[SPEAKER_01]: Christian parenting.

[SPEAKER_01]: They folks, if you ever find yourself on a tough spot with your team, and nothing seems to be working.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to tell you about some very special events that we have four times a year in Longview, Texas at Heartlight.

[SPEAKER_01]: They are called families and crisis conferences led by our seasoned staff who are experienced and licensed professional counselors providing an opportunity for parents to come to Heartlight and put some new tools in their parenting toolbox.

[SPEAKER_01]: These events might just change the conflicts at home into deeper relationships with your team.

[SPEAKER_01]: These events are prepared, it's not teams, and will help you receive a deeper insight, an understanding of how to connect with your team, and practical ways to do with the issues that you find yourself in.

[SPEAKER_01]: these conferences last three days and encompass some of the following topics crisis management when all seems to be falling apart dealing with difficult relationship issues navigating a home with a team spinning out of control.

[SPEAKER_01]: helping develop a strategy of rules and consequences and rewards.

[SPEAKER_01]: Determining the true issues behind the inappropriate and irresponsible behavior, encouraging words of wisdom to confront improper actions and attitudes, and honest dialogue with someone who understands your current situation.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you're struggling with your team, I strongly recommend that you engage with us for a weekend that might just change the destiny of your family.

[SPEAKER_01]: These conferences have been a wonderful success for hundreds of families and I guarantee that participation in these events will significantly increase the chances of greater success within your family.

[SPEAKER_01]: To find out more how you can take advantage of the family and crisis conferences, please visit FamilyCrisisretreat.org.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's FamilyCrisisretreat.org.

[SPEAKER_01]: Or you can call our office at 903-668-2173.

[SPEAKER_01]: I hope you'll take advantage of these upcoming opportunities.

[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Parenting Today's Teams, a daily podcast that provides stories, insights, and wisdom to help you as a parent in a deeper relationship with your team.

[SPEAKER_00]: On today's episode, Mark Gregston sits down for a conversation with a couple of teams from Heartlight.

[SPEAKER_00]: Heartlight is a residential counseling center started by Mark in his wife, Jim, that creates an arena of change for both teams and parents.

[SPEAKER_00]: Let's listen into these stories.

[SPEAKER_01]: Harry, thanks for coming in and talking to us.

[SPEAKER_01]: Tell me a little bit about you and how you ended up coming to heart life.

[SPEAKER_01]: What was going on in your life?

[SPEAKER_02]: So at home, I was, I was very depressed.

[SPEAKER_02]: Do do some things that happened in my past.

[SPEAKER_02]: Well, I ended up just living a very unhealthy lifestyle at home, which my parents deemed was not the best for me.

[SPEAKER_02]: So they decided to send me an article.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so what stuff went on in the past?

[SPEAKER_01]: What was going on?

[SPEAKER_02]: Well, I'm not very like a very social person.

[SPEAKER_02]: It was like when I first moved over, because I originally lived on the east side of the bay, but I moved over the bridge to my new home.

[SPEAKER_02]: I lost all my friends and everything, and I tried making new friends, and it was really hard.

[SPEAKER_01]: And this is in the San Francisco area.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, okay.

[SPEAKER_02]: I was just unsuccessful.

[SPEAKER_02]: I actually, we moved to a very small town, very small city.

[SPEAKER_01]: What's the town?

[SPEAKER_02]: It's St.

Carlos.

[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's smaller than other cities.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I just had a lot of hard troubles trying to make friends with the new kids at school.

[SPEAKER_02]: That really got me down over over years.

[SPEAKER_01]: So did that cause you to kind of just give up and say, I mean, did it happen all at once or was it over a period of time that it happened or?

[SPEAKER_02]: I definitely didn't give up because I tried all the way through high school.

[SPEAKER_02]: And in high school, I was successful in some ways, because it was just more diverse.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I ended up doing good, but I was still like very isolated and distance from everyone.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I would always say, stay home.

[SPEAKER_01]: So you'd stay home and you're isolated.

[SPEAKER_01]: What would you do in your isolation?

