[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to the intentional fatherhood podcast where we give you a strong biblical framework and lots of practical ideas on how to live intentionally as a father and a husband.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm Brooke Moser and I'm Justin Whitmore Early and we're your host to guide you through the many roles and challenges that God is calling you to live intentionally as a father.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're following a visual framework that you can check out at intentionalfatherhood.org and it's going to help you break down fatherhood into eight columns.

[SPEAKER_02]: And in each one, we're going to talk about how God made you to be a father and what practical habits you can start trying today in order to live intentionally into that home.

[SPEAKER_01]: So come along with us as we follow Jesus on this journey towards being more intentional fathers.

[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome back to the intentional fatherhood podcast.

[SPEAKER_02]: Today, giving your death away, giving your death away.

[SPEAKER_02]: Giving your death away, we're here episode five of season two.

[SPEAKER_02]: Justin, this is already, if it's so many fun conversations, but this has been a true delight.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I am very excited, especially after our time of prep, to get into this, [SPEAKER_02]: topic today for a lot of reasons, a couple of housekeeping, but go ahead first.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, no, I'm just thinking I'm really excited too because it's been honestly so helpful to me to talk about the building phase, the giving your life away phase, I think giving your death away is very provocative, wild and interesting as demonstrated by the fact that I was in a coffee shot this morning, making some notes on this when a friend walked in and was like, what he up to today was like, actually, we're going to this podcast is like, what's it going to be about?

[SPEAKER_01]: And he was like, I have some thoughts, like literally sat down.

[SPEAKER_01]: Did he give him to you?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but I thought it was it was just so interesting to hear.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we don't think about death enough.

[SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm.

[SPEAKER_01]: You don't think about it a lot.

[SPEAKER_01]: But when men start talking about it, they suddenly feel the weight in the import of life, which is the goal.

[SPEAKER_01]: So that's, but before we get there, that's before we get there.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's before we get there.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's so much teaser.

[SPEAKER_01]: We got to do some housekeeping.

[SPEAKER_02]: Quick housekeeping.

[SPEAKER_02]: A couple things.

[SPEAKER_02]: Well, I'll say this.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for all the questions you've sent and they've already been amazing, really looking forward to answering season two questions just like we were able to respond to season one questions and thank you for sending them and we so appreciate it.

[SPEAKER_02]: If you have another chance, all you need to do is record a one minute voice memo with your name where you're from.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's very helpful, by the way.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's so fun to do.

[SPEAKER_01]: We love hearing your name where you're from and the accents.

[SPEAKER_02]: I love the accents from so many around the states and around the world and both and all you need to do is email that to and hello at intentional fatherhood.org.

[SPEAKER_02]: So please do that if you haven't had a chance and we would love to hear it.

[SPEAKER_02]: And then the other thing is obviously we're going to say it, but please rate, subscribe.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's super helpful.

[SPEAKER_02]: And also leave a comment if you can.

[SPEAKER_02]: If you listen to Spotify or Apple, that is just a super helpful way to engage with this.

[SPEAKER_02]: It gets the word out.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I have to say this to all the ladies listening.

[SPEAKER_02]: First of all, we were having dinner last night with your lovely wife Lauren and we had a great time trying my first show broke a true Richmond experience.

[SPEAKER_02]: It was first oyster which amazes me how you got to almost age 40 without eating oysters, but it's just it's never been you know you have different experiences in life It just was one of those that I was never really chasing and just never presented itself.

[SPEAKER_02]: It wasn't like I was against it as much as it just hasn't presented itself.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is why you know this has been an East Coast season.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's absolutely been talking about Bucky's, you've been in the south.

[SPEAKER_01]: We don't mention talking about the Confederate monuments that are now no longer on the streets that we've been driving.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're talking about oysters.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's my great turn.

[SPEAKER_02]: But the point is the ladies listening and I was talking to Lauren as well.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I find it so funny.

[SPEAKER_02]: Um, I wanted this is a safe space for you ladies.

[SPEAKER_02]: You can listen to a fatherhood podcast.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I want to highlight this.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's actually very helpful if you do because it helps you be on the same page.

[SPEAKER_02]: But here's my one ask.

[SPEAKER_02]: I know that a lot of you are like, maybe scared to subscribe because you're like, I'm a mom or a wife, I can't do that.

[SPEAKER_02]: Subscribe.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's helped.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's super great for you to be a part of it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I really feel this subconsciousness.

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, at least some of the women I've talked to.

[SPEAKER_02]: Really?

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, they're like, I listen to that.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like, and I just every time, I just try to, I mean, not everyone, but at least probably three or four to five have been like, I listen to it, too.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like, that's the, that's the, that's the findest gift.

[SPEAKER_02]: So ladies, this is your podcast, too.

[SPEAKER_02]: Please subscribe as well.

[SPEAKER_02]: But today we want to talk about giving your death away.

[SPEAKER_02]: And this is so pertinent.

[SPEAKER_02]: We're going to obviously speak to fathers, because that's our space.

[SPEAKER_02]: We can't speak from who we are not.

[SPEAKER_02]: But this obviously applies to any mom listening, any wife, any woman listening.

[SPEAKER_02]: This applies to you too.

[SPEAKER_02]: This is a life thing, not just a father thing.

[SPEAKER_02]: We want to talk about it through that lens, though.

[SPEAKER_02]: And we want to get to that idea of giving your death away, which is really unique.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think to start today, which would be fun, because this concept is going to be one that we are not fully in.

[SPEAKER_02]: So a full caveat for Justin and I, we're both...

[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, we're not dead yet.

[SPEAKER_02]: We're not dead.

[SPEAKER_02]: we have not successfully given our deaths away.

[SPEAKER_02]: And we want to just maybe give a big caveat that these are things that we are learning, reading, and attempting to press into.

[SPEAKER_02]: We have not perfected.

[SPEAKER_02]: We are not living in fully.

[SPEAKER_02]: Some of you men listening are 10 years, 20 years, our seniors, you are either doing this or maybe you haven't done this and you're like eager to listen.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I just want to say wherever you're at, what we're going to try to do is have a conversation honestly, we're not going to be an authority in this space because we don't believe that we are.

[SPEAKER_02]: But what we want to do is share with you what we're thinking and our attempts.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we're trying to prepare for this.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_02]: And trying to think about it.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that is actually the most helpful part.

[SPEAKER_02]: So that's all the disclaimer about this one because this is a stage of life we haven't fully lived, but we're starting to dip our toe in and figure some of that out.

[SPEAKER_02]: But I think nestled in between your chest hair currently is a necklace.

[SPEAKER_02]: I have to see all in the room, but there's a, you're wearing a necklace.

[SPEAKER_01]: Show, show the folks this necklace if you can't talk to me visible on camera, but yeah, that is some momentum more in necklace.

[SPEAKER_01]: I love the skull.

[SPEAKER_01]: our glass and a rose on this.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_02]: Tell us about this.

[SPEAKER_02]: Tell I mean because this is really where we're going to start today's conversation.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, I'm to remind everybody.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a corporate lawyer rapidly approaching middle age.

[SPEAKER_01]: So wearing the chain with the skull on it is not exactly on brand for me.

[SPEAKER_03]: And that's what that's what I love about you.

[SPEAKER_03]: However.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was given to me as a gift over five years ago now.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I was traveling right after I had written my first book, The Common Rule, a speaking and a church in Michigan.

[SPEAKER_01]: And this pastor named Marvin was so kind to me.

[SPEAKER_01]: He was just unusually hospitable.

[SPEAKER_01]: And really appreciate him, really appreciate his church.

