.

My numbers up?

Yeah, out of a follow No, no, no, you gotta follow you.

No, he was, he was cute.

He was He's a very attractive guy.

I didn't.

I didn't.

Nothing happened, Oh something happened.

Oh wait, you offendshed.

She says you were flirting, but something happened.

But I wasn't flirting at t Do you understand.

Yeah?

I thought she was gonna be like, I didn't even but something happened.

At first, I was like, Marie, look at this tall man for you.

He wasn't looking at me.

He was looking at c h.

Yes, and then you y'all.

M yeah, And then you met and we were we were, you know, just dming and then I'll show you.

I'll show you to d M that.

But it was it was very forward and I was like, oh oh he was like sexual.

Yes, oh, and you said makes me sweat.

But I threw her under the bus.

Girl, you jumped on the Yeah, wait a minute, I thought it was a sea or talking to you in front of the bus.

She put her hand out like I wouldn't.

I wouldn't.

It was does that do the tour around New York City?

She was doing the tour of the bus.

Let me tell you if I had, if I since I was going back around this time around, I.

Was like, I would not be with no ugly dude if I was.

I said, if I'm going to do this, they can't be ugly.

I already did that.

I already did that when I really like them through that, No way they have to.

They at least look nice.

Now is their bedding together?

The betting it's gonna be dark navy sheets?

You know it's green black?

What's this frontal?

And the straight man?

Anti light sheets?

It's because you are changing them.

You gotta wash them.

Oh, you dirty color the sheets on your bed right now?

Oh?

Do you change your sheets?

He's well her white?

Yeah, you got them for you?

Exactly did you have them before you met her weight?

She said?

Let me let me upgrade.

Let me let me upra upgrade Egyptian count.

Wow?

Should we should we do some mess?

Yes?

A mess.

I'm gonna read a message.

Okay, I am jealous of my husband's barber.

Never thought I would see a title like this.

This is crazy.

Okay, such a huge fan of you guys.

This is not a serious problem, but I'm curious what you two think.

And thank you so much for writing this.

My husband has been going to the same barber for years.

He loves the way he hate Oh it's a one.

He loves the way she does his curly hair.

She's close to his job, she uses quality products, and apparently they have great conversation.

And that's in quotation marks.

He should be sat there silent, in my opinion, but I hear no, no, no, I can't stand the fact that he goes to a female barber.

Now as a woman, you saying female barber, I don't like that either.

That's very toxic of you.

Yeah, well, how else is she supposed to describe her?

It's a female barber, a lady barber, female, female barber.

You don't call her a female.

Yes, it's a female, a male bone when people say female male, But she's no, y'all read it into that.

I don't agree.

The female barber is just living, living, Okay.

Every time he comes back from getting his haircut, I see a montage in my head of this woman running her fingers through his hair, massaging his head, touching his neck, et cetera.

Well, I mean she's she's Is she a barber or is she like a hairstylist.

She got a machere of the line a stray, you gotta know, But barber's you.

They're not washing.

People are coming in and they're just so they know they do facial stuff.

Now they're upscale.

So he's not going to like the bum ass barber in the neighborhoods.

He's really he's really doing it.

Okay.

It doesn't help that she is very pretty straight and single.

You've done research, and she followed him on Instagram to confirm their appointments.

Even worse, he followed her back.

Baby.

Now, I really now, I don't really believe she's trying to seduce my husband.

But he looks like if Joe Jonas was South Asian and tall enough to ride the roller coasters at six Flags.

Well, that's not that tall, friend, don't you know that tall?

So that's what I think she's trying to say.

Joe Jonas is sure.

Okay, so he okay, Oh he's tall enough to ride the roller CRD.

Okay, so he's he's short.

He's a short king here king.

He also has a great job and a charming personality.

I have to be vigilant.

I have to be vigilant, girl, you're doing the work.

Okay.

My husband works in n y C.

And I'm one hundred percent sure he can find a straight male barber who is near his job and a curly hair expert.

I brought this up to him, and he says, I'm being ridiculous.

Now.

That is toxic saying ridiculous because you are now discrediting my my, my feelings.

Okay, it is her job to touch him, so I shouldn't be jealous.

Oh he really about her.