[SPEAKER_02]: Mostly, most of the time, I would just be on the computer.

[SPEAKER_02]: I would chat with friends online and people from my church because they were like people that really, really, that were like really close for me.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: So you're kind of isolating from folks.

[SPEAKER_01]: Your parents didn't know about the depression that you were going through.

[SPEAKER_01]: Did they just think it was just kind of normal for you to isolate?

[SPEAKER_02]: Um, I'm not sure about that because well, they definitely try to help me like in middle school.

[SPEAKER_02]: They would introduce me to like basketball teams and swimming, badminton, like a bunch of sports for me to like build myself into like that community and meet people, but after being unsuccessful in middle school, I definitely just chose to isolate.

[SPEAKER_02]: like when I was at home, I would always just go on my room, shut the door and go on with my life.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, well, did you feel a sense of, I'm just not connecting with people or I don't have the ability to or did it get you further and further depressed because you didn't know how to, what was [SPEAKER_02]: Well, at first, I didn't really know what depression was.

[SPEAKER_02]: I was later told to me like, I've been through depression for a very long time, every since I got my middle school years.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's been like on and off.

[SPEAKER_02]: But I definitely felt that I didn't have the ability to talk to people face-to-face, which is why I resulted in me always being on the computer and on the phone talking with people online.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, easier to text and emails and everything else than it is to communicate.

[SPEAKER_02]: You know, it's almost like I didn't have to even look at their face and I'd be talking to them.

[SPEAKER_01]: But your your verbiage is very well.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, your verbiage is very good.

[SPEAKER_01]: Your your words are are distinct.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it's they're they're clarified.

[SPEAKER_01]: I guess is what I would say.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I mean, you do well in talking.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, is there something inside of you that just goes, okay, I'm just really nervous right now.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think even here, usually I'd say a lot of people also say like, I'm better at individual conversations.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Once it gets like maybe three, four or five, a group of people, I kind of get like anxious about talking.

[SPEAKER_01]: Kind of shut down.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: So if there would be one thing that you would wish that you had the ability to do, what would that be?

[SPEAKER_02]: people skills.

[SPEAKER_02]: I've always been told throughout my life like from especially from my dad that it doesn't really matter.

[SPEAKER_02]: Well it matters a little bit of like how smart you are in the world, in your jobs, your career, but if you don't have people skills, you don't really go anywhere.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, do you feel like you're developing those here?

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: My counselor is helping me with that current.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: When it's [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I haven't heard, I haven't heard one negative thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I hear negative things about everybody all the time.

[SPEAKER_01]: I haven't heard one negative thing about you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it's nobody's said, he's this and he's that and he's that.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, everybody's always been very complimentary of you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so he's the nicest guy in the world.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, so I'm going, you've got a lot going for you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Do you think there's just a block that you have somewhere that says back off, back off?

[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think, I don't know if my like, my verbi just has to deal with this, but usually when I contribute to like a discussion, I like it if what I say has meaning, is logical, has reason, but if it doesn't have like those things, I don't really want to say it.

[SPEAKER_01]: So if it's more of an emotional response or about feelings and everything else is that hard for you?

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: So when you get in group meetings here, that's mainly what you talk about, isn't it?

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_02]: Which I don't think is doing that great.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's more just emotional development.

[SPEAKER_01]: And maybe that's maybe that's an underdeveloped area of your life.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I mean, because you engage in other ways, and you do that really well.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and I mean, you're a very kind person.

[SPEAKER_01]: I, this was the first time that you and I really talked.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm gone.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm impressed.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm really impressed because when I've seen you, I thought, okay, he just doesn't like guys with mustache.

[SPEAKER_01]: Or he just doesn't like guys with gray hair or something, but I go, I enjoy.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I would love to spend more time and go, hey, tell me other parts of your life, you know, kind of thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so how do you think your parents could have helped you better [SPEAKER_01]: In your tendency to isolate, what could they have done?

[SPEAKER_02]: Honestly, I think they've done anything like.