[SPEAKER_01]: uh...

he's black multi-racial multi-ethnic congregation super on fire for the lord super orthodox loved everything that they were doing and he was just really kind so he was like having meals with me throughout the weekend and he made a point to take me out to sushi on the way back to the airport like he drove me didn't want me get an Uber he went to drive me and he was given me all this life advice he was asking the kind of questions [SPEAKER_01]: as he's probably, you know, 20 years ahead of me, right, he's just asking this kind of like older man questions like how are you really doing with this new writing and speaking stuff like how's your family has your wife as you're well with the Lord has your purity like deep stuff.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he's just so caring and I finally asked him a question I'd been more in to ask all weekend.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, what is that chain that you wear.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what does that necklace, it just looks so cool.

[SPEAKER_01]: What does it, and he took it off, he put on the table, and he pushed it over to me, and he was like, it's a momentum, and I was like, what is a momentum, or he explained there's this ancient Roman stoic tradition where the generals who had just been paraded through the streets in victory would have a slave or servant behind them who whispered a momentum, or into their ear, which is Latin for remember your death.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it was this idea that in your high point of life.

[SPEAKER_01]: you would do well to be reminded that you are going to die.

[SPEAKER_01]: You were going to die.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, we'll all come to an end.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, that's so fascinating.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then he told me a little bit how about how medieval Christians sort of adopted this tradition into a Christian framework and just starting trying to live in light of the time God has given you to Stuart on this earth.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we can talk more about what that means.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just love so cool.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, that's amazing.

[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I pushed it back to him.

[SPEAKER_01]: No, I want you to keep it and push this back across the table and I'm like, this, I can't do that.

[SPEAKER_01]: No, I'll go buy one.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure it's like $10 on Amazon.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, no, people are usually uncomfortable with grace.

[SPEAKER_01]: They're uncomfortable with gifts.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I want you to accept this gift.

[SPEAKER_01]: I like this guy.

[SPEAKER_01]: I like this guy.

[SPEAKER_01]: I give it to me.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so I remember, I was like, I honestly try to give it back like two or three times because it just bears noting in the middle of a little story.

[SPEAKER_01]: Grace is super uncomfortable.

[SPEAKER_01]: It can be being given a free gift is super uncomfortable.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, I want to earn it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to pay for it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now I want to get my own.

[SPEAKER_01]: He gave to me.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so I've won it for five years ever since.

[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's very meaningful to me because I feel like Marvin gave me the gift of remembering my death.

[SPEAKER_01]: which go back to the first thing we talked about in the season.

[SPEAKER_01]: We encouraged you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I hope you've done it.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you haven't, go to the website and download the PDF.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: Done the age chart.

[SPEAKER_01]: So you guys told this little story about filling out the age chart and writing your ages from like, you know, maybe 20 to 65.

[SPEAKER_01]: And the wild thing about doing the age chart is not just that your time horizon comes into focus, but there's like this funny thing about doing it where you choose to stop somewhere.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like I stopped at 65, you know.

[SPEAKER_01]: And the weird thing is, you think, I am not talking about it.

[SPEAKER_01]: We don't really know how to make this thing because we don't know where it stops.

[SPEAKER_01]: But we all know that we don't like to think about, it will stop.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: It will stop.

[SPEAKER_01]: We all are going to die and this is a uncomfortable reality.

[SPEAKER_01]: that only else it is, only Christianity can make sense of that we long for eternal life and yet our bodies will die.

[SPEAKER_01]: and yet they will be raised again to resurrected eternal life.

[SPEAKER_01]: Christianity is wild.

[SPEAKER_01]: It is a wild place, but it's the only way to understand your life in light of your impending death.

[SPEAKER_02]: I first of all love this story, Marvin, I hope to meet you.

[SPEAKER_02]: I hope, if somebody listens to this and knows Marvin, will you please send them this end episode?

[SPEAKER_02]: And just let him know how he's impacted Justin and therefore and honestly just encouraged me in deep ways.

[SPEAKER_02]: I have to say one of the things that I know is not even on the topic, but you mentioned it and I think it's important.

[SPEAKER_02]: Unusually generous people will always impact other people.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I want to highlight this as we get to speak in different places.

[SPEAKER_02]: You always remember the places that are just in a very thoughtful way, like they care for you and like their hospital and a way that is hard.

[SPEAKER_02]: Now doesn't mean this is not everyone's gift to really get it.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm just saying it's a difference.

[SPEAKER_02]: It makes a difference.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, look at the Utah accent huge difference.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, you couldn't have spent more than a day or two with Mark Grant was probably total 36 hours and we are talking about number five plus years later, anyway, I'm just I want to highlight that is just a life a man thing like guys do not.

[SPEAKER_02]: Do not underestimate the power of humility, generosity, hospitality, kindness.

[SPEAKER_02]: It goes so far.

[SPEAKER_02]: They're king to principle.

[SPEAKER_02]: They last in your soul.

[SPEAKER_02]: They're more than just a moment.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I wanted to highlight that.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you, Marvin, for that example.

[SPEAKER_02]: As the framework goes, we've talked about getting your life together.

[SPEAKER_02]: Many of us are in the stage of giving our life away.

[SPEAKER_02]: And now we're talking about giving our death away and I couldn't think of a better place to start than that story that was so helpful.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I really think what we want to do with this time as well, you know, we kind of gave some caveats.

[SPEAKER_02]: We want to frame this time with how to think about this.

[SPEAKER_02]: Because [SPEAKER_02]: For some, and I mean, honestly, for a lot of us, this is either a foreign concept or a new concept at best.

[SPEAKER_02]: And it feels a little premature, you know?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you feel like, we actually, I felt this a little bit as we were talking about, like, we don't really know how to give out that way.

[SPEAKER_01]: Should we really think, and then, then I started to think about them a little more, is like, actually, wait, this is one of the most meaningful parts of my life now to try to remember it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: So we're fumbling, but, [SPEAKER_02]: Well, I think just the point being that what our hope is to do, I want to give you hope that there's real, um, there's some real depth here that I think is good for all of us, including Justin and I, and I'm wanting to highlight this to just simply help frame that there's, there's some ways to think about this and honestly ways that need to start now.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: You do not become this type of person.

[SPEAKER_02]: If you start at 50 and 60, when really you need to be in some of that stage, it really starts [SPEAKER_02]: when you are in your 20s, your 30s, your 40s, it can start really at any point to put this in your perspective, even if it is further out, is going to be more beneficial for you because it will not take you by surprise.

[SPEAKER_02]: But if you do not think about it, it will take you by surprise because everyone gets to this place in life.

[SPEAKER_02]: No matter how much you deny.

[SPEAKER_01]: And just quick comment on that.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is the wild thing about death.

[SPEAKER_01]: everybody knows it's coming and yet everyone is usually pretty surprised when it gets there.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because we don't really take it seriously that there is a terminal point to our life on earth.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because we don't do this.

[SPEAKER_01]: We don't wear uncomfortable with.

[SPEAKER_01]: I know some friends who are genuinely afraid to meditate on this, to think about this, to listen to an episode like this.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure some people listen to it and I'm like, I don't want to, I don't want to do with it.

[SPEAKER_01]: But this is a bold claim of these two episodes that we do better in life when we take seriously the reality of our impending death and let it frame the way we think about how do we parent now, how do we love our wives now, how do we work now, how do we give now, how do we serve now, how do we stew it because if there are no limits [SPEAKER_01]: And then there's nothing really to Stuart because it's their things are infinite, but when things are time on you only have this much money we only have this much time you only have this many years with your kids that's really good.

[SPEAKER_01]: Suddenly you're thinking about stewardship.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I don't have forever.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: how shall I use this then?

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, there's so much there.

[SPEAKER_02]: I love so helpful with what you just said.

[SPEAKER_02]: Two things that come to mind or the first thing that comes to mind, rather is, this is a classic question I've heard it many different times, but someone comes up to someone on the street and says, hey, you want to $10 million?

[SPEAKER_02]: And he's like, [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, I do and he goes, okay, I'll give you $10 million and you have to use it in 24 hours, but at the end of those 24 hours you die.

[SPEAKER_02]: Do you still want the $10 million?

[SPEAKER_02]: Like no, he's like so, you know, so the idea is so you're telling me.