Oh he will go to war for her.

Well, I know what he said.

He said that.

I think a lot of people was they find somebody that does their hair how they like, they don't want to leave, and if he's not doing anything wrong.

He's like, Babe, you are being ridiculous.

That's what I'm saying.

That's her job to me because she custs my hair.

Ye.

We talk to our friends about it, and they were split.

M all the girls.

On one hand, they made the point that it's less about whether it's possible to find another good stylist, but more about all the bad haircuts he might have to suffer through to.

Find this new person to do his hair.

So well, Internally, I was like, even better, who is trying to impress with his hair?

Oh?

Damn, she just got you.

Girl.

Isn't he trying to impress you?

If he really loves me, he'd bust it off when he leaves for work and girl way back when he comes home.

Okay, Like, you are being ridiculous.

You're men, not me siding with a man.

Yeah.

I know we don't do that here.

But one of my friends made the point that just because it's someone's job doesn't mean it's not crossing a boundary in a relationship.

She brought up massage and bikini waxes et cetera as examples.

I thought this was very interesting because I've gotten massages before and my husband always asked me to request a female messuse.

Not only that, my husband.

Asked me to switch yoga studios because I mentioned offhand that the male instructor adjusted my form during the class.

I'm sorry?

Is that okay?

I'm sorry you knocked the job.

So I'm writing the mess experts for an objective opinion?

Am I messive for being jealous of my husband?

Barber?

You answered your question friend, you are jealous.

You're being jealousy but Sonia, But.

I would say I was with him until he told you a yoga instructor adjusting you was too much.

I feel like he's already said the precedent.

Then we can't even be like y'all on the train.

Not even make an eye contact with the other.

Estopicis sex?

It sounds like so like Before that though, I was like, girl, it's hair like he touches you if you can't I if somebody wants this cheat on you.

If a man wants to cheat on you, there it is.

They'll tell you he's going to church and pull up on somebody cheating in church.

They do ye, cheat too, dude on the drum.

We have a baby?

Were Barbara in the in the therape, Yes he does.

I got a soprano.

Let me tell you what you gotta do.

So is it messy or just living for her being jealous?

I think it's I think it's living because oh no, I am only swayed.

I think that he already said to her, you cannot have a male.

I gotta switch my yoga.

Studio, something where if you find a place you like, you like.

If he had never said to her and said the president that we cannot that another sex touches or looks at you, I'm gonna crash out.

Then I'd be like, girl, that's too much to me.

I'd be like, okay, my man has a female Barbara, Okay, Like if he wants to cheat on me, he's gonna cheat on me.

If he's touching my hair, like she wants this man to be baled so.

That she said.

In a nice hair cut he's been going for ye ye yeah, she's imagining that old girls like licking his head or.

Like oh yeah yeah, yeah yeah, popping her cooch on his head and introduce.

Go with him to his next appointment sit on his lap, his hair, straddle him, bust it.

But it would be nice to meet her because then you can see the energy.

I mean, if she's been he's been going there for years, she's probably met her.

Yes, and all the stuff.

I have a suggestion, girl, you need to learn how to do his hair, do his hair, become a barber.

Become a barbera, and he needs to be a yoga instructor whatever.

The things that y'all going out for outsourcing.

Keep it in the house.

Y'all gotta learn.

If you're gonna be that jealous and weird, hey, then you're gonna If I was him, I'd be like, do you know how to line my shit up?

Do you know how to make sure my girls are right?

Yeah?

But she might if she's a female barber, she might be gay.

She says she's straight.

Is she she says she's straight.

Well, but also it's like just because she's straight on me, she wants your man.

Yeah, it's that's another thing.

Somebody, some of y'all, some of y'all with y'all partners or whoever you will, nobody want them.

It's just you.

And that is why they have That's why they want you.

Okay, y'all have to ease up.

Not everybody, because when I was waitressing these women swore I was talking to Jim and Todd and and and Thomas.

I don't want any of these men.

I just want that MX, give me that Max.

I just want to spike his card and give me my fifty five percent because that's what I does.

Yeah, okay, because because that's standard, and then all the other percentage because you know, racism and sexism and misogyny on top of that, so it's fifty five percent.

Everybody doesn't want your man.