[SPEAKER_02]: They've done so much for me, and it was just my self just choosing to close that door on them.

[SPEAKER_02]: I could sit here all day and list so many things that they've done for me.

[SPEAKER_02]: At the end of the day, it was just me, I chose to close the door.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: You get along with them when you're in the phone with them now.

[SPEAKER_02]: Do you all talk well and...

Yeah, I can't say that every single phone call goes well.

[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: But what do you think is going to be the biggest challenge when you get home?

[SPEAKER_02]: just maintaining the relationship because at home before I just didn't have the relationship because it was like there was just the door in between us and being at home after her life I think the biggest challenge would to be just maintain that relationship and try not to like close the door and shut it down.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's cool.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well I know your parents want that and I know probably in your heart you want that as well.

[SPEAKER_01]: and hopefully we can get you to that point.

[SPEAKER_01]: So that'll be kind of cool.

[SPEAKER_01]: That'll be cool.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, thanks for coming in.

[SPEAKER_01]: I know it's probably harder for you to sit in front of a microphone, and I hope we haven't made you too nervous, but it's probably good to get out of your shell a little bit because you communicate very well, I think.

[SPEAKER_01]: So thank you for coming in.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.

[SPEAKER_01]: You bet.

[SPEAKER_01]: For almost 35 years, Heartlight has been a place of help and hope for 65 struggling teens, and a place many teens would tell you that saved their lives.

[SPEAKER_01]: Our beautiful campuses located just outside of Longview, Texas, and is designed to provide a respite for family seeking help for their struggling teens.

[SPEAKER_01]: This year-long program for teens is therapy rich and professionally staffed.

[SPEAKER_01]: and offers an environment that encourages emotional spiritual and behavioral transformation.

[SPEAKER_01]: To find out more about Heartlight, please visit heartlightministries.org.

[SPEAKER_01]: Jacob, thanks for sitting down.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm interested to know how you ended up coming to Heartlight.

[SPEAKER_01]: What was going on in your life that somebody would say, hey, I need to do something [SPEAKER_03]: Um, I think what was happening was it's I was getting really high in the drugs and I was doing a lot of like different drugs and you can out the house like disrespect from my parents every now and then and I got the point we're like, well through six six three to all the way up to eight three I was bullied in school and so I started doing like sort of smoking weed just to see if like that would help my depression.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[SPEAKER_03]: And then after that, it just started like, started smoking more and more, and then I started developing new friends that weren't really friends.

[SPEAKER_03]: They weren't the right people to hang out with.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Wait, wait, but you say bullied.

[SPEAKER_01]: So the bully and stuff was lending that self, and you were just getting depressed over that.

[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, sir.

[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.

[SPEAKER_03]: I was having a lot of anxiety and stuff, worried about like, getting more fights in school, because of what's going on.

[SPEAKER_03]: Were you getting in fights a lot middle school?

[SPEAKER_03]: I didn't get in a lot of fights.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, so this is like fifth and sixth grade.

[SPEAKER_03]: Sixth grade up to eighth grade.

[SPEAKER_01]: Six and eighth grade.

[SPEAKER_01]: So those weren't good years.

[SPEAKER_03]: Not really.

[SPEAKER_01]: You think that's where a lot of things start to become a mess for people?

[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: because you talk to everybody else here at Heartlight, they'll say that it's usually middle school where it all started.

[SPEAKER_01]: And most people think, well, you don't get in a problem as to your high school and I go, yeah, yeah, that's not true.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it's, it's, I think it's pretty hard to middle school.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's probably the hardest grade.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, so anyway, so you're smoking pot, new friends, what else?

[SPEAKER_03]: Um, I was sneak out of the house, I was taking a truck, uh, I don't even have my license.

[SPEAKER_03]: I was taking a truck driving it around at night, picking up different friends, uh, well, and I'd come home and sometimes my dad would know about it.

[SPEAKER_03]: And he would try to punish me and I would just say, no, I'm not going to get punished.

[SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to do what I want, and that's when arguments like arguments from there would turn into fights, getting a physical and at that point, I think my dad was thinking he's like, I can't control him, someone else has to.