[SPEAKER_02]: that waking up to our morning is worth $10 million to you.

[SPEAKER_02]: I like it.

[SPEAKER_02]: You know, like my impulation, I love it.

[SPEAKER_02]: So why don't you treat your day?

[SPEAKER_02]: And treat each morning is like, oh my gosh, I cannot believe I got this day, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: Perspective is the idea, life is super valuable.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think you're absolutely right that you have to start that process because it puts, it absolutely does.

[SPEAKER_02]: It helps you value what is important.

[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

[SPEAKER_02]: So what we want to do is give some framework.

[SPEAKER_02]: We're going to have a lot of practicals on this one too, but and even how like we are trying to in a big word in still legacy into our families again attempting it's a process we haven't even fully gotten there yet.

[SPEAKER_02]: But here's some of the things we're trying to do and for you, we would just encourage you listening begin to think this way and.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think the power here isn't necessarily adjusting your whole life immediately to begin to actively think of death all the time.

[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe for some that will be helpful, but for a lot of you, it's just going to be getting comfortable with this idea that death is going to be here eventually.

[SPEAKER_02]: And that you have an obligation responsibility to pass on your life.

[SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm and there's a beauty in that and as much as that can be scary if you don't think about it It's actually not scary when you are walking in faith with Jesus.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, there's so much beauty in it and So some framework.

[SPEAKER_02]: I want to give you a book that has been really helpful for me.

[SPEAKER_02]: I know you've read some of it [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so many, I've only skimmed it to be honest, but so many of my friends have read and recommend Arthur Brooks's strength to strength.

[SPEAKER_02]: This is the book.

[SPEAKER_02]: This is just a really helpful tool.

[SPEAKER_02]: So if you're like, you want to know more about this, we're going to use some of, you know, maybe some of his wording or a little bit of his framework, because I think he probably does some of the best of simplifying a very complicated idea.

[SPEAKER_02]: But that's a great book.

[SPEAKER_02]: So that'll be the show notes.

[SPEAKER_02]: Go get that.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think that's a beautiful, beautiful resource.

[SPEAKER_02]: But one of the things he talks about that is, but just helpful framework for me to think through, and I know we've talked about it.

[SPEAKER_02]: But is this framework about basically youth and later in life?

[SPEAKER_02]: And in our youth, we often have this idea of fluid intelligence.

[SPEAKER_02]: So he uses these two terms fluid intelligence and crystallized intelligence and fluid intelligence essentially is that like creative innovative achievement part of us.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's a lot of what we're doing in getting our life together and giving our life away.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, this is the stage that we have been talking about and been like most of us are trying like I just think about my job right now.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: How do I write this contract?

[SPEAKER_01]: How do I close this deal?

[SPEAKER_01]: How do I draft this book?

[SPEAKER_01]: How do we do this podcast?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: We are building skills that are very specific to our craft, our trade, which is great.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's a lot of getting your life together.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's a lot of giving your life away.

[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.

[SPEAKER_02]: However, well, you need that fluid intelligence.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's a big part of your life.

[SPEAKER_02]: But later in life, we need crystallized intelligence.

[SPEAKER_02]: It needs to move from that fluid state to more of a crystallized hardened state.

[SPEAKER_02]: And that's like wisdom that's teaching, that's synthesizing your life and being specific about it.

[SPEAKER_02]: And this is really the bulk of giving your death away.

[SPEAKER_02]: This is where that starts and that process is really, you know, we're talking about that actively about moving from fluid to crystallized.

[SPEAKER_02]: But one of the quotes that just helped me in a deep way with this is it's actually from this book.

[SPEAKER_02]: I was reading really quick.

[SPEAKER_02]: If we spend our lives addicted to the skills that fade and then we're addicted to those skills.

[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe you're in the middle of that in your career right now.

[SPEAKER_02]: Those skills that fade we will end in decline.

[SPEAKER_02]: If we shift to the strengths that grow, we will move from strength to strength the title of the book.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's a great quote.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's just helpful.

[SPEAKER_02]: If we live our lives addicted to the skills that we'll fade, all of us are doing things right now at a skill-based level if you are a man working.

[SPEAKER_02]: Most of those skills will fade.

[SPEAKER_02]: Most of them.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, honestly, I couldn't think of a more humbling thing than losing skills over time.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's a humbling process.

[SPEAKER_02]: Aging is a humbling process.

[SPEAKER_02]: And it's a hard, it's a scary thing.

[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't tell you about this, and I'm sure he'll be okay with me sharing it, but we were on a hike.

[SPEAKER_02]: I was on a hike with my father in Lafayl, and we were up in that Lake Tahoe.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I mean, he is a strong dude, he's 75.

[SPEAKER_02]: He said two knee replacements, but he's liking it 75 after two knee replacements.

[SPEAKER_02]: Well, not anymore, but I still, I'm a press feel.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I was press, but I mean, I mean, honestly, a very scary situation.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, this, this terrain was like, gnarly for me for my kids for anybody.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I was so we're like, are you sure?

[SPEAKER_02]: And he's like, yeah, I'm good.

[SPEAKER_02]: And honestly, he was, he did a great job.

[SPEAKER_02]: But he, he was walking and he just barely hit this little rock.

[SPEAKER_02]: in he fell and landed in a patch of rocks and hit his chest so he breaks three ribs broke his arm and slashed his hand open nine stitches oh man and family vacation and that's what he was brother and I we're there and you know in that moment [SPEAKER_02]: Um, no, I want to highlight this because this is actually a really, a really great reminder.

[SPEAKER_02]: Um, and, you know, so I hear my kids, dad, pop spell, please come, you know.

[SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, I, I've talked to Phil, like he was kind of embarrassed.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, embarrassed.

[SPEAKER_02]: What are you talking about?

[SPEAKER_02]: This is like anybody could do, this is a, this is terrain.

[SPEAKER_02]: Anybody could have fallen myself included.

[SPEAKER_02]: Um, but Matthew and I were there and we saw him.

[SPEAKER_02]: And Matt was there before I was.

[SPEAKER_02]: And it was amazing to see how strong he was and he was just like, I got a little cut, I'm fine, like, I'll be okay.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm saying they're looking at it like, I think you're in shock.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think you're going to bleed out if we don't stop that hand thing right now.

[SPEAKER_02]: You know, it was, it was pretty, it was pretty intense.

[SPEAKER_02]: And we basically, we want to see if he could walk.

[SPEAKER_02]: We're like, okay, let's stand you up very slowly.

[SPEAKER_02]: Let's see if you can walk.

[SPEAKER_02]: His legs were fine and not impacted.

[SPEAKER_02]: And so we're like, okay, we're going to see if you can walk.

[SPEAKER_02]: If you can, it's not.

[SPEAKER_02]: you know, causing pain discomfort or, you know, potential more injury, then we won't, you know, life likes you out of here.

[SPEAKER_02]: We would like to not do that, but we'll, whatever we need.

[SPEAKER_02]: And so Matthew and I up one shoulder, you know, I under one, him and another took the very long mile walk down with him.

[SPEAKER_02]: And [SPEAKER_02]: highlighting that story to say, A feels really tough.

[SPEAKER_02]: He's very strong.

[SPEAKER_02]: He's doing great.

[SPEAKER_02]: He's got, he's doing great.

[SPEAKER_02]: It was so scary.

[SPEAKER_02]: It was so scary because of the brevity of life.

[SPEAKER_02]: And that moment realized like life could have been gone like that.

[SPEAKER_02]: And aging is humbling.

[SPEAKER_02]: And he, you know, in conversation afterwards, he was sharing like, that was a really humbling experience.

[SPEAKER_02]: I was really honored that he shared that with me.

[SPEAKER_02]: And at the same time, [SPEAKER_02]: I had a hard time figuring that out.

[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, why is this humbling?

[SPEAKER_02]: You fell.

[SPEAKER_02]: Anybody can fall, you know?