Also, her description of him wasn't like I wasn't like, oh not jo Joe Jonas so tall enough to ride hand Joe Jonas, but talk Joe Jonas, y'all.

Maybe 'all don't know which one is.

But also, y'all be scared about these women take y'all in Some of these men could take y'all men.

It could be a really yeah, what is some fine gay man is doing?

Then what you're gonna pull up on him too?

Oh yeah, Joe Jonas, that's not It's fine.

No, But I'm not like, I'm not like he's not for me.

But okay, cool, yeah, I think y'all need to reevaluate.

Yeah, y'all might have to do some what starts with the t therapy stocking, follow her after work, see where she at, see what her lifestyle is, or she's with somebody, or she's you know, she dates people who look completely opposite your husband.

Catfish her with a man that looks like your man, and see if she goes for that man.

Then you know she's into man.

Since if you're doing this, you got to get a job, because that sounds like you are very free and I don't want you doing that.

Health and Chat GPT to give you a remixed Joe Jonas's face, make that the profile and then be like Eastern European instead of South Asian.

Right, let's see what right, let's see what?

Yeah, you know if he goes so we all wave you three different things that you could do.

I said, you know, stalk and or show up at the appointment.

Sidney said, learn how to.

Do his hair and sorry what you said, catfish, or like stop doing it like everybody y'all could anybody can cheat.

You can't put like you live in a world where other people are going attracting you gotta trust that your man wants you and nobody else, and that if he does want somebody else, well he it just has to be the barber.

What about I don't know if the secretary of work?

What about his cash here?

I think realistically you did make a good point at the top.

It's he made you switch yoga studios.

You should just bring that back up.

Yeah, that's actually what I would love in this place.

And you told me I couldn't go here because this guy adjusted my form.

And I'm telling you, I don't want this lady to have her tits on your back when she's cutting your hair, So.

You can't have it both ways.

Yeah, it's one or the other.

And I bet he's gonna be like, all right, fine, I guess I'll let her go.

Are you cool with having a man that looks a litle little bit?

You know, his hair gonna be a little lopsite and.

Her hair is gonna be crazy?

Say, oh, she's actually probably like so you're going to Greg, he's gonna be doing your hair now.

We're seventy eight, needs to leave.

Y'all should do like the Bachelor.

But for Barber's shark tank, this I like this.

America's next Top Barber America's Next Step show like that.

Well, I'm just saying, like, you gotta do it in house.

Yeah, like every day, come to the house.

He gotta regrow it after every week.

Oh does you do house calls?

Have her bring the kid to the house.

Yes, and then you watch literally while you're holding your team.

But then it's gonna look like so wait, if I was if I was the stylist of the bar, I was like, are they trying to they're looking forward?

I would totally go, oh, this might be some poly pocket situation.

But then if she wants the polypocket, you gotta get her out of there, because that means she was interested.

Maybe she wanted me.

Oh and she was a gay and she was square.

Okay, I'll come back to gay.

This was amazing.

You really did your things.

Thank you for I mean I I thank I think she might be in the top tier of mess, top tier, top tier mess.

So I started off like a compliment, but now doesn't doesn't.

This was top shelf so like like a black label mess.

Yeah, black label man aged at least twelve years.

Maybe just age two two years in a cellar in Bushwick.

Yeah, cellar in Bushwick.

Oh, won't let you got out?

Yeah, Sonya tell everybody.

Where they can find you, and what you got going on and coming up.

You find me Sonny Denny s O N I D and I on Everything, and I have a show called Minnchell called iron Heart on Plus coming out June's twenty four.

All right, if you're listening to this and you've made it this far, learn how to cut hair just in case.

That's all.

Yep, yep.

I keep leaving those reviews, baby, we love this and reviews and send us messages.

They're so good.

We love you much.

Don't forget the pictures.

Yep.

Bye.

Mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Foston is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio Podcasts, Created and hosted by Sidney Washington and Marie Foston.

Executive produced by Olivia Aguilar and.

Hans Sonny, super produced by Becca Ramos, edited a mixed by Brian Jeffries.

If you would like your messages read on air, please email us at mess Thepodcast at gmail dot com, or call for your messages to be played at seven six three two eight ero six five eight eight