[UNKNOWN]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_03]: There's Scott, he asked to try something new.

[SPEAKER_01]: Was that hard for you, Dad?

[SPEAKER_03]: Oh yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: How was your mom respond to you?

[SPEAKER_03]: I didn't have a mom for about 10 years until last year and she wasn't in the house.

[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.

[SPEAKER_01]: And why wouldn't she in the house?

[SPEAKER_03]: They were dating and she just got married and she was living somewhere else and then she finally got She moved in with us last November.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: So it's just been you and your dad for a long time.

[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, sir.

[SPEAKER_01]: What about your real mom?

[SPEAKER_03]: Um, my real mom is I'm not legally allowed to talk to her until 18 years old.

[SPEAKER_03]: She, um, she was doing drugs while I was in her stomach.

[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, well, I got she got caught up with it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.

[SPEAKER_03]: So I was taking away from her.

[SPEAKER_01]: So if she still caught up in it?

[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, she's still doing a lot of drugs.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, wow.

[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.

[SPEAKER_01]: So are you looking forward to seeing her?

[SPEAKER_03]: No, I honestly don't think I want to see her, because she's lied to me, lied to my brothers.

[SPEAKER_03]: I have four brothers, and she's lied to them, put them through a lot of stuff.

[SPEAKER_03]: Like Cameron, remember the Cameron and Brenner and their 20s late 20s, and they've got bad PTSD from it.

[SPEAKER_03]: Oh wow, so I think like I'd rather not let her in my life just because I feel like if I do something bad will happen and I'll get hurt or something.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you think that's that that's part of your thoughts and your thought process and feelings and anger or whatever that kind of boils a little bit.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is not having that.

[SPEAKER_03]: It does a little bit.

[SPEAKER_01]: Do you get along with your step mom?

[SPEAKER_03]: Uh, I didn't for a while until like I started sort of doing a little bit of relationship with him.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_03]: It's just hard from going with just me and my dad being being together for 10 years all the way to have another person in the house.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, she kind of intruded on your on your lifestyle a little bit a little bit.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think that'd be hard for anybody quite honestly and it's got to be hard on her to come in into it gone got how do we do this.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you're dead kind of stuck.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so so you get sent off to heartlight was that a hard thing for you.

[SPEAKER_03]: Um, it was because I knew I was going to be missing out a lot and I thought that our I thought our school was going to keep we were going to have school and stuff and football season because we're not before I got here I was doing football training and stuff because I'm a big football player.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_03]: I was really hyped up football season And I really wanted to play and I want to go to the beach like I came here.

[SPEAKER_03]: I would I had two weeks in my summer after we got out of Squad two weeks of summer now senior.

[SPEAKER_03]: So I was really looking forward to summer.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, well, everybody's summer kind of got shut down a little bit and everybody's football program is getting shut down at the same time.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we're all living this crazy, you know, world that's just not, it's just not real right now.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's what's a little bit different.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so you come to Heartlight.

[SPEAKER_01]: Were you angry about that?

[SPEAKER_03]: Um, yeah, I was kind of mad at my parents mad at myself for putting myself in the situations and thinking like I could have ran or I could have done this or that to get away from it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, okay, so that's not where you are now.

[SPEAKER_01]: No.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you look like you're doing well.

[SPEAKER_01]: Are you?

[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, sir.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so what do you think's changed?

[SPEAKER_03]: I think what's changed is that that I want to change myself and I'm starting to see like what I was doing was wrong and that [SPEAKER_03]: me going home or me like, if I had stayed in the same way I was going and doing the same stuff I was doing going down that road, I would probably be in Juvee right now.

[SPEAKER_03]: He's sitting in a cell right now.

[SPEAKER_03]: Either that or I'd be kicked out of the house, I'd been kicked out of the house a couple times.

[SPEAKER_03]: Um, I'd be adopted to a different parent.

[SPEAKER_03]: I don't want that.

[SPEAKER_03]: I've already changed parents once.