[SPEAKER_01]: I see that though.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, and then after I fall, everybody knows I'm going to be okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: When you're older, you fall, you wonder, is this the last time I'll hike?

[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_02]: And for him, it is the last time he's going to go on any hike like that, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: Like that, that chapter is over for his life.

[SPEAKER_02]: And it was a great conversation to actually realize the perspective and for him to even go like my life is different now and it's not radically different as much as it's like that one thing I'm not going to be doing anymore, but it is humbling I want to say that to actually say like after upon thinking I realize know that is humbling yeah it's a humbling situation it's moments like that that do us so much good.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, because painfully.

[SPEAKER_01]: The way that we are now disconnected from death, unfortunately, you know, many of our parents will die off in nursing homes where we don't do the care.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're not close to it.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're not seeing it.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're protected in an unhealthy way from it.

[SPEAKER_01]: So we don't think about it enough.

[SPEAKER_01]: And when moments like that, I mean, most of [SPEAKER_01]: Most of human history people living before us, we're seeing people die all the time.

[SPEAKER_01]: So they were surrounded by the reality that, oh, life can be snatched away in any minute.

[SPEAKER_01]: My loved ones will die, I will die, my loved ones will watch me die.

[SPEAKER_01]: So how do I live in light of that?

[SPEAKER_01]: And this is the whole idea of giving your death away.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, to live in light of the fact that you will not always be here.

[SPEAKER_01]: So how do you live a generative life that handles that final stage?

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, especially knowing you don't know when it's going to come.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I love the the fluid intelligence crystallize intelligence.

[SPEAKER_01]: bit that Brooks shares because it helps.

[SPEAKER_01]: It helps me think of there's a set of things now that I just want to teach my kids, which is awesome.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like we're doing a lot of not tying on our camping, just trying to teach them basic knots.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: They're sitting on the couch two nights ago, while I'm working on a loan amortization table for one of my clients, like in one of the deals we're closing.

[SPEAKER_01]: And they're like, what is an amortization of trying to read the word?

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, it's a lone schedule and you have to put it together and excel to figure out how to pay down a debt.

[SPEAKER_01]: So everybody knows when when the payments will do and when it's going to be done and they're like, how do you do that?

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, well, I could sort of explain, you're not going to understand.

[SPEAKER_01]: But also, I'm thinking, um, Chatchy PT is going to do this for you by the time.

[SPEAKER_01]: You're it's already pretty good at it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like you need to check.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's work like that that's a That's part of fluid intelligence.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but they're like there are skills.

[SPEAKER_01]: I know how to teach you and there's not a pledge There's a lot of pleasure in that.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot of value in teaching your kids literally how to do things.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but but what I think about giving my death away I think about I want to teach them [SPEAKER_01]: the value of work more than how to do an amortization table.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to teach them like how do you negotiate with people because this is what people are like more than I want to teach them literally how to close a deal or yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to teach them why right rather than well here's the grammar of a sentence.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean I think all of these things are important right and this doesn't minimize fluid and intelligence at all like we spend a lot of our life trying to master our [SPEAKER_01]: And this is, I think, what guys are talking about when they talk about legacy, or as John to you said, legacy, legacy, I love it.

[SPEAKER_01]: We love a John to this is what guys are thinking about when they're thinking about what do I pass on to my kids?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's that realm of crystallized intelligence, which presumes that we're working on.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: That we're thinking about what are the life lessons?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: What is that like old man that advice that we want to gather together and pass on what we're saying right is now is the time to start thinking about that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Not because [SPEAKER_01]: The wise old man.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, hopefully well, I'll be holy fools one day really wise, but But now's the time to start practicing.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, now's the time to start thinking about about death and how it reframes Well, if you don't do it now, you'll be caught off guard later I we the countless people who have not taken the time in their 30s and 40s to think about it to do the work and they're paying the consequences actually They're not their families are [SPEAKER_01]: Well, yeah, and part of the consequence right is that we don't you share to someone this we don't produce fruit I was going to start I was literally.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so some 92 the righteous flourish like a palm tree they still bear fruit and old age so the righteous when you're righteous you like the by product of that the side effect there I say is actually flourishing and you still bear fruit in your old age.

[SPEAKER_02]: We've all met those people who are, as you get older, there's only two types of people.

[SPEAKER_02]: Old, meaning, grumpy, or kind, generative, loving, patient, full of joy.

[SPEAKER_02]: So what you're talking about there is your mellow.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, mellow, but not in a negative way.

[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no, no, you're like there's a mellowness in their spirit.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's like it's like it's like it's like they're the parts of their story and their shadow side and their ego.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's been tamed in a way by the spirit that is just refreshing.

[SPEAKER_02]: They're not comfortable with life.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, they can rejoice on you.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_02]: Because they're comfortable in themselves.

[SPEAKER_02]: And man, can I say this?

[SPEAKER_02]: If you're not comfortable in your own skin, you can never rejoice with someone else's success.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, bro.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: He talked about it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Here's a way to think about this now.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: I feel very challenged by this in a good way.

[SPEAKER_01]: we all know what it's like for older people to feel threatened by our success.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think probably in our generation, there's a significant amount of frustration.

[SPEAKER_01]: You read about this of a boomer is not really handing over the reins.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we see this in politics.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I think the record oldest ages of president's presidential candidates do it.

[SPEAKER_01]: But you know, and absolutely, you know, we can talk about this in all areas of life.

[SPEAKER_01]: Men have struggled with in our time is learning how to hand things over and part of.

[SPEAKER_01]: part of maturity when you see an old man who's doing well, is they don't feel threatened by your success?

[SPEAKER_01]: They feel happy they're about it for you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And this is something for us to think about, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: So you think about, you know, we're almost, you're almost 40, I'm 40.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: When we see a 30 year old, waltz into the law scene or the podcasting scene or the writing scene and they're doing great.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what do we feel like?

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to help this person.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is great.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so happy for them.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is like me.

[SPEAKER_01]: Or do we feel like slow down, dude?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, no, no, no, this is like your role.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, your time, yeah, that is the difference, I think, between somebody who is learning and recognizing that they will need to give their death away, that they need to focus on calling other people forward.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because it means they're actually comfortable, like you said, in their own skin.

[SPEAKER_01]: They're comfortable with what God is doing in their life.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: people.

[SPEAKER_01]: And this might be horizontal.

[SPEAKER_01]: This might be, you're just your actual co-workers.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, here's.

[SPEAKER_01]: But it might be the young.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: It could, it could be anybody, but I think a mark of maturity is was, is when we start to get comfortable with what God is doing in our life so that we can rejoice in other people's successes, not try to belittle them or minimize their success in order to preserve ours.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I mean, truly, there's nothing more just tasteful than basically subtle forms of pride that just leak out and name dropping.

[SPEAKER_02]: And here's what I know and who I know, like, honestly, gotta be honest, nobody really does care.

[SPEAKER_02]: No, we can't actually, and that's always, yeah, and it's no way for it to not stop.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I, and maybe no one's told you this, I'll just tell you, stop doing it.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, just so it's not not just, I know that you know cooler people than I do.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's awesome.

[SPEAKER_02]: And that is not the metric of success in my life.

[SPEAKER_02]: So stop making your metric of success my metric of success, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: Like, that's what happens.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like, do you know who, like this person I was in the room with that person great?

[SPEAKER_02]: Did anything happen because of that?

[SPEAKER_02]: I lived in LA for a good amount of time.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I saw so many actors and actresses that I loved.

[SPEAKER_02]: You go to a restaurant, we lived in downtown, or we lived in Hollywood, Los Fielis area, which is like just a mecca for anybody that's in the film industry and TV industry.

[SPEAKER_02]: I saw B.J.

[SPEAKER_02]: Novak, who's like on the office, right on the office, I love him.

[SPEAKER_02]: I love the office.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I saw him in a restaurant and my first thought was, what the heck am I going to say to him?

[SPEAKER_02]: And the second thought was, why would he care?

[SPEAKER_02]: I was at a restaurant, Kristen wig, and Fred Armison, two of my favorite people in the world.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's an all I love us in all.

[SPEAKER_02]: Sitting on a table, two tables away.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, just, I'm frothing.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, I can't believe it.

[SPEAKER_02]: Who am I going to tell?

[SPEAKER_02]: nobody because nobody really cares and am I going to talk to them probably not you know why because they don't care they are in the middle of a conversation other than me getting a photo and trying to tell people out of my own security that I met this person which doesn't add value to who I am.

[SPEAKER_02]: What do we care so I I think it's an important thing did I I know I'm being kind of tongue-in-cheek with this but the point really is.

[SPEAKER_02]: We do so much damage by not checking ourselves in this area and not saying, okay, what does God called me to do?

[SPEAKER_02]: What is my life?

[SPEAKER_02]: How do I give my deathway?

[SPEAKER_02]: And I want to remind everybody that we're listening, we're going to get practical with this.

[SPEAKER_02]: But we have to set up this framework because I think for some of us, it's very foreign.

[SPEAKER_02]: And the older generation, I mean, we have so much, when you get older, you have so much authority and power that you do not even always understand to be able to give and bless [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, okay, can you talk about blessing for a second because I think you said a word that's like it sparks in me.

[SPEAKER_01]: I know what you mean.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but I have not always thought about the power of blessing.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, say what you mean by bless the younger generation.

[SPEAKER_02]: There is a biblical framework for blessing.

[SPEAKER_02]: And in the Bible, blessing was not just words.

[SPEAKER_02]: It was not just a physical touch.

[SPEAKER_02]: It was like it was an embodiment and a moment of with your physicality, with your words, with your whole life in some way imparting that to another person.

[SPEAKER_02]: There's a five-fold biblical framework for a blessing.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'd like to go through it.

[SPEAKER_02]: We've done it.

[SPEAKER_02]: Here we are.

[SPEAKER_02]: We're in the practical part of this project.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, practical part.

[SPEAKER_01]: So number one, learn to bless.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so there's a five-fold way.

[SPEAKER_02]: So first is appropriate touch.

[SPEAKER_02]: Second is a spoken message.

[SPEAKER_02]: Third is attaching high value.

[SPEAKER_02]: Fourth is picturing a special future.

[SPEAKER_02]: And fifth is a commitment to fulfill the blessing.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I want to walk through that really quick.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's amazing.

[SPEAKER_02]: So let me this is all biblical.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not making some and what's cool about this is think about this with your kids and then think about this when you have adult kids when I think of my son Duke, if I go on a trip, I mean, and often like I'm traveling so I don't do this with my kids every time, but I try to I will often go up to my son Duke and I'll first appropriate touch.

[SPEAKER_02]: I put my hands on his shoulders and I look him in the eyes there's a physicality to it.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I look at him and I say, you know, that's the first part.

[SPEAKER_01]: This part isn't enormously important, by the way.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's an only enormously important.

[SPEAKER_02]: So there's a physicality, get his attention.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm locking on eyes.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_02]: He's taller than me now.

[SPEAKER_02]: And so he calls me his short king.

[SPEAKER_02]: I don't like this, by the way.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't like it.

[SPEAKER_03]: I like that.

[SPEAKER_03]: I know you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to call me that.

[SPEAKER_03]: You're so amazing.

[SPEAKER_03]: I was hanging with him.

[SPEAKER_01]: What's wrong with us?

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're both of our sons make it over six foot and we're we're we're perfect size.

[SPEAKER_01]: Actually, you know, we are we are and I'm 510.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'd really like to be six foot.

[SPEAKER_02]: No, but think about this.

[SPEAKER_02]: The moment you're six foot, everything else just becomes a little more challenging.

[SPEAKER_02]: You are at the size where flights, cars, houses, they fit who you are.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'd still take it.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, just get some bigger shoes, bro.

[SPEAKER_02]: Um, anyway, I think so there's appropriate touch.

[SPEAKER_02]: And then there's, uh, a spoken message.

[SPEAKER_02]: And something like that might look like, hey, son, I love, I love you.

[SPEAKER_02]: You belong to this family.

[SPEAKER_02]: I appreciate who you are.

[SPEAKER_02]: I just hear my good friend.

[SPEAKER_02]: And it's the idea of like just speaking what you think about them often.

[SPEAKER_02]: I just appreciate you.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a good man.

[SPEAKER_02]: Uh, then there's picturing a special future.

[SPEAKER_02]: And this is that idea, or sorry, attaching high value.

[SPEAKER_02]: This is where you like, [SPEAKER_02]: are really trying to help them see themselves in something bigger than themselves.

[SPEAKER_02]: So for example, I said this a while ago, maybe laugh, I said, you know, son, and this was genuine.

[SPEAKER_02]: But I said, hey, son, you remind me of like Jesus and John Wick.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're like, so godly, but you're not violent, but you're like really tough at the same time.

[SPEAKER_02]: I just like really appreciate that like intensity.

[SPEAKER_02]: And he's like, yeah, that's cool.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I see you.

[SPEAKER_02]: I just don't kill anyone with a pencil.

[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_02]: I love that.

[SPEAKER_02]: And then, you know, there's picturing a special future, picturing a special future.

[SPEAKER_02]: And what I love about this one is this is the prophetic part of knowing somebody.

[SPEAKER_02]: This is the prophetic part of doing relationship with people over the long haul.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_02]: That you can have a curiosity in the spirit based upon knowing that they actually are of what they could become.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_02]: And you speak that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Let me just give a picture of this when [SPEAKER_02]: When I get to this part with my daughter Bertie, she's nine years old now, but when I get to this part, often I'll tell her, I love you, I'll get to this part, and I'll picture the special future by saying, hey, I remember there was a time when I was on a prayer walk when you were really little, and God gave me this vision, I'll never forget it, of God using your mind to change the world, to bring His kingdom to the world in a way.

[SPEAKER_01]: And this was a real vision.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now, we're going to talk about at some point, I'm just bookmarking for future seasons, visions, and visions with our children, because I have some dreams that have been really significant.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so about kids.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, it's just bookmarking.

[SPEAKER_01]: Everybody gets excited.

[SPEAKER_01]: Get excited.

[SPEAKER_01]: I can't.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because I know you have that vision.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, but you told it to the picture.

[SPEAKER_01]: I told it.

[SPEAKER_02]: I have this vision.

[SPEAKER_02]: Now, that sounds a little benign, and almost like, that's pretty basic.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I would argue, if you didn't know Bernie's story, that would sound pretty basic.

[SPEAKER_02]: But if you knew Bernie's story, you'd know it six months.

[SPEAKER_02]: She had a catastrophic form of epilepsy, called infantile spasms, that caused long-term permanent brain damage.

[SPEAKER_02]: So for God to give me a vision that the most broken part of her would be the thing that he uses the most for his kingdom and his glory.

[SPEAKER_02]: is not minor.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's not mild.

[SPEAKER_02]: It is a miracle.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's literally God gave me a vision of a miracle that he could do with her brain.

[SPEAKER_02]: We never knew if she would be able to read, speak, and all these things.

[SPEAKER_02]: She's developed these skills.

[SPEAKER_02]: She now is like the most avid reader.

[SPEAKER_02]: She wakes up early with me when I go out to the porch and I'm reading like I've talked to other episodes and she has books and she sits [SPEAKER_02]: And we just she just reads and I'm telling you that picture was divine and when I tell her that I think that God's gonna use the part that was most broken in you to do the most good in the world Yes, it helps hurt.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean like she doesn't even fully understand it, but it changes her The last part commitment to fulfill the blessing [SPEAKER_02]: There's nothing worse than somebody who says a lot of nice stuff, but never does anything about it.

[SPEAKER_02]: And if you told one of your kids like, you know, you told what, wait, you're great at drums.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like you're really not really good, but you never gave them a drum set to actually practice on.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're undermining your own blessing as a practical example.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's a great point.