[SPEAKER_03]: I don't want to have to do it again.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, well, okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: So what's the biggest change you've seen in yourself?

[SPEAKER_03]: Uh, definitely peer, getting peer-pressured, uh, decision-making is definitely one of them.

[SPEAKER_03]: And anger is, I'm getting better with being able to control my anger, because I was a really mad kid.

[SPEAKER_03]: I was always angry.

[SPEAKER_03]: Um, but I'm starting to develop coping seals to handle it.

[SPEAKER_03]: I'm starting to, they would be more open with people at first.

[SPEAKER_03]: I never taught anybody about my anger, I never taught a really anybody about anything.

[SPEAKER_03]: Well, now I'm sort of, I want to be open about it and let people, let people in.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_03]: You're a little bit vulnerable.

[SPEAKER_01]: Why do you think you're so close?

[SPEAKER_03]: I didn't want people to see the real side of me.

[SPEAKER_01]: One of them.

[SPEAKER_03]: Because I felt like they would treat me different, or I would lose the friends I have.

[SPEAKER_01]: And were those the friends that you said early that you shouldn't be hanging out with?

[SPEAKER_03]: Uh, some of those were a few of those with them, and then the rest of them were just friends that I had at home, like around the neighborhood in school.

[SPEAKER_01]: So you felt like if you were genuine, then you'd lose.

[SPEAKER_03]: Or I felt like if I let them in knowing how angry I can get and how mad of a person I am, I feel like they'd be like, oh no, I don't want to hang out with that kid.

[SPEAKER_03]: I don't want to get in a fight with them or something.

[SPEAKER_01]: Wow, wow.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so where did that anger all come from?

[SPEAKER_03]: Now, anger came from a built-up depression, and my parents always yelling at me for something.

[SPEAKER_03]: My family always like saying that I'm the one that like, to blame or something.

[SPEAKER_03]: Like, I didn't like that.

[SPEAKER_03]: And I didn't like not getting my way with things.

[SPEAKER_03]: So I would get pretty mad at that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and so now you're living in a house with seven other guys, eight other guys.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, you're never gonna get your way right.

[SPEAKER_01]: You're probably learning that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you know.

[SPEAKER_01]: But have you developed some good relationships here?

[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, yes, sir.

[SPEAKER_03]: I've found some real friends here.

[SPEAKER_01]: Think they'll be lifelong friends?

[SPEAKER_03]: A few of them, yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, some of them know.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I mean, but the other ones, yeah, so that's kind of cool.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so what would your dad say?

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I mean, what would he say about you right now?

[SPEAKER_01]: What he's seen when he talks to you on the phone and everything.

[SPEAKER_03]: He would see that my relationship with God is getting closer.

[SPEAKER_03]: He would see like he still has struggles, but he's starting to change.

[SPEAKER_03]: He's in a changing like, spree or how he said.

[SPEAKER_03]: He would say like, usually proud of me.

[SPEAKER_03]: Well, because I got level three and, [SPEAKER_03]: I'm proving to him that I'm willing to change.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's a big deal.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's a big deal.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I know he's got to be proud of you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And my hope for you is that is that you and your stepmom can get along really well because I think you have an mom in your life.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because you haven't had one in your life and I can be such a great asset for you and you're going to love it.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, once you guys kind of get over this stuff and that'd be my prayer for you as you kind of head home and stuff.

[SPEAKER_01]: But thanks for coming in and sharing your story.

[SPEAKER_01]: I kind of love hearing.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, what's going on?

[SPEAKER_01]: I get to see you occasionally, and I, everybody else, and I just, I don't hear the story.

[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[SPEAKER_01]: Start to hear the story.

[SPEAKER_01]: I go, can now I get it a little bit more, and that's cool.

[SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, good spend time with you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for listening to Parenting Today's Teams.

[SPEAKER_00]: For more information, you can visit parentingtodaysteens.org, heartlightministries.org, or markBrexden.com.

[SPEAKER_00]: Join us back here tomorrow for another great episode.

[SPEAKER_00]: We'll talk to you then.