[SPEAKER_02]: But when you think about what you're doing, a blessing is giving word, attention, prophetic thought and prayer and commitment of time, energy and money to make something happen.

[SPEAKER_02]: So when we say bless, what we mean by bless is that.

[SPEAKER_02]: And when we ask an older generation and if you are older and you're listening this, please do this with everybody around you that's younger.

[SPEAKER_02]: When we say blessed, that's what we mean.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I want to highlight this as well.

[SPEAKER_02]: If this is something you either never got, never thought of, never do, I want to remind you, you can do this right now.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_02]: Do this with your friends.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_02]: Do this with your spouse.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is how you turn generations.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: If, you know, people who are blessed.

[SPEAKER_01]: are blessed in order to bless.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's wonderful.

[SPEAKER_01]: But you might have been the product of a broken generation.

[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't think you can.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, look at you, man.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, seriously, like with with your stories of your dad and all this stuff and who you are blessing birdy blessing dude.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it's incredible.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thanks, man.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thanks.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's incredible.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's what's been so helpful to me is you can take this same blessing formula for lack of a better term and apply it to any of your close relationships with spouse is going to hate this first appropriate touch.

[SPEAKER_02]: Well, you're married.

[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe it's inappropriate touch.

[SPEAKER_02]: You know, that's okay.

[SPEAKER_02]: So it's positive that I can go out the window actually you can be completely inappropriate as long as she's game, but you know, like you're going to take time and energy to think through how you could bless her and what you think of her and how much she means to you.

[SPEAKER_02]: And then you're going to say, I'm going to commit my life and energy to make sure that that happens.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, this is the life that we need.

[SPEAKER_02]: And man, can I just say your friends need this?

[SPEAKER_02]: You think about this, just say it.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like can I just just say it?

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I can say it.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like youth, I think good stuff about people all the time.

[SPEAKER_02]: I try to say as much as I can, but I don't even say all the good that I actually think, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I have a real like rooted desire to do this.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I still don't say as much as I could.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's why I got so excited when you said bless because this is a, oh, it's such a helpful framework for people.

[SPEAKER_01]: So for I do this with my kids.

[SPEAKER_01]: This was, this is actually what got me started in thinking on habits of the household stuff because we started with the nightly blessing.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so there are three that I do with my children now and I think it's helpful to think this is possible in the littlest years and you're starting legacy by saying similar prayers over and over.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is also like your examples, you know, with Duke, for example, in the older years, I think this is true in marriage and all this stuff.

[SPEAKER_01]: But with the little kids, yeah, I love this.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I often say, uh, can you see my eyes?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, they say yes and then I say, can you see that I see your eyes and they say yes?

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's the physical embodiment thing, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: It's like that, let's get attention.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then it's just, you know that I love you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, you know I love you no matter what bad things you do.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, you know I love you no matter what good things you do.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, who else loves you?

[SPEAKER_01]: Like that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Who else loves you no matter what good or bad things you do?

[SPEAKER_01]: And they say God does.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then rest in that love.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I like that one.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's just become one of our traditions.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I also think [SPEAKER_01]: all blessing in some way is a re-statement of the gospel message, like you said it perfectly.

[SPEAKER_01]: God is going to take the most broken part of you and make it the most beautiful part of what you offer the world.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that idea that despite our bad things, [SPEAKER_01]: And without regard to our good things, God loves us and is going to make something of us.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's a little kid way of saying the best news there is in the world.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, sir.

[SPEAKER_01]: We do with our kids in their bodies.

[SPEAKER_01]: We do a blessing where we touch every part of their bodies and say, Lord, bless, and by the way, kids love and body stuff, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: They love.

[SPEAKER_01]: Head shoulders knees and toe stuff, you know, we say, Lord bless their feet.

[SPEAKER_01]: May they bring good news, bless their legs.

[SPEAKER_01]: May they carry on in times of trouble.

[SPEAKER_01]: Bless this boy's back.

[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe strong enough to bear the burdens of others.

[SPEAKER_01]: Bless his arms to hold the lonely, bless his hands to do good work.

[SPEAKER_01]: Bless his neck.

[SPEAKER_01]: Would you turn his head to the poor?

[SPEAKER_01]: plus his ears to discern truth, his eyes to see beauty and his mouth to speak encouragement, plus his mind, mega-wise in the knowledge of you, and then we end with, but above all Lord bless his heart may come to love you and all that you've made in the right order.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's so good.

[SPEAKER_02]: I just read that down.

[SPEAKER_02]: Let's write that down the show notes.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I know what it is.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is so good.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is, I put it on a PDF and give it out to people.

[SPEAKER_01]: We'll put it in the show notes, but little things like that.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's such a thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: You can think of little blessings that can become traditions in your family.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: But the simplest one is when you look your son in the eye and say, son, I'm proud of you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Not always stick with you.

[SPEAKER_01]: or daughter, I love you, you're beautiful to me, you're beautiful to the world, and I'll always cherish you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Many forms of, but these are blessings, you know, and I love what you add, exactly.

[SPEAKER_01]: I actually never heard that fivefold framework for it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Really, really appreciate the fifth point of...

[SPEAKER_01]: Committing to it because nobody, the worst thing in the world is hearing a parent's words and knowing that it's not actually the way they live like hearing an apology and knowing they're just going to do it again or hearing I love you and knowing the status actually going to leave me.

[SPEAKER_01]: Wow, but we, but when our our blessing is made true by our life lived out for them.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: We do an incredible thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: So do this to your kids.

[SPEAKER_01]: Do this to friends, co-workers, our friends.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, when we're a cast, I call it, we call our group of friends the cast.

[SPEAKER_01]: When we're on cast get away, we can.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's a form of this where like, you know, I just somebody shares somebody, someone will go over, put their hand on the shoulder after praying for them and saying, you are going to be a blessing to the world because of what the Lord is.

[SPEAKER_01]: um, putting you through.

[SPEAKER_01]: I know this is true out of you, but this is going to be a gift to everybody else.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I'm like friend and friend shoulder shoulder speaking life.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: So bless.

[SPEAKER_01]: Bless people.

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, bless people.

[SPEAKER_02]: And this this stage is going to require you to detach from your ego, from your status, from your achievement.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I have to be honest I'm so uncomfortable with all those words like I don't want to detach from those things Yeah, those are all comforting that like I feel good in my own ego I feel good in when if my status, you know, whatever that means or wherever that is is Like we like more status in general we we like achievement we like to be remembered But the fact is they're in this stage we need to start beginning to detach and say this isn't about what [SPEAKER_02]: And again, we are thinking about this.

[SPEAKER_02]: We're also in the very unique space where we're also in both, we're still building a lot of our lives.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm in, I don't know, many men listening.

[SPEAKER_02]: You are building your life still.

[SPEAKER_02]: So keep building.

[SPEAKER_02]: But have this right next to your building.

[SPEAKER_02]: You have that idea of like, I am in fluid intelligence, but I have got to move to that crystallized intelligence at some point and it's gonna be sooner than you think.

[SPEAKER_02]: What everyone says that I've talked to and also read on in this, [SPEAKER_02]: Is it feels way sooner than you think it should be and it doesn't ever feel you're like, wait, you're already, you know?

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: But I also think if you step into it and can begin to make it a part of your life, your rhythm, your routine, giving your death way becomes a massive gift to everyone that you love most and early the world.

[SPEAKER_02]: And because we're talking about speaking life, you know, we were talking earlier, Justin, you had said, there's some stuff, you know, talking about the idea of like we want to have, you know, not, we want to invest in relationships over achievement, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: We want to, we want to mentor and teach what we know.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think it's really important.

[SPEAKER_02]: You don't want to wait until you're old and wise to start sharing what you've already learned.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's actually in this process.

[SPEAKER_02]: So, let me give you a practical example.

[SPEAKER_02]: Then I want you to share this story.

[SPEAKER_02]: But essentially a story or maybe the point.

[SPEAKER_02]: But yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Essentially like what are you and I doing right now?

[SPEAKER_02]: We are just talking very honestly about here's the stuff that we have learned and here's what has been really hard.

[SPEAKER_02]: Here's what's been good.

[SPEAKER_02]: Here's what's helped us.

[SPEAKER_02]: Here's where we failed [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: We are not experts in the space, but we are practitioners.

[SPEAKER_02]: And all we're trying to do is to anyone that is in the stage around us.

[SPEAKER_02]: And if you are in a different stage above us or below us, we're just simply trying to say, here's what we're doing.

[SPEAKER_02]: We're trying to simply do that.

[SPEAKER_02]: We're trying to teach what we know.

[SPEAKER_02]: We don't know it all.

[SPEAKER_02]: We know that we know.

[SPEAKER_02]: But anyway, this is just one example of that.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're talking about mentorship, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, basically, there's a lot of names for it, but it blesses your first practice, mentor others, disciple others is your second one.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I, okay, so I have ideas here, but I also have self-consciousness here, because this whole season of giving your death a ways, well, I'm kind of in the give your life a way years, I'm not really ready for this.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I feel kind of guilty about this stuff because I, for example, I've discipled two people in the past three or four years, both just for like about a year season.

[SPEAKER_01]: That feels inadequate to me.

[SPEAKER_01]: I wish I've done more.

[SPEAKER_01]: For like two years I've been longing to start a men's breakfast here in Richmond where's just like talking to younger guys about their career and by the way, there's no shortage of men's breakfast is in Richmond, but I just wanted to be like come to my office.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'll talk to you about what has been like for me to build a family in my career in this years and just sort of like invite younger guys into the disciple and I just haven't made time for it.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's like sort of most of my time spent with my children now and I'm like, I guess it's okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, they're my main disciples.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: You got to get that right before you can get it.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I feel like I feel a bit inadequate about this at work.

[SPEAKER_01]: I wish I was a better mentor to my associates, my colleagues.

[SPEAKER_01]: Um, I just think it is as hard.

[SPEAKER_02]: Well, let me kind of highlight some of you and what I said this to you and private and I'll say to him public because I was saying both ways Is it's really interesting to me because on the idea of blessing being honest.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be honest with you in this space.

[SPEAKER_02]: Blessing and honesty.

[SPEAKER_03]: Dealer choice, I'm perfect at you.

[SPEAKER_03]: You get to decide.

[SPEAKER_03]: I don't get to say that, that's not you.

[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, do that with your friends.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I got uncomfortable because you were about to say something meaningful.

[SPEAKER_01]: I know, I know.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's okay.

[SPEAKER_02]: That said, though, I think it's important to realize for anyone that's hearing you, myself included, you feel the nudge and I think it's probably a nudge of the spirit in a beautiful way to begin [SPEAKER_02]: Because that's something God's doing in your life right now, and it's almost like you feel guilty that you haven't started it At least this is what I'm picking up.

[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, I do.

[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like and you kind of feel a little bit embarrassed to talk about ideas on this because I'm like Yeah, so let me say this though I was quick to say something to you that I believe is truth and you're just gonna have to receive it and this is friendship and this is just what it looks like [SPEAKER_02]: Because you're too close to your calling, it's hard to see the fruit of it all the time.

[SPEAKER_02]: And honestly, I think one of the best gifts that God protects us from is seeing the full fruit of all that he's doing to our lives.

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that's a gift.

[SPEAKER_02]: And here's why.

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, because if we saw the extent of the fruit of our lives, we would quickly become undone by it.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think it would ruin a lot of us.

[SPEAKER_02]: And it would quickly mess with our ego.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I don't think many of us have the character myself included to see the full fruit of our lives.

[SPEAKER_02]: Wow.

[SPEAKER_02]: That said, I don't think that you didn't say that earlier.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's really provocative though.

[SPEAKER_02]: Well, thank you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm here.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just want it every night.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm here this for the first time.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's interesting.

[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: That said, though, I really, really want to highlight you are doing this.

[SPEAKER_02]: You have written incredible books.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like I don't like many books.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I don't usually read friends books because they usually are not great.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's no offense.

[SPEAKER_02]: And if you're my friend that I'm just being honest, this is very.

[SPEAKER_02]: because they're not, and you have written really good books because you have a gift of it God's anointed you, you've been thoughtful, you've done the work, it's craft, it's this whole package of stuff.

[SPEAKER_02]: And what feels so funny to me, and probably just some listening, but what I said to you, and I was very honest is, for you to get distracted by the 20 or 30 you haven't met within person, and to negate the hundreds of thousands, if not more, who have been impacted by your thoughtful [SPEAKER_02]: is just it's it's not only just a little silly it's just important to remember God is always going to be calling us to something new and we need to be obedient but we should never ever ever think that that negates because we haven't stepped into the 20 or 30 that you haven't already been doing this in a huge way.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I know you just said, I don't know.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not really doing this.

[SPEAKER_02]: I would disagree with you on every way.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think that you are mentoring people and families in ways that are hard to articulate.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think you're gifted.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think you're humble.

[SPEAKER_02]: My favorite thing about you when we first met was like, this guy doesn't read his own mail.

[SPEAKER_02]: He doesn't give a rip.

[SPEAKER_02]: that was my favorite thing and that was honestly I think what has drawn a lot of our friendship is that I don't think that you care too much about Justin women early in the sense of what he's accomplishing.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think you're really present and you care for people.

[SPEAKER_02]: You have amazing integrity.

[SPEAKER_02]: You have friends around you that keep you grounded.

[SPEAKER_02]: Your family's amazing and they're just as real as my family.

[SPEAKER_02]: They're just as crazy as my family in the best way.

[SPEAKER_01]: You're there when the little one put a hole in the wall last night.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's one night on my house and you got to see somebody put a hole in the wall.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't love it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't keep breaking my house.

[SPEAKER_01]: I said, I am doing it again.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm lightning the moment because that was, thank you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that was very, that was very, very encouraging.

[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, I think you're right.

[SPEAKER_01]: I do, I do think a lot, I guess.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now that you made me think of it, I do think a lot.

[SPEAKER_01]: about legacy in written words.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is why I want to write.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: I love writing contracts.

[SPEAKER_01]: I love negotiating deals.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just, and I love reading.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I always love words.

[SPEAKER_01]: But there's a reason I want to write books.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's the same reason I want to write letters to my children.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because writing down words, another word, we're talking about words here, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Like blessings.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: The written words.

[SPEAKER_01]: Mentorship, we're basically doing that Genesis 2 thing that we talked about two episodes ago.

[SPEAKER_01]: God speaks the world and do existence.

[SPEAKER_01]: We speak and we also shape reality.

[SPEAKER_01]: Our words have incredible power.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm thankful that you reminded me of what I do actually, I feel like is my call.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that is that I want to shape and mentor and change and disciple of the people by leaving them words.

[SPEAKER_01]: My kids included with letters and words to them, but also in books.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I appreciate that.

[SPEAKER_02]: I still want to start that man's breakfast, but I think that I think that it's yes and it's not this doesn't mean anything because I haven't done this.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think it's that is a nudge of the spirit, just like the nudge of the spirit to write books.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think this is just a really good example of men if you're listening people who anyone that's listening.

[SPEAKER_02]: To remember, [SPEAKER_02]: We really do.

[SPEAKER_02]: We have to have people in our lives that can call out what we can't see because there's no way that you can see the full 360 of your life.

[SPEAKER_02]: You need other people to say, actually, I, yes and, or no, and not as a place of, you know, there's, there's only deep perspective in love for you.

[SPEAKER_02]: But I would never, because I love you, I'm going to be honest with you.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think you're wrong.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think you're wrong about that.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that you are way more impactful than you have any idea.

[SPEAKER_01]: That, and one again, yes, thank you.

[SPEAKER_01]: You're so right about this, and this is so relevant to the whole idea of mentorship and giving you death away.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that is that we tend to measure our lives now in the accomplishments, right, in the success in what we're building.

[SPEAKER_01]: But when you think about crystallized intelligence, wisdom, the things that you want to give, these are the things that are formed in relationship, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And so we have, like, [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think about this a lot because right after habits of the household and I made for people and people are so interested in how to parent.

[SPEAKER_01]: But do they know they need help?

[SPEAKER_01]: All of us.

[SPEAKER_01]: People long to think about friendship, but they're always like, I'll do that later.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yep.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think a huge curse of the human condition is we think I'll get to relationships later.

[SPEAKER_01]: But relationships are what we need to learn how to give our death white, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Because yeah, as was just demonstrated and I'm seriously, thank, so thankful for those words.

[SPEAKER_01]: We don't really know how to pass it on unless we have mentors or just friends in our life.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that means right now starting patterns of like scheduling friendship.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like leaning into right.

[SPEAKER_02]: Do you agree?

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I couldn't agree more.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like scheduling friendship.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, we use the excuse of this podcast to hang out.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, don't tell her why.

[SPEAKER_02]: This is her own way to do it.

[SPEAKER_02]: Girls do not.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, it fast tracks friendships.

[SPEAKER_02]: We sit in rooms for hours on end, having the deepest conversations for at least four to five hours in a day.

[SPEAKER_02]: It really does, you know, fast track friendship.

[SPEAKER_02]: So, fine excuse.

[SPEAKER_02]: But I mean, we, with my close friends just like you, you know, it has to be scheduled or it doesn't happen.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's the first thing.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but secondly, I think that if you don't take the time to prioritize this, your wife's going to give you the best mirror of who you really are.

[SPEAKER_02]: But your friends are going to help you see what you're actually doing.

[SPEAKER_02]: They're going to give you another layer that you need.

[SPEAKER_02]: And honestly, I think that if you don't have a full community of people giving you feedback and you giving them feedback, [SPEAKER_02]: You are going, there's going to just be big misses, and if you don't have the humility or the awareness or the framework to have that kind of feedback loop, you're going to always be offended, you're going to always be arrogant, you're always going to be insecure, and men, you don't want to be that, I know you don't, but we are that until we deal with that.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that if you don't deal with it, you are going to be in a space for your stuck, where you are honestly causing a lot of hurt to those around you.

[SPEAKER_02]: And the reason I can speak to all of this so casually and confidently is because this has been so much a part of my own life story like I've had to learn all of this stuff and I'm still learning like in praise God I'm still learning I want to keep learning but man there are so many things that want to jump on the [SPEAKER_02]: to use the lack of the better term, but that want to jump on the throne of my heart and replace God, even the good things.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I so quickly will replace ministry with God, opportunities with God, invitations with God, instead of God.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I have to, with all of them, just look at them, go, these aren't not, these are not what make me, these are not what give me life.

[SPEAKER_02]: These are not what will sustain me.

[SPEAKER_02]: If I idolize these, I'll lose everything like I actively have to do this all the time still.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that we, you and I just and I mean, we can speak for ourselves, but it is the way to life.

[SPEAKER_02]: and it is only through death.

[SPEAKER_02]: Jesus said it over and over and over and over.

[SPEAKER_02]: And so we're going to get very practical in the next episode, talking about legacy and how we pass this on to our kids.

[SPEAKER_02]: But this is just framework, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: This is the first part of giving your death away.

[SPEAKER_02]: And we talked about a lot.

[SPEAKER_02]: My prayer right now is that the spirit would give you whatever.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I'll just pray this now, Holy Spirit, whatever is of you in this moment on this episode, would you just highlight it in the hearts of men and women listening?

[SPEAKER_02]: Would you be like a flashlight in the cave of the souls of people just like literally that I that imagery of a dark cave It's completely pitch black and then there's a flashlight.

[SPEAKER_02]: You can see everything clearly Would you take a flashlight and highlight the thing that needs to be focused on from this conversation and we ask that you do it for your power and your glory [SPEAKER_02]: And so I think this is, Amen, really.

[SPEAKER_02]: This is what we, this is what we have to live into, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: And it's not easy, we need the Spirit's help, but I also am so confident that because God's in charge, we don't have to be.

[SPEAKER_02]: The Lord's my shepherd.

[SPEAKER_02]: I lack nothing.

[SPEAKER_01]: I shall not want.

[SPEAKER_02]: I shall not want.

[SPEAKER_02]: But yeah, and I like nothing.

[SPEAKER_02]: You don't lack anything because you have a heart.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: And he's in charge.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_02]: So whatever your stress is today, whatever your worries today, if I'm not enough, I'm not doing enough for my kids and I'm being the good enough dad, give all of that to him, let him hold it for you and let him help you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to give people four ideas, love it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Four practical ideas to try before our next episode to get started on thinking about this.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, good idea.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, go.

[SPEAKER_01]: These are going to be brief.

[SPEAKER_01]: One.

[SPEAKER_01]: bias of a momentum worry.

[SPEAKER_01]: Think about it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Order a little shrink it off Amazon or buy something or put something on your desk that reminds you that you're going to die.

[SPEAKER_01]: But it's somewhere visible.

[SPEAKER_01]: I like to wear mine if I'm not wearing out of carrying my pocket.

[SPEAKER_01]: Consider just having some tangible token in your life that reminds you that you're going to die.

[SPEAKER_01]: Number two, I know a lot of people have done this.

[SPEAKER_01]: Right you're a bit you wear.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, do you have done that can sit you've done it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: I've actually never done it.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's incredibly interesting.

[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[SPEAKER_01]: This I some people write there a bit you wear some people write a letter.

[SPEAKER_01]: They want to be read at their funeral.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is draft one.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you don't have to think too hard about this.

[SPEAKER_01]: Just it's a wild thing to start thinking about what do I want to be true me.

[SPEAKER_01]: it is hard to do.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's very interesting.

[SPEAKER_01]: But so maybe try, you know, in pick one, this is a menu pick one, not do all these things or else you'd be really weird.

[SPEAKER_01]: Number three, meditate on your death.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is a weird thing that I do sometimes, but it's so good.

[SPEAKER_01]: I, particularly maybe on a day of fasting, like during a prayer walk or during like a, I'll set a timer for 20 minutes of silence.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is really good on a day where you're fasting, because you're already sort of like, they're paired back, you're in like this restricted mentality, you're, you're lacking.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'll just, honestly, it's a little bit more bid, but it's so healthy.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'll think about my moment of death.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'll be like, you know, where am I going to be?

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, hopefully on a, [SPEAKER_01]: a bed and a house surrounded by family, maybe not, but maybe there'll be a lot of pain, maybe not, maybe there'll be a lot of sadness, maybe not, but what's it going to be like, what do I want to be true in my [SPEAKER_01]: comfortable, literally visualizing and imagining that my life will come to a terminal point.

[SPEAKER_01]: I won't say more, it's very individual, it's very safe through it, you know.

[SPEAKER_01]: Ask Jesus to help you through it.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then four would be just that reinvitation to make the age chart or go back to it.

[SPEAKER_01]: And if you, because if you already did it, right out the years, maybe this time till 80.

[SPEAKER_01]: And just think about, you know, prayerfully you make it to then, maybe you make it to 90, maybe you don't, but just like sort of think, there's a space on this chart that you're not going to write in and saying, Oh, these are my years to give my death away.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is that season.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't, the hard thing about this one is you don't know when it's going to be.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, any one of those four ideas, I think, will help you get started thinking about this so that when we come back next time, we can really think about, how do we pass this on to our kids?

[SPEAKER_01]: What are we doing right now with young kids, adolescent kids, even grown-up kids, how are we doing that, give your death away stuff where we're starting to pass on legacy to them, mentoring them, recycling them?

[SPEAKER_02]: Well said, until next time, signing off.